The Journey
by snugglebug
Summary: Harm and Mac are together at long last, and now they must lean on each other as they go through the up's and down's of infertility. COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

**Title: The Journey**

**Summary: Begins a few weeks after The Four Percent Solution. Harm and Mac are together at long last, and now they must lean on each other as they travel through the many up's and down's of infertility. **

**Rating: PG**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely none of the JAG characters in my story, though I think they're all awesome. I'm just a fan and it's just for fun. **

**A/N: I'm drawing from many of my own experiences for this, my first ever fic. Ironically, I had the same surgery that Mac had in the spring of 2004 and received the same diagnosis of endometriosis. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist for 18 months, and I hope this will enable me to share what things might be like for these characters from a special POV. Please read and review - I'm brand new at this, so I hope you like it!**

Chapter 1:

"We'll never know if we don't try", said Harm.

"I know" said Mac, "but what if….." was all she could get out before the tears came again. Harm pulled her close and held her as she cried, a scene which had become common in the weeks following her accident. Things between the two of them were going great - they'd finally been able to admit to one another the feelings they'd haphazardly hidden for 8 long years, and they were as happy together as any two people could possibly be. There was one issue, though, that had the potential to tear their world apart.

flashback to one day earlier

"Looks like this is the place" Mac said as they approached the office door. The placard on the wall read "Reproductive and Fertility Specialists". Harm opened the door and they walked in together, each of them knowing the other was a little nervous about what the appointment may bring.

"It'll be OK, Mac" said Harm as he took her hand and did his best to reassure her. It helped some, but she could almost count the butterflies in her stomach.

A short while and a million forms and questionnaires later, a nurse summoned them to the back. "Hi, I'm Lisa, I'm Dr. Kendall's assistant" she said. "You'll be meeting with me for a little bit today just to go over the basics of why you're here and what your plans and ideas are, and then the doctor will see you".

They followed Lisa into her office and once seated, the first question she asked them was the one they figured would be at the top of the list.

"You indicated on your registration forms that you're not married, is that correct"?

Harm and Mac looked at each other and he answered "yes, that's right", knowing that more questions were bound to follow.

"We don't see too many unmarried couples in here, so when we see one we're intrigued as to why they're willing to go to such great lengths - lengths many married couples won't go to - to have a baby together. Would you be comfortable sharing your reasons with me"?

Mac fielded this one, "it's a long story, and I could tell you everything but we'd be here all day, so here's the short version: our relationship is unlike any other in the world. We've been friends for nearly a decade, and we've been through things you can't possibly imagine. We know in our hearts that we're meant to have a baby together, and because of my endometriosis we're going to need some help making that happen. We're not going into this lightly, believe me, we've thought very long and hard about it and we both want it more than anything".

"I see", said Lisa as she eyeballed the forms in front of her, " and how long have you been trying? You forgot to answer that on here."

This was going to be interesting.

"We haven't actually 'tried' at all" said Harm, "we were told by Mac's doctor that there was almost no chance it could happen naturally, and we took that at face value and rather than waste valuable time, we opted to come seek help".

"I see" said Lisa, "well, your OB/GYN has faxed your records over, and I don't see anything else you've missed on the rest of these papers, so unless you have any questions for me I'll take you to the exam room and let Dr. Kendall know you're ready".

She led them down the hall into an exam room, and as they sat waiting for the doctor, Harm could sense that Mac was getting a bit more nervous. He took her hand and held it tight as she stared at a poster on the wall illustrating some of the tests commonly done in infertility workups.

"Some of that doesn't look like any fun" she said.

"I'm sure it's not fun", said Harm, "but you know I'm going to be here for you, whatever you have to go through, I'm going to go through it too…as much as I can anyway" . She knew that, but liked hearing it anyway.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and in walked the doctor. He introduced himself, shook their hands, and took a seat in the last empty chair.

"I understand that you're ready to have a baby and you don't see any way that will happen short of using medical intervention, is that correct"?

Harm and Mac both nodded, and she answered "that's right. I had a laparoscopy a few months ago and was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, and my doctor said my chances of conceiving were less than 5".

Dr. Kendall looked through the chart containing Mac's records from her OB/GYN, and pondered what he saw for a moment before sharing his thoughts.

"I'm not often one to contradict a fellow doctor's recommendations or conclusions, but in this case I think you've been given a premature sense of hopelessness". Harm and Mac looked at each other, expressions of hope mixed with confusion on their faces.

"Wh-what do you mean, doc, are you saying there's a chance this could actually happen for us"? asked Harm.

"Yes, I am, Commander. Given the records, notes and surgical photos I'm seeing here, while I have to agree that there's a good possibility that you may have more difficulty than other couples, I won't say there's no chance of a natural conception".

"So what should we do, are we still going to do the basic fertility testing"? asked Mac, still trying to comprehend that they'd been handed a tiny bit of hope.

Dr. Kendall answered "not just yet we're not. I think before we put either of you through any of that, we need to give nature a chance and see what happens".

Harm and Mac again looked at one another, again not really believing what they were hearing. The doctor continued "we're going to draw some blood from you today, Sarah, to see if we can determine where your cycle is at so you can figure out when you need to be trying, unless you already know".

"No, I don't" said Mac, "we can do the blood work".

"Ok then, I'll have the nurse come get that here in a second," said Dr. Kendall, "and we'll call you tomorrow morning with the results. Do either of you have any more questions for me"? Neither of them could think of anything more to ask him, so they thanked him for his time and he left the room.

"Well Mac, what do you think?" Harm asked her once they were alone.

"I don't know - I'm so confused. My doctor tells me one thing, this guy tells me something different, I just don't know".

Sensing her frustration, Harm put his arm around her and pulled her close, and the two of them just sat quietly and waited for the nurse to come draw the blood so they could go home.

The next morning, as Mac sat at her desk working on the arguments for the Article 32 hearing she had coming up later in the week, her phone rang.

"Mackenzie" she answered.

"Good morning, Sarah, my name's Kacie, I'm one of Dr. Kendall's nurses. I'm calling to let you know that we got your blood test results back. They indicate that you're just now at the beginning of your fertile window, and your best chance for conception is within the next 24-72 hours".

Mac sat in stunned silence for a few moments before answering "Ok, thank you". She took a couple minutes to psych herself up for the conversation she was about to have with Harm, then headed down the corridor towards his office.

"Wow, Mac….that's….that's…wow" said Harm, obviously unsure of the best response to what she was telling him. "Are you OK with this?"

Mac took a deep breath and answered "yes, I am, at least I think I am".

"Um, OK, well, would you like to come to my place tonight" said Harm, "or should I come over to yours, it's totally up to you".

Mac thought about it, for what seemed like an eternity to Harm, and said "I'll come to your place around 7, does that sound OK"?

"7 it is, and I'll make us something special for dinner" said Harm.

The remainder of the workday was quite fruitless as they both watched the clock drag on and on, but eventually 5:00 rolled around….then 6:00...then 7:00. Mac arrived at Harm's apartment right on time, and the two sat down to a candlelit meal of spaghetti marinara and fresh-brewed iced tea. They didn't say much throughout dinner, both understandably dwelling on what the evening held in store. When they finished eating, Harm cleared the table as Mac sat on the sofa, growing more anxious by the second. Could she do this? Could he do this? She was staring off into space when Harm came into the room and sat down beside her.

"Are you OK, Mac?" he asked her as he rubbed her back.

"Yeah….no….I don't know…" she said, "I'm just not sure about this. It doesn't seem fair that our first time together ends up being our first time trying for a baby, it's just so overwhelming and it might not work and …."

end of flashback

"I know you're afraid and I know you're feeling overwhelmed, I am too" said Harm, "but if there's any chance that we can make this happen on our own, we owe it to ourselves to try".

Mac knew he was right, but the fear that they'd get their hopes up and then have them crash to the ground a few weeks later was consuming her. "I don't want to disappoint you" said Mac through her tears, "if we try and it doesn't work, I don't want to put you through that".

"Oh, Mac" said Harm as he caressed her tear-stained cheek, "if that were to happen, sure I'd be disappointed, but in the _situation_, not in _you_. We're trying to make this happen together, and we're in this together for good and for bad".

She stopped crying, looked into his eyes, and remembered why she loved him so much. "You're right, Harm, we're in this together, no matter what happens" she said, "and I need to focus on that and try not to let the unknowns take control of my feelings".

With that, Harm stood up and held out his hand, "shall we?". Mac took his hand in hers, and though she was still nervous, she decided they'd waited so very long for this night to arrive, nothing was going to spoil it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

The alarm clock went off promptly at 5:30 a.m. Harm reached out and turned it off, then reached over to embrace his sweetheart.

"Morning, beautiful" he said as she slowly came to.

"Is it really morning already?" asked Mac as she tried to keep her eyes open.

"It really is", said Harm as he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, "did you sleep well"?

"Yeah I did, once we actually went to sleep", said Mac with a little smile on her face. She'd been so nervous in the beginning, but the night had been all she ever dreamed it could be.

With an equally ominous smile on his face, Harm replied "yeah, sleeping wasn't number one on our list last night, was it"?

"Indeed not" said Mac, "but it was so….nice. Who cares if we'll be tired all day?". The two snuggled up close to one another and laid there, still somewhat in disbelief that after so many years, they'd finally given themselves to each other.

"Actually", said Harm, "we'll probably be tired the rest of the week, won't we…"? He was right, the nurse who called with the blood test results said last night was the beginning of Mac's fertile window, which meant they still had 2 more nights this month to give nature a chance to come through.

"Yeah, I guess we will be", answered Mac, "but it's worth it." After exchanging a few more kisses, they got up and went about their morning routines.

The hours of the workday seemed to stand still. Harm and Mac both knew they had to be careful how they acted towards one another at JAG, but each time they happened to catch the other one looking their way, they couldn't help but smile.

As they knew they needed to, Harm and Mac "covered their bases" the following couple of nights. In the midst of the moment, they managed to forget about the fertility issues and lose themselves in each other, but lying there afterwards neither could help but wonder if there was a miracle in the making.

"Do you think we made it happen?" whispered Harm as he held Mac close.

"I don't know. I hope so, but I'm afraid to hope very much given our circumstances". Harm understood, in fact a part of him felt the same way.

"Guess we'll know in a couple weeks, huh"? said Harm.

"Yeah, a couple very _long_ weeks" said Mac.

Next chapter coming soon!!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, it's all just for fun (if you can call a story about this kind of suffering "fun").

A/N: A giant THANK YOU to all who've read and reviewed the first 2 chapters!! I'm happy to see I'm succeeding in using my own painful experiences with endometriosis and infertility to bring the story to life. The majority of trials that befall Harm and Mac throughout the course of this story will paralell what I've gone through, and trust me, it makes for a story that will rival anything Holloywood could create....

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Chapter 3:

Mac woke up unusually early that morning, which wasn't really surprising considering what day it was. She laid awake contemplating what the day would bring - sadness and disappointment, or excitement and joy. She'd already bought a home pregnancy test, and if her period hadn't started by the end of the day, she'd take the test before bed. If she ended up taking it, she wasn't sure whether it would be better if Harm was there or not. If it brought good news, of course she'd want him to be there, but if it didn't, she might just want to be alone and have a good cry. "I'll think about it and decide this afternoon" she said to herself as she got up and headed for the shower.

Harm knocked on her office door mid-morning.

"Mind if I come in, Colonel?" he asked.

"Not at all, Commander" said Mac, as Harm entered and closed the door behind himself.

"Well…?" asked Harm.

"Nothing yet, but it's still early" said Mac, a quiver of uneasiness in her voice.

"You said you'll do the test tonight, right?" he asked.

"If we don't get the answer before then", she said , "yeah, I'll do it tonight".

Harm really wanted to be there for her, whatever she might need that day, but he knew her well enough to know that if she wanted him to be there for anything or to know anything that was going on, she'd let him know. "Ok, well, you know where to find me if you need me" he said as he started to leave her office.

"Harm, wait" said Mac.

He stopped and turned around. She looked into his amazing blue eyes, eyes she'd gotten lost in so many times before, and said "I just wanted to tell you I love you, that's all".

He smiled and said "I know, I love you, too".

They ended up on the same elevator at the end of the day, and Harm could tell by the look on Mac's face that they hadn't gotten their answer yet. As they walked to the parking lot, Mac asked him if he wanted to come over later on. She wasn't specific in her reason for asking, but he knew what it was.

"Of course Mac, when would you like me to be there?" he asked.

"9 or so" she said. With that, the two headed home thinking about little else except what "the answer" might be.

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Mac held the test kit box in her hand, carefully reading the directions when she heard Harm knock at the front door. She left the box in the bathroom and went to let him in.

"You can come back here if you want to" she said as he laid his coat down on a chair.

"OK" said Harm, and he followed her down the hallway. "You don't actually want me to watch you take this thing, do you?" he asked, figuring she'd prefer to pee on the stick in private.

"Not particularly, but you can come in as soon as I'm done and we can wait for the results together" said Mac. "It says you can see positive results in a little as 1 minute, can you believe that?" she asked.

"Amazing", said Harm, hoping they'd be able to attest to that very shortly.

Mac closed the bathroom door, read the directions once more, and anxiously took the test.

"Come on, Harm" she said, "I'm done, you can come in now".

He joined her on the edge of the bathtub as they stared at the little stick sitting on the counter. One minute passed, no second line.

"The box says it can take up to 3 minutes" said Mac, "let's give it a little longer".

Another minute passed, and another, no second line.

After 4 minutes, Mac grabbed the stick, shoved it into the box, and threw the box in the trash can. She headed out of the bathroom without saying a word, but Harm grabbed her and pulled her close.

"Let it out, Mac, it's OK" he said, and he felt her begin to cry.

"I'm so stupid for thinking we even had a chance of making this happen on our own!" she cried. "I got my hopes up and I let you get your hopes up and it was all for nothing"!

Harm's heart was breaking over seeing Mac in such pain, not to mention his own disappointment over the negative test, but he was determined to be strong for her.

"It wasn't all for nothing, Mac" he said, "I know it's hard right now, but try to remember that this was only our first try. We're disappointed, but we'll just keep trying, OK? Just because we didn't make it happen this time doesn't mean we can't do it eventually."

She knew he was right.

"Would you stay here tonight? I don't want to be alone" she asked as she began to calm down a bit.

"You know I will" said Harm, "I'll do anything you need me to".

"_Just watch_" she thought to herself, "_my period will start first thing in the morning_".

Sure enough, it did.

TBC....


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: None of the JAG characters belong to me, etc, etc, etc.....

A/N: Again, thanks to everyone for the reviews, the kind thoughts, well-wishes and enthusiasm with which you're reading my fic. It's been theraputic for me to write, which may sound silly, but I really feel like I know what Mac is going through. I know what it's like to be handed that diagnosis and told your chances aren't good, and I'm trying to bring that pain to life in this piece. I've got some overall ideas for upcoming chapters, but he more I write the more I find things changing as I go, so I can't begin to tell you where things might end up, much like in real-life.

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Chapter 4:

They sat in Dr. Kendall's office for what seemed like forever. He was running behind, but fortunately they'd both been able to clear their entire afternoon schedules, so no one was missing them at JAG. Nearly 2 hours past their appointment time, the doctor came in and apologized for the long wait.

"Let's see here…" he said as he flipped through Mac's chart. "Your first consultation was 3 months ago, and at that time I suggested that we hold off on any fertility testing and give you some time to try and conceive on your own, is that right?"

Mac answered him "yes, that's right".

The doctor continued, "obviously none of those attempts resulted in pregnancy or you wouldn't be back here, so now we need to talk about what comes next". Harm and Mac nodded their heads, their hearts aching at hearing things put so bluntly. They'd tried their best for 3 long months, and each month brought the same disappointment.

Dr. Kendall handed Mac a folder containing information about the different tests he wanted to run on each of them. "Understandably, we'll be doing a lot more to you, Sarah, than we will to Harm in the beginning. He only has 1 test to start with, and if it goes well that's probably all we'll need him to do". It didn't seem fair, but then nothing about infertility is fair, and it really did make sense that she needed more tests than he did. "We'll start out by getting a special x-ray of your tubes and uterus", said the doctor, "we'll run some more blood tests to check for hormonal imbalances, and we'll do an ultrasound just to see how things look at the outset. Does that sound OK?"

"Sure, whatever you need to do is fine" said Mac.

Turning to Harm, "your test is fairly simple", said the doctor, "I doubt we need to go into any real detail of what it involves, do we?"

Harm blushed just a bit and said "Um, no, I think I understand".

"Most guys would rather do a hundred other things than submit to this test" said Dr. Kendall, "but it's such a vital part of what we're working towards, and considering everything we make the woman endure, it's really nothing to complain about".

Harm agreed with all of that - he didn't want to do that test, but he didn't even think twice about it knowing the kinds of things Mac was facing.

"When can we get started on these tests?" Mac asked the doctor.

He said "we can draw your blood and do the ultrasound today, and we'll set a lab appointment for a couple days from now for the Commander's part of things, does that sound OK?"

"Sounds fine" said Mac.

"Great", Dr. Kendall replied, "if I can ask you to undress from the waist down and cover up with the sheet on the table, I'll be back in a couple minutes and we'll do the ultrasound". The doctor left the room, giving Harm and Mac a few minutes to talk while she got undressed. Sensing that Mac was nervous about all the testing and most immediately about the ultrasound, he went up behind her and gave her a big hug.

"This shouldn't be too bad, right" he said, referring to the ultrasound.

"I hope not, but we'll see what it shows before we decide how good or bad it is" said Mac.

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"Everything looks fine, Sarah, I don't see anything that concerns me" said Dr. Kendall as he took one last glance at everything with the ultrasound.

"Well, that's a plus" she said, "always nice to hear something good".

"You can get dressed, and I'll have a nurse come in and draw some blood. I want you to call my office when your next cycle starts so we can schedule the x-ray, and by the time we get that done we'll know the results of the blood tests and of the Commander's test and hopefully we can map out a plan from there".

Harm and Mac both thanked the doctor as he left the room, and Harm handed Mac her clothes.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" he asked her as she got dressed.

"No, not really, I'm sure there will be far worse things than that" she said.

"I wish you didn't have to go through this, Mac, I really do" he said.

"I wish _we _didn't have to go through it" answered Mac, knowing that he wasn't going to let her do any of this alone.

"We'll make it through though", said Harm, "regardless of what happens, we'll make it through".

Chapter 5 will be up _very_ soon.......


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: None of the JAG characters belong to me...

A/N: This x-ray procedure is actually called a hysterosalpingogram, if anyone is brave enough to look up further details, and I included it because in the real world, Mac would undoubtedly have to go through it.

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Chapter 5:

"I'm really not looking forward to this" said Mac as she held tightly onto Harm's hand. Today was the day she was having the x-ray done, and the description the doctor's office had given her of what was involved made her more than a little nervous.

"You know I'd do it for you if I could" said Harm.

"Good, I'll loan you my reproductive organs for the day and let you have at it, flyboy" she said, with as much humor as she could muster being as nervous as she was.

"If you could, I would, you know that, right"? he asked.

She knew, and was things like that which made her love him all the more. "_At least he can be in there with me_" she thought to herself, thankful that she wouldn't have to do this alone.

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"Sarah Mackenzie" called a nurse with a clipboard in her hand. Harm and Mac followed her to the back, and once in the x-ray room, she handed Mac a gown and pointed her to the restroom in the corner. "_I hate these things_" Mac muttered to herself as she changed. When she rejoined Harm in the other room, the nurse began to go over the details of the procedure.

"Dr. Kendall will be doing your x-ray today, the purpose of which is to see if your tubes are clear and if your uterus has any structural abnormalities which could interfere with a successful conception and pregnancy. He'll fill your uterus with a special dye, which should then flow up through your tubes and spill out into your abdomen if your tubes are clear. He'll take x-ray photographs during the procedure, which he'll then review and go over with you in detail at your next appointment. The risks that accompany this procedure are uterine rupture, damage to your tubes and infection. Do you have any questions"?

Her head spinning a bit from the barrage of daunting information, Mac answered her "no, I think you explained it all very well, thank you".

The nurse handed Mac a consent form to sign, said "I'll go page Dr. Kendall", and left .

"You're nervous" said Harm as he watched Mac fidget with the string on her gown.

"Yeah", answered Mac "it sounds painful".

"It does, but I hope it turns out not to be" said Harm, hating the thought of seeing her in pain.

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It seemed to take forever.

"We're almost finished, Sarah, are you doing OK?" the doctor asked.

She answered "I'm hanging in there, but it really hurts".

Harm had been right beside her the whole time, and she squeezed his hand tighter and tighter as the pain intensified. She looked up at him with a tear in her eye, and he felt like someone had just torn out his heart. He wished he could make her pain go away.

"OK, all done. Don't try to sit up yet, Sarah, just lay there for 5 minutes or so" ordered the doctor.

Mac was hurting so bad just then she couldn't have sat up if she wanted to.

"Did it go well, doctor?" asked Harm, "anything jump out at you?"

"I can't give a complete report until I have a chance to review the films in my office, but my initial findings are good - clear tubes, uterus looks perfect, so far, so good" answered Dr. Kendall. "I've got to get back to my office, but take all the time you need before you try to get up, no hurry, and call me if you have any problems or any questions later on".

"We will, thank you" said Mac.

As soon as the doctor left, Mac asked Harm to bring her some pain reliever from her purse and the bottle of water she'd brought along.

"I'm sorry it hurt so much, Mac" Harm said as he watched her down 4 pills at once, "but he said everything looks good so far".

"Let's hope it stays looking good" she said, laying back down, "I'd hate to think I went through this for bad news".


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: None of the JAG characters belong to me.....

A/N: Don't worry, the pills Mac took at the end of Chapter 5 were just regular Tylenol or Advil or the like, nothing super strong. That's the same dose my doctor had me take, but it didn't help much. We'll continue to get into alot of the medical aspects of the story in the next few chapters, I hope folks find it interesting. Thanks for all the great reviews, please keep them coming!!!!!!

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Chapter 6:

"Have you had a chance to look over all this stuff?" Mac asked Harm as she ruffled through a small stack of papers on his coffee table. Dr. Kendall had sent home some information sheets about the different treatment options that would be available to them, depending on the outcome of their respective tests. She'd read it the first night, then passed it on to Harm, figuring it might take him a little longer to get through it and formulate any thoughts or ideas.

"Of course, Mac, we've had it for almost 2 weeks" he said as he sat down beside her.

"Yeah, but with as many cases as we've each had lately, it's a wonder we've found the time to breathe, let alone do anything else" said Mac, "so what do you think about it?"

"It's an awful lot to absorb" said Harm, " and I'm not about to make the final decision by myself, but I will say I'd like to start with the most simple option and work up. I know that might take a little more time than if we went right to in-vitro fertilization, but I don't want you to have to physically go through any more than you absolutely have to."

Mac was touched that he was putting her pain and suffering ahead of anything else, but it didn't surprise her at all. She'd been number one in his world for so many years, it was just that she was finally realizing it.

"I agree with starting simple and working up as we need to" she said, "there's no reason to spend a ton of money and go through everything that the more advanced treatments require if we can accomplish the same result with something easier". Whether or not the "simple" treatments would actually work for them was a question yet to be answered, but at least they were on the same page when it came to what they wanted to try and why.

"Sounds like it's decided, then", said Harm, "we'll hope the test results won't keep us from being able to start with the fertility pills, and we'll pray they work".

Mac snuggled up close to her man, and laying her head on his chest, she silently prayed that the pills would be an option, would work, and work fast…

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They met with Dr. Kendall the next morning, and went over the results of all the tests they'd had done in the weeks prior.

"I'm very pleased to report that neither the x-ray nor your blood work showed anything out of the ordinary, Sarah" said the doctor. "There's of course the question of how much damage has been done by the endometriosis and whether the surgery you had caused any adhesions or scarring, but none of that is anything we can really test for, so we have to press forward in hopes that it won't be an issue".

Mac was glad that things sounded so good - they weren't perfect, but they were far better than they could have been and she was taking that as a victory.

"That's great" said Harm, "is my news as good, doctor?"

"Actually, Commander, it's even better" replied Dr. Kendall. "There's not one thing about your test that isn't just as it should be, which in your situation can only help stack the odds in your favor". Harm and Mac squeezed each other's hand, this was good news and they were thrilled to get it.

"I'm sure you've talked about what level of treatment you'd like to try?" asked the doctor.

"We have indeed", said Mac, "we'd like to give the pills a try". The pills she referred to was a drug called clomiphene citrate, very commonly used in cases where ovulatory problems were an issue, also frequently used as a starting point for couples facing the problems she and Harm were facing.

"That was going to be my recommendation, so I'm glad you like it!" said Dr. Kendall with a little laugh. "You have 2 options with the pills - you can to try them in conjunction with artificial insemination, or you can take them and try naturally, which would you prefer?"

Mac looked over at Harm, and she saw the wheels turning in his mind - they hadn't thought about this little detail.

"Does the fact that we've already unsuccessfully tried naturally for several months have any bearing on what the best choice here is?" asked Harm. Mac was wondering the same thing.

"Well, it might, but we don't really know" answered the doctor. "Those cycles you were trying on your own were _completely_ on your own, you didn't have the benefit of ultrasound monitoring to track ovulation or of the drugs to help make sure ovulation actually occurred. For all we know, those were hopeless cycles with no ovulation, but this will be a whole new ballgame".

Harm and Mac looked at one another, and he asked her what she thought. "I guess we could try for a couple cycles on our own with the pills and see what happens" she said.

"Are you sure? We can do the insemination if you want to Mac, it's up to you" said Harm, wanting to avoid pressuring her in any direction.

"I'm sure" she said, "let's try for 2 cycles and if it doesn't work, then we'll move to the pills combined with the insemination, if that's OK?"

The doctor said that was fine, and Harm had no objections, so that was the final decision.

"Alright, Sarah, here's how this will work" said Dr. Kendall. " I'll want to see you here on day 4 of your next cycle for an ultrasound. If it looks good and there aren't any cysts or anything, I'll have you start taking the pills that day. You'll take 1 pill once a day for 5 days, and then I'll want you back on day 11 of your cycle for another ultrasound so we can see how well the pills worked."

Mac looked over at Harm and saw he was glued to the doctor's every word, which made her heart smile.

"If the ultrasound shows at least one follicle that's large enough to have a nice, healthy egg inside, we'll give you a shot to trigger ovulation and instruct you on when to 'do the dance'". The couple chuckled a bit at the no-big-deal way the doctor referred to the more intimate side of things. It all sounded so simple, but something inside told Mac it would be anything but simple.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"I'm excited, how about you?" Harm asked her as they got in the car.

"Yeah, it's really nice to feel like we've actually got a chance of making this work", answered Mac as she fastened her seatbelt, "but I'll be honest with you, part of me refuses to hope too much".

Harm lovingly put his hand on Mac's knee. He didn't have to ask why she was afraid to hope, he knew why. Short falls hurt less than long falls, and the lower she kept her hopes, the shorter the fall if they were dashed again.

-----------------

The pills Dr. Kendall had prescribed worked remarkably well for Mac. When she went for the ultrasound on day 11 of her cycle, he pointed out to her 2 large follicles on the screen.

"Well done, Sarah, " he said "you do nice work!"

Mac smiled, "thanks, but it's not like I had any control over it. Now, does the fact that there are 2 follicles mean there's a greater chance of having twins?" she asked.

"Technically, yes", said Dr. Kendall, "but only a 10 percent chance, not as high a chance as many people think". Mac was a tiny bit disappointed with that number, but she would be thrilled to have even one baby.

"Well, too bad the Commander couldn't join you today, but it's more important that he's available tonight - he is, I hope?" asked Dr. Kendall.

"Oh yes, he couldn't get out of court today, but tonight won't be a problem" said Mac.

"Fantastic" said the doctor, "well, I'll have my nurse come give you the shot to trigger your ovulation, and you need to make plans with the Commander for tonight and anytime tomorrow. Understand?" She understood, she also understood that Harm would be thrilled with their "orders" for the next 2 days.

---------------------------

After getting her shot and checking out, Mac went back to JAG and happened to catch Harm in his office during a recess. She filled him in on the appointment and what their orders were for that evening and the next.

"Oh boy, doctor-ordered sex, can it get any more romantic than that?" laughed Harm.

"Hey, just because it's doctor-ordered doesn't mean we can't make it romantic" said Mac as she teasingly ran her fingers against Harm's neck.

"Mac!" he said as he stepped back, knowing that it was neither the time nor place for things to go any further.

"Sorry, flyboy, I'll have to learn to control myself" said Mac with a sneaky smirk on her face.

"Well, at least until tonight" said Harm as he headed out the door.

He stopped, said "same time, same place, my dear" and flashed her a smile that made her weak in the knees.

"_I'm gonna get him for that_…" Mac thought to herself as she did her best to make it through the bullpen without giving anyone a reason to wonder what was going on, something much easier said than done.

------------------------

The evening began at the same time, same place , same everything. Harm had gotten out of JAG later than he wanted to, so instead of cooking he ordered in Chinese. It arrived just a few minutes before Mac did, so when she got there they dug in.

"This tastes really good tonight, I must have been hungry for it" said Mac as she reached for the sweet and sour pork.

"I'm glad you like it. I knew you'd be hungry and I didn't have time to make anything by the time I got home and got changed and all" said Harm, continuing the banter of small-talk that seemed to be present at all of their "working dinners". They'd made love enough times now that the initial sense of uncertainty and awkwardness had faded, but not enough times to be totally comfortable with it. The fact that that night was "doctor ordered" didn't really make much difference except to threaten the romantic side of it, but Mac wasn't about to let that happen. After all, she'd promised herself she'd "get him" for sending that amazing smile her way at work when there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Harm was standing at the kitchen sink rinsing out their iced tea glasses when Mac came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back.

"Whatcha doin', Mac?" he asked, not at all minding that she was there, but wondering what she was up to.

"Making things romantic" she said, sliding her hands underneath his U.S. Navy T-shirt and rubbing his back.

"Oh, really" he said "so a backrub while I do the dishes constitutes romance?"

"Sure" said Mac, knowing her little plan was working.

"You really need to get out more, my dear" joked Harm as he rinsed the glasses and put them in the dish rack, then grabbed a towel and dried his hands.

Just as he tossed the towel back on the counter, Mac maneuvered her way in between Harm and the sink and kissed him with everything she had in her. They embraced for what seemed like hours before Harm whispered "let's go", intending to continue their "assignment" in the bedroom.

"No" said Mac softly.

Confused, Harm asked "what do you mean 'no', we have to, doctor's orders, remember?"

Mac simply answered "here".

"The kitchen? You want to do this in the kitchen?" asked Harm.

"Mm-hmm" she said as she sat down on the floor beside the sink, "right here".

Harm looked a little bewildered at first, "are you sure you'll be comfortable?" he asked her.

"I'm sure" she answered, pulling him down to the floor "I think it'll be romantic".

"Well, as long as you're sure" said Harm as he joined her on the floor.

As they picked up where they'd left off, Mac thought to herself "I got him, I got him _good_".

"That was definitely an interesting twist on things" said Harm as he slipped his T-shirt back over his head.

"I'm so glad you thought so, flyboy" answered Mac, who was still looking for her shirt. Harm found it in the corner, along with his lounge pants.

"Looking for this?" he asked as he handed it to her.

"Thanks, my gosh, we scattered stuff all over the place, huh?!" said Mac with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, we did" said Harm with a grin, "we just fling our clothes wherever and worry about finding them later."

Once they finished re-dressing, they retreated to the living room where they could actually be comfortable for awhile.

"So, what wild and adventurous location do you have in mind for tomorrow night?" Harm asked Mac as he held her close, running his fingers through her hair.

"Who said anything about tomorrow night?" she asked in reply.

"You did, Mac, you said Dr. Kendall said we had to do it tonight and tomorrow night because you got the ovulation shot today and this is our window for this month" answered Harm, a bit puzzled as to how he knew that and she seemed not to.

"No, what he said was tonight and _anytime tomorrow, _not specifically tomorrow _night_" she said with a devilish tone to her voice, "so I was thinking maybe I could stay here tonight and we could wake up a little early in the morning and…"

"Or" said Harm, "you could stay here tonight and we could wake up a _lot_ early in the morning and…"

"You're such a bad boy, Harmon Rabb, Jr." said Mac as she kissed him again.

It was nice, just for those two short days, to be able to focus on the romance and the fact that they were with one another and not think quite so much about trying to conceive, but all good things must end.

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_A/N: the kitchen scenes were total Harm & Mac - no personal experience there, but I thought it made for nice reading. _

_I hope the romance in this chapter can help make up for the pitiful lack of romance between our favorite couple in "Automatic for the People"!!!! We waited 3 weeks for a new episode, and they weren't even in one scene together - aaahhhh!!!!!!! PLUS, next week is another rerun - aaahhh!!!!! Sigh, at least Harm made reference to Mac not **yet** being "his girl", I guess that's better than nothing…_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

The 2 weeks of waiting for an answer after their first try with the fertility pills seemed like 2 years. Mac had been reading all sorts of things online about early pregnancy symptoms, and as the 2 weeks drew closer to an end, she kept thinking she was feeling "things". Every little twinge, every time her stomach was the slightest bit unsettled would start the wheels turning in her mind "well, maybe….". Sometimes she'd have to say aloud to herself "don't do this, Marine, don't get your hopes up", but it was hard not to. She wanted it so bad it hurt. By the time those weeks were up, she was mere steps away from officially losing her mind.

"Try to relax, Mac, you looked like you were gonna start peeling the flowers off the wallpaper in there" said Harm as they walked to the car. They'd had lunch at a new sandwich place a couple blocks away from JAG, but neither of them ate very much.

"I can't relax, I'm too nervous" she said. "I wish they'd call, don't they know how hard it is to wait?!" She'd gone to Dr. Kendall's office that morning for a blood pregnancy test, a standard part of doing a medicated treatment cycle, and they told her they'd call with the results before 5:00. She made sure they had both her work and cell phone numbers, so they could get a hold of her all day long. It was only 1:30, and she wasn't sure she could remain sane until 5:00.

"Come here, Mac" said Harm. She did as he asked, and he took her hands in his. "They'll call, we just have to try to be patient and keep our minds on other things" he said as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. Truth be told, he was as nervous as she was, he just had a different way of showing it, or rather _not_ showing it.

They returned from lunch and Mac tried her best to take Harm's suggestion to heart and focus on something else. She booted up her laptop and pulled up the file she'd been working on that morning, a pretty open-and-shut case of Conduct Unbecoming. "_I can do this, I can keep my mind on my work…" _she thought to herself as she flipped through a stack of file folders on the corner of her desk. She found the file she was looking for, turned to face her laptop and began typing away.

Down the hall in his office, Harm was working just as hard to keep from thinking too much about everything, but he wasn't having much success. His laptop was open on his desk and his files spread out all over the place, but he wasn't doing any work. Instead, he was mindlessly twirling his pen around with his fingers, staring blankly at the wall. He knew the day could only end 1 of 2 ways - good or bad. He thought about how they'd celebrate if the news was good, how amazing that would be. "Yeah, but if it's _not_ good..." he said quietly to himself, not really wanting to think about that possibility. He eventually forced himself to get some work done, but it took awhile and it never completely kept his thoughts from wandering back.

Mac stayed busy with that Conduct Unbecoming case for over 2 hours. She was so engrossed in it that when her phone rang, she nearly jumped right out of her chair. She took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.

"Mackenzie" she said, hoping whoever was on the other end couldn't hear her voice tremble. She listened carefully to the call, "Ok……right…..ok, thank you" and hung up the phone. She sighed deeply, determined to keep the tears at bay until she reached Harm's office.

He looked up and saw her standing there. "Hey, come on in" he said, putting down his pen and standing up.

Mac walked in and closed the door behind herself without saying a word. Thankfully the blinds on the office door and window were already closed, something they'd both gotten in the habit of doing on days when they knew they'd need some private moments, since if they waited until the other one entered the room to close them, they'd arouse suspicion .

"Did they call?" he asked her, pretty much knowing she wouldn't be in his office at that moment if they hadn't.

Mac nodded and began to cry.

"Aw, Mac" said Harm as he put his arms around her. "_I was afraid of this_" he thought to himself.

She cried a little longer, then stepped back just a bit.

She looked up at him, and as a smile broke through the tears that were still rolling down her face, she said "the test was positive, we did it".

Harm stood there in amazement. "You're pregnant?" he asked, wanting to make sure he understood her correctly.

"Yes" said Mac, still crying, "I have to go back in 2 days for another blood test to make sure things are going well, but yes, I'm pregnant, these are happy tears!"

A trademark melt-your-heart flyboy smile came over Harm's face as his own eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Mac" he said as he pulled her close and fought to keep his composure, "we should go out tonight and celebrate, what do you say?"

"OK", said Mac as she grabbed a tissue, "why don't you pick me up around seven and we'll decide what we feel like eating, sound alright?"

"Sounds great" said Harm, wiping away the lone tear that had escaped his eyes. After one last embrace, Mac returned to her office and Harm to his desk, but neither of them accomplished anything more on their caseloads for the day.

----------------------------

"Hey, right on time" said Mac as she opened her apartment door and let Harm in.

"But of course" he said as he gave her a kiss and tossed his jacket over the back of the sofa.

"_Wow, he looks really handsome tonight_" she thought, "_the blue in that shirt matches his eyes_".

"I thought after we ate dinner we could go for a walk through the park" said Harm, "unless you'd rather go someplace else".

"No, that sounds really nice. I'm not sure what I want for dinner yet, but a walk in the park is always nice" replied Mac as she slipped her shoes on.

"_She gets more beautiful everyday_" thought Harm as he watched her, "_I can't believe how much I love her_". "Great, are we ready to go celebrate, my dear?" he asked as he stood up and pulled her close.

"Yeah, let me make one last trip to the bathroom and I'll be all set" said Mac. She kissed him again and went down the hall.

"Harm!!!!!!!!"


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: None of the Jag characters belong to me....

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Chapter 9:

Mac cried the whole way to Bethesda.

"I don't know what's wrong" she said, "I'm scared".

"I know, my love, I'm scared, too" said Harm as he held her hand tight, "but let's get you checked out and see if we have anything to be scared about".

"What do you mean 'if we have anything to be scared about'!?" cried Mac, "I'm pregnant, I'm bleeding and I'm scared!!" She didn't mean to yell at him, but fear had taken control and she couldn't help it.

"I mean maybe this isn't as bad as we think, maybe this is common and we just don't know because we've never been through it before" said Harm, hoping to calm Mac down a little.

"I don't think so" said Mac, "I've just got a really bad feeling about this".

--------------------

The ER wasn't too crowded that night, so they didn't have to wait very long before being called back. The nurse asked Mac a ton of questions, making note of each answer on a form attached to her chart.

"Is this your first pregnancy, Colonel?"

"Yes" replied Mac.

"How far along are you?"

"4 weeks, 1 day" said Mac, fighting to keep herself together.

"Was this pregnancy confirmed with a blood test?"

"Yes, this morning".

"On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being highest, how much would you say you're bleeding?" asked the nurse.

Mac thought for a moment and answered "about a 4".

Harm was right beside her the whole time, hoping and praying it would turn out to be nothing and that Mac and the baby would be fine, but the longer he sat there the more concerned he became.

The nurse finished questioning Mac, and led she and Harm to a gurney in the hallway.

"Sorry, all the rooms are full right now" said the nurse, "but I'll get you a gown to change into and you can lie down here and as soon as a room becomes available, we'll move you".

"That's fine, thank you" said Harm as the nurse handed Mac a gown and pointed towards the restroom.

"I'll be right back" said Mac. She returned several minutes later dressed in the gown, which she hated, and carrying her clothes.

"Let me take those for you, Mac" said Harm reaching for the pile of clothes.

"It's OK, I'll just set them at the foot of the bed, but thanks" said Mac.

"Need any help getting up there?" asked Harm. "Yeah, actually I do" Mac replied , and Harm took her hand as she gingerly climbed atop the gurney. She got as comfortable as she could and laid there quietly, staring up at the ceiling tiles.

After a few moments, Harm broke the nervous silence. "Did it stop yet, the bleeding?" he asked.

Mac shook her head, "no, it's about the same as before".

"I'm sorry, Mac" he said, "I wish we knew what was going on". He moved his chair closer to the gurney so he could hold her hand while they waited for the doctor.

--------------------------

"Colonel Mackenzie?" asked the doctor as he approached Harm and Mac, who were still waiting for a room to become available.

"Yes" answered Mac.

"Hi, I'm Commander Mitchell" he said, extending his hand to Mac and then Harm, "I'll be handling your case".

"Nice to meet you, Commander" said Mac.

"You're having bleeding very early in your pregnancy, correct?" asked the doctor.

"Yes" answered Mac, feeling herself getting worked up again.

"Well, we won't really know anything until we do some blood work and a physical exam" said Commander Mitchell, "but I want you to know that this isn't as uncommon as you may think and it doesn't always indicate a problem".

"How can bleeding not indicate a problem?" asked Mac, feeling very skeptical.

"Well Colonel, sometimes as the embryo implants in the uterus, it causes some bleeding, anywhere from a very little bit to a lot" said the doctor, hoping to appease Mac somewhat, "it doesn't happen in every case of course, but we do see a fair amount of it at this facility".

Knowing that Mac was getting worked up, Harm stepped in and asked the next question.

"Do you know when we'll be moved to a room?"

"I'll go check on that in just a moment, Commander, but it shouldn't be much longer" said the doctor, "in the meantime we can get the Colonel's IV started and get the blood we need for the lab work, if that's OK"?

"Mac?" asked Harm, "you want them to start the IV"?

"That's fine, may as well do something while we're waiting" answered Mac.

The doctor excused himself and went to check on getting them into a room and to turn in the orders for the blood work. "I don't care if this sort of thing isn't uncommon and doesn't always indicate a problem" said Mac quietly, "I've got a feeling it's not good".

Harm knew that he best not argue with her, especially not over a "feeling" she had, since Mac's "feelings" were rarely off the mark by much. He wanted to believe that she was just protecting herself by preparing for the worst, but he didn't know for sure. He was trying to juggle being there for her and supporting her with keeping his own fears and concerns in check, not an easy task.

"It'll be OK, Mac" said Harm, "whatever happens, good or bad, it'll be OK because we're in it together".

"_Gosh, I love this man…" _she thought to herself as the frightened tears began to fall once more. Harm leaned against the gurney and embraced her so she could cry on his shoulder.

After almost 2 hours of waiting in the hallway, they were finally moved into an exam room just before 10:00. Fortunately for Mac, the nurse who came in to start the IV and draw blood was very good at it, and she hardly felt a thing.

"That didn't look like it was half as bad as some of the ones I've had" said Harm after the nurse had finished up and left the room.

"It wasn't bad", said Mac, "it didn't feel good by any means, but I've had worse".

"Hopefully the doctor will be in soon and we can get some answers on everything" said Harm, attempting to keep Mac engaged in some sort of conversation.

"I hope so" she answered. Harm knew by the look on her face she was really scared, and it was killing him to know he couldn't do anything about it.

Commander Mitchell came in a few minutes later, accompanied by a nurse.

"Ok, Colonel" he said, "let's do the physical exam and see what that tells us".

"Alright" said Mac as she got situated on the bed. Harm pulled a chair up next to the head of the bed so he could hold her hand while the doctor worked.

"Let me know if any of this is painful, Colonel" said the doctor.

"Oh, don't worry, you'll know" said Mac.

Harm held her right hand in both of his, caressing it gently. "What's wrong, are you OK?!" he asked her when she suddenly squeezed his hand and took a very deep breath.

"Yeah, that hurt!!" said Mac, trying to relax.

"I'm sorry, Colonel," said the doctor, "I'll try not to hurt you anymore".

Harm hated this, not just that Mac was in such an uncomfortable situation, but because once again she was hurting and he was powerless to stop it.

A couple of minutes later, the doctor finished the exam and gave Harm and Mac his initial findings. "I can't give you a final answer until I get your blood work back and can compare your pregnancy hormone levels tonight with the ones from this morning, which we had faxed over from Dr. Kendall's office", he said, "but the amount of bleeding you're experiencing could indicate a very early miscarriage, it's what we call a chemical pregnancy".

As soon as she heard "miscarriage", Mac began to choke up.

"When will you know for sure?" asked Harm as he rubbed Mac's back and tried in vain to comfort her.

"If the pregnancy hormone levels in her blood from tonight are aren't enough higher than the levels from this morning, or if they're equal to or lower than those levels from this morning, that will be our answer" said the doctor. "In a healthy pregnancy, the hormone level steadily rises, roughly doubling every 48 hours. With an abnormal pregnancy, the levels can rise slowly, they can plateau, or they can drop. It's the body's way of telling us something's not right. I know it's not been 48 hours since the first test, but the levels should still be a certain amount above what they were this morning."

"I see" said Harm, "and what are the chances that the numbers tonight will be good and everything will be fine and we can chalk this up as one of the 'not so uncommon' cases you spoke of earlier?"

The doctor thought for a moment before he answered. "Honestly, Commander, I don't think that's going to be the case, but again, we have to wait for the blood work".

Mac sat on the bed and cried through the entire exchange between the doctor and Harm, and once the doctor left, she really fell apart.

"Mac, let's try not to give up yet, there's still a chance things are really OK" said Harm.

"Things aren't OK" cried Mac, "I'm telling you Harm, they're not OK. We're gonna lose our baby, I just know it".

He slid onto the bed beside her and held her close.

"I don't want to hear the final answer from the doctor, Harm" said Mac, still crying, "I want to hear it from you".

"Sure, Mac, whatever you want is what we'll do" said Harm as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, glad there was finally something, _anything_ he could do for her.

Just after midnight, Commander Mitchell returned with the results of the blood work. Harm spoke up as soon as he saw the doctor.

"May we go over the test results in the hallway, doctor, just you and I?" he asked, "she'd like for me to be the one to tell her what the tests showed".

"Of course, Commander, right this way" said the doctor. They were gone for several minutes, minutes which Mac thought would last forever. She turned her head when she heard the door open again, and she watched as Harm came over to her bed and sat on the edge. He took her hand in his and silently stared down at the floor.

"Harm...?" Mac asked, her heart racing.

When he lifted his head to look at her, she saw the tears in his eyes.

"We're losing our baby" he said, his voice trembling with emotion.

"I know" whispered Mac, "I know".

They held onto one another and cried….

----------------------------------

_A/N: The inspiration for this chapter came straight from my life. It was the hardest chapter I've written so far with regard to emotions, but it flowed the easiest of them all because I didn't really have to think about it, I just wrote what I lived on that awful day and fine-tuned it a bit towards the characters. It's every bit as horrible as it seems here, every bit as painful. I'd **love** some feedback on this chapter about how the emotions came across - having been in Mac's place myself not long ago, it's hard for me to really know how emotional my writing is or isn't. I can put myself there because I **was** there, so I can't be unbiased about it, but I'm hoping you all can put yourselves there from this chapter . My goal is to tell a very real story of what they could be faced with in real life, but you all have to be the judges of whether I'm succeeding or not! _


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: None of the JAG characters belong to me....

_A/N: A great bigthank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 9 - wow!! I'm really touched that so many of you find this story so meaningful and substantial. I asked for feedback about how the emotional part of the story was coming across, and I can see it's being read loud and clear, which was my deepest hope. Some of you have said you had no idea how difficult it can be for couples going through this sort of challenge, and I'm glad my own experiences can serve to bring the pain of infertility and pregnancy loss to light. _

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Chapter 10:

The drive home was a quiet one. They'd spent nearly 5 hours at the hospital by the time they left, taking the last hour to regain enough composure to make it home. Mac's discharge orders were to return right away if she felt things were getting worse or if she was in a lot of pain, and to follow up with Dr. Kendall the next day. The nurse had already called and left a message with Dr. Kendall's office saying that Mac would be in.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Mac asked Harm as they neared his part of town.

"Of course, Mac", he answered, "I don't think either of us should be alone tonight, especially you". He was right, they really needed each other after the heartbreak they'd been handed.

They arrived at Harm's apartment at some ghastly hour of the night. "I'm calling in sick tomorrow" said Mac as she changed into her pajamas, which were a pair of Harm's old workout shorts and one of his old, faded Naval Academy T-shirts.

"I think I will, too" said Harm, who's pajamas were the boxers he already had on. "I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight and I know I wouldn't get any work done if I went in".

"You're in the middle of researching a case" said Mac, "are you sure you can miss tomorrow?"

Thinking for a second, Harm replied "Yeah, I'll just hit it really hard on Thursday, no biggie". Mac was glad he'd said that - she would have understood if he needed to work, but she knew she'd need him a lot in the coming days.

"OK, well I'll call in for myself and you can call for yourself", Mac said to him, "I know people may wonder why we're both out at the same time like this, but I don't have the strength to worry about office scuttlebutt right now - for all they know, we ate bad Chinese and got food poisoning".

"That sounds like a good excuse, let's use it" said Harm, figuring food poisoning was about as believable a reason as any for the two of them being home sick at the same time.

Exhausted both physically and emotionally, they got into bed and snuggled up close to one another and laid there in silence for the longest time, until the sorrow came flooding back. "I'm sorry.…" said Mac as she began to cry again.

"Mac", said Harm, embracing and pulling her near, "don't apologize like you did something wrong. You didn't, it's just one of those things that's nobody's fault, sometimes bad things just happen". Deep down, she knew that, but it seemed like someone needed to be blamed for what felt like the most cruel joke on earth. They'd been so happy that afternoon, and by bedtime every ounce of that happiness had been snatched away and replaced with pain and loss.

"It's not fair!!!!" she screamed.

"I know", said Harm.

"Why couldn't it have all been OK?? Why couldn't we have been one of those couples who go in afraid of the worst and find out things are alright??!!" sobbed Mac.

"I don't know, my love" said Harm, his voice cracking, "I don't know".

The loss would have been terrible even if the pregnancy had come easily, but the fact that they had to work so hard at it, after being told they may never be able to do it, made it so much worse.

---------------------

They got up early the next morning and called in sick, then crawled back into bed. Their appointment with Dr. Kendall wasn't until later in the day, and it had been a very long night for them both. Harm managed to go back to sleep, but Mac just laid there thinking about everything. "_I wonder if it was a boy or a girl…" _she thought to herself. She laid with her back to Harm, not wanting to wake him, and silently sobbed into her pillow. After a couple minutes, she felt his arm wrap around her, and she snuggled in as close as she could get to him and cried until her head hurt. Harm just held her close, wishing he could take the pain away.

"I wonder what Dr. Kendall will say?" said Harm as they drove to their appointment that afternoon.

"I don't know", said Mac, "I think it'll have some impact on what we do from here, but I don't know for sure".

"Do you think he'll make us wait any length of time before trying again?" asked Harm.

"Probably" said Mac softly.

"Do you think you'll be ready to try again as soon as he says it's OK?" asked Harm, knowing that Mac was dealing not only with the emotional loss but the physical effects as well.

"I don't know just yet" she said, "the range of emotions we've been through in the past 24 hours and everything that's happened, I can't really think about next time quite yet." That was pretty much the answer Harm figured she'd give, and he completely understood.

------------------------

They didn't have to wait anytime at all once they got to the doctor's office. As soon as they signed in, the receptionist phoned the nurses desk, and a nurse immediately came up and took them back.

"We need to get some blood from you, Sarah, "said the nurse, "and Dr. Kendall wants to examine you and see what's happening, OK?"

"OK" said Mac as she sat down in a chair.

"I'll go let the lab nurse know you're waiting, and when she's done you can go ahead and undress from the waist down and cover up with the sheet and Dr. Kendall will be in shortly."

The nurse left the room, and another came in and drew the blood and then she left as well.

"You must be tired of being stuck with needles, huh?" Harm asked Mac as she got undressed and hopped up on the table.

"I sure am" she answered looking at the little bruises on her arms from the ER, "I feel like a human pin cushion".

"I've felt like that before" replied Harm, "all my stints in the hospital over the years, I've been stuck with more than my fair share of needles." He knew he couldn't relate to much that Mac was experiencing, but that part he could. Just then, they heard a knock on the door.

"Hello" said Dr. Kendall as he entered the room, a nurse following behind him. "I understand you had a pretty rough night last night, Sarah" he said as he leaned against the counter and looked at her chart. Mac tried to answer, but instead she just nodded her head and began to cry.

Harm wrapped his arms around her tight. "Yeah, last night was pretty bad"he said, "today hasn't been much better." Mac calmed down fairly quickly, but Harm stayed right beside her in case she got upset again.

"I know they diagnosed you with an early miscarriage last night at Bethesda" said the doctor, "and that's certainly what it sounds like to me based on the records they faxed over this morning, but I'd like to check for myself and make absolute sure."

"Right" said Mac, still sniffling just a bit.

"Are you OK to do that right now,or do you need a few minutes?"the doctor asked Mac, being as compassionate as possible.

"I'm alright, go ahead" said Mac as she laid back on the table. Harm reached out and took her hand and held it tight, hoping this exam wouldn't hurt her like the one at the ER had. He saw her wince a couple of times, and he asked her if she was alright, and she nodded both times, so he knew she wasn't really hurting too bad.

"All done, Sarah" said the doctor, "go ahead and sit up." Mac knew by the look on the doctor's face that things weren't good. "It definitely looks like you're miscarrying" he said, "we'll need to compare the blood work from today with last nights, but it doesn't look too promising."

"We didn't think it would" said Harm.

"I'm sorry, I always hate to see any of my patients go through this", said Dr. Kendall, "it's just more suffering on top of an already difficult situation and it's just not fair."

"My thoughts exactly" said Mac.

"How long until the blood work comes back?" Harm asked the doctor.

"I put a rush on it, so it should be done anytime now" answered Dr. Kendall, "in fact, you can get dressed, Sarah, and I'll go check on it for you now."

Harm handed Mac her clothes, and as she was dressing, they talked a little bit.

"I like Dr. Kendall" Harm said, "he's got a good personality and a compassionate heart, those things are important in this line of work."

"Yeah, I like him, too" said Mac, "he's a lot better than the ER doc from last night, that guy got on my nerves."

Moments later, they heard another knock on the door, Dr. Kendall had returned with the results of the blood work.

"Your pregnancy hormone level last night at the ER was 121, today it's only 60, which means without any doubt that you're miscarrying." Mac didn't cry this time, she was actually prepared for that news and was able to take it as well as could be expected.

"I'm sorry, I really am" said the doctor, "I wish I could say they were wrong last night, but they weren't." Mac sat silently and played with the clasp on her bracelet.

"I'm sure you're getting to this, but what happens from here as far as trying again goes?" asked Harm.

"Well, you're out of the game for the next 6 weeks so Sarah can have time to heal physically" answered the doctor, "and at that point if everything looks good and you're ready, we can get the ball rolling on another treatment cycle."

"What impact does this have on our chances of a successful pregnancy in the future?" asked Harm, knowing that Mac was wondering about that but too shaky to really do much conversing.

"None at all" said Dr. Kendall. "Believe it or not, while this is a very sad and painful thing, it's quite common and as a single event it doesn't indicate anything that we need to be overly concerned about." Somehow, the knowledge that it was "common" didn't make Mac feel any better.

"OK, well that certainly gives us some hope and some time to deal with this and talk about everything" replied Harm. "Do you have any questions?" Harm asked, turning to Mac.

"No" she said softly, ready to get out of there and go home.

The doctor shook their hands and apologized once more for their loss, and they made their way to the front desk to check out.

---------------------------------

"How do you feel?" Harm asked Mac as they walked to the car.

"OK I guess" she said, "I'll be glad when it's all over".

"Do you think 6 weeks will be enough of a break? We can wait as long as you feel we need to" he said, wanting to make sure Mac knew that she didn't have to go along with anything she didn't feel comfortable with.

"I know" replied Mac as she got in the car, "I can't promise you anything, but I'm pretty sure 6 weeks will be enough. My OB/GYN said the longer I waited to try and conceive after my surgery the lesser the chance of succeeding, so we really shouldn't waste time if we can help it."

Harm reached over and put his hand on Mac's knee, and she covered his hand with hers. "Are you hungry?" he asked, "We can get anything you want."

"How about we go back to your place and call out for pizza?" she said. "I don't much feel like going out, but we could eat pizza and maybe watch a movie or something."

"Pizza and a movie, we can do that" said Harm.

They both knew they were far from past the pain from losing their baby, but they also knew the only place they wanted to be was wherever the other one was.

_A/N: Another chapter inspired by personal experience, changed up a bit here and there to fit the characters. I know the past 2 chapters have been real downers, but things will pick up again soon... _


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Same as before - none of the JAG folks belong to me, etc....

_A/N: So many wonderful reviews, I can't thank folks enough! It means alot to me that people like my writing this much, it's really cool. On a side note, for those who keep offering me so many kind words and well-wishes with regard to my own personal situation, I have an update - but it's not a good one. In Chapter 5, I had Mac undergo a procedure to check for tubal blockages and uterine abnormalities. I had this done in 2003, and today I had it done again. This time, we found my left tube is blocked, and I'll have to have surgery soon to either clear and repair it or remove it. I'm so sad - this is just another painful blow in a very long line of painful blows. SO... we'll have to see what happens, but please keep the positive thoughts, prayers and kind words coming - I need them.... ::hugs to you all::_

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Chapter 11:

The 6 weeks since the miscarriage had been filled with a vast range of emotions for Mac. She'd gone through times where she felt great and seemed to take it all in stride, and times where it seemed the world was coming to an end. Harm had been her rock through it all, she couldn't imagine going through it with anyone but him. She never lost sight of the fact that the baby she'd lost was his as well as hers, and she made a point to ask him how he was doing each day. It was tough sometimes with no one at JAG aware that anything had happened, but they found a way to keep it hidden and carry on their duties without letting on that they were grieving. Ultimately, the loss pulled Harm and Mac closer together and strengthened their love for one another, perhaps the only blessing that could come from so much pain.

"Everything looks wonderful, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall.

"That's good" said Mac, "we've been hoping it would." It was their first appointment since the miscarriage, and they were a little anxious about it, so it was a great relief to hear the doctor say things were good.

"Well, if you're ready, we can begin another treatment cycle." said the doctor.

"We're ready" answered Harm, "we're glad you didn't find any need for us to wait any longer."

Dr. Kendall turned to a page in Mac's chart and studied it for a moment. "According to my notes from a few months back, you'd decided you wanted to take the fertility pills and try naturally for 2 cycles, and if that wasn't successful you'd move on to the pills with artificial insemination. Is that still your plan?"

It had indeed been what Harm and Mac intended to do, but during the break, they'd given it some more thought. "We've changed our minds a little on that" said Mac, "if it's alright, we'd like to go ahead with the insemination this time around."

"Sure, that's fine" said Dr. Kendall, "may I ask what changed your minds?"

"We know time isn't our friend in this situation" said Harm, "and the longer it takes to try different things, the more difficult it could be, so we're ready to step it up a notch."

"I think that's a smart move, Commander" said the doctor, "you'd be surprised how many couples act as if they've got all the time in the world to try different treatments, and in reality that's just not the case."

"We've read over the information you gave us at our first appointment" said Mac, "and since insemination is an option for us, we'd like to go that route right now. We feel like we stand a better chance of conceiving that way versus trying naturally - do we?"

"Oh, yes, Sarah", answered the doctor, "your chances of success do increase with the more advanced treatments, so it can only be to your benefit to try them."

"That sounds great" said Harm, "how soon can we get started?"

"As good luck would have it - and you both certainly deserve some good luck", said Dr. Kendall, "today". Mac and Harm looked at one another, the same surprised expression on their faces.

"I can see you're a little surprised that you have a chance to get going on this today" said Dr. Kendall, "would you like a few minutes to talk it over?"

Harm looked at Mac "do we need to talk about it?" he asked her. "I don't think so" she replied, "we decided to try the insemination as soon as possible because we don't want to waste time, so if this is 'as soon as possible', then let's go for it."

"As long as you're sure you're ready" said Harm, "I'm with you, let's go for it."

"Great" said the doctor, "I'd like to go over the basics of this treatment, since a few things differ a bit from last time."

"Sure, that's fine" said Harm, "are there really many differences, aside from the obvious one?"

"No, Commander" said the doctor, "actually the only difference between this cycle and the last one you did will come after Sarah has her mid-cycle ultrasound."

"Mm-hmm" said Harm, nodding his head in understanding.

The doctor continued "whereas last time we gave her the shot to trigger ovulation and left the rest up to the two of you, this time we'll need you both to come back in the day after Sarah gets her shot."

"Right" said Mac, listening carefully to the doctor and holding onto Harm's hand.

"Actually", continued Dr. Kendall, "we'll need the Commander's 'contribution' a couple of hours before the procedure since it takes the lab awhile to get it ready to use, so we'll have an appointment for him for early that morning and then a later one for the actual insemination."

"That doesn't sound too complicated" said Mac.

"It's really not" said the doctor, "it's a bit more involved than the last time, but it's really not a big thing. The insemination itself takes about 5 minutes. I'll be using a very tiny catheter to deposit the sperm inside you uterus, then you'll need to lay flat on the table for about 15 minutes afterwards to give 'the little guys' as good a chance as possible to make it where they need to make it, and that's it."

"I think we can handle that" said Harm, "can you think of any questions?" he asked, turning to Mac.

"No" she said, "I'm clear on how it all works, you?"

"Nope, nothing I can think of" replied Harm.

"Well, if we're all clear on everything" said the doctor, "I'll write you the prescription for the fertility pills, which you need to start taking today, and just like last time I need to see you on day 11 of the cycle."

"Got it" said Mac.

Dr. Kendall handed her the prescription, and they shook his hand on their way out.

_**12 days later…..**_

"Knock, knock" said Harm as he stood at Mac's office door.

"Hey, you're back" she said, "how'd it go?"

"Fine" said Harm, "they'll be ready for us at 11:30, I double-checked the time on my way out of Dr. Kendall's office."

"Yeah, that's what I have written down but it never hurts to make sure" said Mac. "Did you put in for a few hours of personal leave for this?" she asked him.

"Yeah, did you?" he replied.

"Yeah, I knew I didn't need the whole day", she said, "and I'm trying not to use my sick leave unless I have to, you know?"

"Same here" answered Harm, both thinking about the day they called in sick following the miscarriage.

"I better go get a little work done", said Harm, " I'll meet you in the parking lot at 10:45, OK?"

"I'll be there, flyboy" said Mac, smiling just a bit. She was excited about trying again, they both were. The heartache and pain of the miscarriage was still very real, as was the fear that it could happen again, but both she and Harm agreed that when it came to the really important things in life, they couldn't be afraid to keep trying.

The doctor's office was right on schedule that day, and they called Harm and Mac to the back almost as soon as they arrived.

The doctor's office was right on schedule that day, and they called Harm and Mac to the back almost as soon as they arrived.

"I'm sure by now you know the drill" the nurse said to Mac as she led them into the exam room.

"Oh yes" replied Mac, "all too well I'm afraid." She got undressed and covered up with the sheet and sat on the exam table while Harm sat in the chair next to her.

"Look over there on the counter" said Harm. Mac looked over and saw the small glass vial sitting in a stand, the label on it read "Mackenzie, Sarah" in bright red ink.

"Hey, go give your 'little guys' a pep talk while we're waiting" she joked to Harm.

"Oh, and just what exactly am I supposed to tell them?!" said Harm, kidding back.

"Tell them they've got a mission to do and they better do it and do it right, in fact make it an order!" said Mac, and the two of them laughed together.

"Are you nervous?" he asked her.

"Not about the procedure" she said, "but I'm nervous about the chance of losing another baby."

"We've gotta try not to think about that" said Harm, "I know it's easy to say 'we just won't think about that', but we know it's not something we can ever forget about and it's scary."

"Yeah" replied Mac, looking down at the floor.

"Hey, chin up, Marine" said Harm, "this is a new chance and a new opportunity and we need to think positive, alright?"

"Yes, sir!" she said, giving Harm a mock salute.

"There's that smile I love so much" said Harm, flashing her a killer smile in return.

"Come in" said Mac when they heard Dr. Kendall knock at the door. He entered and greeted the couple, asked if they had any questions, and then got down to business.

"Alright" said Dr. Kendall as he checked to make sure everything he needed was there, "are we ready?"

"We are" said Mac, with just a hint of nerves creeping in.

"OK, just lay back, relax, and we'll be done before you know it" said the doctor.

Mac reached out to hold Harm's hand, and he took her hand and kissed it gently. "_I love you_" she mouthed to him. "_I love you, too_" he mouthed back.

"All done, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall a few minutes later.

"Wow, that was fast" said Mac, "and it didn't hurt at all".

"I'm glad to hear that" said the doctor, "I need you to lay here for about 15-20 minutes, I'll send a nurse in to let you know when you can get up and get dressed, OK?"

"Sure" said Mac, knowing that she didn't need anyone to come tell her when the time had passed, but she understood it was standard procedure.

"Thank you, doctor" said Harm as the doctor finished making a few motes in Mac's chart.

"My pleasure, Commander" said the doctor, "I hope this cycle ends with very good news" and with that he left the room.

"So, how do you feel?" Harm asked Mac as she laid on the table waiting out her time.

"Fine" she said, "seriously, I hardly felt anything at all, and none of it hurt."

"That's a pleasant change of pace from everything you've been through lately, huh?" replied Harm.

"Indeed" answered Mac, "and I agree with Dr. Kendall, I hope this cycle ends with good news."

"Me too, " agreed Harm, "we'll know in 2 weeks."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: None of the fine folks from JAG belong to me...

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Chapter 12:

"It's gonna be another long day" Mac said aloud to herself as she walked out to her car. It had been 2 weeks since the insemination, and she'd just gone in to Dr. Kendall's office to have blood drawn for the pregnancy test. Like the last time, they said they'd call with the results before 5:00, and like the last time, Mac wasn't sure she'd be able to keep her mind on anything else.

"Hanging in there, my love?" asked Harm when he saw Mac in the break room at JAG. She was making herself a cup of tea, which didn't satisfy her the way coffee did, but she'd given up coffee during the 2 weeks they'd been waiting, trying to be as health conscious as she could stand.

"Trying to, how about you?" she replied.

"Better than you may think" answered Harm, "of course it helps that I'll be in court all day. Gives me a lot less time to sit and think, you know?"

"Oh yes, I know" replied Mac as she took a sip of tea.

"Same as last time, they'll call sometime before 5:00?" asked Harm.

"Yeah, the sooner the better" said Mac. "Come check with me during your recess, OK?"

"Count on it" said Harm, and with a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching, he gave her a kiss before heading back to his office.

Mac spent all morning working on the defense in a Drunk and Disorderly case she was presenting the following day. Her phone had rang different 4 times, none of them were the doctor's office, but each time her heart jumped into her throat. When it rang again shortly before lunchtime, she'd gotten so used to it not being THE call that she didn't give it much thought as she picked up the receiver.

"Mackenzie" she said, still mostly paying attention to her work.

"Hi, Sarah, this is Kacie from Dr. Kendall's office" said the voice on the other end.

"Oh, hi" replied Mac, her heart once again in her throat and her full attention now focused on the call.

"Your blood test results are in, and congratulations are in order!" said Kacie, "It was a definite positive!"

"Oh, wow" said Mac, sitting back in her chair, "so the numbers are OK, they're where they should be and all that?"

"Oh yes, everything looks just great" said Kacie, "we'll need to have you come back in 2 days and we'll check again and make sure the numbers are doubling like they're supposed to, but so far things are exactly where we want them."

Mac wished she could take the news with nothing but joy and confidence, but losing the first baby had made that impossible. "Ok, well thank you so much for calling" she said, "I'll be in on Wednesday morning and we'll hope and pray the news is just as good."

"You're welcome, Sarah" said Kacie, "and again, congratulations - we're all pulling for you after what you went through last time."

After hanging up the phone, Mac sat at her desk for awhile, feeling nearly every emotion humanly possible. She was thrilled, scared, excited, terrified and nervous to name a few. "Hey, little one" she said quietly, putting her hand on her tummy, "you need to hang around, OK? Your daddy and I want you more than anything, so make yourself at home in there. Speaking of your daddy, I wonder if he's close to recess yet…" She looked out her door and saw Harm walking into his office, and she immediately stood up and headed down the hall.

When she got to his door, she didn't say anything. She stood there silently waiting for him to notice her, which took all of 5 seconds.

"Hey, Mac" he said, "Come on in. Any word yet?"

Still silent, Mac nodded her head and smiled.

"It was positive?!" asked Harm, his tone a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

"Yes" said Mac, her smile now even bigger and her eyes welling up with tears.

"Wow, I don't know what to say" responded Harm as he walked over and gave his girl a big hug. "How do you feel?"

"Surprised, scared, excited, worried, nervous, happy, you name it" said Mac, wiping her eyes.

"Does everything look OK, I mean the numbers and all?" questioned Harm.

"Kacie said everything looked great today" said Mac, "now we just have to hope things still look good on Wednesday." Her smile faded when she said that because she couldn't help but think about how she never even made it to the second blood test the last time.

"It'll be OK this time" said Harm, knowing what Mac was thinking because he was thinking it, too.

"Let's hope so" said Mac, "I already told this baby how much we want it and to make itself at home in there, so I hope he or she is listening."

_**2 days later…..**_

"Mackenzie" said Mac as she answered the call.

"Hi Sarah, it's Kacie from Dr. Kendall's office"

"Hi, Kacie" said Mac, "well, what's the verdict?" she asked, trying to keep the butterflies in her stomach under control.

"Your numbers for today are just over double from Monday" said Kacie, "which is exactly what we wanted to see."

"So everything is good so far, right?" asked Mac, the butterflies going crazy.

"Everything is great so far, we're all so excited for you!" responded Kacie.

"Thank you, we're excited too" said Mac. "When do I need to come back in?"

"Dr. Kendall wants to see you in 2 weeks." said Kacie "Would you like to schedule that right now?"

"Yeah, that'd be good" answered Mac, flipping her day planner ahead a couple of weeks.

"How about 3:30 on the 21st?" asked Kacie.

"That'll be fine" said Mac as she made a note of the appointment in her day planner.

"Ok, we'll see you then" said Kacie, "and again, congratulations to you both."

"Thank you" replied Mac, as she hung up the phone. She immediately headed to Harm's office to tell him the wonderful news, and to make sure he put their next appointment on his schedule.

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Harm saw her coming down the hall and stopped what he was doing, hoping she was headed his way with some news.

"Hey", she said when she reached his office, "get out your day planner."

"OK" said Harm, reaching for the large blue book which was sitting next to his briefcase, "what for?"

"So you can write down the date and time of our first prenatal appointment" said Mac, a humongous smile appearing on her face.

"It's really happening this time?!" asked Harm, both thrilled and dumbfounded.

"It looks that way" replied Mac, "the blood test numbers for today are just over double from Monday, and they said that's great, so it looks like this just might actually happen this time!"

They hugged each other so very tight, too excited to speak.

"Oh, I guess I should tell you when the appointment is, huh?" said Mac, realizing she hadn't done that yet.

"Yeah, that'd be good to know" said Harm with a little laugh.

"The 21st at 3:30" replied Mac.

"21st at 3:30, got it" said Harm as he jotted it in his planner, then got out a bright yellow highlighter and colored in that date block. It was going to be a big day, and they both knew it.

_A/N: See, I promised things would look up for them again! My goal is to continue posting a chapter each day, but since I'll be having surgery soon, that may slow things down a bit. Fear not though, there's no chance this story will go unfinished - eventually, I'll get it all done...._


	13. Chaprer 13

Disclaimer: None of the fine folks from JAG belong to me....

_A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I've had a rough past few days, and this is the first chance I've had to work on it. Like I promised earlier, this story will NOT go unfinished - it may take me longer than originally planned with my upcoming surgery, but it'll get done, don't worry!!!_

_Thanks to everyone who's sent well-wishes and reviews, I appreciate both so much!!!!!_

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Chapter 13:

"Good morning, my love" said Harm as he walked into Mac's office, closing the door behind himself.

"Good morning, yourself" she replied, leaning across her desk to meet his waiting lips with hers.

"Did you sleep last night?" he asked her.

"Not much" she replied, "you?"

"Probably about as much as you did" responded Harm, "guess we're a little excited about this appointment, huh?"

"Ya think, flyboy?" laughed Mac. They were indeed excited, very excited…and nervous…even a little bit afraid. So much was riding on what Dr. Kendall would find that afternoon, it was natural for them to feel everything they felt and then some.

"So, meet you at the car around 3:00?" asked Harm as he headed towards the door.

"3:00 sharp" said Mac, "until then let's try to get some work done, OK?"

"I'll try" he said, "I've got a big case due in court next week, still got tons of research to do, maybe that'll keep me busy until we have to leave."

"I hope so" said Mac as she walked over to where Harm was standing with his hand on the doorknob, "see you later", and they kissed once more before Harm left.

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_**Later that afternoon…..**_

"I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be" said Mac as they sat in the exam room waiting for Dr. Kendall. The nurse had gotten her weight already and asked her a few routine questions before showing them to the room, so now all they needed to do was wait.

"Why's that?" asked Harm

"I dunno" she said, "probably because this is all so new, and after what we've been through I think a part of me is afraid that he'll find something wrong today." She folded her hands in her lap and looked timidly down at the floor.

"Hey, remember what we said, we're thinking positive" replied Harm. "I'm nervous too, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not at all concerned that the doctor could find something wrong, but so far all the news has been good this time around, and we're going to keep believing that today will be good, too, right?"

"Right" said Mac, a little smile appearing on her face. He was right and she knew it, maybe she just needed to hear him say it.

"Hello" said Dr. Kendall as he entered the room. "How are you doing today?" he asked.

"We're good, thanks" replied Mac.

"Let me start by congratulating you both" said the doctor, "things have made a positive turn from a few months back, haven't they?"

"Indeed they have" responded Harm as he smiled at Mac, "we're optimistic that today won't be any exception to that."

"I don't see any reason why it would be" said the doctor, "all the blood work so far has been right on track, and you haven't had any complications that you know of, have you Sarah?"

"No, I haven't" replied Mac.

"Well then there's no reason to think today's news won't be just fine." said the doctor in as confident a tone as possible.

"What exactly will you be checking today?" Harm asked the doctor.

"I'll do a physical exam, make sure everything is as it should be there" said Dr. Kendall, "and I'll do an ultrasound, where we should be able to see the baby."

"Really?!" exclaimed Mac, "I didn't know we'd be able to see the baby so soon."

"Oh yeah" said the doctor, "it's not a guarantee, but most often by 6 weeks, we can see the baby. Of course it just looks like a little peanut at this stage of the game, but that'll change soon enough. Shall we get the physical exam out of the way so we can get a look at your baby?"

"Definitely!" said Mac, still amazed that they were going to get to see the baby.

Whereas he usually stood right next to Mac during all the exams, this time Harm stood back a bit, leaning against the wall and reading a poster about the different stages of pregnancy. This was the first time the exam wasn't being done under sad or painful circumstances, and while he was close enough to be right at her side if she needed him, he could sense that this time, she was fine without him.

"Very good, Sarah" said the doctor as he finished the exam, "everything appears to be just fine physically."

"Great" said Mac as she sat back up on the table, "there's one concern off my mind." Harm looked at her as if to say "don't worry, remember?", but she got the message without him saying a word. She gave him a little smile, and he gave her one in return.

"If you'll go ahead and get dressed, we'll head to the ultrasound room" said Dr. Kendall. "Just come out when you're ready, and one of my nurses will show you down the hall, OK?"

"OK, thank you" said Mac as the doctor left the room.

"Here you go, babe" said Harm as he handed Mac her clothes.

"Thanks" she said. "Can you believe we're about to see the baby?" she asked him.

"Nope, I can't" replied Harm, "but I'm excited about it, I know you are, too."

"You know me well" stated Mac as she did up the last button on her uniform jacket. "Ready?'

"Let's go" said Harm, opening the door for her.

A nurse was waiting behind a nearby desk, and showed them to a little room down the hall.

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"I've concluded something, Harm" said Mac as she once again undressed from the waist down and wrapped up in a sheet.

What's that?" he asked.

"Military uniforms and OB visits aren't a good combination" she replied.

"No, I guess not" said Harm with a little laugh, "you had to do it all up a few minutes ago just to walk down here and undo it again."

"I know it" said Mac, "maybe from now on I'll bring civvies to work on appointment days and change in the bathroom when we get here. Something a lot more easy-on-easy-off than these Marine greens."

"Oooh, easy-off, I like that thought" said Harm with a naughty little gleam in his eye. He pulled a chair over next to the table, sat down and leaned back in it with his arms crossed.

"You would" said Mac with just a touch of playfulness in her tone, "but there's nothing you can do about it here."

"I know, but I still like it" said Harm with a wink. Their banter was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

"Are we ready to have a look at this baby?" asked Dr. Kendall as he entered the room and laid Mac's chart on the counter.

"You bet we are" said Harm, beginning to feel more than a little nervous but not letting Mac know it.

"We're ready" agreed Mac, also nervous and also trying to hide it from the love of her life.

Dr. Kendall reached for a bottle of ultrasound gel. "This might be a little cold" he said to Mac, "but we keep it in a warmer so it shouldn't be as bad as you think." He then held the bottle over her abdomen and squeezed.

"Whoa!!" exclaimed Mac, "for being in a warmer, it's still pretty cold!"

"Sorry" said the doctor with a compassionate smile, "you'll get used to it here in a second." He then took the ultrasound wand in his hand, hit a couple different keys on the keyboard in front of him, and the monitor screen came to life.

"Commander, would you please flip that light switch for me?" he asked Harm, who was closest to it.

"Sure thing" replied Harm, and the room darkened.

Harm sat back in the chair and watched as the doctor moved the wand around on Mac's tummy. Everyone was silent for a few moments as the doctor got his bearings about him and began pointing things out.

"OK, here's your bladder…..your ovaries….." said Dr. Kendall, "your uterus….and….."

Harm and Mac were holding their breath….

"…your baby." The doctor held the wand in one spot and pointed to a little gray area on the screen.

"Oh my gosh" said Mac as she fought back tears.

"Would you look at that?" said Harm in joyous disbelief. He reached out for Mac's hand and kissed it gently.

"This little flicker here" said Dr. Kendall as he used a little arrow on the screen to point out what he was referring to, "that's the heartbeat."

"Oh, Harm..." said Mac, losing her battle with the tears.

"Wow…" was all Harm could say.

"Would you like to hear it?" asked the doctor.

Unable to speak through the tears, Mac simply nodded her head.

The doctor turned a knob on the panel in front of him, and the room filled with a "wooshing" sound.

"Nice and strong, a very reassuring heartbeat" said the doctor as Harm and Mac looked at each other, trying to comprehend that they were hearing their precious little one's heart, beating away inside of Mac.

"So everything looks good, doctor?" asked Harm, still holding tight to Mac's hand.

"Yes, the baby is measuring right on track, heartbeat is fantastic, everything looks just wonderful" replied Dr. Kendall. "Here you go, I know you'll want this" he said as he handed Mac a small piece of paper.

"Oh…" was all she said before she began to cry again. Harm took the paper from her, looked at it and wiped away a couple of his own tears before they could fall on the paper.

It was a picture of their baby.

_Next chapter coming as soon as possible....._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

"Ugh…" said Mac as she stood in front of the full-length mirror trying to button her skirt. She was 10-and-a-half weeks pregnant and while no one could tell by looking at her, none of her uniforms fit properly anymore. She'd taken to unfastening her skirt at her desk whenever she could get away with it, but that was getting real old real fast. "I need some maternity uniforms in the worst way" she uttered as she managed to get her skirt done up. This meant only one thing - they had to make their announcement at JAG.

-----------------------------

"Got a minute?" Mac asked Harm as she walked into his office.

"For you - always" he replied, giving her one of his warmest smiles. Knowing she was carrying his child somehow made him love her even more, something he never thought was possible since he'd loved her from the very depths of his soul from the first time he laid eyes on her, but it was possible after all.

"I know we said we'd wait until I was out of the first trimester before we made our announcement" said Mac, "but I _really_ need to order some maternity uniforms, and I can't exactly do that unless we tell everyone about the baby."

"Well, we sure can't wait any longer if you're physically uncomfortable" said Harm, "we'll do it today if you'd like, what do you think?"

"Today is fine with me" said Mac, "besides, I'm only a week-and-a-half away from the end of the first trimester, I think we've waited long enough."

"Yeah, I think so, too" replied Harm. "How do you want to tell everyone?" There were several possibilities, he wanted to give her first say in how they went about it.

"Well, we should definitely tell the General ourselves, first and in private" she said. "After that, assuming we make it out of his office with our sixes still intact, we can call everyone else into the bullpen and tell them. Sound OK?"

"Sure, I can't think of anything better" said Harm, "and you're right, we'll be in enough hot water with the General when we tell him ourselves, there's no way we can chance him hearing it through the grapevine."

"Indeed not" said Mac, picturing the tirade that General Creswell would likely unleash on them as it were.

"OK then, let's do it today, a few minutes before quitting time" said Harm, and he gave Mac a hug and kiss before she returned to her office.

-------------------------------------

"Enter" they heard General Creswell call from behind his office door.

"You ready for this?" Harm asked Mac as they readied themselves to step into the line of fire.

"I sure am" she replied. "Well, not really ready for the third degree we'll no doubt receive, but am I ready to tell the world that you and I are having a baby together? You bet I am." The smile on her face made his heart skip a beat. It always did.

"Yeah, me too, Mac" said Harm, "I want the whole world to know." With that, they went to face the music.

"At ease" said the General, "what can I do for you two?"

"Well sir", said Harm, "there's something that we need to talk to you about."

"Very well, what is it?" asked the General, still busy behind his desk and not fully paying Harm or Mac any attention.

"Sir" said Mac, "the Commander and I are having a baby." No dragging it out, no beating around the bush, she just laid it all out in one simple statement.

"Excuse me?!" said Creswell, now paying complete attention to the officers standing in front of him.

"That's right , sir" said Harm, "Colonel Mackenzie and I are expecting a baby." By now they were both really nervous, but it felt good to have the announcement over with.

"Let me get this straight" said a very annoyed General, "two of my best lawyers, lawyers who've both prosecuted numerous military personnel in fraternization cases, are having a baby together?!"

"Yes, sir" said Mac.

"What the hell's the matter with you two?!?" exclaimed the General. "Do you realize the trouble you've caused with your idiotic act of passionate indiscretion?!"

Mac could feel her blood beginning to boil at the way the General was speaking to them. Harm, sensing this, stepped in and handled the matter.

"With all due respect, Sir" he said, "it wasn't like that at all. This pregnancy is something we both wanted very much, and we went through a lot to make it happen, including losing our first baby through miscarriage, and undergoing medical intervention to conceive this one. This didn't arise from any, as you put it, 'passionate indiscretion'."

"'Mm-hmm", replied a still irate General, "and just what do you propose we do regarding the rules you've both broken in your quest to procreate?!"

"Well sir, that's your decision" said Harm, doing a remarkable job of keeping his cool, "but we love each other very much, we want this baby more than anyone could possibly know, and we don't regret our actions or choices."

"I see" muttered Creswell. "Have you told anyone else about this?"

"Not yet, sir, we felt you should know first" said Mac, "but we plan to make an announcement to the rest of the office as soon as you're finished with us in here." She had calmed down a tiny bit, but was still ready to clobber the General for his harsh comments.

"I have a lot of thinking to do here and I don't know what my decision will ultimately be", said the General. "On a professional, military level, I'm required to be aghast at this situation. This kind of thing - a sexual relationship between two officers within the same chain of command - goes against every reg in the book."

"Yes, sir, we know - " said Harm.

"I'm not finished, Commander!" interrupted the General.

"Sorry, sir" said Harm.

"On a personal level, however" continued Creswell, "I've suspected you two were an item for awhile now, and while I can't say I understand why you two would purposely set out to have a baby together right now, I believe every baby is an enormous blessing from God, and congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, sir" said Mac, completely shocked that Major General Gordon Creswell, a man whom she felt had been out to get her from his first day as the new JAG, had just offered her congratulations.

"Yes, sir, thank you, sir" said Harm, "that means a lot to us."

"Now, get out there and shock the rest of JAG like you did me, that's an order!" said the General.

"Aye Aye, sir" answered Harm.

"One more thing before you leave" said the General. Harm and Mac anxiously turned around.

"Please accept my belated sympathies on the loss of your first baby. I didn't know any of that was happening or had happened, and I know that must have been very difficult to come in and work each day all the while dealing with your loss."

"That's very kind of you sir, thank you" said Mac, feeling a sense of compassion towards Creswell that she'd never felt in all her days.

"Well, that could have gone a lot worse, don't you think?" Mac asked Harm as they headed towards the bullpen.

"Oh yeah, could've been a whole lot worse" agreed Harm. "We're not out of hot water yet, but hopefully the fact that he offered us congratulations and sympathy means he won't throw the book at us."

"We can hope" said Mac as they reached the bullpen. "You wanna call everyone's attention?"

"Unless you want to" answered Harm.

"No, I'll let you have this honor" replied Mac.

"OK, here goes nothing. Can I have everyone's attention, please?" he said as he stood in the center of the bullpen. People stopped what they were doing and gathered around, not possibly knowing what Harm was about to say.

"The Colonel and I have an announcement to make" said Harm.

"Oh, I bet I know what it is…." said Coates giddilyunder her breath.

"Oh, I bet you don't, Petty officer" whispered Mac, who was near enough to Coates to hear her.

"Sorry, ma'am" said Coates quietly, a bit embarrassed.

"This will undoubtedly come as a shock to most of you" continued Harm, "but Colonel Mackenzie and I are expecting a baby."

Silence. Total, utter silence.

Coates was the first of the crowd to say anything. "Wow, sir, ma'am, that's such a surprise! I mean we all knew you two were 'together' and all, but a baby, that's a big surprise - a great one, but still, wow!"

"How did everyone know we were 'together'" asked Mac, a little surprised.

"With all due respect, ma'am" said Coates, "that kind of love can't be hidden. We all just chose to look the other way and not say anything, you know, it's against regs and all, but take it from me, we were all thrilled when you finally got together."

"Well, thank you, Petty officer" said Mac, "I guess you're right, this kind of love is hard to hide, but not half as hard to hide as my pregnant belly will be within another 4 weeks."

"Would the Colonel like me to requisition some maternity uniforms?" asked Coates, very eager to help.

"Yes, I would" answered Mac, "these are already getting really tight. I've been unfastening my skirts at my desk, but even that won't work much longer."

"I'll get right on that, ma'am" replied Coates, "and congratulations to you and the Commander. I know you'll both make wonderful parents."

"Thanks, Petty officer" said Harm, stepping into the conversation.

"Sir?" asked Coates

"Yes?"

"Any chance I'll get to baby sit?" she asked.

"I'm sure you will, Jen" answered Harm, "but that's a long ways off yet, the baby's not due until September."

"Oh, I know, sir" said Coates with a smile, "I just wanted to put my request in early is all." With that, she left to go start the paperwork necessary to order Mac's maternity uniforms.

"We've got a babysitter" laughed Harm as he and Mac walked back towards their offices, "two actually, you know Mattie will jump at any opportunity to help."

"She sure will" replied Mac, "she was so excited when we told her she's going to be a big sister, wasn't she?"

"Very" said Harm, as they both thought back to a couple evenings earlier. They'd taken her out for pizza and ice cream, then after they got back to Harm's apartment, they shared the big news. Mattie squealed with excitement, ran around the room a few times, then stopped to give Harm a super tight hug, and Mac a not-so-tight one, on account of the pregnancy.

"Yep, we've got two great babysitters, now all we need is the baby" said Harm as he put his hand on Mac's little bulge of a belly.

"Only 6-and-a-half more months to go….." said Mac, reaching down to touch Harm's strong hand with hers.

"I love you, Harm" said Mac.

"I love you, _two" _said Harm, and he smiled at his girl.

_-------------------------------------------------_


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: None of the characters from JAG belong to me....

_A/N: Once again, I apologize for the delay in posting the new chapter. Aside from my own health issues right now and my own impending infertility surgery, my grandmother very severely injured her eye the other night, and my whole family has spent all week dealing with that. She may be blind in thay eye, she may even lose it and end up with a glass eye, it's that severe and it's taken up all my free time. However, it was nice to come home tonight and lose myself in writing, so here's the latest, I hope you like it. Oh yes, as far as there not actually being any fraternization improperities with Harm and Mac being together (see the reviews for details on that- thanks, Lindy!!!) , I didn't know that, so for the purposes of this story, we'll say it's technically a no-no for them to date. I'm still working on what Creswell's decision will be..._

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Chapter 15:

"How's my girl today?' asked Harm, peeking his head into Mac's office.

"Fine" she replied, "a little nauseous, but I'm quite used to that part now." She was 14 weeks along, and while she'd read that morning sickness usually lets up around the start of the second trimester, she wasn't among the members of that blessed statistic.

"Can I get you anything - ginger ale, saltines?" asked Harm, wishing he could take away every ounce of her queasiness.

"No thanks, I've got plenty of goodies stashed in here." She opened her lower right desk drawer to reveal a sundry of crackers, carbonated drinks, hard candies and the like.

"I'd say so - you could open a snack bar outta there!" laughed Harm.

"Watch it, flyboy!" said Mac, "I may be pregnant, but I can still drop-kick your six into the middle of next week!"

"_Whoa - hormone alert!" _Harm thought to himself. "I'm sure you could, Mac, there's no doubt in my mind about that. I'm gonna go get some work done, you know where to find me if you need anything."

"Uh-huh" said Mac as she leaned her head back to kiss him. They still tried very hard to maintain proper office decorum, but since everyone knew about their relationship and about the baby, they didn't worry quite so much about the occasional, discreet show of affection.

"Hey, our final appointment with Dr. Kendall is this Friday, right?" asked Harm on his way out the door.

"Yep, it is" replied Mac. "Hard to believe it's been this long already."

"I know" said Harm, "it's going by fast."

It really was.

--------------------------------

"Finally, it's Friday" said Mac as she got dressed. It had been a long week work-wise, made longer by the anticipation of their final appointment with the doctor who'd helped make their dream a reality. Mac was looking forward to being released from Dr. Kendall's care into the capable charge of her OB/GYN, Dr. Mianni. She adored Dr. Kendall, but she felt that once she was released and was only seeing Dr. Mianni, she might begin to feel like a "normal" pregnant woman.

"Knock, knock" said a familiar voice at her apartment door.

"In here, babe" called Mac. Harm was there to pick her up for the appointment, which was early in the day, and they'd go to work from there.

"Good morning, beautiful" said Harm as he walked into Mac's bathroom and kissed her on the back of her neck. "Good morning, little one" he added, bending down to kiss Mac's belly. Mac loved it when he did that. She couldn't wait for the day when she'd get to see him with the baby, she knew it'd be magical.

"Let's go, I don't wanna be late" said Mac as she took Harm's hand and headed towards the front door.

"Yes, ma'am!" said Harm, smiling at how adorable his lady love looked in her maternity uniform. He felt as if he'd been waiting forever to see that, and now that it was actually right before his eyes, it was just as wonderful as he'd always known it would be.

----------------------------------------

Their appointment wentvery well. Dr. Kendall did all the usual stuff and one last ultrasound, as much for Harm and Mac's enjoyment as anything, and to give them another little photo for the baby book. They had become one of his very favorite couples, and while he was a little sad to see them go, he was overjoyed that the pregnancy was going so well and that the time had come to release Mac's care to Dr. Mianni.

"We can't thank you enough for all you did for us" said Harm as the appointment drew to an end.

"It was my pleasure, Commander" replied the doctor, "you and Sarah have been through a lot, and you surely deserve this."

"Thank you for everything" said Mac with a tear in her eye.

"You're very welcome, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall. "Promise me you'll stop by with the baby, OK?"

"Count on it" said Mac. With that, she and Harm headed down the hall to check out one last time. When they were finished, they decided to take the elevator up to Dr. Mianni's office and make their 16-week appointment with her. Dr. Kendall had faxed all of Mac's records over already, so they didn't run into any problems setting things up. With all that settled, it was time to head to work.

-----------------------------------------

"Hey Bud, come here" said Harm as he walked past Bud in the bullpen.

"Sure, sir" replied Bud as he followed Harm into his office. "Can I help you with anything?"

"No, I want to show you something" replied Harm, pulling the ultrasound photo from that morning out of his briefcase, where he'd put it for safe keeping. He looked at it again for just a moment, smiled, and handed it to Bud.

"Wow, sir" said Bud as he looked at the photo, "that's so cool. I remember when Harriet was pregnant with all of our kids, and these were always some of our favorite times, ultrasound days."

"Yeah, it's so amazing that we get to watch our kids grow from the very beginning" said Harm proudly. "I'm really looking forward to the later ones where it'll actually look like a baby and not some obscure ink pattern."

"Oh yes" replied Bud, "the ones where you can make out the arms and legs and everything, those are even more amazing than I can tell you."

"Fatherhood is really something you have to experience to understand, isn't it?" Harm asked.

"Definitely, sir" replied Bud, "and I know you'll find it one of the best experiences of your whole life."

"I know it will be" said Harm. "Aside from finally making Mac the center of my life, it's the one thing I feel I've waited all my life to do." Bud smiled and nodded, he totally knew what Harm was talking about.

Bud handed the ultrasound picture back to Harm, and Harm looked at it once more before taking it down the hall so Mac could show it off to all the girls.

"Here you go, babe" he said as he laid the picture on her desk.

"Oh, thanks" she replied, "did you get to show it to Bud?"

"Yep, I did" answered Harm, "he thought it was cool."

"It is cool" said Mac, "in so many wonderful ways." She looked at Harm and smiled.

"_Gosh, she's just too gorgeous for words…." _he thought to himself.

"Hey, how about we go out tonight?" asked Harm. "Nothing fancy, just a nice dinner maybe?"

"That sounds wonderful" replied Mac, "where do you wanna go?"

"Your choice" he said, knowing that she was somewhat limited in the things she could tolerate eating, smelling, watching someone else eat, etc…

"How about that new salad bar place?" suggested Mac. It was totally unlike her to want a meal made up of "rabbit food", but since she'd been pregnant, it tasted really good.

"I'm in" said Harm, secretly thrilled that for once she didn't want to take him to a steakhouse or a burger place. "We'll go home and change after work, and I'll pick you up around 6:15, OK?"

"Consider it a date" said Mac. With that, they kissed one another before Harm made his way back down the hall. Mac watched as he left, and thought to herself that he was without a doubt the most wonderful man on earth….and he was _hers_.

-------------------------------------------

Harm arrived at Mac's place shortly after 6:00. It wasn't like him to be early, but once in awhile, he surprised everyone, including himself.

"You're early" said Mac as she let him in, "I'm not quite ready yet." She'd done her make-up and hair, but was wearing her bathrobe as she was having a hard time finding something to wear that she actually felt comfortable in.

"I take this to mean we need to get you some dressy-casual maternity clothes, huh?" said Harm as he sat on the edge of Mac's bed and watched her flip through her closet.

"I think it does" replied Mac. "I've got a few things, but nothing really jumps out at me tonight for some reason."

"You look beautiful in everything, so just choose whatever you feel like wearing, and it'll be fine" said Harm, trying to help her out. Mac went back through her clothes again, and chose a long, cotton dress with an empire waist. It wasn't a maternity dress, but it was roomy enough that it would fit her and she'd be comfortable, so she went with it.

"I guess this will do" she said as she took it off the hanger.

"It'll do nicely" said Harm, "it's really pretty, I like it."

"Thanks" said Mac as she stepped into it.

"I'll get that" said Harm as he stood up to help Mac with the zipper on the back of her dress. She could usually get it herself, but being the gentleman he was, he decided she needed help. He zipped the dress, then leaned down and kissed the back of her neck, ever-so-softly.

"What was that for?" asked Mac, her tone one of pleasant surprise.

"For being you" answered Harm as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the back of her neck again. "You get more beautiful every day, Mac, and I love you so much, I want you to know that."

Mac turned around to face Harm, his arms still wrapped around her. "I love you so much, too" she said, "and I'm so glad we're having this baby." She put her arms around him and looked into his eyes.

He leaned down and gave her a long, tender kiss. He was completely lost in the moment until he felt her hands move from the middle of his back down to his waist and begin untucking his shirt.

"Mac…." he whispered, "are you sure?"

"Mm-hmm" she said quietly as she started unbuttoning his shirt.

"The baby…?" questioned Harm.

"Baby's fine" answered Mac as she toyed with his belt buckle.

"I just don't wanna hurt either of you" said Harm softly. They hadn't done anything since Mac got pregnant, and even though Dr. Kendall had assured them it was just fine, he was really concerned.

"You won't, I promise" whispered Mac. "I'll tell you if it hurts at all, OK?"

Harm nodded his head, "OK." He was still concerned, but after all, the doctor did say it was fine, and they hadn't had a moment this passionate in a long time.

He unzipped the dress Mac had just put on, and let it fall to the floor. "Wow, you're so beautiful" he said to her as he laid back on the bed and she stood before him, clothed only in her lingerie, her condition far more obvious than when she was clothed.

"Thank you" she said quietly as she slid into bed next to him and began kissing him like the world was ending at the stroke of midnight.

"You know," said Harm softly, temporarily breaking away from the kiss, "this means 2 things."

"What are they?" asked Mac.

"One, we're gonna miss dinner" he said.

"We'll get dinner later, don't worry" said Mac. "What's the other?"

"For once" he answered, "you actually have an excuse to be on top."

"You bet I do, flyboy" she replied, and as her nearly bare body straddled his, they picked up where that amazing kiss had left off.

Afterwards, they laid in Mac's bed, wrapped up in her silky satin sheets.

"I can't wait till we can feel the baby move" said Harm as he gently rubbed his hand on Mac's tummy.

"I know, me either" she replied. "I should be able to feel it in another 6 weeks or so, give or take a week."

"How long till I'll be able to feel it?" asked Harm.

"I'm not sure, shouldn't be much after I do" answered Mac. "We can sit on the couch in the evenings and just feel the baby move, doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Yeah, it does" answered Harm, "it'll just seem so much more real I think, right?"

"Oh, believe me" said Mac, "when I'm throwing my breakfast up or trying to find clothes that fit me, it's very real!"

"I know, babe, I wish I could take away all your discomfort" said Harm.

"I know if it was possible, you'd do it in a second" replied Mac, "just one of the reasons I love you so much."

Harm kissed her atop her head, "I love you, too."

"How about we get dressed and go find someplace to have dinner?" said Mac, "your child and I are starving."

"Sounds good to me" replied Harm, "where do you want to go?"

"The baby wants a sub sandwich" said Mac with a smile.

"Oh boy, the kid's minus 6 months old and already making dinner requests" laughed Harm, "we're in trouble!"

"Yeah, we are" said Mac, "but it's gonna be so totally worth it."

_A/N: I thought we needed some extra-special romance in this chapter. Next chapter coming as soon as I can get it done!!_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

"We have to decide, Harm," said a frustrated Mac as they ate lunch together outside the JAG building, "the appointment's in an hour."

"I know it is" replied Harm, "I'm still not sure what I wanna do is all." They'd been having the "do we find out the sex of the baby or not" debate for the past month. They agreed that they had to be united on whatever the final decision, but that was as far as agreement had gotten them.

"Well, I'd like to find out just because it'll be easier to choose a nursery theme and shop for baby clothes" said Mac, "but if you don't want to find out, I don't want to force it on you."

"I know, babe" said Harm, " I understand what you're saying and I want you to be happy, I just can't help but feel like the delivery will be more special if we don't already know what we're having."

"Harm, you're talking about the birth of our first child, it's going to be special regardless of if we know the sex or not" replied Mac.

"Well, of course it is, but it'd be really amazing to hear the 'it's a boy!' or 'it's a girl!' as soon as the baby's born" said Harm. "I guess I've just always pictured it happening that way."

"Always?" asked Mac. "Just how long is 'always'?"

"From the moment I knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together" answered Harm. "I've been dreaming about this day for so long, Mac, about how exciting it'll be, how I'll be right beside you no matter how many hours it takes, about how exciting it'll be to find out if we have a son or a daughter…" Harm's words trailed off as he began to choke up.

"Oh…." said Mac, also choked up at the mental picture Harm had painted. "That's it then, we're waiting."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sure" she answered. "I want it to be just the way you've imagined it. I didn't realize it was something you'd put so much thought into for so long, and there's no way I'll let the convenience of buying the right color of sleepers and caps a few months early take that away from you - from us."

"Thanks, Mac" said Harm, a few tears still visible in his deep blue eyes. "Finish your lunch, we don't wanna be late for the appointment."

"Definitely not" answered Mac, sniffling just a bit. "Even though we're not finding out the sex, it'll still be great to see the baby."

"Yeah, maybe it'll actually look like a baby this time" said Harm "I'm still waiting for that to happen!"

"It _does _look like a baby, Harm, you just need some practice at shadow recognition is all" said Mac as she finished the last bite of her sandwich.

"Yeah, maybe so, but you've gotta admit those pictures aren't easy to figure out" replied Harm.

"Come along, my dear" said Mac, choosing to avoid another discussion on ultrasound pictures and how impossible they were to make sense of, "time to go."

"OK, OK…" said Harm with a smile, and the two of them headed for the car.

---------------------------------------------------

"Hello Sarah, Harm" said Dr. Mianni as she entered and held out her hand to each of them. They'd talked about how it was funny that Dr. Kendall had always referred to Harm as "Commander" but had called Mac by her first name, and Dr. Mianni called them both by their first names. Just went to show that each doctor is different.

"How are you both today?" asked the doctor.

"We're doing good" replied Mac, "we'd been stressing over whether or not we wanted to find out the sex of the baby, but we finally reached a resolution on that matter, so we're good."

"I see, and what did you decide?" asked Dr. Mianni.

"We don't wanna find out" answered Harm. "We'd rather wait until the delivery, make it an even more special day." He looked over at Mac and smiled.

"That's fine, whatever you two are comfortable with is fine with me" said the doctor. "Most folks nowadays want to know as soon as possible, but I think there's something to be said for not finding out. Like you said, it makes the delivery just a little bit more special."

"It'll be special no matter what, but yeah, we think waiting is the right thing for us" said Mac.

"Well, we don't need to wait any longer to get started here, are you ready?" asked the doctor as she reached for the bottle of ultrasound gel.

"Very" answered Mac, "go for it." Harm stepped over next to the table and took Mac's hand as she laid back.

The doctor squeezed the warm-yet-somehow-still-cold gel onto Mac's tummy and moved the wand around until she found her place.

"Harm, could you get the lights, please?" she asked. He reached around behind himself and flipped the switch.

"Ok…let's see here….." said Dr. Mianni as she slowly moved the wand. "Let's get some measurements of a few things…." Harm and Mac watched contently, still amazed that they were seeing their baby.

"Well" said the doctor, "if you did want to know the sex, I've got a very good idea as to what it is, but I'm not going to tell you."

"That's right, don't tell us!" said Mac. "It was too hard to come to a decision on that, and we finally did, and we're sticking to it!"

"Indeed" echoed Harm, "don't even give us a hint of a clue of what it is, please!"

"Don't worry, I'm very good at keeping secrets" said Dr. Mianni with a smile.

She continued moving the wand around, taking measurements and pictures, and towards the end she got one that was just amazing.

"Oh, look here guys" she said pointing to the screen, which she'd frozen for a moment. Harm and Mac looked to where the doctor was pointing.

"Hey, it's a hand!!" said Harm excitedly.

"Yes, it is" said the doctor, "pretty neat, huh?"

"And you thought you'd never be able to make out anything on these ultrasounds" Mac said to Harm, herself in awe at seeing such a clear and perfect image of her child's hand on the screen.

"Well, I can make out things when they're that obvious!" said Harm with a huge smile.

"I'll print you a copy of this shot, I know you'll want it" said the doctor.

"Thanks" said Mac, "we've got a nice little collection of these already in the baby book."

"Something you'll treasure forever" said Dr. Mianni.

"We sure will" replied Harm, thrilled that he finally saw something recognizable. He thought about how wonderful it was to see that tiny little hand and to know that in another 4-and-a-half months, he'd get to hold it in his own. He couldn't wait.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Same as before....

_A/N: I'll get as much done as I can before my cousin comes to town this week to help take care of our grandma, and hopefully I can get a little done between her visit and my surgery. It'll be so good to see her, she went through almost exactly the same infertility struggles as I did - miscarriage, endometriosis, ectopic pregnancy, the works.It's a bond we wish we didn't share, but since we do, we cherish it._

_I had alot of fun writing this chapter, I hope you like it!!_

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Chapter 17:

"This is gonna be so much fun!" said Mac as they walked hand-in-hand towards Babies-R-Us.

"I think this is gonna be a lot of hard work" said Harm. They were going to spend the afternoon registering for baby gifts, and he had a feeling that it wasn't going to be quite as much fun as Mac was envisioning, but he was still quite excited.

"How will it be hard work?" she asked him.

"Mac, we've been in here before to buy gifts for Bud and Harriet's babies, and the place is huge!" answered Harm. "They've got 15 different models of everything, more than that of some things, and it's pretty overwhelming."

"It can be, yes" replied Mac, "but not if you've done your own research and you know what to look for."

"Let me guess" said Harm as he smiled at Mac, "you've done your own research?"

"You bet I have" she said, " and with a few exceptions, I pretty much know what I want."

"Well, that makes me feel better" said Harm as they neared the service desk, "as long as you know what you want, at least we'll have some direction and not wander aimlessly through this place."

They sat down at the service desk, and an employee came over to help them

"Hi, welcome to Babies-R-Us" she said, "are you starting a gift registry today?"

"Yes, we are" said Mac. "What do we need to do?"

"I'll need to get some information from you to put into the computer", said the employee, "and then I'll explain to you how the registry works and you can get started."

"Ok, great" said Mac.

"Alright, what is your first name?" she asked Mac.

"Sarah"

"Last name?"

"Mackenzie"

"Is that 'Mc' or 'Mac'?"

"Mac"

"Your due date?"

"September 12, 2005"

"Would you like the father's name on here also, that way folks can search under either name?"

"Definitely"

"OK, his first name?"

"Harmon"

"Last name?"

"Rabb"

"Do you have a theme picked out for the nursery, or any info that folks may find helpful in choosing a gift for your baby, colors you really like, etc…?"

"Hmmm……. well, we don't know what we're having, so neutral colors would be best."

"OK, would you like your registry to be available on our website or only in-store?"

Harm stepped in and helped with this one. "It has to be online, I've got family out in California who'll kill me if they have to go into the store every time they want to see the registry." He thought back to the night he told his mom and Frank that they were going to be grandparents. His mom was over-the-moon excited, and she made it clear to him that she wanted to know everything he and MAc chose for the baby so she could get as much of it as she wanted to.

"Oh yes, definitely online and in-store" said Mac, "I think it's better that way anyway, gives people a chance to look at it whenever they want to."

The girl behind the desk entered the last bit of Harm and Mac's information into the computer, and handed them a scanner gun. "Have you used one of these before?" she asked them.

"No, never" said Harm as he looked at it with great curiosity.

"Well, it's very simple" said the girl, "all you do is choose an item you want to place on your registry, and scan the barcode on the shelf with this. The item number will appear in the screen, and you'll be asked to enter the quantity desired. Once you do that, press enter, and move onto the next item, it's really easy."

"I'm sure between the two of us, we can figure it out" said Mac, laughing a bit at the way Harm was mesmerized by the scanner.

"You're all set then" said the girl, "just let any one of us know if we can help you with anything."

"We will, thank you" said Harm.

"Ok babe, where do we start?" he asked Mac as they left the service desk.

"Let's start with the smaller things and work our way up" she replied.

"So over there with the bibs and such I guess?' asked Harm.

"That's fine, yeah" said Mac, and they walked in that direction.

"You know what you want, so you need to go ahead of me and point it out so I can scan it" said Harm.

"Oh, and just who says you get to do the scanning?" asked Mac with a teasing intonation to her voice.

"Isn't that how it works - the mother picks everything out and the father scans it?" said Harm, teasing her back.

"No, flyboy, it's not 'how it works'" said Mac, "but since it's so important to you, you can have the dubious honor of scanning each and every single little thing I choose."

"Thanks, my love" said Harm, thoroughly enjoying himself.

Mac started eyeballing the wall with the bibs on it. "One of those…….those…….that one……a couple of those…. oh, this one is too cute" she said, referring to a white bib with a yellow teddy bear on it.

"Are we really gonna need that many bibs?" asked Harm, "we're only having one baby, and we've got enough bibs chosen here to go around a football team!"

"Spoken like a man who's never been around a baby!" laughed Mac. "You have no idea how many bibs we'll go through in a day, babe."

"I'll take your word for it" said Harm as he shook his head. They were about to move away from the bibs when he spotted one _he_ really liked.

"Oh, we've gotta have this one, Mac" he said, pointing to a white terry-cloth bib with blue gingham trim and a red anchor on it.

Mac chuckled, "sure, we can add that one if you like it, that's fine." Harm scanned the barcode beneath the anchor bib, entered "1" for quantity, and caught up with Mac, who was already on the next aisle over.

"Wow, Mac, I had no idea there were this many baby bottles to choose from!" said Harm as he got a look at the endless rows of bottles. All different shapes, sizes, colors, styles - it was almost unreal. "Do you know what you want?"

"Yep, these" she said, picking up a Playtex Nurser set. "I did a ton of research on which ones are best to use while breastfeeding, and these were always on the list."

"Really? Wonder why?" asked Harm.

"They're supposed to very closely resemble breastfeeding, so the baby doesn't have a hard time switching back and forth" said Mac. "Plus I'll be able to pump and freeze milk into the liners that go in these, which will make it easy for whoever ends up making the bottles - just thaw it out and pop it in."

"OK, cool" said Harm, "which ones do you want and how many?"

"Lemme see, one of the boxed sets, two of the 4 ounce ones, two of the 8 ounce ones…" said Mac.

" What about extra pieces and parts" asked Harm.

"Umm… 2 packages of newborn size nipples, 2 packages of the next size up, and….. two boxes of 4 ounce liners" said Mac. "That should get us started."

"I think it will" said Harm. "What about these?" he asked, pointing to the breast pumps.

"I'm still deciding on that" said Mac. "We'll probably just end up buying that ourselves once I choose one."

"Ok, that's fine" said Harm, "you're the one who has to be happy with it, I have no say in that one at all!"

"Well, if you had any thoughts on it, I'd of course listen", said Mac, "but somehow I can't see you comparing breast pumps and shopping around for one with all the important features."

Harm laughed a bit, "well, no, but if you do want any help with it, just say the word."

"I know, babe, you're so good to me." replied Mac as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

They proceeded from there to the strollers, something Harm actually _did _have an opinion on.

"OK, Mac" he said, "here's the thing: I don't care what color the stroller is or what it looks like, all I ask is that the handle is high enough that I don't have to hunch over to use it."

"Oh, I agree completely" said Mac, "we have to get one with an adjustable handle."

"Have you found any with that?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, there are a couple, lemme find them…" she said as she walked along the row of display models.

"Here, come try this one" she said, pointing to a nice-looking hunter green and navy blue plaid stroller. Harm walked over, took it down from the shelf, and tried it on for size.

"Yeah, that's pretty good" he said, " on anything except the highest level it's too short for me, but the highest level is just about right."

"Ok, cool" said Mac, "try this one, too." Harm put the plaid stroller back on the shelf and took down a khaki-colored one with rocking horses on it. He played with the handle height, trying each level as he had with the plaid one.

"I think I like the other one a little better" he said, "even on this highest level I have to hunch over some, and I don't like that."

"Ok, we'll go with the first one" said Mac. Harm scanned the plaid stroller before they moved on to the car seats.

"Are we just getting the infant seat for now, or should we look at bigger seats, too?" Harm asked.

"For now, we'll just get the infant seat" said Mac, "but when the baby is about 6 months old, we'll need to look for a bigger seat, just to make sure we have it when the baby outgrows the infant seat, either by getting to big or too long for it."

"Sounds good" said Harm. "Which ones of these do you like?"

"I want one that has the base that stays in the car so we don't have to strap the seat in every time" she said, "and we can get an extra base so we'll each have one."

"Ok, well, this one here has that" said Harm, "and this one, that one, and that one."

"I also want one with a 5-point harness instead of the straps that just go over the baby's shoulders" said Mac. "I just feel they're a little more secure."

"Ok, that narrows it to one of these three" said Harm, taking down the display models so they could try them out. They messed around with the handles, the harnesses, putting it into and taking it out of the base, checked to see whether the covers were washable, and got an overall feel for which one they liked the best.

"Let's get this one" said Mac, choosing a navy blue seat with a blue and yellow striped pattern on the cover.

"Ok" said Harm as he scanned it. "You want an extra base, too, right?"

"Yeah, it'll be easiest if we each have one in our car" she replied. He scanned the base, and they moved onto the next aisle.

They spent 4 hours walking through the store, carefully choosing everything from bibs and bottles to a crib and dresser. The most confusing item of all proved to be the crib bedding. Not knowing whether they were having a boy or a girl made it very hard to choose.

"I like this one" said Mac, pointing to a brightly colored comforter with jungle animals on it.

"It'd be fine for a boy, but not a girl" said Harm. "What about this one?" He pointed to a light denim comforter with primary colored balloons on it.

"I think that'd be good for a girl, but not a boy" said Mac with a little laugh. "We're not having much luck here!"

"We'll find something" said Harm, "there are only about a hundred of these things to choose from here." They continued looking, each of them disliking everything the other one chose, until Harm spotted one that was just perfect.

"Hey, what about this Pooh one?" he asked, pointing to a white comforter with a scene on it comprised of Pooh and all his friends having a picnic in the Hundred Acre Wood.

"Oh, I love it!" said Mac, "and it'll be great for either a boy or a girl!"

"Hallelujah, we've done it!" joked Harm as he scanned the Pooh bedding set. From there they chose some blankets, bath towels and the like, and then it was time to look at clothes, which again would be a challenge.

"How totally adorable!" squealed Mac as she picked up a tiny little pink sleeper with a kitten on it.

"We can't register for that, Mac" said Harm.

"Sure we can" said Mac. "We've got a 50/50 chance of having a girl."

"We've also got a 50/50 chance of having a boy" said Harm, "and it goes without saying that no son of ours is going to wear _that_!"

"Tell you what" said Mac, "how about we each pick 1 thing for a boy and 1 for a girl, and the rest will be gender neutral?"

"Ok, I guess that'll work" said Harm. "We'll just keep the tags on everything we get until after the baby is born, and we'll return what we can't use."

"We wouldn't _have_ to return it" said Mac. "We could just pack it away and…." her voice trailing off into silence.

"… and what, Mac?" asked Harm.

"…and use it for the next baby."

Harm stood there speechless. They'd been through so much to get pregnant with this baby, they'd never talked about having another one.

"You….you actually want to go through all that again, all the fertility stuff?" he asked her.

"If that's what it takes for us to have more children, absolutely." answered Mac.

"Wow, Mac" said Harm, "I had no idea you wanted more children."

"Do you…. not want any more?" asked Mac, a look of uncertainty on her face.

"Are you kidding, Mac?!" Harm exclaimed. "I want as many as we're able to have, be it just this one or 10 more. For as long as I've known and loved you, you're the only woman I've ever imagined being the mother of my children, and if you're willing to go through everything it may take for us to have more, you know I'll be right beside you again, just like this time."

Mac smiled and brushed away a tear. "I love you so much, Harm" she said.

"I love you too, Mac" he replied, "and you" he added, putting his hand on her tummy. "Let's finish up here and go to the grocery store, I'll make us something special for dinner."

"That sounds great, I'm getting hungry" said Mac.

"Does our child have any special menu requests tonight?" joked Harm, referring to the many times Mac has craved a certain food and blamed it on the baby.

"No, not tonight" she said, "it's daddy's choice."

Harm smiled, he just loved that word, "_daddy"._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: 24 weeks

_A/N: I know they didn't actually start dating after Mac's surgery last May, but for the sake of this story, we'll say they did. Remember, we're also keeping with the premise that it's against regulations for them to be together._

Harm laid awake in bed for a long while. He'd awakened at 4:00 a.m. and just couldn't get back to sleep. Usually, he'd sleep late on Saturday mornings and then get up and go for a long run, but this was no ordinary Saturday morning.

---------------------------

"Hey, you look great" he said to Mac as she opened her apartment door and let him in. He had a key of his own, but he loved the first glimpse he got of her every time she opened the door, so he never used his key.

"Thanks, so do you, babe" she said as he leaned down to kiss her. She was wearing one of the outfits he'd helped her pick out when they'd gone shopping a few weeks earlier. It was a light purple maternity top with a pair of black maternity Capri pants that had pinstripes in the same shade of purple as the top. On her feet were low-heel black sandals. He had on Khaki slacks, a sapphire blue button-down shirt, and brown loafers. To say they were a very well-dressed couple that day would've been an understatement.

"Ready to go?" he asked her.

"Yep, all set, just let me grab a bottle of water" she replied.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked her as they left the parking lot.

"Oh, yeah" she replied, "I'm really looking forward to meeting your mom and Frank!"

"I know you are" he said, "I just want you to be prepared for my mom to say anything, and I do mean _anything_! Nothing is off-limits with her, I just want you to be ready is all."

"Harm, I'm a lawyer, I deal with all kinds of people and all kinds of situations. I think I can handle my boyfriend's mother" said Mac with a little laugh.

Harm laughed back, "I'm sure you can, I just don't want you to be caught off-guard."

"Understood, babe, understood." replied Mac as she put her hand on his knee.

"I know she'll want to take you shopping for baby things" said Harm, "and there's no use in trying to talk her out of it. She made it very clear when I told her you were pregnant that she was going to spoil this baby rotten, and there wasn't anything we could do about it."

"I think it'll be fun to shop with her" said Mac. "Besides, the more _she_ buys, the less _we_ have to buy - try to look at the bright side!"

"Oh, I hear you" replied Harm, "but she's been waiting a very long time to get to shop like this, and I can tell you she's going to go crazy with it."

"That kind of crazy I can live with!" said Mac with a smile.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the airport.

------------------------------------------

"Do you see them?" Mac asked Harm as they stood at baggage claim, waiting for Trish and Frank.

"Nope, but if I know my mom, she'll see us long before we see her" answered Harm as he continued scanning the crowd.

"Harmon!!!!!!!"

"See, what did I tell you?" Harm said as he turned to Mac and smiled, then took her hand and walked towards his jubilant mother and her husband.

"Mom, it's great to see you" said Harm as he gave her a hug. "Frank, great to see you, too" as he hugged his step-father.

"I don't even have to ask who this lovely lady is" said Trish as she looked at Mac.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Burnett" said Mac, holding out her hand.

"Oh, forget the handshake, it's Trish, and you get a hug!" Mac had no problem with that, in fact it made her feel really good to know that in a matter of seconds, Harm's mother had sized her up and decided she was worth a hug.

"My turn" said Frank as he stepped over and hugged Mac. "Great to finally meet you, Sarah."

"Likewise" said Mac. "and please, feel free to call me Mac. Harm's told me so much about you, it's wonderful to finally meet you both."

"Mom, why don't Frank and I go get your bags and you and Mac can sit down on the benches and wait?" suggested Harm.

"That'd be great, Harm, thank you" replied Trish.

No sooner had Harm and Frank walked off to get the bags than Trish started in with her questions.

"So tell me, Mac, how long have you and my son been together?"

Mac laughed a bit. "Well, we've officially been dating for about a year, but in reality we've been together for over 8 years, we were both just too stubborn to admit it."

"I assume the fact that you worked together had something to do with that" said Trish. "Aren't there rules against you two being together?"

"Yes, there are, but that wasn't as much of the issue keeping us apart as you'd think" said Mac.

"What did your CO say when you told him you were pregnant?" asked Trish.

"He freaked, as we knew he would" said Mac, "but ultimately he found a way to work things out to where neither of us were in trouble".

"Oh, really?" said Trish, intrigued. "What was that?"

"He did the same thing with us that Admiral Chegwidden had done with Bud and Harriet when they got married" answered Mac. "He had me officially assigned to a different chain of command, but I'm listed as being on permanent loan to JAG HQ."

"I see" said Trish, "I'm so glad your CO was able to keep you both out of hot water. I know this could have gotten quite ugly."

"Oh, it surely could have" said Mac, "but Harm and I were prepared for that when we first decided to try and have a baby together, and we agreed if it came down to it, one of us would resign our commission." They'd never decided which one would do it, and thankfully it never became necessary.

"So, 8 years, huh?" said Trish. "It must be a thing with Rabb men to have that effect on the women they love. Harm, Sr. and I were a lot like you two. We knew we belonged together long before we actually did anything about it."

"Well, this was as much my fault as his" said Mac. "We both became real good at keeping ourselves away from ourselves, thinking in the back of our minds that there'd always be time later for us to come to our senses."

"I guess your surgery and diagnosis served to change all that, huh?" asked Trish in a kind, loving voice.

"It changed everything" said Mac, putting her hand on her tummy. "I'd been hit with a bombshell, and your son was there to help me deal with the pain in every way possible. I couldn't have asked for anything more, he was amazing."

"I'm not at all surprised to hear that" said Trish. "He's a carbon copy of his father in every way, and that's something I'm so very proud of."

"After my surgery, we knew we needed to wake up and quit dancing around the fact that we belonged together" said Mac. "So that's what we did, and it wasn't easy, but here we are."

Trish reached over and took Mac's hand. "I'm so glad you and Harmon are finally together. I know he's loved you for so long now, and it does this mother's heart good to see him so happy."

"Thank you, Trish" said Mac, trying to keep from choking up. "Oh, here come the guys."

"Are we ready, ladies?" Frank asked as he and Harm approached Trish and Mac after retrieving the luggage.

"We're ready" said Trish. "Which lot are you parked in, Harm?"

"Out those doors and to the right" he answered.

The four made their way to the vehicle and started for home.

-------------------------------------

"I'm going to go take a little nap" said Mac when they got everything unloaded at Harm's apartment.

"Sure, no problem" said Harm. "I'd ask you if you want me to wake you for dinner, but I know better." He was right - Mac never missed dinner, and never needed anyone to wake her up either.

"You're such a clown, Harm" said Mac with a yawn. "I'll be back out in an hour."

"Ok, rest well, babe" said Harm. He headed into the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee, and his mom followed him.

"I just adore her, Harmon" said Trish. "She's such a sweetheart."

"Yeah, she is" agreed Harm. "I'm a very lucky guy to have messed around for over 8 years and still ended up with her."

"Never forget that" said Trish.

"Don't worry, mom" replied Harm, "I'm reminded of it every time I look at her." He stared off into space.

"The baby?" asked Trish.

Harm nodded. "If I hadn't gotten my act together and stopped the ridiculous games I'd been playing, not only Mac but with myself, this baby wouldn't exist."

"True" said Trish, "but don't dwell too much on that. You did end up with Mac, the baby does exist, and you two are going to make fantastic parents."

"Thanks, mom" said Harm, giving her a hug. "Hey, did you remember to bring…?"

"Of course I did, Harmon!" exclaimed Trish. "Let me go get it."

She quickly returned and handed Harm a small velvet box. He held it in his hand for a few moments before opening it.

"It's beautiful, mom" he said as he stared at the engagement ring inside. It was a half carat, heart-shaped diamond solitaire set in 14 karat gold.

"Do you think she'll like it?" asked Trish.

"I know she will" said Harm, "she'll love it."

"I'll never forget the first time I saw that ring" said Trish, thinking back to the night Harm, Sr. proposed to her. "Your father told me he'd spent a month choosing the perfect ring, and I think he did an amazing job."

"Me too, mom" said Harm. "It's just what I would have chosen."

"Carbon copy…." said Trish, who was now crying just a little.

"I still miss him a lot, mom" said Harm. "I hate that my child will never know what an amazing grandfather he or she had."

"Make no mistake, Harm" said Trish, "your dad is looking down on you from Heaven above, and he's so tremendously proud of you. I know he's so happy that you and Mac found one another, and that you're having this baby." Harm looked out the window, hoping his mother wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"Do you know yet how you're going to ask her?" asked Trish, knowing her son was trying to hide his tears and knowing a change of subject was needed.

"I've got a couple of ideas" said Harm, "but I haven't settled on which one to go with yet."

"Oh, what are your ideas?!" she asked him.

"No, mom, I'm not telling anyone" said Harm. "This is something I need to formulate completely on my own."

"I understand" said Trish, "but if you need my help with anything at all, just say the word."

"I will mom" Harm said. "Thanks for the ring. It means a lot to me and I know it'll mean a lot to Mac."

"You're very welcome, sweetie" said Trish. "Can you tell me this though, will it be soon?"

"Yeah, it'll be soon" answered Harm.

He just wasn't sure _how_ soon.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

_A/N: If any of this chapter copies anything that's already been done by another author, I sincerely apologize!!!_

-----------------

"The Commander asked me to deliver this to you, Ma'am" said Petty Officer Jen Coates as she handed Mac a small, folded piece of paper.

"Thank you, Coates" said Mac, taking the note and reading the contents:

_I'm in he mood for a dinner date, what about you? HR_

She smiled, grabbed a pen and wrote her answer on the paper, folded it back up and handed it back to Jen.

"Please return this to the Commander" said Mac.

"Yes, Ma'am" replied Coates, and she headed for Harm's office. Moments later, Mac's phone rang.

"Mackenzie" she said.

"So we've got a date tonight, huh?" said the voice on the other end of the line.

"We sure do" said Mac. "Where are we going?"

"Not telling" said Harm, "it's a surprise."

"Oooh, mystery" said Mac, "you just love to keep me guessing, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do" replied Harm. "I will tell you this much though - dress up."

"How dressy is 'dressed up'?" asked Mac.

"Just use your best judgment" answered Harm.

"OK, I'll see what I can do" said Mac, "What time should I be ready?"

"7:00 sharp" said Harm.

"Consider it a date, flyboy" replied Mac. "I love you."

"I love you, too" said Harm.

Mac hung up the phone and shook her head. Every day with Harm was a new adventure, and she loved every one of them.

-------------------------------------

She stood in her closet that evening, looking at all her maternity dresses and not liking any of them.

"I have 10 dresses I could choose from if you weren't along for the ride, little one" she said to her tummy. She was 25 weeks along now and couldn't wear anything that wasn't a maternity item or one of Harm's old shirts. Of course not fitting into her clothes was a very small price to pay, and one she didn't mind.

"I guess we'll go with this one here" she said pulling a long, dark purple dress out of the closet and laying it on the bed. Trish had bought it for her when they'd gone shopping during the time she and Frank were visiting, but Mac hadn't had a chance to wear it yet. She could wear her black heels with it and carry her little black clutch, it'd do nicely. She finished her hair and make-up and put the dress on.

"We look stunning if I do say so myself, little one" said Mac standing in front of the full-length mirror with her hands on her tummy. "Daddy will be pleased." Just then, she heard a knock at the door. "Right on time" she said to herself as she walked to the door to greet her man.

Harm just stood in the doorway and looked at Mac for what seemed like years.

"Wow, you look…..wow!" he said. She always did possess a knack for leaving him at a loss for words, whether she was trying to or not.

"Thanks, babe" said Mac, "you look great yourself." He was wearing his black suit with a white banded collar shirt, one of her favorite outfits of his. She thought it made him look like he'd stepped off the cover of GQ Magazine, but then to her he was sexy in sweats and a T-shirt.

"Shall we depart, my love?" Harm asked holding out his arm for her to take.

"Lead the way" said Mac. "_This is going to be fun_", she thought to herself.

"You're still not going to tell me where we're going, huh?" she asked him as they got into the car.

"Nope" said Harm, "but I think you'll like it."

---------------------------------------

When they arrived at their first stop, Mac looked very confused.

"The airport? What are we doing here?" she asked. She knew that wasn't where he kept his Steerman, and even if it was she knew there's no way he'd expect her to get into it in her condition. Besides, why would they need to be dressed up if they were going flying?

"You'll see" he said, the same tone of mystery about his voice as had been there all day. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Ok" said Mac, still trying to figure out what he was up to. He returned a few minutes later and opened her door.

"Come with me" he said, helping her out of the car. They held hands as he led her around the other side of the office building to where the private planes were kept. Mac noticed that one plane was parked out towards the runway, and the door was open.

"Harm…?" she said, as confused as ever.

"Just come with me" he said. They walked to the plane parked out near the runway, and a man standing nearby greeted them.

"Hello, Harm" he said.

"Hello, Matt" said Harm as he shook Matt's hand. "This is Mac, Mac this is Matt Conlan, a pilot buddy of mine from the Academy."

"Nice to meet you, Matt" she said as she shook his hand.

"You're right, Harm, she's just beautiful" said Matt.

"I know, she sure is" replied Harm. Mac blushed just a little.

"Are you ready to go?" Matt asked.

"Go where? Harm, what have you cooked up here?!" asked Mac, hoping to maybe get a real answer out of him this time.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out in due time, my love" he said, kissing her on the cheek. With that, they boarded the plane. It was a small private jet that belonged to a friend of Matt's dad, who was a big corporate mogul. It had a kitchen and a bar and seated 12, but that night the manifest had only 3 names on it.

It didn't take Matt long to complete his pre-flight checklist and get clearance from the tower for takeoff. Before long, they were cruising high above the twilight sky, and Mac was still bewildered as to where they could possibly be going and why. Just as she was about to ask Harm - again - for some details, he got up and went towards the bar.

"Here you go" he said as he returned carrying two bottles of tonic water with lemon.

"Thanks" said Mac as she took a bottle from him. "Any chance you'll tell me where we're going?"

"Nope" replied Harm.

"Ok then, any chance there's anything to eat on this plane?" she asked him. "Your child is hungry and it's mother could use something, too."

"Your wish is my command" said Harm, getting up again, this time heading to the kitchen. Mac could hear him doing something, but she couldn't tell exactly what. Ten minutes later, he returned carrying two plates piled high with food.

"Did you cook all this?" she asked him in amazement.

"No, I ordered it from that bistro you love so much and had it delivered to the airport" he replied. "Matt put it in the onboard fridge for me so I could warm it up once we got on our way."

"Oh Harm, that was so sweet of you, thank you" said Mac before diving into her dinner.

"You're welcome" he said, pleased that she was enjoying it so much.

"That was so good" said Mac a short bit later, after she polished off the last bite of her food. "I'm stuffed."

"I'd hope so after all that!" joked Harm. Her appetite had always been big, but since she'd gotten pregnant it was even bigger.

"We've been in the air for an hour and 54 minutes" said Mac, "we must be going pretty far away from DC."

"Yes, we are" said Harm, "and while I won't tell you any more than that yet, I will say if you want to take a nap, you've got plenty of time."

Mac was pretty tired. It had been a rough Friday at JAG and she realized she could use a nap.

"Alright, I think I will sleep for awhile, babe" she told Harm. "Wake me up when we get to wherever we're going."

"Will do, don't worry" replied Harm. Mac leaned her seat back, rested her head on Harm's shoulder and fell fast asleep. Soon after, Harm decided she had the right idea, and he got as comfy in his seat as he could without waking her up, and fell asleep as well.

-----------------------------

"Harm, we're here, buddy." Harm awoke to find Matt standing over him.

"What time is it?" Harm asked as he came to.

"Almost midnight local time" answered Matt, "you've been out for hours."

"I guess so" said Harm. He looked over at Mac and she was still asleep.

"Hey babe, time to wake up" he said as he gently caressed her cheek. "We're here."

"Mmmm….what time is it?" asked Mac, which was totally uncharacteristic for her, but she was tired and they'd been flying to who-knew-where for who-knew-how-long, and her internal clock was a bit out of tune.

"It's midnight local time" said Harm, "we've been sleeping for awhile."

"Where are we?" she asked, sitting up in her seat and trying to wake up.

"California" answered Harm.

"California?!" exclaimed Mac.

"That's right" said Harm, "now to use the bathroom if you need to and we'll be on our way."

"California?!" she said again. "We traveled all the way across the country and didn't pack so much as a toothbrush! Have you lost your mind, Harmon Rabb, Jr.?!"

"No, I haven't Mac" he calmly said. "Don't worry about anything, I've got it all taken care of."

"I hope so!" she said as she made her way to the bathroom.

"Hey pal, thanks a ton" said Harm to Matt. "I owe you big time."

"It was no big deal" said Matt. "I'm glad I could help you out. Your rental car is waiting right over there, here are the keys to it and to your hotel room."

" Ok, great" said Harm. "My mom called today and said she got everything I asked her to and made sure it was in the room, so I think we're all set."

"Cool deal" said Matt. "Well, have a great time, I'll see you back here Sunday afternoon, right?"

"Yep, Sunday at 3:00" said Harm.

Mac came out of the bathroom looking a little more awake, and she'd calmed down considerably from the minutes before.

"I'm ready to go…..wherever we're going" she said happily. They made their way off the plane and to the waiting rental car. It was a quiet, peaceful drive, being that hour of the night there wasn't a lot of traffic on the roads they were taking. Mac, still tired from the day, nodded off in the passenger seat as Harm drove for another couple of hours.

"Wake up, babe" he said. "We're here."

"Where have I heard that before?" she asked. She looked around outside and realized where they were.

"We're at….the beach?" she said, quite confused.

"That's right" said Harm, "We're at Santa Monica Bay."

"Where are all the people?" she asked.

"Mac, it's 3 in the morning, they're all at home, asleep." said Harm with a little laugh. "Come on, let's get out." He took off his shoes and socks and went around to open her door.

Mac slipped her shoes off and climbed out of the car. She took hold of Harm's hand, and together they walked down to the shore.

"It's so pretty here" she said.

"It is." replied Harm. The moonlight was reflecting off the water, and the sound of a few gentle waves echoed in the silence of the night. They walked along for awhile, neither saying anything, until….

"Let's stop here for a minute" said Mac. "The view is so magnificent, I just want to soak it all in."

"I know the feeling" said Harm, only he wasn't looking at the water.

"Oh, Harm…." said Mac upon realizing he was referring to her.

He took a deep breath.

"Mac?"

"What?" she replied, turning to look at him.

"I…." He tried, to speak, but the words wouldn't come out.

"What is it, Harm?" she asked. "Are you OK?"

Harm nodded. He had no idea this was gonna be so hard. "_Let's try this again_" he said to himself.

"I love you, Mac. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you, and the longer I've known you, the deeper that love has become.

"Harm, I - " said Mac.

"Let me finish or I might never get it out" said Harm. "I've done some crazy and stupid things in the last 8 years, and I know now that they were all just futile attempts on my part to talk my head into what my heart already knew. You're my one and only, Mac, you always have been. The times in our past when it looked like I was losing you, I've never felt so alone."

Mac began to tear up. She'd felt the same way over him so many times, but had never said anything.

"I don't want to ever be alone again" continued Harm as he brushed away Mac's tears. "I want to fall asleep next to you every night, and wake up next to you every morning."

Mac was on the verge of bawling as Harm kept speaking.

"I want to be right beside you as you bring this little life into the world" he said, putting his hands on her tummy, "and I want to share every precious moment of that life with you."

Mac's tears were unstoppable.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life, and more than I'll ever love anyone else as long as I live and breathe. It's taken me far too long to realize that, but now that I have there's only one thing to do about it." He reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed the small velvet box his mother had given him. He knelt down on one knee and looked up at Mac.

"Sarah Catherine Mackenzie" he said, fighting to keep from breaking down, "will you marry me?" He opened the box to reveal the ring that his father had so painstakingly chosen for his mother all those years before.

Mac, too overcome with emotion to speak, nodded her head and held out her left hand. Harm took the ring from the box and placed it upon her finger. She looked at it for a moment as she pulled herself together, then looked up at Harm.

"You are the most wonderful man God put on this earth" she said, "and I love you more than you'll ever know."

Harm pulled her close, and they shared a long, tender kiss.

-------------------------------------

"Why did you bring me all the way out here to propose?" asked Mac as they walked hand-in-hand along the shore.

"This is one of the last places I remember coming with my dad" answered Harm, "Once I decided that I wanted a moonlight proposal on the beach, this place was the only choice for me."

"That's so great" said Mac. "Why the fancy clothes, though?"

"Because" he said, "I knew we'd both remember this night for the rest of our lives, and I wanted us to look amazing in those memories." He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it softly. "Besides, if ever there was a reason to get dressed up, this was it."

"I can't believe you put so much thought into this, babe" said Mac. "It's just about the most romantic thing you've ever done for me."

"You deserve it, Mac" he replied. "You mean everything to me, and I wanted my proposal to reflect that."

They stopped walking and shared another kiss.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked her when the kiss finally broke.

"Go where?" she asked.

"To our hotel" he said.

"That'd be good" replied Mac, "I hate to see this moment end, but I'm totally beat. How long are we gonna be here, anyway?"

"Until Sunday afternoon" replied Harm. "Matt's flying us back."

"Wow, a whole weekend" said Mac, "you're just too good to me."

They made their way back to the car, and headed for the hotel.

---------------------------------------------

"I'll wait here while you go check in" said Mac when they pulled up at the hotel.

"Oh, we're already checked in" said Harm, showing her the card key Matt had given him at the airport.

"Why am I not surprised?" said Mac with a smile. "Well, let's go find our room, I've gotta go to the bathroom really bad and then I've gotta get some sleep."

Harm went around to her side of the car and helped her out, and they headed for their room.

"Here it is" said Harm, "605." He slid the card key into the slot, and the door unlocked. He entered ahead of Mac and held the door open for her, waiting to turn the lights on until she was inside.

"Oh, Harm!!" said Mac when she first laid eyes upon the room. There were 8 dozen red roses - a dozen for each year they'd known one another - in vases throughout the room. In a basket atop the table was a box of Godiva chocolates, a bottle of sparkling grape juice and 2 wine glasses.

"Do you like it?" he asked her.

"I love it" she said "but how…??"

"My mom helped me with this part" he said. "When she found out we were gonna be out here, she asked if she could help me with anything, and I knew this was something she'd love taking care of. She made our reservation and made sure the room was all set up before she met up with Matt to give him the key, and she went shopping so we'd have some clothes and everything else we didn't bring with us."

"She bought us clothes?" asked Mac, a bit surprised.

"Yep" replied Harm, "go look in the drawers, everything should be in there with the exception of a couple outfits which should be hanging in the closet over there." Mac went to look, and sure enough, everything was there.

"How did she know my size?" asked Mac before remembering that Trish had taken her shopping not long before then. "Oh yeah. Well, she did a great job, these things are really cute!"

"We'll have to be sure we let her know you like them" said Harm as he took off his jacket and slipped off his shoes. "All our bathroom stuff should be in there, mind if I go first?"

"Not at all, just let me pee real quick" she said, "then I'll find our PJ's and get changed."

"OK" he said.

While Harm got ready for bed, Mac looked in the drawers for their pajamas. She found the maternity nightgown Trish had bought for her, and the lounge pants she'd gotten for Harm. She slipped her dress off and put the nightgown on, and laid the pants out on the bed.

Harm came out of the bathroom carrying his shirt and socks. He had his pants on, but they weren't zipped or buttoned. "_Oh, wow…" _thought Mac to herself as she went to take her turn in the bathroom. When she came back out, Harm was already in bed, all the lights in the room out except for the lamp by her side of the bed. She turned off the light and climbed into bed, putting her arms around her fiancé.

"What was that for?" he asked her after she planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

"For everything" she said. "This whole night has been amazing."

"Not as amazing as you, Mac" he said softly. "You're my whole world, I want you to know that."

"You're my whole world, too" she replied as she moved in for another kiss, this one even more passionate than the first.

"I thought you were tired" whispered Harm.

"I thought so, too" Mac whispered back, "but the sight of you in nothing but your undone suit pants has a way of giving me a second wind."

-------------------------------------------

I stayed up REALLY late tonight writing this - I'd love to know what everyone thinks!!!!!!!


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

They returned to work that Monday morning, and it didn't take long for the news of their engagement to spread through the bullpen. They'd thought about waiting awhile to make the announcement, since they'd decided the wedding wouldn't be until after the baby was born, but when it came down to it, they were just too excited.

"Oh, Colonel, it's just gorgeous!!!" squealed Coates as Mac showed off the ring.

"Thanks, Jen" replied Mac.

"Did the Commander pick it out by himself?" asked Harriet.

"Actually" said Mac, "his dad picked it out 40-something years ago."

"That was his mother's ring?!" asked Coates.

"Yes, it was." answered Mac. "It'd be special anyway, but that makes it mean even more to me."

"How did he propose??" "Was it romantic??" "Tell me everything!!" The questions came from everywhere, but Mac was thrilled to answer them all. She'd waited a lifetime to tell the story of how her Prince Charming - her only _true_ love - had asked her to be his bride. By the time she finished telling the story, everyone was in tears and she felt as though she'd fallen even deeper in love with Harm.

----------------------------------------

"Hey, why don't you come over tonight?" asked Harm as he leaned on the edge of Mac's desk that afternoon. "I've got a something to talk with you about."

"Ok, sure" said Mac. "What?"

"Don't worry, nothing bad" he replied, "just something we haven't talked about yet that I think we need to."

"OK, when should I be there?" asked Mac.

"7:00 or so?" replied Harm.

"I'll be there" she said, wondering what mysterious thing he had in mind to discuss.

--------------------------

"Would you rub my feet, please, babe?" she asked him as they sat on his couch that night.

"Of course I will" he replied, leaning down to reach her legs and bringing them up into his lap.

"Mmmmmm, that's nice" cooed Mac as he massaged her aching feet.

"I've been told I have magic fingers" he slyly replied.

"Yeah, well, don't let it go to your head, flyboy" Mac retorted.

"I won't" said Harm in a tone of voice which let Mac know he'd already let it go to his head, but she didn't care.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" asked Mac.

"Well" he began, "I know we talked in California about how we need to move in together soon, but we didn't decide where we'd be moving to."

"No, we sure didn't, did we?" replied Mac, thinking back to the discussion they'd had as they laid on the beach the last night of their trip, looking up at the stars. "I'd be happy to move in here, I'm not especially attached to my apartment."

"That's a possibility" said Harm, "but I was thinking maybe we could look for a new place, something a little bigger than yours or mine." Mac's eyes lit up at this prospect.

"I think that'd be really cool" she said. "There have to be some nice 3 bedroom apartments not too terribly far from JAG, I'm sure we can find something we like."

"I wasn't exactly thinking of another apartment, Mac" said Harm with a gleam in his eye.

"A house?!" she replied, the surprise evident in her voice.

Harm nodded. "It just makes sense to get a house, what with the baby coming soon and us getting married, I just think it's a smart thing to do."

"Yeah, I think you're right" said Mac. "Where do you plan to look?"

"Not totally sure yet" replied Harm, "but now that we've decided that's what we want to do, I'll gather some information, OK?"

"Ok" said Mac. "This is exciting! So many changes are coming so fast, but I wouldn't trade any of them."

"Me either" said Harm. "Do your feet feel better?"

"Oh yeah, much" she replied, want me to come sit with you?"

"Do you really have to ask?" replied Harm, flashing her a heart-stopping smile.

Mac maneuvered herself around on the couch so she was sitting between Harm's legs with her back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head.

"Have I told you how much I love you tonight?" he asked.

"Come to think of it" answered Mac, "no."

"Well, allow me to remedy that situation" he said, and he leaned his head down and began kissing her ear.

"You know what that does to me, flyboy" whispered Mac, leaning into his chest.

"Precisely why I'm doing it" replied Harm as he moved down her neck. He reached her shoulder, and as he moved her shirt out of the way just a bit, Mac let out a gasp that stopped him dead in his tracks.

"What?! What is it, babe?!" he asked. "Are you OK?!?"

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Mac. "The baby just kicked me!!" She'd been feeling tiny flutters off and on for a few weeks, but nothing compared to this.

"Really?!" said Harm, his excitement evident. "Can I feel it?!"

"I hope so" replied Mac, "gimme your hand." She took his right hand and placed it on her tummy in the spot where she'd felt the kick. They sat still and quiet, and waited……

"There! Did you feel that?!" she asked him after the baby gave her another good kick.

"Oh, yeah!" answered Harm. "That's amazing!"

"I know" replied Mac as she began to tear up.

"Pretty soon it'll be moving around all the time, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait" answered Mac with a little sniffle.

As they'd talked before about someday doing, they spent the next few hours on the couch, feeling their little ones every move.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: none of the fine folks from JAG are my creation....

_A/N: I'm hoping to get a few more chapters finished before my surgery on February 3, since after that there will understandably be a short pause in my writing.Thanks a ton to everyone who reviewed the proposal chapters!! It's so cool that the very thing folks started asking about - a proposal - was exactly what I was planning to write next. That tells me the story is flowing in a natural pattern, and that's been a major goal of mine all along. I've got a pretty good idea of what the coming chapters will hold, but if anyone has any ideas, feel free to throw them out there! I can't promise I'll use them, but you never know!!!_

_Thanks a ton!!!!!_

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 21:

"Do any of them stand out above the rest?" Harm asked Mac as they pored over a half-dozen real estate listings. They'd been looking at houses for 2 weeks, and of the nearly two dozen the realtor had shown them, they had it narrowed down to these few.

"I dunno" said Mac, "there are good and not-so-good points to them all. It's such a big decision."

"Yeah, it is" replied Harm, "but it's not so big that we can't handle it."

"I know, babe" said Mac, rubbing Harm's back just a bit, "I just want it to be the perfect home for our family."

"_Our family_" said Harm, "I hear it and I still don't really believe it's happening."

"I know" said Mac. "Sometimes I feel like after all the time we wasted and all the games we played, we don't deserve to be this happy."

"We do, Mac" replied Harm as he placed his hand on her tummy. "We've been through so much and still managed to end up together - no one can argue that our family is meant to be."

"Indeed." said Mac, her hand atop his.

"I guess we need to weed out a few more of these, huh?" said Mac, getting back to the task at hand.

"Yeah, I think so" said Harm. "Which ones do you like the most?"

"Well, I think we should go with 4 bedrooms versus 3" said Mac. "At first I didn't think we'd find any 4 bedrooms in our price range, but since we did I like the idea of the extra space."

"OK, so that's this one and those 2, right?" asked Harm, moving some pages off the table.

"Right" answered Mac. "I like that this one has the master bedroom and the smaller bedroom downstairs, it'd name for a nice, close nursery."

"OK" said Harm, "so you want a house where we can have the nursery close to our room?"

"Yeah" said Mac. "I know we'll have a baby monitor and all, and they say a mother can always hear her baby when it wakes at night, but this being the first one I'd really like to have it close."

"Sure, babe, whatever makes you happy" said Harm. "So, that really only leaves these 2 here." He handed her two pages from the few that remained on the table.

"I guess so" said Mac. "I'd like to walk through them both once more and really decide which one feels more like home."

"Not a problem" said Harm, "I'll call Stacy tomorrow and see when she can get us back in."

"Great" said Mac, "looks like we've almost got it figured out, huh?"

"Looks that way to me" answered Harm with a smile. "I wanna get everything done with the financing by the end of next week, so hopefully we'll be able to move by the end of next month. I want us to be totally settled in before the little one arrives."

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" Mac asked him.

"Depends on when you ask me!" replied Harm with a laugh. "I think one thing one day and the opposite the next. I really don't know. What do you think it is?"

"Oddly enough" said Mac, "I'm doing the same thing you are, flipping back and forth. You'd think I'd have a 'mother's hunch' of some sort, but I really don't."

"Well, boy or girl, it's gonna be the most beautiful baby in the world." said Harm.

"And the most loved." added Mac. "I can't wait, Harm, It's gonna be so amazing."

"I know babe" he replied, "I'm counting the days right along with you."

----------------------------------------------------

They met with Stacy, their realtor, a few days later, and she showed them the 2 houses they had left to choose between. That evening, they once again sat on Harm's couch discussing their options.

"I'm torn, Harm" she said, "completely torn between them."

"What things are making it hard to pick?" he asked.

"Well, the layout of this one is great as far as guest space and storage space goes" she said, "but this one has the little bedroom close to the master, which is important to me since I want the baby close to us."

"If that's really what's tripping you up" he said, "I don't see how there's a problem. I think we should go with this one so we can have the baby's room close to ours. That's a lot more important than having extra closet space and a bigger attic."

"You're absolutely right" said Mac, a relieved expression on her face. "I don't know why I didn't look at it that way, I mean what's more important - where we keep the extra junk or where our baby sleeps?!"

"That's right" said Harm, glad he was able to help Mac make a decision she was happy with. "I'll call Stacy as soon as we get to the office tomorrow and let her know we'd like to put an offer in on this one, OK?"

"You bet" replied Mac. "Let's hope we get it, I'd hate to have to choose again!"

"Well, for now the choosing is done" said Harm, "now why don't we get some shut-eye? We've got an early appointment with Dr. Mianni tomorrow."

"Yeah, we do" said Mac with a yawn. "I don't know that it'll be all that involved, but it's always nice to know everything is still OK."

--------------------------------------------------------

"How are we doing today, Sarah?' Dr. Mianni asked Mac.

"Aside from having to pee all the time and not being able to get comfortable to sleep" said Mac, "I'm fine!"

"Ah yes, the familiar sounds of a patient in her 28th week" said the doctor. "I could introduce you to many, many other women who know exactly how you feel."

"Well, it's nice to know I'm not suffering alone" said Mac with a smile.

"If you'll lay back for me" said Dr. Mianni, "I'll measure the baby and make sure it's still on track."

"Sure" said Mac as she laid back on the table. The doctor pulled a measuring tape from her lab coat pocket and measured the height of Mac's tummy.

"Perfect" she said as she jotted down her findings on Mac's chart. Pulling the small Doppler machine from her other pocket, she said "Let's listen to the heartbeat." She squeezed a small amount of gel on Mac's tummy, moved the small Doppler wand around until she heard the heartbeat, and then held it still as a familiar, comforting sound filled the room.

"I could listen to that all day" said Harm proudly.

"Does it sound OK?" asked Mac, being the ever-concerned mother-to-be.

"Sounds wonderful" said Dr. Mianni. "Everything today appears to be right on track, which is exactly what we like to see."

"Amen to that" replied Harm.

"Do either of you have any questions for me?" asked the doctor as the appointment drew to a close.

"I don't think so" said Mac.

"Actually, I do have one" said Harm. This surprised Mac, not that he had a question, but that he hadn't mentioned to her before then.

"Sure, Harm" said Dr. Mianni, "what is it?"

"At what point in the pregnancy does sex become unsafe?" asked Harm. "For their sake, not mine" he added, pointing towards Mac with a little grin.

"Unless there are complications of some sort" said the doctor, "sex is perfectly safe through the entire pregnancy."

"Really?!" replied Harm, clearly a bit surprised.

"Yes, really" said Dr. Mianni. "In fact, some couples whose babies are overdue find that having sex actually helps bring on labor."

"We'll be tucking that away for possible future reference!" said Mac.

"Wow, I guess you really do learn something new every day, huh?!" said Harm. "Thank you, doctor. It probably seemed like a silly question, but I've been concerned about it so I thought I'd better ask."

"It wasn't silly at all, Harm" said the doctor. "I think it's wonderful that you're so concerned about Sarah and the baby that you'd ask about that, not a lot of men would."

"He's the best" said Mac, "one-of-a-kind in the most wonderful ways."

"I can see that, Sarah" said the doctor. "This baby is going to be very lucky to have you both for it's parents."

"Thank you, doctor" said Harm. "I think, though, that _we're_ gonna be the lucky ones."


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: the usual...

_A/N: Thanks, as always, for the reviews, well-wishes and prayers for my upcoming surgery. I'm working hard to get to a comfortable stopping point in the next few days, hopefully another 2 or 3 chapters, but we'll see. As much as this fic has taken on a life of it's own, I'm almost as anxious as the rest of you to see what comes next, LOL!_

-

Chapter 22:

"You ready for this?" Mac asked Harm as they walked through the parking lot at Bethesda. They'd been taking childbirth classes for about a month, and this was the night most all of the dads dreaded - birth film night.

"As ready as I'm gonna get" replied Harm. "I think I'll do OK, I'm just not real thrilled at the idea of watching a strange woman give birth on camera."

"You'll do fine" said Mac, "and besides, if you can't watch it on camera, how will you be able to watch it in real life?"

"Good point, babe" said Harm. "I want to make sure you understand, though, that no matter how much this film tonight may gross me out or make me cringe, I'm gonna be right there with you through every second of everything."

"I know, babe" she replied, taking his hand in hers. "You'll be the perfect labor coach - you'll be so good at it that all the other laboring moms will be jealous."

"Well, I dunno about _that_" said Harm, a sheepish smile on his face.

"I do" said Mac, smiling at the thought of how amazing Harm would be when that big day arrived.

-

"_Here goes nothing_" whispered Harm to Mac as the instructor started the film.

"_You'll be fine_" said Mac, rubbing his back just a little.

The film lasted just under an hour, and ultimately proved to be every bit as educational as both Mac and Harm had hoped. He cringed at the "up close and personal" pushing scenes, and she shuddered more than once at the screams and cries the mother was voicing, and they both had tears in their eyes as the baby was laid in his mother's arms. They were glad they'd been given the opportunity to see what childbirth was really like. They talked about it as they drove to Beltway Burger afterwards.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be" said Harm.

"How so?" asked Mac.

"I can't really put my finger on it" he said, "but it just wasn't all that bad."

"Yeah, I must admit the screaming had me a little freaked out" said Mac.

"Keep in mind that woman wasn't a Marine, babe" said Harm, hoping to reassure his sweetheart that she'd do just fine with labor and delivery. "You're tougher than she is!"

"I know I'm tough, Harm" she said, "but I also know that this will be the single most physically painful thing I've ever experienced. I'll do the best I can, but…"

"…but if you need drugs, you'll get them and that's that!" said Harm, finishing her sentence as he often did.

"I really wanna do it naturally, though" said Mac, "drugs will be the absolute last resort, and I plan to make sure the nurses know that."

"Don't worry" said Harm, "you and I will have all this stuff figured out well beforehand. We'll make sure Dr. Mianni knows that you want to go without drugs and we'll make sure your nurses know not to ask you if you want any."

"Thanks, babe" she said. "You're so good at keeping me from freaking out about the little things."

"I try" said Harm, a simple smile on his face.

-

As they drove back to Mac's place after finishing their snack, Mac did some thinking…

"Hey" she asked Harm, "why don't you stay awhile tonight and we can start working on our birth plan?"

"Tonight? Why the hurry?" he asked.

"It's not that I'm in a hurry, per se" said Mac, "I've just got a lot of things fresh on my mind after the film and I think it'd be a good time to start writing things down."

"Makes sense" said Harm.

"Besides, I'm almost 30 weeks along" said Mac. "The next couple months will go by fast, and we need to have this stuff figured out."

"You're right" said Harm, "we do."

-

When they arrived at her place, Mac kicked her shoes off and grabbed a legal pad and a pen before getting comfy on the couch.

"You want anything to drink?" Harm asked her from the kitchen.

"I'm fine for now, babe" she replied, "thanks."

Harm grabbed a bottle of water for himself and joined Mac on the couch.

"OK" he said, "where do we start?"

"Let's make a list of everything that's important to us, and from there we can organize it." said Mac.

"Well, you already said you don't want any drugs if you can avoid them" said Harm, "so we can put that down."

"Right" she said, putting her pen in motion.

"Who will we want in the delivery room with us?" asked Harm. "I have an opinion on this one, but I want to hear yours first."

"I'm thinking of asking Harriet to be in there" said Mac, "and of course Mattie will be there. Other than that, I can't think of anyone. What's your opinion on it?"

"Well, I'm sure if we wanted my mom to be there, she'd be happy to" said Harm, "but if not I know she'd understand."

"Well let's hope she understands" said Mac, "because as much as we both love your mother, I don't want her in there."

"OK" said Harm, "not a problem."

"I know this sounds mean" said Mac, "but I want it to be as small and intimate as possible. I'm only thinking of asking Harriet because she's been through it before and I think she'd be a big help, and Mattie would be crushed if she didn't get to be in there with us, but aside from that everyone else can wait until we're ready for visitors."

"That sounds fine to me, babe" said Harm. "They've all waited this long, a little longer won't hurt any of them."

"Let's see….what else…." said Mac. "Oh yeah, how involved in the delivery do you want to be?"

"Involved?" asked Harm.

"Yeah, as in do you want to stay at the head of the bed and hold my hand" asked Mac, "or do you want to be down where the action is?"

"I think I'll leave the delivery to the professionals!" answered Harm.

"OK, do you want the doctor to announce the sex of the baby, do you want her to hold the baby up so we both see it at the same time, or do you want to be the one to announce it?" Mac asked.

"Whoa, Mac" said Harm, "slow down - that's a lot of questions all at once!"

"Not really" she said, "it just depends on what you want."

"Well, what do _you_ want?" he asked.

"I'd love for you to be the one who announces it" said Mac, "but if you don't want to, that's OK, too."

"No, if that's what you want, that's what I'll do" said Harm. "It would be pretty cool, huh?"

"Very much so" said Mac.

"Alright, what else should we think about?" asked Harm.

"Oh yeah" said Mac, "no pacifiers, and unless there's absolutely no way around it, no bottles either."

"Why would they have to give the baby a bottle?" asked Harm. "Aren't they just supposed to bring it to you when it's hungry?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "but if something unforeseen happens with either me or the baby and I'm not able to breastfeed every time, they'd have to use a bottle."

"Well, let's hope that's not even an issue" said Harm.

"I know" said Mac, "hopefully everything will go the way it's supposed to and I'll be able to feed the baby a few minutes after it's born and every time afterwards."

"Well, I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens, OK?" he said.

"I know you will" she replied, "you know how important it is to me."

"Yes, I do" said Harm, "and that makes it important to me." Mac leaned over and kissed him.

"What else can you think of?" she asked him.

"Nothing really" he answered. "We covered the drugs, the list of who we do and don't want in there with us, the bottle issue, I don't really know of anything else, babe."

"OK, well this is a good start anyway" said Mac as she put the pen and pad down on the coffee table. "We've got a little while yet to finalize everything, so we can keep thinking."

"Sure" said Harm, fighting back a yawn.

"Oh, babe" said Mac, "you're tired, huh?"

Harm nodded, giving into that yawn. "I was awake real early this morning and it's catching up with me. I should head home."

"You sure you wouldn't rather stay here?" asked Mac. "Are you awake enough to drive?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, babe" replied Harm. "You worry too much."

"No more so than you worry about me" retorted Mac as she playfully poked him in the chest.

"I suppose not" said Harm as he stood up and turned towards the door.

"Call me when you get home" she said.

"Count on it" said Harm, leaning down to kiss her goodnight.

"Good night to you, too, little one" he added, patting Mac's tummy just a bit.

"I love you" said Mac.

"I love you, too" replied Harm.

Mac closed the door behind him, and started towards the bedroom to change into her pajamas. She went through her usual bedtime routine of removing her make-up, brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, and peeing one last time in hopes she wouldn't need to go again for at least an hour. She climbed into bed and snuggled deep beneath the covers to relax as she waited for Harm's call.

"Hey, little one!" she said as the baby gave her a noticeable kick in the ribs. "It's night time, you're supposed to do this during waking hours, ok?" The baby was still for a moment, then kicked her again.

"OK, you're very definitely your father's child!" said Mac. "Not that that's at all a _bad_ thing, mind you" she added, putting her hand on her tummy. She smiled as the thought back to a few nights earlier when she'd stayed the night at Harm's apartment. He was sound asleep, and so was she until the baby woke her up with a few good kicks. She moved over as close to Harm as she could, put her tummy right against his back, and waited. Within moments, the baby kicked again, even harder than before, and Harm sat straight up in bed. She laughed heartily at the whole scene, but he didn't find it quite as amusing. Once he was awake, though, he rolled over and laid his hand on her tummy, and they spent the next half hour feeling their baby move. Mac was lost in her memories of that night when she suddenly realized it was past the time Harm should have called. _Way_ past. She began to worry just as the phone rang. By the second ring, she'd grabbed the receiver.

"You had me worried, flyboy!" she said.

"Um, hello, is this Colonel Sarah Mackenzie?" said the voice on the calling end.

"Yes, who is this!" said Mac, beginning to get scared.

"Ma'am, my name is Sergeant Connolly" said the caller, "I'm with the Highway Patrol. I'm calling to notify you that Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. has been involved in an accident and is being taken to Bethesda Naval Hospital."

"Oh, God, no!" cried Mac. "What happened? Is he OK! Is he alive!"

"He is alive, ma'am" said the Sergeant, "but that's all the information I have regarding his condition. A car traveling in another lane lost control and crossed into the Commander's path and he had no time to avoid it. We looked in his wallet and found your name and number on his emergency contact card."

"I'm on my way!" said Mac, as the tears flowed.

"I'll radio the hospital to let them know you're coming, ma'am" said the Sergeant, "just tell the nurse at the ER desk who you are, and they'll fill you in on everything."

"Thank you, Sergeant" said Mac.

She hung up the phone, threw some clothes on and ran out the door.

-


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Though I wish they were mine, they're not...

_A/N: Ah, drama - what wouldHarm and Mac's world be without it! You're right, navyjag13, we haven't had any in awhile, but we all knew that wouldn't last. Thanks for the reviews - it really makes my day to long on and see so many people interested in the story!_

-

Chapter 23:

She prayed the whole way to the hospital. "_Please, God, don't let me lose him, not now, not ever…" _The Sergeant hadn't been able to give her nearly enough information to satisfy her terrified mind, but knowing that Harm was alive was definitely better than wondering.

She sped into the parking lot at Bethesda, took the first space she found, and made it to the door as fast as her condition would allow. Thankfully she knew exactly where the ER entrance was, so she didn't lose any time trying to find it.

"I'm Colonel Mackenzie" she said as she arrived at the desk, pale and out of breath. "My fiancé was brought here, he was in an accident, Commander Harmon Rabb!"

"Oh, yes ma'am, we've been expecting you" said the lieutenant behind the desk. "Let me go see what's going on with him while you have a seat."

"I don't wanna have a seat, lieutenant!" yelled Mac. "I wanna see him, NOW! Don't make me make it an order!" Mac knew they had protocol to follow, but at that moment she couldn't have cared less.

"Yes, ma'am, I know you want to see him" said the lieutenant, "but I have to go see what the situation is before I can allow anyone back there." Mac's face was incredibly flushed and her cheeks were bright red. "You don't look too good, Colonel, I'd really like for you to sit down."

"And I'd really like for you to quit giving me a bunch of crap and go find out what the hell's going on with Commander Rabb!" Mac fired back.

"Ok, yes, ma'am, I'll be right back" said the lieutenant as she jogged down the corridor and disappeared. Mac realized right about that time that she didn't feel well, and she decided sitting down was a good idea. She felt the baby kick a couple of times, and she put her hand on her tummy. "_I know, little one_" she whispered, "_I'm worried about your daddy, too." _Less than 2 minutes later, Mac saw the lieutenant heading back in her direction.

"Is he OK? I wanna see him!" said Mac as she ran up to the desk.

"The doctors are working on him right now, ma'am" said the lieutenant, "but they want me to take you back to the family waiting area and as soon as they're done, one of them will come talk to you."

"Oh, no! It's bad, isn't it?" sobbed Mac. "This is how the whole 'we did everything we could' scene always starts! Oh my God, he's dying, isn't he!"

"I don't have any answers for you, Colonel" said the lieutenant, "but I'm going to walk you back to the waiting area and if you'd like, I'll sit with you until the doctor can come talk to you."

Mac was crying too hard to speak, but she nodded her head, and together they walked down the hallway.

Two hours passed before anyone came in to talk to Mac, the two longest hours of her entire life. She thought about everything she'd miss if her worst fears came to pass - his smile, his laugh, the way he treated her like a princess even when she didn't feel like one. She thought about their weekend in California, how his proposal had been the most amazing one in the history of the universe, how on their last night there they'd made love on the beach under the stars, something she'd never, _ever_ forget. She thought back to the day they found out they were having the baby, and how excited he was when he recognized it's tiny hand on the ultrasound. "_I can't lose him…_" she said to herself as the sobs took over once again. The lieutenant put her arm around Mac and tried to comfort her.

"Colonel Mackenzie?"

Mac looked up to see a man in green scrubs and a white lab coat standing before her.

"Yes" she answered, doing all she could to brace herself for bad news.

"I'm Commander Stephenson" he said, "I'm one of the doctors who worked on Commander Rabb." Mac couldn't help but notice he used past tense, "_worked_", and her heart fell into her stomach.

"Just tell me everything" cried Mac, "I can't wait any longer!"

"Try to calm down, Colonel" said the doctor, "I can't allow you to see him when you're this upset, it won't be good for him."

"He's alive!" exclaimed Mac.

"Yes, he is alive" said the doctor, "I take it you weren't aware of that?"

"I knew he was alive when he left the scene in the ambulance" said Mac, "but that's all anyone would tell me!"

"I'm sorry you've been so worried all this time, Colonel" said Commander Stephenson, "but we needed to fully assess his condition and treat him accordingly, and that took longer than we expected it to when he first arrived."

"I would have appreciated it if someone had let me know that" said Mac in a very stern voice. "Is it common practice to keep the family in the dark and let them sit here and think the worst when there's even a little bit of news they could be given!"

"No, Colonel" replied the doctor, "it isn't, and again I apologize for not letting you know that he was alive, but like I said, it took longer to get him stabilized than we had planned."

"Whatever" said Mac, fed up with the issue. "Can I see him now?"

"Very shortly" replied the doctor, "but first I want to bring you up to speed on what happened to him and what we had to do."

"Alright" said Mac. She was anxious to see Harm, but she needed to know what to expect.

"According to the paramedics, he was conscious when they arrived on the scene. He was breathing on his own, but it was shallow, and they had to get him out of the vehicle quickly in order to help him."

Mac was picturing in her mind how horrifying the scene must have been.

The doctor continued "Once they got the brace around his neck and extracted him from the vehicle, he remained conscious but his breathing grew weaker. By the time he reached us, he had lost consciousness and was no longer breathing on his own. As a result, we had to artificially resuscitate him."

"How long did it take?" asked Mac as she wiped away a few tears. The baby, seemingly knowing Mac was upset, kicked just a little.

"Not too long" answered the doctor, "a couple minutes or so. Once we got his breathing going again, it remained stable, which is a very good sign."

"What are his injuries?" asked Mac, knowing he must have some.

"Aside from still being unconscious" said the doctor, "he's got a couple of bruised ribs on his right side from the seatbelt impact, both his knees are bruised from slamming against the dashboard, and he's got quite a nasty airbag bruise on his face."

"What's his overall prognosis? asked Mac, rubbing her tummy as the baby kicked again..

Commander Stephenson thought for a moment. "The biggest concern we have at the present time is the head injury. It doesn't appear too serious based on the CAT scan, but the fact that he hasn't come to yet does have me a little worried."

"So based on the tests, he should have been awake by now?" asked Mac, the fear evident in her voice.

"Not necessarily, Colonel" said the doctor. "We know he doesn't have any bleeding on his brain, and the swelling is minimal, but sometimes even under those circumstances it takes patients a good while to regain consciousness."

"I'll ask again" said Mac, "his overall prognosis?"

"If he wakes up within the next 6 hours or so" said the doctor, "I'd say he stands every chance of making a complete recovery."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then we'd need to do another CAT scan and run some other tests to see if anything is going on that we didn't see initially."

"I see" replied Mac. "Can I see him now, please?"

"Do you feel like you're calm enough?" asked the doctor.

"I think so, yeah" replied Mac. She knew she'd cry again once she and Harm were alone, but she dug down deep and forced herself to keep it together until then, otherwise they'd not let her see him.

"Ok, right this way, Colonel" said the doctor. He led Mac to a private room where Harm was at. She thanked the doctor for his help, and he left the two of them alone.

Mac walked over to Harm's bedside and touched his hand, ever-so-gently. He didn't look good by any means, but he could have looked a lot worse. The bruise on his face gave her flashbacks to her accident, and she shuddered at the thought of how painful it had been.

"I'm here, babe" she said quietly, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. "Please wake up. I need to hear your voice, Harm. Talk to me." He didn't respond. She took his hand in hers, and began to pray again.

"_Please, God, don't let me lose him, not now, not ever…"_


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, etc...

_A/N: This could possibly be the last chapter I get done before my surgery, but I'll try to get another finished today. A **giant** thank you goes out to codedriver for her help with some of the medical stuff!_

_-_

Chapter 24:

"Are you OK, Colonel?" Mac jumped at the sound of the nurses voice.

"Sorry" said Mac, "I didn't mean to fall asleep." She'd pulled a chair up close to Harm's bed so she could hold his hand, and had at some unknown point laid her head down on the edge of the bed and dozed off.

"It's quite alright, ma'am" said the nurse, a different lieutenant than had been in before, "you need your rest."

"Yeah, I do" replied Mac. She leaned slowly back in the chair, her back scolding her for sleeping in that awkward position.

"When's the big day, ma'am?" asked the nurse.

"10 more weeks" answered Mac, "early-to-mid September."

"You must be so excited" said the nurse. "Is this your first baby?"

"Yes, it is" said Mac, "and we're very excited."

"If you'll let me sneak by you here, ma'am" said the nurse, "I'll get Commander Rabb's vitals and then I'll leave you two alone for awhile."

"Of course" replied Mac as she got up from her chair and went around to the other side of Harm's bed. "Has there been any change in the last couple of hours?" she asked the nurse.

"None to speak of, ma'am" said the nurse as she watched the blood pressure machine give the latest reading. "He's no better, but he's no worse either. We're all hoping for the best."

"He's gonna be fine" said Mac, caressing his forehead with her finger, "he's too stubborn not to be."

The nurse finished checking what she needed to, and made the appropriate notes in Harm's chart. "Alright, Colonel, he's all yours until shift change."

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Mac. She moved back to the opposite side of Harm's bed, took a hold of his hand and began talking to him about everything that came into her mind.

"Hey babe" she said, "I'm still here, still waiting to hear your voice. The doctor said you need to wake up within another 4 hours or else he'll have to check your head again. I know you don't want that, so how about you save us all the trouble and wake up for me, OK?"

No response.

She felt the tears coming, and knew she was powerless against them.

"Oh, Harm" she cried, "I love you so much, and I need you to come out of this!"

She was consumed with emotion until she heard a knock at the door. Managing to somehow get herself together, she looked up and saw a familiar and friendly face.

"Oh, hi Jen" said Mac, "come on in."

"I got here as soon as I could" said Jen, "I didn't check my messages until really late."

"It's OK" said Mac, "I've been here since an hour after it happened and I spent most of the first few hours in the waiting room thinking he was dead. You didn't miss much."

"How is he, ma'am - I mean Mac?" whispered Jen, a look of great concern on her face.

"He's holding his own" replied Mac, "but I'll feel a lot better when he comes out from under this stupid coma."

"Me, too" said Jen. "How long before the doctor will want to run more tests?"

"Just under 4 hours" answered Mac. "I don't want him to have anything else done. I just want him to wake up."

"Have you gotten any sleep?" Jen asked Mac, "You look exhausted."

"I dozed off for an hour and 34 minutes awhile ago" replied Mac, "then the nurse came in to check his vitals and I've been awake since then."

"Why don't I sit with him" asked Jen, "and you go get comfy in the recliner over there and sleep for awhile?"

"I guess it would be a good idea" said Mac, "my back is giving me fits for sleeping hunched over on the side of the bed, and I really am tired. You'll wake me if anything happens, understood?"

"Of course I will, Mac" said Jen, "now go get some rest."

Mac stood up from the chair she'd pulled beside Harm's bed and went across the room to get settled into the recliner. "_They couldn't make these things any more uncomfortable if they tried_" she thought to herself. After a few moments, she found a semi-comfortable position, and covered up with a blanket the nurse had left for her earlier. As she closed her eyes, she felt the baby move a few times. "Hey, little one" she whispered, "mommy's gonna take a nap, how about you join me?" Almost as if the baby understood, it settled down and allowed Mac nearly 2 hours of peaceful sleep.

She woke up shortly before 5:00 a.m. As she promised, Jen was sitting at Harm's bedside, keeping a close watch over him.

"No news, huh?" asked Mac as she sat the recliner up.

"Nope" said Jen. "The nurse popped in to see if you were alright and was pleased when she saw you sleeping."

"I'm still beat" replied Mac, "but I know any sleep is better than none."

"Indeed" agreed Jen, "especially in your condition."

Mac nodded her head. "I'm gonna run to the restroom, then I'll be back so you can head home if you'd like."

"I'm in no hurry" said Jen, "really. I'd like to stay here if it's alright. I'm worried about him."

"Sure, that's fine" said Mac as she headed towards the restroom. "I'll be right back."

"OK" said Jen. "When you get back, I think I'll go find a coffee machine."

"OK, that's fine" said Mac.

A couple moments later, Mac returned and Jen went in search of coffee. Mac once again stood at Harm's bedside and talked to him, knowing in her heart he could sense her presence.

"Ok, flyboy" she said, "this coma stuff is getting really old really fast, so why don't you wake up for me, OK? I know you can hear me, Harm, I know it. Now, prove it to me and wake up."

Nothing.

"Damn it, Harm, don't do this to me!" cried Mac. "You have to wake up, do you hear me? I'm trying to believe that you're gonna pull through this just like you've pulled through everything else, but the longer I stand here and have to listen to the incessant beeping of these monitors instead of the sound of your voice, the more scared I get!"

She paused for a second to calm down and catch her breath, still believing that he could hear her and that he knew she was upset. The doctor had said it wasn't good for him to know she was upset, so she had to try and control her emotions, which by that time had far more control over her than the other way around.

She took a deep breath and continued to talk to him.

"I'm thinking back on our weekend in California. I still can't believe you had your friend fly us across the country like that, but I should know by now that you're all about surprises."

Still no response, but she kept talking.

"Do you remember our walk along the beach that Saturday night? Gosh, you looked so handsome in that shirt your mom picked out. I'll give her credit, she's got good taste in clothing. I'll never forget that night, Harm. Just you and I, alone on that gorgeous beach. You stopped walking after awhile and when I asked you why, you said it was so you could kiss me underneath the moon. Do you remember that, babe?"

Still nothing.

"One minute we're kissing underneath the moon, and the next we're laying in the sand with half our clothes off. It just happened. No planning, no forethought, it just…happened. That's one thing I'm learning to love about you more every day we're together - the way you make so many wonderful things 'just happen.'"

The baby kicked, just hard enough to get Mac's attention. Still nothing from Harm.

"I don't know if I've ever said thank you for giving me this baby. I know you'd say that I did all the work, and yeah, I did do more than you did, but that's not what matters. I was in a very sad place after my surgery, and I'd given up on the idea of ever carrying a child, yours or anyone else's, but you didn't give up. Even when you did all the research on what our options were and instead of embracing them, I pushed you as far away as I could, you didn't give up. This baby wouldn't exist without you, Harm, and I don't just mean medically speaking. This little one is living proof that you and I belong together, we always have and we always will."

Nothing. She couldn't take it anymore.

"You listen to me, Harmon David Rabb, Jr.!" she yelled. "I can't imagine living life without you, and I can't imagine having this baby without you being right by my side, like you promised you'd be! You always say you've never made a promise you couldn't keep, so I'm holding you to it, do you understand me! Oh, oh God…"

"Sorry it took me so long" said Jen as she walked into Harm's room. "The machine on this floor was broken, I had to go two floors up to fi- oh my God!"

Jen found Mac in a heap on the floor beside Harm's bed. She immediately pressed the nurse call button.

"Can I help you?" said the voice on the other end.

"We need a doctor in here right away!" said Jen urgently. "Colonel Mackenzie collapsed!"

"We'll be right there!" said the nurse. Within 30 seconds, Harm's room was a buzz of activity, all revolving around his fiancée and their unborn child, and he was oblivious to it all.

-

"Wh-what happened?" Mac asked groggily as she woke up and realized she was in a hospital bed with an ID band on her wrist.

"You collapsed, Colonel" said yet another different nurse. "Your friend found you next to Commander Rabb's bed and called for help."

"Is Harm OK? Did he wake up yet?" Mac asked excitedly.

"He's still stable, ma'am" replied the nurse, "but he hasn't come out of the coma yet."

"I have to get back to him" said Mac as she started getting out of her bed.

"Whoa! You're not going anywhere, Colonel" said the nurse. "We've gotta get your blood pressure under control. It was through the roof when we got you up here."

"My blood pressure? It's probably just from getting so upset, I'm fine now" insisted Mac, still trying to get out of her bed.

"Sorry, no can do, ma'am" said the nurse. "You've got pre-eclampsia, which means if we can't get your pressures under control and keep them there, you'll very likely deliver this baby 10 weeks early."

"I can't have the baby now! It's way too early, and Harm…" Mac began to sob uncontrollably. The nurse wrapped a compassionate arm around Mac and let her cry.

"It's OK, Colonel" she said, "you've had a very rough night, you haven't eaten or slept nearly enough, and this much stress would be hard on anyone, let alone someone 30 weeks pregnant."

"Is the baby OK?" asked Mac as she reached for a tissue.

"So far, the baby is fine" assured the nurse as she nodded to the fetal monitors next to Mac's bed. "We're watching the baby's heart rate to make sure everything is OK, but we need to get you calmed down and keep a very close eye on those pressures."

"When can I go back to see Harm?" asked Mac, hating the idea that he might wake up and not see her there.

"The doctor should be back in to check on you in about 10 minutes" said the nurse, "and we'll see what he says. I can tell you this much, though, you can't go back down there and get as upset as you were before."

"Understood" said Mac. "I don't know what happened. I was talking to him, you know, hoping he could hear me and that he'd wake up if he knew I was there, and then I got a terrible headache and the next thing I knew, I was in here."

"Well", said the nurse "according to the Commander's nurse, you were yelling at him to not make a promise he couldn't keep, or something to the like, and then they didn't hear you yelling anymore, so chances are that's what got you so worked up that you collapsed." Mac remembered something about promises, and knew that was probably what sent her over the edge.

"I'll do my best to calm down and stay that way" said Mac. "I just really need to be there when he wakes up."

"We'll see what we can do about that, ma'am" said the nurse. "In the meantime, why don't you have a little snack, it'll make you feel better."

"That'd be great" said Mac, realizing she was pretty hungry.

"What would you like?" asked the nurse.

"Some vanilla ice cream and some apple juice sounds great" said Mac.

"I'll be right back with that, ma'am" replied the nurse.

Mac laid in bed and watched the baby's heartbeat on the monitor. She tried to focus all her thoughts there instead of letting them wander down paths better left alone. She smiled at the nurse when she returned with the ice cream and juice.

"Thank you" she said.

"You're welcome, Colonel."

-

Shortly after she finished her snack, the on-call OB, Commander Marcel, came in to talk with her.

"You gave us quite a scare, Colonel" he said.

"Sorry, Commander" Mac replied. "I take it you've been told about the situation with my fiancé?"

"Yes, I have" said the doctor, "and I'm very sorry you've had to deal with that. Is he OK?"

"He will be" said Mac confidently, "but he's still in a coma and if he doesn't wake up very soon, they'll have to do another CAT scan to check for a brain bleed."

"Well, I know you want to get back down there to be with him" said Commander Marcel, "but in order for me to let you do that, you have to promise me you'll do a couple of things."

"Anything" said Mac.

"Number one" said the doctor, "you have to stay as calm as you can. That means no more yelling at your fiancé or anyone else, it's not good for you or your baby."

"Ok, what else?" asked Mac.

"If your head gets to hurting at all while you're still here, I want you to have them check your blood pressure down there. If it's high, I want you to get back up here right away."

"Can do" said Mac. "Anything else?

"Not for right now" replied the doctor, "but you do need to make an appointment with your OB/GYN to let him or her know what happened and that they need to very closely monitor your blood pressure for the remainder of your pregnancy. We don't want to see a repeat of tonight."

"How bad was it?" asked Mac, not completely understanding the severity of the situation.

"Let me put it this way, Colonel" said Commander Marcel, "you were 2 minutes away from being prepped for a crash C-section."

Mac dissolved into tears for the umpteenth time. "I'm sorry…"

"It's OK" said the doctor. "Everything turned out OK this time, but it's imperative that we avoid a repeat, so you need to take the next 2-and-a-half months as easy as possible."

Mac knew she had to do as the doctor said, but with Harm still comatose, it was going to be a challenge.

-


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Neither Harm nor Mac nor Jen nor any of the other wonderful JAG folks belong to me...

_A/N: I'm baaaack! Actually I had this chapter 99 percent written before my surgery last week, knowing that I'd want to post something this week and knowing I wouldn't be up to writing much just yet. For those who're wondering, my surgery went well and my recovery is going well also. I had to have my left fallopian tube removed because of the damage from the endometriosis (which is what caused my ectopic pregnancy last year, but we didn't know that at the time), and my doctor said my right tube looks really good (a definite blessing since that's the only tube I have left). I'll know a little more after my appointment on February 10, when I'll get a look at the surgical photos (eeww, guts!) and can talk with my doctor. THANK YOU to everyone who wrote to me sending their thoughts, prayers and well-wishes last week. I'm still moving slowly but things get better each day. :)_

-

Chapter 25:

They kept Mac upstairs on the maternity floor for over 3 hours, until they were satisfied with her blood pressure and the baby's heart rate. As soon as Commander Marcel gave the OK, she found the nearest elevator and returned to Harm's room.

"Jen" said Mac in a surprised tone, "what are you still doing here?"

"I wasn't going to leave him here alone, Mac" Jen replied. "I debated on whether I should go upstairs with you or stay here with him, and I decided if I went upstairs, once you woke up you'd probably just order me back down here anyway, so I stayed here. How are you feeling, what happened?"

Mac gave Jen a warm hug. "You're right, I would have ordered you back down here" she said. "The last thing I wanted was for him to wake up alone. As for me, I'm feeling OK for now. My blood pressure went sky high and that's what made me pass out. They had me on a fetal monitor for a few hours, and said I've got pre-eclampsia, a fancy way of saying my blood pressure isn't under control."

"Goodness, Mac" said Jen, "is the baby OK?"

"Yeah, baby's fine" said Mac, "however if I end up having another episode like that, they'll most likely have to deliver the baby early. My doctor upstairs said they were 2 minutes away from delivering tonight when they were finally able to get things under control."

"Well it's no wonder why it happened" said Jen, "look at everything you've had to deal with since last night."

"Oh, I know why it happened" said Mac, "so does the doctor and the nurses and pretty much everyone on both these floors, but the fact is I can't let it happen again or they're gonna take the baby early and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen."

"Well, you just let me know what I can do to help" offered Jen, "and consider it done."

"Thanks, Jen" replied Mac.

"Oh, the General, Harriet, Sturgis and Mattie all called while you were gone." said Jen. "They send their love and said they'll check back later today."

"Aw, how sweet" said Mac. "I take it you told them what happened when you got my message?"

"Yeah" replied Jen, "I knew you'd want them to know, plus since you'll both be out of the office for some amount of time, I went ahead and told them."

"Thanks for taking care of that" said Mac. "One less thing for me to keep up with."

"Glad to help where I can." said Jen.

"Has his doctor been in since I've been gone?" asked Mac as she sat down in the recliner.

"Yeah, he was in around 6:30" answered Jen.

"And…?" prodded Mac.

"He wasn't pleased that Harm hasn't woken up yet." stated Jen solemnly.

Mac took a few deep, relaxing breaths. "So, did he order another CAT scan?"

"Yeah, he did" said Jen, "but it didn't show anything more than the first one."

"So what does that mean?" asked Mac.

"Well, they're still going on the assumption that there's no bleeding anywhere in his brain" said Jen, "but sometimes there can be an area of bleeding that's so small it takes several days to show up."

"So he could be like this for several more days?" asked Mac, feeling herself getting upset. She took a few more deep breaths and focused on keeping calm.

"It's possible, Mac" Jen replied. "Now the doctor did say that we need to remain optimistic that there's no hidden bleeding and that this is just a really bad concussion that's taking him awhile to come out of."

"Right" said Mac. "What did he say about further testing of any sort?"

"That if Harm doesn't wake up by tomorrow morning, he'll order another CAT scan" said Jen. "Aside from that, nothing." She felt bad that she couldn't give Mac any better news.

"Why don't I go get some breakfast" offered Jen, "and leave you two alone for awhile?"

"That'd be nice" said Mac. "I'll stay calm, I promise."

"I know you will, Mac" said Jen as she headed for the cafeteria. "Maybe there'll be some good news waiting for me when I get back."

"We can hope" replied Mac. Jen left the room, and Mac took a seat in the chair where Jen had kept vigil while she was upstairs.

"Hey, handsome" she said softly as she looked at his still bruised face. "Did you miss me?" There was no answer, but somehow she knew he had.

"Sorry I was gone" she said. "Apparently it's not a good thing for a woman who's 30 weeks pregnant to get quite as upset as I've been since last night. We're OK, though, the baby and I, so don't worry about us - just concentrate on waking up."

Mac took a hold of Harm's hand, lifted it to her lips and kissed it. "I love you" she whispered. She caught sight of her engagement ring as it glistened atop her left hand. It didn't seem real that they were actually engaged, almost too good to be true.

"Well, good morning, little one" she said as she felt the baby kick. "Here" she said, taking Harm's hand and placing it on her tummy, "can you do that again, for daddy?" It took a few moments, but the baby gave her another good, strong kick in the same place as before. Mac smiled, her instincts telling her that Harm knew what was going on.

"You almost missed the baby's birthday, did you know that? Well, I should say the baby's birthday almost came 10 weeks earlier than planned, but that's all taken care of now."

Mac held onto his hand and looked down at the floor, concentrating on not getting upset.

"It was scary, Harm. They had me hooked up to a monitor and wouldn't let me out of the bed, and the doctor said I came way too close to having an emergency C-section last night. I'm so glad that didn't happen, mostly because the baby's not ready yet, but also because I can't imagine either of us missing the birth, let alone both of us."

Again, no response from the patient, lying still as stone in the bed, but she continued talking anyway.

"I haven't called your mom and Frank yet, but I plan to shortly. I was hoping to have more news for them than this, but since I don't, I'll just give them what I've got and if they want to fly out, they can. You know she's not gonna like seeing you like this, babe. She needs to know what happened, though."

Mac felt a tiny squeeze of her hand, so tiny she almost missed it.

"Harm!" Mac jumped up from her chair. "Harm, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again, babe! Come on, I know you can do it!"

She felt another squeeze. She reached around and pressed the nurse call button.

"Can I help you?" said the answering nurse.

"Yes" exclaimed Mac, "Commander Rabb is waking up!"

"I'll page Commander Stephenson right away" replied the nurse. "Are his eyes open?"

"Not yet" said Mac, "but he squeezed my hand twice and I know he's close to opening his eyes!"

"Ok, Colonel, we'll be right there" said the nurse.

"Thank you!" replied Mac, turning her attention back to Harm.

"Ok flyboy" she said, "I need you to open your eyes for me. Come on, let's see those gorgeous baby blues."

Nothing.

"Wake up, Harm, come on, babe, please wake up." Just then, Commander Stephenson and his nurse entered the room.

"You said he squeezed your hand?" asked the doctor.

"Twice" answered Mac, "and he's _this_ close to opening his eyes, I just know it."

"That's altogether possible, Colonel" said the doctor. "The hand squeezing is an excellent sign, but we can't get too excited until his eyes are open and we can assess his cognitive functions."

"Speak for yourself, Commander" retorted Mac, a little put out at the doctor's definition of what did and didn't warrant excitement. "I know Harm better than anyone in the world, and I'm telling you he's very close to breaking out of this coma."

"I hope you're correct, Colonel" said the doctor, "I really do. I'll be back in another hour or so, unless there's a change in his condition before then."

"Fine" said Mac, having to focus extra hard at remaining calm. Once they were alone again, her efforts turned back towards getting her man to open his eyes.

"OK, Harm, I really need you to work with me here. Prove that doctor wrong, babe, come on!"

"Mmmm…" It was the first sound he'd made since the accident.

"Harm! Harm I'm here, wake up and talk to me!"

He very slowly opened his eyes. At first he just stared straight up, squinting from the light.

"Harm! Can you see me?" asked Mac, fighting with every word to keep from getting too excited and sending her blood pressure back up.

He painstakingly turned his head towards her, his eyes still open and a blank stare on his face. After what seemed like an eternity…

"Mac" he said groggily, the slightest of smiles coming to his face.

"Harm" she replied, losing her fight to keep from crying. "How do you feel?"

"Head….hurts….bad" he said. "What…happened?"

"You were in a car accident last night" answered Mac. "You've been unconscious since you got here."

"You…OK?" he asked.

"I'm fine, babe" replied Mac. "You were alone in the car. I came here as soon as the police called me, just like you did for me."

"Pain…all…over" he said.

"I know, love" said Mac, "you have a couple of bruised ribs from where the seatbelt did it's job, and your knees are pretty banged up from slamming into the dashboard."

"That….all?" he asked.

"Except for the airbag bruise" she said. "Your face looks like mine did after my accident."

"Didn't…know…I…was…so…pretty" said Harm.

"Oh boy" said Mac, "always the jokester, huh?"

"Love…you…too" he said. Just then, the nurse came in to check on him.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant turn of events?" exclaimed the nurse upon realizing Harm was awake. "Let me go page the doctor, I'll be right back."

"He's gonna be pleased to see you awake and talking" said Mac.

"Good" said Harm. "Sit…up?"

"Maybe we should wait until the doctor comes in and see what he says" said Mac.

"See what I say about what?" asked Commander Stephenson as he entered the room.

"He wants to sit up in the bed" said Mac. "Is that OK?"

"Sure" said the doctor. "Let's do it this way" and as he pushed a button on the side of the bed, the head began to slowly rise, easing Harm into a semi-sitting position.

"AH!" yelled Harm just as the bed came to a stop.

"What's wrong!" exclaimed Mac.

"Hurts!" said Harm, clutching his bruised ribs.

"I'm sorry, Commander" the doctor said to Harm. "Bruised ribs are extremely painful, but it's important that we get you sitting up as much as we can to try and alleviate your risk of developing pneumonia."

"Can you give him anything for the pain?" asked Mac. She hated to see him hurting like that.

"I'll give him some IV steroids for now, to help with inflammation" said the doctor, "and after awhile, if he does well on those, we can give him something stronger for the pain, likely some Tylenol with codeine."

"Why can't we start with something stronger" asked Mac.

"With this type of injury" replied the doctor "we need to keep the patient as alert as possible so we can best monitor the situation. If we drug him up too much, it could mask a serious situation."

"I see" said Mac.

"I need to run through a few quick things with him right now" said the doctor "and then we'll get the meds going."

"OK" replied Mac, stepping back a bit so the doctor could get to Harm. He held up 2 fingers, and asked Harm if he could see them and how many there were.

"Two" said Harm, his voice indicative of the pain he was in.

"Good" answered the doctor. "Any ringing in your ears, anything like that?"

"No."

"Do you have a headache?"

"Yeah" said Harm.

"On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the worst" said the doctor, "how bad is the pain?"

"Five" said Harm. Mac wasn't fooled, she could tell her was hurting a lot more than he was letting on.

"OK" said the doctor. "We'll get you going on some steroids real soon and that should help your head a lot. I'll give you a little while to rest here in bed, and then I need you to try getting up and walking around if you can."

"Is that really necessary to do so soon?" asked Mac. "He's only been conscious for half an hour and he's in a lot of pain. Can't the walking wait awhile?"

"Sure, it can wait, Colonel" replied the doctor, "I'd just like to see him at least try to get up and walk from the bed to the recliner sometime before dinner, OK?"

"We can give it a try, sure" replied Mac. "Can he have the meds now?"

"I'm writing the order as we speak" said Commander Stephenson.

"Thank you" said Mac. The doctor finished making notes in Harm's chart, and left the room.

"I'm sorry you're hurting so much, babe" said Mac as she watched Harm wince with every breath.

"Me too" he replied, his voice becoming a little stronger but still very weak compared to normal.

"You're tough, though" she said, "you've been through more painful things than this and done great, don't forget that."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like staying alive for over 3 hours in that ice cold ocean when you dunked your Tomcat in the drink trying to get back in time for the wedding that never was." Her heart sank at the memory of that horrible night and the weeks that followed, not only for what Harm had gone through, but for how close she'd come to marrying the wrong man.

"That was bad" said Harm, also remembering how close he'd come to losing Mac to Brumby. "This really hurts, though" he added, gently touching his ribs.

"I know it does" said Mac, "it'll probably be the most painful part of your recovery, but you'll have to fight through it, OK?"

"What'll I hafta do to get outta here?" he asked, his voice remaining weak and quiet.

"I'm not sure of everything just yet" said Mac, "but I know you'll have to do your breathing exercises to the satisfaction of the doctor or you're stuck here forever." She smiled a little, knowing beyond any doubt Harm wouldn't spend a second longer than necessary in that place.

"OK, Commander, we've got some meds for you" said a nurse as she entered the room with a drug pump.

"Good" replied Harm. The nurse proceeded to set up the machine next to the bed and connect it to Harm's IV. She punched in a code and locked the box when she was finished.

"Here you go" she said, handing Harm a small button connected to the machine. "It's all ready to go, just press the button when you want a dose, and if it's been at least 7 minutes since the last dose, the machine will dispense the programmed amount through your IV."

"Sounds great" said Harm, "can I have some now?"

"I pressed it right before I handed it to you" answered the nurse, "but in about 5 minutes you can press it again, just look for this little light to go off." She pointed to a small indicator light on the machine, which showed that the required time between doses hadn't expired.

"Five minutes it is" said Harm, his body beginning not feeling any relief as of yet.

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Mac, as the nurse left the room. She turned to Harm, his eyes once again closed.

"We'll give the steroids a little time, then we need to get you up out of this bed, OK?"

"OK" he replied. "Mac?"

"Yeah, babe?" she answered.

"I love you" he said, opening his eyes slowly and looking into hers.

"We love you, too" replied Mac, and she placed Harm's hand on her tummy as the baby tumbled about.

_I hope to have Chapter 26 up by the end of this week..._


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: the usual... :)

_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews - it makes my day to see each one! I forgot to say a VERY special thank youin the last chapter to **codedriver** for her amazing help with the medical stuff! I've got it down pat when it comes to infertility things, but not so much on alot of the "regular" medical things, and she's been a GREAT helper! As for my medical stuff, I go back to my fertility doctor tomorrow and we'll go over last week's operation and talk about what comes next. I'll post the latest with the next chapter. :)_

_Oh yes, while I'm thinking of it - let's have all the shippers together now: "Harm and Mac MUST get together this season, and MUST somehow make good on that baby deal!" There's no way they can go into an 11th season without Harm, and since we already know he's gone after this season, they just HAVE to get together and ride off into the sunset together, happily in love!_

_Thus endeth my shipperly rant for today..._

-

Chapter 26:

"Time to recheck your vitals, Commander" said the nurse as she entered Harm's room, pulling a portable blood pressure machine behind her. He'd only been awake for about 6 hours, and still felt pretty rotten.

"OK" said Harm.

"Are the steroids helping any?" asked the nurse.

"Yeah, some" replied Harm.

"I'm so glad to see you sitting in the chair" said the nurse, "that's real progress!"

"That's what I keep telling him" said Mac, "but he doesn't see it."

"Oh, believe me, Commander" said the nurse as she fastened the cuff on his arm and started the machine, "it's a small thing, but you've got several small things you have to do to heal up enough to go home."

"Like that breathing thing?" asked Harm, referring to the small, plastic breathing meter they'd given him a short while earlier. It had a mouthpiece and a small hose on it, and he'd been instructed to breath into it and make the little floating indicator inside rise to a specified level. It didn't look like fun considering his bruised ribs, and he was dreading it.

"'Fraid so" replied the nurse as she recorded Harm's blood pressure. "That's super important, though. We don't want to see you develop pneumonia." The nurse placed a thermometer in Harm's mouth, and made note of the reading a few seconds later.

"I know" said Harm, "I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to manage that thing in this condition."

"You can do it, babe" assured Mac, "we'll just take it slow at first and as you get stronger, you'll be able to do it, no problem."

"Alright, Sarah" said the nurse, "your turn." Mac looked over at Harm, knowing what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"Your turn?" he asked. "Why?"

Mac sighed as she held out her arm for the nurse. "I had a little problem with my blood pressure last night and they wanna keep an eye on it."

"What kind of problem?" asked Harm.

"I had to spend several hours upstairs on the maternity floor after Jen found me passed out next to your bed" said Mac.

"What!" exclaimed Harm. "What happened!"

"Apparently my blood pressure got so high from all the stress that I passed out" answered Mac. "They took me upstairs and put me on a fetal monitor and kept a close watch on my pressures and the baby's heart rate. When they were satisfied with both, they let me come back down here with the understanding that they'd be checking my pressures down here and if they went too high, I had to go back upstairs."

"Are you OK!" asked Harm. "The baby!"

"We're both fine, babe, I promise" said Mac, reaching out to hold his hand. "The doctor last night said I've got what they call pre-eclampsia, which just means while I'm pregnant we have to really closely monitor my blood pressure."

"Looks good for now, Sarah" said the nurse as she removed the cuff from Mac's arm. "I'll leave you two alone for awhile." She quietly stepped out of the room.

"What if it goes that high again?" asked Harm, the concern on his face enough to make Mac want to cry.

"If they can't get it under control" she said, "then they'd have to deliver the baby."

"Did they talk about delivering the baby last night?" he asked her.

She looked away from him.

"Mac, look at me" insisted Harm. "Did they?"

Mac nodded her head. "It was close, Harm. _Really _close."

"How close?" he asked, needing to know as much as possible about the ordeal.

"2 minutes" replied Mac, so softly she could barely be heard.

"2 minutes?" asked Harm. "So if your pressures hadn't come down when they did, you would have had the baby last night?"

Mac nodded.

"Mac, I'm so sorry" said Harm. "I should have been there for you and I-" She cut him off.

"No, Harm, don't apologize" she said. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I let myself get spun up out of control and not only was I not here for you but I put our baby in danger and we both almost missed the birth and…" She began to cry.

"Hey" said Harm, holding his hands out to embrace hers. "Let's not dwell on it, on what might have happened. We've got enough to deal with without getting upset over how the baby _almost_ came early and how we both _almost_ missed the birth, OK? That didn't happen, any of it, and you're still fine and the baby is still safe and sound in there, and in another couple months, we'll get to have the birth we've looked forward to all this time."

Mac sobbed as she listened to his words. He was right, but then he often was.

"Yes, we will" she replied, "and it'll be amazing, huh?"

"You know it will" answered Harm, appearing to feel a little bit better.

"Oh hey" said Mac, wiping away a few remaining tears, "Jen said she, Harriet and Mattie have got our baby shower almost totally planned. How cool is that!"

"Pretty cool" answered Harm. "Does my mom know about that yet?"

"No, but she will" said Mac. "I was gonna call her in a little while and fill her in on everything that's happened since yesterday."

"That'd be a good idea" said Harm. "She'll freak when she hears about me, but the baby shower news will be a great distraction."

"Do you feel up to talking to her at all" asked Mac, "or would you rather wait and call her yourself maybe tomorrow or the next day?"

"I can say 'hi' tonight I guess" replied Harm, "but I'm not really up for one of my mother's marathon conversations."

"Ok" said Mac, "I think it'd do her a lot of good to hear your voice, but I'm sure she'll understand that you need your rest and you don't have a lot of strength just yet."

"Yeah" said Harm, "speaking of strength, I guess I need to work on that stupid thing, huh?" He pointed to the breathing meter sitting on the shelf by the window.

"Yeah, you do" replied Mac. She handed it to him, and he gave it all he could, determined to meet all his requirements for discharge by the end of the week.

Mac had no doubt he'd succeed.

-


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Same as always...not mine, sure wish they were... :)

_A/N: I hope folks enjoy this chapter, It's one of the most fun ones so far (in my opinion anyway). Please be sure to let me know what you think of it:)_

_For those interested in my personal health, here's the skinny on my post-op appointment from today. My surgery last week went very well, my doctor was pleased with the findings andwith the level of treatment he was able to provide me. My left fallopian tube was in dreadfully bad shape and, for all intents and purposes, was dead. All the structures inside it which were supposed to make it work were collapsed, it was completely blocked, and there was zero chance of it ever functioning again, so he removed it. I had a"minimal amount" of endometriosis which had returned in the last 10 months, but he removed it and said there was nothing to worry about there, which is good. I also had a 25mm cyst on my right ovary which he was able to remove with no problem, again, good news. I'm still in a good deal of pain from theoperation, and he gave me a few more prescription pain killers today, just to get me through the weekend and after that we both expect the worst of the pain to beover. We're on a break from fertility treatment for another 4-6 weeks while my body heals, then we'll give it another go and pray for the best..._

Chapter 27:

"I'm so excited, aren't you!" asked Mac jubilantly as she and Harm walked hand-in-hand towards the Roberts' house, the site of their long-awaited baby shower. The previous few weeks had been really tough on them, dealing with Harm's accident and Mac's blood pressure issues, and they were really looking forward to a fun afternoon with their family and friends.

"I sure am" said Harm, "but I still don't get the whole 'couples shower' thing. I thought showers were for women."

"They can be for whoever the people involved want them to be for" explained Mac. "Mattie asked me if I thought you wanted to be a part of it, and I knew you did so I told her to plan it for couples."

"I'm glad you did that, babe" said Harm. "I would've understood if they'd made it just for the women, but I'm glad I can be here and share in the fun." He leaned down and kissed her as they rang the doorbell.

"Hi! Come on in!" exclaimed Harriet as she welcomed the guests of honor. "Everyone is mingling in the living room, so go on in and say hi, and we'll get started shortly."

"Thanks, Harriet" said Mac.

"Can I get either of you anything?" asked Harriet.

"I'd love a bottle of water, please" replied Mac. "Anything for you, babe?"

"Water'd be great, Harriet" answered Harm, "thanks."

"No problem, sir - I mean Harm" said Harriet as she went to get the water. Harm and Mac entered the living room, and were amazed to see so many friendly faces waiting to greet them - Chloe, Sturgis and Varese to name a few, and it took no time at all for Trish and Frank to descend upon the parents-to-be.

"Hi, mom" said Harm, giving her a big hug.

"Hi, son" replied Trish, "it's so good to see you up and about like this!" She hadn't seen him since two days after he'd gone home from the hospital, and he'd made amazing progress since then.

"I'm glad I can be up and about" said Harm, "especially for this."

"Mac, honey, how are you feeling?" asked Trish, embracing her future-daughter-in-law.

"I'm feeling really good" replied Mac. "We're really excited about today, and we're so glad you both could make it."

"We wouldn't have dreamed of missing it" said Frank, stepping in to hug the couple.

"Mac's right" said Harm, "we're really glad you're here." As the conversation drew to a close, Bud approached the group.

"Hey Bud" said Mac as she gave him a hug.

"Hey, Mac" he replied. "How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks" she answered. "This all looks great, I know you had to have helped with all these decorations." The whole room was decorated in a Winnie the Pooh baby shower theme. There were pink, blue and yellow streamers all across the ceiling, and tons of balloons to match. The table covers had an adorable scene of Pooh and Piglet looking at a little baby chick as it hatched from it's shell. The centerpiece on the food table was a 3D image of the same Pooh and Piglet scene, and across the top it said "Hello, little friend". Jen had asked Mac for the baby book earlier in the week, and it was laid out next to the gift table, opened to a page for shower guests to sign in.

"Yeah" said Bud, "the girls roped me into being the one to climb on the step stool and tack all the streamers and balloons up."

"Sorry about that, Bud" said Harm with a chuckle.

"No, I didn't mind at all!" replied Bud. "I was happy to help."

"Glad to hear it" said Harm.

"So, how are you doing?" Bud asked him.

"Doing pretty good" said Harm, "a little better each day."

"I'm so glad" said Bud. "How are your injuries healing up, pretty well?"

"Yeah, pretty well" replied Harm. "My ribs are still sore if I move wrong, and my knees still hurt a lot if I walk too far or stand too long, but aside from that I'm feeling good."

"Well here, sit down!" exclaimed Bud, pulling a chair over for Harm.

"I'm fine Bud, really" insisted Harm, "but thanks."

"Well how about you both go sit in the chairs we've got for you" said Bud, "that way I won't feel bad for making you stand up."

"Ok, we'll go sit down" said Mac. "I assume those are our chairs?" she asked, pointing to the 2 chairs near the gift table which had huge Mylar balloons tied to them, one reading "Mommy-to-Bee", the other "Daddy-to-Bee", and they had Pooh on them with a little bumblebee on his nose.

"Those are yours!" said Bud. "I'm gonna go see if they need any help in the kitchen."

As Harm and Mac made their way to their seats, they were greeted by another very familiar and friendly face.

"Admiral!" exclaimed Mac, reaching out to hug the man who'd seen she and Harm through so much in the course of their relationship.

"It's AJ" he said, "and don't you just look wonderful?"

"Thank you, AJ" said Mac. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Well, why the hell not?" inquired AJ. "I've been waiting for this to happen for, what, 8, 9 years now, I wouldn't miss it!"

"Didn't you expect a wedding invitation first, though, AJ?" asked Harm, fully realizing he was setting himself up for one of the retired Admiral's famous comebacks.

"Quite honestly, Commander" said AJ, "no I did not. You two never did anything 'by the book'

or the way I expected you to, so I didn't figure having a baby would be any different."

"Really, sir?" replied Harm, still intent on egging his old boss on.

"Really, Commander" answered AJ. "Besides, it was plain as the nose on my face the whole time I was the JAG that you two were head-over-heels in love with each other. I knew it'd just be a matter of time before you realized it and did something about it."

"Well, looks like we've done both, huh?" joked Mac.

"Indeed you have" said AJ, "and I couldn't be happier for you."

"Thank you, AJ" said Harm.

"Just out of curiosity, though" asked AJ, "can I expect a wedding invitation anytime soon?"

"It's in the works, sir - I mean AJ" said Harm, "but it won't be until after the baby is born. Mac insists she can't look good in a wedding dress while she's pregnant, so even though I tried to tell her she looks good in anything she puts on, we decided to wait."

"Well, I'll be looking forward to the invitation" said AJ.

"Can I have everyone's attention, please?" asked Harriet. The chatter quieted down and all eyes turned to her as she stood in the center of the room.

"I think everyone is here, so we'll go ahead and get started. I know from personal experience that many baby shower games can be silly and aggravating, so we've come up with a few we hope will actually be fun." Mattie and Jen went around the circle and passed out sheets of paper and pens.

"Ok, here's how this game goes" said Harriet. "Everyone needs to write down a problem that Harm and Mac might have with the baby, and a solution to the problem. It can be anything from a big problem to a simple one - use your imagination! Go ahead and do that, we'll give you about 5 minutes, and then we'll tell you the next step."

"Hey, no peeking" said Mac as she caught Harm trying to look over her shoulder.

"I'm not peeking" he insisted with a smile, "I'm merely checking your creativity."

"You're so full of it, Harm" said Mac, smiling back at him.

"Is everyone finished?" asked Harriet after 5 minutes. "Ok, now, I need everyone to tear their papers in half to where you have a piece with only the problem on it and a piece with only the solution. After you do that, I want you to pass your problem piece three people to your left, and your solution piece four people to your right. When we're done, you should have 2 pieces that don't belong to you."

"Oh boy" said Mac, "I know where this is going."

"Where?" asked Harm.

"You'll see" she said. "It should be funny."

"Ok" said Harriet, "now for the fun part. We'll start at this end with Varese, and you need to read the problem on your list and then the solution. Go ahead, Varese."

"_A problem Harm and Mac might have with the baby is: _it cries all hours of the night. _To solve this problem, they: _leave the house an hour earlier. That doesn't make any sense!"

"It's not supposed to" said Jen. "That's what makes it fun!"

"I see" said Varese. "Well, maybe the next person will have something funnier."

"I guess that would be me" said Sturgis. "Let's see, _A problem Harm and Mac might have with the baby is: _they run out of diapers. _To solve this problem, they: _buy the baby some bigger shoes." The entire room roared with laughter.

"Just so you know Harm, bigger shoes won't help if you run out of diapers!" joked Bud.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Bud" laughed Harm.

"That was a good one, Sturgis" laughed Harriet. "Ok, Chloe, go ahead."

"Ok" said Chloe excitedly. "_A problem Harm and Mac might have with the baby is: _it spits up everything they feed it. _To solve this problem, they: _send the baby to grandma's. That's funny!"

"Hey, you never know" said Mac, "it just might happen!"

"Fine with me!" exclaimed Trish.

The group continued with the rest of the game, and played another involving a listing of different TV show children from past and present, matching the right kids to the right parents. After that, it was time for gifts…

Mattie took a seat next to Harm with a legal pad and pen in her grasp. Jen stood next to the gift table on the other side of Mac.

"I'll hand you the gifts" said Jen, "and you can open them however you want. Mattie will make note of everything you get and who gave it, and we'll pass it around the circle so everyone can see it."

"That sounds like a good plan" replied Mac.

"Works for me" seconded Harm. "Let's get started!"

Jen handed Mac the first package, and Mac turned to Harm to see if he wanted to do the honors.

"No, you go ahead, babe" he said.

"You have to open some of these" said Mac, "I'm not gonna have all the fun!"

"OK, we can take turns" offered Harm, "will that work?"

"Yeah" said Mac, as she began to tear the paper from the package.

"Awwwww…" she said as she laid eyes upon the contents, a package of sleepers and a pair of baby booties.

"Thank you, Chloe" said Mac, "they're adorable!"

"They sure are" said Harm, reaching out to hug Chloe as she approached.

"You're welcome" said Chloe, "I'm glad you like them."

"Here you go, Harm" said Jen as she handed him a large gift bag from the table.

"Thanks" he said, setting it on the floor at his feet and carefully removing the tissue paper. He pulled out a hand-made baby quilt with Pooh Bear on it.

"Oh, wow" he said.

"That's just gorgeous!" said Mac. "Is this your handy work?" she asked, looking directly at her future mother-in-law.

"Yes, it is" admitted Trish. "I saw the pattern in a crafters magazine and since your nursery theme is Pooh, it was too perfect."

"It's great, mom" said Harm, "the baby will no doubt love it."

"I'm glad you both like it" said Trish with a smile. She'd waited a long time for this day, and she was loving the sight of her son and his eventual bride opening baby gifts.

"Next" said Jen, passing Mac a smaller gift bag. Mac peeked inside and squealed "Oh my gosh!" before pulling out two stuffed bears. One was outfitted in a sailor suit, complete with sea bag, the other dressed in Marine camouflage fatigues.

"Now _those_ are cute" said Harm. "Who are they from?" Before Mac could look at the tag on the gift bag, the giver spoke up.

"They're from Varese and I" said Sturgis. "Squeeze their tummies." Harm handed Mac the Marine bear, and he gave the tummy of the Navy one a squeeze. A soft, digital version of "Anchors Aweigh" filled the room.

"Need we guess what this one plays?" laughed Mac as she held up the Marine bear. After "Anchors Aweigh" had finished, a gentle press of the tummy on her bear elicited an adorable, lullaby-type tune of "The Marines Hymn."

"Perfect choice, Sturgis, Varese" said Harm, "thanks."

"Hey, buddy" replied Sturgis, "we've gotta give this kid equal exposure to both, you know?"

"Oh, believe me" assured Harm, "I know!"

"OK, here Harm" said Jen, passing him a mid-sized box with a huge yellow bow on top.

"What pretty wrapping" said Mac as Harm carefully removed the bow and handed it to her. He took the top off the box and pulled out a stack of baby clothes.

"I remember this" said Mac as she looked at the pink sleeper with a kitten on it.

"Yeah, me too" replied Harm with a smile.

"That's way too cute!" squealed Mattie, who'd been so busy making note of who gave what, she'd hardly said a word since they began with the gifts.

"Hey!" exclaimed Chloe "I thought you didn't know the sex of the baby!"

"We don't, honey" assured Mac. "When we did our registry, we each chose one outfit for a boy and for a girl, this is the one I chose for a girl."

"Ah, OK" said Chloe, accepting Mac's explanation without further question.

"Hey, look here" said Harm as he pulled something from the middle of the stack. It was the bib he'd picked out with the red anchor on the front.

"Lemme see now" said AJ, "who on earth could have chosen to register for that…?"

"You got me, sir" joked Harm as he pulled an outfit from the pile. "Probably the same person who chose this little boy's sailor suit".

"Who's this all from, anyway?" asked Mac, looking for a tag on the package.

"It's from me" said Jen. "It's all supposed to be things you registered for, but some of the abbreviations on the printout at the store were really hard to figure out, so if I got anything wrong, you can exchange it."

"I'm sure it'll all be fine, Jen" said Harm. "Thanks for being so gracious."

"You're welcome, Harm" she said as she lugged a big box from behind the gift table and put it in front of Mac.

"My goodness!" Mac exclaimed. "I can't imagine what this could be…" She tore off the pastel wrapping paper to expose a box containing a stroller.

"Is it the right one?" asked Trish.

"It sure looks like it to me" answered Harm, "it is, Mac?"

"Yep, it is!" said Mac. "We tried out a few different ones in the store and this one was the only one with handles high enough for Harm to use without slouching down."

"Ok, I'm glad I got it right" said Trish. "Jen's right, those printouts can be confusing."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt that way" laughed Jen, handing Harm a gift bag with baby zoo animals on it.

"Hey, neat!" he said as he removed the tissue paper and looked into the bag and saw an assortment of bottles and bottle accessories.

"You'll really like those, Mac" said Harriet. "I used the same kind and they're wonderful."

"I researched them quite a bit" said Mac. "I needed one that would work well with breastfeeding, and those always seemed to make the grade, so I went with them."

"Oh yeah" agreed Harriet, "they're great with breastfeeding, really great."

"This obviously means I'll be expected to take some of those 2 a.m. feedings, huh?" said a smiling Harm.

"Eventually" said Mac, "so enjoy sleeping through the night while you can, my dear!"

"Count on it!" said Harm.

"Here we are, Mac" said Jen, handing her a small box with a pretty white bow. Mac slipped the top off the box, bow and all, and just stared at the contents for a moment before saying a word.

"Harm, I think you should be the one to show this off" she said, her voice quivering with emotion.

"Why? What is it?" he asked, taking the box from her. Like Mac had done, he held the box and stared silently at what it held for a moment. He looked up from the box and into his mother's eyes.

"I don't know what to say" he said, blinking his eyes to keep the tears at bay. Inside the box was an old color photograph in a brand new sterling silver frame. The photo was of Harm, Sr. holding his newborn son, looking down at him in total admiration. On the frame were engraved the words "A love like no other…"

"You don't have to say anything, dear" replied Trish, crying just a bit. "Just take it out of the box and pass it around." He did just that, then walked across the room to give his mother a long embrace. When he returned to his seat, it was evident he'd really been crying. Mac reached over and took his hand, wiping away her own tears with her other hand.

"That's such a special gift" said Harriet, also crying.

"I know, isn't it?" said Mattie, hugging Harm's shoulder.

"I know right where it'll go" said Mac. "On the baby's dresser, next to the lamp so we can always see it."

"I know Harm, Sr. would be such a proud grandpa" said Trish. "I came across that photo a few weeks ago while looking for something else, and I knew exactly what to do with it."

"Was that taken the day I was born?" asked Harm.

"Yes, it was" answered his mother. "You were maybe 3 hours old, and that was when he held you for the first time. Gosh, Harm, he was so proud. He held onto you like you were a million bucks."

"Well now that everyone in the room is crying" sniffled Jen, "here's another gift!" She dragged another large box out from behind the table.

"I think I might know what this is" said Mac as she tore the paper off a corner of the box.

"I have an idea, too" said Mattie. Mac continued removing the paper until the contents of the box were evident.

"The swing, cool!" said Chloe. "Is that what you thought it was?"

"Yep" answered Mac. "I remembered the size and shape of the boxes from the store."

"You'll be so glad to have that, guys" said Bud. "Our kids all loved theirs, they'd spend hours in it just happy as could be."

"Is this from you two?" Mac asked Bud.

"Nope" answered Mattie, "it's from me."

"Mattie!" exclaimed Harm. "You didn't have to get us anything that big!"

"Don't be silly" retorted Mattie, "big sisters have a certain amount of spoiling to do, and this is just the beginning!"

"Thanks, Mats" said Mac as she leaned over Harm to give Mattie a kiss on the cheek.

"OK, next" said Jen as she handed Harm an envelope. He opened it and removed the card.

"Aww, that's great" he said.

"What is it?" asked Mac.

"From Sergei" replied Harm. "It says 'Dear brother, Mac and baby: I'm sorry I can't be there today, but I wanted you to know how much I love you all. Use this gift card to buy whatever the baby needs, assuming you don't get it all today! Much love, Sergei.'"

"What a sweet thing of him to do" said Trish. "He's got a lot of his father in him for sure."

"Here's another card, Mac" said Jen. Mac opened it and her eyes grew big as dinner plates.

"Sir! I mean AJ!" she said.

"Lemme see that" said Harm, taking the card from Mac's hands and reading it for himself.

"WOW!" he exclaimed.

"What is it?" questioned everyone else in the room, eager to know what the expectant couple was so amazed by.

Harm read the card aloud. "'Harm and Mac: This card is to let you know that your entire nursery furniture set is ready to be delivered to your home at your convenience. Congratulations, AJ Chegwidden. '"

"That's SO cool!" said Chloe. "Uncle AJ, you give the best gifts!"

"I try" said the retired Admiral with a modest grin on his face.

"Sir, AJ" said Mac, "this is so much more than we-"

"Nonsense" interrupted AJ, "I wanted to get you something practical and useful, and that just seemed to fit the bill."

"We really appreciate it, AJ" said Harm.

"Just promise me I can come see it when it's all set up" said AJ.

"Absolutely!" agreed both Harm and Mac.

"OK" said Jen, only a few more. She brought out a large, bulky package from the other room and put it in Harm's lap.

"It didn't fit behind the table" she said.

"Ah, OK" said Harm, squeezing the package a little.

"Just open it" said Mac, beginning to tear the paper off of it herself.

"Hey, this one's mine!" kidded Harm. Mac stuck her tongue out at him.

"Children, children" said AJ. "I swear, those two aren't ever gonna grow up" he laughed.

Harm finished unwrapping the package. "All together now" he said as he held up the gift, "awwwww." It was the Pooh and Friends crib bedding set they'd taken so long choosing for their registry.

"That's too adorable!" exclaimed Varese.

"I know, I love Pooh" said Harriet.

"Who's it from?" asked Sturgis.

"Let's see here" said Mac, looking for the tag. She found it and read it to herself, then looked at Harm in disbelief. He took it from her, also read it in silence, and ended up with the same look on his own face.

"Well?" said Frank.

"It says 'Best wishes to you all, Major General and Mrs. Creswell.'"

"How nice!" said Trish.

"How _surprising_!" said Sturgis.

"Indeed" said Harm.

"Well, not all that surprising" said Mac. "He's actually been very supportive through the pregnancy, giving us time off when we need it and such. Seems he's got a heart after all."

"Well" said Jen, "that does it for the gifts. Are we ready for cake?"

"Bring it on!" said Mac. "I hope it's chocolate, is it?"

"You're in luck" said Harriet.

"Good, I've been craving a big piece of chocolate cake for days now" said Mac.

Everyone went into the dining room and gathered in front of the table where the cake was at. Mattie and Jen filled the stemware with sparkling cider, and asked everyone to grab a glass.

"AJ, sir" asked Harriet, "would you like to give the toast?"

"I'd be honored" he replied. He thought for a few moments, then began to speak.

"I've known Harm and Mac almost as long as they've known each other, and they're two of the most special people on this earth. They're going to be amazing parents, and there's no doubt this little baby will have more love than it knows what to do with. So, let's raise our glasses to the next generation of the Rabb family and may God bless them as much as they've blessed all of us."

"That was beautiful, sir - sorry, AJ" said Bud.

"Yes, it was" said Mac, her eyes wet and teary. "Thank you."

"I meant every word of it" said AJ, giving Mac a big hug.

"OK" said Harriet, "we need Harm and Mac up here for a picture with the cake before we cut it." The expectant parents made their way to the table, and stood behind it, holding the cake up together. Afterwards, Jen handed them a serving knife.

"Do the honors" she said.

"I see, practice for the wedding cake, huh?" joked Harm. He took Mac's hand and pretended to cut the cake like he figured they'd cut their wedding cake, garnering laughs from all in attendance.

"Oh, Harmon" said his mother, "just cut it, we're hungry!"

"Yes, mother" said Harm, his tone mimicking that of a little boy who'd just been scolded. He began to slice the cake when Mac took the knife away from him.

"I'll do it" she said. "I've seen him cut cakes, we'll be here all day!"

"What's wrong with the way I cut cakes?" he asked her, knowing she was just picking on him.

"Nothing, babe" said Mac, "you just try too hard to get every piece to be the exact same size, and it takes you forever, that's all."

"What can I say" said Harm, "I have a few quirks!"

"Oh, I'm not even going there!" said Mattie.

"Smart move, kiddo!" said Harm, pulling her into his arms for a big hug. He winced just a little, having forgotten about his still-bruised ribs.

"Oh, I'm sorry" said Mattie, jumping backwards.

"Don't worry about it, Mats" said Harm. "I'm just a little sore is all, no biggie, I'm OK."

"Alright" said Mac, "it's all cut, so everyone dig in."

"Hold it" said Harriet, "you two get the first pieces, now choose what you want!"

"Yes, ma'am" said Harm, giving Harriet a mock salute.

As everyone was eating their cake and visiting amongst themselves, Harm decided he had something to say.

"Can I have everyone's attention for a moment?" he asked as he stood in front of the cake table.

"I want to say thank you to everyone who helped make today so special for Mac and I. We had to go through an awful lot to get to this point, to where our wonderful family and friends could throw us such a great baby shower, and I know I speak for Mac as well when I say it meant the world to us that all of you were here to celebrate with us. So, again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts."

"Oh, you two…" said Harriet as she gave Harm a hug and then moved on to Mac. "I love you both so much!"

"We love you too, Harriet" said Mac.

"How much longer until I get to hold this little miracle?" asked Harriet, gently rubbing Mac's tummy.

"Around 7 more weeks" answered Mac.

"Oh, I can hardly wait!" exclaimed Jen, who'd joined the happy conversation.

"I know the feeling" said Harm. The next few weeks couldn't possibly go by fast enough for him.

-


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were...

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews of the previous chapter. I'm dreaming of having a baby shower like theirs someday... :(_

-

Chapter 28:

"I had no idea I owned so much junk!" said Mac as she worked on packing the fifth box of items from the bookshelf.

"I know the feeling!" said Harm. "Remind me again why we're packing this stuff and not letting the movers do it for us?"

"Because" answered Mac, "I don't trust them to get it right. We're not packing everything ourselves, just the irreplaceable stuff."

"I do hope you're going to let them take care of all the baby stuff?" asked Harm.

"Most of it, yeah" replied Mac. "I've already boxed up the few things we're taking over ourselves, like the picture your mom gave us at the shower, the military bears, you know, things that we can't just run out and replace."

"That's fine, babe" said Harm, "I'm just glad you're not insisting we take everything else - this kid's already got a ton of stuff and it's not even born yet!"

"Getting close, though" smiled Mac, "only 6 more weeks."

"Didn't Dr. Mianni say it could be any time after 4 more weeks?" asked Harm. They'd seen her earlier that week, but he wasn't sure he was remembering correctly.

"Yeah, she did" replied Mac, "but I'm not actually due for another 6 weeks, and I just have a feeling this baby isn't going to come early."

"Never, know" said Harm, "I mean, the kid _is_ half of each of us, that alone gives it a stubborn streak five miles wide. I'm betting it'll be born whenever it pleases, regardless of what it's 'supposed' to do."

"I can't argue with that!" said Mac with a laugh. "Ok, finally done with this stuff" she said as she taped up the last box of bookshelf items.

"Come sit down" said Harm, "you need to take it easy."

"I'll sit down if you do" she said. "You're not supposed to be doing too much either, you're not totally healed up yet."

"Ok, we'll take a little break" said Harm. "Want a drink or anything?"

"Water, please" she answered.

"Coming right up" said Harm as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water.

"So, what's left for us to pack at your place?" Mac asked him after she took a big drink.

"Not much" replied Harm, "just some pictures, my guitar stuff, things like that."

"Well, we're pretty much done here" said Mac. "Why don't we head to your place now and get the last little bit of packing done, then we can leave the rest to the movers?"

"Works for me" said Harm. "If we get all of our packing done tonight, that'll free up tomorrow to finish painting the nursery." They never intended to be moving this late in Mac's pregnancy, but there were a few delays in closing on the house, and then Harm's accident set them back even further.

"I can't wait to see the nursery all put together" said Mac excitedly. "When is the baby furniture being delivered?"

"Thursday" answered Harm. "I didn't want to schedule it too early in the week in case something comes up and I don't get the painting finished as soon as I'm hoping to."

"Good thinking" agreed Mac. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep, let's do it" said Harm as he stood up and offered her a hand getting off the couch.

-

…_at Harm's apartment…_

"How come I've never seen these before?" asked Mac as she looked through a photo album she'd found underneath Harm's end table. It was full of pictures of Harm with his parents, family vacations from before his dad went MIA, and of Christmas 1968, the last one they'd spent together.

"I don't look at them all that much" he replied in a somewhat somber tone. Mac closed the album and put it in the box, then went over to Harm and embraced him tightly.

"I'm sorry" she said, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh, you didn't, babe" he assured her. "It's important that you see what's in that album and whatever else I have like that, it's just hard for me to look at it much is all."

"When the baby is older, will you show him or her those pictures?" asked Mac.

"Definitely" said Harm. "I'll tell the baby all about my dad, you can count on that."

"I'm glad to hear it" said Mac, standing on her tiptoes to give her man a kiss.

"What would you like for dinner?" he asked her. "I'll run to the store and get whatever you'd like."

"I'd love a chicken salad sandwich" said Mac. "The kind you made me before, with grapes and celery in it."

"I can do that" said Harm. "I'll figure out what I want when I get there." He grabbed his keys, kissed Mac and headed out the door. By the time he returned, she'd packed the rest of his photo albums, and put together a box for his guitar stuff.

"I didn't know how you wanted any of that packed" she told him, "so I decided to leave it for you."

"Ok, babe, thanks" he said as he began chopping the celery for her salad.

"What'd you get for yourself?" she asked him, sneaking a handful of grapes from the colander in the sink.

"Broccoli and cheese with rice" he said. "Looks really good."

"Yeah, it does" she agreed, popping grapes in her mouth one by one.

"How long until its ready?" she asked.

"Half an hour or so" he replied. "Why, you hungry or something?"

"Something like that" answered Mac. "We've worked hard today, especially given our conditions."

"Indeed" said Harm as he put his dinner in the oven and set the timer. "Lemme get this guitar stuff packed and out of the way while that's all cooking."

"Is there anything else in this entire apartment that you can think of that we need to pack and take over ourselves?" asked Mac as she sat on the sofa.

"I don't think so" answered Harm after a moment of thought. "I mean, all that's left is the household stuff and the furniture."

"Ok, cool" said Mac. "After we eat, we can walk through and double check though, I don't wanna miss anything that's better off coming with us than going on the moving van."

"Agreed" said Harm.

About 10 minutes later, the timer beeped in the kitchen. "Hey, dinner time" he said.

"Bring it on!" said a very hungry Mac. They sat down to a relaxing and relatively quiet dinner, since both of them were exceptionally hungry from the hard days work.

-

"That was delicious, babe" said Mac as she finished the last bite of her sandwich. "The balance between the grapes and the celery was perfect."

"I'm glad it was to your liking, my dear" replied Harm with a smile.

"How was your broccoli stuff?" she asked.

"Really good" he replied, "if you like that kind of stuff."

"Well, let's finish up here and take a walk through the place and see if we need to pack anything else" said Mac, finishing her last sips of iced tea.

"OK" said Harm as he took their empty plates into the kitchen. "I guess we'll start in here?"

"Yeah" said Mac, following him into the kitchen. "I doubt there's anything in here we can't trust the movers to take care of."

"You're probably right" agreed Harm. "Next." They walked into the living room and looked over the tables, the book cases and on the walls and didn't find anything they'd missed. From there, they went down the hallway, Mac going past the bathroom while Harm stopped at it.

"You don't wanna look in here?" he asked her.

Mac laughed. "Unless you've got an attachment to a bottle of shampoo that I'm unaware of, I don't think there's anything valuable in the bathroom, babe."

"Silly me" said Harm with a smile, "what was I thinking?" He caught up with Mac in his bedroom.

"I guess we should double check the closet" he said. "I think I got all the important stuff out of there already, but let's look anyway." He stepped into he closet and carefully perused everything inside.

"Nope, Mac" he said, "all I see are clothes, shoes, uniforms and a bit of junk, nothing the movers can't take."

"OK, I guess that's it then" she said. "We're officially packed - well, as packed as we're going to get ourselves anyway."

"Yeah, and it's only…8:30" he said, looking at his watch. "What do you wanna do with the rest of the evening?"

"I dunno" said Mac, "got any ideas?"

"Yeah, one" he said.

"Movie?" asked Mac.

"Nope."

"Work on the birth plan?"

"Nuh-uh."

"What then?" she asked.

"This." He lifted her face towards his own, and placed the most romantic of kisses on her lips.

"I see" said Mac. "Can two play this game?" she asked.

"By all means" said Harm. Mac returned his kiss with an equally passionate one, and they didn't separate until their bodies hit the bed.

"Are you sure you're OK with this?" whispered Mac as her fingers circled the button on his jeans. In times past, it'd been him asking that of her, but being the first time since his accident they'd gotten this far, she was concerned about hurting him.

Harm nodded. "You?" It didn't matter how many times the doctor told him it was OK, he couldn't help but ask.

Mac also nodded, looking deep into his sapphire eyes. He slipped his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He reached for the hem of her shirt and carefully pulled it up over her head.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered as he kissed her neck over and over.

"Mmmmmm…" said Mac, "you know what that does to me."

"What, this?" he quietly teased as he kissed up the side of her neck and all around her ear.

"Yes…" purred Mac.

"Yes, I know" he softly replied. He continued kissing her neck as the remainder of their clothing met with the floor.

"I know what this does, too" he said as he began massaging her foot, slowly moving up, his action coming to a near halt the closer he got to the top of her leg.

Mac took a deep breath. "Don't you dare stop there, flyboy!"

"Have I ever?" he asked, moving his attention to her face and kissing her tenderly.

"Then why are you teasing me like that?" she cooed.

He whispered in her ear. "'Cause it drives you wild."

"Two can play that game, too" she said slyly. She rolled onto her side and with her finger began making small circles all up and down his upper body.

"Maaaac…"

"Just returning the tease" she said.

He reached out for her hand, took it in his own and kissed each of her fingers.

"Enough teasing" he whispered…

-

_A/N: I know that's considerably more "racy" than the other romantic interludes in the story have been, but after the dreadful ending to "Fit For Duty" the other night who does that blonde doc think she is, the next Jordan Parker, I was determined to write some REAL romance between our favorite couple. Harm and Mac FOREVER! ;) _

_Stay tuned for the next chapter, coming soon...! _


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: the usual - not mine, sure wish they were...

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews - I love all the great feedback on my story! Seems I'm not alone in wanting to chase that blonde doc from last week's episode, Fit For Duty, away with a broom! I SO hope TPTB get Harm and Mac together PROPERLY and ROMANTICALLY by the end of this season. I'm tired of there always being someone else trying to get each of them, they belong together, darn it all! Sigh, oh well, in my happy little JAG world, they'll ALWAYS be together:)_

-

Chapter 29:

"That one goes in the kitchen" said Mac to the movers as they carried a large dish pack into the house.

"Yes, ma'am" replied one of the men. "What about the smaller ones there?"

"They can go in the kitchen as well" replied Mac as her cell phone rang. She looked at the Caller ID, smiled and answered.

"Hi babe" she said.

"_How's it going over there_?" asked Harm on the other end of the line. He'd gone into the office for a half day to get a few imperative things finished while Mac supervised the movers at the new house.

"Great" answered Mac. "They've almost got all the boxes in the kitchen, living room and Mattie's room unloaded, and all that's left is the master bedroom and guest room boxes and some furniture."

"_Sounds like someone's been keeping a fire lit underneath these guys_" chuckled Harm.

"You know me well, love" replied Mac. "Still planning to be here early afternoon?"

"_Yeah, looks like that'll happen_" said Harm. "_What's the plan once I get there_?"

"You can put the beds together" said Mac, "I'll be ready for a little nap right about then."

"_Consider it done, babe_" said Harm. "_I better finish up here so I can get over and help you, OK?"_

"Sure thing" said Mac. "I love you."

"_Love you, too_" replied Harm. "_Bye."_

"Bye." Mac returned the phone to her back pocket and took a big drink from her water bottle.

"Which room is the nursery, ma'am?" asked one of the movers as he carried in one of the boxes of baby things Mac had allowed them to pack and transport.

"Right around the corner here" she said, "next to the master bedroom."

"Thank you, ma'am" the man replied. He deposited the box in the nursery, and headed out to retrieve the next one.

"When's the big day?" he asked as he came in with the next box.

"About 5-and-a-half more weeks" said Mac. "I'm due September 12."

"Wow, that's not long!" exclaimed the man. "My wife and I are expecting our first in another 4 months."

"Congratulations" said Mac.

"Thank you, ma'am" he replied. "It's real exciting, isn't it?"

"Very much so" said Mac with a smile. After the mover left the room, she stayed for a moment, looking around at what would be the baby's first bedroom. The furniture that retired Admiral Chegwidden had given them as a gift had all been delivered the day before. It was so pretty- a solid oak sleigh crib, matching dresser with a built-in changing table, a 6-foot high bookcase and a glider rocker with a cushion that matched the Pooh bedding set.

"After our nap today, little one" said Mac, "you and I can start getting your room unpacked." She was so excited about seeing it competed. Harm had painted the walls a very light yellow with white trim, and put up a wallpaper border that matched the bedding. It promised to be beautiful once it was all done up. Mac's thoughts were interrupted by another ring of her cell phone.

"Hello again, babe" she said.

"_Hey" _he said. "_I finished up a little earlier than I thought, so I'm on my way over now."_

"Great!" said Mac. "Can you bring me something for lunch, please?"

"_I was actually calling to see what you wanted for lunch" _replied Harm.

"I should have known you'd do that" said Mac sweetly.

"_Yeah, you should have, but it's OK if you momentarily forgot what a wonderful and caring fiancé you have" _joked Harm.

"Oh brother" said Mac. "Lemme see, what do I want……Taco Bell!"

"_Your usual order, I presume?"_ asked Harm.

"Yep" replied Mac. "Two Burrito Supremes with extra sour cream."

"_Your wish is my command" _said Harm. _"I should be there in 45 minutes or so." _

"OK, the movers should be finished and gone by then. Love you, babe" said Mac.

"_Love you, too."_

Harm arrived with lunch less than an hour later, and they sat down and ate together before he changed into his civvies and started putting the beds together like Mac had asked him to.

"Where do you want the headboard to be?" he asked her as he laid out the pieces to the master bed, which was the bed he'd had in his apartment. It was bigger and newer than Macs, so they agreed they'd keep it and put hers in the guest room.

"I'm thinking against this wall here" she said. "There's a street light outside the window and I don't want it shining in our faces at night."

"Agreed" said Harm. He put the headboard against the wall Mac had chosen and began assembling the frame.

"I'm gonna go start unpacking some of the smaller baby things" said Mac. "Lemme know as soon as you get the bed put together, I need a power nap in the worst way."

"Will do, babe" said Harm. "Don't you overdo it, OK?"

"I won't, I'm fine" said Mac as she bent down to kiss Harm before heading around the corner into the nursery.

She sat down in the glider rocker and opened the box closest to her. She pulled out some clothes, sat the small pile in what little lap she still had with her tummy the size it was, and began sorting it.

"_These go in the closet…" _she said to herself as she moved the sailor suit, a pink gingham dress with ruffled bloomers and matching shoes, and a white fleece bunting with bunny ears on it aside.

"_These need folded…" _she said, placing a pile of sleepers and Onesies on top of the dresser. Next in the stack on her lap was the bib Harm had chosen, the one with the red anchor. Underneath it was one Frank had given them. It was green camouflage and had a baby Marine bulldog on it. Mac smiled as she looked at the bibs side-by-side.

"_Poor kid_" she said. "_We're gonna confuse the heck out of it from the second it's born." _Just then, Harm entered the room.

"Bed's all ready, babe" he said. "Sheets, blankets and all."

"Ok, thanks" she replied. "Here, can you hang these in the closet, please?' she asked him, handing him the sailor suit, pink dress and bunny suit.

"Sure" he said, taking the clothes from her. "You look really tired, why don't you save the rest of this for later tonight and I'll help you with it then?"

"Good idea" agreed Mac. She tossed the last few things that were in her lap back into the box, and started to get up from the glider.

"Ooohh" she said as she sat back down.

"What? What's wrong?" asked Harm.

"Nothing" answered Mac. "The baby just moved wrong is all, got me in the ribs again."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yep, I'm sure" she said. She tried standing up again, and was successful the second time. "See? No problem."

"OK, babe" said Harm. "What should I do while you nap, anything in particular?"

"You can work in the kitchen if you want to, put the dishes wherever you want them?" she said.

"OK" he agreed.

"I'll be up in a couple of hours" said Mac as she kissed Harm and headed for the bedroom. Harm made his way to the kitchen, chose a box and started unpacking it.

"_We've got entirely too many dishes_" he concluded as he pulled out seemingly every dish either of them had owned before they moved in together. He decided to keep the everyday basics in the most accessible cabinets, and stack the rest in the higher-up ones.

"_Oh yeah_" he remembered, "_better leave space for the baby bottles and all that stuff." _He smiled as he thought about how there'd finally be baby things in his kitchen. He'd waited a long time for that. He was lost in thought when…

"Harm, come here, please..." He heard Mac call to him from the bedroom. He immediately ran down the hall to see what she needed.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked, the concern in his voice obvious.

"Could you run to the convenience store and get me some ginger ale, please?" she asked. "My lunch is sitting like a rock and I can't get comfortable enough to sleep."

"Sure" said Harm, "I'll be right back. Anything else you think you might need?"

"No, just the soda" said Mac.

"OK" said Harm as he kissed her on the forehead before grabbing his keys and leaving for the store.

He returned about 10 minutes later with 2 bottles of ginger ale and a bag of ice, since they didn't have any ice made at the house yet. He took a cup from the cabinet, threw some ice in it and started off down the hallway with the cup in one hand and the soda in the other.

"Alright, here you go" he said as he walked through the doorway of the bedroom. "Mac! What's wrong?" She was curled up on top of the covers, crying, and squeezing his pillow in her fists as tight as she could.

"Mac! Babe, are you OK?" exclaimed Harm as he knelt down on the floor beside the bed and moved her hair off of her sweaty face.

She didn't say anything, just looked at him and shook her head.

"I'm calling Dr. Mianni!" said Harm.

Mac nodded her head as Harm grabbed his cell phone and made the call.

"Yes, I need to speak with Dr. Mianni, please. This is Commander Harmon Rabb. My fiancée is one of Dr. Mianni's patients. Yes, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. She's almost 35 weeks pregnant and she thought she had indigestion, but now we're not so sure. She's laying in bed in terrible pain and I need to know what we need to do. OK, yes, it's 555-2114, yes, thank you."

"They're gonna page her and she'll call us right back, OK?" Harm said to Mac as he reached out to hold her hand. "It's gonna be OK, I promise."

"What if… it's not?" cried Mac. "What if I have….the baby… today?" She cried even harder at that idea.

"Then we'll handle it and everything will be just fine, babe" said Harm, doing his best to reassure her but feeling like a failure, just like he did too many times before. Not a moment too soon, his cell phone rang.

"Hi, Dr. Mianni. Yes. Yeah, she went to take a nap and thought she had indigestion, so I went to get her some ginger ale and when I got home, I found her curled up on the bed crying in pain. Yeah. No. If you think that'd be best, certainly. OK, thank you doctor. Bye."

"The doctor said that it's most likely nothing more than really bad indigestion" said Harm, "but since you're so far along and since you've got the blood pressure issue, she wants us to go in right now and she'll check you both over, OK?"

"OK" said Mac, still crying some. "You'll have to help me up."

"Of course I will" said Harm, putting his arms around her and slowly moving her into a sitting position.

"Has the pain lessened at all?" he asked, once again trying to mask his concern so she wouldn't know how scared he was.

"It's a little better" she said. "At least I can move and speak now."

"See, that's good!" he said, seizing the opportunity to encourage her.

He helped her into her shoes and out to his vehicle, and they headed towards the doctor's office, unsure of what the remainder of the day held in store…


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were, blah, blah, blah...

_A/N: Sweet, sweet drama - where would a story about these two be without it? I'm getting excited about the direction things are heading as we get closer to the birth - I honestly can't say what may happen between there and now because I'm just letting the plot go where it chooses. When I began writing, I envisioned maybe a 15 chapter story, and here's chapter 30 - wow! I'm having alot of fun, though, I hope everyone continues enjoying it. :)_

-

Chapter 30:

"I understand we're not having a good afternoon" said Dr. Mianni as she entered the exam room where Harm and Mac were waiting.

"We've had better" said Harm.

"How are you feeling right now, Sarah?" she asked as she looked at the printout from the fetal monitor that the nurse had put on Mac as soon as she arrived.

"Better than I was an hour ago" replied Mac as she laid on her left side on the exam table, "but still not good."

"What specifically is bothering you right now?" asked Dr. Mianni, "still your stomach?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "and my back hurts a little."

"I see" replied the doctor. "Well, the readings from the fetal monitor aren't causing me too much concern, and your blood pressure has gone down a few points since you first arrived, which is good, but I want to do an internal exam and an ultrasound, just to be on the safe side."

"OK" said Mac.

"I'll step out for a minute and let you get undressed" said the doctor. "Here's a sheet."

"Thanks" said Mac as she reached out for Harm's hand to pull herself up off the table.

"I'm glad she's not too worried about anything" said Harm as Mac slowly undressed from the waist down and covered up with the sheet. She'd done that so many times throughout the course of their fertility treatments and then the pregnancy, too many times really.

"Me too" replied Mac, laying back down on the table. "I'm glad my pressures weren't too high. As much pain as I was in at the house, I was afraid they'd be off the charts and uncontrollable and we'd be spending this afternoon having a baby."

"Well, it doesn't look like that'll be the case" said Harm as he sat back down beside the exam table. "I've got a good feeling about everything, I really think it'll all be fine."

"Knock, knock" said Dr. Mianni as she opened the door a bit to see if Mac was ready.

"Come in, I'm ready" said Mac. The doctor entered and closed the door behind herself, grabbed a pair of gloves and a tube of water-based gel. She put the gloves on and squeezed a small amount of the gel onto the fingers of her right hand.

Mac held onto Harm's hand tightly.

"I'll be as gentle as possible, Sarah" she said as she began the exam.

"Please do" replied Mac, staring straight up at the ceiling. She retained her grip on Harm's hand and made a conscious effort not to hold her breath.

"Ow, ow, ow" she said. "That hurt a little!"

"I'm sorry" replied the doctor. "I'm feeling your cervix to see if it's dilated at all, I know that can be really uncomfortable."

"I'd take it step further and say it just plain hurts!" replied Mac. Harm leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Ok, all finished with that" said Dr. Mianni. "Your cervix isn'tdilated at all, which is good since you're not due for over another month yet."

"So the pains I was having weren't contractions?" asked Mac.

"I'm 99 percent certain they weren't" replied the doctor. "Since you've been on the monitor here, you've had a couple of mild ones, and you may have had similar ones at home, but even if you did they wouldn't account for the kind of pain you described. They would have gotten your attention for sure, but they wouldn't have incapacitated you."

"What are we looking for in the ultrasound?" asked Harm.

"I just want to take a quick look and make sure nothing's out of the ordinary" said the doctor. "Since the internal exam didn't reveal anything wrong and the fetal monitor readings and mother's blood pressure are OK, we could skip the ultrasound if you wanted to, but somehow I think you'd like to do it."

"You know us well, doctor!" said Mac, slightly smiling for the first time all afternoon. The doctor hit a few keys on the ultrasound keyboard, brought up the proper screen and entered Mac's name.

"Harm, would you get the lights, please?" she asked. He reached around and flipped the switch, and the room was illuminated only by the machine. The doctor squeezed the ultrasound gel onto Mac's tummy, and moved it around with the wand until she got a good view of the baby.

"The little one is growing well" said the doctor. "Still don't want to know the sex, huh?"

"NO!" they both said at the same time.

Dr. Mianni laughed. "Just kidding, just kidding! I've never told parents the sex against their will, and I don't plan to start with you two."

"That's good" chuckled Harm, "because we've made it this far without knowing, and we're really looking forward to the surprise."

The doctor smiled as she continued looking at the baby on the screen. She turned a dial on the machine and the baby's heartbeat echoed against the walls. Harm and Mac looked into one another's eyes and smiled, as they did each time they got to hear that breathtaking sound.

"Well" said the doctor as she put the wand down and reached for a towel to dry Mac's tummy off, "everything looks fantastic. I feel confident that what happened was indeed a nasty bout of indigestion, so I'm going to let you go home and get some rest."

Mac let out an audible sigh of relief. "I guess I need to lay off the burrito's, huh?" she said with a laugh.

"That'd probably be wise" agreed the doctor. "At least until after you deliver."

"Anything else we should steer clear of, doc?" asked Harm.

"Not specifically" she replied. "Anything you've eaten to this point is fine as long as it still agrees with you, Sarah."

"Ok" said Mac. "Well, I'm sorry to have caused such trouble, but I'm glad we know what happened and how to hopefully not have it happen again."

"It's no trouble" said the doctor. "I'm glad you called and I'm glad I had you come in - some things just aren't worth taking chances on."

"Definitely not" agreed Harm.

"Here's a picture from today, and unless you have any problems between now and next Thursday" said the doctor, "I'll see you at your next appointment, OK?"

"Sounds great" said Mac as she took the picture and looked at it lovingly, "thank you so much." With that, Dr. Mianni left the room, and Mac carefully got dressed.

"See, babe" said Harm, "everything is just fine."

"Yeah" she said, "I feel stupid for getting so worked up over indigestion."

"Hey, nothing you did was stupid" said Harm in as reassuring a voice as he had. "This is all totally new to us, completely uncharted territory, and when something has you hurting so badly you can't move or even speak, having it checked is anything but stupid!"

"I know" said Mac. "I'm just so tried of all these scares and near-misses. I just want the baby to be here so we can hold him or her and know that they're alright, you know?"

"I know, my love" he said. "It'll happen soon. I know for you it must seem like September will never get here, but it will and we're gonna have this baby and it's gonna be the best thing that's ever happened to us."

"Well, second best maybe" said Mac.

Harm looked at her quizzically."The best has to be the day we finally got together" said Mac."Without that, there'd be no baby, so I think we have to give recognition where it's called for."

Harm took Mac's face in his hands and kissed her lips tenderly.

"I love you more than you could ever know, Mac."

"I think I know" she replied. "I really think I know."


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, sure wish they were...

_A/N: Thanks, as always, for the reviews! I've no idea how many chapters this story will end up being, but I do know I look forward to my computer time almost each day, and I look forward to seeing where the characters decide to take me - it's really neat, not to mention a great source of expression for me. I haven't written from personal experience since the very early chapters, but I'm able to write out things I'm dreaming of, and that's way cool. _

**SEE SPECIAL NOTE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!**

-

Chapter 31:

"You ready to go?" Harm asked Mac as he strolled into her office. "The appointment is in half an hour."

"I know" she answered. "I'm just trying to get this last little thing finished up before we go. I'm almost done."

"OK, I'll be back in exactly 5 minutes, and we're leaving whether you're done or not." said Harm with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah" mumbled Mac, not looking up from her laptop. She was determined to get the last paragraph of her report typed before they left for the appointment. They were seeing Dr. Mianni weekly now, and she knew each appointment could bring news that she wouldn't be returning to JAG for awhile, so she hated to leave anything unfinished.

"Time's up, babe" said Harm, popping his head around the doorframe.

"Just finished" replied Mac, powering down her laptop and closing it atop her desk. She grabbed her cover and purse and walked with Harm to the elevator.

"After the appointment" said Mac, "I'd like to go to Babies R Us and get a few things, OK?"

"Sure" said Harm. "Can we run by the house so I can change first?" Mac had civvies with her already, as she'd decided early on that her uniforms weren't conducive to OB appointments. It was still really strange using the term "the house" in reference to the home they now shared, but she was getting used to it.

"Yeah, that's fine" she said, "we need to go home and grab the gift cards anyway. I left them on the dresser."

"What do we need to get at Babies R Us?" he asked her as he mentally ran down a list of the infant paraphernalia that already filled their new home. He couldn't think of anything they were missing, but he knew there must be something because Mac wouldn't suggest going shopping if there wasn't.

"For starters" said Mac, "the car seat."

"Oh yeah" replied Harm, "we didn't get that at the shower, did we?"

"Nope, we're gonna get it with the gift card from your brother." answered Mac. "We also need some diapers, and I want to pick out a 'going home' outfit for the baby."

"More clothes?" exclaimed Harm. "Babe, have you looked in the nursery lately? The kid has more outfits than you do!"

"I know" said Mac, "but we never really chose anything special for the baby to go home from the hospital in, and I want to. We'll agree on a boys and a girls outfit, just one of each, and that'll be it."

Harm chuckled and smiled. "I love this."

"Love what?" asked Mac.

"All of this" he replied, "everything this pregnancy has shown me about myself, about you."

"What do you mean?" she asked him, a bit perplexed.

"I mean that I had no idea that SO much went into having a baby" answered Harm. "Set all the medical stuff aside - and for us there was even more of that than there should have been - there's all the planning and shopping and choosing and preparing, it's just a really awesome experience."

"Harm" said Mac with a little break in her voice, "that's so sweet."

"It's true" he said, "I'm getting so excited the closer we get to 'birth day', and I just can't wait until it's finally here."

"I know the feeling" said Mac as the pulled into the doctor's office parking lot.

-

"Ok, Sarah" said the nurse as she walked towards the scale. "Let's get your weight."

"I hate this part" said Mac.

"Oh, don't worry about it, babe" said Harm. "After the baby comes, you'll get your figure back in no time."

"I hope so" said Mac.

"You will" encouraged Harm. "Don't give it another thought."

"I'll try not to" said Mac, "but I feel huge."

"Well" he said, "you _look_ beautiful."

"Did anyone ever tell you you've got a way with words, Harmon Rabb, Jr.?" replied Mac.

"I think I've heard that before" he said, flashing her **that** smile, the one that could stop traffic in half a second, and they walked hand-in-hand to the exam room.

"Greetings" said the doctor as she entered the room a few minutes later.

"Hi" said Mac. "How are you today?"

"Very well, thank you for asking" said Dr. Mianni. "I hope the same goes for you?"

"I'm feeling good today" replied Mac. "I feel like a hippopotamus, but a good one!"

"Hey, you're at 36 weeks now" said the doctor, "only a few more and you might start to feel more human again."

"I'm ready!" said Mac. "Do you still think I'll deliver around the 12th?"

"Most likely" said Dr. Mianni, "but as we've talked about before, first babies, well, _all_ babies really, oftentimes come several days or more past their due date, so don't get too hung up on the 12th."

"We're not too hung up on it" said Harm, "we're just ready for it to get here."

"Understood completely, Harm" said the doctor as she took the small Doppler unit out of her lab coat pocket.

"Let's have a quick listen here." Mac laid back on the table and lifted her shirt up, exposing her tummy. The doctor squeezed some ultrasound gel in the necessary spot, and pressed the Doppler wand against it. Soon after, the baby's heartbeat was heard, loud and strong as always.

"Sounds great" said Dr. Mianni.

"Yeah, it does" agreed Harm with a big smile on his face.

"Your weight is still right on track" said the doctor as she read over Mac's chart. "Let's see where you're measuring today." She pulled a tape measure from her pocket and placed it across the top of Mac's tummy, as she'd done at every appointment.

"Again" she said, "right on track."

"Really?" asked Mac.

"Oh yeah" answered Dr. Mianni, "you're right where you should be for 36 weeks, perfect."

"See, babe" said Harm, "you're not a hippopotamus, you're just a 36-week-pregnant mother."

"I know" said Mac. "It's just getting so much harder to move and sit and drive and pretty much everything, it makes me feel enormous."

"Like I said earlier, you're almost there" said Dr. Mianni. "Which reminds me, we need to go over a few things regarding your delivery."

"Oh yeah" said Mac. "We've got a birth plan written up, in fact I've got as copy in my purse for you."

"Good" replied the doctor. Harm reached into Mac's purse, fished out the paper and handed it to the doctor. Across the top was the heading "Sarah Mackenzie's Birth Plan", and following was a list of all the important points they wanted to make known:

1. We would like to experience as natural a birth as possible, and therefore ask that the nurses refrain from offering any pain medication. If we decide it's necessary, we will ask for it.

2. We would like to do as much laboring out of the bed as possible. We'd like to utilize the whirlpool and walk the halls to help labor progress.

3. We would like to keep the number of non-medical people in the delivery room to a minimum. Only our friend, Harriet Sims-Roberts, and our daughter, Mattie Johnson will be present. The rest of our family and friends will remain in the waiting area until we send for them.

4. We would like for Harm to be the one to announce the sex of the baby when it's delivered.

5. We would like the baby to be returned to us as soon as it is cleaned off and weighed and swaddled. We understand this may not be possible due to unforeseen complications, but it is our wish. 

6. We do not want the baby to have any pacifiers, and will only agree to allow a bottle in the event breastfeeding isn't possible at any given time. 

Dr. Mianni read over the plan from start to finish before commenting.

"Wow, you two put a lot of work and thought into this" said the doctor, "I can tell that with one look."

"Yeah, we did" said Harm. "Does it all look doable to you?"

"I don't see why not" answered Dr. Mianni. "You're not asking for anything unusual at all, and I see no problem with sticking with this plan so long as things go the way we want them to."

"You mean so long as there aren't any complications and/or we don't end up with a C-section, right?" asked Mac.

"Basically" said the doctor, "that's what I mean. There are other things that could impact parts of this, like if say the baby has trouble breathing once we get it out and we need to take it to the NICU to monitor it, you won't be able to have it right back after the birth."

"We're trying not to think like that" said Harm.

"I know" replied the doctor, "and chances are everything will go just perfectly, but since these points are important to you both, it's my duty to make sure you know that despite everyone's efforts, some of them might not pan out."

"Well, we'll just think positive" said Mac, "and if we have to adapt a few things along the way, we will."

"That's a fantastic way to look at it, Sarah" replied the doctor. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask me or talk about today?"

"I don't think so" said Mac. "Ok then, same time, same place next week" said the doctor. "Unless of course you decide to deliver before then!"

"I don't see that happening!" laughed Mac. "We'll see, though…"

They followed the doctor out of the room, and checked out at the front desk.

"Here you go, Sarah" said the nurse. "I've put you down for this same slot next week, OK?"

"Great, thanks" replied Mac, and she and Harm walked out of the office.

"I'm hungry" said Mac as they walked to Harm's vehicle. "I think while you're changing clothes, I'll make a snack."

"Why am I not surprised?" laughed Harm.

"Watch it, flyboy" said Mac. "I'll make a sandwich or something quick, then we'll go to Babies R Us and see what we can find in the way of cute little outfits."

"Oh, I have a feeling they've got a few" he said with a smile.

-

"Too many choices!" said Mac. "How do they expect us to narrow it down when everything is so darned adorable?"

"I dunno, babe" said Harm, "but I do know that if we don't choose something soon, by the time we do the baby will be too big for it."

"Goofball" said Mac as she playfully slapped his shoulder. "OK, here are my two favorite little girl outfits. Which of these do you like the best?"

Harm looked at each one carefully. One was a yellow dress with a matching bonnet. It had lace around the sleeves and across the bottom, and tiny pink roses embroidered across the skirt. The other was a red checked romper, also with a matching bonnet. It had a white collar with watermelons on it, and the bonnet was in the same material as the outfit and had a big, white lace brim.

"I think I like this one best" he said, holding up the watermelon romper.

"Yeah, that's my favorite, too" smiled Mac. "Now for the boys" she said, holding up two different outfits. The first was a one piece, short-sleeved cotton outfit with airplanes on it. It came with adorable matching shoes. The second was also a cotton one-piece, but it had a puppy on the front and came with a baseball cap.

"Why don't you decide, babe?" asked Harm. "I like them both."

"Because" she said, "I narrowed it down, you get to make the final choice."

"OK" said Harm, carefully studying his choices. "This one" he said, indicating the airplane outfit.

"Somehow, I knew you'd choose that one" smiled Mac. "Was it the airplanes or the shoes?"

Harm smiled and laughed a little. "Both" he admitted. "I mean, come on, Mac, just look at those shoes!"

"I know" she said, "too cute, aren't they?"

"Indeed" he said. "Now that we've got that all figured out, let's go pick out the car seat and call it a night."

"I already know which one I want" replied Mac, " it's the one on our registry. Let's just hope they have it in stock."

They made their way over to the car seat aisle, and Mac eyeballed the display models to locate the infant seat they'd chosen when they registered.

"Can you reach that box up there, babe?" she asked Harm, pointing to the shelf above the display.

"I think so, lemme see" said Harm. Standing with his tiptoes on the bottom shelf, he reached up as high as he could and managed to move the box enough that he could get a hold of it.

"I dunno why they don't do a better job of keeping these things stocked on the lower shelves" he said. "I mean, I know there's not room for them all to be down there, but when the bottom shelves sell out, how hard would it be to move a few more down?"

"I know, babe" replied Mac. "But at least you're tall and handsome and you were able to get it despite it being up high."

"What does being handsome have to do with it?" asked Harm with a little gleam in his eye.

"I just hate to miss an opportunity to remind myself that I've got the most handsome fiance in the world" said Mac, the gleam in her eyes matching his. "If we have a boy, I hope he looks like you."

"You don't want a girl to look like me?" asked Harm, half kidding and half surprised.

"Sure I do" answered Mac, "but I can't picture that like I can picture how our son would look."

"Well, I'm hoping if we've got a girl in there" he said as he placed his hand on Mac's tummy, "she turns out to be the spitting image of her mother." Mac smiled and blushed just a bit.

"So you don't care if the baby ends up with my looks _and_ my brains?" she teased.

"What more could I ask for?" answered Harm.

-

**HERE'S YOUR CHANCE to help me decide where the story goes! Please E-MAIL ME with your vote on whether the baby should be a boy or a girl! I'm leaning in a certain direction already, but if enough people say they think it should go the other way, I very well may change my mind. My email addy is in my profile, and I'd like to keep the votes as secret as possible, so PLEASE don't include your vote in a review! The birth chapter is coming soon, so cast your vote now! **

**Thanks! **


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: Sigh...if only they were mine...they'd be together on that show!

_A/N: The votes are pouring in for the sex of the baby - thanks a ton! It's still far from decided, so come on everyone, get in there and vote (that is, please be so kind as to EMAIL me with your vote, my addy is in my profile, hehe)._

* * *

Chapter 32: 

"Hey, babe" said Mac as she looked up from her desk and saw Harm standing there.

"Hi" he replied. "What would you say to a nice dinner out tonight, just you and me?"

"I'd say that sounds great" replied Mac. "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing in particular" answered Harm. "I just thought you might like a night out after the week you've had."

"Definitely" said Mac. "Trying to get all my cases either wrapped up or at least to a point where I can reasonably hand them off to someone else is not an easy job, not to mention your child has taken up marching on my bladder as a 24-hour-a-day hobby."

"Oh, _my_ child, huh?" laughed Harm. "As I recall my DNA's not the only DNA involved!"

"You may as well accept this now" said Mac, "when it's behaving well, it's _mine_ or _ours_, but when it's not, it's _all yours, _my love!" Harm just laughed, he knew when he'd lost.

"Any preferences on where we go tonight?" he asked her.

"No, you can choose" replied Mac. "Just no place too far. I'm always exhausted after dinner and I don't want a long drive home."

"Got it" said Harm. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips, then kissed his hand and laid it on Mac's tummy. "You behave in there, little one, you're getting me in trouble!"

* * *

"Wow, this looks really nice" said Mac as they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant Harm had chosen.

"It's supposed to be really good" he said. "Bud said he and Harriet really like it."

"What's the menu like?" Mac asked.

"Your basic American fare" replied Harm, "steaks, burgers, chicken, etc…"

"And salads I hope?" said Mac, knowing that Harm wouldn't touch any of the things he'd just listed for her.

"Yes, and salads" he said with a smile.

"You and your rabbit food" said Mac, shaking her head and smiling.

"But you love me anyway" retorted Harm.

"You know I do" said Mac. "Now let's go eat, I'm so hungry even rabbit food sounds good!"

They made their way inside, and being a Friday evening at a popular eatery, there was quite a crowd.

"I bet we'll have to wait forever to get a table" said Mac.

"Maybe" replied Harm, "but for all we know a lot of these folks are with larger groups and we'll get in ahead of them since there are only two of us. Lemme go see how long the wait is."

"OK" said Mac as she leaned against the wall by the door. She was hungry and her feet hurt, the last thing she wanted to do was wait very long for a chair or her food.

"Good news, babe" said Harm upon his return. "Most of these folks are in parties of 4, 5 or more, so we're only 2 names down on the list. The girl said they should call us within 10 minutes."

"Good" said Mac, "I'm gonna run to the restroom while we wait. Be right back."

Mac had to wait in a short line for the restroom. While she stood there, two "twenty-something" girls joined the line and began to talk between themselves.

"Of course I _saw_ him" said one of the girls. "I'd have to be _blind_ to not see him!"

"I know" said the second girl, "there oughta be a _law_ against being that fine!"

"Did you get a look at -" said the first.

"Those eyes? Oh, yeah!" said the second girl. "I swear no one else on this _planet_ has eyes that blue! Did you happen to get a look at -"

"his hands? Oh yeah!" exclaimed girl number one. "No band of gold to be seen, and -"

"and he's not with anyone" continued the second girl, "so I say you go for it!"

Mac just stood there and smiled. It didn't take a genius to figure out who these girls were yammering on about.

"Hey" said the first girl when she caught sight of Mac's smile. "Did you see that incredibly gorgeous guy out there in the lobby?"

"Tall, dark hair, ice blue eyes?" asked Mac, deciding to have a little fun with these naïve young ladies. "Yeah, I saw him on my way back here. He's pretty hot, isn't he?"

"'Pretty hot?' said the girl, "I'd say more like a drop-dead heartthrob!"

"Which is why I'm telling my friend here to go talk to him and see what happens!" said the second girl, "but she doesn't want to, can you believe that?"

"No, I can't!" said Mac. "In fact, I was thinking of finding him myself once I finish up in here. He's just too gorgeous to forget about."

The girls looked at each other, then at Mac's tummy, then at each other again. The looks on their faces were priceless.

"What?" asked Mac, "you don't think I have a shot at him?" She was having _way_ too much fun with this.

"Umm…" was all either girl could utter. They didn't want to say anything mean, but Mac knew they were thinking that this pregnant woman was nuts to even think about trying to pick up the hottest guy to set foot in that restaurant in forever. Finally a stall became available, and Mac took her turn. She silently cracked up at herself once she was out of their sight.

"All yours" she said as she exited the stall and walked towards the sinks.

"Thanks" said one girl as she went in. The other stood against the wall and waited quietly, not having a clue what to say to Mac. Mac dried her hands and left the restroom, and returned to the lobby where Harm was waiting.

"Put your arm around me" she said as she stood as close to him as she could.

"Gladly" said Harm, "but why?"

"You'll see in a minute and then I'll explain" said Mac. "Just follow my lead."

"OK" said Harm.

Moments later, both of the girls emerged from the bathroom. One girl caught sight of Harm and Mac together, and smacked the other one to get her attention. She looked up and her eyes grew wide in disbelief. Mac smiled as she snuggled closer to Harm, and the girls looked like they were going to cry.

"Rabb, party of two, your table is ready" called the hostess over the intercom. When Harm and Mac began walking towards the hostess' podium, the girls faces turned 15 shades of red. They couldn't believe they'd stood right next to that guy's woman and rambled on about how hot he was.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about?" asked Harm once they were seated.

"Oh, those two girls were in line behind me in the restroom" said Mac, "going on and on about this amazingly gorgeous guy they'd seen in the lobby, with the bluest eyes on earth and no ring on his finger. I knew they were talking about you, and I decided to have a little fun with them."

"Lemme guess" said Harm, "you didn't tell them you were with me, so when they came out and saw us together, they wanted to crawl into a hole?"

"Pretty much!" laughed Mac. "It was really nice to be able to hear other women talking about you like that and not get upset or jealous about it."

"I didn't know you ever got upset or jealous about things like that, Mac" said Harm.

"Oh, Harm, please!" exclaimed Mac. "You had no idea that at any point in our past I'd ever been jealous when another woman paid attention to you or vice versa?"

"Well, if I really stop and think about it" said Harm, "then yeah, I can see it now but I swear I didn't see it then or I would've put a stop to it."

"I know you would have, babe" said Mac. "Anyway, my whole point in this is that it felt great to hear those girls fawning over you and saying what great eyes you have and all that, and knowing that they can talk all they want to, but you're mine forever."

"Forever and a day" said Harm, giving her the smile she knew she'd never get enough of.

* * *

"That was so good" said Mac. "I haven't had a burger like that in ages."

"Glad you liked it" said Harm as he finished the final bites of his salad. "This was really good, too."

"Wanna share a dessert?" asked Mac. "I don't think I can eat an entire one, but I want a few bites of something sweet." Harm looked at her with an obnoxious twinkle in those deep blue eyes.

"Harm, behave yourself!" she said. "I want something covered in chocolate."

The obnoxious twinkle continued, and to it was added an obnoxious smile.

"You're terrible, you know that?" said Mac as she playfully kicked him underneath the table.

"But you love me anyway" said Harm. "Now seriously, what would you like for dessert, my dear?"

"Oreo cheesecake with hot fudge sauce" replied Mac.

"Ooh, sounds sinful" said Harm.

"Which means it's really yummy and I want some!" said Mac.

"Then you'll get some" said Harm as he lifted his hand to get their waiters attention.

"Oreo cheesecake with hot fudge sauce" said Harm, "and two forks, please."

"Yes, sir" said the waiter, "I'll get that right out to you." He returned a couple minutes later with the decadent dessert and two forks, and placed it in the middle of the table. Mac wasted no time grabbing a fork and taking a big bite.

"Omigosh, Harm" she said, "this is awesome!"

"Looks like I better get some if I'm gonna get any, huh?" he kidded as he grabbed a bite with his fork and put it in his mouth.

"Oh, that is good" he agreed, reaching for another bite.

"Make sure you get the hot fudge with it, too" said Mac, already several bites ahead of him.

"Whoever thought Oreo cheesecake needed anything poured on top of it was a sick genius" said Harm, enjoying his third bite.

"Mm-hmm" agreed Mac. They shared the rest of the dessert in silence, and when they were finished, Harm asked for the check.

"I'm gonna take another bathroom break before we go" said Mac as Harm was waiting for the waiter to return with his credit card.

"OK" said Harm. He finished with the bill, and waited for Mac in the lobby.

"You OK, babe" he asked her as they walked to the car. "You look really tired."

"I'm fine" she replied. "I look really tired because I _am_, but I'm fine."

"If you'd like" offered Harm, "when we get home I'll draw you a warm bubble bath."

"I don't like warm baths" said Mac, "I like really hot ones, but since those are a no-no right now, I suppose a warm one will have to suffice."

"I'll put extra bubbles in it" said Harm, "and light those little votive candles you love so much."

"That sounds really nice, babe" said Mac. "You always take such good care of me."

* * *

"It's ready when you are" said Harm as he finished lighting the last of the candles around the bathroom.

"OK, thanks" said Mac. She finished undressing in the bedroom and wrapped up in her terry cloth robe before heading for the bathroom. The smell of the candles and bubble bath instantly relaxed her. "_This guy really knows what a woman likes_" she thought to herself as she disrobed and carefully stepped into the tub.

"How is it?" asked Harm, peeking his head in to check on her.

"Heavenly" she answered.

"I'm glad" he said, and he started to walk away.

"Hey" said Mac.

"What?" he replied.

"Join me?" she asked.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, come on in" she said with a smile, "the water's fine."

"OK, just a second" said Harm. He stepped into the bedroom, undressed and wrapped up in a towel before returning to the bathroom.

"Where should I get in?" he asked her as he let his towel fall to the floor alongside her robe.

"Behind me" she said.

"OK" he replied, and gently put one foot into the tub behind her, then the other, then he carefully slid down with his legs beside hers. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"This is nice, huh?" she asked him, leaning her head back towards him.

"Yeah, it is" he answered, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "I love our quiet moments like this."

"Me, too" said Mac. "Better enjoy them now because we're getting close to not having many for a really long time."

"I know" said Harm. "Can you believe you're already almost 39 weeks along?"

"Not really" answered Mac. "In some ways, it seems like it's been forever since we found out we were having a baby, and in others it seems like only yesterday."

Harm reached around Mac and placed both of his hands on her wet, soapy tummy.

She placed hers on top of his.

"You OK?" she asked when she heard him sniff.

"Yeah" he whispered, "just having my arms around the two most important people in my life makes me a little emotional."

"I love, you, Harm."

"You know I love you, too."


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: By now, you get the idea... :)

_A/N: Alright, show of shipper hands, who's ready to send that playboy lawyer they threw at us in "Bridging the Gulf" right back to the ship from whence he came? ME! ME! I say we introduce him to the blonde chick from last week and let them run off together - anyone with me there? I knew going in I wasn't gonna like him, and I didn't! It's already evident he wants to get Mac between the sheets, and as if that ain't bad enough, next week has them working together again, argh! _

_Ah, well, enough venting about the "real world of JAG", here are a few notes about my story: for my purposes in this chapter, Singer isn't dead. As far as what counts as being full-term in pregnancy, here's they way my docs have always explained to me: pregnancy is "typically" 40 weeks long, however any baby born from 36 weeks gestation on is considered full-term, and anything past 40 weeks is considered overdue._

_Enjoy!_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 33:

"Hey babe" said Harm as he took Mac in his arms, "don't cry. It's nothing to get upset over."

"Yes it is, Harm!" insisted Mac as she continued to cry. They were in the exam room at Dr. Mianni's office, having just finished with their 40-week appointment. "I'm due in four days and I'm not dilated at _all_! Do you know what this means?"

"No" said Harm compassionately. "What does it mean?"

"It means I'm not even close to having this baby, that's what it means!" exclaimed Mac.

"Oh babe, now you know that's not true" said Harm. "You're very close to having this baby, it just might be a little bit later than we'd like it to be is all."

"I'm tired of being pregnant!" screamed Mac. "I just wanna have this baby!" She buried her face in Harm's chest and sobbed.

"Hey, hey, look at me" he said after giving her a moment to get her emotions out. "You've only got a few more days at most. Remember, the doctor said if the baby doesn't decide to come before the 19th , she'll induce your labor."

"That's 10 days away" said Mac, calming down a little. "I'll go crazy before then."

"No you won't, babe" said Harm, smiling gently. "I won't let that happen."

* * *

"Colonel, I'm surprised to see you here!" exclaimed Harriet as she walked past Mac's office the morning of September 12. 

"I'm surprised to _be_ here, Harriet" said Mac, "but we saw the doctor last Friday and she said I wasn't dilated at all yet, and nothing even remotely 'labor-ish' happened over the weekend, so I figured I may as well come in and get some work done."

"Good idea, ma'am" said Harriet. "It'll keep your mind off of things, plus it sure beats sitting at home waiting to go into labor."

"That's what I was thinking" said Mac, "it'll also allow me to save an extra day or two of leave for after the baby comes."

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do for you" said Harriet.

"You're still planning to be in the delivery room with us, right?" asked Mac.

"Oh, you bet!" exclaimed Harriet. "I've got the arrangements for my kids all taken care of, and Bud knows that when I get the call, I'm gone."

"Good" said Mac, "I'm sure you'll be able to help me in ways nobody else will!"

"I'll do my best, ma'am!" said Harriet. "I should get back to work. If you need me, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, Harriet" said Mac. She read over another half page of the file she was working on before realizing she had to pee for the 4th time since arriving at work.

"I _so_ will not miss this…" she muttered to herself as she headed for the bathroom. She stopped by the kitchen on her way back for a bottle of water, and ran into Harm.

"I thought you had an arsenal of snacks and drinks in your desk drawer" he joked with a big smile on his face.

"I used to" replied Mac as she opened the bottle and took a big drink, "but they're gone and since I hope to be gone myself soon, I didn't bother replacing them. What are you working on today?"

"A simple misconduct case that should have wrapped up already" said Harm, "but instead of accepting my offer - a punitive letter of reprimand and forfeiture of 3 days pay , the defense has chosen to be a colossal pain in my ass and insist on taking it to trial and now we could be in court all week."

"Need I even ask who defense counsel is?" asked Mac.

"Nope." answered Harm. "I'd give you three guesses, but you'd only need one."

"Singer." said Mac in a disgusted tone. "Doesn't she know that you can't be in court all week?"

"Oh, she knows all right" replied Harm, "in fact if I didn't know better I'd think that's why she's being so stupid about this. She's always loved to cause me grief, you know?"

"Who's your second chair?" asked Mac.

"Bud" answered Harm.

"Well, I'll say this much" said Mac, "if you're in court when I finally manage to go into labor, you're leaving and Bud is taking over and if Singer doesn't like it, she can lump it!"

"Don't worry about it, babe" said Harm. "I've already talked with the judge and all involved parties about it. They know that I could be called away and that Bud would then take over the prosecution, and everyone is fine with it."

"I'm glad to hear that" said Mac.

"I better get back" said Harm, "I'm in the middle of mapping things out with Bud."

"OK" said Mac. "Meet me for lunch?"

"Sounds great" said Harm. They exchanged a sweet kiss on the lips before walking back to their offices.

* * *

"Ugh, what a long, boring day" said Mac as she walked into Harm's office at the end of the afternoon. 

"Amen to that" he replied.

"How'd your case go?" she asked, flopping down in a chair beside his desk.

"So far, so good" he replied, "but that Singer is a real piece of work."

"I don't even wanna know" said Mac.

"Good, 'cause I don't wanna talk about it or even think about it right now" said Harm. "I just wanna take you home and make us some dinner and veg out on the couch."

"I'm ready to go when you are, babe" said Mac.

"Gimme about 5 minutes to finish writing a few notes" he said, "then we're off."

"No problem" said Mac. "I'll just sit here and relax." As Mac was waiting, Harriet popped her head in the door.

"Hey, I guess nothing new today, huh?" said Harriet.

"Not a damn thing" replied Mac.

"Well, it'll happen soon" assured Harriet, "I know that offers you little consolation right now, but try to hang in there."

"I'm doing my best" said Mac. "I'm just dying to see this kid!"

"Oh, I know the feeling" said Harriet. "_Believe me_, I know!"

"Alright, my love" said Harm as he stood up and gathered this things. "Are we ready?"

"Lead the way, babe" said Mac. Harm offered her a hand to help get up from the chair, and they walked to the elevator together.

* * *

"What do you want for dinner?" asked Harm as he rummaged through the fridge. 

"What are my choices?" asked Mac, who was already in her pajamas and laying on the couch.

"Well" he said, "there's lasagna, there's leftover Chinese, or I can call out for pizza."

"Pizza" replied Mac.

"The usual?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm" she answered.

"Sounds good to me" said Harm as he reached for the phone and went back into the kitchen to make the call.

"It'll be here in half an hour" he said when he returned to the living room. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Had to pee" said Mac as she came back down the hallway. "I think that made about 300 times today."

"I'm sorry, babe" he said as she joined him on the couch. "I know you're looking forward to not living in the bathroom."

"I certainly am" said Mac. "I'm looking forward to so many things, but that's definitely up towards the top of the list." They heard the phone ring from across the room, and Harm got up to answer it.

"Hello? Oh, Hi mom. Fine. She's fine. Nope, nothing yet. No, mom, not even a hint of anything, honest. I know, I'll call you as soon as we head to the hospital, I swear. Sure, hang on."

"She wants to talk to you" he said, handing the phone to Mac.

"Hi, Trish" said Mac. "Yes, I'm fine. Really! I feel huge and I'm so ready to get this part over with, but it won't be much longer. He's been great. Yeah, he's really excited, too. Don't worry, I'll make sure he calls you when it's time. OK, give Frank our love, talk to you soon, bye."

"Your mom is so funny" said Mac as she put the phone down.

"How so?" he asked.

"She's just so excited she can't contain herself" said Mac. "She asked us both not to forget to call her when we leave for the hospital, no matter what the clock says. I think it's cute."

"Yeah" said Harm, "she's waited a long time for this, and I'm glad she wants to be such a big part of it."

"Are you sure she's really OK with not being in the delivery room with us?" asked Mac.

"Oh yeah" assured Harm, "she's fine with it. When I talked with her about it months ago, she said that's a special time and a special place and we have every right to have only those people we choose in there with us."

"I'm glad she took it so well" said Mac, "I sure don't want to hurt her feelings, but I just don't want a circus in there."

"I know, babe" said Harm, "I'm with you 100 percent on that one." Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it" said Harm as he grabbed his wallet off the bar. He returned a moment later with the pizza and set the box on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Lemme get us some plates" he said, "you still have a drink or do you need another one?"

"I could use another one" she said, "thanks." By the time Harm came back to the couch with the plates and drinks, Mac had her first slice of pizza halfway eaten.

"I see someone was hungry" he laughed as he sat down beside her and grabbed himself a slice. Mac nodded, her mouth full.

"Tastes really good tonight" she said, "I must have really been hungry for it."

"Yeah, me too" said Harm, grabbing a napkin and wiping the sauce from his mouth. They continued eating in relative silence, once slice after another, until only 2 slices remained.

"You want another one?" asked Harm.

"Nope, I'm full babe" said Mac, leaning back on the couch. "Just stick them in the fridge, I'm sure they'll get eaten."

"Will do" said Harm, and he picked up the box and headed towards the kitchen.

"Anything good on TV tonight?" he asked upon his return.

"I'm not sure" said Mac, "where's the listing?"

"Right here" said Harm, "let's see…hmm….nope, nothing much on."

"Rats" said Mac. I guess we could watch a DVD."

"Sure, which one?" asked Harm.

"Doesn't matter" she said, "you pick." Harm perused the DVD shelf for a moment, and picked out a couple.

"Either of these appeal to you more than the other?" he asked her.

"Not really" she replied. "I'll probably fall asleep halfway through it anyway."

"Tell you what then" said Harm as he put the movies down on the table. "Why don't we call it an early night? After all, we do have to work tomorrow, and once the little one decides to get going and make an appearance, we could be up for a really long time."

"That sounds like a great idea" said Mac wearily. Harm helped her get up from the couch, and she went to get ready for bed while he made sure things were locked up. By the time he finished up and made it to their room, she was already laying in bed. He got undressed, brushed his teeth and crawled into bed beside her.

"I love you" he said, leaning in close to kiss her.

"I love you, too" she said, returning the kiss. She reached out and took his hand in hers and snuggled up with it next to her face. She laid there for a few moments, thinking back over the pregnancy and all they'd been through, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Hey babe?" she said.

"Yeah" replied Harm, clearly not asleep just yet.

"I just thought of something" she said.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Remember a few months ago when you asked Dr. Mianni how far into the pregnancy that having sex would be safe?"

"Mm-hmm" he said.

"Do you remember what she said?" asked Mac.

"She said all the way through" replied Harm.

"What _else_ did she say?" prodded Mac.

Harm thought for a moment before realizing where Mac was going with this line of questioning.

"Mac, are you suggesting we…"

"Yeah" she said, "I mean, why not? It can't hurt anything, and if there's even a chance it'll help me go into labor…"

"Well" said Harm, "if you really want to, you won't hear any complaints outta me."

"Oh, I want to" said Mac as began making little circles with her finger on Harm's bare chest.

"You know what that does to me" he whispered.

"Oh, yeah" replied Mac softly as they rolled towards each other. Their lips met passionately, and as they kissed, Harm slid his hand beneath the covers and began massaging Mac's leg, which she'd wrapped around him.

"Mmmmm… you know… what that does…. to… me" she said in between kisses.

"Oh, yeah" he whispered in her ear. He worked his way up her leg, as he'd done so many times before, caressing each inch of her bare skin. In the midst of it all, they managed to rid themselves of their clothing, a skill they often joked with one another about because neither of them ever seemed to remember taking it off.

"I love you" said Mac, so softly he could barely hear her.

"I love you, too" he replied, his voice equally soft. "I hope this works."

"Me too" whispered Mac as they lost themselves in one another.

* * *

_A/N: I had this finished before "Bridging the Gulf" aired, and I'm really glad I threw some extra romance in there, because we definitely need it!_


	34. Chapter 34

_A/N: I'm glad I'm not alone in my feelings of utter disgust towards the new guy at JAG! I know TPTB are trying to put a new guy in place in case they go into an eleventh season, but let's face it, no one will **ever** be as sexy as Harm or as good for Mac as Harm! I totally hate how Harm and Mac weren't together at all in that episode, and I hate how they gave us such hope in "Four Percent Solution", but since then there's been no indication that they've worked on their relationship at all! ARGH! _

_Sigh, ah well, once again, enough about "real world JAG". On to another installment of MY world of JAG, where Harm and Mac will ALWAYS be together!_

* * *

Chapter 34: 

"Hey, flyboy" said Mac as she gently rubbed Harm's shoulder. "Time to wake up."

"What? Is it time?" said Harm as he startled awake. "Is the baby coming?"

"Doesn't look like it yet" said Mac, the dejection in her voice ringing loud and clear. "It was worth a try though, last night I mean."

"Yeah, it was" agreed Harm as he stretched and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "You don't feel anything yet though, huh?"

"Nope." said Mac. She took a deep breath, "however, today is one day past my due date, so God-willing it won't be much longer."

"Well, you know" said Harm with a sneaky smile, "if today doesn't end up being the day..."

Mac smiled back at him. "Harmon Rabb, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were just looking for an excuse to have your way with me."

Harm leaned over and kissed Mac tenderly on the lips. "Do I need an excuse?"

"None at all" replied Mac, and they kissed again…and again…

-

"Well, it may not have been a bad idea" said Mac as she hurriedly applied her make-up, "but if we don't walk out of this house in exactly 4 minutes, we won't make roll call and then everyone will wonder if we're having the baby and we'll have to field a million 'we thought maybe you were having the baby' comments in addition to the 'how nice of you two to join us' line we'll no doubt get from the General!"

"We'll make roll call, babe" said Harm as he threw the shower curtain open and jumped out, "don't worry." He quickly toweled off, ran a comb and a little gel through his wet hair, and got dressed. He knew Mac was a little miffed about the time, she absolutely hated running late, but he also knew she didn't _really_ mind that they'd spent a few intimate moments that morning trying to get labor going.

"Are you ready?" she called to Harm as she grabbed her cover and purse.

"Yep, let's go" he said as he ran down the hall, gathered up his cover and both their briefcases and headed for the front door.

* * *

"Made it with 2 minutes to spare" said Harm as they exited the elevator at JAG and headed towards Mac's office. 

"I'm glad" she said. "When are you due in court?"

"Nine" said Harm. "If yesterday was any indication, I'll be there all day again today."

"Well" smiled Mac, "you never know. Maybe the baby will get you excused early."

"That'd be really great" said Harm, "for all of us! I can only handle so much of Lt. Singer without wanting to pull out my own fingernails."

"Oh, please don't do that" said Mac. "I need your hands in strong working order during labor!"

"I won't do it" laughed Harm, "but you gotta admit, sometimes it'd be less painful than listening to that witch babble on and on."

"Agreed" said Mac as they walked to the bullpen, "but let's hope we both get a reason to head out of here early today. At least labor pain will be productive."

"Good morning Colonel, Commander" said Harriet. "Obviously no news yet, huh?"

"Not yet" said Mac, "but we'll see what today brings."

"Are you in court again today, Sir?" she asked Harm.

"'Fraid so" he answered. "I know you'll keep an eye on the Colonel for me though."

"Count on it, Sir" said Harriet.

"I knew I could" replied Harm. "Oops, better get over there for roll call, thanks, Harriet."

Following roll call, Harm and Mac stopped by his office so he could grab his files and get into the courtroom before the judge reconvened. He knew his mind wouldn't really be on the case, partly because it was such a ridiculous one to have to be on front of a judge over, but mostly because of Mac and the baby.

"You know where to find me if anything happens" he said as he walked Mac to her office on his way to court.

"I hope I have a reason to find you" said Mac, reaching up to kiss him. As he went down the hall, she carefully sat down in her chair and looked through the few files on her desk. Nothing very exciting, she decided. She started to boot up her laptop when she realized she needed a drink but she didn't feel like going to get it.

She picked up her phone and punched a couple numbers. "Harriet, can you come here, please?"

Harriet rushed into Mac's office. "Is it time? Do I need to go get the Commander?" she asked.

"Sorry to disappoint you" said Mac, "I just need a bottle of water and I was hoping you'd get it for me."

"Oh, sure I will" said Harriet. "Are you hungry? Want a snack or anything?"

"No, thanks" said Mac, "just the water for now."

"Yes, ma'am" replied Harriet, and she walked towards the kitchen. Mac picked up one of the folders on her desk and thumbed through it, her mind not in it at all. "_Come on, Mackenzie, get your head in the game_" she said to herself.

"Here you go, ma'am" said Harriet as she returned with the water.

"Thanks" said Mac, "I'll holler if I need anything else."

"Please do" replied Harriet. "I know you must be going crazy waiting like this, so if there's anything I can do to help, I'm here for you."

"That's really sweet of you, Harriet" said Mac, "thanks." With that, Mac returned to her work, determined to get at least one report finished before lunchtime. She did a remarkable job of focusing on her work for the next couple of hours, discounting the 5 bathroom breaks.

"Hey, babe" said Harm as he caught up with Mac in the hallway on her way back from the bathroom.

"Hey" she said. "You finished or just in recess?"

"Recess until 1:00" he replied. "You hungry?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "but I'm too tired to go anywhere."

"I'll run and grab you a sandwich if you want one" offered Harm.

"That sounds great, babe" she replied. "Turkey BLT on white?"

"Coming right up" he said with a sweet smile. He kissed her before leaving for the deli, and she returned to her desk to work a little more.

"Have you eaten, ma'am?" asked Harriet as she noticed Mac still working in her office when she walked past.

"Not yet" replied Mac, "but the Commander is bringing me lunch in just a few minutes."

"OK" said Harriet, "just wanted to make sure you ate."

"Thanks, Harriet" said Mac, "you're looking after me quite nicely and I appreciate it."

"No problem, ma'am" she said. As she returned to her desk, Harm stepped off the elevator with lunch for both he and Mac.

"Alright" he said, setting the bag and the drink carrier on Mac's desk. "Here's yours" he said as he passed a sandwich to her, "and mine's right here… Here's your drink, too. I got you caffeine free root beer."

"Mmm, I love root beer" said Mac.

Harm pulled a chair up next to Mac's desk, and they shared a nice, albeit hurried, lunch.

"How's the case going?" asked Mac as she took a drink of her root beer.

"I think it's easily winnable" replied Harm, wiping the mayo from his veggie combo off his mouth. "I swear, Singer keeps pulling things out of thin air. My word of the day is 'objection', and I think the members can see right through her showboating."

"I'm sorry you got saddled with this" said Mac.

"Ah, I'm trying to see the bright side of things" said Harm, "at least I'm staying busy."

"Good point" agreed Mac, polishing off the last bite of her sandwich. "Mmm, that was delicious."

"I'm glad" said Harm as he gathered their wrappers and napkins and shoved them into the deli bag. "I better head back, you need anything else right now?"

"I think I'm good for now" said Mac, "thanks though."

Harm gave her a kiss, then leaned down to talk to her tummy. "Hey little one, daddy sure could use an excuse to get outta court this afternoon, so if you'd care to make some noise, that'd really help me out." He kissed his fingers and laid them on Mac's tummy.

"Good luck, babe" she said as he left her office.

"Thanks" he replied with a smile, "same to you."

"It's not up to me" she answered, "but we'll see what happens."

She reopened the file she'd been working on before lunch and made a determined attempt at refocusing her attention on it. It was hard, though, since she felt like she was just doing "busywork", nothing that whoever would be taking over her caseload while she was gone couldn't handle.

"_Forget this crap_" she said to herself. She tossed the file back onto her desk and pulled a baby name book out of her top, right hand drawer. She and Harm had been going over names for 4 months and had managed to narrow it down from 26 girls names and 34 boys names to 15 girls names and 21 boys names.

"Maybe…maybe…nah…still like it…" she said as she went through the list she'd jotted down along the way and stuck inside the cover of the book. She didn't know which names were still on Harm's list, he didn't let her see it anymore, but she had a feeling they were going to end up choosing a name after the baby was born since it had proven to be a real challenge to settle on one beforehand.

"Let's see if anything new strikes my fancy" she said aloud to herself as she flipped to the beginning of the book and began glancing over the familiar pages. She was halfway through the "D's" in the girls section when…

"Ooooh…" She put the book down and held her hand on the spot where the pain had been. It went away quickly, and she waited for another, hoping it was more than just the baby moving around. After 3 minutes, she picked the book back up and continued looking through it. Eleven minutes later…

"Ouch!" The pain was in the same place, only this time it took her breath away. She kept her hand over that spot and silently prayed that this was finally it.

"Come on, little one" she whispered, "don't tease mommy, that's not nice. I'm not gonna pull daddy out of court unless I'm sure you're on your way, so if you are, let me know, OK?" Just then, Harriet knocked at Mac's office door.

"Come in" said Mac. Harriet entered and saw that Mac was holding a hand on her tummy.

"Are you OK, ma'am?" asked Harriet.

"I'm not sure exactly" replied Mac. "When your labor started, how long was it before you knew for sure it was the real thing?"

"Well, with AJ, not long at all" laughed Harriet. "With Jimmy, it was maybe an hour or so. Why?"

"I've had two really sharp pains in the same place in the last half hour" said Mac.

"How far apart were they?" asked Harriet.

"14 minutes" answered Mac, "that's why I'm not sure if they mean anything or not."

"Do you want me to go get the Commander?" Harriet asked Mac.

"No, not yet" she replied, "I don't want to pull him out of court and have it be nothing. Would you wait here with me and we'll see what happens in the next hour or so?"

"No problem, ma'am" said Harriet. "Let me go finish up one quick thing at my desk, and I'll be right back."

"OK" said Mac, leaning back in her chair and attempting to relax. Harriet returned a few minutes later and closed Mac's door behind her.

"Any more pain?" she asked.

"Not like the first two" replied Mac, "but yeah, a few twinges."

"Well, let's keep our hopes up" said Harriet, "this is the most that's happened so far, right?"

Mac nodded. "I really hope this is it, I'm so ready for this part to be over."

"Been there, done that, ma'am" agreed Harriet. "Has being pregnant been what you thought it would be?"

"I'm not really sure" said Mac. "It's been neat in so many ways, and scary in so many ways, wonderful, exciting, aggravating, challenging - it's definitely been an experience!"

"Can't argue with you there, Colonel" said Harriet. "I'm glad I got to experience it, though."

"Oh, me too" said Mac, "especially since I had to work so hard at - Oooohhh!" Another pain hit her.

"Ma'am!" exclaimed Harriet, "should I - "

"Go get him!" answered Mac in a painfully stern voice.

"Yes, ma'am! I'll be right back!"

Harriet ran back to her desk, grabbed a note that she'd written that morning, and headed towards the courtroom. She opened the door as quietly as possible and slipped inside.

"Please give this to Commander Rabb right away" she whispered, handing the note to the guard just inside the door. The guard nodded, walked to the front of the courtroom and laid the note on the table in front of Harm. He picked it up and read Harriet's words, _"It's time!" , _then, in the middle of Lt. Singer's questioning of an eyewitness…

"Excuse me, your honor" he said, "may we approach?"

"Now, Commander?" asked the judge.

"Yes, ma'am" he replied, holding the note up.

"Very well" she said, "approach."

"This better be good, Rabb" hissed Lt. Singer as the two reached the bench. Harm didn't even bother to look at her. He didn't have to clear anything with her, and he knew it.

"Can I assume, Commander" asked the judge, "that you've received word that Colonel Mackenzie needs you?"

"Yes, your honor" answered Harm, the note still in his hand. "It looks like we just might be having a baby today!"

"Very well, Commander" said the judge, "you're hereby excused and Lt. Roberts will take over as we discussed earlier. Good luck and congratulations."

"Thank you, ma'am" said Harm as he hurried back to the table, gathered his briefcase and cover and dashed out of the courtroom. Once out the door, he ran to Mac's office in record time.

"Hey babe" he said, tossing his things in the corner and kneeling down beside Mac's chair. "What's happening?"

"I'm having pains that hurt like hell!" replied Mac.

"How close together?" he asked her as he rubbed her knee.

"14 minutes between the first two" answered Mac, "then a couple smaller ones 12 minutes after that, and the one I had right before I sent for you was 11 minutes after those."

"That sounds like the real thing to me" said Harm, "what do you think, Lieutenant?" He looked up at Harriet, who was standing out of their way.

"I'd have to agree with you, Sir" she said, "I mean, they're still pretty far apart, but getting closer."

"When do you wanna head for the hospital, babe?" he asked Mac.

"The sooner, the better" said Mac as she pushed herself up out of her chair. "I know if we get there and it's not real labor, they'll probably send us home, but I really think this is it."

"Well then" replied Harm, "let's go." He grabbed his briefcase and cover from the corner and Mac's from atop her filing cabinet.

"Sir, let me get those for you" offered Harriet.

"Thanks, lieutenant" said Harm, and he handed her the pile. "You want me to go bring the car up or can you make it all the way out there?" he asked Mac.

"I'm fine, babe" said Mac as the three of them walked to the elevator. They put on their covers and made it to Harm's SUV with no problem. Once Mac was settled and buckled in the passenger seat, Harm took the briefcases that Harriet had carried out for him.

"Thanks, Harriet" he said. "I'll call you from Bethesda and let you know if this is it or not before you go all the way out there."

"Sounds good, Commander" she replied. "I'm so excited, though, I really think this is gonna be the day!"

"I sure hope it is" said Harm as he closed the driver's door and started the car.

"So" he said as they left the parking lot, "maybe last night and this morning worked after all."

"It sure looks that way from here" said Mac. "Even if not, it was a really ni- oh, dammit!" She laid her head back on the headrest and took slow, deep breaths as another contraction hit her.

"Just keep breathing, babe" said Harm, "I'll get us there as fast as I can."

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_A/N: Oh, this is getting exciting!_


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N: Sorry it took me until now to get this posted! I had some unexpected distractions today and didn't have a chance to write until this evening. I know lots of folks have been waiting for a new chapter all day, so here it is..._

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Chapter 35:

"I'm OK" said Mac as the contraction finally ended and she caught her breath again. "That was the worst one so far."

"You handled it really well though" said Harm as he took her hand. "You're gonna do just fine with this Mac, I know you are."

"Are you ready for this?" she asked him.

"Definitely" he answered, a big smile gracing his face. "I'm ready for everything you could possibly throw at me, and knowing you the way I do, that could be just about anything."

"Since these contractions are merely a preview of what's yet to come" she said, "by the end I may be literally throwing things at you!"

"That's fine, babe" he said as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. "I'm here for you, even if it means I end up with a few bruises to show for it."

"I'll try to go easy on you, sailor" smiled Mac.

"I know you will" replied Harm, "but don't hold anything back on my account. Is it OK if I park here, or should I drop you off up front?"

"Here's fine" said Mac, "I can walk, no problem."

"OK" said Harm as he pulled into a space and turned the car off. He got out, put his cover on, and went around to help Mac out. They walked hand-in-hand to the entrance, hoping the next contraction would wait until they made it inside. No such luck.

"OW! Dammit, that hurts!" cursed Mac as they stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Breathe, Mac" encouraged Harm, "it'll let up in a minute and we'll get you inside."

Mac nodded and breathed as best she could, holding tight to Harm's hand for support.

"There" she said after a short while, "it's better now, let's go." They walked the rest of the way to the hospital doors, and once inside Mac took a seat while Harm went up to the desk.

"Yes, sir, how may I help you?" asked the nurse behind the desk.

"My fiancée is in labor" he replied. "She's pre-registered, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie." The nurse typed a few things into the computer, then went to a file drawer next to her and flipped through it.

"Here we are" she said as she pulled a file from the drawer. "Mackenzie, she's Dr. Mianni's patient, correct?"

"Yes, that's right" said Harm. "Uh-oh, we forgot to call her, is she on duty today?"

"Yes, sir, she is" replied the nurse, "I'll get you taken up to the maternity floor and have them page her for you."

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Harm.

"I need the Colonel to come up here for just a moment" said the nurse. "I need to get her armband put on."

"Sure" said Harm, "just a second." He walked over to where Mac was sitting.

"You need to come up here for just a moment" he told her, "so the lieutenant can put your armband on."

"OK" said Mac, slowly standing up and taking Harm's hand.

"Here we go, Ma'am" said the nurse as she put Mac's armband on. "I've got a wheelchair here for you as well."

"I'll take it" said Mac. She carefully sat down in the wheelchair, and lifted her feet up so the nurse could lower the foot rests.

"OK, you're all set, Commander, Colonel" said the nurse. "Let's get you upstairs."

"Lead the way, lieutenant" said Harm. He followed the nurse, who pushed Mac's wheelchair, to the elevators down the hall. Moments later, they arrived on the maternity floor, and were led to the nurses station to check in.

The nurse who'd taken them up handed Mac's file to a nurse at the desk, and gave her a brief run-down of the situation.

"Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, Dr. Mianni's patient, 40 weeks, pre-eclampsia from 30 weeks on" she said, "contracting every 10-14 minutes for the past 2 hours."

"Alright, Colonel" said the nurse at the maternity desk, "let's get you into a room and see what's happening with your baby." She pushed Mac's wheelchair down the hall a short distance and made a left turn into a brightly lit room.

"There's a gown on the bed for you" she said, "and once you get changed, we'll get you hooked up to the fetal monitor and we'll check your cervix to see how many centimeters dilated you are."

"OK" said Mac as she got up from the wheelchair. The nurse took the chair out of the room and closed the door to give Mac some privacy.

"You need any help with this?" asked Harm as he took the gown off the bed and handed it to her.

"I don't think so" she said as she took the gown and headed to the bathroom in the corner of the room.

"Lemme know if you change your mind" he said. While Mac changed into the gown, he took off his jacket and loosened his tie. "Oh, damn" he said to himself as he realized at that moment that he'd left Mac's suitcase in the car.

"Can you tie this for me?" she asked him as she emerged from the bathroom clad in the light blue gown.

"Sure" he said, "then I've gotta run back to the car real quick, I forgot to bring your suitcase up."

"Oh yeah" said Mac with a little laugh, "we might need that, huh?"

"I think we just might" laughed Harm. "There you go, all tied. Why don't you get in bed and I'll go let the nurse know she can come hook up the monitors while I run back to the car?"

"OK" agreed Mac. He helped her get into bed and covered up, then he kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

"I need to run back to the car for just a moment" he told the nurse at the desk, "but Colonel Mackenzie is ready for the monitors and whatever else needs to be done right now."

"Yes, sir" replied the nurse, "I'll go take care of that."

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Harm, "I'll be right back." He took the elevator down and ran out to the parking lot. He grabbed the suitcase from the backseat, closed the door and pressed the "lock" button on the remote as he headed back towards the hospital. Within 5 minutes, he was back in Mac's room.

"Just in time" said Mac.

"In time for what?" asked Harm, setting the suitcase down against the wall in the far corner of the room.

"Contraction" said Mac, "get over here!" The nurse was just about to check Mac's cervix when it hit, so she stepped back and let Harm in to take Mac's hand. It had been almost exactly 14 minutes since the contraction she'd had on the way into the hospital.

"That's good" Harm said, "just breathe…" Mac didn't say anything this time, instead concentrating on her breathing as best she could.

"That wasn't too terrible" she said once the pain let up. "Bad enough, but I know they'll get a lot worse before we're finished."

"You did good, babe" said Harm, bringing her hand up to kiss it. "I'm glad I got back up here in time so you didn't have to do that by yourself."

"I could've done it" said Mac, the Marine in her shining through.

"I know you could've done it" said Harm, "but I want to be here for everything, just like I promised I would be."

"I know you do, babe" said Mac with a smile. "Oh hey, did they page Dr. Mianni yet?"

"Yes, ma'am" said the nurse, "She should be up within the hour. Can I check your progress now?"

"Sure" said Mac. The nurse pressed a button on the bed and lowered the head several inches.

"Just lay back and relax as much as you can" said the nurse, "might be a bit less uncomfortable that way."

"OK" said Mac, laying back and holding tight to Harm's hand.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Colonel" said the nurse as she moved her fingers around slowly. "Feels like you're about 2 centimeters dilated right now, and the baby's head is at about a minus two station."

"That means we've got eight centimeters to go before she can push, and right now the baby's head is still two centimeters above the cervix, right?" asked Harm.

"Very good, Sir!" exclaimed the nurse as she finished the exam and pulled the sheet back down over Mac's legs. "I can see someone paid close attention in childbirth class!"

"I tried to" said Harm, "I wanted to come into this knowing as much as I could."

"Impressive, huh?" Mac asked the nurse.

"Very" she said, "I've been doing this for 5 years, and never have I seen a dad who knew that much this early in labor." Harm smiled and blushed a little.

"So what do we do now?" asked Mac.

"I need to get your IV started" replied the nurse. "Dr. Mianni will be up shortly and she'll wanna check you then, and we'll be keeping a close eye on your blood pressure and the baby's heart rate. Aside from that, we'll just let nature be nature."

"Lieutenant, is there any mention of our birth plan in the Colonel's file?" asked Harm.

The nurse opened Mac's file and looked through several pages before she found the birth plan. "Yes, Sir" she replied, "right here. It says you'll ask for pain medication if you feel it becomes necessary. Is that still your plan?"

"Yes, it is" answered Mac. "I'd also like to walk around as much as possible and maybe get in the whirlpool after awhile."

"I think we can accommodate you there, Colonel" said the nurse. "Let me go get what I need to start your IV, and once we get that going, you can walk around the corridor if you want to while we wait for Dr. Mianni."

"OK, great" said Mac. As the nurse left the room, Harm walked over to his jacket and fished his cell phone out of the pocket.

"Who are you calling?" asked Mac.

"For starters" he replied, "Harriet, then Mattie, and then my mom."

"Oops" said Mac, "we promised your mom we'd call as soon as we left for the hospital, and we forgot."

"Yeah, but she'll understand." said Harm. "I've gotta go outside to use this, will you be OK for about 10 minutes?"

"Sure" said Mac, "they should have the IV done by the time you get back, and then we can make laps around the halls, should be real exciting!"

"OK" said Harm, "I'll hurry back, don't deliver while I'm gone, got it?"

"Go make your calls, goofball!" laughed Mac. Harm gave her a big smile as he headed out the door. Shortly thereafter, the nurse returned to do Mac's IV.

"Would you prefer it in the back of your hand" asked the nurse, "or the back of your forearm?"

"Forearm, definitely" answered Mac. "I'll never understand how people can stand having those things in the back of their hands!"

"I guess it doesn't bother some folks as much as others, ma'am" replied the nurse as she rubbed Mac's left forearm with an alcohol wipe. "I'm gonna inject a little numbing agent first, so that should be the only needle stick you feel."

"OK" said Mac, looking the opposite direction. She felt the little stick of the numbing agent, and she felt the pressure of the IV going into her arm, but it wasn't really painful.

"All finished, ma'am" said the nurse as she applied the last piece of tape to Mac's arm to hold things in place.

"Great" said Mac. "I need to use the restroom."

"Sure, ma'am, go ahead" said the nurse. Mac went to get out of bed just as the next contraction hit. She laid back down in the bed and grabbed a fistful of the sheet with both hands.

"Breathe, ma'am" said the nurse.

"I'm breathing, lieutenant" said Mac, "this isn't the first contraction I've had, you know!"

"Sorry, ma'am" replied the nurse. "Would you like me to do anything for you?"

"No" said Mac in between breaths, "the Commander will be back any moment." No sooner had Mac finished her sentence than Harm walked back in the room.

"Oh Mac" he said, "I'm sorry!" He set his phone down on the bedside table and Mac reached out her hand towards him. He took her hand and held it in both of his own, and within another minute, the contraction was over.

"What took you so long, sailor?" asked Mac as she laid her head back onto the pillow.

"My mom wouldn't stop asking questions" he said. "I finally had to cut her off and tell her I'll call her back later. I'm sorry I didn't make it back up here sooner, babe."

"It's OK" replied Mac. "Did you get a hold of Harriet?"

"Yep" he said, "she's gonna go home and change after work, make sure the boys are all set and then she'll be here as long as we need her to be."

"Mattie?" asked Mac.

"She'll be here a little later on" replied Harm. "She has to wait until her friend gets off of work and can drive her over here, but she said she'll be here the whole time, no matter how long it takes."

"I'm trying not to think too much about how long it might take" said Mac.

"Just keep in mind what we'll have to show for it when it's over, babe" said Harm with a smile. Mac smiled and rubbed her tummy just a bit.

"How about we go for a walk?" she asked him.

"Sounds good" said Harm. "Can you get up by yourself?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "and in fact I was getting up and heading to the restroom when that last contraction hit, so that's my first stop before we go anywhere!"

"Understood" said Harm. Mac got out of the bed and rolled her IV pole beside herself to the restroom.

"Can you get my robe out of the suitcase, please?" she asked him when she came out of the restroom.

"Yeah" he answered. He went over and opened the suitcase, moved a few things out of the way, and pulled out her light purple, terry cloth robe.

"I'm not sure we can get this on you with that IV, babe" said Harm as he thought about it a little.

"Oh, crap" said Mac. "Maybe the nurse can come unhook it so we can get the robe on?"

"I'll go ask" he said, "hang on." Harm walked to the nurses station, and returned a moment later with Mac's nurse, and she was carrying another hospital gown.

"I've got something that'll work better than trying to put your robe on, ma'am" said the nurse. "We can unsnap this at the shoulders and put it over your arms from the back, then re-snap it. It'll accomplish the same thing as the robe and it'll be a lot easier to get on and off."

"Fine with me" said Mac, "as long as I'm covered up, I don't much care what it's with!"

The nurse helped Mac get the second gown on, and then Harm took the IV pole in one hand and Mac's hand in the other as the two of them began their walk. They walked passed another couple who was doing the same thing they were.

"Must be a popular pastime" joked Mac as they rounded a corner.

"Hey, it must work or nobody would do it" said Harm. Mac squeezed his hand really tightly and stopped walking.

"Here, Mac" he said, letting go of the IV pole and taking a hold of her arms. Remembering what they'd learned in their childbirth class, he pulled her arms up around his neck, and she leaned the top of her head against his chest. She looked down at the white tile floor and concentrated on breathing.

"Oh, God this hurts" she whimpered.

"I know it does, babe" said Harm softly, "but you're doing great, just keep breathing." Mac nodded as she slowly let out a breath.

"There" she said a minute or so later, "over."

"Great job" said Harm as he leaned down to give her a kiss on the lips. "Wanna keep going?"

"Yeah" said Mac, and they began walking towards the end of the hall. As they were almost back to their room, they saw Dr. Mianni at the nurses station.

"Hello, Sarah" said the doctor when she noticed Harm and Mac approaching her. "How are you doing?"

"At this moment" said Mac, "good. Ask me in another 10 minutes or so, and you'll probably get a different answer!"

Dr. Mianni laughed. "So you're still contracting about every 10 - 12 minutes?"

"Yeah" replied Mac, "is that good?"

"It's fine this early on" said the doctor. "Of course you know that the further along your labor goes, the closer together and the stronger we need your contractions to be, but for now you're doing fine. How are you doing, Harm?"

"I'm fine" he replied, "but then I'm not the one in labor!"

"No, but as things really get going" said the doctor, "you'll find yourself doing a lot more than you might realize just yet."

"I'll be glad to do anything she needs me to" said Harm.

"He's been great, doctor" said Mac, "so far, I haven't had any urges to hurt him!"

"Again" laughed Dr. Mianni, "give it time! Why don't we head back to your room so I can check and see how you're progressing?"

"OK" said Mac, and they all made their way a short distance down the hall. Once in the room, Harm helped Mac out of the second gown and into the bed.

"Better hurry, doctor" said Mac as she laid down and bent her knees, "we've got about 4 minutes until the next contraction."

"I'm all set" replied Dr. Mianni as she sat on the edge of Mac's bed and moved the sheet aside. "I'll be gentle and quick, I promise."

"I know you will" said Mac. She winced and jumped just a little as the doctor examined her, but it wasn't anything she couldn't tolerate. Harm stood beside her and caressed the back of her hand.

"Well" said Dr. Mianni as she pulled the sheet back over Mac's legs, "no change from before, still dilated to two centimeters and the head is still at minus two."

"Are you serious?" asked Mac in a tone of surprise combined with disappointment.

"I'm serious, Sarah" replied the doctor. "Don't worry about it though, it's still very early and your pattern of contractions is well within the normal range."

"What about everything else?" asked Harm, "blood pressure, baby's heart rate?"

"Everything so far is just fine, Harm" answered the doctor as she glanced again at the printout from the fetal monitor and at the screens on the others.

"Can we walk around some more?" asked Mac.

"Sure" said the doctor, "go right ahead."

"At what point would it become a problem to still only be dilated to two centimeters?" asked Mac.

"I'll give you another couple of hours" said Dr. Mianni, "and if the next time either I or the nurse checks you we find you haven't progressed any, we'll talk about a couple options for helping things along, OK?"

"OK" said Mac.

"Anything else you'd like to ask me?' said the doctor.

"Not that I can think of" said Mac, "babe?"

"Nothing here" replied Harm.

"OK then" said Dr. Mianni, "go ahead and walk as much as you'd like to and unless you feel we need to check you sooner, we'll do it again in a couple hours."

"Thank you, doctor" said Harm. Dr. Mianni left the room, and Mac began to cry.

"Hey babe" said Harm as he pulled her close, "it's OK, everything's fine."

"I've been in labor for almost 4 hours and nothing is changing" she cried. "I know what the 'options' are if I haven't made and progress by the time they check me again, and I don't want either of them."

"Let's not think about those just yet, OK?" he said as he brushed the tears off her face. "Let's get this other gown back on you and let's go make as many laps around these halls as we can, and we'll see what happens from there."

Mac nodded and stood up so Harm could help her into the other gown. Just as she did, the next contraction hit.

"Oowwwww!" she said, grabbing a hold of his shoulders.

"Put your arms around my neck like before" he said, "and your head here, there you go, just like that." They stood beside the bed and swayed back and forth a little bit as Mac took slow, careful breaths. As the pain drew to a close, there was a familiar face at the door.

"Hi, Harriet" said Mac, a little out of breath. "Come on in, you just missed the fun!"

"I gathered that" replied Harriet. "Are they getting really bad?"

"Not too bad yet" said Mac. "I'm able to breathe through them."

"And I'm still standing!" joked Harm. Harriet laughed and agreed with him. "So, what has the doctor said?" she asked.

"Dilated to two centimeters and the head is at minus two" said Mac. "That's where I was when we first got here as well as where I was when my doctor checked me a few minutes ago, but she said things are going well for now and we'll give it a couple more hours before we talk about doing anything to nudge things along."

"Ok, cool" said Harriet. "Have they had you out walking the halls?"

"Yeah" replied Harm, "we've been out there some and that's where we're headed now if you'd like to join us."

"Sure" said Harriet. Harm helped Mac get back into the second gown, and he took Mac's hand while Harriet handled the IV pole this time. They managed to make two complete laps before the next contraction hit. Harm stopped and leaned against the wall while Mac put her arms around his neck and her head onto his chest. She could feel his heartbeat, it was comforting to her.

"Very good, Colonel - I mean, Mac" said Harriet when Mac lifted her head up and let her arms slide off of Harm's neck.

"Thanks" said Mac. "It'd be a little easier to do that if someone wasn't so tall." She looked at Harm and smiled.

"I'm sorry, babe" he said, "I'll try to lean down more from now on, OK?"

"I'm just teasing you, Harm" said Mac. "You're doing great, don't change a thing."

"You two are so perfect together" said Harriet.

"You think so?" asked Mac.

"Oh my gosh, yes!" Harriet exclaimed. "Y'all are soul mates if ever two people were soul mates."

"I think so, too" smiled Harm. "Too bad it took us so long to realize that for ourselves."

"Hey, no regrets, remember?" said Mac. "Today is all about the here and now, and what we're doing now is walking so hopefully this baby will decide to be born sometime this week!"

"Aye aye, ma'am!" said Harm as he gave Mac a mock salute.

"Goofball!" she said as she playfully swatted his chest. They walked through the halls for another half hour before stopping for a bathroom break, then they walked for another 45 minutes, stopping for 3 more contractions before heading back to Mac's room.

"See if the nurse will come check me, please?" Mac asked Harm as Harriet helped her get back into the bed.

"It's been almost 2 hours" said Harm, "I'm sure she will. I'll be right back." He returned a few minutes later followed by the nurse.

"How are you feeling, ma'am?" the nurse asked Mac.

"Kind of tired" answered Mac, "but pretty good I guess."

"Good" said the nurse. "Go ahead and lay back and we'll see if all that walking made any difference for you."

"I sure hope it did" said Mac as she bent her knees again and tried to relax. She didn't jump this time when the nurse touched her cervix, and she wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.

"Well?" asked Mac when she felt the nurse take her hand out.

"Sorry, Colonel" said the nurse, "still no change. You've got a stubborn little one in there!"

"Gee" said Harm, "wonder where it could have gotten that from?"

"Take your pick!" replied Mac. "Dr. Mianni said there were a couple of things we could talk about doing in the event that I hadn't progressed any by now, do you know what they are?" she asked the nurse.

"Yes, ma'am" answered the nurse, "she said we can either break your water, or we can start you on a drug to make your contractions stronger."

"I don't want any drugs" said Mac, "at least not that particular one and not right now."

"OK, ma'am" said the nurse. "How do you feel about letting the doctor break your water?"

"What exactly is involved there?" asked Harm.

"It's a very quick and simple procedure, Sir" answered the nurse. "The doctor would insert a plastic 'stick' with a small hook at the end of it through the Colonel's cervix and rupture the amniotic sac around the baby."

"That sounds painful!" said Mac.

"It can be a bit uncomfortable, ma'am" said the nurse, "but it's not usually too painful. Do you need a few minutes to talk about it perhaps?"

"Actually" said Mac, "what about getting into the whirlpool? Could we try that instead?"

"I think so, ma'am" replied the nurse. "Dr. Mianni said that you'd indicated a desire to try that if possible, so let me go page her and double check, and if she says now's a good time for that, we'll get you set up."

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Mac as the nurse left the room. "I really hope they'll let us try the pool, I don't want those drugs and I sure don't want them "rupturing' anything in there!"

"I know, babe" said Harm.

The nurse returned about 10 minutes later after speaking with the doctor. Mac was sitting on the side of the bed, breathing through the end of the latest contraction. Harm was kneeling in front of her so she could wrap her arms around him, and Harriet was rubbing her lower back.

"Good news, Colonel" she said, "you can try the tub!"

"Oh, good!" said Mac. "Just show me where to go and I'm there!"

"It's down the hall just a bit" said the nurse.

"He's allowed to get in, too, right?" Mac asked pointing to Harm.

"As long as you remembered to pack his swim suit, ma'am" said the nurse, "otherwise he'll need to just sit on the edge of the tub."

"I've got my swim suit, lieutenant" said Harm. "It's one of the first things she packed!"

"Wonderful sir" said the nurse. "If you'd like to get it, we'll all head down the hall." Harm went over to the suitcase, grabbed his American flag patterned Tommy Hilfiger swim suit and Mac's red bikini top, and they started out towards the whirlpool room.

"I think I'll stay here, Mac" said Harriet.

"You don't have to stay here, Harriet" said Mac, "you're welcome to come down there with us."

"I know, but someone should be here in case Mattie shows up while y'all are down there" said Harriet, "and besides, y'all need some privacy once in awhile."

"Well, if you'd like to stay here and wait for Mattie, you can" said Harm, "but please don't feel like we don't want you down there if you'd like to be there."

"I know, Harm" said Harriet, "I'm fine waiting here, really. Go on ahead, I'll be here when you get back."

"OK, that's fine" said Mac. "You know where we are if you need us!" Harriet took a seat by the window as Harm and Mac followed the nurse down the hall.

"There's a restroom right there for you to change in, Sir" said the nurse as they arrived.

"Thank you, lieutenant" he said. "I'll be out in a second" he told Mac. "Here, babe, you want this?" he asked, handing Mac her bikini top.

"Yeah" she said. She changed into it while Harm donned his swim suit. He brought his uniform out and laid it on a chair next to the door.

"Ok, ma'am" said the nurse, "let the Commander get in first, then you can sit down with your back to him." Harm carefully climbed into the tub, then held his hands up to help Mac in.

"Careful, babe" he said, "there you go, sit down, alright, you comfortable?"

"Oh yeah" she said as she let out a long sigh. "This is gonna help a lot, I can tell already."

"I'll leave you two alone for awhile" said the nurse. "There's a call button on the wall right here if you need anything, OK?"

"Yes, thank you, lieutenant" said Harm.

"Isn't this great?" Mac asked him after the nurse had left. The water was just right, not too hot or too cold, and the massaging jets were on enough to create a relaxing ripple in the water.

"Yeah, it's really nice" agreed Harm. "How long do you think we'll have to sit in here?"

"Forever" said Mac as she leaned her head back against Harm's chest.

"Well, I sure hope not" he said, "considering why we're in here in the first place!"

"Yeah, yeah…" said Mac. "Speaking of that…" He felt her body tense up against his and he knew she was contracting again.

"Breathe through it, Mac" he said softly. "That's it…again…good…another…good…"

"Ow! Ow!" she said between breaths.

"You're doing great, babe" he said, "just keep breathing…it'll be over soon…"

"Whew" said Mac as she let out the last breath she'd been hanging on to.

"Getting worse?" asked Harm as he lifted her hair up off her neck.

"A little maybe" she said, "hard to know for sure since the water is helping with the pain."

"You're doing an amazing job" he said, "I want you to know that."

"So are you" she said, looking up at him. He leaned down and their lips met lovingly.

"This is almost as nice as the bubble bath we took together last week." said Mac.

"Almost as nice?" questioned Harm. "What was nicer about that?"

"It had bubbles and candles" answered Mac.

"Yeah, but this one has us having our baby" replied Harm. He put his hands on Mac's tummy and she put hers atop his, just as they'd done in the bubble bath, only this time they both choked up a bit.

**Meanwhile, back in Mac's room…**

"Colonel Mackenzie's room" said Harriet into the receiver.

"_Hi, this is Trish Burnett, Harm's mother, whom am I speaking with?"_

"Oh, hi, Mrs. Burnett, this is Harriet, Harm and Mac's friend. How are you?"

"_I'm about to burst with excitement! Is everything OK? Where are they?"_

"Oh yes, they're fine. They're down the hall in the whirlpool right now."

"_Oh, really?"_

"Yeah. Mac's labor has been steady but slow, so they're trying the tub in hopes it'll help move things along a bit. I can go check on them if you'd like?"

"_No, no, don't bother them, I was just calling to let Harm know that Frank and I left La Jolla two hours ago, and our flight is scheduled to get into Dulles just before midnight local time."_

"Alright, I'll write that down and make sure he gets the message as soon as they get back to the room."

"_Make sure he knows we're renting a car and we'll take care of getting ourselves to the hospital. We don't want him worrying about anyone except Mac and the baby!"_

"I'll make sure he understands, ma'am! Anything else?"

"_No, that's all for now. I won't call when we get in, since it'll be so late, but we'll go straight there from the airport and we'll be in the waiting area whenever Harm gets a chance to come find us. _

"Sounds great, ma'am. Have a good flight, I'll see you when you get here."

"_Thank you, Harriet. Bye!"_

"Bye." Harriet hung up the phone and jotted down the message while it was fresh on her mind. She picked the book she'd been reading back up and made it through another 3 pages before…

"Knock, knock, anybody home?"

"Hey, Mattie, come on in!" exclaimed Harriet. "They're down the hall in the whirlpool right now, but they'll be back after a bit."

"Cool" said Mattie. "How's it going, is everything OK?"

"Going great" said Harriet. "Labor has been kind of slow though, so they wanted to see if sitting in the tub for awhile might help. They said you could go down there if you wanted to."

"No thanks!" said Mattie adamantly. "From my understanding, Harm's in his swim suit and Mac's in half of hers, and that's a scene better left to them and them alone!"

"Are you planning on watching any of the delivery?" asked Harriet.

"Oh yeah" answered Mattie, "why?"

"I just wondered since you don't want to go see them right now" said Harriet, "and I can promise you Mac will be a lot more revealing during the delivery than she is right now in the tub!"

"I'll be fine with that" said Mattie, "I'm just not too comfortable visiting them while they're in the tub together and working through the pain and all. I dunno, seems kinda stupid, but that's the way it is."

"It's not stupid" said Harriet. "They won't mind if you just wait here with me. Do you wanna go grab a Coke or anything?"

"Nah, I'm good for now" said Mattie. "Has Harm eaten anything yet?"

"Now that you mention it" said Harriet, "no."

"I'll see if I can convince him to go grab a snack after they get back down here" said Mattie. "I know Mac can't eat, but he need to keep his strength up, you know?"

"Oh yes, I know" said Harriet. "We'll see if he can be persuaded to take a short break. He's been right by her side since they got her this afternoon."

"No surprise there" said Mattie.

"None at all" agreed Harriet. "I wonder how things are going down there…?"

* * *

_A/N: I know, everyone wants to KILL me right about now for stopping where I did! Sorry!Events this special cannot be rushed, though, so we've all got to be patient! We're in the home stretch, folks, that baby is on the way:) Oh yeah, as far as any medical stuff that I might not have gotten exactly right, please forgive me. Unfortunately I have loads of experience with the issues in the first few chapters of the story, but none whatsoever of any of this, so I'm just going by what I know others have gone through. :(_


	36. Chapter 36

_A/N: I'm SO excited about this chapter! I've spent hours trying to get it just right, so please let me know how you like it.Unlike most of my other chapters, there's a little bit of strong language throughout this one. Just a friendly warning. :)_

* * *

Chapter 36:

"Breathe, Mac" said Harm as another contraction began. "Just like that…good…"

"Owwww…" moaned Mac as she did her best to breathe through her pain. She had her feet against the end of the tub and was pushing herself back against Harm's body as the pain grew stronger.

"Squeeze my hand, babe" said Harm as he took her hand and held it tight. Mac squeezed his hand pretty hard, but it didn't bother him at all considering the pain she was in.

"Oh God" she said as the pain tapered off, "that was definitely the worst one so far!"

"That's good though" said Harm, "that they're getting stronger I mean."

"I know it's what has to happen" said Mac, "but I've never had pain like this before and it scares me to think about how much worse it's gonna get before the baby comes out."

"Don't think about it like that" said Harm, "we'll just take it as it comes and deal with it and then move on to the next one. I'm right here with you, Mac, you don't have to do this alone."

"I know" said Mac, "I think the fear of it all is starting to get to me."

"I'm scared, too, babe" he said, rubbing her shoulders tenderly, "but so far everything had gone good and you're doing a great job, and every contraction you have is one step closer to having the baby."

"How are we doing in here?" asked the nurse, opening the door enough to peek inside.

"We're good" said Harm. "She's had 5 contractions, and the last one was noticeably stronger than the rest."

"Great" said the nurse, "are you ready to get out, or do you want to stay in a little longer?"

"Can we have maybe another half hour?" asked Mac.

"Yes, ma'am" replied the nurse. "Dr. Mianni wants to check you again within the hour, but you can stay in here a bit longer, not a problem."

"Thank you, lieutenant" said Harm. The nurse closed the door and left them to enjoy the tub in peace again.

"We need one of these at home" said Mac.

"A labor tub?" asked Harm.

"No, silly" said Mac, "a whirlpool tub. Wouldn't it be nice to have in the master bathroom?"

"Hmmm…I believe you're right, my love" said Harm. "I'm envisioning a quiet evening, candlelight, maybe some soft music…"

"Hold that thought" said Mac as she reached out for Harm's hand. He didn't say anything this time, knowing that she knew the drill quite well by then.

"How far apart were those last two?" he asked her once the pain had passed.

"Only eight minutes" said Mac, "we're making progress if I dare say so myself!"

"Do you still wanna stay here for awhile longer" asked Harm, "or should we go back to the room and let them check you?"

"Let's head back" said Mac. "I'd like to know exactly how much closer we are to 'push time'." Mac slid forward a little in the tub so Harm could stand up behind her and get out. Once his feet were on the mat beside the tub, he reached over and helped Mac step slowly out.

"Here you go, babe" he said, handing her a towel and her gowns. He grabbed his uniform from the chair. "I'm gonna go get dressed."

"Hang on" said Mac, "don't you wanna put on your civvies instead of your uniform?"

"Oh yeah" said Harm, "I guess I do. They're still in the suitcase."

"It's OK" said Mac as she slipped her gowns back on. "Just wrap your towel around your waist and you can change clothes in the bathroom once we get back to the room."

"You want me to walk out of here without a shirt on?" asked Harm as he tied her gown for her.

"Oh, Harm" said Mac, "it's all of a fifteen foot walk back to the room, no one is going to care!"

"Good point" he said as he wrapped his towel around his waist. Even as tired as she already was, Mac couldn't help but notice how sexy he looked right then.

"Ready?" he asked her, taking his uniform, shoes and Mac's bikini top in one armload.

"Let's go" she said. They made it back to the room just in time for the next contraction.

"Hey!" said Mattie when they walked in.

"Hey, Mats" said Harm dropping the clothes on the floor, "sorry, give us just a moment here."

"No problem" she said, "do whatever she needs you to."

"Thanks" said Harm as Mac locked her fingers together behind his neck and once more buried her head against his chest. They rocked slowly, right to left, and Mac breathed through it all.

"Glad that's over for now" she said as she released her fingers and stepped back. "I'm ready to get back in bed."

"Can I help with anything?" asked Mattie.

"Sure" said Harm, "you can help her get settled in bed while I get out of these wet swimming trunks."

"Got it" said Mattie. "Hey, after you get dressed, why don't you go take a snack break?"

"I'm not hungry right now" said Harm as he dug his civvies out of the suitcase. "Besides, things are starting to pick up now and I can't miss anything."

"Harm, you haven't eaten since that sandwich at lunch" said Mac. "That was over seven hours ago, I know you're hungry, go have a snack."

"But I - " He began to say when Mac cut him off.

"No buts" she said, "yes things are beginning to happen, we think, and this might be your only chance to duck out for 10 minutes and not miss anything to speak of. Now for my sake and that of our child, go find the cafeteria, get yourself something good and then come back, OK?"

"Well, when you put it like that" he laughed, "how could I refuse?"

"Good answer!" said Mac. She laid back in the bed as Harm went into the bathroom to change his clothes. He emerged a couple minutes later dressed in a white "Property of U. S. Navy" T-shirt and a pair of faded Levi's.

"Much better" he said as he sat down in a chair to put his socks and tennis shoes on.

"Oh, Harm" said Harriet, "your mom called while y'all were down there."

"Uh-oh" chuckled Harm, "what'd she want?"

"Just to let you know that she and Frank left La Jolla a couple of hours before she called here, and their flight is due in to Dulles around midnight."

"Ah, OK" said Harm. "Lemme guess, they're renting a car and I'm not supposed to worry about anyone picking them up?"

"You got it, sir" said Harriet. "Sorry, _Harm_!"

"Are they coming straight here from Dulles?" asked Mac.

"Yeah, they are" said Harriet. "They said they'll be in the waiting room whenever Harm or anyone gets a chance to go find them."

"Well, we need to try and keep an eye on the time so they aren't left sitting out there not knowing anything half the night" said Harm.

"I'll take care of that if you want me to" offered Mattie.

"That'd be great, Mats" said Harm as he pulled her into a hug, "thanks."

"No problem" she said, "after all, you sure don't need to be worrying about what time it is, and hopefully by then things will really be rocking!"

"Oh, I sure hope so" said Mac.

"OK" said Harm as he finished putting his shoes on and grabbed his wallet from his uniform pants, "I'll only be gone a few minutes, and I've got my phone on vibrate if anything happens that I need to get back up here for."

"Got it" said Mattie.

"Anyone else want anything?" he asked.

"No, thanks" said Harriet.

"I'm good for now" said Mattie.

"Yeah, but I can't have anything" said Mac.

"Sorry, babe" said Harm, "after the baby comes though, I'll get you anything you want."

"Deal" agreed Mac, "now get your ass outta here before the next contraction hits and you end up staying for it and the next one and you pass out later from starvation!"

"I'm going, I'm going" said Harm reluctantly.

"OK, tell me Mac" said Mattie once she was sure Harm was out of earshot, "has he not been the best guy ever through all this?"

"I doubt there's another guy in the universe who'd do as well with this as he's done" said Mac proudly. "Actually, who'd do as well with the last 18+ months as he's done. We went through some brutal stuff, and because he wouldn't let us give up, here we are."

"Like I said before, Mac" said Harriet as she put her book back into her bag, "y'all are a perfect match."

"Thanks" smiled Mac, a smile which soon faded from her face. "Oh boy…"

"Another one?" asked Mattie.

Mac nodded and grabbed the side rail on the bed as she rolled onto her side.

"Want me to rub your back again?" asked Harriet.

Mac nodded.

"What can I do?" asked Mattie.

"Just sit next to her, sweetie" said Harriet. "She knows what to do, it'll be over in a few minutes."

…**downstairs in the cafeteria…**

"_I hope she's doing OK_" Harm said to himself as he finished up his salad and chugged the last few swallows from his water bottle. As much as he hated being away from Mac, he really was pretty hungry and he knew the girls were right when they insisted he go have a snack before things really started happening.

As he tossed the salad container and water bottle into the trash and started back towards the elevators, he felt his phone vibrate. He immediately grabbed it from his belt and looked at the screen to see who it was. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to head outside as he answered the call.

"Hi mom" he said in a slightly disgusted tone.

"_What's wrong, Harmon?" _she asked from the other end of the conversation.

"Oh, nothing" he said, "you just caught me at a bad time, that's all."

"_Is something wrong?" _asked Trish, her worry very clear.

"Everything's fine as far as I know" said Harm, "I was on my way back up from the cafeteria, where Mac ordered me to go and have a snack, and I'd had my phone on vibrate in case she needed to find me."

"_Oh honey, I'm sorry to have scared you with my call" _apologized his mother. _"We're on a short stop-over in Chicago and I just wanted to make sure things were OK there, that's all."_

"No problem, mom" said Harm. "I need to go now though, I don't want to be away from her for too long."

"_Go on then, get back up there!" _said Trish. _"We're still looking to be at the hospital by 2:00 a.m., so just come find us whenever you get a chance, no hurry though, OK?"_

"OK, mom" he replied, "Mattie has offered to come update you when you get here, so be looking for her. I love you and I'll see you soon."

"Sounds great" said Trish, _"we love you, too, and we can't wait to meet this baby!"_

"Me either, mom" said Harm, "me either." He hung up the phone and ran back inside to the elevators, and got back to Mac's room less than two minutes later.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long" he said as he leaned down and kissed Mac. "My mom called just as I was on my way back up, so I ran outside and took the call."

"It's OK, babe" said Mac, "I'm fine. Did you enjoy your snack?"

"I must admit I did" said Harm. "Thanks for insisting I eat something. I was hungrier than I realized."

"Well, I knew you were" chimed Mattie, "I mean, who wouldn't be by now after not eating since lunch?"

"Is everything OK with your mom and Frank?" asked Mac.

"Oh yeah" he said, "they're stopped over briefly in Chicago and she wanted to see how we're doing here."

Mac laughed a little. "She's not too excited, is she?"

"Only so you'd notice!" laughed Harm. "She felt bad that she freaked me out by calling, though."

"How so?" asked Harriet.

"Well" replied Harm, "I had the phone on vibrate in case you needed me back up here, and I wasn't expecting anyone else to call me, so when it went off, my natural first thought was that something was happening up here."

"Ah, yeah" said Mac. "I'm sure she was glad to hear that we're doing well, though."

"Oh yes" said Harm. "They plan to be in the waiting room around 2:00, and I told her Mattie will come find them. Hey, what'd I miss while I was gone, anything?"

"Nothing new" said Mac. "I had two contractions, about the same as the one before you left."

"Has Dr. Mianni been in yet?" he asked.

"Not yet" said Mac, "but she should be any time now."

"How does right now work for you?" asked Dr. Mianni as she entered the room.

"Sounds good!" laughed Mac.

"I see you're contracting closer together now" said the doctor as she looked at the printout from the fetal monitor.

"Yep" said Mac, "we're down to every 8-9 minutes now. Not much difference, but hey, I'll take it!"

"Indeed" agreed the doctor. "You ready for me to check you?"

"Go for it" said Mac.

Dr. Mianni sat on the edge of Mac's bed and did the exam, finishing up just seconds before the next contraction.

"Good news" she said as Mac was breathing through the pain, "you're now dilated to between a 4 and 5!"

"Oh…I'm glad" said Mac between breaths. It felt great to hear all the pain was producing results.

"I'm pleased with everything right now" said the doctor, "so unless you'd like to, we don't really need to do anything right now to speed things up."

"I think we're OK for now, doctor" said Harm as Mac squeezed his hand tight, "but if anything changes, we'll let you know."

"Sounds good, Harm" said Dr. Mianni. "Now that Sarah is far enough along to have pain meds, I'll make sure the nurses remember not to offer her any. I told them before, but I'll mention it again while I'm out there."

"Thanks" said Harm. As the doctor left the room, Mac's contraction let up.

"What was that she said about pain meds?" she asked as she laid back against her pillow.

"Just that she'll make sure the nurses remember that if you want any, you'll ask for them" said Harm. "Why, are you thinking you want something?"

"No" said Mac, "but I can definitely see why most women do!"

"I'm gonna go find a vending machine" said Mattie, "I'll be right back."

"Sure, hon" said Harm. "We'll be here!"

"I need to go call Bud" said Harriet, "mind if I step out for a few minutes?"

"Not at all" said Mac, "like he said, we'll be here when you get back!"

"I won't be too long" promised Harriet as she grabbed her purse and left the room.

"You holding up OK there, dad?" Mac asked Harm as he looked out the window. It was dark outside now, and the lights over Bethesda were really a sight to see.

"I'm fine, babe" he said, "remember, I've got the easy part here."

"Don't sell yourself short, Harm" said Mac as she sat up on the edge of the bed, "your job is just as important as mine. Just because you're not the one in labor doesn't mean your role here isn't a huge one."

"I know, Mac" smiled Harm. "I'm so excited, aren't you?"

"I'll hafta get back to you on that" she said. Harm was puzzled at her answer for a split second, then he realized she was contracting again.

"Here, Mac" he said as he knelt in front of her, "just like before…"

"Dammit, this hurts" she cried.

"Wanna stand up?" he asked her softly, "would that help?"

"Maybe" she cried.

"Let's try it" he replied as he helped her slowly to her feet. Once standing, she locked her fingers together behind his neck, just like before, and laid her head on his chest. She had been leaning the top of her had against his chest, but this time she didn't feel like doing that. They swayed back and forth as she breathed, and eventually the pain let up.

"Bad one, huh babe?" he asked as he brushed her bangs off her sweaty forehead. She pulled the rest of her hair back in a scrunchie.

"Ya think?" she replied harshly, and for the first time Harm got a taste of what laid in store for him.

"I'm sorry" he said, "that was a stupid question. Can I get you anything?"

"I need to pee again" said Mac, "can you get that IV pole, please?"

"Of course I can" he replied, taking the pole and walking alongside Mac to the bathroom.

"I got it from here" she said, "thanks."

"Welcome" said Harm. He popped his head out the door and looked down the hallway. Not too many people out there, didn't seem to be much going on. He went back over to the window and looked out over the city once more. It was so serene, so calm.

"Hey, guess what?" asked Mattie as she returned from her hunt for a vending machine.

"What?" said Harm.

"You and Mac have some visitors" she said. "On my way back here, I found Jen and Sturgis sitting in the waiting room."

"Did you tell them to come on in?" asked Harm.

"No, I told them I'd let you know they were here and ask if they could come in" replied Mattie. "I wasn't sure what might be going on, so I didn't wanna just bring them in with me, you know?"

"Understood" said Harm. "Go let them know it's fine if they'd like to come visit for awhile."

"Will do" replied Mattie. She set her drink on the table and went back down the hall.

"Here, I got that" said Harm as Mac exited the bathroom with the IV pole beside her.

"Thanks" said Mac. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier."

"Hey, don't worry about it, babe" said Harm. "I deserved it."

"No, you didn't" she said. "You were just trying to talk to me and I snapped at you and I shouldn't have."

"Mac, we both know things are gonna get a whole lot uglier than that before this experience is through" said Harm, "and that's OK."

"Just remember that even if I threaten you with extreme bodily damage" said Mac, "I love you way too much to ever make good on it."

"I know you do" said Harm, planting a kiss on Mac's cheek. "You wanna lay back down?"

"Actually" said Mac, "I think I'll give the rocking chair a try for awhile."

"OK" said Harm. He followed Mac as she walked to the rocker and got situated, and he put the IV pole behind the chair.

"There" he said, "now it's out of the way."

"Where are Mattie and Harriet?" asked Mac, "they've been gone awhile."

"Oh, Mattie came back just before you got out of the bathroom" said Harm. "She said Jen and Sturgis were sitting in the waiting room, so I sent her back to get them."

"Oh, cool" replied Mac. "I guess Harriet must still be on the phone with Bud?"

"Must be" said Harm, "she'll be back soon though."

"We're back!" announced Mattie as she returned to the room, followed by Jen and Sturgis.

"Hey!" said Harm, giving Jen a hug and Sturgis a handshake. "You know, you could have come down sooner, we didn't even know you were here."

"We didn't want to interrupt anything" said Jen.

"Plus we know you don't want a crowd in here" added Sturgis, "so we figured we'd wait down there and keep each other company."

"Well, we're glad you're here" said Mac.

"How are you feeling ma'am?" asked Jen.

"Very ready to have this baby!" replied Mac. "I've now been in labor for almost 9 hours, contracting regularly the whole time, and we're still a long way away from the end."

"How's he managing?" asked Jen, a little quieter and discreetly pointing to Harm, who was talking with Sturgis.

"He's been great" said Mac. "I snapped at him a little bit ago, and he didn't seem to care."

"I figured as much, ma'am" said Jen. "He's looked forward to this for a long time."

"I know it" said Mac. "He's been great…" She stopped talking and grabbed the arms on the rocking chair.

"Um, Sir" said Jen, "I think this is your cue."

"Hang on a sec, Sturgis" he said as he realized Mac needed him. He went over to her and knelt in front of the chair.

"Do you wanna stay in the chair, babe" he asked her, "or do you wanna stand up?"

"Chair" said Mac, her voice filled with pain.

"OK" replied Harm, "here, hold my hands." She took his hands and held them super tight as she rocked slightly in the chair, trying to make it from one second to the next as the pain intensified.

"Ow…ow…ow" she said. Harm knew just by the sound of her voice and the pain on her face that this was the worst contraction yet.

"We'll go wait back down the hall" said Sturgis.

"No, stay, please" said Harm. "She's fine, this is exactly what's supposed to be happening."

"Still, I think we'll give you two some privacy" Sturgis insisted. "We're just down the hall and to the left, so we'll be easy to find after awhile, OK?"

"OK, sure" said Harm. "We're glad you're both here, really."

"Don't mention it, buddy" said Sturgis.

"See you after awhile, sir, ma'am" said Jen.

"We'll be here" laughed Harm. As Jen and Sturgis left, Mac pain eased up and she let go of Harm's hands.

"OK" she said, "I'm seriously rethinking my position on the epidural!"

"Are you sure, Mac?" asked Harm. "I mean, I'm not about to try and tell you that you shouldn't have one if you think you need it, but try to remember how important it was to you to do with without any drugs."

"That was before I'd had any contractions" she said. "I'm not saying I want one yet, or even at all, but just so you know it's a little more of a possibility than I thought it would be."

"That's fine with me, babe" replied Harm. "If ever there was a time when I needed to defer to you on something, this is it."

"Very good answer, counselor!" said Mac.

"OK, Colonel" said the nurse as she entered the room, "time to check you again."

"Guess that means back to the bed" said Mac as she stood up from the rocking chair.

"Trust me, ma'am" said the nurse, "it's a whole lot less uncomfortable if I check you in the bed as opposed to in that chair!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!" joked Mac as she got back in the bed. Harm stood at her side and held her hand as the nurse proceeded with the exam.

"Oh, God!" exclaimed Mac. "That hurts!" She was unintentionally pulling back away from the nurse because of the pain.

"Try to lay still for me, Colonel" said the nurse, "I'm almost done."

"It's OK, Mac" said Harm.

"It hurts!" she said again.

"I know it does" he said, "but you're doing fine."

"You'll like the news, ma'am" said the nurse as she finished the exam and pulled the sheet down. "You're a good seven centimeters dilated now"

"Yes!" exclaimed Mac.

"And the baby's head is at a zero station" added the nurse. "At this rate, you should be able to start pushing within another couple of hours."

"Oh, I hope you're right about that, lieutenant" said Mac.

"If you'd like, ma'am" said the nurse, "we can break your water now to maybe help things along a little faster, and then you can walk around the halls again if you feel like it?"

Mac looked up at Harm. "What do you think?"

"I think it's up to you, babe" he said. "If you don't have a problem with letting them do it, then maybe it's the way to go, but if you don't want to, that's fine."

"Yeah, let's do that, lieutenant" said Mac. "I'm ready to try just about anything to speed things up."

"Yes, ma'am" said the nurse. "I'll go page Dr. Mianni and as soon as she gets up here, we'll come take care of that, OK?"

"OK" said Mac. As the nurse was leaving, Harriet returned to the room.

"I am SO sorry, guys!" she exclaimed. "I never meant to be gone this long, but Bud was having a little crisis with the boys and I had to help him through it."

"Dare we even ask?" laughed Mac.

Harriet shook her head. "AJ couldn't find the stuffed tiger he sleeps with, and Bud said they'd look all over the house and didn't find it. Knowing a bit more about the hidden nooks and crannies in our house than Bud does, I talked him through each room until, finally, he found 'Ty-Ty' wedged between the printer table and the file cabinet in the office."

Harm laughed. "Oh, the joys we have to look forward to, my dear" he said to Mac.

"That's a minor one, Harm" said Harriet. "I could write a book on all the antics my children have played in their young lives."

"I know" said Harm, "but I'm ready."

"What happened while I was gone?" asked Harriet.

"Well" said Mac, "Mattie found Jen and Sturgis in the waiting room, so they came down for a little visit, but then a big contraction hit me and they decided they were better off in the waiting room!

Harriet laughed.

"The nurse just checked me" continued Mac, "and I'm now dilated to seven centimeters and the baby's head is at a zero station."

"Oh, yea!" exclaimed Harriet.

"So they're gonna break my water and then let me walk around the halls again" said Mac. "She said at this rate, I might be ready to push within a couple hours."

"It sure sounds like it!" said Harriet. "Did they page your doctor?"

"They paged me and I'm here" said Dr. Mianni.

"How do you do that?" asked Harm.

"Do what" replied the doctor.

"Always show up just when someone is asking where you are. It's as freaky as her internal clock thing!" he said, pointing to Mac.

"Oh, just a gift I guess" said the doctor with a little laugh. "I see we're really getting things underway now, Sarah."

"It's about time, huh?" replied Mac.

"Oh, I know it seems like it's been forever" said the doctor, "but really, for a first labor, you're moving along fairly well."

"Well, that's good to hear" said Mac.

"If you'll lay the bed back a little more" said the doctor, "I'll get this done up real quick." Mac pressed the button on the control panel of her bed, and the head slowly lowered.

"Lift up for just a minute, ma'am" said the nurse as she held a big towel in her hands, "we need to put this underneath you or else your bed will get soaked."

"You'll feel this, Sarah" said Dr. Mianni as she began the procedure, "but it shouldn't hurt too much."

"OK" said Mac. As always, Harm was right beside her, holding her hand.

"Whoa!" said Mac as she felt a sudden gush.

"All done" said Dr. Mianni. "Fluid is clear, looks great, so we'll see if this doesn't help bump you up to a ten pretty soon."

"This feels disgusting" said Mac.

"Yes, it does" said the doctor, "but it'll end in a couple minutes, and you should be prepared for your contractions to come closer and stronger now, OK?"

"Got it" said Mac.

"Thanks, doctor" said Harm.

"I'll be back in an hour, or sooner if you need me. Pressures and everything still look really good, so just keep doing what you're doing." said Dr. Mianni as she exited the room.

"Did that hurt, Mac?" asked Mattie.

"A little bit" she replied, "not as bad as I thought it might though."

"I can imagine what that feels like right now" said Mattie, "and I'm glad it's you and not me!"

"It's gross" said Mac, "but again, could be worse."

"How long before we can go walking again?" asked Harm.

"I guess as soon as I stop gushing here" she laughed.

"Yeah, that'd probably be a good thing to wait for" said Harm.

"Hey" said Harriet, "have y'all got names picked out yet?"

"No, they don't" said Mattie.

"That's not true, Mats" said Harm. "We've got them picked out, we just haven't settled on our final choices yet."

"Oooh, what are they?" asked Harriet.

"Sorry, not telling" said Mac. "You'll have to wait until the big announcement!"

"Aw, y'all are no fun" said Harriet.

"Ow, Harm, ow!" said Mac as the first contraction after the procedure came on hard and strong. She laid on her side again, and he put his hands around hers as she clung to the bed rail.

"Breathe through it, babe" he said, "there you go…yeah, just like that…"

"Can I rub her back?" Mattie asked Harm. He nodded, and she did as she'd watched Harriet do before, applying gentle pressure to Mac's lower back.

"Oh my God!" said Mac, "this hurts so freakin' bad!"

"I know, Mac" said Harm. "You're almost through it, just a little bit longer." Another minute later, the worst of the pain was over.

"That sucked!" said Mac as she tried to catch her breath.

"You did awesome, though" said Harriet.

"Yeah, you did" agreed Harm. "Do you still wanna go for a walk?"

"Yeah, let's try it" said Mac, "anything to get this all over with!" Harm helped her out of the bed, and Harriet brought over the second gown and helped her put it on.

"You can go with them this time, Mattie" said Harriet.

"You sure?" asked Mattie.

"Oh yeah, go ahead" replied Harriet.

"OK" said Mattie. She took hold of the IV pole, and they were almost out the door when…

"No, no, stop!" said Mac, "back to bed, now!"

"What's wrong?" asked Harm.

"I can't walk around right now" said Mac, "it hurts too much."

"That's OK" said Harm, "we'll go back to the bed."

"Owwwwww!" cried Mac as another brutal contraction began.

"You're OK, babe" Harm said, hoping to reassure her. "Here, put your arms up here." For what seemed like the millionth time since her labor began, Mac hung onto Harm's neck and together they moved back and forth in an effort to ease her agony.

"I can't do this!" sobbed Mac. "I want drugs!" Harm hated to hear her ask for drugs when she'd gone that far without any, but he knew better than to try and talk her out of them.

"OK, you can have whatever you need" he said, "let's finish our little dance here, and then you can lay back down and I'll go ask them to bring you some drugs."

"It hurts so bad" cried Mac.

"It's almost over, my love" said Harm. He kissed the back of her head as she rested it against his chest.

"OK…OK…" said Mac when the pain finally ended. "I need to lay down."

"I know, let's get you back over there" said Harm. Mattie put the IV pole next to the bed as Harm helped Mac back into it, then as promised he went to see the nurse about pain medication.

"We'll need to check her first, sir" said the nurse, "then she can have something if she really wants it."

"Oh, trust me, lieutenant" said Harm, "she wants it!" The nurse accompanied Harm back to Mac's room.

"I need to check you again real quick, Colonel" said the nurse, "then we can get you something, OK?"

"OK" said Mac. The nurse quickly examined Mac, and came up with surprising results.

"Well, I'm afraid you can't have those pain meds after all, Colonel" she said.

"Why the hell not?" exclaimed Mac. "I asked for them because I need them!"

"Sorry, ma'am" said the nurse, "but you went from seven to ten centimeters in the last half an hour, and the baby's head is at a plus two station. You're ready to push!"

"Really?" asked Mac.

"Yes, ma'am" said the nurse.

"That's great, Mac!" exclaimed Harm.

"I'll go page your doctor" said the nurse, "then we'll be right back in to get you set up for delivery."

"OK" said Mac.

"Wow" said Harm, "you went really fast there at the end!"

"That would explain why that last contraction hurt so bad" said Harriet.

"Speaking of that" said Mac as she grabbed Harm's hand. "OH my GOD! This hurts!"

"Hey, Sarah" said Dr. Mianni, "don't have that baby before we get set up, OK?"

"Very funny!" hissed Mac, not at all in a joking mood. As Mac continued working through the contraction, the doctor and nurses were busily setting out instruments and getting gloved and gowned.

"We need to break the end of your bed down, ma'am" said one of the nurses. "We'll do that as soon as this one is over."

"Go ahead" said Mac, out of breath,"it's done for now."

"Where do we all need to be?" asked Mattie.

"Well" replied Harm, "I'm up here, Harriet is on the other side, and I guess you can be wherever you'd like."

"Should I get the camera out?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah" he answered, "it's got a clean memory card, so take as many as you want."

"Cool" said Mattie as she went to Mac's suitcase and dug the camera out.

"Alright, Sarah" said Dr. Mianni, "on the next contraction, I need you to take a deep breath and let it out, then take another and hold it while you tuck your chin to your chest, bring your knees back as far as you can and push for a count of ten, OK?"

"Oh, God" said Mac, "there it is!"

"OK, deep breath in, now let it out, good" said the nurse. "Another breath in, hold it and push."

"Grab her knee like this, Harm" said Harriet. Harm took a hold of Mac's left knee and brought it towards her chest like Harriet was doing with the right one.

"…three, four, five…" said Harm.

"You're doing great, Sarah" said the doctor.

"…eight, nine, ten." Mac let the breath out and dropped back onto her pillow.

"Rest for a moment, ma'am" said the nurse, "then we'll do it again with the next contraction."

"That was really good, babe" said Harm. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he wished he could make it stop.

"OW!" said Mac 45 seconds later.

"Alright, let's go again" said the doctor, "just like before." Harriet and Harm held Mac's knees back while she pushed, and Harm counted the seconds out loud. Mattie stood off to the side, snapping pictures of the activity around her.

"…nine, ten. Good job, babe!"

"I can't do this! I can't!" cried Mac.

"Yes you can" he said as he wiped the sweat from her forehead, "you're doing it."

"No, I can't!" said Mac, "Dammit, Harm, make it stop! OH, GOD!"

"We're getting real close, Sarah" said the doctor, "another few good pushes like before and we'll have this little one out of you."

"I can't do it!" sobbed Mac, "cut me open!"

"No, Mac" said Harm, "come on, just a couple more pushes and it'll be over and we'll have our baby. You can do it, I know you can!"

"Let's go, Sarah" said the doctor, "you don't wanna waste this contraction, let's push!" Mac took in a deep breath and pushed as hard as she could, focusing intently on Harm's counting.

"…seven, eight, nine, ten. See, you did it!" he said.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God" said Mac.

"You're doing really well with this, Mac" said Harriet. "You're almost there!"

"One more push and we'll have the baby's head out" said Dr. Mianni.

"Really?" asked Harm.

"Really!" said the doctor. "Come see for yourself." Harm didn't hesitate for a moment. He took a couple steps towards the end of the bed and looked down, and a huge smile came over his face.

"Oh Mac, It's right there, babe, I mean _right_ there!"

No sooner did he complete that statement than the next contraction arrived.

"OK, Mac, give it everything you've got" said Harriet. "This is the hardest part, after this it's easy!" Mac pushed even harder this time than she had before, desperate to make the pain go away and knowing there was only one way to do it.

Harm finished his count. "…nine, ten. That was great, babe!"

"Head is out!" said Dr. Mianni as she suctioned the baby's nose and mouth with a small bulb syringe.

"OH, SHIT, GET IT OUT!" screamed Mac.

"Listen to me, Sarah" said the doctor, "with the next contraction, I need you to give me a little push, OK? Just a little one and we'll have a baby."

"Get it out NOW!" she screamed.

"We'll have it out in just a second, I promise" said Dr. Mianni. Mac finally felt another contraction, and gave the doctor the little push she asked for.

"OW! GOD!" screamed Mac as the doctor rotated the baby's shoulders and it's little body slipped out.

"There we go, little one" said Dr. Mianni as she suctioned the baby's nose and mouth a bit more.

"Oh my God, Harm" cried Mac, "oh my God…"

"OK, dad" said the doctor, "time to tell everyone pink or blue!" Harm was never so nervous or excited in his life than at that moment. He took a couple steps towards the doctor and looked down at his child. He looked back at Mac, and his tears were already falling.

"It's a girl! We have a little girl, Mac!"

"Oh my God!" sobbed Mac. Harm returned to Mac's side and they shared a long, sweet kiss and wiped the still-falling tears from each other's eyes.

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_A/N: Kleenex, anyone:) I'll have the next chapter posted within a day or two, I promise!_


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N: I don't really know the procedure for putting the ID bands on newborns, so if I get it totally wrong, let's just chalk it up as fluffy fiction and go with it. :) Thanks to everyone who sent a review of the birth chapter - you guys are the best! It was SO hard deciding boy or girl, there were so many great directions I could have gone either way.We'll see where this all leads now... :)_

_On a side note, how many of you in the United States have seen the newest issue of TV Guide, the one for February 27 through March 5, 2005 with CSI on the cover? There's a one page write up about why DJE is leaving JAG. Seems he was willing to return for an eleventh season, but CBS wasn't interested in keeping him around! Read the TV Guide piece if you get a chance, it's a few pages from the front. Be warned, though, there's a picture of Mac with Lt. "Young and Handsome", AND the piece ends with a statement to the tune of "there'll be a surprise in May to tie up Harm and Mac's relationship, but don't pick out any wedding gifts just yet." I've got a baaaaad feeling about this... :(_

_Enough of that, now on with the way things SHOULD be..._

_

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_

Chapter 37:

The doctor cut the cord and placed the baby upon Mac's chest. The nurse quickly covered her with a blanket and began drying her off, and before long she let out her first cry, which made her parents cry again.

"Listen to her" said Harriet, wiping away a few tears of her own.

"Hi, baby" said Mac, "I'm your mommy, yes I am, and that's your daddy, and we love you so much…"

"Sorry to have to do this, ma'am" said the nurse, "but I need to take her from you for just a few minutes."

"No" said Mac, not at all ready to let go of her baby.

"It's OK, Mac" said Harm, "they'll bring her right back. They're just taking her across the room to clean her off and get her weight and footprints and stuff." Reluctantly, Mac let the nurse take the baby.

"You can come along if you'd like, sir" said the nurse. Harm looked down at Mac.

"Go ahead, babe" she told him.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Harm, go, it's fine" insisted Mac. She knew without a doubt that he wanted togo with the baby, and after all he'd done to help her through the delivery, she figured he'd earned a little break.

"OK, but if you need me, just speak up" said Harm. He kissed Mac once more and followed the nurse over to the other side of Mac's room. She laid the baby on a clean, dry blanket beneath the warmer and dried her off some more.

"Hey, hey" said Harm as his little girl whimpered and cried. "It's OK, daddy's here, baby."

The nurse carried the baby over to the scale. She pressed the reset button and waited a few seconds, and when the screen read "0.0", she laid the baby on the scale.

"8 pounds, 12 ounces" said the nurse. "You've got a big girl here, sir!"

"I'm sure her mother will agree with you there, lieutenant" laughed Harm. He called over to Mac, "Hey babe, guess what she weighs?"

"Oh, 50 pounds perhaps?" joked Mac as Dr. Mianni finished doing a few things to her.

"Not quite that much" laughed Harm, "but she's big! 8 pounds, 12 ounces."

"I believe it!" said Mac. "How long is she?"

"Don't know yet" said Harm, "that's next."

The nurse removed the baby from the scale and placed her back under the warmer. She placed the baby's head flat against the top end, stretched her little body out straight and looked at the measuring marks on the side of the warmer.

"22 inches, sir" said the nurse.

"Hey Mac" said Harm, "22 inches long!"

"Well, she's definitely got the Rabb height!" laughed Mac.

"OK, little girl" said the nurse, "let's get the bad part over with so we can wrap you up all nice and warm."

"Bad part?" asked Harm, a wave of fear pouring over him.

"Yes, sir" said the nurse, "I need to stick her heel and get a few drops of blood, just a routine PKU test to make sure she'll be able to digest her food properly, nothing to worry about."

"OK" said Harm. Part of him wanted to go back over to Mac so he wouldn't have to watch his sweet little girl get stuck, but the daddy in him decided to stay. He cringed as the nurse grabbed the baby's foot and stuck her heel.

"Shhhh…" he said as the baby wailed, "I know, daddy doesn't like needles, either."

"What's wrong with her, Harm?" asked a very worried Mac.

"She's OK, babe" he replied, "she just doesn't like having her foot stuck with a needle."

The nurse applied the baby's blood to the test card, then put a bandaid over the tiny needle mark.

"All done" she said.

"Good" replied Harm. "I know I need to get used to things like this, but you know…"

"I know, sir" said the nurse with a smile, "you're still kind of new at this."

"Exactly" replied Harm. "What else do you need to do to her?"

"I need to get her ID band put on" said the nurse, "and get her footprints, and then she's all yours."

"OK, great" said Harm. The nurse pulled a card out of Mac's chart and filled in the blanks. Harm watched her as she wrote: **Name: **Mackenzie, Baby Girl. **DOB: **14 SEP 05. **Time of Birth: **1244. She then took out a black ink pad, opened it, and took the baby's right foot in her hand.

"This won't be near as bad as that needle stick, sweetie" she said as she pressed the tiny foot against the ink pad and then onto the card. She repeated the same steps with the baby's left foot, and when she was done, she set the card aside, and looked up at Harm.

"Would you like me to do your shirt, sir?" she asked him.

"What's that, lieutenant?" he replied.

"Would you like me to put her footprints on your shirt, sir" said the nurse, "as a keepsake kind of thing?"

"Yeah!" said Harm, "That'd be really great."

"Alright, sir" said the nurse, "if you'll step a bit closer here, I'll take care of that for you." Harm moved nearer to the infant warmer, and watched as the nurse put his daughter's feet into the ink again, one at a time, lifted her up and placed a perfect pair of footprints on his shirt, right over his heart.

"How's that, sir?" asked the nurse as she laid the fussy baby back down.

"That's just great, lieutenant" said Harm, "thanks."

"You're quite welcome, sir" replied the nurse. She walked a few feet away to the computer, and entered in the information from the ID card. Soon thereafter, a few pages came out of the printer, and she gathered them all and returned to where Harm was standing over his little girl.

"OK baby" she said, "let's see that little ankle of yours." She popped the smallest ID band from one of the freshly printed pages, and placed it around the baby's ankle. She then looked at the two larger ones still on the page, and popped out the one she was looking for.

"May I have your right arm, sir?" she asked Harm.

"Oh, I get one too, huh?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, sir, you sure do" she answered as she fastened the band around his wrist. "There's no such thing as too much security."

"Agreed, lieutenant." said Harm. He looked at the band to see what it had on it. The first line had a six-digit number, underneath that it said "Mackenzie, Baby Girl". The next line said "DOB: 14 SEP 05." The next, "Time: 1244." The last line had Mac's doctor's name, "Mianni."

"I'll be right back, sir" said the nurse as she popped out the last ID band from the page. "I'm gonna go put this on the Colonel."

"OK" said Harm.

The nurse returned momentarily, and got out a diaper, a cap and a few clean receiving blankets from a drawer beneath the warmer. She diapered the baby with record speed, put the tiny knit cap over her head, and swaddled her securely in the blankets.

"Here you are, sir" she said, holding the newborn out towards Harm. "You can take her back to her mother."

"Oh, OK" he replied. He carefully took the tiny bundle in his arms, and fell instantly in love. Completely, madly, deeply in love.

"Hi, beautiful" he said as he gave his little girl a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Shall we go see how mommy's doing? Yeah? OK, let's go."

Harm carried the baby back over to where Mac was. Dr. Mianni had finished up her post-delivery duties shortly before, and Mac was now in a clean gown and resting comfortably on nice, dry sheets.

"Hey" she said as Harm approached. "How is she?"

"Oh Mac" he said with a proud smile on his face, "she's just perfect. How are you?"

"For starters" she said, "tired, sore and hungry."

"I'd imagine so" said Harm, "that was one hell of a long day."

"Yeah" she said, "but totally worth it."

"I know" said Harm, "she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, aside from her mother." Mac smiled and blushed a little bit. She didn't _feel _very beautiful right then, but she knew in his eyes, she was and always would be.

"What are we gonna name her?" asked Mac.

"Oh boy" replied Harm, "how about we table this decision for at least a few more hours? I think we're both too tired to really get into that right now."

"Agreed" said Mac, "but we have to do it soon, I mean, she's here!"

"We'll do it soon, babe" said Harm, "don't worry, she won't go through life as 'Baby Girl Mackenzie'."

"Is that how they have her listed?" asked Mac, looking at her own ID band. "Sure enough, it is. Her last name is Rabb, though, why do they have Mackenzie on there?"

"The nurse said that they always list newborns with the mothers last name" explained Harm, "but that when we fill out the papers for her birth certificate, we can put my last name on there and it'll be official."

"Oh, OK" said Mac. "I just didn't want there to be a problem with giving her the right last name."

"There won't be" assured Harm.

"What's that on your shirt?" Mac asked.

"Oh" said Harm, moving the baby a bit so Mac could see everything, "the nurse stamped the baby's footprints on my shirt as a keepsake. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Very" replied Mac. "Right over your heart, I see."

"Yeah, well" smiled Harm.

"It looks nice" said Mac, "it's not covering any of the Navy logo, either."

"Nope, she did it just right" said Harm. "Hey, do you want me to go get you anything to eat?" he asked her. "Remember, I promised once you had the baby, anything you wanted was yours!"

"I know you did, babe" she said, "and I'm definitely hungry, but I'm thinking the little one there will probably be hungry shortly and I want you to be here for that."

"OK" said Harm, "well, whenever you're ready to eat, just tell me what you want and I'll go get it."

"Deal" said Mac, laying her head back against her pillow. "What time is it anyway? My internal clock has no idea which end is up after all that."

"It's almost 1:30" replied Harm. "My folks should be here before too much longer. Hey, where are Mattie and Harriet?"

"Harriet went home to sleep for awhile before getting up for work" said Mac, "and Mattie went down to the waiting area to sleep until your folks get here."

"Did Jen and Sturgis leave?" asked Harm. "Surely they did by now."

"I'm assuming so" said Mac, "I think Mattie would have come back and told us if they were still down there. It's fine, I know everyone will be back to see us tomorrow. Go ahead and sit down if you want to, babe."

"I'm OK right here" he said as he stood next to the bed and cradled the baby in his arms. He rubbed his finger against her cheek, then leaned down to kiss it. As he did, the baby began to fuss.

"Oh, baby, don't cry" he said in a soft, sweet tone. "Daddy's got you, you're OK…"

"I wonder if she's hungry?" asked Mac.

"Well, we haven't learned her different cries yet" said Harm, "but I'd say it's altogether possible. You wanna give it a try?"

"Yeah" said Mac as she sat up a bit more in her bed and lowered the left side of her gown. "OK, lemme have her, babe."

Harm handed Mac the baby, and she gave her a little kiss before positioning her the way she'd learned in class. It took a couple tries, but before long…

"Hey, she's doing it!" said a very excited Mac.

"She sure is" said Harm as he sat on the edge of Mac's bed.

"Wow" said Mac, "this feels so…I don't even know."

"Does it hurt?" he asked her.

"Not really right now" she replied, "but it probably will pretty soon and for a few weeks." Just then, a nurse came in to check on the new family.

"Everything going OK, ma'am?" she asked Mac.

"Going great" said Mac. "I am doing this properly, right?" The nurse stepped closer and looked to make sure the baby was positioned properly and that both mother and baby were comfortable.

"Looks like you've already got it down pat, Colonel" replied the nurse. "Keep doing it just like that and don't hesitate to call for one of us if you have any problems."

"OK, I will" said Mac, "thank you."

"I think she's got your appetite, babe" laughed Harm.

"Why do you say that?" asked Mac.

"Well, look at her!" he replied. "She's totally chowing down, and I'm betting if you moved her away from the bar there, she'd have a full-blown fit."

"I see" said Mac jokingly, "so you think I eat like that, huh?"

"Sometimes" said Harm, "yes!"

"Speaking of eating" said Mac, "when she's done, I'm ready for something."

"What kind of 'something' would you like, my love?" asked Harm.

"I'm _so_ hungry for a burger" she answered, "a big one with everything on it."

"Are you sure you're allowed to have something that big?" asked Harm. "Maybe we should ask and see just how much they want you eating right now."

"Oh, you're probably right" agreed Mac. "Go see what they say."

"I'll be right back" said Harm. He walked down the hall and checked with Mac's nurse, and returned within a few moments.

"Good news, babe" he said, "you can have whatever you feel your stomach can tolerate, but nothing too greasy or spicy."

"Damn, no burger" said Mac as she repositioned the baby just a touch. "Umm…lemme see…"

"What about a sub sandwich?" suggested Harm.

"Yeah, that sounds as good as anything I guess" said Mac, "plus there's a Subway right around the corner that's open 24 hours."

"You want your usual?" asked Harm.

"That'll work" she replied.

"You want me to go get it now?" he asked.

"Actually" said Mac, "I think she's done eating, and I have to pee really bad, so why don't you take her and burp her while I take a bathroom break?"

"You'll have to show me how" said Harm, "but sure, I can do that."

Mac carefully moved the baby away from her breast and handed her to Harm.

"OK, go grab a burp cloth out of the suitcase, please" said Mac as she pulled the shoulder of her gown back on.

"OK, got it" said Harm. "Now what?"

"Now come sit over here in the rocking chair" said Mac, "put the cloth over whichever shoulder you want her on, then put her up on your shoulder and pat her back."

Harm put the cloth over his left shoulder, then carefully moved his daughter around and up on his shoulder.

"Like this?" he asked.

"Just like that" said Mac. "Now just pat her gently until she burps."

"How long will that take?" asked Harm as he began patting the baby's back.

"As long as it takes!" said Mac with a laugh. "Some babies are easy to burp, some take all day."

"Oh boy" said Harm. "OK, I've got it under control, go to the bathroom before you explode."

"I'm headed there now" said Mac. "You sure you're OK with her like that?"

"Yes, Mac" insisted Harm. "I'm fine, now go!"

"Yes, sir!" retorted Mac, giving Harm the same mock salute he so often gave her.

"We're fine, aren't we, baby girl?" said Harm as he slowly rocked in the chair. "Do you know how much I love you? I don't think you do, but let me tell you, it's a lot. Of course, I love your mommy an awful lot, too, that's why we worked so hard to bring you into the world. Hey, there you go, that was a good one!"

"Did she burp?" asked Mac as she returned from the bathroom.

"Just now" said Harm, "she's got the manners of a sailor for sure!"

"Goofball" laughed Mac.

"Do you wanna take her so I can go get your sandwich?" asked Harm.

"Yeah" replied Mac, "as much as I hate to take her away from you, I really do need to eat."

"OK" said Harm, "do you wanna get back in the bed or sit here?"

"I'll sit there and rock her for a little bit." said Mac. Harm stood up and let Mac get settled in the chair before handing her the baby.

"I'll be right back" he said, kissing Mac's lips before heading for the door.

Mac sat in the chair, staring down at her daughter, _their_ daughter. "Do you know how much I love you?" she asked the tiny angel as she slept. "I love you a whole lot. I love your daddy a whole lot, too, and once you get to know him, so will you, I promise. You've already got him wrapped around that tiny little finger of yours, but he wouldn't have it any other way."

By the time Harm arrived with Mac's sandwich, both she and the baby had fallen fast asleep in the rocking chair. He grabbed the camera off the table, where Mattie had left it after the delivery.

"_This is too good to pass up_" he said to himself as he snapped a picture of them together before sitting down in the recliner next to Mac and falling asleep himself.

* * *

_A/N: Oh, how I wish this would really happen for them!_


	38. Chapter 38

_A/N: Thank you SO much for all the amazing reviews! I'm so glad folks are enjoying the story. I'm having fun writing it, imagining Harm and Mac as parents. Such a sweet thought, huh? _

_As for the TV Guide piece I mentioned in my notes in the last chapter, if anyone would like to see it and doesn't have access to a copy, I scanned it on my computer and can email you the scan. Just email me, my addy is in my profile, and I'll send it to you. It's not long, just one page and most of it is pictures, but it's interesting to read - the wrong kind of interesting, but still..._

* * *

Chapter 38: 

"Hey, baby" said Mac as she wearily awoke to the cries of her newborn. "I guess we fell asleep, didn't we?" She looked over at Harm asleep in the recliner. "And we're not the only ones."

"Hey" said Harm, also awakened by the baby's cries. "She OK?"

"I think she's hungry again" said Mac, "what time is it?"

"3:30" said Harm as he stretched and looked at his watch.

"Oh yeah, she's hungry" said Mac. "Can you take her while I pee real quick, then I'll feed her?"

"Of course" said Harm. "Come here, little one." He took the baby from Mac and held her close. "Hey, shhhh…, don't cry, mommy's gonna feed you in just a minute, I promise."

"I bet she needs her diaper changed, too" called Mac from the bathroom.

"Should we do that before you feed her?" asked Harm, still trying to comfort the baby.

"Yeah, I think so" said Mac. "I'll help you with it in just a sec."

"I can do it" said Harm.

"You sure?" questioned Mac.

"Oh, yeah" said Harm. "Don't forget, our instructor made an example out of me on diaper change night!"

"Yeah, she did, didn't she?" replied Mac. "If you wanna do it, be my guest. Everything's on the shelf by the window."

Harm walked over to the shelf and grabbed the diapers and baby wipes, then carried them and the baby over to the bed.

"OK, sweetie" he said, "daddy hasn't ever done this for real, so go easy on him." He unwrapped the receiving blankets from around her, and pulled a diaper from the package.

"Shhh…. you're fine, you're fine" he said as her cries grew louder. He carefully unfastened the tapes on the diaper she was wearing, and pulled a baby wipe from the container next to him. "This'll no doubt make her happy" he sarcastically said to himself as he noticed how cold it was.

"I'll make this as quick as I can, baby" he said, and in less than 30 seconds, he had the wet diaper off, had her little behind cleaned and the dry diaper on her, taking extra care to fold the front of the diaper down to keep it away from her umbilical cord.

"Well, color me totally impressed!" exclaimed Mac.

"How long have you been standing there?" asked Harm as he wrapped the baby back in her blankets.

"Not long" replied Mac, "but if I didn't know better, I'd swear you'd done that a hundred times before!"

"Really?" asked Harm.

"Yes, really!" said Mac as she took a seat in the rocking chair. "That was just amazing, babe. I'm proud of you."

"Well, thanks, Mac" replied Harm, handing the still crying baby to her. "Does this mean I've got the job?"

"Oh, you bet it does, flyboy!" joked Mac. "Every diaper from now until you go back to work, all yours."

"Great!" laughed Harm. "Oh well, that's what I get for paying such close attention in class."

"Can I come in?" asked Mattie as she peered around the doorway of Mac's room.

"Sure, come join us" said Mac, rocking the baby as she nursed. "You just missed Harm changing a diaper."

"Oh, rats" said Mattie, "I bet it was hilarious, huh?"

"On the contrary" he replied, "Mac says I did a great job with it."

"Seriously?" asked Mattie.

"Seriously" answered Mac, "you never would've guessed it was the first time he'd done it."

"You do realize that makes him the official diaper changer, right?" said Mattie.

"Yes" laughed Mac, "I've already informed him that every diaper that needs changed between now and his return to work is his."

"Ah well" shrugged Harm, "truthfully, I don't mind at all. Hey, are my folks here yet?"

"Oh yeah" said Mattie, "that's actually what I came to tell you. They're in the waiting area down the hall. Their flight was delayed a bit, they got there about 15 minutes ago and they're dying to see you."

"Did you tell them everything?" asked Harm.

"No" said Mattie, "just that the baby was born a few hours ago and everything was fine. I figured you'd wanna tell them all the big stuff, you know, like it's a girl and what her _name_ is, hint, hint!"

Harm laughed. "Well, we haven't decided on her name just yet, but we'll do it soon, I promise."

"You better!" exclaimed Mattie. "You know everyone who comes to visit will ask what her name is, so unless you wanna have to say 'we haven't decided yet' a dozen times, you better decide!"

"Understood, Mats" said Harm. "I'm gonna go talk to mom and Frank" he said to Mac.

"Tell them they can come see her for a few minutes if they'd like to" said Mac.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I know they'll wait awhile if we ask them to."

"Harm" said Mac, "they just flew across the entire country to see their first grandchild, let them come see her if they want to."

"OK, babe" said Harm. "Need anything before I go?"

"Nope, we're good" replied Mac.

"Alright, I'll be back shortly" said Harm. He walked down the hallway and to the left where the waiting area was, and found his mom and step-dad sitting, literally, on the edge of their seats.

"Harm!" exclaimed Trish as she jumped up to give him a hug.

"Hey mom" he replied, "Frank."

"Hey, son" said Frank, taking his turn with a hug, "or should I say _'hey daddy'_?"

Harm smiled. "Yeah, I guess you can say that now, huh?"

"OK, before I die of anticipation" said Trish, "is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl" said Harm, "and she's just beautiful."

"Oh…" said Trish, trying not to cry, "I have a granddaughter!"

"That's just great, son" said Frank. "How's Mac doing?"

"She's fine" replied Harm, "understandably tired and sore, but she's good. She was just finishing up feeding the baby when I came down here, and she said if you want to come visit for a few minutes, you're welcome to."

"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Trish, "we'd love to see them! We won't stay long, I promise."

"I know, mom" said Harm, "and before you ask what'll probably be your next question, we haven't chosen her name quite yet, but we will soon."

"Oh, Harmon" said his mother, "please tell me you've at least got an idea!"

"We've got several ideas, mom" replied Harm, "we just couldn't agree on which one we liked best before she was born, and we haven't had a chance to talk about it since the birth, that's all."

"OK" she said, "I feel better knowing you've got some ideas."

"Shall we go see her?" asked Harm.

"Lead the way" said Frank. Harm took them around the corner and down the hall.

"We're back" said Harm quietly as they entered Mac's room. Mattie was holding the baby and Mac was laying back in the bed.

"Everything OK, babe?" asked Harm, concerned about why Mac was back in bed.

"Oh yeah" she said, "the nurse just needed to check a few things, so Mattie took the baby for me and once the nurse was done, I decided the bed felt too good to get out of. Hi Trish, Frank!"

"Hi, sweetie" said Trish, walking over to give Mac a careful hug. "How are you?"

"Very tired" said Mac, "but very excited. How was your trip?"

"It was alright" said Trish, "we ended up being in Chicago a little longer than scheduled, but we made it."

"Hi, Mac" said Frank, stepping in to get his hug.

"OK" said Mattie as she carried her baby sister across the room, "who wants to hold her?"

"Go ahead, mom" said Harm.

"Gladly" replied Trish as she took the baby from Mattie's arms into her own.

"Hello, precious" she said, kissing the little girl's nose. "I'm your grandma, yes I am, and I'm going to spoil you completely rotten."

"I think that's an understatement" laughed Harm.

"She's a big girl" said Trish, "what did she weigh?"

"8 pounds, 12 ounces" said Mac, "and believe me I felt every bit of it!"

"How funny" said Trish, "that's exactly what Harm weighed when he was born."

"No kidding?" asked Mac.

"No kidding" replied Trish. "He was 8 pounds, 12 ounces and was 21 inches long."

"Well, she's even bigger than he was then" said Mac, "she's 22 inches long. I told Harm she's got the Rabb height!"

"That she does, indeed" agreed Trish. "Here, grandpa, you wanna take a turn?"

"Of course" replied Frank, "come here, little girl, or rather, _big _girl…" Trish handed the baby over, but stood close by Frank's side and continued to stare in awe at her new granddaughter.

"What color do you think her eyes will be?" asked Frank.

"Well, I'd think either blue or brown" said Harm, "personally I'm pulling for brown, you know, like her mother's."

"My money's on blue" said Mac, "not that brown eyes are a bad thing, I just think blue eyes are gorgeous."

"Especially Rabb blue eyes" said Trish, looking into those of her son. "I remember when he was born, I hoped he inherit his dad's blue eyes, and sure enough, there they are."

"Mom…" said Harm, both a bit embarrassed and sentimental.

"Well, grandma" said Frank, "it's incredibly late, we best head over to the hotel so everyone can get some rest."

"Yeah, you're right" said Trish. "We'll be back in the morning, actually later _this_ morning I should say, and we'll visit longer then, OK?"

"Sounds great" said Harm, taking his daughter in his arms. "Come here, love."

"G'night, grandma, grandpa" said Mattie, giving them each a hug.

"Goodnight, dear" they replied.

"Thank you for letting us meet the little angel tonight" said Trish to Mac.

"You're welcome" replied Mac, "thank you for coming all the way out here at a moment's notice."

"Oh goodness, we were glad to do it" said Trish, "we're so happy for you both." She went over to where Harm stood with the baby, and leaned down to kiss her once more for the night.

"I'm so proud of you, Harmon" she said. "Your dad…" Her tears interrupted her words.

"I know, mom" said Harm, pulling his mother close with one arm and cradling his daughter with the other.

"Say goodnight, Trish" said Frank, "these folks need their rest and so do we."

"We'll be back later, I promise" said Trish, wiping the tears from her face. They made their exit and left for a few hours sleep at a nearby hotel, though Harm knew his mother was far too excited to sleep much.

"OK, how about we all try and get a little sleep before someone's next feeding?" said Harm.

"Count me in" said Mac. "You want me to take her?"

"No, babe" he replied, "you get comfy and sleep as much as you can. I'll keep her with me."

"Thanks" said Mac. "Let's see, it's 4:30 now, she ate at 3:40, she should sleep for about another hour, maybe a little more."

"When she wakes up" smiled Harm, "you'll be the first one we find."

"I love you" said Mac, pulling her pillow close and snuggling down into it.

"I love you, too" replied Harm. He got into the recliner and carefully laid it back, placing the baby on his chest. He took her little cap off and felt her silky, fine hair against his face. In no time at all, father and daughter were fast asleep.

* * *

"I'm gonna grab a quick shower, OK?" asked Harm.

"Sure, go ahead, babe" replied Mac as she rocked the baby. "Then it's my turn. I wanna look as nice as possible for all the visitors we'll be seeing today."

"Same here" said Harm as he dug his toiletry bag from the bottom of the suitcase. "Wow, you really know how to pack a suitcase for having a baby."

"What do you mean?" asked Mac.

"I mean you've got everything we could possibly need in here" said Harm, "bath stuff for both of us, extra clothes, all kinds of things for the baby - you thought of everything."

"Well, I knew the baby would be rooming in with us the whole time we were here" said Mac, "and I also knew I didn't want you to have to keep driving back and forth between here and home, so I made extra sure I had everything we'd need in there."

"You did great" said Harm. "I'll make it quick so you can get in and out before she needs to eat again."

"When you get out" said Mac, "we're talking about her name. I've had about all I can take of calling her 'the baby', 'baby girl', etc… not to mention they brought us the forms for her birth certificate this morning and we still don't know what to put on it."

"Yeah, I know" said Harm. "Think about it while I shower, and we'll decide when I get out."

"Agreed" said Mac. When Harm disappeared into the bathroom, Mac laid the baby on the bed and went to her purse to get out her list of baby names and a pen. She began to go over them, one by one. A few minutes later, she heard the water in the shower turn off, and Harm stepped into the room.

"That felt really good" he said as he stood there clad in jeans and a Polo shirt, rubbing his hair with a towel.

"I'm sure it did" said Mac, "you hadn't showered since before work yesterday morning."

"Yeah" he said, "feels like it'd been a lot longer than that. Working on your name list I presume?"

"Oh, this, yeah" said Mac. "I crossed a few more off, they just didn't seem to fit her."

"Well, go ahead and take your shower before she wakes up" said Harm, running gel through his still damp hair and combing it up "and I'll narrow my list down further. How many are left on yours?"

"Three first and middle combinations" replied Mac.

"OK" said Harm, "I'll get mine down to as close to that as I can, and we'll make a decision before people start showing up." Mac gathered her things from the suitcase and headed for the bathroom while Harm finished dressing. He pulled his name list from his wallet and sat down in the recliner to mull over it for the last time.

"Feel better, babe?" he asked Mac as she emerged from her shower.

"Tons" she replied. "My tummy is already going flat, look how big this shirt is on me. It's weird to only look 6 months pregnant after being so big for so long."

"See, I told you you'd have no problem regaining your figure" smiled Harm.

"Yeah" said Mac, "but this is just because she's not in there anymore. The real challenge will come with the actual weight I need to get rid of before we even think about setting a wedding date."

"You'll do fine, babe" said Harm, "and don't worry about the wedding yet, let's focus on one milestone at a time."

"Good idea" said Mac. "Got your list finished?"

"Yes, ma'am" smiled Harm. "Three first and middle names, all ready for debate."

"We're not in court, Harm" laughed Mac, "we're trying to name our daughter, not send someone to prison."

"Yeah, I know" said Harm. "How do you wanna do this?"

"Let's just swap lists" said Mac, "and we'll read them and get all our objections out of the way, then we'll see what that leaves us."

"Works for me" said Harm, handing Mac his list and taking hers. They read silently for a few moments before Mac spoke up.

"OK, 'Megan' is an absolute no."

"How come" asked Harm.

"Because" replied Mac, "I knew a girl named Megan in high school, and I didn't like her. She was an artist. She had long, red hair and a sickeningly sweet personality, and thought she had a right to go after any guy she wanted, whether he wanted her or not. She went as far as to kiss a guy I was working on dating once, and I wanted to take those red locks of hers and string her up by them! There's no way I can name my daughter that same name."

"Not after all that" agreed Harm. "Consider 'Megan' withdrawn from consideration."

"Thank you" said Mac. "What do you think of my choices? Any issues with any of them?"

"No" replied Harm, "I actually like them all."

"Oh, great" laughed Mac, "that means we still have 5 choices to pick from!"

"Yeah, but I _really_ like this one here" he said, leaning over and pointing to Mac's list.

"What about it do you like so much?" asked Mac.

"Well" he said, "I had that middle name picked for two of my three combinations, no doubt for the same reason as you picked it, but it just goes so well with the first name you picked. I love it."

"Well, is that it then" asked Mac, "do we have a name?"

"I believe we do" said Harm.

The baby began to stir and fuss on the bed.

"I'll get her" said Harm as he put Mac's list down and got up from the recliner. He walked around to the side of the bed, and carefully put one hand underneath the baby's bottom and the other beneath her head. He lifted her up off the bed and held her at eye level, smiling the most loving smile.

"Is it time to eat" he asked her, "miss Ainsley Rose Rabb?" The baby opened her eyes a little bit at the sound of her daddy's voice.

"Yeah, Mac" he said, "it definitely fits her."

"Now see" she said as she got settled in the chair so she could feed the baby, "that wasn't so hard after all!"

"No" said Harm, "but we seem to have an uncanny talent for making simple things incredibly hard." He handed Ainsley to Mac, then sat down at the table and began filling out the forms for her birth certificate.

"When you're done there" he said, "I'll take her so you can look over these and make sure I got everything right."

"Sure" said Mac, "give us a few more minutes."

"Take your time, babe" he said, "I'm gonna go get some coffee, you want anything?"

"Orange juice?" she said.

"Coming right up" said Harm. He kissed Mac's lips and headed for the cafeteria. By the time he returned, Mac had finished feeding Ainsley and had just changed her diaper.

"Here, go see daddy" she said as she handed the baby to Harm.

"Oh, don't you look too cute?" he said as he took the baby in his arms. Mac has dressed her in the little pink sleeper with the kitten on it, the one she'd chosen for their registry and had received at their baby shower.

"Is this all the paperwork, Harm?" she asked as she sat down at the table.

"Yeah" he replied. "I think it's all correct, but I want you to double check." Mac started at the top and carefully read over everything.

**Baby's last name**: Rabb. **First name: **Ainsley. **Middle name: **Rose.

**Mother's last name: **Mackenzie. **First name: **Sarah. **Middle Name**: Catherine. **Age: **34

**Father's last name**: Rabb. **First name: **Harmon, Jr. **Middle name: **David. **Age: **38

She smiled at the sight of those first few lines. For all they'd been through since their meeting in the White House Rose Garden all those years ago, the life they'd always dreamed of, the child they'd always longed for, was finally a reality.

"What was that for?" asked an amused Harm as Mac walked up and gave him a huge kiss.

"Because I love you" replied Mac.

* * *

_A/N: Did ya catch the inspiration for the name Mac rejected? I just took the red-head from "Automatic for the People" and made her into someone Mac went to high school with._ _It'll be a few days before the next chapter is up. I have company coming this weekend, so I won't have any time to work on it, but it's coming as soon as I can get to it!_


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N: I concluded something the other night as I watched "Straits of Malacca". I concluded that the definiton of **"Vukovic"**is **"a sneaky, slimy little weasel in dire need of an ass kicking!"** I **so** do not like him! When they couldn't find him on board the Condon (I think?), I said to my friend that I hoped someone had thrown him overboard! No such luck, of course, but it sure woulda been nice. I hated that Harm was in all of one scene, that just irked me. He's not gone yet, people, let's use him as much as possible for crying out loud! I know, I know, they've been filming less and less of him in an effort to cut costs (according to the TV Guide piece anyway), but **one** scene, that's just crazy. I'm already dreading the March 11 episode, just based on the little bit they showed us and the "intimate moment" shared between Mac and Lt. Weasel, GRRR! I'll be sure to have a foam football handy that night so I can throw it at my TV when necessary. :(_

_Again, though, enough about how the real world of JAG is sinking fast. On with another shippery chapter... :)_

* * *

Chapter 39: 

"OK, stand right there" said Mattie, holding the camera steady.

"Was the last one not any good?" asked Mac.

"It was" replied Mattie, "but I wanna take another just to be sure we get a _really_ good one." As Harm and Mac stood in the open doorway of their house, Harm holding Ainsley in her car seat, Mattie snapped one more picture of her baby sister's homecoming.

"All done for now" said Mattie. "I'm gonna go get some of the stuff out of the car."

"I'll come help you in a minute" said Harm. "Where should I put her?" he asked Mac.

"On the floor in the living room is fine for now" replied Mac. "She can stay in her seat and sleep while we get everything brought inside."

"OK" said Harm. He sat the car seat down gently in front of the couch, then headed outside. He passed Mattie, who was walking up to the front door with an armload of stuff, most of it Ainsley's gifts from visitors.

"There's tons more out there" she said, "this kid made out like a bandit to say the least!"

"Yeah, she did" replied Harm. He walked to the car and pulled out the suitcase, a plant in a little baby-themed flower pot, a bag filled with more gifts, and a big, stuffed giraffe from his mom. "_I have no idea where this thing is gonna go_…" he said to himself as he made his way to the house.

"Should I put all this in the nursery, babe?" he asked Mac, who was in the kitchen making herself a snack.

"The suitcase, yeah" she said, "but put all the gifts in the living room. I want to make a list of them in her baby book before we put them away."

"Can do" replied Harm. He sat the gifts down on the couch, and smiled as he looked down at Ainsley, still sound asleep in her carrier.

"I think that's all of it" said Mattie, walking through the front door with 3 gift bags, the freebie diaper bag from the hospital, a vase of pink roses and a big Mylar balloon.

"Thanks for your help" said Harm. "I'm gonna go unpack the suitcase and start a load of laundry" he called to Mac.

"Have at it, babe" said Mac. She walked into the living room, glass of milk in hand, and carefully sat down in the overstuffed chair.

"Still hurt to sit down?" asked Mattie.

"Only if I do it wrong" said Mac, "which interestingly enough seems to be most of the time!" A moment later, Harm returned from having gotten the laundry going, and he had Ainsley's baby book and a pen in his hand. He sat down on the couch and picked up a bag full of gifts.

"What're you doing?" asked Mac.

"I thought I'd get started on listing things in here so we can get them put away faster" he said, "if that's OK?"

"It's more than OK" said Mac, "in fact, if you're gonna be out here working on that, you can keep an eye on her and I can sneak away for a nap."

"Sure, babe" said Harm, "go curl up on the bed. I'll come get you when she needs to eat." Mac stood up, gave him a kiss and walked wearily down the hall.

Harm spent the next hour going through gift bags, carefully and neatly making note of each item and who gave it in the baby book:

_Giant stuffed giraffe: Grandma and Grandpa_

_Pink teddy bear: Chloe_

"_Little Miracle" T-shirt: Bud and Harriet_

_Diapers: Bud and Harriet_

"_It's a Girl" balloon and plant: Uncle Sergei _

_Blue dress with matching headband: Jen_

_Pink and white baby blanket: Grandma_

_Purple outfit with baby cow on front: Mattie_

_Pooh and Friends storybooks: Little AJ & Jimmy_

"_My Favorite Airplane" storybook: Grandma_

"_Thank Heaven for Little Girls" bib and burp cloth set: Sturgis and Varese_

_One dozen pink roses: Daddy_

As Harm glanced at the vase of roses upon the mantle, he heard a whimper. He put the baby book down and got up to check on the baby.

"Hey, beautiful girl" he said as he took Ainsley's blanket off and unbuckled the car seat straps. He lifted her from the seat and kissed her cheek before putting her head upon his shoulder and heading into the nursery to change her diaper.

"I know, I know, how dare daddy change that diaper" said Harm gently as Ainsley laid crying loudly on the changing table. "It's just the worst thing ever, huh?"

"Dang" said Mattie, waking in to see what the baby was crying about and witnessing Harm's diapering skills in action for the first time, "you really _are_ good at that!"

"Thanks" he said as he picked up a now hysterical Ainsley from the changing table and tried to soothe her. "It's really not hard, I don't see why most guys act like it's rocket science."

"Because" said Mattie with a smile, "most guys aren't like you. Face it, you're 'Super Dad'." Harm smiled and gave Mattie a one-arm hug.

"I dunno about 'Super Dad'" he said over the baby's howls, "but I'm doing the best I can, which right now means I need to go wake Mac up."

"Yeah" replied Mattie, "surprised she's not already awake with all the noise."

Harm carried Ainsley the short distance between the nursery and the master bedroom, and found Mac already sitting up in the bed.

"How long have you been awake, babe?" he asked, rubbing the baby's back while Mac got ready to feed her.

"6 minutes" replied Mac, unbuttoning her shirt. "I heard you changing her diaper. She really doesn't enjoy that too much, huh?"

"She does a lot better if she's not hungry" answered Harm, passing Mac the baby.

"You do know I was kidding about you being responsible for every diaper change until you go back to work, right?" asked Mac.

"Yeah" said Harm, "but I really don't mind doing it. After all, you're responsible for every feeding, so why can't I do all the diapering?"

"I'm not about to say you can't if you really want to" said Mac, "but you don't have to."

"I know" said Harm, "but I wanna help you as much as I can."

"You've been a great help with her, Harm" said Mac, moving Ainsley just a little, "and that means a lot to me."

"She's my daughter" said Harm as he sat down beside Mac on the bed, "_our_ daughter. I wanna do everything I can for her and for you." Mac leaned over and kissed him tenderly.

"I need to go switch out the laundry" he said after the kiss broke. "I'll come burp her when she's ready."

"OK" said Mac. She looked down lovingly at the baby in her arms, and felt herself tearing up. Ainsley was so beautiful. Her fine, dark hair covered just a tiny bit of her head. Even at 3 days of age, her complexion was very much like her mother's, something Harm noticed soon after her birth. When she stretched her tiny body out, she illustrated that Mac's theory of the Rabb height being passed on was a very real likelihood. She leaned down and kissed her little girl, and stared at her in loving amazement for the next several minutes. She was almost in tears over her again as Harm came back into the room with a burp cloth already over his shoulder.

"Is she done?" he asked Mac.

"I believe so" replied Mac, blinking away a tear. "I think she's just using me for a pacifier now, she's not really eating anymore."

"OK" said Harm, "let me have her, you go back to sleep."

Mac handed an almost asleep Ainsley to Harm. "When will you get a nap if I sleep all afternoon, babe?" she asked him as she redid the buttons on her shirt.

"I don't need a nap" he assured her as he gently patted the baby's back, "I'm fine. I'd rather you get some sleep."

"OK" said Mac, "but if you get too tired, either come wake me up or ask Mattie to watch her, understood?"

"Understood, Mac" replied Harm. "We'll be fine, though, and I know you'll feel better if you get a few good hours of sleep this afternoon."

"Yeah, I think I will" said Mac. Harm bent down to give her a kiss before she laid back on her pillow. "Thanks, babe."

"Welcome" he said as he carried Ainsley back into the living room. He sat with her in a rocking chair and patted her back until he got a good burp out of her, then he laid her in his lap and began talking to her…

"Has daddy told you today how beautiful you are? I haven't? Well, you're as beautiful as your mommy, yes you are, and until I laid eyes on you, she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. Now she's got some competition, but I don't think she minds."

Ainsley looked up at her daddy with a cross-eyed newborn expression.

"You're one of the most loved little girls in all the world, Ainsley Rose. You have so many people who love you - your grandma and grandpa, your big sister, your uncle, all your honorary aunts and uncles and cousins, of course your mommy and I…" His words were interrupted by a ring of the doorbell, and he carried the baby with him as he went to see who it was. He looked through the peephole and smiled as he unlocked the door.

"Hey, sir - I mean, AJ" said Harm, "Come on in!"

"Is this a good time?" asked the retired Admiral.

"Sure is" replied Harm, "the little miss here just finished eating, Mac's napping for awhile, and Mattie is around here somewhere."

"Well, good" said AJ. "I didn't make it out to the hospital, so I wanted to stop by and see how everyone was doing."

"We're doing good" said Harm, "here, come have a seat."

"Thanks" said AJ, following Harm into the living room and taking a seat on the couch.

"Would you like to hold her?" Harm asked him.

"Of course I would" replied AJ.

"Well, here you go" said Harm as he gently handed the sleeping baby over to his former CO.

"Hello, angel" whispered AJ as he looked down at Ainsley. "Aren't you just the prettiest little girl there ever was?"

"We think so" said Harm, "but rumor has it we might be a bit biased" he added with a little laugh.

"One thing you'll find, if you haven't already" said AJ, "is that objectivity about ones own child is often very hard to come by."

"Understood, sir" said Harm. AJ noticed the "sir" but let it go.

"So, how's fatherhood treating you?" asked AJ.

"Oh, I'm loving every minute of it, AJ" said Harm, "it's more amazing and more wonderful than I ever imagined, and she's only been here a few days."

"Funny how someone so small can have such a big effect on us, huh?" replied the retired Admiral. "I remember when my little girl was born, I felt the same way you do now."

"As in you were totally hooked from the moment you saw her?" asked Harm.

"Hook, line and sinker" said AJ. "Hell, even as old as Francesca is now, she's still got my heart on a string, no doubt always will."

"Yeah" said Harm with a smile, "I know the feeling, one I'm sure Ainsley will use to her advantage someday."

"That's a really pretty name" said AJ, "where'd it come from anyway?"

"Mac saw it in a baby name book" explained Harm, "and took a liking to it. We didn't decide on her name until she was a day old, but Mac had that one on her list and we agreed it was a perfect fit."

"What's her middle name again?" asked AJ, gently caressing the back of Ainsley's tiny hand. "I know you told me on the phone, but I forgot."

"Rose" replied Harm. "As in…"

"The White House Rose Garden, no doubt" replied AJ with a grin. "It definitely works."

"Yeah" said Harm, "we both had 'Rose' picked as a middle name for a girl, guess we're kind of sentimental that way."

"Nothing wrong with that" said AJ, "besides, I think it's very fitting."

"Well, thank you, sir" said Harm, again reverting back to the Admiral's pre-retirement days. "Hey, come see her nursery!"

"I'd love to" said AJ, looking down at the still sleeping baby in his arms. "Do you want her back?"

"Not unless you're tired of holding her" laughed Harm.

"Well, if that's the criteria you're basing things on" said AJ, "you may never get her back!"

"Oh, trust me" laughed Harm, "when she wakes up hungry and starts screaming like a banshee, you'll gladly give her back!"

"You have a point!" agreed AJ as the two men walked down the hall and into the nursery. Harm opened the blinds to let the sunlight in.

"Wow" replied AJ, "I don't know much about this sort of stuff, but I think it looks really nice." The furniture he'd given them as a shower gift was all there. The Pooh bedding set, which came from the Creswell's, was all in place except for the comforter, which was hanging on the wall adjacent to the dresser. There was a 4 foot high bookshelf, which didn't have much on it yet but it still looked nice, and next to it sat the glider rocker. On the wall behind the crib was Ainsley's name spelled out in quilted letters, hand-made by Harm's mom in record time and hung up by Mattie just in time for the baby's homecoming. On the dresser sat the Navy and Marine teddy bears from Sturgis and Varese, and the silver picture frame with the special picture from Harm's mom.

"Thanks" said Harm, "we're happy with it."

"Did you paint it yourself?" asked AJ.

"Sure did" replied Harm, "got slowed down a bit with the car accident, but I still got it done in time."

"How're you doing with your recovery" asked AJ, "any after-effects at all?"

"Not really" said Harm, "I'm still working to get full strength back in my knees, but other than that I feel really good."

"Well, if Ainsley here is anything like Francesca was" said AJ, "all the sleepless nights you'll spend in the coming months walking her through the house, begging her to go to sleep will get those knees back in shape."

"I think you're right" said Harm, "but you know, crazy as it sounds, I'm looking forward to those nights. I mean, not the part where she's upset and won't sleep, but the part where she needs me and I get to spend that time with her."

"I understand" replied AJ. As the men stood in the nursery, one reminiscing about the past, the other dreaming about the future, Mattie walked in.

"Uncle AJ!" she said, "I didn't know you were here!"

"I came by to see the baby" replied AJ, giving Mattie a hug with his available arm. "How are you, kid?"

"Great" she answered, "I'm loving this 'big sister thing'."

"I bet you are" said AJ, "she's a cutie, isn't she?"

"The cutest!" exclaimed Mattie, leaning in to kiss Ainsley's nose. "Who do you think she looks like?" she asked him.

"Hmm…" replied AJ as he looked closely at the baby. "Well, her complexion is definitely Mac's, the hair could go either way, what color are her eyes?"

"Still kind of blue-ish gray for now" said Harm, "but the pediatrician said they'll change within a few months."

"I see" said AJ. "It's hard to say who she takes after just yet, Mattie, but give her a few months and I'm sure we'll see some very definite resemblances to one or the other."

"Yeah" said Mattie, "that's what I'm thinking, too."

"Has the dryer buzzed yet, Mats?" asked Harm.

"Yeah" she replied, "but don't worry about it. I already took the dry load out and hung it up and put the next load in."

"Thank you" said Harm with a yawn. "I was gonna go do it, but you're one step ahead of me."

"Looks like your daddy needs a nap, Ainsley" said AJ.

"Nah, I'm alright" said Harm.

"How many hours out of the last 96 have you spent sleeping?" asked AJ.

"Oh, I'd guess maybe 12 or so" replied Harm, "I didn't sleep but 2 or 3 hours the night she was born, but the couple nights after that were better."

"Don't let yourself get run down" said AJ, "make sure you get some rest this afternoon."

"That sounds a lot like an order" chuckled Harm.

"If you'd like to interpret it as such" said AJ, "I won't stop you! Oh, hey, what's wrong little love, huh?" he asked as Ainsley began to squirm and fuss.

Harm glanced at his watch and thought for a moment. "I dunno. She shouldn't be hungry for another hour or so."

"Well here" said AJ, "why don't you take her and see if she'll settle down while I go get something out of my car?"

"Alright" said Harm. "What's wrong, angel?" he asked as he took Ainsley from AJ. He swayed gently back and forth with her as he rubbed her little back. "Let's go back out here" he said, "let's go see what the Admiral brought, OK?"

A short time later, AJ returned from his car with an envelope in his hand.

"Just a little something special for the family" said AJ, setting it down on the table in front of Harm.

"Oh, thank you, AJ" replied Harm as Ainsley began to cry harder. "I'll look at it here in a sec."

"Any chance she's hungry?" asked AJ. "I know you said it's early, but…"

"I was just thinking the same thing" said Harm, standing up to take the baby to her mother. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here" said AJ with a smile. He sat on the couch and looked around the room. His officers had made a right nice home for themselves and their family, and he liked to think he played a part in it in some small way.

"Was she hungry?" he asked as Harm came back and sat down across from him.

"Very" answered Harm. "Mac said she'll come out and visit after she feeds the baby."

"Great" replied AJ as he noticed Harm looking at the envelope on the table. "Go ahead" he said, "open it up." Harm took it in his hand and lifted the flap, reached inside and pulled out a single sheet of paper. He unfolded and read it, a big smile coming across his face.

"Wow" he said as he finished reading. "This is really great, AJ, Mac's gonna love it."

"I thought she would" said the retired Admiral.

"I'll tell her about it when she gets out here. Would you like something to drink" asked Harm, "beer, soda, anything?"

"Iced tea?" asked AJ.

"Coming right up" replied Harm as he headed towards the kitchen. He returned a minute later with two glasses of iced tea.

"Thanks" said AJ as he took his drink.

"Welcome" replied Harm. "So, what keeps you busy these days?"

"Anything I damn well choose to do!" laughed AJ. "How's life at JAG?"

"It's good" said Harm, "the General's way of commanding took a lot of getting used to, but I think everyone has settled into their niche."

"Glad to hear it" said AJ. "Sometimes I miss being there, then I wake up!" Harm couldn't help but laugh at that one.

"What's so funny?" asked Mac as she walked into the room carrying Ainsley.

"Oh, AJ was just commenting on how much he wishes he was still the JAG" joked Harm.

"Somehow I doubt that!" replied Mac. "How are you, sir?" she asked. "I mean, _AJ_."

"I'm wonderful, Mac" he said, standing up to hug her. "Congratulations on the little beauty there."

"Thank you" she said, "have you gotten to hold her?"

"Oh yes" said AJ, "It took me back about 33 years. Been awhile since I held one that little."

"Here, babe" said Harm, "come look at this." He picked up the piece of paper that AJ had brought.

"What is it?" she asked as she sat down next to Harm and took the paper from him.

"You'll see" he said. Mac carefully read the paper, a letter from a photographer friend of AJ's. By the time she finished reading, the same smile that had graced Harm's face by the end graced hers.

"Oh my gosh!" she said. "This is great! Thank you, AJ!"

"You're quite welcome" he replied.

"How'd you manage to do this?" Harm asked him.

AJ explained. "He called me a few months back and we got to shooting the breeze, and he mentioned he'd love to come to DC and do a shoot but he didn't have any clients in the area. Knowing that all new parents want pictures of their baby, I told him that if he could wait a few more months, I knew of the perfect family for the shoot."

"Wow" said Harm again, "well, we really appreciate you thinking of us for this."

"We'll make sure you get some pictures from it" said Mac, "I promise!"

"I'll hold you to that!" said AJ. "Damn, look at the time, I better be going. Mac, enjoy the little one there."

"Oh, I already am" she said.

"Well" said Harm, standing up to walk AJ to the door. "It was great to see you, thanks for coming by" he said as he extended his hand.

"Oh, to hell with a handshake" said AJ as he gave Harm a solid hug, "I'm proud of you, son, you did good."

"Thank you, sir" replied Harm, this time calling him "sir" on purpose.

"Any idea on a wedding date yet?" whispered AJ.

"Nope" replied Harm quietly, "but I'm hoping it'll be within a few months."

"Ah yes, gotta let Mac get her figure back" chuckled AJ.

"Precisely" laughed Harm. "Drive carefully, and please feel free to come see Ainsley whenever you'd like."

"I just may do that" replied AJ as he stepped out the door. "Good seeing you, Harm."

"Same to you, AJ" he replied, stepping back and closing the door. He walked back into the living room, expecting to see Mac still sitting on the couch with the baby, but neither of them were there.

"Mac?" he called, walking towards the master bedroom.

"In here" she answered from the nursery.

"What'cha doing, babe?' he asked as he entered the room.

"Changing her diaper" replied Mac. "I know, I know, it's 'your job', but you were visiting and I had her and it didn't make sense for me to save it for you."

"That's fine, Mac" said Harm. "Hey, are you hungry?"

"Starving" answered Mac, "are you gonna cook?"

"No, I'm too tired" replied Harm, "but I'll call out for pizza if that sounds OK?"

"Have you ever known me to turn down pizza" said Mac, "except when I was pregnant and couldn't stand anything about it?"

"Never" said Harm with a smile. "What would you like on it?"

"Pepperoni and mushrooms" said Mac, "and I'm sure Mattie will want her usual."

"Double cheese and Italian sausage" said Harm, "got it. You want me to take her, babe?" he asked, nodding towards Ainsley.

"No" replied Mac, picking the baby up from the changing table, "I'll put her in her swing and work on putting some of her gifts away. You've had her all day, you need a break."

"I don't so much need a break" said Harm through a giant yawn, "as I need a nap."

"Well" said Mac, "as soon as we finish dinner, you can go lay down."

"Did you get enough sleep?" he asked her.

"I got 3 hours or so" replied Mac, "I'm good, but you need to slow down a bit and get some rest or you'll end up returning to JAG as a zombie."

"Odds are that'll happen anyway" laughed Harm, "I mean, we've got a new baby to take care of, let's face it, that means very little sleep for awhile."

"Yes" agreed Mac, "but while you're home these couple weeks, we can trade off napping so neither of us gets overwhelmed."

"Sounds like a plan to me" said Harm, kissing Mac and Ainsley before leaving to order the pizza.

Mac carried the baby into the living room and put her into the swing. She buckled her in and turned it on, and within less than a minute, Ainsley was fast asleep.

"_Good_" thought Mac, "_maybe I can get all this finished before dinner_." She looked in the baby book to see what Harm had listed already so she'd know what could be put away.

"Where do you think the best place for this is?" she asked him, holding the stuffed giraffe in her hand.

"Not sure" he replied as he flopped down on the couch next to her and laid his head back. "Over there in the corner, maybe?"

"Let's see how it looks" said Mac. She carried the giraffe over and placed it in the corner, then stood back to assess the appearance.

"I like it" she said, "how about you?"

When he didn't answer, she looked over at the couch and found him sacked out right where he sat. She smiled, grabbed a throw blanket from the back of the couch and covered him with it.

"Have a good nap, my love" she said, "you've certainly earned it."

* * *

_A/N: Next chapter should be up in a couple days..._


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad to see folks are still enjoying the story. It's a LOT longer than I thought it would be, but as long as even one person is interested enough to read it and review it, I'll keep writing. :)_

* * *

Chapter 40:

"There" said Mac as she put the address on the last of the birth announcements. "Your turn, babe."

"OK" said Harm, pulling the stack of envelopes closer and picking up the box of announcements.

"I'm so glad these are already filled out" he said as he took one from the box and looked at it. They'd looked through several stationery catalogs in the first week Ainsley had been home, and eventually found the perfect announcement. It was a 5 inch by 7 inch white card with a single, long-stemmed pink rose across the bottom. All the printing was done in pink, a few shades darker than the rose, and read as follows:

_God's most beautiful thoughts bloom into children…_

_Ainsley Rose Rabb_

_September 14, 2005_

_12:44 a.m._

_8 pounds, 12 ounces_

_22 inches_

_Harmon Rabb, Jr. and Sarah Mackenzie_

"Oh, you and me both" agreed Mac as she walked towards the bathroom. "There's no way I'd want to sit and hand write all those!"

"They came out really nice" he said, "I like them." As he put an announcement into the first envelope in the stack, Ainsley let out a cry from the swing. Harm set the cards aside and went to get her.

"Hey, baby girl" he said as he turned the swing off, unbuckled the straps and picked her up, "let's go change you, OK?" Mac heard the baby's cries in the nursery on her way back from the bathroom.

"Is daddy torturing you again, Ainsley?" asked Mac in a gentle voice, bending down over the changing table and kissing her little girl's forehead.

"Oh, yeah" laughed Harm as he snapped up Ainsley's outfit, "these diaper changes are just too horrible for words!" He picked his daughter up, and almost immediately her cries stopped.

"No, she's not a 'daddy's girl' at all" kidded Mac. Harm just smiled and planted a kiss on Ainsley's cheek.

"Here, go see mommy" he said, "so daddy can finish stuffing envelopes." Mac took the baby, and the three of them returned to the living room.

"How many of these are there again?" asked Harm as he thumbed through the envelopes.

"Only nineteen" replied Mac. "I ordered twenty, kept one for the baby book, and the rest are going to family and close friends."

"So in essence" said Harm, "everyone who's getting one of these already knows she's here?"

"Yeah" replied Mac, "but I wasn't about to _not_ send out announcements, I mean…"

"Oh, I wasn't implying that we shouldn't send them!" exclaimed Harm, "I just think it's funny how they're called 'announcements' and yet everyone who's getting one already knows everything that's being announced."

"Good point" laughed Mac, "but hey, it's fun!"

"Indeed it is" said Harm. "Can you believe she's already almost two weeks old?"

"Not at all" answered Mac. "In some ways it seems like she's been here forever, and in other ways it's as if she was just born yesterday."

"I was thinking the same thing, babe" said Harm, busily working his way through the piles in front of him. "Do you feel like it's getting easier yet, I mean the lack of sleep and all the feedings and everything?"

"I think so" she replied, looking down at Ainsley laying in her lap "or if it's not, I think we're at least getting more used to it. You?"

"I dunno" said Harm. "I feel like it's easier now than the first few days we had her home, but maybe you've got it right, maybe we're just getting used to it now."

Ainsley began to fuss again, and without looking at the clock, Mac knew it was feeding time.

"Can you toss me the pillow, please, babe?" she asked Harm as she reached underneath her T-shirt and unfastened one side of her bra.

"How about I hand it to you instead" he said with a smile, picking up the nursing pillow from beside the overstuffed chair.

"That'll work, too" replied Mac. She took the pillow from him and tucked it beneath the baby, then brought her close and helped her latch on.

"Where's Mattie?" asked Mac.

"Oh, she and Jen went to a movie" said Harm, "she should be back before dinnertime."

"OK" replied Mac, rocking Ainsley gently. "Looks like you're almost done with those."

"Yep, justa fewleft" replied Harm. "Then I'll take them to the post office."

"That'd be great" said Mac, "hopefully she'll fall asleep after she finishes here and I can get the grocery list written. We're out of almost everything."

"I can write the list" offered Harm, grabbing a pad and pen from the table. "Just tell me what goes on it."

"Umm…" thought Mac, "we need milk, orange juice, white bread and wheat bread, yogurt."

"What flavor yogurt?" asked Harm.

"Dutch apple" replied Mac, "and some strawberry."

"OK" he said as he wrote the flavors down. "What else?"

"Bananas, grapes, plums" continued Mac, "some caffeine-free root beer, stuff for a salad, peanut butter for Mattie."

"Creamy or chunky?" asked Harm.

"Creamy" said Mac, "she says the chunky kind tastes like it has bugs in it, where she got that idea I'll never know!"

Harm laughed. "Yeah, she's a funny one sometimes. Is that everything?"

"I think so" said Mac, "but you can look through the kitchen and see what I may have forgotten."

"Will do, babe" said Harm, giving her a kiss as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Did you find anything I forgot?" Mac asked him when he returned a few minutes later and tossed the pen on the table.

"Not much" he replied, "string cheese, Boca Burgers and pretzel sticks."

"I knew I wasn't remembering it all" said Mac, "but I didn't do too bad."

"Not bad at all" said Harm, picking up the stack of birth announcements. "I'll mail these on my way to the store, I should be back in about an hour and a half."

"We'll be here" said Mac, gently patting Ainsley's back to help her burp. He gave them both a kiss before grabbing his keys, making sure he had his wallet and walking out the front door.

"You did it again, little girl" said Mac when she noticed the baby had fallen asleep without burping. "Oh well, no use in fighting it, huh?" She carried Ainsley over to the baby swing and laid her in, put the straps around her and turned it on the lowest speed. She then laid herself down upon the couch, snuggled beneath the throw blanket and drifted off.

* * *

"Hey Harm" Mac called from Ainsley's room the next morning.

"Yeah" he replied.

"Can you come in here for a minute, please?" she answered.

"Coming" he replied as he put the newspaper down and got up from the couch. Once in the nursery, he found Ainsley laying in her crib and Mac standing in front of the closet, a look of deep thought on her face.

"I can't decide what outfit she should wear today" said Mac, "can you help me pick one?"

"Sure, babe" said Harm, putting his hands on her shoulders from behind and giving them a gentle squeeze. "How dressed up do you want her, or do you not know that either?"

"I don't know that either" said Mac, laughing a little at the situation. "I know it seems silly to spend this much effort on an outfit for her when all we're doing is taking her to meet Dr. Kendall, but…"

"But you want her to look as beautiful to him as she does to us" said Harm, finishing Mac's statement.

"Well" said Mac, "she'll never look to anyone else the way she does to us, but yeah, I'd like the doctor and his staff to gush over her just a little."

"Or a lot!" laughed Harm. He pulled a yellow dress with a big sunflower on the front from the closet and held it up. "What about this one?" he asked Mac.

"Maybe" she replied, "I'm also thinking about this one here" she said, pulling out the blue dress and headband that Jen had bought.

"There's this one, too" said Harm as he took Ainsley's "home from the hospital" outfit, the little red romper with the watermelons on it and the matching hat, from the closet and added it to the mix. "We already know she looks cute in it" he added with a smile.

"Harm, she'd look cute in a burlap sack" said Mac, "so basing our selection on what she'd look cute in won't help any!"

"Good point" said Harm. "OK, I think we've got enough semi-finalists here, let's pick one." They stood together, looking at each of the three outfits for several moments.

"Let's go with….this one" said Mac, picking up the sunflower dress. "It's bright and cheery and I like it."

"Works for me" replied Harm, picking up the other two outfits and returning them to the closet. "You want me to dress her?"

"She needs a bath first" said Mac, "and since her belly button is finally healed up, she can have a tub bath."

"Hey, that's great" said Harm, clearly excited about his little girls first "real" bath. He walked over to the crib and picked her up.

"Guess what, Ainsley?" he said to her, "you get a big girl bath today!" The baby stared at him for a moment before she started to cry.

"Oh, hey" he said, lifting her to his shoulder and rubbing her back, "it'll be fun, you'll see. Your mommy over there, she loves baths, right, mommy?"

"Right" answered Mac, "but I think what miss Ainsley wants right now is to eat, so why don't I take care of that while you get her bath stuff set out?"

"Sure, babe" he said, kissing the baby's head as he handed her to Mac. "Is everything in our bathroom closet?"

"The baby tub is" replied Mac, "I think the soap and sponge are in the kitchen, which is probably the easiest place to do it today."

Harm looked in their bathroom closet, pulled out the baby bathtub and carried it to the kitchen. As Mac said, the baby soap and sponge were already in the kitchen, since they'd been doing Ainsley's sponge baths in there. He laid everything out and did a mental checklist.

"A towel…" said Harm to himself as he realized it was missing from the mix. "Hey Mac, where are all her towels?" he called out down the hall.

"There should be one in the basket of her laundry on top of the dryer" answered Mac.

"OK" said Harm. Going to the laundry room, he found several baby towels in the basket and grabbed one.

"Let me know when you want me to fill the tub" he said, stopping by the nursery on his way back with the towel.

"Go ahead and fill it, babe" replied Mac, "she's done eating and already burped."

"OK" said Harm. He returned to the kitchen and turned on the hot water faucet. He played with the mix of hot and cold water until he got it just right, then he filled the baby tub. Just as he was about to call to Mac that everything was ready, she appeared in the kitchen with a diaper-clad Ainsley.

"Hey, perfect timing" said Harm, "I think we're all set."

"Here, if you'll hold her" said Mac, "I'll take her diaper off and you can lay her in the tub."

"Sure" said Harm. He held her in his hands, one behind her head and the other underneath her legs while Mac removed the diaper. Her eyes opened wide as he laid her gently into the bath water.

"Ooh, what is it, baby girl?" cooed Mac, "this is something new, isn't it?"

"Hey, we need to get pictures of this" said Harm as he picked up the baby sponge and dipped it into the water.

"Oh yeah, definitely" said Mac, "I'll be right back." She returned moments later with the camera and found Harm soaping up the baby as if he was an old hand at it. She snapped a picture before saying anything.

"You're pretty good at that, sailor" said Mac with a grin.

"Thanks" he replied, blushing a little.

"How's she doing, does she like it?" asked Mac.

"She's not too sure I don't think" answered Harm. "She hasn't cried yet, but she's made some disgruntled faces."

"She's probably getting cold" said Mac.

"I'm thinking once I get her all rinsed off" said Harm, "we can wrap her in the towel to keep her warm while we wash her hair."

"Good idea" agreed Mac. She stood next to Harm and marveled at how expertly he was bathing their child. As with the diapering, if she didn't know he'd never done it before, she never would have guessed. She took a few more pictures, smiling to herself at each precious image.

"OK, baby girl" said Harm as he finished rinsing her off, "let's get you wrapped up nice and warm." He lifted her from the tub and laid her on the towel, drying her off a little before wrappingit all around her.

"I'll hold her over the tub" he said to Mac, "you can wash her hair."

"Alright" said Mac. She turned the water on and made sure the temperature was safe, then rinsed out the sponge before wetting Ainsley's head with it.

"Shhh, baby" said Harm as Ainsley began to cry, "you're OK…" Mac poured a dab of baby shampoo on the sponge and worked it into a lather, then rubbed it into the baby's fine, dark hair.

"She's not liking this too much" said Mac, "mommy's going as fast as she can, sweetie." She rinsed out the sponge again, then rinsed the shampoo from the baby's head. She ran her fingers through Ainsley's hair to be sure no soap remained before turning the water off.

"Goodness, baby" said Harm, pulling the hood of the towel over the baby's head and lifting her to his shoulder, "that wasn't half as bad as you'd like us to think, I know it wasn't."

"You wanna dress her while I get myself ready?" asked Mac.

"Of course" replied Harm. "Come on, Ainsley Rose" he said, "let's go get you all dolled up." He walked back to the nursery and laid her on the changing table. He put her diaper on, then removed the little sunflower dress from it's hanger and carefully put it over her head, rolling her onto her tummy to fasten the buttons in back.

"I guess these come next, huh baby?" he asked as he rolled her back over and put the bloomers on over her diaper. He opened her top drawer and dug through her socks until he found a pair that matched the dress. They were the same shade of yellow, and had tiny white bows on the sides.

"There" he said as he folded the cuffs down on the socks so the bows showed properly. "All that's missing is the bow on top." He opened her top drawer again and found the small basket of bows and headbands that Mac had put in there.

"Lemme see…" he said to himself as he looked at the choices. He pulled out a couple and held them against Ainsley's dress, then put them back and pulled out a couple more.

"Ah-ha, perfect" he said when he came across a white headband with a big sunflower on it. He put it around the baby's head, then looked her over from top to bottom.

"I dare say mommy will be pleased" he said as he picked his daughter up off the changing table and kissed her little nose. "Let's go see, shall we?" He carried Ainsley into the master bedroom, where Mac was putting her make-up on.

"Well, what do you think, mommy?" he asked her, holding Ainsley up for Mac to get a good look at.

"Ohhh, she's adorable, Harm!" squealed Mac.

"Think the doctor's office folks will be impressed?" he asked.

"Oh, they'll have to be" said Mac, coming over to kiss the baby and then Harm. "She's entirely too cute! You did great, babe."

"Ah, like you said before" he replied, "she'd look cute in a burlap sack."

"Yeah" answered Mac, "but I can't think of many other brand new dads who could dress their daughters up as well as you just did. Like I said to you when I was in labor, don't sell yourself short."

Harm just smiled.

"I'm gonna go put her in the crib so I can get dressed" he said.

"That's fine" replied Mac.

"I was just gonna wear jeans and a nice shirt" he said when he returned, "is that OK?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "I can't wear what I'd like to quite yet, but at least I do have a dress that fits me that _isn't_ a maternity dress!"

"I know you're happy about that, babe" said Harm as he pulled his jeans on.

"I really am" she replied, "you know, I waited so long for the chance to wear maternity clothes, and I'm so glad that I got that chance, but now I'm honestly ready to get back into my regular clothes."

"There's nothing wrong with that" he said, tucking his shirt in and buttoning his jeans. Mac finished in the bathroom and put her dress on.

"Can you zip this for me, please?" she asked Harm.

"Certainly" he replied. As he took the zipper pull between his fingers, he had a realization which made him smile.

"Hey" he said, "do you remember the last time you wore this dress?"

Mac knew exactly which time Harm was referring to, but she wanted to have a little fun with it. "I seem to have a vague recollection of that night, yes" answered Mac coyly. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason" said Harm, equally coy. "There, all zipped, babe."

"Thank you" said Mac, as she turned around and kissed Harm sweetly on the lips. The smile on her face told him she knew what he was thinking about, why he'd asked her if she recalled the last time she wore that dress. It was the dress she'd worn the night they were going to go out after their final appointment with Dr. Kendall earlier that day. Harm had arrived to pick her up, and she couldn't decide what to wear, eventually settling on that dress. She asked him to zip it for her, and minutes later he was unzipping it again... (A/N: see chapter 15 for the full story :) He wasn't about to let her get away that easy.

"Come here, you" he said, reaching out for her and pulling her close, kissing her passionately.

"Harm…"

"I know" he said softly, "this is as far as it can go for a few more weeks."

"So why…?"

"Because" he said, "I love you, Sarah." She felt her heart skip a beat every time he called her by her given name.

"I love you, too" she replied, kissing him once more, "but we should really get going, we're supposed to be there in half an hour."

"Understood" said Harm, straightening his shirt and checking his hair one last time. "Is the diaper bag packed?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "we just need to throw the camera back in there."

"OK" he said, "you get the camera and the bag, I'll get the baby." He walked into the nursery and saw that Ainsley had fallen asleep in her crib. He smiled, then reached down to pick her up, doing his best not to wake her.

"Now for the real trick" he whispered to himself as he knelt down to put her into her car seat. He laid her down gently, pulled the straps around her and buckled them, then laid a receiving blanket over her. He carried the seat out to the living room, where Mac was waiting by the door.

"All ready" he said.

"Let's go" replied Mac, and they headed to the car.

* * *

"Oh, I wanna see her!" exclaimed one of the nurses behind the reception desk at Dr. Kendall's office. She got up from her chair and leaned over the counter to get a good look at Ainsley, who was still sleeping in her seat. "She's beautiful! What's her name?"

"Ainsley Rose" said Harm.

"Awww, that's pretty!" said another nurse who'd come to see what all the fuss was about. "How old is she?"

"Almost two weeks" said Mac.

"We knew you were coming today" said the first nurse, "so be prepared for everyone in the office to come take a peek at her."

"That's not a problem at all" assured Harm, "we're happy to show her off!"

"Let me see if the doctor is in his office right now or if he's in with a patient" said the second nurse. She disappeared down the hall, and returned a few moments later.

"He said to bring you right on back" she said, "he's very excited to see you!" Harm and Mac followed the nurse down what had once been very familiar halls and into a room they'd been in no less than a dozen times.

"He'll be right in" said the nurse, taking one last look at the baby before she left. "Oh, she's just too pretty!"

"Thank you" said Mac. "We should take her out of the seat, babe" she said to Harm, "I want the doctor to hold her."

"OK" said Harm. He removed the blanket from atop the sleeping baby, unbuckled the straps and lifted her out of the seat. She stretched and squirmed, but settled right down again when her daddy held her close. Before long, there was a knock at the door, and in walked Dr. Kendall.

"Hello, Sarah" he said, reaching out to shake her hand.

"Hello" she replied.

"Commander" he said, offering Harm a handshake. "How are you?"

"Better than ever" said Harm.

"Glad to hear it" said the doctor. "This must be the little miracle here, huh?"

"She sure is" said Harm, "Ainsley Rose Rabb."

"What a sweetie" said Dr. Kendall. "May I?"

"Absolutely" said Mac. Harm handed the baby to the doctor, then stepped back and crossed his arms, the smile never leaving his face.

"She's what" asked the doctor, "two weeks old now?"

"Two weeks tomorrow" said Harm. "She was a couple days late."

"Aw, Ainsley" said the doctor, "tell daddy you weren't late, you came exactly when you were supposed to."

"Not a moment too soon!" said Mac with a laugh.

"Did you have a rough labor and delivery, Sarah?" asked the doctor.

"Rough enough for me" said Mac. "In reality it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I was in labor for almost 11 hours, no pain medication, and by the end I was begging them to cut me open."

"No pain meds" said the doctor, "that's commendable."

"Thanks" said Mac. "I did ask for them at one point, but when they checked me I was finally dilated to 10 and it was show time, so I didn't get any."

"She did great though" said Harm, "I was very proud of her."

"Well, I must say this little girl is absolutely beautiful" said the doctor as he looked down at Ainsley. "It took a lot of extra work to get her here, but I'd say it was well worth it."

"It was worth all we went through and then some" said Mac. "We'd love to get a picture with you for the baby book, if you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all" replied the doctor. "Let me have one of my nurses come in and take it, that way we can all be in it together."

"OK" said Mac as she fished the camera out of the diaper bag. Once the nurse came in, she handed her the camera and showed her how it worked, then went and stood beside Dr. Kendall, who was still holding Ainsley. Harm stepped in next to the doctor on the side opposite Mac.

"Everyone smile" said the nurse.

How could they do anything _but_ smile…?

_

* * *

A/N: Next chapter coming soon..._


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I keep forgetting to put this, but by now everyone knows they're not mine...sigh...

_A/N: For those interested in reading them, there are links to two very recent (February 20 and 22, 2005) interviews with DPB on www dot spoilerfix dot com, down towards the bottom of the JAG page. I happened upon them tonight and while I now feel like they probably won't actually be killing Harm off at the end of the season, I'm not at **all **happy with DPB's description of what we can expect the season 10 finale to bring. Sounds like we can let go of any real hopes we have for a shippery finish to this romance, folks... :( I'm also disgusted that **IF** they go into season 11 (which I hope they don't), the show will be nothing like what we've come to know and love as JAG. I'm sorry, moving it from DC to San Diego, it just doesn't work for me. We don't want a "younger, hipper JAG" - we love the JAG we have! _

_Sigh...oh well, like I told my husband tonight, at least Harm will be there all the way through theend of the JAG **I **love so much... :( sniff...sniff... It was hard to write this chapter being so mad about this season tonight, but I gave it a try. Please let me know how I did!_

* * *

Chapter 41: 

"Welcome back, Commander" said Coates as Harm stepped off the elevator at JAG. "We missed you, sir."

"Thank you, Petty Officer" he replied. "It's good to be back."

"Is it _really_, sir" asked Coates, "or are you saying that to try and convince yourself that you're OK with being here while the Colonel is still on maternity leave?"

"A little of both, I guess" shrugged Harm. "I'm glad to be back, but leaving this morning was hard."

…_flashback…_

Mac awoke a little after 6:00, alone. She sat up and peeked into the bassinette, no baby. The smell of Harm's shower gel faintly filled the air, so she knew he'd already showered and, probably, dressed. She smiled as she got up and started towards the kitchen to fix him some breakfast, but her smile quickly faded when she walked past the nursery.

"Hey" she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" Harm was sitting in the glider rocker with Ainsley, a steady stream of tears rolling down his face.

"I…I'm not sure I can go back today" he said, his voice wracked with emotion.

"Oh, babe" said Mac, kneeling down beside the rocker, "I didn't realize you were having such a hard time with this."

"Me either" he replied, wiping away the newest tears before they could fall on the baby. "I got up and showered, put my shirt and slacks on and she was awake, so I brought her in here so you could sleep some more. I sat down here to spend some time with her, and when it really hit me that I'll be gone all day, I just lost it."

"I'm sorry" said Mac, tearing up a little herself. "Do you think you need a few more days off?"

"Yes" he answered, "and no. If I take more time off before going back, it'll make those days easier, but it'd only be prolonging the inevitable."

"True" whispered Mac.

"I knew it'd be hard to go back after not ever being away from her for more than a trip to the grocery store" he continued, "but I didn't think it'd be _this_ hard."

"Can you tell me what's making it so hard for you?" asked Mac.

Harm looked down as Ainsley, who'd fallen asleep in his arms, and the tears came again. Mac put her hand on his knee and rubbed it gently, giving him a few moments to compose himself.

"I guess I'm afraid" he said, "that she'll need me or you'll need me and I won't be here."

"You're only going back to the office, babe" said Mac, "you won't be but a phone call away if we do need you for anything, right?"

Harm nodded.

"We'll be OK" she said, "I promise you, we'll be just fine. You can call and check in as many times as you want to, I can call you, anything that you think will get you through the day."

"Think a call every 15 minutes would be pushing it?" he asked with a little smile.

"Yes" replied Mac, also smiling a touch, "but if that's what you need today, that's what we'll do."

"I think I can survive with a call every couple hours" said Harm, beginning to feel better about leaving his baby girl all day for the first time in her life, "as long as you promise to call me if you need me, agreed?"

"Absolutely" said Mac. She felt confident in her own mind that she and Ainsley would have a great day at home, just mommy and baby, but she knew in a matter of weeks, she'd be in his place and would no doubt have the same trouble getting through it.

"How about some breakfast?" suggested Mac.

"Not yet" said Harm, "I'd like to sit here awhile longer. I think you've got enough time to take a shower before she wakes up to eat again, though, and then I can fix breakfast while you feed her."

"OK" agreed Mac, leaning in for a kiss before leaving. Harm sat with Ainsley, softly talking to her as she slept.

"Daddy has to go back to work today, baby girl" he said. "I'd much rather stay here with you and mommy, but I've got some big cases waiting for me and I've gotta get back. I'll be thinking about you all day though, you can be sure of that, and I'll come home as soon as I can tonight, OK? Promise me you'll be good for mommy, she's gotta get used to me not being here all day, too. I know, she's a Marine and she can handle anything, heaven knows I've heard _that_ speech no fewer than a million times, but try to go easy on her, baby." Ainsley snuggled in a little closer to her daddy, and it was all he could do not to cry again.

…_end flashback… _

"The General would like to see you in his office, sir" said Coates.

"Thank you, Petty Officer" replied Harm as he pressed ahead towards the bullpen.

"Commander, you're back!" exclaimed Harriet. "Good to see you, sir. How's the family?"

"They're doing very well, thank you" said Harm. "I've got some pictures if you wanna see them."

"Do you even have to ask, sir?" said Harriet.

Harm laughed. "Follow me, they're in my briefcase."

"Yes, sir" replied Harriet. Once inside his office, Harm dug a small photo album out of his briefcase and handed it to a very eager Harriet. Inside were pictures of Ainsley's entire life to date: some from right after she was born, several in the hospital, several more at home.

"Oh, she's such a living doll!" exclaimed Harriet. "I love this one here" she said.

"Which one is that?" asked Harm, looking up from his desk where he'd been arranging the files that had been waiting for him for a few weeks.

"This one of you and the Colonel holding Ainsley in the hospital." replied Harriet, pointing out the picture to him. "This must have been the day you took her home."

"It was" said Harm, "Mattie took that right before we left the hospital."

"It's a great one, sir" said Harriet. "You should frame it and set it on your desk."

"One step ahead of you" said Harm, pulling a small, flat box from his briefcase. He lifted the lid off and pulled out an eight-by-ten collage style frame and showed it to her. In the center was the picture Harriet liked so much of the family at the hospital, and surrounding it were 5 other pictures. There was one of Ainsley in her sunflower dress, one of her sleeping on her daddy's chest, another of Mac holding and looking down at her, one of Mattie holding Ainsley, and one of Harm giving Ainsley her first real bath.

"Did you put this together, sir?" asked Harriet as she handed it back to him.

"No" he answered, taking the frame from her and placing it prominently at the corner of his desk. "I helped Mac choose the pictures, but she put it together. I'm not real good with that kinda stuff."

"Well, it looks great" she said. "I best get back to work, but I'm here if you need anything, sir."

"Thanks, Harriet" said Harm. He started to sit down at his desk when he remembered the General wanted to see him. He picked up the photo album and walked to the CO's office, knocking firmly on the door.

"Enter"

"You wanted to see me, sir?" asked Harm as he entered the office.

"Yes, Commander" said General Creswell, "please, have a seat. First off, welcome back."

"Thank you, sir" replied Harm.

"How are the Colonel and the little one?" asked the General.

"They're fine, sir" said Harm, "I've got a few pictures of Ainsley if you'd be interested in seeing them" he added, holding up the album in his hand.

"I'd be delighted" replied Creswell, taking the album. "I remember when my little girl was born, for those first few months I wanted to show her picture to anyone who wouldn't run in the opposite direction when they saw me coming."

"Understood completely, sir" laughed Harm. "I always swore when I became a father I'd spare everyone the chore of looking at countless pictures of my kid, but I've gotta admit now that it's a reality, I don't think I'll be able to stick with that plan."

"She's absolutely beautiful" said the General as he flipped through the pages of pictures.

"Thank you, sir" replied Harm.

"From the looks of things" continued Creswell, "you're quite the hands-on dad, huh?"

"Very much so, General" answered Harm proudly.

"Well, that's just great, Commander" said the General as he closed the book and passed it back to Harm. "I'm sure both the Colonel and your daughter appreciate that."

"I believe they do, sir" said Harm.

"Is Colonel Mackenzie still planning to return in another 6 weeks?" asked the General.

"Yes, sir" replied Harm. "She'll return to half days in another 6 weeks, then resume full duties 4 weeks after that."

"Very good" said the General. "Give her my best and tell her we miss her around here."

"Will do, sir" said Harm. "Is there anything else, General?"

"No, Commander" he answered, "I just wanted to welcome you back and see how the family was doing. We're pretty swamped around here right now with you and the Colonel both being out for the last several weeks, but don't hesitate to speak up if you need a little time here and there, understood?"

"Yes, sir" said Harm, "thank you, sir."

"Dismissed."

Harm returned to his office just as his phone began to ring.

"Rabb"

"_Hey, babe, how're you doing?" _

"You mean aside from only having been here an hour and already missing you both like crazy?"

"_Yes, aside from that"_

"I'm OK. I have the collage on my desk, it looks great."

"_I'm glad. Have you shown off the rest of the pictures yet?"_

"Oh yes, Harriet has seen them and the General."

"_And?"_

"They both said Ainsley is adorable, but we already knew that."

"_Very much so. What's your caseload look like? Is it a nightmare?" _

"Not really. I haven't had a chance to look through very much of what's on my desk yet, but I saw a misappropriation of funds, a drunk and disorderly and a conduct unbecoming, none of them look too bad."

"_That's good, babe. I was hoping you wouldn't walk into a murder or anything too serious your first day back._

"Yeah, that wouldn't have made today any easier for sure."

_Well, I'll let you go, I just got done feeding her and put her down so I thought I'd make sure you were still doing alright."_

"I'm fine, Mac, I promise. You go get some rest or walk on the treadmill or whatever you want to do, and I'll call you after awhile, OK?"

"_Treadmill sounds like a great idea. I love you, Harm, I'll talk to you later."_

"I love you too, Mac. Bye."

"_Bye." _

Harm hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair. He stared at the pictures on his desk for several minutes before taking a deep breath and forcing himself to get some work done.

* * *

"Hey" said Mac as Harm walked through the front door, "welcome home." 

"Thanks" he said, giving her a kiss as he unbuttoned his uniform jacket. "Let me get this thing off so I can hold my girl." He removed the jacket and draped it over the back of the couch, then took Ainsley from Mac's arms.

"Hello my love" he said, kissing her over and over. "Daddy missed you so much. Did you have fun with mommy today?"

"Tell daddy yes" said Mac, "say I had a busy day."

"Oh yeah" asked Harm, loosening his tie with his free hand, "what'd she do?"

"Let's see" said Mac, "she nursed, she had a diaper change, she napped, she nursed some more, had another diaper change and took another nap, followed by more nursing, another diaper change and, believe it or not, another nap." Harm laughed at Mac's account of the day's activities.

"Then she was awake for about an hour" continued Mac, "nursed some more and spit it up all over both of us, so then she got a bath and we both got a change of clothes. After that, she spent some time in her bouncy seat while mommy worked on a little something special."

"Something special?" asked Harm.

"Mm-hmm" replied Mac. "Come on, I want you to see it."

"OK" said Harm. "Come on, Ainsley, let's go see what your mommy is up to." He followed Mac into the nursery as she turned the light on and walked over to the dresser. From there, she didn't say anything.

She didn't have to.

"Oh, Mac" said Harm, immediately realizing what the "something special" was. Next to the silver frame that Trish had given them at the baby shower, the one with the picture of Harm, Sr. holding a newborn Harm, Jr., was another silver frame. Inside this one was a picture of Harm and Ainsley that Mattie had taken in the delivery room when Ainsley was only a few minutes old. Harm was holding her in almost the exact same manner as his father held him, looking down at her in total, loving admiration. The pictures couldn't have looked any more alike if they'd been staged to do so. The inscription on the new frame read "Another generation of love…"

"Do you like it?" asked Mac.

"Mac…" was all he managed to get out before he felt a lump in his throat. He took a couple of deep breaths. "I love it, babe, but how come I've never seen this picture before now?"

"Because" said Mac, "as soon as _I _saw it, I knew this was what I wanted to do with it and I wanted it to be a surprise, so I had Mattie upload it and delete it from the memory card in the camera so you wouldn't find it."

"Well, it worked" said a still emotional Harm. "Can you believe how similar this picture is to the one of my dad and I?"

"I know" replied Mac, "we could almost lay one on top of the other and they'd match up. Of course some of that is just sheer luck with the way Mattie took the picture, but there's no denying that you're your father's child, babe."

"I just hope I can be as good a father to her as he was to me" said Harm, holding Ainsley close and staring intently at both pictures atop the dresser.

"I know you will be" said Mac.

* * *

_A/N: Look for the next installment early next week..._


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, otherwise they would have gotten together on the show ages ago and Lt. Playboy would still be living underneath a moss-covered rock in the swamp.

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Please keep them coming, they really make my day:)_

* * *

Chapter 42: 

"We really need to work on this, Mac" said Harm as they sat on the couch after dinner, playing with Ainsley.

"I know" replied Mac, "otherwise Ainsley will be starting junior high and we still won't be married."

"At this rate" agreed Harm, with enough of a laugh to let Mac know he wasn't serious in his comment, "that just might happen!" He knew she'd been adjusting to being a mom and him being back at work, not to mention the "no-wedding-till-I-lose-the-baby weight" stipulation, so he hadn't pushed her to talk about it until the past couple of nights.

Mac took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "I guess we should think about a date before we do anything else, huh?"

"I think that'd be a great place to start" said Harm, encouraged that they were finally getting someplace. "Any ideas?"

"Actually" said Mac, "yes."

"Really?" replied Harm, surprised but quite pleased that Mac hadn't been avoiding the wedding _thoughts_ to the degree she'd been putting off the wedding _conversation_.

"What would you say to a New Years Eve wedding" asked Mac "followed by a New Years party reception?". She could see the wheels turning in Harm's mind as he processed her idea.

"I think that'd be great" he answered, "but can we pull things together that fast? I mean, it's already the middle of November."

"I'm sure we can make it work" said Mac.

"How big a wedding are you thinking of?" asked Harm, waving a rattle above Ainsley's hands.

"Big enough" she said, "but not astronomical."

"OK, babe" chuckled Harm, "I'm a guy, you've gotta be more specific than that!"

Mac laughed. "Maybe a hundred people or so" she said, "I don't think it needs to be any bigger than that, do you?"

"Nope" agreed Harm, "a hundred sounds just about right to me. Any thoughts on a site for this 'non-astronomical' wedding, my love?"

"I thought of a few possibilities" said Mac, "but there is one in particular that I'd love to have."

"What's that?" asked Harm, blowing raspberries on Ainsley's bare feet and listening to her giggle.

"Do you remember the last time we drove out to your grandma's" asked Mac, "that little church we passed?"

"Mm-hmm, the one you made me stop the car so you could get pictures of" said Harm.

"I've always dreamed of having my wedding in a church just like that" said Mac. "The stained glass windows, the bell tower with the steeple on top, it just seems so 'fairy-tale' to me I guess."

"Well, if anyone deserves a fairy-tale wedding, babe" said Harm with a smile, "it's you. Do you know how to get a hold of anyone there to check on dates and such?"

"I pulled out the pictures I took" said Mac, having to concentrate really hard on not crying at Harm's comment about deserving a fairy-tale wedding, "and the name on the sign is 'Prairie Garden Church' I was gonna look online and see if I could get a number for them, and if not I'll call information and see if they've got a listing."

"OK" said Harm, picking Ainsley up and cradling her in his arms. "See what you can find out, and we'll go from there as far as finalizing anything. Sound alright?"

"Yeah, sounds fine" agreed Mac. "I've ordered a few wedding catalogs, you know, invitations and dresses and stuff. They should be here within a week or so. Since we're looking at a small time frame, I only ordered catalogs from places promising a 7 business day turnaround."

"That's neat" said Harm, "but just so you know, I'll gladly give you my input on anything you ask for it on, but for the most part anything you choose will be just fine with me."

"Spoken like a true groom" laughed Mac.

"Probably so" said Harm, "but there's a reason for that: the men aren't half a choosy about colors and dress styles and flowers as the women are."

"And why is that?" asked Mac, knowing the answer already but having a little fun.

"Because" said Harm, the smile already spreading across his face, "they're far too interested in what comes _after _the wedding!"

"Just what _does _come after our wedding, flyboy?" asked Mac, knowing Harm wouldn't tell her but asking just to get a rise out of him.

"That's for me to know, my dear" he replied, "and you to find out."

"Its gonna take a lot to top the proposal" said Mac, having _way_ too much fun with this little game, "I just hope you're up for the challenge."

"Challenge?" asked Harm, having perhaps more fun than Mac was with their little exchange. "The only challenge will be behaving myself until after the reception." In actuality, he knew the biggest challenge of their wedding day would be keeping his emotions at bay and not dissolving into a sobbing heap when Mac walked towards him in her wedding gown, but he wasn't about to let _her_ know that.

"Oh, I think you can handle it" said Mac. She was going to continue the banter when Ainsley began to fuss. "Looks like someone's ready for her bedtime snack."

"Want me to change her first? asked Harm as he stood up with the baby.

"Yeah, why don't you" replied Mac, "every time we wait until after she eats, she falls asleep eating and we have to wake her up to change her."

"Come on, baby girl" said Harm as he walked towards the nursery. Mac could hear Ainsley voicing her displeasure at having her diaper and clothes changed, and decided to see if she could give Harm a hand.

"Having trouble, babe?" she asked Harm as she entered the nursery.

"No, we're fine" he replied as he fastened her clean diaper, "she's just hungry and tired." He slipped her into a cotton sleeper and snapped it up the front.

"There, all done" he said as he picked her up and kissed her head before handing her to Mac.

"Let's eat, huh sweet girl?" said Mac as she took a seat in the glider rocker. Harm put the wet diaper into the diaper pail and went to wash his hands.

"Can you turn the lights off and just leave her lamp on, please babe?" asked Mac as he walked by.

"Sure" he replied, flipping the switch on his way out the door. He washed his hands, then decided to get online and see if he could track down the church info Mac was after. He entered the words "Prairie Garden Church" into the search engine, and it returned hundreds of hits.

"OK" he said to himself, "gonna hafta narrow this down a little." He got up and headed towards the nursery to ask Mac if she remembered the name of the town where the church was located. When he arrived there, the sight before him made his heart melt. Ainsley had finished eating, and Mac was rocking her gently while looking at her with more love than Harm had ever seen her look at anyone, even himself. The only light in the room was from the lamp atop the dresser, and the little bit that shown in from the streetlight outside. Harm stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the beauty before him. Eventually, Mac looked up.

"Hey" she whispered, "how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough" he said with a warm smile on his face.

"Long enough for what?" she asked, still rocking the baby.

"To realize that this is what you were made to do" he replied, walking towards her and kneeling beside the chair. "You were put on this earth to be a mother, to be _her _mother." He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Ainsley's head, then looked back up at Mac.

Mac felt her eyes fill with tears as she looked into his. "And _you_ were meant to be her father. When I think of all the others who passed through my life, I know not one of them would have gone through what it took to get her here. We were meant to do this together."

"I know" he replied quietly, "and I'm so glad we did." They sat in silence for a few more moments before Harm remembered why he went in there in the first place.

"Oh yeah" he said, "I was going to ask you if you remember the name of the town where the church is? I'm trying to find the info for you but the search with just the name is too broad."

"I don't remember off-hand" replied Mac, "but I'll know it when I see it. I'll look in the atlas and see if it jumps out at me."

"Alright" agreed Harm. "You want me to put her to bed?"

"Yeah, that'd be great" said Mac, kissing her daughter one more time before handing her over to her daddy. Harm carried the sleeping cherub around the corner to the master bedroom.

"Sleep tight, precious" he whispered as he kissed her cheek and laid her into the bassinette. He covered her with a little blanket and closed the door part way before returning to the office.

"I can't seem to find it in here" said Mac, carefully reading through the atlas index of cities in Virginia. "Do you think Grams would know what we're talking about if we were to ask her about it?"

"She might" answered Harm, "I mean, she doesn't get out that way much, but she's lived there for so long she very well might know about it. I can call her tomorrow after I get home if you'd like me to."

"Yeah, I would" said Mac. "I suppose if all else fails, we can just drive out there ourselves one weekend soon and find it in person."

"If Gram's can't help us" said Harm, "then we'll do just that, OK?"

"OK" agreed Mac with a big yawn.

"Looks like it's past someone's bedtime" joked Harm.

"I think you're right" said Mac. "Let's work on this more after you talk to Gram's tomorrow."

"Sure" said Harm. "You really think we can make this happen in less than two months, huh?"

"I really do" said Mac, stretching in her chair. "Once we can get the location and date set, the rest is just details."

"Are you thinking of doing all the planning yourself?" asked Harm, hoping she wasn't.

"No, definitely not" answered Mac, "Harriet and Jen offered to do a lot of it."

"I'm glad to hear it" said Harm.

"I'll do what I can while I'm still on leave" said Mac, "but I'll have plenty of help with whatever I need help with, honest."

"I'm glad" said Harm again, "I don't want this to overwhelm you, Mac."

"It won't" she said, "but the 3 a.m. feeding might if we don't get to bed."

"Understood, my love" said Harm. He turned the computer off, took Mac's hand in his own and together they called it a night.

* * *

_A/N: If anyone knows the name of the town where Gram's farm is from the show, please let me know! I'm drawing a total blank..._


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: If only they were mine...sigh...

_A/N: There may be a delay in the next few chapters. My grandma informed us today that she'll be moving in with my parents in a couple of weeks, and I'll be crazy busy helping them prepare for that. I'll also possibly be going with my mom to get grandma, who lives 18 hours away from us, and bring her back. SO... I'll get as much done on here as I can, but like I said when I was preparing_ _for my surgery last month, DON'T WORRY, this fic will NOT go unfinished, I promise:)_

_I keep forgetting to answer everyone who's asked me how I came up with the baby's name, so here goes: I looked through my (as of yet unused) baby name book and happened upon "Ainsley". I liked it, but wasn't sure until I decided to use "Rose" for a middle name. "Ainsley Rose Rabb" just had such a gorgeous ring to it, I thought so, anyway._

_Oh yes, a big THANK YOU to everyone who helped me remember where Grams farm is located! As soon as I saw "Belleville", I remembered it. :)_

* * *

Chapter 43:

"Hey" said Mac as Harm walked through the door. "How was your day?"

"Busy as hell" he replied, bending down over the back of the couch to give her a kiss. "I don't think I spent more than 5 minutes at my desk all day, it was crazy."

"You hungry?" she asked.

"Famished" he replied as he took off his jacket and loosened his tie, "what are we eating?"

"Spaghetti" answered Mac, "It'll be ready in 10."

"Great" said Harm, "where's Ainsley?"

"In her crib" said Mac, getting up to put the pasta in to boil. "She's been asleep for over an hour, so odds are she'll wake up about halfway through dinner."

"Probably so" replied Harm with a smile, "but that's OK."

"Oh, you won't need to call your Grams tonight" said Mac, "I found the church."

"Oh yeah" said Harm, "that's great. Where'd you find it?"

"Online" replied Mac "after I looked at the atlas some more and it dawned on me that it wasn't in Virginia, it was in Pennsylvania."

"Ah-ha" said Harm, popping the top on a Coke and taking a drink. "I guess that would explain why you couldn't find it in Virginia!"

"Indeed it would" agreed Mac. "It's in Mount Union, about 80 miles south of Belleville. I don't know why I was thinking it was in Virginia last night."

"Because you were tired and none of us think at our best when we're tired" answered Harm.

"Good point" said Mac. "Anyway, once I remembered where it was, I did a search for 'Prairie Garden Church Mount Union' and found a phone number."

"Call it?" asked Harm, swallowing down another gulp of his soda.

"Yep" said Mac. "I spoke with the secretary, her name's Evelyn, real sweet, and she said the church is available on December 31. She's sending me some paperwork and a little other information, but I really think this is the place."

"That's great, babe" said Harm, leaning over her shoulder to take a peek at the spaghetti sauce, not missing the opportunity to kiss her neck. Mac giggled a little as she felt his nose brush against her ear.

"Careful, sailor" she said, "don't start something you don't intend to finish."

"I never do" replied Harm with a twinkle in his eye.

"Go change out of that uniform before dinner" said Mac in a jovial tone, hoping to change the subject before they ended up with clothes strewn about the kitchen and an overcooked pot full of pasta. "I don't want to have to wash tomato sauce spots out of that shirt."

"Yes, ma'am" laughed Harm, thinking to himself as he walked down the hall how much he loved her.

* * *

"I'm really not ready for tomorrow" said Mac as they sat at the dinner table.

"I know" said Harm, "but at least it's only half days for the next month."

"Yeah" replied Mac, "but still it's gonna be an adjustment from being home with her all the time."

"I understand all too well" said Harm, "you might handle it better than you think, though."

"Oh, like you handled your first day back maybe?" retorted Mac.

"No" said Harm, "I'm hoping you'll do a lot better than I did."

"What if I don't, though?" asked Mac. "What if I'm just as upset and anxious as you were? I won't have the option of calling home and checking on her like you did."

"You can call the day care, babe" said Harm, "I'm sure they'll tell you anything you want to know. They're professionals, they handle situations like this all the time."

"And just what exactly do you mean by 'situations like this'?" queried Mac, her tone a bit on the defensive side.

"I simply mean" answered Harm "that they deal with nervous parents leaving their babies for the first time on a regular basis, and I'm sure they're used to - "

"To what?" asked Mac as she abruptly cut him off. "To paranoid, insecure first-time moms calling every half hour to make sure their babies are surviving without them?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Mac" said Harm, growing defensive himself as the conversation drew on. "I never said anything about you being paranoid or insecure!"

"You implied it!" said Mac, feeling her face become hot.

"I did not!" said Harm, "and I don't like you saying I did!"

"Fine, whatever!" yelled Mac. She tossed her napkin into the middle of her half-cleaned plate and stood up from her chair.

"Mac" asked Harm, "why are you acting like this?" He didn't feel he'd done or said anything to provoke this outburst, and he really wanted to know why it happened.

"Gee, I wonder!" she answered, her voice filled with anger. She left the kitchen and stormed up the stairs, slamming the door to one of the guest rooms behind her.

"Shit" said Harm to himself as he slumped back down in his chair, running his hands through his hair. He wanted to go after her, but he knew she needed some time to cool off, and truthfully, so did he. Within a few moments, he heard Ainsley crying in the nursery.

"Way to go, Mac" he mumbled under his breath as he headed in to get the baby.

"Hey, sweetness" he said as he lifted Ainsley out of her crib. "Mommy woke you up, huh? I'm sorry. Shhhh… it's OK, daddy's got you…" He changed her diaper, then sat down with her in the glider rocker. She was quiet for a few minutes, but it didn't last long.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her, having no idea when her last feeding had been. He debated on taking her upstairs and asking Mac, but decided against it and headed to the kitchen instead.

"Daddy's gotta put you down for just a minute, Ainsley" he said as he placed the fussy baby into her swing. He walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer. Mac had been pumping her milk for a couple of weeks so she'd have some to take to the day care each day, and so Harm could begin helping out with the night time feedings. She'd been freezing it all, since she still nursed Ainsley as much as she could. He pulled a storage bag of milk from the freezer, checked the date to make sure it was one of the older ones, and plugged in the bottle warmer.

"I'm hurrying, baby, I'm hurrying" he called to Ainsley as her howls intensified. He set the milk into the warmer while he put a nipple and ring together for the bottle. When the milk was thawed and sufficiently warmed, he removed it from the warmer, took the clip off the top of the storage bag, and carefully slid the bag into the bottle, pulling the sides down over the top edge like Mac had shown him.

"It's almost done, baby girl" called Harm. He screwed the nipple and ring on tight, then pushed the air out of the bottle from the underside. He grabbed a clean burp cloth from the drawer next to the stove and hurried into the living room.

"Come here, Ainsley" he said, lifting the hysterical little girl from her swing. He sat with her on the couch and placed the bottle into her mouth, and she began sucking away.

"I dare say you were hungry, my love" he said, gently combing her fine, dark hair with his fingers. He hadn't given her very many bottles, only a half dozen or so within the last 2 weeks, but it fast became something he cherished. Ainsley emptied the bottle in less than ten minutes, and after he'd burped her, Harm decided to brave the storm and take her upstairs to Mac.

He knocked gently on the guest room door before opening it just a bit to look inside. There he saw Mac laying on the bed, her back to the door. He slowly opened the door and walked in.

"Mac" he said.

"What?" she replied. He could tell by her voice that she'd been crying…a lot.

"Someone wants to see her mommy" he said, sitting down at the foot of the bed with Ainsley.

Mac rolled over and looked at them as she did a quick check of her internal clock.

"Oh crap" said Mac, "she needs to eat."

"Already taken care of" said Harm as Mac was unbuttoning her shirt.

"You gave her a bottle?" asked Mac.

Harm nodded, saying a silent prayer that Mac wouldn't fly off the deep end over it.

"Oh" she replied. "Thanks."

"Welcome" said Harm.

"You should have brought her up" said Mac. "I could have fed her."

"I know you could have" he said, "but I decided you needed a little down time. You feelin' any better?"

Mac nodded unconvincingly.

"Here" said Harm, "let's go downstairs and spend some time with her like usual, then you can feed her before we put her down for the night, then you and I need to talk, OK?"

"Actually" said Mac, "I need about 20 minutes to pump, since she didn't nurse this last time, then I'll be down."

"Sure" said Harm, holding Ainsley down for Mac to give her a kiss on the top of her head.

…_later that evening…_

When Mac returned from putting the baby to bed, Harm was sitting on the couch. Two mugs of spiced tea were waiting on the coffee table. He was at one end of the couch, and she took a seat at the other end.

"Want some tea?" he asked.

"Sure" she said. He picked up a mug and handed it to her, taking the other for himself. They drank in silence for what seemed like hours before Mac finally broke the silence.

"I owe you an apology" she said, looking down at her tea.

"Yeah, I think so, too" said Harm. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

Mac took a deep breath, sat her mug back on the table and began to cry. Harm scooted over close to her and held her tight.

"I don't know what happened" she sobbed. "One minute we were talking and the next I'm handing you your head and stomping upstairs."

"Yeah, you were" said Harm, wiping away the tears as they rolled down her face. "Any idea why?"

Mac cried even harder, and Harm got his answer.

"It's OK to be scared to leave her, babe" he said. "I mean, look at me, I was a mess my first day back and she was at home with you. I'm worried about her going to day care, too, but I know she'll be fine."

"I know she will, too" sniffled Mac, "I just can't keep the 'what ifs' from eating me alive. What if she gets scared? What if she won't take her bottle? What if - "

"Try not to do that" said Harm gently. "We could work ourselves into such a panic over everything that might possibly happen when she's away from us that we'd never want to let her out of our sight, but that wouldn't be fair to her or to us."

"So you _were_ calling me paranoid at dinner?" said Mac, reaching for a Kleenex.

"No, Mac, I wasn't" said Harm. "I don't think what you're feeling right now is anything close to paranoia. I think it's a mother's concern for her baby and a natural anxiety about going back to work, that's all."

"I guess you're right" she said, wiping her eyes again. "I shouldn't have torn into you like I did, though. I'm sorry, babe."

"It's OK" assured Harm. "I went through my own version of this 6 weeks ago, remember?"

"Yeah" said Mac. "You really think the day care will indulge me calling to check on her?"

"They damn well better!" said Harm, going into super-protective fiancé/father mode. "If they have any problems with it, you tell them to talk to me."

"Let's hope for everyone's sake that doesn't become an issue!" said Mac. Ordinarily, she would have gone into her speech about how she's a Marine and can take care of herself, and if anything came up at the day care that needed dealt with, she'd be capable of dealing with it, but she found enormous comfort this time in knowing that Harm would step in and deal with it.

"You gonna be OK tomorrow?" he asked her as he pulled her tight.

"No" she said honestly, "but I'll survive. Like you said at dinner, it's only a half day, I'll only be away from her for 5 hours, I can make it."

"I know you can" reassured Harm. "You want me to reheat your tea? Make you a snack since you left most of your dinner?"

"Now that you mention it" said Mac, "I could use a snack."

"What would you like?" he asked.

"Waffles?" she said tentatively.

"Waffles it is" said Harm, taking the tea mugs with him into the kitchen. While he worked on the waffles, Mac went to change into her pajamas and check on Ainsley.

"Mmm" she said when she returned to the kitchen, "those smell wonderful."

"Thanks" said Harm. "I made extras so you can have some for breakfast in the morning."

"Aww, that was sweet of you, babe" said Mac, walking over to give him a kiss. Harm handed her a plate with a waffle on it, and she grabbed the bottle of syrup on her way back to the table.

"How are they" he asked as he pulled the final waffle from the iron and unplugged it.

"Delicious as always" said Mac with her mouth full. Harm walked over to her and kissed the side of her lips.

Mac looked at him with a bewildered expression.

"You had syrup on your face" said Harm, smiling a bit.

"Oh, I did, huh?" replied Mac, putting another bite of waffle in her mouth.

"Yeah" said Harm, heading to the sink to wash up the few dishes he'd dirtied. When Mac finished her waffle, she carried her plate over and placed it in the sink.

"Thanks, babe" said Harm.

"Thank _you_ for the snack" she said with a big yawn. "I'm gonna go finish getting ready for bed" she said. "I wanted to work on some more wedding stuff tonight, but it'll have to wait till tomorrow."

"Definitely so" replied Harm. "Go ahead, I'll be in as soon as I finish up here and check on Ainsley."

"I checked on her 20 minutes ago and she was crashed out" said Mac. "I'll go give her one more kiss on my way to bed."

"OK" said Harm. He put the Mac's plate into the dishwasher, checked to make sure the front door was locked, and headed for the nursery.

"_My little sleeping beauty_" he thought to himself as he looked at his daughter asleep in the crib. He leaned down and kissed her before making his way to the master bedroom around the corner. Mac was already in bed, so he was extra quiet as he undressed down to his boxers, pulled on a T-shirt, went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He walked carefully over to the bed and climbed in.

"Hey" whispered Mac as he was pulling the covers up.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asked. "I was trying to be quiet."

"I wasn't asleep" said Mac. "Did you peek in on Ainsley?"

"Yep" answered Harm, "she's out."

"Uh-huh" said Mac, "I wish we could all sleep so peacefully."

"Me, too" said Harm, rolling towards Mac's side of the bed to give her a kiss, "love you."

"I love you too" she replied, "but aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?" asked Harm, running through a mental checklist of everything he was supposed to do before bed.

"What you started while I was making dinner" said Mac. "Remember, I told you not to start something..."

"That I didn't intend to finish" said Harm, completing Mac's sentence.

"I believe your response to that was 'I never do'", said Mac.

"Well then" said Harm, rolling towards Mac's side of the bed again, "I can't break that record, now can I?"

"No way, sailor" said Mac.

He took her face in his hands, found her lips with his own and kissed her like neither had a care in the world…

* * *

_A/N: I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can, I promise:)_


	44. Chapter 44

_A/N: Sorry for the delay - real life has been CRAZY this week! _

* * *

Chapter 44: 

"They're here! They're here!" squealed Harriet as she carried a box into Mac's office.

"What's here?" asked Mac, looking up from her laptop.

"The invitations!" said Harriet. "Open the box, I wanna see them! I mean, please open the box, ma'am, I'd like to see them."

Mac laughed a little at Harriet's zealous enthusiasm, the pulled a pair of scissors from her desk drawer and cut through the packing tape across the top of the box. She pulled out a smaller box and lifted the lid off.

"Oh, I love them" said Mac, taking the top invitation from the small box and holding it in her hand. It was a 5 by 7 inch, solid navy blue colored card. The bright white lettering read as follows:

_Two lives, two hearts, _

_Joined together in friendship, _

_United forever in love._

_It is with joy that we,_

_Sarah Catherine Mackenzie_

_And_

_Harmon David Rabb, Jr._

_Invite you to share in a celebration of love_

_As we exchange our marriage vows on _

_Saturday, the Thirty-First day of December_

_Two Thousand and Five_

_Six o'clock in the evening_

_Prairie Garden Church_

_Mount Union, Pennsylvania_

_Reception immediately following ceremony_

_At the home of the groom's grandmother, _

_331 West Rural Route 14_

_Belleville, Pennsylvania _

"They came out perfect" said Harriet. "Should I go find Petty Officer Coates, ma'am? I know she'll want to see these."

"Yes" replied Mac, "and if you happen to see Commander Rabb, tell him I'd like to see him as well."

"Yes, ma'am" said Harriet as she hurried off to find Jen.

Mac looked at the piece of cardstock in her hand again, re-reading every word it contained and not believing it was actually real. The wedding plans were coming together amazingly well. Harriet and Jen had been indispensable, helping with anything and everything Mac tasked them with. It was Jen who found this particular invitation in one of Mac's catalogs and suggested it. The wedding colors were decided as navy blue, ice blue and silver, so a navy blue invitation was perfect. Mac searched endless websites before finding a verse for the invitation which she felt was "them", but once she found it, she knew it was the one.

"You wanted to see me, Mac?" asked Harm as he stepped into her office, snapping her out of her wedding fog.

"Oh, yeah" she said, handing him the card she held in her hand, "the invitations came today."

"Cool" said Harm, taking the card from her. He read over it, looked up and gave her a giant flyboy smile.

"They look fantastic, Mac" he said, "when do they go out?"

"Hopefully" said Mac, "by Friday. It depends, though, on how cooperative our daughter is tonight and tomorrow night and how fast we can get them addressed and stuffed and ready to go."

"Well" said Harm, "I'm sure between the two of us we can handle her and get these taken care of."

"Yeah, I think so, too" agreed Mac. Just then, Harriet arrived back in Mac's office with Jen.

"See?" said Harriet as she showed Jen an invitation, "aren't they gorgeous?"

"Oh, I just love them!" said Jen. "What do you think, sir?" she asked Harm as he stood laughing at how excited women can get over anything and everything "wedding".

"I think they're very nice, Petty Officer" said Harm. "I take it you had a hand in designing them?"

"Not really, sir" answered Jen, "I mean, I did find them in one of the catalogs the Colonel had, but she chose the wording herself."

"Well" said Harm, "I think all parties involved should be proud of themselves." The ladies all smiled at Harm's kind words.

"Well, I should get back to work" said Harriet, "sir, ma'am, I'm glad these turned out so well."

"Thank you, Harriet" said Mac, "so are we!"

"If you'll excuse me, ma'am, sir" said Jen, "I believe the General needs me."

"You're excused, Petty Officer" said Harm. Turning to Mac, "I've gotta get back, too babe."

"Busy morning?" she asked.

"Nah" he replied, "just one case, but I'm meeting with Sturgis in 15 minutes to try and keep it from going before the judge."

"OK" said Mac, "well, I'll be securing in 45 minutes and going to pick up Ainsley, so I guess we'll see you when you get home tonight."

"I'll be looking forward to it" said Harm with a bright smile. "Love you, babe."

"I love you, too" replied Mac.

* * *

…_later that evening…_

"Are you sure these things aren't multiplying on us?" asked Harm.

"Pretty sure" said Mac, "why?"

"Because" he said, "we've been sitting here for 2 hours, labeling and stuffing and stamping, and I swear that box doesn't look any emptier than when we started!"

Mac couldn't help but laugh. "We've only stuffed 44, we've still got 55 left, my dear."

"Oh" laughed Harm, "55, is that all?"

"Yeah" answered Mac, "it would've been 56, but of course I kept one for the album."

"Album?" asked Harm, putting a stamp on the next envelope.

"The wedding keepsake album" said Mac, "remember, the one Harriet gave us when we announced the engagement?"

"Oh, that one" said Harm, "yeah, I know what you're talking about now. Have you done anything with it yet?"

"A little bit" smiled Mac. "I'll show it to you after we get these finished."

"OK" said Harm. "She's doing good" he added, nodding towards Ainsley, who was sitting contently in her bouncy seat on the floor next to them.

"Thankfully" agreed Mac, "she's been going through a 'nurse-as-much-as-she-possibly-can' phase this past week, not sure why."

"Probably growing" said Harm.

"Probably" said Mac, "she weighed 11 pounds, 6 ounces at her two month check-up, and if she keeps eating like she has been lately, she'll weigh 20-something pounds by her next appointment!"

"She's growing fast" said Harm, "_too_ fast for our liking really, but we can be thankful that she's healthy."

"Amen to that" said Mac, just as Ainsley began to fuss. "I guess she knew we were talking about her" laughed Mac as she picked the baby up from the bouncy seat. "I'm gonna go feed her."

"Sure, babe" said Harm. "I'll be right here, drowning in a sea of wedding invitations!"

"Goofball" replied Mac.

"But I'm _your_ goofball and you love me" he said with a smile. Mac's only response was a smile to herself as she settled into the rocking chair.

* * *

"Oh hey" said Harm as they were getting ready for bed, "you were gonna show me the keepsake album, remember?"

"Almost forgot" said Mac, "but I've got it right over here." She picked the book up off the dresser and sat down on the bed. Harm finished brushing his teeth, then took a seat next to her.

"I haven't done a lot with it yet" she said as she opened the cover and handed the book to him, "but I'm happy with how it's turning out."

Harm looked through the book, stopping to read everything she had completed. She'd filled in their names and wedding date on the first page, and even though he'd spent the evening readying the invitations for mailing and he'd seen those same words over and over, it made his heart smile. The next pages were of their family trees, and she'd completed parts of each of them. A few pages later, something really caught his eye. It was a page titled "How Our Love Began".

"_Oh boy_" he thought to himself as he began reading, "_this'll be good…" _He proceeded to read every word Mac had written on that page:

_Our love began in an instant. A single moment in time that neither of us could forget if we tried…but why would we ever want to? If ever there was such a thing as love at first sight, we define it more perfectly than anyone else ever could. It took us far too many years to admit it, but we'd had each other from 'hello'. What began in that Rose Garden almost a decade ago has blossomed into the most perfect love imaginable, and that love will stand the test of a million lifetimes._

Harm finished reading, and looked over at Mac with the sweetest smile on his face.

"What?" she asked him.

"Have I ever told you" he said, "that you have a way with words?"

"I believe you have" said Mac, "but exactly what 'way' is it that I have?"

"You have a way" he said, "of making me fall in love with you over and over again."

Mac leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. When the kiss broke, their eyes were fixed, each to the other's.

"I love you" she whispered…

"Oh, Mac…" he replied softly as he let the album drop quietly to the floor.

* * *

_A/N: OK everyone, dig out those formal duds, we've got a WEDDING to go to and you're all invited:) _


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: Not mine, danred sure wish they were...

_A/N: I decided to do something a little different with the wedding chapters. Instead of just "having a wedding and reception", I want to allow my readers to see and feel everything that goes into the wedding day. I'm using my own wedding day as a loose basis for Harm and Mac's story, but theirs will be super heavy on the romance (not that mine wasn't, but compared to this one, mine'll seem plain as dry toast!). This means that it'll take us a tiny bit longer to get to the wedding chapter than I first planned, but then I first planned for this to be a 15 chapter fic, LOL! I hope folks enjoy these next few chapters. I'll be out of town and away from all computer access for a week starting Wednesday, March 16, but I'll be writing down ideas to use when I get back!_

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Chapter 45

"_Calm down, marine" _said Mac to herself as she stood in the shower that cold, December morning_. "Just because this is one of the biggest days of your life is no reason to give yourself an ulcer." _She turned off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat, pulling her towel down from the hook on the wall.

"Mac?" called a voice from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yeah?" she replied as she toweled off.

"We just checked out the continental breakfast downstairs, and they've got Belgian waffles, would you like one?"

"Yeah, Jen, I guess I should eat now" said Mac, "since I probably won't eat later."

"OK" said Jen, "We'll make you one and bring it up."

"Thanks" said Mac, putting on her robe and stepping out of the bathroom. They were staying in a nice hotel in Mount Union. Everyone involved with the wedding had driven up from DC on Friday morning, and Trish and Frank had hosted the rehearsal dinner in the banquet room there Friday evening. Harm had a separate room from Mac and Ainsley Friday night, since it was important to them both to be "traditional" (as traditional a couple with a 3 and a half month old child could be anyway!) and not see one another after midnight Friday until the ceremony on Saturday. Bud, Harriet and their kids had their own room, as did Trish and Frank and Sturgis and Varese. Jen, Mattie and Chloe shared another room, and the retired Admiral shared a room with Sergei.

"Good morning, sunshine" said Mac as she looked into Ainsley's portable crib and found her awake. "I bet you're ready for some breakfast, too, huh?" As Mac undid her robe and prepared to feed Ainsley, the baby smiled up at her.

"There's no question who your daddy is, baby girl" said Mac as she pulled her close. "That's the same smile I've seen in every one of his baby pictures." The older Ainsley got, the more she looked like Harm. Her eyes weren't nearly as blue as his just yet, but they were definitely looking more blue than brown. She was still above average in length for her age, something Harm had always been according to his mother. The clincher, though, was her smile. Mac didn't really notice how much of a "Rabb smile" Ainsley had until they got the proofs back from the photo shoot that AJ had arranged for them.

…_flashback…_

"Hey babe, come see this" called Mac.

"See what?" replied Harm from the home office.

"Just come here" she called back.

"Coming" he answered.

"What's up?" he asked when he joined her in the living room.

"I was looking over these pictures again" said Mac, "trying to figure out what I want to order, and I decided to compare Ainsley's pictures with yours and mine from when we were about her age."

"OK" said Harm.

"Take a good look at all 3 of these" she said, pointing to the side-by-side pictures, "and tell me if anything jumps out at you."

Harm studied the trio of baby photos for a few moments before saying anything.

"She's got your nose" he said with a smile, "you've both got very cute noses."

"Yeah, she does have my nose" said Mac, "but other than that, anything catch your eye?"

Harm looked at the pictures again. "Her smile." he said softly. "My little girl's most definitely got my smile."

"She sure does" said Mac, "that's the thing that I noticed as soon as I laid your picture next to hers."

"That's pretty cool, Mac" he said, clearly proud that his sweet baby girl had inherited what people always told him was one of his best features.

"I think so, too, babe" said Mac. "You do realize that she's gonna break a lot of hearts with that smile, right?"

"Really?" replied Harm.

"Oh, trust me, flyboy" said Mac emphatically, "that smile is a hands-down heartbreaker!"

…_end flashback…_

"Breakfast is served" said Jen as she, Harriet, Mattie and Chloe returned with the waffles.

"Great" said Mac, "just set mine on the table, please, I'll eat it as soon as she's finished."

"Boy, I remember those days" said Harriet. "I don't think I had a hot meal for over a year at a time! Does she do OK with a bottle?" .

"It's not her favorite" said Mac, "and she refuses to take one if she knows I'm around, but she takes them at day care and Harm can usually get her to take one if he gets up with her at night."

"How do you think she'll do tonight?" asked Jen. "Think she'll take the bottle since you'll be there?"

"We're hoping she will" answered Mac as she sat Ainsley up and patted her back. "I brought several along and some frozen milk, which is in the freezer in Harm's room right now, and hopefully Trish can get her to take it since she'll have no choice for the week we're on our honeymoon, but if she refuses with all the excitement tonight, I'll just take her into another room and feed her, no biggie."

"Ugh" said Mattie, "I hope you don't have to do that - that bustier is a pain to get in and out of!"

"Exactly" said Mac, "but if I have to do it, I will."

"Speaking of your honeymoon" asked Chloe, "has he told you anything yet?"

"Not a single thing" said Mac as she took a bite of her waffle, "and the suspense is killing me!"

"Aw, he's just being romantic" said Harriet. "I think it's neat that you get a surprise honeymoon!"

"It is" said Mac, "and I know he's poured a ton of thought and effort into it, it's just making me crazy not knowing where we're going!"

"You said Trish is keeping Ainsley while you're gone?" asked Jen.

"Mm-hmm" replied Mac. "She and Frank are going to take her back to our house tomorrow morning and they'll stay there while we're away."

"Do you have any idea how spoiled she'll be by the time you get home?" asked Mattie.

"Oh, we have a pretty good idea, Mats!" exclaimed Mac. "It's OK though, we figure that's what grandparents are for, so as long as it doesn't go too far, we're fine with it."

"Ooh" said Harriet, looking at her watch, "we better finish up here, we've got hair appointments in an hour!"

"Damn" said Mac, "I'm so nervous my internal clock is fried! Can someone take her so I can finish eating real quick, please?"

"Here" said Mattie, "lemme have my little sis."

"Thanks" said Mac, "could you possibly…"

"Change her and dress her?" said Mattie, "of course!" Mattie took Ainsley over to the suitcase and pulled out her clothes before laying her on the floor to change her diaper.

"OK" said Mac as she finished the last bite of her breakfast, "done with that, now I should throw some clothes on, I guess."

"Remember to wear a button-up shirt" said Harriet. "Otherwise we'll destroy your hair trying to get your shirt off later."

"Got it" replied Mac. She glanced at her clothing options, pulled out a green button-up shirt, a pair of jeans and her underclothes.

"Be out in a couple minutes" she said.

"Sure" replied Chloe.

Mac got dressed and quickly blow-dried her hair, then rejoined the rest of the girls.

"Are we ready?" asked Harriet. "It's a good 20 minute drive to the salon."

"I think we are" answered Mac. "Let me make sure Ainsley's got everything she needs in her bag, then someone can go drop her off with Harm. I hope he's ready for her."

"Why don't I go make sure?" said Mattie.

"Good idea" replied Mac. Mattie left and headed for Harm's room while Mac finished checking the diaper bag.

"Hey, Mats" said Harm when he opened the door. "What's up?"

"Mac wanted me to make sure you're ready to keep Ainsley while we go for our hair appointments" said Mattie.

"Yep, all set" he answered. "I've been up for a couple of hours, went to the workout room, had breakfast, showered and dressed, I'm ready for her."

"Cool deal" said Mattie, "I'll go get her for you. What do you need besides her diaper bag, anything?"

"Car seat" answered Harm, "never a good idea to not have it around."

"OK" said Mattie, "lemme go get her, the bag and her seat. I'll be right back."

"OK, kiddo" said Harm, leaving the door ajar a bit. He absent-mindedly flipped through the channels on the TV as he waited for Mattie to return.

"Knock, knock" she said as she bumped the door open with the car seat.

"There's my baby girl" said Harm with a huge smile. "Come see daddy!" He took Ainsley from Mattie and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. "Daddy missed you last night, yes he did…"

"Mac wanted me to tell you she fed her 45 minutes ago" said Mattie, "so you'll probably have to give her a bottle around 10:30."

"I can handle that" said Harm, "did she sleep through the night?"

"Nope" said Mattie, placing the car seat in a corner. "Mac said she woke up to eat 3 times last night."

"I figured as much" said Harm, "her routine is all messed up this weekend. I offered to keep her with me last night, but we decided since she'll be away from us for a whole week, she'd probably do better staying with Mac."

"Yeah" said Mattie, "they're waiting on me, so I better run."

"Have fun" said Harm.

"You, too" replied Mattie, giving he and the baby kisses and hugs before she left. She made her way down to the hotel lobby where the rest of the girls were waiting.

"All set" she said.

"Did you tell Harm to feed her at 10:30?" asked Mac.

"Of course" replied Mattie, "but I'm sure even if I hadn't, he'd figure it out eventually!"

"Very true" said Mac. The group stepped out into the cold December air and hurried towards Harriet's minivan.

"Brrr!" said Chloe.

"I'll second that!" said Jen. "I'm _so_ glad you didn't have us wear strapless gowns, Mac!"

"I'm beginning to wish mine wasn't, either" said Mac.

"Oh, don't be silly" said Harriet, "that dress is perfect for you, and you'll be so involved in all the attention tonight, you won't have time to be cold."

"Even if you do get a little chilly" chimed Chloe, "I'm sure _someone_ will be glad to warm you up!"

"Chloe Madison!" exclaimed Mac, blushing a little bit.

"Like you can deny it, Mac" said Mattie.

"Still, you're too young to be thinking like that" said Mac, "that goes for both of you!"

"Hey, how far from the church is Grams' farm?" asked Jen, sensing a change of subject would be appreciated.

"It's pretty far" said Mac, "roughly 80 miles. We almost didn't accept her offer to host the reception out there because of the distance, but I could tell it meant a lot to her to do it, so I convinced Harm."

"Do you think the fact that it's so far from the church will keep people from going?" asked Harriet.

"Nope" said Mac, "in fact we're yet to talk to anyone who's said they _weren't_ planning to go to the reception. They said if they drove that far for the wedding, they wouldn't dream of missing the bash afterwards."

"It's gonna be so cool!" said Chloe. "Definitely better than any other New Years Eve party I've been to."

"And just how many of them _have_ you been to?" asked Mac with a laugh. "You're only 16!"

"A few" answered Chloe, "but this one will rock!"

"It sure will!" said Mattie.

"_I hope so" _said Mac silently to herself.

"I think this is the place" said Harriet as she turned into the parking lot of a tiny strip mall in downtown Mount Union. She found a parking spot, and everyone climbed out of the van and ran inside the salon.

"Good morning, ladies" said a woman behind the counter. "I'm guessing this is the Mackenzie bridal party?"

"That's us" said Mattie.

"Wonderful" replied the woman. "My name's Lauren, I'll be helping everyone out today. Which one of you is the bride?"

"That would be me" said Mac, raising her hand a bit.

"Congratulations…Sarah, right?" said Lauren.

"Yes" said Mac, "thank you."

"Did you bring your headpiece or veil or whichever you're wearing tonight with you?" asked Lauren.

"Got it right here" answered Mac, holding up a long, white box.

"Great" said Lauren. "If you'd like to follow me, I'll take you back to the stylist who'll be working on you today. The rest of you ladies are welcome to have a seat and I'll be right back out to set you where you need to be, OK?"

"Great" said Harriet, "thank you."

Mac followed Lauren to the back of the salon, and sat in the stylist chair she was shown to.

"Sarah" said Lauren, "this is Michaela, she's gonna take care of you."

"Pleased to meet you, Michaela" said Mac, extending her hand to the stylist.

"Likewise" replied Michaela, accepting Mac's handshake. "Is that your headpiece box?"

"It is" answered Mac as she opened it and pulled her headpiece out.

"Oh, that's beautiful" said Michaela. It was a handmade wreath of off-white roses and baby's breath. In back was a two foot long veil and a big bow, all made out of tulle netting. "Did you make it yourself?"

"No" replied Mac, "I'm no good at things like this. My fiancé's mother made it for me after I showed her one like it in a magazine, but that one didn't have the bow on the back like I wanted mine to have."

"That was sweet of her" said Michaela. "Do you know how you want your hair done?"

"I do" replied Mac. "I'd like it all pinned up, through the wreath and curled on top."

"So, like this" said Michaela, putting the headpiece on Mac's head and pulling her hair up through the top of it.

"Exactly like that" said Mac, "and all curled on the top, maybe a few ringlets hanging loose around my face?"

"I can do that" said Michaela, "no problem."

…_3 hours later… _

"Oh wow, Mac" said Harriet as Mac came out into the waiting area. "That looks gorgeous!"

"It sure does" said Chloe.

"Thanks" said Mac. "I think it turned out really well."

"Harm will love it" said Mattie with a sly smirk on her face.

"Oh, Mats…" answered Mac. "You all look wonderful, too!" All the other girls had their hair done similar to Mac's, but instead of a headpiece they had little off-white roses pinned throughout.

"Are we pleased with everything, ladies?" asked Lauren.

"Very much so" said Mac.

"Think the gentlemen in the party will approve?" asked Lauren.

"Oh, I know they will" replied Mac. She smiled as her mind drifted to thoughts of what the look on Harm's face would be when he saw her later that evening.

…_meanwhile, back at the hotel…_

"James Kirk Roberts!" exclaimed Bud. "Come here, _now, _young man!"

"No!" replied Jimmy, hiding behind a poolside table. Bud walked over and picked him up.

"Didn't daddy ask you not to throw your shoes into the water?' asked Bud.

Jimmy nodded.

"Why did you throw your shoes into the water?" continued Bud.

"Unno" answered the little boy.

"Well" said Bud, "now you have to stop swimmingso we can take your shoes up to the room and try to get them dried out."

"No!" said Jimmy, "swim!"

"You can't swim anymore right now" said Bud, still holding the disgruntled child in his lap. "We have to go dry your shoes out as best we can."

"Down!" cried Jimmy, "want down!"

"Sorry, son" said Bud as he held Jimmy in one arm and picked up his soaking wet shoes with the other. "Come on AJ" he said to his eldest child.

"Aw, daddy" replied AJ, "why do I hafta get out, too? Jimmy's the one in trouble!"

"I'll keep an eye on him if you'd like, Bud" offered big AJ, who was sitting beside the pool reading a book.

"That'd be great" answered Bud. "AJ, you listen to Uncle AJ, understand?"

"Yes, sir" said the little boy as he disappeared back under the water.

"He's quite the little fish, huh Bud?" said Harm, who was sitting on the steps of the shallow end of the pool with Ainsley. He'd lower her little legs into the water and she'd smile and kick and splash, and he'd smile back at her. It was really adorable.

"Without a doubt" laughed Bud. "I have no idea how to get these dried out" he continued, holding up Jimmy's wet sneakers.

"Blow dryer, maybe?" suggested Harm.

"That might work" said Bud. "Harriet's gonna ask me why I even had his sneakers down by the pool…"

"Doesn't much matter now" said big AJ, "besides, I'm sure all the ladies will have far more important things on their minds today than those wet shoes."

"Good point" said Bud as he headed for the door. "I'll be back down as soon as I can."

"OK" said Harm, "we'll be here." He looked up at the large clock in the pool room.

"I bet the girls will be back pretty soon" he said to his former CO.

"I think so" replied AJ.

"You know" said Harm, "I feel kinda bad that they've got so much to do today and here we are lounging around the pool."

"Don't feel bad, son" said AJ, "just enjoy the time with your daughter this morning, and before you know it, it'll be time for us all to get dressed and get the show on the road."

"I'm looking forward to it" said Harm as he lifted Ainsley up over his head and brought her face to his for a kiss.

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_A/N: I must say that I was pleased with Harm's involvement in the story on "JAG: San Diego". He still wasn't in it enough, but anything is better than only being in one scene like he was in "Straits of Malacca"! My personal prediction is this: Tom will go over the deep end again because of Mattie's accident, making him once again an unfit parent. Harm will step in and care for Mattie, and that will be the reason that he can't accompany Mac when they transfer her to the offices in San Diego. This is based on nothing other than my own ideas, but it's just something I can see happening since we know Harm will have to have a VERY good reason not to go with her! _

_I'm not sure what may become of the baby deal on the show, though - my gut tells me they'll decide it wouldn't be fair to have a baby and live on opposite ends of the country, but maybe I'm wrong. I HOPE I'm wrong - those of us who have endometriosis are REALLY pulling for them! _

_Next chapter coming as soon as I can get it done:)_


	46. Chater 46

Disclaimer: You know how it goes...

_A/N: Here's the next chapter, chock-full of wedding day excitement! I hope you enjoy it, I'm really having fun writing it. My own wedding was nearly 6 years ago, and this is taking me down memory lane... :)_

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Chapter 46:

"Want me to go get the baby?" asked Mattie as the ladies returned to the hotel.

"Well" said Mac, "at least go check on her. We've got a lot more to do than the men do, so if she's doing OK with her daddy, we may just leave her there till her next feeding."

"Alright" said Mattie, and she headed towards Harm's room.

"I just _love_ your hair, Mac" said Jen for the hundredth time.

"Thanks…again!" said Mac. "I'm really happy with everyone's hair."

"I'm gonna go see how Bud fared with the boys while I was gone" said Harriet. "I'll be back shortly."

"OK" said Mac, "we've got a little time yet before we need to start doing make-up."

Mattie was about to knock on Harm's door when she saw him step off the elevator with Ainsley. She was wrapped in a towel to where the only thing showing was her face.

"Hey"said Mattie, "been swimming, I see."

"Yeah" replied Harm, "well, we played in the water for awhile, then when she got cold I gave her to Uncle AJ and I swam about 40 laps. Your hair looks great."

"Oh, thanks, I like it too. Did she like the water?" asked Mattie, reaching out to take the baby so Harm could dig the room key out of his swim trunks.

"Oh, yeah" he answered. "She splashed and smiled, she loved it."

"Cool" said Mattie as they walked into Harm's room. "Mac just wanted me to check on her, see how you were doing."

"We're fine" said Harm, "she took a bottle right at 10:30, thankfully she didn't fight me on it at all, then we went down to the pool."

"So she'll be hungry again when?" asked Mattie.

Harm thought for a second. "Anytime now, it's been almost 3 hours."

"OK" said Mattie, "well, Mac wanted her back for the next feeding, so I guess I should just take her with me now, huh?"

"Yeah, probably be a good idea" said Harm, "that way I can shower and be ready to take her back later on."

Mattie grabbed the diaper bag. "Say bye-bye to daddy, Ainsley" she said, as she took the baby's arm and made her wave.

"Bye, precious girl" said Harm, giving her a kiss atop the head. "Thanks, Mats."

"Don't mention it" she replied. "I'll bring her back whenever Mac asks me to, OK?"

"I'll be here" he answered. Mattie carried Ainsley towards the elevators.

"There's my baby girl" said Mac as Mattie entered the room with Ainsley in tow. "How'd she do?"

"Harm said she did great" answered Mattie, setting the diaper bag in the corner. "He fed her at 10:30, said she didn't fight him over the bottle, then they went down to the pool till just a few minutes ago."

"I figured they had" said Mac with a smile, "not too many other reasons why she'd be in her swimming suit. Did she like the water?"

"He said she loved it" replied Mattie.

"That's good" said Mac, "we want her to learn to swim early on, so it's great that she already seems to love the water." Just then, the baby began to fuss and squirm.

"Hey, sweet girl" said Mac, "let's get you out of that wet suit and into a dry diaper and some comfy clothes, huh?"

"Oh, she's probably hungry, too" said Mattie as she looked at herself in the mirror, admiring her hair once more.

"Yeah" said Mac, "that's her hungry cry. I'll nurse her as soon as I get her changed."

"When are we supposed to be at the church?" asked Jen as she sat at the table in Mac's room munching on a granola bar.

"We have to be there, completely dressed and ready for pictures by 4:30" answered Mac. "We're gonna do as many pictures as we can before the wedding so that all we'll have to do afterwards are the ones Harm and I are in together."

"That's a cool idea" said Chloe, "that way everyone's not waiting 2 hours for you to get to the reception."

"That's why we're doing it that way" said Mac, "we figured it wouldn't be very nice to show up halfway through our own party, especially considering it's a New Year's Eve party and all."

"So are all the guys supposed to be there and dressed by 4:30 also?" asked Mattie.

"Yep" answered Mac over Ainsley's cries. "And they better be there!" The room door opened, and Harriet entered, a humorous look of exasperation on her face.

"Would you believe" she said, "that Jimmy threw his sneakers into the pool while we were gone?"

"He didn't!" said Jen.

"Oh, but he did" laughed Harriet. "Bud was using the blow dryer on them when I walked in. Jimmy was on the bed crying that he had to stop swimming."

"Where was little AJ in all this?" asked Mac as she sat in the chair across from Jen and started nursing Ainsley.

"He stayed in the pool" said Harriet, "his Uncle AJ watched him while Bud brought Jimmy and the soaked shoes upstairs."

"That was nice" said Jen. "Did Bud say when the guys are planning on leaving for the church?"

"No, he didn't" said Harriet, "but I reminded him again that they all have to be there and ready for pictures at 4:30."

"Good" said Mac. "I'm not worried about them making it in time, I mean there's no way Harm will let them be late!"

"Definitely not" agreed Mattie. "He was gonna shower as soon as I brought the baby back down here, and he said he'll be ready for her again whenever you want to send her that way."

"Who's responsible for getting her dressed for the wedding?" asked Chloe.

"I am" answered Mac. "I've got her dress hanging up in the same garment bag as mine."

"I assume we're waiting till the last minute to put it on her, right?" asked Harriet. "The last thing we want her to do is spit up all down the front of it!"

"Oh yes" said Mac, "we're not putting her into that dress until minutes before the pictures!"

"When did you say we need to start our make-up?" asked Mattie.

"Well" said Mac, "do we want to do that here or do we want to wait and just do everything at the church?"

"I say church" said Mattie.

"Yeah, church" agreed Chloe.

"OK" said Mac, "well then, we'll need to pack everything up and be over there no later than 2:00."

"Um, Mac" said Jen.

"Yeah?" she said as she put Ainsley up to her shoulder.

"Your internal clock must really be fried" said Jen, "because it's 8 minutes till 2:00."

"No way!" exclaimed Mac. "Wow! Um, OK then, let's gather everything up and get it downstairs. Mattie, can you take her back down to Harm, please? He's got her car seat base in the SUV, not to mention he's still got the seat itself from this morning, so he can take her to the church."

"Sure thing" said Mattie, taking her baby sister from Mac and grabbing the diaper bag on her way out the door.

"Oh, Mats!" called Mac as Mattie was halfway to the elevators. "Make sure he doesn't forget to bring her bottles and milk!"

"OK" replied Mattie.

"He's got the cooler for everything" said Mac, "just make sure he doesn't leave it here!"

"Can do" said Mattie as she stepped into the elevator. Within less than a minute, she was knocking on Harm's door.

"Hey" he said, "it's two of my three favorite girls!"

"Sorry to drop her off and run" said Mattie, shoving Ainsley into Harm's arms and dropping the diaper bag at his feet, "but Mac totally lost track of time and we've gotta leave for the church in like 3 minutes."

"_Mac_ lost track of time?" asked Harm, not believing his ears. "She must really be nervous!"

"Oh, she is, believe me" said Mattie. "She wanted me to remind you not to forget the bottles and milk."

"I won't" assured Harm, "I've reminded myself all day not to leave without them!"

"Cool" said Mattie. "I gotta run, I'll see you at the church!"

"Love you" he said as she hurried back to the elevator.

"Love you, too" answered Mattie. She returned to Mac's room as fast as she could.

"Alright" said Mac, "everyone please grab their own dresses and whatever else they need, and meet in the lobby."

Back in Harm's room, he was having a philosophical discussion with Ainsley.

"Your mommy's pretty nervous about today" he said as he sat with her on the bed. "Yeah, don't tell anyone, but daddy's pretty nervous, too. Yeah, he is. I mean, your mommy is gonna look _so_ beautiful - not that she doesn't always of course - but today she'll be extra beautiful and so will you. Yes you will, baby girl. Everybody says you look like me, but tonight you'll look much more like mommy, all dolled up in your pretty dress. Daddy's gonna try not to cry, but between you and your mommy, I don't think I stand much of a chance, what do you think?"

Ainsley looked at her daddy and smiled.

"That's what I thought." laughed Harm as he lifted his daughter up and blew a raspberry on her tummy.

* * *

_A/N: We're getting closer to the wedding - can you feel the excitement:)_


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: You know the drill...

_A/N: for the purposes of this story, the Roberts twins don't exist. :)_

* * *

Chapter 47: 

"OK" said Mac as the ladies piled out of Harriet's van at the church. "Let's grab our stuff and get in out of the cold!"

"I'm with you there!" said Jen. Everyone took a quick turn pulling their dress bags out of the neat pile in the back of the van, then picking up their make-up cases and such, everyone followed Mac inside.

"The brides room is down here" said Mac, turning right down the long corridor, then left at the end of it.

"Wow" said Mattie, "it's huge!" There were tables and mirrors along 3 of the 4 walls, hooks on the wall to hang their dresses on, a bathroom down at the end - it was a really nice room.

"Yeah, it's pretty big" agreed Mac, "but you can bet we'll put the space to good use between the 5 of us."

"Who gets what table?" asked Chloe.

"It doesn't matter" said Mac, "they all look the same to me."

"OK" replied Chloe. "Mattie, why don't we take the two at the end?"

"Works for me" said Mattie, and the girls carried their dresses and bags to the far end of the room.

"I'll take this one" said Jen, pointing to a table on the right side of the room.

"Do you care, Mac?" asked Harriet, looking at the remaining tables.

"Nope, take whatever you want" said Mac.

"This one'll do fine" said Harriet, taking a table across form Jen.

"This one looks as good as any, huh?" asked Mac, choosing a table in the near right corner.

"Should we do our make-up before we get dressed, you think?" asked Mattie.

"Yeah" answered Mac. "We want to wait to get into our dresses until the last minute, keep them from getting too wrinkled before the ceremony."

"Got it" said Mattie. She and Chloe dug out their cosmetics and went to work just as Mattie's cell phone rang. She pulled it from her purse, looked at the Caller ID and flipped it open to answer.

"Hey, Harm" she said. Everyone immediately looked in her direction. A tiny wave of panic fell over Mac.

"She shouldn't be, I don't think" said Mattie, "but lemme ask Mac, hang on."

"Ask Mac what?" said Mac.

"He said Ainsley is fussy and he wanted to know if she could be hungry" said Mattie. "I left her in such a hurry, I forgot to tell him when she'd eaten last."

"I dunno" said Mac, "what time is it?"

"2:40" said Jen.

"I fed her when we got back from the salon" said Mac, "and that was about 1:30 or so, she _shouldn't _be hungry, but her schedule is so messed up, tell him if he thinks she wants a bottle, he can give her one, that's fine."

"Will do" replied Mattie. "Harm, yeah Mac said she shouldn't be hungry, but if you think she is, you can feed her. OK, not a problem. I'll tell her. OK, love you too, bye."

"He said to tell you that the guys are all gonna be ready to head over here no later than 3:00" said Mattie to Mac, "and he's gonna try a bottle and see if that's what she wants."

"OK" said Mac. "I'm betting she's more sleepy than hungry, but she may take a little of the bottle and then go to sleep."

"Which of these would look best one me?" asked Jen, holding up two different shades of blue eye shadow.

"I say the darker one" said Mac, unpacking her own cosmetic bag. "It'll contrast with the ice blue dress and still bring out the color in your eyes."

"OK" said Jen, tossing the lighter shadow back into her bag as the bride's room became a flurry of activity.

…_meanwhile, back at the hotel…_

"Are we ready, gentlemen?" asked Harm as big AJ, Sergei, Sturgis and Bud & his little boys met up with him in the lobby.

"I think so" replied Sturgis.

"Everyone got everything they need?" asked Harm. "_Everything?"_

"Let's see" said Bud, "6 tuxes - 5 adult, one kiddo - 6 pair of shoes, 6 accessory bags, Jimmy's outfit and bag…I think we've got everything."

"Do _you_ have everything?" Sergei asked his brother.

Harm looked around himself and rattled off the items he'd been charged with remembering. "Baby…diaper bag…milk bottles…Mac's ring…honeymoon papers… don't think I forgot anything!"

"Let's be off, shall we fellas?" asked big AJ. "If we're not at that church, ready for pictures at the stroke of 4:30, we'll see a side of Mac best reserved for our national enemies!"

"Amen to that!" said Sturgis.

Harm tucked Ainsley's blanket in around her and pulled her knit cap down over her ears. "Don't want you to get sick, little one" he said. He picked up the car seat, put the diaper bag on his shoulder, grabbed the cooler with hermilk in it, and led everyone to the parking lot.

"I'm glad we moved these seats earlier today" said Harm as he secured Ainsley into the SUV, then helped Bud get little AJ and Jimmy strapped into their seats. Since Harriet needed the van for the women, they'd decided that Bud and the boys would ride to the church with Harm and Ainsley, something which proved particularly convenient when Mac lost track of time and Mattie had to rush Ainsley down to Harm so they could leave.

"Me too" agreed Bud, "Do you want all the tuxes in the back here?"

"Yeah, if they'll fit" said Harm, "that's fine." Bud laid the pile of garment bags carefully in the back of the SUV and closed the hatch before getting into the front passenger seat.

Harm led the way to the church, and big AJ followed. They arrived roughly 20 minutes later.

"Should we get the kids inside first" asked Harm, "then come back for the stuff?"

"I was thinking maybe the other way around" said Bud. "I'll stay here and watch them if you wanna take all the stuff inside."

"Works for me" said Harm, popping the hatch release before getting out of the drivers seat.

"Where do we go in there?" asked Sergei, nodding towards the church. "Are we supposed to stay away from the ladies?"

"We don't _all_ have to stay away from _all _the ladies" said Harm, "I just have to steer completely clear of Mac. If you guys wanna go on in, we get the big room all the way down the south hall and to the left."

"OK" said Sergei, and he, big AJ and Sturgis headed inside. Harm picked up the stack of tuxes from the SUV and followed closely behind.

"This is a nice place, Harm" said big AJ as they men stepped into the large dressing room.

"Yeah, it really is" he agreed. "I can see why this place does a lot of weddings. It just has a 'wedding look' to it."

"Indeed" said Sturgis. "Should we start getting ready yet?"

"Soon" said Harm, "Lemme go help Bud bring the little ones inside, I'll be right back." He zipped his coat up once before stepping out into the chilly wind once again.

"Ready to go inside, guys?" he asked as he opened the back door on the SUV.

"Yeah" said little AJ, "it's cold out here!"

"I know it, pal" said Harm as he unbuckled the straps on AJ's car seat and helped him climb down as Bud was helping Jimmy on the other side.

"Wait right there till I get Ainsley out, please" Harm said to his godson.

"Yes, sir" replied the little boy. Harm leaned over AJ's seat and detached Ainsley's infant seat from it's base. He made sure her blanket was covering her snugly as he pulled the seat out of the car.

"Here" he said to little AJ, "take my hand, please." The little guy reached up and took hold of Harm's left hand while Harm carried the baby seat in his right.

"Got everything, Bud?" he asked as he slowly walked towards the church.

"Yeah, I got it" replied Bud, carrying Jimmy and his bag. "Are they all staying with us?"

"I know the boys are" replied Harm, "and I know getting them dressed is up to us. I'm not sure if Mac wants Ainsley yet or not."

"I can go find out for you" offered Bud.

"Thanks" said Harm, "I know Mac's gonna get her dressed and ready, I'm just not sure how soon she needs to do that." They got the kids inside, and while Harm took to getting their coats and hats off, Bud went down the hall to see how the "belles of the ball" were faring.

"Harriet?" he called from outside the closed bride's room doors.

"Bud?" she called back.

"Yeah, honey, it's me" he answered. "We're here, got here a few minutes ago. Harm wants to know when Mac will want the baby down here so she can get her dressed?"

"Lemme ask her" said Harriet, "just a second, sweetie."

"OK" said Bud.

Harriet walked to the back of the room to where Mac was helping Chloe with her mascara.

"Mac" she said, "Bud is outside the door, he said Harm wants to know when you need Ainsley in here to get her dressed."

"I can take her now if he needs me to" said Mac, "in fact it'd probably be a good idea if I let her nurse if she wants to before I get dressed."

"OK" said Harriet, "I'll have Bud bring her down." She walked back to the door where Bud was waiting.

"Mac said go ahead and bring her down now, please" said Harriet through the still-closed door.

"I'll be right back with her" answered Bud. He headed back down the long hallway to the guys dressing room.

"Mac said she's ready for her now" he told Harm, who'd just finished getting Ainsley out of her car seat.

"Alrighty, baby girl" he said to her, "you be a good girl and cooperate with mommy. I'll see you in a couple hours." He gave her a big kiss before handing her to Bud.

"Here's this" he said, handing Bud the diaper bag. "Oh, probably better take these, too" he added, handing Bud the cooler bag with the milk bottles in it. "I'm not sure where Mac wants this."

"OK" said Bud as he went to take Ainsley to her mother. He made his way down the long hallway once more, and knocked again upon the bride's room door.

"Bud?" asked Mac from the inside.

"It's me" he answered. Mac opened the door and smiled at her little girl.

"Come to mommy" she said, taking the baby from Bud and kissing her cheek. "Did you have fun with your daddy today? Hmm, did you?"

"I believe she did" smiled Bud. "He had her in the pool earlier, she just loved it."

"That's what I heard" said Mac.

"Here's her stuff" said Bud, handing Mac the diaper bag and cooler bag. "Harm said he didn't know where you wanted this one."

"That's fine" she replied, "I'll have Mattie put it in the freezer in the kitchen. Hey, do you know if she took the bottle Harm offered her about an hour ago?"

"I think so" said Bud, "when I called down to see if he was ready to leave, he said she was almost finished eating."

"OK, thanks so much, Bud" said Mac. "Everything going OK down there?"

"Fine so far" he answered, "we're about to start getting dressed, and we'll be ready for pictures at 4:30."

"Good" replied Mac. "So will we!"

"OK" said Bud, "Which group is going first, do you know?"

"To my understanding" said Mac, "everyone except Ainsley and I are supposed to be in there to start with. They'll get the ones of all the groomsmen with Harm, bridesmaids with him, etc… All combinations that can be done without the baby and I. Once they're done with him, he'll go hide and we'll take out turn doing the same combinations."

"Sounds like a well-thought-out plan, Mac" said Bud.

"I hope it plays out that way" she answered as Ainsley wriggled in her arms. "I need to go feed her real quick so we can get dressed. Thanks again for bringing her by."

"Welcome" said Bud as he took off for the other room.

"OK, boys" he said to his sons, "I need to you sit over in that corner and play with your toys for a little while, OK?"

"OK, daddy" replied little AJ. "Is it time to get dressed yet?"

"Almost time" answered Bud, "but let daddy get dressed first, then I can help you."

"How is this possible?" asked Sturgis as he stood before the group in his jeans and tuxedo shirt, the sleeves of which were 3 inches too short. "It fit yesterday, now it's way too short!"

In a slight panic, Harm walked over and looked at the tag on the garment bag.

"Sturgis" laughed Harm, "you're wearing Bud's shirt." He held up the tag so Sturgis could see that it clearly said "_Roberts_."

"Oops" chuckled Sturgis. "I know what happened now - my accessory bag came off the hanger, and it got laid on top of the wrong suit, so when I saw my name on it, I grabbed it and the suit underneath, which obviously isn't mine!"

"No biggie" said Harm, "at least the formal wear shop didn't screw things up."

"That happened to me in high school" said big AJ as he adjusted the sides of his tux slacks. "Senior prom, I was running late to pick up my tux so I didn't try it on there like I should have. Got home, put it on, pants were 6 inches too short!"

"Oh, no!" laughed Harm. "What'd you do?"

"Wore a pair of slacks I already had" answered the retired CO. "Didn't look bad, but lemme tell you when I took that tux back on Monday, those folks got an earful!"

"I believe it!" said Bud. "Oh, hey, look at the time - we're all supposed to be ready in 15 minutes!"

"Whoa!" exclaimed Harm, grabbing his shirt out of the garment bag. "Where'd the time go?"

…_back in the bride's room…_

"Well, that do you think?" asked Chloe as she stood before Mac, all dressed up.

"I think you look absolutely beautiful" replied Mac. "That dress fits you perfectly."

"Thanks" said Chloe. "When are you gonna put yours on?"

"I'm ready whenever anyone wants to help me" answered Mac.

"Let's get on it, then" replied Chloe. "We've only got a few minutes before pictures!"

* * *

_A/N: This will be the last chapter until I get back in town at the end of next week. I'll have no access to a computer the entire time I'm gone, but as promised I'll be writing down any brilliant ideas that come to me! I'll make the wedding worth the wait, honest:)_

_A side note, I saw today that DJE (or possibly his publicist, you never know for sure) wrote a short letter to TV Guide. It's in the March 20 - 26, 2005 issue (I think) on the page where they publish the letters that readers send in, whichI think is very cool considering he's not **just any reader**, you know! I can't recall his exact words, but something to the effect of he's sad that things with Don Bellisario had to end the way they did, or that Bellisario feels the way he does after such a great run (of JAG), something like that. This was in reference to DPB's comments in TV Guide a few weeks back about how he'd never planned for DJE to return next season even thought DJE wanted to. David said his relationship with CBS has been great, and he's thankful for the last decade and for JAG, and looking forward to his experience with ABC. It was signed "David James Elliott, Los Angeles". It just makes me so mad to see that, to read once again that DJE wasn't ready to see Harm go and it wasn't a mutual decision for him to leave. I'm hoping and praying there's not an 11th season, or if there is, that it FLOPS BIG TIME! _

_See you all whenI return!_


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah...

_A/N: I'm back! I'm so sorry for the delay, but suffice it to say driving nearly 3,000 miles in 10 days has a way of wearing a person out. We arrived back home several days later than originally planned because my grandma didn't travel well (got sick and such), then when we got home I came down with a terrible head cold. I'm better now, but I'm SO busy helping grandma get settled in that I have almost no computer time right now and I sure do miss it! I know this chapter is short compared to what I usually write, but I wanted to post a little something to let everyone know I'm still working on this story and as SOON as I can, I'll get to work creating the wedding chapter. It'll be worth the wait, I promise:)_

* * *

Chapter 48:

"Well, how do I look?" asked Mac as she turned around from her dressing table after putting the finishing touches on her make-up.

"You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen" said Jen.

"I agree" said Chloe, "that dress is _totally_ you." It was a floor-length, strapless, off-white gown with a semi-cathedral train which began at Mac's waist and trailed over 6 feet behind her. Where the train met the dress was a large "candy box" bow. The bodice of the dress had hundreds of sequins and pearls, and the edges of the skirt were adorned with re-embroidered lace.

"Thanks" said Mac with a smile. "The leftover baby weight doesn't show too much, does it?" she asked, rubbing her hands self-consciously over her tummy.

"Not at all" assured Harriet.

"Good" replied Mac, "these last 5 pounds are just hanging on for dear life!"

"Been there, done that" laughed Harriet. "Eventually, they do go away though, honest."

"Hey" said Mattie, "someone's knocking on the door."

"Probably the photographer" said Mac, "it's picture time."

Mattie walked over to the door, opened it a crack and found a middle-aged woman standing in the hall.

"Hi" said the woman, "I'm Helen, I'm the photographer's assistant. Is everyone ready to get started with the pictures?"

"Yep, we're all set" replied Mattie. "Lemme get the others and we'll be right there."

"Everyone except the bride and the baby" said Helen.

"Got it" answered Mattie.

…_meanwhile, in the guys dressing room…_

"Please sit still" asked Harm of little AJ as he tried to tie the little boy's shoes.

"Yes, sir" replied the child, who honestly thought he _was_ sitting still, but he made a special effort to sit even more still then before.

"There" said Harm as he got the thin, round laces tied. "Stand up, lemme get a look at you."

Little AJ stood up and held his arms straight down against his sides, his eyes looking up at his godfather for approval.

"Do I look nice, Uncle Harm?" he asked.

"You look _very_ nice" replied Harm, kneeling down to the boys eye level. "You're gonna be the most handsome ring bearer in the whole wide world."

"Thanks" answered little AJ. "Is it time yet?"

"Almost" said Harm as he looked at his watch. "They should be coming to get us for pictures any minute now."

"I bet that's them now" said Sergei as he heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it" said Harm. He opened the door and greeted the man on the other side.

"Hey, Harm" said the man on the other side. "Good to see you again."

"Good to see you too, Andrew" replied Harm, shaking the man's hand. Andrew was the photographer friend of big AJ who'd done the special shoot of Ainsley a couple months earlier.

"How's the baby doing?" asked Andrew. "I bet she's grown a lot since I saw her, huh?"

"Yeah, she has" said Harm, "but she's still as cute as ever."

"But of course!" laughed Andrew. "Is everyone ready to get started with the pictures?"

"I believe we are" answered Harm. "Want us to meet you in the sanctuary?"

"That'll be fine" said Andrew. "We'll do everything we can with you first, then we'll send you back here and bring out Sarah and Ainsley and do as much as possible with them before the ceremony."

"Sounds great" said Harm. "We'll be there momentarily."

* * *

"OK, eyes right up here, good…big smiles…" said Helen as she stood behind Andrew, looking at the group posed together in front of the altar. Harm was sitting on the steps, surrounded by Jen, Chloe, Mattie and Harriet.

_click_

"Let's take one more just like that" said Andrew, "then we'll do some of the groom with each of the ladies."

"Oooh" joked Harm with an ominous grin, "lucky me!"

"You're such a clown!" said Chloe, playfully slapping Harm in the shoulder.

"Yeah" he replied, "but if I wasn't, you'd wonder what was wrong with me."

"Point taken" said Chloe.

"Alright, everyone ready?" asked Helen.

"Ready" said Harm.

"OK, eyes right here…big smiles…"

_click_

…_back in the bride's room…_

"I bet they're almost ready for us, sweet girl" said Mac as she finished buttoning the back of Ainsley's dress. It was made from the same fabric as Mac's and had the same lace around the bottom of the skirt, but it had long sleeves with little ruffles at the end. The bow in back matched Mac's exactly, and Ainsley's headband had tiny versions of the same flowers that adorned Mac's curly hairstyle.

"What do you think?" Mac asked her daughter as she stood with her in front of the full length mirror. "Think daddy will be able to look at us without getting all teary-eyed? I don't think he will. I'll be honest though, baby girl, mommy's not too sure _she'll_ be able to look at _daddy_ and not cry." The mere thought of seeing Harm all dolled-up and waiting for her at the altar was enough to bring tears to Mac's eyes. As she blinked them away, not wanting to ruin her make-up, there was a knock at the door.

"We're ready for you and the little angel here" said Helen when Mac opened the door, carefully holding Ainsley upon her shoulder.

"Lead the way" said Mac.

* * *

_A/N: Again sorry it's so short and unexciting, but I wanted to post something and this was as far as I got tonight._


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: The JAG folks aren't mine, because we all know if they were, this fic would be FACT! ;)

_A/N: Here's another prelude to the wedding chapter - hope you're getting as excited as I am!_

* * *

Chapter 49: 

"That's perfect…hold it right there…"

_Click_

"That was adorable, Sarah" said Andrew after he snapped the shot of her sitting on the altar steps looking down at Ainsley, cradled in her arms.

"I hope so" said Mac, once again blinking away a few tears. "It's hard to look at her like this and not lose it."

"Why's that?" asked Chloe.

"I guess all the emotions of the day" said Mac, "combined with the fact that looking at her for very long under normal circumstances still makes me cry."

"Oh" said Harriet as she began to choke up, "now you're getting _me_ started, stop that!"

"Sorry" laughed Mac, wiping away her own last stray tear. "Did my mascara run?"

"Nope" said Jen, "it's waterproof, remember?"

"Oh yeah" replied Mac. "Well, is it messed up at all?"

"It looks fine, Mac" said Mattie.

"OK" said Helen, "we need the bride in the middle holding her bouquet, and 2 of the bridesmaids on either side of her."

"Here" said big AJ, who'd been standing off to the side with the rest of the guys (minus Harm, of course) waiting for their turn in the pictures with Mac, "lemme have my granddaughter." He wasn't really her grandfather, but to see the two of them together, you'd never know it. He'd long ago accepted Harm and Mac as his kids, and that made Ainsley his granddaughter, plain and simple, and anyone who had issue with that had better keep it to themselves.

"Thanks" said Mac, handing him the baby and stepping back into place. "Hey, how's Harm holding up?"

"Quite well" said the former JAG, "a little nervous, but a whole lot more excited."

"Nerves and excitement" said Mac, "two things I can totally relate to right now!"

…_back in the guys dressing room… _

Harm sat in a chair in the far corner of the room, holding Mac's wedding ring between his fingers and thinking about a number of things. He was deep in thought when Frank entered the room.

"Oh, hey" said Harm, a bit startled.

"Sorry, son" said Frank, "didn't mean to make you jump."

" It's OK" said Harm, "I'm just sitting here thinking."

"About?" asked his step-father.

"You name it" said Harm with a little laugh.

"Getting nervous?" asked Frank.

"Nah" answered Harm, "well, I mean, yeah, I'm a little nervous, of course, but it's more than that."

"Let me take a stab at it here" said Frank. "You're thinking back on your relationship with Mac over the last 9 years, all the good and the bad, and you're wondering how you ever made it to today?"

"How'd you know that?" asked Harm in amazement.

"It's called being a groom, Harm" answered Frank. "There's never been one in the history of the world who didn't think about those kinds of things in the hours before his wedding. We all wonder how we ever managed to survive everything the relationship put us through and vice versa, but we did and you're certainly no exception to that."

Harm smiled and nodded. "Yeah, mine and Mac's relationship had way more than it's fair share of 'everything'."

"That it did" agreed Frank, "but it's made you both stronger and drawn you to one another when it could have, for all intents and purposes, pulled you apart."

"Indeed" said Harm softly.

"Knock, knock" said Sergei as he popped his head in the door.

"Hey, little brother" said Harm, "are they done with all the pictures?"

"Almost" answered Sergei. "We need Frank for the last couple, then it'll be just about time to start the ceremony."

"Wow" said Harm, looking down at his watch. "Where did the last 2 hours go?"

"There's no sense of time when you're in love, son" said Frank. He patted Harm on the shoulder before standing up to follow Sergei back to the sanctuary.

* * *

_A/N: OK everyone, iron those fancy duds and polish your best dress shoes! Next chapter, the WEDDING! _

_Also, don't forget, tomorrow's episode on CBS is a new one, though I'm not sure why we get excited anymore, we all know the finale is gonna bite the big one. :(_ _I've_ _heard a rumor of a possible spin-off with Mac, presumably if there's not an 11th JAG season - anyone else heard that?_


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: So on, so forth, blah, blah, blah... After the dreadful "hospital scene" in Friday night's episode, "Death at the Mosque", I don't feel bad at all for creating a romance we can all - hopefully - believe instead of that RIDICULOUS exchange that they had on the show! I swear, the writers must think the viewers fell off the turnip truck last week or something if they expect us to fall for such drivel...

Ah, well, on with "the way things SHOULD be"...

_A/N: You all look so **nice** tonight! Come in out of that frigid, Pennsylvania-in-December wind, sign the guest book, grab a program and take a seat. Groom's side is on the right, bride's on the left, feel free to sit wherever you like. I know many of you came prepared with your own package of Kleenex, but if you forgot or if you run out halfway through the ceremony, we've placed several boxes beneath the guest book table. Feel free to help yourselves to them as needed, pass them around, share the wealth. :)_

_P.S.The basic idea for the ceremony wording came from a traditional Christian ceremony. _

* * *

Chapter 50: 

It was ten minutes before 6:00 p.m. Guests were arriving in a steady stream. The guest book lay open on a table just inside the door, beautifully decorated with a navy blue tablecloth, an ice blue sheer overlay and silver ribbon curls. Next to the book were 2 small baskets of programs, 100 or so copies in each. The programs were a single-folded sheet of off-white paper and read as follows:

On the front, centered and in navy blue lettering: 

_Two lives, two hearts…one perfect love. _

Beneath and in silver lettering: 

_Sarah and Harmon, December 31, 2005_

Inside on the left in navy blue lettering: 

_The Wedding Party - _

_Bride: Sarah Catherine Mackenzie_

_Groom: Harmon David Rabb, Jr._

_Matron of Honor: Harriet Simms-Roberts_

_Best Man: Sergei Zhukov_

_Bridesmaids: Jennifer Coates, Mathilda Grace Johnson, Chloe Madison_

_Groomsmen: Bud Roberts, AJ Chegwidden, Sturgis Turner_

_Honorary Flower Girl: Ainsley Rose Rabb_

_Ring Bearer: AJ Roberts _

Inside on the right in navy blue lettering:

_We would like to thank:_

_God, for bringing us together._

_Frank and Trish Burnett, for everything they've done for us._

_Harmon David Rabb, Sr., for his legacy of love. We miss you, dad._

"_Grams" Sarah Rabb, for loving us so dearly._

_Our precious Ainsley Rose, for being the sunshine in our universe._

_Our friends and family who stand with us tonight, for never giving up on us._

_We love you all._

_Harm and Mac_

* * *

"How does it look out there?" asked Mac as she and the rest of the girls sat in the cry room in the back of the sanctuary. It was a small, soundproof room designed for parents to take their fussy children during church services, and it provided a perfect place for brides to wait before their weddings. 

"Filling up fast" said Mattie as she peeked through the closed blinds on the one-way window.

"That's good" said Mac, a hint of nerves appearing in her voice. "I'd hate to think we went to all this trouble and no one showed up!"

"Are you kidding me, girl?" asked Chloe. "This is, like, the wedding of the century - I'll bet almost everyone you invited will be here!"

"We didn't get too many replies declining the invitation" said Mac. "We're expecting around 200 guests, does it look like that many are here?"

"Oh yeah" said Mattie, joining Chloe in peeking through the blind.

"Which side is fuller" asked Mac, "his or mine?"

"Look about the same" said Mattie. "Where do you know this many people from, anyway?"

"Family, friends, work" said Mac. "Oh, and some of them are friends of Harm's parents and of Grams, so we don't actually know every single person out there."

"Is the music playing?" asked Jen. She and Harriet had put together a CD of instrumental love songs to be played while the guests arrived.

"Dunno" said Harriet, "open the door just a little and see if you can hear anything."

"Yeah" said Jen, holding her head close to the door and being careful not to open it too wide, "they're playing it."

"Cool" said Harriet as Jen closed the door.

"What time is it, Mac?" asked Mattie.

"Almost time to get started" answered Mac.

"Internal clock still on the blink?" asked Chloe.

"Like you wouldn't believe" replied Mac. "It'll get back on track after tonight is over."

"Oh, I dunno about _that_" said Mattie with a racy undertone to her voice. "I'm thinking it'll be more like after next _week_ is over, maybe…"

"Mattie!" said Mac, appalled at the implications being made.

"Hey, they say there's no sense of time when you're in love" said Mattie, coming to her own defense.

"Yeah, well…" was all Mac could think to mutter.

"Oh hey!" said Chloe, still peeking through the blinds. "I think they're getting started!" Just then there was a quiet knock on the cry room door.

"Showtime, ladies" said Helen as she opened the door and quickly stepped inside. She wasn't the wedding coordinator, but in order to make sure they got all the pictures they were supposed to get, she was in charge of telling the members of the wedding party when to make their entrance.

Everyone in the room, except for Mac, was looking between the slats of the closed blind at what was taking place in the sanctuary. Mac sat on a bench, holding Ainsley and counting the butterflies in her stomach as they multiplied by the dozens.

Helen stepped back out of the room and began directing the guys. First to enter the sanctuary was Sergei as he escorted Grams to her seat. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning around and walking back down the aisle.

Next to make their entrance were Frank and Trish. They walked arm-in-arm down the aisle as a beautiful Celtic love song played over the sound system. They took their seats on the front row.

"This is so cool!" squealed Chloe, still glued to the happenings on the other side of the window.

"You're up in just a sec" said Mattie, "you better get ready."

From a door at the front of the sanctuary, Harm and the minister were the next people to enter and take their places. Harm followed behind the minister, looking at his parents and his grandmother as he reached his mark. He smiled at them, seeing enormous pride on their faces as they looked his way. He was nervous, and even if the rest of the congregation couldn't tell, he knew those three people certainly could. He knew that they could also tell how happy he was to be standing up there, moments away from finally making the woman of his dreams, the mother of his child and the love of his life, his bride.

A different love song began playing as Sturgis and Chloe walked slowly down the aisle. When they reached the front, Chloe turned to her left and Sturgis to his right, and they took their respective places. Bud and Jen followed suit a moment later.

Next, Mattie began her walk, carrying baby Ainsley. The "aww's" and "oohhhh's" were audible as the two girls approached the front of the sanctuary. Mattie held her bouquet in her right hand and the baby laid cradled in her left arm so everyone could see her dress. Mac had worried that Ainsley would be fussy with all the noise and excitement, but she just laid in her big sisters arms, eyes wide open, taking it all in.

Harm took a visibly deep breath to try and keep himself together.

As rehearsed, Mattie walked up to Harm and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He took Ainsley from her and cradled the baby with both hands as he placed a tender kiss on the top of her little head. Mattie then took her place next to Jen.

"I love you, baby girl" Harm whispered to Ainsley as he carried her over and handed her to Trish. He returned to his place and took another deep breath, trying to prepare himself for Mac's entrance. He knew he didn't stand much chance of not choking up upon first sight of his bride, but he was gonna try.

Next to enter were the honor attendants, Harriet and Sergei. Her dress and his tie and cummerbund were navy blue while the other bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen's accessories were ice blue. Everyone's flowers - the girls' bouquets and the guys boutonnieres - had silver ribbons in them. They walked to their places and turned to face the back of the sanctuary.

Up next was little AJ. He walked so very carefully down the aisle, concentrating on every single step. He held the ring pillow as steady as he could, and he reached the front of the sanctuary just as the song was ending.

"Did I do good, Uncle Harm?" he asked in a loud whisper. Scattered laughs could be heard across the room.

Harm bent down and told the little boy, in a somewhat softer whisper, "you did great!"

As Harm stood upright again, the first notes of the Bridal March began to play. He felt his stomach contort into more knots than were there the first time he flew an F-14. Since the mother of the bride wasn't in attendance, the pleasure of leading the congregation in standing upon the bride's entrance fell to Trish. She stood up as the song began to play, and everyone in the room followed suit.

The double doors separating the sanctuary from the foyer opened, and there stood Mac next to big AJ. The Bridal March continued to play as they started their walk towards the front, Mac's arm and that of her former CO entwined. She held her bouquet of off-white roses and baby's breath tight and focused on each step she took. When they arrived at the altar, which was adorned with two large arrangements of off-white roses and two giant navy blue bows, she looked into Harm's eyes, and saw they were already sparkling with tears.

"_He's gotta be the most handsome groom who ever lived and breathed" _thought Mac, her own eyes filling up.

"_My God, she's beautiful" _thought Harm.

The minister began to speak. "Who gives this woman to be wed to this man?"

"On behalf of her family and friends" answered the retired Admiral , "I do". He leaned over and gave Mac a kiss on the cheek before placing her hand into Harm's, then stepping into his place between Sergei and Bud.

"We will now have the lighting of the memorial candle" said the minister. Harm and Mac stepped up to where the special candle they'd chosen for Harm, Sr. had been placed. It was a twelve inch high, solid white pillar candle with a thin black ribbon tied around the bottom. In the center of the ribbon was a tiny pair of gold wings. Harm picked up one of the tapers that belonged to the unity candle set, carried it to one of the large altar candles (which were lit before the guests arrived), and lit it. He carefully walked back to where Mac was standing, and she put her hand around his so they could light the memorial candle together.

"I love you, dad" whispered Harm with a quiver in his voice.

"_He'd be so proud of you, baby…" _thought Grams as she sat watching her grandson.

Once the candle was lit, Harm used that unity taper to light the other one, and placed it back in it's holder next to the unity candle. They then held one another's hand as they stepped back down into their original places so the ceremony could continue.

"We are gathered here today in the sight of God and angels" said the minister, "and the presence of friends and loved ones, to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words which shall unite Sarah and Harmon in holy matrimony."

Harm and Mac looked at one another and smiled.

The minister continued. "Marriage is a most honorable estate, created and instituted by God. Should there be anyone who has just cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."

Needless to say, no one could think of a single reason why this couple, of all couples since the dawn of time, shouldn't be married.

"Sarah and Harmon, life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together" said the minister. "Loveis given to us by our family and friends. We learn to love by being loved. Learning to love is one of life's greatest challenges."

"I think they've got the 'love thing' down to a science" whispered Mattie to Jen. Jen nodded in agreement as the ceremony continued.

"Today truly is a glorious day, as both of you are blessed with God's greatest of all gifts - the gift of abiding love and devotion between a man and a woman. All present here today - and those here in heart - wish both of you all the joy, happiness and success the world has to offer."

Mac felt Harm squeeze her hand when the minister said "and those here in heart". Though not there in body, she knew her father-in-law was most definitely there in heart, in the hearts of many.

"It is love, which brings you here today, the union of two hearts and two spirits. As your lives continue to interweave as one pattern, remember that it was love that brought you here today, and it is love which will cause this union to endure."

"_Amen to that_" thought Harm to himself.

"Would you please face each other and join hands" asked the minister. Harm and Mac did so.

"Harmon, do you take Sarah to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and holding only to her until such time as you are parted by death? If so, your answer is 'I do'."

Harm looked into Mac's deep brown eyes and said those two little words he'd waited nine long years to say to her.

"I do."

"Sarah, do you take Harmon to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and holding only to him until such time as you are parted by death? If so, your answer is 'I do'."

Mac took a moment to answer, not because she had to think about it, but because she was trying so hard not to cry that it was making speaking almost impossible. After what felt like an eternity, she answered, her eyes never leaving Harm's the whole time,

"I do."

"Wedding rings" said the minister, "are an outward and visible sign of an inward commitment and love, signifying to all the uniting of this man and this woman in marriage. May we have the rings, please?"

Little AJ stepped forward and held the ring pillow up so that Harm could untie the ribbon and remove the rings. Once he was done, he nodded to the little boy to return to his place next to Bud, and he placed the rings on the open Bible which the minister held before him.

"May God bless the giving and receiving of these rings." said the minister. "Harmon, please place the ring on Sarah's finger and repeat after me. I, Harmon David Rabb, Jr…."

"_I, Harmon David Rabb, Jr…"_

"…take thee, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, to be my wife…"

"…_take thee, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, to be my wife…" _Harm took Mac's left hand in his, and gently slid the ring onto her finger. Her hand was shaking so much he would have laughed if he hadn't been so completely lost in the moment.

"To have and to hold…"

"_To have and to hold…"_

"… in sickness and in health…"

"…_in sickness and in health…"_

"…for richer or for poorer…"

"…_for richer or for poorer…"_

"…forsaking all others and holding only to you until such time as we are parted by death."

"…_forsaking all others and holding only to you until such time as we are parted by death."_

The look in Harm's eyes as he said those vows to Mac was unlike any she'd ever seen before. She knew how much he loved her, but it was as if she was realizing it all over again.

"Sarah" said the minister, "Please place the ring on Harmon's finger and repeat after me. I, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie…"

"_I, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie…"_

"…take thee, Harmon David Rabb, Jr. to be my husband…"

"…_take thee, Harmon David Rabb, Jr. to be my husband…" _Mac took Harm's ring in her right hand, and placed it upon his left ring finger. Her hands were still shaking, so much so it was a trick for her to get his ring on, but she did it.

"To have and to hold…"

"_To have and to hold…"_

"… in sickness and in health…"

"…_in sickness and in health…"_

"…for richer or for poorer…"

"…_for richer or for poorer…"_

"…forsaking all others and holding only to you until such time as we are parted by death."

"…_forsaking all others and holding only to you until such time as we are parted by death."_

Harm looked over at his mom and Frank, both of whom were wiping tears from their eyes. He looked at his Grams, who wasn't crying, but instead smiling wider than he'd ever seen her smile before. He looked at Ainsley, who had fallen asleep in Trish's lap.

"_Oh, good, she's getting a little nap_" he thought to himself, the daddy in him coming through even as he stood at the altar.

"Sarah and Harmon" said the minister, "as the two of you come into this marriage uniting as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together."

Sniffles could be heard from all throughout the room, especially from the ladies side of the bridal party.

"The two lighted candles" said the minister as he moved to the unity candle portion of the ceremony, "symbolize your separate lives and your separate dreams. The individual candles represent your individual lives before today. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining together of your two lives as one."

Harm and Mac once again stepped forward to where the candles were placed. They each took a lighted taper in their hand, and together they lit the ice blue pillar candle that sat between the tapers. They then placed the tapers back into their holders, and returned to their places in front of the congregation.

"Your gift to each other" said the minister "for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other."

Mac looked down at the ring on her finger and felt the tears welling up in her eyes as the minister continued to speak.

"You now have what remains the most honorable title which may exist between a man and a woman - the title of 'husband' and 'wife.' Your first gift as husband and wife will be a single red rose."

Harriet handed Mac a single, long-stemmed red rose, and Sergei did the same for Harm.

"In the past" said the minister, "the rose was considered a symbol of love and a single rose always meant one thing - the words 'I love you.' So it is appropriate that your first gift - as husband and wife - would be a single red rose. Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife."

Harm and Mac exchanged the roses they had been given, and looked once more into each others eyes, which by then weren't just sparkling with tears, they were overflowing with them. Mac had seen Harm cry like that only once before, and that was the moment Ainsley was born. She knew he was thinking back to that fateful day in the Rose Garden, all those years ago, and how it served to change their lives forever.

She was thinking the same thing.

"I just love roses" whispered Mattie to Jen. Jen once more nodded discreetly, knowing as well as everyone else the strong significance that roses had for Mac and Harm.

"Harmon and Sarah, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Holy Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the joining of your hands and the giving of rings, by the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Harm looked into Mac's eyes and watched the tears stream down her beautiful face. He reached up and brushed a few away with his thumb.

"Whom God hath joined together" said the minister, "let no one put asunder."

"Like anyone ever could!" whispered Chloe to Mattie, who looked back over her shoulder at her in unmistakable agreement.

"Congratulations" said the minister to Harm, "you may kiss your bride."

Harm took Mac's face in his hands as he leaned in and kissed her passionately. It wasn't a tawdry, racy kiss. It was deeply passionate, tender and loving. He'd dreamed of the day when he'd get to kiss his bride, and for the past nine years there'd only been one person on earth who could fill that role. He was finally kissing her.

For Mac, the kiss was a dream come true as well. Every little girl wonders as she grows up what her wedding day will be like. What kind of dress will she wear? Will it be a big wedding or a small one? What will the colors be? For Mac, her biggest dream had been that first kiss after being pronounced husband and wife. Though she and Harm had shared countless kisses in the last couple of years, even the most passionate of those couldn't compare to the one they were sharing at that moment.

As the kiss broke, the sounds of Beethoven's "Ode To Joy" filled the room. Harm and Mac held hands as they made their way back down the aisle, smiling and crying all the way. They reached the front doors of the church, which were at the back of the sanctuary, and Harm held them open for Mac. They stepped outside into the bitter December air. Neither said a word as Harm pinned Mac against the brick wall around the side of the church building and kissed her as if the sun wouldn't rise the next morning. It was 21 degrees outside with a wind chill in the low teens, but they were too much in love to notice.

"We did it" said Mac when the kiss finally broke, which only happened when each of them were approaching blackout from oxygen deprivation.

"Yeah, we did" said Harm, breathing deeply as he caressed Mac's face with his hand.

"I love you so much" said Mac, the tears coming once more.

"Hey" said Harm, wiping the teardrops from her eyes, "none of that out here, your face will freeze."

"I don't care" said Mac, "I love you."

"I love you too" said Harm, "but folks will be looking for us soon, plus you're definitely not dressed to ward off frostbite, so we should head inside."

Mac nodded her head and wiped her eyes, and together they walked around to the other side of the building and into the fellowship room. The rest of the wedding party had gathered in there to wait for the guests to leave so they could finish the rest of the pictures and then head to Belleville for the reception.

"And just where have you been?" asked Mattie in a mock-accusatory tone, her hands on her hips.

"Just never you mind, young lady" joked Harm in return. "Where's the rest of the family?"

"Grams is in the ladies room" said Mattie, "Trish is in there changing Ainsley's diaper and I think Frank is in the kitchen trying to figure out how to warm up a bottle for her."

"Lemme go help him" said Mac.

"I've got it, babe" said Harm, "you can sit down and relax for a few minutes if you want to."

"That sounds really nice" said Mac. "Thanks."

"Anything for you, my love" he said as he leaned down to kiss her before heading towards the kitchen to help Frank.

"So" said Jen after Harm left, "does it seem real yet?"

"Not at all!" said Mac. "I think it'll take a little longer for us than for other couples, seeing as how we've already got a 3-month-old baby and we've been living together for what seems like forever."

"Yeah" said Harriet, "but take it from me, once it hits you that you're actually married to one another, you won't be able to stop smiling."

"Oh" said Mac, "that ship has sailed! I don't think this smile will leave my face for the next hundred years."

* * *

_A/N: I really hope this chapter was worth waiting for, considering how LONG I kept you waiting! I'd love some feedback on what you found particularly neat or really didn't like or whichever you'd like to comment on- I take all my reviews to heart, honest :) I've had a few folks ask me, if once this story is complete, will I continue writing JAG fanfiction. I've had so much fun writing this story that if there's any real interest for me to keep writing in the future, I'd be most delighted to. :) _

_Stay tuned for the reception and...the honeymoon (shippers of the world, unite and celebrate!)!_


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: In the words of Mac from _The Four Percent Solution,_ "Do I _really_ have to say it?"

_A/N: THANK YOU for all the great reviews of the wedding chapter! I worked hard on it, and I'm glad to know folks enjoyed it. My goal was to make it seem like we were all there, as much as possible anyway. A few things here and there were taken from my own wedding, but most of it was tailor-made for our favorite couple in the universe:) _

_I'm exercising author's privilege as far as what the farm looks like. :) Also, the original version of this chapter as well as the next 3 contained excerpts from the lyrics of the songs used in the story. They've since been removed at the request of FF dot net, which makes the story a bit less easy to mentally picture, but still - I hope - very readable and enjoyable. :)_

* * *

Chapter 51: 

"Will we all fit up here?" asked Bud as the photographer directed the entire wedding party, along with Harm's family, to stand upon the altar steps.

"Oh yeah" said Helen, "here's what we need you to do: we need the bride and groom in the center, honor attendants right next to them, yeah, just like that. OK, bridesmaids and groomsmen line up alongside them, tallest to shortest please, angle down a step if you need to. Perfect!"

"I had no idea this would be such a production" laughed Harm to Mac as everyone continued getting into place.

"I guess I didn't think a lot about how orchestrated the pictures would be" said Mac, "but I don't mind, I mean we want the best pictures we can get, right?"

"Definitely" agreed Harm, giving Mac a little kiss.

"Save it for the honeymoon" mumbled Chloe under her breath but fully intending for Mac and Harm to hear her.

"Did anyone ever tell you" said Harm with a smile, "that bridesmaids should be seen and not heard?"

"Nope, never" said Chloe, sticking her tongue out a little.

"Alright" continued Helen, "now we need the parents right down here in front, grandma, you too sweetie, that's great!"

"Who's gonna hold Ainsley?" asked Trish, who was still hanging onto the now sleeping little girl.

"I'll take her, mom" said Harm, stepping carefully between everyone standing in front of him and taking his tiny daughter in his hands.

"OK" said Helen to Harm, "if you can, kind of nestle her in between you and Sarah, oh, that looks perfect, just like that…"

_click_

After another dozen or so pictures in various poses of one sort or another, everyone bundled up and made their way to the parking lot to load up for the ride to Belleville.

"Do we need to put Ainsley's car seat in Frank's car?" asked Mac as she climbed into the front seat of their SUV while Bud and Harm took little AJ and Jimmy's seats out and put them in the Robert's van.

"No, babe" replied Harm, "remember, they'll be driving this back to DC tomorrow, so they'll need it in here."

"I knew that" said Mac, shaking her head. "Call it 'bride's brain' I guess."

"It's OK" said Harm, "it's been a big day and the party's just getting started. You've got a right to forget a few things." He made sure the baby's car seat was securely in place, then closed the back door before hopping into the driver's seat. He liked this SUV a lot more than the one he'd totaled in the accident 6 months earlier. It had a few more bells and whistles on it, the kinds of things guys enjoy. As he turned the heater up another notch and rubbed his hands together in front of the vents, Mattie tapped on his side window.

"Yeah, Mats?" he asked as he rolled the window down a few inches.

"Can Chloe and I ride with you?" she asked. "In all the jumbling around of who belongs in what car, we somehow ended up without a ride!"

"Of course you can ride with us" said Harm, "but how did you end up without a space in any of the other vehicles?"

"Beats me!" said Chloe as she appeared beside Mattie, holding her coat tightly against herself. "All I know is it's darned cold out here and I'm not hoofing it 80 miles to Grams' farm!"

"Get in, girls" said Mac, unlocking the doors with the button on the console. The teens climbed in, one on either side of Ainsley, and carefully folded the flows of their dresses behind their legs before closing the doors.

"Are we all set?" asked Harm as he put the vehicle in reverse.

"Let's go party hearty!" exclaimed Mattie. Harm and Mac just shook their heads and laughed.

"Hey, Ainsley-bear" said Chloe to the infant beside her. "What do you think of all this, huh?"

"She did really good, didn't she?" asked Mattie to her parents.

"She sure did" said Mac, "I never heard her make a sound through the whole ceremony."

"Well" said Harm, "she fell asleep about halfway through, but even before that she was perfectly quiet."

"I didn't know she'd fallen asleep" said Mac. "Did your mom tell you that?"

"No" answered Harm, "I happened to look out at my folks at one point and saw that she'd zonked out."

"Well, she's definitely your child" said Mac with a grin.

"What do you mean by that, babe?" asked Harm.

"Seeing an opportunity for a nap and grabbing a hold of it with both hands!" kidded Mac.

"I thought you were the 'napper' of the family" said Harm, reaching out and holding Mac's hand.

"Oh no, my dear flyboy" said Mac, "you've definitely got me beat in that category!"

"Well then" said Harm, "you can't deny that you're the reigning queen of the munchies!"

"I'll give you that" laughed Mac, fully aware that she was known for her love of all things edible. "Oh, hey, speaking of munchies, please tell me you grabbed her milk bottles from the church freezer before we left!"

"I sure did" said Harm, "actually, when I went to help Frank warm one up for her right after the ceremony, I took the rest out of the freezer and re-packed them, then put the cooler back in here so we wouldn't leave without it."

"OK" said Chloe, "you are, like, the most organized guy _ever_!"

"He really is, isn't he?" said Mattie. "Has he always been that way, Mac?"

"For the most part" replied Mac, "yes."

"What can I say?" said Harm, "Military training has shaped me well."

About an hour later, Harm pulled around the back of Grams' farmhouse, followed by the Roberts', big AJ, Sturgis and Frank. An area had been set aside for the wedding party to park in, not only to ensure they were able to park somewhat close to the house, but to give them all a chance to get out of their vehicles and get ready to make their grand entrance without everyone seeing them beforehand.

"Harm, could you please grab my make-up bag out of the back?" asked Mac as she unfastened her seatbelt and pulled down the sun visor to access the lighted vanity mirror.

"With pleasure, my love" he replied.

"They're so sweet it's sickening" said Chloe.

"Nah" said Mattie, "they're just in love."

"Here you go" said Harm as he handed Mac the bag. "Want me to get the baby out?"

"Yeah" answered Mac as she fished for her lipstick. "She probably needs changed again, it was a pretty long drive out here."

"I'll do it" said Mattie, opening her door and stepping outside, then leaning back in to unfasten Ainsley's straps.

"Thanks, Mats" said Harm, patting her on the back as he walked by. "You can just lay her on the seat there and do it if you want. I'm gonna go see how close everyone else is to being ready to go inside."

"How do I look?" asked Mac a few moment later after she'd touched-up her face.

"Very pretty" said Chloe.

"Thanks" smiled Mac. "What are they doing over there?" she asked, looking through the vehicle window at all the men in the wedding party, standing in a tight circle next to Sturgis' car.

"Dunno" said Mattie as she finished changing Ainsley's diaper, "must be talking about something." Moments later, the circle broke, and Harm returned to his vehicle.

"Are we ready, ladies?" he asked.

"I think so" said Mac, "what were you guys doing over there?"

"Plotting to take over the universe" he wisecracked, "why?"

"I just have to wonder" said Mac, "when a bunch of guys, especially _this_ bunch of guys, huddle together like that."

"There's nothing to wonder about, babe" said Harm as he laid Ainsley back into her car seat and covered her up. "We just needed to make sure we knew what order everyone was supposed to enter in, that's all."

Somehow, Mac didn't feel completely convinced, but she knew if Harm was up to something, she'd find out soon enough.

"Everyone is waiting for us by the back door" said Harm, lifting the baby seat out and grabbing the diaper bag and the cooler full of bottles. He led the way as Mac walked closely behind him, followed by Chloe and Mattie.

"Sergei" said Harm once they arrived at the door, "would you please go inside and let the DJ know we're here?"

"Sure" answered the best man, "I'll be right back."

"The DJ is gonna introduce us, right?" asked Bud.

"Yeah" said Harm, "he'll have us all line up first and he'll run down his list to make sure he's got all our names and pronunciations right, then he'll introduce us all as we enter."

"Cool deal!" said Chloe, "I've never had all eyes on me before!"

"And you won't this time, either" said Mac, "we're being introduced in couples, so you and Sturgis will walk in together, just like at the wedding."

"Aw, man!" said Chloe. "Oh well, it'll be close to having all eyes on me." Just then, Sergei returned with the DJ.

"Hey, everyone" said the DJ, "I already know some of you, but for those of you whom I haven't had the chance to meet yet, my name's Alex, I'm the DJ for this evening." Several "hi's" and "hello's" came from the group.

"It's awfully cold to do this out here" said Alex, "why don't I go in and close the kitchen door, then we can all step inside and get in order without becoming Popsicles in the process?"

"Go for it" said Harm, looking down at Ainsley's carrier to make sure she was still covered up.

"OK, come on in everyone" said Alex as he stepped behind the door and held it open.

"Oh, it's warm in here" said Jen.

"I know" said Harriet, "I think my fingers were turning purple out there!"

"OK" said Alex, looking down at his list. "Harm and Mac chose the order in which they'd like everyone to make their entrance, and they'd like to start with his grandmother, Sarah Rabb. I'm gonna guess that's you, young lady?" He looked at Grams and smiled big.

"Oh, you're too kind" replied Harm's grandma.

"If you'll stand right here, ma'am" said Alex, pointing to a place near the kitchen door.

"I need the parents of the groom" said Alex, "Frank and Trish Burnett. Is it 'BUR-nett' or "Bur-NETT'?"

"Bur-NETT" replied Frank, "but we hear it both ways so often that we'll answer to either one."

"Well" laughed the DJ, "tonight, we're gonna get it right! Next up is the ring bearer, AJ Roberts."

"That's me!" exclaimed little AJ. Everyone laughed at the youngster's enthusiasm.

"Well OK, AJ" said Alex, "I need for you to come stand right behind Mr. and Mrs. Burnett here, can you do that for me?"

"Yes, sir" said the little boy, stepping into place right where he was told.

"Such a polite little man" said Alex, clearly amused at AJ's antics. "Up next, I need Sturgis Turner and Chloe Madison."

"Right here" said Sturgis, stepping forward.

"And here" said Chloe, picking up her bouquet off a nearby chair.

"Great" said Alex, "just stand right behind the little guy there. AJ Cheg…widden? Is that right?"

"Correct" said the retired Admiral.

"Hey, got it on the first try, how about that?" said Alex, "I need you and Mathilda Grace Johnson together, please."

"Can he call me 'Mattie', please?" she asked Harm and Mac. "'Mathilda' just sounds so formal."

"It _is_ formal, Mats" said Harm, "it's a wedding reception."

"Please?" she begged.

"Sorry kiddo" said Mac, "indulge us just this once, it won't kill you."

Mattie sighed. "Alright, but just this once!" She stepped into line beside her honorary uncle.

"Bud Roberts and Jennifer Coates?" said Alex.

"Right here" said Jen as she and Bud took their place in line.

"That brings us to the honor attendants" continued Alex, "that must be you two?' he asked, looking at Harriet and Sergei.

"Yes indeed" said Harriet. She and Sergei only needed to take a couple of steps from where they were standing to get into the line, which by then was stretching nearly the full length of the kitchen.

"Harriet Simms-Roberts and…you'll have to help me with this one" said Alex as he tried to pronounce Sergei's name.

"Sergei" said the young Russian, "Zhukov."

"OK" said Alex, "I think I can handle that, 'SAIR-gay JEW-kov."

"Looks like we're the only ones left" said Harm as he looked at the line before them.

"Yeah" said Alex, "but everyone knows the grandest entrance is saved for last. How would you like me to introduce you? Full names, nicknames…?"

"Here" said Mac reaching for Alex's list and pen, "I'll write it down for you." She jotted a few words down and returned the paper and pen to the DJ.

"Looks good to me" he said upon reading what she'd written. "If you wanna get the little one there all set" he said, nodding towards Ainsley's carrier, "I'll go get the guests attention and we'll get this show on the road."

"Let's do it" said Mac with a huge smile. Alex left the kitchen, and they could hear him address the gathering of guests in the huge living room.

"If I could have your attention for a few minutes, please folks" he said into his wireless microphone, "the wedding party has arrived, and it's my sincere pleasure to introduce them to you tonight."

"Here we go" said Grams to Trish.

"First in line" said Alex, "we have the grandmother of the groom, Mrs. Sarah Rabb. Let's welcome her tonight!" The crowd applauded Grams as she entered the room.

"I must say" she said, "I've never been welcomed quite so nicely to my own house before!" Everyone laughed as the applause continued.

"Next we have the parents of the groom, Frank and Trish Burnett. How about a round of applause for them as well!" The applause continued as the couple made their way across the room and stood beside Grams.

"Introducing the ring bearer, AJ Roberts!" Little AJ proudly walked across the room and stood next to Trish.

"How'd I do?" he asked her, much the same way he'd asked that very question to Harm at the wedding, only much louder this time.

"You did wonderful, honey" said Trish amidst the laughter and continued applause.

"Next up, Sturgis Turner and Chloe Madison. Let's hear it for them, folks!"

"This is embarrassing" mumbled Sturgis.

"Nah" replied Chloe, "it's pretty cool." They fell into line next to Little AJ.

"Please welcome AJ Chegwidden and Mathilda Grace Johnson. Give it up for them, folks!"

"There's a grand total of about 5 people on earth I'd do this for" said AJ to Mattie in a loud whisper as the applause rang through the room.

"I'm with you there, Uncle AJ!" said Mattie as they reached their place in line.

"Joining us next are Bud Roberts and Jennifer Coates. Yeah!"

"This guy is a little too…_fun_ for me" said Bud as he and Jen began their trek across the living room.

"Me too" agreed Jen, "but just think about how cool he'll make the reception!" They reached their place next to Mattie, stopped and turned around.

"Up next we have the Matron of Honor, Harriet Simms-Roberts, and the Best Man, Sergei Zhukov. Make them feel welcome, everybody!"

"Why do I feel like all eyes are on me?" asked Sergei.

"Because they are" replied Harriet with a little laugh as they continued their walk. Once they were in place, everyone knew who was coming up next, and every eye in the room was trained on the kitchen door once again.

"It's now my great and humble pleasure" said Alex, "to introduce to you, appearing for the first time in public, Mr. and Mrs. Harmon David Rabb, Jr., and their daughter, Ainsley Rose."

Harm and Mac emerged from the kitchen, his right arm locked with her left. Mac was clutching her bouquet and Harm cradled Ainsley as they walked slowly across the room to take their place at the end of the receiving line.

"Folks" said the DJ, "we're gonna have the happy family stay up here for a short while so anyone who'd like to congratulate them can do so, then we'll get the music going and have ourselves a wonderful time, OK!"

Harm, Mac, Ainsley, Mattie, Frank, Trish and Grams stayed together to receive the greetings and well-wishes while the rest of the wedding party scattered throughout the room, helping themselves to the food and mingling with the guests. Many of the guests that Grams had invited had never seen Mac, Mattie or Ainsley, and hadn't seen Harm since before he became a lawyer. Others had met the happy couple but hadn't seen the baby, so it was a wonderful time to show her off. After about half an hour, Alex stepped up to the mic again.

"It's time now for Harm and Mac to share their first dance as husband and wife. If I could ask everyone to gather around the dance floor, we'll share their moment in the spotlight."

As guests stopped mingling and visiting and gathered around the 50x50 wooden dance floor that Grams had rented for the occasion and had installed in her incredibly spacious living room/dining room, Harm handed Ainsley to his mom, then took Mac's hand and led her to the site where they'd have their first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Jr.

The lights dimmed around them as "their song" began to play. Mac laid her head on Harm's chest as they slow-danced, thinking back to the night that this song became so special to them.

…**flashback to 15 months ago…**

"There's nothing on TV tonight" said Harm as he flipped through the TV Guide.

"There has to be _something_" said Mac as she waited for the popcorn to finish, "it's Friday night, there's always something on Friday nights."

"Not this Friday night" said Harm, tossing the book onto the coffee table and stretching out on the couch. "Those darned Hollywood folks have ripped the lifeblood right out of the only show I liked watching on Friday night. I guess we'll have to watch a DVD."

"Sounds good to me" said Mac just as the microwave sounded that the popcorn was done. "You can look and see what I've got for DVD's if you want to, you know where they are."

"OK" said Harm, getting up from the couch and walking over to the shelf. He turned his head to the side and read the titles that sat before him: _The Bridges of Madison County, Father of the Bride (parts 1 and 2), Apollo 13_. Nothing caught his eye until…

"What are you doing with a "_Lion King_" DVD?" he asked her.

"Oh, that" she replied, "Chloe brought it one time when she came to visit, since I'd never seen it. I liked it so much that she let me keep it, said she had another copy at home."

"Isn't it a kids movie though?" he asked.

"It's animated, yes" answered Mac, "but it happens to be a really sweet love story. Wanna watch it?"

"Sure, what the heck" said Harm as he popped open the case and put the disc into the DVD player. He dimmed the lights, then sat on the couch next to Mac and took a handful of popcorn as the movie started. They sat together through the entire movie, until end credits rolled and that song by Elton John began to play.

"Well" she asked him, "what'd you think?"

"Hmm?" he replied, apparently lost in thought over something.

"Did you like it?" she asked.

"Oh" he said, "yeah, it was really good. Hey, you know, that popcorn made me awfully thirsty, could you get me a bottle of water, please?"

"Uh, ok" said Mac, a little confused as to why he couldn't get up and get his own bottle of water. When she returned from the kitchen, though, she figured out the reason. Harm had moved the DVD back to the beginning of that last song, "Can You Feel The Love Tonight", had moved the coffee table aside, and was standing in the middle of the living room floor.

"Dance with me, Mac" he said softly.

"OK" she replied, equally softly. She set the bottle of water on a chair as she walked over Harm and put her arms around his neck. His arms wrapped themselves around her waist, and they looked into one another's eyes as the words of that beautiful love song filled the air.

"I love you" whispered Mac.

"I love you, too" whispered Harm. He leaned down to kiss her, and when the kiss broke, the look in her eyes told him where the night was headed.

"You sure you want to?" he asked her, his voice barely audible over the music.

She nodded in reply. They'd been trying to conceive for a couple of months, with no luck, and their intimate moments had become overburdened with calendars, cycle days, "doctor's orders" and "timing everything just right." On that night, though, it could just be the two of them, Harm and Mac, making love just because they wanted to. No pressure. No expectations. They could just be…together.

…**end flashback…**

Harm leaned down and sang the next line of the song, his favorite line, softly into Mac's ear.

_  
_She smiled and blinked back a tear.

As planned for this point in the song, Trish carried Ainsley over and handed her to her parents so the three of them could dance the last verse as a family.

When the song ended, Harm and Mac kissed one another and then kissed their daughter before a round of applause swept over the room.

* * *

_A/N: The reception will be posted in several chapters, it ended up being really long!_

_I was SO happy to learn yesterday that season 10 is the last for JAG. It was a bittersweet announcement to hear, though. I'm glad that we won't have the new guy rammed down our throats as if we're supposed to accept him as replacement for the lifeblood of the show (do we look that gullable?), but it just KILLS me to know that because the network couldn't decide this, oh, say last fall, we won't get the kind of shippery ending we've all waited so long for. After all, they couldn't get them together in no uncertain terms and then have Harm not be there next season, hence the reason DPB said the relationship will be resolved "ambiguously" and it'll be up to the viewer to decide for themselves if Harm and Mac actually get together or not. ARGH!_

_**BIG **hugs to **David James Elliott**, who definitely earned the right to say he was part of JAG from beginning to end. Thankfully, he'll get to say that now that CBS realized that some things just can't be replaced._


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: yeah, whatever... :)

_A/N: Glad folks are enjoying the reception! Grab a plate, have some food, don't forget the punch!_

_As mentioned in the previous chapter, this chapter originally had song lyrics in it, so try to imagine them as you read. :)_

* * *

Chapter 52 

"Wasn't that beautiful?" asked the DJ.

The applause continued as Mac and Ainsley made their way out of the spotlight.

"It's time now" he said, "for the Mother/Son dance. Mrs. Burnett, please join your son on the dance floor."

Trish got up from her chair, smiled at Frank, and walked towards a waiting Harm. When she was a few steps away, a familiar Celine Dion song began to play. Harm took his mother's right hand in his left. She put her left hand upon his shoulder, and he placed his right hand upon her waist. They danced in silence through the first verse, and she looked up into his deep blue eyes as the chorus began.

"Why this song, Harm?" she asked him quietly as they continued to dance.

"It says everything I wanted you to hear from me tonight" he said. "I'd never have become the man I am without you." He looked like he had more he wanted to say, but he felt the tears coming and looked up at the ceiling instead.

"Your father would be so proud of the man you've become, honey" said Trish. "He'd just adore Mac and the baby, you know that, don't you?"

Harm could only nod, still too emotional to speak.

"Look at me, sweetie" said his mother, the lyrics to the song fading into the background of their conversation.

Harm too a deep breath and did as she asked. She saw the tears in his eyes.

"If I could do only one thing with my life" she said, "I'd want to be your mother."

Harm's bottom lip began to quiver.

"I thank God everyday for you, Harmon David. For the blessing you were to your father and I, and for the wonderful, amazing man that you've become. Mac is a very lucky woman to have you as her husband"

"Mom - " he started to interrupt, but she continued speaking.

"and Ainsley couldn't ask for a better father in all the world. I love you so much, son."

"I know" said Harm as the song drew to a close, his voice deeply shaky with emotion. He pulled his mother close and gave her a long hug. When he pulled back and looked at her face, he realized he wasn't the only one crying.

"How touching was _that_, my friends?" asked Alex. "Let's hear it again for our groom and his lovely mother!"

Applause filled the room once more.

"That was so sweet, babe" said Mac when Harm joined her and Ainsley at a table off to the side.

"Thanks" he replied, wiping his eyes again. "It was hard to get through, though, damn."

"Emotional, huh?" asked Mac.

"Oh yeah" he answered. "I guess I shoulda known, but…"

"It's OK" said Mac, rubbing his back a little. "There's no shame in tearing up while dancing with your mother on your wedding day."

"No" he said with a smile, "I guess not."

"Hey" said Mattie as she walked up to the happy couple, "when's the party gonna start?"

"The food's already out, kiddo. You mean when's the wild and crazy dance music gonna start?" asked Mac.

"Yeah" said Mattie, "I'm ready to dance!"

"Shouldn't be much longer" said Harm. "Those were the only two special dances we decided to do, so anytime now…"

Just then, Alex stepped back up to the microphone.

"Are we ready to get this party **started**?" he asked enthusiastically. He was answered with a roar of cheers and applause.

"OK then" he continued, "let's CELEBRATE!" As the sounds of the well-known song "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang filled the room, dozens of people poured onto the dance floor.

"Woohoo!" said Mattie, kicking her high-heeled shoes off next to Harm and Mac's table, "Party time!".

"Lemme take Ainsley so the two of you can dance" said Trish to Mac, holding her hands out to take her granddaughter.

"Alright" said Harm, giving the baby a kiss as he took her from Mac and passed her off to his mom. "Shall we?" he asked Mac.

"Lead the way, flyboy" said Mac. He took her by the hand and together they found a space on the dance floor, where Harm showed off some incredibly cool moves.

"How come I've never seen you dance like this before?" asked Mac.

"I dunno" he said, "I guess I'm usually too self-conscious to really let go and have fun, but I figure tonight, what the hell, right?" He flashed her a flyboy smile as they continued to dance.

"Be careful with that smile" said Mac, "you know what it can do to a girl."

"I don't care what it can do to any girl but you" he said, flashing it full-force once more.

"You just wait, flyboy" she said, a sultry look in her eye.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" he asked, very much enjoying their little tease.

"Promise." said Mac.

"I'll hold you to it" replied Harm, just as the song ended and the DJ came back on.

"Are we having FUN yet?" asked an enthusiastic Alex. "Alright, gonna slow it down a bit. This next song was a special request from our Matron of Honor, dedicated to the bride and groom and since her dedication was soooo pretty, I'm gonna have her come back up here and tell it to you herself." He spotted Harriet in the crowd. "Come back up here, hon!"

Harriet laughed and shook her head as she made her way to the DJ's station.

"OK" she said, "the song I requested is 'I Love The Way You Love Me' by John Michael Montgomery. It's kind of an old one and it's country and all, and I know neither of y'all are into country music at all, but it's one of my favorites and it just suits you so perfectly that I had to ask Alex to play it for you."

"Aww" said Mac, Harm's arm wrapped around her, "that's so sweet, Harriet."

"Thanks" replied Harriet, "now, get out there and dance!" As she left the DJ station, Alex started the CD and the slow, romantic tune began.

"I don't think I've ever heard this song before" said Harm as he slow-danced with his bride.

"I've heard it a time or two" said Mac as the chorus began, "she's right, you know. It really does suit us."

"I _do_ love the way you love me" said Harm.

"I know" she answered, looking up into his eyes. "I love the way you love me, too."

They looked around to see who else was sharing in this special dance. Bud and Harriet were a few feet away from them, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder as they both held little AJ up close.

"Where's Jimmy, I wonder?" said Mac.

"Bud said he fell asleep not long after we left Mount Union" said Harm. "He's upstairs asleep in one of the bedrooms."

"Ah, OK" said Mac. "I just now noticed he's not running around here."

Sturgis and Varese were on the other side of the dance floor, apparently lost in the moment. Jen and Sergei and Trish and Frank were dancing next to each other.

"I wonder if there's anything to that" said Harm, nodding towards his little brother and Jen.

Mac looked over at them and smiled. "I dunno" she said, "but if so, we'll find out in due time." She and Harm continued their dance for the remainder of the song, kissing at least a half dozen times before it was over.

"Such a pretty song!" exclaimed Alex as it drew to a close. "Hope everyone enjoyed it. Up next is another special request" he said, "this one from a couple of the bridesmaids."

"Oh boy" said Mac, "this could be anything…"

Alex continued to speak. "From the 'Top Gun' movie soundtrack, here's 'Playing With the Boys', especially for Mattie and Chloe."

"Why doesn't that surprise me" laughed Harm as the first notes of the Kenny Loggins tune took him back a few years.

"Wanna dance, my dear?" asked Mac. "We're already out here."

"Like I said before" answered Harm with a smile, "what the hell?"

"Do your see your mommy and daddy out there, Ainsley?" asked Trish to her granddaughter as they sat at a table across the room, watching Harm and Mac dance in the crowd. "They sure are having fun, huh? I'm glad, they need to have some fun - not that you aren't fun to be with sweetie, but they need some 'baby-free' time now and then, right? Of course they do."

Ainsley began to squirm and fuss, and Trish instinctively looked at her watch.

"She hungry?" asked Frank.

"I think so" answered Trish. "She had that bottle at the church, but that was over 3 hours ago."

"I can go fix her one" offered Frank, "Harm showed me all the tricks."

"Thanks" said Trish, standing up to walk around with the upset baby. By the time Frank returned with the warm bottle of milk, Ainsley was fit to be tied.

"Oh, shhh…" said Trish, taking her into another room so as not to disturb the party. "Just a second" she said as she got the baby situated and got a bib around her little neck. "We can't get milk on your pretty dress, no, we can't." She took the cap off the bottle and put it into Ainsley's mouth, but the baby spit it out and continued to cry.

"What is it, baby girl?" asked Trish, feeling the temperature of the milk. "Grandpa didn't get it too hot. What's the matter? You don't want it?" She tried putting the bottle in Ainsley's mouth again, and again, Ainsley refused it in no uncertain terms.

"I understand, baby" said Trish as she put the cap back on the bottle. "You want the real thing, huh?" She lifted the baby up to her shoulder and carried her back to the table in the living room where Frank and Grams were still sitting. Mattie and Chloe's song had ended several minutes before, and the DJ was playing all sorts of different tunes. It was neat to be on the dance floor, but also neat to just sit back and watch.

"What's wrong?" asked Frank when Trish sat down with the crying baby. "Wasn't she hungry?"

"Oh, she's plenty hungry" said Trish, "but Mac's gonna have to feed her. She's adamantly refusing that bottle."

"That's no surprise" said Grams, "poor thing, her whole schedule is totally out of whack, it's a wonder it took her until now to get upset."

"Yeah" agreed Trish, "where's Mac? I don't see her on the dance floor anymore."

"I think she went to the restroom" said Frank, "there's Harm right there though" he added, pointing to his step-son visiting with a few of the guests.

"Could you go get him, please?' asked Trish. "Maybe Ainsley will calm down some for him while we wait for momma."

"Sure" said Frank. Trish watched as her husband walked across the room and politely tapped her son on the shoulder. She noticed Harm look over at her and the baby, then immediately wrap up the conversation he was having with the guests, following Frank back to the table.

"Come here, sweet girl" said Harm, reaching out for his daughter before he was even close enough to touch her. "Let's go find mommy, OK?"

Ainsley continued to cry.

"Sorry, mom" said Harm. "We were hoping she wouldn't do this tonight."

"Oh, don't be sorry, Harm" said Trish. "You never know what a baby may do, and in a strange environment like this, it was bound to happen."

"I know" he said, "we're more thinking about all next week and how we won't be around like we are tonight."

"We'll be fine" assured Trish. "I could have kept offering her the bottle tonight, but since Mac's here, I decided not to."

"That's fine" said Harm, "I know you can handle anything she may throw at you while we're gone."

"Hey" said Grams as she spied Mac coming out of the restroom, "there's momma now." Mac stepped out of the restroom and looked over towards the table where the family had been gathered. Seeing Harm holding a very discontent baby, she walked over as fast as she could.

"What happened?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Nothing" said Harm, very matter-of-factly, "she's hungry and won't take her bottle for my mom, so mom decided rather than make her take it, she'd just have you feed her."

"OK, sure" said Mac, relieved that the problem was such a simple one to fix. Well, _relatively_ simple… "I'll take her into the den and feed her, then she should fall asleep, hopefully anyway."

"I think she will" said Trish, "she's _so_ sleepy."

"Thanks for coming to get us, mom" said Harm.

"You're welcome, son" she replied as Harm and Mac headed for the den.

"I know, sweetie" said Mac over the cries of her daughter. "I know, but this is gonna take a minute, mommy has to get out of this dress."

"You have to take the whole thing off to feed her?" asked Harm, a bit befuddled.

"No, not the whole thing" answered Mac, "but I need you to undo the zipper in the back and then all the hooks on the bustier, please." Under any other circumstances, Harm would have found such a request to be a major turn-on, but this was different.

"Hey, not bad at all, sailor" joked Mac as Harm unhooked the last little hook less than 2 minutes after he unzipped the dress. She moved everything out of the way and got Ainsley settled at what Harm often jokingly referred to as "the bar".

"Just wait till later" he said, with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face.

"Threat or promise?" asked Mac, rekindling their banter from before.

"Oh, promise" he said, "definitely promise."

"I'll hold you to it" said Mac. They smiled at one another for a moment before a figure passing by caught their attention.

"Hey, there you are" said Mattie as she entered the room. She was about to ask why they'd gone AWOL from their own party when she looked at Mac and figured it all out.

"Didn't want the bottle I take it?" she asked.

"Nope" said Harm, "grandma tried but she wouldn't take it."

"Sorry about that, Mac" said Mattie, "I know you guys were hoping she wouldn't do that tonight."

"We were" said Mac, "but it's OK, she's just really tired and Trish didn't see a need to fight her on taking the bottle, which won't be an option once we leave here tonight, but for now, it's fine."

"How much longer do you think you'll be?" asked Mattie.

"Are they missing us out there?" asked Harm.

"Not that I've noticed" said Mattie, "but chances are it won't be too long, I mean, it's your party!"

"We should be back out there in 15 minutes or so" said Mac. "How's the food going over? People enjoying it?" She and Harm had opted to go with a finger-food buffet instead of a sit-down meal. It just seemed to fit better with the New Years party atmosphere they wanted.

"Oh yeah" said Mattie, "the shrimp trays are a huge hit, and the mini egg rolls are going as fast as the caterers can bring them out."

"Are they keeping the punch bowl filled?" asked Harm, ample beverages being a big concern to him.

"I haven't seen it get less than half full all night" said Mattie. "They're really doing a great job."

"Well, good" said Mac. "Go on ahead back out there, Mats. We'll be back as soon as we get her settled, OK?"

"Sounds good" said Mattie. "Will you guys be cutting the cake anytime soon?"

"Yes" said Harm, "now, go have some fun, kiddo, we'll rejoin you as soon as we can."

"I'm going, I'm going" said Mattie as she exited the den.

"I guess we should do the cake pretty soon after we get back out there, huh?" asked Harm.

"Probably so" answered Mac, shifting Ainsley in her lap just a little. "That way if people want to leave, they can."

"Mac, who are you thinking wants to leave?" asked Harm. "I mean, these folks came all the way out here for this party, it's New Years Eve, no one is leaving, babe, I assure you."

"You're probably right" she said, "maybe I'm just thinking about when _we'll_ get to leave…"

Harm laughed as he soon caught on to what Mac was doing.

"Nice try, Marine" he said, "but I'm not telling you where we're going on the honeymoon, end of discussion."

"Not even a hint?" asked Mac, sounding like a child trying to figure out her birthday present.

"Not even a _hint_ of a hint" smiled Harm. "You've waited this long, you can wait a little longer."

"This better be worth the wait, flyboy" she said, knowing full good and well that it'd be _totally _worth the wait, but enjoying the playful conversation.

"I think you'll find it to be worth the wait and then some" he casually replied. "Now, finish feeding our daughter so we can go cut into that pretty cake out there, my dear."

"Yes, sir" said Mac, winking at Harm as she sat the baby up to burp. She knew whatever he had planned was going to be amazing, and while she was dying to find out what it was, part of her didn't mind being kept in suspense. It just gave her something to look forward to, something that could no doubt never be topped.

* * *

_A/N: It seems like many of us feel the same when it comes to JAG ending in 4 weeks - we're happy and sad all rolled into one. I've been watching the older episodes on the USA Network lately, and it's just so sad to realize that they've deteriorated soooo much from only a few years back. Sigh... I've got a few of my favorites saved on my Tivo, among them are "Each of Us Angels", "Ghosts of Christmas Past", and, of course, "The Four Percent Solution", though watching that one only makes the current storyline suck even more!_

_However... we've got 3 weeks left until the series finale, and we may as well TRY to find some way to enjoy them. They are what they are, after all... :( _


	53. Chapter 53

_A/N: I don't think I've said THANKS enough for all the awesome reviews to the wedding and reception chapters! It really makes my day to log on and see so many kind words waiting for me. Here's the next reception chapter - hope it meets with your approval. :)_

* * *

Chapter 53: 

"I think she's set for at least another 3 hours" said Mac as she laid a sleeping Ainsley into her carrier.

"I think you're right" said Harm. "I doubt she'll stay down for the night with all this going on, but she should at least get a good nap."

"Yeah" agreed Mac as she pulled her dress back into place. "Could you give me a hand here, please, babe?"

Harm stood where he was and applauded his bride.

"Very funny, wise-ass!" laughed Mac, "now could you please come help me get this thing done up so we can get back to our party before midnight?"

"Of course" replied Harm, walking over to help her. He couldn't resist kissing the back of her bare shoulders as he refastened the last hook on her bustier.

"Mmm…" said Mac, "that's nice…"

"I know" whispered Harm, "and that's but a preview of what's to come."

"Mmm…" said Mac again, "we _really_ need to get back out there."

"Yeah, we do" agreed Harm, giving her neck one last kiss before zipping her dress and stepping away. He reached down and picked up the baby carrier in which Ainsley was sound asleep, and the family made their way back into the living room.

"Here you go, mom" he said as he laid the carrier down beside the table. "She should, hopefully, sleep for at least 3 hours, but we'll see."

"OK" said Trish, "are you getting ready to do the cake?"

Harm laughed a little. "It's next on the to-do list."

"Oh, good" said Grams, "I've been eyeing it all evening, it just looks so tasty!"

"Well then" said Mac to Harm, "let's go dig into it, my love." She took Harm's hand and they walked over to the DJ station.

"There's our happy couple!" said Alex as he saw them approach. "What can I play for ya?"

"Nothing special right now" said Mac, "we're ready to cut the cake, if you could announce it, please."

"Can do" replied Alex as he grabbed the wireless microphone and walked towards the cake table. "If I could have everyone's attention up here for a few moments" he said, "Harm and Mac are going to cut the cake now, so anyone who'd like a front-row seat had better come this way."

"Where are we supposed to stand to do this?" asked Harm as he and Mac walked behind the table.

"Back here, I think" said Mac, "but I'm sure Andrew and Helen will tell us exactly where we need to be so they can get the pictures."

"This came out really pretty" said Harm as he looked at the cake. It was a 4-tiered, heart shaped white cake with strawberry flavored filling. It stood over 3 feet tall. The base icing color was white, and each tier had ice blue icing scallops around the bottom and top edges. There was a row of edible flowers around the outside center of each tier, ice blue with tiny silver ribbon woven throughout. The cake topper was a heart-shaped wreath of tiny ice blue roses, with a silver and navy blue bow at the top.

"It sure did" agreed Mac, "I hope it tastes as good as it looks."

"I'm sure it will" said Harm, "do you think that one will?" he asked, nodding towards the grooms cake. It was a large, rectangular, devils food cake with fudge filling. The icing was white and the scalloped edging was done in gold. Adorning the top was an airbrushed JAG emblem - the circle with the anchor in the middle, the scales of justice balanced on top. Above the anchor, going around the top of the circle were the words "Department of the Navy", and along the bottom of the circle, in the same manner, was "Judge Advocate General".

"Are you kidding?" laughed Mac. "It's a total chocolate overload, it can't _not_ taste good!"

"Hey there" said Helen as she and Andrew approached. "All ready to go?"

"Yeah" said Mac, "just tell us where you need us."

"Where you're at is fine" said Helen, "is the knife back there?"

"Right here" said Harm, holding the cake knife up.

"Wonderful" said Helen, "now Sarah, you hold onto it, Harm you put your hand around hers, right like that, perfect! Now look at the cake as you cut it…"

_click_

"Good, good" said Andrew, "now just pose like that again and we'll take another in case the first one didn't turn out."

_Click_

"Alright" said Helen, "now go ahead and cut off a small piece so you can feed it to each other."

"You can cut it out, babe" said Harm as he let go of the knife.

"Sure" said Mac, making another cut a couple inches from the first one and carefully sliding the piece onto a plate. She picked up a fork and handed it to her groom.

"Oh, you guys are no fun!" exclaimed Mattie as she realized that there'd be no smearing of the cake across their faces.

"We still have way too many pictures left to take for us to have icing in our hair and on our clothes" said Mac, "plus I don't want to have to redo my makeup!"

"Excuses, excuses…" said Mattie, rolling her eyes at the newlyweds.

"OK, Harm" said Helen, "you feed Sarah a bite and we'll do two shots of it, just like before, then it'll be her turn to feed you."

"Sounds good" said Harm, taking the fork and stabbing a small bite of cake from the plate. He held it up and smiled at Mac as he moved it towards her lips.

_click _

"OK, one more time" said Helen. Harm stabbed another bite with the fork and, once again, smiled at Mac as he fed it to her.

_Click_

"My turn" he said as he handed her the plate and fork. "It is good?"

"Mmm-hmm!" said Mac, "very good, you'll love it."

"Aren't they cute?" asked Grams as she, Trish and Frank watched from across the room.

"Indeed they are" said Trish, "cute and _happy_."

"OK" said Harm, "she's in the bathroom, perfect timing!"

"I still can't believe you talked me into this" said Sturgis.

"I hope you know" said big AJ, "that I'm going to great lengths to make you happy at this party, Rabb. Just don't get used to this kind of complete cooperation from me where your… plots and schemes are concerned, understand?"

"Fully, AJ" said Harm with a laugh. "Where are Sergei and Bud?"

"Right here" said Harm's younger brother as he and Bud walked up together.

"Sorry, had to finish our food first" said Bud. "I've found humiliation is best a task best undertaken on a full stomach."

"Oh, please" laughed Harm, "humiliation? Come on, guys, it'll be fun! Now, follow me." He led the group to the DJ's station.

"Is it time for your special little 'thing'?" Alex asked Harm upon seeing him approach with the rest of the guys.

"Yeah" said Harm, "you got everything ready?"

"Sure do" replied the DJ. "You want me to make any kind of announcement, or you just wanna do it?"

"I think we'll just do it" said Harm, "it'd kind of kill the surprise if you announced it first, I think so anyway."

"I think you're right" agreed Alex. "Well, you know what you wanna do, so just kinda nod my way when you're ready and I'll do my part."

"OK" said Harm. "Oh, hey, there she is guys" he added as he witnessed Mac leaving the restroom. "Everyone remember what to do?"

"Yes, Harm" said Sturgis, "now let's get on with it before I have any more time to think about it and change my mind!"

"That goes double for me!" said big AJ.

Harm picked up Alex's wireless microphone and carried it at his side. "Follow me, gentlemen" he said as he walked into the middle of the dance floor, which at that time was conveniently empty, quietly cleared his throat, and nodded towards Alex to fade out the ambient music that was playing in the background. "_Here goes nothing_" he thought to himself as he turned the mic on and brought it to his mouth.

Upon hearing his voice through the speakers, Mac immediately looked up from her plate of shrimp. "Is that?" she thought to herself. "Can't be…but…it is!"

He sang the next line.

She rolled her eyes and began laughing as she realized for sure what was going on. Harm was doing one of their favorite scenes from "Top Gun", the one where the Maverick, Goose and their pals sing to Charlie in the bar. Harm held the mic over towards Bud, who looked incredibly embarrassed.

She continued laughing…_really_ laughing as Bud and Harm sang the next line together.

She was flat-out cracking up as the chorus began with all 5 guys singing into one microphone, crooning and swaying to the best of their, ahem, abilities.

"This is hilarious!" exclaimed Chloe as she and Mattie joined Mac at the table.

"Why are they doing that?" asked Mattie. "It's not like any of them except Harm can sing worth a hoot!"

"Because" answered Mac as she wiped away the tears of laughter, "it's a scene from 'Top Gun', which is one of the first movies Harm and I watched together, and this part is kind of an inside joke between he and I."

"I'm so sure I don't even want to know!" said Chloe.

"Good" said Mac as the performance ended, "because I wouldn't tell you if you _did_!" Mac took a drink of her punch as Harm and the guys walked up.

"You are an absolute clown!" she said, pulling him into a big bear hug.

"I know" he replied, "but did you like it?"

"Loved it to pieces" answered Mac, "but how did you get them to go along with it?"

"Easy" he answered, "I asked them!"

"Oh, now don't make it sound simpler than it was!" exclaimed Sturgis. "He didn't 'ask us', he BEGGED us and with it being a special day and all…"

"We caved" said big AJ. "If someone had told me when that movie came out, that 19 years later I'd be re-enacting one of the hokiest scenes of the whole damn thing, I'd have told them to go have their head examined!"

"It was fun though" said Harm, "right, guys? I mean, once we got into it, it was fun!"

"I'll admit it" said Sergei, "I had more fun with it than I thought I would."

"See" said Harm, "I told you it'd be fun!"

"It was kind of fun" agreed Bud, "but even if it had been as embarrassing as I feared going in, the fact that it made you so happy would have made it worth it."

"Aww, thanks Bud" said Mac, giving him a hug. "Thank you, all of you, that was really special."

"You're welcome" said Sergei, leaning in to get his hug from the bride.

"Only for you two would I _ever_ do that" said big AJ, kissing Mac's cheek.

Frank walked up as the group was conversing.

"Hey" said Harm, "what'd everyone think?"

Frank laughed. "We loved it - your mother and grandmother couldn't stop laughing."

"You do know where it's from, don't you?" asked Harm.

"We're gonna go get some more food" said Bud quietly, not wanting to interrupt the conversation but not wanting to be rude by just leaving, either.

"OK, Bud" said Harm, "thanks again, guys. I couldn't have pulled it off without you."

"'_Top Gun'_, 1986, Tom Cruise" replied Frank. "We all recognized it right away, which actually made it even funnier."

"I'm glad everyone found it so entertaining" said Harm, "that was, after all, my intent."

"Is Ainsley still asleep?" asked Mac, interjecting her motherly concern into the conversation.

"She was a couple minutes ago" said Frank, looking back at the table. "Looks like she still is, I don't see anyone holding her."

"What time is it, anyway?" asked Harm. Mac answered before he could move his sleeve off of his watch.

"10:47" she said. "Why, do we have someplace else we need to get to?"

"Eventually" he replied, his smile a sneaky one, "yes, but not just yet. I was just seeing how close we were to midnight is all, my dear."

"Getting closer every minute" said Mac, "so let's get back out there and dance, huh?"

"Brilliant minds think alike" replied Harm, holding out his hand to her.

"You want a slow song or a fast one?" he asked her as they walked onto the dance floor.

"Fast" she answered, "we've had a lot of slow songs already, ask him to step it up a notch."

"Will do" said Harm. He left Mac for a moment and went to speak with the DJ. When he returned smiling, Mac immediately began to wonder.

"What?" he asked when he noticed her curious expression upon his return.

"What did you ask him to play?" she asked. "Nothing from 'Jock Jam' I hope!"

"Nope" said Harm, "I told him we wanted a few fast songs and left the choices up to him."

"Oh boy" laughed Mac, "this could get crazy!" Just then, Alex's voice filled the room.

"The bride and groom have requested some 'fast songs'" he said, "and being that this is their reception, I think they should get what they want, right?"

"Woohoo!" howled Mattie. Everyone in attendance laughed.

"OK then" continued Alex, "let's keep the 'Top Gun' theme alive, how about that? Wasn't that little performance earlier awesome?"

More applause.

"I thought so, too! SO… here's a favorite of mine from that soundtrack, Miami Sound Machine singing about those 'Hot Summer Nights'!"

"Oh, I love this song!" exclaimed Mac as the very 80's - ish, pop style intro began to play.

"Me too" said Harm, who by the middle of the first verse was dancing with his hands in the air and his hips moving in perfect rhythm to the beat.

"Damn, flyboy! said Mac as she danced next to him, "you can _move_!"

"I guess I can, huh?' he said with a big smile, his rhythm remaining unbroken.

"Do you see your son out there?" asked Grams to Trish as they looked on.

"Uh-huh" answered Harm's mother, "I had no idea he knew how to dance like that!"

"Me either" said Grams, "but he's good at it!"

"Yeah, he really is" agreed Trish, "and he's most definitely having fun."

…_an hour later…_

"What time is it, babe?" asked Harm of Mac as they went to get some punch, thirsty from dancing the last 8 songs in a row.

"11:44" replied Mac, "almost time to get everyone together for the countdown."

"That's just what I was thinking" said Harm, "but there's one more thing I need to do first."

"There's not much time" said Mac as Harm set his punch glass down and turned to walk away.

"I know" he said, "it won't take long." She watched as he made his way to the DJ station and briefly spoke with Alex, and as Alex picked up the mic she knew something special was about to happen.

* * *

_A/N: I'm not sure if grooms cakes are common anywhere but in the southern US, but every wedding I know of where I live has both the traditional cake as well as a grooms cake. The grooms cake usually holds special meaning to the groom, for example my husband loves soccer, so his was decorated like a soccer field, complete with little net goals and everything. My sister-in-law's brother is a professional ballplayer, and his was a dome cake decorated like a baseball. I thought about making Harm's plane-related, but the more I thought about it, I decided that since he and Mac never would have met were it not for JAG, having the JAG seal on it was more fitting._

_As for my thoughts on tonight's episode, "Two Towns", I actually have a few positive things to say: It was by far the most we've seen of Harm in weeks, and there was no sign or mention of Lt. Needs-His-Ass-Whooped! On the down side (we all knew there'd be one), aside from the complete lack of shipperness, my hubby pointed out that there was zero reference to anything about Mattie, which had him asking if we're to assume there's been no change, if we're to assume she's doing better, etc...? That sparked a 15 minute discussion on all the holes in the writing over the past season or two, and how it's no wonder the show has died such a long, painful death. :( We're still seething over that hospital scene from last week and how there's just no way on earth that would have happened! Harm would NOT have pushed her away, period!_

_Anyway, there's my dissertation on the sadder side of JAG for this week. :) I hope to have the next chapter in the story done in the next few days!_


	54. Chapter 54

_A/N: Thanks, as always, for all the reviews! Without them, I'd be really sad:(_

* * *

Chapter 54: 

"Hey everybody, we've got just a few minutes before we need to head outside for the countdown to 2006" said Alex, "but before we do that, we've got another special dance to do."

Mac looked a bit confused - she knew they'd already done the only special dances they decided to do. She also knew that Harm was a man of many surprises.

Harm walked across the dance floor to where Mattie was standing and talking with Jen. She had her back to him, and jumped just a little when he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Huh? What?" she said when she turned around and came face-to-face with him.

"May I have this dance?" he asked her, holding out his right hand to her.

Mattie's trademark smart-aleck façade was lost in an instant as a smile spread across her face.

"OK" she answered, accepting Harm's requests for both a dance and her hand. As they walked onto the dance floor, Alex started the music Harm had picked out, "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill.

Mattie looked up into Harm's eyes and thought back on the day they met, how neither one had a clue just how much they'd impact the others life.

Harm looked down upon Mattie and marveled at how much she'd grown since he first found her, and how much he'd grown just by having her in his life.

"Do you really mean that?" asked Mattie, blinking back a couple of tears.

"Mean what, Mats?" asked Harm softly as the song continued to play.

"That line" she said, "that you'll always keep a part of me with you?"

"You bet I do" he replied, "you know how much I love you, don't you?"

Mattie began to answer, but the lump in her throat made speaking impossible.

She took a few deep breaths as they danced in a comfortable circle, and was eventually able to get the words out.

"I was in a pretty bad place when you found me" she said, "in the sense that I was living the life of someone twice my age. You rescued me when I didn't even really know I needed to be rescued, and you've helped give me a life I never imagined."

She could see the tears welling up in his eyes as a few ran down her own cheeks.

"You gave me a real family life, which I'd never had before. You gave me a big sister in Jen, and now I've got a baby sister, too and a step-mom and, and... you may not be my _father_, but you're most definitely my _daddy _and I love you so much." She leaned up on her tiptoes and hugged Harm as tightly as she could as the bridge of that beautiful song played around them.

"You know, kiddo" said Harm as they held onto one another, "you've done more for me than I'll _ever_ be able to do for you."

"No way - " said Mattie, but Harm kept talking.

"Yes, you have" he insisted. "You helped pull me out of a spiritual hole I'd dug for myself after so much had fallen apart in my life. You helped me remember what it felt like to really be needed and to make a difference in someone's life."

"You _always_ made a difference in Mac's life" said Mattie adamantly.

"I know that _now_" said Harm, "and I think part of me knew it then, I was just too…"

"Stubborn to realize it!" said Mattie.

"I was gonna say too _hurt_ to realize it" he replied with a grin, "but I suppose _stubborn_ works too. Either way, so many things in my life were upside down when you came along, and if it weren't for you who knows when or if I ever would have gotten them figured out."

"I guess we each feel like we owe the other a lot, huh?" said Mattie as the last verse drew to a close.

"I guess so" agreed Harm, "but I wanted to have a dance, just you and me, and let you know how special you are to me and to Mac and Ainsley and the whole family. We love you, kiddo, and don't ever forget it."

"I love you all, too" replied Mattie, pulling her "daddy" into another super hug. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before they parted ways, resounding applause filling the room.

"That was so sweet" said Mac, wiping away her tears as Harm returned to their table.

"Thanks" he replied.

"I didn't know you wanted to dance with Mattie" she said.

"I'd been trying to find the right song before I said anything about doing it" he answered. "I didn't want a love song or a father/daughter wedding dance song cause neither of those would have fit."

"When did you find that song?" asked Mac.

"Heard it awhile back on the radio" said Harm, "but I couldn't remember the title or the artist, which made it hard to track down. I heard it again 2 days ago and happened to catch the title, which gave me enough info to go to the music store and find the CD."

"Which CD is it?" asked Mac, peeking down to check on the sleeping baby beside her.

"_Pearl Harbor _movie soundtrack" replied Harm.

"Oh yeah" said Mac, "I'd forgotten about that song, but now that you said that, it rings a bell. That was a really good song for you and Mattie, I think it said the things you wanted to say to her."

"It really did" replied Harm. "I hope she liked it."

"She did" said Mac, "believe me."

"Hey-hey everybody!" exclaimed Alex, "it's just a few minutes before midnight, time to grab your coats and gloves and head out to the backyard so we can ring in the New Year!"

"That time already?" asked Mac. "Wow, tonight has gone by fast!"

"Clock still fried?" asked Harm.

"Yep" answered Mac, "but it'll get back in the game tomorrow, I'm almost certain."

"Hey, beautiful girl" said Harm as he knelt down beside Ainsley's carrier.

"She woke up just in time" said Mac.

"You wanna go outside with mommy and daddy?" he asked the baby as he reached down and picked her up. "Let's get you all bundled up, it's cold out there." As Harm got Ainsley's hat put on her and wrapped a fleece blanket around her, Mac put her own coat on and grabbed her bouquet.

"All set?" she asked.

"Tell mommy 'yep'" he said, holding Ainsley up so Mac could see her. She looked adorable with her little hat on and only her face showing from the end of the blanket.

"Good" said Mac, "now, where are the girls?" Just then, Harriet walked back through the door.

"Everyone's outside" she said, "we've got less than 2 minutes till midnight - are y'all gonna make it out here?"

"On our way now" answered Harm. They followed Harriet out the back door and out to the large side yard just in time to hear Alex's instructions from the back porch.

"Alright folks" he said, "it's just under a minute till midnight, and in another 40 seconds or so, I'll start the countdown and I want everyone to count with me got it?"

"This is so exciting" said Trish as she, Frank and Grams stood nearby.

"Where's the bride and groom?" asked Alex. "We need them up here, pronto!"

"Oops" said Mac, "looks like we're MIA."

"Well, let's get up there" replied Harm, "we've got a few seconds yet." They hurriedly made their way up the porch steps and stood next to the DJ.

"Here we go!" said Alex as he looked at his watch. "Ten…nine…eight…"

Harm and Mac looked into one another's eyes.

"…five…four…three…"

Everyone was counting in unison, except for them. They were too lost in the realization that in mere seconds, they'd embark on a brand new year together, brand new in every good and perfect way.

"two…one…HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The sounds of party blowers, kazoos and a very out-of-tune version of "Auld Lang Syne" filled the bitter night air.

"Happy New Year, Mac."

"Happy New Year, Harm."

They shared a warm and tender kiss on the porch, forgetting for just a moment that they were the center of attention.

"Doesn't that sight just make your heart melt?" asked Harriet to Jen as they watched from the yard.

"Like butter in a microwave" replied Jen. Their conversation was interrupted as a bright light came over the sky.

"Fireworks!" exclaimed Mattie. "Cool!"

"Whoa!" said Mac as the pyrotechnic boom that made her jump made Ainsley cry. Harm immediately pulled his daughter closer and tried to calm her down.

"Did you know there'd be fireworks?" Mac asked as she patted the baby's back.

"No, I sure didn't" he answered, "but Grams did say she had a few surprises in store, this must be what she meant." Ainsley continued to wail as the show went on.

"Let's take her inside" said Mac, "this is frightening her, poor baby."

"Here" said Trish, "let me take her, you two need to enjoy the show. Grams worked hard arranging it for you."

"OK" said Harm as he kissed Ainsley and handed her over. "She's right" he said to Mac, "we really should watch it, I mean, after all, it's _our_ party."

"Agreed" said Mac. Harm stepped over a little to where Mac could lean back into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as they looked up at the sky, pitch black save for the eruptions of light every few moments.

"This is beautiful" said Mac.

"It sure is." replied Harm.

He wasn't talking about the fireworks.

* * *

_A/N: To those who asked for a Harm/Mattie dance, I hope you liked it. :) We're getting close to the end, but I'll do my best to make it good, I promise!_

_Has anyone out there seen DJE in the 2003 movie "**Dodson's Journey**?" I just bought the DVD last week and I watched it over the weekend and REALLY liked it! I'll safely call it a must see, if not a must OWN, for any DJE fan. We see him laugh, we see him cry, and for a few moments we see him wearing nothing but his boxers, lol! ;) He and his real-life wife, Nanci Chambers, co-executive produced it, and she's even got a small part. I found my copy on ebay for a very good price, so if you're interested, that's a good place to look. _


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: LOL, yeah, OK... ;)

_A/N: Sorry for the slight delay in posting this week, but the adventure just never ends with my family. On Monday night, my grandma - the one I went thousands of miles to go get and move down here a few weeks ago - had to go to the hospital by ambulance for severe abdominal pain. After 5 hours in the ER, they determined it was her gall bladder and that it needed to come out. She was admitted at that time, and has been there ever since, undergoing all sorts of testing. Last word we got was the surgery will be sometime this Friday, both to remove her gall bladder and repair several hernias she's had for a few years. This has meant my mom has been at the hospital for the past 2 days, which leaves the care of my other grandma (who also lives with my parents) to yours truly. I know this chapter is a bit shorter than most, but I wanted to post something since I might not get a chance for a few days with the surgery coming up and everything that may follow it. _

* * *

Chapter 55: 

"I've got birdseed in my hair!" laughed Mac as she and Harm made their way into the Cadillac SUV that Frank had rented for them as part of their wedding gift. The reception had been such amazing fun. Following the fireworks, they did the garter and bouquet tosses, both of which amounted to little more than semi-organized chaos. Mattie caught the bouquet, which led everyone in attendance to look right at Harm to see his reaction. He'd simply smiled, knowing his little girl wouldn't be ready for marriage anytime soon. They had their last dance of the night, said a few special thank-you's to different people, and made their ceremonial exit.

"I think I do, too" he replied, rubbing his hand briskly through his hair.

"Hey, careful now" said Mac, "this stuff is next to impossible to get out of automotive carpeting!"

"It's not our car, babe" he said, "we don't have to clean it!"

"Oh, yeah!" said Mac. She held her head down and carefully rubbed her fingers in her still done-up hair. Birdseed fell all over her lap.

"Did you see the back of the car?" he asked her, referring to the three dozen aluminum cans that were tied to the bumper. "Someone was busy!"

"Several someone's, actually" she replied as she brushed the seed from her lap onto the floorboard. "I noticed all the girls were conspicuously absent for about half an hour right before the fireworks."

"Yeah" said Harm as he backed out of the parking space, "this does look like their handiwork."

"Wave, babe" said Mac. The couple waved at all their family and friends who'd gathered on Grams back porch to see them off. Trish had Ainsley in her arms, holding the baby's arm up and making her wave to her parents.

"Bye-bye, baby girl" said Mac softly. They'd taken a few moments just before they made their exit to go over a few last-minute things with Trish and Frank, exchange vehicle keys and to say goodbye to the baby. Mac cried a little, as she knew she would. Harm didn't cry, but he came pretty close.

"Bye, sweetie" said Harm, waving at Ainsley through the windshield. He looked over at Mac and saw her wipe away a few tears.

"She's gonna do just fine, babe" he said softly, placing his hand on her knee.

"I know" she said, taking a deep breath, "it's just hard leaving her for this long. I'll get past it though, I swear."

"I know you will" said Harm. "We'll check on her every night, they've got all the numbers of where we'll be-"

"Wait a sec" said Mac, "you mean _they_ know where we're going and _I_ don't?"

"Well, yeah" answered Harm, "I mean, I wanted them to be able to reach us if they needed to. You're not mad, are you?"

Mac laughed. "No, I'm not mad at all" she said. "At this point, I actually think it's kind of cool that you've planned this huge surprise and I get to be the last one to find out about it. You know how I love a good mystery."

"I do know, indeed" said Harm, taking Mac's hand in his, "but you don't have to wait much longer to find out."

"Can you give me a hint now that we're this close?" asked Mac, looking his direction with big puppy-dog eyes. "Please?"

Harm smiled and sighed. "How about you ask me a 'yes or no' question - just one - and I'll answer it."

"OK" agreed Mac. She thought for just a moment before coming up with her question.

"Is there a lot of water there?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Hmmm…" said Mac, "someplace with a lot of water…"

"You're welcome to guess all you like" said Harm, "but I'm pretty sure you won't figure it out, babe."

"Probably not" agreed Mac, "but I can have fun trying! By the way, how much longer are we gonna drive tonight?"

"A little ways, babe" answered Harm, "why?"

"This dress isn't exactly the most comfy thing to travel in" she said, "not to mention that because it's almost two hours past Ainsley's usual feeding time, this bustier is about to kill me."

"Ouch" said Harm. "I'm sorry Mac, I didn't even think about that when I planned out tonight. We can stop someplace so you can change if we need to, it's not a problem."

"No, it's OK" she said, "I can make it awhile longer. Besides, just changing clothes won't really help much, I need to pump, which I can't do just anyplace."

"Good point" said Harm. "Well, we're about another hour from where we're staying tonight. Think you can last that long?"

"Yeah, I think so" she said. "I should have tried to feed her again just before we left, but I didn't. I doubt she would have taken much anyway."

"Yeah" agreed Harm, "her internal clock is as screwed up as yours tonight."

Mac sat and quietly looked out the passenger window, inwardly laughing at how they were, technically, on their honeymoon and the main topic of conversation for the past five miles had been breastfeeding.

She turned back towards her husband to share her amusement. "Do you find it as funny as I do that we're on our honeym- HARM!"

"SHIT!"

* * *

_A/N: Hey, it wouldn't be a believable Harm/Mac story without the occasional dramatic cliffhanger, now would it:) I'll write the next chapter as SOON as I get a chance, but it might not be for several days._


	56. Chapter 56

_A/N: Please don't shoot! ;) As luck would have it, I actually had a few minutes of writing time during the day (which I never, ever get), so the wait for the post-cliffhanger chapter is over:) _

* * *

Chapter 56: 

The world around them was silent,completely dark except for the stars which hung above.

After what felt like ten lifetimes, she heard him speak her name.

"Mac? Are you OK?"

She thought for a few seconds as she worked to regain the breath which the impact had knocked out of her.

"I - yeah, I think so." she said, her voice clearly winded as she gingerly moved around in her seat. "Are you?"

"Think so" he replied, looking around the inside of the vehicle in disbelief. "What the hell _was_ that?"

"A huge wooden box or something" said Mac, rubbing her hand across the back of her neck. "I think I saw it maybe a half second before you did."

"Yeah" he replied, "I saw it just as you screamed my name. Sorry I wasn't paying better attention, babe."

"Don't be sorry, Harm" she said, "it's pitch black out here, no lights on the road, no one could have seen it any better than we did."

"I guess not" he answered. "Sorry about this, though" he added, motioning towards the front of the vehicle and the culvert in which it had come to a sudden stop. He'd tried his best to maintain control, but he'd been forced to react so quickly that even hiscombat pilot skills weren't enough to win that fight.

"It's OK" assured Mac, "we're both fine, that's the important thing."

"I know" answered Harm, "but this is definitely not what I had planned for tonight!"

"Well, of course not" said Mac, "but it's just a minor setback, that's all. We'll still make it…wherever we're supposed to be going!"

"Oh, you bet we will, baby" said Harm, looking at her with a twinkle in his eye, the kind that made her insides do somersaults. He reached for his cell phone, punched a few keys and held it to his ear as he climbed carefully out of the drivers seat and stood outside.

"Hey, mom."

"_Hi, honey, is everything OK?"_

"Well, not exactly."

"_Oh no, what happened?"_

"We wrecked the car - but we're both fine, don't worry."

"_Oh my God! What happened?"_

"Had to swerve to avoid an enormous box or crate or something in the middle of our lane and ended up driving nose-first into a drainage culvert."

"_Oh Harmon, I'm sorry! You said Mac is alright, and you?"_

"We're both fine, honest. A bit shaken up, but other than that, we're fine."

"_Where are you, how far away from here?"_

"Maybe 75 miles or so south on 655, we've been driving since we left Grams."

"_Do you want us to come out there? We can come in two cars, you know, bring you your car. "_

"Actually, yeah, that'd be great. I need to call the police, so I'll do that now and they should, hopefully, be here and done with their report by the time you all make it here."

"_Alright then, let me go fill Frank in on everything, and we'll head out."_

"Is Ainsley asleep?"

"_Right now, yes, but of course we'll have to wake her up and take her with us."_

"Did you feed her since we left?"

"_A few ounces right before I put her down, but she was more tired than hungry."_

"OK, good. Mac can feed her when you guys get here, assuming she doesn't want to eat when you wake her up."

"_I'll load her up as fast as I can and get on the road, I'm thinking she'll go back to sleep pretty quickly."_

"Probably so. OK mom, tell Frank we're sorry for all this extra trouble and for wrecking the Caddy he so graciously rented for us."

"_Oh, sweetie, his only concern will be that you're both unhurt. Cars can be fixed."_

"I know. OK, we'll be looking for you within a couple of hours. Drive carefully, we love you."

"_We love you, too, dear."_

"Bye."

_Bye, son."_

"Did she freak out too terribly?" asked Mac as Harm came around to the passenger side and opened her door.

"Not really" he answered, "she was glad to hear we're both OK. She and Frank are gonna drive down and bring us our car so we can get going again."

"Aw, that's nice of them" said Mac, "I assume they're coming in two cars then?"

"Yep" he said, "ours and my mom's, most likely."

"How's the baby?" asked Mac.

"Sleeping at the moment" replied Harm. "Mom said she ate a little bit right before falling asleep, and she's gonna get her packed up as fast as she can in hopes she'll go right back to sleep and you can feed her when they get here."

"Oh, bless her!" said Mac, "by then I'll be borderline miserable."

"I'm sorry, babe" said Harm, "this trip has gotten off to a fairly crummy start."

"In some ways, yeah" replied Mac, "but try to think of the bigger picture: we're OK, your folks are close enough to come help out so we can get right back on the road, we're not gonna miss out on our trip because of this little mishap, and the best thing, we're together."

Harm leaned in and kissed his bride.

She leaned into his kiss, and placing her hands around the back of his head, she pulled him closer.

"Hey" whispered Harm, "I need to call the police, you know?"

Mac sighed and slowly let go of him. "Yeah, probably should do that, huh?"

"Yeah, we need to get this thing towed to wherever Frank wants it, and someone better come get that damn box out of the middle of the road. Hopefully they'll be here and done by the time mom and Frank arrive" said Harm as he dialed 911.

"Yes, I need to report a single-vehicle accident on highway 655 near mile marker 245. Yes, I was the driver involved. No, no injuries, but we need a tow truck and someone who can move a great big crate out of the middle of the road so you don't keep getting calls like mine tonight. OK, thank you."

"Should be here within 10 minutes" said Harm. He popped the back hatch open in search of a roadside emergency box.

"Good" replied Mac, slipping her shoes back onto her feet.

Upon finding the emergency box, he took out the flares and walked down the road a way.

"Any chance I can ask you another honeymoon question?" she asked as she walked beside him, the expression on her face a bit playful, a tiny hint of hope in her voice.

"Oh, I think you're entitled to another one" said Harm, laying the first flare in place and carefully lighting it. "Ask away."

"Is it someplace we've talked about going someday?" she asked.

Harm thought for just a moment. "No."

"Oooh, OK" said Mac, "someplace with a lot of water that we haven't talked about going to someday…"

Harm couldn't help but laugh as they walked back towards the accident site, placing the flares along the way. "Yep, but that's all I'm telling you for tonight, so if you want to figure it out you'll have to put your inner super-sleuth into overdrive."

"Are you challenging me, Harmon David?" asked Mac with a smile.

"Who? _Me? _Challenge _you? _Why, never!"

Mac playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

"Goofball!" she said.

"You married me" replied Harm, shrugging his shoulders and smiling.

"I really did, didn't I?" asked Mac, the reality of his words making her heart beat fast.

"I love you, Sarah" he said as he gazed into her deep brown eyes.

Mac didn't say a word as she pulled him close once again, their lips meeting, their hearts beating in unison. One thing was for sure, wherever they were going, this was gonna be one _amazing _honeymoon.

* * *

_A/N: I'll do my best to get another chapter done in the next couple days, but my grandma's surgery won't be until Friday afternoon, which means we'll be at the hospital most of the evening and I won't get much computer time at all. My apologies to everyone who wanted to give me 50 lashes with a wet noodle after Chapter 55 - I'll make it up to you...honest. :)_


	57. Chapter 57

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine...sigh...

* * *

Chapter 57: 

"I think that's the last of it" said Harm as unloaded Mac's suitcase from the wrecked SUV and put it into his own.

"Did you have anything up front, sir?" asked the tow truck driver.

"We did" said Harm, "but I think my wife got it all." He smiled to himself at the sound of that phrase, "_my wife."_

"You folks are darned lucky here" said the truck driver as the cables and pulley on the truck hoisted the damaged vehicle out of the culvert. "A few feet to the left and you would struck that utility pole head-on."

"Yeah, I know" replied Harm. "We're amazed as to why the airbags didn't deploy, though. We hit the downside of that ditch awfully hard."

"I've seen this kind of thing before" said the truck driver, "wrecks where you'd swear those bags would go off, and when the dust settled, they didn't. I worked a scene back in December, guy was driving a 2-seater sports car and got cut-off on the interstate. He lost control when the back end slid out from underneath him, smacked the cement wall with one side of the car, then spun around and hit the front and then the other side against the wall before stopping. Pieces of the car across all 4 lanes of the highway, the front end literally 30 feet from the car, and the airbags didn't budge."

"Wow!" exclaimed Harm. "Was the guy OK?"

"In the end" said the truck driver, "he was fine aside from a few stiff muscles and a bad seatbelt burn across his left shoulder, but it made no sense as to why those bags didn't go off. Police figured he must have this the wall at just the right angle to tear the front end off but not touch the sensors for the airbags."

"Amazing he wasn't hurt, or even worse" said Harm, looking once more at how close they'd come to a much more serious accident that night.

"Yeah, well same goes for you folks" said the truck driver as he attached security chains to the SUV.

"Everything OK, son?" asked Frank as he approached the two men.

"Fine" said Harm, "we're almost done here, then Mac and I can get going, I hope."

"This isn't gonna mess up anything as far as getting where you have to be by any certain time, is it?" asked Frank.

"Nah, it shouldn't" answered Harm. "We're not too far from where we're staying tonight, we'll just be getting there a couple hours later than planned is all."

"Well I'm glad this won't ruin your plans." said Frank.

"Me too" agreed Harm. "Hey, is Mac almost ready?"

"I believe she is" replied Frank, "she was singing the baby to sleep in the backseat of your mom's car a few minutes ago."

"Is she crying again?" asked Harm. "Mac, that is?"

Frank nodded. "It's hard for her to leave the baby."

"Don't think for a minute" said Harm "that it's any reflection on how well Mac thinks you two will take care of Ainsley while we're gone."

"Oh, don't be silly, son" said Frank. "We know better than that."

"Just making sure" said Harm. He and Mac both had complete confidence in his parent's ability to care for Ainsley, but it didn't make leaving her completely painless for either of them.

"Here you go, sir" said the tow truck driver as he handed Harm a clipboard with a form on it and a pen. "I just need you to sign right there for me, and we'll be all finished up."

"OK" said Harm, taking the clipboard and pen and signing where the "x" indicated. "Here you go."

The driver took the middle copy of the form off and handed it back to Harm. "I hope you folks have a really nice honeymoon and don't run into any more trouble."

"Thank you" said Harm, "so do we!"

As the truck pulled away, Harm and Frank walked over to Trish's car, where all the girls of the family were gathered.

"Is she asleep, babe?" asked Harm as he peeked his head inside the open door on Mac's side.

"Yeah" she replied. "She ate really well, thankfully, then she got fussy so I sang to her a little and she went right out. You wanna hold her before we go?"

"Yeah" answered Harm, reaching down to take his daughter in his arms.

"Hey, beautiful" he whispered softly, "you have fun with grandma and grandpa, OK? Mommy and daddy will be back before you know it." He placed a sweet, gentle kiss on her nose. "Love you, baby girl."

"Can you hand me her seat, please?" he asked Mac.

"Sure" she replied, reaching beneath the baby seat next to her and detaching it from the base. "Here you are."

"Thanks" said Harm as he put the seat down in front of himself and laid the sleeping baby inside. He fastened her straps and laid her little pink blanket on top of her.

"Well, she's good to go" he said as he stood back up, placing his hands on his waist. "You ready, Mac?"

"Yep" she said. "Thanks so much for coming to our rescue" she said to Frank and Trish. "You really saved us a lot of trouble!"

"What are parents for?" asked Trish as she gave Mac a big hug. "I'm sorry it happened, but we were more than happy to help out."

"Frank" said Mac as she hugged her step-father-in-law, "thank you so much!"

"No problem" he replied, "now you two get going, I know your husband's got some special plans for the next week."

The newlyweds kissed their daughter one more time before climbing into their own vehicle.

"Let's blow this pop stand" said Mac. "What'cha say, flyboy?"

"Definitely!" he replied as he started the ignition.

"Did the police say what was in that thing we almost hit?" she asked him, kicking her shoes off.

"Yeah" he answered as he accelerated, "a whole bunch of someone's stuff! It was a crate from a moving and storage company, and it obviously fell off a flat-bed truck at some point today and the driver didn't notice."

"Whoa" said Mac, "whoever's stuff that is will no doubt be a little pissed off to find that out!"

"You think?" laughed Harm. "The police said they'd track the owner down."

"That's good" said Mac. "Let's hope that crate 'crossing our path' so-to-speak will be the only difficulty of the week. I'm not sure my nerves can take too many more experiences like that!"

"Baby" said Harm as he reached out and took a hold of her left hand, "I'll do everything in my power to give you the best week of your life."

"I know you will" said Mac, the curiosity of what was to come making her mind run in circles.

"How close are we to stopping?" she asked, "around an hour, right?"

"Right" he replied. "Are you hungry? We can drive thru someplace and grab a snack if you want."

"No, thanks" she said, "I just want to get to where we're staying tonight so I can get out of this dress and into something _way_ more comfy."

Harm laughed a little bit as he replied. "You don't have to tell _me_ twice!"

* * *

_A/N: The wreck with the sports car is taken directly from the one my brother was in. It was my other brother's car and it wound up totalled, but the important thing was he wasn't badly hurt._

_Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the previous chapters! Thanks also to all those who wished my grandma well during her surgery. The operation itself went well, but her recovery isn't going quite as smoothly. She's in alot of pain and today became very disoriented, which with her always means a post-op infection is looming - the last time this happened, she became septic and was given 48 hours to live. My mom has told every doctor and nurse about that, and they're giving grandma lots of preventive antibiotics, but we'll just have to see. The surgeon told us that grandma's liver may be failing, but he won't know until the biopsies come back. As if that's not enough, the same day as grandma's surgery, one of our cats got very sick and has spent all weekend in the pet hospital. We hope to bring him home tomorrow, but we don't know for sure yet. _

_I **really** could have used a GOOD, entertaining, SHIPPERY episode on TV this week, but noooooooo, we got that...that...THAT! To me the most interesting part was the preview for the finale and the mystery of whether that kiss means what we want it to or not. I'm seriously planning on being armed with something soft when I watchthe next 2 weeks - I need something I can throw at my TV and not break it. :) _


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: If they were mine - life would be really GOOD:)

_A/N: Here's the next piece of the honeymoon puzzle! ;) I'll get to where they're actually going pretty soon, but I hope you enjoy the parts leading up to it. Oh yeah, this one's rated R..._

_See A/N at the end for some really interesting TV Guide info! (**Warning** - might be more of a spoiler than you're ready for, so if you don't want to have any real idea of what to expect for the finale, you might wanna skip it!)_

* * *

Chapter 58: 

"Looks like this is the place" said Harm as he pulled into the parking lot of a quaint little bed-and-breakfast.

"How cute!" exclaimed Mac. "Where are we anyway?"

"A little ways south of Mount Union" he replied, "little town called Avery Mills."

"Never heard of it" said Mac.

"It's not even on most maps" said Harm. "You remember Matt, my buddy who flew us out to California?"

"Mm-hmm" said Mac.

"He suggested it" said Harm. "Said his cousin used to work here."

"It looks really nice from the outside" said Mac. "I'm sure it's nice inside, too."

"We're about to find out" said Harm as he undid his seatbelt and opened the driver's door. "I'll be right back."

"OK, babe" said Mac. She watched as Harm walked up to the front door and stepped inside. _"How did you get so lucky, Sarah Mackenzie?"_

Within a few minutes, she saw Harm walking back out to the car with a couple papers and a key card in his hand.

"Obviously they didn't give our room away when we didn't get here on time" she said.

"Thankfully, they didn't" said Harm as he started the car. "We're around the back on the first floor, room 116."

He drove around back and found a vacant parking spot right in front of their room.

"Perfect" he said as he pulled in, then reached down and pulled the hatch release.

"Let's go see the room first" he said, "then I'll come back out and grab the bags."

"Alright" said Mac as she climbed out of the passenger seat and followed Harm up to their room door. He slid the key card into the slot and opened the door.

"Oh, wow…" he said as he stepped inside and flipped the light on. The room was beautifully decorated in different shades of pink, and everywhere you looked there were roses - in a vase on the table, another atop the armoire, in the stitching on the bedspread…

"This is gorgeous" said Mac as she followed behind Harm. "Very good choice in accommodations, my dear."

"Thank you" he replied, smiling warmly at her. "You can sit down and relax if you'd like, I'll go get our stuff."

"'Relax' - that sounds so nice!" said Mac as she flopped down into one of the two rose-colored overstuffed chairs and began taking her headpiece off.

Harm walked back outside to the SUV to retrieve their luggage. He grabbed the two suitcases, the duffle bag and the garment bag for Mac's dress before a frustrating realization hit him. Mumbling to himself, he returned inside.

"Guess what just dawned on me?" he asked Mac as he heaved the suitcases onto the luggage stand.

"What, babe?" she asked.

"This thing" he said, pointing to the tuxedo he was still wearing, "is due back to the store by 10:00 Monday morning."

"Oh my gosh" said Mac, "how did we forget about that?"

"Too many other things to take into account, I guess" answered Harm. "We should have changed clothes before we left Grams, and I never even thought about it."

"Well" said Mac, "what do you want to do? I guess we could call the store on Monday and tell them we'll get it back to them as soon as we get back to town?"

"Nah" said Harm, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, "we're not gonna pay for an entire weeks rental, that'd be silly."

"Hey" said Mac, "do you think if we left it here, someone could come down and get it tomorrow and take it back to the store for you on Monday?"

Harm looked at Mac and his face lit up.

"You're so smart" he said, grinning from ear-to-ear. "Yeah, I'm sure if I ask Sergei to come get it, he will. I'll no doubt have to make it up to him later, but he'll do it, no question."

"Great" said Mac, "problem solved, and let's hope that's the _last_ problem of the whole trip!"

"I'm afraid that's not the case" said Harm, looking at Mac with a serious face.

"Wh-what do you mean 'that's not the case'?" asked Mac, her eyes wide with worry. "What else is wrong?"

"You, my dear" he answered as he stepped nearer to her, "are still wearing this gorgeous, yet extremely uncomfortable, dress."

Mac's expression went from one of worry to one of desire in an instant.

"Well" she said, standing up from the chair and looking into his amazing blue eyes, "do you have any thoughts on how to fix this problem?"

"Mm-hmm" answered Harm, his voice a sultry whisper. "I think we could start like this…" He stepped around behind her and unzipped the dress.

"Mmm…" said Mac as Harm kissed her bare neck and shoulders. "Then what?"

"Then" he replied, stepping around to the front of her "we go like this." He tugged at the waistline of the dress and let it fall to the floor.

She didn't say a word, she just looked at him, the passion between them as strong as ever.

"God, Mac, you're so beautiful…"

She reached up and pulled his face down to hers, their lips connecting in an electric exchange as she pulled the tuxedo jacket off his shoulders.

He let go of her body just long enough to get his arms out of the jacket and toss it behind himself.

She unhooked his tie and tossed it across the room, their lips still busily showing their intent to one another as Mac stepped out of the dress and kicked it aside.

He reached his hands around the middle of her back and unhooked the dozens of clasps on her bustier a fistful at a time, letting the wire-laden undergarment fall to his feet.

She fumbled with the button covers on his rented dress shirt until she was ready to simply rip it off his chiseled body and send the buttons flying. Sensing her frustration, he wrapped his arms around her, picked her up and laid her on the bed. He straddled her nearly bare body, breaking the kiss only long enough to undo the buttons on his shirt, pull off his undershirt and throw them both beside the bed.

"My God, I love you" whispered Mac, pulling him towards herself and resuming the kiss.

"These…need to…go" said Harm, running his hands over her nylons, his words punctuated and full of desire.

"Well then" said Mac, "get….rid….of them."

He climbed off of her and tucked his index and middle fingers beneath her waistband. In one swift motion, the nylons were removed from her body and added to the vast array of clothing gathering on the floor.

He climbed on top of her once more, their mouths reconnecting.

They were silent for a few moments, save the "mmm's" and "ohhhh's" their touches elicited from one another.

"Pants…off…now" said Mac as Harm had her pinned beneath himself, kissing the spot right behind her right ear, the spot that made her go almost wild and he knew it.

"Be my guest, baby" he whispered, purposely blowing his warm breath in her ear as he spoke.

He felt millions of goose bumps, compliments of his actions, creep up all over her body as she took a deep breath.

He picked himself up off of her just enough so she could reach her hands in between their sweaty bodies.

She unfastened his pants without difficulty, pulling them down below his backside before he pressed himself on top of her again.

He managed to kick them the rest of the way down his legs and onto the floor as she ran her fingernails across his back. He used his big toes to pull his socks off, a talent he'd mastered long ago and frequently put into practice.

He buried his arms underneath her body and held her close as he rolled onto his back, placing her on top of him.

"Oh" said Mac with a tease in her voice, clad in nothing but fiery red, bikini-cut panties. "I get to be on top, huh?"

Harm shrugged a little bit as he looked up at her and smiled.

"If you wanna be" he replied in as deep a voice as she'd ever heard him use in bed.

Her answer was spoken with action, not word.

She plunged her lips against his, her knees on either side of his waist, her hands bracing herself above him to where their chests barely brushed against one another.

His fingers tickled the small of her back, slowly trailing downward to the top of her panties.

She felt his fingers, then his hands, sneak beneath the elastic band and caress her behind.

"Mmmm…." she said, moving her lips to his collarbone. She kissed all along, from left to right, then back again.

He moved his hands back up to her waistband, slowly pulling it beneath the spots he'd just been. She rolled off of him and onto her back, allowing him to rid her body of the last remaining thread.

She sat back up on her knees beside him and leaned down to plant feather light kisses all across his chest.

"Mmm, God, Mac, that's…" was all he could manage to say as her kisses worked their magic on his resolve.

After some amount of time, she stopped the kisses and looked into his eyes as her fingers danced around the top of his royal blue silk boxers.

She put her thumbs inside the waistband and began to pull it down.

She stopped, choosing instead to massage the muscular legs that lay before her.

"Oh…" moaned Harm, loving every move she was making, in a frustrated, incredibly turned-on sense.

Slowly, she worked her way back to the blue waistband, this time, sliding her index fingers beneath it, pulling it down a couple inches before stopping.

"Take 'em off…" he begged, as he felt what little control he had over himself fading fast.

Mac obliged, and seconds later the final article that was keeping them apart joined those in various locales along the carpet.

He pulled her body down atop his and embraced her tightly as their mouths were once again in control of the show.

They ran their fingers through one another's hair, their hands frantically searching for a place to go.

"Mmmm…" moaned Mac, "now…".

He heard her, but decided to take his sweet time.

He ran his hands over her behind…along the sides of her torso...back towards her behind.

Slowly, he slid one hand in between their glistening bodies.

"Omigod!" she exclaimed as his fingers contacted her body in just the right place. "Now…please…"

Hearing her beg was almost enough in itself to finish him off… almost.

In a move not unlike something one would expect to see in the most well-choreographed Hollywood love scene, he threw all his momentum to his right side, a move which found him once again on top of her.

"Looks like I get to be on top after all" he said, a little short of breath as he concentrated on self-control.

"You gonna make me wait all night?" asked Mac, her heart pounding in her chest at the thought of what lay in store.

"Oh, no worries there, baby" he answered in perhaps the sexiest timbre ever spoken on planet earth.

As their bodies became one for the first time as husband and wife, they were reminded all over again of what they had together. As they explored one another in ways that until the previous couple of years had only been possible in their dreams, the reality that they were created for one another and one another alone became crystal clear once more.

* * *

_A/N: Once again TV Guide has some interesting JAG news to share. In the April 24 - 30, 2005 issue, they cover the finales of many different shows including - of course - JAG. Here's what they have to say: "With 72 hours left before Harm goes to London and Mac leaves for San Diego, they get passionate and profess their love (A/N: to which I must say woohoo!). But if they do stay together, one of them has to ditch their career. They put their decision to the flip of a coin, with Mac calling the results before a final, playful twist. The last scene was written by creator Don Bellisario, who says he penned it 'before I knew it was really the last, last, last scene.'"_

_OK - here's my theory: we'll never find out who wins the coin toss because as Mac calls it, the screen will fade out and the show will end forever. I'm thinking they did it like this because at the time of filming, there was still a chance for season 11 (thank God that's gone!), and it needed to be left to interpretation as to what happened. What doesn't work with that theory, though, is if we were to end this season assuming that they get together and stay together, and there was going to be a season 11, there'd be an obvious problem there when she went to San Diego without him!_

_The other interesting tidbit in there is that Harm gets promoted to Captain, which is probably out there somewhere already and I've just been too out of the loop to catch it, but I didn't know that until I read it._

_Only 9 days until we find out..._


	59. Chapter 59

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews of the previous chapter! I hope this one meets with your approval:)_

* * *

Chapter 59:

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead" said Harm as he reached towards the buzzing alarm clock on the nightstand.

"Mmmmm…do I gotta?" whined Mac, nuzzling her bare body as close to his as she could.

He kissed her forehead. "Yeah, you gotta. We've got a plane to catch, remember?"

"I remember" said Mac as she tried to wake up, "I'm just sleepy - you wore me out last night, flyboy…"

"_I_ wore _you_ out?" replied Harm with a hint of laughter in his voice. "As I recall, _you_ were the one who uttered the words 'just one more time' exactly _3 _times! Talk about not giving a guy a chance to recharge his batteries, Marine!"

"I don't recall any complaints" she retorted as she turned to face him.

"Babe" he said, "I'd have to be beyond crazy to complain about _anything_ we did last night."

"I thought so" said Mac, smiling at the memory of their amazing wedding night.

"You wanna shower first or last?" asked Harm, gently moving a stray lock of hair away from her face.

"You can go ahead" she answered. "My boobs are killing me, so I'll take care of that while you shower."

"That's right" said Harm, "this is her usual feeding time, isn't it?"

"Actually 43 minutes past, on average" said Mac, "and believe me I'm feeling it!"

"I'm sorry, Mac" he said, "I know that's not comfortable for you."

"Nah, it's not" she replied, "but it's easily remedied, thankfully. I do hate having to pour everything down the drain for the next week, though. Seems like such a waste."

"Yeah, it does" said Harm as he rolled out of the bed, "but she's got more than enough at home to get her through the week."

"Yep" said Mac, pulling the covers up around her neck and rolling back onto her side.

"Hey, now" said Harm, "no going back to sleep after I get in the shower!"

"Yeah, yeah" mumbled Mac as she reluctantly threw the covers off and sat up. "There, happy?"

"Very" he answered, leaning down to kiss her lips as he headed for the bathroom.

* * *

"Thanks bro" said Harm as he finished talking to Sergei on the phone, "I really appreciate it. We will. OK, see you then, bye."

"Did he give you a hard time about the tux?" asked Mac as Harm closed his phone and went to double check that all the parts to the rented suit were together.

"A little" he laughed, "but he said he'd be happy to take care of it for me, which I knew he would."

"He's a great guy" said Mac, "must run in the family."

"You're too kind, babe" said Harm, walking up to his wife and pulling her close.

"We've got a plane to catch, remember?" she said as he began kissing the side of her neck.

"Yeah" he said, "can I have a rain check?"

"Definitely" she replied, planting a tender kiss upon his lips.

"Do we have everything?" he asked when their lips parted.

"I think so" she said.

"Great" he replied, "let's load the car, then I'll take the tux up front when I check out, and we'll be on our way."

"Sure" said Mac, grabbing the garment bag containing her wedding dress. "Do you think he'd mind taking this back home, too?"

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind" said Harm, "I forgot to ask him, but since he's coming anyway, why not let him take it instead of lugging it with us to Te-" He cut his sentence short, something that didn't go unnoticed with Mac.

"Lugging it with us to _where_?" she asked, looking him dead in the eye. "Come on, flyboy, spill it!"

"Not quite yet" he said, "but I _promise_ I'll tell you today!"

"You'll tell me today?" she exclaimed, "we'll _be_ there today!"

"True" he said, "but I promise to tell you before we get there. I just want it to be a surprise for as long as possible, just trust me, please?"

"I'll trust you" she said with a no-nonsense smile, "but this better be good or I'll kick your six so hard you'll wake up back in the Rose Garden!"

"Uh-oh" laughed Harm, "I'm not sure I care to relive everything between then and now, so I better keep my word, huh?"

"You know it, my dear!" answered Mac, reaching up on her tiptoes and kissing his lips. "Now, let's get this stuff loaded up so we can be on our way to 'Mysteryland'."

* * *

"Where are we?" asked Mac after they'd been on the road for just under 2 hours.

"Getting closer to the airport" answered Harm. Knowing his answer was grossly insufficient, he looked over at Mac and turned on the flyboy smile.

"Nuh-uh, sailor" said Mac, "that smile will _not_ spare you the wrath of my curious frustration!"

"Ah" said Harm, "can't blame a guy for tryin'."

He had a point, and he knew it. So did she.

"We're a few miles east of the airfield" he finally said, "which is in a teeny tiny place called Wainwright."

"So" she said, "I assume it's a teeny tiny airfield?"

"Yep" answered Harm, "actually, that's it in the distance out there." He pointed to the east, where the neon orange windsocks could be seen over the horizon.

"It doesn't look big enough for anything except crop dusters and Steermen" said Mac as they got closer. "You wouldn't dare…"

"What?" he asked, "take a crop duster or a Steerman? Come on, Mac, give me a little credit!"

"Sorry, sorry" she said, holding her hands up in the air, "just had to ask, since I still haven't a clue where we're going…"

"Well" he said, "I promise you we're taking a much nicer aircraft than either of those."

"You're not flying us, are you? she asked, the wheels still turning in her mind.

"Nope, I'm not" he replied as they pulled into the driveway of the tiny airfield. "I've got it all taken care of, just wait and see."

Mac laughed. "Do I have much choice?"

"Hmm…" said Harm, "not really!"

Mac smacked him on the shoulder.

"Husband abuse! Husband abuse!" he cried.

"Goofball, I swear!" laughed Mac as Harm pulled into a parking place. "Now get in there and do whatever you need to do to keep your little scheme moving. I'm gonna call and check on Ainsley."

"I wanna talk to her, too" he said, " so don't hang up before I get back, OK?"

"She can't talk, babe" said Mac, "but I won't hang up before you have a chance to talk to _her_, I promise."

As Harm went inside the hangar, Mac called Trish's cell phone.

"Good morning" said Mac, "how's everyone doing?"

"_We're fine"_ said Trish_. "How was your evening?"_

Mac blushed more than a little at the thought of all the things she'd done with this woman's son in the preceding hours.

"It was really nice" she finally replied. "How'd Ainsley do once we left?"

"_Fairly well"_ replied Trish_. "She fussed some on the way back home after we brought you your car, but once we got back to Bellville and I got her upstairs and rocked her a little, she went out and slept until just after 7:00."_

"That's good" said Mac, missing her baby girl a lot more than she was letting on for fear of winding up in tears again. "How's she doing with the bottles?"

"_Weeeell…"_ said Trish, which immediately told Mac the answer wasn't good.

"That bad, huh?" replied Mac. "Sorry about that, I guess we should have worked with her more before we left."

"_Oh, it's not that bad, really"_ said Trish_, "she fights us for a few minutes each time, but before long realizes that it's that or nothing and then she takes it. Don't worry too much, Mac, she's eating, I promise."_

"I know" answered Mac, "and it sounds like she's doing the same thing she always does when Harm tries to give her a bottle, so I'm not as concerned as I'd be if she hadn't ever acted that way before."

"_I understand"_ said Trish_. "She misses her mama, but honestly, she's doing fine."_

"Glad to hear it" said Mac. "Hey, is she close by? I'd like to talk to her."

"_She's right next to me"_ said Trish_. "We're on the road back to DC. Let me put the phone to her ear, hang on."_

Mac waited a few seconds before speaking.

"Ainsley…" she said. "Hi, baby girl! Mommy misses you… yes she does…are you being good for your grandma and grandpa? Of course you are. Oh, here comes your daddy…"

Hearing Mac's end of the "conversation", Trish continued holding the phone to the baby's ear as Harm came on the line.

"Ainsley…" said Harm to his daughter. "It's daddy…are you being good? I'm sure you are. I miss you, beautiful, yes I do…"

Ainsley looked around wide-eyed as she listened to her father's voice. Trish smiled as she watched, taking to heart how much the tiny tot resembled Harm at that age.

"Bye-bye, sweet girl" he said, "we love you!" Hearing those words, Trish moved the phone back to her own ear.

"_Hi, son"_ she said_, "are you having fun?"_

"Yeah, we are" he answered, "we're at the airfield now, just getting ready to get on the plane."

"_Have you gotten a look at it yet?"_ she asked_, "the plane, I mean?"_

"Yeah" he replied, "tell Frank he did great and thank him for me, would you?"

"_Of course, dear"_ said Trish_. "I'll let you go, you two have fun and stay safe, we'll talk with you soon."_

"Sure thing" said Harm, "bye, mom."

"Lemme guess" said Mac as Harm folded the phone shut, "Frank handled the plane arrangements?"

"Indeed he did" replied Harm as he opened Mac's door and offered her a hand in getting out. "Not surprising, huh?"

"Nope" she answered as she stepped down, "he's got more connections than AT&T!" Harm laughed at the reality of her statement.

"Well, follow me, babe" said Harm, "our chariot awaits."

* * *

"Wow!" exclaimed Mac as they stepped on board the plane. "This is really nice!"

"You like it better than the last one?' he asked her, referring to the jet they'd traveled to California on when he proposed at Santa Monica Bay.

"Hard to say just yet" she replied, "ask me once we get underway." The gleam in her eye made it clear to him what kind of in-flight activities she had in mind.

"Careful, Marine" he said softly as he pulled her close, "this is, after all, the private jet of a very prestigious…somebody or other that Frank knows from…someplace!" They laughed together at the fact that they were using the plane of some incredibly wealthy person who wouldn't know them if they walked smack into him.

"Yeah" she said, "but for today, it belongs to _us_." She ran her fingers across his chin before bringing it down for a kiss.

"Red light, Colonel" said Harm when the kiss began to escelate. "I need to go make sure they've gotten everything out of the car and lock it up, then I'll be back."

"I'll miss you" she said, looking at him with an exaggerated pout on her lips.

"I'll miss you, too" he replied with a smile as he headed down the steps and towards the parking lot. Upon final check of the SUV, he locked it up, left the keys with the field boss in case he needed to move it while they were gone, and returned to the plane.

"All ready to go, my love?" he asked, settling into the seat next to Mac.

"I've been ready for years" she replied.

He smiled. So had he.

* * *

"Mmm…" said Mac as she tucked her head underneath Harm's chin, pulling the blanket up just a bit. "Think I passed my quals yet?"

"Quite possibly" he replied with a smile. "Some of your moves just amaze me, Mac."

"Why, thank you" she said, "I'm just glad the pilot didn't come back here!"

"Hey, I was quiet!" said Harm.

Mac looked at him with a "yeah, right!" expression.

"OK" he said, "compared to the way I'd normally react to the things we were doing, I was _relatively_ quiet, how about that?"

"I guess so" laughed Mac. "Now _I_, on the other hand, was quiet."

"For the most part" said Harm as he ran his fingers through her hair, "you were quiet. Now towards the end that last time, I dunno…"

"What do you mean?" she asked, "it's not like I screamed out your name or anything."

"No" he said, "but the 'oh, God's' were getting pretty loud…"

Mac laughed. "What can I say? You know all the right moves, babe."

"And to think" he said, "we didn't even take our clothes off…well, mostly…"

"So tell me" she said, "where do we get to continue this tonight?"

"Alright" he said, "since I did promise to tell you today, and since we're almost there, I'll tell you."

"Can I guess first?" asked Mac.

"Sure" he answered, picking up her left hand and kissing her ring finger.

"Well" she said, "when you almost let it slip earlier, it sounded like you started to say either Tennesee or Texas. We've been in the air entirely too long for it to be Tennessee, not to mention there's not a lot of water there, so I'm gonna say Texas. Am I right?"

He moved her head up so he could see her face and planted a heated kiss on her lips.

"Very good" he said, "yes, we're going to Texas."

"Very cool!" replied Mac. "You're right, we've never talked about going there, but I've heard there's so much to do, so many places to visit and sights to take in, I'm sure we'll have an amazing time."

"Any time I get to spend with you is an amazing time, Mac" he said. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"In words" she replied, "no, but your actions since we got on this plane spoke loud and clear."

"I meant everyword" he said, leaning down to kiss her lips once more.

* * *

_A/N: I'm going to TRY to write a chapter every other day or so if I can. My grandma is now out of the hospital, so I'm hoping to have a little bit more computer time - however I never know for sure. I'll write when I can and post as often as possible, I promise:)_


	60. Chapter 60

_See A/N at the end..._

* * *

Chapter 60:

"So" asked Mac as they were nearing the end of their final descent, "where exactly are we going in the great Lone Star state?"

"Ah, ah, ah, my dear" said Harm, touching the tip of his finger to the end of her nose, "I've revealed all I plan to for the time being. You'll just have to wait and see."

"Does the mystery ever end with you, Rabb?" she asked.

"Not if I have any say in the matter" he coyly replied. "But you wouldn't have it any other way and you know it."

Mac sighed and laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. How much longer till we land?"

"Few minutes" replied Harm.

"How long after that can we get something to eat?" she asked.

"As soon as we get the car if you want to, babe" he answered. "Do you want to check into the hotel first, or should we eat and check in afterwards?"

"Knowing us like I do" smiled Mac, "if we don't eat before we check into the hotel, we won't get any dinner tonight."

"You crack me up, Mrs. Mackenzie-Rabb" said Harm as he gazed into her deep brown eyes.

"That still sounds so funny" said Mac, "_Mackenzie-Rabb_, gonna take a little getting used to."

"If fits you, though" said Harm, pulling his new bride close to his chest.

"I know" agreed Mac, her head snuggled securely against his beating heart, "it fits perfectly."

* * *

"Oh, wow…" said Mac as they stepped off the plane and she spotted the indigo blue convertible sports car a few yards away. "Is that for us?"

"It sure is" answered Harm. "You like it?"

"Love it" she replied, "but is there enough space in the trunk for all our stuff?"

"Would you believe" said Harm, "that I was concerned about that very thing, and I actually took the bags we were going to be using to the dealer in DC and made sure they'd fit?"

"You didn't!" exclaimed Mac. "No, you did, didn't you?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did" smiled Harm, quite proud of himself for being such a thoughtful guy.

"Well then" said Mac, "let's get that roomy trunk all loaded up and get on our way and by the way exactly where **are **we?" Her run-on statements were something Harm had always found endearing. She only made them when she was excited or frustrated, and this time he figured she was a little of both.

"For now" he said, "we're in San Antonio. We'll be here the rest of today and all day and night tomorrow, then it's off to the next stop in our adventure."

"That's great, babe" she said, "I passed through here once on my way to Arizona, but I didn't have any time to do anything. Will we get to see the Riverwalk?"

"Absolutely" answered Harm as he opened the passenger door for her. "In fact, I thought we might have dinner down there if you'd like?"

"Oooh, yeah!" exclaimed Mac, "I hear there's every kind of food you can think of down there!"

"That's what they tell me" said Harm as he climbed into the drivers seat.

"'They' who?" inquired Mac.

"I met a few guys from here at an Inter-Service Training meeting at the Pentagon about two years ago" he answered. "The food they served us there was nothing to write home about, and you know how when a group of guys is eating mediocre food together, someone always starts talking about 'this great little place back home…'."

Mac laughed. "Yeah, I know."

"Well" continued Harm as he made his way down the driveway which connected the area where they'd landed with the main road out of the airport, "one guy started talking about some Tex-Mex place he loved so much, and one of his buddies chimed in about a Thai place and another rambled on about the best BBQ he'd ever had…"

"OK, you're making me really hungry here, Harm!" said Mac.

"Sorry" he said with a laugh. "So, long story short, when I decided we were coming to Texas this week, I decided this would be a good place to start out the week."

"How did you settle on honeymooning in Texas anyway?" asked Mac. "I mean, let's face it, it's not exactly at the top of the list when people think of romantic getaways."

"I wondered how long it'd take you to ask me about that" said Harm. "All I can tell you now, without ruining it, is that by the end of the week, you'll know why I chose everything that I chose."

"Wow, um, OK" said Mac, not too sure what to say. "Hey, think we should call your mom and let her know we're here?"

"Probably be a good idea" said Harm. Mac reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. Knowing that Trish, Frank and Ainsley would long since be back at the house in DC by then, she pressed the speed dial for "home" and put the phone to her ear.

"Hi" she said when her mother-in-law answered the phone, "we're here. Yeah, got in about 20 minutes ago. It was really nice." At that point in the conversation, she looked over at Harm, who was looking at her knowing his mom had undoubtedly asked how the flight was. They gave each other their best "sexy smile".

"How's the baby?" Mac asked as she continued the phone covnersation. "Oh, good, Oh I'm glad. What's that? Oh, yeah, she does that sometimes if she gets overtired. That's fine. Yeah, we're on our way to have dinner on the Riverwalk, then we'll go see what kind of accommodations Harm has cooked up for tonight. Sounds good. We love you, too. Kiss Ainsley for us, please! OK Trish, Bye."

"What'd the baby do this time?" asked Harm with a mild laugh to his voice.

"Spit up an entire bottle all over her crib" replied Mac. "Guess we forgot to warn them that she does that if she's overtired."

"Oops" laughed Harm. "What'd they do about it?"

"Changed her sheets and put her down for her nap in the swing instead" replied Mac. "I said that was fine."

"Yeah" said Harm, "it's what we usually do when she does that."

"Sounds like they're doing great with her, though" said Mac, "not that there was any doubt, of course."

"Nope" said Harm, "if there's one thing my mother is wonderful at, it's taking care of babies."

Mac started to laugh amusedly.

"What?" questioned Harm.

"We promised we wouldn't have conversations like this, remember?" she said. "We agreed not to spend a lot of time thinking about how things are going with the baby, we're supposed to be focusing on _us_ this week."

"Indeed we are" agreed Harm. "OK, enough chit chat about things on the home front! What sounds good for dinner?"

"Hmm…" said Mac, thinking over the endless possibilities. "You said there's a Tex-Mex place down there?"

"Supposed to be" replied Harm.

"That sounds really good" she said. "Of course once we get there and walk around, something else may jump out at us, but if not, let's go for Tex-Mex."

"We can do that, babe" replied Harm as he took her hand in his.

* * *

"This is so pretty" said Mac as they walked along the Riverwalk. A major tourist attraction, it ran along the banks of the San Antonio River, through downtown, and boasted an array of shops, eateries, nightclubs and the like. The Christmas decorations were still in place, seeing as how it was only January 1. Wreaths of green hung from every lamppost along the Walk, holly and bells draped from storefronts.

"It really is, huh?" said Harm. "I've heard it's really something to see at night."

"Oh, me too" said Mac, "hey, there's the restauraunt." She pointed across the way to a busy patio café.

"How do we get over there?" asked Harm.

"Easy" she said, "we keep walking until we find a bridge, silly."

Harm looked at her with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Well" she said, "ask a silly question…"

"Yeah, yeah" he said, "let's just find that bridge, I'm hungry."

They walked another 15 yards or so and came upon the stairs leading toa crossover bridge.

"See" said Mac when they arrived on the other side of the river, "easy!"

Harm just laughed and shook his head as they stepped up to the hostess' podium.

"Just 2 of you dining tonight?" asked the pretty, 20-something hostess.

"Yes" answered Harm, "just my wife and I."

Mac smiled. She loved how that word, "wife", sounded as it rolled off his lips.

"Follow me, please" asked the hostess as she grabbed 2 menus and a basket of tortilla chips and began to walk towards the dining area. She led them to a small table near the back of the restauraunt, just right for 2 people.

"Is this OK?" she asked, stepping aside so Harm and Mac could get a good look at the table.

"This'll be fine" said Harm as he pulled out Mac's chair for her. "Thank you."

"Enjoy your meal" said the hostess, laying the menus and chips on the table and walking away.

Harm took his seat across from Mac, who was already munching on chips, dipping them in the dish of salsa which had been freshly poured just before they took their seats.

"How is it?" he asked her, reaching for a chip.

"Hot!" she answered, "but good!"

"Oh boy" laughed Harm, "if _you_ think it's hot, it'll probably make _my_ hair stand on end!" He dipped his chip carefully in the salsa and took a small bite.

Mac looked on, waiting for his reaction.

"Yep" he said, his eyes growing wide, "that stuff is hot alright! Where's our waitress, we need some drinks over here!"

Mac began to laugh as the waitress approached.

"Can I start you folks off with something to drink?" she asked.

"Iced tea and water for both, please" replied Mac.

"I'll be right back with those" said the waitress.

Harm took another chip from the basket and dipped it into the salsa as Mac looked at him in amazement.

"I thought that stuff was hot" she said comically.

"It is" he said as he took another bite, "but I've found if I keep eating it while I'm waiting for my drink, it doesn't burn as much as if I just sit here."

Mac shook her head and laughed. "Whatever gets you there, flyboy…"

Harm looked her in the eye, a spark of orneriness in his gaze.

"You know all about getting me there, don't ya, baby?"

Mac turned a few shades of red at his comment.

"Such a….guy!" she said, shaking her head once more as the waitress returned with their drinks.

"Thank you" said Harm as he picked up his glass of water and chugged half of it in a couple gulps.

Once again, Mac laughed.

"I'll give you folks a few minutes" said the waitress.

Harm nodded, still guzzling his water.

"Better?" Mac asked once he set the glass down.

"Much" he replied as he opened his menu. "Let's see here, what sounds good…"

Mac opened her menu and began perusing it.

"I don't have a clue what I want" she said, "it all sounds so good."

"I know what I'm having" said Harm as he closed his menu.

"Already?" said Mac. "It usually takes you twice as long as me to choose an entrée!"

"Well" he said, "there's not a whole lot on here that's meatless, which made it a lot easier to choose. Grilled Vegetable Quesadillas."

"Sounds intriguing" said Mac as she scanned the menu looking for the description. "_A fresh blend of mixed veggies, grilled to perfection and served between two homemade flour tortillas with melted cheese. _Those do sound good."

"Yep" replied Harm as he reached for another chip. "What're you getting?"

"I dunno!" she laughed, "but I'll pick something. Lemme see…"

She read over the menu a couple more times before making her decision.

"Sizzling Chicken Fajitas" she said, "that's what I'll go with."

"What's in those?' asked Harm, this time reaching for his iced tea to wash down the last salsa-covered chip he'd consumed.

"It's just chicken breasts grilled with green peppers and onions, then sliced into strips" said Mac. "You put that all into a tortilla and fold it in half and eat it like a taco."

"How do you know this?" he asked, "it's not like we've gone out for this kind of food before."

"I saw it on some cooking show one day while I was channel surfing" she answered.

"Cool" said Harm with a smile. "I guess it does sound good, if you like that kind of stuff."

"What kind of stuff is 'that'?" asked Mac, knowing where he was going but playing along anyway.

"Dead bird stuff!" replied Harm.

"Goofball" said Mac, taking a drink of her tea and reaching for another chip. She used it to scoop up a huge bite of salsa.

"Mmm…" she said, "that's awesome, I miss this kind of stuff."

"Oh yeah" said Harm, "you haven't been able to eat spicy stuff since Ainsley's been born, right?"

"Longer than that" she replied, "more like since before I got pregnant. I couldn't eat it then because it made me sick, and I haven't been able to have any since she's been born because it'll make my milk taste funny and it'll upset her tummy."

"This must taste _really_ good to you then, huh?" said Harm.

"Incredibly good!" answered Mac. "As will something with a ton of chocolate in it and something loaded with caffeine, two more things I haven't been able to indulge in for a long time."

"Yep" said Harm, "this week you can indulge all you want and not have to worry about the baby."

"Don't get me wrong" she said as she took a drink of her water, "I don't mind not getting to have those things, I mean her well-being comes before mine anytime, but since I'm allowed to go a little bit crazy this week without affecting her, I'm gonna do it."

"I know, babe" said Harm, "but before we end up having another conversation about the baby, let's talk about what we wanna do after dinner, OK?"

"Sure" said Mac, thankful that Harm was thinking clearly and doing such a good job of steering their conversation away from how things were probably going back at their house. "Any suggestions?"

"Well" he said, "I thought we might walk a little farther down the river, just see what's there, then we could take a ferry ride back. Sound OK?"

"Sounds nice" said Mac. "How far away from here is our hotel?"

"Not very" he said, "it's actually on the Riverwalk."

"Oh, wow!" exclaimed Mac. "Did you get us a room with a view?"

"I did" he replied, "but I'm not exactly sure why."

"What do you mean?" asked Mac. "The view of the river at night is supposed to be amazing, don't you wanna see that?"

"The only view I care about, Mac" he said, reaching across the table and taking her left hand into his right as he looked into her eyes, "is the one I've got right here." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her wedding ring.

"Oh, Harm…" said Mac softly, fighting back her joyful tears.

This was definitely going to be one amazing week.

* * *

_A/N: It may be an amazing week for them in this story, but it's gonna be a looooong week for us as we wait and see what actually happens in next weeks episode! I've already watched the preview from tonight over and over and over again on my Tivo, and I'll no doubt watch it a few dozen times between now and next week! All I can say is this: after showing us a preview like that, if they don't get together, I think the folks in the houses next to this one will be wondering what I'm carrying on about so hysterically come 9:00 p.m. next Friday night! Just based on tonight's preview, I'm feeling fairly sure that they'll at least sleep together, but I'm so torn on all the possibilities for what comes after that! It sucks that, because CBS couldn't decide at the end of last season that this season would indeed be the last, we don't get to see a Harm/Mac wedding next week! Oh well, as long as they get together, I guess I'll be pacified. :)_

_Oh yes, for those wondering, I'm a big fan of San Antonio and I just adore Tex-Mex food:)_


	61. Chapter 61

Disclaimer: If they belonged to me, when the finale came, many, MANY moons from now, there'd be no issues of "will they or won't they" because they would have long ago!

_A/N: Thanks to everyone for the swell reviews! A few folks have asked me why I love San Antonio, Texas so much, enough to set the first part of Harm and Mac's honeymoon there. It's just a really cool place to visit, I guess! The food is wonderful, it's a very pretty city (the tourist spots anyway, every town has it's not-so-nice places), lots of history, culture, etc... It's not necessarily a place I could see them in initially, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to fit and seemed to be a place I could have some fun with. _

_Here's the next San Antonio honeymoon chapter, the latter parts rated R (enjoy, all my fellow shippers, enjoy!)_

* * *

Chapter 61: 

"Ugh" said Mac as they walked out of the restauraunt, "I'm full."

"What's that?" kidded Harm, holding his hand to his ear as if he was hard of hearing. "My Marine is _what_?"

"You heard me" said Mac, "I'm full, but it all tasted soooo good!"

"Indeed it did" agreed Harm as the pair stood in the middle of the sidewalk. "Which way should we go, left or right?"

"Right" replied Mac.

"Works for me" said Harm, taking a hold of Mac's hand.

They strolled along the Riverwalk, taking in the atmosphere, the people, the culture around them.

"Hey, look" said Harm, pointing at the Mariachi band playing on one of the river ferries.

"How neat!" exclaimed Mac. "I thought we might get to hear some Mariachi music here."

"It's a lot different than anything we've heard before, huh?" said Harm.

"Yeah" she replied, "it just adds to the whole 'Spanish experience'" said Mac, clearly enjoying herself.

Harm leaned down and gave her a kiss.

She replied with a smile.

They walked on a bit farther and came upon a point of entry to the ferry boats.

"Wanna keep walking or get on the boat?" asked Harm.

"We can go on the boat" said Mac, "we've walked quite a way since dinner, I think we've earned a little break."

They stepped forward onto the platform and purchased their tickets just as a ferry was returning. Once all the passengers from the previous ride had unloaded, the operator welcomed the next group aboard.

"Here, babe" said Harm, "lemme go first, then I'll help you in."

"OK" said Mac, loving how thoughtful and romantic her husband was being.

Harm stepped off the platform and onto the boat, then reached both arms out to help Mac aboard.

"Thanks" she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

They took their seats near the back of the boat and waited as the rest of the group came on board.

"This is a far cry from the boats we're usually on" commented Mac with a laugh.

"Yeah" agreed Harm, "none of those damn knee-knockers to contend with!"

"I've never figured out why they call them that" said Mac, "shouldn't they be called 'shin-knockers'. They don't come close to hitting people's knees, you know?"

Harm couldn't help but laugh at the wit of his precious bride.

"Oh baby" he said, "sometimes you're just too inquisitive for anyone's good."

"But you love me anyway" she replied.

"You know it." said Harm.

Mac laid her head on his shoulder as the ferry pushed away from the platform.

* * *

"That was really neat" said Mac as they departed the ferry. They'd seen so much more of the Riverwalk than if they'd just walked the area they had dined in, and as the sun set during their ferry ride and the shops and eateries lit up for the evening, it was really a sight to see. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, babe" said Harm. "Ready to go check out the hotel?"

"Definitely" said Mac, "you said it's on the Riverwalk, right?"

"Yes, it is" answered Harm. "It's not too far to walk from here, but we need to go move the car anyway, so we'll drive."

"Sure" said Mac, wrapping her arm around Harm's waist as they walked back to the parking lot.

* * *

"Keep 'em closed" said Harm as he led Mac off the hotel elevator. 

"They're closed, they're closed" she said, holding her hand over her eyes as he'd asked her to do when they boarded the elevator. He didn't want her to figure out which floor they were stopping on, and he wanted her first view of their room to be perfect, hence the decision to keep her from peeking until he made sure everything was just as he wanted it to be.

"OK" he said, "just stand right here, babe, I'm gonna make sure they gave us the right room."

"I won't move, I promise" laughed Mac as she stood near the wall. Harm fished the key card from his back pocket and slid it into the slot on the door. He stepped inside, turned on the lights, and took a few seconds to walk around and make sure his special requests had been attended to. Satisfied with everything, he went out to bring Mac in.

"Here, gimme your hand" he said, reaching out towards her, "and don't open your eyes till I say to, OK?"

"OK, Harm" laughed Mac again, all the while wondering exactly what her sweet hubby had plotted that was so secretive.

He led her through the door and into the middle of the room.

"OK" he said, "open."

Mac slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh, Harm…" was all she could say as she marveled at what surrounded her. The room was enormous, bigger than any she'd ever stayed in before. It was decorated in deep purple with gold and silver accents everywhere. In one corner was a reclining loveseat. Across from that sat an oak wood armoire which housed a big screen TV. There was a desk along one wall and a phone table along another. The centerpiece of the room was the king sized, 4 poster bed with a dark purple comforter and matching canopy.

"Do you like it?" asked Harm as he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Wow…" was the only reply she could manage.

"There's more" he said, reaching down to take her hand.

"I'm not sure I can handle much more" said Mac, wiping a few tears from her eyes.

He led her into the bathroom and flipped the lightswitch, then looked down to see her reaction.

"Oh…"

Next to the crystal clear shower stall was a full-sized whirlpool tub. It was already filled and bubbling, surrounded by a dozen lavender scented candles. Purple and lilac colored rose petals were strewn about the entire area, and from the built-in CD player came the instrumental version of the song they'd danced their first dance as husband and wife to, "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" by Elton John.

"It's amazing, Harm" whispered Mac as she looked into his eyes, "thank you…"

"You're more than welcome" he replied, rubbing his hand across her cheek and catching a lone stray teardrop as it fell.

"I love you so much" she said, putting her arms around his neck and pulling his face towards her own. They kissed passionately for a few moments before Mac pulled back.

"Did the bellhop bring our bags up yet?" she asked softly.

"Yeah" replied Harm, running his fingers through her hair.

"Good" said Mac, "I need a few things out of mine and 5 minutes alone, OK?"

"OK" said Harm, stealing one more kiss before stepping away.

Mac walked past him to find her suitcase. She fumbled around with the contents, not wanting Harm to see what she was taking out, and when she had what she was looking for, she held it close and discreetly carried it back to the bathroom.

"5 minutes" called Harm as she closed the door, "after that, I'm comin' in!"

"If you say so, flyboy" called Mac in reply as she laid a few things out along the countertop.

"_Wonder what she's doing in there_?" thought Harm to himself as he kicked his shoes and socks off and untucked his shirt. He walked over to the window and peeked between the curtains at the view from way up there. It was amazing. The night sky was so dark and the stars so bright, were it not for the buildings, one could easily see for miles.

As he was pondering how beautiful the world looked from where he stood, he heard the bathroom door open. He turned his gaze in that direction, his heart skipping several beats when he caught sight of his wife.

"Mac…" he said, wanting to say more but finding himself at a total loss for words. She was wearing a sheer, black robe over a lacy black teddy, neither of which left much to the imagination. Her hair was pulled up in a clip, a few locks left flowing across her shoulders.

"You like it?" she asked, not that she needed to ask, but wanting to hear his answer anyway.

"Wh…uh…yeah" he stammered, "it's…wow…"

"Well then" she said as she leaned against the doorframe, "what are you doing all the way over there?"

That was all the invitation he needed. He raced across the room and took her in his arms, their lips meeting passionately, their tounges fighting for dominance over one another.

He pressed her against the wall outside the bathroom, losing himself in the firey kiss as she ran her fingers through his hair and across his back.

He picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing his hand behind her head as he carefully laid her down. He stepped back to look at her for just a moment, the desire in his eyes enough to make her crazy.

Seconds later, he was kissing her once again, his knees on either side of her body as he laid over her.

She grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it upwards. They broke the kiss only long enough for him to take hold of the shirt and yank it over his head, tossing it haphazardly behind himself.

"I love you…" he whispered seductively.

"I love you…" she replied, reaching for the button on his jeans as their lips continued to battle.

In one of her patented "Marine moves", she wrapped her arms around his torso while she shifted her momentum to her left, causing him to end up beneath her.

"Damn, you're good" he growled, looking up at her from his new positon.

"You ain't seen nothin' yet" replied Mac. She began to draw tiny circles across his chest with her fingers.

She'd go here.

She'd go there.

She'd stop and kiss him again.

"You're cruel" he whispered with a smile.

"Mm - hmm…" replied Mac as she slipped the sheer black robe off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor beside the bed.

She could almost hear his heart beating faster as she leaned in again and ran her fingers through his hair.

He rubbed his hands all over her back, moving the straps of her teddy out of his way, losing what little capacity for rational thought remained at that point.

"Oh, God" he gasped as in the process of undoing the zipper on his jeans, she'd run her hand in the wrong place.

"Careful" he said, "anymore of that and you just might have to wait for the encore to catch the show."

She laughed just a little bit. "Self-control, flyboy, self-control."

His self-control had gone AWOL the moment he laid eyes on her in that sexy little black two-piece, and she knew it.

"What say we lose these?" she asked in a deep, sultry voice as she raked her nails up and down the leg of his jeans.

He gave her a single nod.

She climbed off of him and stood at his feet next to the bed. She took hold of the ends of both legs of his jeans, and with a couple strong tugs, they joined the clothing already cast onto the floor.

She climbed back on top of him and plunged her lips towards his.

He moved his hands all over her body, across her back, and inside that naughty black number.

"Mmm…" she purred as she felt his hands on her bare skin.

"I think" he said as he tugged on the straps of the teddy, "that this needs to go."

"So get rid of it" said Mac before busying herself with creating a "love tattoo" on his collarbone.

He reached around her back once more, finding the tiny zipper and moving it downward. Mac sat up over him, straddling his body and taking her lips away from his collarbone, which now sported a dark pink mark.

He took the straps around his index fingers and slowly pulled them down, his breath catching in his throat as within seconds the teddy was gathered at her waist.

In a move not unlike the one she'd used on him earlier, he flipped them both over to where he was once again on top of her.

Putting his feet on the floor for just a moment, he hooked his index fingers around the bottom of what little bit of the teddy was still covering her and tugged it off.

He stood before her and stared at her bare body as it lay on that mammoth bed before him.

"God, you're beautiful…" he mumbled as he began to climb back onto the bed.

"Forgetting something?" asked Mac as she nodded towards his hunter green slik boxers.

"Don't you want the honors?" he replied huskily, giving her enough of a grin to make her heart race.

"No, go ahead" she answered, "then get that cute ass back over here!"

Without another word, he stripped the boxers from his body and practically lept back onto the bed, their lips once again meeting in a magnetic fury.

They embraced one another, their hands roaming to places high, low and all in between.

"Mmmph…" said Mac as she tried to speak with his lips still covering hers.

"Huh?" he asked, pulling away for just a second.

"Now" she said, "right now!"

"Nuh-uh" he replied as he kissed all over her tummy.

"You're evil" she whined, pretending she hated it when he played that little game.

She loved it, and he knew it.

"Yep" he replied, touching her belly button with the tip of his tounge.

"Haaaarm…" she purred, "you know what that does to me…"

"Nothin' compared to what I'm about to do, baby" he replied.

Suffice it to say, they were really glad they had a corner suite without any neighbors.

…_some while later…_

"Think we should go check out that whirlpool?" asked Mac, her head leaning against his chest. His heartbeat had slowed down some, but she could tell it was still up there a good bit.

"I think that sounds like a lovely idea, my dear" he replied, "then we should check out the shower…then maybe that loveseat over there…"

"My, my" said Mac, "aren't we insatiable this evening?"

"That differs from most evenings how?" asked Harm with a smile.

Mac just laughed a little.

"You really think we can do it on that loveseat?" she asked.

"Sure" he answered, "why not?"

"Reclined or upright?" she asked, looking up to see his face.

"I dunno" he said, "let's do both and I'll get back to you."

She stretched herself up and gave his lips a kiss.

"I'm beginning to think we'll get less sleep this week than we do at home when Ainsley wakes up every 4 hours" she said.

"Perhaps" he replied, "but it's gonna be an amazing week, Mac."

"I know it will be" she said. "After all, I'm with you."

* * *

_A/N: Several folks have asked me lately how my own situation is going with regards to the fertility treatments. I've been out of the game for the last few months, part of that time was for my surgery of course, and I'm pleased to report that as of today, I'm back in the game. I began the injections tonight, and we'll see what happens this go-round. It's scary and exciting and all sorts of other things, all rolled into one. _

_4 more days till the finale...sigh..._


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62:

"This is soooo romantic" she said with a sigh as she leaned back against Harm's chest in the whirlpool.

"Mm-hmm" he replied, "very relaxing."

"Incredibly" agreed Mac, sliding down a bit more into the hot, foamy water. "A lot different than the last one of these we were in, huh?"

Harm chuckled. "Yeah, I dare say you're feeling a lot better in this one than you did in that one."

"Uh, ya think?" she laughed. "You can't possibly know the pain I was experiencing in that hospital tub."

"I never once claimed I did" said Harm. "I mean, I've been through some damn painful stuff, but the sheer physics involved with childbirth give me the creeps."

"You didn't act creeped out" said Mac. "Did it really bother you that much?"

"Yes and no" said Harm. "Yes, it bothered me that you had to go through something that painful and I couldn't take away any of that pain, but no, it didn't creep me out enough to cause me to not want to be there for you, not even close."

"You really were an amazing labor coach" she said, "I hope I told you that before now."

"You did, babe" he replied, kissing the top of her head. "I did my best, I'm glad it was enough."

"It was more than enough" said Mac as she stretched out a little more in the tub. "I still say we need one of these at home."

"Where would we put it?" asked Harm.

"I dunno" said Mac, "maybe rip out the tub in our bathroom and put it in there and put a shower stall next to it?"

"That house is only a few years old" he said, "you sure you wanna rip things out of it already?"

"No, not sure" said Mac, "just a thought."

"We'll see" said Harm, wrapping his arms around her.

"Maybe next time" she said, "we can try for a water birth."

"A what?" asked Harm.

"A water birth" repeated Mac, "you know, do the labor and delivery in a birthing tub."

"As in have the baby under water?" he asked.

"Yeah" she replied, "it's supposed to be more relaxing for the mother and less traumatic for the baby than coming out into the cold air."

"I gotta tell ya, Mac" he said, "that sounds a little too weird to me."

"Why?" she asked, "what seems so weird about it?"

"I'm not sure exactly" he said, "just seems weird! However, if it's something you want to explore further when the time comes, I'll do my best to keep an open mind."

"That's all I ever ask" she said, reaching out to find his hand.

"Do you think a lot about when we'll try to have the next one?" she asked him.

"Some" he answered. "Why, do you?"

"All the time, actually" she said.

"You're not ready for another one already, are you?" he asked in a tone which made it clear he wasn't ready yet.

"Oh heavens, no!" exclaimed Mac. "Ainsley's only a few months old, there's no way I'm ready to try again for at _least_ a year, maybe a little more. It's not like we'll be able to just decide we want another one and go about it like normal couples do, and I'm in no way ready to dive into any of that again anytime soon."

"Ok, good" he replied. "This is something I probably should have asked before now" he continued, "but even given our history and all that, there's no chance it could happen in the general run of things this week, or anytime soon, is there? I mean we haven't been careful at _all_ since you had the baby, I guess it never really occurred to me that we needed to think about that…"

"Relax, Harm" said Mac, "I asked Dr. Mianni that very thing last week and she said since I'm still nursing Ainsley full-time and I'm not ovulating, there's no chance whatsoever. Throw in my other issues, and we've got nothing to worry about, I promise."

"OK" said Harm, breathing a sigh of relief he hoped she hadn't noticed. "You know I want more children, just… not right now."

"I know, babe" she said, "I feel the very same way."

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the essence of the room, the romance that surrounded them.

"You miss her, huh?" asked Harm.

"Of course" she replied, "so do you."

"Yeah, I really do" he said. "She's doing fine though, we know that."

"Mm-hmm" said Mac, "I'm trying not to think much about missing her because it won't do anyone any good and it'll only detract from this special week, but it's hard. Especially at night when I wake up to feed her and she's not here." Mac began to choke up.

"Hey, hey" said Harm softly as he held her close. "I miss her too, I know it's hard being away from her like this, but she's OK."

Mac quickly regained her composure and calmed herself down. "You're right" she said. "I now see why people usually get married _before_ they have children, though!"

Harm smiled and nodded his head. "What do you say we get out of here and take a nice, hot shower? It'll take your mind off of things."

"Will this be a 'shower shower' or a 'Harm shower'?" she asked.

"Well, what kind of husband would I be" he said, "if I allowed my upset wife to shower all by her lonesome?"

* * *

"I'm glad we spent some time here" said Mac as they left the hotel parking garage later the following afternoon and headed out of San Antonio. 

They'd had breakfast in bed that morning.

They'd had dessert in bed that morning.

He'd showered.

She'd showered.

They'd showered.

They visited the Alamo and the Zoo.

They'd driven up to the Hill Country, just north of the city limits, and taken in the beauty that Harm had read so much about in planning the trip.

They returned to the hotel in time to check out (thank God for the option of late check out!) and grab dinner on their way out of town.

"Too bad the bluebonnets aren't blooming now" said Mac, looking out the window as they rolled along the highway. "You can see where they'd be, right out there."

"Mm-hmm" said Harm, "unfortunately most wildflowers don't do much in the dead of winter."

"No" she said, "but maybe we can find a postcard or something with a picture of bluebonnets."

"I'm sure we can do that" said Harm. "Oh, you said you wanted to call home once we got on the road?"

"Oh yeah" she said, "where's your phone? I forgot to charge mine last night and the in-car plug isn't in here anywhere."

"It was in here yesterday" said Harm, looking around a little bit while keeping his focus on the road.

"I dunno" said Mac, "probably under one of the seats or something, we'll find it."

"Yeah" said Harm as he handed Mac his phone, "not like it got up and walked off."

She chuckled as she pressed a few keys on the phone and put it to her ear.

"Hey, Frank" she said. "We're great, yeah, we left San Antonio a little bit ago and had some dinner, now we're on our way to the next of Harm's secret destinations."

She looked over at him with the last part of that sentence, and he simply smiled.

"How's Ainsley?" asked Mac as she continued her conversation with Frank. "That's good, yeah. Yeah, we figured it'd take a few nights for her schedule to get back to normal. No kidding? Wow, you two are good!"

"_Wonder what she did this time?" _thought Harm to himself as he turned on the signal to change lanes.

"Everything is going good, then, huh?" asked Mac. "Well, we're glad to know that, it makes enjoying ourselves a lot easier. Tell Trish we called and give Ainsley kisses from us. We will, OK, thanks, Frank, bye."

"I take it all's well?" asked Harm.

"Yep" answered Mac. "He said the baby's already almost back to her normal schedule, which is amazing considering we've only been away for 2 days."

"Wow" said Harm, "that's great! She still fighting them over the bottles?"

"He didn't really say" said Mac, "but knowing our child like we do, chances are she's still making it known that she's none too thrilled about them."

"Yeah, probably so" laughed Harm. "By the time she decides they're OK, we'll be back and it won't matter."

"I _hope_ it won't matter" said Mac softly.

"What?" asked Harm. "Why _would _it matter?"

Mac sighed deeply. "Because there's a chance that after getting a bottle all the time for a full week, she'll figure out that it's much easier to get the milk from there than from me an she won't wanna nurse anymore."

"Oh, Mac" said Harm, "don't think like that, babe. She's always wanted you over that bottle, always. Think about all the times I've given her one at night, she fights me every time, and at the reception, she flat out refused to take the bottle from my mom, remember."

"I know" replied Mac, fidgetting with her wedding ring, "but that was before she was getting very many bottles. It's been proven that babies learn quickly that the way they move their mouths and tongues between breastfeeding and bottle feeding is different, that it's much easier to get what they want out of the bottle, and if you give them too many bottles, they might refuse to breastfeed after that."

"I don't think that'll happen with Ainsley, babe" said Harm, reaching over and taking Mac's hand. "We did what we had to do for the week, and we'll deal with whatever we need to once we get home. If it means we have to fight her in the opposite direction and get her not to want as many bottles as she's getting this week, we'll do that. I'll help you do whatever we have to do, OK?"

"I know you will" she replied. "I'm just … I've wanted to do this for so long, and when it looked like I may never get the chance, it about killed me. Now that I've been given the chance and I've done it, I'm loving it and I hate that one week away from her could ruin it all."

"I know, babe" said Harm, "but let's both try really hard not to dwell on that, or anything else we can't control for that matter, and let's just focus on us for the rest of the week. Whatever's gonna happen at home, with the baby or anything at work, or whatever, is gonna happen whether we think about it or not, and we'll have to deal with it, but we don't have to let it detract from our honeymoon, right?"

Mac took a deep breath. "You're right. Let's talk about something else, like where we're going today…?" She looked at him with a cockeyed grin.

"Nice try there, beautiful" he said, smiling back at her. "Not gonna work, though."

"Tell me this, then" she said, "at any point in the remainder of this week, will I know where we're going before we get here?"

"Probably not" said Harm, "but you're so smart, you may figure out bits and pieces of some things."

"There you go" she laughed, "challenging me again!"

"Only if you want to take it as such" he replied. "I'm just trying to take my wife on a nice, romantic getaway to some places we've never been before, but if she chooses to interpret that as a challenge, well then…"

"You're impossible sometimes, you know that?" she asked as she shook her head.

"But you l-" he began to say as she cut him off.

"But I love you anyway" said Mac, "yeah, yeah, I know, I do. A whole lot, too."

"How much is 'a whole lot'?" asked Harm, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Get us to where we're going" said Mac, "and I'll show you."

* * *

_A/N: Sigh...I'm getting REALLY anxious about the finale on Friday! If I make it through without crying - good tears or bad - it'll be a miracle. It's always hard to say goodbye to old friends, and sicne this was the first show my husband and I ever got into watching together 10 years ago, I feel like I'm really losing a friend. :( I'm not giving up hope that the ending will be shippery, but part of me is just...sigh...worried. _

_Anyway, enough of that sad stuff - I hope you're enjoying the honeymoon chapters as much as I'm enjoying writing them. :)_


	63. Chapter 63 contains my thoughts on the ...

_A/N: See notes at the end regarding my thoughts on the finale! **Warning to those who haven't seen the episode yet: Spoilers galore!** (in my notes, not in the story)_

* * *

Chapter 63: 

"You'll _show_ me, huh?" replied Harm with a smile. "Well then, I guess I'd better hurry up and get us there, hadn't I?"

"Might be worth your while, sailor" said Mac, a sensual smirk across her face.

"No doubt about that" he said as he intertwined his fingers with hers, their hands resting atop her leg.

"Will you tell me how long we're gonna be wherever it is we're going tonight?" asked Mac.

Harm thought for a moment. "We'll be there tonight, all day tomorrow and tomorrow night."

"OK" she said, "do you have anything planned for tonight?"

He looked at her, an unmistakable gleam of mischief dancing in those baby blues. "I thought _you _had our evening all figured out, Mrs. Mackenzie-Rabb."

Mac shook her head and laughed. "OK, I walked right into that one" she said. "Seriously, are we doing anything tonight _other_ than the obvious?"

Harm laughed a bit before responding. "Yes, we are."

"Does it involve food?" she asked.

"I'm sure we'll eat something before the evening gets too old" said Harm.

"Can we do whatever it is you've got planned" she asked, " in the clothes we've got on, or will we need to change?"

He looked over at her and down at himself. She had on jeans and a coral colored wool sweater. He was wearing jeans, a long-sleeved blue mock turtleneck and a cream colored V-neck sweater.

"These'll do fine."

"I see" said Mac, putting her lawyer skills to work and trying to complete the puzzle. "How far are we from where we're going?"

"About 2 hours" he said, "little less, maybe."

She was about to ask another question when Harm's phone rang.

He picked it up, looked at the display and got a puzzled look on his face as he answered the call.

"Hello?" he said. "Mattie? Hey, I didn't recognize the number, where are you calling from? Oh, I got ya'. You what? Heh, I don't think so, kiddo."

"_Oh boy…" _thought Mac.

"Because, I said so" said Harm. "Mat-…Mattie, listen, listen before you fly off the handle like that, just listen to me. When we get back home, I'll be happy to sit down and talk about this with you, but right now the answer is no….Mattie, don't, no, Mats, please, just accept my answer for now and we'll talk about it next week. I know, life's not fair, but you'll survive. Love you." He took the phone away from his ear and shook his head.

"That didn't sound like it went over well" said Mac.

"It didn't" said Harm. "She was calling from her friend Shelly's house, wants to go to a party this coming Friday night over there, co-ed, no parents."

"I don't think so!" exclaimed Mac.

"Exactly" said Harm. "You heard what I told her, but that's not what she wanted to hear. She's pretty mad right now."

"I'm guessing she asked your folks and they said to ask you?" asked Mac.

"I guess so" he replied. "I'm sure they knew I'd say no, but since they're not really there to look after Mattie they didn't feel like it was up to them."

"Welcome to life with a teenager, my dear" said Mac, rubbing Harm's leg.

"I mean, we've had her with us for how long now" he asked, "and we've been pretty fortunate as far as this kind of thing goes, really. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Oh, yeah" agreed Mac. "She's mad now, but you and I both know she didn't _really_ expect you to say yes to that."

"I _know_ she didn't" said Harm, "I'd still have preferred her to use her own good judgement and not tried to use the fact that we're gone this week to her advantage."

"Well, babe" said Mac, "think of it this way - at least she _asked_ and didn't just do it simply _because_ we're not there to stop her. We need to make sure we give her credit where it's due."

"Good point" said Harm. He took a deep breath. "Enough of this little mess, though, let's get back to the discussion we were having before we were so rudely interrupted."

"Yeah" said Mac, "where were we?"

"I believe you were asking me twenty questions in an attempt to assertain where we're going" said Harm with a smile.

"Ah, yes" said Mac. "By now we're roughly an hour and 45 minutes away, we're heading east on I-10, hmm…."

"Hey, no cheating, Marine!" said Harm when he saw Mac reach into the back seat to get the atlas.

"Cut it out, goofball!" she exclaimed as he tried swatting the book from her hands.

"Don't make me tickle you, Mac!" said Harm, "you know I'll do it!"

"While you're driving, you'll tickle me?" she laughed. "Somehow I don't think so!"

"Oh, really?" he asked. "Now who's challenging whom, hmmm?" He kept his left hand on the wheel and both eyes on the road as his right hand went straight to Mac's "tickle spot", just below her rib cage.

"Stop! Stop!" she exclaimed between belts of laughter. "Uncle! Uncle!"

"Put the book down and I'll stop" said Harm, laughing right along with her.

She tossed the atlas back into the back seat. "See? Gone! Stop! Stop!" she begged through her laughter.

Harm stopped tickling her and instead took hold of her hand.

"See?" he said, "I tried to warn you…"

"You're obnoxious, you know that?" she asked as she straightened out her sweater.

"It's been rumored" he replied, "but the jury is still deliberating."

"HA!" exclaimed Mac, "trust me, _dear_, there's nothing to deliberate!"

* * *

"Are we going to…Houston?" asked Mac the closer they got to the 2 hour travel mark. 

"Hey, you're a smart one" replied Harm with a grin. "Yeah, we are."

"Alright" said Mac, "what're we gonna do there?"

"Well" he answered, "tonight, we'll find our hotel and get settled, we can go grab a snack if you're hungry", he paused and looked at her, knowing the answer to that question. "OK, we _will _go grab a snack" he continued, "then we'll spend a quiet evening together."

"That sounds really nice" said Mac. "We've had a busy day today, which makes a quiet evening sound fantastic."

"I thought it would" said Harm, "that's one reason I planned on it."

"Does the hotel have an indoor pool?" asked Mac.

"Mm-hmm" said Harm, "but we're staying in a Jacuzzi suite, wouldn't you rather spend some time in there?"

"I will" she said, "but I really feel like swimming for some reason. What would you say to swimming for awhile before we settle into that quiet evening?"

"Sounds fine to me, babe" he replied. "Tonight, my plans are flexible. Now, tomorrow, not so much."

"Oooh boy, what're we doing tomorrow?" she asked.

Harm just shook his head and laughed. "You're without a doubt the most determined woman I've ever met. You know I'm not going to tell you and yet you keep asking."

"I figure maybe, eventually" said Mac, "you'll give in and let me in on these secret schemes of yours."

"Oh, I will" he said, "but in _my_ time, not yours, my love."

* * *

"This place is amazing, Harm" she said as they walked into their suite at the hotel. It was a lot like the one they'd had in San Antonio, except this one was a bit bigger and laid out a little differently. The two most important things - the king sized, 4 poster bed and the Jacuzzi - were almost identical to the other ones, and overall the room was just as nice. 

"Yeah, I'm pleased with it so far" said Harm, turning around to tip the bellhop for bringing their bags up.

"What's the view like out the window?" he asked as he put their suitcases on the stands.

Mac walked across the room and peeked between the drapes.

"Oh, wow…" she said. "It's beautiful, come see."

He left the suitcases alone and joined her by the window. He opened the drapes wider and they stood together, looking out on the city, all lit up. It looked so peaceful, so quiet. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her in close to him.

"Wanna go get that snack before we change to go swimming?" he asked her.

"Nah" she said, "let's go ahead and swim, and if we're hungry afterwards, we'll just call down for room service."

"Sure, whatever you want" said Harm, giving her a kiss on the lips before returning to the suitcases. He pulled his American flag patterned Tommy Hilfiger trunks from his suitcase, setting them aside as he rummaged through Mac's suitcase in search of her bikini.

"What suit did you bring, babe?" he asked her, thinking perhaps he was overlooking it.

"I brought two" she answered, "the red bikini and the purple racerback."

"Hmm…" he said as he carefully moved her clothes out of the way and looked to the bottom of her luggage, "I'm not seeing them in here."

"They're in there" she said, "I put them in myself. Lemme see if I can find them, sometimes they get folded in with other things and get lost."

"OK" said Harm, stepping aside and allowing her space to search. She took piles of clothes out and set them on the bed, looked through them all and was getting worried until…

"Bingo!" she said as she held up the red bikini top. "It was folded in with one of my sweaters, don't ask me how, but it was."

"I hope the other piece is in there someplace" said Harm. "Not that I'd _mind _at all if it wasn't, but I damn sure wouldn't want anyone _else_ seeing you like that…not that we'd even try to go down there without being properly clothed, but you know what I mean."

"Relax, silly" she said, holding up the bottom half of the suit. "It's right here."

"Aw, rats" said Harm playfully. "Now I've gotta share you."

"Goofball" laughed Mac as she kicked off her shoes and pulled her sweater over her head.

Harm laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Mac as she continued to undress.

"You know, it wasn't all that long ago" he said, "when the idea of changing clothes in front of one another was…"

"Just a dream?" she said with a smile.

"Yeah" he said. "Now look at us…"

"Funny how life works sometimes, isn't it?" asked Mac as she struggled to get her bikini top tied.

"Need any help?" asked Harm as he pulled his Tommy trunks on and tied the string around the waist.

Mac laughed as she replied. "Can you help me get it tied _without_ taking it off, throwing me on the bed and having your way with me?"

"I'll sure try" he said with a flyboy grin, "but I'm only human, Mac."

He walked over to her and took the strings of the bikini top in his hands, concentrating on getting them tied and not on the fact that she was so darned close to being naked.

"There, see?" he said, "all finished and I didn't even have to ravage you."

"Very good, babe" she replied. "But don't totally give up on that idea of ravaging me. After all, we've got all night."

"And we'll use every second."

* * *

"It's freezing in here!" she exclaimed as they returned to their room after a long, relaxing swim. 

"I'll go turn the heat up if you wanna get into the hot tub" said Harm.

"OK" she answered, heading for the bathroom while he went across the room and cranked the heater up to high. By the time he got into the bathroom, she was already in the tub.

"Is the water hot enough?" he asked her as he dimmed the lights.

"It's perfect" she said, "come on in."

"Gladly" he replied with a smile as he tossed his wet towel into the corner with hers and climbed in.

"Oh yeah" he said as he slid down into the 105 degree water, "this is great."

"What're you doing all the way over there?" she asked him, "get over here with me."

"Yes, ma'am" he replied, giving her a mock salute and a flyboy smile as he slid across the built-in bench.

"Better?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

"Much" she answered, leaning her head back against his chest. "I _really_ think we should get one of these at home."

Harm couldn't help but chuckle. "I know you do, babe, but I think what makes it seem so nice right now is the fact that we're here all alone, no chance for anyone to interrupt us, we can stay in as long as we choose to, etc… We wouldn't have that luxury at home, not very often anyway."

Mac sighed. "Yeah, I know. It'd still be cool to have, though."

"Oh, it no doubt would" agreed Harm, "and I didn't say we won't look into getting one, I'm just saying it won't be the same as the times we use one this week is all."

"Speaking of this week" she said, "any chance you'll tell me where else we'll be going?"

"Now what do you think?" he replied with a little smile.

"It was worth a try" she laughed.

He held her a little closer and whispered "I love you" in her ear.

* * *

"I still can't believe we did that" said Harm as they lay in the bed, hot, sweaty and tangled in the sheets. 

"Why not?" asked Mac with a little giggle. "People do that stuff with this kind of bed all the time."

"Yeah" he said, "but _we've_ never done it before, and I can't believe you _brought _these things!" he exclaimed, holding up a pair of fuzzy blue handcuffs.

Mac laughed and laughed. "I told you, babe" she said, "they were a gag gift from Harriet, and I figured what the hell, they may come in handy this week, so I packed them."

"Yeah, well" replied Harm, "I think she bought them a few sizes too small, look at the marks in my wrists, see right there?"

"Well, if you'd laid still!" said Mac.

"Laid still? While you did….everything you were doing to me?" asked Harm. "Are you serious?"

"Not hardly" she replied, leaning over and placing a passionate kiss on his lips.

"Well, I'm glad" he said, "because there's no way if _you _were in these things, you'd be able to lay still either."

"Oh" she said, a devilish grin on her face, "I might do better than you think."

"Is that a challenge, my love?" he asked as he looked into her eyes.

"Maybe" she said. "Think you've got any strength left after all that, flyboy?"

"I'm sure I can muster up some for _you_, baby."

* * *

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SERIES FINALE! 

_A/N: THEY'RE TOGETHER, THEY'RE TOGETHER! The episode, overall, was pretty good, but I was really disappointed in how the entire Harm/Mac relationship was resolved in the last 8 minutes of the show. The baby deal was mentioned in a couple brief flashbacks (one of which we'd never seen before, a continuation of one from when she told him about her endometriosis at the Admiral's Dining Out last year. Better than nothing by a long shot, but I was hoping they'd give it more attention. The kiss in his apartment was AWESOME! I was waiting for a nice, steamy love sceneto endwith them tangled in the sheets (assuming he hadn't packed those up yet, lol!), but alas, we never got it. I guess we can assume they continued beyond the kiss if we want to. :)_

_The last scene was really nice, but I agree with those whom I've already chatted with tonight that it would have been better if the Admiral was there. Guess at the last minute, though, it would have been hard to get him there. LOVED how Mac told Lt. Hotshot that he wasn't going with her to San Diego! Of course, we know if there was to be a season 11, he would've been there and it would've been a "I never wanted you here and don't forget it" situation, but thankfully, it won't be! We also know that even though they didn't show us who won the coin toss (which was one of my theories!) whoever won would've chosen for Mac to stay in and they'd have both gone to San Diego. We just wouldn't have ever seen Harm - he would've been talked about, but he would have always been either at his job (whatever it would have been) or taking care of Mattie or whatever. MY biggest thing, though, is would they really have let their careers stop them from being together after all that? Somehow, I don't think so. I think either of them would have given it up in a flash to be with the other._

_They definitely have the makings of a WONDERFUL reunion in a few years, which I really, REALLY hope actually happens because I for one am dying to see if they ever get to have the baby they both want so badly. I'd be pulling for them anyway, but with her having the same dreadfully sucky disease as I do, it makes me want to see them succeed all the more. We'd get to see how Mattie recovers and how she adjusts to her new life with Harm as her permenant dad, which would be kinda cool. I really, really, REALLY wanna see a reuinon movie in the not-too-distant future!_

_I want to say a great big THANK YOU to David James Elliott and Catherine Bell,for bringingHarm and Mac to life for us all these years. We owe Catherine a special debt of gratitude for being the one who had the courage to write a letter to DBP in 1997, asking for a chance to read for the role of Mac. Because of her insistence that having Harm's new partner look like Diane would prove to be a good dramatic tool, the greatest television romance EVER was born. SO, David and Catherine, I wish you Fair Winds, Following Seas and the happiest of lives after JAG._

_CONGRATULATIONS, CAPTAIN AND MRS. HARMON RABB, JR.! I'm so happy for you:)_


	64. Chapter 64

Disclaimer: Since no one is using them in tv land anymore, I'll take 'em! ;)

* * *

Chapter 64:

"Time to awaken, beautiful wife of mine" whispered Harm into Mac's ear. He'd awakened at 7:00 and taken his shower while she slept, and it was now nearly 7:45.

"Unhh, don't want to yet" mumbled Mac as she pulled the covers up higher around herself and snuggled into her pillow.

Harm laughed a little as he leaned closer to her. "Sleepy, babe?" he asked, kissing the tip of her ear ever so gently.

"Yeeeessss" she groaned, "now go away and lemme sleep."

"Well" he replied with a grin, "I can't _imagine_ what could cause you to be so sleepy. I mean, we were in _bed _before midnight."

She answered him without moving a muscle. "We weren't _asleep_ till after 3."

"Well, yeah" he said, "if you wanna claim _that_ has anything to do with it, I guess I'll allow it."

"Oh, you'll _allow it_, will you?" she asked, rolling towards him, a look of humored amusement on her face.

"Yes, I will" he replied, his blue eyes twinkling as he buttoned up the shirt he'd thrown on after his shower. "But if you don't get out of bed and get showered and dressed, we're not gonna be where we need to be by the time we need to be there."

"Why didn't you say so, silly?" asked Mac as she tossed the covers off of herself and sat up on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I didn't know we had a timetable today!"

"Well, we do" replied Harm. "It's not set in stone or anything, but I'd like to get to where we're going before 9:00 so we can beat the crowd."

"Crowd, huh?" queried Mac as she rummaged through her suitcase in search of a bra and panties.

"Mm-hmm" said Harm, "could be a big one, never can tell."

Mac chuckled. "My husband, Mr. Cryptic!"

"Only this week, babe" he said. "After that, you'll always know what's on my mind."

"I'm not sure we need to go _that _far" laughed Mac as she headed for the bathroom.

"How long you think you'll be in there?" he asked as he pulled his socks on.

"However long it takes me to use this thing" she said, grabbing her double breast pump, "and shower. Maybe a half hour or so."

"I see the internal clock is still in the shop" said Harm as he noticed she didn't give him a concrete timeframe.

"Don't worry" smiled Mac, "it'll be back soon enough."

"What should I wear?" asked Mac as she stood over her open suitcase. "Casually comfy, like you?"

"That'd be best" replied Harm, "and comfy shoes for sure."

"Hmm…" said Mac as she dug through her clothes.

"I'll be right back, babe" said Harm, "I'm gonna go down and get a newspaper."

"OK" she answered, pulling a few items from the stack of clothes. "I guess this will work…" she said to herself.

"Hey, you look great" said Harm upon returning with the newspaper and finding his wife standing in front of the mirror, dressed and blow drying her hair. She had on jeans, a long sleeved pink shirt and a light blue fleece pullover.

"Thanks" she said, turning the hair dryer off and reaching for her brush. "It's the comfiest thing I brought that will go with my tennis shoes."

"It'll be perfect" said Harm, moving her hair up off of her neck so he could kiss her bare skin.

"Hey now" she said, feeling the goose bumps all over her body, "none of that or we'll never make it to where we need to be by 9:00."

"I know, I know" said Harm, "just couldn't resist. It is almost 20 till 9:00 though, you think you'll be ready in the next 10 minutes?"

"I'll be ready in about 3 minutes" she answered. "Just need to brush my teeth and throw a few things together."

"What things are you planning on taking" he asked, "considering you don't even know where we're going yet?"

"I figure" said Mac as she put toothpaste on her toothbrush, "that wherever it is, we'll be out all day, which means I'll take the things I always take when we go out all day."

"There's no tricking you, is there Marine?" said Harm with a smile. "We'll indeed be out all day and probably part of the night as well, so bring whatever you think you'll need."

"OK" mumbled Mac, her mouth full of minty suds.

She finished in the bathroom and hurried towards the closet to dig out her backpack. She grabbed a bottle of sun block, an umbrella, lip gloss, gum, hand cream and some Tylenol and tossed them into the bag.

"Where's the camera, babe?" she asked Harm.

"I think it's on the shelf over here" he said, "lemme see." He stood up and looked atop the shelf near the bathroom. "Yep, got it" he said, taking the small camera bag down and handing it to her.

"Thanks" she replied. "Lemme think - got that, that, that, oh, almost forgot…" her voice trailing off as she knelt down and searched for something in one of her other bags.

"Definitely don't wanna forget this!" she said, holding up her manually-powered breast pump.

"No, we don't!" agreed Harm. "We can't have you miserable come this afternoon" he said, "we'll be having too much fun."

"Oh _really_?" asked Mac, clearly becoming more intrigued as she finished packing her backpack.

"Yep" replied Harm, "lots of it, too."

"Well then" she said as she pulled the backpack over her shoulder, "what are we waiting for?"

"Oh my gosh, Harm" she squealed as they neared the entrance to the Six Flags Astroworld parking lots. "I haven't been to a Six Flags park since I was in junior high!"

"Really?" he asked, "that long? Wow!"

"Yeah, that long" she said, "but I _love_ thrill rides, which of course you already know or we wouldn't be coming here, but this is gonna be such a blast!"

"I hope it is" he replied with a warm smile. "Where should we park?" he asked.

"Someplace where we won't lose the car" she said. "These lots are enormous."

"I don't expect there'll be a full house here today though" he said, "being the off-season and all, but just to be safe, we'll park right here, OK?"

"Works for me" she said as the convertible came to a stop directly beneath a sign bearing the likeness of Bugs Bunny and the number 9.

"Bugs Bunny 9" he said, "remember that."

"Got it, flyboy" she replied, reaching to the floor to get the backpack.

"Think we need sun block yet?" she asked.

Harm thought for a moment. "Nah, not yet, but by early afternoon it'd probably be a good idea."

"OK" she said, zipping the bag up and stepping out of the car.

"Give me that" he said, "you don't need to be carrying this."

"Why not?" asked Mac, "it's not heavy."

"I know" he answered, sliding his arm through the strap before reaching down to take hold of her hand. "I just want to carry it for you, that's all."

Mac leaned into him, resting her head on his arm as they walked towards the gate.

"Oh, I wanna ride that first!" exclaimed Mac as she saw the _Texas Cyclone _roller coaster in the near distance. It was a figure-eight style coaster, much like one at a park back east, only this one was taller and faster and something Mac just couldn't resist.

"Lead the way, my dear" said Harm as Mac grabbed his hand.

They made their way through the small crowd and towards the entrance to the coaster.

"Wanna sit in the very front or the very back?" asked Mac.

"Back, please" replied Harm with a slight laugh. "I'm not a fan of the front of these things, babe."

"Back it is, then!" she said as they got in line. Moments later, the coaster pulled up to the loading platform and the riders stepped off as the operator came over the loudspeaker.

"When the gate opens" he said, "please watch your step as you board the ride. Pull the lap bar down as low as you can, one of us will be by to check it momentarily."

"You wanna get in first?" asked Harm as he carefully tossed the backpack into one of the holding bins near the platform.

"Sure" answered Mac, holding onto his hand as she stepped into the car. Once she was seated, he climbed in beside her.

"That's hard to move" she said as she took a hold of the lap bar and tried to lower it.

"I'll get it, babe" said Harm. With one hand, he was able to bring the bar down until they felt it lock into place.

"My big, strong hubby" smiled Mac, "whatever would I do without you?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea" replied Harm, tipping his head sideways and giving her a little flyboy smile.

The operator and his assistant ran along both sides of the coaster car, making sure everyone was safely secured. They returned to their stations, and with the turn of a key and the press of a button…

"Oh, here we go!" said Mac as she felt the coaster car begin to jerk slightly.

Harm reached his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"You'll wanna move that before we get to the top of the hill" she said, nodding towards his arm.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'll end up smacking you in the face when I throw my arms up in the air" laughed Mac.

"Oh, yeah" replied Harm, "forgot about that!"

The coaster trudged up the hill, the ground below shrinking with each passing moment.

"Ooooh..." said Mac as they reached the top of the hill, "I _love _this part!"

Not wishing to leave the ride with a shiner, Harm quickly removed his arm from around her shoulders.

"_She's beautiful when she's having fun" _he thought to himself. No sooner had he completed that thought than…

"Here we go!" she exclaimed as the coaster rounded the top of the hill.

She threw her arms into the air, screaming with glee as the momentum carried them down and around, up, over and back down again.

Harm wasn't much of one for screaming on thrill rides, or for letting go of that lap bar.

He held tight the whole time, which could've been mistaken for a sign that he wasn't enjoying himself, but that wouldn't have been further from the truth.

Two minutes and some odd seconds later, the ride ended and the coaster returned to the loading platform.

The operator pressed the button to release the lap bars, and all at once the passengers began to disembark.

Harm stood up first, holding his hand out to Mac.

"Thanks" she said, taking a hold and pulling herself into a standing position.

"I'm gonna grab the backpack" he said as they stepped out of the car they were in.

"OK" she replied, walking to the exit ramp to wait for him.

"What'd you think?" she asked him when he rejoined her and they began their stroll down the ramp.

"It was great" he replied. "Of course I'm not _quite_ the coaster enthusiast that you are, but I liked that one."

"Me, too" she said. "I love the feeling of being so totally out of control while having so much fun."

Harm smirked and pulled her near. "Now _that _I can agree with, baby."

Mac smacked him playfully on the behind.

"Insatiable, I swear…" she mumbled with a smile.

"I'm not the only one" he countered.

"Oh…my…gosh!" exclaimed Harm as they neared the top of the _Dungeon Drop _tower. They were overlooking the entire park as they sat harnessed into their seats, which had been slowly taken up, up, up until they were over 20 stories nearer to the sky. "I can _not _believe you talked me into this, Mac!"

"Oh, come on" she laughed, "you're a pilot, Harm - you've been _way_ higher than this before!"

"Yes" he replied, "while encapsulated inside the cockpit! This, this is sheer lunacy!"

"You're so funny" said Mac. Half a second later…

"AAAHHHHH!" The ride went into motion, going from zero to 60 in no time flat, sending the riders straight back towards the earth. Just when it seemed like it'd go right into the ground below, it slowed and the seating clusters bounced back up some 50-odd feet.

"WHOA!" exclaimed Harm as he retained a death grip on the handles, the seats still moving up and down at various heights as the ride drew to a close. "THAT was CRAZY!"

Mac's laughter was two-fold. She was laughing out of joy because she loved that kind of ride so much. She was also laughing at her husband and his obvious dislike of said ride.

"Don't wanna do this one again, huh?" kidded Mac.

"HELL no!" exclaimed Harm. "In fact, when we get off this death trap, I think we'll take a little break from the rides and do some shopping."

"It's not a 'death trap', babe" replied Mac, "but you know I can't pass up a chance to shop, so OK!"

They left the _Dungeon Drop _and walked down one of the many paths that wound through the park, eventually coming to a gift shop.

"Wanna see what they've got?" asked Mac.

"Sure" answered Harm, stepping just a bit in front of her so he could get the door.

They entered the small, climate-controlled shop and were bombarded with a plethora of souvenirs - shirts, hats, stuffed toys, T-shirts and hundreds of other items all bearing the park name in some form or fashion.

"I want shirts for you, me and the baby" said Mac.

"OK, babe" said Harm as he began spinning the postcard rack. "Get whatever you want for whomever you want, it's fine."

"Oh boy!" replied Mac, "you may regret saying that, flyboy - you know how I love to shop!"

Harm just nodded and smiled, keeping silent as he browsed the postcards.

Mac went over to the children's section and looked through the selection of infant wear. It took a few moments, but she found one that was perfect for Ainsley. It was a pink T-shirt with the words "Six Flags Astroworld, Houston, Texas" stitched on the front in blue gingham lettering.

She smiled as she held the shirt in her hands, remembering how much she missed her little girl. Knowing if she didn't shift her thoughts quickly, she'd be in tears, she walked to the other side of the store to look for shirts for herself and Harm.

"Find anything?" he asked as he joined her.

"Yeah" she said, holding up the baby's shirt.

"Oh, that's cute" said Harm, reaching out and taking it from her. "She'll look adorable in it."

"Name one thing she owns that she _doesn't_ look adorable in" said Mac.

"True" said Harm. "After all, she's her mother's daughter."

Mac looked at him and smiled. She knew how he felt about her, but it never got old hearing it.

"How about this one and this one for us?" she asked, holding up a couple different T-shirts.

"Yeah, they're great" said Harm. "Is that all you want to get, was there anything else?"

"I'm not seeing much else here" she said, "besides I'm getting hungry, so why don't we pay for this stuff and go find a restaurant?"

"Certainly, my dear" said Harm, holding his hand out to take the shirts from her. "I'll take care of this if you wanna go look at the map out there and pick a place for lunch."

"Alright" she said, following him as far as the register before stepping outside to find the map posted on the side of the building. By the time he came outside, she'd made her mind up.

"How about Italian?" she asked him.

"Works for me" he said. "Where is it?"

"A little ways in that direction" she said, pointing to the left.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering his arm to his bride.

"You know I'd go anywhere with you, babe" she answered, wrapping her arm into his.

"That was good" said Mac as she finished her pizza. "Not as good as some I've had, but for where we are, it wasn't bad at all."

"Yeah" said Harm, twisting the last bite of spaghetti onto his fork, "this wasn't bad either. You want dessert or anything?"

"No, thanks" said Mac as she leaned back in the booth, looked at the clock on the wall, then sat up again. "Can you pass me the backpack, please, babe?"

"Sure" he replied, handing the bag over the table.

"Thanks" she said as she went to slide out of the booth. "I'll be a few minutes, you wanna wait here or meet up someplace?"

"I'll wait here" he said after swallowing his last bite, "it doesn't take you _that_ long, it's fine."

"OK" she said, leaning down to kiss him, "be back as soon as I can."

She headed into the ladies room and found an open stall. Shutting herself inside, she dug her breast pump out of the backpack and snapped it together.

"I'll be glad when I don't have to do this 6 times a day and twice every night" she thought to herself. It was something she had to do, though, otherwise her body would decide that week that she wasn't nursing anymore and her supply would begin to diminish. She was really trying to keep her promise to Harm and not think too much about the baby, but there were some times - at least 6 of them a day and two at night- where it was impossible to think of anything else.

"All set?" she asked Harm when she returned to the table and found him enjoying a milkshake.

"Yep" he answered. "Here, got you one, too" he said, handing her a lidded Styrofoam cup with a straw already in place.

"Aww, that was sweet" she said, "what flavor?"

Harm simply looked at her and smiled.

"Chocolate?" she asked, her voice hopeful.

"Not _just_ chocolate" he replied, "double chocolate with Oreo crumbles."

"Ooohhhh…" said Mac as she put the straw to her lips and sucked down a large gulp. "You have _no idea _how good this tastes, babe!"

"You said you wanted to go crazy with chocolate this week" he said, "so I thought I'd help nudge you towards the brink of insanity."

"Well this is a great way to start!" exclaimed Mac before taking another taste of her shake and thinking again of what a wonderful man she'd married.

* * *

_A/N: I know that none of the Six Flags parks are open in January, but for my purposes, this one was. :) _

_In keeping with the thrill of all my fellow shippers over the ending of the finale the other night, I came across a very interesting interview over the weekend. It's at www dot paramount dot com slash television slash jag dash bellisario dot htm (or you can go to www dot paramount dot com and choose television, then choose JAG and it should take you there), and it's DPB talking about the legacy that he feels JAG will leave behind. It confirmed one of my fears, the one that the finale ending wasn't going to be shippery because of the chance that there was going to be a season 11. **I was right**! DPB CHANGED THE ENDING when the show got cancelled! Had CBS not chosen to make the announcement a month earlier than usual, we would NOT have gotten a shippery ending! We would have gotten the "ambiguous" one that DPB spoke of in an interview he did in February that had me sooooo mad! I guess this means all us shippers owe the execs at CBS a big thank you for getting their minds made up when they did, otherwise the ambiguity of the ending wouldn't have been who was going to give up their commission and where the wedding was going to be, it would have been if they were even together at ALL!_

_On the plus side, DPB also said in this interview that a JAG TV movie in the future is a possibility! It better be, they left too many big questions unanswered, the "baby deal resolution" being among the biggest!_


	65. Chapter 65

_See notes at the end of this chapter for a personal update._

* * *

Chapter 65:

"That was so much fun" said Mac as she and Harm walked hand-in-hand towards the theme park exit. They'd been there all day long and ridden nearly every ride that was operating.

"Glad you had a good time" he said. "I had fun, too."

"I could tell" replied Mac…

…_**flashback…**_

"WOOHOO!"

"AAHHHH!"

Their shrieks and hollers of exhilaration and delight were lost amidst the roar of _Batman: The Escape_. It was a stand-up coaster, full of twists and turns, loops and dives.

"THAT was awesome!" exclaimed Harm as they exited the ride. "What'd you think?"

"Loved it!" agreed Mac. "That's the first one of those I've been on, but it was great!"

"That horizontal loop was the best part" said Harm, running his fingers through his ruffled hair.

"I swore we were gonna brush the ground with that one!" laughed Mac. "It was the best part, though, you're right."

…_later…_

"I dunno about this, Harm" said Mac apprehensively as they neared the front of the line for "SWAT", a ride which resembled a large boat paddle suspended on a tall tower. With a couple dozen riders on both ends, it would repeatedly spin around a full 360 degrees, forwards and backwards, giving them the sensation of flight without the aircraft.

"You don't have to ride if you don't want to, babe" said Harm, "but I can't pass it up, it looks is it" she asked, "that you think this looks 'cool' and yet you freaked out about going on _Dungeon Drop _back there?"

Harm shrugged and smiled. "I'm a guy and we don't always make sense?"

"You can say that again, flyboy!" replied Mac with a smile of her own.

"You can wait back there and watch me if you'd rather" said Harm, "up to you."

Mac looked at the ride in motion one more time, spinning round and round, forwards, backwards, way up high.

She looked at Harm and smiled.

"Let's go for it."

…_**end flashback…**_

"Was it as crazy as you thought it'd be" he asked.

"Oh, much worse!" replied Mac. "As big a thrill junkie as I am, that's one ride I dare say I'll never get on again!"

"I thought it was great" said Harm, pulling his bride near. "But then I love barrel-rolling in 'Sarah' and you've always hated that, so…"

"Exactly!" laughed Mac. "But it doesn't matter, I still had a complete blast today and I have you to thank for that."

"Hmmm…" said Harm playfully as they walked along. "I'm not sure just saying 'thanks' to me is good enough. I'm not feeling the gratitude, for some reason…"

"Oh, really" replied Mac, raising a brow in his direction. "Well, what would you suggest?"

"They say" he answered, "that actions speak louder than words, my love."

Mac couldn't help but laugh just a little. She knew what he was up to, and she didn't mind at all.

"Well then" she said, playing right into his hands, "let's go find the car and get back to the hotel, and I'll show you some actions so loud that people in the hills of Borneo will wonder what we're doing."

He held her hand a little tighter as he noticeably stepped up the pace of their stride in search of "Bugs Bunny 9".

"There, they're off, they're off" said Mac. "I'm so sorry! Are you OK? Lemme see" she insisted.

"No" he said, his right hand holding his left wrist tightly against his chest. "It's OK, nothing too bad."

"Since when are you a doctor?" she asked. "Please let me see, babe. It might need stitches."

"I'm sure it doesn't need anything more than a washcloth and a band aid" argued Harm, obviously in pain.

"If I get a washcloth" she asked, "will you let me see?"

He nodded, moving his right hand a tiny bit while trying not to move the left one. She got up and hurried towards the bathroom, returning momentarily with a wet washcloth.

"Here" she said, "move this hand." He slowly removed his right hand from atop the injured wrist.

Mac carefully took hold of his left forearm, pulling it gently away from his chest.

"Oh God!" she gasped when the blood immediately began running down his arm and all over her hand. She quickly placed the washcloth against the cut and applied pressure.

"Is it that bad?" he asked, afraid to look.

"Yeah" she replied, "it's bleeding a whole lot. You need to go to the ER, babe."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I really don't care to explain to another living soul what happened here!"

"Sorry, Harm" she said, continuing to hold the washcloth tight against his wound. "I can't get a good look at the cut for all of the blood, which tells me it's big and/or deep, neither of which we can properly treat by ourselves."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, we'll go" he said, "but you'll have to help me get dressed."

"I will" she said. "Here, you hold this on there like I've been doing, let me get dressed real quick, then I'll help you and we'll go."

Harm nodded, placing his hand over hers as she slid it off the washcloth.

They found the hospital without any trouble. The hotel clerk had given them excellent directions, and that time of night there was almost no traffic. Mac parked the car in the first open spot she found, then helped Harm out of the passenger side and together they entered the Emergency Room.

"Can I help you?" asked the triage nurse.

"Yes" replied Mac, "my husband cut his wrist and we think it needs stitches."

"OK" said the nurse as she reached for a clipboard with several forms on it. "Fill these out, bring them back with his insurance card, and we'll get him taken care of."

"OK, thank you" said Mac, taking the clipboard and grabbing a pen from the container on the desk.

"You doing alright?" she asked Harm as they sat down in the waiting area. They were each wearing jogging pants, and Mac was in a gray "JAG" sweat shirt while they'd managed to get Harm into a plain white T-shirt and his right arm into his jacket.

"Mm-hmm" he answered as he looked down at the washcloth, which was now far more red than white.

Mac began filling out the forms:

_Patient's name: Rabb, Harmon D., Jr._

_DOB: 25OCT1964_

_Age: 40 _

_SSN: 921-60-0814_

"No, don't do that, babe!" she said when she glanced over and noticed Harm lifting the washcloth to look at his cut. "It'll gush all over again!"

"Alright" he sighed, obviously tense about the situation.

"Does it hurt a lot right now?" she asked as she continued writing.

"No more than before" he replied as he slouched back against his chair.

"That's good" she said. " I've almost got these finished. What should I put for 'cause of injury'?"

"I don't care as long as you leave specifics out of it!" exclaimed Harm in a loud whisper.

"Harm, you're gonna have to tell the doctor what happened!" replied Mac in a tone matching his. "We can't possibly avoid that and besides, it's not like you were involved in any type of illegal behavior or anything."

"That'd be less embarrassing than what really happened!" he retorted.

…_**flashback…**_

"_Again_?" he asked as she began nibbling at his ear. "Who's the insatiable one _tonight_, hmm?"

Mac laughed a little and continued nibbling. "Can't help it" she said. "I just can't get enough of you, Commander."

"I love it when you call me that" he purred, his hands sliding slowly towards her unclothed backside.

"_Commander_…" she said in her most alluring voice.

"Oh, you're bad…" he replied.

"Yeah" she answered as her kisses moved from his ear to his lips, "but I'm so damn good at it."

They kissed passionately for a moment before she spoke again.

"I'll be right back" she said, her warm, sweaty body sliding off of his.

"'K" he said softly as he tried to catch his breath. Upon her return, however, his breath was once again lost.

"Feeling naughty tonight, are we?" he asked as she climbed atop him holding the fuzzy blue handcuffs.

"_Oh_, yeah" she answered, "which means _you_, my dear, need to slide a little to the left."

… a few minutes later, amidst the throes of passion…

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" he yelled.

"What?" she asked, her body laying on his, her heart pounding. "What's wrong?"

"Move! Now!" he yelled. "I think these things just cut my hand off!"

"Oh, God!" said Mac, "should I take them off?"

"YES!" he yelled, "NOW! Oh, God this hurts!"

She immediately moved off of him and knelt beside the head of the bed, her fingers frantically trying to release the latch on the cuffs.

"Ah! Careful!" he exclaimed through clenched teeth. "Feels like someone's got a knife in my wrist!"

"Sorry!" said Mac as she did her best to undo the latch without hurting him any worse. "How did this happen?"

"I moved wrong" he answered, the pain evident in his voice. "_Really_ wrong!"

…_**end flashback…**_

"How about I just put 'household accident' and leave it at that?' asked Mac.

"Works for me" he answered. "Of course they'll wanna know more once they take us back there, but the fewer people we have to tell about it the better as far as I'm concerned."

"Exactly" agreed Mac. "OK, I think that's it. Where's your wallet? I need your insurance card."

"Jacket pocket, I think" answered Harm.

Mac reached into his jacket pocket and pulled the wallet out.

"Right side, second slot from the bottom" he said as she opened it up to retrieve the card.

"Ah, here we go" she said, pulling out the proper card. "I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere" he said with a small amount of his usual humor.

Mac returned several minutes later and flopped into the seat next to him.

"They said it shouldn't be more than a 30 minute wait" she said, "but you know how hospitals are."

"Yeah, I do" said Harm, repositioning his wrist a little while being careful not to get it bleeding again. He glanced up at the television in the corner.

"Why is the news all they ever have on in these places?" he asked Mac, as much to make conversation as anything.

"Good question" she replied. "You'd think they'd have a movie channel or something."

"Yeah" he said. "or a DVD player where they could show movies, just something better than all news, all the time."

"Harmon Rabb" called the nurse from in front of the double doors.

"Hey, that wasn't long at all" said Mac as she grabbed her purse off the floor.

"I'm glad" said Harm, leading them over to where the nurse waited.

"Follow me, please" she said. She took them back, did all the preliminary stuff, took down his vitals, etc…, then escorted them into an exam room to wait for the doctor.

"Maybe we'll luck out and get the doctor in here as quickly as we got called back" said Mac.

Harm laughed a little. "Might be hoping for a little much, there, babe."

No sooner did he finish that sentence than there was a knock at the door.

"Hi" said the doctor as he entered the room, grabbing Harm's chart from the holder on the front of the door before closing the door behind himself. "I'm Dr. Castro."

"Nice to meet you" said Harm, extending his right hand. "I'm Harm and this is my wife, Sarah."

"Hello, Sarah" said the doctor as he reached out to shake Mac's hand.

"Hi" she replied.

"Let's see here" said the doctor as he eyeballed Harm's chart for a moment. "Says you cut your wrist in a household accident. What kind of 'household accident' was it?"

Harm looked over at Mac, a look of impending doom on his face. He took a deep breath and was about to speak when she stepped in and took over.

"Well, doctor" she said, "we're on our honeymoon this week and - "

"Oh, congratulations!" said Dr. Castro. "Where are you from?"

"Washington, DC" answered Mac. "We're in the military. I'm a Marine and my husband is in the Navy."

"That's great" said the doctor. "Are you stationed at the Pentagon?"

"No" said Harm, "we're with the JAG Corps, Judge Advocate General, it's in Falls Church, Virginia."

"Fantastic" said the doctor, obviously intrigued by their story thus far. "I'm sorry, Sarah, please continue telling me what happened."

Mac looked at Harm and continued. "We were having an intimate moment and it went a little bit awry."

"I see" said the doctor. "I realize this is a very personal situation, but I'm afraid you'll need to be a bit more specific so I know what I need to do."

"I know" said Mac, "I know." She decided to just spit the rest of it out in a single sentence. "The cut on his wrist happened when he moved wrong while wearing handcuffs."

The doctor simply sat on his bench and nodded his head.

"It was bleeding heavily" Mac continued, "and I couldn't get a good look at it to see how bad it was, so we came in."

"Always the right thing to do in cases where the severity can't be determined" said the doctor as he reached for a pair of rubber gloves from the box next to the table. "OK, let's have a look here" he said.

Harm moved his right hand out of the way as the doctor took hold of Harm's left elbow, moving the injured wrist into a better position for him to examine.

He carefully pulled the blood-saturated washcloth away, exposing the cut, which began to bleed again. The doctor took some sterile 2x4 gauze pads and began to dab away the blood.

"Eeww" said Mac as she stood next to Harm and watched. "That's nasty, babe."

"Thanks for the editorial, my dear" he said, not yet looking at his injury for fear of becoming squeamish. He could handle the sight of other people's blood (except, of course, for Ainsley's) better than his own.

"You've got yourself an ugly gash here, Harm" said the doctor as he examined it more closely. "It's a good 3 inches across and it's deep, all the way through several veins, which accounts for all the blood."

"No wonder it hurt so much" said Harm.

"I'd say not" agreed Mac, feeling really bad for her role in the situation.

"I'm not too concerned that there's any deeper soft-tissue damage" said the doctor, "can you bend your wrist for me?"

Harm slowly and gingerly moved his wrist, wincing a bit at the pain.

"Good, great" said Dr. Castro. "Yeah, I think you're fine. I'll get this stitched up for you and we'll update your tetanus shot, and send you home with a prescription for some antibiotics. Sound OK?"

"Sounds great" said Harm.

"OK then" said the doctor, "I'll go get the nurse and we'll get you all taken care of."

"Well, that wasn't as bad as it could have been" said Mac as they walked through the parking lot after finishing up in the ER.

"It was bad enough" said Harm. The cut required 12 stitches and was wrapped now in what he figured had to be no less than 500 yards of gauze. It appeared as though his hand had been surgically reattached by the looks of the bandage, which he felt was overkill for the type of injury he had, but he figured they knew what they were doing.

"How's the pain?" she asked, unlocking the passenger door for him.

"So-so" he replied. "My ass really hurts right now though - those tetanus shots are for the birds!"

"Yeah" agreed Mac, "I always hate getting those. My ass hurts for days afterwards, and I get a huge knot."

The first few minutes of the ride to the 24 hour pharmacy were silent, each of them feeling extremely tired from the long day and being up half the night. Eventually, though, Mac spoke up.

"I'm really sorry about this, babe. I feel terrible."

"Please don't feel bad, Mac" he said, reaching his right hand across his lap to rub her leg as she drove. "It was an accident, and if anyone is at fault, it's me. I did it to myself."

"You did it on those stupid handcuffs that _I_ wanted to use" argued Mac.

"You were just trying to make it adventurous" he said, still caressing her leg. "There's nothing at all wrong with that. We're married, we're on our honeymoon, we're _supposed_ to be adventurous in all sorts of ways, that being one of them."

"Yeah, but - "

"No buts, Mac" said Harm. "It was an accident, we got it taken care of, we'll get this prescription filled and we'll call it a night."

"A couple more hours and we can call it morning" laughed Mac. "Hey, I think maybe my clock is starting to come back."

"Nah, I don't think it is" said Harm. "What time is it right now?"

Mac thought for a few seconds and couldn't come up with the answer. With a sigh, she admitted that Harm was right.

"Well, it may not be back just yet" she agreed, "but I really think it's getting closer!"

Harm laughed a bit. "Baby, by the time it gets on track down here, we'll be ready to go home and you'll have to reset it."

"Probably so" said Mac as she pulled into the pharmacy parking lot, "but even at that, I wouldn't trade this week for anything."

"Neither would I" said Harm, leaning over to give her a kiss. "Neither would I."

* * *

_A/N: I shared early last week that after many months of being "on the bench" regarding our fertility treatments, we were finally back in the game and excited to be there. Unfortunately, we're now back on the bench and not taking it very well. Long story short, the injections I was giving myself all last week and the first part of this week didn't work as we'd hoped. The only decent follicle they produced was (of course) on the side with no tube, which meant it was no good.We were not expecting this, since my appointment on Monday had shown promising development on the right ovary. By Tuesday, however, things took a frustrating turn and knocked us right back out of the game. I spent hours Tuesday in tears, the kind where you can literally feel your heart crumbling inside your chest. The doctor said he'll let us try this same treatment up to 2 more times, but if the first one goes as this one did, or if after the second I'm still not pregnant, we'll be done. To say we're devestated doesn't quite cover it._

_SO...please be patient with me if the next few chapters take a little while to get finished. On top of my latest personal tragedy, we've got family coming into town for the weekend, so that might eat up alot of my writing time. As always, though, fear not - the story will go on, I promise. :)_


	66. Chapter 66

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine, they're not, never will be, etc... :)

_A/N: I'm back, and doing a good bit better than I was the last time I posted. I'm still not doing great (no real hope of "great"), but better, so I'll take it. Thanks to everyone who wished me well, thought about me, prayed for me, and most of all, who read and reviewed my story. :)_

_This chapter is **really **long, but there wasn't a good place to break it into two, so I decided since I haven't posted in a week, I'd make this one a biggie! It's also rated **M,** which I don't usually do but again, it just worked too well with the storyline, and I don't think too many of my fellow shippers will complain too bitterly. Also, the restaurant scene is dedicated to my hubby, who'd think Mac has definitely got the right idea. ;)_

_A great big, humongous, giant thank you goes out to LadyCommish for her work on the beach scene (95 percent of it was penned by her, so if you like it, the credit goes to her! I'll take the blame if you don't like it, lol), and for her creative nudges when I got stuck along the way throughout this chapter. You're an amazing writer, girly:) Please, please, please, take some time to check out her JAG fic, "Can We Ever Get Back To Before". I've gotten a sneak peek at the plotline, and believe me, if you've found my story worth reading, you'll love hers. It's very emotionally charged and paints some highly poigniant pictures that I hope everyone will see._

* * *

Chapter 66: 

"You sure you don't want me to drive?" she asked as they approached the car after checking out of the hotel. They'd only gotten about 5 hours of sleep by the time the returned from the pharmacy and finally settled in, but 5 hours was certainly better than nothing.

"I'm fine, Mac" he replied. "If it was my right arm, I'd have more trouble."

"Well" she said, "if you start hurting too much, promise me you'll let me take over."

"Agreed" he replied with a smile. "Besides, we've only got a little over 200 miles to drive today, no biggie."

"So we should be there by mid-afternoon, huh?" asked Mac as they reached the car.

"That's the plan" said Harm, "but you never know…"

* * *

"That's great" said Mac as she spoke on the phone with her mother-in-law. "You two are really wonderful with her…no, seriously, you are. We know you do, she obviously loves both of you very much, too." 

"Hey" said Harm in a loud whisper, "ask her if the insurance company has called them about the Cadillac yet."

"Harm wants me to ask you if you've heard from the insurance company about the Caddy?" said Mac. "Right…oh, of course….uh-huh" she continued as she listened to Trish's reply.

Moving the phone slightly away from her mouth, she relayed the answers to Harm. "She says yes, they called once to say the claim was being processed, and another time to say it was going to take longer than initially stated."

"Figures" said Harm, taking a glance in his rear-view mirror, "a lot of times those places don't move very fast anyway, but with this being a little bit complicated, I expected as much."

Mac nodded at his comments while still listening to Trish.

"OK….yeah, we will. Right, Saturday night. Sounds great! Kiss our girl for us and tell her we'll be home in a few days. We love you, too. OK, bye-bye."

"Everything going good?" asked Harm.

"Yeah" answered Mac as she dropped her phone back into her purse. "Ainsley is doing fine, her schedule is back to normal now. Your mom said they've been taking her all over the place. They've been to the mall, the grocery store, and several restaurants."

"That's mom and Frank for you" laughed Harm. "Always on the go."

"Uh-huh" agreed Mac. "She said the 'bottle battle' is drawing to a close. She's taking it with less fuss each time, which is a good thing, I suppose…" Her voice trailed off and Harm could tell she wasn't telling him everything.

"Mac" he said, looking over at her, "what's wrong?"

She let out a deep sigh before speaking. "We've already talked about it, Harm. I'm just…worried…"

He'd suspected that was the problem, but wanted to make sure before saying anything.

"Hey now" he said, "you're right, we _have _talked about this and not only have we talked about it, we agreed on how and when we'll handle it, remember?"

"I remember" she said, "but as her mother I can't help worrying. I know it's not something you can understand and I'm not asking you to, but what I _am_ asking is for you to try and be sensitive to how big a deal this is to me and how it pains me to think about it."

"Oh, babe" he said, looking at her as much as he could while maintaining proper focus on the road, "I _know_ how important it is to you, I really do. I'm not trying to be insensitive at all, I'm only trying to reiterate that there's nothing either of us can do about the matter until we get home in another 3 days, so we need to try and let it go until then."

Mac was silent for a moment. Harm wasn't sure if he'd made the issue better or worse until finally, she spoke.

"You're right" she said, her tone showing a far improved optimism. "It is what it is, so let's enjoy these next 3 days."

Harm breathed an inner sigh of relief. "I'm so glad to hear you say that, babe. You're gonna love this last stop, I'm sure of it."

"Oh, you _are_, huh?" she replied with a hint of a smile.

"Mm-hmm" he answered, "it's very much your kind of place."

* * *

"This place is _awesome_!" exclaimed Mac as they stepped out onto the balcony of their waterfront room at one of the finest hotels in Corpus Christi, Texas. Harm had booked a room on the 15th floor, overlooking the bay and surrounding beach. "Look at this view, Harm, wow…" 

"Yeah, it's really something, huh?" he replied, his right hand on his hip while he kept his left one against his abdomen. His wrist was still very sore and he knew he had to be careful with it.

"The water goes on for miles" said Mac as she drew in a deep breath, "and just smell that sea air…"

"It may smell nice from up here" laughed Harm, "but wait till we get down there along the shoreline. It'll smell like dead fish."

"Gross!" said Mac. "Well, maybe we just won't go down there!"

"Sorry, my darling" he said, stepping closer to her so he could wrap his right arm around her waist, "not an option."

"Oh, really?" queried Mac. "Any why, pray tell, not?"

"Because" he answered, "you can't come to Corpus Christi and not at least walk along the beach."

"I guess you have a point" she resigned, "but if it's too nasty, we're making it a very short walk, agreed?"

"Most definitely" answered Harm, leaning in to kiss the bare skin between her ear and neck.

"Hey now" she said, bending her head out of his way, "watch it, sailor - you know what that does to me."

"Yeah, I do" he replied, "precisely why I'm stopping right……now…no, now……maybe now..."

"Harmon David - cut it out!" she said. "You said we have dinner reservations in half an hour, remember?"

"Oh yeah, dinner" said Harm, still clearly more interested in nibbling at Mac's neck than on anything the menu could possibly offer him.

"But, after we eat" said Mac as she peered into his bone-chilling blue eyes, "we can have our dessert…up here."

Without breaking the contact between his eyes and hers, he answered.

"I'll be sure to save _lots _of room."

* * *

"Who was it that told you about this place again?" asked Mac as she tossed a few more popcorn shrimp into her mouth as they sat at a corner table of the completely packed establishment. 

"Jen" answered Harm . "Her aunt and uncle live in Dallas and vacation here every spring. They say this is the best seafood joint in town, hence the need for reservations no matter when you try to come."

"Well, not that we have anything to compare it to locally" said Mac, reaching for her Texas-sized iced tea, "but it's definitely some of the best I've ever tasted. How's yours?"

"Excellent" replied Harm, dipping another coconut shrimp into the plum sauce and taking a big bite. "I gotta learn how to make these things."

"How are you folks doing?" asked the waitress as she passed by their table.

"We're good, thank you" said Mac.

"Great" said the waitress, "let me know if you need anything, OK?"

"Yes, thank you" said Harm, having swallowed the last bite of shrimp.

"Even the fries are better here than anyplace else I can think of" said Mac, using one to scoop up a huge dollop of ketchup.

Harm chuckled at her. "Want some _fries _to go with your _ketchup_, babe?"

Mac smiled as she munched the ketchup-slathered fry. "Hey now, I don't tell you how to eat, so you just hush up!"

"I'm just amused by that, babe" he said, taking a sip of his tea. "When did this start? I mean, you haven't always had this…_affinity_ for ketchup or I would have noticed."

"Actually" she said, pausing to swallow, "I have always _had_ it, I just didn't always _act_ on it when you were around to see it."

"So you'd save your ketchup binges for when you dined alone?" asked Harm, obviously entertained by the notion.

"Mm-hmm" said Mac, nodding her head with a big smile on her face. "Before we got together, when I'd drive-thru Beltway on my way home, I'd go home and get out my favorite dinner plate, put the burger on it and the fries beside the burger, then squeeze a _huge_ puddle of ketchup between the two. I'd dip everything in it - burger and fries - and when it was gone, I'd get more."

Harm could do nothing but shake his head and laugh.

"What?" she asked. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, babe" replied Harm, still laughing a bit. "When did you decide to 'go public' with this obsession?"

"You didn't notice it when I was pregnant?" she asked. "That's when it got _really_ bad!"

He thought for a second. "Yeah, actually now that I think about it, I do remember you going a little crazy with the red stuff back then. Obviously giving birth didn't decrease the cravings?"

"Nope" she said, "and between all that I consumed while I was carrying her and what I'm eating while I'm nursing her, I'll be amazed if she doesn't grow up addicted to this stuff!"

Harm laughed once more. "Well if _that's_ how this works, I need to get you to start eating some of the things _I _like so my kid will stand a chance at liking the good things in life: rabbit food, mea-"

"Don't you dare say 'meatless meatloaf', flyboy!" exclaimed Mac through her own laughter. "There's no way I'll go _near _that stuff again as long as I live, and _certainly_ no way I'll force it upon our daughter!"

"Aw, come on, babe' he said, "it's not that bad - you can even douse it with that stuff" he continued, pointing to the ketchup bottle in front of her.

"All the ketchup in the _world_" said Mac, "wouldn't make your meatloaf edible, my dear."

"Oh Mac" said Harm, playfully clutching his chest, "you wound me."

Mac shook her head and laughed. "Goofball…"

"Hey" he said, tossing his napkin onto his plate, "finish up there and we'll go for that walk along the beach."

"Aye aye, sir" she replied, laughing as she munched down the last of her fries.

* * *

"You warm enough, babe?" he asked her as they strolled slowly along the shoreline. The air was chilly, only around 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and she looked like she was cold. 

"I'm fine" she said, pulling her jacket a bit tighter around herself. "I think it's safe to say we're doing this a few months early, huh?"

"If by _early_" said Harm, "you mean are we avoiding all the spring breakers and beach bunnies, the answer is yes. I like being here this time of year, though, not entirely sure why."

"Maybe because you pretty much have your pick of sunbathing spots?" asked Mac through a chuckle.

Harm shrugged. "Maybe, but there's just something about being near the water in the winter. I can't put my finger on it, but there's….there's just something."

"Did you ever come here with" Mac paused and gave a quick second thought to her question before continuing, "with your dad?"

Harm shook his head. "No, never did. He would have loved it, though, no doubt about that."

"I'm sure you're right" said Mac, squeezing his hand a little tighter as they carried along.

"The sky is so clear tonight" he said, slowing the pace a trifle to gaze upward. "I love to fly on nights like tonight."

"Mmmm…" said Mac, "I know you do, babe. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about it. There's a gleam there that only comes out when you talk about flying."

"Really?" he asked, not realizing that it was so obvious to her.

"Really" she replied, "there's a gleam that I see only when you talk about flying, there's another that I call your 'daddy gleam', which shows up anytime Ainsley's name is spoken by anyone - see, right there, there it is!"

He didn't deny it, he knew she wasn't kidding.

"Any more 'gleams' I should know about, Marine?" he asked.

She thought for a second, a smile creeping across her face as she formulated a reply.

"Just one" she said, looking up at him.

"Oh, really?" he answered in his "come-and-get-it" voice as he peered into her gorgeous brown eyes.

"Mm-hmm" she said, running her hand against the left side of his chest.

"This 'gleam'" he asked, his voice soft and desirable, "can you see it now?"

"Oh, yeah" she answered as she closed the space between their lips. As the kiss deepened in intensity, each of them knew what the other was thinking. Without so much as a single spoken syllable, keeping the kiss intact, they found their way to a cluster of palm trees several yards beyond the path they'd been walking, slipping inside without even realizing it.

Ordinarily, he'd wrap Mac up in his strong embrace and pull her gently to the ground, but with his sutured wrist that wasn't an option this time.

"You're gonna have to meet me halfway, babe" he said as he pulled his lips from hers only long enough to get his point across as he carefully knelt down in the sand.

Mac followed him willingly, dropping to her knees in front of him, arms going around his neck. "Harm, are you sure we should be doing this out here like this?" she asked not breaking contact with his body.

"Are you too cold?" he asked.

"I'm a little cold, but..." She kissed his lips lightly. "Someone might see us."

She moved her lips to his neck.

He thought for a moment - true, someone could see them, but the chances of that happening were slim, far too slim for them to pass up the opportunity to make love on the beach, under the clear, starry sky.

"Don't worry, babe" he said, kissing her cheek, "we're all alone, no one's going to see us."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Think how it would look, two JAG officers detained for indecent exposure. What would we tell the General?" This while she slipped her hands down his back into his pants pockets to cup his rear.

"If it happened" he said, his right hand carefully moving down to do to her as she was doing to him, "it'd look bad, yes, but, really Mac, who's gonna catch us out here? It's dark, it's quiet, we're hidden in these trees..."

Mac still didn't feel right about this, but it was a very romantic notion, making love on the beach under the stars. "Alright," she agreed and leaned in for a kiss coming on strong, using her tongue to open his mouth and explore the inner reaches of that area. She loved kissing him, just the taste of him on her lips made her insides knot, she saw spots before her eyes. She'd made love to other men, but she'd never felt this total loss of control before. "Lay me down, Harm," she instructed. "Show me you love me."

That was all he needed to hear. With his right arm, he gently laid her down in the sand, taking care to insure her head didn't hit any rocks or stones that may have been hidden. He then straddled her body with his own, both still fully clothed, both wondering how best to change that.

Mac took the lead, tugging at the bottom of his green sweater. She pulled on it until he got the message and lifted himself off of her to remove the clothing that was causing her distress. Sweater and undershirt removed her turned his attention to her. Under her touch he felt hot, despite the chill in the air.

He unbuttoned her jacket, gingerly moving his left hand only as much as necessary. He sat her up a little so she could slide her arms out, then laid her back upon the sand. Reaching underneath her sweatshirt, he un-tucked her turtleneck shirt with his right hand, sliding his fingers sensuously around the waistband of her jeans before moving them inside her shirt to the little bow on the front of her bra.

Mac was breathing hard by this time. "Get them off, Harm," she encouraged. "I want you to touch me, I want your mouth on me."

He maneuvered the hem of both her shirts up towards her shoulders as she wriggled a bit to assist him. Within moments, she'd slipped her arms out of both garments in one simple motion, and she jumped just a bit when the skin on her back made contact with the cold sand.

He pulled the shirts over her head and tossed them aside, allowing her to lie flat upon the sand in front of him. With his right hand, he slid two fingers beneath her bra, gently caressing her warm, baby-soft flesh.

Mac let out a long sigh, "Oh, that's...that's good, Baby. That feels so good," she told him wiggling a little, unable to keep her body still.

He loved hearing her talk like that, loved knowing that the more he did to her, the more she'd say to him. He let his fingers move towards the top of her left breast and slide ever-so-lightly over her nipple. He'd spend some time with that nipple, intrigued by its many uses. The first time he'd touched her, it was tight and tiny, like a rose that had budded but had not yet bloomed. Now, once he removed the lacy barrier between his thumb and her breast he'd see that bud in full bloom, fulfilling its true purpose. He remembered the first time after Ainsley's birth, Sarah had actually feared he'd find her less attractive because of the changes that pregnancy and nursing caused, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Mac let out a long moan which brought him out of his reverie. "You know exactly how I like it. The bras hurting, Harm. Take it off. I want your mouth on me." She instructed while reaching for his the fly of his pants.

He moved his body just enough to where he felt her hands brush against the very place he wanted to feel her. Sliding his good hand around behind her, he released the clasp on the bra, bringing the straps down off her shoulders as he pulled the constricting garment off of her body. "It's gone, baby" he purred, moving his hips against her hand once more as he brought his mouth to where she asked him to be and began to use his tongue and lips to give her pleasure where she wanted it. "Tell me if I hurt you," he instructed. "Or tell me if you like it."

"I like it very much," she panted, lifting her upper body so her nipple was fully in his mouth. It seemed that Mac couldn't stay still as he used his tongue, teeth and hands to pleasure the sensitive orbs. Breastfeeding their daughter had...it made her breasts look different, which he liked, but it also made them act different, which he loved.

All the while she pushed his jeans down over his hips, "I'm going to need you soon, Babe. I want you to be inside me when it comes," she told him. "Please," she begged.

Knowing he wasn't far from needing her as well, he shifted his focus from her breasts to the button and zipper on her jeans. He conquered the zipper first, the easier of the two fasteners, then tried to one-hand the button to no avail.

Harm looked at Mac, a pleading look in his eyes. She smiled a tiny smile and easily unfastened the troublesome buttons on her jeans before wiggling and moving up and down to help him get the aggravating garment off. Her panties followed quickly, leaving Mac's body perfectly exposed to his view, the cold winter air causing neither one a thought.

"There you go," she said in a whisper. "I'm ready, Harm. I need it now. I'm aching for you, Sailor," she said seductively.

He reached out and caressed the slight protrusion on her stomach that was evidence this woman was not only his wife, but someone's mother. Mac worked her abs endlessly trying to rid herself of that bit of evidence, but he secretly found it to be one of the most sensuous things about her. Again her voice, husky with arousal broke into his thoughts.

"I love it when you call me 'Sailor'" he whispered back. He also loved it when she told him exactly what she needed - the where, the how, the when. Sometimes, their lovemaking was tender and silent with him attending to her every need while only the occasional "oh" or "mmm" echoed from her lips. Tonight, however, would not be one of those nights. He wanted her in every way that she wanted him, and there'd be little from here out that one could call "tender" or "silent".

Mac moved her legs apart a bit so that he could crawl in between her thighs. "Your hands Harm. I want your hands," she told him.

"You got 'em, baby" he replied huskily, sliding his right hand to the place she needed it to be. Slowly, almost more slowly than she could stand it, he moved his fingers around until he found her most sensitive spot.

Mac arched her back and leaned into his warm hand. It felt wonderful there between her legs, rough calloused fingers rubbing the most private areas of her femininity. Soon though that wasn't enough and, the ability to speak having left her as soon as his fingers entered, she began to whimper.

"You like that, baby?" he asked, knowing she did, knowing every move he made was driving her closer and closer to the edge, himself not far behind.

Mac tossed her head in what would normally be considered a negative reply, but Harm realized it for what it was. Complete inability to vocalize her needs. All she could do was make little sounds until finally, "Harm," she cried out. "Please."

"Ssh," he comforted. "It's alright. Relax, baby. I'm going to make your earth move" he told her.

Instead of raising his hips and taking her in the usual manner, he instead lifted her left leg onto his right shoulder. He moved to follow suit with her right leg, and he winced at the pull of the stitches.

"Sarah, honey, lift you leg up here for me."

"Harm, what..." she panted not sure what he meant to do.

"Just trust me, Baby," he assured her. "You'll like this."

Sarah obliged him and lifted her leg and with his guidance positioned it similarly to her left one. Mac kept her eyes opened as she watched him, unsure of his motivations. When she saw him disappear between her thighs, she knew exactly what he intended.

She'd never… "Harm, I don't think…" she began.

"Don't think, love. Don't think," he told her. "Feel."

"Harm," Mac moaned and moved her hips up and down a bit to simulate the motion she wanted. "Now."

"Not yet," he whispered, taking a breath. "You're not ready yet."

"Not ready yet!" Mac thought he'd lost his mind. His mouth was driving her insane. Then he really did it. He found her spot again, the spot his hands had given so much pleasure. Only this time…

"Aah!" she cried out as his mouth simulated the motions that he would soon take with another part of his body. He pressed his tongue against her, moving back and forth, up and down, until she could no longer hold back her first climax. Once he felt her release, Harm backed off and slowly began to kiss his way up her body, her feminine juices still on his lips.

Paying careful attention to her navel, breasts, and the delicate curves of her neck, her made his way up her body until his mouth hovered just over hers. Sarah saw his eyes, burning hot with desire, and she felt his manhood, hard and strong against her soft thigh.

With his mouth hovering just over hers he whispered, "I love you, Mrs. Rabb."

That seemed to awaken the senses that had been overcome just a few moments ago. Suddenly, Mac was able to move again, and she reached for his chest giving him a little shove before rolling him over so that she now lay on top of him.

Harm reached up and began to play with her breasts again. He knew she loved for him to touch them, be with his hand or with his mouth. While he worked there, she reached inside the boxers he was yet to shed, his entire body tensing as she moved her hands about, eventually clinging to the waistband just below his navel.

"These have to go" she whispered deeply, taking hold of the waistband and tugging just a little. He lifted his hips enough for her to slide the garment off and cast it into the dark.

He watched her move her hands toward where their bodies were touching in nearly the most intimate way possible, and knew what she was doing. He'd done it to her, he'd made her wait, beg, only to have him deny her what she wanted most.

Now, he replaced her hand with his and began again to raise her to the heights of passion. He found her most erotic spot and flicked it with his thumb, eliciting a moan from her that he was proud to take credit for.

Using just his thumb he rubbed her there and felt her grow wetter than he remembered her ever doing. It had to be the beach, or the sand…maybe it was the moonlight, but the sounds she was making and the chills he was feeling as they prepared each others bodies for their inevitable joining were nothing short of divine.

With his injured hand he reached up and drew her down so their lips could meet. Their desire for one another finally exploded as their lips touched once more. Using his urgent kisses to hold Mac's mouth to his, he took hold of her hips, and guided her over him.

After a few awkward moments, their bodies and their mouths began to move in a simultaneous rhythm. She was tight, even after giving birth, and as he lifted his hips to meet her movements, he marveled at how remarkable it was that he never hurt her in this dance. Mac began to draw away from the kiss to sit up fully on him making it easier to do what she desired, what she knew he wanted from her. Harm however would not break the connection. He wanted his wife connected to him by any manner possible.

Mac wrapped her legs around him and rode him hard, neither partner saying any cogent words. The more she pushed the more he shoved, matching her move for move. He felt his breath quicken, his heart start to race, and his vision began to cloud. He was at the edge, he was ready, but he wanted to bring her to climax again, this time joined with him. He reached between them again and touched that special little place. He stroked it with his calloused finger, once, twice, three times until he felt the first little shiver run through her.

As he felt her inner muscles clamp down around him he let out a long cry as he felt himself release, leaving the evidence of his love for her inside her body. Mac followed him over the edge with a cry of her own, before she felt herself collapse onto his chest as limp as a rag doll.

Mac lay across Harm's chest, both of them breathing hard, trying to calm the frantic beating of their hearts. Harm managed finally to close his arm around her back and began to rub up and down, soothing her. Mac just lay against him, her head near his heart, her entire form shaking.

"You weren't kidding when you said you were gonna make my earth move, Sailor. That was the _best_ we've ever had, don't you think?" she asked him as her fingers caressed his chest.

Harm tightened his grip on her a bit and dropped a tender kiss on the top of her head, "It was pretty amazing Ninja Girl. But I think the best time was..." He paused. He didn't want to bring that up, it'd taken them too long to deal with the loss.

"You can think of a time we've had better than _this_?" she asked moving her head a little so she could see his face. "Do tell, flyboy, do tell."

"No," he shook his head. "This was too beautiful a night to ruin it." He leaned up to take her lips in a tender kiss.

Sensing that he really didn't want to elaborate, Mac chose to let it go, instead shifting her thoughts towards the end of their week away from home and their reunion with their sweet baby girl.

"I can't wait to get home," she said seemingly all of a sudden. Harm was taken a back a bit. She wanted to go home, even after this.

"I miss her" she said, "a lot."

"So do I," he sympathized. "And I worry about her. I can't stop worrying, and she's with my mother and Frank." He shook his head. "That's, that's just crazy of me…"

"It's natural for us to worry about her" Mac replied, "we're her parents, that's what we do - we love her, we take care of her and we worry about her when she's not within an arms reach of us. Nothing wrong with it, babe, it's called parenthood."

"I know, Mac, but..." he sighed. "Are you sure you pumped enough milk?"

She looked at him, surprised at such an out-of-the-blue question. "Yeah, why? Is that what you're worried about?"

"I don't know...it just came to me," he sighed. "But if you're sure. I mean you would know, right?"

"I'm sure I left more than enough, babe" she said. "I began stocking up a solid month before we left, and I know the one bottle a night you've been giving her didn't use up very much, so there was more than enough there to last her a week."

"Okay," Harm relented then caressed her naked back. "You getting cold?" he asked pulling her closer.

"Yeah" she replied, her body finally cooling off from their white-hot escapade. "I'm all sandy, too" she added with a smile.

"But it was worth it, wasn't it?" he asked holding her tightly. "As for being cold, what do you say we pull on our pants and use our tops as blankets. I still want to feel your body on mine."

"Mmmm" she answered, "that sounds nice. You sure we can control ourselves with only half our clothes on? I mean, I'd hate to have to jump your bones again just as we get thawed out." She looked at him with a sneaky smile.

"I think this old man is too tired for another round like that," Harm chuckled. "Let's just rest a minute and head back to the room. The last thing we need is to be discovered by Boy Scouts at first light."

"Boy Scouts?" she said with a laugh, "that'd be the ultimate embarrassment, not to mention we'd probably be arrested once the screaming stopped!"

"I don't know about arrested, Mac, but...Let's just hold each other for awhile, then go back to the room and take a nice long shower."

"OK, babe" she said with a shiver, "toss me my pants, will you, please? I think I'm getting goose bumps on top of my goose bumps."

"Here you go, Love," he told her handing her her panties and her jeans. "Have I told you lately that you are the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. Especially now, after Ainsley."

She stopped reaching out for her clothes, her body, mind and heart frozen at the kind, tender words her husband had just said to her. "No... you, you haven't said that, babe."

"Then I've been remiss," he replied. "You are so incredible, Sarah. Every bit of you. I love you so much," he told her, his voice catching just a bit. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

He reached out to brush a stray hair off her face.

She couldn't keep herself from crying at that moment. She'd known for years that he loved her, loved the way she looked from the day they'd met, but still a tiny voice in the back of her mind would taunt her on occasion, telling her the pregnancy had ruined the best things about her body.

"I..." she said, "I don't know... what I'd do without you, either" she stumbled out between the teardrops. "You're my...my everything. Without you...Ainsley wouldn't..." She stopped there, bringing her hands towards her face to hide the gentle, happy sobs.

"Ah," he sighed and moved to take her into his arms. "Ssh, I'm sorry, Babe. I didn't mean to make you cry," he apologized as he rocked her in his arm. "I just...I know sometimes you think or you worry that I don't find you attractive since the baby, but that's not true. In fact, you're even more beautiful to me now."

Looking up at him as the tears continued to travel down her cheeks, she asked a question that had been hiding inside her heart for months. "How so? I'm not built like I used to be, like I was when we fell in love."

"Well, you're softer," he said caressing the curves of her hips. "You're fuller," he moved to her breasts. "And...this body," he touched her abdomen. "How could I not find beauty in the thing that gave me my most precious possession?"

She felt as though her heart had just melted into a puddle within her soul. Placing her hand atop his, which was still resting on her abdomen, she looked once more into his eyes, the same gorgeous color as their daughter's. "Have I thanked _you_ lately" she asked, "for that same precious possession?"

"I think that performance earlier was thanks enough," he replied. "Come on now, get those pants on. I don't want you sick."

Sniffling a little, managing a simple smile at the man she loved more than any other, she nodded, taking the clothes from his hand and slipping them on. "I think it's gotten colder since we left the restaurant, do you?"

"Yeah," he replied. "The sun's completely gone down and the wind's kicking up." He said this as he pulled on his own pants and gathered their discarded clothing. Laying out flat once he put on his pants, he opened his arm so she could cuddle against him.

"You just want to crawl underneath all 4 shirts?" she asked as she laid her head upon his chest.

"Yep," he replied. "We'll only be here for a few minutes. Just until I can stretch the kinks out of my back."

Taking hold of her turtleneck shirt, she spread it over herself, then laid back against him as he did the same with his undershirt and sweater. "Thanks, babe" she said as he handed her her sweatshirt. "I can't imagine why you have a kinked back, got any ideas?" she asked sleepily.

"Too many punch outs," he replied, stifling a yawn. "Add those to a romp on the beach with my beautiful wife..." He raised his eyebrows and left it open ended.

She snuggled a bit closer to him, rubbing her cheek against his chest, "Hmm, that would do it."

Harm's next conscious thought was the that of giggling. Who was that? It wasn't Ainsley, she was at home, Mac, well that's not Mac's giggle.

But that _was _Mac's scream.

At the sound Harm bolted upright, eyes flying open to fix, not on some horrible robber or mugger like he feared but a troop of boy scouts who were curiously lifting up the sweater covering Mac's upper body.

"HEY!" He yelled at the youngsters standing far too close to his half-dressed wife for either his comfort or hers. The boys froze, expressions mimicking those of a deer caught in the headlights as Harm rose to his feet.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" he asked them, glaring at each of the boys as he spoke. "Didn't anyone ever teach you how to respect a lady?" The boys remained stuck where they stood, as if the sand had reached out and taken hold of their ankles, forcing them to accept the barrage of questions Harm threw their way.

"Harm, calm down," Mac said still fighting sleep. "They're just kids."

"Yeah," the boy whose hands had acutally been on Mac's shirt echoed. "We're just kids. You can't do anything to us."

"Oh, yes they can" said a booming voice from behind the youngsters, "and so can I!" The troop leader, a large, intimidating form of a man had caught up with his boys, and was mortified to learn what they'd done after running so far ahead of him.

"Sir" he said to Harm, "please allow me to apologize for the inexcusable behavior of these young men. I allowed them to get too far ahead of me, something which they clearly can't be trusted to handle at this point in time."

Turning to Mac, yet trying not to look at her as he spoke, the troop leader continued to apologize. "Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry, these boys should be ashamed of themselves, and please believe me when I say their parents will be told of what happened and they _will_ be punished."

"Don't be too hard on them," Mac sighed. "They're just kids and we really shouldn't have been here anyway. Harm, why are we still here?" she directed the question at her husband.

Seeing that the situation was resolved, the troop leader thought it best to take his leave and let this couple sort out the issue of how exactly they ended up sleeping on that beach. "Well, I'll leave you to your privacy," he told them. "Again, you both have my deepest apologies."

"Thank you" replied Harm as the leader and his charges took their leave. He stood beside Mac, barefoot, jeans on but not fastened and shirtless. He rubbed his hands over his face, wincing when he bumped his stitches a little too hard. "How...why aren't we in bed?" he asked. "Guess we nodded off and never made it there, huh?"

"You guess," she nodded and he could see she was perturbed. "This.." she motioned to her still prostrate body and the pile of clothes. "Was your bright idea, Sailor. I knew we shouldn't have done this. I told you."

Harm sighed. She was right, she _had_ told him, and he sweet-talked her into doing it anyway. Still, his mind argued, she didn't have any qualms about it once they got going... "Yeah, you told me" agreed Harm, "but I don't recall any complaints once I..." he pointed his hand towards her lower half.

"Well, no, but that's because you sandbagged me into this. I didn't want to do this, but you kept pushing," she spat at him quickly pulling on her bra and shirt with as much modesty as possible.

Harm was unpleasantly amazed at her rebuttal. "Mac... how, how can you be this upset with me after last night? Only a few hours ago you were more than happy to be here and doing everything we were doing, and now you act as if I clubbed you over the head and dragged you out here! I thought last night was 'the best we've ever had'!"

"That's not the point," she said. "You promised me no one would see us, and the next think I know I'm being groped by teenagers and my husband doesn't even ask me if I'm all right?"

He took a deep breath. She was right. He'd been so flustered by everything that he never gave a thought to asking her if she was OK.

"I'm sorry, baby" he said, sitting back down in the sand beside her. "_Are_ you OK?"

"No!" Mac snapped. "This shouldn't have happened, Harm. We should be at our hotel, with our phones and, you don't get to be sweet and say sorry and think it's all better. You promised we would be alone." Mac's eyes were filling with tears and even to her own mind, her anger made very little sense.

"I'm getting out of here," she told him and started up the beach carrying her shoes.

"Come on, Mac" he said, the defensiveness starting to show through his words as he grabbed his own shoes and took off after her. "How the hell was I supposed to know we'd fall asleep on the beach, half-dressed, and be discovered by anybody! How?"

"You should have listened to me," she countered. "You never listen! You always have to do what you want to do, the rest of us be damned."

She started walking away again and Harm took a few steps to catch up with her. He reached out for her wrist and pulled gently until she stopped and faced him. "Sarah..." he sighed. "Where is this coming from? Tell me why you feel you have to say these things Sarah, on our honeymoon of all places. Please, because I know you and I know that this has nothing to do with those scouts. Tell me what I've done to upset you because I can't apologize, I can't fix it if I don't know."

She looked down at the sand, out at the water, up at the sky, anyplace except into the eyes of her husband. He was right, this wasn't about what happened with the scouts, not by a long shot.

"It's..." she began, pausing to find her words. "It's everything, it's nothing, it's... it's guilt, I guess."

Harm gently reached out and caressed her cheek, distressed but not surprised to feel a slight wetness there. "About leaving the baby?" he ventured.

She nodded and wiped away a few of her own tears. "Yeah, but not only that, it's just... I mean, this week has been so special and last night, God last night was _amazing_, and...oh dammit, I can't even explain it, Harm!" She stepped towards him, wrapped her arms around his chest and gently cried.

Harm tightened his arms around her and slowly rocked her in his embrace. "I can," Harm replied. "You and I tried so hard to have a baby before we got married. Then it happened and we waited to get married. Then we got married and we came down here and felt what its like to have no one or no thing to answer to and although we miss out little angel at home, a little part of us, wishes this week never had to end." He kissed the top of her head. "Am I right, Sarah?"

Stepping back just a little so she could look him in the eye, she nodded. "Yes. That's it. That's exactly it. Part of me, the mother in me" she sniffled, "feels horrible for leaving our baby for a week so we could see the sights and have sex on the beach, but another part of me, the wife in me, doesn't want this week to end. Doesn't want last night to be once in a lifetime. I don't know...how to balance the two."

Harm lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the backs of both gently. "I think you do it like you do everything else, Sweetheart. One day at a time."

She gave him a little smile, how could she _not_ after what he'd just said to her? "I guess so" she said. "I know it'll get easier as time goes on, but it's awfully hard right now."

"I know," he sympathized. "And I'm sorry about before. I know I promised you we would be alone, but I didn't force you Mac, you know that and I _know _you know that, but it still hurt to hear you say that."

"I'm sorry" she replied as she brushed a few remaining tears from her eyes, "you're absolutely right. Last night was something we both wanted to do, we both know that, and now that we did, I'll never, _ever_ forget it."

"Neither will I" he said, leaning in to plant a tiny kiss upon her lips. "Are we okay now?" he asked. "Are you ready to go back to our room and get that shower?"

"We're OK now, babe" she said, "honest. And yes, a shower sounds wonderful, though I don't think I'll ever get all the sand out of my hair."

"Well, maybe I could give you a hand with that," Harm teased wrapping his arm around her waist as they started off the beach.

"Mmmm...maybe so" replied Mac, "but only if you keep those stitches dry."

Harm chuckled, "I think I can manage that."

* * *

_A/N: The honeymoon is almost over, but they've still got 2 days left... ;)_


	67. Chapter 67

_A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted - life has been super busy! Thanks to everyone who read chapter 66, and a special thanks to everyone who reviewed. _

_As we draw nearer to the close of the story (we're not there yet!), I'm going to show alot more of the emotional side of things as I imagine them to be between Harm and Mac after having been through all they've been through. Infertility can, and usually does, wreak havoc on a relationship/marriage at some point, believe me. Emotions that were buried find a way to seep up through the cracks, so-to-speak, and the couple is forced to deal with them. They often find themselves at odds over the smallest things, but in reality there are deeper issues at hand. Fear of one thing can come out as anger over another, and what begins as a simple discussion over "topic A" can end as a screaming fight over "issue B". All that said, just try to be prepared for anything and everything to happen to Harm and Mac in the remaining chapters. _

_Once again, I owe a great big hug to LadyCommish for all her help when I got stuck along the way. She helped with the dialogue of Harm in some places of this chapter, Mac in others, and offered me some amazing ideas when my own creativity failed me. If you haven't done so yet, please check out her JAG fic entitled "Can We Ever Get Back To Before." It tells a very real story of just how devestating endometriosis can be under the right circumstances. Some parts of the story might make you smile, others will surely make you angry, and still others may bring you to tears, but the emotions throughout are so completely heartfelt and very much worth taking the time to read. I'm far from unbiased, I know, but where that dreadful disease is concerned, I wholeheartedly support everyone willing to reveal it as so much more than just something the doctor can clean up and make it all better. Mine was cleaned up, and things are far from "all better." _

* * *

Chapter 67: 

"I said keep it _dry_, babe" muttered Mac as she carefully unwrapped the water-logged bandage from around Harm's wrist. "Does this look _dry_ to you?"

"I told you, it slipped" he said, attempting once more to defend his mistake. "It's not a big deal, babe, we needed to change it this morning anyway."

"Right" she said, continuing to unwrap the large band of gauze the nurse had applied at the hospital, "but you're not supposed to get it wet, Harm. Do you want it to get infected?"

"Of course not" he replied, "and somehow I don't think getting it wet once will lead to any kind of infection. I'm taking antibiotics, remember?"

"I remember" answered Mac, finally reaching the end of the gauze. "This may hurt a little bit" she said as she took hold of the 2x4 no-stick pad directly over the cut and prepared to lift it off.

Harm looked in the opposite direction, figuring if it was going to hurt, it was best if he didn't know when to expect the pain.

"Ah!" he said, cringing a little as she pulled the pad off.

"I'm sorry, babe" she said, "I tried to be gentle."

"I know you did" he replied. "Some things just hurt no matter how you do them."

"Yeah, very true" she agreed as she examined the wound itself. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh what, Mac?" asked Harm, still looking in the opposite direction, a trifle of panic in his voice. "What's wrong with it?"

"There's a lot of sand around it" she said, "which doesn't surprise me with all the sand that was on the outside gauze. We've gotta clean it out."

"Oh, joy" said Harm, deciding to suck it up and take a look. He glanced at his wrist, delicately rotating his arm to get the best view. It looked pretty disgusting - the cut itself was red, a stark contrast to the dark purple stitches, all 12 of them. There was a fair amount of bruising as well, which only added to the unsightliness of the matter.

"Boy, those stupid things really got me good, huh?" asked Harm. "I'll say this much, from here on out, if we feel the need for bondage, it'll be with something _incredibly_ soft!"

"You got that right!" agreed Mac, still feeling guilty for Harm's injury. "Come over to the sink and we'll see if we can get rid of that sand before we replace the bandage."

"I thought we couldn't get it wet?" he questioned.

"We can't" she answered, "but we can dab at it a little and see how that works. Somehow, we've gotta get it cleaner than it is now."

He got up from the chair beside the table and followed her towards the sink. She took a washcloth down from the rack on the wall and wet it with warm water.

"OK, ready?" she asked as she reached out to take hold of his wrist.

"No, but go ahead" he replied, once again looking away.

Mac very carefully dabbed the washcloth on the cut, trying to loosen the stuck-on bits of sand. She stopped when he pulled back.

"Ow!" he said, "that hurt, babe!"

"Sorry!" she said, "it's coming off, though, so the pain isn't for nothing."

"Good" he said, relaxing a little so she could continue.

"I'd ask how you managed to get so much of it in here" said Mac, hoping her conversation would distract him some, "but I don't think that's really a question." She looked at him and smiled.

"Why?" he replied, his smile matching hers, "just because we spent a solid… however long we were out there last night, rolling about in the sand?"

"44 minutes, 21 seconds" said Mac.

"You _timed_ it?" he asked with a laugh. "Obviously your clock is back from the shop."

"Mm-hmm" she replied as she rinsed out the washcloth, "but don't think that means I didn't thoroughly, totally and _completely_ enjoy myself last night, babe."

He just looked at her and smiled. Neither of them would _ever_ forget that night.

"Just a little bit left right…..there" said Mac as she removed the final particles of sand from around Harm's cut. "All done, now we need to let it air out for a few minutes and then put a clean bandage on it."

"That was _not_ fun" said Harm, bringing his wrist up for a closer look.

"I know" agreed Mac, "I know that cut is gonna leave a big scar, too."

"No doubt" said Harm. "Hey, any idea about what we're gonna tell people when we get home and they ask what happened?"

"Um, I don't know," Mac smirked. "The truth usually works for me."

"Suffice it to say, my dear" he replied, "that this time, the truth is not an option!"

"Well...let's see...We could tell them you got it stuck in a fence," Mac offered. "I did that when I was ten."

He pondered the suggestion for a moment. "Could work" he said, "could work... We could say I was cutting my dinner and the knife slipped?"

"That's better," Mac agreed. "We could say you got in a fight with those scouts."

He laughed a bit. "Ok, babe, I'll let you tell everyone all about the encounter with the scouts, and then they'll be so aghast at the knowledge of what we did on that beach that they'll forget all about the cut on my wrist. Problem solved!"

"You know we could say nothing," Mac offered.

"Hey, now there's a plan I can live with!" he said, pointing at her in approval. "We say nothing, and when people ask, we just blow it off and change the subject. I like it."

"You better, because there is no excuse that we could give that they would buy," Mac said stifling a giggle. Then she sobered, "I did tell you how sorry I was about that, didn't I?"

"Only a couple dozen times, sweetheart" he answered. "It was just one of those things, I probably couldn't do it again if I tried, NOT that I ever want to, mind you!"

She leaned up and kissed his lips softly, "Good because I think that romantic romps on the beach are far more fun that the kinkier side of things."

He leaned forward and returned her kiss. "Did you mean it when you said you hoped last night wasn't just a once in a lifetime thing?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Last night...Harm what you did, I've never had that done before and it...all of it was amazing but that..." She blushed a little bit and looked down at the floor.

He smiled, amused by her embarrassment and pleased to be the cause of it. "Really? You'd never done..._that _before?"

"No," Mac replied. "Even with the other men I've been with, none of them were too interested in me, you know. I was service, that's all." She continued to study their feet.

He immediately pulled her closer to himself. "You'll always be so much more than that to me, Mac. Always. Being with you is unlike anything I ever experienced with anyone else, and anything I can do that makes you feel special and feel as loved as you truly are, I want to do it for you."

"You're doing it," she replied and cuddled closer rubbing her cheek against his chest.

"I love you, Mac."

"I love you too, Harm. So much," she replied. "I never thought it could be like this. I never thought I'd have a wonderful husband, a precious baby girl...now I have almost everything I ever wanted." She continued holding him as they sat down on the bed, her upon his lap.

"What's still missing?" he asked her.

"A baby boy, with Rabb blue eyes and a flyboy smile," she replied. With a long sigh she added, "Now that's just a pipe dream."

"Why do you say that?" he asked her.

"I guess I feel like after everything we had to go through to have Ainsley" she answered, "that I shouldn't pin too much hope on having any more babies. I mean, I know it _can_ happen and we've talked about it and we both want more children, but that stupid little voice that haunted me while we were trying for Ainsley just won't let me relax."

"Sarah," Harm said gently, holding her as close as he could. "There are other ways of expanding our family, we don't have to conceive a baby to love it as our own, you know?" He wasn't sure how she'd take that but he put it out there nonetheless.

She sighed, leaning back against him. "I know" she said, "but my heart's just not to that point right now, and maybe it never will be. Knowing that we have the ability - with a lot of outside intervention - to have our own babies, I just can't let go of that desire, but I also can't seem to temper it with the fear that maybe we've gotten all we're going to get from fertility treatments. It just...sucks to think much about."

"It's not that bad an option, Honey," he offered. "It would be easier on your body, you wouldn't have to go through all of the tests and all."

"If I didn't know better" she said, shifting in his lap so she could see his face, "I'd think you've made up your mind against going through treatment again. Have you? Tell me the truth, please - this isn't something we can be anything other than 100 percent open and honest about."

"I have my doubts," he answered. "I don't want to see you have to go through needles and that horrible x-ray thing, and you had pre-eclampsia with Ainsley, what if that happens again?" he voiced his concerns about that for the first time. "I'm not decided, but I am considering other options."

"Well then you need to know here and now that I'm _not_ considering other options at this point" she said, her voice calm yet firm. "Right now my need and desire to be pregnant again outweighs my ability to think about any other options. You're free to feel however you feel about it, I mean we're in this thing together, but I need to know that you understand where I'm at. Do you?"

"I do," Harm sighed. "I don't have to carry the baby or anything, so the choice is ultimately yours. I'm just scared."

"I'm scared, too" said Mac, "but when you say the choice is ultimately mine, that's not really true. There are points during the treatments where yes, the decisions are mine. I like to have a little say in those things since I'm the one laying on that exam table for all in the room to see, but we're talking about the decision of whether or not to even go down that road again. _That, _Harm, is a decision that most definitely is not mine alone to make. I mean, think about it, kind of difficult to do an insemination without your 'contribution', babe."

He squeezed her a bit, "It is, isn't it? I don't want to go down this road just now. I mean, I want us to enjoy Ainsley a bit before we consider another one," he told her. "Maybe I'm just paranoid. I miss our baby, I want to hold her and make sure she's all right, and maybe I'm transferring that worry to you and another pregnancy. So can we table this for now? We only have two more days left, let's enjoy them."

"Absolutely" agreed Mac. "What's on the agenda for today? Please tell me it doesn't involve sand, palm trees or removing more than 5 percent of our clothing!"

Harm raised an eyebrow and feigned hurt, "I though you liked that."

"I did" she said, "very much if I recall, but that doesn't mean I want to do it again this afternoon!"

"As you wish," Harm sighed. "I personally could go for that again. But, no, instead, you and I are slated to take a tour of the USS Lexington here in beautiful Corpus Christi at 1300."

"1300?" she asked, leaping off of his lap. "How many minutes are we supposed to arrive before the tour starts?"

"Ten" he answered, "Why?"

"Harm, it's already 1224!" she exclaimed "We still have to re-bandage your wrist, and the Lex is a 16 minute drive from here! We'll have to 'drive Jersey' to even possibly get there on time!"

"Drive what?" he asked as he hopped off the bed and grabbed his tennis shoes.

"Don't worry about your shoes yet" she said, "get in here so I can take care of your wrist!" She dug out the antibiotic ointment and bandage supplies as she continued to speak. "'Drive Jersey' means we'll have to ignore red lights, take the speed limit with a grain of salt and use out own best judgment as to the definition of 'illegal U-turn'! Here, sit down!"

He sat on the edge of the bathtub as she squeezed the ointment onto his cut. "When's the last time you drove in Jersey, Mac?" he asked. "You seem to know a lot about their quote-unquote 'traffic laws'."

"I drove out there with Harriet and Jen when we were doing wedding plans, remember?" She opened the sterile wrapper on the 2x4 pad. "Hold still, this may smart a little."

"Oh yeah, now I do" he replied. "Didn't know you had such an interesting experience, though!"

"'Interesting" she said as she began to wrap the rolled gauze around his wrist, "is only one word for it! 'Insane' is a better one."

"Well, I'm not gonna drive like that here, Mac" he said as he watched her work. "If we're a few minutes late, it's not the end of the world."

"I know" she said as she reached for the scissors and first aid tape, "I just don't want to miss out on anything you've got planned. Like you said, we've only got 2 days left."

"Fear not, my lovely bride" he said, "we won't miss out on anything, I promise."

"I hope not" said Mac, applying one last strip of tape to the gauze, "I've always wanted to tour that ship. I hear it's haunted, do you think that's true?"

"Anything's possible, babe" he said. "Lots of folks swear they've seen a ghost in the engine room."

Mac laughed a little. "Sounds like Bud's kind of thing. There, all done, go put your shoes on and we'll be out of here."

"What time is it now?" he asked her as he hurried out of the bathroom and grabbed his shoes again.

"1233" said Mac, throwing a few necessities into her backpack, which fortunately was still mostly packed from their day at Six Flags. "I'm all set, you ready?"

"Ready" he said, scooping his keys up from the table, "let's go!"

* * *

"Watch the knee knockers, babe" he said as they began the tour. They arrived exactly 4 minutes late, but lucky for them the tour guide was running even further behind than they were, so they didn't miss a moment of the tour. 

"I've been on carriers before, Harm" laughed Mac, "but thank you for your concern."

"Can't help it" he said, "I'm over-protective when it comes to my girls. I don't want anything to happen to them."

"I know" said Mac, stopping in the passageway to give her man a quick kiss. "When do we get to see the engine room?"

"Later" he replied with a smile, "we can't jump ahead of the guide, she may not like that."

"You could do as good a job or better with this tour than she can" said Mac. "You should have told them who you are, they might have let you lead this one."

"Ah, Mac" he said, wrapping his arm around her as they tried to keep up with the group and keep their conversation at a low volume, "I'm not here to give tours, I'm here with my wife and I want to enjoy that."

"Yeah, but you know so much about carriers" she replied, "you could give these folks an amazingly informative experience."

"Possibly" he answered, "but again, that's not why we came, babe. Let's pay attention before we miss out on something cool."

…_14 minutes further along in the tour…_

"I can't believe this" whispered Mac as the read the sign on the wall of the engine room. It spelled out the tale behind the ship's nickname, _The Blue_ _Ghost_. "It gives me the willies just being down here."

"I've got you, Honey," Harm whispered. "No big bad ghost is going to get you," he stifled a laugh at his tough Marine being spooked by a ghost story.

"Oh, cut it out, flyboy" she replied, giving him a playful slap on the chest. "Seriously, did you read this? All these unrelated people, total strangers, claim to have seen and even spoken with this ghost. Do you think they really did, or are you more prone to blame it on the creaks and squeaks of an old ship?"

"I can't discount anything anymore, Mac. I mean, there are so many things I thought were impossible that have happened so, who knows," Harm shrugged. "Do you want to skip this room?"

"No, no" she said, contining to read the story on the wall. She read in silence for a couple moments, until...

"Oh, wow" she said, her voice one of total mesmerization.

"What is it, Babe?" he asked reacting to her change in stance and in tone.

"This..." she said, pointing to a specific line in the tale. "It says here the thing that those people all remember most vividly about their encounter with the ghost is his amazing blue eyes." She turned and looked directly into the baby blues of her husband, a little smile coming over her face. "That's just...well, let me say I know first-hand how memorable blue eyes can be, especially to a woman."

"Oh, yeah," he whispered, his deep voice growing husky. "I'm more partial to brown." He leaned in a gave each eye a feather light kiss.

"Mmmm...you know what that does to me, sailor" she purred.

"Mmhmm," he responed. "I do." And he did it again. "Let's go Marine, there's nothing to be scared of in there." He nudged her further into the room.

They stood inside the engine room for a few moments, neither saying anything as they took in the sights around them, the essence of the room.

"Summer whites and ice blue eyes" she said.

"What are you talking about Mac?" Harm asked scanning the room to see what she was referring to.

"The ghost" she replied, "the legend is he was wearing his summer whites and had ice blue eyes. I'm just thinking about him, who he was, why he was here..."

"He was here for the same reason any of us are, Sweetheart. To serve and protect his country from anyone who would threaten her," Harm replied. "Even now, and this is hard for me to say, if the call came up, if I had to stand and defend her even outside the courtroom, I'd be right there to do that." He held his breath and waited for her reply.

"You...you'd go back to a combat squadron?" she asked, the surprise in her voice echoing loud and clear.

"Yeah," he nodded. "If the call came up, yeah."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not surprised" she said, "as much as I'd hate it, I know it's who you are. The Navy has been a part of your life since the moment you were born, and not only is that something I can't change, it's something I don't _want_ to change. We're both military officers, we know the sacrifices that can come with that, and together we'll deal with them if and when they arise."

"What about you? Would you go if the call came up?" he asked, his voice catching a bit. He didn't know if he could deal with an affirmative as well as she had.

"I'd go" she said, hesitating for just a second as a thought of Ainsley passed through her mind. "I'd hate it, but I'd go."

"No you wouldn't Sarah," he told her firmly. "I wouldn't let you do that." The conviction in his voice was startling, Harm wasn't one to take charge or try to control her, at least not when it came to her career.

"Excuse me?" she replied, eyes wide with disbelief. "You wouldn't _let_ me? Since when would that be your decision?"

"Since you cannot make a rational decision by yourself," he snapped. "In case you've forgotten you have a daughter at home. It not your place to be running around in deserts shooting insurgents. At least I'd be in the plane, I'd be relatively safe, you, I might as well paste a target on your forehead." He dropped his arm from around her and walked to the other end of the room. He had never thought before that minute that with the situation in Iraq being as it was they, one or both of them, could be deployed to fulfill another duty and the thought crushed his heart.

"So let me get this straight" she snapped in reply, "if the call came up for _you_ to fight, you'd take it and I'd support you in it because I know it's part of being your wife. If the call came for _me_, you'd not only _not_ support me in taking it, you'd actually _keep_ me from going? Explain to me the rational thought process in that, Harm, because I'm not seeing it!"

"Its simple," he sighed. "I'm a man, I'm supposed to sacrifice things for my family and my country. You are a woman, you are supposed to keep the home fires burning. Call me old fashioned but I think its that way for a reason. If something happened to me, you would go on, you're strong enough. If something happened to you...well, I'm not" he replied truthfully, still staring at a far off place on the wall, not meeting her eyes.

"But you said I wouldn't belong out there" said Mac, walking towards him, "because I have a daughter at home. News flash, Commander, she's as much yours as she is mine. I don't see how you can use her as a reason to deny me the right to serve my country."

"I know she's _our _daughter, Mac," Harm sighed. "But, I'd be an awful single father. If you had to do it alone, you could, me," he shrugged. "I'd be too consumed with grief, too obsessed with finding out how and why that I would be a failure as her father. With you," he turned to look into her eyes, revealing unshed tears in his blue orbs, "I can make it. Without you..." He shook his head and looked at his shoes. Without warning her took her into his arms, holding her so tightly it caused her pain, "Promise me, Sarah," he said hoarsely. "Promise me that if that happens, if you get called up, you'll resign. Promise me."

She had no idea he felt so strongly about something that may not even happen, but obviously he did. "I promise, Harm" she said as her voice caught in her throat."I promise, I won't go. I'll stay here and I'll be your wife, and I'll be Ainsley's mother and that's the way it'll be."

"Thank you," he whispered. "I know how much the Corps means to you but, I don't want to be my mother, Mac. I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk." He was embarrassed by his actions and couldn't meet her eyes.

"Hey, look at me" she said, gently bringing his face around to meet his eyes with her own. "It's OK, you just said what was in your heart, and I didn't take it the way I should have and for that _I'm_ sorry. Now, enough of this sad stuff, we're supposed to be having fun on this ship, let's do that."

"Yeah," Harm agreed. "And let's start by getting out of this room. I'm starting to get the creeps. I'm acting all stupid in here."

Mac laughed a little as she wiped away the last of her tears. "Maybe it's knowing that ghost has eyes like yours?"

"I don't know what it is," he sighed. "All I know is I'm behaving like an ass and if I don't want to end up divorced we better get the heck out of here. Come on."

"Where do you wanna go?" she asked, taking his hand and following him out of the engine room. The rest of the tour group had long since left them behind, so they were on their own.

"Flight deck of course," he replied. "I'll give you the Harmon Rabb special."

"I'm pretty sure I got that last night" she replied, looking at him for a response.

"Nah, that was the Harmon Rabb _original_," he corrected with a chuckle, his mood lightening with her smile.

"I see" said Mac, "well, if the '_special'_ is half as much fun as the '_original'_, I'll love it."

"Not making any promises there, Darlin'," he sighed, copying the popular Texas endearment as he led her up to the flight deck.

Mac listened as Harm, as giddy as a boy with a new bicycle pointed out the different mechanisms and machinery that made the carrier work. He explained how the catapult work and how in defiance of the laws of physics, the Tomcats and Hornets were able to stop with just that skinny little wire. She knew most this of course, but seeing his enjoyment in explaining it made it worth her while.

"Do you hear that?" she interrupted as he was explaining the finer points of catching the "three wire."

"Hear what?" he asked, ears perking to detect the noise that she had alerted him to.

"It better not be what I think it is" she said, looking around the flight deck. "It better not be..."

"It is," he sighed seeing their visitors from earlier that morning before she did. "Don't worry, maybe they're not laughing at us."

"Then why are they looking at us and pretending they're not?" asked Mac as she unconsciously crossed her arms in front of herself. The group of Boy Scouts who'd given them a rude awakening on the beach a few hours earlier was gathered no more than 30 yards away.

"Don't let it bother you, Honey. If they see they've gotten to you, it'll just egg them on," he told her. "Just put your arm around my waist."

"Alright" she said, doing as he suggested, "but what I'd really like to do is go give them a piece of my mind, drill sergeant style! I'm a Colonel in the United States Marine Corps for crying out loud, and they're gawking at me like I'm some sort of pin-up girl in a dirty magazine!"

"If that's what you want to do, go for it," he told her. "If that's what will make you feel better. I don't like you upset like this."

"You won't care if I do that?" she asked.

He hugged her tightly and kissed her hair, "If you need to do that to put this moring behind you then do it. Self conscious doesn't fit you, Marine."

She walked confidently towards the group of boys, debating just how heavy a hand she felt like using. After all, they weren't in the military, nor did she have any official jurisdiction over them, but she wasn't going to tolerate their disrespect. When they saw her approaching, their laughter ceased and sheer confusion took it's place.

"I'd love to know what you find so funny about my husband and I enjoying our time on this ship" she said sternly to the group.

The oldest looking boy in the group, the one who appeared to be their ring leader and the one who appeared to have been trying to peak under their make shift blanket replied with a haughty smirk on is face, "Its not your visit to this boat that's funny."

"Oh" said Mac, clearly disgusted with his smart-aleck reply, "so you're still enjoying the situation from this morning, is that right?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied. "Its not often we get to see a nature study like that."

That was it. Mac decided the disrespect was going to end right there.

"Snap to!" she shouted at the oldest boy. As if by programmed response, the group fell into line and stood perfectly straight.

"This marks the END of this blatant, outright disrespect!" said Mac as she stood in front of the boys. "I know you think what happened this morning entitles you to point a finger and scoff at me, but let me tell you, you are WRONG!"

The boys didn't move, they didn't dare.

A few feet away Harm watched his wife go into commando mode on the troop of unruly boy scouts. It had been awhile since he'd seen this side of his marine and he found it strangely alluring.

"I am NOT an instrument of amusement for you" continued Mac, her eyes wide with emphasis. "I am a decorated officer in the United States Marine Corps, and as such and as a WOMAN I deserve your utmost respect! IS that understood?"

The boys were unsure what to make of this somewhat psychotic woman that was claiming to be a Marine. Still their ring leader couldn't comprehend the depth of thetrouble he was in, so instead of an "I'm sorry" Mac got, "That's even funnier than this morning. They don't let chicks in the Marine corp."

"COMMANDER RABB, would you join us, please?" she called over her shoulder, never once breaking her glare into the eyes of the smart-mouthed boy.

Harm heard his wife's distress call and came immediately to the rescue, "Problem, Colonel?"

"This young man here" said Mac while still staring the boy down, "has informed me that 'chicks' are not allowed in the Marine Corps. Perhaps you'd care to enlighten him before I do so MYSELF?"

"Ah, I see," Harm sighed. "For your information, women are allowed to be enlisted personnel or officers in the Marine Corps and I for one believe the Corps is better of because of that fact. This woman, is not only a decorated Marine COLONEL, but a successful lawyer, wife, and mother. She deserves, in and out of uniform your utmost respect and admiration, anything less makes all of you disgrace your own colors. Now, before I call your scout leader, because believe me that is my next move, you will apologize to Colonel Mackenzie for your despicable behavior!"

Harm's orders, as well as Mac's, seemed to fall upon deaf ears. The younger boys were almost visibly shaking with fear. They'd never tangled with military officers before, and these two did NOT appear to be the kind to take much guff from anyone. The oldest boy, however, was unmoved by the exchange, until...

"Pardon me, Sir, Ma'am," the Scout Leader spoke up. "Is there a problem here?"

"Yes, there certainly is" replied Mac. "This young man in front of me has a problem with respect. Seems he doesn't feel I, as a military officer, a lawyer and a woman, deserve any from him, and I don't appreciate that at ALL!"

"Ah, yes," the leader addressed the oldest boy. "Jason, did we not have a talk about this?"

"Yes, Sir," the boy replied.

"And what did we decide the answer was?" asked the leader.

"Apologize with meaning, Sir," the boy replied.

"Let's hear it then," the troop leader instructed.

Taking a deep breath while maintaining his gaze straight ahead, the boy did as he was told. "I apologize for my disrespect, ma'am. I have failed to treat you with the dignity and respect due to you as a Colonel and as a woman, and in doing so I have acted in very poor judgment. I apologize to you as well, sir. I shouldn't have acted in this manner towards your wife or any woman, and I assure you it won't happen again."

"It better not," Harm said in a low voice. "Next time I will not be as understanding. If you were full grown, I'd call you out for treating her that way. If I ever catch a repeat performance, I'll take this matter up with your troop leader and your parents, am I clear?"

"Crystal clear, sir" said the boy.

"Good," Harm replied. "Come on Sarah let's go finish that trap lesson I was giving you."

"Trap lesson?" said the now apologetic young man. "You know a lot about carriers or something, sir?"

"About as much as being a pilot can teach you," Harm replied, secretly happy the boy was interested.

"You're a pilot?" exclaimed one of the younger boys. "Do you fly fighter jets?"

"Yeah, Tomcats," he replied. "Hornets too, now that they are phasing out my usual ride," he answered.

"Wow! Cool!" replied the boys, clearly interested in what Harm was saying. She smiled, thinking about how much fun he could have with a son of his own to talk aviation with. Sure, he'd do it all with Ainsley when she was old enough, but she knew haw badly he wanted to experience the kind of father/son bond that he had with his father, short-lived as it was.

Without even realizing it, Harm took over the tour for the troop of unruly boy scouts. Keeping his arm around Mac's shoulders he explained not only the fine art of the trap, but every thing about Tomcat flight any boy would wish to know. By the time the tour was over, even the most unruly scout had a new mentor.

"Thank you so much, Sir," the boy said. "I've learned a lot today, and not just about planes," he looked at Mac still a bit embarrassed by his earlier behavior. "Please accept my apology again Ma'am. It will never happen again. I was just uh, testing my limits."

"Apology accepted," answered Mac, "and I'm glad you learned from today. Try not to forget those lessons, OK?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the boys replied in unison.

"My apologies as well, Colonel, Commander," the scout leader offered. "It seems that maybe you've gotten through to him though."

"It was our pleasure, Sir," Harm stated and shook the man's hand. Arm in arm Harm and Mac left the ship.

"Did you enjoy that, Babe?" he asked.

"Very much" she answered, "once we worked out the, uh, little issues that seemed to follow us on board." Despite the matter with the scouts and their little spat in the engine room, it had been a truly fun afternoon.

As the walked down the long gang plank, Harm kept a firm hand on Mac's arm, to insure she didn't fall. As they stepped off the steep step at the bottom of the gang plank, he felt a familiar yet dreaded pull. He released her arm and with a tiny groan placed his hand on his lower back.

"You OK, babe?" she asked, seeing the discomfort on his face. "What happened?"

He stretched again, "Nothing my back's bothering me again, that's all."

"Looks like it's more than just bothering you" she said, "you've never complained about it before."

"I told you last night I had kinks in my back," he defended. "Let's sit down a minute and then it'll be good as new."

"OK, sure" she said as they walked slowly towards a bench along the pathway to the parking lot. "Is this because we slept on the sand last night?"

"Probably," he sighed. "I usually sleep on a firm mattress but that was ridiculous. If I have a bad night I usually sit on my butt most of the day so it works out. Couple last night with that really bad step there and here we are."

"I'm sorry, babe" she said, rubbing his shoulder tenderly. "When we get back to the room, I'll give you a massage, that should help some."

"I'm game for that," he sighed. "Do you want to eat first?"

"Yeah" she said, "any suggestions?"

"Somewhere with soft seats," he chuckled. "How about that diner we spotted on the way over here?"

"Works for me" said Mac, offering her husband a hand in getting off the bench.

It took a bit of doing but Harm got up off the bench and managed to stand up straight. With Mac's arm around his waist they walked back to their rental car and headed to the diner.

* * *

_A/N: For those interested, there's a website for theUSS Lexington: www dot usslexington dot com. The story about it being haunted is true, hence the nickname "The Blue Ghost". There's a link on the webpage about the ghost - click on "general info", then on "live aboard", then on the link for the "Ghost Cam" and that'll take you to another page with a story about it. I would've used the ghost in my story even if he wasn't wearing summer whites and didn't have amazing blue eyes, but since he did, it made it even more fitting. :)_

_What will happen after dinner? What will happen the next day? How - and when - will the honeymoon end? Chapter 68 will be up in a few days!_


	68. Chapter 68

Disclaimer: Not mine, but I'd love it if they were!

_A/N: Just want to remind everyone again to expect the unexpected (but not the sick or cruel - I don't write like that, I promise!) as we begin to bring this story to a close. Thanks again to my awesome friend, LadyCommish, for her help with this chapter, both with dialogue and ideas. The idea of the overall content of this chapter belongs to her. You're amazing, girly, and I'm honored to have your help when I get tripped up in these final chapters. :) _

_Oh yeah, yet another M chapter - I mean, after all, it **is** their honeymoon! ;)_

* * *

Chapter 68: 

After an early supper, they returned to the hotel. Mac asked at least three times how his back was feeling and each time he told her it was fine, that is until the got back to their room and Harm collapsed into the first chair with a groan, "Oh my back. No more campouts on the beach for us."

"I should say not, sailor" replied Mac, leaning down to give him a kiss, feeling bad that he was so uncomfortable. "Take your shirt off and go lay down on the bed. I'm gonna get my lotion and see if I can work the knots out of your back."

Mac disappeared into the bathroom to retrieve her bottle of vanilla scented lotion. While inside she changed into one of her favorite lounge ensembles, a pair of Harm's boxers and his worn out Annapolis Tee Shirt. When she returned to the bed, Harm was stretched out on top of it, lying on his stomach, clothed only in his boxers so that Mac would have access to his lower back.

"You're not going to make me smell like you, are you?" Harm asked, his voice muffled by the pillow he lay upon.

"I could think of worse things couldn't you?" she asked in a soft voice. "No, it isn't floral, its vanilla."

She rubbed her hands together then squeezed an amply amount of lotion onto Harm's lower back. Gently she began her work, using her fingers to work the lotion into the skin that had been abrased by the sand from the last night's encounter. He let out a moan of relief as her delicate hands worked the sore muscles underneath them.

"How come I never knew about this before?" she asked.

"Usually doesn't bother me that much" he replied. "That romp on the beach, while wonderful, didn't do much for this old sailor."

"You're not that old, but you are getting a bit of a middle aged spread here." She smiled as her hands skimmed the side of his waist, which had taken on an inch or two since she'd first met him.

"You saying I'm fat?" he gasped, but did not move from under her healing touch.

"No" Mac replied. "I'm saying we both need to start hitting the gym more when we get back home. Harriet goes to one that has a playroom for the kids with an experienced staff, mostly stay at home moms that need a bit of extra money. It something to consider."

"Whatever you…Ah, ah, right there" he moaned as she hit an especially tender spot near his lumbar region.

"Did you ever see a doctor about your back pain?" Mac asked a bit worried about what implications it could have in the future.

"Yeah, they say that some of the vertebrae are compressed and one of the discs is damaged" he sighed. "A little lower, Honey."

"But its not serious?" Mac asked.

"Nah, it only bothers me sometimes, like tonight" sighed and closed his eyes.

Mac continued to massage his back, her eyes scanning her husband's body. It was still spectacular as it was the first time she'd have the privilege of seeing him without his shirt on, the lines of his muscles still clearly etched in his skin. She ran her hand along the base of his back, across his hips, studying the slope of his back, the jagged white scar line on his hips that she'd always noticed but never asked about, until now.

"What's this from, Babe?" she asked, one fingertip tracing the damaged bit of flesh.

"That's from my first crash. You didn't think I just walked away from that one, did you?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"I know you didn't Honey, I've seen all your scars" she whispered, leaning down to place a tender kiss on the one she was inquiring about. "Even the ones on the inside."

Harm shuddered as Mac's lips caressed the bit of scar tissue. That area of his body was highly sensitive to touch, especially the warm touch of his wife's lips.

"Mmm" he moaned in this throat. "I like that, Baby, but what about the rest of my massage?"

"Ah, you want to rest of it, do you?" Mac asked.

"Yeah," he sighed. "You are really good at this."

"You lie there and relax," she told him. "I'll take care of the aches, don't worry."

Mac adjusted herself so that one of her thighs was on either side of Harm's hips. She kept her weight off him and used the lotion to moisten the skin near his neck and shoulders. She worked on the tense muscles of his neck, making slow gentle circles on his soft flesh.

"How's that feel, Sweetie?" she asked her voice holding many emotions - love, arousal, a hint of concern, and just a bit of sympathy. He really seemed to be hurting from their encounter on the beach.

"Feels great, Baby" he sighed. She pressed a bit harder into a tight spot on his left shoulder "Oh, right there. Right there."

Mac concentrated on that area until she felt the knots loosen. She worked steadily until she once again reached the area that had caused him pain on the ship. This time she increased the pressure of her touch. "Oh, ah," he groaned as she worked on the area.

"I'm sorry, Baby" Mac crooned.

"No, it feels good" he replied. "You feel good."

"So do you" she whispered and ran her hands down below his waist to his buttocks then finally to his long defined legs.

All the while Mac worked, Harm could feel the tension easing out of his neck, shoulders and back, but he could also feel it building in his chest and other places. Mac's touch, her smell, the feel of her legs straddled over him; it only made him want her more. "Sarah?" he sighed, as he felt her hands work up his left leg.

"Is someone feeling better, Sailor?" she asked letting her gentle hand slide between his leg, brushing to back of his manhood through his boxers.

Harm drew in a shaky breath at the sensation, "Oh, if you'll do this every time I kick my back out I'll make sure to tell you."

"On the contrary" she said, " I hope that the next time I do this you are _not_ in pain, I don't like to see you in hurting." Her voice caught as she leaned over to kiss the spot that pained him.

"I'm not hurting like I was, babe" he said.

"Is the pain any better at all?" she asked.

"Yeah" he sighed. "Now I'm in a different kind of pain, though."

"Oh, yeah" Mac sighed. "Is it here?" she asked, her hand slipping between his legs again.

"Yeah, right there" he gasped. "Honey, move over a second."

Mac seemed a bit confused at first, and concerned. "Am I hurting you?"

"Yeah" he sighed. "But not how you think" he replied as he rolled over on his back.

"I want to make love to you, Mac. Can I?"

"But, your back..." she said softly. "Won't you hurt it again, and your wrist?"

"Don't worry about that," he told her. "I need you."

He leaned over, ignoring the last bit of pain in his back, focusing instead on his wife's face. He cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her lips to his, capturing them in a tender kiss. "Can I love you?" he asked again.

There were things from the previous night and that morning that told him men had never spent much time on her, treated her more like a hole in a sheet instead of like the beautiful, sensitive creature she was. He wanted to eradicate those feelings, and show her that with him, she would always be most important.

"Tell me its okay, Baby" Harm said. "I won't do anything unless you say its okay."

"It's okay" she whispered. "It's...okay. Show me you love me."

"I will, Baby" he replied holding her gaze. "That's a promise. Lie down," he instructed her. "Lie down all the way for me."

Slowly she complied with his tender request, looking up at him, eyes wide, filled with a trust she could only place in him.

Harm moved his lips from hers and concentrated on a spot just below her ear that he knew made her crazy. "Do you like that?" he asked in a husky whisper. "I want you to like this, Mac. I don't want you to be afraid."

"Af...afraid?" she asked, her voice low and timid. "Why would I be afraid of you? I love you."

"Not of me, Baby" he replied. "Of this." He trailed kisses along her jaw until he ended up on the other side of her face.

"Mmmm...that's nice" she moaned. "I'm not...afraid of this."

"I know you, Mac" he sighed. "I know there's a reason you never initiate love making anymore. I know you were scared last night when I went to kiss you...there," he sighed. "Hell, even that very ill fated handcuffs experiment was all me, I volunteered for that lunacy."

"I'm the one who brought them" she said. "We didn't have to use them on you or even at all. I'm sorry..."

"Ssh, that's not what I mean" he quickly tried to hush her. "I mean, you brought them but you never intended for me to use them on you, did you? And remember, you're under oath now," he reminded her with a kiss on her collarbone.

She smiled a tiny smile at the sensation of his lips on her skin. "No, I guess I didn't."

"Point proven then" he replied. "One of these days Baby, I'm going to find out why you're scared to be loved, to love someone else, like this, but until then, I'm going to make sure that everything I do is okay," he told her. "I don't want you to close up on me, Mac. Not ever."

"I..." she began to speak, but didn't know what to say. "Okay."

"Okay," he affirmed grabbing the edge of her tee shirt. "Will you lift your arms for me?" he asked.

Her reply was wordless, she lifted her arms above her head. Then he asked, "Can I take this off and see you?"

"Please do" she replied, her voice tiny, her eyes sparkling just a little bit.

Harm took the hem of the shirt and in one fluid motion exposed her bare breasts to his view. He ran his hands gently over the tops of them, pausing to look into her eyes.

"Can I put my mouth on you? Is that all right?"

"Yes" she whispered, "but...you don't have to...why are you asking me if it's okay for you to touch me?"

Harm stopped touching her a minute and looked into her eyes. "I never want you to ever think that my needs are more important than yours. I want you to know that you are always more important that I am, that you'll always come first in my heart and in my life. Do you know that?"

He punctuated the question with a kiss on both her eyelids.

"Oh..." she said as the emotions gathered in the emptiest parts of her heart, the parts he knew were there, were hurting, even though she never showed him. "I love you so much."

"You didn't answer me, Mac" he said, trailing kisses down her cheeks. "Do you know that you are more important to me than anyone else? Than any_thing_ else?"

"I do now" she replied softly.

"Then I've failed" he sighed and tucked his face into the hollow between her shoulder and her jaw.

She sighed deeply at the feel of his breath against her neck. "You've never failed me, Harm. Never."

"I did if you didn't already know how much you mean to me" he replied. "Because you should have known from the beginning. I didn't prove it to you, but I will now if you'll let me."

She moved her body away from his, just enough so their faces could meet. Eyes locked on his, she answered in barely more than a whisper. "Alright, but I thought you all ready had."

"Not like this I haven't" he replied. He started at the top, running soft gentle kisses over her forehead, to her eyelids, which he knew she loved, to her cheeks and earlobes. His lips ran their way down her jaw line to the curve of her neck, and finally to the swell of her ultra-sensitive breasts.

"Okay?" he asked and waited for permission before he returned to work.

She nodded adamantly, and he continued on.

He began with her right breast, mouth hungrily seeking the nipple. He took it in his mouth, using his tongue to dampen the sensitive skin.

"Like that, Baby?" he asked.

"Oh God, yes" she moaned. "Harm...why do you call me that?" she asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Call you what?" he asked as he released the fully aroused nipple and turned his attention to her other breast.

"Call me 'baby'" she said, "Oh God, that's it, oh..."

"I like calling you that," he rasped in between licks and sucks. "Makes me feel like I can protect you. You're so small" he said, lifting her hand. "See, tiny."

He kissed the under curve of her breast, "Delicate."

He leaned up and kissed her lips. "Precious."

At first, all she could do was shiver as the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin against hers.

"Cold, my love?" he asked, abandoning her breasts and working his way to her navel.

"No" she said softly. "I can't be cold when you're so close to me."

"I promise I will never let you feel cold, Mac" he whispered. "Or alone. You'll never have to put on a mask again, you'll never have to hide the tears again, not from me."

"You've seen my tears, Harm" she answered. "I don't hide those from you."

"Not as much, no" he replied. "But this morning after what happened with those kids, you yelled at me, but that's not really what you wanted to do, was it?" He rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of her belly.

Letting out a deep breath she wasn't even aware she'd been holding, "No" she answered. "I wanted to fall into your arms and have a good cry."

"You can always do that Baby" he told her. "You can always tell me when you feel sad or lonely. You can always let me know I've hurt you."

"I do let you know that" she said, running her fingers across his back. "That's when I yell at you."

He offered her a soft chuckle and his winning fly boy smile. "I love you, Mac."

"I love you, too."

"May I resume my duties, Mrs. Rabb?" he asked.

"Please do," she whispered, wanting to feel his lips and hands again.

Harm worked on her navel, then kissed his way up to the little valley between her breast. His hands skimmed over her with gentle feather light touches, each tiny pass igniting her passion for him and her love for him. Never had anyone been this gentle.

"You're so..." she said once her voice decided to function again, "gentle with me."

"I love you," he replied. Then used his tongue to bathe her navel, making slow circles around the soft skin. "Are you ready yet?"

"No" she said. "Not yet...not yet."

"What's wrong?" he asked, afraid he was rushing her or worse. "Am I hurting you, rushing you? Tell me" he pleaded.

"No, it's not that" she said, taking a deep breath as her heart continued to race under his ministrations. "I'm not ready for it...to end yet."

"Lift up for me" he asked.

She complied with his tender request, arching her back to raise her lower body up off the mattress so that Harm could remove the boxer shorts she was wearing as well as the panties underneath.

"May I touch you, Mac?"

"Go ahead" she whispered. "It's okay."

He reached down slowly, using his whole hand to cup her sex. "You're not ready yet, Baby, but I can fix that, okay?"

He could hear her take a deep breath as she nodded convincingly.

Slowly he slipped one long finger in side her folds, tracing the circumference of her. They were soft, as soft as velvet.

"So soft," he whispered.

He completed a full rotation around the semi oval shape, then found the tiny bundle of nerves and the head of her femininity. He used his thumb to massage that little bud, knowing it would drive her wild.

"How is that?" he asked. "Feel good?"

"Y-yes..." she answered, her chest beginning to rise and fall just a bit faster than before. To further illustrate her answer, she lifted her hips a bit, rubbing herself against his hand.

Harm felt her begin to dampen as her body prepared itself for his entrance. He reached down and placed his finger inside of her, feeling her muscles accommodate it, he slipped in another, and then a third. "How am I doing? Tell me what you want, Baby. Tell me" he gasped, finding it more and more difficult to keep himself under control.

"Ohh, that's good..." she moaned, moving her body towards him as she slowly and carefully slid her legs up and down against the sheets beneath her.

"Glad you like it" he replied. "Mac...I don't want...I'm going to need you soon, Love," he told her. " I want to be inside you when I...when we...are you ready for that yet?" he asked.

"Uh-huh" she replied, her heart beating so rapidly she would have sworn he could feel it, too. "Yes...now...it's okay..."

Keeping his eyes locked with her he raised himself over her and slowly entered her. She let out a cry of pleasure as he filled her, relieving the ache that had been building between her legs since he first touched her.

They moved slowly, neither one rushing the other until finally, his deep slow thrusts brought them both to completion.

With a sigh he rolled off of her and pulled her close.

* * *

"Did that hurt your back?" she asked, nestled close beside him on the bed. 

"A little, but it was worth it," he sighed. "You are so beautiful."

"You say that all the time" she whispered, burying her cheek in his arm as she felt the familiar blush rise to her cheeks as it did whenever Harm told her she was pretty or beautiful.

"I mean it" he responded, pulling her a little closer.

"I know you do, Sweetheart," she replied. She waited a beat then, "Harm, can I ask you something?"

"Sure" he replied, "ask me anything."

"Why were you the way you were tonight? Why did you think you had to ask my permission or treat me like glass? Did I give you the impression that I didn't like something you had done?" she asked, sure she'd done something to disappoint him the night before. "I'm sorry I got so upset about the beach..." She was starting to talk quickly and he cut her off.

"Hey, no, no" he said, "it's not that, it's..." He took a deep breath, searching for just the right words to tell her what he was feeling, thinking. "After last night, after I did things to you that we'd never done before , I felt like maybe I should have asked first, I guess. I couldn't help but think back to our engagement, uh, 'celebration' at Santa Monica Bay and how amazing it had been, and I wanted last night to be even better. But then I really thought about it all, and it dawned on me that in the past few months, you've...changed and I'm not sure why."

"Changed how? I've been tired since the baby" she explained, "but I don't think anything's changed. We've made love plenty of times. I was just nervous last night because I didn't know why you wanted me to move my legs like that and it felt strange," she tapered off and changed her tactics to defensive. "What, I'm not giving you enough?"

"Baby, it's not that at all" he said tenderly, sensing that there was more to this than what lay on the surface. "I love what we have together, I always have and I always will, but when I say you've 'changed', I just mean that since you had the baby, you've pretty much stopped being the one to initiate sex. Did you realize that?"

After a moment of silence, she answered him. "Yes," she admitted. "I figured that..." she took a deep breath. "I guess I figured that since we'd had the baby you were, somehow, you know, not really interested...in me like before."

"Not interested in you anymore?" he replied, thinking for sure his ears were deceiving him. "My God, Mac, did you think that was the only reason I wanted to be with you, to have a baby? I know you know that's not true. You know I love you!"

"That's what we agreed, wasn't it?" she said, knowing this was going to be a very revealing conversation. "When Harriet had AJ, isn't that what we agreed, we would have a baby. We never said get married or set up a house, we said, no _you_ said, have a baby. We did that."

This was far, _far_ more serious than he ever dreamed. "Come on" he said, "sit up and look at me, Mac, please." She did as he asked, and one look into her eyes told him she was hurting. A lot.

He took hold of her hands and gripped them tight as he spoke, his voice calm yet confident. "I love you like I've never loved anyone in my life. _Anyone_, do you hear that, Sarah? When we made that promise when little AJ was born, I made it hoping and praying that somehow, if it ever came to pass, that it would lead to everything that we have today. I wanted the baby with you, no doubt, but I also wanted a life with you as my wife. Please tell me you believe that."

She didn't answer. She just dropped her gaze and looked at the sheets.

Raising her chin gently with his hand, he looked into her eyes once more. "Talk to me, Baby. I know there's something going on with you, something that's effecting the intimacy we have right now, and that breaks my heart."

"I..." she fought to avoid his gaze again as she began to cry in earnest. "I...I don't...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I knew it...I knew it couldn't last" she sobbed. "God I am so stupid to have believed...Harm, I'm sorry." She had to stop speaking as her sobs grew deeper.

"Hey, hey, ssh, it's okay" he said, wrapping her inside his strong embrace. "What couldn't last, Mac? What's got you so upset? Please tell me. Calm down and tell me."

"Its just...I don't touch _you _anymore, because I want you to keep touching _me_" she admitted. "If you touch me then I can convince myself, really convince myself that you are different, that you won't hurt me like the others hurt me," she whimpered in the safety of his arms. "They hurt me so badly," she finally confessed.

His mind immediately assumed she was speaking of physical pain. "Who hurt you?" he asked, clearly upset. "Who hurt you, Baby? What did they do to you?"

"Everybody" she cried. "God my father was right," she sobbed. "He told me, Sarah, once you let them sample you they'll toss you aside like a used rag and they did. They all did, and I feel like someday...eventually..."

"Absolutely not!" insisted Harm, his arms still around his heartbroken wife. "You are my _life_, Mac! The only thing, the _only_ thing that will ever take me away from you is death, period." His voice caught at the simple mention of the word "death". "You're my everything, Mac, you and Ainsley mean more to me than..." He had to pause and catch his breath.

"That's what they said, too" she replied in a sad, deflated tone.

"But I mean it with all my heart" he replied, the emotion in his voice impossible to hide. "Remember our vows?" he asked, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I meant those."

"I want to believe you Harm" she told him, reaching up to wipe away the tear she caused him to shed. "I want to so badly but...its always with me and I'm so scared of that day that always comes, when the fun is over and I find myself alone. I got back up those other times because I had you to anchor to, but I won't be able to get up this time. I know I won't." She waited a beat then, "I'm sorry I made you cry."

"You need to let those times go, Mac" he said. "Tell me what they did to you, every one of them, that caused you to feel like this towards me." He looked at her, his wide, Rabb blue eyes filled with tears.

"I can't" she sobbed. "If I tell you then...I can't do it...I can't see that look in your eyes."

"What look is that, Love?" he asked softly.

"The one that says I'm damaged goods. The one they all get after they're done with me," she said. "Don't make me tell you, let's just forget it."

"No, we can't do that" he said, reaching out for her arm. "You're not 'damaged goods' to me and you never will be, but I need to know where this is coming from. Anything that effects your heart and soul and life this strongly, I want to know about. Please tell me, I won't love you any less, I promise."

She nodded, still sniffling and crying a little as she began the journey down memory lane.

"My first time was with Eddie, I told you about him before. He told me I was beautiful, sexy even. At the time I believed him, but he was just saying it, you know. All he wanted was to tell all of our friends that he got Sarah Mackenzie."

"Was he good to you?" asked Harm, "I mean, he didn't hurt you, did he?"

"He did" she replied, "a lot. It was in the front seat of his mother's car. He tore my panties off, but he didn't take off my skirt or anything else. He only kissed me a little bit, and he...I was scared to let him, but I was even more scared to tell him I was scared. Does that make sense?" she asked, burrowing closer.

"Perfect sense, Baby" he said, pulling her further into his embrace.

"I didn't tell him no" she said, "but I don't think I said yes either. I wasn't ready for him to..."

She looked at Harm, he nodded in understanding of what she meant.

"But" she continued, "he did and it hurt. It really hurt. Everyone in school knew by the next morning."

He leaned down and placed a kiss atop her head. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, Mac. You deserved so much better."

She didn't respond to that comment. She kept talking. "Chris was different. I know I was probably all over him, drunk as I was through our entire relationship. He never told me he loved me, he never told me I was pretty, he only told me I was cold. I didn't know how to touch him, you know. I never learned how, and he hated me for that."

"Chris had some serious problems, Mac" he said. "I'm not convinced he knew how to love _anyone_, not just you. For him to have hated you for something you knew nothing about, that's…"

"I know" she said with a sigh, "but he did. He hated me, hated everything about me, but I guess I was good enough to keep around for -"

"Ssh, don't go there, Mac" he said, placing his fingers gently upon her lips. "You're too important to even think about how things were with Chris or with Eddie or with anyone else for that matter. You're so much more than any of them could have ever imagined you'd become, you know that."

"Yeah, I think that's what led to John. I mean, I know he believed that I would be a good lawyer, I know he believed that I was worth something, but…"

"What did he do to you, Mac?" Harm asked. He never liked John Farrow, not from the first time he'd met him. He knew he'd been with Mac and at first he chalked it up to jealousy, but now the sense there was more was telling him that decision was premature.

"It wasn't him, really it wasn't," Mac replied. "It was just by that time, the only way I knew how to tell him I appreciated him was physical, but I know now that it was wrong of me to offer myself to him. I just made myself what they all said I was. I was just his whore. Dalton's too, all he wanted was the conquest, no matter how he tried to disguise it."

"Hey, hey" he said, compassionately yet firmly, "no one calls my wife a 'whore', not even my wife. It hurts me too much to hear it, and it's just simply not true."

She sniffled, "It was then. You hear something often enough and you start believing it."

"Brumby" said Harm, rubbing his left hand carefully down her arm, "was he as good to you as he had us all believe?"

"He tried," she replied. "But he was rough and quick. He liked to think me a hellcat, when really I was just going along for the ride. The more I tried to touch him, the more he pushed, it got so I started saying I had a headache to avoid letting him touch me. He was always hard and fast and he never wanted to hold me afterwards."

"I can't understand that" said Harm, unable to hide the disgust in his heart.

"I can," she replied. "It was because he knew."

"What did he know?" asked Harm. "It can't be what _I_ know."

"That all the while I was with him, I was wishing I was with you," she whispered so softly he barely heard her.

He sat up, releasing his hold on her a little so he could shift next to her and see into her eyes. "You really wished you were with me?"

She nodded but couldn't look at him. "I can only imagine what you must think of me now," she said.

"I think" he said tenderly, reaching down to take hold of her shaking hands, "that you are an amazingly strong woman. God, Mac, to have the courage to let me touch you at _all _after what you've had to deal with, let alone letting me touch you in the ways I like to, I just can't tell you how strong that makes you in my eyes."

She smiled a little, "I know I've come so far from where I was back then, but those experiences, that pain, those feelings of being nothing more to those guys than -"

Harm stopped her again. "Don't do this to yourself, Baby, please. I know those are deeply painful memories and that they played a part in shaping how you think about a lot of things, but they're all in the past, where they belong. Let's leave them there."

"But -" she began, but he continued to speak as he held her close.

"No buts" he said, "because despite all the terrible things that happened to you before we met, you are the single most important woman in my entire world. You're my wife…"

He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"…my lover…"

He kissed her right eyelid, feeling her shiver just a little.

"…my best friend…"

He kissed her shoulder, three times.

"…and the mother of the most beautiful baby girl who ever took a breath on this planet."

"I love you so much, Harm," she smiled and snuggled against him. "I don't want to talk anymore tonight. I just..."

"Just what, Love?" he asked. "Tell me, it's okay."

"Would you hold me?" she asked him, her voice squeaking a touch.

"I'll always be here to hold you, Mac" he said as he opened his arms to her. "Always."

She said nothing else, she just buried herself against him and cried. She cried for her lost childhood and the pain she'd experienced, she cried for everything she'd denied herself in thinking she didn't deserve anything more than what she had. Mostly she cried for the time she'd lost, the time that fear and insecurity had robbed her of, the time she could have had with Harm that she'd foolishly wasted.

Harm held her and offered the occasional soothing sound. He was so angry at the men of her past for what they had done to her, for how badly they treated what should have been the best thing in their life, surely it was the best thing in his.

Finally she quieted and her breaths evened out. They had begun a slow process that night of healing her past pains, now they could truly embark on a future together. He knew her so well, so well that he'd sensed hesitation from her in the bedroom. But still, the reasons both surprised and sickened him.

He dropped a kiss on her hair and uttered a silent promise as the physical and emotional fatigue started to close in on him, "Never again, Baby. You'll never be treated like that again."

* * *

It was hours later that Mac stirred in her sleep. She was so comfortable she didn't want to get up, but the sound of crying had penetrated her consciousness. With a soft groan she moved and listened to see if the wailing would stop, it didn't. 

"Mama's coming, angel" she whispered, knowing that a quick visit to Ainsley's room would stop her daughter's tears, not to mention relieve the heavy ache in her breasts. She slipped out of the bed, returning to consciousness when her feet hit the floor.

"I'm sorry, baby girl," she whispered out loud.

Sitting back down on the edge of the bed, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched a bit to get her muscles moving. Falling asleep while wrapped up in her husband's strong arms had so many good points, but as much as she loved him, he made a pretty poor all-night pillow.

"_Might as well go to the bathroom, I'm already up_" she thought to herself. She felt around on the floor with her feet until she found the T-shirt she'd thrown on when they arrived back from the carrier that evening. Tossing it back on, she wearily padded her way towards the bathroom.

She entered the bathroom, the cold tile floor feeling like a sheet of ice on her warm feet. Closing the door carefully and quietly, she flipped the light switch on to avoid tripping over anything that might be in her way. As the room illuminated, she squinted for a few seconds, giving her eyes time to adjust.

"Damn," she sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror and saw the two wet spots on the front of her shirt.

Her mind assaulted her with a barrage of guilt just then, "_If you were at home with your baby this wouldn't have happened_."

Quickly, she took care of her bladder's needs, then as quietly as she could found her breast pump and put it together.

If she were at home, she'd hold Ainsley as she nursed and rock her, gently singing - of all things - the Navy Hymn. She'd tried the Marine Corps Hymn in the beginning, and at first it worked well enough, but after the night Harm sang the Navy Hymn to get Ainsley back to sleep, nothing else would work. Unconsciously, she began to do that in a breathy voice.

It was the sound of his wife's singing that woke Harm. He reached for her, and felt nothing next to him but a wrinkled sheet. He opened his eyes and called out into the darkness, "Mac?"

She heard him call for her, but she didn't reply. She knew he'd find her.

"Mac?" he tried again eyes searching the room, following the soft singing. He found her, at the table in the corner near the balcony doors.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and once again ignoring that protest that his back launched, made his way to her. He knelt down in front of her and put a hand on her knee. The contact made her cease her song, but not her sway. "Mac? What's wrong?"

He already knew of course, but she had to talk about it in order to feel better, and that was as always his goal.

"I miss her so much" replied Mac, her voice evidence that she'd been crying not long before.

He kissed her knee lightly, "I do too, Honey. Is that what woke you? Or was it a leaky faucet," he tried to joke her into a happier mood.

"It wasn't the faucet leaking" she answered, "it was me, but that's not why I woke up. I heard her, Harm. I heard her cry."

"Mac, you couldn't have," he reasoned. "She home, safe with my par...with my Mom and Frank." Even after all this time he couldn't call Frank his parent. He loved the man, but...

"I did" she insisted, on the verge of tears again. "I'm her mother, I know her cries..."

"Okay," he soothed. "Don't cry. Maybe you were dreaming. You miss her, it would only make sense that you..." She cut him off.

"It wasn't like a dream, though" she said, swallowing back a wave of sobs that were pending. "I swear, it was so real...it was like she was in the same room but when I went to go to her I realized that I'm here and she's there and I couldn't get to her..."

"Mac, do want to go home? We only have one more day, if you want to go early, you say the word and I'll take you home," he told her sincerely, the father in him hoping she'd say yes, the husband in him, hoping just the opposite.

She shook her head and wiped a runaway teardrop from her cheek. "No, it's okay, we don't have to go back yet. I'll...I'll be fine, it was probably a dream."

"Are you sure?" he asked tenderly. "You have really good instincts Honey. I won't be angry if you want to go back. I don't want to see you like this, so tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

"Before breakfast" she said, "can you call your mom? I just need a little reassurance I guess."

"I can do that," he told her. "I can call her now if you want. It's nearly six back home and I want you to sleep."

Mac nodded. "Okay, go ahead."

Harm kissed her quickly and with a grunt of pain he hoped she was too upset to notice made his way to the phone.

"Your back isn't any better after last night, is it?" she asked in disappointment.

"When it acts up, it lasts a few days," he replied. "Don't worry about it," he told her as he dialed their home number and waited.

He waited a few minutes before hanging up the phone and looking at Mac with poorly disguised worry in his eyes.

"There's no answer."

* * *

_A/N: Where are they? Why is no one answering any of the phones? Was this another of Mac's "intuitions" or simply a bad dream? Do they have one more day of their honeymoon remaining, or is it over? Chapter 69 will be up soon! Please take a second or two and review this chapter, if you would. I really love knowing what folks think, both the good things and the not-so good, and lately the numbers of reviews have been pretty low. :(_


	69. Chapter 69

Disclaimer: Not mine, but if they're looking for a new home... ;)

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, darned real life has been getting in the way of my writing time. A super huge THANK YOU goes out to all who read and reviewed Chapter 68! I haven't gotten so many reviews in a long time, and I want you to know they really made me day, I mean that. :) Another super huge thanks to my friend, LadyCommish, for her help and input with this chapter. I love working with ya, girly:)_

_The events in this chapter are taken from a real-life story. Please forgive anything I might not have exactly right throughout - I tried! ;) Once more, a little reminder that because of the recent events in my life with regards to infertility and the emotions I'm finding myself working through, I'm pouring more of my emotion into the plot again, much like I did in the earlier chapters when they were still trying to conceive. I've tried to keep things real as this piece has come to life, and sometimes real can be kind of rough. _

_For those who've asked how my own "journey" is going, here's your answer: Not well. We're nearly at the end of our road, and it'll take a great miracle for us to get what we've been working so hard for all this time. I'm working at coming to terms with it while not pinning too much hope on the last few remaining treatments my doctor is willing to do with us. It's the most difficult realization I've had to come to in my life,but when things really get me down, I sit here and I write. My"journey" may or may not have a happy ending, but as long as I'm in charge, Harm and Mac's sure will. :)_

* * *

Chapter 69: 

"How can there be no answer?" she asked, "are you sure you dialed the right number?"

"Pretty sure, babe" he replied, "but I'll try again." He scrolled through the listings in his phone, highlighted "home", and pressed the send button.

As before, it rang 4 times and the machine picked up.

"Nope, they're not answering" he said. "I'll try my mom's cell phone."

"Okay" said Mac, turning the pump off. "Something's not right, I just know it."

"Try not to worry just yet" he said, holding the phone to his ear as it rang on the other end. "I'm sure there's a good reason for it."

"It better be damn good for them to be unreachable at this hour of the morning!" she said, picking up the bottles of milk and heading to pour them down the drain.

"Honey, I'm calling my mom's phone, try to relax" he said. "Maybe Ainsley's having one of her moods and they're out driving around the neighborhood with her."

"Yeah" said Mac as she rinsed the bottles out, "it's possible. She's been doing that a lot lately. Guess I don't have to tell_ you _that, though, do I, 'Mr. Chauffeur'?"

"No, you don't." He smiled, then quickly frowned.

"What?" she asked immediately upon seeing his expression.

"Went straight to voice mail." He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Well, try it again" suggested Mac. "I know she never turns her phone off, so it must just be a lost signal or something. Try it again."

"Okay" he said and dialed the number again.

Again it went straight to voice mail. "Nothing."

"Try Frank's number" ordered Mac, the panic rising within her.

"Okay," he said trying and receiving the same result. "Voice mail."

"Okay, something is wrong, Harm" she said. "This doesn't make any sense! Where are they?"

"I don't know Honey. Why don't you try and go back to bed..."

"Yeah, right" she said, "as if I could even think about sleeping right now!"

"You need to calm down" he told her, his voice even and in control. "We can't do anything about it from here."

"Then let's leave" she said. "We didn't have anything planned for today anyway, right?"

"We didn't but...let's think about this first. We don't know that anything is even wrong" he said. "Maybe they're sleeping," he suggested, sounding stupid even to him.

She looked at him incredulously, arms crossed, head tipped to the right.

"Or maybe I'm calling San Antonio and moving our flight up a day" he sighed. "Get packed."

"That's more like it" she said, hurrying to the closet and grabbing a suitcase. "I wish we could reach them, I just..."

"Mac," he said his tone holding a bit of pleading. "I need you to stay calm, please."

"I'm trying" she said, "but when I wake up in the middle of the night after I hear my baby cry for me and then we can't get a hold of anyone at home, I find it a little bit difficult to stay calm!"

"Mac, you've got to." He nearly begged her, willing himself to take even breaths. "Please."

"I'm really trying" she said as she quickly pulled her clothes off the hangers and threw them into the suitcase.

"I hope you succeed" he said, "because if I have to watch you come apart, I'm not sure I can hold it together. I'm…I'm scared, Mac."

She dropped the sweater she had in her hands and immediately went over to him, arms open wide.

"I know" she said as she began to cry, "me, too. God, Harm, where are they?"

At her tears, he lost his battle with his own. She felt him begin to shake in her embrace. He took a breath, then another as he tried to clam down. "We have to get a hold of ourselves" he said. "We need to get squared away so we can get home and probably kick our own sixes when we find out the power was down or mom's phone was on the blink or something."

"Yeah" she said, sniffling as her tears continued to fall. "It's probably nothing more than that and here we are, the stereotypical 'new parents' freaking out about it."

"I'm going to call our pilot and have him meet us at the San Antonio airport in 4 hours, you finish packing. We'll be home by dinnertime." He told her with a kiss on her forehead.

She nodded and returned to packing, trying to ignore the sick feeling in her gut that despite Harm's best efforts to send her thoughts in a different direction, something was wrong back home.

"He said if we get there by 10:00 we can take off before lunch" he told her. "You about ready? I want you to eat before we drive."

"I'm not hungry" she said. "I don't need to eat."

"I didn't say you _needed_ to, I said I _wanted _you to. You're gonna want to feed her when we get home, and you need to eat this morning." he told her. "Just a bagel or something."

She rolled her eyes at him. He was right, she needed to eat for that reason if none other. "Okay" she conceded, "but nothing big, I'm too nervous."

"Just a bagel, Honey. You can even eat it in the car" he told her.

She nodded. "I guess I need to get dressed, huh?"

"Yeah, as much as I love you like that, that's sort of a private thing" he tried to tease as a little smile graced his face.

She appreciated his attempt to make her laugh. "Yeah" she said, "I don't often go out in public wearing nothing but one of your T-shirts."

"I'm going to shower real fast and throw on my clothes. We ship out in 25 minutes" he told her. "And Mac?"

"Hmm?" she said, looking up from her suitcase.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Sailor."

* * *

Their 3 hour drive from Corpus Christi back to the airport in San Antonio went without incident, which was good considering the stress they were already under. The pilot was waiting when they arrived, and as soon as they got the luggage out of the car and loaded on the plane, Harm quickly drove the car back to the place Frank had arranged for it to be dropped off. With that, they were headed back home. 

"How long a flight is this again?" she asked him.

"Three, three and a half hours" he replied. "Why?"

"Just wondered" she said staring out the window "couldn't remember."

"We'll be there before you know it Babe" he said. "Try not to worry."

She sighed. "I'm trying not to. It's hard though, I mean she's so little..."

"She probably fine" he tried to assure her. "And we are going to feel really stupid. I mean wouldn't Mom have called us if something were wrong?"

"We know she would have" said Mac. "We probably overreacted by dashing home like this, but its okay. If we need to laugh at ourselves for it once we know everything is really alright, we will."

"Why aren't I convinced of that?" he asked her with a sigh.

"Because" said Mac as a major yawn came over her, "I'm not either."

"You're tired, aren't you?" he asked. "You barely got any sleep last night." He lifted his arm to let her snuggle in close.

"3 hours 16 minutes, tops" she said. "I'm beginning to feel it, too."

When Mac snuggled in closer to Harm, he felt her skin. "Honey, you're cold."

"Yeah, a little I guess" she replied.

"Let me get a blanket, then see if you can close your eyes and rest a bit. It'll make the time go faster" he told her.

She agreed, sitting up to let him out so he could find a blanket.

He returned quickly and sat beside her, pulling her close as he covered them both with the blanket. "You know, no matter what happens once we get home, I wouldn't trade this time for anything." He kissed her temple.

"Mmmm..." she said, "me either. It's been an unbelievable week, huh?"

"Yeah" he sighed. "And we really talked on this trip. We told each other things, we really communicated...and if it's possible, I love you more now than I did ever before."

She nestled in closer to him. "I know the feeling, Flyboy."

He rubbed her arm gently, "Rest, Ninja Girl. We'll be home soon."

Mac drifted off, safe and sound in the embrace of her husband, her lover, and her very best friend.

Harm did not sleep the entire trip home. Instead, he went over and over in his head everything that could be wrong, that might explain why no one was answering the phone back home. He sighed and laughed at himself, he was doing what he just told Mac not to do. Still before he knew it, the plane touched down.

Mac stirred as she felt the engines powering down. "We're there?" she asked.

He kissed the top of her head. "Yeah, we're there. Stay here until the plane docks at the gate."

She sat up and stretched, then ran her fingers through her tousled hair. "I feel better now" she said, "still tired, but not as bad."

"Good" he said. "We'll go home straight off and everything will be as it should be, you'll see."

"I hope so" she said, tossing the blanket into his lap. "I can't wait to see her; I've missed her so much!"

"Me too, so make sure I get to hold her too, okay" he teased. "No hogging."

"Well, if she's hungry when we first get there" said Mac, "you'll just have to wait your turn, daddy."

"You get to feed her, but I get to burp her. Deal?"

"Deal" agreed Mac as an all-too-familiar expression came over her face, causing her smile to wane noticeably.

"What is it?" he asked, husbandly as well as fatherly instincts kicking in at the look.

Mac shook her head. "Nothing" she said, "just thinking, no big deal."

"You're not getting off that easy, Marine. What is it?" he pressed.

She laughed a haphazard laugh. "What's it been the whole time we've been gone?" she replied, giving him his answer in the form of her own question.

"Mac, she's going to want you. Don't worry" he comforted. "And if she hesitates, we just work to get her _off_ the bottle like we did to get her _on_ it. Chin up."

Mac nodded and swallowed hard. The possibility that Ainsley would refuse her was enough to break her heart a million times over. "You're right" she said. "She'll do it."

"Of course she will," he smiled. "She loves you, just like her daddy does."

Mac found she was able to smile as they stepped off the plane and walked towards the hangar office to pick up their vehicle keys.

"Do you want to drive?" he asked her. "Or you want me to?"

"You can" answered Mac, "I'm too anxious."

"It's going to be okay, babe" he told her. "You'll see."

"I hope you're right" she said, "but let's just hurry up and get there. Not knowing is making me crazy."

"We'll be there very soon" he told her gently. "You'll have our little girl in your arms in no time, and then we can just sit together and hold each other and the baby and laugh about how silly this whole thing was."

Mac smiled just a little. It would indeed be wonderful to sit and hold Ainsley and realize that they were, in fact, simply over-reacting to nothing.

* * *

When they arrived at the house, he put the SUV in park and they jumped out simultaneously, making a dash for the front door. 

"We're home!" called Mac as soon as she got the door open. "Trish? Frank? Hello?"

No one answered. The house was completely silent.

"Where are they?" asked Mac as her fear and worry reared up again. "Where's the baby, Harm?"

"I don't know, Honey" he said. "They probably took her out for the day," he reasoned looking around the living room. Nothing was out of order; nothing appeared to have gone wrong at all.

"ALL day long?" she replied loudly. "From before 6:00 this morning until now? 11 hours straight - I doubt that!"

"Mac, please try not to worry until we have a reason to worry" he told her. "Let me try my Mom's phone again."

"Okay" she said, calming down a little. "I mean, they weren't expecting us to be back until tomorrow afternoon, so I can't really expect them to have called or left a note if they weren't going to be here right now, but still, something's not right about this."

"Still no answer on my Mom's phone" Harm sighed, getting worried himself. "Let me try Frank and if I can't reach him, we'll call Bud and see if he knows anything okay?"

She nodded, feeling more worried by the second. As Harm dialed his step-dad's cell phone number, Mac walked down the hall into the nursery. She sat down in the glider rocker, fighting the urge to cry.

"Hey, Frank" Harm said into the phone, relieved to have finally reached someone. "Where are you? We got so worried..." He paused. "Oh, God..."

He felt his heart drop to his stomach and his stomach drop to the floor at his stepfather's words.

Mac heard her husband's words and ran from Ainsley's room back to the living room. "What? What happened? Where's the baby?" she asked, completely panic-stricken.

"Ssh," he told her and listened to Frank's words. "Is she going to be okay?"

There was another long, agonizing pause.

"What's happening?" cried Mac. "Where is she? Where's my baby?"

"We'll be right there," Harm said into the phone. "Thanks, Frank."

He turned to Mac then and took her into his arms. "I need for you to stay calm and listen to me. Frank and Mom took the baby to St. Jerome's. She got kind of sick and they're trying to find out what's going on."

"Oh, God, Harm!" she sobbed, leaning against his chest. "We have to get to her right now, she needs us!"

"Mac, you have to stop crying first" he told her. "When we get to her she's going to need us to be calm, alright?"

Mac nodded as the tears kept flowing. "What happened to her? Why didn't they call us when she got sick? Why didn't they get a hold of us? Why?"

"I don't know any of that, Sweetheart" Harm sighed. "We'll find out when we get to the hospital. But they aren't going to let you see her if you're hysterical. Please, try and calm down."

Mac willed herself to take a few deep breaths and get herself together. He was right, they needed to be calm as possible by the time they arrived at the hospital, otherwise they'd be no good to anyone.

"That's my Marine" Harm praised when he noticed she was getting herself under control. "Now, let's go to the hospital and find out what's wrong with our baby girl. Frank said she had a fever and couldn't keep her food down. It's probably just a virus."

"Poor thing" said Mac, "she needs her mommy." At that thought, the tears began to flow again, guilty tears for being away when Ainsley got sick.

"Mac" Harm's voice was as encouraging as it could be. "Try to control yourself until we know, babe. Come on, you can do it."

A few longer, deeper breaths and she felt the guilt pass, for the moment anyway.

"Okay, let's go" she said, grabbing her purse and heading for the door.

* * *

Harm broke as many speed laws and traffic laws as he could without getting pulled over on the short trip to St. Jerome's Hospital. They parked near the emergency room and hand in hand ran inside. 

"Which floor?" asked Mac as they reached the elevators.

"I don't know" Harm said. "Let me ask at the information desk." They quickly walked towards the desk in the corner of the lobby.

"Excuse me" Harm asked the woman behind the desk. "I'm looking for my daughter. My mom and step dad brought her in and we don't where she is."

"What's her name, Sir?" the compassionate woman asked. This young father was really worried.

"Ainsley" he replied. "Ainsley Rose." He said it almost reverently.

"Is 'Rose' the last name, Sir?" asked the clerk.

"No, I'm sorry, it's Rabb" he replied. "R-A-B-B."

The woman put some information into her computer and finally the name flashed on the screen. "Rabb, Ainsley R. What's her DOB?"

"14 September 05" answered Harm.

"That's her" replied the clerk. "She's on the fourth floor. PICU. Use the B elevator at the end of the hall. When you get off, make a right."

"Oh God, she's in intensive care" gasped Mac.

"Ma'am" the clerk said. "Don't worry. The regular Peds floor was on divert last night. And they sometimes admit infants to ICU during testing as a precaution" she tried to comfort. "Good luck."

The clerk's words offered Mac a small measure of comfort. Maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed.

With Harm's arm securely wrapped around Mac's shoulder, they made their way to the B elevator. Harm under his strong front was a wreck. He tried to maintain a positive, controlled front, for her sake.

She, however, knew him far too well to believe for a second that he wasn't as scared as she was.

"You doing okay?" she asked as they rode the elevator to the right floor.

"Yeah" he replied. "I'm fine. Just worried about how you're handling it."

"Nice try, daddy" she said, "admit it; you're as worried as I am."

"I passed worried ten minutes ago," he admitted. "I'm heading straight to petrified."

"I'm headed there myself" said Mac softly, wiping a tear from her eye before it could fall.

The doors opened on the fourth floor, and holding onto each other the worried parents made the right turn. There in the corridor they saw Trish and Frank holding each other as they stared into a small window.

"Trish! Frank!" exclaimed Mac. The grandparents looked up at the calling of their names.

"Oh, you're here!" replied Trish, leaving the embrace of her husband and reaching into that of her son.

"Mom, what happened?" asked Harm.

"I...we don't know for sure. She was fine, then yesterday morning she started spitting up a whole lot more than usual, and as the day went on it got worse until she finally wouldn't even eat anything."

"Frank said she has a fever?" Harm asked. "How high is it? How long has it been since she's eaten?"

Frank in the mean time moved to try and comfort Mac, who stood beside her husband shaking with fear. He put his arm around her and held her to his body, as any father would comfort any child.

"Last time they checked it was 100.4" replied Trish, "and she hasn't had a bottle since, oh, around 8:00 last night I guess. We brought her in around 9:00."

"That long?" Harm pulled away from his mother. "Where's her doctor?"

"He's around here somewhere" she answered. "They've given her IV fluids almost the entire time she's been here, but she hasn't had a bottle since the last one she took at home."

Harm turned around to check on Mac. He'd forgotten she was there for a moment in his concern about Ainsley.

"Honey, you doing alright?" he asked seeing his wife in his stepfather's arms.

She shook her head. "No, I want to see her, where is she?"

"She's in there," Frank answered pointing to the tiny window. "You can't go in now, though. They're doing more tests on her."

"Oh, my poor baby..." whispered Mac as she thought about the doctors and nurses poking and prodding her precious daughter. "Harm..."

"I'm here, Honey. Come here." He opened his arms for her so she could bury herself in his embrace.

Mac left Frank's side and went to join Harm, knowing she needed to be as close to him as she could be if she was going to get through this.

"I'm gonna go try and find her doctor" said Harm. "See what he can tell us."

Before Harm could leave, the door opened and a tall man in a lab coat walked out. He had inviting soft blue eyes and blue black hair. "Ah, these must be the parents. I'm Dr. Cameron, the Pediatric attending." He extended his hands towards Harm and then Mac.

They both shook the doctor's hand, and then Harm asked, "How is she?"

"Why don't we talk in my office?" Dr. Cameron suggested.

"You two go ahead" said Trish, "we'll wait out here."

Mac and Harm followed the doctor down a short hallway and into an alcove lined with offices. Once inside he invited them to have a seat in the two chairs in front of his oak desk. "I understand you were on your honeymoon, congratulations."

"Yes, thank you" said Mac, not caring what the doctor may think of their backwards way of doing things.

"I'm sure you're worried about your little girl" the doctor began.

"Very" said Mac, "tell us everything you know, please."

"I don't know much yet. I need to ask you a few questions. I understand you're breastfeeding, correct?" he asked.

"Yes" answered Mac.

"Has Ainsley ever had any kind of formula before yesterday?" he continued.

"She's never had any kind of formula at_ all_" said Mac, "not unless someone here gave it to her."

"It wasn't anyone here" said the doctor. "Your mother-in-law told us she had started giving her formula early yesterday. About three hours later this started, so we are fairly sure it's from that" Dr. Cameron explained. "As a result of what is likely no more than an allergic reaction to that type of formula, she hasn't been able to tolerate her food since yesterday afternoon."

"Wait, what?" replied Mac, "Ainsley's never been on formula, you must be confused."

"I'm not confused Mrs. Rabb," the doctor replied. "When I asked your mother-in-law if she had done something different, she said when she ran out of frozen breast milk she gave the baby some formula. There is no mistake."

Mac immediately turned to Harm. "Your mother gave her formula? Why would...what...where did she even **get **it?"

"The store, I suppose" he sighed.

"Why would she do that?" questioned an upset Mac. "That just doesn't make sense!"

"I know it doesn't, Mac" he said in a firm calm voice, "but let's listen to the doctor. Dr. Cameron, what's being done to help her? You're sure it's only an allergy?" Harm asked.

Mac leaned back in her seat, livid at her mother-in-law for the entire situation. Harm was right, though, their focus for the time being had to be on Ainsley. There'd be plenty of time for pointing blame later.

"We're fairly sure it is" the doctor replied. "An allergy is treatable, and the baby will probably only need to be here two or three days until her electrolytes balance and she can digest her food again. Before I take you to get gowned up so you can go in and see her, I want to explain to you her condition."

Mac reached for her husband's hand and nodded. The doctor continued.

"I think that I need to warn you of some of the other issues that could complicate Ainsley's condition. It really is necessary that you have all the facts," Dr. Cameron said.

"Only if what you have to say relates to the likelihood of an allergy" said Harm. "That's all we're looking at right now."

"I'm focusing on her symptoms as they currently stand" Dr. Cameron outlined. "It took Mrs. Burnett a little while to realize that the baby wasn't able to tolerate the formula. Ainsley was having trouble keeping down her food and water for six hours, and even a few bouts of vomiting in a baby that age can lead to dehydration. We are re-hydrating her slowly and safely. Are you with me so far?" the doctor asked.

They both nodded.

"Having said that, though, while there's always a risk of things turning unexpectedly, I have no reason to believe that with rest and patience she won't be just fine" the doctor explained. "She's running a fever, but I suspect that's probably the result of a little virus that coincidentally came on the same time as the allergic reaction. If she doesn't start perking up soon, I'm going to want to do more tests, but we'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it."

Harm nodded, accepting what the doctor was telling them and, finally, beginning to feel a little better about the situation. "We've been away from her for almost a solid week" he said. "We need to see her."

"I certainly understand" Dr. Cameron replied. "I have children too. Let go get you two gowned and you can see her for a few minutes. Please handle her as carefully as you can. She has an IV line and a nasal oxygen connection that I don't want to disturb. It should all be secured adequately, but if anything were to come loose we'd have to replace it and I don't want to cause her more pain than I have to." The doctor smiled, adding "She really hated getting that IV started."

"Can't say I blame her" replied Harm with a tiny smile, imagining the hell his little girl must have given those nurses. She had her mother's spunk for sure.

Mac smiled a bit, and then moved one hand to touch the edge of her sore breast. "When do you think I can try and nurse her?" she asked the doctor.

"Probably a day or so" he replied. "I want to make sure she's just allergic to the formula and that the change in diet isn't masking another situation."

"We understand" said Harm, looking towards Mac for her reaction.

She had tears in her eyes but she understood. "I'll need a pump then. Mine's at home."

The doctor started walking them back towards the baby's cubicle. He took two long-sleeved yellow gowns from the shelves as he passed. "If you'll put these on over your clothes I'll have her private nurse set you up to hold her for a few minutes each."

"Private nurse?" Mac started. "Why would she need that if you said...?"

"Her grandparents wanted the best for her and Nurse Miceli is the best PICU nurse on staff," Dr. Cameron replied, handing them the gowns.

Mac had difficulty putting on her gown; her hands were shaking with fear and trepidation. Once Harm had his on, she looked at him helplessly.

"Want some help, babe?" he asked her, taking a step towards her.

"I'm scared" she whispered. "I don't know how I'll handle seeing her like that." She said handing him the gown.

"You don't have to if you really don't feel you can" he told her, his hand upon her shoulder. "I'm gonna go in, but if I need to go alone, I can. I won't force you."

"I don't _want_ to" she sighed. "But I have to. Maybe when she hears my voice she'll wake up a little."

"She's been awake a few times, Mrs. Rabb" Dr. Cameron told her. "But it takes a lot of prodding. It always does with babies who've had an experience like hers."

"I bet she'd be happy to hear your voice, Mac" encouraged Harm.

Mac took a deep breath. Once Harm had secured the gown around her waist and they scrubbed their hands with surgical soap, Dr. Cameron led them into Ainsley's cubicle.

* * *

Mac looked at her baby girl in the hospital crib. She looked small, but at least she looked peaceful and her color was wonderful. Dr. Cameron summoned a gentle looking older woman, Nurse Miceli, to come assist him. "Mrs. Rabb if you'll sit in the chair here, Nurse Miceli will hand you your baby." 

Mac nodded as she sat in the chair, her arms aching to hold her baby.

"She's a cute little bundle, Mrs...What is your given name?" the motherly woman asked. "If you don't mind."

"Sarah" she answered, "but please, call me Mac."

"Mac," she replied. "I'm Irene," she smiled. "Ready to hold your baby?"

"Okay" she whispered, positioning her arms to cradle Ainsley.

"Here you go" Irene said. "You're going to mommy, little one. Here she is," she cooed at the baby before gently lowering the feverish, sleeping child to her mother's waiting arms.

Once the baby was securely in her embrace, all Mac could do was stare down at her as tears of mixed emotions streamed down her face.

"Hi, baby girl" Mac cooed. "Mommy's here now. You're going to be okay now."

Harm leaned over Mac's shoulder, a few tears escaping his own eyes as he looked at his beautiful daughter. He'd missed her so much, and this certainly wasn't the reunion he'd imagined they'd be faced with, but his heart told him everything was going to turn out just fine. He knew it, and no one could tell him otherwise.

"Hi, Ainsley" he whispered to her, working his index finger into her tiny palm. "Daddy missed you so much, and I know you don't feel too good right now, but I'm here, baby girl, I'm here."

Mac ran a tender hand across Ainsley's forehead. "She's so hot, Harm."

"Mm-hmm" he said, touching her cheek with the back of his hand. "She'll cool down soon, though. They're taking good care of her."

Mac kept touching the side of Ainsley's face as the child slept, barely moving. "Ainsley," she called. "Ainsley Rose, look at mommy. Come on, angel. Wake up." She patted her cheek again. "It's all right. Wake up, little one."

Harm smiled as he listened to Mac speak to the baby, hoping Ainsley would wake up a bit more than she had before.

"Ainsley, please open your eyes" Mac coaxed again. "Come on, sweet girl. For mommy, please?"

"It is hard to rouse a baby that has even a bit of dehydration" said Irene. "Don't fret. Perhaps dad here would like to hold her a moment, see if he can't make her stir?"

"Oh, I'd love to" said Harm, "been way too long..."

"I'm not finished yet" Mac said to Irene. "She's still sleeping. I want her to see me."

"She knows you're here, Mac" Irene replied. "Let...excuse I missed your name."

"It's Harm" he replied.

"Let Harm have his turn with her" coaxed the nurse.

"Please, Mac?" he asked. "I've missed her, too."

Mac relented and allowed Irene to take the baby. Ainsley didn't move or stir at all during the transfer. "Okay, dad, have a seat in the rocker."

He did as she asked, and when Ainsley was gently laid into his arms, he felt a rush of a dozen different emotions at once.

"Hi, beautiful" he said softly, rubbing the back of his finger against the baby's cheek. "Daddy's got you, yeah, I've got you..." At the sound of his voice, Ainsley squirmed a bit inside her blanket, as if she was trying to nuzzle in closer to him.

"Did you see that?" he asked excitedly.

"She senses your voice" said Irene. "She feels safe with you. Talk to her some more. This is the first such reaction we've had other than crying."

His heart was racing joyously as he continued to speak to the baby. "Ainsley...can you wake up for me, baby girl?"

"Doesn't she feel safe with me?" Mac asked, feeling a little bit disappointed that she wasn't the one her baby wanted to snuggle with just then.

Harm heard Mac's question to Irene, and it made him feel a little guilty.

"You're very emotional, Mac, and rightfully so" Irene explained. "She sensed that insecurity." She turned to Harm and suggested that he rub the baby's cheek again.

Harm kept speaking to the baby, touching her, trying to get her to awaken fully. "Hey, sweet girl" he cooed, "can you wake up for me? Mommy's here, too, and we missed you so much."

In response to that, Ainsley squirmed again, this time moving her tiny hand as if to ask Harm to touch it.

"Oh, sweetie" he said touching her IV as she moved her hand about. "Careful, you don't want to hurt yourself with this thing."

Mac stood off to the side, smiling at the sight of their daughter responding to her daddy like that.

"Harm, try touching her forehead or her cheek again, a little firmer, let's see if we can get a cry for you before I have to put her back in the bed," Irene suggested.

"Okay" he replied, doing as the nurse had said. He rubbed the baby's cheek with a little more pressure, and she let him know she didn't like that too much.

"That's my good girl!" he said as Ainsley continued to fuss and whimper. He glanced over at Mac and saw the smile on her face.

"Excellent work there Dad" Irene praised. "That's the most we've gotten out of her since she's been here. I have to put her back in a minute, but give her belly a little rub. When she came in that got her to calm down."

"Yeah, we do that at home when she fusses" he said as he unwrapped her blanket a bit.

Mac moved closer to Harm and the baby, kneeling in front of him. She touched the baby's head with her hand as he continued to rub the baby's belly. "Let's see those eyes, beautiful girl" she coaxed.

Hearing her mother's voice, Ainsley opened her eyes part way a few times, and fussed a bit more.

"Hey, how about that?" said an elated Harm, looking at Mac and then back down at the baby.

Mac's smile was ear-to-ear.

"Okay" Irene said. "That enough for now, she needs to go back in the bed." She reached around Mac to take the child from Harm's arms.

"Could you...can we give her another kiss before we have to go?" Harm asked, his calm voice threatening to crack at the thought of leaving his baby again.

"Just a quick one" Irene said. "She needs to be quiet for a while now." She looked a one of the machines on the wall.

Harm carefully shifted Ainsley a little in his embrace, and leaning down gave her a sweet, gentle kiss on the head. "I love you, beautiful girl. You get some sleep and get better, okay?"

Mac leaned in next and kissed her cheek. "Mommy loves you, angel."

With infinite care, Irene leaned and took Ainsley from Harm's arms. She moved expertly and put her on the crib's mattress, then put up the large metal side. "You can see her again in another hour, and you might be able to hold her again. We'll see how she's doing, though." She saw the pain on the young parent's faces as they looked at Ainsley in the bed. "Don't worry" she said. "I'll take good care of her."

"We know you will" said Harm, his heart aching at having to leave.

"Go and get something to eat. You'll need to be strong for her" Irene said as she ushered them to the door.

"I don't want anything to eat" Mac said to the nurse. "I want to stay here. She needs me. I'm her mother."

"Mac" said Harm, putting a hand across her shoulder, "she needs to rest. We'll come see her again in an hour, okay? She'll be fine; Irene will make sure of that. Come on; let's go find something to eat."

"But...she needs me, Harm. Please...I want to stay here. Can't I just sit in the chair and watch her, please?" She looked at him with big doe eyes, brimming with tears. "I want to take care of her. She's my baby."

He knew, in his own way, just what she felt because he was feeling it, too. "We can't stay with her just yet" he said, "but tell you what - let's go eat something and let her rest here, and when we come back I'll see if I can find Dr. Cameron and ask him if we, or at least you, can stay the night here, okay?"

Irene saw the pain and hesitation in the young mother's eyes and she wished she could do something for her. Thinking quickly, she moved to the cabinet behind the baby's oxygen canister and took out a hospital issue breast pump. "Mac, listen to your husband. If she's perking up a bit, one of you can probably stay the night, or at least stay longer than fifteen minutes. Here" she said, handing Mac the pump, "after you eat, you can use this if you'd like. Dr. Cameron mentioned you'd asked for one, correct?"

"I did, thank you" answered Mac. "Mine's at home. We can come back in an hour right?"

"Certainly," Irene replied. "Go on."

Harm took Mac's hand and left Irene to tend their daughter. Once they stepped outside the door, Mac's resolve broke, her knees buckled and she sank back against the door in tears.

He knew this was coming, and was proud of her for holding it in for so long. Kneeling down next to her as she sat on the floor, crying her poor heart out, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Let it out, babe. It's okay."

"No, its not" she sobbed. "My little girl is in there, sick and helpless and we can't even be with her and I want to be with her. Promise me she'll be okay. Promise me."

He took her hands in his and looked her square in the eye. "I promise. Look how much better she is now than even a half hour ago, babe, how much more alert. That's good!"

"I think maybe I need to lie down for a minute." She sighed and drew a deep breath.

"Okay" he said, "let's go to the waiting room, I think mom and Frank are out there."

Mac tried to rise but she was shaking so hard standing was difficult. Wordlessly she looked to her husband, who understood her silent communication and helped her to her feet. With his arm around her shoulders he led her to the waiting room where Trish and Frank were seated.

"How is she?" asked Trish, springing to her feet as soon as she saw Harm and Mac approaching.

"Some better, we think" Harm replied, as he led Mac to a chair, keeping it short and simple for now.

Trish looked at her son, knowing he wanted to say so much more than that.

"You still need to lie down, babe?" he asked Mac, still holding her hand in his.

"No" she answered, "I think I'll be fine if I just sit for a minute or two."

"Are you alright, Mac?" asked Trish.

Mac looked up at her briefly, then back down at the floor. Harm knew he needed to step in and put a little more space between Mac and his mother, just for the time being.

"Frank, could you take Mac down to the cafeteria and get her a burger and fries?" Harm asked taking out his wallet and handing his stepfather a ten dollar bill.

"Keep your money; son" replied Frank, "I'd be happy to take her down there. Anyone else want anything? Milkshake? Sandwich?"

"No" Harm replied. "Just take care of Mac. I need to have a little talk with my mother." His voice had a bit of an edge to it that was foreign to Mac and even more foreign to Trish.

"Alright" Frank said. "Let's go find a little something to eat, shall we?" He extended his arm to his daughter-in-law.

She hesitated a bit and looked at Harm.

"Go on, babe" he said. "I'll join you in a little while."

With that assurance Mac took Frank's arm and let the older man lead her out of the waiting room and down to the elevators.

"Why won't Mac talk to me?" asked a very worried Trish once Mac and Frank were safely out of earshot.

"I don't know, Mom" Harm said with that same little edge to his voice as a moment ago. "Maybe she's a little baffled, as am I, over why you didn't call us when you ran out of food for the baby?"

"Is that what she's mad at me about?" queried Trish. "Wow, I'm sorry - I didn't think it was a big deal at the time."

"Why _wouldn't_ running out of food for her have been a big deal" he asked, "and how did you run out when Mac left what should have been plenty?"

"She'd been taking more and more every day, and then she started wanting an extra feeding during the night. She just ran out yesterday morning" she said. "Why _would_ I have called you two about it? There wasn't anything you could have done about it from Texas. I knew you'd be back Saturday afternoon, I...I mean...I honestly didn't see a problem with just holding her over with formula. If I'd known it wouldn't sit well in her tummy, I never would have..."

"Maybe we couldn't have done anything about it, but maybe we could have" he argued. "We back here pretty fast this morning after Mac woke up crying, thinking, sensing something was wrong. When you didn't answer any of the phones, we came right back. We could have come back yesterday if we'd known she was out of milk."

"But I didn't want you to feel you needed to do that" she sighed. "In retrospect, it would have been the right thing to do, but I had no idea she'd get so sick from the formula. I mean, it was in the cupboard, I figured it must have been there to use."

It dawned on him that she'd used the can they'd gotten as a free sample from the hospital when Ainsley was born. They'd stashed it in the cupboard, thinking maybe they'd use it eventually, that or they'd give it to someone. "You should have asked," he said, his tone firm. "She's our daughter and we should have been the ones to make that decision" he said trying to control the anger and frustration he was feeling. "As a rule, you don't just switch a breastfed baby to any old formula like that. I thought you'd know that, Mom."

"I did it with you" she said, trying to defend and validate her actions. "You were right around Ainsley's age and you never had a bit of trouble."

"But I'm not Ainsley" Harm patiently reminded her. "Every baby is different. Some handle it without any problems at all, but others don't. Anyway, I was your son. Ainsley is not your daughter. She's mine, mine and Mac's and we should have been consulted."

Trish nodded. "You're right" she said with a sad sigh. "I made a big mistake, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Ainsley got sick from my poor judgment, and I'm sorry that you and Mac are so upset, but you have every right to be."

"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Mom" Harm snapped. "Sorry in no way can make up for...Damn it, she could have died from this, do you realize that?" he said, a bit louder than he meant to, his own fear finally welling up to the surface.

"Harmon, please!" she replied, "I know that, and I feel..." she paused to catch her breath. "I feel terrible about it, but as soon as we realized something was really wrong, we brought her right over here."

"And that makes it okay?" he asked. "No, it doesn't. Jesus, I just saw my baby on an IV and oxygen, and if that wasn't bad enough, I had to watch my wife collapse in tears. That poor little baby in there...I can't believe it Mom..."

"I'm sorry, son" she said as her tears began to well up. "I'd fix it if I could, but all I can do is say I'm sorry."

"I know," he replied, a few tears escaping his eyes. "But _'I'm sorry' _can't take Ainsley's pain away, it can't take the look off of Mac's face, and it can't stop the ache in my chest that says I failed my baby. I'm supposed to protect her and I wasn't able to do that."

"I'm so sorry" she said again, reaching out to dry his tears. "You know how much I love you, all 3 of you..."

Harm sniffed a bit and put his arms around his mother. "I know you meant well, Mom. But..." he sighed. "I'm hurt and I'm angry and I'm all sorts of things right now, but you know I still love you."

"Of course" she said. "You know I'd never..."

He waved his hand to hush her. "I know, Mom. I know you thought you were doing the best thing you could do for her and for us and it turned out not to be. We'll find a way to deal with it and move on, okay?"

She nodded, thankful that her son didn't hate her for what had happened.

"Let's go find Frank and Mac" he said. "You're going to need to apologize to her. She's very upset now and I'm afraid she might not accept your apology at first so please be patient with her."

"I understand" replied Trish. "I'm not sure I'd accept my apology at first if I were in her place, either."

"You're really going to have to put yourself in her shoes" said Harm as they walked towards the elevators. "I mean, all mothers would feel bad about this, but after everything Mac had to go through to have Ainsley, she's not handling this well at all" Harm cautioned.

"I know" she said. "Most mothers-in-law do things their daughters-in-law don't like, but this...this, I don't even know if she'll speak to me for awhile."

"If I were you, I'd almost pray she didn't," he half teased. "She can be mean when she's got a bee in her bonnet. This is going to give her a whole hive."

"She has a right to be angry with me" replied the well-meaning grandmother. "Few things can elicit a fury in a mother like someone causing their child pain. I remember when my cousin's little boy pushed you off the swings at the park when you were two and he was three. You skinned both your knees on the gravel and came to me crying, and she saw what had happened and didn't get after her son. Oh, I was mad, and this...well, this makes that seem like nothing."

Harm nodded as he slipped an arm around her shoulders. "Come on," he sighed. "Let's get this over with."

* * *

_A/N: I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can, and I'd sure LOVE it if you'd take a second and let me know what you thought of this one (good, bad or indifferent - I really do take them all to heart)!_


	70. Chapter 70

Disclaimer: Again, I say, if they're looking for a new home... :)

_A/N: Many sincere thanks to everyone who read and reviewed chapter 69! I appreciate your time and your willingness to share your thoughts with me, and I take them all to heart, I really do! The situation with the baby is, as I said before, based on a real-life situation, but obviously the baby wasn't mine. It was the daughter of a relative of a friend of mine. Again, I've tried to make the medical stuff as real-to-life as I could, but I may have a few holes here or there. I'm basing some things on my experience when my nephew was in ICU as an infant,and I know different hospitals do things differently. _

_The emotions continue to flow strong in this chapter as Mac deals with what happened, and as Harm tries to figure out how tobe there for the 3 girls in his life who need him the most right now. My goal is to portray both Harm and Mac as highly loving, concerned parents who found themselves thrown into the middle of a stressful situation as soon as their amazing week together drew to a close. This chapter takes place the same night as Chapter 69, and they've only been back in town for a few hours, not early long enough to process everything._

_Lastly, a big hug to my sweet friend, LadyCommish, whose suggestions, ideas and co-authoring alot of the dialogue have helped me tremendously these last few chapters. You rock, girly :)_

* * *

Chapter 70: 

Mac sat at the table in the cafeteria. Frank had bought her the burger and fries Harm told him to get her and an iced tea. She sat with the food in front of her, playing with one French fry and a pile of ketchup with one hand, head resting on the other.

It was this sight that greeted Harm and Trish when the entered the cafeteria.

"She doesn't look good" said Trish softly to her son.

"She's not good" he sighed sadly. "She's been having a rough time and she didn't need this now." He thought back to the deeply painful confessions Mac had laid upon him at the hotel the previous night, knowing it had drained her to pour her heart out like that.

They walked up to the table and caught Frank's attention first. "Hi there" he said, "any more word on Ainsley?"

"No" Harm replied. "She's resting." He knelt down beside Mac. "How are you doing, Baby? You haven't eaten a bite."

"Not hungry" she said quietly, absentmindedly staring at the fry in her hand.

"I know, but you have to keep up your strength. I don't want you in a hospital bed next" he told her gently. "Come on, just half of the burger." He used the plastic knife to cut it and lifted one half to her lips.

She took the burger from him and took a small bite. It was cold now and not very appealing, but it was food.

"That's my Marine" he praised. "Did you, uh" he nodded towards her chest in silent query.

"Not yet" she said, swallowing the bite she had in her mouth. "Guess I should, though, I'm starting to hurt."

"Finish the burger first if you can" he said. "Then you can have some privacy. I think Mom wants to talk with you for a minute too." He looked at his mother.

Mac looked at her mother-in-law with an empty stare. She knew, of course, that Trish wanted, _needed _to talk to her, but she didn't want to hear it. Not quite yet anyway.

"No" she said to Harm while keeping her eyes on Trish. "Not yet."

"Honey, you're going to have to do it sooner or later. You both feel terrible..."

Mac shifted her gaze to her husband. "She should feel terrible" she said. "It's her fault we're here!"

"That's not fair, Mac" he sighed.

"Harm," she sighed. "I just...I have to get out of here. I...come with me?" she asked reaching out for him, needing him close to her now more than she had before, ever. He had been her rock through the entire journey, and she needed that now more than she had in a long time.

Harm looked at his mother. "I'm gonna go with her" he said, "but we'll be back." Harm waited for Mac to rise then put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him letting him support nearly her entire weight. She burrowed her face into his side, the arm she'd slipped around his middle holding on tight.

As she watched her son leave with his wife, Trish sat down next to Frank and sighed deeply.

"I'm to blame for this" she said.

"Yes" he replied, "but you meant well and in time Harm and Mac will see that. I'm just as much to blame. I didn't think to question the decision. Is he very angry?"

"Oh yes" she answered. "He's pretty upset with me, and he has every right to be."

"I hope he didn't yell at you, though. You're still his mother." Frank comforted. "What did he say?"

"He didn't yell" she said, "much. He said I should have called them when the frozen milk was gone and they would have come home or would have at least been the ones who made the decision to try the formula. He's right. That should have been up to them."

Frank sighed and hugged her to him a bit. "She's going to be alright though. Do you want a cup of tea?"

"No thanks" she said. "I need to talk to Mac, but she doesn't want anything to do with me right now."

"She needs to be with Harm and Ainsley now, Honey" he reminded her. "Leave her be, let her come to you."

"I suppose so" she relented. "I just want her to know how sorry I am for not calling and for making the baby sick like this."

"She knows you're sorry" Frank assured her. "She just doesn't want to hear that right now. All she wants is to hold her baby and have her be healthy. Remember how you felt that time Harm ejected and was being tossed around in the ocean. All you wanted to do was see him and touch him and he was 37 years old."

"I know" she replied timidly. "Your baby is always your baby."

"Exactly" he sighed. "Come now. You need to try to eat something yourself."

She nodded. "Just a muffin and a cup of coffee, sweetie. I'm not all that hungry."

* * *

Still locked in each other's arms, Harm and Mac unconsciously turned their steps towards the elevators. They waited in silence, rode up in silence, and walked down the hall to Ainsley's cubicle in silence. When they reached the tiny window and saw Irene bent over their little girl, running a wash cloth down her cheeks, Mac shuddered and pressed harder against Harm. 

"I know, Honey" he whispered. "I know." He gently put his hand on her back and rubbed up and down her arm in a soothing gesture.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Harm" she said. "It's been 51 minutes, think they'll let us back in to see her yet?"

"They said an hour, Mac" he replied. "Plus, I think we do need to talk about this. I'm worried about you, Honey."

"Don't be" she said as she looked him in the eye, "I'm just reacting to my baby being in there instead of at home with us, where she belongs. I'm not gonna fall apart, so please, focus your worries on more worthwhile things, such as your daughter lying in there sick as can be, or better yet, focus on how you're going to tell your mother that she'll never take care of Ainsley again!"

"Try not to feel like that yet, babe" he asked her, "at least not until you know the whole story."

"And what's that? How is that..." she pointed to the scene through the glass, "...in any way justifiable?"

"It's not justifiable" he answered, "not at all, but it _is_ explainable and I think you and I need to sit down and talk about it, talk about what my mom said."

"I don't want to leave" Mac replied. "If I can't touch her yet then I want to look at her. Just..." She drew in a breath. "Just tell me."

He thought for a moment about how best to begin the conversation. Deciding there was no easy way to start, he just began to speak.

"Ainsley had been eating more then usual as the week went on" he said, "that's how they ran out of milk. She was taking more during the day and sometimes even an extra feeding at night; it just didn't last as long as it would have if she'd stayed on the same amount she was on when we left."

Mac sighed. "You see, your mom doesn't know her like we do. She probably gave her a bottle every time she cried. She probably didn't even know if Ainsley was really hungry, she probably just pushed that bottle..."

"I don't think that's what happened" he said, "but it's certainly a possibility, We did tell mom that she could feed her on demand, though, so if to her that meant feeding her more often than we would have, that's just the way it went. Regardless, though, mom said they didn't run out of milk until yesterday morning, and she saw the can of formula in the cabinet and thought, she _honestly_ thought it was the logical answer."

Again, Mac sighed. "Why didn't she call us, though?"

"I asked her that very thing" he replied, "asked her why she didn't allow us to be the ones to make the decision about what to do. She said she didn't want us to feel like we needed to rush back home early, and that since the formula was there she figured it would be fine to use that to tide the baby over until we got home."

"Well, obviously it wasn't fine" Mac said. "Look at what happened."

"I know" he said. "That's exactly what I told her. I asked her how she could think the baby running out of food wasn't important enough to call us about, and she said she just didn't see the big deal with using the formula, said I'd done just fine with it when I was Ainsley's age, you know how it goes..."

"Yeah" Mac sighed. "She did it with you so it has to be all right." Mac's grip tightened. "I'm so glad I have you to hold me through this."

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I'm glad I have you, too. This isn't easy, part of me feels caught in the middle of the three women I love most in the world, you know? I want to be everything that you and Ainsley need while not making my mother feel lower than dirt. It's hard."

"I know" Mac sighed. "But..." She never finished. "Harm, it's been an hour."

"Ready to see our girl again?" he asked, squeezing her close to him.

"Yes and no" she replied. "I'm scared to see her like that. I hate seeing her like that."

"She's getting better by the minute, babe" he said. "Maybe this time we can get her to really wake up, you never know."

"Let's go then. Can you...will you get Irene's attention and ask if we can go back in?" Mac asked.

"Of course" he said, releasing her from his embrace and walking through the double doors into the ward. Once inside, Mac could see him speaking with the nurse at the desk. He returned a moment later with a smile on his face.

"Come on" he said. "We can hold her again if we want."

Harm reached his hand out to her and she took it gratefully. Hand in hand they walked through the door, scrubbed their hands and got gowned up, which Mac managed herself this time. "You can hold her first" she told Harm.

"You sure, babe?" he asked her, knowing how badly she longed to hold the baby herself.

"Yeah" she sighed and leaned into him again. "You've earned it, putting up with me. I haven't been very Marine-like of late. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about, Mac" he told her. "This is a tough situation for you, I know it is. You have a right to be upset if you want, about any or every part of this."

"I'm not just talking about this, but thank you" she smiled a bit at him. "I love you, you know that don't you?"

"Of course I do" he replied as they reached the entrance to Ainsley's cubicle. He allowed Mac to walk in ahead of him.

"And here's mommy and daddy, sweet pea" Irene crooned to the baby gently patting her belly. "I bet you want to cuddle with them a little bit, don't you."

"Is she awake?" asked Harm.

Irene shook her head. "She hasn't roused much since you left earlier, but she's held steady, which is good. Have a seat and you can hold her for a few minutes each."

He looked at Mac. "Sure you don't wanna go first?"

"No, go on" she said. "Sit down there, daddy."

He smiled, rubbing her back a little before taking a seat in the rocking chair. "All set" he said to Irene, "you can bring me my girl."

Irene leaned over and picked up the baby. "Here we go, little one" she crooned. "You're going to daddy. Yes" she smiled, and leaned down placing the baby in Harm's waiting arms.

"Hi, sweetheart" he said as he looked down at Ainsley in his arms. "Did you have a good nap while we were gone? Hmmm? Well, that's all fine and good, but you need to wake up and let me see those little blue eyes of yours, okay, baby? You know, some people", he paused to look at Mac, "say those eyes are one of our best features."

Mac smiled at him in total agreement. The baby didn't open her eyes, but she did stir in her sleep and nuzzle closer to her father's warmth.

Harm moved his arms so he could hold her a little tighter as he continued to talk to her. "Ainsley, wake up, baby girl. You know, once they say you can eat, you have to be awake to do that so they'll let us take you home. Don't you wanna go home with mommy and daddy? Yeah, I know you do, don't you?"

This time, Harm was rewarded with a wiggle of her tiny leg for his efforts, along with another nuzzle.

"Try rubbing her cheek or her belly again, Harm" Irene advised. "That got her to cry last time, maybe she'll wake up more this time."

He nodded and did as she suggested, softly rubbing the baby's cheek as he held her close. "Well, that's not doing much this time" he said, "lets try this." He carefully laid Ainsley down in his lap, her feet against his stomach. He unwrapped her blankets and began tenderly rubbing her legs.

"Ainsley" he said softly, "come on, sweet girl, look at me, look at daddy."

"Harm" Irene broke in, "this little baby...she's better but she may not have the energy to..."

Harm smiled at the kind-hearted nurse. "You don't know my daughter very well, Irene. She's got the determination and stubbornness of both Mac and me,Marine and Navy, and she's very much got a mind of her own. You watch, she'll surprise you yet." No sooner had he finished his sentence when the baby opened both eyes wide, blinking a couple of times as they adjusted to the dim light.

"Harm" Mac gasped. "Hi, baby" Mac cooed as she knelt near her baby and touched her face. "It's mommy. Mommy's here now."

Ainsley looked at her mother and stared intently.

"Do you want your turn now, Mac?" asked Harm.

"You can have a few more minutes. She's looking right at you, honey" Mac smiled.

Ainsley had turned her stare to her father, her eyes fixed on his face. She reached out her little hand and made a tiny sound. It was her coo, only softer and less excited.

"She sounds much stronger" Irene smiled. "You were right about her, Harm, and it appears she's a Daddy's Girl."

He smiled wide and proud, taking his daughter's little hand in his fingers. "I must say she is" he replied, "always has been, I suppose."

Ainsley kicked her tiny legs again, and began to cry in earnest, legs and arms flailing about.

"My goodness" said Harm as he picked the baby up from his lap and cradled her in his arms again, "are you gonna tell mommy and daddy all about it? Hmmm? What's wrong, my love?"

"Easy, Harm" Irene counseled. "You're pulling on her IV."

Irene grabbed the IV line and moved it so that Harm's earnest to comfort his daughter wouldn't pull Ainsley's IV out of her vein.

Once again in her Daddy's arms, the baby's cries died down to whimpers and her eyes started to droop again.

"Now, baby girl" he said softly, "you need to stay awake while mommy holds you, okay?" Looking towards Mac, who was standing very near the rocker, "you ready for her?" he asked.

"Yes" she replied. "Does she feel cooler to you? I thought she was cooler."

He felt the side of the baby's face with the back of his hand. "Oh, yeah, she's a lot cooler then she was, a lot."

"I'll hold her until you get yourself situated, Mac" Irene offered, reaching to take the baby from Harm.

Once Irene had a safe grip on the baby, Harm stood up from the rocking chair. "All yours, my dear" he said to Mac, leaning down to kiss her lips and draw her in for a quick hug.

Mac leaned into the hug,then pulled back a little."Ooh, ow."

"What?" he asked her, and then it occurred to him. "Oh, I'm sorry babe, I forgot - weren't you gonna go take care of that before we came in here?"

"I forgot when the hour was up. I can wait, unless..." She looked at Irene as she laid the baby into Mac's arms. "Do you think I can try to nurse her?"

"I don't think so yet, Mac" said Irene, "but I'll page Dr. Cameron and see. You cuddle that little one and I'll be right back."

"Maybe he'll say you can give it a try" offered Harm as he knelt beside his wife and daughter.

"I don't really think so" she frowned. "Ainsley" Mac cooed, "can you look at mommy, baby?"

Harm sighed. "Yeah, it's probably a little too soon, I mean she just really woke up for the first time since she got here, and of course if the tests aren't back yet they can't let you try."

As if to answer the question, Dr. Cameron and Irene came into Ainsley's room. "Well, I have good news and bad news" he announced.

"Let's have it" said Harm, putting a supportive hand on Mac's shoulder.

"The good news is, Ainsley here had an allergic reaction to her formula and in a couple of days, she'll be good as new" he replied, smiling at the family before him.

"Oh, thank God" said Mac, bringing the baby close for a kiss.

"That's great" said Harm with a relieved smile, "what about the bad news, though?"

"The bad news is while she is doing much better and is out of the woods, she's still fairly weakened and I don't believe at this time we should risk upsetting her recovery by attempting to feed her. Perhaps tomorrow morning when it's been a full 48 hours since the initial onset."

Mac's heart sank a little. "If you feel that's best" she said, "okay. What time tomorrow morning should we be here?"

"Wouldn't it be better if one of us stayed with her?" Harm asked, knowing that Mac wouldn't want to leave Ainsley again overnight. He could barely stand to think of that himself.

"You're both welcome to stay if you'd like" the doctor replied, "but she's going to be here a few days. I'd recommend a good night's sleep tonight; it would give you a chance to get some things together for yourselves and for the little one."

"I don't need a good night's sleep" said Mac, "I need to be here for her if she needs me. I've been away from her for a week, I've missed her and she's sick and she needs me." Mac glanced down as Ainsley lay asleep in her arms.

"Mac" Harm said softly, "you _do _need to sleep. We should go home tonight and come back early tomorrow morning." He tried to reason. "She's going to sleep most of the night anyway. The better rested we are the better care we can give her."

Mac sighed. He was right, she was exhausted and really did need a solid night's sleep. "Okay" she relented, "we'll go home but we're coming back first thing in the morning." Turning to Dr. Cameron, "can we have it noted in her chart that when she's able to eat again, she's not to be offered a bottle?"

"We can," Dr. Cameron replied. "I'll note it myself. It highly unlikely she'll take a bottle again for awhile as it is," he informed them. "She's old enough to hold a grudge, and from what I understand she was never too fond of her bottles as it was."

"You've got that right" replied Harm with a little laugh as he thought back to the night feedings he'd done and the fight Ainsley gave him almost every time.

"I need to examine this little one" said Dr. Cameron as he stood beside Ainsley's bed. "As soon as I'm finished I'll let you each hold her ten more minutes. How does that sound?"

Mac nodded. She didn't like the way the doctor had said Ainsley may hold a grudge towards the bottle - it made her worry that the baby may hold one against her, too. "Okay" she said to the nurse, "you can take her, we'll come back in ten."

"Um, what do you need to do to her?" Harm asked his protective instinct kicking into overdrive.

"I need to get some blood and test her electrolytes as well as a general exam," Dr. Cameron replied. "You're both welcome to stay if you'd like, but some parents find it pretty hard."

Harm looked over at Mac, his mind drifting back to the day Ainsley was born and the nurse had to prick her tiny heel for her PKU test. His heart broke then, but he felt he should be here to comfort his little one. "Honey, do you want to stay?"

"I'm fine" insisted Mac, "I can stay, I just won't watch them stick her."

"You sure you're, uh, comfortable enough?" Harm asked, nodding towards her chest. "Not too sore? I can stay with her while you go and pump if you want" he offered.

"I'm miserable" she answered quietly, "but I don't want to leave her. I can wait until we get home."

"Mac," he raised his eyebrow at her. "You know you shouldn't do that. It's not good for you. She'll be all right and as soon as you're done you can come and cuddle her," he tried to compromise.

"Yeah, okay" she agreed. "Where'd the pump end up? We didn't leave it in the cafeteria, did we?"

"Navy to the rescue there, Marine" Harm smiled. "It's over there, on the gown shelf."

"Oops" she said with a little laugh, "glad you remembered that because I sure didn't." She untied and removed her yellow gown, handing it to Harm and taking the pump. "I won't be gone too long" she said, adding "I love you" as she left to find the ladies room.

Harm watched her go and turned back to Dr. Cameron. "Let's get this done. I want the bad stuff over by the time she gets back, she's a mess."

"Certainly...She's doing better than my wife did the first time our baby boy was sick," the doctor commented.

"She's a Marine" Harm replied.

"I'm going to do the physical exam first" the doctor replied. "Stand next to Irene; I'll explain what I do as I do it."

"Okay" said Harm as he stepped around to the left side of his baby's kind-hearted nurse.

Dr. Cameron took Ainsley from Irene, laid her down on the crib's mattress and removed her little hospital gown. He lifted the stethoscope and placed his hands around the bottom of it to warm it up before he placed it on her tiny chest. "Just a quick listen here," he told Harm. "Sound good, nice and steady."

He rolled the baby over to her belly and placed the instrument to her tiny back. "I'm listening to her lungs now. Nice and clear. She's doing fine so far."

Harm smiled, feeling such relief that Ainsley was improving. "Her fever" he said, "did she have a touch of a virus on top of the allergy?"

Gently the doctor moved her again so she was lying on her back. He pinched her cheek gently, "She's pinking up. Not quite all the way but she's better than she was earlier. Let's see those pupils, Ainsley," he spoke to the baby directly as he pulled up her little eyelid. "Looks good here, too. Irene, can I have the thermometer, please?" he asked.

"It could be, she also could have spiked one from the exertion on her body or from the allergen itself. A baby often runs a temperature a lot faster than an adult will." He clicked the Thermoscan and read the reading. "Temp's down to 99.6. You're doing a good job there, Ainsley" he complemented her. "Let's see those ears."

He placed the otoscope in the baby's ear canal, right, and then the left. "Ears are pink, nice and clear." Next he lifted her free hand and pressed on little finger. "Cap refill is fine. She's doing much better, Mr. Rabb" he told Harm.

"Great" replied the proud daddy as he looked at his sweet little girl. "So you're still confident she'll be able to eat tomorrow?"

"She should be," he replied. "If she keeps this up."

Harm nodded as he gently caressed Ainsley's forehead.

"Your turn, dad" Dr. Cameron said. "How does she feel to you?"

"Oh, uh" he replied, "I think she feels a lot cooler than when we first got here, and she's definitely stronger. She's more alert, way more alert."

"I actually just meant her skin," the doctor smiled. "But she is cooler and she is more alert. She just tires out really easy. You see her forehead there?" He pointed to the spot in between her tiny eyebrows.

"Mmhmm" he answered.

"It's smooth now. When she got here it was starting to flake. She still has some dry spots, but that's proof she's re-hydrating. Want to help me check her mouth?" Dr. Cameron asked. He found it helped the parents to be involved in the exam, the dads anyway.

"Sure" said Harm, "what do I need to do?"

"Wash your hands" replied the doctor, "then we'll get her to open her mouth. See if she has the amount of saliva she usually has. Parents know this best."

"She's never been much of a drooler, really" said Harm as he walked towards the sink in the corner. "Of course, Mac tells me that'll change when she begins to teethe, which will undoubtedly be an experience."

Dr. Cameron laughed. "Oh yes, you could say that."

"That bad, huh?' chuckled Harm.

"It can be" said the doctor, "but my wife and I survived it 3 times, I'm sure your family will do just fine. You ready to get started here, dad?"

"Yes, sir" he replied with a smile as he tossed the paper towel into the trash.

"Okay. Good luck. She's not too cooperative on the 'open your mouth, Ainsley' command," he told Harm. "Once that's done we can get her blood and we'll be all done."

Harm leaned over his daughter, who was still awake but beginning to nod back to sleep. "Hey, sweet girl" he said, "daddy's gotta open your mouth for just a second, so if you wanna get mad about it, you go right ahead, okay?" He carefully slipped his index finger inside the corner of her mouth and felt around inside.

"Do I have to get her to open her mouth" he asked, "or is my judgment right here sufficient?"

"As long as you can feel around her gums" Dr. Cameron replied. "It should feel the way your mouth does on a normal day."

"Well, it feels fine to me" he said, "but I think Mac would be a better judge of that, maybe?"

"Pull her lips out a bit" he instructed and put on reached a gloved hand out to feel a bit himself.

"Like that?" he asked, the baby fussing a tiny bit as her daddy messed with her mouth.

"Perfect." He felt the inside of her lower lip. "Much better. Not normal, but much better."

"Hey, we'll take 'better'" said Harm, leaning down to give the baby a kiss.

"Now, here's the bad part" he sighed. "Irene, can you hold Ainsley's left leg down, please? I want to draw the blood from the femoral vein."

Irene moved closer to the baby and held her leg in place so Dr. Cameron could draw the blood quickly. "If she's still it will hurt her less" she smiled, sympathy in her eyes as she saw the concern in Harm's. "You can close your eyes if you want to, or you can step outside. Some parents have a hard time with needle sticks."

Harm cringed at the thought of Ainsley getting stuck, but he knew he needed to stay with her if he could. "I'll admit I hate seeing her get stuck" he said, "but I like being with her right afterwards. She's like her daddy, she hates needles, you know..."

"Okay" Dr. Cameron said. "Here's the alcohol wipe" he narrated as he used the pad to wipe the place where he was going to put the needle's tip.

Ainsley jumped at the feel of the cold wipe against her little leg.

Harm couldn't look as the needle went in, but he knew what was happening based on the wails Ainsley was letting out.

"I'm sorry, Ainsley" Dr. Cameron apologized. "It's almost over," he told the wailing child as he switched vials pushing the needle's tip a bit deeper.

"It's okay, baby girl" Harm said as the doctor did what he had to do. He wished he could trade places with her.

"All done" Dr. Cameron announced removing the needle and placing a cotton ball and a band-aid over the tiny wound. "You were such a good girl" he praised. "Go on dad, I did my job, your turn."

Harm picked Ainsley up and put her head against his shoulder so he could talk to her as she screamed. "Ainsley" he said gently into her ear, "I'm so sorry that hurt you, angel. Daddy's got you, ssh, yes, I've got you. You're fine, I promise, you are."

Irene took the IV pole and moved it closer to Harm so that his position wouldn't cause the line to become dislodged. Harm smiled at her, grateful that she remembered that. His only though was for his distraught daughter.

Mac could hear Ainsley howling as she made her way through the double doors of the PICU. She scrubbed her hands and gowned up as fast as she could before heading in to see what was wrong.

"What's wrong with her?" asked the concerned mother as the baby continued to cry in Harm's embrace.

"Nothing much" he replied. "Say 'I'm okay, Mommy'" he told Ainsley. "'I just got poked with a big bad needle.'"

"Oh, poor baby" said Mac, touching Ainsley's little head, which was sweaty from crying so hard. "She's like you, babe" said Mac, "doesn't take needles well at all."

"And you do?" he laughed. He jiggled Ainsley more, "Its okay, Baby. It's okay. Do you want to go to mommy?" he asked. "Want your mommy?"

"Be careful of her IV" Irene reminded him. "Try rubbing her back, Mac once you get her."

"I will, thanks" said Mac, reaching out to take her daughter. "Oh, come here my love, yes."

Harm moved to pass Ainsley to Mac, hoping her touch would sooth the baby as much as it did him when he was sad or hurt. To his chagrin, Ainsley just cried louder.

"No, baby, don't cry" said Mac, holding Ainsley the same way Harm had been, the baby's head upon her shoulder. "Mommy's sorry you got poked like that, but you're okay. Yeah, daddy was right here, and now mommy's back and you're just fine. Should we rock, sweetie? Would you like that? Let's do that."

As Mac began to walk, Harm pushed the IV pole so that she could sit with Ainsley in the rocking chair and try to soothe her. Once Mac was seated her knelt beside them and rubbed Ainsley's baby hair with his thumb.

Mac looked at Harm, asking him with her eyes if she should try the trick they knew would calm their baby down. He nodded, "Go ahead. You do it."

While rocking in a slow rhythm, Mac rubbed Ainsley's back and began to sing the Navy Hymn. "_Eternal father, strong to save, Whose arm hath bound the restless wave…_."

At the sound of the familiar lullaby, Ainsley's screams died down to a regular cry. After the second verse, a whimper, until finally, there was nothing but silence.

"You did it there, Mom" Harm smiled. "You have the sweetest voice."

"Yours is much better than mine" she said, smiling at the feel of their sleeping baby in her arms.

"Not when you're singing to her" he replied leaning over to kiss Ainsley's forehead. "She really hated that needle."

Mac nodded. "I'm sure she did. Thanks for staying with her. Have I told you lately that you're such an amazing dad?"

"Nope," he smiled at her. "Have I told you what a wonderful Mom you are?"

"Nope" she answered, smiling back at him.

"Well, you are" he said, "and you're beautiful." He kissed her lips, forgetting about Irene.

"We better get home" he said to Mac after he broke the kiss. "We have to get back here early so you can give her breakfast."

She nodded. "Think she's calm enough for us to leave yet, though?"

Harm peeked over Mac's shoulder to look at Ainsley's face. "More than calm, babe. She's out."

"I had a feeling she was" said Mac. "She needs to be after all that crying. You wanna take her, or should I just lay her back in the bed?"

"I think I best do that" Irene interjected. "I have to lay her so her IV line doesn't tangle in her oxygen tube. Good news is, if she stays this pink, we can take her off of that in the morning."

"Oh, alright, sure" said Mac, sitting up a little to make it easier for Irene to take the baby.

"Once I get her settled, you can give her a good night kiss" Irene told them. "You can come back about nine or so tomorrow I think. That'll be a full 48 hrs since that first bottle of formula."

"I'm sure we'll be here before nine" said Harm. "I know she can't eat before then, but we'll still be here to hold her and talk to her." He knew parents were allowed to visit at any time except during shift changes, and he knew his wife wouldn't do well sitting at home half the morning when she'd be awake early.

"That's fine. Make sure you check at the desk before you come up here. We might move her before then" Irene said, placing Ainsley back in her little bed. "I won't be here until 8. Karen will be taking my place for the night," she told them. "Come on over now and kiss your girl goodnight, and make sure you try to sleep. She needs you both healthy."

"We'll try" said Mac as she walked to the baby's bed and leaned down to place a kiss on the sleeping girl's cheek. "Mommy loves you, precious. Sleep well."

Harm leaned over after Mac. "You be a good girl for Karen" he told her. "Daddy loves you. We'll see you soon." He placed a kiss on the forehead.

"Goodnight" said Mac quietly to Karen as they prepared to head home for the night.

* * *

Harm followed her out of the PICU. "I have to say I am kind of tired," he sighed and stretched a bit. "We didn't get much sleep last night." 

"No, we didn't" she replied, trying in vain to stifle a yawn. "Maybe we can make up for it tonight, get a fresh start in the morning. This was not the way I planned to spend tonight; I know that goes for you, too, babe."

"I hope so" he sighed and reached around to rub his back. Then he chuckled a bit, "At least I didn't have to explain my wrist to my mother yet."

"Oh, don't think you won't get that blessed opportunity, flyboy" laughed Mac. "This has had us all distracted, but since she's doing so much better these past few hours, I'm sure things that went unnoticed before won't stay unnoticed much longer."

"Great" he sighed. "Do you think Mom and Frank are still here?"

"I'm sure they are" replied Mac. "You probably should have come down at some point and let them know what was going on, we didn't really think about that."

"I was where I was needed. I like to think she needed me anyway" he sighed. "That you needed me."

"I did" said Mac, slipping her hand into his. "She did, too. You were our rock tonight, I hope you know that."

"I know that" he sighed. "It's not always easy though," he admitted. "I was scared to death today. She looked so helpless."

"I know, sweetie" said Mac. "She's so much better now, though. We've only been here for 3 hours and 52 minutes, and look at the progress she made."

"I think...I'd like to think we had something to do with that" he sighed. "Let's check the cafeteria for Frank and my Mom. Then I'm going to need my wife."

"I'm here, babe" she said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "However you need me, I'm here."

"I'm going to need a massage" he sighed, "and a little cuddling wouldn't hurt either of us."

"Okay" she said softly as they neared the elevator doors. "Your back still hurts, doesn't it?"

"Very much so" he replied. "That rocking chair is not great on bad backs." He punched the button to call the lift.

"Neither is all this stress" added Mac, gently rubbing his lower back.

He let out a light moan, "That's nice, Honey. Thank you." He stepped away as the elevator arrived.

"Think they're still in there?" asked Mac as they stepped on board. "The cafeteria may be closed, it's awfully late."

"I think it's open around the clock," he replied. "At least it should be. People get sick around the clock, don't they?"

"They do" said Mac, "but in some hospitals they only have the cafeteria open certain hours. We'll find out though, and if they're not still in there, they're bound to be around someplace."

"Mm-hmm" said Harm as the elevator reached the bottom floor and the doors opened. They walked hand-in-hand to the cafeteria, and though it was still open, Frank and Trish were no where in sight.

"Guess they're in the waiting area" said Harm. "I know they wouldn't have left without talking to us first."

"Nope, no a chance of that" replied Mac. "Speaking of talking to us, I _know_ I have to talk to your mom and I promise I will, but please let me do it when I feel I'm ready, you know, after I'm rested up and all."

"Sure" he said as they walked back to the elevator. "All I'll ask is that you don't wait too long to at least let her know you'll have a talk with her later on. She feels so bad about this."

Mac nodded. "I know. I'll take care of it, sweetie. Right now, though, let's find them and give them the final word of the night so we can all go get some sleep."

They returned to the waiting area down the hall from Ainsley's room, and spotted her grandparents on a couch in the corner. Trish was staring at a magazine, which Harm knew she wasn't reading, and Frank was gazing up at the TV.

"Mom" said Harm quietly, not wanting to startle her.

"Oh, Harmon" she said upon realizing he was there, "how's Ainsley? Are you staying here with her tonight?"

"She's getting better by the minute" he replied as enthusiastically as he could as tired as he was. "We could stay, but we decided we'll go home, get a good night's sleep and come back first thing in the morning."

Trish nodded. "That sounds like a good idea" she said, "I know you both have to be completely beat after the day you put in.

"Yeah" he sighed. "I really need to get her to bed. She's more tired than I am, and that's saying something."

"All our stuff is still at your place" said Trish, "but we can grab it real quick and head for a hotel."

"That's not necessary Mom. You can stay, just like you were going to originally when we weren't coming home until Saturday. You want to follow us home?"

Trish looked over at her husband, who nodded in reply to Harm's question as he rose from his seat.

Harm took Mac's elbow and started to lead her to their car, with Trish and Frank close behind them. When they reached the vehicle, he opened her door and helped her inside. "We'll be home soon, Honey."

"Thankfully" she replied, exhaling a deep, tired breath. "Your back still hurting like it was?"

"Getting worse" he replied. "The weather's colder here. I'll be okay. I have a relaxant."

"Oh, is that what I am now" she asked through an amused yawn, "a relaxant?"

"I meant a pill, baby" he smiled. "But you are definitely better."

"I'd like to think so" she said. "Your wrist hurt much anymore, or no?"

"Not as much. Damned thing is starting to itch" he sighed.

"It's healing" said Mac, resting her weary head against the back of her seat. "We need to change the bandage when we get home, don't let me forget."

"I'll do that myself" he told her. "You need to rest. You're so exhausted."

"I can do it, sweetie" she said, reaching over to take his hand as he drove. "I'm not _that_ tired."

"We'll see" he sighed. "How are you holding up?" he asked. "I don't want a Marine answer. I want a Mac answer."

Mac was quiet for a few moments. "I'm doing the best I can" she said, "but I'll admit that I've had a few weak moments tonight." She caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

"You and me both" he sighed. "Is it wrong of me to want nothing more than to go home and lie in bed with my arms around you until I can be with my little girl again?"

"I don't think that's wrong at all, babe" she said. "It sounds awfully nice to me."

They rode the rest of the way in companionable silence, pulling into their driveway minutes before Trish and Frank.

Hand in hand they walked into the house and surveyed the mess once again. There were burp cloths stained with spit-up about the couch, and on the coffee table sat a half-full bottle of formula. They hadn't noticed any of that before.

"I'll get this" he said to Mac, "you go get ready for bed, okay?"

Mac reached out and picked up the bottle of formula. She was holding it when Trish walked in with Frank.

Harm reached over and took the bottle from his wife, knowing if she held onto it, the stage would be set for a conversation Mac wasn't quite ready to have with her mother-in-law. "Go on, sweetie" he said, "go find some pj's, I'll bring the suitcases in from the car in a few minutes."

Mac turned to him and nodded. With a quick goodnight in Trish and Frank's direction, she retreated to the safety of their bedroom.

"She's still mad at me" said Trish as Frank went back out to their car to grab a few things they'd forgotten to bring inside.

"Yeah" he sighed. "Give her time, Mom. She's been..." he lowered his voice, "abnormally emotional recently."

"That's understandable" said Trish, "a lot has changed in her life in the last few months, the last few days even. Ten days ago, she wasn't anyone's wife, you know? She's had a lot come at her lately, and I know this didn't help anything."

"A lot has changed for her, Mom" he agreed. "You don't know the half of it. I better get this cleaned up so I can get to her. She'll need me."

"Of course" replied his mother. "Don't worry about us tomorrow. You two just go about whatever you need to do for Ainsley, and we'll get ourselves up and taken care of."

"Okay, Mom" he told her, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "I love you, and I know this was just an accident. Don't worry about it too much, okay?"

"Easier said than done, son" she said, "but I'll try. Sleep well."

"You too, Mom" he replied and turned to go to his wife.

"Hey" said Mac when he entered their bedroom. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah" he sighed. "My Mom is still pretty upset about what happened but other than that."

"I'm sure she is upset" said Mac as she finally found a set of pajamas in the dresser. "Did you get the suitcases?"

"Nope" he sighed. "I forgot. I'll get them in the morning," he sighed and sat on their bed to remove his shoes.

"All our toiletries are in them, though" she said. "I can go grab them if you don't want to."

"What toiletries will we need before morning?" he asked.

"Toothbrushes, toothpaste, the bandages for your wrist" she listed, "and I think my pump might still be out there. I thought I brought it in when we first got home but I don't see it."

"Fine" he sighed. "I'll get the suitcases."

"I can get them if..." she offered, knowing his back was hurting him.

"No, it's okay" he sighed. "I'll get them. Finish changing."

"Alright" she sighed. "When you get back, I'm giving you that massage, okay? I can tell by your walk that you're in pain."

"Don't worry about it, babe" he said. "Just lie down and rest. Our little one needs you well-rested and good to go in the morning, and I need you and my Mom to talk this thing out. It's really upsetting her."

"I don't want to forget about it, Harm" she said, folding the covers down on their bed. "You said you needed a massage when we got home and I promised I'd give it to you. As for talking to your mother, please, just let me take the lead on that one. Please." Her tone was calm but firm, she didn't want to go there tonight. She just wanted to be with her husband after a very stressful day.

"Mac" he sighed moving towards their bedroom door. "Sooner rather than later, okay?"

"If I'm ready sooner rather than later" she said, "sure, but please don't keep bringing this up tonight. I'm not exactly thrilled that she's still in the house, but I can deal with that if you'll accept my word that I'll have a nice, long heart-to-heart with her sometime soon."

"Understood" he said, and left to get their bags.

He returned a few minutes later, suitcases in hand. "Here you go" he said wearily. "Which one has my bandages in it?"

"The smaller one" she replied. "Do you want me to change them first or do the massage?"

"Massage would probably be best" he answered, the ache in his back screaming at him.

"All right" she sighed. "Strip."

He undressed down to his boxers, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor, and carefully slid into bed and laid on his stomach. Mac had to rummage through the smaller suitcase to find her vanilla lotion, but thankfully that didn't take her long.

"Where is it the worst?" she asked him.

"Same as before" he mumbled, his voice trapped in his pillow. "Lower right."

Mac placed her hands on the sore area of his back and moved in slow soothing circles. "How's that? Too hard? Too light?"

"Mmmm...just right" he sighed.

"It feels tighter than last night. Is it?" she asked pressing harder.

"Yeah" he replied. "Been twisting like a cork screw all evening long."

"And the stress of this situation isn't helping much either, is it?" she asked.

"Not hardly" he answered, voice still hiding partway inside the pillow. "Neither is ...never mind."

"No, finish your thought," she asked him. "Neither is what?"

He moved his head to the right so she could hear him clearly. "Sweetie, I really need for you to talk to my mom about this situation, but you're not willing to do that yet and it leaves me caught in the middle."

"You don't have to feel caught in the middle" she replied, "unless you choose to feel that way."

"What do you mean?" he asked her, his tone calm and controlled. "How am I _not_ caught in the middle?"

"You seem more worried about your mother's feelings than your wife's" she answered, momentarily ceasing the massage. "You're putting yourself in the middle."

"I'm not worried about her _more_ than you" he defended, his voice still even and in control. "Not at all. I _am_ worried about her, though, and I'm worried about how you'll feel towards her from now on. I just think the longer you go without at least saying something to her more than a generic 'goodnight', the harder it's gonna be on all of us, and that will work down to the baby because she can sense when we're tense, you know she can."

"Believe me, Harm" she said, "you don't really want to hear what I have to say to her, not right now anyway."

He rolled over and sat up to face her. "Actually" he said, "I do. I mean, I know this has all happened so fast and we haven't had a moment to just sit down together and take it all in, but I really _would _like to know what you want to say to my mom."

"Well, first I'd like to tell her that she is never going to baby sit Ainsley again, and I mean that Harm," Mac bit out. "Then...I...would tell her that there is no good excuse for what she did."

"Try and remember, though" he said, "she didn't intentionally do anything wrong. I was as angry as you are when I talked to her this evening at the hospital, and I was ready to really lay into her for what happened, but the more she explained, the more I was able to see it was just a mistake - a big one on several levels - but just a mistake."

"Our baby girl is lying in the ICU in a hospital, Harm" Mac said. "There is only one reason for that and its that your mother didn't call us, she decided to do everything like she did with you and it didn't go well. I'm not going to let her do that with our daughter" Mac declared. "And if you're going to take her side, I'm afraid I can't support you on that." She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, grabbing the bottle of lotion and heading to put it away.

"Mac, please wait" he said, hopping off the bed and reaching out to her. He gently took hold of her arm and turned her toward himself. "Please, babe, sit and talk to me. I don't want this situation to cause any more difficulty than it has to. We just spent one of the best weeks of our lives together, and we came home to complete chaos and I know that's not fair, but these are the kinds of situations we have to deal with and work through as parents. Let's sit down and talk this out" he asked, his blue eyes looking directly into her brown ones. "We'll both sleep a lot better if we do."

Mac hesitated but conceded. "Alright" she replied as she sat upon the edge of the bed. "It's just...I am just so angry. I've never been this angry in my whole life, not even at my father. If Ainsley...if what we saw when we got there was better, what was it like before? How close did we really come to losing our little girl? If anything had happened to her..." She sank down on the bed; shoulders slumped over in exhaustion and pain.

He sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her back. "I know what you mean" he said. "That's exactly what I was feeling when we saw Ainsley when we first got there. I was so angry at my mom for not calling us about the formula, for not calling us when they got to the hospital, which I'm still not sure why that was, for what happened to the baby - I was furious, and I sat down with her in that waiting room fully intending to let her have it."

"But you didn't do that, Harm and you should have" Mac declared. "You are supposed to protect Ainsley, you are her father, it's your job to make sure no one hurts her and if they do it is your job to make sure they pay for it."

"We can't protect her from everything" he sighed. "I understand what you're saying, because again, I felt that same way, still do for the most part, that I'd failed to keep my little girl safe. I'm plenty angry with my mom over this whole thing, please don't think for a moment that I'm not, but I didn't see how tearing her to shreds would help the situation any."

Mac sighed a moment then wiggled around so she could look at him. "So what did you say to her then? Does she even know how angry I am, how angry you say you are? Or does she think that this was all some accident like breaking a crystal vase or something you can fix with '_I'm sorry'_? Please, tell me, what did you say to your mother? Please tell me that you stood up for us, for me and Ainsley." She held his gaze with doe brown eyes, shining with anger and tears.

"She knows how angry we both are" he replied. "I told her that this isn't something that any amount of _'I'm sorry'_ can fix, although she certainly needed to say it anyway, and she did, several times over. I told her that she was wrong to assume that A. - running out of milk yesterday morning didn't warrant a phone call to us, and B. - that the formula was okay to use since it was in the cupboard and it'd only be to hold her until we got back. You and I should have been the ones to decide what to do yesterday morning, and we weren't given that opportunity and that wasn't right. She knows that now, I made sure of it. She feels terrible, Mac, I promise you she does. She said she loves all 3 of us so much and she'd never do anything if she knew it would hurt any of us, and you know that's true. Even as mad as you are at her, you know that's true."

She nodded, "I do, but I can't get past what I saw in that room. I can't get past holding my baby, calling to her and having her just lie there and not move. I can't get past the tubes and the wires, and I can't get past how this whole situation would have been avoided if ..." She stopped and turned her back to him, not believing what had nearly come out of her mouth.

He tenderly grasped her shoulders, turning her body back in his direction. "If what, babe?" he asked calmly.

Mac hesitated and studied the floor of their room. She didn't regret going on their honeymoon, honestly she didn't, but she couldn't get past thinking about how different things would be if they hadn't gone. She lifted her head and looked at Harm's face. She didn't have to speak, her eyes said it all.

"Mac..." he said, his hand taking a hold of hers. "Do you...blame me for this, for us being gone last week?"

"I don't..." she began the stopped to swallow the tears that were building. "I don't know, part of me does but we needed that time together, I know that. But, damn it Harm, we were off having fun, making love on the beach, and our little girl was here and got sick because we were gone. I _know_ better than to blame you but….I think maybe a part of me does."

"You said it, though" he replied, maintaining a hold of her hand, "we needed that time together last week. Yes, I planned the trip because that was one of my responsibilities as your husband, but we can't sit here and say what happened with the baby was because we were gone. Alright, okay, if we were home it wouldn't have happened, I get all that, but to say we were wrong to go away last week and celebrate our marriage, we can't do that to ourselves. We can be upset about any number of things surrounding this situation, but we can't blame ourselves or each other for any of it. Things just happened as they happened."

"Harm, you don't understand," she softly cried. "You don't understand."

"Let me see" he said, "the baby got sick at the hands of my mother, and you feel more guilty than you've ever felt in your life for not being here to keep that from happening because you and I were halfway across the country having fun instead of being here with her. You know we needed and deserved that time away from life here, but you're kicking yourself for feeling that way because you feel like its wrong of you to be glad for what we got to do last week. To sum it up, you feel like the worst parent in the universe and your mind keeps spinning a million _'if only'_ and _'what if'_ yarns. Am I right?"

She met his probing gaze, tears spilling out of her eyes, "Maybe you do understand on some level but...Harm, I...I know what its like to wake up one morning and not have a mother. Intentionally or not, I put my baby in danger when I left her. I swore to myself if we ever were lucky enough to have our baby that I would be better than that, I'd be the best mother ever, and look, she's barely four months old and already I..." She couldn't finish the thought.

He got up from the bed and knelt in front of her. He placed a gentle hand on her chin, lifting her head up from the downward focus it had on the floor. "You are an amazing mother, Mac. Never in my life have I known a woman who loved her child more than you love ours, and I mean that. You weren't selfish last week. You know we both needed that time together, away from everything and everyone here, including Ainsley. It doesn't mean we don't love her, but one of the best things we can do for her, _because_ we love her so much, is make sure the relationship we have with one another is a strong as it can be. That's what last week was all about, strengthening our relationship, our marriage. I'm so sorry for what happened, and I'm sorry that you're feeling like a bad mother, but I'm here to tell you that's just not true."

With tears falling from her eyes, she asked, "How do you always do that, say all the right things like that? God, Harm I just want her to okay. I just want her here with me, with us, and I want..." She sniffed a bit and took a steadying breath.

"Come here, babe" he said, standing up and bringing her with him. He held her tight, rubbing her back as she softly cried on his shoulder. "I love you _so _much."

"Can you..." She sniffed again. "Can you do something for me?" she asked him.

"Sure" he whispered, still holding her close.

"Hold me tighter?" she replied, her voice a timid whisper.

With a soft smile, he did just that. "Better?" he asked.

She nodded and laid her head against his chest for a few more minutes until she composed herself. Then she pulled back and looked up at him. "Thank you. I needed that. And I promise I will talk to your mother soon, I just don't know exactly when."

"I'm sorry I kept pushing you on that, babe" he said. "I'll let mom know in the morning that you'll go to her when you're ready, but until then she can stop worrying that you hate her. You didn't really mean that she can never keep the baby again, did you?"

"At the moment, I do, Harm" Mac replied. "I just need some time."

"I understand" he said, leaning in to give her a kiss. "Speaking of time, we don't have a whole lot of it left for sleeping tonight, so we should probably get what we can get. Morning will come pretty early."

"I never finished your massage and you're still in pain," she sighed. "And I never changed your bandage."

"Its okay" he said, "at this point, we'll be back up in a few hours, we can do the bandage then."

"But what about your back?" she asked him. "I can rub it for you until you fall asleep if you want me to."

"That would be wonderful" he said as a yawn came over him. He looked into her eyes once more. "God, I love you, Mac."

"I love you, too" she whispered, leaning up to kiss him tenderly. When they broke apart she smiled at him, "Now lie down and let me finish what I started before I got all crazy. You earned this."

He slid back into the bed and lay on his stomach. Within minutes, Mac heard him begin to snore.

* * *

They awakened early the next morning, before 6:00. Mac was the first to get out of bed, knowing the minute she woke up that she wasn't going to get back to sleep. She was too excited about getting back to the hospital and seeing Ainsley, feeling in her heart that the report from the overnight nurse would be great. By the time she finished her shower, Harm was already in the kitchen making breakfast. 

"Good morning, babe" he said as Mac walked into the kitchen, hair still wet, feet still bare.

"I hope so" she replied. "I think so. What's for breakfast?"

"French toast and scrambled eggs" he answered. "Breakfast of champions."

"You are very adventurous this morning" she replied. "Is there juice?"

"Yeah, I think so" he said, checking the fridge. "Orange and apple, which would you like?"

"Apple" she replied. "I'm afraid the orange may upset my stomach."

"Nervous, aren't you?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Nervous, but not scared" she replied. "I have a very good feeling about seeing her today. I can't wait to hold her, I just know she's going to be alert and maybe she'll smile..." Mac was gushing.

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "You're right" he said, "today is going to be a great day with her. She did so well the little bit we were with her last night, this morning should be terrific."

"When do you think we can go?" she asked anxiously. "I want to hear how she did."

"After we eat and I shower" replied Harm. "It's not even 7:00 yet, babe, we'll be there plenty early, don't worry."

"Well hurry up" she told him. "I can't wait. She'll do better if we're there..." She grew quiet and her face fell.

He set the plates of food on the bar and handed Mac a fork. "What? What's wrong?"

"What if she's awake already?" Mac asked. "What if she's awake and scared?"

He'd thought about those things himself, but did his best to focus on more pleasant notions. "If she's awake, she won't be by herself. Irene or someone will be right there with her, making sure she's okay. I know it's easy to worry about her, but let's try not to. Let's eat up and get ready and get over there so we can be the ones to sit with her and hold her, and make sure she's okay."

Mac looked at the food. "I'm not sure I can eat all this, I'm too...you know, too everything." Still she took a piece of French toast.

"Just eat what you feel you can, babe" he said. "It's okay if you're not really hungry. I'm not all that hungry myself."

They ate most of their meals in silence, Harm checking the clock every two or three minutes until he heard Mac laugh.

"What?" he asked with a smile.

"If need to know the time you can ask me, you look funny with your head going back and forth like that" she replied with a warm smile.

He chuckled a bit. "I didn't even realize I was doing that."

"Well you are, now its 0634, get your six in the shower while I pump a bottle out to stick in the freezer. I want to go and see our baby" she told him.

A few minutes after Harm had headed for the shower; his mom came downstairs from the guest room and joined Mac, who was still trying to find the desire to eat the rest of her breakfast.

Mac looked up at her mother-in-law, but didn't say anything.

"Mac" said Trish apprehensively. "I know you're upset with me, but may I please say something?"

"Alright" she replied and turned to look at Trish, arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm incredibly sorry about everything that happened with the baby" she said. "Harm made me realize that I did a number of things wrong, and I feel terrible about it. I know you and I need to talk this through, but I also know that I need to let you take the lead on that. Just know that whenever you feel you'd like to talk, I'm ready."

"I don't know when that will be Trish" Mac told her. "But I know that it needs to be done, if only for Harm's sake."

She nodded. "I think it needs to be done for everyone's sake, but especially Harm and Ainsley. They're the ones who'd feel it the most if this caused a long-term issue between you and me."

"I'm still not sure it won't," Mac told her honestly. "But I'm willing, once I've had a chance to calm down, to discuss it and try to repair it. Just not now."

"I understand" said Trish. "You need a little time and space, and I'll be happy to give it to you; as much as you need. Just know that you can come to me at any time once you feel up to it, okay?"

"Alright" Mac agreed. "If you'll excuse me I have to finish getting ready so I can go see my baby."

"Of course" said Trish, feeling good that she and Mac agreed that they needed to talk about things eventually. "I'll start some coffee. Should I put the rest of this food away or does Harm still need to eat?"

"He's eaten as much as he can, I think" she replied. "He's still...He's more upset than he's letting on."

Trish nodded. "I know he is. I'll talk with him some more after awhile. He needs some space as well and you both need to focus your attention on the baby right now anyway." She reached into the drawer to find the plastic wrap.

Mac moved towards the entrance to their room then stopped and turned to face her mother-in-law. "For the record, I'm not nearly as angry about what this did to me as I am about what this has done to Ainsley and to Harm. If either of them is hurt in anyway that cannot be repaired, ever, I will not be forgiving the person or persons who hurt them, no matter what their intentions." With those calm yet caustic words, Mac left to get dressed.

Harm was finished showering when Mac reached their bedroom. He was standing in front of their dresser in a pair of faded Levis, staring at a picture of Ainsley. It was one of his favorites, one of her in the sunflower dress and the headband to match. She'd just really begun smiling purposely around the time that was taken, and he remembered standing behind the photographer and talking to the baby to make her smile. He looked at the picture and knew _that _smile, that exact one captured for all eternity, was from Ainsley to her daddy.

Mac froze when saw him. She couldn't see which picture he was holding from the angle she was at, but she could see his shoulders deflate as he stared, and she could feel the anguish and the fear he was feeling as he studied their daughter's face. She wanted nothing more than to make those feelings go away. She closed the space between them quickly and slipped her arms around his middle, pressing her cheek to his back. "She's going to be okay" she told him. "It's all going to be okay."

"I know" he replied as he held the picture in his hands. "It's hard, though. For most of my adult life, there were days when the idea of ever having children seemed unreal, you know? Now that I have her, it's...I never dreamed I could love someone like that. I just hate what happened, that's all. I know she's fine, I just hate to see anything bad ever happen to her."

"I know, babe" Mac replied squeezing tighter. "But things are going to happen. She might fall off her bike and break her wrist like I did. She might get rejected by a classmate, and I know she'll get her heart broken by a boyfriend because that happens to the best of us. We just have to be there for her and for each other and in that, I think I owe you an apology." She placed a kiss against his spine.

"Don't worry about me, Mac" he said, reaching a hand up to touch hers, which were still around his body. "I'm not happy about any of this, but she's okay and we're okay and that's what matters."

"I know, but don't tell me not to worry about you" she gently scolded. "I'm your wife and that's part of the job description."

He smiled. "Point taken, babe. You can worry about me if you'd like, but can you do it while we finish getting ready? I wanna go see my girl."

"I'll be ready in five minutes" she replied with a final squeeze and kiss to the smooth skin of his back.

"Five minutes? You sure about that, Mac?" he asked playfully. "I don't know any woman who can get ready to go anywhere in anything under a half hour."

"Hey, Marine over here" she reminded him as she pulled her hair back in a clip. "You take longer to get ready than I do."

"And what are you basing this on, pray tell?" he replied. "I can take a shower, dress and do my hair in ten flat. I'm just not sure you can compete with that kind of precision, that kind of organization, that kind of-"

"Crap!" she finished for him with a laugh and a smile. "Harm, I've seen you fiddle with you the front of your hair for ten minutes!" she exclaimed.

"When?" he laughed. "There's not much I can do with my hair, Mac - a little gel, little combing, boom - done!"

"Unless that tiny little piece in the front decides to stand up, then its 'gel, pull, swear, water, comb, more gel, another swear...' Shall I go on flyboy?" She sat on the bed and put on her socks.

"No, you shall not" he answered, walking over to the bed and leaning in for a kiss. "You shouldn't pick on a guy and his hair" he said. "It's not nice" he added with a wink.

"Well neither is telling a Marine that she cannot get ready in less than five minutes" Mac replied, tying the laces on one tennis shoe. "Because that" she said, tying her remaining shoelace, "is what this Marine just did."

"You're totally ready to walk out the door?" he asked as he flipped through the shirts on his side of the closet. "Did you make her a bottle?"

"While you showered," she replied. "Oh and I talked briefly with your mother."

"How'd that go?" he asked, pulling a 3-tone blue sweater over his head.

"Alright, I guess" Mac replied. "I told her that I would talk to her when I'm ready and..." She bent her head a bit slightly ashamed of her last words to Trish. "And I told her that I was more angry with her about how this affected you and Ainsley rather than me, and then I really did it...I told her if there was any offense that ever caused either you or the baby irrevocable hurt, I wouldn't forgive the person responsible for it. I know I shouldn't have said that but..."

"No, you shouldn't have" he agreed gently. "Would you feel better if you apologized before we left? I know how you can be when something like that follows you around all day, and today is supposed to be happy. Besides, you don't want Ainsley sensing that you're upset."

"I'm not upset for saying it, I'm upset for..." She sighed. "For meaning it."

He took her into his arms and brought her close. "It's only been one day, Mac. Give yourself some time to settle down, and thing won't seem the way they do right now. In the end, the baby will be fine, that's what we need to spend our time thinking about, okay? I'll totally defer to you on when and what you want to talk to my mom about, but please try not to let this eat you alive. We've had too much happiness in our lives lately for that, agreed?"

"Agreed," she replied kissing the spot on his chest that her lips were closest to. "Ready yet Flyboy?"

"You bet" he said, grabbing his keys from atop the dresser. "Let's go."

* * *

_A/N: I'll get chapter 71 up in a few days! Please take a second and let me know what you think of chapter 70 - I'd appreciate it greatly :)_


	71. Chapter 71

Disclaimer: Not mine, sure wish they were...

_A/N: Sorry it took so long, but ff dot net was in a mood, you know how it goes. Thanks to all who read and reviewed chapter 70, I really appreciate it. Another big hug to my buddy, my pal, my friend Lady Commish for her help with this chapter, including dialouge between various characters throughout. Love ya, girly:)_

* * *

Chapter 71: 

Harm decided for the mood of this journey, the Jazz station would be appropriate, so he tuned into that when as he drove to the hospital. Mac sat next to him, playing with her wedding band. He smiled as he peeked at her out of the corner of his eye, she was so beautiful with the variety of emotions crossing her face, everything from deliriously happy to downright scared. He knew how she felt because he felt the same way.

Mac was thankful that Harm chose to keep the conversation to a minimum on the way to the hospital, and thankful that the traffic flow was light, although it still seemed like an eternity before they finally arrived at the hospital parking lot.

"You think she'll be awake?" he asked her as they walked hand-in-hand through the automatic doors and towards the elevator.

"Probably" replied Mac. "She's always up by now at home, and until yesterday your mom said she'd stayed pretty close to her regular schedule, so it would actually surprise me if she wasn't awake. I guess though, if she was up a lot throughout the night, she might be asleep now."

"She wasn't, Mac" he said, squeezing her hand a bit. "I have a feeling she did great last night, and here in a minute or two, we'll get to see for ourselves." They stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the 4th floor.

As soon as Harm and Mac stepped off the elevator their questions were answered. Clear as day the both heard a baby's cry, their baby's cry. Mac looked at her husband, "That's Ainsley, but..." She looked towards the right, where her last cubicle had been.

"I bet she's done so well they moved her," Harm told her. "Let's go it sounds like our little one is very unhappy about something."

Hand in hand they quickly walked towards the sound of Ainsley's cry.

The crying got louder as they walked nearer to the room and Mac's grip on Harm's hand tightened. They approached the tiny room where the could see Irene was back on duty and Ainsley, still connected to her IV but looking a lot more alert was crying and flailing in her arms.

"Its okay, little one" Irene comforted. "Nurse Karen is calling mommy and daddy right now. Yes she is" she cooed as she snuggled the crying baby close.

"We're here" Mac announced as she entered the room only a step before Harm. "We're here." Her voice changed its tone as she approached her daughter, going softer, gentler. "Mommy's here, angel. Yes, she is." She looked at Irene. "Can I hold her?"

"Of course" replied Irene, handing Ainsley over to Mac.

"What's got her so upset this morning?" asked Harm. "Did she have a rough night?"

"Not at all" Irene replied. "She slept straight through until right before I came on shift. I think she misses you."

Mac cuddled Ainsley who was still crying but starting to settle down. "Mommy's got you, angel. It's alright now. We're here. We're here." She placed a tiny kiss on the baby's head.

"Has Dr. Cameron been in yet this morning?" asked Harm, leaning in to kiss Ainsley's head as well.

"He should be in soon. He's on ward, but he checks the PICU babies first" Irene replied. "She's done so well, they moved her to a regular room. How was your night?" Irene asked.

"Short" said Harm. "We got to sleep late and woke up early."

Just then Dr. Cameron arrived. "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Rabb" he greeted. He moved to the baby. "Good morning, Ainsley. Or isn't it?" he looked at her face, screwed up in a frown, little eyes leaking tears.

"Let's see you and maybe we can get you something to eat, huh?" he asked. "Mrs. Rabb, will you put Ainsley down on her bed for me please."

Mac gently laid Ainsley down on her little crib mattress and stepped back, automatically clinging to Harm. "Dad, you and Mom might want to take a walk in a minute" he warned. "You didn't do so well last night when I had to get her blood."

"More blood work?" asked Harm. "I hope this will be the last time. Will it?"

"If her levels are back to normal, it should be" he replied. "Her levels from last night were at the low range of normal. We want them a bit higher" he said as he checked her temperature. "Temp is normal." He listened to her heart and lungs. "She sounds mad but healthy. Any guesses on what she's telling us there, Mom?" he asked Mac.

"She is mad, that's for sure" Mac replied. "And I'm almost certain she's hungry."

I'll bet" he replied. "She's better so she's feeling hungry." He cooed at bit at the baby. "You're little tummy doesn't hurt any more, does it?" he asked before inserting his gloved hand in her mouth to check her saliva. "She's doing really well" he announced after he completed the check. "I'm going to get her blood and put a rush on it. As soon as I see the results, I'll let you know if you can nurse her, okay? Do you want to stay?"

"We'll stay" said Harm. "At least, I will." He looked at Mac.

"I will, too" Mac replied. "She'll need us when he's done."

Irene moved to block Harm and Mac's view and to assist Dr. Cameron as he drew Ainsley's blood. Her worried parents couldn't tell when he stuck her by sight, but there was no doubt when by sound.

"All done" he proclaimed when he'd collected what he needed. "I'll put a rush on this, we should have the result within an hour. Would you like to give her a bottle of water while you're waiting. That won't hurt her."

"Yes" Mac replied. "At least she can suck on it, maybe that will calm her down."

Irene smiled. She knew there was almost no way that little baby was going to take a bottle after what had happened to her, but she'd have to be retrained some time. "Mom, why don't you have a seat in the rocker and I'll get you the bottle."

Mac sat in the rocking chair and waited impatiently for Irene to get the water bottle and hand her the baby.

Irene returned a moment later with a small bottle of purified water. "If you'll hold this for me sir" she said, holding the bottle out to Harm, "I'll get the baby."

"Sure" he replied, taking the bottle from her. She picked Ainsley up from the crib and handed her to Mac.

"Oh, shh baby girl" said Mac as Ainsley began to cry again. "Are you thirsty? You want a little drink? Hmm?"

"I'll take that now, Harm" said Irene, reaching out for the bottle. She took the cap off and replaced it with a sterilized nipple before handing it to Mac. "See what she thinks of it" said Irene.

"Here you go, sweetheart" cooed Mac as she placed the bottle to the baby's lips. Ainsley wanted no part of it, and instead stiffened her little body and turned her head away.

"Ainsley" said Harm, kneeling down beside the rocking chair, "calm down, love. It's okay. Try it again, babe" he said to Mac.

"She doesn't want it" replied Mac, as she held the bottle to the baby's lips once again, and once again Ainsley refused it.

"Here, hold that" she said, holding the bottle out to Harm. He took it from her and she repositioned Ainsley and held her closer and tighter. She baby immediately calmed down, her cries turning to whimpers and fusses.

"I thought she stopped fighting the bottle" Mac commented.

"Well, this isn't the same kind she has at home" said Harm, "but I think she might be refusing it because you have what she really wants and you're not giving it to her." He nodded towards the baby who had turned herself sideways in her mother's arms, the way she always laid when she was nursing.

"It could be a while before Dr. Cameron says its okay" she sighed. "And I want her to have something in her tummy, she's hungry."

"Well, I can try the bottle" offered Harm. "She probably won't take it for me either, but I can try."

In reply Mac rose from the rocker so Harm could sit. "She always took it from you easier than me anyway" she replied. "Give it a shot."

Harm sat down in the rocker and took his daughter in his arms. "Okay, beautiful" he said, "do you want this, or are we just making you mad here?" He held the bottle to her lips, and after refusing it at first, she gave it a few sucks before spitting it out and making her displeasure known.

"Try again" Mac urged. "She started to drink that time." She knelt down by the rocker and rubbed her baby's leg as it kicked. "Drink for daddy, angel. Mommy'll give you milk later, I promise."

"I don't think she's too fond of water, Mac" he replied as he tried to get the nipple back into Ainsley's mouth. When he finally succeeded, again, she took a couple swallows and decided she'd had enough.

"That's better than nothing, I suppose" Mac sighed and took the bottle away while Harm put Ainsley on his shoulder and began the process of calming the baby down.

"Maybe I should take her? Mac suggested. "Maybe she'll nuzzle with me and settle down."

"You sure, babe?" he asked her as he rocked the angry baby.

"I want to try" Mac replied. "She's so upset, poor baby."

"Yeah, she sure is" agreed Harm, standing up from the rocking chair to allow Mac to sit down. "Want her on your shoulder?"

"Let's see how she's most comfortable" Mac replied. "Let's try shoulder first."

He nodded and handed Mac their daughter. She maneuvered the baby around and held her upright, rubbing tiny circles against her back. "Ainsley" said Harm as he stood nearby, "please calm down, baby girl."

The baby did nothing if not cry even harder. Mac looked at Harm with a defeated look in her eyes. "She's so hungry, Harm. Listen, am I right?"

"I'm sure she is" he agreed. "She's also probably frustrated, cranky and ready to get out of this place. Think walking around would help any?"

Mac cooed to the baby. "Okay, baby. Its okay. Mommy's going cuddle you, would you like that?" she asked the baby, moving her from her shoulder to the crook of her arm.

"I dunno, babe" he said apprehensively. "She may not like you holding her that way..."

Ainsley quieted the minute Mac shifted her sideways and burrowed her face against her mother's breast, little mouth pursing so she could take her milk as soon as Mac made it available.

"That's mommy's good girl" Mac praised as the baby's cries diminished a notch.

"Wow" said Harm, "it worked; good job, babe."

Ainsley lay contented for a few minutes, little mouth fastening on Mac's shirt, pulling the material in as she suckled and Harm stroked her head. Once she realized, though, that all she was getting out of this arrangement was a mouth full of cotton, she let out the loudest wail of frustration and anger her parents had heard to date. Her entire body stiffened and went straight as both arms and legs flailed outward from her body.

At this Irene smiled sympathetically. "I'm going to go check on her blood work."

"Thank you" said Harm, speaking loudly enough to be heard over the baby. He turned to Mac. "Here, why don't I take her back and see how she does? She obviously doesn't like being this close to you and not eating, babe."

Mac's eyes had misted over as soon as Ainsley began to fight her hold, but she nodded and handed the child off to Harm.

"Hey, hey my love" said Harm as he brought the baby into his embrace. "Sshh, it's okay. I know, you want what you want when you want it; just like your daddy." He looked over at Mac, who smiled a faint smile as she wiped away a tear. "It won't be much longer, Mac. Hang in there; I know this is hard for you."

She nodded and smiled a bit as the baby quieted down some in Harm's embrace. He talked to her softly as he walked her in a short path back and forth. "At least she's got her strength back" Mac replied.

"No doubt about that" agreed Harm, pacing from one side of the room to the other in an effort to calm Ainsley's cries, which had lessened some but not ceased completely. "Hey baby girl" he said, moving the child from against his shoulder to cradle her next to his chest. "Here, will this help any?" he asked her as he rubbed his little finger against her lips.

The baby's tiny tongue explored this new stimulus and decided that it was better than nothing. She opened her lips and started to suck on her Daddy's finger until her screams were nothing more than dull whimpers and her flailing had still to nearly imperceptible squirms.

"Has she done that for you before?" asked Mac.

"Nope" he replied. "Maybe it's because she knows the only thing daddy can dispense is love. Right, baby girl?" he asked as her rocked her.

"She's happy for the moment, though" said Mac. "I hate knowing that she's so hungry though. I know she's getting the nutrients she needs from the IV, but she needs to eat."

Ainsley was content for a few more minutes with Harm's little finger, until she decided it not giving her what she desired, either. She bit down on his finger and started to evict it from her mouth with her tongue, then thought better of it.

Irene moved quickly down the hallway after being gone ten minutes. She could hear the Rabb baby, and hoped her news would please and comfort both parents and child.

"Good news, Mac" Irene said. "Her labs are back and everything looks great! You can feed her, if you're ready."

Mac's face broke out into and instant smile. "Really?"

"Really," Irene replied. "Why don't you set yourself down in the rocker and get ready for her. Then I'll give you and Dad a little privacy."

Mac sat down in the rocking chair and undid the buttons on her blouse, the fasteners on her nursing bra and pulled the blouse closed.

"Hey, baby girl" said Harm to the howling child in his arms. "Give daddy his finger back, and you can go to mommy and have what you really want, okay sweetie?" He took his finger from Ainsley's mouth, and she let her displeasure become known in very clear terms. "Here, babe" he said to Mac as he handed the baby over.

Mac reached her arms up to receive the child. She cradled her head in the crook of her arm then reached to pull aside her blouse. Before she did however, she was hit with an overwhelming fear that Ainsley may not want to nurse. She looked up at Harm with tears in her eyes, her face a mask of pure dread.

He knew what that look meant, and he knelt in front of the chair so he could see her face as he spoke to her. "Just try, Mac. It's okay."

Mac pulled her shirt aside and lifted her breast up so that Ainsley could latch on. "Come on, little one," she cooed. "Breakfast time."

Ainsley turned her head and stuck her little tongue out, then much to Mac's dismay, screwed up her face and let out another long wail, violently thrashing her hands and legs about once again as she did when she was unhappy about something being done to her.

The tears that had gathered in Mac's eyes fell when Ainsley refused to latch on to her. "You see" she said in a tortured whisper. "I told you she wouldn't want me and she doesn't."

"Hey, hey, it's okay" he said to her gently, his hand on her knee as he continued to kneel in front of the chair. "She's bound to be a little upset at first, and she might even be a bit confused since she hasn't done this in over a week, but she'll do it, Mac. Keep trying. I'm right here with you and I'm not leaving; we're in this together."

"Come on, Ainsley Rose" Mac cooed again through her sniffles. "Mommy knows you're hungry. Come on." She tried to help Ainsley latch on again, but once she squirmed and cried louder. "She really won't do it, Harm. I knew..."

"Do you want me to take her for a minute, see if you both can't maybe calm down a little bit?" he offered. "Might help."

Mac sniffled and in replied handed him the baby who immediately settled down in her father's strong arms.

"Take a few deep breaths and try to relax, babe" he said to Mac. "She can sense how uptight you are, and that's not helping any. And as for you, miss Ainsley Rose" he said to the baby, his voice soft and sweet, "you need to work with us here, baby girl. I mean, _we _know you're hungry; _you_ know you're hungry, so if you'll settle in there next to mommy and chow down, everybody wins!" Ainsley looked into her daddy's face as he spoke, her tear-filled blue eyes hanging on his every word. He couldn't help but lean in and plant a kiss on her little nose.

"So" he continued after he kissed her, "I'm issuing my first order as your father. Here's what's gonna happen: I'm gonna hand you back to your mommy over there, and you're gonna settle down and eat like we all know you want to do, and then you'll feel so much better, which will make mommy feel better, which, of course, will make daddy feel better. See how this works?" Ainsley smiled at him, and he had no choice but to smile back. "I thought so."

Mac couldn't help but laugh at Harm's first attempt at lying down the law. "Harm, she's not going to listen to you. She's just a baby."

"She heard me" he answered with a grin. "You'll see. You ready for her?"

Mac nodded and prepared to receive her daughter from Harm as he walked back to her. "Remember what daddy told you" he said as he laid her in Mac's lap, and for the first time since she had been in the hospital, Ainsley laughed.

Mac took the baby from Harm and with apprehension tried again. She laid Ainsley in her arms and tilted the baby's head so she could latch onto her. This time the baby's tiny rosebud lips curled around Mac and she began to suckle greedily, making little grunting noises as she went along.

Harm looked down at Mac and Ainsley smiling, his blue eyes glowing as he took in the sight. "You see" he grinned. "I told you she'd listen to me." He leaned over but instead of kissing Ainsley's temple, he kissed Mac's. "This has to be the most beautiful sight I've ever seen."

Mac smiled and nodded as she tried unsuccessfully to hold back her joyous tears. "I've missed this so much."

"I know you have," he sympathized. "I think...in my own way, I've missed it just as much. There's something so right about it, you know?"

She nodded. "I do" she whispered. She looked down at Ainsley, who was still content as could be. "I think she missed it, too."

"She did" he replied. "I wish I had the camera right now. This is a moment I never want to forget for the rest of my life." He knelt beside the rocker and slipped his arm around Mac's shoulders.

With her daddy right beside her, Ainsley lay in Mac's arms and nursed until she drifted off to sleep. Mac couldn't help but cry a little bit. She'd been so worried about that first try after getting back home, which was complicated even further by the formula mishap and hospital stay, but in the end everything played out just as she dreamed it would.

* * *

A little past two in the afternoon, Ainsley had been fed again and had gotten a new diaper. Now she was again sleeping in her crib, tiny hand tucked under her chin. Irene had removed her IV line after she nursed the first time, and Dr. Cameron had visited again and told them that if Ainsley continued as she had been doing, she could go home the next day. 

Now Harm and Mac sat together, eating tuna sandwiches he'd brought up from the cafeteria with gusto, considering they now had their appetites back. Neither had eaten much in the last day or so.

Harm was just finishing up his lunch when he heard Frank's voice in the hallway asking where Ainsley had been taken, and a softly accented voice referring him to the room where Harm currently sat with his wife.

Frank entered a moment later, followed by Trish who hung back behind her husband, apprehensive at the reception she'd receive.

Harm smiled a bit when he saw his mother and Frank walk into Ainsley's room. "Hi, Mom, Frank" he greeted as he worked his way back to Mac.

"Hi" replied Frank. "How's our little girl here?" he asked, peeking into Ainsley's crib.

"She's doing fine for now" Harm replied. "She's nursed twice, napped, and reminded me that diaper changes are not her favorite pastime. I'd say she's on the road to recovery."

"She sure is" agreed Frank. "Did they say when she may get to go home yet? I can't imagine they'd need to keep her here much longer as well as she's doing."

"They said that she can leave tomorrow morning if she keeps doing this well" Harm replied, his hand falling to Mac's shoulder. He felt the tension there, so he squeezed it to show her his silent support.

"Can we take her out of there?" Trish asked. "Could I hold her do you think?"

"Is she awake?" asked Mac, rising from her chair to look at the baby.

"No, she's sleeping" Trish replied.

"I'd rather not bother her" said Mac kindly. "She hasn't had a lot of uninterrupted sleep in the last few days. When she's awake, though, you can hold her." Mac was still sorting through her feelings about the entire situation, but she'd made a conscious effort to be warm and receptive towards her mother-in-law, for everyone's sake.

Harm smiled at Mac thankful that she was making an effort. "I don't think we've thanked you for hiring Irene to take care of Ainsley. She was wonderful with her and...we owe her a lot of thanks for Ainsley's progress."

"Don't think twice about it, son" said Frank. "We wanted her to have the best, and it sure looks like she got it."

"Um, Frank, Mom...I think since we've all calmed down some...well there's something that's been bothering me, and I guess Mac, since we've gotten here and...I understand why you didn't ask about changing her food, but once she started to get sick, why didn't either of you think to call us and tell us?"

"We tried" said Frank. "We called the hotel the night she got sick, right as we were leaving to come here, but the clerk said you'd placed a 'do not disturb' on your line."

"No, we didn't!" exclaimed Mac. "We knew you'd need to be able to reach us in case anything happened, why would we have blocked our line? Those morons didn't know what they were talking about..."

"Ssh" said Harm as he placed a soothing hand on Mac's shoulder. "They probably made a mistake, Honey. But why didn't you call our cell phones?" he asked, turning back to his mother and step-dad.

"We tried those, too" said Frank. "Both of them, multiple times, never even got your voicemail."

"That's strange" said Mac, "they were both on and charged up the whole trip. Why wouldn't they have worked?"

"It was probably just something in the atmosphere" said Frank. "Happens with my phone sometimes when I'm traveling. Even though I'm not roaming according to my plan, it still doesn't receive calls like it's supposed to."

"I bet that's what happened" said Harm. "Sorry if I sounded accusatory, I just couldn't figure out why no one called us when things started going wrong. I should have known there was a reason."

"Of course there was, Harmon" said Trish. "We should have explained all this to you yesterday, but-"

"It's okay, mom" said Harm, "yesterday was crazy for all of us. I didn't even think to ask about this till today."

"Knock, knock" said a familiar voice from near the doorway.

"Hi, Mattie" he greeted. "Oh, God we forgot to call and tell anyone what happened," he blurted out. "Mac..."

"I went home this morning, since you guys were supposed to be coming back from your honeymoon today" answered Mattie, who'd spent most of the previous week staying at her best friend's house. "Grandma told me everything, and here I am. I had my friend Kara drop me off on her way to work."

Harm walked over and hugged her tightly. "I'm glad you're here, sweetie. We missed you."

"I missed you, too" said Mattie. "Mac..." She walked over and gave her new mom a hug. "How's the baby? Is she okay?"

"She's fine" replied Mac. "It was scary yesterday, but she's fine now. They said she can come home tomorrow morning as long as she keeps eating like she has been."

"Very cool!" said Mattie, peeking into the crib at her baby sister. "Hey, little girl" she whispered. "I've missed you."

"She's sleeping, Mattie" Harm warned. "Try not to wake her up, she's needs her rest."

"I know, I'm not touching her" said Mattie. "So, lovebirds, how was your week?" she asked, a suggestive smile on her face.

"I think we had a pretty good time" Harm replied. "Didn't we, honey?" He moved to slip his arm around Mac's shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

"Yes, we did" answered Mac, looking up at her husband. "A very good time."

"Define 'a very good time'" said Mattie, the same smile on her face as before.

"That is for you to find out about in another 10-15 years or so" Harm replied. "You know, you don't have to hang out here. We'll be home tomorrow."

"I know" shrugged Mattie, "but I haven't seen you guys since the wedding and I haven't seen Ainsley in 3 days, so I don't mind staying for awhile."

"You can stay as long as you want, as long as Dr. Cameron says its okay" Harm replied. "In fact, why don't you come over here by Mac...I need to hit the head and I think I should call Bud and the Admiral...let them know what's happened. What do you think, Babe?"

"Definitely" she agreed. "Tell them they're welcome to come see her if they'd like, but they don't have to."

"If I tell them, they'll want to" Harm replied.

"That's fine" said Mac. "We know she's not going home today, so they can come by if they'd like."

Harm leaned over and kissed her lips softly. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay" she whispered with a smile.

"So she's been able to eat today?" Mattie asked Mac.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "And she's a hungry little girl, too!"

"I bet she is" said Mattie.

"In fact, she should be ready to eat again soon" Mac said. "When she's done you can hold her a bit if you want to, that is after Grandma gets a turn."

"OK, cool" said Mattie, peeking into the crib again. "Ah, she's starting to squirm. Want me to get her?"

"No, no" Mac replied. "Let me. She's not in the best of moods just yet." She walked over to the baby and gently lifted her out of the crib. "Hi, baby girl," Mac cooed as she saw Ainsley open her eyes. "You ready to eat again? Hmm?" She walked to the chair and sat down, then looking around at the audience, "Um...?"

"Of course, dear" said Trish, realizing that Mac wanted a little privacy. "We'll go get a cup of coffee and come back after awhile."

"I'll go with them" said Mattie, "get a Coke and chat awhile."

"Thanks, sweetie. Can you get Harm something else to eat too? All he's had is that sandwich" Mac told her.

"Sure" replied Mattie. "I'll bring him a snack when I come back up."

Mac sat back in the rocker as the others left in search of refreshment. She held Ainsley as she nursed greedily and stroked her head. "Mommy's so sorry you got sick, angel. I promise you this though, mommy and daddy, we're going to do the best we can to make sure no one or no thing ever hurts you again." She shifted the baby a bit. "Now...mommy knows we can't put you in a bubble, but we're always going to be here for you. There's nothing you could ever do that would make us stop loving you and nothing that would ever make us leave you." She sighed again and leaned to kiss the baby's head. "Now, sometimes mommy and daddy might have to go away, but I promise, we'll always come home to you. I promise."

"She's awake" said Harm as he came back from making a few calls. "And hungry, huh?"

"Yeah" Mac replied. "She's sucking so hard she's going to bruise me."

"I'm sorry, babe" he said. "I bet you're not too upset about it though, huh?"

"Nah" she smiled. "But I'll be sore, so be gentle when we're cuddling tonight, okay?"

"Count on it, baby" he said, kneeling beside the chair to kiss Ainsley's little head. "I heard what you said to her, about us never leaving her. That was sweet, Mac, really sweet."

"I meant it" she told him. "I don't ever want her to think...never mind, I'm being silly." She tickled Ainsley chin, "Right, baby? Mommy's silly."

"Mommy can be silly when she wants to be" smiled Harm. "But then, so can daddy."

"Amen to that!" laughed Mac.

"Hey now!" he said with a smile. "Seriously, though babe, that was really sweet, those things you said to her. We can't protect her from everything, but we can love her as much as we possibly can."

"I always want her to know that there's someone that loves her" Mac replied. "I'm just thinking she felt so bad yesterday and she had to stay in that little bed with strangers. Poor baby must have thought she had no one left to love her."

"Oh, I don't think she felt that no one loved her, babe" said Harm gently. "I'm sure she noticed when we were there versus when we weren't, but she knows we love her. We've made sure of that from the minute she was born - actually, I take that back. We've made sure of that from the minute we knew she'd been conceived."

"You're right" Mac replied after a minute. "I told you I was being silly."

Harm knew there was probably a bit more to it than just "being silly", but he knew he'd best not push too hard just then. "Where'd everyone go?" he asked her, deciding to change the subject a little.

"I wanted some privacy while I nursed" she answered. "In front of you its one thing, but I still feel a little funny in front of your mom. They're getting drinks and I asked Mattie to get you a snack, you barely ate."

"I ate as much as you did" he said, "are they bringing you a snack, too?"

"No, I didn't want anything" she answered as she disconnected Ainsley from her left breast and moved her to her right.

You have to eat, too, babe" he said. "Feeding her burns up a lot of calories."

"I'll eat when I'm hungry and I'm not hungry right now" she replied. "Anyway, you're bigger than I am."

Harm laughed. "Well, considering I'm a good eight inches taller than you are and I'm a guy, I'd hope I'm bigger than you!"

"See, so you need more food" she said. "Mommy is just not very hungry right now" she cooed to Ainsley. "How's your back?" she asked Harm.

"Still sore" he answered, putting his hand against it, "but a little better. What're the odds I can have that massage tonight, the one we rain checked last night?"

"I'd say as long as _I_ don't have to lay face down, pretty good" she replied. "Are you done yet?" she asked Ainsley's whose little mouth had stopped sucking but remained attached.

"She using you for a pacifier again?" he asked as he looked at the tape on his bandaged wrist.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "Let me take her off and you can burp her if you want."

"Sure" said Harm.

Mac slipped her finger in between Ainsley's lips and her nipple. Ainsley's fussed a bit. "Its okay. You're going to daddy for a nice burp," Mac cooed.

"Come here, beautiful" he said, taking the baby in his arms and placing her head upon his shoulder. "Are you gonna burp for daddy or are you gonna make daddy pat your back for nothing? Hmm?"

Mac laughed. "You could try and order her again. I still can't believe that worked."

"Ha, me either" laughed Harm. "Just proves she's our baby, that's all."

"Like I need proof with those eyes" she smiled. "Anything yet?"

"Nope" he said as he swayed back and forth, gently patting the baby's back. "Usually takes her awhile, with me it does, anyway."

"Me too" she replied. "But you love doing that, don't you? Holding her like that, like its just you and her?"

"I really do" he answered. "I know the day will come when she won't want to snuggle with her old man, but right now it seems so far off, you know?"

"I hope that day never comes" she sighed. "When I was in the cafeteria yesterday with Frank, I saw a girl maybe 22 or 23 years old come in with her Dad. I heard some of what she was saying and she'd just lost someone or was losing someone and she turned to her and said, 'I need a Daddy hug.' I swear, when he let go just a little bit of the anguish had gone out of her face and in its place was the tiniest hint of a smile."

"Well, I don't want her to have to be hurting to want her daddy" he said, placing a kiss atop her fuzzy head.

"I didn't mean it like that" Mac sighed. "I just meant that even when's she's all grown up with her own little ones she'll still want and need her daddy sometimes."

He nodded and smiled. "I can't even imagine her being all grown up. Can you?"

"Sometimes I dream about it" Mac replied. "I see her graduating Annapolis, then Harvard or Yale. I see her marrying...then I usually start to cry."

"Mommy can be such a sap sometimes, can't she, baby girl?" he asked Ainsley as he purposely swayed a bit to the side so he could blink away a tear from his own eyes without letting Mac see him do it.

"Yeah, that's Mommy" Mac sighed. "Harm, I..."

"Yeah, babe?" he asked.

"We...we really need to set aside a time for us to visit Dr. Kendall" she said. "I want to find out...just find out what the chances are of us being able to have another baby."

"As in you want to find out what the chances are that we can do it by ourselves the next time?" he asked, unsure of exactly what she meant.

"As in I want to see what the chances are that we can do it" she replied. "I don't care how. I just want it."

"Good girl" said Harm once Ainsley finally burped for him. "Okay, Mac" he said. "Just remember what we talked about last week. We're not ready to get into all that again yet. She's still too little and we want to enjoy her for awhile."

"I know but...I just want to see. Just let me go and see" she insisted. "We can wait a while but if we wait too long I...it may be too late."

"I know, babe" he said. "We can't wait a very long time because of the endometriosis, and the last thing I want is for us to wait so long that you have the have more surgery before we can try again, but I can say with certainty that I'm not ready yet and I know you're not either. Why the sudden urge to meet with Dr. Kendall again? Is there anything you're not telling me?"

"Not really," she sighed. "I'm just...I'm so scared that when we start to try again they'll find out its spreading or its scarred too much and then we'll never get to have another baby and I want another one so much. I want to give you a son, Harm."

He looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes as she spoke. "Mac" he said, "I'd love to have a son, or another daughter, or whatever God sees fit to send our way, but I don't want you worrying too much about any of that just yet. I know it has to be hard for you - heck, it's hard for _me_ if I spend much time dwelling on the likelihood that we'll never be able to do this on our own, but Ainsley is only 4 months old, it's barely been a year since we got away from all that fertility stuff... We deserve to spend a little time feeling like a 'normal' couple, you know?"

Mac turned her gaze down to her womb. "Normal" she sighed. "I'd love to be, but its not the case is it? But if you want to wait..."

He could tell how much she was hurting. "Hey, hey" he said, walking towards her, Ainsley still resting against his shoulder. "I want more, you know I do, just not quite yet. Tell you what, once we get her home and catch our breath, we'll make an appointment to talk with Dr. Kendall so we can ask him how long he feels is a reasonable length of time to wait. I'm being honest when I say I'm not ready yet, but if he were to give us a reason not to wait, well then I'd have to find a way to get ready. I love you, Mac, and I never want to be the reason for any more of your pain." He leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

"I love you, too" she sighed. "Okay...We'll just have a consult and make a decision after he examines me." She turned her face to study Ainsley. "She's really fighting that nap she wants."

Harm nodded. "She's afraid she'll miss something I guess. Oh, I didn't tell you, Bud, Harriet and AJ, 'Big AJ', are planning to come by later on."

"No, you didn't" she replied. "What did they say when you told them?"

"They were sorry she'd been sick and all" said Harm as he continued to pace the floor, patting Ainsley's back, "but they're glad to hear she's okay."

Ainsley started to squirm at bit and gave a little cough, the kind she made when she was building up to a nice long wail.

"It's okay, beautiful" whispered Harm, "daddy's got you. Go on, go to sleep, baby girl. You need a nap so you'll be awake when everyone comes to see you." Ainsley continued to squirm. "Okay, daddy knows what to do with you, yes he does." He carried her back to her bed and paid her down on one of the lightweight blankets she'd been covered up with. He wrapped it around her, nice and snug, then picked her up again. "See" he said when her fussing stopped, "daddy knows all the tricks."

Mac watched as Harm wrapped Ainsley up in her blanket and walked back and forth rocking her, humming softly until her tired little eyelids drooped and she fell asleep against his chest. "She's out" Mac told him. "You've got the magic touch. You always know the right thing to say."

He smiled at her as he walked over to the crib and laid the baby down. "Yeah, well that's part of my charm."

"Your charm, huh?" asked Mac. "Tell me, does it only work on babies?"

He smiled a sneaky smile as he walked towards his wife and pulled her close. "Nope, works on women of all ages. You want me to show you?"

She moved a bit closer. "Yeah," she sighed, her voice a bit husky.

He leaned down and captured her lips with his own as his hands held her face to his, kissing her passionately, tenderly.

Mac responded by sliding her arms up around his neck and returning his kiss full force. She loved this feeling, his arms around her, his lips on hers, with the proof of their love sleeping only a few feet away. It was so right, so perfect. In between kisses and gasps for breath, Mac whispered a question. "Did I ever tell you..." Another kiss. "How good this feels?"

"Mmm...nope" he said. "Not today, anyway."

She kissed him again, and made a tiny moan in the back of her throat, "Well, it does - feel good that is. I feel so...so many things, so loved, so...safe."

"You are loved" he whispered, "and safe."

"We really shouldn't be doing this in here" she commented, but nevertheless pulled him closer running her hands down his back pressing gently on the spot that had been hurting him and rubbing it lightly. "Someone might see us."

He held his breath as she gently rubbed at his aching back. "I know" he whispered. "It's just too hard for me not to kiss you, Mac." He knew she was right, and he knew a kiss was as far as things could go, but he just couldn't bring himself to step away until...

"Oh my!" Trish gasped as she opened Ainsley's hospital door so she and Mattie could step inside. Out of all the things she'd thought she might see in Ainsley's hospital room, the sight of her son and his wife kissing surely wasn't among them.

"What?" asked Mattie as she entered. "Oh please, you guys" she said once she saw her parents entwined in one another, "get a room - other than this one!"

Mac's face turned a deep shade of red and she looked over at Harm. "Uh, we were just...uh, yeah...So what did you get to eat?"

"Pizza and a Coke" said Mattie, smiling at the two of them. "We brought you a salad" she said to Harm, "glad I didn't bring you dessert, since you already had some." She smiled from ear-to-ear and awaited his comeback.

"Mathilda Grace!" he exclaimed, "you just...just never mind! May I have my food, please?" he asked with an embarrassed smile. He took the bag as Mattie offered it to him, opened it and looked inside. "What's all the rest of this stuff?" he asked, seeing a cheeseburger and fries next to his salad.

"For Mac" replied Mattie. "I knew you'd kick my six if I didn't bring something for her, too."

"Thank you Mattie, but I had the tuna sandwich, I'm not very hungry" she told the girl. "Still, it was very nice of you."

"Yeah, it was" agreed Harm, "and you need to eat at least part of it" he said, turning to Mac. "Please? Just humor me?"

"But..." she started to protest again and say she wasn't hungry, but his eyes told her that wouldn't be a very smart move. She left the burger but picked up a fry and took a small bite. She looked at Mattie. "Where's Frank?"

"Making some business calls" answered Mattie. "How long has Ainsley been down?"

"Not too long" Mac replied putting the half eaten fry down. "She fought it as long as she could."

"She's still not a hundred percent" she looked at Trish. "But she's getting there."

"She is" agreed Harm. "She really bounced back pretty fast. I guess babies are resilient like that."

"Only if they're lucky" Mac sighed. "Excuse me a minute will you?" She rose and left the nursery.

"What's going on with her?" Harm asked Mattie, thinking maybe he'd missed something.

"Not sure" shrugged the teenager. "Want me to go see?"

He shook his head. "No, I'll go if she doesn't come back in a few minutes. Hey, we've got more visitors coming tonight."

"Oh, who's that?" Trish asked looking down the hallway at the direction Mac had taken.

"Bud, Harriet and the Admiral" answered Harm. "Should be here in a few hours."

"I think that would be lovely" Trish sighed. "Frank and I might not be here by then."

"How come?" asked Harm.

"We're leaving tomorrow morning and we have to pack our things and such" Trish replied. "That, and I'm sure they'll all be just as upset with me as Mac is so...I'd rather stay out of the line of fire."

"Oh, mom" said Harm, "I'm sure no one would say anything to you like that." He could sense she was anxious about hanging around while the group was gathered, and wasn't going to force the issue. "If you want to get packed up tonight, though, that'd be fine. You could turn in early, get a good night's sleep before I have to get you to the airport in the morning."

"I think that would be for the best" Trish replied. "At least until Mac feels like we can talk this thing out."

Harm nodded. "She'll come around soon. I've noticed a change in her in just the past day, and I know once we get Ainsley back home and get settled back in from our trip, she'll be ready."

"I hope so" she sighed. "I'm worried now though. We're do you think she's gotten to?"

"I'll go see" said Harm, rising from his seat. "Keep an eye on the baby, would you?" he asked his mom and Mattie. "I'll be right back. She shouldn't wake up while I'm gone, but if she does-"

"We can handle her, Harm" said Mattie. "Go find your wife."

He nodded and headed for the door.

"Hey, babe" said Harm when he found Mac sitting alone on a sofa down the hall. "What's wrong?"

"I had to get out of there for awhile" she replied, not looking at him. She wiped a few tears from her eyes. "Who's with Ainsley?"

"Mattie and mom" he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he sat beside her. "She's still asleep; I told them I'd be right back."

"I'm still not there yet, Harm," she admitted. "I still...I...I know I need to talk to her; I just can't find the words."

"They're planning to go home pretty soon, I think" said Harm, "mom said they need to get packed. She knows you're still not ready to talk to her, and that's okay, I'm just sorry it's hurting the both of you so much."

"I can't get past it. I know I need to, but I can't," Mac sighed. "And I feel terrible about that because its hurting you, and what hurts you hurts me, and what hurts us ultimately hurts Ainsley and I don't want to do that, because if I do that, then its exactly like what your mother did, only maybe its worse, be..."

"Calm down, Mac" said Harm gently, his hand rubbing her leg in an effort to soothe her. "It's okay, it's all gonna be okay. Just give yourself a little time to process it; it's only been a day, that's not very long to deal with something that has you this upset. You'll be able to sort things out once we get home and everything settles back down."

"But what if I can't?" she asked him. "I mean... I thought once she was fine and we knew she'd be all right I would let it go, but I can't. What if I never can?"

Harm sighed. "That won't happen, babe" he said. "I know you won't let that happen. You'll find a way to get past it eventually because you know it won't be good for Ainsley if her mommy carries this around forever. Like I said, you just need more time, and I'll make sure you get that, but for now let's set this whole thing aside and focus on Ainsley, okay?"

"I'd like to...I want to have more time with you and Ainsley on our own before more people come" she said.

"I'm not going to make my mom leave before she gets to hold the baby" said Harm firmly but gently. "I'll go back down there; you can come when you're ready, but don't make it too long." He gave her a kiss on the head. "I love you."

"I'll come now" she sighed. "Just..."

"I know, babe" he said. "You don't have to talk to her yet, just do the best you can."

"No, I..." She opened her arms to signal what she wanted.

He smiled and opened his arms to bring her close and squeeze her tight. "You feel better now?"

"I always feel better like this" she replied against his chest. "Too bad I can't stay in here forever."

"Hey" he said softly, "anytime you need to hide in here, you just say the word. I love you, Mac."

"I know" she replied. "Sometimes I still wonder if I'm lying in that hospital bed at Christmas, dreaming all of this, and I'm going to wake up alone."

He held her a little tighter. "It's not a dream, babe, and as long as I'm living and breathing, you'll never be alone."

She smiled and pulled back. "Neither will you." Her posture changed then, her back straightened and her shoulders went back. "Let's go check on our daughter. You're mom and Mattie can hold her then we can steal a little time before the others arrive."

"Okay" replied Harm with a smile that could melt a heart of stone. With his hand in hers, they returned to Ainsley's room.

* * *

_A/N: For those who're wondering about the Mac/Trish situation, a resolution is in the works, I promise. :) Please take a sec and let me know what you thought of this chapter!_


	72. Chapter 72

Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were, so on, so forth...

_A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I love knowing that folks are still taking the time to read my story as long as it's gotten! The storyline for the final chapter has been "mentally written", though I still don't know how many chapters are left before we get there. I hope you'll all stick around and see, though!_

_Just a teeny reminder that the last several chapters of this story will be getting into some different emotional aspects of the Rabb's lives as they face a few challenges that come with being newlyweds and new parents. I promise the Mac/Trish matter will be dealt with soon. I've had a few folks comment that they feel maybe Mac is being overly emotional as of late, and I've taken that possibility to heart (as I do all comments folks care enough to make!). While I can't write from experience as far as being in Mac's exact place, I can write what I believe I would feel if I were in her place, just based on what she's been through. I can say with absolute certainty that if what happened to Ainsley happened to any baby of mine under those circumstances, I'd react just how Mac reacted. I'd save the long heart-to-heart with the mother-in-law for a time when I was better equipped to handle it and make it productive. _

_That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and another big hug and giant thank you to LadyCommish for helping me keep the muse going:)_

* * *

Chapter 72: 

The first sound they heard when they approached was Ainsley's laugh. They smiled at each other as they turned around the corner to the doorway. Harm smiled as did Mac at the sight before them. Ainsley was lying against Mattie in the rocking chair, and Trish was sitting on the stool across from them, shaking a hospital issue rattle at her. Each time she shook it, Ainsley laughed and tried to smack the object with her tiny fist.

"That's Grandma's girl" Trish praised. "You're going to be so smart, just like daddy and mommy."

"When did she wake up?" asked Harm as he watched the interaction.

"Just a few minutes ago" Trish replied shaking the rattle again. "She let us know she was ready to get out and play. Didn't you, baby girl?"

The baby smacked the rattle dead on this time and it made a noise. The look of surprise on Ainsley's face made everyone laugh.

"Her diaper feels a little wet" said Mattie, "but knowing how much she loves being changed, I decided to leave that task to one of you two." She placed a kiss in the middle of Ainsley's fuzzy little head.

"That would be daddy's job" Mac told Harm. "Go for it, babe."

"Come here, munchkin" said Harm, reaching down to take the baby from Mattie's lap. "Daddy's got to change you, which you won't like, but that's just how it goes." He laid her back in the crib and took to the task at hand as Ainsley wriggled and fussed.

"She's not fighting you too much" Mac smiled. "If I tried that we'd all think I was torturing her. Such a Daddy's girl."

"Harm loved to have his diaper changed" Trish recalled. "He just hated the part where I had to put his clothes back on. He loved to lay around in his diaper and undershirt, with socks. Try and put pants on him, and you'd think all Hell broke loose."

"Haha, you liked to run around with no pants on!" laughed Mattie.

Mac walked over to Harm as he was bent over fastening Ainsley's new diaper. "You still do" she whispered in his ear, and they both laughed.

"Hey, inside joke, no fair!" laughed Mattie, pointing her finger at them.

"Neither was making fun of Harm's preference to remain in a state of undress" Mac replied. "He was only a baby. I bet he liked to do that so all the little girl babies could see what a cute round six he had."

"Mac!" he exclaimed, blushing to a gorgeous shade of red as he picked Ainsley back up.

Mac batted her eyes at him, "Yes dear?"

"Don't talk about my six in front of my mom!" he said in a loud whisper, fully intending for everyone to hear it.

"Why?" Trish asked. "I diapered and powdered it for almost three years."

"Mom!" he exclaimed, turning to her with the same bright red look on his face. "Here, take your granddaughter and hush!" he laughed as he handed Ainsley over to her.

Trish took the baby and held her close to her chest. She hadn't really held her since she'd been admitted to the hospita,l so when she felt her granddaughter's weight in her arms she was hit with a myriad of emotions - thankfulness, happiness, and remorse among them. She tipped Ainsley's little ear up close to her lips and whispered very softly, "Nana's sorry, Baby." Only Ainsley heard her, and as if to accept her apology gurlged and rubbed her cheek against Trish's shirt.

"Where's grandpa?" asked Mattie. "I thought he'd be back up by now. I know he wants to hold her."

"Did someone say Grandpa?" Frank asked entering Ainsley's room. "Oh, wow. She's awake huh?" He walked over to Trish and reached out to tickle Ainsley's belly. In response she pulled up her knees and cooed.

"She's awake and doing great" said Harm. "We were beginning to think you got lost someplace."

"I ran into Irene in the corridor. So I thought that would be the best time to see to her compensation" Frank explained.

"Ah, okay" nodded Harm. "Thanks again for-"

Harm never got to finish when Frank interrupted. "Son, I said I wanted the best for her and I saw she got it. Don't think twice about it. I'm just glad she's well again."

"So are we" said Harm as Mac approached him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

Trish smiled and turned towards her husband. "Would you like to hold her a minute, dear?" she asked.

"Do you even have to ask?" replied Frank with a smile. "Come here, precious girl" he said as he walked over to take Ainsley from her grandmother. "Come see grandpa, yes, come see me."

"You missed all the hilarity, grandpa" said Mattie.

"Mattie" Mac warned. "We've embarrassed Harm enough."

"Oh, now this I must hear!" laughed Frank. "What'd I miss, Mats?"

"Oh, just Mac saying how Harm must have liked to lay around the house in his diaper and undershirt when he was a baby so that the girl babies could see how cute his round little six was, and..." She had to pause to catch her breath, laughter having consumed her again. "Then grandma said she'd diapered and powdered his six for three years, and you should've seen how red his face got! It was so funny!"

"Sorry I missed such a jovial time" laughed Frank, looking at his step-son, whose face was once again red.

"Can we please declare my six off limits as a topic of conversation?" laughed Harm.

"Okay, okay" Mac sighed. "Harm's had enough now so let's talk about something else." She kept her tone airy, the jovial nature of the topic lightening her heart. Ainsley must have sympathized with her father's plight, because she wiggled in Frank's arms and let out a cry.

"Oh, it's okay, Ainsley" said Frank, trying to calm the child by gently patting her back.

"Harm" Mac nodded to the baby, indicating he should take her.

"Here, I'll take her, Frank" said Harm, reaching out towards his daughter.

Frank transferred Ainsley to her daddy, who rushed to try and soothe her tears.

"We should probably head back to the house" said Frank to his wife. "We've got a lot of packing to do."

"Yes" Trish agreed, speaking louder over Ainsley's crying. "We'll see you again before we leave."

"Bye" Mac said to Trish and Frank. "Mats, you want to with Grandma?"

"Yeah, I think so" replied Mattie. "I need to clean my room. I left it in a mess the day of the wedding and haven't been in to clean it since."

"Okay, I'm glad you're taking care of that" Mac told her. "We won't be home tonight, but you can come with grandma and grandpa in the morning to help us take her home."

"You're both gonna stay the night here?" asked Mattie as she grabbed her purse and jacket.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "At least I am, I thought..." She looked at Harm, who was still very busy bouncing Ainsley, trying to calm her.

"Me, too" he said over the baby's increasing wails. "We'll check with you before we go to bed tonight, though."

"Okay, cool" she said, walking over to hug Mac, Harm and the baby. "See you tomorrow, Ainsley Bear" she said, the baby full-out howling by now. "Oh, I know, you're just fit to be tied, huh? Well, you'll have to tell it to them, because I'm outta here. Love you guys."

"Love you too, Honey" Mac said waving as Mattie walked out with Trish and Frank. "Be good."

"Speaking of being good" said Harm, "our little one here isn't."

"You want me to try?" she asked him, moving to take their daughter. "She shouldn't be hungry."

"Be my guest" he said, holding the baby out to Mac. "Nothing I'm trying is working."

Mac took the baby into her arms and patted her back. She stopped her tears almost instantly.

Looks like she's not as big a 'Daddy's Girl' as we thought" smiled Harm.

As if to make a liar out of him, Ainsley started up again.

Mac shifted Ainsley so she was lying sideways. That did it, Ainsley's mouth found Mac through her shirt and she started to take as much of said shirt into her little mouth as she could..

Mac sighed at Harm's frown. "Ah, we made daddy sad" she cooed to Ainsley. "Say, I'm your girl, daddy. You just aren't built like Mommy, that's all."

"Nope" laughed Harm, "you've got me beat there. How long has it been since you fed her last? I didn't think she'd be hungry yet."

"She shouldn't be" Mac replied. "It's only 1612; she shouldn't be hungry for another hour."

"I'm not sure she cares what the clock says, babe" he said. "She sure acts like she's hungry."

"Okay, baby" Mac soothed. "Let's see if you're hungry or just want something to suck on, hmm? Go to daddy like a good girl while mommy gets ready for you."

"Come here, sweet girl" said Harm, gently taking the baby from her mother's arms. He held her close and rubbed her back as she began to howl at the top of her lungs, clearly upset over being taken away from Mac.

Mac hurried to undo her blouse and her bra. "Okay" she said to Harm and held out her arms for her screaming daughter. She held her to her breast and to her surprise Ainsley latched on and began to nurse, though not as hard as she had done in times past.

"Guess she was hungry after all, huh?" asked Harm.

"Maybe" Mac replied. "She's taking milk, but she's not in any hurry."

Mac leaned back in the rocker and rested her head against thecushion. "I think she just wanted the comfort" she told him, her voice losing strength and her rocking slowing.

She was exhausted, he knew that. He also knew she needed some sleep or soon she'd have no energy left at all. "Close your eyes, Mac" said Harm softly. He knelt next to her chair and slowly stroked the top of her head, just beside where her hair parted. "Go ahead, close them; it's okay."

"I have to stay awake...the baby needs..." she protested.

"Ssh, no, listen to me" he whispered. "You need to take a nap. You've gotten almost no sleep for the past 2 nights and it's catching up with you. She'll be fine; in fact she'll probably sleep, too."

"But what about you?" she asked, rapidly losing her battle for consciousness as his fingers continued to stroke the place he always could to put her to sleep.

"I'm okay, babe" he said quietly. "I'll sleep tonight, but you need to get a little now or when everyone comes by tonight, you'll be a zombie."

"But...what if she needs me to rock her or...I can't...sleep now" she protested again, his hand motions lulling her into a sleep she didn't want to embrace. She moved her head. "Stop that, you're going to put me out."

"I know" he said softly, his hands following her head as she tried to get away from him. "Don't fight it, babe. Just close your eyes...and relax a little...and before you know it..."

"Mmm" she sighed softly in answer as she finally succumbed to sleep.

Harm looked down at Ainsley, who had fallen asleep in Mac's arms. "You need to sleep, too, little girl" he said. "We've all had a rough couple of days."

He carefully picked the baby up from Mac's lap, pulling her blouse back over the front of her body. "There" he said softly, "mommy's all set, let's get you back in your bed, okay?" He laid Ainsley into the crib and pulled one of her blankets over her. "Sleep tight, beautiful" he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek before going to find a blanket for Mac.

He went to the nurses station and got a blanket, and returned to place it over Mac, who was sound asleep in the rocking chair, as he hoped she'd remain for awhile. With both mother and baby napping, Harm decided to take a walk through the halls to stretch his aching back.

As he rounded the corner near the elevator, his back aching and legs following suit, he heard a familiar voice call his name.

"Mr. Rabb" Dr. Cameron called. "How's our little patient?"

"Oh, she's great, doc" replied Harm with a smile. "She's been awake a lot today, nursing like a champ, smiling and laughing, she's so much better than she was yesterday."

"Good to hear" he replied. "I'm going to be by to check on her in a little while. How's Mrs. Rabb?"

"Exhausted" said Harm. "She's asleep in the rocker in Ainsley's room right now."

"Good" he replied. "Nursing mother's need a lot of sleep and a good amount of nutrients to keep them healthy. We don't want her to get sick next. Is she eating better?"

"Not really just yet" said Harm, "but I'm working on that. She's been really worried and stressed this last few days, but believe me under normal circumstances, she's got no problem eating!"

"That's good, but she needs to eat at least six times a day until Ainsley gets back on her regular feeding schedule. Not big meal, but something. What about you? Your step is favoring the right."

"Oh, that" said Harm. "My back's been acting up for a couple days. Stepped wrong off a steep landing and tweaked it. Happens a time or two a year. I'll be alright."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I could take a look. I'm no orthropod but still," he offered.

"Thanks, but I'm alright" insisted Harm. "I've seen the orthropod in the past, had all the x-rays and the MRI and the whole shooting match. I've got some compressed discs and one that's herniated a bit."

"You should be out flat with your legs elevated" the doctor scolded. "And I get the feeling you know that."

Harm looked sheepishly at the floor. "Yeah, I do" he answered. "It just hasn't been possible with all this. I'll do it when we get Ainsley back home, though."

"Are you staying with her tonight or just Mrs. Rabb?" he asked.

"We both are" said Harm. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"Not at all. I'll arrange for you to have some cots and I'll see what I can do about a backboard for you, how's that?" Dr. Cameron suggested. "My brother was in the Air Force, he has a similar problem. How did you manage to do this?"

"One too many punch outs" replied Harm. "I fly Tomcats in the Navy."

"Well, I'll be" Dr. Cameron smiled. "You and Dan would get on famously then. You need anything for the pain?"

Harm thought for a moment. "You know, that'd actually be great. I left mine at home and I'm wishing I'd remembered to bring them right about now." He put his hand on his lower back and turned his upper body carefully.

"No, no, no" Dr. Cameron scolded. "Don't do that. That only pulls the disc even more. I'll see what I can do about some Naproxen for you and I'll arrange a hydraulic heat pad, an ointment, and a back board for tonight. I know how those backaches can be."

"Thanks, doc" said Harm, moving carefully so as not to get reprimanded again. "I'd really appreciate it."

"I'll arrange those items, and myfriend in ERcan probably handle the script for the Naproxen, but she might want to take a look at you" Dr. Cameron advised.

"If she must, that'll be alright" agreed Harm. "I think the stress of what happened with the baby is making it worse this time."

"Tell you what, let's take a walk down there now, let her poke you so she can say she did, and get it fixed up so Mrs.Rabb has a little less to fret about" Dr. Cameron offered.

"Okay" replied Harm. "Let me tell the nurses that I'm going down there in case they need to find me or if Mac wakes up and wonders where I am."

"Certainly," Dr. Cameron said. "Try not to favor the right side."

Harm left word with the nurses saying only he was going with Dr. Cameron for a stroll, he didn't want to say the words Emergency Room. It would scare Mac.

"Alright" he said as he returned to the doctor's side, "let's go."

* * *

Over an hour later, it was a slightly disgruntled Harm that emerged from the ER. While he was there he'd hadthe bandage on his wrist changed, his back poked and prodded, and had finally received his script for painkillers. He was on his way to the pharmacy when he heard Bud Roberts call out to him. 

"Commander Rabb!"

"Hey, Bud" said Harm, making sure he moved very gingerly. "Good to see you."

"Hello, Sir" Harriet greeted. "How's the baby? Where's Mac? Why are you coming out of the emergency room?"

"Baby's fine, Mac's sleeping, and I needed something for this crippling pain in my back" answered Harm.

"What happened to your back?" Bud asked as they made their way over to the elevator.

"I stepped wrong coming off the USS Lexington" answered Harm, "you know, the WWII ship in Corpus Christi? I pulled it there, aggravated the same old stuff and all this stress with Ainsley hasn't done much to help it."

Bud winced in sympathy and when Harm reached out to punch the elevator button with his bandaged hand, Harriet asked, "What happened to your wrist, Sir?"

"Oh, that" he said, pulling his sweater sleeve back over the bandage. "Uh, it's nothing, little cut."

"Pretty large wrap for a little cut, Sir?" Bud pressed.

"Okay" said Harm as the elevator arrived and the doors opened for them to step inside. "It's a little cut that needed a few stitches, but it happened a few days ago and it's fine, honest."

"How'd you manage to need stitches on your honeymoon?" Harriet asked.

Harm knew there was probably no escaping this one. "If you really must know" he said to Harriet, "those oh-so-cute little fuzzy handcuffs you gave to Mac", he held up his wrist, "notexactly my favorite toy."

"Oh no" Bud gasped and started to laugh. "We're sorry, Sir."

"Yeah, I bet you are" said Harm with a smile and a little laugh. "I had to get twelve stitches in my wrist thanks to you two jokesters, so you go right ahead and yuck it up all you want, just keep it between the four of us, please?"

"No problem" Harriet promised. "Right Bud?"

Bud was still laughing so Harriet asked more about the baby. "How's Mac taking Ainsley being in the hospital?"

"About as well as you'd expect, I suppose" said Harm. "She's pretty upset with my mom, but I can understand that. She'll get over it in time."

"Of course she will" Harriet comforted. "If you need me to talk to her, mother to mother, just say the word."

"Thanks" said Harm as the elevator stopped on the 2nd floor, where the pharmacy was located, "I'll remember that. You guys can go on up to Ainsley's room if you'd like, I need to get this script filled first."

"We'll keep you company, Sir" Bud offered. "Let the Colonel sleep a little bit."

"Okay, sure" said Harm, walking slowly and carefully towards the drop-off window. The clerk took his prescription slip, looked it over and noticed a little info was missing.

"Date of birth, Sir?" the clerk asked.

"It's not on there?" asked Harm. Of course he could have simply told her October 25, 1963, but he was baffled that it wasn't already on the slip.

"No, Sir. And neither is your address" the girl replied. "I can't fill it without that information. I'll also need to see proof of ID and your insurance card."

"Oh, holy hell" muttered Harm as he carefully moved his right arm around to reach his wallet. He fished out his driver's license and insurance card and handed them to the clerk. "Everything you need should be on one of those" he said, his back hurting worse than before.

"Thank you, Sir" she replied and began to run the information into the computer. Meanwhile Bud and Harriet looked on with concern. Bud approached Harm, "Sir, are you all right?"

Harm nodded unconvincingly. "Yeah, I've just been on my feet too long today, and that exam earlier was NOT fun."

"Should I go for the Colonel?" Bud asked.

"Sir, I need to list a next of kin on the records" the clerk stated.

"Oh for the love of..." grumbled Harm. "Sarah Rabb, my wife."

"Is it Sarah, S-A-R-A-H or S-A-R-A?" asked the clerk as she stood in front of her computer.

"S-A-R-A-H" answered Harm, concentrating on taking deep breaths as the pain got worse.

"Do you have any allergies to any medication, to eggs, or to aspirin?" she asked.

"Not that I'm aware of" said Harm, trying not to take out his pain and frustration on the clerk, who was just doing her job. "How long will it take you to fill this for me?"

"I just need a bit more information, Sir" she replied. "Have you ever had an addiction to alcohol, sleep aids, or any narcotic?"

"No" he replied.

"Okay, we're nearly done here" the clerk said going down the list. "Are you pregnant of nursing?"

At hearing that question and witnessing the look on Harm's face, Bud snorted a laugh which ended in a groan as Harriet jabbed him.

"Somehow I doubt it" answered Harm, fast losing his last ounce of patience. "I'm a man, miss, or does it not say that on my _driver's license_?" He spat the last two words with a little more disgust than he really meant to, but he was in a lot of pain and just wanted his meds, not this silly run-around.

"I'm sorry, Sir"replied the clerk, clearly embarrassed. "Okay, let me run the insurance information through the computer and I'll get your medication."

"Thank you" said an exasperated Harm as he walked slowly to the waiting area and took a seat next to Bud.

"How are you feeling Sir?" Bud asked.

"Pretty damn awful to be honest" said Harm.

"I'm sorry, Sir" Harriet smiled in sympathy.

"Mr. Rabb?" the clerk called.

Harm breathed a disgusted sigh. "Yes?"

"There's a problem of with your insurance. We don't accept this particular plan. You'll have to pay for the script in full and submit to the insurance company for reimbursement."

"It's a universal government plan" said Harm, his voice low and monotone. "It's good everywhere. Check your computer again."

"We don't accept government HMOs" the clerk replied.

Harm had taken all he could tolerate. "Okay, fine, I'll pay for it, just fill it so I can take it and get rid of the blinding pain in my back." He turned to Bud and muttered the remainder of his thought, "to say nothing of getting out of _here_, which will do wonders for the pain in my ass..."

Bud almost laughed again, but a glare from his wife cut him down. "That will be $384.19, Sir. Cash, credit, or check?"

"Credit" answered Harm through a clenched jaw. "Here, Bud" he said, handing over his credit card, "take that up there for me and bring me the receipt to sign, please."

"Sure thing, Sir" replied Bud.

A few minutes later Bud had the receipt and the script signed, sealed and delivered. "We better get upstairs before the Colonel wakes up," Harriet told him.

"Yeah" agreed Harm, "I didn't intend to be gone this long."

"She said to explain to you that the pills may cause drowsiness so you shouldn't drive or operate any heavy machinery while taking them" Bud replied.

"Yeah, yeah" said Harm, "it's the same thing they tell me every time I take this, and it never makes me drowsy. Thanks for passing along the message, though."

"Aye, Sir," Bud replied. "Let's get upstairs."

The group made their way upstairs to the Pediatric unit, Harm taking each step after they got off the elevator carefully as not to make the pain worse than it all ready was. As they walked towards Ainsley's room, they heard Mac's voice call out, edged with a hint of fear. "Harm!"

"Uh-oh" he said, unable to walk any faster but trying anyway.

"Be careful, Sir" Harriet warned, but he didn't listen. He ignored the pain and hurried to Mac; Bud and Harriet close behind.

He was just about to the door when he heard it again. "Harm!"

I'm here, babe" he said as soon as he got through Ainsley's door. "I'm here, I'm here."

She was breathing hard, having been frightened by waking up alone. "Where were you?" she asked. "Was I asleep? How's the baby?"

Harm looked over into the crib, where his daughter was still sleeping peacefully. "She's fine" he said, "still sacked out. You had a good nap there, Marine. I was gone for awhile and you just now came to."

"I was..." Her eyeslooked upon his sweaty face, and her features fell. "Honey, what's wrong with you? You're soaked."

He heard her question, but decided to get around to answering it later. "Bud and Harriet are here" he said.

"Hi" Mac smiled and rose to greet her friends. "Thanks so much for coming."

And that began a night of friendly chatter for the young couples, interrupted only by Ainsley's incessant demands to be fed almost every ninety minutes, and Admiral Chegwidden's arrival.

* * *

Finally, visiting hours had ended, and two cots with backboard and hydraulic pad were delivered at Dr. Cameron's request. Mac laid Ainsley in her crib while Harm was in the men's room changing into more comfortable clothing for the night. When he returned, the pinched look was back. "Okay, time to spill it Flyboy. What's wrong?" 

"My back's killing me, babe" he answered. "Hence the reason all this fancy stuff was sent up; Dr. Cameron ordered it for me."

"How bad?" she asked.

"Worse than ever" he said, carefully taking a seat on the edge of his cot.

"Want me to help you get in the bed?" she asked. "Did he say you should or shouldn't do anything?" she asked worried. "We don't want Ainsley's daddy hurting. She'll be very upset."

Harm smiled a little. "Yeah, can you help me slide around here? There should be some lotion or ointment or something that he ordered, do you see it anywhere?"

Mac gently lifted Harm's legs and helped him push back. "Yeah, its with this funny looking brown thing. What is that?"

"I have absolutely no idea" Harm chuckled. "It could be that heat pad thing, or some kind of dirty hand puppet."

"Have you taken that medication yet, Flyboy?" she asked with a laugh.

"Not the second dose" he replied. "I wanted to be alert, in case. Why don't you find out what that is? I'll use anything to get rid of this pain."

"Alright, honey" she agreed, and kissed his forehead before leaving to ask the nurse what the contraption was. Ten minutes later she returned with the brown pad wrapped in several towels. "The hot pack. They have to microwave it. Can you roll on your side for me?"

"Okay" he said, gingerly rolling onto his left side.

Mac slipped the pad underneath him. "Okay, roll back" she instructed. "She said to leave it on for fifteen minutes. Then I have to rub that gel on you."

"Mmmm, that'll be fun, huh?" smirked Harm with a gleam in his eye.

She gently smacked him. "No funny ideas there, Flyboy. Now, you owe me a few explanations."

"Yeah, I do, huh?" he answered.

"Yes you do" she scolded. "Why didn't you tell me how much you were hurting before?" she asked.

"It just got really bad this afternoon" he said. "I'm not sure exactly what set it off, but right after you fell asleep and I put Ainsley in her bed, it was killing me. That's when I went for a walk and ran into Dr. Cameron and he sent me downstairs."

"Downstairs?" she queried. "Lift your legs up a bit. The nurse said to elevate your legs."

"Mm-hmm" he answered as he lifted his legs a bit so she could slide a pillow underneath them. "He sent me to the ER while you were sleeping, so another doctor could check things out. She said it's the same thing as always, the compressed disk is pressing against the herniated one and everything is inflamed.She's the one whogave me the script for thepain killers, though filling it was almost more painful than the disaster area known as my lower back."

"Poor Flyboy" she cooed with a little frown. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, sweetie" he said, reaching over to take hold of her hand. "I'm sorry to be like this right now. You've got enough to do taking care of the baby."

"Don't worry about it" she scolded. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I've been a pretty lousy Marine, but that's changing, don't worry."

You haven't been a lousy anything, Mac" he said, caressing her hand with his thumb.

"You're in pain and all I've been doing is crying and whining being all irrational" she shook her head. "Look at before. I wake up and I mean...I'm..."

"You didn't know where I was" he said softly. "If I were in your place, I would have called for you, too."

"For all I knew you were in the head and I got all crazy" she sighed. "You don't need that now. You need me to be strong now, you've shouldered so much the last few days."

"So have you, Mac" he said. "We're a team, remember? When one hurts, we both hurt. What burdens you, burdens me." He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss.

"I don't deserve you" she smiled and leaned her head against his chest. "I love you so much."

"Mmm...I love you too" he said, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "Earlier today, when you were talking to Ainsley and you told her she could never do anything to make us stop loving her or to leave her, were did that come from, babe?"

"It's not important" she replied. "Like I said, I was being silly."

"No, Mac" he said, "I know when you're being silly and I know when you're speaking from your heart, and that was definitely the latter. You can tell me; its okay."

"I guess it came from growing up the way I did" she replied. "I always felt that I had to work for their approval you know. If I did everything the best, if I did exactly what they asked, then they'd love me and stop fighting, then dad would love me and stop drinking, then mom would love me...and would have stayed." She said the last bit so quietly he barely heard her.

He put his arm around her as tightly as he could given his condition. "Don't let what happened to you" he said, "all the sadness and the pain and the loneliness, don't let that creep into what you have now; what _we_ have now. I know its part of who you are, but just like my dad's disappearance and death are part of who _I _am, we need to leave it all in the back of our hearts so we can soak up every minute of the present. We deserve that, Mac. We deserve to live without the pain that followed us for so long."

"I know, but..sometimes I'm so scared that..." she replied.

"Mac, Mac" he said tenderly, "if you think for an iota of a second that you'll doanything like your parents did to you, thenit's only fitting to tell you that I think you're certifiably nuts." He smiled as he waited for her to look up at him.

When she did she had a smile on her face and a few tears dripping down her cheeks.

"No crying" he whispered, wiping the teardrops as they fell.

"I'm good at crying these days, since the baby, all these hormones and all" she smiled. "How's that back feeling?"

"Better" he replied. "If you'll bring me that pill bottle over there, I'll take the next dose and you can rub that...whatever it is on me."

"Okay, sweetheart" she replied and went to retrieve his pain killers.

Mac returned a few moments later with the bottle of pills and some water. "Here you go. It says it may cause drowsiness, so if you're tired, don't fight it."

Harm laughed a little as he took the bottle and the water. "I'm tired, but these things never knock me out like everyone says they can. I wish they would, though."

"In another six minutes, I can rub that cream on for you and maybe that will relieve some of the pain" she said tenderly. "Is it just you back or is it radiating? I remember when my Uncle Matt threw his back out, he couldn't walk for two weeks."

"It's mostly my back" said Harm, laying back against the pillow, "but today I've felt it creeping into my legs. It sucks."

In reply to that she pulled back his covers. "Thighs?"

"Hey, give those back!" he said, reaching towards the sheet and blanket she'd removed from his lower body.

"Okay" she sighed. "If you don't want me to rub the pain out I don't have to."

"Well..." he thought for a moment. "No, go ahead, see what you can do. I haven't hurt this bad in a long time. I don't recall it ever spreading beyond my back like it has this time."

"Its probably because you didn't rest it like you should have" she told him taking some of the cream from the bin and applying it to his thighs. "Pain's along the nerves right?"

"Mm-hmm" he said.

"Let me know if I hurt you" she replied as she started to massage the soft skin of this right leg. "Right here?" She ran her hand down the center of his thigh, in between his hip and his knee.

"Ah! Yeah, there." he said as she worked the cream into his leg. "Ow...ow...ow.."

"Ssh" she crooned. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry." She lessened her touch just a bit.

"It's okay" he said. "This really hurts this time. I must have way overdone it. Actually, I _know _I did."

"Well, you'll learn your lesson for next time, won't you Sailor?" she asked him, leaning over to place a kiss on the spot she's touched before he'd cried out. "Better?"

"A little" he said. "What's in that stuff, anyway? It feels funky."

"I have no idea, it says Lidocaine cream" she replied. "Funky how?"

"Like, half-numb funky" he said. "I guess it's supposed to kill the pain that way, which is fine by me."

"Is it just the leg with the cream?" she asked calmly, knowing that back injuries were nothing to play around with.

"Oh, yeah" he answered. "Believe me, I have total feeling in the other one."

"Okay" she smiled. "The right one doing alright for now?"

He nodded. "Yeah, growing more numb by the second, which I must say isn't all that bad."

"Okay, I'll move on to the other one then" she told him, then laughed a bit.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"My hands are numb" she replied, fumbling with the cream tube as she put some on his left leg. "Is the back of your legs worse than the front? If so, when you roll I'll do you back and legs there too."

"I wouldn't say the backs are worse than the front" he said, "but they need to be done."

"Okay" she replied and started massaging the cream into his left leg.

"Can we talk about something while you're doing this?" he asked her.

"Sure" she replied. "Anythingin particular?" she asked, only to be interrupted by a few whimpers from Ainsley.

"She awake?" he asked as Mac leaned over the end of her cot to peek into the crib.

"She's stirring"replied Mac. "Want me to get her for you to cuddle or see if she soothes herself."

"Leave her there for now" he answered. "If she really gets fussy, then I'll take her."

"Probably a good idea" she replied as the baby let out another set of tiny whimpers then settled down again. "So what do you want to talk about?"

He took a deep breath. "We need to talk about what our plan is for the next baby" he said. "I get the feeling that you're already feeling pressure to start trying again because of all the complications we've got to contend with, and I'm just not there yet. Can we talk about this tonight?"

"If you want to" she replied. "Although it seems you've already made up your mind." She ran her hand down the muscle of his left leg, pressing on a knot she felt there and pulling down trying to release the tension there.

"Ah, ow!" he gasped.

"Hurts there?" she asked. "The muscle is all tangled up. You probably stressed it out walking around here all day. Go on, babe; say what's on your mind."

"It's not that I've made up my mind, per se" he said, "I just think we need to talk about this, see exactly where each of us is at, and try to reach some common ground. It's such a major decision, you know? We have to be in agreement on it. Can you imagine going through all that again and not being 100 percent together on it? We can't do that to ourselves."

"No we can't" she said. "So where are you on it?" She removed her hands from his left leg. "Roll over if you can."

Carefully, slowly he rolled onto his stomach. "I want more kids" he said, "that's a given. I also don't want to wait too long with everything being the way it is with all the medical stuff we have to work around. I just...I dunno. It feels like just last week we found out you were pregnant with Ainsley - Ooh, a little to the left, babe - and now we're talking about when to dive back into all the tests and procedures and appointments and waiting and hoping and - it's an awful lot to handle, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it yet. That said, though, where are you on all this?"

"I want tohave another baby" she told him. "I had this terrible nightmare the other night."

"Oh, babe, I'm sorry" he said. "Tell me about it."

"Well, Ainsley was walking, I know that and she was talking a little bit. We were trying for so long and I had to do these shots...my hips were swollen and it hurt and you were...you were so disappointed because it looked like we'd never have another child. Then...things started to get bad between us and we would fight and...I...I'm afraid if we wait too long that could become a reality."

Harm was silent for a moment as he processed what she was telling him. "I don't _ever_ want us to fight about this" he said, turning his head so he could see her face. "I know, though, that this kind of thing can cause problems between two people. Hell, some marriages don't survive it; I know that. That's one reason we really need to talk our feelings through on this; we need to lay it all out for us both to see and then together we can decide what we feel most comfortable doing."

"I think I see where you stand" Mac replied calmly. "You want to wait."

"Honestly, right now" he said, "yeah, I do. But that's just based on things from _my_ point of view, babe, that's not to say I can't be led to see things differently under the right circumstances."

"I don't want to wait. I'm afraid we'll lose our window if we do" she replied. "If we...I want to give you a son." She ran her hand along his spine over the defective area, then back down and then back up.

"Oh, ow...ow...ow" he said. "You have no idea how bad this hurts."

"Just a little longer, honey. I've got to get the cream in" she replied. "I'm sorry." A wail from Ainsley's crib drowned out her apology.

"She hungry?" he asked, his back throbbing.

"Nope" Mac replied. "She's upset."

"Poor baby" he said. "We'll give her a couple minutes and see if she calms back down. She usually does."

"She knows her daddy doesn't feel good" Mac told him. "Bite down, honey. I'm going to go as fast as I can." She squeezed more cream into her hands and ran the heels down the sides of his spine.

"Oh, shit! That hurts!" he said through his clenched jaw as she worked on his back.

"I know, but if I don't get the cream in it won't help" she soothed. "Its okay." Ainsley obviously didn't think so.

"You can get her if you need to, babe" he said as the baby continued to cry.

"Let's give her a few more minutes" Mac replied. "I think once we relax, she'll relax. She loves her daddy very much." She released her touch and gently kissed the injured area. "And so do I."

He began to relax just a little as the cream started to take effect. "Back to the discussion at hand, babe" he said, "I guess maybe right now isn't the best time to try and make such a big decision. We're tired, we're stressed and I'm more doped up than I've been since, well, since the last time I spent the night in a hospital. Let's table it until maybe next week sometime, when we're in better shape to be productive with it. I really want to hear what you have to say, I'm just not at my best right now."

"Well, I've made one definitive decision already Harm," Mac told him. "And I'm not going to budge on it so I might as well tell you."

"Uh, okay" he said, not sure what was about to come his way.

"I've decided that before either of us get set on anything we should go see Dr. Kendall and get a prognosis. Then based on that, we can decided to wait or not" she replied. "Is that fair?"

"Yeah" he answered with a smile. "I can work with that, babe. And Mac?"

"What?" she asked softly, glad that Ainsley seemed to have self soothed back to sleep. "Am I hurting you?"

"Oh, no, no, it's not that" he said softly. "I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens, I love you like crazy."

She leaned over and pressed her cheek to his upper back. "Me too, daddy, me too. Can you roll over again?" she asked. "I need you to do something for me."

"I'll try" he said, working his arms underneath his upper body and moving more slowly and carefully than he had all night. "There" he said once he was flat on his back.

"Good job," she replied then slid in next to him. "Now, would you let me hold you? Please."

"Gladly" he answered, opening his arms up so she could snuggle in close.

She put her arms across his waist and rested her cheek on his chest. "Feel any better at all? Do you think I'll need to get you a medical leave?" she fretted.

"I'm not sure just yet" he replied. "I'm feeling some better right now, but I damn sure couldn't go to work like this, drugged and numb. It's kind of relaxing, though."

"Alright" she sighed, feeling exhausted and relaxed in his arms. "We'll take it...one…day at…a time."

Harm looked down at his wife, who was sound asleep, her head against his shoulder. "Goodnight, my love" he whispered, kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes.

* * *

_A/N: Please take a second and let me know what you thought! I'm especially interested in what you thought was the funniest part, assuming you found any of it funny. :)_


	73. Chapter 73

Disclaimer: Love it if they were mine, but they're not...

_A/N: Big thanks to all my reviewers for taking the time to let me know what you think - I appreciate it! More big thanks and a super sized hug to my friend LadyCommish for nudging along the muse when it gets stuck in various places. As stated in the last chapter's notes, the final chapter of this story is mentally written, but we're still a little ways from getting there. I hope you're enjoying these latest chapters and the different kinds of issues that our beloved characters have found themselves in. Originally, I thought I might wrap the story once the baby was born (some 30 plus chapters ago!), but it's clearly taken on a life of its own and I'm enjoying putting the Rabb's into some different situations that I feel they could be faced with in "real life". It can be a challenge finding a balance between the drama, the angst and the super shippery fluff, but I'm trying! _

_Hope you like it:)_

* * *

Chapter 73: 

About three hours later, Pediatric Nurse Teresa Faulkner walked into Ainsley's room to check her vital signs. She made it over the threshold when she spied Ainsley's parents, a sweet couple from her limited acquaintance with them. He was a handsome man, and was laying on his back his chin resting on her hair. She was on her side, pressed against him, her cheek on his chest and her hand just over his heart. "Sherri" she whispered to the other floor nurse. "Come here a minute."

"What?" asked Sherri. "Something wrong?"

"No" Teresa replied. "I just wanted you see how sweet this is. Look." She indicated Harm and Mac entwined, breathing in sync with each other.

"Oh, that's too adorable" said Sherri quietly. "They must be the most perfect couple ever. Have you gotten to talk with them much at all?"

"Not too much, but interested in the rumor mill?" she asked.

"Is the sky blue?" asked Sherri. "Come on, spill it!"

"Well, from what I hear, he's a Naval Aviator turned JAG lawyer and she's a Marine JAG. They met at work, were best friends, then she got diagnosed with...um, I think Patty said endometriosis. Somehow or other, they decided to have a baby together and I guess the rest is history."

"Wow!" exclaimed Sherri, careful to keep her enthusiasm quiet on account of the sleeping folks nearby. "That's so romantic...she's one very lucky woman!"

"Lisa says that they were both secretly in love for years, and when she finally got pregnant they decided to get married. They were on their honeymoon and his mother gave the baby formula when she's on breast milk" Teresa said. "That's why they're here. I also heard that she is very upset with her mother-in-law over the whole mess."

"Where do you _get _all this stuff?" asked Sherri. "I'm always on the lookout for good gossip, and somehow I missed all this!"

"I was in the ladies room before and heard Irene talking about it" Teresa replied. "No names, of course, but I figured out who she meant. I'd better check the baby. I hope she sleeps through; they both have to be exhausted.

"I'm sure they are" agreed Sherri. "Do we know when the baby was fed last?"

"Chart says it was 1045. It's 313 now" she replied.

"Hmm, I wouldn't put money on her sleeping through" replied Sherri. "That's a long time for such a little tummy."

Ainsley surprised the nursing staff that night though, not waking at all to cry for a feeding or a new diaper. Instead she awoke at a little past six and looked around the large room, alert and interested. This place was very bright, and this crib very big and scary. She looked about more and her gaze fell on her mommy and daddy. If they were here it was okay, she decided and continued to look at her parents as she exercised her little legs, lifting them up and down and up and down.

Her belly was empty and her bottom was wet, and she needed both taken care of. She screwed up her face to let out a long wail. "AAAhhh. AAAhhh."

Harms eyes fluttered open as his daughter's cries registered in his mind. "Oh, ouch!" he muttered as he went to move his legs. He looked over at Mac and saw she was still crashed out next to him. "Okay, okay baby girl" he said as he tried again to move his legs. "I'm coming. Daddy's coming."

Hearing her Daddy's voice and seeing him move, Ainsley settled down a bit to mewls instead of cries.

With a great deal of difficulty and an equal amount of pain, Harm managed to get up off the cot and over to Ainsley's crib. "Hey, beautiful" he said, smiling at the fussy baby as he picked her up. "Come here. I'm willing to bet you're wet and hungry, huh?" He felt her diaper from the outside. "Yep, very wet. Let's get you changed, and then we'll wake mommy up so you can munch, okay?"

Being in her Daddy's arms settled Ainsley a bit. She loved her Daddy; he was big and strong and made her feel happy and safe. She squiggled to nestle closer to him.

"I'm so glad you feel better, sweet girl" said Harm as he laid Ainsley back into the crib to change her diaper. A couple moments later, she was clean and dry and very ready for breakfast. "Now for the fun part" smiled Harm to his baby as he carried her over to where Mac lay sound asleep. "Mac" he said in a normal tone.

Mac stirred a bit but didn't wake.

"Mac" he repeated in the same tone as before, hoping she'd hear him the second time around.

Mac stretched a bit and gave a tiny moan. "What?" she asked, opening her eyes to see Harm and the baby sitting beside her. "What...its 0623! Oh..." She gasped as she registered Ainsley's hungry cry. "Are you hungry baby girl? Are you hungry?"

"I'm thinking yes" said Harm as he held the baby in his arms. "She went a long time since her last feeding, that's amazing."

Mac reached to take Ainsley from Harm. "You slept through the night. Yes, you did" Mac cooed to her. "Mommy is so proud of you. How are you doing, babe?" she asked Harm as she put Ainsley to her breast to feed.

"I'm hurting" he said. "Where did my meds end up?"

"Next to your cot" she replied. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Yeah, some" he said, walking slowly around to the other side of the cots. "You were out long before I was, though."

"I'm sorry" she apologized. "But mommy was so tired. Yes she was, baby girl. And did you know daddy has a boo-boo?" she asked. "Yes...I'll put the ointment on again before we leave to go home if you want."

"Yeah" said Harm before popping two pills into his mouth and taking a big drink of water. "I'm almost hurting worse today than I was before, I think."

"Maybe you should stay in bed after we get home" she suggested. "Let me take care of things with her. And if you aren't better tomorrow, I want you to see a doctor at Bethesda, someone who works with pilots."

"Believe it or not" he said as he carefully eased himself into the rocking chair, "I won't fight you on any of that this time. I'm pretty miserable."

Mac frowned. "Poor Flyboy."

She disconnected Ainsley from her right breast. "I think she's done for the moment. Do you want to burp her?"

"Bring me my girl" he said happily, holding his arms out to take her.

Mac slipped out of bed and brought Ainsley over to Harm so he didn't have to move. "Here we go, daddy" she said. "While you've got her I have to pee."

"Go for it" he said as he placed his daughter against his shoulder and began to pat her back.

"I'm going to change too" she said. "Don't move too much" she ordered.

"I'll try not to, babe" he assured her.

Harm spoke softly to Ainsley as he patted a gentle hand against her little back. "I'm glad your back feels better than daddy's does" he said. "Don't worry, though, this happens once in awhile, this thing with daddy's back; but I'll be just fine. Your mommy takes real good care of us, huh? Yes, she sure does. Mommy gave daddy his medicine last night, and rubbed some really weird stuff all over his back. It helped, though, it sure did. Are you gonna burp any time this week, Miss Ainsley Rose? Hmm?"

Finally the baby gave a tiny burp and rubbed her forehead against her Daddy's neck, cooing contentedly. Harm nuzzled his face against the top of the baby's head, wishing that she could somehow stay that little forever.

The door to Ainsley's room opened just then, and Harm lifted his face up expecting to see Mac. What he saw was his worse nightmare. "Mr. Rabb" Dr. Susan McKay spoke as she entered the room. "Did we or did we not have a conversation last night about sitting in chairs without pillows?"

He sighed. Of all the people he wanted to see just then, she wasn't among them. "We did" he said, "I just forgot this time, that's all."

"You can't forget, Mr. Rabb" she scolded. "If you 'forget', you won't be able to walk pretty soon." She moved closer. "She's beautiful."

Harm's face was immediately graced with what Mac called his "daddy gleam", the one she'd told him about that night on the beach in Corpus Christi. "Thank you" he said. "I think so, but then I'm told I'm not a good source of unbiased opinion on the matter."

"I have four girls" she replied. "And if there isn't any other reason in the world to do as I have told you to do, she's it. Now...I'm on my way home and I wanted to examine you once more before I left."

"Alright" agreed Harm, figuring he was already in so much pain, another exam couldn't make it much worse. "I'm waiting for my wife to get out of the bathroom so she can finish feeding the little one here, then you can check me over."

"Check you over?" Mac inquired as she arrived dressed in her jeans and button down shirt. She extended her hand to the doctor. "I'm Sarah Rabb."

"Mrs. Rabb, nice to meet you. I'm Dr. McKay. I took care of your husband in ER yesterday and gave him some instructions it appears he's been" she made air quotes, "forgetting about."

Harm looked at Mac sheepishly. "I forgot to put a pillow in my chair. So sue me!"

"I also told you I didn't want you sitting up that much at all. The vertebrae have to have a chance to decompress so the disc can heal" she told them. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to hand this beauty to her mommy, I can examine you."

He nodded, holding the baby out towards Mac. "I take I you want me to lay down for this?" he asked Dr. McKay.

"You would be correct" she replied. "Mrs. Rabb, I can do this here if you'd like, I don't want to drag him down to ER if I don't have to. Would that bother you?"

"No, of course not" Mac replied. "I want to hear everything you've got to say."

Harm walked from the rocking chair back over to his cot and moved very creatively to get into position on his stomach. "Okay, doc" he said. "Let's get it over with."

The doctor rolled up the back of Harm's shirt and felt along his back where the pain was. "Swelling has increased" she sighed. "Any numbness in your legs at all? It would be in the area just above the knee."

"A tiny bit last night" he said, "but none right now."

"That was probably the cream" she said. "That's good." She pressed along the spine. "Pain here?"

"None moreso than when you're not pressing on it" he answered.

"Good" she replied. "Very good." She ran her hand down his legs. "Now the pain, does it radiate at all?"

"Some" he said. "Last night I could feel it in my legs a little, and it was hard to walk very far."

"And this morning?" she pressed.

"Not too much" he said. "I took my meds as soon as I got up, about 45 minutes ago, and they helped some, but there's still a minimal amount of pain in my right leg."

"Okay" she replied. "I've seen enough. I want you to continue the salve every four hours, take the Naproxen as needed, and we're looking at bed rest, six days. I'll write a note for your boss.

"Guess that answers that question, babe" he called to Mac.

"Guess so" she replied, hiking up Ainsley. "How serious is this?"

"It's a fairly common injury" said the doctor, "and if he listens to me he'll be pain free in ten to fourteen days. I mean bed rest, Mrs. Rabb. He lies down, he get up only to go to the bathroom, and he gets back in bed." With a flourish of her pen on a doctor's note, she left.

"This sucks" he said dejectedly before beginning to laugh a little.

"Yes, it does" Mac replied, "and I don't find your pain the least bit funny."

"Oh, trust me, babe" he said, "I'm not laughing at my pain. I'm just thinking about how it'll look to everyone at JAG when they hear I threw out my back on my honeymoon." He looked at her, eyes wide with mischief.

Even Mac laughed at that. "That will be interesting" she sighed as she disconnected Ainsley. "Daddy needs some love, baby girl" Mac told her. "Go to daddy." She laid the baby on her belly next to Harm. Ainsley moved her tiny hand and touched his arm. "Baa Baa Baa" she babbled.

Harm took the baby's hand and nibbled at her fingers, making her laugh. "Daddy loves it when you laugh, baby girl."

"Good morning, one and all" Dr. Cameron greeted. "I have Ainsley's discharge papers. Her labs look perfect and..." He peered at the laughing little girl, "and so does she. She's going to be fine. You can take her home whenever you're ready."

"Wonderful" said Harm. "You hear that, Ainsley? We get to go home!"

She wiggled closer to her father and continued to giggle.

Mac took the discharge papers from Dr. Cameron and signed them. "Doctor, can we have some help for Harm, a wheelchair or something?"

"I can walk, really" Harm insisted. "I'll lean the seat back in the car and let you drive, and I'll lay down as soon as we get home."

"Are you sure?" Mac asked. "You heard Dr. McKay."

"I know" he said, "but I'll be fine. We're not going that far."

Slowly but surely Harm, Mac and Ainsley made their way to the car. They'd called home and told Mattie since the baby was coming home there was no need to come to the hospital again. She also asked her to get down their heating pad and make sure that the bed was turned down. With Ainsley in her carrier and Harm's arm wrapped firmly around her waist, the small family left for home.

* * *

Harm rested in the car on the way, and Ainsley fell asleep halfway to their house. Mac pulled into the driveway, and spoke to Harm. "You wait for me to get her inside before you even think of moving" she ordered. 

"Aye aye, ma'am" he replied with a mock salute and a huge smile.

"Don't play with me, Flyboy" she warned as she worked to take the baby out of the car. "I'm the warden for the next week. Don't make me have to cuff you to the bed. Remember what happened last time?"

"Aw, you wouldn't do that to me again, would you, babe?" he asked, his lower lip sticking out just a bit for dramatic effect.

"If you don't follow Dr. McKay's instructions to the letter, you bet your six I will" she told him. Her tone softened then as she spoke to Harm through their sleeping baby. "We just want daddy to get all better and be good as new, don't we, pumpkin?"

"I'll be a model patient this week, babe" he assured her. "You'll see. I'll do everything Dr. McKay told me to, and not do everything she said _not_ to do, I promise."

"Promise me" she told him before holding Ainsley up to him, "Promise _us_."

He laughed a tiny laugh. "Well gee, Mac, you didn't have to pull out the big guns - you coulda just asked!" He reached out and tickled Ainsley's foot. "Tell mommy that I promise I'll be good and I'll do everything she says. Yes, I will."

The baby stirred and kicked her tiny foot, but remained asleep. "I'll be right back. Don't move."

Mac took Ainsley's carrier inside and quietly called "We're here!"

"Where is she?" called Mattie as she hurried down the stairs. "I wanna see my baby sister!"

"She's right in here" Mac replied. "But she's sleeping so go easy."

"Okay" said Mattie in a soft voice. She peeked into the carrier at Ainsley, then leaned down and kissed the baby's nose. "I've missed you, sweet girl."

Again the baby stirred but did not wake. "Did you turn down the bed in our room and get the heating pad like I asked?" Mac queried.

"I sure did" replied Mattie. "He must be in pretty bad shape, huh?"

"He has to stay in bed for a week" said Mac. "He's only allowed to go to the bathroom, that's it. He can't shower or anything. I'm going to need you to help out here when you're not in school until he gets back on his feet."

"Oh, sure thing" said Mattie. "Anything I can do, just say the word."

"Right now you can take Ainsley to her bedroom and put her in the crib while I go help Harm out of the car. Where are Trish and Frank?" Mac asked.

"They ran to the store to get a few groceries" answered Mattie. "They didn't want you to have to take care of that with everything you've already got to take care of."

"That was sweet" she replied. "When's their plane leave?"

"Flight is at 3 something" said Mattie as she carefully unfastened the straps on the baby's carrier, "but they need to leave here by noon."

"If he's too bad I'll have to call Bud and see if they can take them" Mac sighed. "I'll be right back. Try not to wake her."

Mattie nodded and gently lifted Ainsley from the carrier as Mac returned to the car where Harm was waiting.

"How's the pain?" she asked when she approached him.

"Tolerable for the time being" he said. "I'm ready to lie down, though."

"Okay" she replied. "Let's do this. Try and turn yourself in the seat so your legs hang out of the side."

He did as she asked, his face contorting as he felt short bursts of pain in his back.

Once he was facing her she studied him. "Okay?"

"Mm-hmm" he said, "just have to take it slow and easy."

"Put your hands on my shoulders" she instructed.

Again, he did as she asked, this time managing without any added pain.

"Now I'm going to put my hands on your sides and ease you down" she told him. "Press down with your hands as I pull your hips."

He nodded, taking a deep breath as he braced for what could be a very painful maneuver.

Mac pulled his hips forward and felt almost all of his weight go onto her shoulders as she eased him down so he was seated on the step of the SUV. "Okay?" she asked him.

He exhaled quickly. "Yeah. That wasn't too terrible."

"Now, we're going to get you up. You're legs okay?" she asked, stroking his cheek with tender fingers.

"Mm-hmm" he said, turning his head to place a kiss on her fingers.

"Okay, here we go" she coached. "Up on three. One. Two. Three."

Harm pushed himself up with his legs as she lifted, his hand flying to his back as he straightened up. "Honey?" Mac fussed.

"Okay, that hurt!" he exclaimed.

"I know it did" she soothed. "You need a minute or do you want to go in?"

"Let's go" he said. "It's not gonna hurt any less the longer I stand here."

Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist. "Easy steps" she advised. "Take it slow. If you hurt you stop and I'll get a chair and Mattie and I'll get you in some how."

"Okay" he said, walking beside her, carefully pacing himself as they neared the front door 6 inches at a time.

Finally, after a slow, painful trek they made it inside. Harm was soaked from perspiration by the time the got into the house and Mac got his jacket off him. "You need to sit down or you want to go the bed?"

"The head, then the bed" he answered. "Once I stop, I don't wanna move again for awhile."

She leaned against him just a bit and placed a kiss on his chest. "I'm so proud of you" she told him. "I'm not sure I could do this." They walked slowly to the head. "Are you going to need help?"

"Nah" he said. "I've been doing this for awhile by myself, I think I can manage, but if I get in trouble, you'll be the first one I yell for." He looked at her, flyboy smile shining partway across his face.

Mac hovered outside the bathroom, mentally taking inventory of the things Harm would need. "Mattie" she called.

"Yeah" called the teen from the kitchen.

"Can you get some extra pillows from upstairs for Harm and maybe put some juices in the cooler so he can have them next to him?" she asked.

"Sure" said Mattie, starting up the stairs to do as Mac had asked.

Mac heard a noise from inside the bathroom. "Honey, you okay?"

"Yeah, babe" he said. "Just knocked your hairbrush into the sink."

"Okay, you scared me" she told him. "You almost done?"

"Done" he said, reaching to push the door open.

Mac opened the door before Harm could touch the knob.

"I can open a door, Mac" he said. "I'm not completely helpless, but thanks."

"Let me fuss a bit, please?" she asked.

Knowing he couldn't possibly win that fight, he didn't even try. "Fuss away, my dear."

"Do you want to lie down right away or do you want to strip down to sleep shorts?" she asked him.

"Shorts sound good" he answered. "Are my green plaid ones in here?"

"Yep...in the middle drawer" she said. "You start to undress and I'll get them."

He nodded and began the tedious process of removing his shirt and jeans.

Mac retrieved the shorts from the drawer and stood by as she watched Harm disrobe. Usually this task was a major turn on for her, now the only thing it turned on were tears she fought to hide.

He finally got the left leg of his jeans to cooperate, and stepped out of them. "Ready" he said, holding his hand out towards her.

Mac knelt before him and eased his feet into the shorts. "Okay" she said gently. "Let me help you pull them up and then you can lie down."

Harm laughed a little.

Mac pulled the sleep short up over his hips. "Sit down on the edge of the bed now" she instructed. "How's the pain?"

"Getting worse" he said, "all this moving around."

"Almost over, sweetie" she told him. "Now, Dr. McKay said you had to elevate your legs. Do you think it would hurt less to get in first and let me prop the pillows under you legs then or should we put the pillows down first and let you wiggle into place? Your call."

He thought for a second. "Pillows first would probably be better."

Mac put three pillows on the lower part of the mattress then put two more on top of those. "Okay, push back with your arms. I'm going to lift your legs for you okay?"

He nodded, and once again braced himself for the pain.

Harm pushed back with his arms and Mac lifted his long legs up onto the mattress until he was in the bed in the proper position.

He let his head rest deeply into the pillow behind his head. "I'm so glad that's over" he sighed. Looking at his wife, "thanks for helping with that, babe. I owe you one."

"You owe me nothing" she replied caressing his sweaty forehead with her hand. "After what you did for me to help bring Ainsley into the world, from the treatments right to the minute she was born, I'm the one who owes _you_." She rose from the bed and went to their bathroom to get a damp cloth for his face. She sat down next to him and checked the placement of his pillows. "Are you on there all the way?"

"Think so" he said, burrowing his shoulders a little deeper into the mattress. "Where's everybody else? I haven't seen my mom or Frank yet."

"They went to the store" she replied taking the cloth and wiping his face with it. "They'll be back soon." She took the cloth and dabbed at his neck, then back up to his cheeks. "How's that feel?"

"Nice" he whispered. "It's gonna suck not being able to shower for the next week. I'm gonna stink like a pig."

"I'll help you sponge bathe, babe" she replied. "And I have a leave in shampoo for your hair. Do you need a pill?" she asked. "Some water?"

"That'd be great" he said. "Mac, I'm sorry for all this. I..."

"Ssh" she placed a finger on his lips. "I'm your wife. You hush now." She told him and went to get his medication from her purse in the living room.

She sank down on the couch for a second, unaware that Frank and Trish had just returned and were standing with Mattie in full view of the sofa.

"Mac, you okay?" asked Mattie. "Do you need me to do anything?"

She shook her head. "I need to get Harm's pills" she replied, taking the bottle out of her purse. "Did you get the juices?" she asked.

"Oops, I was headed out there and got sidetracked" said Mattie. "I'll take him one and his pills for you if you want?"

"No, he needs me to do it" she replied. "I'll just get this and some water." she looked at Frank and Trish. "You all can come in and see him in about five minutes."

"Oh, okay" said Frank. "How's he doing?"

"He's in pretty bad shape" she replied. "He has to stay in bed for a week; he's not supposed to get out except for the bathroom." She bit her lip. "I'm scared, Frank."

"Mac" said Trish gently. "If it'll help you, I can...I'd be happy to stay until he gets back on his feet?"

Mac shook her head. "No" she replied. "No I can handle it. Thank you, though."

"Okay" said Trish, accepting her daughter-in-law's answer, knowing better than to push too hard.

"I better get him his medicine" she sighed, turning to go back to her husband.

* * *

Harm lay in bed, propped into the position Dr. McKay had ordered him to be in as much as possible. "_This sucks_" he thought to himself. "_Last week was...wow, and then the baby got sick and...now this. Mac doesn't need all this right now."_

He heard what she'd admitted to his step-father; that she was scared. He was, too. This was the worst his back had ever been, and though Dr. McKay never mentioned the possibility of surgery, he knew it was there. He also knew the chance that he'd lose his wings was there. Very much there, and it shook him to his core.

When Mac returned to his side she was smiling, "Here we go. A nice cool glass of water and high test pain killers" she said. She sat next to him and handed him two pills. Once he'd put them in his mouth she lifted his head and held his water glass to his lips allowing him a few sips before easing him down. "Do you want a pillow for your neck?

"No, thanks" he said. "I'm fine. I heard my mom and Frank come back; when do they have to leave for the airport?"

"In about an hour" she replied. "They want to see you I'm sure. I'll get them." She rose from the bed and started for the door.

"Mac" he said as she was walking away.

"What?" she asked. "Do you want..."

"No, I'm fine" he said. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna be okay. This will all pass and I'll be back on my feet in no time. Don't worry too much about me, baby."

"I'm not worried" she lied. "I'm just tired. Once your Mom and Frank leave, I think I'll cuddle up with you and take a nap." She smiled then continued to the door. "I'll get them."

A few minutes later Harm was joined by his Mom, Frank, and Mattie. Mac closed the rear, hovering near the door so she could hear the baby who was due to eat any time. "How are you feeling, sweetie?" Trish asked.

"I've been better" he admitted.

"Is it like it was when you had the crash?" she asked, knowing this injury had its root in his first ramp strike.

"Pretty close to it" he said dejectedly. "This is the first time it'd been this bad since."

"Are you gonna have to have surgery?" asked Mattie, her worry showing in her voice and on her face.

"Don't know yet" he answered. "Possibly, but the doctor didn't really say."

"Don't talk about such things Mattie" Mac scolded. "Harm will be fine. You'll see."

Trish smiled. "Can you at least walk this time?" she asked, remembering her pain and fear at seeing Harm struggle for every step for over a month when he was first hurt.

He nodded. "I can, but it's hard. I overdid it these last couple days, brought a lot of this on myself. I'll survive, though; always have." He smiled at his mother, even if it was only a half-hearted one.

"You just get well, son" Frank told him. "You are a very lucky man to have such a devoted caregiver." Frank smiled at Mac.

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing, isn't she?" replied Harm, looking at his wife and smiling proudly.

"Ladies" Frank smiled. "Would you excuse us?"

"Certainly" Trish replied and rose from Harm's bedside following Mac and Mattie out of the room.

When they were alone, Frank asked Harm, "Level with me son."

"What do you mean?" Harm asked.

"I mean are you telling your wife and your mother the truth or are you trying to protect them?" he replied. "I'll help you with whatever you need, money, specialists..." He trailed off.

Harm waved him to silence. "Thanks, but it's not that. It's...I dunno. I'm not lying to anyone, but I'm not exactly telling them the whole truth, either. Mac probably already knows, ah hell, mom does too, who am I kidding?" He sighed deeply, frustration showing in his eyes.

"What?" Frank prompted. "Say it out loud."

"I could lose my wings, Frank, or even worse." Hearing himself admit it out loud was harder than he thought it would be, and he turned his head to focus on a picture beside the bed, doing his best not to cry in front of his step-dad.

"It's alright, son" Frank comforted. "What's worse?"

"I could have to live with this for the rest of my life" said Harm, blinking away a tear he hoped had gone unnoticed. "What if this pain never goes away? What if I can't ever take Ainsley flying? Hell, what if I can't even chase her around the house? I'm scared, Frank."

"I know" he sympathized ignoring his son's tears. He felt the man's pride had been hit too hard to take another swipe. "But so is Mac. You can't give up. You can't let this beat you."

"I'm trying not to let the worst thoughts take over my mind" said Harm, "but it's hard not to, you know?"

"I know. That's why I want you to tell me. If you say it out loud, it won't be so scary" he told him. "Then you can focus on Mac. She's strong but...she's...very upset. So tell me, it's not just the wings is it?"

Harm shook his head. "I've known guys with this injury who went from managing it just fine to living in a back brace and constant pain after a flare up this bad. I've got a brand new wife, a brand new baby, I've got Mattie...I can't imagine how their lives would be if suddenly I couldn't do half the things for myself that I've always done."

"They'd manage, they love you" he replied. "There are surgical options. Spinal fusions are very successful."

The sound of Ainsley's wail penetrated the room just then. "Have I apologized to you for this whole mess?" Frank asked.

"For what?" asked Harm.

"The baby getting sick" he answered. "Has Mac forgiven your Mom yet?" Frank rose from the bed, glad that Harm revealed some of his fears and glad he could change the subject.

"Not yet" said Harm with a sigh. "She will though, I know it'll just take her a bit of time to work through what happened."

"I understand," Frank replied. "We better get to the airport. I'll call for a car to take us. Mac is in no condition."

"You know she'll do it" said Harm.

"I know" he replied, "and I don't want to add a car wreck to the list of things she has to deal with. You get some rest and remember if you need something, you call."

Mac pushed opened the door just then, holding a squalling Ainsley in her arms. "Someone wants her daddy."

"Well, bring me my baby" said Harm, truly smiling for the first time in awhile.

Mac brought Ainsley to her Daddy's chest.

"We're going to be going soon, Mac" Frank said to Mac. "I'm going to get a cab for us. You're needed here."

"I could..." Mac began.

"I know you could, but you won't" he gently scolded. "You tend to your family."

Harm talked softly to Ainsley as she cried. "Baby girl, why all the tears? Hmm? Daddy loves you. Yes, he does." He gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "Does she need to eat, Mac?"

"Nope, I fed her" she replied. "She wants to snuggle, I think."

"Okay" said Harm. "Could you bring me her blanket, please?"

Mac quickly went to retrieve Ainsley's blanket. "Here you go" she said.

"Thanks, babe" he said, taking the blanket from Mac and draping it over Ainsley as she lay on his chest. He put his arms around her and began to pat her little behind as he gently sang to her the only song that was guaranteed to calm her fussiness, the Navy Hymn.

Ainsley wiggled some more until finally resting her little tear soaked face against her Daddy's shoulder. Once that happened, her cries stopped and her story began. "Baaa baaa baaa" she babbled near his ear. Then she made his favorite sound of all, she laughed.

Mac moved to sit down next to him. "What did Frank want?" she asked.

"Oh, just wanted to make sure I knew to come to him if I need anything" said Harm.

"He's a good man" Mac smiled. "They're leaving for the airport soon. I want to drive them but he's..."

"I know" smiled Harm. "He's not one you can argue with and win."

"Like you" she smiled. "How's the pain?" she asked for the third time.

"Better now than it's been all day" said Harm, nestling his cheek against his daughter's head.

"That's good" she smiled. "I have some cleaning up to do. I want you to try and get some sleep while the pain is less. Then I'm going to call the General and try and get some leave for me as well as you."

"Okay, babe" he said. "Go ahead and do what you need to, my little girl and I will just hang out right here, won't we, Ainsley Rose?"

"Babaaa" she replied to his query and tapped at his chest.

"I want you to close those eyes, Rabb" she told him. "Dr. McKay warned us it would get worse before it got better."

"I know" he said, trying to hide his fear. "Go ahead, we'll be fine."

Reluctantly Mac left the room, placing the baby monitor just inside not only to hear Ainsley, but to hear Harm as well. With a heavy heart and a darkened spirit, she went about the task of cleaning her house.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, Mac peeked into their room to find that Harm was sound asleep with Ainsley, also asleep, snuggled against his chest. It was one of the sweetest scenes she'd ever witnessed, and before she left the room she took a picture to save that moment in eternity. 

She moved to take Ainsley from Harm, so that if he rolled he would not hurt the baby. When she lifted their daughter from his arms, he stirred and his eyes fluttered opened.

"Hey" he said, his voice gravely with sleep. "How long was I out?"

"Just under an hour" she replied. "I'm just going to put her down. Go back to sleep."

"Did mom and Frank get out of here on time?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Yes" she whispered and rocked Ainsley as she stirred. "Don't worry about anything. Please go back to sleep."

"Kay, babe" he said, wallowing his head back into his pillow.

Before Harm fully drifted off, Mac asked in a quick whisper, "how's you back?"

"Hurts like hell" he answered.

"Do you need anything or just more rest?" she asked. He looked terrible, exhausted even. She wanted him to be still and let his body heal.

"Maybe shifting positions would help" he said. "Can I move at all or do I have to stay like this?"

"Dr. McKay said in bed, lying flat, with your legs elevated" Mac replied. "I could adjust the pillows maybe that will help. Let me put her down and I'll be right back. Don't try to move without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it" he said, his eyes still closed, his voice conveying the pain he was in.

Mac quickly carried Ainsley into the nursery and put her down in her crib. Then before returning to Harm she set his heating pad on to boil. Maybe it would help with the pain.

She returned to Harm's side. "I put the hot pack in the pot to boil" she told him. "We'll see if that helps. Is the pain any worse?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

"It's not any better" he said. "Guess it's about the same. It's gonna be one hell of a long week, Mac."

She kissed the hand she held. "I know. But we'll manage. If this doesn't get better by the end of the week, or if it gets worse, I want to you to see someone who deals with pilots."

"I know, I will" he assured her. "I wish this hadn't happened now; not that there's ever a good time for it, but everything with the baby and..."

"I can handle it, Harm" she replied. "You just worry about yourself. Do you need to use the bathroom before I get you fixed up in here?"

"No, not yet" he said.

"Okay...Maybe I could bring you a bottle or something incase you need to go and I'm busy with the baby" she suggested.

"No way, Mac!" he said, his tone leaving no room for debate. "I'm not in _that _bad of shape!"

"Sweetheart, you can barely walk" she reminded him. "I don't want you to hurt yourself. What if you fall?"

"I don't need anything yet" he insisted. "If I need it later, you'll be the first to know."

"Okay" she sighed and dropped her gaze to study him. He looked fine, if not a bit pale from the pain, yet she saw a thousand nightmares in his prone and vulnerable position. She let out a long sigh.

"I'm not trying to be difficult, babe" he said softly, "in fact, I'm trying to be just the opposite."

"I know," she replied. "You are actually being quite the patient. I'm just...very tired."

"Come sit down with me" he said, nodding towards her side of their bed.

"I can't just yet" she replied. "I have to get your heat pack and fix your pillows and the upstairs bathroom is a mess."

"Get the heat pack" he said, "then come back in here, get me settled and then I want you to sit down here with me and rest for 30 minutes. You've been going full steam ahead for the last 3 days, and I need you to slow down just a little bit, okay? For me and Ainsley. Please?"

"But...Harm the place is...I still have to call General Creswell, then I need to get your supper and there's tons of laundry to do. I just can't stop right now. Two more minutes until the pack is done."

"Mac, all the house work can wait" he said. "You can call the General as soon as you get the heat pack in place, but after that I want you to some sit with me for a half hour. The last thing I want is for you to run yourself into the ground trying to keep up with too many things at once."

"Well someone has to do it Harm!" she snapped at him as the time buzzed.

"Mattie can help with a lot of things, babe" he said. "She's more than willing to do anything you need her to."

"This house isn't Mattie's responsibility Harm, its mine" she replied. "She has homework and friends. I just can't sit with you right now. There's too much to do. I'll be right back with your pack." She turned on her heel and went towards the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she returned with the towel wrapped hot pack. "Okay, Sailor" she said, "can you lift up for me just a bit so I can get this under you?"

Harm took in a deep breath and used his arms to lift himself a few inches off the mattress.

"Okay?" she asked as she slid the pack in place under him. "Is that the right place?"

"Oh yeah" he sighed as he relaxed into the warmth. "Thanks, babe."

"Do you want me to fix your pillows?" she asked him all ready pulling back the covers to expose his long legs.

"Please" he answered. "The one on the right is too high up."

"Is it pulling?" she asked him looking at how unevenly his body was distributed on the pillows.

"Little bit" he said.

"Okay, let me know if I hurt you" she told him as she moved all of his pillows out from under both of his legs.

"Can you bend you knees a bit for me?" she asked.

"Ah...ow" he said as he moved his legs to bend at the knee.

"Hurt?" she asked.

"Yep" he replied, "same old stuff."

Mac sighed and took one of the softer pillows and manipulated it so it fit underneath his knees. "Okay, relax your legs and see how that feels?"

He did as she asked of him, relaxing into the comfort of the repositioned pillows. "Oh, that's a lot better, Mac. Thanks."

"I'm not done yet" she told him. Next she took a firmer set of pillows and lifting his leg from his knee the slightest bit she slid it under his thigh.

"Jesus, Mac!" he exclaimed as he felt a sharp pinch in his back.

Mac ignored him and moved to do the same to his other leg. She was sorry it hurt him, but the website she'd looked at said this was the best way.

"Mac! Stop! Stop!" he said, feeling as if he wanted to cry. "God, you're killing me here..."

She set his left leg down onto the pillow and moved to him, running her hand up his side gently. She leaned over him, kissed both his cheeks and stroked his forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. It's over now. It's over. Take a deep breath."

He squeezed his eyes shut; trying to get himself calmed down from the pain he'd just endured. When he opened them again, he saw Mac's lips only inches from his. "Can I have a kiss?" he asked softly.

She leaned over and gently kissed his lips. "I'm sorry about that, honey. But do you feel more comfortable now?"

"I think so" he said quietly. "I'm sorry about this; about never telling you that my back was such a monster when it wanted to be."

"That's all right, my love" she soothed pulling his covers back up. She got yet another pillow. "Lift up your shoulders."

"I don't think I can just yet" he said.

"Let me get you a cool cloth for your face. Would you like that?" she cooed to him as if he were as tiny and helpless as Ainsley.

"No" he said as he looked into her eyes. "All I want is for you to come lay beside me while I try to get some rest. That's all I want; all I need."

Mac nodded her head. She really didn't have time, but she relented. "Okay" she said, "for a little while. Can I put this pillow under your shoulders first?"

"You can try" he said. "I'll see if I can move."

"Just a tiny bit" she told him. "Lean up. It'll be worth it I promise."

Once Harm lifted his body up and Mac secured the last pillow, she made good on her promise. She slipped off her shoes and slipped into her side of the bed. She sat beside him taking him into her arms letting him rest against her. "How's that?"

"Perfect" he sighed. "I hate this...being stuck in this stupid bed and not being able to do anything."

"I know you do" she sighed. "I'm so sorry this happened."

"It's my fault" he said. "I shoulda been paying more attention to those steps when we were leaving the Lex."

"And I should have insisted we not make love on the beach" she sighed. "As beautiful as it was, I'm not sure it was worth this."

Harm smiled as he thought back to that glorious night less than a week earlier. "Now let's be real about this, babe. What are the odds either of us would have been able to stop that night even if we'd given a thought to my back, or anything else for that matter? Hell, if the possibility of getting caught wasn't enough to keep us from doing it, nothing would have been."

"I suppose that's true" she smiled and stroked his hair. "But was it worth this?"

Without thinking twice, he answered her. "Of course, Mac. It was worth all this pain and more. God, I don't know that we'll ever do anything like that again, you know?" He smiled and gently caressed her arm as she lay wrapped around him.

"That night opened up a lot of things for me" she replied. "A lot of memories I'd rather have left buried. But now that I've told you...I think we're stronger, you know?"

"I know, babe" he said. "I'm sorry that you had to face those things while we were supposed to be focusing on us and what we have together, but I'm glad you got it out in the open and we dealt with it."

"I think it brought us closer together" she replied, "just like this will in the long run." She leaned over and kissed his damp forehead. "I wish you'd let me get you a cloth."

"I don't need one" he said softly. "You're all I need. Well, you're all I need until that last dose of Naproxen wears off, in which case I'll need the next dose, but until then..." he was rambling playfully, smiling, temporarily forgetting his pain.

"Can I ask when this happened? Your mom said something about not being able to walk once?" she asked brows knitted with concern.

"Oh, that" he said, figuring sooner or later she'd ask about it. "It was a few months after my ramp strike. I knew I'd done something to my back in the crash, but they couldn't really tell me what to expect or when or anything. I stumbled over a cement parking block at the mall and a disc slipped out of place - the disc that's now herniated - and that was a lot worse than this. She was right; I couldn't even walk at first, not for almost a week."

"And with each landing and each punch out, you hurt it worse didn't you?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure did" he sighed. "It may not have gotten this bad this fast if I was just landing on runways, but carrier landings haven't been kind to me."

"But you're still going to keep flying?" she sighed.

He was silent. He wasn't ready to go there just yet.

"Harm?" she pressed.

"I'm...I...I dunno, babe" he said, thinking fast for a change of subject. "When does Ainsley have to go back to the doctor?"

Mac sighed, he wasn't ready yet. She'd let it go. "Thursday" she replied. "I'm thinking of switching her doctors."

"Yeah, so am I" he said. "Who're you looking at taking her to?"

"Dr. Cameron" she replied. "He's so sweet with her and he was so kind to us."

"He's a great doctor" agreed Harm. "I like him."

"So can we?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure, it's fine with me" he said.

"Good" she replied. "I think she'll be better off. Is the pain subsiding any?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually it is" he said. "See, I told you all I needed was you beside me."

She sighed and continued to stroke the top of his head, "Do you think you can get some more sleep? I'm going to have to bathe you later and you'll need your strength."

He chuckled. "No, babe, I think _you'll _be the one who'll need the strength. I'm betting I'll make bathing Ainsley seem like a total cake walk."

She smiled. "Still this pain has to be draining. Try and close your eyes. I have to go start dinner and call the general."

"Go ahead" he whispered. "I'm sure I can sleep now." And within a minute, he was out like a light.

* * *

_A/N: For those who asked before about Harm's back and whether there was something to it, I dare say there just might be... Please take a second and review, I'd love to know what you think!_


	74. Chapter 74

Disclaimer: Oh I wish they were mine...sigh...

_A/N: I'm so sorry for taking so long to get this chapter posted, but my usual excuse applies - real life has been crazy! It's a pretty long chapter, though, so I hope it's worth the wait. :) Thanks to my buddy, LadyCommish, for her help throughout this chapter. :) _

* * *

Chapter 74: 

Mac slipped out of bed slowly as not to disturb Harm. She was still very tired but had work to do. She went downstairs to change the laundry, then worked her way upstairs to decide what to make for dinner. Mattie was up in her room with the stereo on. It wasn't loud, but with Mac's aching head it wasn't pleasant either. She was just about to holler for her to turn it down when the phone rang.

"Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie" she answered.

"Good evening, Colonel" replied the caller. "How're you doing?"

"I'm fine, Sir" Mac replied. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to check in with you" replied General Creswell, "see if things have gotten better with the baby. How is she?"

"She doing just fine now, Sir" she replied. "She's still not a hundred percent. She's napping a lot more than she usually does, but she is so much better. We were able to bring her home today."

"Oh, wonderful" said the General. "Glad to hear that. Dora and I had been worried since we heard the baby had taken ill. I'm glad all is well now."

"Well that's not exactly accurate, Sir" Mac replied. "There's been a development I was going to call you about."

"Oh?" queried the General.

"You see, it's the Commander, Sir" Mac sighed, the impact of Harm's plight still taking stabs at her.

The General listened as Mac explained what the situation was with Harm. "I see" he said. "This sounds serious, Colonel."

"It is, Sir," she replied. "He's bedridden for the time being and the doctor seemed optimistic that this would work but...he's in so much pain and he's sleeping in the middle of the day and every little movement he makes and he's soaked, Sir," she sighed. "I suppose I could say I'm worried about him. His ER doctor should be faxing you a medical leave request."

"I'd expect so" said their CO. "He certainly can't work in that condition. Do you have someone in place to look after him when you return to the office next week?"

"Actually Sir, I wanted to talk to you about that" Mac sighed. "I would prefer...that is I respectfully request that I be allowed a family leave so that I can tend to my husband and daughter as they recover, Sir."

The General was quiet for a moment. "I'm not sure I can spare you, Colonel" he said. "Not with you both having been out for the past week, and now with the Commander out indefinitely. The backlog of cases is atrocious. I really need you back here Monday morning."

"But Sir" Mac protested. "My husband needs me here. He can't..."

"Is there no one who can help with him, Colonel?" asked Creswell, a hint of compassion in his voice. "His mother, perhaps?"

"General, there is no way that I'm going let Harm's mother take care of him, not after Ainsley" she replied her anger at Trish causing her mouth to run amuck. "There is no one. But if I'm needed, I'll be there. Request limited hours, Sir. 10 until 4?"

"Make it 10 to 3, Colonel" answered the General. "I'm sorry I can't grant you full leave right now, but if we can get things a little more under control here by the end of the week, I'll be glad to give you more time off."

"Thank you, Sir" she replied. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Alright, Colonel" he said. "Give the Commander my best wishes."

"I'll do that, Sir" she replied. "Thank you for your concern."

"Goodbye, Colonel."

Mac hung up the phone and went back to making Harm's meal. She would make his favorite, Vegetable Lasagna. Hopefully he'd feel well enough to eat it.

As Mac worked Mattie's music seemed to grow in volume until her head was throbbing from the beat.

"Mattie!" she called.

The door to the teenager's room opened. "Yeah?" she called back.

"Turn that down, it's too loud" she called.

"Uh, okay...?" said Mattie. "'It's not _that_ loud' she muttered to herself, knowing that Mac was in no mood for lip.

"Thank you," Mac replied. "Mattie?"

"Yeah?" she replied from the top of the stairs.

"Did you do your homework?" she asked. "You have school tomorrow."

"I'm working on it now" said Mattie. "Do you need me to help with anything else? I can finish my homework later."

"I have everything under control" Mac replied. "Just keep the music low. Harm and Ainsley are sleeping."

Just then, a solid cry could be heard coming from the nursery.

"Well she _was _sleeping" Mac muttered. "Mommy's coming, angel."

Mac worked her way into Ainsley's nursery. "What the matter, sweetie?" she asked lifting the baby out of the bed.

She felt Ainsley's diaper through her little outfit. "You're very wet, baby girl. Let's take care of that." The baby fussed some as her mother laid her on the changing table and went to work replacing her wet diaper with a fresh, dry one. The longer she lay on the table, the more upset Ainsley became until Mac was finished and picked her up again.

"There, my goodness" she said, rubbing the baby's back. "You always fuss more for me than you do for your daddy. Why is that? Hmm?" Mac held the baby up in front of her and smiled. "I'm glad you feel better, love" she said. Ainsley stopped fussing for a moment, but it didn't last long. "Are you hungry?" Mac asked her unhappy daughter, a quick check of her own internal clock providing the answer. "Well, let's take care of that, too, huh?" cooed Mac as she took a seat in the glider rocker. Within a moment, Ainsley was nursing contently, providing Mac with a much-needed breather.

"When you're done here, you want to go see, Daddy?" she asked the baby.

Almost as if she understood the question, Ainsley turned her eyes up to her mother. She most definitely had her daddy's eyes.

"Did you know that daddy has a booboo?" she asked. "Maybe if you go and cuddle with him he'll feel better, huh?"

"Mac...?" called a hoarse voice from the master bedroom.

"There's daddy now" she cooed to Ainsley, lifting her and keeping her attached as she moved to see what Harm needed. "What is it?" she asked.

"Oh, you're busy" he said, his voice filled with weariness.

"She's willing to share" Mac replied. "Aren't you, angel? What's wrong?"

"I need my pills and something to drink" he said. "I can wait till she's finished, though."

"Pain worse?" she asked as she stroked the baby's head and moved to sit beside Harm. "Anyway, you can't take another pill yet. It's not time."

"Damn" he said. "Yeah, it's coming on pretty strong; I need something, I don't care what."

"Can you wait or do you want me to ask Mattie?" she asked as she sat beside him.

"See if Mattie can get it" he said, wincing as he tried to shift just a bit. "Here, come sit on this side, babe."

"Harm I can't..." she began to protest.

"Yes, you can" he interrupted. "You won't take a break just for the sake of taking one or because you need one, but you can't very well do anything else while you're feeding her, so come sit here next to me and let me spend some time with you."

Mac nodded her head and moved to her side of the bed, sitting so she could face him. "Mattie?" she called.

"On a scale of one to ten?" she asked Harm while she waited for the teen's answer.

"Yeah?" called Mattie from the doorway of her room.

"5 or 6" answered Harm.

"Can you get Harm some Motrin and a glass of water?" Mac asked. Then hearing Harm's reply, "Truth?"

"Yeah" he replied. "Could be better, could be worse, but it's all relative, you know? Remember them asking you that question when you were having contractions?" He reached his hand out and gently caressed Ainsley's little head.

"Yeah, I wanted to say 11" she laughed. "I just didn't want to scare you."

"I knew you were really hurting" he said, "but I'll always be amazed how wonderfully strong you were to do what you did with no drugs."

"It was worth every agonizing second" she smiled and felt Ainsley detach herself. "She's done. Mattie!"

"Coming" called the teen as she hurried down the stairs. "What do you need?" she asked, stepping into the master bedroom.

"Motrin and a glass of water" Mac repeated. "Quickly please."

"Sure" said Mattie, hurrying into the kitchen.

"I'm making your favorite for dinner" Mac told him. "Think you can sit up to eat?"

"I'm not super hungry" he said, "but I know I have to eat, so yeah, I'll either sit up as best I can, or you can bring it in to me already cut up and I'll eat it laying down. I'm assuming by 'my favorite dinner' you mean veggie lasagna, right?"

"That would be correct" she smiled. "I can help you if need be. Where'd she go for that medicine? China?"

"I'm pretty sure I can manage lasagna by myself" he said, "and yeah, what's taking her so long? The Motrin is in the bathroom and she can take her pick of any of the fine sinks scattered throughout the downstairs..."

"I'll get it myself" Mac sighed and reached out Ainsley to Harm. "Want to cuddle?"

"But of course" said Harm, reaching out to take his baby girl in his arms.

Ainsley wailed when she was handed to her daddy. It was the second time she'd done that. Mac rose to get the pills from master bathroom and a cup of water. "Here you go" Mac said upon her return. "Lift up your head."

With Ainsley sitting on his chest, his hands supporting her rib cage, he leaned his head up to take the water.

"Easy sips, easy sips," she coached.

"Oh, you found the Motrin" said a frazzled Mattie as she returned with a glass of water but nothing else. "I looked in the hall bathroom and in the kitchen cabinet for it. Obviously it wasn't there."

"Obviously not" Mac replied. "Its okay...I got it for him."

Ainsley continued to fuss on Harm's chest as Mac fluffed his neck pillow.

"Want me to take her?" asked Mattie, holding her arms out towards the baby.

"Thanks, but I've got her for now" said Harm. "She's been fussy for me lately; I guess she can sense something's not right. Maybe if I hold her for awhile and talk to her, she'll calm down."

"If you've got her, I'll go finish up supper" Mac sighed and rose from the bed, retreating to the kitchen to finish the meal.

* * *

"What is it, precious girl?" Harm asked the baby as she continued to fuss. "You don't like your daddy being laid up like this, huh? Well, daddy doesn't like it, either, I can promise you that, love." As he spoke, Ainsley became calmer, eventually ceasing her tears and looking around at the world in front of her little blue eyes. 

When Ainsley was finally calm and interested in studying Harm and Mac's sheet pattern, Mattie broached a subject that had been bothering her since she had gone to see the baby. "What's with Mac?"

"Nothing's 'with Mac', Mattie" answered Harm. "She's just stressed, that's all."

"Well she's acting all...I don't know...She's acting kind of nasty and I don't really like that. I don't think I did anything wrong" she told him.

"You're right" he said as Ainsley grabbed hold of his finger, "you didn't do anything. Mac's demeanor right now doesn't have to do with you, I promise. She's just reeling from what happened with the baby and then my stupid back going out like this; she's just overwhelmed and it'd mean a lot to us both if you could go out of your way to help whenever you can. Do things without being asked; that's a sure fire way to win points with Mac. I've learned that the hard way."

"Did you?" Mattie asked. "It's like..I'm sorry, but it really bugged me when she yelled at me for the stereo being too loud. You never would have done that" she sighed. "Can you talk to her about it, Dad?"

He nodded. "I'll see what I can do, but chances are until I get back on my feet and Mac gets some decent rest, she's gonna be a little moody. Don't take any of it personally, Mats. She loves you, you know that."

"I know that" she sighed and rubbed the baby's head. "Oh yeah - I saw it this morning and I've been meaning to ask you, what did you do to your wrist?"

"Oh, that" smiled Harm. "I cut it, needed a few stitches. No big deal."

"Really, then why are you all red?" she asked with a smirk.

"I'm not all red!" he insisted, feeling the blush rising in his cheeks.

"As a tomato" Mattie laughed. "I mean seriously Dad, what did you put on the form? _'Household accident'_?"

"Well, we..." Harm was desperately searching for the right words to get himself out of that conversation when Ainsley came to his rescue by sticking her tongue out and blowing bubbles, a new trick she'd discovered.

Noticing Harm's delight Mattie asked, "What did she do?"

"Come look" he said, smile spread all across his face as Ainsley continued to demonstrate her new-found talent.

Mattie leaned over to see the baby, "Oh. We should call Mac."

"Go get her" said Harm, nodding his head towards the kitchen.

Mac was just about to take the lasagna out of the oven when she heard Mattie's approach. She turned around and said"go get washed up for dinner."

"I will" said Mattie, "but you gotta come see what Ainsley is doing first!"

Mac took the oven mitt off and tossed the towel over her shoulder as she followed Mattie into the bedroom. "What's she doing?" she asked him.

"Blowing bubbles with her tongue" said Mattie. "It's so cute!"

Mac reached the master bedroom and sure enough, Ainsley was lying on Harm's chest on her tummy, intently blowing little bubbles at her daddy. Mac leaned over and smiled. "Did you learn something new, angel?" she asked rubbing Ainsley's little hand.

"Tell mommy 'yes, I'm showing daddy my new trick'" replied Harm, still smiling at his daughter.

"What a good girl" Mac praised. "Entertaining your daddy. You keep that up while Mommy and Mattie get dinner and bring in trays. We'll eat in here tonight."

"Oh, that'd be nice" said Harm. "I have a feeling this room will become the gathering place for family meals for the next week, huh?"

"That's my current plan, yes" Mac replied with a smile. "I'll be right back."

Mac and Mattie set up the snack tables and folding chairs at Harms' bedside and brought him his meal on a breakfast tray. It hurt him too much to sit up, so Mac cut the lasanga up small and he ate it at a 45 degree angle.

As they ate, Harm and Mac recounted some of their Texan adventures for Mattie, leaving out anything private or X-rated, not that the teen didn't have her own ideas. Mattie filled Harm and Mac in on her week at her friends house and all agreed that while they had enjoyed their week, they were glad to be home and together again.

As they talked, Mac recalled that Harm had told her he had a reason for every destination on their road trip. She'd never asked him what they were though, but now that things were calming down with the baby, she remembered and made a mental note to ask him tonigh, maybe as she helped him bathe before bed.

After they finished eating and Mattie and Mac shared the rest of the cookie dough ice cream, Mattie adjourned herself to chat with her internet buddies promising to come down and say goodnight while Mac fed Ainsley and put her down for her late evening nap. All the while Harm struggled to keep the pain off his features not wanting to upset Mac anymore than she all ready was. Once Mattie was occupied and Ainsley asleep, Mac sat down beside him and rubbed his leg, "How about a bath, Flyboy?"

"I'd love one, babe" he answered. "How, exactly, are you proposing we do this?"

"I'll get Ainsley's baby bath, fill it up and help you do it in the bed" she replied. "That's the only way I can think of."

"Won't we get the sheets all wet?" he asked. "Not that I can think of any better way, really..."

"We can put towels under you if you can roll a bit to each side" Mac suggested. "If they get too wet, I'll blow dry them."

"That'll work" he agreed. "Do I need to move at all yet?"

"Why?" she asked worried about the query. "Hurting?"

"Nah, not hurting" he said, "just getting really stiff."

Mac thought a minute, "I have an idea. You must have to hit the head by now. Why don't you go that while I line the sheets with towels that way you'll only have to roll the once."

"Now that you mention it" he said, "I'm about to burst. Can you help me up?"

"Sure" she replied and helped him pull the covers off. "I'll get your legs first, then we can sit you up."

Gently Mac took his knees and slipped her arms underneath, rotating his legs until the hung over the side of the bed.

"Okay?" she asked when she had finished.

"I'm ready" he said. "Let's do it."

"Give me your hands" she instructed. "Now lean towards me as I pull you up."

"Oh, God!" he said, feeling as if every inch she was pulling him up was a mile. "God, this, oh!"

At Harm's cries Mac stopped and let him drop back down. "We have to do this another way." She thought a moment, "You all right?"

"Not hardly" he replied, his breathing deep and concentrated as he worked through the pain. "But I'll live. It's not your fault."

"I know" she sighed. "You have to pee sometime. How about I put one arm around you waist and the other behind your back, like a brace and you push up with your hands?" she suggested. "Maybe that will be better, more support on your spine?"

"We can try it" he said, "but I don't want you hurting yourself trying to move me. I've got a good 100 pounds on you, babe. See if Mattie can come help."

"I don't want her seeing this" Mac replied. "I'm just holding you. You're doing the work. Anyway, I can bench press my own weight, how hard can this be?"

Mac slipped her left are over Harm's abdomen and wiggled her right one under his back and held fast. "Okay. Sit up on three."

He nodded, taking a deep breath in preparation.

"One" Mac counted. "Two. Three." She felt Harm move himself forward as she kept his back as straight as she could. He managed to sit up, then with his elbows on his knees sat panting. She snuggled closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. "You can't do this, can you?"

She gently ran her hand over his upper back, up, down, up, down, pat, pat over and over until he answered her.

"I don't have a choice, Mac" he replied softly. "Just like you didn't have a choice about the pain you were in those last few minutes of your labor, you just had to get through it, and that's what I have to do here...somehow."

"I don't want you hurting yourself worse" she told him. "This is killing me, seeing this." She held him a bit tighter.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart" he said, placing a hand on her knee as she held onto him. "I hate that this is happening."

"It's not your fault" she sighed. "Ready to go the miracle mile?"

"Yeah, let's do it" he said, trying to sound as optimistic as possible.

Mac rose and held out her hand to him so he could push himself up. "You want to walk yourself or do you want help?"

"Walk with me" he said. "Just be here if I need you."

Mac walked with Harm to the bathroom door. His step faltered once but he corrected it without her help. Once he was in the bathroom she went and got the extra towels from the linen closet and set out a fresh set of shorts for him to put on.

By the time she got the bed set up, she heard him open the bathroom door. She hurried out to see if he needed her help.

"You okay?" she asked him as he walked very slowly from the bathroom towards the bedroom.

Mac stood right beside him, ready to catch him if he needed her to. Thankfulyl, he didn't need anything from her until he reached the bed.

"We might as well strip you down before you get back in" she suggested. "That sound good?"

"Yeah, might as well" he agreed. "But make it fast, I'm dying here."

"Can you stand up for one more minute?" she asked.

He nodded, and she could see the pain in his eyes.

She hooked her fingers around the waist band of his sleep shorts and pulled them down to his ankles. "Okay" she told him. "You can sit now."

"Might need some help" he said as he stepped as close to the bed as he could get.

"I can't sit for you" she said sadly. "Just bend your knees and fall back onto the bed. I'll get your legs in."

With a sigh, he did as she suggested, landing seated on the bed with a thud. "Goddamn, that hurts!"

"I know" Mac soothed. "Let's get the bath over with then I can rub some of the salve on and you can have one of the good pills." She said this as she knelt and pulled off his shorts and socks leaving him completely bare.

He shook his head. "I'm hurting too much for the bath tonight" he said. "Just throw the covers over me and we can do it in the morning."

"Harm, I have to go into JAG in the morning. We have to do this now, honey."

"What?" he said, the surprise in his voice matching that in his eyes. "You can't work tomorrow, Mac! I can barely move; you can't leave."

"I have to" she told him. "The General said he can't spare another attorney just now. I'm on limited duty but I have to go in from 10-3, which means I have to leave at 9 and I won't be back until 4." Sheshe lifted her leg up onto the bed, none too tenderly, aggravation not directed at him, but at the General.

"Ah!" he said. "Careful, Mac!"

"I'm sorry" she apologized, a tear springing to one eye. "I'm just so...AJ would have given me the time off."

"Yeah, well..." muttered Harm. "Can I have that pill before we do the bath, please?"

"You've got another hour, Sailor" she told him. "It'll make you sick if you take them too close."

"OK" he said with a sigh. "Let's get this bath over with so I can get 'comfy' again." He used the term "comfy" very loosely.

She leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss. "If I could love this pain away..." she sighed.

With the tiniest hint of a smile, Harm replied. "It was loving you that brought all this on, my dear."

"Not worth it" she sighed and began to rise.

He reached out and took her arms in his hands, forcing her to stop. "Look at me, Mac" he said.

She tried but her face remained on his body, still lying haphazardly on the bed.

"Mac" he said again, "look at me."

She moved up to meet his eyes, her own eyes dry, but holding a lot of pain, a mirror of his own.

"I hate that this is causing such a burden on us, on _you,_ right now" he said, "but I don't regret anything we did together last week that may have played a part in this. I'd do it all over again in a second if I had the opportunity. I mean that. Do you regret anything we did last week? I want the truth, babe. Was it not worth it to you?"

"Harm, I loved our trip" she told him. "I did. But I regret anything that causes you to suffer like this. I'd rather think it could have happened anyway, but nothing is worth your pain to me, nothing."

"How about this?" he suggested, desperate for a way to take the focus of blame off of their amazing week together. "How about we channel our regret towards all the times I had to land hard or punch out, since that's what really started all this?"

She smiled a bit. "I can live with that. Now can I get you cleaned up? All the perspiration is making you musky."

"Aw, you can say it, Mac" he replied with a little laugh. "I stink."

"Not yet" she smiled. "It still has a quality of sexiness, like when you've just run."

"Ooohhh...I see" he said, the laugh becoming a smile. "So all those times you tell me I stink like a pig right after a run; you don't really mean that, huh? What you mean is I'm just about as sexy as I can get."

"That" she smiled coyly, "depends on how long you've been running. I'll be right back."

As Mac left to fill the baby tub with water and grab a wash cloth, Harm laid in bed and thought about the situation upon them. She had to go back to work the next morning. He could hardly move without help. He knew the baby was going to day care, since there was no way he could begin to take care of her, but he was worried about being home alone. "_Pull yourself together, Commander_" he said to himself, rubbing his hands over his face.

Mac returned just then, "Is the pain that bad?" she asked when she saw his movement.

"Huh? No, no, it's not too bad" he said looking at the tub of water. "Did you get it nice and hot?"

"Nice and steaming" she told him. "You ready?"

"Mm-hmm" he said, moving to push himself up just a little until he was lying at his 45 degree angle against his pillows.

"I'll hurry, Babe" she told him. "I promise. How much of this do you feel you can do yourself?" she asked dipping the rag into Ainsley's tub.

"Not much" he replied, wishing his answer was two fold. As much as he'd enjoy her bathing him on any given day, he was just in too much pain to do that tonight.

"Alright" she sighed and dipped the rag into the warm water,applying soap as she worked. "Just lie back now." She ran the warm rag over his face first, washing his forehead, his cheeks, the hollows of his throat, even behind his ears.

"That feels great" he said. "Not as good as a real shower, but it'll sure do for now."

Mac remained silent and dipped the rag again, reapplying it to rinse the soap off his face. Next she made the motion again and began washing his chest, going in slow circles intended to soothe. She did this across the whole of his broad chest, down to his belly, then back up.

"I wish I felt good enough to enjoy this" he said to her, his eyes closed as she gently washed his body.

"We'll do this one day when you do" she promised. "We can take turns. Lift your arm up for me."

He did so silently so she could wash and rinse the limb and the underarm. Dipping the rag again and moving to the other side she smiled, "You've held out on me, Flyboy."

"What do you mean, babe?" he asked.

"In Texas, you told me that you'd tell me why you chose the places you did, but you never told me" she reminded him. "Lift this one now."

"You really wanna know?" he asked her, lifting his arm as she'd requested.

"Of course I do" she replied. "You put a lot of thought into that."

"Yeah, I guess I did, huh?" he said. "Well, let's see, where'd we start? Oh yeah, San Antonio. Well, I picked it because I'd heard it was a really great tourist city, lots of great food, lots of history, the kind of things I knew you'd enjoy."

"Yes, I do" she replied. "But not you so much." she replied. "Pain alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay" he said. "You're good at this."

"Thanks" she smiled. "So go on tell me the rest of it." She urged dipping the cloth and beginning to wash his right hip.

"Well" he continued, "we went to Houston because of Six Flags. I wanted to go someplace where we could just totally let loose and have fun, and again, I'd heard that Astroworld was a pretty cool park to visit. I think that was one of my favorite parts of the whole week, Mac."

"Mine too" she smiled. "It was like a date" she saidas sheproceeded down his long leg.

"Exactly" he said with a sincere smile. "That's exactly what I was going for; the feel of a simple, old-fashioned date. Probably kind of cliché of me to take my girl to the 'fair' and do all the rides and junk food and such, but I thought it'd be nice."

"It was very nice" she replied as she hit his calf. "How's this feeling there Sailor? Getting too cold?"

"I could use a little warming up" he said, "but I'm not freezing to death."

"The water or you?" she asked.

"Both" he answered with a little laugh.

Mac nodded. "How about I finish this leg, then I'll cover up this side and reheat the water?" she suggested.

When he nodded she asked, "Corpus Christi?"

The mere mention of that place would forever bring a smile to his face, hers too, he noticed. "Two reasons: one, I wanted to tour the Lexington and I knew that was something you'd love. Two, I wanted to make one of my dreams come true, and believe it or not I'm not talking about what we did in that cluster of palm trees."

"Oh really?" she asked as she covered up his right side with the blanket as promised. "And what dream did we make come true there then?" she asked going to the master bath to refill the tub.

"I'll tell you when you get back" he said, wanting to see her face when he explained it to her.

Mac emptied the tub and quickly refilled it. A few minutes later she was back at his side. "Let me finish your legs now then maybe you can take care of your private area before I do your back."

He laughed at her choice of words. "Honestly, Mac, is there anything that either of us have that's actually 'private' anymore?"

"No but...I'll wash it if you want me to..." she blushed."I just think its best since we can't...for the duration" she explained. "So, Corpus Christi?"

"Yeah, Corpus Christi" he repeated. "We went there so that I could live out a dream I've had for a long time, probably as long as I've known you. I don't know why, but I'd always wanted to take a walk with you along a moonlight beach on our honeymoon, stopping to kiss you at some point along the way. I know I could have chosen a warmer beach than I did, we could have gone to the Bahamas or something, but then I would have had to give up all the other things that made that week so special, you know, the food and the park and all."

"Oh, Harm" she said softly, concentrating on washing his left foot. "That is...that is the same dream I've had only mine was a board walk." She abandoned his foot - and his bath - a moment and moved up to kiss his lips. "I love you and more than that...you love me."

"With every fiber of my being, Mac" he replied, returning her kiss. "And I always will."

She leaned over and kissed him again. "Thank you."

"I should be the one saying that" he replied tenderly.

She shook her head. "No. I'm glad to be able to do this. You are such a wonderful husband, you should be taken care of once in awhile." She frowned then moved away from his to finish his foot.

With that done she moved until she was parallel with his masculinity. "Do you want to do this?" she asked him.

He thought for a moment. "Nah, go ahead" he said. "I can take it."

Mac dipped the cloth into the water and began to washhis lower half. She did so gently as not to hurt him or excite him, which didn't seem to be a problem tonight.

_"I must be hurting more than I thought for that not to do a thing for me_" he thought to himself.

Harm didn't outwardly react to his lack of stimulation, and Mac didn't press it. "Baby" she began. "You're going to have to roll over now so I can wash your back. Then I'll put the cream on okay?"

"Okay" he replied. Taking a deep breath he rolled to his right so that she could wash his back and other areas inaccessible via the front. He'd done this before, and gone through hours of therapy to teach him how to roll over like this. He executed the maneuver and felt a white hot pain shoot through his back.

He drew in a short, sharp breath. "Oh, God" he said. "Oh, God..."

"Breathe, honey" Mac coached. "You're halfway there."

With her encouragement Harm continued rolling over, when he went to move his leg though, he felt his back spasm as the muscles around the injured disc knotted and pressed in on each other. He felt the worst pain he'd ever felt in that moment, followed by the worst fear he'd ever felt, even worse than when he'd first seen his little one in the PICU.

As he tried to free his leg, he couldn't make it move.

"Oh, God no!" he said, his voice low and riddled with fear. "Oh, ow, ow, oh God! Mac!" Harm tried for her sake to keep calm, at least outwardly, but he couldn't stop his hands from shaking or his chest from heaving as he thought about what had just occurred. He couldn't move his legs, couldn't feel them, in fact he could feel nothing other than pain throughout his whole body. He couldn't even feel Mac's gentle touch on his shoulder as she spoke.

Mac saw his face go white and contort with pain. "Harm?" she asked, sensing his fear. "What is it? What can I do?" She leaned over to touch his shoulder.

"I can't move it!" he said, almost in a panic from the fear and the pain.

She started to rub his shoulder. "Can't move what?" she asked, concerned wife leaving and crisis manager arriving.

"My leg" he said through gritted teeth as the pain refused to let up. "God, Mac, I can't move it!"

"Harm, its stuck underneath you" she told him, assessing his position, mind working running down a list of endless causes for his sudden paralysis. She had to get him flat and more importantly she had to get him calm. "I'm going to straighten it out, and you are going to calm down" she replied, as she moved awkwardly positioned leg out from underneath him.

"I can't" he said, "I can't move it, Mac, I can't...Oh GOD Mac, they're numb! I can't feel anything...I dunno why..." he cried as she pulled his leg from beneath his body and straightened it out on the bed. His body was still shaking, and it was all he could do to breathe at that moment. The pain in his back was worse than ever before.

Mac had to get him calmed down if she was going to assess the problem. "Try and breathe more slowly, slow and deep and try to answer me." She leaned over him so her face was right next to his ear. "Can you feel your legs?"

He heard her instructions, and concentrated with all that was in him to obey. When he did, though, the worst realization in the universe hit him. "No" he said, beginning to break down and cry, pain still coursing through his entire body. "I can't feel them, Mac. I...can't. What's happening…I…?"

"I don't know yet" she replied, her mind recalling her very early corps training when she was taught how to assess a spinal injury. If the patient cannot feel the presence of an appendage on its own, try stimuli. All the while, Mac's heart broke at the tears on his face. She wasn't sure if it was pain or fear or a combination of the two, all she knew was she had to keep her cool now, like he always did for her. "Okay" she said. "Can you feel this?" she asked taking her finger nail and running it over his leg.

"No" he whispered as the tears continued to fall. "Oh my God, Mac...what'd I do...?" As he lay there in agony, he couldn't stop the thoughts racing through his mind: what had he done when he rolled over? Why couldn't he feel anything in his legs? Would he ever feel them again? Never in his life had he been so scared.

Mac rubbed his arm, she could feel him shaking under her touch. "Harm, listen to me. Think...did you feel anything different in your back when you moved? A pinch, a pop, a..."

"I don't know" he choked out. Before he could answer further, Mattie came bounding down the stairs, having heard his exclamations through her closed bedroom door.

"What's wrong?" she asked, standing in the master bedroom doorway.

"Mattie, please go back upstairs. Get Ainsley and go upstairs, now" Mac ordered. She was too worried about Harm to explain this.

Mattie ran into the nursery and grabbed her baby sister, who'd been awakened by Harm's outburst. Returning to her parents' doorway, she asked once more what was happening.

"Can I help?" she begged. "Do I need to call 911?"

"No, not yet" Mac replied. "You're helping by taking care of Ainsley. Harm's just in a lot of pain, he moved wrong" she fibbed. "I'll ask you to help if I need you, but please...go back upstairs. When he's better I'll come up and talk to you."

"Okay" said Mattie, knowing there was more to the story than Mac was letting on, and also knowing that this was no time for argument. She carried Ainsley upstairs, and together the girls sat on Mattie's bed and cried.

Mac turned her attention back to Harm. "It didn't pinch or pop?" she asked again.

"No." His voice was a haunting shadow of its normal self. "I'm scared, Mac...I'm so scared..."

"Harm" Mac sighed. "I know that, but I can't try to find out what's wrong unless you cooperate with me. I know you can do that now please think. "Did the pain get worse before you lost feeling?" she asked, her voice steady even though her throat burned with tears.

He tried to remember as the pain was still running rampant within him. "I think so" he said, swallowing hard in a futile effort to keep the tears inside.

"Okay, did you feel a knot or a cramp?" she asked him all the while rubbing his arm, keeping contact with his eyes as she spoke.

He took a deep breath, still concentrating on remembering what he had or hadn't felt. "A...a cramp" he said.

"Okay" Mac replied. "You felt the cramp, then did you lose feeling?"

"Yeah" he said. "Help me, Mac. Please. Please..." He lost what little control he had and his tears came pouring out. "I still can't feel them...I'm...I'm...never gonna walk again...Oh my God, I'll never walk again..."

"Ssh" she hushed him. "Don't you say that" she scolded. "Now, let see if I can find the cramp. Is it near the bad disc?" she asked.

"I can't walk...I can't..." he cried, not hearing her question. "Fix it, Mac! Fix it!"

"Harm, I can't fix it if you won't calm down and answer my questions, this isn't helping anyone" she told him firmly. "I know you're scared, and I am too, but listen," she paused in her speech so Harm could hear their baby girls cries of terror. "If you don't try and settle down, I can't do anything. Now look at me and tell me if the cramp is anywhere near the bad discs?"

He nodded his head ever so slightly as he bit his lower lip.

Mac moved out of his line of vision and touched the place where the spasm was. "Here?"

"Yeah" he answered. "Why can't I feel my legs, Mac?"

"I don't know, Baby," she answered. "There's a huge spasm here, like I get in my arm when I play too much tennis. I"m going to try and rub it out for five minutes. If you don't get some feeling back in that time, I'm going to call 911. Okay?"

"Kay" he said in nearly a whisper.

She placed her hands on the spasm in his back and started rubbing, pressing in on the muscle and pulling outward to relieve the knot, all the while asking him romantic questions. "Tell me Harm" she said. "When did you first realize you were in love with me?"

"Oh, shit, that hurts!" he cried. "Stop, Mac! Stop!" he begged, but she did what she had to do.

"I can't stop, Harm" she replied. "Just answer me. Try not to think about it."

Much easier said than done, but he dug down deep and tried to find a way. "I...I think it was...the...the first case we worked together...I..."

She pulled down and away from the injury. "Likely Flyboy. You what?"

"I...I knew that you were the one...you've always been the one, Mac." He was breathing heavily, and part of him was almost praying for death as the torturous exercise pressed on.

"And you've always been the one for me" she replied. "Deep breath" she ordered as she pulled on the muscle again, feeling it loosen under her fingers as she smoothed in up towards his neck. "Anything yet?" she asked. It had been three minutes twenty nine seconds.

"Lotta pain" he answered, his jaw clenched.

"No feeling?" she asked.

"No" he said, feeling the fear swell up inside him again. "Mac, help me, please, oh God, you've gotta help me...I can't...I can't live like this, Mac..." He'd lost virtually all capacity for rational thought. His body hurt so badly he didn't know what to say. The tiny voices in the back of his mind, the ones which had been whispering to him that he'd never again stand on his own two feet, never chase after his toddler as she discovered all the things in the world around her, never know the joy of literally walking his daughters down the aisle on their wedding days, were now screaming those very things at him. He felt like he was drowning in every imaginable way.

Mac continued to manipulate the spasmed muscle under her hands. She could feel the perspiration on his body, he was ice cold from fear and shock. "Harm, don't say that," she told him. "We are going to fix this, I promise" she told him and pulled to the right.

He heard her with his ears, but his heart was just certain to the contrary.

"Do you want me to call the ambulance?" she asked as she made a deep circle against the cramp.

"No" he cried. "No, just fix it, Mac...please..."

"I'm trying but I can only do so much" she replied. "Either way I want you to go to Bethesda tomorrow morning." She pulled down on the spasm.

He felt a surge of intense heat rush through his legs, as if someone had set them ablaze. "Ah!" he gasped, taking in all the air his lungs could hold. He grabbed a hold of his pillow, gripping it with all his strength as his legs continued to burn. He wanted to cry out, wanted to scream bloody murder. He had all the words, but he lacked the ability to use them.

"Harm, what's wrong?" Mac asked him abandoning his massage and rushing to look into his eyes. "What did I do wrong? Is the pain worse?"

He stared at her, his body trembling as the burning sensation in his legs wagered on.

"Harm, are you all right?" she asked him fearing the pain was sending him into some kind of cardiac episode. "Can you breathe?"

He nodded, panic stricken as he forced himself to speak. "Yeah...but it hurts, Mac...legs hurt..."

"Your legs hurt?" she echoed. "You can feel them?"

Her question hit him like a truck. He could feel his legs. _He could feel his legs!_ "Y...yeah, I can!" he said, a very brief smile appearing on his face before the pain squelched it.

"Aching or burning?" she asked him moving down towards his legs.

"Burning" he said, breathing hard and heavy. "Like fire...oh God, it hurts...but I feel it!"

"Good, feeling is very good," she told him. "I'm going to rub your legs a bit and get the blood circulating, is one worse than the other?"

"'Bout the same" he said, beginning to breathe just a little easier despite his heart still trying to beat out of his chest.

"I'll start with the left leg" she told him. "You are going to need another bath, Sweetheart. You're soaked. Are you cold? She gently began rubbing his legs, first left then right, up and down and then in soothing circles.

"Haven't thought about being cold" he said, sounding as if he was trying to catch his breath after running 100 miles uphill.

"I'm sure you haven't" she replied relaxing herself now that he had the feeling back. "But are you?"

"Actually...yeah" he said, resting his head on his pillow as he finally felt his heartbeat slow.

"Okay" she crooned allowing the concerned wife to return now. "How are the legs? Still burning? Can I stop rubbing now?"

"Mm-hmm" he said, "you can stop. It still hurts, but its better."

She ceased the massage and pulled the blankets up over his body. "How about I get your hot pack and we put that on, then we can roll you over and prop you with pillows. Do you want a cloth for your face?" she asked.

"Please" he said, staring at the wall across the room.

Mac went into the bathroom and got a cool cloth. She dabbed at his face and his shoulders and neck with it. "How does that feel?" she asked.

"Really good" he said. "That was horrible, Mac. I've never- hey, is she still crying up there?" He stopped speaking and listened carefully to see if Ainsley was indeed still crying in Mattie's room.

"Yeah" she sighed. "I think she was just a scared as we were. I'm going to have to tell Mattie what happened, Harm and then I'm going to let her and Ainsley come and see you're alright."

"Aw, babe" he said, "I don't want them to see me like this." He felt terrible that his girls were so upset, but he knew seeing him in his current state likely wouldn't help the matter.

"Honey, they are going to need to see you are alright" Mac told him. "How about we roll you over and prop you up, then I'll talk to Mattie while you cool off, and once they are settled, we need to talk about what happened."

"That'll work, I guess" he said. "I'm a mess, huh?" he asked with a tired smile.

"You're damp" she sighed. "Relax, try to rest. I'm going to roll you, just lie still."

It took Mac very little effort to roll Harm over, and thankfully it only caused him a quick gasp this time. Once she had him on his back she set his pillows under his knees, thighs, hips, and finally neck.

"How's that?" she asked tucking the sheets around him.

"Ohhh...that's better" he sighed. "That one under my neck makes all the difference in the world, babe."

"And you didn't want it there at first" she smiled. "Pain gone?"

"No, but compared to what it was, it's a hell of a lot better" he said.

"I'm glad" she smiled. "If you are all right for now, our little girls need me."

"Go on" he said softly. "I'm okay now."

* * *

Mac climbed the steps. Normally she would have rushed but she was still too upset and scared. If she touched Ainsley now, the little girl would only cry harder. Harm had scared her that night, he was in such pain and she couldn't do anything to help him Then the thing with his legs, what if that had been it, one simple movement? What if he'd never been able to walk again? What if it wasn't over? What if one day those horrible minutes became reality? Could he live with that? Could _she_? 

Mattie heard footsteps coming up the stairs and figured Mac was coming to talk with her. She held Ainsley close and continued walking from one end of her room to the other, trying to calm the fussy baby to no avail. What had happened to their dad? Why did it happen? Why was Mac so insistent that she not stay downstairs or help in any way? The unanswered questions made her cry even harder as the footsteps grew louder.

Mac reached Mattie's room and pushed open the door. She saw the teen trying to calm her tiny charge, tears on her own face. "Come here, sweetie" Mac instructed, and opened her arms to Mattie.

"What happened to him?" cried Mattie as she accepted Mac's open arms.

Mac held her for a minute then kissed her temple. "Let me have her and you go sit on the bed" she told her, taking Ainsley once she pulled away from Mattie. "Then we'll talk."

Mattie handed the baby to her mother, and then took a seat on her bed, wiping her tears away with both hands. Mac cradled Ainsley close, whispering into her tiny ears in an effort to soothe her. Almost immediately, the infant nestled into Mac's embrace and turned her head inward, looking for her one true source of comfort.

"Aww, is that what you want, baby?" she asked. "Let's do that" she cooed. "It's okay." Mac adjusted her shirt so that Ainsley nurse. Withthe baby finallycalming, Mac looked at Mattie. "How you doing there, Kiddo?"

"Terrible" said Mattie, beginning to cry again. "I've never seen him like that."

"Me neither, Honey," Mac replied stroking Ainsley's head. "I'm sorry I was yelling at you down there."

"I wanted to help" sobbed the red-haired girl. "I wanted to do something for him."

"Mattie, can you tryto stop crying?" Mac asked gently. "Then I can tell you what was happening down there."

She nodded her head and took a few deep breaths before looking at Mac. "Go ahead" she said. "Tell me."

"Well, as you know Harm isn't supposed to be moving around a whole lot" Mac told her. "And when he does it hurts him pretty badly. Well, he had to get cleaned up a bit so we decided that it would be easier on him if I helped him bathe in bed. Are you with me so far?"

"Yeah."

"At first it went fine" continued Mac, "he wasn't hurting too badly, but when he went to roll over he...I'm not sure what happened, I think his back spasmed and pressed on his spinal nerve, but anyway he couldn't move or feel his legs." Macteared up as she remembered the pain and fear.

"Oh God" said Mattie, "is he better? Can he feel them now?"

"He's better now" Mac replied. "He can feel his legs and he's resting. But we don't know if this was an isolated incident or not." Mac told her.

"Did you call the doctor?" asked Mattie, gently rubbing the baby's little foot.

"No" Mac replied. "Harm and I have to talk about how to proceed" Mac replied. "You know Harm."

"Uh, yeah, you could say that" laughed Mattie. "He's got to do something though; he can't have this kind of pain all the time."

"The doctor he saw yesterday said if he rested this week he should be alright" Mac sighed. "Still, I want a pilot's specialist to take a look at him." Ainsley's little mouth stopped suckling on Mac, but she remained attached and alert.

"I do, too" said Mattie. "He told me not too long after we met that he had a bad back, I just never know how bad until now. What brought it on, any idea?"

"He took a really bad step off a gangplank in Texas" Mac answered. "That was probably it. He never told me his back was bad." She looked down at Ainsley, who was watching her with wide eyes.

"Ouch!" said Mattie, cringing at the thought of how badly that step must have hurt her dad. "He wasn't hurting the whole time you were there, I hope" she said. "I mean, all joking aside, you couldn't have any fun if he was in pain."

"It was the last day before we left" Mac replied. "I tried to massage it out but it got worse and worse until...Do you want to go and say goodnight to him or do you need to talk more?"

"I wanna see him" replied Mattie. "I need to see that he's really okay."

As if she knew what her mommy was asking, Ainsley looked into Mac's eyes and smiled, her blue eyes an exact copy of her daddy's.

Mac, with Ainsley in her arms and Mattie at her heels headed down to the master bedroom. "Be gentle with him" Mac warned. "He's still in a good deal of pain."

"I will be" said Mattie, not wanting to add another ounce of pain to what her dad was already feeling.

Mac had turned off the lamp before she went upstairs so the room was fairly dim. Harm was lying on the bed, at least ten pillows next to him or under him, propping up his prostrate body acting as cushioning against his pain. The sheets were pulled up over his legs, hip and part of his chest. His head was turned to the doorway, his eyes closed, his breathing even.

"I'm not surprised he's asleep after all that" she whispered to Mac. "Can I go give him a kiss?"

"Sure, just try not to wake him" Mac sighed. "He probably won't sleep long with the pain."

With a quick nod, Mattie walked quietly towards the bed where Harm lay. Holding her hair out of the way, she leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I love you, dad" she said. "Sleep well, you need it."

Mac took Ainsley to her crib; the baby had fallen asleep as Mac watched Mattie kiss Harm good night. Then she joined Mattie in the living room. "I'm pretty tired myself and I have to go in tomorrow so I'm going to go to bed. I was very proud of you tonight, you did as I asked and you took care of the baby. Thank you."

"You're welcome" replied Mattie. "Mac, I...I want to help you as much as I can. I know you're really stressed out right now, and I know I can't do everything for you, but please let me help with some things."

"That's sweet, honey, but taking care of Harm is something I need to do" she replied. "And Ainsley too. But I appreciate the offer."

"At least let me take care of the cooking and the laundry for you" begged Mattie. She sensed that Mac felt solely responsible for the care of her husband and baby, but the house work was something Mattie was capable of doing, hopefully, without stepping on Mac's toes.

"Okay" Mac replied realizing Mattie needed to feel useful. "Dishes and why don't you help out with diapers since Harm can't right now?"

"Sure" said Mattie. "Whatever I can do to help. Are you sure I can't take any night feedings for you? I know Harm usually takes at least one so you can sleep."

"We'll see" Mac replied. "Right now she hates bottles so I'm not sure how it would go. We'll see."

Mattie nodded. "Why don't you go on to bed? I'll make sure things are closed up down here before I head up."

"Thank you, sweetie" Mac replied. "I'm beat and I'm sure I'll have to do Harm's salve when he wakes up." She leaned over to hug Mattie and kiss her cheek. "Good night, Kiddo."

"Good night" she said. "Mac?"

"Yes?" Mac stopped and turned.

"You're a really great mom" said Mattie, "and I know you're a really great wife, too."

"Thanks, Sweetie" Mac smiled and continued towards their room wiping away a tear.

Mac sighed to herself as she got undressed, looking down at Harm who was still grimacing even in his sleep. If she could take the pain away from him by taking it on herself she would, she'd do anything to end his suffering, even if the doctors said it would only be temporary.

The episode before had shaken her to the core. For those brief minutes she had visions of a life with Harm imprisoned in a wheelchair, never flying again, never walking again, never dancing with her again, never making love to her again. She knew he had those same fears.

Once Mac was undressed she gently and easily slipped into bed beside her husband. She slipped her arm around his waist and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on his lips, "Get well, Sailor" she whispered. "I love you."

With those soft words, she lay her head on his shoulder and let his heart beat lull her to sleep.

* * *

_A/N: Harm's panicked episode of temporary paralysis is based on a real-life experience (not mine personally!), and is written as true-to-life as possible. Those folks waiting for a Mac/Trish reconciliation, it's coming, honest! I haven't forgotten about it, I've just got to get the story to where I want it first, that's all. :)_


	75. Chapter 75

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, how sad is that?

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Chapter 74! Since it took me forever to get that one posted, here's a bonus posting this weekend. :) Thanks once more to LadyCommish for her help throughout. I know these last several chapters have taken a step away from the infertility issue that the story is grounded in, but rest assurred that will come up again very shortly. I'm taking the Rabb's through some "real life" experiences in addition to their infertility, just because I wanted to give the story a little different twist and explore their lives after they said "I do". I know the back pain chapters have been pretty intense and emotional, but I hope they've been interesting! _

_A word of advice for this chapter: think "open mind"!_

* * *

**Six Months Later**

An exhausted Mac carried Harm's supper tray into their room. She'd made grilled cheese and tomato soup again, something that was easy for him to eat at his now permanent 45 degree angle, and easy for her to prepare after work and still have time to play with a now very mobile Ainsley.

"Soup's on, sweetie" she smiled at him as she brought the tray to his bed.

"Oh, thanks" he replied with a smile. She'd adapted as well to their new way of life as anyone could have, and he seemed to fall deeper in love with her each day.

She sat down beside him as he began to eat. "How is it today?" she asked, taking a bite of her soup.

"About the same" he answered, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I'm looking forward to it being a thing of the past. I'm so tired of eating every meal in bed, of being stuck in here all the time, of not being able to do anything like I used to..."

"Well, after tomorrow this will all seem like a terrible dream" she comforted. "I asked Harriet to take care of Ainsley for the day. I don't want to have to keep up with herthe hospital."

"Definitely not" said Harm. "You don't need to have to keep up with her. You'll have enough to worry about. Did my mom call you today?"

"She did" Mac replied. "She can't make it out until day after tomorrow, but she'll be here to help me out while you're in rehab."

"Will she? That's great" said Harm. "Are you planning to keep Ainsley at the day care those couple of weeks you're off?"

"Only half days" she replied. "I'll leave her there when the therapist is here, but after he goes I'll bring her home. She's getting kind of hard to corral so I don't want her getting in the way."

He nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of soup. "She's into everything; I swear in another week she'll be running through this place like she's training for the Boston Marathon." His smile faded noticeably as he thought about all the moments in his daughter's life that he was stuck on the sidelines for.

"And after some therapy you'll be there to chase her" Mac smiled. "You're going to be fine Harm. Just fine, you'll see. You have to be."

"What if I'm not?" he asked, the pain of such a devastating possibility weighing heavily on him. "What if I don't get any better? What if I get worse?"

"That's not going to happen" Mac said confidently. "Anyway, how much worse can it get?"

"I could be like this forever!" he said, wondering how she could be so carefree about such a major operation.

"I doubt that" Mac sighed. "They said if they can't repair the disc they'll just block the nerve, and then you'd have no more pain."

"Yeah, and no more feeling from the waist down, Mac!" he exclaimed. "I'd be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life; I'd never stand up or walk or run or anything again! Ainsley would get to look forward to her dad rolling down the aisle at her wedding instead of walking her like every girl dreams of, and you could kiss any hope of a normal sex life goodbye!"

"We haven't had a normal sex life for six months, Harm" Mac replied. "Anyway, its not going to happen."

He looked at her, his blue eyes full of fear. "Keep saying that, Mac. I need to hear it over and over. Please keep telling me everything is going to be okay."

She leaned over and placed a butterfly kiss on his nose. "Its going to be okay. And there is a bright side you know, even if you end up in a chair."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" he asked, already feeling better from that little kiss.

"At least then you can get out of this bed, take a real shower, go outside again" she told him. "We can plop Ainsley on your lap and go to the park together as a family, go see a movie, we can even take her to Disney World. Like this..." she gestured to his prostrate position, "we can't do any of those things."

He sighed deeply. "True. Very true. Still though, I'm...I'd rather not think about having to do that. We need to stay positive and focus on the likelihood that the operation will be a complete success and I can get back to the way life was before all this."

She reached out and caressed his cheek. "Then let's do that. How about you finish up and I'll give Ainsley her bath, then you can sit with her and read her a story, how does that sound?"

"Wonderful, babe" he replied, taking another bite of his sandwich.

Mac left Harm to finish eating, bathed the baby, then did some work while Harm read to her and lulled her to sleep. Mac took a break from working to put Ainsley down and give Harm his bath, something that had long since lost its romantic notion. By the time she had him settled and finished the work she'd brought home it was nearing 2300.

She was exhausted by the time she got into bed beside Harm, who'd been sleeping a lot more as his situation grew more precarious. She knew how tired even the slightest movement made him, and how tapped his strength could become from the high dosage of pain medication.

She lay beside him and nestled close, as she'd done every night since he'd first been put on bed rest back in January, and tried to sleep. As tired as she was however, sleep eluded her this night as she laid awake and worried about Harm's fate.

* * *

They checked into the hospital at 0600, and by 0800 Harm was wheeled into surgery to have the damage to his back repaired for good. Mac sat in the waiting room for hours on end waiting for word on how he had faired. Finally, at a little past 1400, a grim faced doctor appeared before her. 

"How is he?" asked a very anxious Mac. "Did everything go okay?"

"Have a seat, Colonel Rabb" the doctor said to her. "We need to talk."

Something in her gut told her this wasn't good, but she did as the doctor asked and took a seat.

"He did well, considering how long he was on the table and how much anesthetic was used. In that sense, he came through with flying colors" reported Dr. Peddie, Harm's neurologist.

"What do you mean _'in that sense'_?" asked Mac, feeling the tears well up. "There's bad news here, isn't there?"

"I'm afraid so" he replied gently. "Your husband's lumbar vertebrae and discs were severely compromised due to numerous ejections from his plane, as you know. We tried our best to repair them, but the swelling and cord involvement were just too severe. It was very hard to see and as we were repairing the herniation his spinal cord was nicked. I'm sorry."

Mac sat in complete silence, her face devoid of any expression as her mind tried to register what she'd just been told. "So...he...he can't walk?" she asked, swallowing hard.

"No" the doctor replied simply. "Damage to the spinal nerve at this level will result in complete paralysis of all areas below the waist, legs, hips,everything. He should be awake soon, would you like us to tell him or would you like to be the one?" Dr. Peddie asked knowing the husbands never wanted to tell their wives, but the wives usually wanted to tell their husbands.

"I'll tell him" she said, digging deep in search of her Marine resolve. "He should hear it from me."

"You can sit with him until he wakes up" the doctor told her. "I'll take you back."

Mac grabbed her purse and sweater and followed beside the doctor, feeling like this must all be some sort of sick joke, a nightmare she'd wake up from at any moment.

Only it wasn't. She knew that the minute she saw Harm lying in the bed. This was it, she thought. This was how it would be...and she'd have to deal with it.

* * *

She sat by Harm's side for two hours, thinking how she could possibly tell him something like this. If only he'd sleep forever, then she wouldn't have to. She was lost in thought until she heard Harm's moan and felt his hand move in hers. 

"Harm?" she said softly leaning over. "Harm, can you hear me?"

He tried to open his eyes, but it seemed his eyelids weighed a million pounds a piece. He tried to speak, but his mouth had never been so dry before. All he could do to indicate he could hear her was to move his hand within hers.

"Do you want some ice chips?" she asked him, reaching for the cup. "Squeeze my hand if you do."

He did as she asked, though it was a very weak squeeze.

She spooned some chips into his mouth and caught the water the dribbled out the side of his mouth with her fingers. "How do you feel? Can you wake up more for me?"

He fought to get his eyes open, and after a few tries he managed to succeed. It was all he could do, though, to keep them from slamming shut again as the effects of the anesthesia were still very much consuming him.

"There are those beautiful eyes" she smiled. "I love you."

"Love...you" he mouthed, his voice still not cooperating.

"How do you feel?" she asked again, wanting to tell him and be done with it so they could dealwith the shock together.

"Like...hell" he whispered, his voice hoarse from the intubation.

"I'm sorry, baby" she crooned. "More ice? Or do you want to sleep again for a bit?"

"Sleep" he replied. He knew on some level that he needed to wake up, but the drugs were still making that nearly impossible, and he didn't have the strength to fight against them.

Mac sat by his side, unmoving for another three hours and forty eight minutes. It was then that he finally stirred again this time, his hand wrapped around hers with more strength.

"Harm?" Mac said when she felt his hand tighten. "Are you back, Sailor?"

"Mmm" he muttered. "Think so."

"Good" Mac replied. "How are you? Does anything hurt?"

He thought for a moment. "Not really" he answered softly. "Good drugs."

"Harm, I'm going to need you to look at me, okay?" she told him. "I have something that I need to tell you." Her voice cracked a bit on the last word.

He looked into her eyes, and the pain he saw there told him all he needed to know. "Oh no..." he whispered. "God, please, don't tell me...no..."

"They...they couldn't fix it Harm. They...your spinal cord was...damaged during the procedure and..." She couldn't finish but she really didn't have to.

He looked at the tears falling down his wife's face, and from that moment he knew their lives had been forever changed. His worst fear had been realized. The operation had failed. So what if he'd never feel that terrible pain in his back again? He'd never feel anything from the waist down again. Never. He could no longer hold his tears in check.

Mac saw Harm's tears and reached out to brush them away, "We'll get through this" she told him. "The world didn't end; it just got turned upside down a little."

Funny, he sure felt like the world had ended. "What happened?" he asked as his tears kept coming. "Why?"

"Dr. Peddie says that the disc damage and the swelling made it hard to see" she answered. "When they went to repair the herniation they hit your spinal cord and nicked it. They didn't repair the disc after that so I suppose it might still give you problems but...I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say.

"I don't know if I can do this" he cried. "Our lives..."

"You won't be alone" she told him. "I promise you that. Never."

With a nod, he focused his gaze on the pale white ceiling above his bed, and allowed the devastation to carry him off to sleep while Mac sat beside him, their hands never parting.

* * *

Fourteen days later, Mac came to take Harm home from the hospital. He'd have to return every morning for physical and occupational therapy, but he'd healed fine from the original surgery. He was depressed though, as was she, only she'd decided to take charge of her life. She couldn't live with him like this, it wasn't fair to her or to her baby, and Ainsley was of course her primary concern. 

Mac sent a wheelchair crew to retrieve Harm from the hospital so she could get ready to leave as soon as she introduced him to Casey, his new live in health aid, paid for by his parents. She waited now on the sofa, her bag and Ainsley's at the ready.

When Harm arrived home and was pushed through the doorway, he gasped in surprise.

He looked over at Mac in total shock. She wouldn't. She couldn't. "What...what's this?" he asked, pointing to the two suitcases on the floor beside the sofa.

"Those are our suitcases" Mac replied rising with Ainsley on her hip. "I can't...we can't do this anymore, Harm. It's not fair to us." As if to support her mother, Ainsley looked at her Daddy and started to cry.

His heart burst into bits and pieces. "You're leaving me?" he asked as he felt the lump in his throat swell so much he almost lost his breath.

"We have to" Mac replied. "I've hired you a nurse, she can take care of you and when Ainsley's older maybe we can work out a visiting schedule, but I just can't live like this. It's not fair to me, or to her. You have to think about that."

"Not fair to _you_?" he asked. "What about _me_? You promised me you wouldn't leave! You can't leave, and you can't take my baby away from me!"

"I can and I will" Mac replied, picking up the bags. "I never promised you I wouldn't leave. I promised you wouldn't be alone and you won't be."

"God, Mac" he spat, "what about 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health', huh? I've never needed you more than I need you right now! You can't...please, don't go!"

Mac stood up straighter, her Marine stance and started for the door. "I have to Harm. For my own sake, for our daughter." she told him. "Goodbye." With that she left him, closing the door behind her and never looking back.

"Mac, no..." he cried. "No...Please no...MAC! MAC!"

Harm woke up in a cold sweat, a pure panic, his heart racing and pain shooting through his back as he sat up with the force of his fear. He reached for his wife, but found her side of the bed empty.

"MAC!" he screamed. "MAC!"

Mac heard her husband's frantic screams and quickly detached Ainsley, who'd almost fallen asleep at her breast, laid her back into the crib and rushed down the hall to his side. "Harm!" she called. "Harm, I'm here. I'm here."

"Oh, God, Mac" he said, his body shaking as he pulled her close. "Don't leave me! Don't go! Don't take Ainsley away! We can get through this!"

"Ssh" Mac crooned starting to gently rock him. "I'm not leaving. I'm not taking Ainsley anywhere. What are you talking about?"

"I came home in a wheelchair and you were packed and you took her and you walked out the door and..." His voice trailed off as he realized he'd had a nightmare, and he remained in her embrace as he tried to calm himself.

"A wheelchair?" Mac was still baffled. "Honey, you're not in a wheelchair. You're far from it, and even so I'd never leave you, never." She tried to assure him as she rocked. "Never, I love you _way_ too much to ever leave, silly Flyboy."

"It was so real, Mac" he said as he struggled to regain control over his breathing. "I...I had the surgery, and the doctor nicked my spinal nerve and I was paralyzed from the waist down, and you took the baby and you left me and..."

"Oh sweetie," Mac crooned to him stroking his hair as she cradled his headagainst her chest. "I would never take Ainsley from you and I'd never leave you. I can't live without you in my life, don't you know that?" She waited a moment then asked, "Did I say why I left?"

He nodded as he leaned against her. "You said it wasn't fair for you or Ainsley to live with me like that. You hired some nurse to live here and take care of me, and...and...you took the baby and never looked back. It was horrible. Seeing you two walk out the door just - oohh!" He felt a sharp stab in his lower back.

"What?" Mac asked at his gasp of pain.

"Pain, bad pain" he said. "Oh damn this hurts..."

It dawned on her then that he was sitting up, something he should not be doing. "Oh, lie back, baby" she told him, pulling back from his hold and easing him down against the pillows. "What can I do?" she asked when the spasm didn't ease with the change of position.

"Something, anything" he gasped, "just fix it, please!"

"Do you want some medication?" she asked. "You slept through your evening pain pill. Do you want that?" she asked. "Do you want to roll over and have me put the salve on -you have to tell me, sweetheart."

"Both" he said, his breathing now labored from the pain before he'd even gotten a chance to calm down from the nightmare. "Pill then rub."

"Okay, I'll go get the pill" she told him. "Try and slow down your breathing, okay? Focus and take slow deep breaths." She kept talking as she went to the bathroom, got his pills and cup of water and went back to his side. "Here, lift you head up a bit."

He followed her direction and managed to get the pill down without choking on it for a change.

"There you go" she praised. "Good job. Do you want to roll over now or wait a few minutes?"

"Now" he said. "That was stupid; I shouldn't have sat up like that."

"You had a nightmare, you were scared" Mac sympathized. "Its understandable. Need help?"

"Yeah" he said, the pain worsening by the second.

Mac assessed his position and tried to determine what would be the best way to roll him over. Finally she decided to do it by placing one hand under his hip and one on his shoulder, "Deep breath, Sailor. We go on 1-2-..." She moved him before she said three.

"Ah!" he said as he landed on his stomach. "That was about as much fun as stubbing my toe!"

"It's over now, honey" she comforted, baring his back so she could rub on the Lidocaine cream. "Is it just your back or what?"

"Yeah" he said, turning his head to his right as he lay on his pillow. "Throbbing like it was that night in the hospital."

"Not in your legs though? Is there numbness or..." She didn't know what to ask or how to help him.

He thought for a moment. "No, no numbness right now" he said. "Just a hell of a lot of pain."

She squeezed some of the cream into her hand and started on the spot she knew pained him the most. "Tell me about this nightmare, Sailor. I didn't make sense, what you were saying before."

"I had the surgery to fix this pain" he said, "so we wouldn't have to live like this anymore, and when it went sour and life got worse, you left. I should have realized it was a nightmare when I was in the midst of it - I _know_ you'd never leave, but God, it was so real..."

"Honey, are you up to answering a question for me?" Mac asked as she worked on a tight spasm.

"Ah! Ow!" he said.

"I'm sorry, but if I leave this your legs might go out again" she replied. "Not too much longer I promise. Can you answer my question or no?"

"Sure" he said, "ask away."

"Are you afraid?" she asked matter of factly.

"Of what, babe?" he asked, wincing as she hit a sensitive spot.

"Of this" she lightly touched his back. "Are you afraid of this being forever?"

With a deep sigh, he replied. "Honestly, yeah. Probably more so than I even realized based on that nightmare."

"Do you really think..." She wanted to ask him if she thought she'd really be so cruel, but she stopped.

"No, I don't really think you'd leave me" he said gently, "over this or anything else. Still, it scares me to think that as I get older, this could happen more and more often."

"Not if you get it fixed, honey. There's an excellent neurologist at Bethesda, Dr. Bryan Peddie who..."

"How did you know about him?" asked Harm in a bit of a panic. "I didn't tell you his name - how did you know it was him?"

"I looked him up on the internet" Mac replied. "He's a civilian but he works with pilots who have back injuries...Why? Did you hear something bad about him?"

"No, no, nothing like that" said Harm. "He was the doctor in my nightmare. It's just kinda freaky that he's the doctor you found, that's all. Is he supposed to be good?"

"He's supposed to be the best" she replied. "I think you should get an appointment with him." She moved her hands back over his lower right side, pressing in to see if the cream had started to work.

"Probably so" he agreed. "The doctor I saw a couple years ago, he said I could look into having the surgery at that time, but the more he and I talked about it we felt it wasn't a pressing matter because the pain wasn't this bad. Now though, I've got you and the baby and Mattie, I really don't want this to happen again."

"Should I call him in the morning?" Mac asked softly. "I don't want to live like this if we don't have to."

"Me either, babe" he concurred. "Call him; see what we need to do to get in."

"Okay" she replied. "I think you're good. Feel any better?"

"Starting to" he said as the cream and the pill began to take effect. "How's Ainsley doing tonight?"

"She's good. I have to go and finish with her. I haven't burped her and if I don't her little belly will hurt. Should I bring her in here?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, that'd be great" he said. "I miss her, you know?"

"Miss her how?" Mac replied.

"I know she's here and all" he said, "but we were gone for a week and then as soon as we got back she was sick, and by the time we got her home my back put me out of commission. I just miss holding her and playing with her, giving her that midnight bottle - all the 'daddy things'."

"Well, I'll bring her in here now and you can play with her hands a bit after she burps, she loves that. Then tomorrow night, I promise I'll bring her in for a bottle before bed, okay?" Mac told him.

"Okay, babe" he said with a smile.

"I'll be right back" she assured him and left to get their baby girl.

Two minutes later, Mac and Ainsley, who was beginning to fuss, were back at Harm's side. "Say, hi daddy" Mac told the little girl.

"Hi, beautiful girl" said Harm, his smile beaming at the sight of his daughter. "Why the sad face, hmm?"

"Say, I didn't burp yet, daddy" Mac whispered to the baby. "But Mommy's gonna fix it, yes she is." Mac cooed as she began to pat the baby's back, keeping her over her forearm so Harm could see her.

"Were you feeding her when I woke up?" he asked.

"Yes," Mac replied. "That's why I wasn't here beside you to chase that bad dream away. Tell daddy, we're not going anywhere" Mac said toAinsley.

"I know you're not, baby girl" said Harm, wanting to reach out and touch her toes, but thinking better of it considering he was still lying on his stomach. Instead, he just smiled at her, marveling at how much she looked like both himself and Mac.

"Are you going to burp for me or not?" Mac asked Ainsley after five straight minutes of back-patting. No sooner had she finished that quandry than she heard an unmistakable sound, followed by an unmistakable feeling of sour milk all over her feet. Ainsley had just spit up everything in her tummy, all over her mother.

"Oh, Mac, she just-" began Harm, wishing he could sit up and help with the situation.

"I know, she spit up all over me" sighed Mac. "This is disgusting..."

"Want me to hold her while you clean up?" he asked.

"If you can flip, you can cuddle" she told him. "Do you feel up to trying?"

"For the chance to cuddle, you bet" he said, the light in his smile shining like it always did when he thought about his little girl. Bracing himself on his forearms, he carefully pushed up off of the mattress and rolled to his left, eventually landing in the middle of the bed on his back. "That sucked!" he exclaimed once it was over.

"Legs?" she asked worried after the last time.

"Feeling good" he answered. "Stiff and sore, but not on fire. May I have my baby now?"

"Sure you can" Mac cooed. "Here, pumpkin, go to Daddy," she told Ainsley and laid her on Harm's chest.

"There's my girl" he said as he kissed the top of her little head. "I haven't seen you nearly enough since that wedding, sweet girl. No, I sure haven't. We'll fix that, though. Yeah, we'll start having some playtime, just you and me. That sound okay?" Ainsley looked at Harm and smiled. He felt his heart melt.

Mac went to the bathroom to clean up from her "Ainsley bath", and get a rag to wipe the floor. By the time she returned to the bathroom to rinse the rag out, the baby was starting to cry.

"See, baby girl" said Harm softly as he tried to soothe Ainsley's fussiness. "This is why you're not supposed to spit up. That milk doesn't do you any good unless you keep it in your tummy. Where is your mommy, hmm?"

"I'm here" Mac sighed. "Hungry again, hmm? Do you want to try and give her a bottle?"

"I can try" he said. "If not, you can have her back. Do we even have any bottles right now?"

"I think I did two" she replied. "I'll go see."

Mac quickly went to the kitchen to get Ainsley her bottle, and found two of them in the freezer. She warmed it, then brought it back so that Harm could try to feed the fussy baby. "Here we go" she smiled and handed him the milk.

He took the bottle from Mac, and once he had Ainsley cradled in his arms, he put it to her mouth. She took hold of the nipple, sucked exactly three times and spit it out, howling. He tried once more, only this time as soon as the rubber touched her lips, she arched her little back and squirmed in any way she could think of to get away from it.

"Somehow, I don't see this working just yet" said Harm.

"No, me neither" Mac sighed. "We tried. She's still not a big fan of her bottles, plus I've been nursing her exclusively for the past few days" she sighed. "Scoot over a bit?"

He nodded, setting the bottle between his legs and carefully scooting over on the bed to make room for Mac.

Macsnuggled in next to Harm and began to undothebuttons on her night shirt. "I want to snuggle with my husband and my baby at the same time" she told him, reaching out to take Ainsley from her daddy.

Harm nestled close beside his wife as the baby nursed contentedly. "She didn't want anything to do with that bottle" he said. "Silly girl." He rubbed his index finger gently over Ainsley's cheek, brushing against the top of Mac's breast just a little. He looked over at her. "I could sit and watch you do this all day."

"So could I" she sighed and stifled a yawn. "I hate that I have to leave you tomorrow."

"I hate it, too" he said. "Comes with the job though; we both know that. At least you get..." He paused for a giant yawn. "You get to work half days, that'll help."

"Getting sleepy huh?" she asked. "Close your eyes. I'll be in as soon as I put her down."

"I wish I wasn't sleepy" he said. "I'd love to just sit here with you and watch this...but, I'm drained, babe."

"You'll see it plenty" she said with another yawn of her own. "Don't fight it, my love."

He leaned his head against her shoulder, closed his eyes and within moments was fast asleep.

Mac tipped her head to place a kiss on Harm's head. "Sleep well, Babe" she whispered to him, wishing that he'd find peace this time as he rested. She looked down at Ainsley ,whose little eyes were getting heavy. "Getting sleepy baby girl?" she asked.

Ainsley looked up in response to her mother's voice, and as if to respond to her let her little eyes close, her little mouth going slack around Mac's nipple. Mac disconnected the baby and closed the front of her night shirt, snuggling her little one close for just a minute promising her, "I'm going to make sure daddy gets all better." Mac tilted Ainsley up and kissed her forehead.

Mac only planned to sit and snuggle Ainsley for a minute before taking her back to the crib, but as she sat there feeling content with her husband resting against her shoulder and her daughter against her chest, she herself succumbed to sleep.

* * *

A/N: _See, it was all just a bad dream - I could NEVER write Mac leaving Harm for real! (You can all put down the rotten tomatoes and call off the tarring and feathering, lol!) Oh yes, to Wrestkelly: nope, Mac's not pregnant, but keep watching to see when, how or even **if **that particular subject comes up again soon... ;) To those asking for some "good news" to befall the Rabb's - it's coming, I promise!_


	76. Chapter 76

Disclaimer: the usual...

_A/N: Thanks for all the supportive reviews! Also, thanks for not pelting me with those rotten tomatoes on account of Harm's nightmare, LOL! This chapter is fairly long, but I didn't want to break it up too much, so I hope you don't mind. :)_

* * *

Chapter 76

It was that picture that greeted Mattie when she awoke the next morning to a silent house. It was a little before seven, and she had school that morning. Mac would usually be up by now, but with Harm being flat on his back, Mattie knew she might just be busy. She approached the master bedroom door and knocked lightly. When no one answered, she pushed the door open, knowing it was always possible they were still sleeping.

The sight before her made her stop right where she stood and smile. Harm was asleep against Mac's shoulder, and her head was resting atop his. Ainsley was sleeping in her mother's lap, her little arm draped off to the side as if to tell the world how completely comfortable and relaxed she was. As Mattie looked at the family, sharing what was one of the few peaceful moments they'd had together since before the wedding, she knew she needed to go find the camera.

She went into the office and located it without any trouble, and upon her return to the bedroom she snapped 3 shots, just to make sure she got a really good one. No one stirred even a bit as the flash went off; they were all so exhausted from the past few weeks and, more specifically, the past few days.

Once the photo was taken Mattie went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for Harm and make herself breakfast. She supposed she'd go inside and wake them up once the coffee was done, only her baby sister beat her to it.

Mac stirred first at the sound of her baby's cries. "Oh..." She opened her eyes and moved so quickly she jostled Harm. "What...Oh, baby you are so wet" she said to her fussy daughter as Harm began to stir.

"Mmm...did...did you sleep like that, with her?" he mumbled.

"I think so" she sighed sliding off the bed. "One minute I was feeding her and the next she's soaked through her diaper and it's...0714!"

"Really?" he asked. "I slept all night? That's...amazing."

"Well after that nightmare you had I gave you a pill, it must have knocked you out" she sighed. "Can you let her lay with you until I go and get her diaper stuff. I want to talk while I work and I have to wake Mattie or she'll be late."

"Sure" he said, shifting as best he could given the position he'd spent the night in. "Speaking of late, aren't you going to be?"

"Nope, I have to go in at 1000. I have about 90 minutes before I have to leave" she told him before handing him the crying baby.

"Okay, that's good" he said. "Come here, beautiful girl" he cooed as he took Ainsley into his hands and brought her close. "Oh wow, you are soaked! When did she get changed last, Mac?"

"Right before I fed her last night" Mac replied. "Speaking of which, you must be about to pop by now. I'll take you after I change her, okay?"

"That'd be great" he said, adding with a smile "I'll try not to think about it till then!"

Mac smiled and left Harm with Ainsley as she went to the nursery to get her diapering things. "Mats!" she called up the stairs on her way back.

"In here!" called the teenager from the kitchen.

"Oh, you're up. Why didn't you wake me?" Mac asked.

"Because you guys all need your sleep" replied Mattie. "I would have before much longer though; I know you have to work part of the day."

"Do I smell coffee?" Mac asked inhaling.

"Yes, ma'am" said Mattie. "I knew you'd need some; figured Harm would, too."

"Yeah, can you make his the way he likes it and put a bendy straw in the mug?" Mac asked. "I'll come for mine in a while. I have to change the baby and Harm needs to use the facilities."

"Will he be able to take care of himself with us all gone today?" asked Mattie. "I'm worried about him."

"I don't know, Mattie" Mac sighed. "He'll have to manage as best he can. I'll be home by four and I'll make sure he has an empty bottle, the TV remote, his newspaper...he should be alright." Mac's tone told Mattie she wasn't sure.

"Why don't you ask the General for some time off?" queried Mattie.

"I already did, sweetie" Mac replied. "He gave me half days but that's it."

"Can't you work from home or tele-conference or anything?" asked the worried girl. "I'm just scared to leave him alone..." She began to tear up.

Mac went to her and took her in her arms. "He'll be alright, Mattie. This has happened to him before and he had no one. At least now I can call him every hour and check on him. I can even ask Uncle AJ to stop by and look in on him."

"Mac!" called Harm from the bedroom.

"You going to be okay, Mattie?" Mac asked, followed by a quick "coming, honey."

She nodded, trying not to cry. "Go, he needs you and by the sound of it, so does my little sis" she said to Mac. "I'll come see him before I leave for school."

Mac smiled and turned to go back to the bedroom. Ainsley was in rare form by then and Harm wasn't so happy himself.

"Where have you been, babe?" he asked her. "We're kinda dying back here!"

"I'm sorry, I was talking to Mattie" Mac replied. "Come here, little one. Mommy's going to make you all dry. How's the pain this morning?" she asked Harm.

"Not as bad as you'd think for having been hunched over all night" he answered. "But as soon as you get a chance, I'd love my morning pill."

"How about a morning visit to the head?" she asked him as she wiped Ainsley's bottom with a baby wipe. "And I think it would be best if you used an alternate method of using the toilet while we're gone today."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "I thought we'd been over this already. I'll manage - in fact, I'll make a deal with you: if I can get myself out of bed right now, to the bathroom and back without any help, you'll let the 'alternate method' stuff go. Deal?"

"You bet, Flyboy" she said. "If you can do that, you owe me dinner at Calisto's when you're out of bed too." Mac had no faith in his ability to accomplish this feat.

"You're on, babe" he said, "and I was already planning to take you out as soon as I'm back on my feet." He gave her one of "those" smiles as he started in trying to maneuver his way out of the bed.

Mac finished diapering Ainsley and put her to her breast almost on autopilot as she watched Harm struggle. It took him nearly five minutes to get his legs over the side of the bed. "You sure you don't want help?" she asked.

"Ah! Damn it..." he muttered to himself. "No, I can do it." he said. "I've been through this before, to a degree anyway. This is the worst part, learning how to move by myself."

"Honey...I..." She stopped and watched as he tried to lever himself up.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" he said aloud as he finally made it into a sitting position. "Okay, now for the hard part."

"Harm..." She began again then fell silent again looking at the baby and not at him.

"Yeah?" he asked as he slowly and painfully pushed himself into a standing position, one inch at a time.

"Never mind" she said and stroked the baby's head.

Once he was on his feet, he reached out and placed one hand on the wall so he could use it for balance as he inched his way around the perimeter of the room towards the bathroom. "No, you can say it, babe" he said. "You don't like me doing this, right?"

"I don't like it at all. Not with me right here and certainly not with me gone all day. What if you have another spasm? What if you fall?" Mac fretted.

"It's never happened" he said, his voice indicative of the effort each step was taking from him. "But, if it'd make you feel better, you can bring my cell phone in before you leave and when I get up, I'll clip it on my waistband so if I were to end up in trouble, I'd be able to call for help."

"It'll make me feel better if you don't get up while I'm gone" Mac sighed. "But fine. I'll bring you your phone." She shifted Ainsley to her shoulder for a burp.

He stopped moving and looked back at her. "Baby, I have to do this. I wish I didn't, but its part of living with this injury. I'll be okay. Please don't worry any more than you feel you have to." He knew better than to tell her not to worry at all; since if the shoe was on the other foot he'd be worried silly about her.

"I feel like I have to worry a lot. What if there was something to that nightmare?" she asked, continuing to pat Ainsley's back.

"Mac, in that nightmare the surgery went awry" he said. "Nothing happened to me at home. I know you take nightmares seriously and I fully respect that, but I don't want what happened in my subconscious last night to scare you." He began walking again, realizing that he'd been on his feet far longer than he should have been.

"Fine" she sighed rising. "Have it your way." Finally, Ainsley burped, a good sized one too. "Good job, baby girl" Mac praised. "Now say, daddy's being stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn" he called from the bathroom, having finally made it there. "I'm what the Admiral liked to call 'strong willed'."

"Same thing" Mac replied

"Yeah" he answered, "but my version sounds better."

"How are you doing?" she asked, letting her anger at his "strong willed" tendencies fade a bit in comparison with her concern.

"I'm fine" he answered. "I haven't had to pee this badly since...damn...I can't even remember when..."

"No pain?" she asked.

"Some" he said, "in my back, not in my...anyway." His voice trailed off.

Mac walked over to the bathroom. "Not in your what?"

"I forget" he said with a smile. "What was your name for it last week?"

"Ah, I get the picture" she laughed. I think it was the '_Harmon Rabb Special'_."

"Yeah, I think it was" he said. "It'll be nice when we can do that again, you know...?"

"You just think about getting well, never mind the perks" she gently scolded. "Oh, by the way, Mattie is really upset about this. I think we're going to have to gloss over the gorier details of last night."

"She's upset? Really?" asked Harm as he leaned against the sink to wash his hands. "Did she talk to you?"

"Yeah, a bit" Mac replied. "She was pretty scared about leaving you alone all day and she teared up a bit" she told him, adding very softly, "not that I didn't."

He looked up at her. "You were in tears over leaving me, babe?"

Mac tried to cover. He couldn't have heard that, could he? She didn't want him to know that. "No, I said Mattie was" she fibbed.

"Mac" he said, tipping his head to one side, a sure sign that a lecture of sorts was coming. "Were you both crying about this? Please tell me."

She looked down at the floor. "Not together."

He turned around slowly, bracing himself against the counter. "Come here" he said softly.

"I don't want to hurt you" she replied, rooted to the spot where she stood, cuddling Ainsley tighter against her breast.

"You won't" he insisted. "Please, come over here. I've already been standing for ten times longer than I should have, and the longer you take to come here the longer I'll have to stand here" he said gently.

Mac gently laid the baby down on the bed and walked over to her husband. "Let's get you back in bed."

"Only if you promise to hear me out afterwards" he said.

"I'll hear you out when you're lying down with your legs elevated" Mac replied. "I promise." She slipped a hand around his waist. "Let's go, Sailor."

With a simple nod, he accepted her assistance, and they walked very slowly back to the bed. "I can sit down by myself, I think" he said.

"Okay, you sit and I'll move Miss Ainsley to the floor. She can have tummy time while I set you up here." Mac set Ainsley's little blanket down on their bedroom floor.

Bracing his hands against the side of the bed, he lowered his body very gingerly until he was in a sitting position. "See" he said happily and out of breath, "told you I could do it myself."

"It wasn't the sitting I doubted, Sailor" she replied. "Its the standing and the walking that worry me." She rose from laying Ainsley down and went to help him lift his legs into the bed.

"Ooh, ouch!" he muttered. "I'm fine, I'm fine, that just stung a little is all."

"Okay?" she asked him. "I'm going to prop you up just hang in there, babe."

"Yeah" he said. "You know, this is actually getting better the more we do it. Kinda scary, huh?"

"Left side now" Mac told him and repeated the same motions with that leg. "You have great legs, Sailor" Mac smiled running her hand over his bare skin as she moved to place the pillow behind his neck.

"Hey now" he said in his best bedroom voice, "don't go starting anything we can't finish."

"You did after Ainsley was born" she reminded him with a smile. "Payback time. Lift up" she instructed. It was already becoming routine.

He did as she instructed, his body knowing what to do from sheer repetition. "When did I do that" he asked, "start anything right after she was born?"

"The day we were taking her to see Dr.Kendall," she reminded him. "That kiss was...I can still feel it."

"Oooohhh yeah" he said, a mammoth grin spreading across his face. "I remember now. That was some kiss, huh?" He looked directly at her as he spoke, his smile fading as he lost himself in those amazing brown eyes.

"I made you a promise, Flyboy" Mac replied. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Sit down right here" he asked her.

Mac obeyed him and sat down beside him, reaching for his left hand. She wanted to touch him as he told her whatever it was he wanted to say.

"I know you're worried about leaving me here alone today" he said. "I can't ask you not to worry, and I can't ask you not to leave because neither of those are viable options. What I _will_ ask you to do is try your best to remember that I've been through this before, and those times I was alone, almost from the beginning. My mom was there for a couple days one time, but other than that, it was all me. I'll be okay, Mac. It'll be a long day and I'll have to push myself a little, but I can do it."

"But you said this is the worst it's been, and maybe you don't remember but last night you...you were so scared and I was so scared...you couldn't feel your legs honey, you said that never happened before. You begged me, _begged_ me to help you, to fix you, and I couldn't help you and I...what if I'm gone and that happens again?" she asked, not able to stop one tear from escaping before she got a hold of herself.

"Hey, hey" he said softly, reaching up to caress her face. "I know that's always a possibility and I'll admit the idea does scare me some, but...I don't want to lay here today thinking about how worried you are about me. Aside from staying right here until you get back, would there be anything else I could do that would make today any easier on you?"

She shook her head. "If you're in here you can't get hurt" she replied. "Please, honey. Please."

Before Harm could reply, Mattie entered carrying a travel mug with a straw sticking out of the top.

"I fixed your coffee" she said. "I hope I got it right."

"Thanks, kiddo" he said, taking the mug from her. "I'm sure you did fine."

"How are you feeling?" she asked him. "You looked like you were sleeping pretty peacefully when I peeked in this morning."

"Oh, you peeked in this morning, huh?" he asked with a smile.

"Yep" she replied. "All three of you were sacked out, it was sweet. I took a picture."

"You didn't tell me that" laughed Mac.

"Yeah, I took 2 or 3" said Mattie. "Come on, it was a Kodak Moment if ever there was one!"

"I'm sure it was" said Harm, taking a careful sip of his coffee. "Mmm, it's perfect, Mats. Thanks."

"Welcome" she said. "I wasn't sure if I put too much creamer in or not."

"Nope" he said, "just right."

"Harm was just telling me he's feeling better this morning" Mac told her. "Right, sweetie?"

"Right" he said. "Still got a ways to go, but I'm noticeably better than I was yesterday."

"But I'm still calling that specialist" Mac told him.

"What specialist?" asked Mattie.

"Dr. Bryan Peddie, a neurologist at Bethesda who deals with pilots and submariners who have chronic back pain from bad discs and nerves" Mac replied.

"You need that?" Mattie asked Harm. "I thought you were getting better."

"I am" he assured her, "but it's still time to see about getting this fixed."

"It's just preventative, sweetie" Mac assured her. "As Harm gets older, these attacks will become more frequent unless we get it taken care of."

"Okay" replied Mattie, "as long as it's just to be on the safe side and not because he's getting worse."

"Mats" Mac said quickly. "Its almost 0800, you better get going or you'll be late."

"Oh, crap!" said Mattie. "Glad you're feeling better" she said, leaning in to kiss Harm on the cheek.

"Have a good day. I'll see you went you get home" Mac said going to receive her own kiss.

"Bye, Ainsley Bear" said Mattie, getting on her hands and knees to kiss the baby as she enjoyed her tummy time. "Okay, see everyone later!"

With that Mattie was out the door.

* * *

As soon as Mattie left the room, Mac resumed her seat beside Harm, her brown eyes found his blue ones as she awaited his answer to her earlier plea. 

"You want me to stay here all day" he said. "Nothing else will appease you, babe?"

"No" she said firmly. "I want you to do as the doctor said and if you get up you won't be able to get back into bed right and you'll be out flat until I get home" Mac said. "Of course there is option B."

"Am I gonna like this at all?" he asked with an apprehensive smile.

"Nope" she smiled. "Option B is I call over to Bethesda and ask them to send over a health aid. What's it going to be?"

He weighed his options for a moment. "If it'll make you feel better and allow you to get your work done today" he said, "I'll stay put." He didn't feel it was necessary, but he also knew she'd be a mess by the time she got home if he didn't cooperate, and truth be told he wasn't super comfortable with the notion of being up by himself either. He wanted to be, but he knew deep down that it wasn't the best of ideas.

"Thank you" she said sincerely. "There is the problem of using the head though."

"I'll wait till you get home" he said.

"Are you sure you can hold it for seven hours?" Mac asked. "I could get you an empty Coke bottle or something. Maybe Bud still has that thing he used when he got home after his accident?"

"That's not exactly the kind of thing you wanna borrow, Mac" he replied with a laugh. "I've held it for longer than 7 hours before, and if I stop drinking this coffee and don't drink too much, I'll be fine."

"Let me just leave the bottle, just in case" Mac requested. "Every time a person tries to not go, they have to go more."

"Point taken" he said. "That'll be fine; that way I'll have it if I get desperate. Hey, speaking of bottles, I thought of something earlier."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Unless you know something I don't" he said as he looked over at Ainsley, "we don't have any bottles to send to day care for her."

"They have some extra bottles" Mac told him. "There are at least three in the freezer there. Don't worry."

"Okay, great" he said. "Not sure what we'd have done otherwise!"

"Thanks for remembering, honey" Mac smiled at him. "Now if you are set I have to take a shower and get dressed. Want to play with your daughter?"

"Can't think of too many things I enjoy more" he replied with a smile.

Mac bent over and lifted Ainsley off her blanket, an action which her daughter protested.

"Oh, baby girl" said Harm as he reached out to take her, "come see me while mommy takes her shower. You can have tummy time with daddy, okay?" he said as he positioned the baby against himself, tummy-to-tummy. "Ainsley, look at me" he said softly, "look at daddy." The baby's fussiness died down, and her little blue eyes made contact with her father's matching pair. "Hi, beautiful!" he said with a smile, which the baby immediately copied. She had her daddy's smile, which aside from her eyes was always one of the first things people would comment on.

"You're not worried about me, are you?" he asked her. "No, you know your daddy can handle this, huh?" The baby looked at him and laughed. "Oh, you're laughing at me? Ainsley Rose Rabb, I thought you loved me." He stuck out his lower lip the way Ainsley always did just before she pitched a fit, but when he saw she was beginning to cry, he quickly smiled at her instead. As always, his smile made her tears disappear and within seconds both her smile and his were ear-to-ear.

Mac hurried in the shower wanting to spend as much time with Harm as she could before she had to leave. She had a terrible feeling about leaving him today, something that even his promise to stay put couldn't ease.

Fifteen minutes later she was out of the shower and stepped back into the bedroom to find Harm and Ainsley both smiling and happy. "She loves doing that with you" Mac smiled as she watched the baby snuggling with her daddy.

"I know" he said, beaming with pride. "It's mutual."

"Still feeling good?" she asked him as she began dressing.

"Mm-hmm, pretty good" he said, bringing the baby up a little closer so he could kiss her head.

"I hope it lasts" she said. "But I'm still calling Dr. Peddie. I won't listen to or heed any argument so don't waste your strength."

"I wouldn't dream of it" he replied with a grin as Ainsley gummed his index finger. "Any chance we're getting close to teething?" he asked.

"I don't know" Mac replied. "Are her gums red or puffy?" she asked, as she powdered her nose.

As Harm tried to remove his finger from his daughter's mouth to peek at her gums, she once again let her displeasure be known.

"I don't think they're puffy" he said, "but she's gnawing the daylights out of my finger. I bet she's gonna be a load of fun to nurse once she starts doing this while she eats."

"She's already doing that while she eats" Mac replied. "She's bruising the heck out of me."

"How badly?" he asked her. "Enough to stop?"

"Enough to make me consider it daily" Mac replied as she pinned on her insignia and moved back to Harm's side. "That is, until I look down at her while she's doing it. That's too precious an experience to give up for a little bruising. I wish I didn't have to go in today. I don't feel right."

"I know you don't" he said, reaching out to place his hand on hers. "It's only for a few hours, though, and I promise I'll stay right here the whole time. I've got the cordless phone right here, and if you'll bring me the TV remote and my cell phone, maybe a few snacks, I should be all set."

"Okay" Mac sighed. "You want your pill or some breakfast?"

"Both would be great" he said. "Would you fix me some peanut butter toast and scrambled eggs? Do you have time for that? If not, some cold Pop Tarts and a glass of milk will be fine."

"I think I can manage the eggs and toast" Mac replied and leaned over. "Kiss?"

"Certainly" he answered, craning his neck up just an inch or so to kiss his wife.

"I'll be right back" she told him, and headed to the kitchen to fix his breakfast.

Fifteen minutes later Mac was back with his breakfast, his juice and pill, and an empty Coke bottle. There was also an apple and a baggie of grapes. "Here you go, Flyboy. All set" she announced as she set the tray down. "I also put some fruit on there for you to have while I'm gone. I have to get going."

"Thanks, babe" he said. "That looks great. Have you got everything you need for her?" he asked, nodding towards the baby, who was still busily chomping at his finger.

"Yeah, I packed the diaper bag last night" she told him. "She's all set, you're all set...So I'm off. I'll call you a lot today, okay. If you start to hurt worse you call me ASAP, that's an order Commander!"

"Aye aye, Colonel!" he replied, his usual mock salute replaced with a Flyboy smile.

With that and another quick kiss, Mac lifted Ainsley and was gone.

* * *

Mac arrived at JAG HQ just under the wire after hitting some traffic and dropping off a fussy Ainsley at daycare. It seemed everywhere she turned she was assaulted with questions about the honeymoon, the baby, and of course Harm's back. It was in fact a miracle she finished anything that morning, but thankfully she did. In fact, in spite of her worries about Harm and the baby, she had quite a productive morning until her phone rang. 

"Mackenzie-Rabb" she said into the receiver. That was her legal last name, though most of the time outside of the office, she just used Rabb.

Mac listened to the caller, a worker from Ainsley's daycare. With each word the woman spoke her heart beat faster. "I see" Mac sighed. "She did have a bad experience with a bottle lately and since then...Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you for calling."

Mac rose from her desk so quickly she knocked her chair into the radiator behind her. At warp speed she made her way to the General's office and knocked on his private door.

"Enter!" he called out, an order which Mac quickly followed.

"At ease" said the General, looking up at Mac. "What can I help you with, Colonel?"

"I need to leave immediately, Sir" Mac informed him.

"For what reason?" he asked.

"My baby, Sir" she replied. "Her daycare called, she's refusing to eat, Sir and I must go and tend to her."

"I take it you're the only one who can handle this particular situation?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir" she replied. "And...Well, that would bring me to a secondary request Sir."

"I'm listening" he stated.

"Sir, I request a schedule of ten until one until such time as Commander Rabb is healed and Ainsley has recovered fully from her ordeal" Mac said in a rush. "My family needs me, Sir."

"Colonel, I thought we discussed this before" he said. "You're needed here as well." He was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking things over. "In addition to being in the office for 3 hours a day, would you be willing to work from home for the other 5 hours of your workday?"

"Yes, Sir" Mac replied. "I certainly would."

He nodded. "Very well, then" he said. "Effective immediately your schedule will be as we discussed, and we'll re-evaluate your family situation in one week and determine if any further changes are warranted. Anything else, Colonel?"

"No, Sir" Mac replied. "Nothing except my gratitude, Sir."

"Go take care of your baby, Colonel" answered the General. "That'll be all."

"Aye, Aye, Sir" Mac replied before executing an about face and exiting his office.

Harm was lying in bed, bored out of his mind. He'd surfed every channel at least a dozen times, thumbed through a flight magazine that was on his bed side table as well as one of Mac's parenting magazines, and tried to take a nap but he wasn't very sleepy. He looked around the room at all the pictures on the wall, the ones he could see anyway. There was one of them in Santa Monica the night they got engaged. He remembered back to that night, how magical it was. Mac was just over 6 months pregnant and looked amazing in that long purple dress. There was one of the three of them the day Ainsley came home from the hospital. He smiled as he remembered how special that day was. Beside that was the 16 by 20 of their wedding portrait, a permanent reminder of what a wonderful life he had. He was lost in thought when he heard the front door open.

"Mac?" he called. "Mattie?"

"It's me, honey" Mac called. "Me and Ainsley." Mac balanced the baby and half of her desk as she made her way to the bedroom.

"Everything okay?" he called back, worried about why they were home so soon.

"Yes and no" she replied as she made it to the room and dropped the files on the bed. "_Your _daughter is being stubborn."

"Oh, _my_ daughter is, is she?" he replied with a smile. "What did _my _daughter do?"

"She refused her bottle, then dissolved into complete hysterics, so the day care called me and I had go over and feed her" Mac replied sitting down on the bed next to him. "Then on the way home she dropped her rattle and would not stop crying until I got it for her, so I had to pull over and..."

"Sounds like you've had a rough afternoon" he replied. "Creswell let you come home, though; that's good."

"Yeah, but he had conditions" she replied and motioned to the files on the bed. "Lots of them."

Harm glanced over at the array of files spread across the bed. "Work from home?" he asked.

"Five hours a day, I have to pull the other three at JAG" she sighed. "And of course I'm full up; I have my case load, half of yours, but enough about that, how are you feeling?"

"Aside from being bored silly?" he asked. "I'm feeling fine; not much pain at all."

"That's good. I did get a chance to call Dr. Peddie" she replied and finally began to remove Ainsley's outerwear.

"Oh?" asked Harm. "What'd he say? Did you talk to him or just a nurse?"

"I talked to his PA who said he can see you tomorrow at 1400. She's sending a van for you" Mac replied.

"Will you be here?" he asked. "Which 3 hours a day does the General have you working at HQ?"

"1000-1300" Mac replied. "I'll meet you there, I promise. She has to send an EMT crew."

Harm rolled his eyes. "I suppose she does, but I'm really not in that bad of shape, you know? I can't drive myself, but an EMT crew just seems pretty extreme."

"You aren't supposed to sit up" Mac reminded him. "If you really don't want them I'll tell her I'll bring you in and you can stretch out in the back of the SUV, but..."

"No, it's okay" he said. "I don't want you to have to leave work early or have to rush us there in time for the appointment. I'll go with the EMT's, it's not a problem."

Mac leaned forward and patted his head. "Good flyboy" she praised. "Want a baby?"

"Most definitely" he replied with a smile. "Come here, baby girl" he said, holding out his hands towards Ainsley.

Ainsley babbled and reached her little arms out towards her daddy as Mac transferred her over to him. "I have to start reading some of these" Mac told him. "You two play nice."

"We'll play nice" he said. "_You _go get into come comfy clothes and get as much work done as you can. I'll holler if I need you, but we should be fine for awhile."

"Thanks" Mac sighed. "She should be okay for another two hours on food. You rest easy."

"Tell mommy we'll just lay here and play" he said to the baby, taking her little hand and giving it a kiss.

As if to obey her daddy, Ainsley giggled at Mac then started blowing bubbles at Harm.

Mac sat down at the kitchen table and spread out the files. Most of them were generic things like drunk and disorderlies, reckless driving, unpaid parking tickets, and one civil law suit. It peaked her interest, but she decided it best to deal with the simpler things first.

She waded through depositions and petitions from convening authorities, making notes and so on until...

"Hey babe" called Harm.

"Yeah" Mac called not wanting to have to interrupt her momentum.

"I think she's hungry" he called back to her.

"Oh" Mac groaned and stood up. She dragged her tired body into the bedroom, "We have to get her to take bottles again. I'm swamped out there."

"Do we have any?" he asked.

"One more" Mac replied. "But she won't take it. You tried last night."

"You're right though" he said as Ainsley began to cry louder, "we have to get her used to taking bottles again. You wanna warm up the one you've got out there and I'll be the bad guy and make her take it?"

"Normally I'd say no, but she has to do it again eventually" Mac replied. "I'll be right back."

It didn't take long for Mac to heat up the bottle of milk and bring it back to Harm. "She's really getting upset. I don't know if she'll take it."

"Let's give it 15 minutes or so" he said as he cradled Ainsley and reached for the bottle. "If she works herself into a panic, we'll have to try again later. Think you can work on saving another bottle while you're reading files?"

"That I can do" Mac replied going to get her breast pump. "Good luck with this."

"Okay, beautiful" he said to the baby as she lay screaming in his arms. "I know this isn't want you really want, but you've got to get used to it again." He put the bottle to her mouth, and as expected, she wanted nothing to do with it. He knew all he could do was continue to try for the next few minutes. He hated it, but he knew it was what had to be done.

Mac tried to continue reading the files as she listened to her baby's cries turn into screams. She didn't really think Ainsley would take a bottle from Harm or anyone else. Mac's heart broke as she listened to her baby, and she was just about to break down and go into get her when the screaming stopped and was replaced with silence. Mac rose from the sofa, walked back to the bedroom and peeked around the door.

She saw Ainsley lying in her daddy's arms, heartily taking the bottle. She could see the baby's little body shudder every few moments as she calmed down from her screaming fit, but the important thing was she was taking the bottle. Harm looked at Mac and gave her a spectacular smile, and then mouthed to her "we're good, get back to work."

Mac returned his smile and did just that.

The rest of the evening seemed to fly by as Mac worked on her case load. She took a break to fix dinner and eat it in the bedroom with Harm before he gave Ainsley another bottle. Afterwards, she bathed the baby and gave her back to Harm for another hour so she could finish a file she'd been reading earlier. Once that was done, she sat in the bedroom with Harm and nursed Ainsley before putting her, almost asleep, into her crib and then busying herself with Harm's bath and back rub. By the time she got to bed herself, it was well after midnight and she fell right to sleep.

* * *

The next morning found Mac awakening first to go and feed a crying Ainsley. Harm had had a difficult night's sleep, she could tell by how much shifting he'd done and how his brow was furrowed. She'd have to wake him and make him use the head before she showered, then she hoped she'd be able to get him to nap until it was time to go to Dr. Peddie's. 

Once the baby was fed, burped and changed, Mac woke Mattie, and then returned to Harm. He was groggy, having not had much sleep but said he wasn't feeling too badly. Working together, they got him to the bathroom and into clean sweats. By the time they were finished he was totally spent. "How you doing, babe?" she asked him as she fluffed his neck pillow and finished situating him in the bed.

"I don't know why I'm so out of it today" he said. "I didn't do anything yesterday; I slept all night, why am I so exhausted?"

"I don't know, sweetie. We'll let the doctor tell you, okay?" Mac stroked his head. "You didn't sleep peacefully, that much I can tell you."

"Did I keep you up?" he asked.

"Not really, but you kept shifting and making sounds" she replied. "I heard you mostly when I got up to pee. Anything you want to tell me?"

"No..." he said with a sigh. "I must be nervous about this appointment, I guess. I'm hoping he says it's still not bad enough to need surgery, but the down side to that would be that this could happen again and I'm tired of dealing with it."

"I know you are, honey" Mac sympathized. "Let's see what our options are. How's the pain? You were huffing and puffing a bit in the head."

"Little worse than yesterday" he admitted. "Not terrible though, I'll live."

"Worse?" Mac immediately grew concerned. "Shouldn't it be better?"

He shook his head. "It does this sometimes; gets better then a little worse and then better again. Don't worry, babe; my back loves to play tricks on me."

Mac nodded. "I better get off to the office. I'll see you at Dr. Peddie's at 1400, okay? You listen to the medics."

"I will" he promised her. "Got everything for the baby?"

"Yep, we're all set" she replied leaning over to kiss him. "Get some rest. We'll see you later."

The three hours Mac was at the office were pleasantly uneventful. She asked the General for permission to employ Bud as co-counsel on the drunk and disorderlies, and once approved she spent an hour with Bud going over the finer points of the cases. After finishing up with that, she worked for awhile on one of Harm's cases from before they went on leave for the wedding and honeymoon. He'd been granted a continuance because of the prosecutions need to research a witness further, and the case was due back in court in two days. Needless to say, she would be defending in Harm's place. Before she knew it, her internal clock read 1300, and she quickly packed up the files she needed to work on at home and headed for Bethesda.

For his part, Harm slept most of the day until about 1300 when the persistent knocking at the door woke him. It was then he realized that neither he nor Mac had thought to leave a key or anything so that the medics could get it. Painfully and slowly, he had to get out of bed and meander his way to the front door. Once there the medics eased him onto the stretcher they'd brought and one took Harm's information while the other retrieved Harm's coat and other belongings before transporting him to Bethesda.

He arrived at the hospital before Mac, meaning he had some time alone in the exam room to think about the situation. He was glad to be seeing a new doctor, since new doctors often offered new opinions and new outlooks. Part of him wanted to be told that surgery was a realistic option; that he could have it and be done with the pain from that particular injury forever. Another part of him wasn't too sure about spinal operations; his recent nightmare not helping any. He wasn't sure how to feel about things, so he shifted his focus to looking forward to Mac's arrival. He needed her support, and there was no doubt he'd have it.

Traffic was awful on the way to Bethesda, and Mac arrived at Bethesda with little time to spare. Add to that one very dimwitted Ensign at reception, and by the time Mac got to Dr. Peddie's suite and into Harm's room, she was thoroughly aggravated. "Hey, babe" she greeted. "Sorry I'm late. How was the trip?"

"Fine" he said, holding his arms out to tell her he wanted a hug and kiss. "Guess what we forgot to give any thought to."

Mac walked into his arms and held him a moment, placing a kiss on his lips. "Mid afternoon traffic, idiotic receptionists..." She began.

"Leaving a house key for the medics" chimed Harm.

"Oh, no!" Mac gasped. "How did you..."

"I had to get up and let them in" he said. "Nothing else to do."

"Oh, babe" Mac fretted. "How do you feel?"

"Not all that great" he said, "but since I'd gotten myself up yesterday morning I was able to do it again. Hurt though."

Mac was about to lean over and kiss him again when the door opened. "Good afternoon Commander, Colonel" the tall red headed man greeted. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Bryan Peddie."

"Commander" said Harm, offering his hand to the doctor.

"Before I examine you I'd like you to give me a history of the injury" said Dr. Peddie. "When you sustained it, how, the other times you've had trouble with it...I've read your records and viewed you tests but I'd like to hear you tell it."

"It began when I was involved in a ramp strike back in '91" said Harm. "I had other injuries, too, but this is the only one that hung around. Since then I've had to punch out of two more F-14's, I crash landed a two-seater and I've been in a head-on car crash." He squeezed Mac's hand as he spoke.

"Wow, impressive" Dr. Peddie smirked. "How many flare ups have you had since 1991?" he asked.

Harm counted in his head. "Maybe 4 or 5 of any significance" he replied. "Probably 6 or 8 smaller ones, just a mild back ache sort of thing."

"Out of the 5 major flare ups, which one has been the worst?" Dr. Peddie asked, writing down the information on a note pad.

"That would be a toss up between this one and the one about 3 years ago" he answered. "That one I couldn't walk no matter how I tried; this time I can walk but it's not a lot of fun and the pain was much more severe throughout this time."

The doctor nodded, "Any leg involvement this time other then the normal radiation? Any numbness, tingling, loss of feeling?"

Harm nodded. "Two nights ago when I was rolling over."

"What happened, in detail?" Dr. Peddie seemed very interested in this.

"I went to roll onto my stomach" said Harm, "and about halfway there I felt a terrible shot of pain and then my legs went completely numb. I panicked, but thankfully my wife here knew all the right things to do. She massaged the knot out and whatever nerve I'd compressed was eventually released and the feeling came back as a nasty case of pins and needles."

"Is this the first time that happened?" Dr. Peddie asked. "Have you had pins and needles or tingling since then?"

"No, not since then" he answered, "and yes, that was the first time that had ever happened."

"Okay, how's the pain now?" Dr. Peddie asked rising and moving closer to Harm.

"Bearable" answered Harm.

"On a scale of 1-10" Dr. Peddie pressed.

"Around 3, maybe 4" said Harm. "I took my pain killer this morning, but nothing else since, no Tylenol or anything, which sometimes I have to have in between."

"Alright, Commander. Can you roll over onto your left side please?" he asked. "Your records state compression of Lumbar 1-3 and a herniation of the discs between Lumbar 2 and Lumbar 4" the doctor read off. "Is that correct?"

"That's correct" said Harm as he slowly rolled onto his side, Mac helping him a little bit.

"Tell him about how you felt this morning" Mac told Harm.

"The pain was a little worse this morning than it was when I went to bed" he said. "I told her my back usually does that; gets better then a little worse then better again."

"That's not what I meant and you know it" Mac said sternly.

He gave her his "oh, alright" look before addressing the doctor. "In addition to the pain being a bit worse" he said, "I was really tired this morning and I'm not sure why. Any thoughts?"

"Yeah, probably an acute pain attack overnight," the doctor said matter of factly. "If you were in deep sleep you might have not been aware of it" He said this as he poked around near the area of injury with his hand.

"Oh, ow!" said Harm when the doctor hit a tender spot.

"Try and use the pain scale, Commander" the doctor told him, moving his hand laterally now over a visible abnormality in Harm's back.

"Eight" said Harm, squeezing Mac's hand again. "That spot has always been bad, just ask the Colonel."

"Colonel, has this always been here?" Dr. Peddie asked her indicating the area of concern to him.

Mac looked at where the doctor was pointing. "Not since I've been the one working on him" she said. "This is the first time he's had an episode since we've been together, so I'm learning as we go, but no, I haven't seen that before today."

"Probably wasn't there before today" he doctor said. "Thank you. Commander, your lumbar 2 disc is swollen. Any idea what caused that?"

"That would probably be from walking from the bedroom to the front door to let the paramedics in so they could transport me for the appointment" said Harm. "We foolishly forgot to leave a key for them."

"Can't do that" the doctor said. "This is...I'm going to get some new pictures Commander, but I'm concerned by the amount of swelling. What happens when I press in?" he asked.

"Oh, God!" exclaimed Harm. "Ten! Ten! I can't feel...my legs!"

Mac's hand squeezed down on his. "It's okay. I'm right here."

The doctor let go. "Now what's happening?"

"Pins and needles!" answered Harm. "Don't do that again!" he added in his best prosecutor voice.

"I won't have to" the doctor replied. "Colonel, you stay here and calm your husband. I'm going to get transport to take him for an MRI. I'll be right back."

The doctor left Mac alone with Harm. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she whispered, kissing his brow. "I'm sorry. Take deep breaths."

"You have no idea how much that hurt!" he said.

"Ssh" she whispered. "I know, I know" she comforted. "But he's going to help you, honey. I promise." She kissed his damp cheek again.

"I wonder what he's looking for?" asked Harm, trying to relax as best he could.

"I don't know" she replied. "Is it going away any?"

"Not really" he answered. "How did we both forget to leave a key?"

"Too much on our minds" she replied. "Can I do anything to help?"

"You can tell me that Ainsley cooperated" he said. "Did you get any calls from the day care?"

"Nope" Mac replied. "She's been an angel so far" Mac replied. "Took her bottle and all."

Mac just finished saying this when the transporter came for Harm. "Commander, Sir, I'm hear to take you for your test. Colonel, Ma'am, you can wait outside here until he comes back," the young corpsman told her.

"Thank you" said Mac before turning to Harm and giving him another kiss. "You'll do fine, babe. It's just an MRI, no biggie, okay?"

"I know" he said, giving her hands another squeeze. "Don't run off with any good looking officers while I'm gone, understand?"

"I'll be right here" Mac assured him and sat down to wait.

The hour that Harm was gone seemed to drag on for much longer, but finally she saw him being wheeled down the hall. "Hey, how was it?" she asked him, reaching for his hand.

"Miserable" he answered. "I hope he found what he wanted after all that."

"Pain?" she asked following him into the room. "You look so tired."

"I'm drained" he said weakly. "I wonder if he'll let me have anything for the pain right now?"

"We can ask him when he gets back" she said. "How about a nice warm rub down when we get home, hmm?"

"Okay" he said, "then its lights out for me, I'm just..."

"What, sweetie?" she prompted, caressing his forehead.

"Dead tired" he said, closing his eyes.

"You want to try to nap?" she asked. "I'll wake you when the doctor comes back?"

He shook his head. "No, God willing he won't take that long getting back in here. He said the radiologist had to read the films and give him the report, and then he'd be in."

Mac sighed; it worried her to see him so tired. "What do you want for supper?" she asked him trying to keep him engaged.

"Pizza" he said. "Deep dish with every veggie known to man on it."

"Sure" she replied. "Veggie deep dish it is. How are your legs?"

"Okay" he said with a sigh. "They're ready to be able to run again."

"Good, that's what I like to hear" she replied. "We have to get you well, Sailor. I'm going to need you to walk floors with Ainsley when she starts to cut teeth."

"You think she's getting close?" he asked. "She still hurting you?"

"Yep" Mac replied. "She should start in a couple weeks, month at most" Mac replied.

"That'll be fun" he said sarcastically. "When can we start giving her baby food?"

"Soon" Mac replied. "Probably in about a month. She's nearly doubled her birth weight so..." Mac never finished because a grim faced Dr. Peddie came in.

"That looks like the face of a man with bad news" joked Harm in an attempt to keep himself from being too frightened.

"It is I'm afraid" Dr. Peddie replied. "The nerve has been compromised, it is nearly full on compressed and the disc is swelling considerably. There are signs of deterioration along the entire lumbar region, especially between lumbar 2 and 4. There's a slight herniation of lumbar three's disc now as well" Dr. Peddie replied.

"Okay" said Harm. "So where does this leave us?"

"Well it leaves us with two options, really" Dr. Peddie replied. "The first is the conservative option. Bed rest for another ten days, then a six month physical therapy regiment with pain killers. Or I could perform a disectomy and see where that leaves us."

"How much rehab would be needed after the surgery?" asked Harm.

"About two months of physical therapy, but if you do have the surgery you'll be mobile after the anesthetic wears off" Dr Peddie replied. "Neither will completely cure the pain, but surgery will limit the amount of flare ups. With conservative therapy, there's no telling how or when you'll have the next one."

"My doctors in the past have said I'd probably reach a point where I'd need to think about having surgery" said Harm. "Looks like I'm there, huh?"

"You're not there yet, but I'd think it would be best to strike now" Dr. Peddie replied.

"If I decide to do it, how soon could you get me in?" asked Harm.

"Well, we'd have to wait until this flare up has passed" he replied. "Then I could get you on the OR schedule for the following week. Consider this though...either way, your flying days may be over."

"I know..." replied Harm softly. "I've been afraid of that for a long time; every flare up makes me think about that. Have you ever operated on anyone with this kind of injury who _didn't_ lose their wings afterwards?"

"Yes" he replied. "More do than don't, but this is medicine Commander. Nothing is a certainty."

"I understand" he said. "Can you give the Colonel and I a few minutes to talk it over?"

"You don't have to decide anything now" Dr. Peddie replied. "I'd like to see you again in a couple of days. How's Friday? You can talk it over, sleep on it...Oh, and let me give you this." He handed him a prescription.

"Does Friday work for you?" Harm asked Mac as he took the prescription from the doctor.

"Yeah" she said softly. "What is that?"

"It's for oxytocin, its better for the pain" the doctor replied, "which you can expect to get worse before it gets better. It will make you sleep and you should only take one every eight hours on that dosage. Also don't mix it with any other pain killer. Keep taking the Naproxen to relax the muscles, and Colonel, keep up the salve and massages, they're good for him."

"Yes, please keep up the massages" said Harm.

"If you don't have any other questions, I'll see you both on Friday" Dr. Peddie replied. "The van will be here shortly. Feel better Commander, and please consider the operation." With that, the doctor left them to themselves.

"So..." Mac sighed and looked at Harm's face.

"So..." he echoed. "I guess I'm having surgery, unless you can convince me not to."

Mac bit her lip, "Do we have to talk about it right now?"

"No, I guess not" he said. "Tomorrow, though. I can't have this hanging over our heads all week."

She nodded. "Look, can you wait for the transport team alone? I have to backtrack and pick up the baby."

"Sure" he said. "Can you pick up the pizza on your way back?"

"Sure thing" she replied. "Half veggie, half dead animal?"

"So long as none of your half overlaps with my half" he said with a little smile.

"I'll make sure" she replied and leaned over to give him a kiss. "I love you. See you at home."

"Love you, too" he said.

Mac left Harm and went to pick up Ainsley. She was so shaken by the doctor's report and she had to get herself under control before they talked. If she showed fear, then he would too, and he might opt not to have the operation. On the other hand, spinal surgery was risky, but so was living in constant pain...There was no winning in this situation.

It was on autopilot that she picked Ainsley up, ordered the pizza, retrieved it and drove home.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry there wasn't more happy fluff in this chapter, but if you'll stick with me, I promise you, it's coming!_


	77. Chapter 77

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews - you all are the best:) I hope long chapters are to your liking, because here's another one! _

* * *

Chapter 77: 

Harm had arrived home, and the medics had helped him back to bed. The pain from the exam had dissipated and he was back to feeling tired, but relatively relaxed.

"Honey!" Mac called.

"In here!" he answered.

"Pizza's here" she called. "Where's Mattie?"

"Over at her friend's house" he called back.

"How are you feeling?" she hollered, placing Ainsley in her seat and getting plates for the pizza.

"Better" he replied.

"Good" Mac replied, her voice getting closer. "Two slices to start with and a Sprite work for you?" she asked, bringing him the tray.

"Ooh, that looks great" he said. "I'm actually hungry tonight. Where's Ainsley?"

"In the living room" Mac replied. "I'm going to get her and my pizza."

Mac returned to the living room, took two slices of the meat lovers half of their pizza, picked up the baby and made her way back to the bedroom. She set down the pizza first, then lay Ainsley on her tummy next to Harm.

"Hi, precious girl" he said. "You did so good with those bottles today, didn't you?"

"She did" Mac replied.

"Does this mean we can stop doing them at home?" he asked, taking a big bite of his pizza.

"As far as working to make her take them again" Mac replied, "yeah, but where night time feedings are concerned, once you're able again, you're still on."

"That's good" he said with a smile. "I actually like doing those."

"You know who I ran into today at the pizza shop?" Mac asked.

He shook his head, taking a drink of his soda.

"Dr. Kendall" Mac told him, biting her pizza. "He just gushed over Ainsley."

"Did he?" replied Harm. "She's grown a little since he saw her last."

"A little?" Mac laughed. "Try a lot; anyway he and I had a nice chat."

Harm took another bite of his pizza. "What'd you talk about?" he asked, knowing her answer could cover any number of things.

"Well, we talked about Ainsley and how she's doing, we talked about you, and we talked about...possibilities…" Mac replied.

"You know, we never did get back to that discussion" he said, "the one we started and decided to table until I felt better."

"Well, you aren't feeling better so it can stay tabled" Mac replied, taking a sip of her soda.

"Actually" he said, "I'd really like to talk about it later tonight. I'm not in the best physical condition to do much of anything, but mentally I'm doing pretty well, all things considered, and I'd like to talk about this."

"Alright, as long as you're up to it" she replied. "Let's talk."

"Tonight" he said, reaching for his soda, "after the kids are in bed and everything is quiet. I don't want any distractions if we can help it."

Mac didn't say anything, just took a bite of her pizza and thought about what Dr. Kendall had said that afternoon.

"She's watching you, babe" he said to Mac as Ainsley's little eyes followed her mothers every move.

Mac smiled at the baby but remained silent, too emotional to speak. She instead waved two fingers at Ainsley, who smiled in response.

"Hey" he said softly, recognizing that when his wife was that quiet, it meant she was on the verge of tears. "Mac, please don't get upset about this. We'll talk tonight, and I'll listen to every single word you say and we'll talk through everything, I promise."

"We didn't really talk about having her" Mac sighed, going to pick up her baby and hold her close. "At least, not like we have to talk about the next one."

"Sure we did" he said. "We talked about whether we were sure we wanted to do whatever it took to have her. We knew it'd probably be a tough road to travel, and I remember some pretty serious talks before we started trying. You don't remember those, babe?"

"I do but...all along the decision was a given, we both knew that" Mac replied." We both knew after my accident that we finally wanted it all, and she's part of that." Mac kissed the baby on the forehead.

"She's a _big_ part of that" agreed Harm, "but I can tell that you're already pretty upset over trying again and everything that we have to talk through before we get to that point, and I hate to see you like that."

"I can't help how I feel, Harm" she said. The stress and tension of the past few days were grating on her.

Harm sighed. "Let's save this for tonight" he calmly suggested. "I'll gladly listen to everything you want to tell me about your talk with Dr. Kendall and your ideas and feelings and anything else you care to share, but let's hold off for a few hours. This is supposed to be our 'happy time' with each other and with the baby, right?"

Mac sighed. "Yeah, it is." She sat down with Ainsley on her lap. "She really is happy today."

"Yeah" he agreed. "Has her teacher said how her temperament has been this week?"

"Aside from yesterday when she was angry, they've said she's more animated than she had been. She smiles at one of the aide's all the time now" Mac replied.

"Good" he said. "After what she went through last week, she deserves to be happy and feel good again; we all do."

"You can say that again" Mac sighed as Ainsley pitched on her lap. She was going for the cup on the table. "Easy, baby" Mac told her before turning away to grab her napkin.

"Careful, she's gonna spill..." Before he could finish his sentence, Ainsley managed to grab Mac's cup and pull it towards her, spilling the contents all over herself, her mother and the bed.

"Oh, Ainsley, baby" Mac said. "No, no." Then to Harm, "I'm going to have to change the bed."

"I wish I could help" he said. "You don't need anything extra to do."

"You _can_ help" Mac replied. "You can sort of sit in the chair with your legs up and clean this baby up" Mac replied. "I'll change the bed and then you can play with her while I shower. My legs are all sticky."

"Okay, sure" he said. "Can you help me get into the chair and then bring me a diaper and her jammies?"

"Sure can" Mac replied. "Let me get another chair from the kitchen first so you can keep your legs up."

"Want me to hold her or you just want to put her on the floor?" he asked.

"You can hold her, she's getting that look" Mac replied referring to the look Ainsley got when she was about to be very upset.

"Come here, sweetheart" he said to his daughter as he saw the look on her face. "That soda was cold stuff, huh?"

Ainsley gave a little cough then start to whimper, her little lip sticking out. Mac snuck out of the room to go and get a chair for Harm, along with the baby's things.

"Daddy misses being able to play airplane with you" he said to the little one as he waited for Mac to return. "Daddy misses a lot of things." Ainsley looked at her daddy and smiled, waving her hands about. Harm smiled; he loved seeing his little girl so happy.

"Here we are, Sailor" Mac said setting down the kitchen chair and Ainsley's things. "Let's get daddy over here so I can clean up after you, silly girl."

"She's all sticky" said Harm, handing the baby over to Mac.

"Soda will do that" Mac laughed "Put her down on the bed; I'm going to help you first."

With a nod, he laid Ainsley down in the middle of the bed and began to move himself into a sitting position.

"Go easy" Mac warned. "We don't want to anger that back any."

Carefully, slowly he turned to move his legs over the side. "Ouch..." he muttered.

"Maybe you shouldn't be moving" Mac rethought her earlier idea. "I can just soak up the soda. Do you want to stop?"

"No" he said, "once it dries the sheets will get all stiff. I'm okay; I just have to be careful."

"Lean on me then" she told him and held her hands out to him so he could lever himself up. "Stop if it hurts too badly."

"I will" he assured her, gripping her hands and moving a little at a time until he was standing upright.

Mac noticed Harm was putting a lot of weight on her, but she said nothing of that. She simply asked, "Okay?"

"Mm-hmm" he said, "let's just get me sitting down again."

"Keep holding on to me, and take it slow" Mac said. "Little steps."

It took a couple minutes of very careful walking to get him over to the chair, but he made it.

"I'm really not supposed to be sitting up" he said, "but I don't guess a few minutes will make much difference."

"Honey?" Mac said in a questioning tone.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Is it getting worse?" she asked this only based on how he was walking. He done much better this morning.

"Starting to" he answered. "It's not all that bad yet, though."

"You were walking funny" Mac said moving to get the chair she was going to use to elevate his legs while she changed the bed.

He smiled. "You try getting your legs to cooperate after hardly using them at all for 5 days."

"Lift your legs, sweetie" said Mac.

He tried, but the pain was too much. "You're gonna have to lift them for me."

Mac reached and put the pillow and the chair first, then put her arm beneath his knees and as quickly as she could, she lifted his legs.

He held his breath as she got him settled. "That wasn't too terrible" he said.

"I tried to be quick" Mac replied laying a blanket gently over his legs before moving to get Ainsley. "Okay, sticky girl...time to go to daddy and get all clean."

"Can you strip her and change her diaper?" he asked. "I can get her dressed, but she wiggles too much to change her diaper in my lap."

"Sure" Mac replied and laid the baby back down on the bed to do a quick diaper change. "You're going to have to wipe her off too, honey" added Mac. "She's got soda all over herself."

"Why don't you take her into the shower with you?" he suggested. "She could probably use a good soaping off."

"Okay" Mac replied and handed him the baby with just her diaper on. "Play while I change the bed."

"Gladly" he said, taking his daughter and laying her tummy against his chest. At not quite 5 months old, Ainsley was still little enough for him to play with her like that, and old enough to respond to his expressions and his voice. He loved to lay with her like that and play peek-a-boo; the surprised look on her face when he moved his hands and smiled at her made his heart melt every time.

Mac hurried as she changed their sheets. She didn't want Harm sitting up a second longer than he had too. While she worked she watched Harm play with Ainsley. She knew he wanted to play with her out in the ball fields and later on in the airfields; and Mac prayed that could be done one day. "There we go, all set" she announced.

"Great" he said. "Let's get back over there before daddy's back throws a big fit, baby girl."

Mac took the baby and laid her on her blanket on the floor. "Same as the last time, Flyboy" Mac told him, removing the chair from underneath his legs.

Harm moved to get up, and found it noticeably more difficult than before. With a deep breath and extreme concentration, he moved an inch at a time.

"Sit back down" Mac told him. "Catch your breath first." As she told him this, Ainsley began to cry loudly.

"She's mad" he said as he took a second to regroup.

"She'll be okay" said Mac. "You ready to get up now?"

"Let's get it over with" he replied.

They made it back into the bed in just a couple of minutes. It took Mac another five minutes to get him tucked back in properly before she lifted the now hysterical baby. "Its okay, baby girl. Mommy's going to get you all clean while Daddy rests a bit."

"If you want" he said, "you can bring her to me after she's clean, that way you can shower without hanging onto a slippery baby."

"You're getting smarter as you get older" Mac smiled. "Just don't let her go to sleep, she has to eat."

"Understood" he said.

Mac took the baby in the shower with her and soaped her up. Once she was clean, Mac stepped out of the shower and returned to the bedroom, both Ainsley and herself wrapped in towels. Harm was relaxing in the bed, thumbing through a magazine. "Incoming: one clean baby" Mac announced.

"Did you get all clean in there with mommy?" he asked Ainsley as he took the towel-clad tyke from her mother. "Well, let's you and me hang out here and give mommy a turn, okay?"

Ainsley cooed at her Daddy and nuzzled into him as he held her. "I'll be back soon" said Mac. "When is Mattie coming home?"

"Within the hour" he answered. "She had a study group or something tonight."

"Alright" Mac replied. "Just curious. I'll be right back. You're feeling better, huh?"

"Yeah" he said, "a lot better actually."

"Good" Mac smiled at him. "I'm going to take a bath instead then."

"That's fine" he said. "About how long before she'll be hungry again?"

"Another half hour or so I think" Mac replied. "I'll be out by then, I just need the soak."

"Go ahead then" he said, "after you toss me that diaper over there, please. The last thing we need is to have to do this all over again after she pees on the bed."

"Sure thing, babe" Mac said tossing him her diapering stuff and her rose patterned jammies. "Have fun. Be good for daddy" Mac told Ainsley as she disappeared into the bathroom for a well deserved bath.

Harm tended Ainsley with relative ease. The baby squirmed very little and was content to snuggle with daddy after he changed and dressed her. Mattie got home while Mac was in the tub, and stayed to chat while Mac nursed Ainsley before heading to bed. Finally, the house was calm and both children were down for the night.

* * *

Mac slipped into bed and reached for her _What to Expect..._book, but Harm stopped her. 

"No reading tonight, remember?" he said. "We need to have that talk."

"You want to now?" she asked him putting the book down.

"I do" he said. "I know we've got plenty to think about with what Dr. Peddie told us today, but before we look at that we need to get the baby issue opened up and dealt with. I've said before that it's not a question of whether I want to have more children" he said. "It's simply a question of _when _I want to have them, and what sucks about that is that we don't get to choose that like most couples do. We don't necessarily get to decide that we'd like to start trying next week and boom, make it happen. That's part of what I'm looking at; that and the fact that you just delivered a few months ago and I can't imagine you going through all the fertility stuff again right now."

"Harm, I hear you, I do, but we don't have the luxury of time like other couples, either" Mac told him. "Dr. Kendall said that today when I talked with him. I asked him when he would recommend that we begin trying again, and he said by about the time Ainsley is a year old. There's always a chance of the endometriosis coming back and slowing things down; we have to factor that into our decision."

"I know we do" he said, "but she won't be a year old for another almost 8 months. I know the chances are pretty slim, but what about if we tried on our own for awhile starting in another few months? If it works, great. If not, then we can get back into treatment."

Mac laughed a little. "You're not serious."

"Well, yeah, actually I am" he said. "It's not like we've used birth control since, well, ever, and what's to say we absolutely, flat out _couldn't_ conceive on our own in the general run of things?"

"About a dozen medical reports, Harm" Mac replied. "If we could conceive on our own we would have done that with Ainsley. We can't. There's a reason they call it 'infertility'."

"I know that odds are against it" he said, "but I don't see any harm in trying anyway. It's not just the _how _to try that we're having the issue with though; it's also the _when _to try. Answer me this, sweetie: are you ready now? Right now?"

"To have another baby, no" Mac replied. "But to _try_...it's not going to happen over night. I just don't want to try and try and maybe miss the third try because we waited too long."

"We have to look at this from every possible angle" he said. "Say we decide to start trying again now and we get lucky on the first try. I just think that'd be awfully hard on you physically, Mac."

"I could handle it" Mac replied.

"I know you could if you had to" he said, "but I just feel that unless the doctor tells us in absolute terms that this is something we have to tackle again right now, I'd really prefer to wait just a bit longer. I know we're on opposite ends of the same fence here, babe, and I want to try and find a way to change that; something we can both accept."

"How would you feel if we never had another baby?" Mac asked gently.

"I'd be disappointed" he said, "but... I guess don't know what the answer is, Mac. Part of me feels we should wait a little longer while the rest of me shares the same fears you have - what if we wait too long and miss our opportunity, what if we wait and you have to have more surgery before we can do anything...?"

"Exactly my point, Harm" Mac said. "I'm just afraid you'll...I know you want a son really badly and I want to give you that, I want that for us and I don't want to risk losing it, but your heart has to be in this" she said, reaching up a bit to stretch that crick in her neck. "And I know that right now, it's not. Trying isn't an option for us now anyway, not with your report today."

"Why not?" he asked. "Assuming that we'd try the same things we tried before, what does my back have to do with anything?"

"Because while I could handle the pregnancy under normal condition...I can't lift your six out of chairs with a baby belly, Harm" Mac replied.

"Good point" he said. "But, I don't intend to be like this forever. Do you still want to make an appointment for us to see Dr. Kendall and go over everything, or are you confident that what he said today is what he'd say then?"

"He said he will have to take a look at everything again, ultrasounds and blood tests and such, maybe some other tests...Maybe we could at least look into those once you're back on your feet. If things are still in good shape, we can hold off a little bit longer on the trying part."

"Now _that's_ a suggestion I can live with" he said. "It makes the most sense, really - we can use the next few months to get the testing and all that taken care of and then by the time we're ready to try again, we'll be that much further ahead. That sounds like a great idea to me, babe."

"So we have a deal then?" she asked, playing again with that spot on her neck.

"Indeed we do" he said. "And in the meantime, we'll just keep gong about 'things' as we've always done; never know what may happen... Is your neck bothering you?"

"It's a little stiff" she replied. "Probably stress."

"Can I rub it for you?" he asked.

"Oh that would be great" Mac replied. "Then I can give you a bath and rub you down" she replied turning her back to him. "Can you reach?"

"Scoot a little closer" he said.

She moved a little closer to him and gave him her back. "How's this?"

"Perfect" he replied, reaching his hands towards her aching shoulders, planning to begin there and work his way to her neck. "Whoa, babe, you're tense as can be."

"I wonder why" she said with a bit of sarcasm. "After what Dr. Peddie said...Oh honey, I never filled that oxytocin."

"Its okay" he said softly. "The other stuff will be fine for tonight." He rubbed out a knot where her shoulder met her neck. "I'm sorry for this" he said. "I know you've been under almost non-stop stress for the last few weeks, and my back problems were the last thing you needed."

"It's okay...in some ways it kind of nice" she said, hoping he'd understand her meaning.

"As in it's kind of nice to feel so needed?" he asked. "I hope it didn't take me becoming a temporary semi-invalid for you to realize how much I need you."

"I like that you need me, but more than that I like that you can let me see it, you know. You're not trying to protect me or hide from me...We've finally gotten past that point" Mac sighed. "Oh, right there. Don't stop."

He continued to work his fingers into that area of her neck. "Yeah, we have, huh?" he asked, noticing how she seemed to be melting against his touch.

"Mmhmm" she replied. "So...what do you want to do about what Dr. Peddie said? I'm ready to talk about it if you are."

"I think I should let him operate" he said, moving his hands to the other side of her neck. "I think we should do whatever stands the most chance of bringing this ordeal to as much of a close as we can hope for."

"But isn't the surgery risky?" Mac asked.

"All surgery is risky, babe" he answered. "Spinal surgery more so than some other kinds, but if I don't have it done now, I'd be risking more flare up's like this, probably even worse than this, and eventually I'd have to have the surgery anyway."

"A little harder there" Mac told him before replying. "I want you to have the operation, too. I never want you to have to suffer like this again."

"Think of all the things we can't do when I'm laid up" he said, "we can't go anywhere together, I can't help you do much of anything with Ainsley, I can't hardly spend any time with Mattie, we can't..."

"Harm, I agree with you. I think you need to have the surgery. And I do miss...making love. I miss it so much" she told him.

His hands moved from the back of her neck around to the front of her shoulders, and he pulled her closer, whispering into her ear "I know, my love. You have no idea how much I miss being with you."

"Let's hold each other all night, okay?" Mac suggested as she leaned back into his touch. "Let's just hang on tight and forget the world for awhile."

"Let's do that" he said. "Let's forget all the bad things, and just lay here, you and me...and eventually the baby when she wakes up, but until then, just you and me."

Mac turned over and slid down next to him. "I have to get your bath soon, but now I just...God, I...I love being in your arms. I feel so safe in here, like no one can ever hurt us, hurt anyone...I love you so much."

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life" he said. "That'll never change, Mac. Never."

"I know" she replied and rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I know."

Mac and Harm lay snuggled together for an a few hours, doing nothing but listening to each other's hearts beat. Mac rose when Ainsley cried for her attention and brought her into the bedroom to nurse her as Harm slept peacefully beside them.

Ainsley fell asleep at Mac's breast and she left to put the baby to bed. Then she slipped back in bed beside her husband and nestled close again. He was still mostly asleep, but as she cuddled up to him, he tightened his arm around her and mumbled, "I love you." It was with that sweet knowledge that Mac fell into a restful sleep.

* * *

Mac stirred first and awoke feeling rested and at ease, in truth she felt better than she'd felt since their honeymoon ended. Harm was still sleeping, but she was so entangled with him that that her movement caused him to awaken. 

"Mmmm...hey, beautiful" he muttered. "What time is it?"

"It's 0712" Mac replied. "I have to get up; I have a mountain of cases on my desk and a meeting with Sturgis."

"Lucky you" he said, attempting to shift his position a little. "Damn it...ow..."

"What's wrong, babe?" Mac asked him. "Stiff?"

"Very" he answered. "Do you have time to give me a rub down before Ainsley wakes up?"

"Before she wakes up? Yeah, I think so" Mac replied. "Want to roll for me?"

"No" he said, "but I will."

"Let me use the bathroom and I'll get your rub" Mac said sliding out of bed and heading towards the bathroom as Harm began to roll.

"Is Mattie up yet?" he called to Mac.

"I hear her water running up there" Mac replied as she reappeared with his back salve. "Want coffee or tea this morning?" Mac asked.

"Coffee" he said. "But not till after the back rub.

As Harm had managed to roll on his own, Mac pulled down the blankets to expose his back. She put the salve on her hands and began to work on the damaged area. "Hurting bad this morning or are you just stiff?" Mac asked, doing the massage like an old pro.

"Both" he answered. "Mostly stiff though; I must have slept in a weird position."

"Your legs weren't on the pillows all the way" Mac replied. "It's my fault, I should have fixed them but you were sleeping already and I didn't want to disturb you."

"It's okay" he said, "I'm not hurting too bad. So, what's on your plate for today besides the meeting with Sturgis?"

"An interview with a D&D, and an interview with a PO3 regarding a civil matter" Mac replied. "Not too bad as long as Sturgis decides to act like a human being."

"Sounds like so much fun" chuckled Harm. "How much work do you think you'll end up bringing home?"

"Depends on how many interruptions I get today" Mac replied. "How's this feeling to you? How's the pressure?"

"Just right, babe" he said. "You've gotten good at this, unfortunately. I'll make it up to you, though. Once I'm past this, it'll be _your _turn to lay here and _my_ turn to give the massage."

"You did pretty well last night, Sailor" Mac replied as their peaceful moment was interrupted by their bedroom door opening and Mattie bounding in. "Dad, you've got to sign this."

"Mathilda" said Harm in a very parental tone. "What's the rule about coming in here?"

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to knock, but I figured with you sort of handicapped right now I wouldn't be interrupting anything important" Mattie replied. "Sorry."

"Well, for all you knew" he said, "I could've been in the middle of my bath, laying here in nothing but what the Stork saw, and regardless of what you thought you may or may not have interrupted, you're still supposed to knock."

"I said sorry" Mattie replied. "Jeez, someone's grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy" he said, "I'm uncomfortable. What do I have to sign?"

"My history paper" Mattie replied and handed him the paper with a large F on it.

"Mattie! An F?" he exclaimed. "What's the explanation here, and don't mess around with me, I'm not in the mood."

"Well, it was just after you left on your honeymoon, and I was staying with my friends and I sort of forgot about it, so I wrote it in the car on the way to school and I guess I got some things mixed up" Mattie explained.

"Well, that's an explanation" he said, "but definitely not an excuse. Is this grade final or do you have a chance to do any extra credit or make-up work to bring this up?"

"It's sort of final" Mattie replied. "Could you just sign it, please?"

Mac could feel the stress rising within the room. Harm was hurting and was stressed enough without the teenager's attitude. She finally spoke up. "Mattie, watch that tone."

"Yes, watch it" he echoed. "Where's a pen?"

"There's one on my desk" Mac replied. "Can you get it, please Mattie?"

Mattie returned with the pen and handed it to Harm, who scrawled his signature at the top of the paper and handed both paper and pen back to her. "You're grounded for two weeks."

"What!" Mattie exclaimed. "That's not fair!"

"It doesn't have to be fair" he said. "You're capable of doing much better on your school work than that."

"But there's a party this weekend..." Mattie began.

Harm looked at his daughter, his eyes telling her she'd best stop before she got into any more trouble.

"Okay, okay" Mattie said backing off a bit. "It's just everyone is going to be there and...can we deal? If I get an A on my test tomorrow and help Mac out extra, can I go?"

"You get an A on that test" he said, "you take care of the laundry and the dishes for the rest of this week, and you take care of your sister while Mac does her work before dinner every night this week, and I _may_ let you go."

"Okay" Mattie replied, her tone saying she wasn't thrilled with something in their arrangement but she knew better than to press her luck. "I'm going to leave early and study then."

"Good idea" said Harm. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"I'll eat at school" Mattie replied.

"That's fine" he said. "I love you, kiddo." He knew she was mad at him, but he also knew not to let her go off to school without hearing those words from him.

Mattie didn't respond, she just continued out the door. A few minutes later the front door slammed indicating that Mattie was gone. A cry was heard from the nursery.

"She knows better than to slam doors in this house" said Harm. "But I guess the baby was about to wake up anyway, huh?"

"Probably" Mac sighed. "Are you good for now?"

"Yep" he said. "Go see what our girl wants."

Mac went to the nursery and lifted Ainsley, she was wet, red faced and angry. "Oh ,I know little one. Sissy didn't mean it" Mac cooed. "She didn't mean to wake you up. Ssh…"

Mac quickly changed the baby and carried her into their bedroom once she was dry. "Say morning, daddy." Ainsley instead continued to wail.

"She's clearly not a morning person" he said with a smile. "Hi, beautiful girl. What's wrong? Did your sister wake you up?"

"I think so" Mac replied. "She's pretty angry about something" Mac replied and sat down readying herself to nurse the baby. "Mommy's going to feed you, angel. It's okay. What's was that all about do you think?" she asked Harm.

"Oh, that scene with Mattie?" he asked. "I think it's just normal teenage stuff. She's been through a lot lately, too - the wedding and us being gone and then the baby being sick and now me. It's bound to take a toll on her, but I won't let her school work suffer."

"No" Mac replied. "But don't go too easy on her. If you punish her then back down we'll be in for a hellish three years."

"I know" he said. "We'll see how she does on that test and with the things I said she needed to do if she wants to go to that party. If she keeps her end of the bargain, I've got no reason not to keep mine, but if not, she's not going."

"Good for you, Harm!" Mac praised. "You've now arrested my one worry about you as a father."

"Which was what?" he asked.

"That you might be too soft" Mac replied. "I certainly don't want to treat them harshly, but we have to have limits and stick with them."

"Definitely" he agreed. "What made you think I wouldn't do that?" he asked with a curious smile. "Am I that big a pushover for a pretty face?"

"No, but you're no match for a pouty lip," Mac replied as she switched sides with the baby. "Ainsley, go easy on Mommy."

"She hurting you?" he asked.

"She's sucking and gumming at the same time" Mac replied.

"Hasn't she always done that?" he asked. "Isn't that how it's done?"

Mac laughed. "Yeah, but not this hard, she's like a vacuum cleaner."

"Ooh, ouch" he said with a grimace. "Still planning to do to that for another 8 months?"

"I think so, yeah" Mac replied. "I'll probably reduce the number of times a day but I don't want to stop completely if I can help it."

"Don't you have to stop before we can try again? he asked.

"Nope" Mac replied as she disconnected the baby once her mouth slackened. "You want to burp her?"

"Sure" he said, "let me turn over here." He moved carefully from lying on his stomach to leaning his back against the pillows at the head of the bed. "Okay, come here baby girl."

Mac handed Ainsley to Harm. "Not moaning or groaning too much this morning" Mac observed. "We must be doing something right."

"Must be" he replied. "Go do whatever you need to do, I've got this covered."

"I just need a quick shower" Mac replied and smiled as she disappeared behind the door.

Mac took her time in the shower, letting the hot water relax her body and wake up her mind. She was in there an entire half hour, and before she knew it the water had gone cold. She put on her robe and stepped out to check on her family. She found Harm sitting in bed humming to Ainsley, and the little girl sound asleep in her Daddy's arms.

"Sleeping again?" she asked. "She must be going through a growth spurt."

"That or maybe she's not all better yet?" he asked. "Or maybe she was still tired when she got her wake up call?"

"Any or all of them, I guess" she said, slipping out of her robe so she could dress.

"Aw, Mac" he said quietly so as not to disturb the baby. "That's _so_ not fair!"

"I can go into the bathroom if you'd like?" she said suggestively.

"No, you know what I'd _like_" he said, trying to pry his eyes away from her but finding the task impossible.

"Not for a couple more weeks, babe" Mac sighed and put on her bra and panties quickly. "Once you're all better, we'll leave the baby with Harriet and Bud maybe and have a nice romantic trip to the Cape."

"By then" he said, "any place will do. God, I miss being with you like that, Mac."

"Try not to think about it" Mac told him. "If I didn't, I'd never get out the door. Speaking of which...Are you going to behave while I'm gone today?"

"Yes, ma'am" he said with a smile. "I'll be on my best behavior. How much trouble could I get into in 4 hours anyway?"

Mac didn't reply to that one. She just smiled, rolled her eyes and finished dressing.

She left for the office early and was thankful for the chance to get her head sorted out before her meeting with Sturgis. She knew Harm was his friend, but since the time he'd been acting JAG his sometimes superior attitude had gone from bad to worse.

Their meeting lasted nearly three hours and still they had not come to an agreement of any significance. In truth, the only result yielded from the encounter was a gigantic headache for Mac, topped off with a jumbo sized bad mood. She couldn't wait to get out of there, pick up her baby from the day care and see her husband. She felt like screaming or maybe crying, but whatever she did, she knew where she wanted to be when she did it.

* * *

Ainsley was sleeping when Mac pulled up to the house. She wanted to crawl into Harm's arms and vent her frustrations to him. She knew he'd be upset with Sturgis for making _her _upset, but she needed and wanted his support. As soon as she settled the baby in her swing, the speed set to slow; she called out, "Harm, I swear that once you are on your feet you are going to have to do something about Sturgis!" 

When she was met with no answer, not even a "What?" she continued on to the bedroom. "Harm?"

With the second round of silence Mac knew something was amiss. She quickened her step and turned into their room to find the bed empty. "Harm! Where are you?" She mentally answered her own question and headed to the bathroom. "What are you doing?" she asked sharply when she saw him crouched over the sink, breathing deeply.

"Trying...to wash my hands" he said. "Is it...time for you to be...home already?"

"Way past" Mac replied. "What's wrong? Why do you sound like that?" She moved to his side and slipped her arm around his waist.

"It's a lot of work getting in there" he said, still breathing heavily. "But I made it."

"You aren't supposed to get out of bed when I'm not here. Damn it, Harm, you promised me!" she scolded him as if he was Mattie.

"I know" he said, "and I'm sorry; I thought I'd be okay, but it turns out I'm not."

"You're not?" she repeated. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"It hurts bad" he said. "Really bad. I think I moved that disc again."

"Can you..." Mac sighed feeling her heart start to pound. If his legs gave out...she could never get him back into bed. "Can you walk?"

"I don't think so" he said as the sweat began to roll down his face. "Go get a chair; I'm about to pass out here, babe."

"Okay, just lean against the sink as much as you can, I'll be right back" Mac told him and eased herself out from under his arm.

As soon as she let go of the hold she had around him, his legs went out from underneath him and he dropped to the floor like a thousand pound rock.

"OH GOD!" he screamed as the pain shot through his back.

Mac turned at the sound of his weight dropping to the floor. "Harm?" she knelt down next to him and gently touched his shoulder. "Harm, look at me, honey. What happened?"

"I can't stand up" he answered through a clenched jaw. "I need drugs, now! Go get them!"

Mac eyes filled with tears. "Honey, I haven't filled it yet. You were doing better..."

"Then get the old stuff!" he begged. "I need something...oh, this hurts so bad, Mac!"

"Harm...did you take the Naproxen this morning?" she asked. She didn't want to give him too much too close together.

He nodded. "I don't care; I need it again, please!"

"Harm, did you take the pill?" she asked again.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I need something; I can't take this pain, please..."

"Harm I can't...It'll make you sick to your stomach" Mac told him. "Just try and rest, see if it passes."

"It won't pass!" he replied. "I screwed up and messed things up even worse and I'm seriously gonna pass out if you don't get me the goddamn pills!" Ordinarily he'd never use such a harsh tone or such powerful language with Mac, but he was in so much pain it just came out that way.

Mac sighed. He knew his body better than she did when it came to this. "Alright" she replied, rushing for the pill bottle at his bedside and returning quickly. She filled a cup with water then gave him the pill in his hand.

He took it as quickly as he could, and then laid his head back against the bathroom drawers. "I should've listened to you" he said, his voice and his eyes both filled with terrible pain.

"It's okay" Mac said. "I'm just thinking of how to get you up, this isn't good for you at all."

"Call someone" he said.

"Who?" Mac asked. "There's no one but...What about Bud? I bet he still has that wheelchair from his accident. If we can get you up we can push you to the bed in that."

"Fine, whoever, just call someone" he said, the harsh tone in his voice relaxing but the desperation remaining. "Where's the baby?"

"She's asleep in her swing" Mac replied. "She's fine."

"Good" he said. "Go call Bud, please sweetie. I'm dyin' here."

"Can I get you some pillows first or some blankets?" Mac asked. "You're shaking."

"No" he said. "Just call, I need to lie down."

"I'll be back soon" Mac told him and rushed to the phone.

It took her ten minutes to arrange everything with Bud. She ended the call with the assurance that Bud would meet Harriet at the Rabb's in a half hour. She'd bring the wheelchair from home and he'd go straight there from work.

Mac returned to Harm's side after she'd finished the phone calls, bringing a pillow and a blanket with her. "He and Harriet will be here soon" Mac told him. "I brought you a pillow and blanket anyway."

"Thanks" he said. "I'm so stupid, Mac. I might as well kiss my wings goodbye."

"Maybe so, maybe not" Mac replied laying the blanket over him. "Can you lift your head at all?"

He lifted his head up and allowed Mac to slip the pillow behind it. "I'm sorry, babe. I knew better and-"

"And you had to go and be your stubborn self" Mac gently filled in. "If I wasn't so scared and worried right now I'd...Well, you aren't getting off easy this time Sailor."

"Yeah, no kidding" he said sarcastically as the pain continued to pound down on him.

"Can I do anything to help you?" she asked.

"Shoot me" he said.

"Not an option, you're a pain in my six right now, but I love you madly and I still need you" Mac said. "I have a very good way for you to earn your way back into good favor; of course it'll have to wait until you're back on your feet."

"Oh it will, huh?" he asked. "Give me a hint." He needed her to take his mind off the pain, and he didn't much care how she did it.

"I need you to put one Sturgis Turner in his rightful place" Mac replied. "He made my day hell."

"I'm sorry to hear that" he said. "Still up to his old tricks?"

"Afraid so" answered Mac. "Some days I brush it off, and some days..."

"That's Sturgis for you" sighed Harm. "I'll talk with him once I get back to the office. Think you can handle him till then?" As Harm finished speaking, he heard Ainsley begin to cry from the other room.

"I can handle him, don't worry about that" Mac replied. "I'll be right back; I'll just bring her in here."

"Good" he said. "I haven't seen her since this morning; I could use the distraction."

Mac nodded and headed to the living room to get the baby out of her swing. "Did you have a good nap, baby?" Mac asked Ainsley. "You want to go see daddy?"

Ainsley stretched and began to fuss just a bit, which she often did right after awakening.

"It's okay, sweetie" Mac cooed to her. "Let's go cuddle with daddy.

"Mac!" called Harm from his place on the bathroom floor.

Holding Ainsley close to her, Mac rushed back to the bathroom. "What is it?" she asked fear coursing through her body with a thousand terrible thoughts.

"You've gotta move me a little" he said, his breathing once again labored. "I've got a horrible cramp back there!"

"Okay, give me a second to put her down" Mac told him settling Ainsley on her tummy with her little toy lamb. Then she moved back to Harm's side. "Where is it?"

"Same place" he said, drawing in an unsteady breath.

"Lower right?" she asked then reached underneath him and gently touched the area. "Here?"

"Ah!" he replied. "Yeah, there!"

"Okay, babe, I think I should lay you out flat...that's what they taught us in first aid class" Mac told him. "Want to try that?"

"Yeah" he answered.

Mac first removed the pillow from behind Harm's head and set it on the floor. Next she hooked her arms underneath his and used her strength to push and pull him until he was lying flat. By the time it was over both husband and wife had tears in their eyes.

"There you go, all done" Mac said trying to hide her teardrops.

Harm couldn't hide his. The pain - physical and emotional - was too much. He closed his eyes and began to cry as quietly as he could.

Mac of course noticed the tears leaking out of his eyes. "Oh, Ssh..." she said softly. "Don't cry, honey. It's going to be okay. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Bud and Harriet will help me get you in bed and you can rest. You'll be fine."

"I'm sorry" he whispered. "I made this even harder for you, and I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize" Mac ordered. "You just tell me how are you feeling? Is this position helping?"

"Some" he said, "and the pill seems to be helping a little as well, but..."

"But?" Mac pressed." Your legs hurt? Something else? What?" Her fear was showing in her rush of questions

"I just want this to be over" he said as a sob overtook him. "I...I want to hold my baby up over my head and play airplane with her; I want to take a shower, I want...I want to make love to you, over and over again. I want my life back; _our_ life."

Mac didn't know how to comfort him. She'd never felt as he did at that moment, and while she wanted to take his pain away she didn't know how. She leaned over him and placed a kiss on his lips, gently touching them; no passion, just love, unconditional love. She shifted to his cheeks and kissed the tracks of his tear drops, then finally moved to his eye lids and placed tiny kisses there.

"Hold me?" he asked in a tearful whisper.

Mac silently nodded and slipped her arm underneath his shoulders, gently lifting him up so his head could rest against her chest. "I'm going to make it better, Harm. You've always been there for me...through my diagnosis, the accident, even before...It's my turn. I'm not going to let anything happen. I love you so much" she whispered to him as he cried against her. "So much."

As Mac cuddled Harm to her chest, comforting him as best she could she heard a knock at the front door. "That's Bud" Mac said to Harm. "You try and relax. I'll go and let him in okay?"

He nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Mac picked up the baby and her toy and went to let Bud in. To her delight Harriet and Bud had arrived at the same time. "This way" she said without preamble and led them back to where Harm was lying.

Harriet wheeled the chair back, and then took Ainsley from Mac so she and Bud could tend to Harm. "What happened, Sir?" Bud asked, concerned as he assessed the situation.

"I pulled a no-brainer" stated Harm. "Walked in here by myself and probably threw the bad disc out again."

"Ouch!" Bud said. "Well, let's get you up" he sighed. "I'll get his top; you get his legs, Ma'am?" Bud asked Mac. "I think we'll do better if we just carry him instead of usuing the chair. Think you can do that?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?" Mac sighed. She knelt next to Harm. "You ready?"

"Very" answered Harm.

"Then let's do this" Mac said and took her position as Bud took his. Bud counted it off and together the managed to lift Harm and get him to the bed. It took five minutes to get him there and another five to get him settled and propped on the pillows. Harm didn't even cry out, he was instead silent. Once Mac tucked him in she realized why... he was mercifully out.

* * *

"Thank God" Mac sighed as she and Bud went out to the living room to join Harriet. "He's out for now." 

"We'll let you get everything cleaned up and you get some rest" Bud told her. "We'll run to the CVS and fill the script then be out of your hair." Harriet handed Ainsley back to Mac. "I hope he feels better soon, Ma'am."

"So do I, Harriet," Mac replied. "So do I."

* * *

_A/N: I know, it was yet another heart-wrenching chapter with Harm in such pain, but I promise and swear on my hope that one day we'll see JAG come to DVD that the good times are coming! I've been writing a few chapters ahead to make sure the story goes where I have it envisioned, and there's fluff soon to come, really there is! I appreciate everyone sticking with this as we've been hitting some sadder moments in the lives of the Rabb's. I hope you'll find the good times worth the wait. :)_


	78. Chapter 78

_A/N: I know I sound like a broken record, but **thank you** for all the reviews! I really appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback. :) As promised, there's fluff on the horizon... and based on the **M** rating for this chapter, there could even be some hiding in here somewhere... ;)_ _A big thank you to LadyCommish for bouncing around ideas with me and helping to keep the muse alive..._

_A short side note regarding my own "journey" - things haven't changed much. Our chances are still no different than they were in the past few months, and we're just now getting back into treatment after the last try (in April) was cancelled halfway through due to my strange reaction to the meds. As I always say, though, I may not be able to control how my journey goes or what happens to me along the way or in the end, but where our beloved Rabb's are concerned, it's up to me, and you can bet it'll be a trip to remember... :)_

* * *

Chapter 78: 

Mac sat down with Ainsley on her lap and cuddled the child. She was barely aware of Bud returning with Harm's painkillers, and barely aware of Ainsley fussing to be fed or of feeding her. She just operated on autopilot, sitting on the sofa, going through the motions until Mattie arrived home, the teenager's mood not improved at all from the morning.

"Hello?" Mattie said in a put-out tone. "Earth to Mac; I'm home."

"Oh, hi, Mattie" Mac replied. "How was school?"

"Okay" she replied, tossing her backpack on the floor and flopping down into a chair.

"Mattie, please don't leave your backpack on the floor" Mac said. "Did you study this morning?"

"Not really" she answered, getting up to move her backpack. "I was too mad at dad for grounding me."

"He was right" Mac told her. "You're a smart girl Mattie; you don't get bad grades because you can't handle the work. It was carelessness and carelessness gets you punished. Your father learned that very well today."

"What happened?" she asked, her tone morphing from one of frustration to one of concern.

"He went to the bathroom unassisted, his back spasmed and he fell" Mac replied. "He's sleeping now."

"Wow" said Mattie. "Is he okay? Is he in pain?"

"Some" Mac sighed. "He's better off asleep, but otherwise he's okay" Mac replied.

"Yeah, but him falling, that couldn't have been good for his back" said Mattie. "Did he do any more damage?"

"I don't know" Mac replied. "He wasn't in any condition for me to really assess him."

"Well then you should've called 911" said Mattie. "I can't believe you didn't think of that with him lying on the floor like that."

"All I could think of was Harm and taking care of him" replied Mac. "That's what I _should_ be thinking of. If he's hurt himself worse then we'll take care of it and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't second guess my management of the situation" Mac bit out before she could control her emotions or her tongue.

"This day just keeps getting better!" exclaimed Mattie sarcastically as she grabbed her backpack and took off up the stairs, keeping her tears inside until she reached her bedroom.

Mac held her own tears inside until she heard Mattie's door slam, only to have to swallow them when Harm called out to her.

"Mac...Mac!" he called. "Where are you?" She put Ainsley in her swing and rose to go to Harm.

"I'm here" she replied, coming into the room. "You were asleep by the time we got you in bed" she told him, sitting down on the side of the bed and taking his hand.

"I'm sorry, I was just wiped out from that experience" he said, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" Mac smiled. "How are you? How's the pain?"

"Bad, but better than before" he answered. "Can you rub my back?"

"Mmhmm," she replied. "Yeah. You're going to have to roll though."

Harm rolled over slowly, even more slowly than usual, trying to keep the pain to a minimum. It took him a couple minutes, but he made it.

"Do you want salve or just a back rub?" she asked once he was settled.

"Just a rub this time" he said, his voice proving how tired he still felt.

"Ah, simply for comfort, not for therapy this time, huh?" Mac asked as she pulled down his blankets and lifted his undershirt. "Let me know if I hurt you, okay?" she told him as she gently started to rub his back.

She ran her hands over him, feather light touches, loving caresses, like if she was trying to soothe Ainsley when she woke up at night crying. "Did you hear anything I said to you earlier?"

"I think so" he said quietly. "You said that we'll get through this and I'll be okay."

"That's not all I said, sweetie" she replied as she ran her hand softly over the swollen discs.

"What else did you say?" he asked, melting into his pillow.

"I told you that I was going to make it better, that I won't let anything happen to you, and I won't" she told him. "I promise you that." She moved her hands over him again, softly. "If I could hurt for you, I would. I can't stand seeing you like this. It would be easier if it were me lying here."

"I hope you never feel this kind of pain" he said, "well, unless it's while you're bringing another of our babies into the world, but even then I wish you didn't have to hurt so much."

"At least that's _productive_ pain, honey" Mac sighed, leaning over to place her lips on the damaged portion of his back.

"Yeah, it is" he said, "but still, it was hard standing beside you in the delivery room and knowing you were in more pain than I could imagine. It made me feel..."

"Pretty helpless?" Mac sighed. "I know that feeling" she replied as she moved her hand down to his thigh.

"It really did" he replied. "I mean, I knew it was all for the best reason in the world and all that, but still, in the moment just seeing you hurting so badly, part of me felt guilty that you had to feel it all by yourself."

"I don't really think I felt it all by myself" Mac replied with a smile as she thought back to what an amazing help he'd been during her labor. She moved her hand up again and over the muscles under his swollen disc, using a combination of hard and soft touches. "How's this feeling, sweetie?"

"Feels really nice" he sighed. "Do you think you'll want to do anything different with the next labor?" he asked.

"Other than only having you in there, not really. Although I may reconsider my pain killer position depending on how bad it gets" Mac laughed.

"You don't want anyone else there next time? How come?" he asked. "I thought it went well the first time around. Did I miss something?"

"No I...it's okay to only want you, isn't it?" she asked, working her way up towards his shoulders.

"Well, sure" he said, sighing as she moved her hands against his body. "As long as you don't ever decide you want to try a home birth, I'm fine with anything you want!"

"Actually, I'm starting to consider the whole hospital thing highly overrated" Mac told him. "Ever hear of a birthing center? Its all natural there, just the mom and the midwife...I kind of like that."

Harm's eyes grew wide in semi-panic. "What if something goes wrong?" he asked. "If there aren't any doctors around - things can go really bad really fast with a delivery, Mac! I'm not too sure about you delivering anywhere but in a hospital..."

"I think they have one doctor" she said. "What appeals to me is that it's all women. No men."

He couldn't help but offer a nervous laugh. "First no hospital" he said, "and now no men? Lest you forget, my dear, without your _man_, you'd have no reason to be in the birthing center or delivery room or any of those in the first place."

Mac gave a tiny laugh. "You must really be hurting, Sailor" she said.

"Actually" he said, "not so much right now. You give the most amazing massages."

"Then how on this earth did you fall for that lunacy?" Mac laughed and moved to kiss his lips. "I'm not going to deliver anywhere except the hospital, and I want you with me every minute, but right now I'm firm on the just you part, okay?"

He laughed. "Okay, but that was cruel, toying with an aching man like that." He yawned. "Wow, I'm tired..."

She kissed him lightly, "Think you can sleep a bit?" she asked caressing his cheek. "I'm going to have to feed the baby soon.

"Mm-hmm" he said. "Care to join me until she wakes up?"

"I'll lay with you" Mac replied. "Probably not much use in sleeping, though." Mac moved to her side of the bed while Harm gingerly rolled himself over. She settled his legs on the pillows then snuggled up with him.

"This is the most physical contact we can have right now" he said, "and I need all of it I can get." It was comforting, soothing, and it made him feel just a little better.

There was a quiet knock on the bedroom door as Mattie waited for permission to come in.

"Yes?" Mac replied. She had still not dealt with the situation with Mattie.

Mattie opened the door and peeked her head in. "When you're finished there, can you come upstairs?" she asked.

"I have to feed the baby" Mac replied. "After that I can, sure."

"Okay" said Mattie, sniffling and red-eyed. "I'll be in my room."

"Good" Mac replied. "Study."

"Okay" she muttered, closing the door before going back to her room.

"What's that all about?" he asked. "She still mad at me?"

"Not at you so much as me this time" Mac replied as she continued her tender ministrations.

"What'd you do?" he asked.

"Apparently, I don't take good enough care of you" Mac replied.

"She said that?" he asked, appalled that Mattie would be so disrespectful to Mac.

"Not in so many words, but she implied it" Mac sighed. "She said I should have called 911 when you fell, but the _way _she said it..."

"I'm sorry, babe" he said. "This is hard on her, too; I know it is, but that's no excuse for her to be that way."

"It's not your fault" Mac replied. "And it _is_ no excuse. She wasn't exactly pleasant to you this morning."

"No, she wasn't" he agreed, "but that kind of thing is gonna happen, Mac. All teenagers rebel when they think their parents are wrongfully punishing them. I meant what I said to her about going to that party, but after this little attack on you, I'm thinking she'll be enjoying the company of her stuffed animals come Saturday night."

"Whatever you think is best" Mac replied. "She is your daughter and I'm afraid now she'll remind me of that."

"She's _our _daughter, Mac" he stated firmly. "We're married now; you have just as much parental responsibility over her as I do."

"I know that, but does _she_?" Mac asked. "It's a valid question, look at you and Frank."

Harm was silent for a moment. "Good point. I'll have to talk to her and see if she'll level with me on whatever's eating at her, not that I would if I was in her position, but I'll try and see what happens."

"Alright" Mac replied as she started to increase the pressure of her massage the tiniest bit along the base of his spine. The muscles were all knotted up there.

"I have no idea how she might feel...I think maybe...I just don't know" Mac sighed just before Ainsley began to cry.

"Rats" he said. "She's hungry and this was just getting really comfortable."

"I could ask Mattie to give her a bottle" Mac said. "Up to you."

"Don't we have to save the bottles for day care?" he asked. "Oohhhh, right there...ohh…"

"I can pump another one tonight if I need to" Mac replied.

"Okay, yeah see if Mattie can feed her" he said. "She's supposed to be helping out extra."

"You just lie still until I get back okay?" Mac told him. "I'll hurry."

Mac left the bedroom and went to pick up the baby. "Mattie!" she called as she snuggled Ainsley close. Ainsley shifted as if to nurse but Mac stroked her cheek instead. "It's okay, baby. Sissy's going to feed you a bottle while mommy fixes daddy's boo-boo."

"Will she let me?" asked Mattie as she started down the stairs and heard Mac's words to the baby.

"I hope so" Mac replied. "She takes them at the day care and for your dad, and he needs me right now."

"'Kay" said the red-haired teen as she went into the kitchen and began warming a bottle. "How's dad?"

"He's resting as much as he can. I'm going to give him his pill in a little bit then I'll get us some dinner."

"I'll call in Chinese if you want me to" offered Mattie as she shook the bottle and checked the temperature of the milk.

"We'll see" Mac replied. "I'll check with your dad and see what he wants to eat. Is it ready? She's getting mad."

"Yeah, it's ready" she said, setting the bottle on the counter and reaching out to take Ainsley from Mac. "Come on, baby girl; let's get you fed."

Ainsley cried louder as Mattie took her from her mother, but quieted when Mattie put the bottle of milk to her lips.

"Looks like she's going to do it" Mac sighed with relief. "Do you have this? I have to get back."

"Go ahead" answered Mattie. "If she changes her mind, you'll know it."

"Thanks" Mac replied and went back to Harm. "How are you doing?"

"Missing you" he replied tenderly. "Ainsley taken care of?"

"So far, so good" Mac said. "Want me to keep rubbing or what?"

"Mm-hmm" he said; "that same place as before. That felt really good."

Mac's hands found the tender spot where she'd been working before and started again, rubbing and eventually pressing in on the spasm.

"Do you have any idea what you want to eat?" Mac asked.

"I'm not really hungry" he said. "Ooohhh God, Mac...that's great..."

"You don't want anything?" Mac asked to confirm.

"No" he answered. "Just more of this and my pill."

"Honey, I can't keep this up all night, as much as I'd love to" Mac replied. "Pill I can do, though. Bud filled your script."

"Remind me to send him a fruit basket" joked Harm. "I don't hear Ainsley crying; she must be taking that bottle."

"She seemed to be..." Mac replied. "I'm going to move over a bit...let me know if it hurts okay?"

"Don't worry" he said as he continued to relax against his pillow. "I'll make it very clear."

Mac slid her hands over from the spasmed muscles to the injury site. She could see how swollen the discs were and she tried to stimulate blood flow by pressing gently just above it.

"Ah...ah...ah...ow!" he said.

"I'm sorry" Mac said quickly. "I guess that hurt. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help."

"I know, babe" he said. "Maybe rub my shoulders for awhile?"

"Okay" Mac sighed and moved up to his shoulder. She rubbed in slow circles making tiny sounds to soothe him. "I want you to try and get more sleep, and I think you need to roll back over soon. I'll get some ice and put it under you and see if it takes down the swelling."

"I don't want _ice_ under me" he mumbled into his pillow.

"Harm, you have to treat the swelling and you have to do that with ice and your legs up" she told him. "Please. I'll be twenty minutes."

He sighed. "If you promise to continue this later, I'll lay on the ice pack for now."

"We'll see" she said. If the swelling didn't go down she didn't want to manipulate the muscles much more.

She pulled her hands back. "Okay, over with you."

"Yes, _mother_" he retorted with a grin as he began to move.

"Watch it, flyboy" Mac playfully warned as the phone rang.

"Can you grab that for me?" he asked. "I'm kind of tied up."

She picked up the receiver. "Rabb Residence. Yes, he is. Who's calling?" She paused. "I see. Hold on please." She covered the receiver with her hand. "Its Captain Hendricks for you."

He managed to make it onto his back in time to take the call. "Good evening, Captain...Yes, sir...Yes sir, I knew they were coming due soon, but I'm out on medical leave for the time being so I'll have to get back to you and we'll see what's on the schedule then. Okay...yes, thank you sir. Goodnight." He handed the phone back to Mac and stared straight up at the ceiling.

"What is it?" Mac asked.

He shook his head a bit, enough to let her know he didn't want to talk about it just then.

"Honey?" she pressed. "Who was that?"

"Later" he said, sounding like his mind and heart were a million miles away. "Please, babe, not...not right now."

"Harm if something is upsetting you...I want you to tell me what I can do to make it better" she tried again. After all, he'd do that for her.

He looked her in the eye. "There's nothing you can do to make any of this better" he said plainly. "I just want to be alone right now, babe."

Mac took a deep breath to fight the tears from coming to her eyes. "If that's what you want" she replied. "I'll go get your pill and your ice pack."

"Never mind the ice" he said. "Just the pill will be fine." He was lost in his pain, his fear and his distress over that call.

"But you have to ice your..."

"Mac, please" he said firmly. "Just the pill and some peace and quiet; that's all I want right now."

"Okay" Mac sighed, wishing she could help him more. "I'll get it for you."

She went to the kitchen, retrieved Harm's pill and brought it back to him. He used a straw to get the water into his mouth, and then turned his head away from her. She returned to the living room with a heavy heart, a heart that hurt because her husband hurt.

* * *

"Did she burp?" Mac asked Mattie who was playing with Ainsley on the living room floor. 

"Yeah" answered Mattie. "She was wet, so I changed her for you."

"Thank you" Mac replied. "Call for Chinese if you want it. Neither of us is hungry."

Mattie could tell from the sound of Mac's voice that Harm wasn't faring very well, and she knew that was likely the cause of Mac's loss of appetite. "Are you sure you don't want anything?" she asked. "You really should eat something."

"I'm not hungry" Mac replied plainly, even a little harsh. "Thank you."

"Okay, jeez" said Mattie. "Just trying to help." She rose from the floor and went to the kitchen to find the take-out menu from the Chinese restaurant.

Once Mattie had ordered her dinner, Mac broached her earlier request to talk. "You wanted to talk to me earlier. What about?"

"About how dad grounded me for one bad grade and about how you agreed with that" said Mattie. "No one took into account everything that I'd been busy with the week before that paper was due; all the wedding stuff. I know I should have remembered to do it before the morning I had to hand it in, but I didn't and I threw it together and got an F, but that's no reason to throw the book at me."

"We're not 'throwing the book' at you. In fact you're getting off easy. Your father and I even gave you a chance to earn back your party privileges, but after this afternoons outburst we are both reconsidering that" Mac replied.

"What?" she exclaimed. "I ask a question and show some concern for my dad, and you guys go back on our deal?"

"It's not the concern we have issue with" Mac replied. "It's the manner in which it was expressed. And we aren't going back on the deal, we are merely considering it with more scrutiny" Mac corrected.

"So now what do I have to do to go to the party?" asked a very upset Mattie. "Clean the whole house from top to bottom? Wash every piece of clothing the 4 of us own? Re-arrange the-"

"Try showing a little respect for your parents" Mac said sharply, cutting her off.

Mattie didn't say anything more. She ran out of the room in tears, stomped up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door for the second time that day. Mac leaned down over Ainsley who was happily playing with her baby gym. "At least you still like mommy, huh?" She tickled Ainsley's chin and the baby smiled. "Let me go check on your daddy, then we can have a bath, okay?"

Mac stood and stretched. She was getting a raging headache, and her shoulders were tight with tension. Nothing was going right today, nothing. She pushed the door opened, "Harm?"

"What?" he replied quietly, his head turned away from her.

"I just wanted to see how you were feeling or if you'd changed your mind about eating" Mac said tentatively.

"Nope" he answered.

"Harm I..." She began. "I...just..."

He turned to look at her, and she saw the tear stains on his face. "Please, just go" he said. "I need some space right now."

"But you're crying..." Mac started. "Please let me help."

"You can't help!" he exclaimed with an ironic laugh as the tears began falling again. "You can't make this all go away so that I can go do my Hornet quals in three days! I told the Captain I'd reschedule; what I _didn't_ tell him was that he could pencil me in for a month from when hell freezes over because after what I did to my back today, I'm done!"

Mac rushed over to him and reached out to take his hand only to have him snatch it back.

"So what?" Mac said. "So what if that is true? You've hurt yourself so badly already by flying...let it go now, you've done that...You could be the JAG one day, doesn't that seem like an amazing accomplishment?" Mac tried to show him the brighter side of the situation.

"Stop trying to make me feel better" he said as his tears kept flowing. "It won't work!"

"All I'm saying is it's not the end of the world if you do lose your wings" Mac tried again to reason. "You rarely fly as it is now."

"But rarely isn't never" he said. "I can't really imagine being completely happy with my life without flying." He turned his face away from her; he didn't want her to see him like this.

"I hope you don't mean that" she said, her own pain starting to creep into her voice.

"Just go, Mac" he said as he choked back a sob. "Please. I love you, but…"

She turned on her heel and left him there, alone, like he wanted. She picked up her baby girl and held her close, sitting down on the sofa as she finally gave in to her own tears.

* * *

Mac didn't know how long she sat on the sofa, rocking her baby, taking comfort in the little coos Ainsley was making, as if to assure her mother things would be alright. Mac couldn't believe the things Harm had said, but deep down she knew Harm didn't say them, the pain in his heart did. 

The sound of the ringing phone brought Mac out of her lost thoughts. It was probably Sturgis, but even so...anyone was better than no one at all.

"Hello" she said, not quite able to make her voice sound normal.

"Mac?" asked the voice on the other end of the line.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "Trish, hi."

"Is everything okay?" asked Trish. "You sound upset." Trish naturally assumed Mac was upset that she had called, since they had agreed to let Mac take the lead on making contact.

Mac couldn't answer her mother-in-law. After the day she'd had, hearing a gentle voice made the storm break. She held the phone and began to cry hard, sobbing instead of speaking.

"Mac, is this a bad time?" asked Trish. "I can call back later if that would be better. I just wanted to check on Harm."

"No...don't...I just...need a minute" she said finally trying to take a deep breath.

"Okay, dear" said Trish, realizing something was terribly amiss in the Rabb household.

When Mac finally got her breath, she said the first thing that came to her mind. "Trish, everything is horrible. Mattie is acting strange and Harm's so depressed and his back is worse and I'm under a mountain of paperwork...I..." She started sobbing again.

"Slow down, Mac" said Trish gently. "Slow down, take a deep breath and talk to me. I'm not there to help, but I'll be glad to listen."

"I don't know where to start" Mac said. "I suppose I should say I'm sorry for not calling but he's needed so much help. I'm so sorry I was so mean to you."

"You were upset with me" said Trish, "and you had a right to be. I did the best I could with Ainsley while you two were gone, but I made some big mistakes and you had a right to be upset."

"I guess" cried Mac, "but...I suppose after today, I know how you feel. And maybe you'll know how I feel. God, I never should have left him. I knew something was going to happen today, I knew it."

"What happened?" asked Trish, feeling her heart begin to pound at the news that her son was in trouble.

"He had a fall today. He went to the bathroom on his own and by the time I got in he was in such pain..." Mac had to stop and take a breath. "He couldn't walk and when I went to get him a chair...he just fell flat like someone cut his strings."

"Oh my" gasped Trish, quickly reminding herself to keep it together for Mac's sake. "He's not still on the floor, is he?"

"No...I had Bud Roberts come and help me. He's in bed now, propped up, and I gave him some medicine that his doctor prescribed" Mac replied. "I also gave him a massage, which he said helped but his back is all bruised and the discs are so swollen...I don't know what to do."

"I'm sure you don't, Mac" said Trish sympathetically. "I felt that way when he had the first bad flare up after his ramp strike. I felt completely helpless."

"It gets worse, Trish" Mac sighed. "Much worse. He..." Mac remembered Harm's words and started to sob again.

"You said his doctor gave him something for the pain?" asked Trish. "When was that?"

Mac took another breath. "Yesterday we went to Bethesda. There's a specialist there, Lt.Cmd. Peddie, he's a neurosurgeon who specializes in pilots and combat injuries. Anyway, he said that Harm needs to have surgery, but he also said Naproxen wouldn't dull the pain when the flare up peaked so he gave him oxytocin."

"So it's finally time" said Trish. "His doctors in the past had said eventually he'd need surgery."

"He said it's an easy surgery, not much recovery time, only a few months...but it gets worse still" Mac sighed. She didn't know how to tell Trish what Harm had said, but she needed to. If anyone could understand Harm better than she could, it would be his mother.

"Tell me" encouraged Trish, feeling terrible that she was so far away and Mac was struggling so badly.

"Well, he got a call from Captain Hendricks, he's the flight wing coordinator for Norfolk...Harm's quals are due and once they talked he got really quiet and depressed. He won't look at me, he's crying and..." She started to sob yet again. "What am I going to do?"

"Oh, Mac..." said Trish. "Would it help if I came out there for a few days? You sound completely overwhelmed."

"No, I...I can handle it, it's just...I've never heard him...Trish, he told me can't see himself being completely happy with his life if he can't fly. How could he say that? To _me_? I don't...he's shut me out...he's shutting down, like he used to before we got together."

"He doesn't mean that, Mac" said Trish, knowing all too well how the Rabb men, like all men, often said things in the heat of the moment that they didn't mean in any way, shape or form. "He's so scared right now and he doesn't know how to handle it. He's just like his father that way; dealing with fear just isn't something either of them ever mastered."

"But it hurt so much...and all I want to do is hold him and make it okay but he won't let me...He wants to be alone. Two nights ago when he had that spasm and it was so bad...he couldn't feel his legs for a half hour or more maybe...he made me promise never to leave and he woke up later screaming my name after a nightmare...and now..." Mac sighed. "It's all my fault, today is anyway."

"That's not true and you know that" said Trish, the mother in her coming out. "None of this is your fault. This is because of a tragic accident he had years before he even met you. Please don't blame yourself over any of this, dear."

"But I shouldn't have left him, I should have stayed with him...I...I should have tried harder to get off of work...Mattie was right" Mac sighed. "He's going to lose the only thing that he loves as much as us, and maybe I could have done something differently."

"Is it a certainty that he'll lose his wings over this?" asked Trish. "I know it's possible, but has it already been stated?"

"His doctor was pretty sure yesterday and it's so much worse today" Mac replied. "And I know it Trish. You know?"

"I do" she replied. "Maybe we're wrong; stranger things have happened."

"I pray you're right. I'm so scared and...I always go to him when I'm scared" Mac confessed.

"Give him time" said Trish, "he'll come to you. You're the most important person in his life, Mac. Having you as his wife, it's the one thing he's wanted more than anything else for almost 10 years. He's hurting and he's terribly afraid right now, but once he has a little time to think, you'll be the only person he wants next to him."

"Thank you for that, if anyone can figure him out...Well, you've done this twice. I don't know how to thank you...but I have to ask, please forgive me for how I acted. You made a mistake yes, but I shouldn't have taken this long to talk with you about it" Mac sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'll forgive you if you forgive me" said Trish. "I love you all so much."

"I've already forgiven you, Trish...Mom, if I can call you that" Mac said tentatively.

"Of course you can" replied Trish tearfully. "I'm sorry things are so hard for you both right now."

"So am I..." Mac sighed. "Listen, I better go. I have to try and talk to Mattie and maybe if I just go and lie withHarm, he'll open up" Mac sighed. "Thank you for listening to me."

"Thank you for _talking_ to me" replied Trish. "You know we're here if you need us; we can be out there in a day if need be."

"I hope it won't be necessary but thank you for the offer. I better go now. I'll have Harm call when he's up to it, okay?" Mac asked with the hint of a smile.

"That'd be lovely" said Trish, herself smiling a little. "Tell him we love him, and give our granddaughters hugs and kisses from us."

"Will do, give our love to Frank" Mac said. "Bye now."

"Goodbye, Mac" said Trish.

* * *

Mac hung the phone up and looked down at Ainsley, who had fallen asleep. Mac carried her to her nursery, then taking the monitor upstairs with her; she gently knocked on Mattie's door. 

"Come in" said Mattie.

Mac opened the door and stood there a minute. "We need to talk."

"Yeah" said Mattie, closing the book she'd been staring at for the past half hour. "Let me guess, I'm not going to that party, am I?"

Mac sighed. "We haven't discussed it any more since you and I last spoke. Can we forget about that for a bit?"

"I guess so" said Mattie. "What do you want to talk about then?"

"I want to talk about you. What's going on with you, Sweetie? All day you've been acting oddly, even this morning. We're worried about you" Mac said softly.

"Nothing's going on" said the girl. "I'm just worried about dad, that's all."

"You treated him pretty badly this morning" Mac said. "That doesn't say_ I'm worried about you_, that says something else." She tried to be gentle as she spoke.

Mattie was very quiet for a minute. "I'm afraid" she said. "I've never seen him hurt like this."

"I'm afraid, too" Mac replied. "And I've been short tempered and I'm sorry. But you and I both have to remember one thing more important than our fears, honey. _He's_ afraid, more afraid than he'll show us."

"I know" said Mattie softly. "I'm sorry for how I've acted. Can I help you do anything for him?"

"I think now he needs some space" Mac replied. "But in the morning how about you get up a bit early and spend some time with him? I know he misses you, but right now he doesn't even want to see _me_. I know he won't want you to see him as he is right now."

"I can do that" said Mattie. "I miss him, too. A lot."

"I know you do" Mac replied. "So do I." In spite of herself a few more tears leaked out of her eyes.

Mattie opened her arms and reached out to Mac. "Hug?"

Mac stepped into Mattie's open arms and held tight. "You better get ready for bed. It's getting late."

"Okay" said Mattie. "I hope you can get some sleep tonight."

"Me, too" said Mac. She started back downstairs and with trepidation opened the master bedroom door. "Harm?" she said softly in the darkness.

He didn't acknowledge her presence because he was asleep.

Mac moved closer and saw the slow rise and fall of his chest accompanied by the occasional involuntary moan of pain or fear. She stripped down, leaving her clothes where they fell and pulled on one of Harm's old shirts. With tears falling again she got into bed and drifted into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

"No!" Mac shouted. "Harm, no! Dear God, please no! Harm!" 

"Mac! Mac!" he called as he awoke with a start as she screamed his name. "Wake up, babe. It's okay, I'm here."

"Harm!" she cried out again. "I love you, we...Why?" she sobbed, still asleep.

"Wake up, Mac" he said, reaching over to shake her. "It's all a bad dream! Wake up, you're okay!"

Mac woke this time slowly, pushing away sleep even as she struggled for breath. She felt arms around her, holding her, but as her conscious mind was still imprisoned by her nightmare, she fought their hold. "Let me go!" she ordered. "I...I..Harm..." She cried, not in question but in wanting.

"I'm here, baby" he said, his strength refusing to let her go. "Mac! I'm here…"

She kept fighting, fighting his hold, fighting for breath. "No...I'm...Why?"

He took hold of both her shoulders and shook her steadily, desperate to wake her up and take away her pain. "Mac! Mac! Wake up! Mac!"

Finally, his voice or maybe the physical force penetrated and she looked at him, eyes aware. She flung herself at him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sobbed into his chest for all she was worth. "Thank God" she breathed. "Thank God."

He pulled her as close as he could given his miserable back. "What happened, sweetie?" he asked as he wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"I...I had the worst nightmare" she managed to say. "It was so horrible...but it's over. It's over. Let's go back to sleep." She tried to pull back and snuggle down.

"No, no" he said, retaining his hold on her. "You were terrified, baby. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"You lie back down first" she told him. "You're not supposed to be like this with your back."

"Okay, but I want you to stay close" he said, knowing she needed his arms around her.

Mac helped ease him back down against the mattress then asked her most common question. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine" he said. "What was that all about?" he asked, rubbing her shoulder blade softly. "I've never seen you like that."

"I told you. I had a bad dream. Thankfully, that's all it was" she sighed and laid her head down on his chest.

"Hey" he said quietly, lifting her head with his hand under her chin. "You made me talk to you when I had my nightmare; I need the same from you. What happened, Mac?"

"I lost the most important thing in my world" she said.

It didn't take him long to decode what she was saying to him, and narrow it down to two possible scenarios. "Did something happen to me" he asked, "or to Ainsley?" He knew it had to be one of them.

"You" she replied. "You..." She started to cry again remembering her pain and grief at finding him in that bed.

He silently pulled her even closer, allowing her to cry on his shoulder the way he'd done so many times before. She hadn't been this upset, though, since they lost their first baby. Whatever she'd dreamt, it had shaken her to the core.

Five minutes later, Mac had some control over her emotions and finally managed to speak in a somewhat normal voice. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay" he said tenderly. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to make me..." She rubbed her wet cheek against his chest.

"I'd like you to" he encouraged. "It helped me to talk about mine, but if you don't want to, that's fine, too. I just need to know that you're okay."

She didn't want to tell him what she'd dreamt, but she knew she really needed to. "You'd had back surgery and it went bad. It must have been a year or so later than now because Ainsley was talking a bit and toddling around. She came to me crying."

"How come?" he asked, his arms till wrapped around her.

"You wouldn't hug her" Mac replied. "Everyday she went in to you and everyday you wouldn't hug her."

"I'd never refuse to hug my baby" he said. "Never."

"But in my nightmare, you did" Mac replied. "She'd come in here and stand by your bed, only it was one of those adjustable hospital beds, and say 'Dada, Dada' over and over, but you ignored her, then she came to me with these big tears running down her cheeks, and I knew it was status quo for us since the surgery went bad."

"I'm so sorry" he said. "I'm sorry you had to see that, even if it wasn't real."

"It got worse" she admitted. "I went in and asked you to go out with us, told you how we all loved you and missed you and you just laid there, you wouldn't look at me...You turned from me when I tried to kiss you...That hurt so much, but that's not the worst part."

"Baby, I'll never, _ever _turn away from you" he said, moving her chin up again so he could look into her eyes. "Never."

"But you did" she told him. "You turned from me and then you left me."

"Oh, Mac" he said, rubbing her back softly. "I'd never leave you, you know that. I'm here forever and ever, I promise."

"You left because you thought you'd broken your promise to me" she said. "You...God, I can still feel how cold you were."

"Cold?" he said. "Why was...?" It hit him what she meant by "leave her", and his heart nearly broke in two. "God, Mac, I... Oh baby, I'm sorry. That'll _never_ come to pass; not in a billion years."

"I know, but it seemed so real" she cried, "and earlier you said you can't imagine being completely happy with your life if you can't ever fly again, and…"

It all came back to him, everything he'd said to her a few short hours earlier. "Shit..." he muttered to himself when he realized what an inconsiderate fool he'd made of himself. "Mac, baby, I'm...I'm so sorry for all that. I didn't mean it, honest I didn't."

"Things we say in the moment" she said, "those are sometimes true, Harm."

"Not when they're said in a moment of pain" he replied adamantly.

"Pain I wanted to take away but you shut me out" she said. "That really hurt."

"I was stupid to shut you out" he said apologetically. "You've probably noticed by now that when I'm afraid of something, it brings out the worst in me."

"And in me" she replied. "At least until you taught me that I didn't have to do that. Why are you so scared? What did Captain Hendricks say?" she asked him beginning to make slow circles on his bare chest.

"He said I can call him later on to reschedule my quals" replied Harm, his voice failing to mask his disappointment in having to miss them this time around. "I just don't think that'll be an issue. After today...I _know_ I'm finished in the Naval cockpit forever."

"I wish I could disagree with that" she said softly. "But we both heard Dr. Peddie and...Harm, I know what flying means to you but there are worse things. Aren't there?"

"There are" he agreed softly as he ran his fingers through her hair, carefully working out the tangles one by one. "I hate to think of never flying again, but as long as I've got you, I'll be okay."

"I'm going to hold you to that" Mac smiled. "I...Can I say something without you getting angry with me?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course" he said as he continued running his fingers through her hair.

"I...I'm not very, uh, distressed, at the thought of you not flying anymore" Mac said. "I mean look what it's done to you; all the pain it's caused."

"Only when things went wrong" he said. "But yeah, none of this would have happened if I'd not been flying in the first place. You understand why I had to, though. There are some things in this world that we just know we were born to do. You were born to be my wife...and the mother of my children...and I was born to, among other things, fly."

"I know" she sighed. "I do. But...I just don't want...I don't want even one part of our nightmares to become reality." She felt tears well up and again began to cry against him.

"Hey, sshhh..." he said, trying to soothe her as best he could. "The only part of those nightmares that could even possibly become reality is the part where my surgery doesn't go as planned, but even if that were to happen, we'd still be together and we'd get through it. I love you way too much to let you worry about any of those other things." He ran his hand, very slowly, down her back, then up again.

"Do you really?" she asked him lifting her head to connect her watery brown eyes with his bright blue ones.

"Yes" he answered. "I love you so much that if I could take your nightmares away for the rest of your life, I'd do it in a second."

"I wish you could" she said, her thoughts interrupted by the sound of Ainsley's wails through the baby monitor.

"Sounds like someone wants her mommy" said Harm with a little smile.

She nodded and wiped away a couple of stray tears. "I'll be right back." She climbed out of bed and went to retrieve the crying baby from the nursery, changing her wet diaper and grabbing her favorite blanket on the way back to the master bedroom.

"What's wrong, Ainsley Rose?" asked Harm as Mac climbed back into bed beside him.

"Say I want to snuggle with my daddy" Mac told the baby and held her out to Harm.

"Well, I think we can arrange that" he said, taking his daughter into his arms. "Did you need daddy? Hmm?" He placed a kiss atop her head.

Ainsley's cries softened for the moment as she nuzzled against her daddy. She turned her head and with her mouth opened touched it to his neck. "Would you look at that?" Mac said smiling the sight before her.

"She's giving kisses" he said proudly. "Not that she's trying to, but..."

"Maybe she is" Mac beamed. "She's a smart little girl. Aren't you, baby?" She reached over and touched Ainsley's baby fine hair.

"So what do you think she ended up with?" he asked Mac. "Your looks and my brains, or my looks and your brains?"

Before Mac could answer the query Ainsley let out another cry, and this time there was no question what she wanted. "She definitely has your appetite" Harm joked and handed the baby over.

"Very funny, sailor" Mac sighed. "Okay baby, let's feed you" Mac cooed and put the baby to her breast, using the blanket to keep Ainsley warm. "By the way, your Mom called," Mac told Harm as she settled against him while their baby nursed.

"Oh?" he replied. "Checking on me I assume?"

"Yes" Mac replied. "And saving my six, if you want to know the truth of it."

"I'm not sure I follow" he said as he gently rubbed Ainsley's head.

"I...You know that thing I do where I forget I'm a kick ass Jarhead who can handle anything?" Mac asked. She didn't want to hurt him, but she knew Trish would tell him how upset Mac was. "Well, I was doing it when she called."

He sighed. He knew she was upset about the way he'd spoken to her and the stupid things he'd said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you to that point, babe."

"It wasn't just you" Mac replied. "Mattie and I had round two out there and then things in here... but...I have to grow up a little. I'm so...I don't know, I'm not the same as I was before. Am I?"

"No" he said, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "You're even better. You're so much stronger now than any woman I know."

"I never used to cry like that before" Mac sighed. "You and I...we've hurt each other pretty badly in the past, but I never let it break me like that."

"I guess marriage and motherhood have changed a few things" he said. "All of them for the better. It's okay to cry, Mac. We all have to at some point."

"We did a lot of things wrong today, I think" Mac sighed. "A lot of things." The baby started to fuss again just then and pulled away. "All done, baby?"

"She didn't eat much" he said. "Must have just wanted a nightcap."

"Or something to suck on" Mac replied. "She's been a bit unsettled the past few days."

"Think she'll go back to sleep now?" he asked.

"I hope so...I have to get that ice pack on your back" Mac sighed. "And we need to talk about another visit to the doctor's office."

"Go put her in her crib and get the ice" he said. "Then we can talk."

Mac nodded and rose with Ainsley, who had already quieted and begun to doze. She placed the little one in her bed then went to get Harm's ice pack. "Here we go" she said upon returning. "One ice pack...What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing" he said. "Why?"

"You have this funny look on your face" she said half smiling.

"I dunno" he said with a smile. "Must be the drugs."

"Oh yeah?" Mac sighed. "I didn't know oxytocin gave you a gleam."

"It's pretty good stuff" he said, relaxing against his pillows. "Got my ice?"

"Right here" Mac replied. "Still hurt bad?" she asked lowering his covers.

"Not terribly" he answered. "It's more stiff than painful right now."

"Well let's ice the swelling and then I'll work on the stiffness" Mac replied. She wanted to help him, but she was fading, she was tired, and he knew it.

"Okay" he said, slowly rolling over slowly so she could place the ice pack underneath his tense back.

"There you go" she said stifling a yawn.

He eased himself back over and rested upon his back. "You're exhausted" he said. "Come on, get in here with me."

"I should get you something to eat. You didn't have anything" she reminded him.

"I'm not hungry" he said. "I'll eat a good breakfast, I promise. Come on, crawl in here with me; I'm freezing."

Mac lifted the covers on her side of the bed and slipped inside. "Feel okay though? Is that ice pack helping or just torturing you?" She asked playing with the hair on his forehead.

"Helping some" he said. "Torturing some. Take your pick."

"I'm sorry. I made a decision though" Mac told him. "I'm telling the General I'm not coming in tomorrow or until you're better. If he doesn't like it..."

"I think he'll understand" replied Harm. "I mean, you're only there for 3 hours a day now as it is. He'll be okay with it."

"Doesn't' matter if he isn't" Mac said firmly. "You are all that matters. You, the baby, and Mattie. That's it." She punctuated that thought with a kiss.

As she began to pull back from the kiss, he reached out and gently pulled her face towards his again, his lips matching her kiss with one of his own.

Mac responded to his touch unconsciously, opening her mouth to allow his tongue entrance. She pressed up against him as much as she dared as she leaned over him, enjoying the feeling of lips on her, of his tongue in her mouth. She pulled back after a minute. "What are you doing?" she asked, breathless.

"Whatever feels good" he answered as he, too, worked to catch his breath.

She reached beneath his covers and began to run her hands around his chest, moving up and down slowly in a gentle rhythm. "Does this feel good?" she asked.

"Mm-hmm" he sighed, gently brushing a few stray hairs out of her face before pulling her lips to his own once again.

Once again, Mac let him kiss her, and she kissed him back with intensity she hadn't felt since their honeymoon. She pulled away again and smiled at him, reaching one leg over his hips to straddle him.

"What do you wanna do?" he whispered, his breathing still heavy as he rubbed his hand slowly from her knee to her thigh.

"Make you feel better" she replied and leaned down to place her lips against his neck using her breath, tongue and lips to excite that soft bit of flesh.

"Mmm, God..." he sighed. "Baby, I'm...I'm not sure how much I can do" he said softly. "I want to..." His words were lost as she kissed that spot right behind his ear; the spot she knew made him absolute putty in her hands.

"No" she breathed against his ear. "No that...not yet."

"I know" he said quietly as he felt the goose bumps creep up all over his body. "But God, I want you." He moved his hand up underneath the shirt she was wearing, one of his old workout jerseys, and ran it gently across her bare stomach. "Ideas?" he whispered to her.

She balanced her weight on her knees as not to hurt him and continued to run her lips down his neck to his shoulder, kissing downward until she got to his nipple, which was excited from her attentions. She took it in her mouth and used her tongue to moisten the pink skin. When she'd had her fill she looked up at him. "Like that one?"

"Oh yeah..." he moaned as he slowly drew zig zags down her abdomen, stopping when he reached the waistband of her lounge pants.

"Then let me get the other side, sailor" she replied. "You just lie back and enjoy it." She put her lips back on his left nipple, tugging lightly with her teeth she kissed and licked her way over to his right nipple, giving it the same attention. "How's this feeling, Honey?"

"So good..." he replied, forcing himself to breathe so he could speak. He reached towards the hem of her shirt and tugged just a little. "Please?"

"No, no..." she whispered. "Not yet. Be still."

"But..." he began, again losing his train of thought when her mouth made contact with his skin.

Mac let out a breath on his chest and began kissing down his belly until her lips were stopped by his sheets. She pulled them back ever so slightly and used her tongue to lavish his navel with attention. "I love you, sailor" she whispered. "So much. Am I hurting you?"

"No..." he answered breathlessly. "No...keep going..."

"Tell me what to do next" Mac requested.

Without saying a word, he took her right hand and began to lead her in the direction he wanted her to go.

"Harm, are you sure?" Mac asked when she felt where he was leading her. "I mean...I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't" he said, his voice filled with loving desire. "It's okay."

Mac pulled his covers back the rest of the way and slipped her hands beneath the waist band of his boxers. His slow response was a testimony to his pain and his injury, but in spite of it he responded to her loving touch.

"Feeling okay?" she asked, knowing his answer but wanting to hear it from his lips.

"God, baby" he whispered. "That's nice..."

Mac pouted a little bit, then stopped her ministrations.

He opened his eyes and looked down at her. "What's wrong?" he asked as his heart rate temporarily leveled off.

"Nice?" she asked and continued to give him the little girl pout.

He realized what she was doing; she was playing with his mind, something she loved to do in the bedroom. With a grin, he played along. "How about 'really nice'?" he asked.

The pout grew, and she shook her head.

"The second most wonderful, amazing feeling you've ever given me?" he offered, hoping he'd get it right soon.

She smiled then and began massaging him again. "That's better. What was the first?" she asked, not sure what he'd say.

"Toss up" he answered, his eyes closed as his body melted as she worked. "Either the last ten seconds of our first time...or...last ten seconds on the beach..."

"Either works for me" she replied

"Stop" he said softly. "Come back up here."

Mac looked at him with questions in her eyes, but did as he asked, rolling off of him and lying beside him. "Did I not do it right?" she asked.

"You did it just right" he soothed, "I just want you back up here for a little while, that's all."

"But you didn't..."she began.

"I didn't say we were finished yet, baby" he replied as he pulled her body closer to his. "I just wanted to put my arms around the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, and tell her how much I love her."

"I love you, too" Mac replied. "I'm sorry I was so silly before. You have no idea how real that dream was." She shivered at the memory.

"Yeah, I do" he countered, moving her bangs off her forehead so he could lean down and kiss her there. "Mine was just as real; it was the worst feeling ever, seeing you take the baby and walk out of my life."

"Do you think there could be something to them?" she asked. "I mean they did have a common element."

"Yeah, that common element is exhaustion" he said as a shiver came over him from lying on the ice pack. "Don't put any stock in either of them, Mac. We know they won't come true."

"What's wrong? You cold?" she asked forgetting his pillow of ice, which had been on way too long.

"Yeah, actually I am" he said, reaching for the covers she'd pulled off of him earlier. "Can we get rid of the ice?"

"Oh no! It's been on way too long" she gasped and rolled out of bed. "Roll to the side" she told him. "I'm so sorry, I forgot all about it."

"Can't imagine why" he said seductively, moving slowly to his right side.

Mac eased the icepack out then helped him lie back again.

"I'm gonna go put this away and grab you some juice" she said. "Anything else while I'm out there?"

"Another pill would be great" he said.

"Sorry, no can do" she answered.

He started to ask why, and then it occurred to him. "Oh yeah, I took an extra one this afternoon. Well, shit."

"Getting bad?" she asked sympathetically.

He nodded. "Help me get situated again?"

"Want to try and stand up a minute?" she asked. "Or stretch?"

"Stretch" he replied.

"Okay, baby." Mac was back to coddling mode. "Push yourself back with your arms while I lift these gorgeous legs of yours" she whispered.

He followed her orders, wincing and moaning as his back fought against his every move.

"There you go" Mac said as she placed his legs against the mattress. "Want me to stretch them for you or just leave you alone?" she asked.

"Stretch" he replied, running his hands over his face.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" she instructed him, taking his left leg and raising it to the level or her shoulder, then bending his knee and gently pushing it towards him.

He took in a sharp breath. "I'm okay" he said. "Just stiff." He could feel his entire body tensing up again as he fought to keep the pain from consuming him.

Mac repeated the action once more. She saw the look on his face and whispered "let it go. Don't tense."

"Trying not to" he said, "but..."

"Let it go" she repeated.

"I can't do that alone" he said softly.

"I know, baby" she replied. "I know. I'm trying to help you, but don't hide the pain if it hurts."

"Do the other leg" he said quietly.

Mac gently lowered the leg she'd been working on and repeated the same actions with the other. She pressed a little lighter as his pain was focused on the right side of his body. She didn't want to hurt him any more than necessary.

"Oh, that feels a lot better" he sighed.

"I'm glad" she smiled and lowered his right leg to the bed. "Pillows now, then you can rest."

"You can fix my pillows" he said, "but the resting can wait."

Mac manipulated Harm's legs, lifting and bending as required using the familiar and comforting two, three, two combination. When she was done she waited for him to tell her what he needed. She was exhausted but if he needed her, he'd have her.

"Come here" he said, opening his arms towards her.

Mac went to his arms and let him hold her. "I'm here" she replied stifling a yawn.

He held her as close as he could and began placing angel kisses along her jaw line. "You're so beautiful" he whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too" she replied.

He ran his hand down her arm. "You're awfully uptight tonight" he said, feeling guilty for being much of the cause behind that tension in her muscles.

"Blame Sturgis" Mac replied yawning again. "I want his six filleted when you get well, copy?"

"I can take care of that" he said softly, "but tonight, I want to take care of _you_." He moved his hands behind her back and gently nudged her body closer to his own.

She nestled closer to him, part of her enjoying his touch, the other part wishing he'd just let her sleep.

"I know you're sleepy, baby" he said tenderly, "I am, too, but right now we need each other." He busied himself with kisses once more, this time focusing on her neck, just above her collarbone.

She just lay there and let him touch her, occasionally nestling still closer. "Don't..."

He froze in place. "Don't what, Mac?" he asked, afraid he'd begun something she didn't want to finish. "Are you okay?"

"Don't start something we can't finish" she replied. "I want you too much, so much it hurts, but we can't."

"I know" he said, gently cupping her face in his hand. "We won't. We'll just do what feels good; like I said before, baby. Can we do that?"

She nodded. She could barely keep her eyes opened but she wanted his touch.

He reached his hand beneath her hem line again, running itover her soft stomach. "You're so soft" he whispered against her ear.

She ran her hand over his chest. "So hard. So strong. I need that so much" she whispered.

He moved his hand upward, brushing against the top of her breasts. "You're amazing, Mac..."

"Only with you…" she whispered. "I...I am who I am because of you."

"I know the feeling" he replied, the passion rising in his voice as he took hold of her torso beneath her shirt and pulled her gently towards him. "Come here, like you were before."

Mac's moves were slow; her body ached with exhaustion, tension, and from the physical exertion of moving Harm about. Still she moved over him, spreading her legs so she was kneeling on the bed, one thigh on either side of his hips.

He wrapped his arms around her, his hands still underneath her shirt, and brought her down against his chest. "I've missed this so much" he whispered against her ear.

"I have too, sailor" Mac replied as she leaned over to kiss his lips. "We'll have it again. We have to...we need..."

"I need _you_, Mac" he said softly. "Here." He kissed her again. "Tonight." And again. "Whatever we can do, that's what I need."

"I'm here, baby" she told him. "I'm here." She said this with a husky voice and raised her arms above her head. She knew what he wanted and was letting him know it was his for the taking.

He lifted her shirt up as high as he could, but given that he had to remain lying down, he wasn't able to get it over her head. "Guess I need a little help" he said quietly as he felt the sparks between the two of them light up; sparks that hadn't existed in far too many days.

Mac helped him ease the shirt over her head, and even leaned down a bit so he didn't have to reach as far to touch her. The part of her that didn't want this was fast losing out to the part that wanted his hands, his mouth on her body. She only hoped said body would cooperate. "Touch me" she whispered. "Touch me."

He loved it when she said what she wanted him to do, made it clear what she needed from him. He started at her navel, both hands working their way very slowly up her body until they reached her breasts. Once there, he ran his hands over each of them ever-so-gently; over, under, across. "Feel good?" he asked softly.

"Mmm" was the only sound she was capable of. She leaned into his hands so that he would increase the pressure, then she directed him again. "In your mouth."

Harm smiled a bit and used his hands to press her closer to him taking one soft nipple in his mouth. Mac tossed her head back in ecstasy as Harm nipped at her a bit, using his teeth to graze the sensitive flesh.

"Feels good" she managed as she enjoyed his touch, his lips. She reached down and used her hands to massage his chest. "Oh, God" she moaned when he slipped his lips from her nipple and pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry" he finally said. "I wish I could…"

"No" Mac replied. "No...Our time will come again" Mac assured him. "It will. Don't be sorry. Never be sorry, my love."

They kissed again, all of the hunger replaced by tenderness. "Tell me what to do now" he requested. "Tell me what you need."

Mac trailed tiny kissed from his lips to his ear then whispered, "I need...Hold me. Just hold me tight."

He did just as she asked and pulled her warm, soft body closer to his own. His right hand rubbed her back, moving in slow, small circles as his left hand reached her side. Sliding it gently around the front, he caressed her almost flat stomach, touching her hard enough to be passionate, yet soft enough to show her how much he cared.

Mac moaned a little as he touched her soft flesh. It was almost a moan of pain, and it startled him.

"Did that hurt, baby?" he asked.

"No..." she replied and moaned again. "I'm…I need you." She shifted her hips a bit to let him know what she needed. "I really need you…"

Harm knew her so well, and he knew what she wanted. He took the hand that had been on her belly and began to move it lower and lower until his fingers were underneath her shorts. "That's what you want, is it baby?"

"Yes" she gasped. "Yes. Please...I need to..."

"Ssh" he hushed her. "I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you."

And that he did. Mac gasped for breath as he worked, bringing her closer and closer to the edge until finally she felt the white hot heat of her climax wash over her.

"Ssh...calm down, baby" he whispered as she made her pleasure known while his hands slowed a bit. "Calm down, deep breaths... You're so beautiful, baby...so perfect..."

Mac could do nothing more than make tiny sounds as his wonderful hands slowed and finally stopped. As Harm held her to him in the afterglow of their passion, her sounds finally stopped as well, the light pressure her cheek had been putting on his chest increasing as she let out a long, soft moan.

"Baby?" he asked softly as he looked down at her.

There was no reply from Mac except an unconsciously soft sigh.

He couldn't help but smile as he realized she'd fallen asleep. She was so tired, yet she gave him what he needed that night - the chance to love her physically as best as he could. He carefully pulled the covers back up over the two of them before placing a final kiss on the top of her head. "Sleep well, beautiful" he said, and he leaned his head against his pillow as his eyes fell shut.

* * *

It was no surprise that Harm woke up first in the morning to Mac still sound asleep next to him. She'd barely moved during the night she was so tired. Smiling softly down at her he knew she needed one day of rest at least until Ainsley's doctor's appointment. He moved his hand to the spot at the center of her head that if rubbed just right would put her to sleep. He began to gently rub that spot to keep her asleep as he made some calls. 

The phone rang twice before the General's sharp voice came on the line. "Yes, Commander?" he said, Jen having alerted him to the identity of the caller.

"Good morning, Sir" said Harm. "I'm calling to request that the Colonel be given today off."

"And why would that be, Commander?" Creswell asked. "She's already on limited duty."

"I understand that, Sir" said Harm, "but she's on the verge of becoming physically ill if she doesn't get a little rest. She'll be able to complete most of the work she's supposed to do from home, Sir, but she'll be out of the office entirely for the remainder of the week at least."

"Commander..." the general sighed."The Colonel has a high profile case going to court martial unless she and Commander Turner can come to an agreement. I can give her today but she needs to be here tomorrow."

"I'm not sure she's capable of making it in tomorrow, Sir" replied Harm, looking down at Mac as she remained deeply lost in slumber. "She mentioned to me the case she's dealing with Commander Turner on, Sir, and she's hopeful that they can reach an agreement today by phone."

"Commander, I cannot have two senior lawyers out at the same time" Creswell argued. "The Colonel, unless she's under a doctor's care, must report tomorrow at 1000."

"I understand, Sir" said Harm. "I'll have the Colonel call you later today and discuss this further." He knew how badly she needed a day off, but he also knew he couldn't convince the General of that himself. Mac had a way of getting what she needed, and he knew she could take care of the issue with their CO better than he could, even if it meant she ended up under a doctor's care to provide her with an excuse.

"That will be fine, Commander" Creswell replied. "How is your back doing? Can I expect you back soon?"

"I'd like to hope so, Sir" said Harm, "but right now it's still in pretty bad shape. I'm seeing a specialist at Bethesda, though, and we've got high hopes that before long he'll get me straightened out."

"Well, good" the general said. "Please have the Colonel call me later. I don't see us being able to spare her, though. I'm sorry."

"Yes, sir" replied Harm. "I'll let her know. Thank you, General."

The call ended that way, with very little accomplished. Harm's next order of business was to phone Mattie on her cell phone. She answered on the first ring, "What's wrong?" she asked, worried at receiving a call from home when she was right upstairs.

"Nothing's wrong, kiddo" he said. "Can you peek in on Ainsley for me, please? I think she's still asleep, but she should be waking up any second. Mac's still crashed out and I want her to sleep as late as possible, so I need you to take care of the baby for just a bit."

"Sure" Mattie replied. "Is Mac alright? She never sleeps this late."

"I think everything is just catching up with her" he answered. "She's fine, but she has to get some sleep and I'm not exactly capable of doing much with the baby right now. I doubt Mac will sleep much more than another couple of hours, but of course Ainsley will be ready to eat before then."

'No problem, dad" Mattie replied. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I was being a total brat."

"Yeah, you were" he agreed, "but its okay. This has been hard on all of us; sooner or later we're all bound to lash out."

"Still, I think I made have made Mac cry and it really takes something to do that" she told him. "I heard her on the phone, sobbing right after we had another fight."

"You did?" he asked. "I didn't know that. Well, make sure you apologize to her today; that's important, okay?"

"I already did, but I still feel bad" Mattie sighed. "She was crying for like an hour."

"Try to let it go, then" he said, realizing Mattie was referring to the conversation Mac had with Trish, a conversation mostly about him. "I don't think you did anything that would have had her so upset for so long, so it was probably something else." Just then, Ainsley's wail came over the baby monitor.

"Uh...my sister is hungry" Mattie announced. "Catch you later."

Mac began to stir in her sleep at the sound of her baby's cry. "Mmm."

"Ssh..." he said as he stroked the spot atop her head some more. "Shh..."

"But.." she began to speak but kept her eyes closed.

"It's okay, babe" he whispered. "We'll give her a bottle. You go back to sleep."

Mac didn't have the energy or strength to fight him. She just let her eyes close again.

* * *

_A/N: Well... I'd love to know what you think! There are still some unanswered questions, but never fear, the answers - and better times - are coming..._


	79. Chapter 79

_A/N: You guys are the best! Thanks for all the reviews and encouragment with regard to my own personal "journey" to have a baby. When things get really tough for me, I get on here and bury myself in writing this fic. It's my escape; it's a place where I can put a face to my feelings (Mac) and a place where I have complete control over how things play out. It's been very theraputic for me from day one, and the longer the story gets, the more theraputic it becomes for me. _

_Anyway, I have the next chapter ready to go, so even though I just posted a couple nights ago, I wanted to give you all a treat (at least I hope it's a treat!). Thanks once more to LadyCommish for her ideas, nudges and friendship. :)_

* * *

Chapter 79: 

Mattie took care of getting Ainsley up and changing her, and warmed up the last remaining bottle from the freezer before bringing both baby and bottle to the master bedroom. "Can you handle feeding her?" she asked Harm. "I didn't realize how late it was, I've gotta get ready to leave."

"Yeah, sure" he said, moving himself ever-so-carefully away from Mac so he wouldn't disturb her. "Thanks for taking care of this, kiddo" he said as he took Ainsley from her big sister.

"Not a problem" Mattie replied leaning in to kiss her father's cheek. "Dad?"

"Hmm?" he answered as he put the bottle to the baby's mouth.

"Can we talk later? You and me?"

"Of course" he replied. "Something wrong?"

"We'll talk later" she replied starting for the door. "Get some rest."

"I will" he said. "Have a good day. I love you."

"Love you too" she replied and was out the door.

Harm lay in the bed next to Mac and gave Ainsley her bottle. She still wasn't completely sure she liked it; she fussed and squirmed some but she took it fairly well. It wasn't until the phone rang that Mac stirred from her sound sleep.

"Ssh" he said, carefully reaching over to pat his wife's back. She needed to sleep some more; she was running on empty and he knew it. As the phone rang for the third time, he was able to get Ainsley down on his lap and reach over to grab the handset.

"Rabb's" he answered.

"Harm, its Sturgis" came the voice. "Where's Mac? We had a meeting twenty minutes ago and the General said she's not coming in today."

"She's not" answered Harm plainly. "She's off today because she's so tired she can barely function, and she needs to get some rest."

"Well we have a case that needs to be resolved" Sturgis replied. "She's being a bit hard nosed about it."

"Funny" said Harm, carefully reaching the bottle around to Ainsley's mouth again, "that's what she said about you."

Sturgis laughed. "I'm sorry Harm" he said. "I never asked how you were doing."

"I'm alright" he replied. "I'll be better when I can get out of bed without asking for someone to shoot me, and even better when I can get back to work, but I'm...okay, I guess."

"That's good" Sturgis replied. "Harm, seriously, I know things are rough but I need Mac to come in to work today. My client really wants to put this whole thing behind him."

"Not happening, Sturg" said Harm. "As we speak she's passed out cold right here next to me, and if I didn't wake her up to feed the baby, I'm damn sure not gonna wake her up to tell her to go to the office."

"Harm...look the man wants to get back with his family, but every time I even mention dealing Mac gets...you know how she gets sometimes" Sturgis told Harm, after all their fights were legendary.

"Yes, I know better than anyone" said Harm, "but regardless, she's not going to be there today and she's not going to work on anything other than getting her strength back, so you and your client will just have to hold your horses until tomorrow!"

"Getting her strength? Believe me when she was tearing up the man yesterday she had _plenty_ of strength" Sturgis scoffed. "We need her here; she has to do her job..."

"Her _job_ for today" said Harm in a tone that left no room for debate, "is to take care of herself so that she can take care of Ainsley and I and do what she needs to do in the office! You're not gonna win this one, Sturgis; she's not coming in today, end of debate!"

"What am I supposed to tell my client?" Sturgis asked. "He already..." Sturgis caught himself in time. If Harm knew that...

"Spill it, counselor" said Harm, "already what?"

"I can't..." Sturgis replied. "Let say he really doesn't care for her or her attitude towards him and...He's really unsettled by the fact she just assumed he did what he's accused of doing."

"That's for the two of you to work out when she gets back" said Harm, bothered a little by what this client thought of his wife, but he knew it was the nature of the beast. "She should be in tomorrow, but I can guarantee you won't be seeing her today."

"She needs to be in today" Sturgis pressed. "There really is no room for debating this."

"You're right" said Harm, just as Ainsley spit the bottle out and began to cry. "She's not going in, end of debate. Anything else?"

"Yeah...put her on" Sturgis told him. "I want to talk to her."

"I told you, she's sleeping" said Harm as he tried to hold the phone between his ear and shoulder and pick up the baby from his lap. "Plus you're not exactly tops on her list of favorite people right now. You've really been stressing her a lot over this case, and it needs to stop. She's got all she can handle right now between me and the baby; she doesn't need you or anyone else adding to her mental exhaustion."

"She's adding to her own" Sturgis replied firmly. "She's completely lost control, she's irrational wh..."

"Enough!" exclaimed Harm, causing Ainsley to wail in his arms. "Great, now look what you made me do. Mac is no doubt doing what she feels is right with regards to the case, and if you have a problem with that then I suggest you talk to the General because I don't want you harassing my wife over this matter any further! Is that understood, Commander?"

Sturgis relented, "I'm not harassing her, but alright..."

"I've gotta take care of the baby" said Harm, thankful for the obvious reason to get off the phone. "Was there anything else?"

"Yes, tell her to be here tomorrow and I do hope things get better for you" Sturgis said. "We are, after all, still friends."

Harm nodded. "Yeah, we are" he agreed, knowing that the issue at hand was nothing personal; it was strictly business. "She should be there in the morning; that's my plan anyway. I'll let her know you called."

"Thank you" Sturgis replied. "And good luck." With that he ended the call.

* * *

Mac stirred again beside Harm in the bed and made a tiny "mmm" as she struggled with fatigue. 

"Hey, babe" said Harm softly as he tried in vain to quiet Ainsley. "Sorry that woke you up; I tried to be quiet."

"She's hungry" Mac said as she tried to sit up. "Why do I feel so funny?"

"What do you mean by 'funny'?" he asked. "And she can't be hungry, she just had a bottle."

"I'm...I just feel funny" Mac said again. "Like my whole body is heavy. And that's her hungry cry."

Harm listened carefully for a moment. "You're right" he said, "it is, but she downed a full bottle not 30 minutes ago. Wanna see if she'll eat any more?"

"I have to sit up first" Mac said yawning and stretching. "Seriously, did I take one of your pills by accident or something?"

He laughed a little. "No, you didn't. You're completely wiped out, sweetie" he said. "You've been in a deeper sleep than you've been in since before the baby was born, and it's hard to wake up from that." Ainsley began to cry harder in her daddy's arms.

"Can you calm her just a second until I go pee?" Mac asked swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "Then you can go if you need to."

"Go ahead" he said as he patted Ainsley's back, holding her close to his shoulder. "I'm fine for now; haven't drank very much today."

"You have to eat" Mac called from the bathroom. "You haven't since yesterday."

"After you feed her" he called back. "I can wait, but her patience seems to be wearing thin." Ainsley had worked herself into an all-out wail.

"How did you get her...Harm tell me you didn't get up again!" Mac's mind was still clouded by exhaustion as she asked this question.

"Mattie brought her to me" he answered. "Brought me the baby and the bottle before she left for school. I was a good boy, I promise."

Mac flushed the toilet and washed her hands. When she came out she asked him "how's the pain today?"

"Better" he said, his voice confident and upbeat. "Maybe I'm beginning to heal up, finally."

"I hope so, but after yesterday I don't want you to put any weight on your legs" Mac told him. "Not until you see Dr. Peddie again."

He nodded, agreeing completely. "I think I can maybe manage the wheelchair today, though" he said as Ainsley continued to holler. "Mommy's almost ready for you, beautiful girl, its okay..."

"I'm not sure I like that idea" Mac said as she came to take the baby from Harm. "I've got you sweetie" she cooed to her. "Mommy's going to fix you right up."

"I'll try it" he said. "If it hurts, I won't do it, period."

"Still, I'm not sure if I like that" Mac said again, the idea of seeing that too much for her to think about.

"Babe, all I'll do is slide into it, roll to the bathroom and roll back" he said. "No big thing."

Mac rose from the edge of the bed where she was sitting feeding Ainsley. "But that's where you're wrong, Harm. It's a huge deal." She started for the door.

"Mac, wait!" he said, unsure what to make of her uneasiness. "Please, come here."

Mac turned, and bouncing Ainsley a bit to keep her content, moved to stand next to him.

"Sit down" he said gently, pointing to her side of the bed. "Sit next to me so we can talk."

Mac walked around and sat down as he asked, but she didn't look up from the baby's head. "Okay."

He rubbed her back softly as he began to speak. "It's the nightmare, isn't it? That's why you don't want me to use that thing." He nodded towards the folded wheelchair across the room.

"Its more than that" she sighed. "But yeah...Harm we both had nightmares about that. That's just a bit bizarre."

"Perhaps" he said, "or perhaps it's simply because we're both living with this situation right now. Life has a way of leading our dreams sometimes, but I don't want you to be afraid that anything either of us dreamt about will come to pass. It won't; I know that in my heart."

"But… I don't" Mac said lifting her eyes to meet his for the first time. "Maybe not me leaving or you leaving...but the other part is very...there are so many risks."

"I know there are" he replied. "I can't disagree that there's a chance something could eventually land me in a wheelchair, but I also can't dwell on it. We just got married, we have this beautiful baby, we have Mattie...our life is too good to think about anything bad like that." He reached out and rubbed Ainsley's little head.

"But you have to have surgery, Harm" Mac said. "And soon. How can I not be worried that…?"

He shook his head. "No, don't talk like that" he said softly. "Don't talk like that or think like that. We know there are risks, but we'll get through everything no matter what happens; we always do."

Mac smiled a bit and looked down at their daughter, who was greedily nursing. "Yeah we do, don't we?"

"I can't believe she's so hungry" he said. "Is she supposed to start eating that much more already? She's not even 5 months old yet."

"She's probably growing" Mac said as she cuddled their daughter. "She's getting so big so fast."

"I know it" he said with a proud smile. "At this rate she'll be starting college before we can turn around three times."

"Don't say that" Mac told him a bit wistfully. "I want...I wish she could just stay like this. You know?"

"Spoken like a true mother" he said with a smile. "I doubt there's one of you on the planet who doesn't wish their babies could stay babies forever."

"Like you don't?" Mac laughed a bit and disconnected the baby to switch sides.

His smile remained as he shrugged in reply. "Yeah, I do."

"Harm?" Mac said tentatively once Ainsley was reconnected.

"Hmm?" he replied, his hand against the small of her back.

"Once this is...this thing with your back is resolved...I'm going to call Dr. Kendall and see what tests need to be done" Mac said as she rocked their daughter.

"Sure" he answered tenderly. "Do you think he'll want me to do my test again?"

"Probably, given your recent condition" Mac replied. "It could affect your ability to..."

"Let's hope not" he said with a nervous laugh. "Never been a problem and God willing it never will be!"

"Last night..." Mac said gently. "You weren't exactly yourself, Commander."

"I'm also not healed up completely just yet" he said confidently. "You just wait until I am; I doubt there'll be any concern as to my ability to..." He blushed the tiniest bit as he thought about the matter.

"All done, baby?" Mac asked Ainsley who had stopped sucking and started gumming. "I can't wait, sailor" she winked at him. "Oh, rats!"

"What?" he asked in a panic.

"I am _soo_ late for work" Mac gasped. "It's after 0930 and I have a meeting with Sturgis" Mac ranted. "Now I'll have to put up with..."

"Hold up, hold up" said Harm, waving his hands as he spoke. "You've got the entire day off today. I want you to spend it resting and doing only the things you absolutely have to do around here, and then you can go to work tomorrow and not feel like you stepped off the set of _Night of the Living Dead_."

"But I have to...Harm, if I'm not there we're only going to backslide and...Oh this is a nightmare" Mac groaned.

"No it's not, babe" he said. "Sturgis called and he and I had a little chat. Things are fine, I promise. Nothing at JAG that can't wait until tomorrow."

"Harm, tell me you didn't...you didn't say I've been complaining about him, did you?" Mac asked as she patted Ainsley back.

"I let him know you weren't happy with him" said Harm, "and that if he thought you were being too hard-nosed, you were just playing the game the same way we all do."

"It's no game, and you know it" said Mac firmly.

He knew she was uptight, and allowed the comment to slide without rebuttal. "Is she finished?" he asked, nodding towards the baby. "If she is, I'll take her for awhile so you can shower."

"She just needs to be burped and you need breakfast" answered Mac.

"Well, let me burp her" he said. "You can go make breakfast or you can shower; whichever you'd rather do first."

"I'm not too hungry, I'll get you something then I want to lie down again. I don't...I still feel funny" Mac said as she walked over and handed him the baby.

"You're not sick, are you?" he asked, settling Ainsley in his lap.

"I don't think so, my head hurts though" she sighed. "I'm probably over tired is all."

"Probably so" he agreed, a little concerned that she might have caught the bug that was going around the office.

"All I want to do is get you fed and lie down, that's all I want to do" she told him stifling another yawn. "What are you up for?"

"Cheese toast and coffee?" he asked as he rubbed circles on Ainsley's back.

"That's it?" she asked.

"Mm-hmm" he said. "Quick and easy, plus I like it."

"Coming right..." She stopped mid sentence and put her hand on the dresser.

"Mac! What's wrong?" he asked, once more in a panic. He laid the baby on the bed and began to try and get up.

"Harm, stay still" Mac ordered. "I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired, that's all. I'll get your breakfast."

"No, you won't" he said firmly. "You'll come back here and get back into bed before you fall over."

"Harm you've got to eat" Mac insisted. "And maybe I do, too." She took a deep breath as her world lurched again.

"Mac! Come on, get back in bed!" he said, wishing he could go help her, but knowing if he tried he might make things worse for her by hurting himself again.

"I think I'd better" she said, moving slowly to the bed. "But what about you? You need to eat."

"I'm fine until you rest for awhile more" he assured her. "I'm not about to send you to the kitchen and have you pass out. Try to go back to sleep; I'll take care of Ainsley until you wake up."

"I just feel so funny" Mac sighed as she sank to the bed. "Like dizzy but not and this headache..." She reached up to massage her aching temples.

"I'm gonna call Harriet" said Harm as he reached for the phone. "Maybe she can come help with the baby while you sleep off whatever this is."

"I'm not really tired" she said. "At least I don't feel like it, but I feel..."

"Like what?" he asked. "Like you should eat, maybe?"

"No, not that" Mac sighed. "Just..."

"I'm worried about you, babe" he said gently. "Do you think a nap will help you feel better?"

"I don't know," Mac sighed. "It's weird." Her voice was soft and getting weaker as she lie upon the pillows.

Harm placed the call to Harriet, and thankfully she was available to come help out. By the time he wrapped up the call, Mac was nearly asleep, her hand on Ainsley's back.

"Mac?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" she whispered weakly.

"Harriet is coming over within the hour" he said. "Go to sleep; you'll feel better."

"I need some Tylenol" Mac said, struggling against her body to rise.

"Be careful" he said, internally cursing his bad back for preventing him from being able to help his wife.

Mac rose with no trouble, but halfway to the bathroom everything lurched again. She tried to hide her startle from Harm and continued on.

By the time she returned to the bed, he could see the exhaustion in her eyes, despite her having slept all night. She was far more tired than either of them had realized, and it was clearly for the best that the General had agreed to Harm's request that she be off for a day.

Mac snuggled against Harm's side once she was in bed, inhaling his scent. "I'm going to try and nap...If Sturgis calls back...tell him something. I just…I can't deal with that now."

"I'll take care of everything" he replied softly. "Rest, my love. You're so tired..."

"Too much" she whispered closing her eyes.

"What's too much?" he whispered. "You're too tired?"

"No" she answered. "Too much, too fast" she replied.

He felt so guilty as her words registered in his mind and heart. Her life had changed immensely in the last few weeks, and she was forced to deal with his injury when she should have been focused on keeping track of the days until their wedding photo proofs were supposed to be delivered. It just wasn't fair, and he wished he could take on her suffering, just like she wished she could do for him.

Before he could verbally reply, Mac's eyes closed and she drifted off. Once Harriet arrived, Harm ate and went to the bathroom with the help of Bud's chair. He needed to nap himself once he got back in bed, and the couple slept on. At about 1500, Harriet gave the baby a bath as Harm and Mac continued to sleep in each others arms. It was this scene that Mattie saw when she went to the bedroom to greet her father once he had awakened.

* * *

"Hey Dad!" Mattie greeted. 

"Shh" he said softly as he looked over at Mac. "She's exhausted. Let's take this to the other room."

"But you can't..." Mattie began.

"Yeah, I can. Pull that thing over here for me, please" he said, pointing to the wheelchair.

Mattie shrugged, but did as she was asked. "Is she okay?" she whispered, nodding at Mac.

"Yeah" he answered as he slowly maneuvered himself up off the bed. "Everything from the last few weeks is catching up with her. She's off today, and if she can sleep most of the day and then all of tonight, I think it'll do her a world of good. Is the brake set on there?"

"Yep" she said. "Isn't she going to be pissed you got up?"

"Only if she finds out" he answered with a smile as he took a deep breath and moved from the bed into the chair.

Mattie held her breath as she watched her father move, and cringed at his grimace of pain. "Now what?" she asked, once he was settled.

"Now we go to the living room" he said "so I can lie on the couch while we talk. Care to do the honors?"

"Should I grab a pillow or something?" Mattie asked as she began to push the wheelchair to the master bedroom's doorway.

"There are some throw pillows on the couch" he said.

"Okay" Mattie replied and pushed him to the sofa. "Seriously, dad, is Mac okay? She looks kind of pale." This as she parked the chair next to the sofa and set the brake.

"She probably caught a bug or something" he replied. "She didn't feel good this morning, but I think its all part of being so run down and tired. She thinks so, too."

"Cool" Mattie replied. "Need help moving or just let you go?"

"I think I can do it myself" he said. "But stay right here in case I'm wrong."

"Will do" Mattie replied and nervously shuffled her weight. She wasn't sure how her Dad would take what she had to say, but she had to say it and get it off her chest.

Harm was able to get himself out of the wheelchair and onto the couch without a terrible deal of pain. "Can you put that pillow behind my knees, Mats?"

"Yeah" she said, and did as he asked her. "Anywhere else? Mac puts one by your shoulders."

"Yeah, tuck the other one back there" he said. "That'll be fine. What did we need to talk about?"

Mattie tucked the other throw pillow behind his shoulders then sat down. "This is really hard to say" she began fidgeting nervously.

"Go ahead, sweetheart" he said. "You know you can talk to me about anything." He wasn't sure what was coming, but he knew if Mattie had asked to talk to him about it, it was big.

"It's just with everything going on, I don't want to hurt your feelings" Mattie said. "But I really have to get this off my chest, you know?"

He nodded. "Okay."

"There's a lot of stuff on my mind, and I'm not sure what to do about it" she said and fidgeted again.

"Mattie" he said, his concern growing by the minute. "Are you in some kind of trouble at school? Are you...are you unhappy living here with us? What's the problem?"

"No, no" Mattie said hastily. "Its not you guys. I love you and Mac and the baby, but it is school, or rather someone _at_ school."

"Is someone bothering you at school?" asked Harm. "I can have a talk with your principal and-"

"Dad, chill out" Mattie laughed. "He's not bothering me, not really. I mean, I thought he was a pest at first but now he kinda grew on me."

Harm could feel the wheels turning within his head as he deciphered what his daughter was telling him. "You've...got a crush on a guy?"

"Not really, dad" Mattie replied. "You're probably going to get a call from Principal Martin, because he kind of caught us kissing in the locker room."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Harm, forgetting for a moment that his wife was down the hall sleeping. "Who is this boy? How do you know him? How old is he?" The questions came like a barrage of gunfire as he took in what she had told him.

"Dad, chill" Mattie rolled her eyes. "Mac's sleeping."

"I'm well aware of that, young lady" said Harm sternly. "You're the one who wanted to talk about this, so talk."

"Well, don't yell at me" Mattie replied. "I knew this wouldn't work out."

Harm took a deep breath. "It'll work out just fine" he said, several notches calmer than he had been. "I need to know some things about this guy, Mats. You felt you could talk to me about this, and I'd like to hear what you have to say."

"Well his name is Dave and he's in my astronomy class" Mattie said. "He's really cute and he has this really hot car..."

"Whoa, hold on" said Harm, the protective father in him coming out. "Have you ridden in his car?"

"Only once" Mattie replied. "It's really cool."

Harm eyes grew wide with anger. "I thought we made it clear that you were never to ride in a car with anyone Mac or I don't know" he said, his voice once again quite stern. "Did you not remember that little rule?"

"I did, but Dad I had to..." Mattie began.

He shook his head, trying to calm himself down. He knew yelling at her was no way to get her to talk to him, and that wouldn't do anyone any good. "When did you ride with him, and why did you 'have to'?" he asked.

"Today" Mattie replied. "And I had to because my friend Cathy said if I did he was going to ask me out for Saturday night, and I guess I thought if I didn't let him drive me home, he wouldn't ask me."

"Mattie" said Harm, "I don't want you to _ever _feel that you have to do something you know is wrong just to get something you want, especially when it comes to guys. I know you only wanted him to ask you out - which by the way is another topic altogether, and one we _will _cover in short order, missy - but it's a dangerous game to play regardless, and I want you to understand that."

"Dad, it's not a big deal," Mattie insisted. "He's a really nice guy. He's had his license for a year..."

"So he's what, 17, 18?" asked Harm. "_You_ are 15, and that's too young to be going out with a guy that age."

"He's just barely 18 and I don't think I'm too young" Mattie replied. "I'm mature for my age, you said it yourself."

He nodded. "You are mature; sweetie, but still, you're only 15. Does this guy know how young you are?"

"Yeah, he knows" Mattie replied. "His sister is one of my friends."

"Which one?" asked Harm, shifting his legs a tiny bit against the pillows.

"Heather" Mattie replied. "I'm not sure you know her, but Mac does."

He thought for a moment. "I've heard the name, but I don't think I've met her. So this guy is interested in the friends of his little sister? I'm not too sure about that, Mattie..."

"It's not just that," Mattie said. "We have a class together and we work in the school planetarium together."

Again, the mental wheels turned. "How long have you known him?" asked Harm.

"Since school started" Mattie replied.

He nodded. "My gut reaction is, of course, to tell you no, you can't see him, however...since you are so mature for your age and you came to me and admitted you broke one of our rules, I'm willing to talk to Mac about it and maybe, _maybe_ we'll agree to let you go out with him _after _we meet him - _maybe_."

"Dad, he wants to go out on Friday. Please, once before you meet him?" Mattie began.

"Sorry, Mats" he answered. "You're still grounded for that little fit you threw the other day, and I'm not gonna let you go out with him before Mac and I talk about it and have a chance to meet him."

"Dad, I don't want him to meet you right now" Mattie insisted. "Please."

He didn't know what to say. "Mattie, I'm still your dad. Being laid up doesn't change that."

"I know but...I...I just don't want you to meet him now and Mac's acting all crazy..." Mattie played with a strand of her hair.

"Mac is trying to keep the family functioning with very little help" said Harm. "I know she's been edgy lately, but most of that is my fault and I don't want you to hold it against her."

"I'm not, I just want to make a good impression and it's kind of embarrassing. She's all jumpy, you're just lying around...We look like the Simpson's or something" Mattie scowled. "Please Dad."

He sighed. "Let me talk to Mac. You're not going out this Friday, that much I can already tell you, but I'll see how she feels about maybe letting you go out next week. Things here should be better by then."

"He might not want to go out next week, I already said yes for this week" Mattie protested. "Please. I'll be grounded the next two weekends for this one night. Please."

"I'll have to talk to Mac" he said again, "and that might not be until later tonight. I'm not making you any promises, understand?"

"Fine" Mattie said. "Can I go to my room now? I have homework to do." It was clear she was mad at him.

"Go ahead" he said, knowing the conversation was over. As he laid his head back against the end of the couch, he thought he heard something in the bedroom.

* * *

Mac stirred and found herself alone in the bed. She looked around and realized she was indeed alone, Harm was missing and so was the wheelchair. She slid out of bed and put her feet on the floor standing up in a rush. Again, though, as before the entire room moved. Mac reached out to steady herself and in her efforts knocked the lamp off the nightstand. 

"Mac?" called Harm from the living room as he moved as fast as he was able to get back into the wheelchair. "Mac? Are you okay?"

Mac sank back on the bed to rid herself of the dizziness and vaguely heard Harm's voice. She didn't make out what he said though so she held her response.

He got himself into the chair and back down the hallway to the bedroom within three minutes, tops. When he arrived, he found her sitting on the bed, her head in her hands. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, "I heard a crash. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay" she said though she sounded very far away. "I knocked the lamp over."

He rolled around to where she sat and placed his hands on her knees. "Are you still dizzy?" he asked. "Lie back down. I'll have Mattie bring you some juice; you need something in your stomach."

"I'm still all...I don't remember feeling like this, ever" Mac sighed. Then it dawned on her that he was sitting up. "What are you doing out of bed?"

Rats. He'd been so worried about her, he'd forgotten about the verbal thrashing he was likely to get if she found out he'd been out of bed. "I had to talk with Mattie, and I didn't want to disturb you, babe. I'll get back in bed right now."

"Wait" she said and lifted her head. Her face was white and her skin clammy. She really felt pretty bad and she wanted her husband.

"What is it?" he asked, the lack of color in her face worrying him further.

"Hold me?" she asked. "Just for a second, you need to get back in bed."

"Okay, sure" he replied softly, wrapping his arms around her as best as he could from the wheelchair. "I'm sorry you feel so sick."

"It's not sick" Mac protested. "Its funny, it's not anything I've felt before."

"You've never been this over-tired before, either" he said as he rubbed her back. "Step back and look at everything that's happened in the past few weeks: the week leading up to the wedding, the wedding, the honeymoon and all its 'adventures', Ainsley's sickness, my bad back and now things at the office are stressing you out. Baby, that's enough to make anyone feel worse than they've ever felt before."

Mac started to cry at that, hard sobs from deep inside of her. "I can't...I can't believe anyone could do that, Harm" she cried into his shoulder.

He didn't know what to make of her outburst. "Sshhh...it's okay. Tell me what happened? It's the case, isn't it? The one with Sturgis?"

She nodded. "I can't really tell you" Mac sobbed. "But...we are so lucky to have a child...I just want to be sick."

"Calm down, baby" he said. "Calm down; we don't have to talk about it. You need to lie back down, and I need to do the same, so let me go holler to Mattie to bring us a little snack, and then we'll get some more rest, okay?"

"I don't want to sleep anymore" Mac said as she wiped her eyes with her hand. "I want to make you something to eat and take care of you like I should be doing" Mac sighed. "Where's Ainsley?"

"Harriet took her to the grocery store" replied Harm. "They should be back within the hour, I'd imagine. I want you to lie back down, you don't have to sleep if you don't want to, but you need to rest. Please?"

"But I'm supposed to be taking care of you" Mac said again feeling another spell hit her and leaning against him as it did.

"Dizzy again?" he asked.

"I'm fine" she replied. "Let get you into bed, sailor."

"I can manage myself, I think" he said, wondering in his own mind why Mac wasn't chewing him out for being up in the first place. "Lie back down; I'll be beside you in just a moment."

"Feeling better are you?" she asked as she ease herself back down wanting nothing more than to lay her pounding head in her husband's lap.

"Some, yeah" he answered. "I'm still not supposed to be up for too long; don't want to set myself back, you know?"

"Did it hurt though, sitting up like that?" Mac asked her fingers going to her throbbing head.

"A little" he said, "but not like I did even yesterday. I really think I'm past the worst of it, so long as I don't do anything stupid."

"Still considering the surgery?" Mac asked moving to sit up. She needed something for her churning stomach.

"Mm-hmm" he answered. "No reason not to do it. I'm a time bomb as long as things remain like they are, and I don't want this to happen again if we can at all avoid it."

"I think I can agree with that" she said managing to rise this time without her world spinning.

He rolled over to his side of the bed, set the brakes on the wheelchair and carefully moved himself from the chair into the bed. "I'm getting better at this" he said as Mac headed to the door.

"Want a soda?" Mac asked him determined to get him what he needed herself.

"Sure" he answered. "That and one of those little cheese and cracker things; that'd be fine."

"Coming up" she said and made her way to the kitchen moving slowly as not to invite dizziness. She made it to the kitchen retrieved their snacks and returned without incident. "Is Mattie mad at you or me?"

"What gives you that idea?" he asked, accepting the soda and crackers from her.

"Music" Mac replied. "It's loud, she only does that when she's pissed."

He laughed a little. "Yeah, she's mad at me. She wants to go out with a guy from school this weekend, and I told her she was still grounded from earlier this week, plus you and I need to meet this guy before she goes out with him."

"You bet we do" Mac agreed. "And you can't let her out of her punishment, Harm." Mac walked around to her side of the bed and sipped her soda. "Damn, this headache won't quit."

"I'm sorry, baby" he said, putting his soda can on his bedside table. "Would it help if I massaged it?"

"Maybe" Mac sighed. "Couldn't hurt. How do you want to do this?"

"Lay your head in my lap" he said softly. "That way I don't have to move much and neither do you."

"You know, before I was thinking there's nothing more I want right now than to lie down with my head in your lap" Mac smiled as she changed her position and settled against him. "So did Mattie tell all about this boy?"

"Some" he replied as he began massaging her temples. "Not all, though. His name is Dave, he's barely 18, she met him at school and he's the older brother of her friend Heather. Do you know her?"

"Yeah" Mac replied. "I met her once. She's kind of flighty though."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting a teenage girl" chuckled Harm. "I think we'll find many of her friends to be, shall we say, less than what we consider ideal. As long as she keeps a level head and we always show a real interest in her life, she'll be fine."

"Yeah, I hope so" Mac sighed. "I only hope and pray they'll choose better life partners than I did, Mattie and Ainsley both."

"Obviously, present company excepted" he said with a little grin.

"Well, you see my husband" Mac sighed. "He sort of has a listening problem."

"Oh my" said Harm. "Does he know about this 'problem'?"

"I think so" Mac replied. "He just keeps doing it anyway. Can you press a bit harder on the left one?"

"Yeah" he answered. "What doesn't he listen to?" He had a pretty good idea, but he wanted to make sure.

"Well you see he has a bad back" Mac said coyly. "But instead of staying bed where he belongs he gets up and rides around the house in wheelchairs. He's lucky I don't feel up to kicking his six.

He shook his head. He knew she wouldn't let him off the hook without some sort of berating. "Well, I'm willing to bet that this husband of yours" he said, "loves you like crazy, even if he's a bit stubborn at times." He continued to rub her temples.

"I love him, too" Mac sighed. "But today I've not been the best wife to him."

"I'm sure he doesn't agree with that" said Harm.

"All I want to do today is lie down" Mac sighed. "I can't believe...this is so un-Marine of me."

He stopped his massage and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Mac, you don't have to be a Marine all the time. Sometimes, lots of times, its okay to just be you - to be my wife, the mother of my baby, the woman I love more than any other in the entire world."

"If you don't stop being sweet" Mac threatened before she started to sit up.

He smiled. "What'll you do, hmm?"

She sat up all the way and leaned over towards him, lips within inches of his. "This" she replied before placing the softest of kissed on his slightly parted lips. "I love you so much" Mac whispered.

He reached out and wrapped his arms around her back, drawing her nearer to himself. "The feeling is" he said, pausing to return her kiss, "very, very mutual."

* * *

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed the latest in the seemingly never-ending saga of life at the Rabb's! Harm is doing noticeably better, wouldn't you say?_


	80. Chapter 80

_A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! I say that all the time, but I mean it all the time. :) Another thanks to LadyCommish, big hugs to ya, girly! _

* * *

Chapter 80: 

As the week drew to a close both Harm and Mac began to feel better. She was still tired and dizzy but she was able to, for the most part, keep it from him. Harm was still in a good deal of pain but the spasms that had plagued him were now few and far between. Instead he now lived with a dull throb in his lower back. Even that, however, was preferable to the agony of the previous week.

The day before, Ainsley had been given a clean bill of health and had gained back the weight she'd dropped from being sick plus 6 additional ounces. Now it was Harm's turn as once again he and Mac waited, hand in hand, for Dr. Peddie.

"Good afternoon, Commander, Colonel" the smiling doctor greeted. "How've you been?"

"Better than the last time you saw me" answered Harm.

"Excellent" the doctor smiled again. "Still having pain though?"

Harm nodded. "Some, but it's better than it was; it's down to a dull ache more than a sharp pain."

"I like to hear that, and you're still obeying the bed rest rules, correct?" For the answer to this the doctor looked at both Harm and Mac.

"For the most part" Mac replied. "Though he has been bad once or twice." She fixed him with a stern, maternal stare.

To this the doctor raised his eyebrows at his patient. "Is this correct, Commander?"

"Guilty as charged, I'm afraid" answered Harm. "I learned my lesson, though, so no more breaking the rules."

"Well, how about rolling over and lifting up your shirt and I'll see if we can't modify those rules some before we operate" Dr. Peddie suggested.

"Gladly" said Harm with a smile as he did as the doctor asked. "Any hope of taking a real shower tonight?"

"Bath maybe" the doctor said. "I don't want too much weight on your legs until I can get...What caused this bruising?" he asked as he checked Harm's lower back.

"Uhh...that would be" began Harm, knowing he was about to get into big trouble, "when I stupidly tried to make it to and from the bathroom by myself."

"You fell on this?" he asked gently touching the area that was still discolored and swollen, though nothing like it had been the night Mac had treated it.

"Yes, sir, I did" admitted Harm. "My legs went out from under me like they were made of rubber. It was all my own fault; such a dumb thing to do."

"Dumb is an understatement" Dr. Peddie grumbled. "There's no way to save this now" he sighed. "I'm going to press a bit, please give me a pain scale measurement before and after."

Harm nodded and took in a deep breath, looking to Mac for encouragement.

She offered him her hand. "Squeeze away."

"Okay, I'm touching the area now" the doctor said. "Say one to ten."

"Two" said Harm, holding onto Mac's hand.

"Excellent" Dr Peddie praised. "I'm going to steadily increase the pressure. Let me know if it either passes a six, or cuts off feeling."

The doctor moved his fingers pressing on the injured area by centimeters, gauging Harm's reactions as well as Mac's.

"Still only a four" said Harm, "maybe close to five."

"And how about now?" The doctor increased the pressure again, using more than he had the first time he'd examined Harm.

"Ow, eight, nine!" said Harm, clinging tightly to Mac's hand and closing his eyes in pain.

"Okay, any numbness?" Dr. Peddie asked as he released the pressure.

"No" said Harm, relieved that the pain was easing up.

"Good" Dr. Peddie said. "You can roll back over if you'd like, or you can rest a minute."

Harm chose to roll back over; he was more comfortable on his back when he was talking to people. "Doctor" he began, "what implications do you feel this situation will have as far as my flight physical is concerned?" He feared he already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway.

"Once it gets to this stage..." he shook his head. "It's happened that pilots have retained their active status, but it's not very likely. If I go in and get that disc...they wouldn't clear you to fly. I'll have to do another type of surgery, a repair not a remove which is far riskier a procedure. Then you may, _may_ have a chance."

Mac held Harm's hand a bit tighter. She knew what this would mean for him and he'd need her support.

"Define 'far riskier'" said Harm, conscious of Mac's grasp of his hand.

"Well, discectomy deals very little with the spinal cord. The incision is smaller and you're only under about two hours. You go home the same day and we get you up as soon as he anesthetic is out of your system. A reconstruction requires a much larger cut, requires delicate work near the spinal cord and required a hospitalization of five days to make sure meningitis does not set in from the exposure" the doctor explained. "That's just one risk, the other is failure of the operation altogether, so you're in the same boat. Also, anytime you cut near the cord you risk damaging the nerves there."

Harm nodded gently. "Well, we have to do whatever it takes to give me whatever shot I have at keeping my wings" he said. "If it doesn't happen, we'll deal with it, but we have to try."

"Well it's a big decision and not one I'd make overnight" Dr. Peddie said gently. "Think about it, discuss it with your wife and let me know next week." He took out his prescription pad and wrote something. "Before you come I'd like you to go for an MRI. Also, I'd still like you in bed most of the time but you can take a bath as long as someone is there to help you out of the tub; the soak will help. I want you to ice the swelling twice day. Questions?"

"None I can think of" said Harm, looking over at Mac. "Anything, babe?"

"Can he sit at all or no?" Mac asked. "We miss him at dinner."

"For a short time" the doctor replied. "I can give you orders for a wheelchair to take home. I don't want him walking too much."

"We've actually got one at home" said Harm. "Borrowing it from a friend of ours."

"Okay then" Dr. Peddie said. "If you are getting around, do it in that. I'll see you a week from Monday?"

"Sounds great" said Harm, extending his hand to the doctor. "Thank you."

The doctor shook Harm's hand and Mac's as well before leaving them to get ready to be transported home.

"You can let go now, baby" he gently said once they were alone. "My fingers are turning purple."

"I'm sorry," she said easing up at once. "I...I just didn't want to hear that."

"Me either" he sighed. "We kind, I mean I kind of already knew it, though."

"So I guess that's it huh?" she sighed. "I'm sorry, honey. You can still fly though, just not for the Navy."

He looked at her, confusion in his eyes. "That's only if the reconstruction fails though. If it's a success, well..."

"You're really considering the...Did you hear him?" Mac asked shocked he'd even think of having such a dangerous operation.

"I heard everything the man said" he assured her. "It's my only shot at keeping my wings, Mac. Do...do you not want me to do it?"

"It's your decision" she replied. "It's your body, your life, ultimately." She sighed, not able to help recalling their nightmares.

"I know that look" he said gently, "and we've agreed that those nightmares were just that - nightmares. Dr. Peddie is the best; you said so yourself and I trust his opinion. Like he said, though, it's not something to decide right this second."

"But you've already decided" Mac sighed. "Haven't you?"

"Unless you can find a way to change my mind" he answered, "yes."

"Can you make me a promise?" she asked. "Well, two promises?"

"Just name them, babe" he said.

"First off" Mac said, "you think this through some more. _Really_ think it through and research it. Will you do that?"

"Sure" he replied, knowing that it would make the situation easier on her.

"And second, no matter what you decide, no matter what the outcome, we deal with it together" Mac said. "No running away, no walls, we work it out together. You and me. Promise?"

A flyboy smile appeared across his face as he pulled her close enough to kiss her lips. "You and me, Mac. No matter what happens, it'll happen between the two of us."

"Okay" Mac smiled and rubbed her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss. "Have I told you how much I love you today?"

"No, but feel free to tell me" he smiled.

She leaned over and kissed him again. "I love you."

* * *

Mac left a few minutes ahead of Harm so she could go and pick up Ainsley from day care while he waited for the transport team. By some stroke of fate, however, Mac actually made it home before Harm did, which gave her time to sit down with the baby and take a much needed breather. 

She sat on the sofa, with Ainsley on her chest, and put her head back. This could be very bad, she knew that, but it would be worse for her and for Harm if she tried to stand in the way of his effort to keep his wings. It was with these thoughts in her mind that she dozed off into sleep.

Harm arrived home a short while later and found his wife and baby asleep on the sofa. He tried not to make a lot of noise as the transport folks wheeled him back to the bedroom, but being a mother Mac was attuned to his arrival and awakened as the medics were leaving.

"Harm?" she called out instinctively wanting to know where he was.

"Back here, babe" he called back.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asked him, rising with the baby in her arms.

"Sure looked like it to me" he called down the hall. "You feeling okay?" he asked when she reached the bedroom.

"Not bad" she replied. "I'm tired, but otherwise I'm okay."

"How's my baby girl doing this afternoon?" he asked.

"The daycare teacher said she was playing with the rattle today" Mac smiled. "I think she wore herself out. Want to hold her for a bit?"

"Of course I do" he answered with a smile. "Come here, beautiful."

Ainsley opened her heavy eyes a bit as Mac handed her off to Harm. She managed to focus in on her daddy's face and give him one of her special smiles.

"That smile is gonna break hearts one day, Ainsley" he said softly. "At least, your daddy thinks so." He leaned down to give her little head a kiss.

Ainsley nuzzled a bit into Harm's warmth, stretched her arms, and let out a yawn.

"I agree, baby girl" said Harm through a yawn of his own. "I'm beat" he said to Mac. "I think we'll just take a little nap here until dinner time. Is that okay?"

"That's fine by me" Mac said. "I have to do some more reading on the case from Hell. I'm not too hungry though, so just let me know what you feel like. I'm not cooking."

"I'll just have a sandwich later on" he said, holding the baby close and closing his eyes.

"When's Mattie due home?" Mac asked as she headed for the door.

"Not for a few more hours" replied a very sleepy Harm. "Some group meeting after school."

"Or a date" she sighed as she left the room so Harm could get his rest.

"Nope, not a date" he called out softly. "She knows better..."

"We'll see" Mac said before she sat down to work.

* * *

Mac sat down and read over the file again, still astounded by the evil necessary to commit such an act. She sat with a soda and a bag of pretzels, picking at them for about an hour when she felt her stomach lurch. Quickly she rose and headed for the bathroom hand clutched over her mouth. 

"Mac?" called Harm as he awakened from his nap just in time to hear her in the bathroom.

"Uh huh" she said in between rounds of sickness.

"You okay?" he called out, causing Ainsley to stir. He gently laid the baby on the bed in hopes she'd fall back to sleep. Very carefully, he began getting out of bed to go check on his wife when he heard the bathroom door open.

Mac was pale and unsteady but moved quickly for him. "I'm fine, honey. I think it was just the pictures in that case file, and the pretzels."

"I'm not so sure you're 'fine'" he said. "You've felt lousy for the last few days, and that worries me, babe."

"Its just stress that's all" Mac said making light of how awful she really did feel. "You've been sick, Mattie is acting up, the baby is demanding and this case...let's just say I will _not_ make a deal with this devil."

"I'm sorry you can't tell me anything about the case" he said. "Obviously it's weighing on you if you're getting this sick over it. Anything I can do to help in any way?"

"Its nothing I want to talk about" Mac replied. "Let's just say this, every time I read it or look at it, it makes me sick, and I just want to hug our baby every second. That's all I can say."

"Come here" he said tenderly, opening his arms to her. "You need a hug."

"I do" she sighed and leaned into his embrace. When she pulled back she smiled softly. "I want you to lie down again. Then we have to make some decisions about the surgery."

He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "If you'll go throw together a peanut butter and jelly for me" he said, "and bring it back here with a big glass of milk, we'll have that talk, okay?"

"Okay" Mac nodded. "I'll be..." She trailed off again as the dizzy spell that usually followed the nausea came upon her. "Be right back."

"You sure you're okay, Mac?" he asked, his concern growing by the minute.

"I'm fine, sweetie" she said with a smile. "Go lie down."

Mac went to the kitchen, moving slowly, and managed to put Harm's snack together without incident. Still she did not wish to tempt her moody stomach with food so she opted for only a glass of Sprite. "Here's your sandwich" she smiled when she returned to the bedroom and handed him the plate before she sat down beside him.

"Thanks, sweetheart" he replied, taking the food from her and taking a bite of the sandwich. "Come sit with me" he said, moving over just enough to make space for her on his side of the bed. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Other than that I'm a very lucky woman?" she asked smiling.

He smiled back at her. "Yes, babe, other than that."

"I'm thinking that I can't get those dreams out of my head. That I'm scared for you, for us. This surgery is dangerous." She sighed, and reached out to play with Ainsley's hand. "Is it worth it?"

Harm was quiet for a moment. "Well, I have to have one or the other of those operations he talked about today. One of them is guaranteed to end my Naval aviation career forever; the other is the only hope I have at possibly keeping that career. I love to fly, Mac, and I've never been completely without my wings since I got them. So, I have to say yeah, it's...it's worth it to me."

"But you could end up in a wheelchair" Mac sighed. "Or you could get an infection, meningitis is serious. It could kill you or disable you...Honey, just think about that."

"I have" he said. "Believe me, I've thought about all of those awful possibilities ever since the first time any doctor ever mentioned surgery for this. I'm willing to take the risk, but I understand that it's not just my life I have to take into consideration anymore. Your opinion, your feelings matter here, Mac. Tell me outright, do you want me to have the riskier operation or not?"

"Do I _want_ you too, absolutely not" Mac replied. "Do I understand why you need to?" she sighed. "Yeah. Because I know this - if you lose your wings without a fight, you won't be the man I married. If you try to save them and get overrun, then at least you know you tried. If it doesn't make a difference to you then go with the easier surgery, but if the really matters, and I know it does, I'll agree with you no matter what. You have to choose, Harm. And I'll be beside you."

He nodded as her words sank in. "You know" he said, "this sounds an awful lot like the conversations we used to have about how far to take the fertility treatments. We had to decide how far we were willing to go and what we were willing to risk in order to get what we wanted." He looked down at Ainsley, who was now awake and lying contently on the mattress beside him. "Just think..."

"I know...As much as I hate it, you have to do this" Mac said as a tear leaked out of her eyes. "We never were the type to run from a fight."

"No, we never were" he agreed, reaching up to wipe away her tear. "Like I said to you the night we tried for the first time to get pregnant, we'll never know if we don't try."

Mac took a deep breath and leaned into his hand. "So we're doing this then?"

"We're doing this" he said, bringing her face closer to his so he could give her a kiss.

Mac returned the kiss then smiled. "What are you waiting for? Call him."

"I'll call in the morning" he promised her. "Why don't you go take a hot bath before it's time to get the baby ready for bed?"

Mac shook her head. "I don't feel like it."

"What do you feel like, my love?" he asked gently.

"Harm, I don't know" she sighed. "I don't know. I'm tired, so tired and my stomach feels crazy. Right now...I know this sounds weird but I want to cry."

He held his arms open to her again. "Then do it" he said. "Come here and cry."

And she did. She leaned into his strong arms and sobbed like her life depended on it. She had no idea why or what was wrong, all she knew is she was overwhelmed with the desire to cry her eyes out.

Harm held her close and rubbed his hand against her back as she cried. She was completely overwhelmed by her life, by taking care of the baby and taking care of him. Mattie was a big help, most of the time, but even she couldn't relieve enough of the burden on Mac to make her feel better. The case she was working on, the one that she couldn't bring herself to talk about, was obviously tearing at her soul, and he wished he could help her somehow. All he could do, though, was continue to hold her close, rub her back and let her know he was there for her.

Finally the shuddering stopped and the sobbing became quiet and Mac lifted her wet face to look into Harm's eyes. "Thank you. I really needed to do that."

"I'm glad you feel better" he said, wiping away the few remaining tears as they fell from her eyes. "Do you have a lot of work left to do tonight, or can we turn in early?"

"I have a bit more to do and I don't want to go to bed until Mattie comes home" Mac replied. "I'm sorry I'm getting all crazy on you. I'm just so tired and sick" she sighed covering her mouth with her hand again only this time she managed to choke the nausea down.

"You're sick because you've got too many irons in the fire" he said. "Please, for my sake and Ainsley's and Mattie's, most of all for your sake, please slow down some. I can't go into this surgery if I don't know that you're feeling as good as you can feel."

"And how do you suggest I slow down?" Mac asked. "I have a baby to take care of, a career, then there's you and Mattie. Someone has to keep the house running, Harm" Mac said this in a way that made it obvious she was now upset with him.

"I understand all that, Mac" he said carefully, "I really do. I also understand that you're going to run yourself right into the ground if you can't either find a way to spread around some of the responsibilities somehow, or find something that you can do everyday that relaxes and refreshes you; some way you can recharge your mind and relax a little."

She nodded and sagged against him. "I hate to ask you this, honey..."

"It's okay" he encouraged. "Go ahead."

"Can you bathe her and give her a bottle?" Mac asked. "I just want to go to sleep."

"Sure, I can do that" he said, "but you haven't had anything to eat yet tonight. Aren't you hungry?"

"I'm just tired" she murmured. "I just want to lie down."

"Okay" he said softly. "I'll take care of her, you go to bed. Do you want me to get up with her if she wakes up during the night?"

"Please...unless you hurt too much." Mac sighed. "There are at least three bottles in the freezer." She had already laid down and placed her head on the pillow.

"Okay" he said, leaning over the baby between them to give Mac a good night kiss. "I'll get into the chair and go give her a bath. Call if you need me."

Her only reply was a light sigh as she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

The weekend passed relatively uneventfully, except that Mac's ailments continued to plague her. She was sick all day on and off, exhausted and dizzy. By Monday morning, as she dressed for work after another bout of sickness, Harm was in full worry mode. 

"Please make an appointment, babe" he asked. "You've either got that bug that's going around, you're under too much stress for your body to handle, or something is really wrong with you and I'm worried."

"Harm, stop worrying. It's just this case as soon as its over and you have the surgery I'll be okay again" Mac replied as she attached her insignia to her uniform.

He knew she was truly stressed over those two things in particular, and though it didn't ease his concern any, he agreed to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Make you a deal" he said. "If you don't feel better within 3 days after the last of those things is over, you'll go to the doctor."

"Okay" Mac replied. "That's a deal I can live with. It gives me a week to shake this thing." She walked over to his bedside. "You sure you've got her today?" Mac asked referring to their daughter who was sleeping in her seat.

He nodded. "We'll be fine; you're only gone 4 hours."

"Maybe a bit longer" Mac replied. "I have opening arguments today." She leaned over and gave him a kiss. "Try to keep out of trouble okay."

"Will do" he said, returning her kiss. "I love you."

"Me too," she smiled and kissed the baby. "Be good for daddy."

Ainsley cut her daddy a break and slept in her seat for another hour after Mac left for work. When she awoke, Harm had just finished reading his newspaper, and was ready to head to the kitchen to fix himself breakfast. He tried not to spend too much time out of bed, other than when he was using the bathroom or taking care of the baby. With Ainsley awake, he took her in his lap and wheeled the both of them to the kitchen, adding "warming a bottle" to the short list of things he needed to do in there. No sooner had he finished warming it and begun feeding her than the phone rang. With expert grace, he managed to keep the bottle in Ainsley's mouth as he wheeled over to answer the call.

"Rabb" he said.

"Commander, this is General Creswell" the stern Marine's voice came on the line.

"Yes, sir" said Harm. "Is something wrong, General?"

"I'm afraid so, Commander" he replied. "I wanted you to be aware your wife fainted in court this morning."

"She what?" exclaimed Harm, instantly regretting letting her go to work knowing she was sick. "Is she okay, sir?"

"She was out of it for about ten minutes" he replied. "She refused to go to the hospital so Mrs. Roberts is driving her home. I just wanted you to be aware she was unconscious for at least two minutes and was still very shaky when she left here. This is the second time this happened."

"Second time? General, I didn't know anything about the _first_ time, sir" said Harm, looking down to make sure Ainsley was still taking her bottle. "She hasn't been feeling well lately, but she doesn't want to see the doctor and knowing she's under so much stress, I haven't pushed her to."

"I understand, but I can't have my lawyers passing out in court and I cannot have them on the job if they are not up to par" General Creswell outlined. "She is under orders to see a doctor tomorrow."

"Is she aware of this, General?" asked Harm.

"She is, and now you are too. She is to report to Bethesda in the morning that is an order for her and for you" the General said firmly.

"Understood, Sir" said Harm. "I expect she'll be home soon, and I'll make sure she knows that I know of the order."

"Thank you, Commander" the General replied. "Take care of her okay?"

"Will do, sir" replied Harm.

"Good man" the General replied before ending the call.

* * *

Mac rested her head against the van's headrest as Harriet expertly maneuvered the vehicle through the streets. 

"Bud didn't call Harm, did he?" Mac asked wearily.

"I'm about certain someone did" Harriet replied. "And with good reason. You fainted, Mac. Harm needs to know that."

"He'll worry" Mac sighed. "He has enough on his mind with the operation on Friday."

"I know, but you won't be any good to him sick" Harriet reasoned.

"I'm not good to _myself_ like this" Mac sighed. "I'm tired all the time, and I'm always dizzy and nauseous. I'm yelling and snapping at people, that is when I'm not crying hysterically…"

Harriet listened to the litany of Mac's symptoms and smiled. "Are you late?"

"Late? No, the General…"

Harriet cut her off. "I don't mean time late, I mean _late._"

Mac considered Harriet's query a moment. She hadn't had her period since the baby was born, but given her condition there was no telling. Could it be? Could it really be possible? She was almost afraid to hope. On the other hand it would be a wonderful surprise for Harm as he recovered. The least she could do was find out.

"Harriet, can we make a stop first?"

Harriet smiled and nodded taking the first U-turn and pulled into the drug store parking lot. Twenty minutes later the pair emerged with three early pregnancy tests.

"Are you sure you need _three_ tests?" Harriet asked.

"Well, I want to be sure before I tell Harm" Mac replied.

"When are you going to do them?" Harriet asked.

"Tonight" Mac replied. "I'll call you in the morning and let you know. You can help me make it special, telling Harm I mean."

"You're telling the man you love that you are having his baby" Harriet smiled. "No matter how you do it, it will be special."

"I suppose" Mac sighed. "Oh this is so exciting! Its like, I knew but I didn't. I can already feel him growing inside of me..."

"Whoa..." Harriet interjected. "Find out first, _then_ think pink or blue. Okay?"

"Okay" Mac smiled and got into the van. "I know its okay...I really do. It feels okay to hope.

"Still..." Harriet cautioned. "I wouldn't say anything until you are sure."

"I know" Mac sighed. "Mom's the word, huh?"

* * *

Not too much later, with the pregnancy tests safely stuffed in her briefcase, Mac arrived home. She felt sick and tired, but still she was elated. She knew Harm would worry when she came in, so she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders to keep up the appearance of being "fine." 

He was waiting for her on the couch, having gotten Ainsley to sleep in her swing. "Why didn't you tell me you fainted in court the other day?" he asked, foregoing any type of traditional greeting.

"Because I didn't think that was something you needed to know" Mac replied. "It was nothing."

"Nothing?" exclaimed Harm. "Mac, it'd be nothing if you got a paper cut or they were out of paper towels in the ladies room. Fainting is a big deal, and in court nonetheless? _Very_ big deal, sweetie!"

"But I was fine after, Harm" Mac replied. "And I'm fine now. Everyone is just overreacting."

"You can say you're fine all you want to" he stated, "but that doesn't mean it's true, nor does it mean I believe it, nor does it mean you can disobey the General's order that you see a doctor tomorrow."

"I'm not seeing a doctor" Mac said firmly. "We had a deal."

"Never mind our deal, Mac" he said. "Our deal didn't take into account you fainting twice. The General ordered you to go and I to make sure you went. Sorry, my love, but you're going."

Mac moved over to the sofa and flopped down. "I don't want to go and I don't want to fight" she sighed. "I'm fine, Harm. Really, its just stress."

"Tell me this" he said gently. "If I was the one fainting in court and feeling lousy for a solid week, wouldn't you be the one asking me to see the doctor?"

"Asking is the operative word" Mac sighed. "You didn't ask."

Harm had a surprised look on his face. "I most certainly did ask, Mac! I asked all last week, and each time I asked, you said you were fine and it was just stress. Maybe it is just stress, but I'm not happy to get a call from our CO telling me my wife passed out in court, _again_! I'm worried about you, sweetheart, that's all."

"Fine" she sighed. "I understand you are worried, and as such I'd like you to please leave me alone."

"I don't want to do that, babe" he said, reaching out his hand to touch her leg.

"Okay, then stop pushing me and help me relax. If I can relax I'll feel better, you'll see" Mac smiled softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling pretty good" he said, realizing that she wasn't open to discussing herself any further at that point. "I know the worst is behind us now; the pain's just not bad at all anymore unless I move wrong."

"I'm glad to hear that, but I have to admit I'm a little upset by that too" she sighed and closed her eyes hiding her wicked smile.

"You're upset that I'm not in pain anymore?" he asked in amazement. "Please tell me that's not what you mean!"

"It's what I mean" she replied biting down hard now not to reveal her motivation.

"It...why...? No..." he said, trying to hide a smile of his own. "I know you don't mean that, now fess up before I'm forced to resort to more aggressive tactics to get the information out of you."

Mac would normally welcome the more aggressive tactics, but she was just too tired. "All I mean is that I no longer have an excuse to give you three massages a day anymore. Back pain has its pluses."

He smiled. "I suppose it does" he said, "but I can't think of anything we've had to do in the past couple of weeks that we couldn't do once the pain is a thing of the past; maybe we'll even enjoy it..."

"Not right now, sailor" she sighed and started to lever herself up. She could hardly wait to go take the tests.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I can heat up the leftovers from last night."

"Not hungry" she replied. "I need to use the bathroom then I'm going to take a shower and a nap. Maybe was can make tuna casserole for dinner?"

"Sounds good" he said. "I'll stay out here for awhile. She should sleep a couple more hours - you wanna feed her when she wakes up or you want me to give her another bottle?"

"If I'm sleeping give her a bottle. Check before you do that though okay?" Mac replied taking her briefcase and her body and moving towards the bedroom.

"Get some rest, babe" he said. "I'll come check on you when she wakes up. I love you."

Mac didn't reply, she just nodded her head and disappeared into the bedroom, too intent on the possibility of having a baby to really register anything he said.

Harm remained on the couch and watched Ainsley sleep in her swing. He was worried about Mac; really worried. It wasn't until a few minutes passed that it occurred to him that she hadn't returned his "I love you" before heading to the bedroom. _"She must really be out of it"_ he said to himself. As he watched the baby swing move back and forth, he drifted off for a short nap.

As soon as Mac was safely locked in the master bathroom, she stripped her uniform and turned on the shower water. She had to have an excuse to sit in the bathroom for a while, and what better than a hot shower. She took out the first test, read the directions carefully, and then proceeded to do what she needed to do. This one was easy, a plus sign if you're pregnant, minus sign if you are not pregnant. Couldn't get easier than that.

While the first test developed Mac timed it in her head. She would know in three minutes, and it was a very long three minutes until finally her internal bell said it was time. Holding her breath she looked at the window and saw a bright red minus sign staring her in the face.

"Well, its only the one" she reasoned. "I'll drink some water and shower. Then I'll take the next one."

She threw the negative test back into the package and tossed the package back into the bag. "Better reload" she said to herself, grabbing the cup from the counter and filling it to the top with water. She drank four cups of water, then took off the remainder of her uniform and climbed into the shower. She needed a little time to think, plus a shower always relaxed her. Seeing the negative result on the first test had shaken her hopes some, but not enough to dissuade her from taking another test, and certainly not enough to kill all her hopes of a miracle.

A while later the water she drank combined with the chill of exiting a hot shower was enough to make doing the second test possible. Mac took it out of the box and read its directions. This one was a 'one line if no, two lines if yes' type of test. With high hopes she took the second test and waited the prescribed four minutes.

"I have to be pregnant" she reasoned. "Like Harriet said, I have all the symptoms. And if I'm not…No, I have to be." Still after waiting five minutes, only one line appeared in the box. Another negative.

Frustrated and a little depressed, Mac took the second test and hid it away in her briefcase. She'd wait before the third test, maybe if she did it after a few hours...She pulled on her sweats, and carefully hiding the case and the tests - used and unused - Mac headed for the bed.

"So what if both tests were negative?" Mac sighed. "Maybe they were old ones. Maybe I didn't get the stick wet enough. I still have the third test. That one...that ones going to be the one." It was with these thoughts in her head that Mac drifted off to sleep dreaming of toy trucks and mud pies and a tiny little boy with Harm's blue eyes and Flyboy smile.

* * *

"I guess she's asleep, Ainsley Bear" whispered Harm as the baby fussed in his arms. She'd awakened a few minutes earlier, and he'd gotten her out of the swing and changed her diaper before rolling in to check on Mac. "Let's go get a bottle, okay?" 

As Harm sat and fed the baby yet another bottle, the front door opened and slammed shut hard.

"Hey, careful there" said Harm as Mattie came into the living room. "Mac's sleeping."

"Again?" Mattie exclaimed. "God...That's all she ever does."

"I beg your pardon?" said Harm, taken aback at his daughter's demeanor. "If something's eating at you, I suggest you hash it out with me and get it out of your system, because Mac's not feeling well and is in no mood for any of this kind of stuff." He took the bottle from Ainsley's mouth and moved her up for a burp.

"Whatever" Mattie grumbled. "You know, you really changed since you married her."

"Well, I'd like to think so" he said as he patted Ainsley's back. "Somehow, though, I get the feeling you aren't meaning that as a compliment. What's wrong, Mats?"

"Nothing" she snapped. "Only my entire life is over and it's all her fault!"

"Whoa, back it up a bit" said Harm. "Sit down" he said, pointing to the chair across from the couch. "How did anything Mac did bring about an end to your life?"

"You only punished me this weekend because I wasn't nice to her" Mattie said with her arms folded. "If it were you and me, you never would have done that."

"I seem to recall a few times when it was just you and I" said Harm, resituating the baby in his arms and giving her the bottle again, "and you did something wrong and I most certainly _did_ punish you. Do the words 'spring formal' ring a bell?" She'd stayed out 5 hours past her curfew that night, and when he couldn't reach her on her cell phone, he went out to find her. After looking for an hour, _his_ cell phone rang; it was Mattie calling him from her and Jen's apartment. Once he got home and hugged her a few times, then gave her a lecture lasting no less than 30 minutes, she was grounded for the next 6 weeks.

"Yeah, but still..." Mattie sighed. "You would never have held me to it when the most important day of my life was that weekend."

"I'm clearly missing something here" he said. "I've been a little out of touch with the outside world these last couple weeks, but to miss the most important day of my daughter's life, that's pretty bad."

"You see, you really don't care anymore. You just care about Mac and Ainsley, that's it" she said, voice dripping with contempt. "Dave, remember? He asked me out for last Saturday?"

"Mattie" he said, "I know you're upset, but please don't tell me who I do and don't care about. I love you just as much as I love your sister here, and you know that. I love Mac differently, just as I'm supposed to because she's my wife. The fact that you didn't get to go out with Dave doesn't have any bearing at all on who loves whom in this family, is that understood?"

Mattie didn't answer him, she just stared at the floor and let two tears fall.

"Come here" he said softly, taking the almost empty bottle out of the baby's mouth and putting her to his shoulder to burp again. "Mats, please?

Slowly Mattie walked to her dad and let out a hard sob. "He wouldn't talk to me today, Daddy. He just ignored me" she sobbed. "I'm sorry for what I said. I..."

"Shh" he said, putting his free arm around her. "I'm sorry you're so upset, and I'm sorry that he didn't talk to you today. If he really cared about you, he'd have asked you what happened and not ignored you; you know that, right?"

She nodded. "But I really wanted him to care about me. I really did."

He held her close as she cried. "I know" he said. "But you don't want to be with anyone who treats you like he did today; who ignores you because he didn't get to go out with you one night. You deserve so much better than that, sweetheart."

Mattie nodded and her tears began to slow. "I didn't mean what I said, about you not caring about me anymore. I know you do; sometimes, I guess I'm not sure of my place in your life anymore."

"What are you talking about?" asked Harm, taking his arm from around Mattie long enough to reposition Ainsley in his lap.

"I know it's crazy" she said, wiping her eyes, "but sometimes, usually the bad times, I feel like you have to love me differently than you love Ainsley because she's yours and-"

Harm cut her off. "And so are you, Mattie. Just because Ainsley is biologically mine doesn't make me love her any differently than I love you. It's love that makes a family, not blood; I thought you knew that."

She nodded. "I do know that, dad" she said, "but sometimes I get angry and I let it fade to the back of my mind. I know you and Mac had to go through a lot to get Ainsley, but you had to go through a lot to get me, too. Different stuff, but it was still draining and hard and you did it by choice, just like you chose to do what it took to have her."

"That's right" he said with a smile. "We built our family differently than a lot of couples do, but we just did the best we could with the circumstances we were handed. It may not be the way we would've chosen to do things if God had asked us our opinion going in, but I'm sure glad things played out like they did, because I have three of the most wonderful girls in my life that I ever could have wished for."

Mattie leaned her head against her dad's shoulder. "I love you so much; you know that, don't you?"

"Of course" he said. "You know it's mutual, right?"

"Dad" she said, "do you really have to ask?"

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, then leaned to the other side and brought Ainsley up for a kiss. "Nope" he said. "Some things are just that obvious."

* * *

Mac slept for the better part of three hours before the aroma of Harm's tuna casserole awakened her. She rolled over in bed and stretched a bit before getting up and heading for the bathroom. "Oh yeah" she said to herself, "better hold it till after dinner." She knew that the longer she held it, the greater concentrated it would be, meaning if she was in fact pregnant, more of the hormone would show up in the test. 

"Hey" said Harm when Mac walked into the kitchen. "I was just getting ready to come wake you for dinner. Sleep well?"

"Mm-hmm" she said. "Are you sure you're not over-doing it today? You've been sitting up a lot more than usual."

"I'm fine, babe" he said. "It just seems like I've been up a lot because every time you've seen me, I happened to be up, that's all."

"Just be careful" she said as she took her chair at the table. "You're doing so well, let's not mess anything up."

"Indeed not" he agreed as the oven timer went off. "Mattie, can you get the casserole out for me, please?"

"Sure" she replied, opening the drawer to get the mitts.

"Mattie actually fixed dinner tonight" said Harm. "I supervised, but she did all the work."

"That's nice" said Mac, clearly not concentrating on the here and now. "Where's the baby?"

"On her play mat in the living room" said Harm. "She had a bottle about two hours ago and she's been up since then."

"Did you make sure I wasn't awake before you fed her?" asked Mac, rising from her chair to go check on her daughter.

"Sure did" said Harm. "You were out cold."

"I must have been" she said. "I didn't hear you come in or hear her cry or anything."

"I had her with me when I went in" said Harm as Mattie closed the oven door and turned the knobs to the off position. "If you didn't hear that, you were in another world."

He had no idea how accurate his choice of words was.

"I guess so" Mac sighed. "How was school, Mattie?"

"Could've been better" she answered. "How are you feeling? You had to come home early, right?"

"Yes, but I'm okay" Mac replied. "Just..." Again she had to stop halfway and grab onto the table. "Tired."

Mattie looked over at Harm, who could do nothing but shake his head. He wanted to help her, but didn't know how.

"So, you said you're day was not great" Mac said. "What happened?"

"Oh, it's nothing really" said Mattie, looking in the drawer for a spatula to serve the casserole with. "The guy I didn't go out with last Saturday, Dave, turns out he's not as wonderful as I thought."

"They're never as wonderful as you think they are," Mac replied.

"Hey now!" exclaimed Harm with a little laugh. "I resent that remark, my dear."

"You have your moments, Flyboy" Mac replied. "You can be very charming when you don't get your way."

"Ah yes" he said, "my charm, the one thing I believe you said at one time that you were immune to?"

"I am immune" Mac replied. "If I don't want to be affected, I won't be."

"I think that's a challenge there, dad" said Mattie with a smile.

Mac smiled faintly, and then sat down. "So, what does a person have to do to eat around here?"

"Nothing special" said Mattie as she served the casserole onto the plates at the table. "Do you want any salad?"

"No, I'm not very hungry, but maybe if I eat the world will stop moving" Mac sighed. "That, and if I don't feed the baby next time, I'll explode."

"Ooh" said Harm, "I'm sorry sweetie. I should have woken you up last time. I didn't even think about how uncomfortable you'd be. My fault, I'm sorry."

"Not everything is your fault Harm!" Mac said her edginess creeping into her voice making her tone harsher than she intended.

He looked at her, unsure of where that came from. "Uh, okay" he said, choosing to keep his response simple and focus on his meal instead.

Mac more played with her food than ate it, the anticipation of doing the third and final test too much for her. It was all she could do to make suitable conversation during the meal.

"That was really good, Mattie" said Harm as he finished the last of the food on his plate. "It's also nice to be back at the table; eating in the bedroom gets old after the first week."

"And yet you want to have your back fixed so you can start destroying it again" Mac said. She seemed to have a foot in mouth disease tonight.

"Did I do something to make you mad?" he asked her calmly. "I'm just making conversation and you're taking my head off."

"Damn it! Why do you always have to stay so calm?" she spat out, having not idea where her mood was coming from.

"Someone needs to" he said, fighting to _remain_ calm. "I know you don't feel well, sweetie, but this isn't called for."

Mac pushed away from the table; "I'm going to feed my daughter" she announced and left the room with both Mattie and Harm staring at her.

"Dad" Mattie said after a moment. "Don't get mad, but what's with her?"

He sat shaking his head as he watched Mac go into the living room, pick up Ainsley and head for the nursery. "I wish I knew, kiddo" he said. "Something's going on with her; that much is for sure."

"Don't talk about me like I can't hear you" Mac called across the room. "I'm tired and I don't feel well and I'm entitled to act however I choose."

Neither Harm nor Mattie dared comment any further.

Mac sat in the nursery with Ainsley at her breast, but the baby refused to latch on and nurse. It was as if she sensed the tension in her mother's body, and instead of eating she chose to wail and squirm in fervent protest.

"What's the matter, baby?" Mac asked gently. "You know Mommy is kind of nervous huh?" At the sound of Mac's voice Ainsley stopped fussing but still wouldn't feed.

"I really want to give you a brother, sweetie, and daddy a son. I really want that, you know?" she asked as she tried to guide her breast into the baby's mouth once again. This time she caught on and began to suck.

Harm left Mattie to take care of the dishes, and he went down the hall to check on Mac. He knew he was asking for another verbal beating, but he was so concerned about her that he didn't care.

"She's eating?" he said when he reached the nursery. "Didn't think she was hungry already."

"She's eating" Mac replied. "She's getting bigger; she's going to nurse more."

"Makes sense" he said, reaching out to touch Ainsley's little head. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make you feel better, Mac? You're not acting like yourself, you're taking my head off for no good reason, not to mention the fainting episode - I hate not knowing what's wrong, sweetie."

"You want to make me feel better?" Mac asked him.

He nodded. "Of course I do."

"Then leave me alone" Mac requested. "Please. I need time to myself."

He once more nodded. "Okay, I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"Harm!" she called before he left the room completely.

He stopped the motion of the wheelchair and turned his head to face her. "What, babe?"

"I...I'm sorry" Mac apologized. "I'm just a little tired of being tired."

"It's okay" he said. "I understand what you mean. I'm so tired of being either in bed, on the couch or in this chair I could scream. No one likes not feeling their best. I just wish I could make you feel better."

"When I know how you can do that, I'll let you know" Mac replied. "Go lie on the couch a bit. I want you out of that chair, okay?"

"That's where I'm headed" he said with a little smile. "I'll be so glad when the surgery is over and I can give this wretched thing back to Bud forever."

Mac let him go before she replied to that comment with a long sigh. "Hopefully."

* * *

_A/N: I know - such an evil place to break up a chapter, but I'll post the next one within a couple of days! Is Mac pregnant? Is she not pregnant? Will Harm have to give up his wings?It'll all be answered in the next couple chapters. :)_


	81. Chapter 81

Disclaimer: They'll never be mine...sigh...

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! You have no idea how nice a feeling it is for me to log on in the morning and see that not only are folks reading my story, but they're taking a moment to let me know their thoughts about it. :) I've gotten suggestions from a few folks that maybe it's time to wrap up the story beacuse it's gotten sooooo long. I've honestly batted that idea around for a few chapters before now, but I opted to keep going for now because I've got a few (what I think are) good storylines open and I want to see them through. I hate that the show ended with what was, to me, a very haphazardly thrown-together ending, and I won't do that to myself or to all of you folks who've shown such genuine interest in The Journey. SO...although this story has gone on MUCH longer than I initially envisioned, I'm going to see it through to the end, and I'd be honored if you all would stick with me as we get closer to the conclusion! If it's gotten to be too long and cumbersome for you, I completely understand, but if you're interested in the rest, please stick around:) As I've said before, the final chapter is already mentally written, and I know exactly how everything will play out, so if that catches your attention, I'm glad:)_

_Another big hug to my muse pal, my buddy and my friend, LadyCommish. :)_

* * *

Chapter 81: 

Once Ainsley was finished eating and had been burped, Mac took her back out to the living room and gave her to Harm before heading back to the master bathroom, where the last of the three pregnancy test kits awaited her. After two definite negative tests, her hopes were lower than they'd initially been, but not completely dashed by any means. She made sure the door was locked before leaning back against the counter and reading the directions carefully. This was a digital test, which was supposed to literally show the word "pregnant" or "not pregnant" as a result.

Having held her urine as long as any human probably could at this point, there was no way that this test could fail. Whatever it was, it was. Carefully, Mac proceeded to take the test, and then as she waited she busied herself with brushing her teeth and washing her face until finally the time was up and she could find out, once and for all, her fate.

She closed her eyes and held her breath looking until she'd raised the test to eye level then biting her lip she opened her eyes and what she saw gutted her. Not pregnant. Those had to be the two cruelest words in the world. "Well, I guess that's it" Mac sighed biting back tears. Harm could not know about this. No reason to devastate him too and further no reason to make her look stupid which she obviously was to think it ever could be pregnant, it was a miracle she even did it once. Angry, at herself and her body she threw the test in the box and hid it with the others.

Emotionally and physically exhausted after having her hopes dashed and her soul filleted, Mac went to her bed and lay down. It was in that position that she remained while Mattie and Harm gave Ainsley a bath and bottle and put her to bed. It was in that position Harm found her when he came to bed two hours later.

He was able to get himself into bed now, the flare up being mostly over. Carefully, he stood up from the wheelchair and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up partway. He leaned over to check on Mac. Noting her still silence and figuring she was asleep, he simply kissed her shoulder. "Sleep well, beautiful" he whispered before returning to his position on his back.

Mac heard his tender words and thought once again about how much she wanted to have his baby again and how much she wanted to surprise him. He deserved a normal life, a baby in an easy and natural way, not with clinics and tests and doctors. It was so unfair. So terribly unfair. Why couldn't she have a baby like everyone else? Hadn't they both suffered enough?

With these thoughts in her head and listening to Harm's gentle breathing signaling that he was close to sleep she finally let out the sob she was holding in. With that one came and another and another until she had passed sad and moved to hysterical.

It took him all of two seconds to realize she was crying, and he rolled over towards her as quickly as he dared to. "Mac? Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, placing his hands in her shoulders, which were shaking as she sobbed into her hands. Her back was still to him, but he knew she was falling apart and he wanted to do anything he possibly could.

She couldn't answer him and she didn't want to. She just continued to cry.

He rubbed her shoulders and her back gently, his heart breaking. "It's okay" he said. "Just let it out, babe. I'm here, its okay." He had no idea what had her so devastated, but he knew the only place he wanted to be just then was right beside her.

"No its not" she sobbed. "Nothing is okay. I'm not okay and I never will be" she cried gasping for breath with each word.

"Oh, baby" he said softly. "That's not true. What happened? Did I do something that hurt you? Mattie?"

She didn't answer she just cried harder, so hard that she wasn't able to draw a proper breath, she only occasionally gasped for oxygen.

Harm's heart was breaking within his chest at the sight and sound of Mac's sobbing. "Please, sweetie" he said as he continued to rub her back softly, "roll over so I can hold you. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but let me hold you."

She didn't do that either. She couldn't. Her body weighed too much and she couldn't get enough air. The only she wanted to do; the only thing she _could_ do was lie there and cry.

With a sigh, Harm laid his body against hers, draping his left arm over her body, pulling her as close as he could in that position. "Shh..." he said quietly. "Whatever it is, baby, I'm sorry."

Finally she was able to utter a few words. "I'm...so…stt…upid."

"No, you're not stupid" he whispered. "Why do you think you are?"

"I knew it couldn't be, but I...I wanted it so much" she cried speaking in between gasps and sobs.

He couldn't figure out what she was talking about. "What did you want, sweetheart?" he asked her, holding her as close as ever.

"A baby" she sobbed out. Saying the words though made the wound gush and if possible she cried even harder not making any sound at all or drawing any air.

He thought for a moment. "Baby? We can have another baby, Mac. We talked it all out, remember? We'll go see Dr. Kendall as soon as-"

She shook her head, as speech was impossible. Finally she managed a plaintive "no."

Poor Harm was confused as ever. Slowly, though, he made sense of what she was trying to tell him. "You...did you think you were pregnant? Is that why you're upset?"

Thankful for his intuition into the inner recesses of her mind, she nodded.

"Oh, Mac..." he said, tightening his embrace around her. "I'm so, so sorry, sweetie. I'm so sorry that you're disappointed, and that you're in so much pain over this. Do you think you can maybe calm down a little for me so we can talk?"

She shook her head. "Don't want to."

"That's okay" he said softly, "but I do, and in order for me to talk, I need for you to calm down a little bit. Take a deep breath, okay?"

She tried to do as he asked and drew in several shaky breaths until her sobbing was manageable.

"What made you think you might be pregnant?" he asked.

"Harriet...we were talking and...I've been so sick and weepy...I thought maybe..." Mac sniffled.

"Mm-hmm" he said. "You thought it was more than just stress, huh?"

"Yes" Mac replied, still in tears. "But only today. I only thought that today."

He leaned in and gave her shoulder another soft kiss. "You were wondering if it didn't, by some miracle, happen on the honeymoon?"

Again she nodded. "But it didn't. Why didn't it?" she asked him watery eyes wide like a little girls when she asked her daddy why her fish died.

"Well" he said, "for one thing, we're just not very lucky in that department. For another, you said there wasn't even a chance of that happening that week because your cycles hadn't started up again. Did I understand that right?"

"Yes but...I thought just maybe...I wanted to tell you...to make it special and to be normal...I'm so sorry, Harm" she sobbed, once again growing distraught.

"Hey, hey" he comforted. "It's okay. I'm disappointed right along with you, sweetie. I would have loved for you to have surprised me with that news, but it wasn't meant to be and that's okay."

"I'm...I don't feel very well" she managed, her upset reaching to her stomach.

"Want me to get you a drink?" he offered.

"I feel like I'm going to be sick" Mac choked out and put her hand over her mouth.

He moved his arm from around her, allowing her to get up.

Mac dashed to the bathroom and fell to her knees. She was sick then and violently so. When she returned to the bed she was pale again and everything was spinning.

"Are you okay?" he asked her. "You don't look good, Mac. Is there anything I can get for you?"

She shook her head. "I don't want anything. There's no point in wanting anything anymore."

"Don't say that" he begged gently. "I know how upset you are and how hopeless the situation must feel to you, but we've been through this before and we got through it, and this time will be no exception. I love you so, so much Mac. I hate to see you so sad."

"Then make me pregnant" Mac cried. "That's what I want. I want to have a baby like everyone else. I want that so...much and..." She sobbed and hid her face again

He laid his head against her shoulder as she cried. "Baby" he said just loudly enough for her to hear him over her sobs, "if it'll make you feel even the tiniest bit better, we...I know we said we'd wait, but...we can try right here, right now. If you don't want to, we won't, but if it's what you need, I'll...I'll do it."

Mac sniffed and shook her head, "No. No I don't want to" she cried still unable to speak properly.

"Okay" he said softly, still holding onto her. "Sometimes, we just feel like crying and being angry, so if that's what you feel like doing, you do it. I'm right here for you."

"I don't want you to be here for me" Mac sniffed. "Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that, Mac" he replied. "I can't let you suffer like this alone. You're hurting over something that was supposed to be a part of both of us, and that means it hurts me, too."

"How?" she sobbed still not looking at him. "You don't even want another baby yet. You wouldn't have even been happy."

He gently touched her chin, turning her face towards his. "That's not true" he insisted tenderly. "I want as many more babies as God gives us, whether that's ten more or one more or anything in between, and if you'd found out tonight that we were having another one, I would have been _so_ happy. A little shocked, but so, _so_ happy, sweetheart. I meant what I said before, about trying. If you want to, just say the word."

"I don't want to" Mac said again sobbing harder. "I don't... Not now, maybe…not ever again…"

He knew she didn't mean that; that it was the disappointment and the frustration talking and not her heart. She didn't understand why things had to be so hard for them when it came to having babies, and even throughout the times they were trying to Ainsley, she'd hit spots where she just felt like throwing her hands into the air and giving up. He hadn't let her do that then, and he knew once she calmed down and got some rest, putting a bit of distance between herself and the emotions of that evening, she'd be the first one to take a deep breath and be ready to tackle it again. "Oh, babe" he said. "I know you feel like that now, but you don't really mean it."

"Yes I do" Mac argued. "You don't know, okay? You have no idea what's its like...what its like to hope, to believe you finally have what you want. I loved that baby already, and there is no way you can understand that."

His heart was breaking at the sight of his wife in so much pain. "Mac" he said gently, "you were in love with the _idea_ of that baby. You...you weren't pregnant, sweetie. That baby doesn't exist yet, but as soon as you're ready, we'll do everything we can to change that."

"I told you no" she snapped. "I don't want another baby. I don't want to try again, I wanted _this_ baby."

This was one situation that hadn't befallen them in their efforts to conceive Ainsley, and he wasn't entirely sure how to handle it; how to show his complete and total support without upsetting her further. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry" he said, "I wish I knew what to say or do to take this pain away from you, but I don't. You're right, I don't know what it's like to be you right now, but I know what it's like to be me and to watch you cry like you are. Tell me, Mac, do you really want me to leave you alone? I don't want to, but if that's what you need - if giving you a little while to just lie here and cry will help you - I'll do just that."

"No" she whispered. "Don't leave, but don't talk okay. Just hold me tighter, please?"

With a silent nod, he did as she asked, pulling her even closer into his strong embrace. They laid there together for a couple minutes before Ainsley's cries came across the baby monitor.

"Want me to go get her for you?" he asked.

Mac shook her head and pulled herself in tighter. "You go."

"Okay" he said, placing a kiss on the top of Mac's head before carefully rolling over and getting out of bed. His back wasn't bothering him too much, but with the surgery only a few days away, he knew he still needed to move with caution. He made it out of bed and down the hall to the nursery with very little trouble, and once he'd changed her he returned to the bedroom with a fussy baby Ainsley.

"Here" he said to Mac, kneeling at her side of the bed.

Mac closed her arms tighter and shook her head.

"Come on, Mac" he encouraged. "She needs to eat, and you've only nursed her once today. Holding her will make you feel better, we both know it will."

"Give her a bottle" Mac whispered. "She won't want me now. I'm too upset."

He knew not to force the issue any further. "Okay" he said quietly as the baby continued to fuss. "I'll take her back to the nursery and feed her, and give you a little time to calm down, if you can. I'll be back in about 20 minutes."

Mac nodded and rolled to bury her face in her pillow crying hard once again at the pain of her lost dream.

* * *

Harm carried the baby to the kitchen and held her against his chest as he waited for the frozen bottle to finish in the warmer. "I'm sorry, sweet girl" he said as she fussed. "I know this isn't quite what you want, but mommy's not doing so hot, so it'll have to do." She continued to fuss, using her daddy's index finger as a pacifier until the bottle was ready. He took her back to her room and sat in the glider, rocking her gently as she ate. He was worried about Mac; she'd never not wanted to do anything with the baby before. It was just a defense mechanism, he figured. She needed a little time to finish crying things out, and then she'd be okay. She was tough and strong, and although this was a painful experience he had no doubts whatsoever that she'd end up stronger for it. 

Mattie heard Harm downstairs feeding Ainsley and padded down to seek him out. She'd heard Mac crying hard for a pretty long time and was worried about her. She hadn't wanted to interfere, though, so she waited to catch Harm alone.

"Dad?" she asked sleepily from the nursery doorway.

"Oh, hey, sweetie" he said. "What is it?"

"I heard Mac crying. Is she okay?" Mattie asked wiping some sleep from her eyes. "Is she feeling sick again?"

"No, she's not sick" he said as he shifted Ainsley a little bit. "She thought she was pregnant" he said with a sigh, "but she's not, and she's not handling the disappointment very well."

"Wow, that's...You know I thought she was, too" said Mattie. "I mean that would explain all her dizziness and stuff, right?"

He nodded. "I suppose it could have. I mean, she wasn't ever like that with Ainsley, but I guess... She's not, though, and she's taking it really hard."

"Is she going to be okay?" Mattie asked. "Should I go and hug her or something. I could hear her all the way upstairs."

"I'm sorry she woke you up" he said, moving Ainsley to his shoulder for a burp. "I don't think you should go in there tonight, though. She's a wreck; that's why I'm feeding the little one here. She didn't want to do it."

"She didn't want to feed her?" Mattie asked shocked. Then she started to fidget as two fears crossed her mind.

"She just wanted a little time alone" he said, "and she asked me to feed the baby, so I did. I'm going back in there as soon as I'm done here, though. She'll be okay; I think the disappointment is hitting her a lot harder than she expected it to."

"Okay but...if she's not pregnant, what's wrong with her?" Mattie asked with a frown.

Harm looked down at Ainsley as she finished the last swallows of her milk bottle. "I don't know, kiddo" he said. "I really think it's all just stress, but she's under orders to see a doctor tomorrow, so we'll see."

"Let me know okay?" Mattie asked moving in closer to her Dad. She needed a hug.

"Count on it, Mats" he said, reaching up to wrap his arm around her. "Go on back to bed; she'll be fine."

"Tell her...Tell her I love her okay?" Mattie asked as she turned for the door.

"Will do" he said as he patted the baby's back.

"Night, dad" Mattie mumbled, heading out of the room and up the steps.

* * *

Once Ainsley had burped, Harm went and set the empty bottle on the kitchen counter before returning to the master bedroom. When he got there, he saw that Mac was still curled up in bed, her back towards him, covers up to her neck. "Hey, babe?" he said, walking around to her side of the bed. 

"Hey" she mumbled, voice still tiny and small but not as strangled as it had been.

"Feel any better?" he asked softly, once again carefully kneeling down to her eye level.

"Not as sick" she replied. "But not much better." She wiped her hand over her face. "You shouldn't be kneeling like that."

"I know" he said. "Do you want to cuddle with her before I put her back down?"

"I guess so" she replied and pushed herself up.

"Well, here you go" he said with a little smile as he handed Ainsley to Mac.

As soon as Mac felt the precious weight of her little daughter in her arms the tears started to flow again as she whispered "I'm so sorry, baby."

Harm had gone around to his side of the bed and climbed in carefully. "Its okay, Mac" he said, sitting as close to her as he could. "She's not upset with you, I promise."

"I know that" Mac said. "I'm just sorry she's not enough for me. She should be."

Harm reached out and placed his hand on Mac's leg. "Sweetie, just because we have one child doesn't mean you can't want more. Where is it written that we have to be happy with only one? Some couples only want one, and that's fine. We're not among them. We want a big family; we're known that for a long time, and there's nothing at all wrong with that."

"But there is something wrong with feeling..." She stopped and bit her lip rocking the baby who was fast falling asleep.

"Feeling guilty for wanting more than this gorgeous girl right here?" he asked.

Mac shook her head. He had no idea what had been in her head, part of her didn't even want to tell him, but she knew that she'd have to in order to get past it.

"What then?" he questioned softly.

"Feeling like I did" she replied, still afraid to put it into words.

Harm looked down at Ainsley, fast asleep in Mac's arms. "I don't understand" he said.

"I felt like...after I came out of the bathroom after doing the tests and having them negative...I just wanted to lie here and never get up again. I just didn't care, I still feel like that some and that scares me" Mac whispered looking at her daughter instead of her husband.

Harm took a deep breath. "You know what?" he said gently. "I bet, if you asked a dozen women in your place if they ever felt that way in that kind of situation, most of them would say they did. This stuff we're dealing with, all the infertility junk, it's an emotional thing and it gets to both of us at some time or another. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling down and depressed today, Mac."

She gave another little sob. "I wanted it so much Harm. I could picture it. I even knew when I wanted to tell you" she said, sounding tired and defeated.

"Here" he said, reaching out to take the baby. "I'll go put her in bed, and I'll come right back and we can continue this, okay? I want to hear everything you have to say, babe."

Obediently, Mac nodded and handed him the baby. "Be careful. You're close to the surgery, you don't need a setback."

"I'm fine" he assured her, taking his daughter into his arms and rising carefully from the bed. "Want a drink while I'm out there?"

"No, thanks" she replied sliding back down and curling up again.

Harm carried Ainsley to the nursery, and gave her a goodnight kiss as he placed her into her crib before returning to Mac's side.

Mac buried her head in her pillow while she waited for Harm. She didn't have any more tears left, only pain in her heart. He was being so sweet, so gentle, and yet she still didn't know how she'd get out of bed the next morning.

"Okay" he whispered once he was at her side once more. "How did you want to tell me if the test had been positive?"

"I was going to wait until Friday" she whispered.

He leaned his head against her shoulder. "My surgery, huh?"

"When you came out and I was sitting beside you holding your hand, I was going to tell you that you were fine then I was going to tell you that you were going to be a..." He voice caught and she began crying again.

"Hey, hey" he said tenderly, rolling over a bit more so he could wrap his arms around her. "While I would have loved to hear you say that to me, it's okay that you can't just yet. Someday, though."

"I'm not sure I can go through it again" she whispered. "I don't...we got so lucky with Ainsley it only took a little while...but I'm having so many dreams about it and..."

"You can do it" he said, completely confident in Mac's ability to overcome the most difficult things life could throw at her. "I wish you didn't have to, but try this - try to focus as much as you can on the good things that came from everything we went through the first time. We have a great doctor, we've got supportive friends and family, it didn't take us a very long time to get pregnant with Ainsley, and think about the moment she was born. Wasn't that one moment worth it all? I know it was for me."

"It was" she admitted. "But...I wanted this so much. I wanted the miracle honeymoon baby. We've already been through so much...It's not fair. I wanted that baby, Harm."

"I know you did, sweetheart" he said. "I meant what I said before, and I still mean it. We can try right now if you think there's any reason to."

For the first time that night, Mac smiled a little. "That's so sweet of you, honey. But you know you really aren't ready to try right now."

He was quiet for a moment. "For my own sake" he said, "no, I'm not. But seeing you so devastated over things tonight... You and your feelings always come ahead of me and mine, Mac. If trying tonight would make you feel better, make you feel like even a bit of the pain was taken away from you, then I'd do it and have no regrets."

"But I would" she answered reaching out to touch him. "You aren't in the physical or emotional place to do that now and neither am I. And as much as I love you for wanting me to be happy and for wanting to help...I just can't right now. There's only one thing I want to do now" she said softly.

"What's that?" he whispered.

"Lay with you close, just like this, in each other's arms" Mac replied. "Everything seems okay in here, you know, like nothing can hurt us."

"I know" he said sweetly, bringing her closer into his embrace. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too" she said. "But...Harm, if I'm not pregnant..." She trailed off and let him get her meaning.

"You're over tired" he said. "Over tired and under way too much stress. Try to go to sleep, babe. I'll lie right here with my arms around you until morning if you'd like me to."

Mac nodded and closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep. After ten minutes or so though it seemed sleep was not very likely to come. She stirred in Harm's arms, "Harm?"

"Yeah?" he replied quietly.

"Can you help me?" she asked him softly.

"With what?" he asked, leaning down to give her forehead a kiss.

"Sleep. I can't sleep" she whispered to him and nuzzled closer.

"I see" he replied. "How can I help you?"

"I need to relax" Mac sighed. "All I keep thinking about is...everything that happened today."

"I'm sure" he said sympathetically. "Would a back rub help?"

"Maybe a little" she whispered. "Right between my shoulders."

"'Kay" he said, moving his arms from around her. "Lie on your tummy, if you can."

Mac gingerly rolled onto her stomach and turned her head to the side so he could get to her back.

Harm laid next to her, on his side, and began to rub the space between her shoulders. He could feel the tension in the muscles, much like she'd been able to feel it in his for the past couple of weeks. He began near her right shoulder blade and rubbed in slow, small circles, carefully rubbing out the knots as he found them. It'd been awhile since he'd been on the giving end of a back rub, and he was glad to finally be there.

"How'm I doing?" he whispered.

"Good" she answered, her voice a bit muffled by her pillow. "A little to the left."

As she requested, he moved his hands to the left side of her upper back, moving in the same slow circles as before.

"Helping any?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm" she replied. "You're good at that."

He smiled. "I think I said that same thing to you not long ago."

"Yeah" she sighed. "Move lower, please."

"Here?" he asked, moving his hands to the small of her back.

"Mm-hmm" she answered.

Instead of small circles, he used the heel of his hand to work out the tight spots he felt along her lower back. "Am I hurting you?" he asked when she jumped a little bit.

"No, it feels good" she whispered. "Your hands always feel so good."

He leaned close and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad" he said softly, continuing to rub her lower back.

She let out a tiny moan as he continued to massage her lower back and turned her head so her lips were inches from his.

He looked into her eyes, his hands becoming still against her back. Without a word, he carefully moved towards her and closed the gap between their lips, placing a tender kiss upon hers.

Mac opened her mouth to receive her husband's kiss. He was so good at this; he never made her feel pressured or scared. The feel of him near her only made her feel safe and loved. She wanted him to know that, thus she concentrated on saying that as she gently and reverently moved her lips under his.

As the kiss continued on, he gently slid his hands underneath her shirt, rubbing along her spine, across her shoulders and back down again. "I love you so much" he whispered, breaking away from the kiss for only a moment.

"I love you, too" she whispered as she shifted under his hands. "I don't..."

"Don't what?" he asked, still softly caressing her back beneath her shirt.

"I don't deserve you" she whispered to him leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose and the sides of his cheeks.

"I'm the one who should be saying that" he said with a sweet smile before returning her kisses, silently moving her flat onto her back in the process.

"Why?" she asked as she stroked his cheek and held his gaze.

"Because" he whispered, "I know I never did anything good enough to deserve the most perfect, beautiful, amazing woman in the world as my wife."

"How do you do that?" Mac asked leaning up again to give him a tiny kiss.

He flashed her a little smile. "Do what?"

"Always know what to say, how to say it, how to touch me...You always knew" she smiled softly. "Even now, at the lowest point I've been at in forever, you...you just make the hurt go away."

"That's all I ever want to do" he said, sliding his hands beneath the hem of her shirt once more, gently caressing her tummy. "If I could make it so you never had to be sad again, I'd do it."

"If I could make it so you'd never be sad or hurt, so would I, but we can't" Mac replied. "That feels so nice."

"That's good" he said softly, moving down to kiss her lips. "What else would feel nice?"

"You know" she whispered. "You always know."

He slid closer to her, remaining on his side, and began kissing her neck in all the places he knew she liked him to kiss.

Mac gave a small moan. "Strike one" she whispered as his mouth worked on her neck.

He slid down the bed just a bit and, lifting her shirt out of the way, began to place tiny kisses across her tummy, from left to right.

"Nice" she breathed. "But its still strike two."

Abandoning her tummy, he slid his hand further underneath her shirt until he reached her breasts. He felt her take a deep breath as his fingers moved ever-so-gently across the expanse of the left and then the right.

She purred in the back of her throat. "Mmm, home run" she said. "Be gentle."

"Always" he whispered in reply, continuing to move his hand over her chest. "Tell me if I hurt you, baby."

"Little bit" she whispered. She wanted him to touch her, but she'd forgotten she hadn't fed Ainsley in hours.

"I'm sorry" he answered softly, lightening his touch even more. "That okay?"

"Mmhmm" she sighed. "Harm?"

"What, love?" he said, his hands still moving very softly against her body.

"What are we doing?" she asked still not really up for anything remotely close to trying for a baby.

"Just being together" he answered. "You don't like it?"

"Yes, but I..." She stopped when she felt him skim her breast lightly. "Oh."

"Did that hurt?" he asked.

"No, it felt wonderful" she sighed. "I just..." She moaned again with pleasure.

"What do you want me to do, baby?" he asked tenderly. "Keep doing this?"

"Kiss me" she requested breathily.

Without hesitation, he moved his hands out from beneath her shirt and pressed his lips against hers in the sweetest of kisses.

Mac moved her hands up and ran her fingers through his hair, "Harm?" she whispered in between kisses.

"Hmm?" he replied, moving his kisses from her lips to her neck.

"Tell me" she whispered. "Tell me why?"

"Why what?" he asked, his breathing beginning to get heavier.

"Why me and not someone else?" she asked.

"Because" he said softly, placing a kiss on her lips before going back to work on her neck, "you're my perfect match, baby. Of all the women in the universe, you're the only one I could ever be this happy with. You complete me, Mac. My life was so empty before you came into it, but now..."

"Now what?" she asked. She loved to hear him tell her she was special or his "perfect match." It made her feel secure.

"Now" he whispered, "I'm so...happy." He began to nibble at her left earlobe. "Why me?" he asked her. "What was it about me that attracted you?" He loved this sort of pillow talk; he knew she did, too.

"This, sailor" she said simply. "This is so..."

"That's all you find attractive about me?" he asked with a smile, running his left hand through her hair as he spoke. "My unbelievable moves in bed?"

"No" she smiled softly. "I mean being in your arms, you and me holding onto each other, feeling safe, knowing that no matter what I can hold onto you and knowing that no matter what I can let you hold onto me."

He looked into her eyes. "So, you _don't_ like my unbelievable moves in bed?" he asked, the sexiest of smiles on his face.

"That" she said, "is just the gravy. There are nights though when I'd rather be held in your arms than anything else...including things that happen in bed."

He took a deep breath, resting his head on her pillow, as close to her head as he could. "I know; I feel like that sometimes, too."

"There's no one else I can cry to, you know that?" she asked leaning over to kiss his eyelids and his nose before she ended on his lips.

"I do" he whispered with a little smile. "We've seen each other at our best, worst and every place in between. I've never been this close to anyone in my entire life." With his left hand, he brought her face closer to his and planted another gentle kiss on her lips.

Mac ran her hand down his beloved cheek; she loved the feel of her skin on his. "You don't always have to be strong, you know? I know you have to be so scared about Friday and disappointed about...this situation."

He reached up and touched her hand. "I am" he said. "I'll be so glad when we can put the surgery behind us, and even gladder when I can lie next to you like this and..."

"And what?" she whispered moving so he knew she wanted to cuddle him, not the other way around.

He once again reached beneath the hem of her shirt and rested his hand against her abdomen. "Do this" he said, his voice soft and low. "Lie here with you and marvel about the little life living inside you."

"That may never happen, honey" she whispered, still aching over the earlier disappointment.

"Try to have faith, baby" he said softly, moving his hand gently across her skin. "We did it before, we can do it again. I know we can."

"I'm still not sure I want to" Mac replied, feeling the tears rise up again. "I can't stop thinking of those dreams I've had. They're right up there with those dreams the both of us had and..." She moved closer.

"Please don't cry any more, baby" he said tenderly as he wiped the falling teardrops from her face. "I hate to see you sad like this." He continued to move his hand gently against her abdomen, moving just a bit higher as he spoke.

The feel of his hands on her body brought a quick end to the tears. "Mmm…that hurts a little" she whispered, shifting closer still.

"'Cause you didn't feed her last time?" he asked softly as his fingers traced along her ribs.

"That's part of it" she answered, drawing in a deep, relaxing breath.

"What's the other part?" he asked, his fingers moving from one rib to the next, left to right.

"You" she exhaled as he continued his exploration of her ribcage. "That feels nice."

"I thought it would" he whispered as he reached the last rib below her breasts, then moved his hand slowly upward, feeling her take in another breath. "I'll be gentle."

She nodded in reply, moving her arms a bit to give him a little more space.

As in so many times past, he moved his hands ever-so-softly across her breasts, taking even more care then usual this time.

"Mmm…" she purred, "feels nice."

"_You_ feel nice, Mac" he whispered against her ear. "Your body, it's so beautiful to me."

"Only to you?" she asked with a sly little smile. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing at all" he answered softly, running his hand back down her stomach. "It's amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself, sailor" Mac smiled at him. "I don't mean to keep bringing this up, but do you want me there on Friday or no?"

"Of course I do, sweetie" he replied. "I need to know you're close to me."

"I wanted you close to me when I had my laparoscopy" she replied. "I was just too afraid to ask."

"I wish you would have" he said quietly, sliding his hand back up and across her breasts. "Don't ever be afraid to tell me what you want."

"If I tell you what I want right now, will you give it to me?" she asked smiling and caressing his back.

"Well, that would depend on what it is" he replied with a smile of his own.

"I want to see you" she whispered. "I want to see your body, especially...your legs" she whispered.

"Oh, really?" he breathed against her ear. "I think I can give you that." He sat up very carefully and moved the covers off of both himself and her, then laid his head back against her pillow.

Mac leaned over him and ran a gentle hand down his hard chest over his sleep shorts to his thighs. Using gentle pressure she began to rub his thigh like she had when he'd been in the worst of his pain from the back injury, now though he could enjoy it. "You have such strong legs, long and thankfully now healthy." She leaned over and kissed the spot just above his kneecap.

"You've always had a thing for my legs, huh?" he asked softly.

"Yeah...and of course there is the adorable rear view you have. I used to love to leave the room after you" Mac teased, and moved to rub the other leg. "How's this feeling, sailor?"

"Nice" he answered. "What do you mean you 'used to'? Has my rear view lost its appeal over time?"

"No, but just now I can say 'Honey, bend over so I can ogle your six!' Couldn't do that before" Mac teased as she moved lower below his knees to his calves. "Roll over."

With a little laugh, he carefully rolled onto his stomach, still resting his head against her pillow.

"Seriously, you weren't up too much today taking care of me. Were you?" she asked moving up so she could massage the back of his legs.

"No, babe" he said. "I'm not hurting, I promise."

"Not at all?" she asked skeptical yet hopeful it was true.

He was quiet for a moment. "Just a tiny little bit" he admitted. "Nothing even bad enough to take aspirin for, though. I'm okay, sweetie, honest."

"Then maybe..." She said and trailed off moving her hands to his lower back beginning to massage it only this time her touch was light and seductive not measured and therapeutic.

"Maybe what?" he asked, relaxing beneath her touch.

"Maybe you don't need..." She stopped again and leaned down to kiss the injured area as she had done so often.

He understood what she was hinting at. "I still need the surgery, babe. I don't ever want us to go through these last two weeks again."

"I know" she sighed. "I'm just so...I'm so scared, for you and for me."

"It'll all be okay, Mac" he said with gentle confidence as he rolled over onto his back once again, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her close. "I promise" he whispered into her ear.

"But..." She sighed and leaned against him a minute. A familiar feeling washing over her. She shook her head to clear it and snuggled up to him.

He slowly slid his hands down her back as he kissed her lips, softly at first, then a little more passionate.

Mac pushed aside what she knew were irrational fears and reveled in the feel of her husband's lips and hands on her body. She moaned against his mouth before rolling on her back and raising her arms above her head.

Without a word, he took the bottom of her shirt between his fingers, pulling it towards her shoulder and over her head with ease. He tossed it onto the floor beside the bed before lying back beside her again, his hand once more resting on her abdomen.

"Why do you keep doing that?" she asked breathily.

"I don't know" he whispered. "I guess because it's a nice place to start."

"You do too know" she replied with a smile. "Come on, tell me."

He smiled just a bit. "Because from here" he said, "I can do this." He slowly slipped his hand a few inches higher.

She flinched a tiny bit when his hands hit her breast, but that was nothing compared to the other sensations. "Harm...I..."

"You what, babe?" he asked.

"I love you so much" she whispered. "I want so much to...I want so much for us to have a son, not just a baby, but a son, so...So one day there can be some other woman that feels the way I do right this second." She smiled at him and lovingly touched his cheek.

"What did I ever do without you in my life?" he asked, sliding one leg on top of hers.

"Dated other women" Mac offered with a tiny laugh. "The biggest wonder is how I survived without you in mine. Sometimes I thought...Sometimes I lived just to be sent to a case with you so we could spend time together. Now...I dread the day when one of us has to go away."

"Me too" he said, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "But I already know how I'll get through that time when it comes."

"Oh really?" she asked. "How?"

"I'll think about how amazing the first night we're back together will be."

"That's a good thought to have, sailor" she whispered.

"I'm thinking something else right now" he whispered in return.

"Oh yeah?" she smiled. "What's that?"

"I'm thinking" he said, leaning in to kiss her lips, "about how much I'd love to make love to you tonight, just because I want to. Not because of timing or trying or anything else; just because...because I want to."

"I'd like that" she whispered. "I'd like that very much. I've missed you."

"No more than I've missed you" he said, his voice once again soft and low.

Harm leaned down to kiss Mac's lips again but before he could make contact Ainsley's let out a wait that her parents had not heard since she was in the hospital getting stuck with a needle. "Harm?" Mac said nervously and looked at him. "Can you..."

"I'll get her" he said, taking just a second for a quick kiss before sliding out of bed and heading for the nursery.

Mac watched as Harm left the bedroom and headed for the nursery. This was an unfamiliar cry for Ainsley, she'd only used it when something had scared or hurt her.

Harm entered the baby's room to find her lying against the side of her crib, red-faced and howling. He picked her up and held her close, immediately soothing some of what was distressing her. Unsure of why she was so upset, he quickly changed her diaper and carried her into the bedroom.

"She might be hungry" he said, "but I'm not sure; that's not her hungry cry."

"No, it's not" Mac sighed and reached for the baby. "That's her 'I don't like something that's happened to me' cry. Was there anything in there, a light on or noise or anything?"

"No" said Harm, sitting back down on his side of the bed. "Lights were out, everything in her bed was fine. Does she feel warm?"

"No" Mac replied. "She's cool. Did you change her? Did you see a rash?"

"I changed her" he said, "but didn't see a rash or anything else."

"I'll try to nurse her and see what happens" Mac suggested. "Can you go and get her burp rag and her lamb?" She asked this as she moved the baby against her breast.

"Sure" he said, hoping that whatever was upsetting his little girl would soon cease.

Mac put Ainsley to her breast and out of instinct the baby latched on, only she refused to suck. Instead, she reared back and started to scream even louder, little arms flailing, little legs pulling up to her belly.

"Guess that's not what she wants, huh?" said Harm as he returned with a burp rag and Ainsley's stuffed lamb.

"Guess not" Mac sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with her." Mac snuggled Ainsley close and started to rock, but still the baby screamed on, breath hitching as she sobbed.

"Mind if I try?" he asked, holding his hands out towards the baby.

"Here" she sighed, and handed the baby to Harm. She wanted to help her baby girl but she didn't know how. One thing was for sure, though, something was not right with her.

"What's the matter, beautiful?" he asked Ainsley as she continued to cry in his arms. "Daddy's not supposed to be up very much, no he's not, but you know what? For you, my dear, I'll bend the rule a little." He carefully snuggled the baby against his chest and began walking back and forth across the bedroom, bouncing her gently as he walked.

Still, even nestled inside her daddy's strong embrace the baby continued to wail and hiccup, her little belly convulsing against her Daddy's chest.

"I wonder" he said to Mac, loudly enough to be heard over Ainsley's cries, "if we're not being initiated into the wonderful world of teething? Lemme see..." He slipped his pinky finger into the baby's mouth, feeling around top and bottom for any signs of a budding tooth.

"Do you feel anything?" Mac shouted over the baby's wails, pulling her shirt back on and slipping out of bed to join Harm on his little walk.

He shook his head. "She was sucking on my finger some, though" he said, referring to a couple very brief pauses in the baby's tirade. "Why don't you try feeding her again? Might not work, but she seems like she wants something to suck on."

"I'll try" Mac replied. "But I know she's not hungry." She took Ainsley from Harm, and immediately the baby began to cry more loudly than she had before. "Ssh, it's okay, baby" Mac cooed to her. "Mommy's got you. Yes, you're fine" she told the child as she sat with her on the bed and got her settled to nurse.

This time the baby latched on of her own choosing and started to suck, not really eating but sucking enough for comfort only.

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled a bit. "Or maybe it _will_ work" he said. "She's still not settled down totally, but at least she's eating some, which you must be happy about considering it's been how many hours since you fed her? You must be dying by now, babe."

"Pretty much, that little escapade earlier didn't really help…but I needed it" she told him. "Mommy needed daddy too, angel" Mac cooed to the baby.

"You know" he said as he smoothed Ainsley's hair, "this is the first time she's ever 'interrupted' us. No doubt it won't be the last."

"I can see it now" Mac laughed. "She'll be five and have a nightmare and walk right in the room on us."

Harm laughed as well. "Note to self: install slide lock at top of bedroom door before baby turns 5."

"I remember walking in on my mom and dad once." Mac sighed, and nestled the baby closer at the memory.

"Never happened to me" he said, "not that I wish it would have, but..."

"My dad got so mad at me" Mac replied. "But that was nothing compared to what I thought was happening in that room. I thought he was doing something bad to her, turned out it was one of the only good things he'd ever done for her. I didn't understand that until much later in life."

"Yeah" he said, carefully putting his arm around her shoulder. "I didn't understand a lot of things until much later in my life than I should have." He leaned over and kissed her temple.

"I didn't know what making love was like until..." She trailed off and kissed Ainsley's baby hair, letting him fill in the blank or ask her to do so for him.

"Until us" he whispered confidently. There was no need to ask if that was what she meant; he knew it was. They'd each been with other people in their past, but they could honestly say their first time making love was with one another, that precious evening last year when they first tried to create their family.

"Until us" she echoed. "You are...You are the most considerate, most gentle lover I've ever had. You give and you take, thinking about it gets me all misty eyed" Mac admitted as Ainsley began to shift in her arms.

"The same goes for you" he said softly. "What we have together, it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. I don't think I'll ever grow tired of it; any of it." He rubbed her arm as Ainsley began to cry once more.

"I don't think she agrees" Mac laughed a little and turned her attention to the baby. "What is it, little one? Tell mommy and daddy all about it." She started to rock the baby back and forth.

"Here, I'll take her back" said Harm. "Maybe now that she's eaten a little, our walk around the room will be more successful."

"I don't want you up too much" Mac told him. "I need you with me tomorrow when they tell me...When I get prodded under orders so don't hurt yourself too much."

"How about I take her back to her room and rock for awhile?" he offered.

"How about you lie down and leave her to me" Mac suggested, her protective wife mode rising up to join the concerned mother.

"Please let me help you with her, babe" he said gently. "I'm fine, honest. I'm not hurting; my back feels good, I'll be careful."

"How about I bring the rocker in here?" Mac suggested as compromise.

He thought for a second. "If it'll make you feel better, okay."

"It will" she replied. "You and Ainsley do your little walk then you can rock her. I want her to stop crying, it's not good for her to be like this" she said worriedly.

"Tell mommy you'll be just fine" said Harm, rising from the bed to take the fussy baby from her mother. He once again held her close and walked slowly from one wall to the other, bouncing her gently.

Mac returned in short order with the rocking chair and put the back pillow she'd bought for Harm against the back of the chair. She hadn't even shown him that pillow yet, but she remembered its existence while she thought of him sitting on the hard chair. This would make it more comfortable for him, and by extension, better for their daughter. "Here we are" Mac announced as she set the chair down.

"Great" he said, carrying the baby with him over to the chair and taking a seat. "Mommy brought our chair in here, Ainsley Bear. We'll sit and rock a while, okay?" The baby's fusses seemed to diminish a touch as she listened to her daddy's voice.

"Do you have any idea what's got her so upset?" Mac asked kneeling down next to them as Harm started to rock the baby gently.

He shook his head. "I'm guessing she's got a little tummy ache" he said. "She didn't burp after you fed her just now, did she?"

"Nope" Mac replied. "Is her belly tight?" Mac asked as Ainsley continued to cry and pull up her knees.

Harm placed his hand against the baby's tummy. "Little bit" he said. "Let's try this, huh baby girl?" He moved Ainsley to his lap, lying on her tummy as he continued to rock slowly and gently pat her back. "Little trick I've seen Bud and Harriet use."

It took only a couple of minutes of rocking and patting for Harm's theory to be proven correct when Ainsley let out a big burp.

"I dare say that was the problem!" he laughed, picking her up from his lap and cradling her in his arms. "Do you feel better, sweet girl? Hmm?"

"She'd almost have to" said Mac. "Poor baby."

"Can you bring me her blanket, please, babe?" he asked.

"Yeah" she said, leaving to grab it from the nursery and quickly returning.

"Let's see if daddy can't get you to sleep, baby girl" he said, wrapping Ainsley snugly in her pink fleece blanket. He held her close and gently sang to her the only song that was sure to work, the Navy Hymn. Within five minutes, she was sound asleep.

"She out?" Mac asked Harm as he slowed his rock.

"Like a light" he replied with a smile. "I'll go put her down."

"Please" Mac sighed and yawned. "I'm feeling very tired all of a sudden."

"Get into bed, babe" he said. "I'll be right back."

Mac nodded and moved to the bed and slid inside laying her head on Harm's pillow to await his return. As she lay there and breathed in the scent of him, she fought exhaustion and tried to stay awake, but his smell and the warmth of the sheets were so comforting she lost that battle and fell quickly asleep.

* * *

It took some doing but finally Harm managed to convince Mac to go to the doctor's the next day. As much as he wanted to go with her, they decided he should probably stay at home with Ainsley rather than expose her to germs in a doctor's office. 

Mac didn't really mind; it wasn't like she was going to confirm a pregnancy or anything, just to be told to slow down, something her and Harm already knew she needed to do. She arrived home two hours after her appointment time, sighed and dropped a drug store bag on the table.

"How'd it go?" he asked her. "What's in the bag?"

"It went fine" Mac sighed. "I need to gain a few pounds he says and he wants me on vitamin supplements and iron. Other than that he said I needed to take a break. Eighty dollars for that."

Harm chuckled. "That's government insurance for you, babe. Is that all he said, just slow down, eat better and take those pills?"

"That's all he said" Mac replied. "Except he tried to tell me I was sicker in the morning because I have an overwhelming desire to be pregnant. That, of course, had bad results."

"I'm sorry, Mac" he said, rising from the recliner and going to her. "We'll get there as soon, though."

Mac gave a tiny smile. "What did you think those bad results were, Harm?" she asked.

He pulled her close. "I'm picturing" he began, "some strong words, maybe a few tears, that sort of thing?"

"Heck no" Mac replied. "I got a bit...let's say I went Marine on him and I told him that whether or not I wanted another baby affected my heart, not my head and there was some reason that I was so sick these last few days and if he didn't care to find out why and just wanted to label me as the poor pathetic woman who can't have babies he'd very seriously regret it. That's when he did the blood test and found out my iron was low and I need more vitamin C and B6."

Harm couldn't help but laugh. "I should have known better" he said. "I'm glad you put that doctor in his place. Sounds like someone needed to."

"I wish you could have," Mac sighed. "But neither of you needed to be exposed to germs right now. When is your lab appointment?"

"Wednesday at 0930" he replied. "Are you off then or not?"

"The doctor ordered me to rest until next week, so yeah" Mac replied. "He says I need to let my body recuperate from breastfeeding Ainsley and working and all. I knew this would probably happen, but with the wedding and you getting hurt I just didn't take good enough care of myself."

"I could've told you that, babe" he said with a smile as he returned to his recliner. "In fact, I believe I _did_ tell you that, did I not?"

"Yes, you did" she replied. "How's the baby's belly?"

"Good" he said. "She's been an angel all morning."

"That's great. I wanted to ask you something" Mac said. "It's kind of important."

"Okay" he said, patting a spot on the sofa beside his chair. "Come here."

Mac moved to the spot he indicated and sat down. "On Friday, when you have the operation...The doctor said that the first day or so you aren't going to feel too great, and I want to know if you want me to sleep at the hospital with you."

"Hadn't really thought about that" he said. "You can if you'd like to, but who'll take care of the baby?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about" Mac replied. "I was thinking of asking AJ to take her for the night, but I wanted to see how you felt about that. I really want to be there at least Friday night in case you're in pain. I just...I might sleep if I'm with you, but if I'm here alone..."

He smiled at her. "Then you should be with me. I'll probably be so doped up I won't know which end is up at first, but I'm sure I'll be glad to see you."

Mac leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the lips. "How are you feeling today?" she asked. "You were up a lot yesterday."

"I was" he agreed, "but I'm not really feeling it. I'll say this much, though, I'm so ready for Friday to be over with."

"Me too, baby" Mac replied. "Me too."

Still when Friday arrived and Harm had been admitted and laid waiting for the nurse to come and take him into surgery, both were beginning to feel reservations.

* * *

Mac sat beside Harm as he lay flat on the gurney, an IV already in his arm administering a relaxing drug along with fluids. She held his hand tightly, caressing the back of it with her free hand. "It shouldn't be too long now. How are you doing?" 

"Okay" he said, semi-convincingly. "This is the worst part of surgery, at least for me it is."

"For me the worst part will be the part when I can't hold onto to you anymore" Mac sighed. "But when you wake up, I'll be right here. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I sure do" he answered, a nervous smile gracing his face.

"What?" she asked seeing the difference in his smile knowing something was on his mind.

"Just thinking" he said, "about how good it'll be to come out of this thing and see your beautiful face. I love you, Mac."

"I love you too, sweetie" Mac replied and kiss his hand. "You're going to be fine. You're going to be just fine."

He nodded a little. "I know I am" he said softly. "I figure if nothing to this point has succeeded in keeping me down for very long, this can't possibly be any different."

"Then why do you look so scared?" Mac asked him seeing the tension in his features as she continued to caress his hand.

He looked into her eyes. "There's a chance, you know..."

"What one is scaring you though?" Mac asked. "There are chances of a lot of things."

"The chance that this won't be a complete success" he said. "I'm not really too worried about things being worse afterwards; I'm just worried that they might not be able to do what needs to be done to fix this. It's a long shot, I mean Dr. Peddie is fairly confident he can get the job done and things will be great, but you just never know for sure."

"He said if he can't fix it he can take the disc out" Mac told him soothingly. "That will fix it."

He nodded, not wishing to discuss that that would do to his Naval aviation qualifications.

"If it comes to that Harm, it's going to be up to me to tell him what to do" Mac said gently. "What do you want me to do? I'll do whatever you ask. What do I tell him?"

"Tell him to do whatever he has to do to fix the damage" he said plainly. "Whatever that means, it...means. If I lose my wings…I lose them. Life will go on either way."

"Commander Rabb" the nurse said as she rounded the door. "We're ready for you in the OR."

He looked once more into the eyes of his wife.

"You're going to be just fine," she said again. "When you wake up I'm going to be right there next to you." She leaned over and gave him a gentle peck on the lips, "I love you."

The nurse injected another sedative into his IV. "I love you too, Mac" was the last thing he remembered saying that morning.

* * *

Mac paced the floor of the surgical OR, called the Admiral to check on the baby, drank a cup of tea and paced some more. Harm's operation was supposed to take 5 hours...she'd been waiting for 5 hours and 48 minutes. Finally, though, Dr. Peddie appeared. 

"Mrs. Rabb?" he said softly as he approached the nervous looking woman.

"Dr. Peddie" she said, rising from her chair.

"Have a seat" he urged her and sat down beside her.

* * *

_A/N: I hope to post the next chapter very soon, but my MS is in relapse right now, making my left hand highly uncooperative when it comes to typing. Yes, I'm just a hodgepodge of illnesses, I know. :) At least we know that Mac's just trying to do too much, poor girl! I wanted to show her being overwhelmed and really sad, since I feel that way sometimes. Remember, most every emotion I give to either she or Harm is based on some aspect of my own experiences with the infertility stuff, and how it often creeps into all other areas of a person's life. Also remember, I have total control over everything that happens to them, so unlike my own life, if I want a happy ending, I'll get one. :)_


	82. Chapter 82

_**A/N: As I promised, here's the next chapter, only a couple days after the last one. :) Thanks for all the encouraging reviews, they made me smile. :) Super hugs to LadyCommish for helping me plug along. :) **_

* * *

Chapter 82: 

She retook her seat as the nerves began to creep up on her. "How's my husband?"

"He's in recovery now" Dr. Peddie replied. "By and large, he did fairly well in the surgery."

"It took longer than anticipated" she said. "At least 48 minutes longer, based on when you came out here. Were there any complications?"

"One" he replied. "When I opened him up, the damage was far more extensive than indicated on the MRI so it took longer to repair. He lost a bit more blood than I would have liked but we're giving him some O negative, and when alls said and done, he'll be just fine."

Mac felt a huge wave of relief wash over herself, yet there was still one big unanswered question. "Were you able to repair the damage without removing the disc?"

"Yes" Dr. Peddie replied. "But I can say this, it's not going to hold. There's no way its going to hold if he keeps flying and landing on carriers. Another punch out and well...nothing I can do will fix that. The next time I open him up, its going to be for a discectomy, that is if and only if he doesn't cause irreversible damage. He really needs to stop flying."

"I'm...I'm confused" said Mac. "If you know it's not going to hold if he continues to fly, then why didn't you simply remove the disc today and he could have been done with it? To our understanding, the only reason _not_ to remove the disc was to enable him to continue flying Tomcats, and you've just told me he can't do that."

"He _can_ do it" the doctor replied. "He just _shouldn't_ do it. If he lands successfully, it could hold for two or three years, maybe longer. If he lands hard it'll probably go right off. If he punches out...like I said there'll be no need for me to operate then. Do you understand what another punch out means, Mrs. Rabb?"

"Yes, I do" she said. "Unfortunately, every mission he flies is a total crap shoot as far as whether he lands hard, lands soft or punches out. To say he can still fly, that's not the whole statement. The _whole_ statement is he can fly, but every time he does so, he's risking losing the use of his legs if the repairs you made today give out suddenly."

"That's right" Dr. Peddie replied. "That is right. But at least with the disk still there it is his decision to hang up his wings."

Mac nodded, momentarily lost in thought. "In some ways" she said, "I almost think this will be harder for him to handle."

"I say again if he flies to qualify he should be good for a few years, if he punches out, he's in a wheelchair. He needs to know that. Would you like it to come from me?" he asked.

"No" said Mac with confidence. "He needs to hear it from me."

Mac was about to ask when she could see Harm when the OR nurse rushed out of the recovery area. "Dr Peddie!" she called urgently.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked the nurse, sensing the patient involved in this matter was Harm.

"Relax ma'am" the nurse comforted. "Dr. Peddie will be right back."

"Is there a problem with my husband?" asked Mac. "Commander Harmon Rabb? Is he okay?"

"He will be" the nurse assured her. "The doctor is seeing to him."

"What was wrong?" asked Mac, more urgently than before. "Please, tell me, I need to know."

Before the nurse could reply Dr. Peddie reappeared. "Mrs. Rabb, we need you. Come on back."

"Oh God" Mac said aloud, grabbing her purse and her sweater and hurrying to join the doctor and nurse.

"Easy, Mrs. Rabb" Dr. Peddie comforted. "He was choking on his intubation tube. He fought his way out of the anesthesia and spooked when he felt it, that's all. I removed the tube and now he's asked for you."

Mac breathed a sigh of relief. "Where is he?"

"Right in here" the doctor said, leading her back to Harm's cubical. "He's weak but he's fighting. He really wants to see you."

She smiled a little. "That's Harm."

"Now, let me warn you about a few things. He's immobilized on his side right now to keep pressure off the cut and the discs. Also, the medication we gave him is pretty powerful so it's likely he's pretty numb and might not be able to feel much, so if he complains of numbness or lack of feeling don't worry and try and reassure him. That'll all come back in a few hours. Are you ready?"

Mac nodded. "Yes, I am. I'm anxious to see him."

"He's still groggy and a bit weak from the trauma of surgery but once he rests some more he'll be just fine. Don't be worried." Dr. Peddie repeated, as he moved towards the cubicle at the end of the row.

It was all she could do not to gasp when she saw him. If Dr. Peddie hadn't told her he was fine she would have dissolved into tears then and there. He was lying on his side with a foam contraption that resembled a gigantic egg carton hugging his long frame. He was connected to several machines and monitors not to mention two separate IVs one giving what she assumed was fluids and medication and the other blood. Slowly she approached his side and touched his hand as it lay against the mattress. She wasn't sure if he was still conscious, so she softly spoke his name. "Harm? Harm, can you hear me?"

"Hmm..." he moaned, unable to make coherent conversation quite yet.

She reached out and gently caressed his cheek. "Come on, sailor. The doctor said you were making a racket in here earlier. Come on and look at me, weetie."

He heard her request, and fought with what little strength he had in him to keep his eyes open and focus on her. "Mac..." he whispered. "Missed...you."

"I wasn't far away" she said softly. "I missed you too. They had you a long time."

He felt like his eyelids weighed 100 pounds a piece, and he had to work very hard to keep them open. He knew he needed to wake up as much as possible, but having been under the anesthesia for so long it would take some time. He squeezed her hand and gave her the tiniest of smiles as his eyes drifted shut again.

Mac sighed and sat back in the chair. She held onto Harm's hand while he slept on in recovery for the next hour. When the nurses came to take him and settle him in a room, Mac once again went to call the Admiral and check on Ainsley, whom it was reported was being a little angel. She also used the time to call Trish and Frank as well as the General and tell them Harm had done fine in surgery and was now resting. That amazingly took another hour. Once she returned to Harm's side, she took his hand again and occasionally stroked his brow as she waited for him to stir and look at her with those beautiful blue eyes.

As he began to come to, he realized she was holding his hand. He also realized, slowly, that while he wasn't in any real pain, he also had no feeling from the middle of his chest down. He forced his eyes to open and his voice to work.

"Can't feel...my legs" he gasped, his throat dry and scratchy from being intubated. "What...went...wrong?"

Mac sat up straight and leaned over him, "Nothing, sweetie" she assured him. "Nothing. You're fine."

"Then...why?" he asked as best he could.

"The medication, honey. And probably a bit of swelling" she said gently. "Dr. Peddie says it'll come back in a few hours. You just relax and don't worry. Okay? Does your throat hurt?"

"Yeah" he whispered.

"How about some ice chips?" Mac asked reaching for the cup but waiting for his say so.

"'Kay" he said, struggling to remain awake.

Mac took the spoon and fed him two spoonfuls of the cooling ice chips. "What's wrong?" she asked him feeling something was not right. He was hurting or uneasy and she knew that. She also knew she wanted to make it better.

"Stomach" he said quietly, feeling queasy after the ice chips.

"Okay" Mac soothed and set the cup down. She leaned over him a bit and gently caressed his upper back. "You did really well" she told him with a smile. "You want to rest some more? Then maybe you'll feel up to talking a bit more."

"Mm-hmm" he replied softly. "Stay...with me?"

"I have to go and meet Mattie then I'll come right back, okay?" she said softly still rubbing his back between his shoulders.

"Mmm..." was his only reply as sleep once more consumed him.

* * *

Mac slipped off the bed and went down to the lobby of the hospital and waited for Mattie at the appointed meeting place. The teen wasn't going to stay, but she wanted and update on her father's condition, so one of her friends was dropping her by on the way home from school. Two minutes past the appointed time, a worried Mattie rushed through the door. 

"How's dad?" she asked. "Is he out of surgery?"

"Yeah, he's out and he's in his own room already" Mac replied. "He's still really tired though. He's in and out."

"Did it go okay?" asked Mattie. "Did they fix the problem?"

"Mostly" Mac replied. "It's good for now."

"What do you mean 'for now'?" inquired the youngster. "Will he have more pain like this later?"

"Maybe, Mats" Mac replied. "The doctor said this will only hold for so long, and how long really depends on your dad. If he has a hard landing it could dislodge, or if he punches out of his plane...There are a lot of ifs. For now he's a bit weak and a bit numbed up, but he's fine. He just needs to rest. Once he gets his sleep, he'll be just fine."

A smile appeared upon Mattie's face. "I'm so glad you said that" she said. "I've gotta run; when he wakes up, give him my love, okay?"

"Sure will" Mac replied opening her arms for a hug. "You'll come see him tomorrow right?"

"Oh, definitely" said the girl. "Are you allowed to bring Ainsley to see him?"

"I don't think so" Mac replied. "But I'm going to try and surprise him with her. It'll be hard on him, four whole days without her."

"Oh, I know it" she said, understanding the special connection Harm had with his youngest child. "When will you be home tonight? Are you staying the night with him?"

"Tonight yeah, I promised him" Mac replied. "When you're done at Kim's go to Uncle AJ's, okay?"

She nodded. "I will. She's waiting, I better go." She gave Mac one last hug and hurried back out the door.

* * *

Slowly, Mac turned around and went back upstairs to Harm's room. He was still out so she went into the bathroom and changed her clothes, A US Naval Aviator t-shirt and jeans. The she used the remaining time to pump a bottle for Ainsley, and even got a sandwich as she waited for Harm to awaken again, hoping that when he did he'd be more alert. 

Nearly 3 hours had passed by the time he came to again. His mouth was bone dry and his throat was a little sore, but still he felt no pain in his back. Willing his eyes open, he glanced up to see his wife sitting in a chair beside his bed, just as she'd promised to do.

"Hey" he whispered, then coughed a couple times.

Mac turned to Harm and frowned with concern. "Hey, you okay?" she asked moving to pat his back gently above the incision.

He nodded just a little bit. "Dry" he whispered. "Thirsty."

"You want some more ice? Or do you want to see if you can have some water?" she asked him in that soft singsong tone she used when she talked to Ainsley.

"Water" he replied, holding back another small cough.

Harm lay in bed, propped up and situated on his side, feeling a bit unsure of what he was feeling emotionally. He assumed Mac had spoken with the doctor and had gotten the complete report, but he wasn't ready to hear it quite yet. The anesthesia was beginning to wear off, and he could feel his head growing clearer as the minutes ticked off the clock. The glanced up and saw the IV pole with two bags hanging from it; one of them obviously blood. He began to worry about why he was getting that when Mac returned.

"The nurse said you can have some water, but it might make you feel a bit sick so if you get nauseous let me know" Mac said, coming to sit beside him and pouring some water into the cup. She slipped a straw into it and held it to his lips. "Small sips."

He took the straw into his mouth and sipped slowly, the cool liquid feeling heavenly on his irritated throat. After three swallows, he spit the straw out. "Good."

"I'm glad" Mac smiled and set the cup down. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired" he said, his voice a bit stronger and clearer. He once again looked up at the IV pole and began to worry. "Why the blood?" he asked her.

"Don't worry about that" she replied gently, smoothing back his hair from his head. She didn't want to tell him yet, and if she got into the extra blood she'd have to go there and she just wasn't ready to break his heart like that.

He knew there was something to the matter, but he could tell she didn't feel it was anything he needed to know yet, so he let it go for the time being. "How long was I in there?" he asked instead.

"Five hours, forty eight minutes, and twenty-one seconds" Mac replied. "I was starting to get worried."

"Wow" he said. "What took so long?"

"There was more damage than they figured on, honey" Mac replied. "That's why you need the blood. You lost a bit while they were fixing it."

Harm was silent for a moment as he took in what she'd said. "How much more damage?" he asked, beginning to feel very nervous.

"Enough" she replied, playing it cagey as she assessed his demeanor.

He knew she was trying to spare his feelings; he'd do the same if he were in her place. "Am I...fixed?"

"For now, yeah" she smiled. "You're fixed."

His expression became quizzical. "For now?" he repeated. "I don't get it."

"He was able to do the repair and save the disc" Mac replied. "But it won't last forever, Harm. The more landings you make, the less time it will last."

He closed his eyes, concentrating on each word she'd spoken to him. "So if I fly" he said, "I'm risking screwing things up again."

"Each flight you take will risk that, yes" she replied. "He...Well, let's just get you better for now. You're a long way from a cockpit anyway" she said with a false smile.

With a simple nod, he changed the subject, sensing there was more to the story but knowing they'd both had enough for now. "How's the baby?"

"She's doing really well. The Admiral adores her and she him" Mac said, glad not to have to tell him the consequences of another punch out or bad landing for the time being.

"That's good" he said. "Have you talked to Mattie since I got out?"

"Yes, she stopped by on her way home. She says to say she loves you and she'll see you tomorrow night" Mac told him, still holding his hand. "Want some more water?"

"Okay" he said. "My mouth is so dry; feels terrible."

"I'm sorry, sweetie" she replied gently, and brought the straw to his lips once again for him to drink.

He again took a couple careful swallows and spit the straw out. "How long will they make me lay like this?"

"Probably at least until tomorrow, until the incision starts to knit" Mac replied. "Why? Are you hurting or uncomfortable?"

"Little uncomfortable" he answered. "I'm a side sleeper, but this is a bit much."

"Is there anything I can do to for you?" she asked, once again caressing his upper back gently.

"Not really" he said softly. "I'm glad it's over, aren't you?"

"Yeah" she whispered her voice clogged with emotion. "Yeah."

Mac spent the night in a fold-out lounge chair next to her husband's bed. Neither of them had a very restful night, since the nurses seemed to enter the room at least once each hour to check one thing or another. Mac awakened to Harm's soft call of her name shortly before 0300.

"What, baby?" she asked, rushing to his side as she tried to wake up.

"Need a drink" he whispered.

"Okay, sure" she replied, getting his cup and holding the straw to his lips so he could take his usual small sips.

"Much better" he said with relief after spitting the straw out. "Sorry I woke you up."

"Hey, don't be sorry" she said with a smile. "This is what I'm here for. Are you in any pain?"

"Not much" he said. "Really sleepy, though. Wish they'd just leave us alone till morning."

She smiled again. "I remember feeling like that when Ainsley was born. Every time I'd nod off, someone would come in to check something. All part of the glorious hospital experience, I suppose."

"It sucks" he said, closing his eyes again.

"I know" she agreed, planting a soft kiss on his lips before climbing back into her bed for the night. "Sleep well, sailor. I love you so much."

* * *

Harm stirred first the next morning awakened by a cramp in his shoulder from lying on his side for so long. He looked over at Mac, who was sleeping peacefully in a recliner chair. He didn't want to wake her but he needed to get out of this position and fast. 

"Mac" he called, his voice raspy and a little hoarse.

Mac heard Harm's hoarse call and immediately reacted to it. She was up like a shot and at his side. "Yeah, baby?" she asked. "What is it?"

"Bad cramp in my shoulder" he said, the discomfort evident on his face.

"Which one? The one that exposed or the one under you?" she asked him, immediately sympathetic to his pain.

"Under me" he said. "It hurts bad, babe."

"Okay, ssh" Mac soothed. "I'm going to get a nurse, you just relax." She leaned over to kiss his forehead. "I'll be right back."

"I know" he said, very glad that Mac was there to take care of him.

Mac rushed out to the nurses station and waited until a nurse paid attention to her. When one finally did she spoke, "Lieutenant, my husband, Commander Rabb, is complaining of a bad cramp in his shoulder. He's still lying on his side and he's in a good deal of pain."

"I'm not his nurse, ma'am" replied the lieutenant. "I'm not sure who is."

"Does that matter?" Mac asked. "You're a nurse, he's on this floor and he's in pain. Can't you help him?"

A bit reluctantly, the nurse rose from her seat behind the desk. "Yes, ma'am, I'll see what I can do."

Mac turned on her heel and led the nurse to Harm's room. "Sweetie, a nurse is here now. She's going to help you." Mac's eyes held the young woman's gaze firmly.

"Good" he said. "You've either gotta flip me over or put me on my back or stomach, I can't stay here any longer, my shoulder is throbbing."

"I'll have to check with your doctor first, sir," the nurse replied. "He's the only one who can authorize that."

"Do that then, Lieutenant" said Harm.

The lieutenant left the room and Mac sat down beside Harm, "Its okay, sweetheart" she whispered. "Want me to try and rub it for you or just leave you alone?" she asked wanting desperately to help him.

"See if you can rub it any" he said. "It'll be fine once they let me move."

Mac moved around behind him and was surprised to find access to his shoulder blade was easy to obtain. She rubbed her hands together and gently began to rub the muscle. "How's that?" she asked softly.

"Oh, that feels good" he sighed. "Do that all over my entire body while you're at it." He knew she couldn't do that, but he sure wished she could.

"Why?" she asked worriedly. "Are you in pain? Do you need medication?"

"I'm hurting enough to need something" he said. "I know they've been pumping me full of stuff since the surgery, but I need a little something else. My back is starting to ache and I know there's no need for me to lie here and feel that pain."

Not knowing what else to do until Dr. Peddie arrived; Mac leaned forward and placed a tiny kiss at the base of Harm's neck. "I wish I could feel it for you, babe. You know that."

He smiled a bit. "I seem to recall saying that very thing to you about 5 months ago in this very place."

"I can't believe it was that long ago" Mac sighed as she worked on his shoulders. "She's getting so big, Harm."

"She sure is" he agreed. "Doesn't seem like it's been even close to 5 months."

Before the conversation could continue, a cherished sound was heard from the doorway; at least for Harm this voice was now cherished. "Good morning, Commander Rabb. Mrs. Rabb" Dr. Peddie greeted. "What's this I hear about shoulder pain?"

"I'm having some and I'd like it to stop" said Harm with a half-hearted laugh.

"Okay, if you're done with your massage there I can check the cut then we'll see about moving you" Dr. Peddie said. "How are you feeling otherwise?"

"Not bad, I guess" said Harm. "I don't have any prior experience with this particular situation to gauge anything by, but I'm not feeling too terribly bad."

"That's good to hear" Dr. Peddie smiled. "How are your legs?"

"Stiff" replied Harm. "Once I can actually walk and move like I used to, they won't know what to think!"

"We're going to try and get you up a bit later on today" Dr. Peddie told him as he pulled back on the bandage to examine the cut.

"Is that alright?" Mac asked worriedly. "Isn't it too fast I mean, he just had major surgery and..."

"It's okay, sweetheart" said Harm. "If the good doctor here wants to get me up, believe me, I'll give it a try!"

"We like to get the patient up as soon as we can after surgery. It will overall reduce the amount of recovery time" he said, then said "Hmm" as he examined the cut.

"That's not a comforting sound coming from you, doc" said Harm. "Something wrong back there?"

"Its just not what I expected" Dr. Peddie replied as he gently touched the exterior of the cut with a gloved hand. Mac moved closer to Harm and reached for him, needing his comfort as much as she needed to give him her comfort.

"Better than you expected" asked Harm, grasping Mac's hand tightly, "or worse?"

"Much better" the doctor replied. "There's hardly any oozing, and the wound is already knitting nicely. We can let you lie on your back a bit if you'll think that will be comfortable for you."

"Definitely" said Harm. "Almost anything would be better than this!"

"Okay, Mrs. Rabb, if you'll excuse us we'll get the Commander bathed and squared away then you can come back and be with him again. We have to discuss his post op care and his therapy" Dr. Peddie outlined. "While the nurses see to him, I'd like to speak to you."

"Go ahead, babe" said Harm with a smile. "I'll be here when you get back."

Dr. Peddie led Mac out of the room and down a small corridor. When they were out of earshot of Harm's room he spoke. "How did he take it?"

"Well, what he knows" she said, "he's taken well."

"What does he know?" the doctor pressed. He needed to know so he didn't say anything out of turn in the post op briefing.

"That the operation was successful for the short term" said Mac. "That you were able to fix the problem for now, but that flying will put him at risk of re-injury. I didn't tell him what would happen in a punch out."

"Can I ask why not?" the doctor asked.

Mac sighed. "I don't know if he's strong enough to hear that yet. I know he has to be told and I know I want to be the one to tell him, but when we were talking last night, after he'd just really shaken the anesthesia, I didn't feel that was the right time for something that important."

"The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be" he told her gently, reaching out to touch her shoulder in a supportive manner.

She nodded and looked down at the floor. "Should I tell him before you go over the post op and therapy information with us?" she asked.

"That's up to you" Dr. Peddie replied. "You know him and you'll know how he'll take it. However you think he'd respond best to the therapy information is what I want. If you think he could be told first then tell him, if not, wait until I'm done then do it."

She pondered the matter for a few moments. "If it's not crucial that he be told before you speak with us, I'd prefer to wait until later."

"Its not crucial" he replied. "We best get back. I have office hours this afternoon and I don't like to shortchange anyone."

The doctor led Mac back to Harm's room and took her inside. Immediately she sat down beside him and took his hand. He was now lying on his back and looked much more like himself. "Is that better, sweetie?"

"You have no idea" he said.

"I'm glad" she smiled and kissed his skin. "So Dr. Peddie, what kind of rehab are we looking at?"

"Well, I'd like to work on his legs first and get them accustomed to being used again. Also, strength training for his back is in order. We're looking at about three weeks of daily therapy, once a day here and once at home. Then three days a week for at least six weeks. How does that sound?" he asked after he outlined it.

"Sounds okay" said Harm. "I'll do whatever I have to do to get this entire experience behind me."

"Okay...it'll be hard at first, and tiring, but when it's all over, this will seem like a bad dream" Dr. Peddie smiled. "You will, however, have to be very careful when you're flying, if you are cleared."

"I understand, doctor" said Harm. "I certainly plan to continue flying, but I suppose time may tell of a change in plans. We'll see..."

"Yes, well...I'll leave you two now. You get some rest, Commander and I'll check on you later today" Dr. Peddie smiled. "I'm very please so far. Keep up the good work."

"I plan to, doctor" said Harm. "Thanks for everything."

With a nod and a smile, Dr. Peddie departed leaving Harm and Mac alone. She sat studying their clasped hand, saying nothing.

"Tell me, Mac" he said softly as he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I don't think I can" she whispered, fearing his reaction to her words.

"There's more to what you know than you're telling me" he said. "I can sense it just by the way you're acting. Whatever Dr. Peddie told you, babe, I can take it. Please."

Mac opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get the words to come out so she took another route. "I don't want you to fly anymore."

"That's not anything new" he said calmly. "You've made that known for years, and very well known over the past few weeks."

"I'm serious this time, Harm" Mac said. "You won't fly again, promise me."

"Are you just adamant about it because of all this" he asked, "or is there something else, something with regards to the injury?"

Her reply was a choked sob as she tried to control her emotions.

"Baby" he said, opening his arms to her. "Here."

Mac leaned against him a moment and whispered, "Why won't you just promise me you'll give it up?" she asked once she had control again.

"It's not that simple, and you know it" he answered with love. "You can't ask me to make a blind promise about something like this. It's not fair to me or to you."

"Don't make me say this Harm, please" she whispered. She knew she was making a mountain out of a molehill, but she didn't want to see his spirit fall and know she caused it.

"Mac, baby" he said as he held her hands in his, "I know there's something that you need to tell me, that you're not telling me because you're afraid of how I'll take it. I promise you; not knowing what is making you so upset will be a lot harder on me than anything you have to say."

Mac sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Remember last night when I said that the more landings you make, the less time the repair will hold?" she asked him.

"Mm-hmm" he said, reaching up to wipe her tears for her.

"I left something out" she confessed.

"I thought you might have" he said. "But you can tell me, whatever it is."

"The doctor said...he said you can't punch out again, Harm. If you do…he won't be able to fix you if that happens."

"If I punch out, I'll end up in a wheelchair." stated Harm plainly.

"That's right" she managed through more tears. "And we never know what'll happen when you go up. We never know..."

He pulled her close again, letting her rest her head against his shoulder. "You're right."

"And...I..." She cried against him. "I...don't..."

"Ssh..." he said, rubbing her back as he spoke. "I'm not happy to hear this, but I can't say it's a complete surprise, either. I've done punch out's, I know how rough they are on my body. I also know that the decision to give up my wings can't be made while I'm still laid up like this. I need time to heal up, and then I'd like to talk some more about it with you."

Mac nodded and snuggled closer to him rubbing her face against his hospital gown, "I should be going soon" she said after a moment.

"Yeah" he said. "I bet Ainsley misses her mama."

"Right now mama is missing her a bit too," she sighed.

"Well, go get our girl" he said with a smile. "Take her home, the two of you and Mattie get a good night's sleep, and you can come back tomorrow. I'll be fine tonight, so don't worry too much."

"We'll be here to see you after supper" Mac assured him. "Ainsley too, if I can manage it."

"That sounds great" he said. "Now go on, you look as tired as I feel."

Mac leaned over him and placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too, baby" he replied.

* * *

Mac, Mattie and Ainsley made the trek to the hospital once a day. Mac made the trip herself twice a day, until four days later when Harm was finally able to come home. He had to use a cane for support, given his legs had weakened from weeks of bed rest, but over all he was healing beautifully from the operation and was now relatively pain free. He still had a couple months of physical therapy ahead of him, as well as the decision of whether or not to turn in his wings, but life was finally looking up for the Rabb Family, and no one was more glad to see that than Harm.

* * *

_**A/N: Yay! Harm's okay - at least, the surgery was a success, but he's still got to decide about his wings. Does he give them up of his own choosing? Does he keep them in hopes he never has to punch out again? Will his wife and children be able to make the decision any easier for him? I'll let you know as soon as I can... :)**_


	83. Chapter 83

_A/N: Sorry for the delay - I've been out-of-town, plus my MS (yes, as in Multiple Sclerosis, known about it for 2 and a half years) is in relapse, making it veeery hard to type (left side of my body is numb). Sorry for any bad typos, but my fingers aren't cooperating. :)_

* * *

Chapter 83: 

Mac sat with Ainsley at her breast about to feed her one Saturday morning a few weeks after Harm's surgery. He had gone to the corner store for bagels. Mattie had slept at a friend's house the previous night, andHarm and Mac were looking forward to a lazy Saturday morning together.

The baby fussed and Mac fumbled with her shirt in order to nurse her. Ainsley was so hungry all the time lately, although that mindset was about to change.

Harm, using but not leaning on his cane, slipped his key into the lock and pushed the front door opened only to be greeted by his baby girl's wails and his wife's cry of pain. "Ouch!"

"What's wrong?" he asked, setting the bakery sack on the counter and tossing his keys beside it.

Mac stared at Harm, amazed at what had just happened. She held the baby out to him.

"She bit me" Mac told him, still in shock.

"Bit you?" he asked, taking Ainsley in his hands. "She has _teeth_? When did that happen?"

"I don't know" Mac said. "All I know is your daughter just bit me and it hurts."

Harm smiled as he tried to comfort the crying baby. "_My _daughter, huh? Seems like she's always mine when she's being a bit of a challenge, have you noticed that, by chance?"

"That's when she reminds me of you" Mac sighed. "Check her mouth see if there's a tooth."

Harm walked over to the sink and managed to wash his hands while still holding Ainsley. He shook the water off, then slipped his finger inside her mouth, feeling around carefully until...

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, pulling his finger from her mouth.

"Got you too, huh?" Mac sighed. "And its only your finger."

"Definitely got a tooth breaking through" he said. "Maybe more than one, but one for sure."

Just then Ainsley started to cry loudly, little arms flailing about as her daddy held her and her mommy continued to keep the sustenance away.

"I think she needs you, babe" he said, handing the baby back to Mac.

"Can you keep her a minute until I stop seeing stars?" Mac asked him. "And tell her not to do that again."

He chuckled. "I don't think me telling her not to do it will make any difference, babe. She's teething, she's gonna chew on anything she can get into her mouth."

"Then I'm in trouble" Mac laughed and took the baby. "Go easy on Mommy, huh angel?"

Mac held Ainsley to her breast, but to her chagrin she wouldn't latch on.

"Come on Ainsley" Mac cooed. "Its okay. Time for breakfast, huh?" Mac directed the baby's mouth to her again and this time Ainsley began to suck, her little tooth scraping Mac's skin but not digging into it as it had before.

"I'm sorry she hurt you, babe" he said as he pulled the bagels from the sack on the counter.

"So was she" Mac sighed as she stroked the baby's cheek. "But I think that's going to happen every now and again so I best buck up about it. Right, pumpkin?" she asked smiling at the baby as she ate.

"Would you like a blueberry or a plain bagel this morning?" he asked as he started the coffee pot.

"That's the only kind you got?" she asked not looking up at him, too focused on Ainsley's precious baby face.

"Yeah" he replied, "was I supposed to get something else?"

"I thought you'd know that I like seeded bagels by now, that's all" Mac sighed, her jovial mood rapidly dissipating as she stared at Ainsley's face.

Harm thought for a second. "I'm sorry" he said, "I've never known you to care too much what kind of bagels we had." The more he looked at her face as she stared down at their daughter, the more he realized there was more going through Mac's mind than bagels.

"Plain is fine" she replied. "Toast it please."

He nodded, picked up a plain bagel and slipped it into the toaster before pouring two glasses of orange juice and placing them on the table. "Want anything on it?" he asked. "Butter, cream cheese?"

"Sure" Mac replied as she worked to detach Ainsley's mouth in order to burp her and switch sides.

"Which one, babe?" he asked as he opened the fridge.

"Whatever is fine" Mac replied patting the baby's back and noticing for the first time that her hand no longer covered it fully as it once had.

"Okay" he said, grabbing the tub of cinnamon flavored cream cheese just as the toaster popped. He prepared Mac's breakfast and set it in front of her before pulling out his chair and sitting down beside her. He didn't say anything, instead he sat and watched her feed Ainsley and waited for her to make the first move.

"She has teeth, Harm" Mac said after ten minutes of steady silence. "Teeth. Do you know what that means?"

He took a sip of his juice. "Means she's growing up."

Mac disconnected the baby again having felt her little mouth go lax and handed her to Harm to burp while she paced around the kitchen. "Exactly. She's growing up. And look how fast, last night just gums, no teeth and this morning..." She snapped her fingers. "Teeth. Just like that. Next thing you know she'll be walking, running all around. Then she'll go off to school and have friends and boyfriends and before we know it she'll havebeen to college, joined the Corp andmarriedsome guy from Fresno who will take her away so we never see her..."

"Whoa, slow down, sweetie" he said to Mac as he put Ainsley against his shoulder. "I know what you mean about things happening so fast with the teeth and all that, but we need to try not to get lost in thinking so much about what she'll be doing a year from now. We need to enjoy every moment we have with her in the present; she won't be a baby forever, and we're supposed to cherish these times, right?"

"Yes, but...What if she ends up hating us? What if she...I'm sorry, honey. I'm getting all crazy but...I don't want...I don't know how to say this. Its in my heart but I can't get it out of my mouth without sounding like a complete idiot."

"Hating us? Mac, what...what's got you so frazzled this morning, babe?" he asked, rising from the chair with the baby. "I know something's upsetting you; is it really Ainsley, or does it go deeper than that?"

"Well, I kind of despise my mother, and while you were in surgery I overhearda girl on the phonesaying she's rather drive around the city in circles than be near her mother...But that's not it. And it's not her, it's...I don't know what it is."

He walked over to her, holding Ainsley with one arm and reaching out to put the other one around Mac. "I think I know" he said softly, pulling her close.

"Do you?" she asked against his chest, glad to be able to hide there for a while.

"I really think I do" he answered gently. "You're feeling sad that our baby is growing up so fast, and that's got you thinking about the next one."

"You're right" she whispered. "But its more than that, too."

"What else is it?" he asked, maintaining his loving grasp around her shoulder.

"I'm just so scared about trying again...I so scared we'll never be able to do it. I had that dream again last night" she confessed.

"Sweetheart" he said, "our dreams have been playing some rotten tricks on us both lately. Don't let anything you see in your subconscious in the middle of the night add to your fear of trying again. It's enough of a challenge without either of us letting things like that make it worse."

"What tricks have they played on you?" she asked wondering if he'd dreamt anything else scary since he'd woken up screaming a few nights after his back went out.

"Making me think you took her and walked out of my life forever" he said, referring to the only nightmare Mac remembered him having recently. "But I know it was just a nightmare, and I'm sure not spending any time thinking about when it may come true because I know it won't."

"You weren't even a little bit scared that the first part would be true, that the surgery would fail? Sometimes part of our dreams are true, and others are manifestations...You can't tell me you weren't the least bit scared about the surgery" Mac challenged as she pulled back to look at him.

"Sure, I was scared" he said, "but it's natural to be scared about something like that, in the same way it's natural to have some level of fear and apprehension about getting back into fertility testing and all that. Some level, though, doesn't have to be all-consuming, babe."

"That's easy to say, but when its happening to you, its not so easy to do" Mac replied moving further away from him.

He knew he had to be understanding of her feelings while being as encouraging and supportive as possible. "I'll be right back" he said as he left the kitchen with Ainsley. He returned a moment later, having placed her into the baby swing and given her a toy to play with. "Come sit out here with me" he asked Mac when he returned to the kitchen, where she was staring out the window above the sink. "You're awfully down this morning, and I'd like to talk some more."

"There's nothing to talk about" Mac replied. "Things are just going to be the way they are."

He nodded. "True." He stepped in close behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders before softly asking "would you come sit in there with me...just so we can be together? We don't have to talk, but we need to be close."

Mac nodded her head slightly and let him lead her to the sofa.

Once there, they sat next to one another, his arm around her shoulders as her head rested on his chest. They watched Ainsley in her swing, alternating between shaking her toy and chewing on it. After a few moments, Harm leaned his head down closer to Mac's. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"She is" Mac agreed. "And our...Harm, I know you want to wait but...I really need to at least get checked. Just to see." she looked up at him, eyes steady not downcast, and not watering, just firm and direct.

"We already decided to get started on that" he said sweetly. "At least, I thought that's what we decided. I'm all for it, especially since you're so ready to get that part of it taken care of."

"Can you call him?" Mac asked, the tiny hint of a smile beginning to show on her face.

He closed the space between them, planting a tender kiss upon her lips. "I can, and I will."

She returned the kiss gently. "You'll call now?"

He nodded. "It's Saturday, but I'll try. First available appointment?"

"As long as it doesn't interfere with your physical therapy" Mac replied. His recovery was still more important to her.

"Understood" he said, giving her one last kiss before rising from the couch and heading towards their bedroom to make the call.

"Harm!" Mac called to him when he was about half way out of the room.

He stopped and returned to the living room. "What, babe?"

"I love you" she said softly. "And I'm sorry I'm neurotic."

"I love you, too" he said with a smile, "and you're far from neurotic. You're...impassioned."

Mac laughed with a bit more heart this time. "Go make that call, and..." She rose and carried his cane to him. "Use the cane next time."

Harm playfully rolled his eyes and reached out to take the cane from her. "If I must" he said, the smile never fading as he turned and continued down the hall.

* * *

"Overall, I feel quite confident that everything will come out fine" said Dr. Kendall as he discussed the testing he was planning for Harm and Mac. 

"Really, doctor?" Mac asked holding tightly to Harm's hand. "I'm just...I'm more nervous this time I guess."

"Perfectly understandable" replied the doctor. "It's been over a year since the initial testing was done, but you're not telling me anything that's causing me to be ultra concerned that things have gone south again in the time since your delivery, which is good."

"Yeah, that's true" Mac replied. "Harm's had the health troubles this year. All I've had was that one incident with the breastfeeding."

"Incident?" queried Dr. Kendall.

"She went through a brief period while I was laid up" said Harm, "where she was tired all the time, had dizzy spells, she fainted a few times. Her interinst put her on iron and vitamin tablets and since then she's been fine." Mac shot daggers at Harm for mentioning the fainting part of that period of ill health, but he ignored her.

"Well, so long as the matter is being taken care of" said Dr. Kendall. "Do you breastfeed your daughter exclusively?"

"No, she has the bottle sometimes" Mac replied. "But she doesn't really like it."

"Bottles of formula or breast milk?" asked the doctor.

"Breast milk!" Mac replied as if shocked he'd suggest anything else.

Harm intervened. "She had formula only once and it didn't turn out very well. She had a very severe reaction to it. She was hospitalized for three days." He shuddered at the memory.

"Wow" said Dr. Kendall. "I'm sorry to hear that happened." He turned to Mac. "This means that basically you _are_ breastfeeding her exclusively, since she's not taking any formula. Do you hope to do this for her entire first year?"

"I was hoping too, except of course for some baby food when her pediatrician says its okay" Mac replied. "Why, is that a problem?"

"Hopefully not" he said as encouraging as he could, "but it could be. The hormones that support breastfeeding can interfere with your cycles, which is why you haven't had a period since before you conceived 14 months ago. As you begin to decrease the number of feedings, your hormones will regulate and your cycles will start up again. It's not impossible for you to become pregnant again before you ever have a period - I've seen some women experience that very thing, though it's rare."

"So what are you saying, Doc?" Harm asked. "If we want to do this she has to stop breastfeeding?"

"I hope it doesn't come to that" replied the doctor. "But if once we're actually ready to begin a treatment cycle, things aren't in a place where we can figure out what her body is doing with regards to ovulation and such; she may not have much choice."

"Well that about sums that up" Mac said. "I can't stop breastfeeding her. She can't have formula and if I can't feed her..."

"Mac" Harm said gently. "Calm down, honey. He didn't say you definitely had to stop and there are all sorts of formulas out there."

"Yes, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall, "please, _please_ don't let anything about this lead you to feel you'll have to abandon the nursing before you or your daughter is ready. Before I'd ask you to stop completely, we'd try scaling back a little at a time, just until we reached the point where your cycles started up again. Beyond that, you'd be free to nurse her as long as you wished."

Mac let out a sigh of relief. "I wouldn't want to have to wean her before she's a year if I don't have to. But what if I do? What does she eat then?"

"By about 9 months" said the doctor, "which is the timetable we're looking at, she'd be able to eat enough other things in conjunction with the breastfeeding that she'd be just fine."

"Could we ever try her on another kind of formula?" Harm asked in spite of Mac's nails now digging into his skin. He turned to her, "It's a fair question, honey."

"Sure, you could" said the doctor without hesitation. "If necessary, she could even go on a special hypo-allergenic formula for a couple of months. Try to remember, Sarah, that we're still looking at a span of another 4 or 5 months before we're ready to do any treatment. By then she'll be on baby food and even a few finger foods such as Cheerios and the like. Worst case scenario, as far as the breastfeeding goes at that time would be you'd have to cut back to a couple of times a day, and she'd get the remainder of her nutrition from the solid foods and a couple bottles of formula each day."

"But she...I'm just not comfortable with the formula after what happened the last time" Mac sighed. "You know that, Harm."

"Yes, I do, and I'm not either, but...Mac, this is something we need to talk about later" he told her. "For now, let's just decide what tests need to be done when."

"One other possibility before we discuss the testing" said Dr. Kendall, "if you're afraid of the whole formula issue, you could pump and freeze as much milk as possible as we get nearer to beginning treatment. That way you'd have it to use for up to three months after that. Would you feel better about doing it that way?"

"Much" Mac replied. "I just can't risk it again. I just can't."

"No reason why you should even have to worry about that" the doctor said with a warm smile. "Now, let's talk a bit about the testing you both need within the following months. As before, Commander, yours is pretty simple and straight forward."

Harm laughed a little at the fact that Dr. Kendall still called Mac by her first name, yet called him by rank. "Do I have to do that again?" he asked sincerely. "I mean, the results were okay last time, and we know the problem so..."

"I won't say you absolutely have to" replied the doctor. "However since it's been over a year since the date of your last test, I feel it'd be in your best interest to repeat it. I'm willing to put money on everything being just fine, as it was before, but you never know for sure without checking."

"Well again its nothing compared to her portion of things so, why not?" Harm sighed. "Does she have to have anything different?" he asked. "Nothing is going to hurt her, will it?"

"Harm, except for the HSG, nothing last time really hurt" Mac replied smiling a small smile at his concern.

"I can't say everything will be free of pain for her" said the doctor sympathetically, "but no, I don't see us needing to do anything other than what we did initially. I want to repeat the hysterosalpingogram to make sure her tubes are still clear, I'll run a few different blood tests as we get closer to beginning treatment, and I don't plan to repeat the laparoscopy unless something surprises me with the HSG."

Harm sighed. "There's no way around that one, the HSG?" He always hated to see her in pain but now that she was his wife, truly his in every way, it gutted him to even think of her having any sort of discomfort, especially when there was no reward immediately following.

"Sorry" said Dr. Kendall, "there's no way we can begin treatment again without repeating that one. If her tubes have become clogged or blocked since the first one, all our efforts at conception would be in vain and we wouldn't know it. I can prescribe some pain killers for her to take beforehand this time, since she had a bit of a tough time with the first procedure, and that should help a great deal."

"I can handle it Harm" Mac replied. "It'll be okay, you'll see."

"I wish we could skip it" said the doctor, "I know it's among the least fun things I make you endure, but it does have an important purpose."

Harm remained silent and nodded while Mac squeezed his hand. "So when do we start the testing?" she asked.

"Much like last time" began the doctor, "we can do your husband's test pretty much any time, and we'll set up your HSG as soon as we get some blood work done to see where your body is at cycle-wise and to make certain you're not pregnant already."

Mac gave a harsh laugh. "We're not that lucky, Dr. Kendall. I thought once, but no."

"I'm sorry" said the doctor. "It seems like a ridiculous thing to test my patients for, but in cases such as yours where you've conceived in the past and now you're nursing and your cycles aren't regulated yet, it's a necessary evil. We certainly wouldn't want to do anything to harm an existing pregnancy."

"We understand, doctor" said Harm, gently squeezing his wife's hand. "It's just the disappointment a few weeks ago was pretty big, so the idea of needing a pregnancy test seems extra cruel."

"I'm sure it does" replied Dr. Kendall. "But once we get it out of the way and figure out where we're at in the game, we'll get the HSG booked and go from there. Sound okay to the both of you?"

They both nodded, but Mac still slid closer to Harm for support, the sting of their last disappointment still very much alive.

"Were there any other questions either of you had for me today?" asked the doctor.

"Yeah, just one," Harm spoke up to Mac's surprise. "Do you thinkwe need to start using birth control from now on or would it be okay if she did happen to get pregnant in the swing of things?"

"It'd be perfectly alright with me if you found yourselves blessed in that way" said Dr Kendall with a smile. "There's no need to be concerned about birth control of any kind right now. Granted, if your wife did conceive before we began treatment, she may not know it if her cycles haven't begun because, obviously, she wouldn't miss one. That's exactly why I have to run a pregnancy test before we do anything, but if it comes back positive, we'll be just as excited as you two."

"Thanks, Doc" Harm replied with a warm smile. "You have any questions for him?" he asked Mac.

"No, I think we covered everything for now" Mac replied.

"Wonderful" said the doctor as he rose from his seat. "Just give the office a call when you're ready to get started, or if you think of anything else you need to ask me."

"We will" Harm replied reaching out to shake the doctor's hand.

"It's good to see you both again" said Dr. Kendall, "though I'm sorry there's a need to do this again. You'll do fine, though; I've got faith in you."

Mac smiled and rose to stand next to Harm. "Thank you for that, Dr. Kendall. I have a feeling we'll need it."

* * *

Later that night after Ainsley was fed and Mattie was in for the night, Harm and Mac lay in bed together, bodies entwined. She'd clung to him since they left the doctor's office and he'd been content to let her, promising himself he'd address it when they were alone in bed that night. Now, though, the time was here and he wasn't sure what to say, so he let his heart lead. 

"Did he say what you expected him to, babe?" he asked.

"Pretty much, yeah" Mac replied as she ran her hand over his chest. "I didn't expect him to say that I had to stop breastfeeding though."

"He didn't say that" said Harm softly. "The way it sounds, you might not even have to cut back on it, but even if you do it won't be for a few more months."

"I'm going to have to, I just sense that" Mac replied. "And I'm really not looking forward to the HSG."

"Yeah, that wasn't a lot of fun the first time around" he said as he reached out for her hand. "It makes sense why he wants to do it again, though. No reason to do a treatment cycle unless we know everything is in good shape."

"What if its not?" she asked so softly he barely heard her.

"If it's not" he replied, equally soft, "we'll deal with it when we're faced with it. I know how hard it is not to worry, but let's really try not to borrow trouble, babe."

"Okay," Mac sighed. "How are you doing? You were up a lot today after therapy, and I forgot to ask."

"I'm fine" he answered, his fingers locked with hers. "It's getting easier, the therapy. I can already say, after only a couple weeks, that I'd have the surgery again in a minute if I had to. Life is so much better when I'm not living it in bed."

"I imagine so" Mac smiled at him. "No more cramps or anything I need to fix?" she asked as she continued to play with his chest, finger running over the nipple.

"Hmm...nope, none" he said, shivering a bit under her touch.

She leaned over and placed a kiss on his chest where she was playing, "I'm glad."

"Me, too" he replied. "I do miss those massages, though."

"Oh, yeah?" she asked. "Which part do you miss? The pain, the numbness...anything in particular?" she asked with another kiss to his nipple.

"Oh, none of those" he answered, his heart beginning to beat a little bit faster. "The massages themselves, that's all."

"You know what you have to do to get one?" Mac asked as she ran the tip of her index finger around his now aroused flesh.

"No" he said softly. "Do tell me."

"Oh, I think you know" Mac replied, enjoying the affect she was having on him.

He took a hold of her face and pulled it close to his own before he sweetly kissed her lips. "That?" he asked with a wink and a smile.

"Nope" she replied and shook her head with a wicked smile. "But that was a very good try."

He took her shoulders and gently rolled her onto her back and leaned his upper body against hers. "Give you one first?" he asked, his voice low and sensual.

"You're thinking is too complex" Mac replied. "But this could work. It is a very simple thing, my love."

"Simple, hmm?" he said as he brushed the hair off her forehead. He appeared to be thinking when a smile came across his face, and he leaned down against her shoulder so he could whisper into her ear. "May I have a massage, my love?"

"All you had to do was ask" Mac replied. "That's all you ever have to do."

"But sometimes" he said, "guessing is more fun." He slowly pressed his lips to hers once again.

"No" she whispered and pulled away from his kiss.

He was confused. "What's wrong, beautiful?"

"No kissing, no touching, not yet" Mac replied as she slipped out of bed and moved over to his side. "Lie on your back in the middle of the bed."

"Giving orders now, are we, Marine?" he asked with a soft smile as he turned over.

"I'm very good at that, so I've been told" Mac smiled. "I want to play, you game?" She asked with a wicked spark in her eye.

"With you" he said, "always. What'd you have in mind?"

"Well basically you lie there and let me tend to you, and you can't do anything but talk to me. No touching, no kissing. I can touch you and kiss you all I want, but you can't."

He laughed a little. "Let me guess, your latest issue of Cosmo came?"

"Nah, this was in last months" Mac replied. "This months I didn't get to yet."

"Sounds...interesting" he said with a grin. "Do we get to trade places halfway through?"

"Not this time, but you can do me tomorrow night. If this works neither one of us will be able to move until morning" she said with a glimmer in her eye.

"Hmm..." he replied. "Well, what are you waiting for? Incapacitate us, my love."

Mac rubbed her hands together and gently placed him at the base of his neck. Shebegan to rub in slow circles at the muscles there, a few or which she found to be pinched and tense. She used her fingertips to get into the small crevices of tissue and awaited his feedback.

"That's nice, babe" he sighed.

"I'm glad" Mac replied. "The key to this is feedback." She continued working on his neck for a little while before she dipped down and worked on his shoulders feeling the strength he'd built there since his injury.

"Mmmm..." he moaned. "I like it."

"That's good, sweetie" she whispered. "Anything tense or sore? Or just keep going down?"

"Keep going" he answered softly. "You know what I like."

"Yeah I do" she whispered, and leaned forward to place a warm kiss on his breastbone. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

"Yes" he answered, "though I think 'beautiful' is a word far better suited to you."

"No" she replied. "A man can be beautiful when he's strong and solid and sturdy, just like you are." She lifted her body up and ran her hands over his chest before massaging his pecs.

"You...you're good at this game" he said, closing his eyes and enjoying himself.

"You need a little help" she replied. "You've got to tell me how what I'm doing makes you feel. Did I leave that out?"

"Yeah, you did" he said, "but I can oblige."

Mac kept massaging his chest, "Go on."

"This makes me feel…" he thought for a moment, "like you see me as a strong person in your life."

"Oh yeah" she whispered leaning over to take one tight nipple in her teeth. "Why's that?"

His breath hitched as he felt her teeth against his body. "I'm not...not exactly sure. I guess maybe because you're always saying that's what I am. It feels good, your words and your touch."

"I'm glad, sweetie. I want you to feel good" she whispered, moving her hands lower to his stomach gently rubbing there. "You're losing that handle, sailor."

"Not eating for two weeks will do that" he said softly.

"Don't I know it" she replied. "I lost weight too." She ran her finger along to soft skin on his side.

"I like that" he said. "I'm feeling...like we made it through a crisis together, but we've both been a bit changed by it. The love handle you loved so much is gone, but so is our pain from the whole matter with my back."

"I'm glad it's gone, even if I do miss you needing me" Mac replied as she began to run her hands across his hard abdomen, inserting her little finger into his naval to play there for a few seconds.

He laughed a bit. "That tickles."

"Does it?" she asked her voice growing husky. "How about this?" She leaned over him and began to run kisses down his body from the point between his nipples down to his belly button. When she reached that goal she inserted her tongue into the tiny hole and made slow, moist circles around its circumference.

"Mmm...God, baby" he purred. "That just feels...really good."

"Uh, uh" she scolded. "Emotional feelings, Harm" she reminded him and did it again, even slower.

"You're such a stickler" he said playfully as he thought about his emotions. "I'm feeling...sentimental, thinking back to when I used to dream about doing these things with you. Do you have any idea how...good that feels right now...?"

"Nope" she whispered. "How good _does_ it feel?" she whispered, tongue leaving his navel and working its way back up his body until she reached his right nipple, which was highly aroused and sensitive. She took it into her mouth and sucked on it, using her tongue to bathe it gently after she bit down.

"Almost as good as that" he gasped. "How come I don't get to touch you?" he added, his eyes once again closed as he enjoyed the sensations she was invoking on his body.

"I don't know, that's the rule" Mac replied. "It's supposed to help one person to not always be the aggressor or something" she replied moving to his other nipple to give it equal attention.

He sighed, melting into the bed as she worked her magic. "I don't think we're very 'aggressive' in bed, really. Do you?"

"Maybe that wasn't the right word, but usually you are the initiator" Mac replied. "Not that I mind but that can be burdensome after awhile."

"Well, if this is your version of initiation" he whispered, "by all means, relieve me of the burden."

Mac lay across him a moment and took his lips in a soft kiss, one that said "I love you" not "I want you." Then she moved to the side and stepped away from the bed.

"Where are you going, baby?" he asked her, his voice soft and low as he remained sprawled out in the center of the bed.

"Oh, I'm done now" she replied. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You're _done_?" he exclaimed, hoping she was merely toying with him, as she so often did. "Okay" he sighed, sitting up enough to reach the covers and slowly begin to pull them over himself. "I'll keep that in mind tomorrow night, you know, when it's your turn in the hot seat. Enjoy your shower, sweetie" he added before turning over and smiling to himself.

"Not so fast, Flyboy" Mac laughed. "You used to be able to take a joke. Drop those covers and don't move again if you know what's good for you."

"Yes, ma'am" he chuckled as he tossed the covers back towards the foot of the bed.

A moment later Mac returned with peppermint scented massage oil and a few towels.

Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and before she took the oil in her hands, she slipped her hand beneath his waistband and tugged. "Lift up, sailor."

He raised his eyebrow and smiled just a little as he obliged her request.

A moment later, Mac had slid Harm's shorts down his legs, revealing to her view exactly how excited he had become just from her touch. She reached out and skimmed her hand over the most excited areas of his body. "Having fun yet?" she asked huskily.

She smiled a little. "Not really," she replied. "But I will be." This as she reached for the oil and poured a bit into her hands.

"I'm gonna come out of this little endeavor smelling like a candy cane, aren't I?" he asked in a boyish, sexy voice.

"Yes, but feeling a whole lot better than you have in a long time. Peppermint is relaxing and good for pain and stiffness" Mac replied rubbing her hands together and placing them on his right leg rubbing gently.

He was silent for a few moments as she worked. "It's nice to be able to enjoy this" he eventually whispered. "Not that I didn't enjoy all the times you did it over the past few weeks, but..."

"You didn't enjoy it," Mac said. "I know that, I know your body, remember?" She continued to massage his thigh muscle moving slowly down his legs until she reached his knee cap. Then she ceased her ministrations a moment and placed a kiss there. "What's this doing for you, baby?"

"Making me contemplate the value of a shower" he answered comically. "A very cold one."

"You won't need that" Mac replied. "I"ll take care of you, you'll see." This as she moved her hands lower to concentrate on his well formed calf. "I love your legs, did I ever tell you that. So long and sexy...beautiful."

He sighed; her hands felt so good. "You have" he answered softly. "I remember when we were first trying for Ainsley; one night you said it was a toss-up between my legs and my six as your favorite feature of mine."

"I think I solved that dilemma" she replied running her hands up and down his calf, working the muscles until they were soft under her touch.

"Glad to hear it" he said, shifting against the pillow and sliding a little deeper into the bed.

"Okay, your choice" Mac said gently. "I can do the other leg first or I can work on your foot and then the other leg. Which would you like?"

"Other leg" he answered. "Stir it up a bit, ya know?" He smiled and gave her a little wink.

"You are not doing your part, though sailor" Mac scolded. "You're supposed to be talking to me while I do this." She rose and moved to start on his other leg, this time starting at the bottom and working her way up.

"I'm sorry" he sighed, "I'll try to do better."

"Good" Mac replied as she moved in slow circles over his other leg. She knew what it made her feel inside, but she wanted to hear his feelings.

"I'm...I'm trying to figure out what emotions go with this, baby" he said, eyes once more closed and hands behind his head. "Truth is, when you're touching me, it's all I can do to communicate in the English language. That's what being with you like this does to me...and I love it."

Mac moved her hands and her attentions higher concentrating on the inside of his thigh. His words were so beautiful that last time - she made him incoherent, and he loved it - it made her eyes well up until one tear escaped and fell upon his leg.

"That feels really nice, Mac" he whispered as she gently massaged his thigh. "You know just how to do that to make me melt."

She sniffed back the emotions clogging her throat, "Well I aim to please," she replied as she let her hand brush againstall the right placesas she finished his leg.

"You meant to do that, didn't you?" he asked playfully, opening his eyes just a bit.

"You bet" she replied moving away from him again and settling herself sideways at the end of the bed.

Mac took one of his feet and placed it gently on her lap. She ran her hand over the edge of it first tracing the outline, and then she ran her fingers gently up the sole from heel to toe before she began to massage the limb.

"Mmm..." was all he could think of to say.

"You like that, baby?" she asked, fingers working on the arch of his foot rubbing away the tension she felt there from daily abuse. She remembered something she read once about how the nerves in the feet connected to other nerves in the body so she asked softly, "Got any aches in this body, baby?" she asked.

"Shoulders are a little tight" he answered, his voice indicating how lost he was in what she was doing with his foot.

Mac closed her eyes to recall the position on his foot that would help loosen his shoulders and moved her fingers there pressing gently then increasing the pressure slightly. "How's that feel?"

"Oh, wow..." he sighed. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"So you tell me" she replied. "How're those shoulders?"

"A little better" he answered quietly, "but they'd be a lot better with your hands on them."

"I"ll get there" she whispered, leaning over to run her lips across the top of his foot before she shifted the other one into her lap. "You know, you...I can't believe how strong you are, I mean emotionally strong," Mac said as she worked her touch very light this time on his other foot.

"Only because I have you in my life" he said. "You still touching me?"

"Yes" she whispered and continued to rub the bottom of his foot lightly. "I don't think that's true," she replied not pressing any harder.

"It is" he said with certainty. "These last few weeks, I could have gone through them without you, but I hate to think about what that would have been like. You're the one who kept me sane in my worst moments, baby." He quieted and focused on the barely-there touches she was placing on his foot. "That feels amazing..."

"Sometimes I wonder..." she began but stopped. This was supposed to be about him.

"Wonder about what?" he asked, taking in a deep, relaxing breath.

"If you notice how much I've changed. I notice and sometimes I don't really like it" she confessed setting his foot down on the bed and moving to sit near his head.

"If you've changed" he said, reaching out to touch her hand, "it's only been because _we've _changed. Look at everything we have now that only a couple years ago was a dream; a wish that we weren't sure would ever be granted. I love you like crazy, Mac, changes and all."

With a warm smile that lit her entire face she replied, "I love you too. Are you ready for round two?" she asked him hand going to hold onto his.

"Very much so" he answered with a smile that rivaled hers.

"Roll over onto your belly" she requested. "I'll be careful of the cut, I promise."

With careful precision, Harm did as he was asked and assumed a position on his stomach in the center of their bed.

Mac poured more oils onto her hands and began to massage the base of his neck. "Lots of knots in here, baby. Why?"

"Dunno" he muttered. "Think you can get rid of them for me?"

"I'll do my best" Mac replied and set to work on the knots. "These don't pinch you?" she asked.

"Nuh-uh" he answered. "Just tight is all."

"I get these too" she replied using a gentler touch as the knots gave way. "You think at all about when you might go back to JAG?"

"Might go back half days by the middle of next week" he said quietly. "Dr. Peddie won't clear me for full duty until I get a few more weeks of PT behind me."

"How is the PT going?" she asked moving from his now pliant neck to his shoulders. "Let me know when I hit the sore spot" she told him.

"I will" he said. "It's good; doesn't hurt as much now as the first couple sessions."

"You never told me" she replied rubbing his tight muscles. "I could have helped."

"It's okay" he said. "It wasn't anything terrible; just normal stuff for my kind of operation. Oooh, right there..." he said as she hit the spot in his shoulders that ached more than the rest.

"Oh, I see" she whispered pressing her fingers a bit deeper into his flesh. "Working out too hard in PT?"

"I try not to" he said, "but I'm ready to be back to 100 percent and sometimes I get a little over-zealous. Aah! Right there, yeah, ooh, that feels good..."

"I'm glad, baby" Mac whispered lightening her touch as the tension lessened. "If you push yourself too hard you'll do more harm than good" Mac scolded gently. "And next time you come home sore, please tell me. How's that now?"

"That's...really nice" he sighed against his pillow.

"Can I move on or does it need more attention?" she asked softly.

"It's better now, baby" he answered in a low voice. "You can move on."

She kissed her way across his back until she reached the other shoulder then set to work there. "This one tight too, it doesn't feel as bad."

"It's not" he confirmed. "Just the right side, but it's better."

"You still favoring your right side?" she asked

He nodded as much as he was able while lying face-down against his pillow. "Doc says that'll get better once the muscles he worked with stretch fully. No biggie, baby."

"I just want to make sure you're okay" Mac sighed working her way down his back, gently tracing the scar resulting from Dr. Peddie's cut.

"I am" he said, softly and simply. "The worst is behind me, and I've got you beside me. Life's...so good."

"Have you talked to Dr. Smith?" Mac asked, praying he'd say "No" but knowing better.

"Two days ago" he answered quietly. "The choice is still up to me."

"And?" she prompted. "When is your physical?"

"In 6 weeks" he said. "But let's not talk about this right now, baby. I don't want to talk about neurologists or flight surgeons or PT or flight physicals, I want to...just be in the here and now...with you."

"You have me" she whispered. "I love you so much. I missed you so much" she whispered her hands running down his back.

He rolled onto his side, reached his arms up and pulled her into a passionate embrace as he slid his hand behind her head to bring her in for a kiss.

"Mmm, Harm no" Mac gasped. "We're not finished."

"I know" he said as he kissed her. "But I can't keep my hands off you another second."

"But we're...we're not supposed to..." She whispered her protest dying in her throat as she assaulted her lips with his.

"I don't care what _Cosmo_ says we're not supposed to do" he whispered as he pulled away from her lips only long enough to speak his piece. "I've missed you, Mac. God, I've..." He pressed his lips against hers once again.

"I didn't..." she gasped. "Mean the _Cosmo_." Yet she still surrendered to his kiss.

"The doctor?" he asked as his lips moved to her neck.

"Yes" she gasped and arched her neck to give him better access. "You're still not healed."

"Close enough" he countered breathily, "as long as you do most of the work. I need you, baby."

"Yes you do" she replied. "I guess my plan worked a little too well, huh?"

"Far as I'm concerned" he said as his lips continued to work on her neck, "it worked beautifully." He moved his lips back to her mouth and resumed their impassioned kiss from before.

"I need you to touch me" Mac whispered in between kisses. "You know where."

He didn't question her; he didn't have to. As he maintained their sweet kiss, he reached out one hand to feel her breasts through her night shirt. First one, then the other; gently, then a little harder.

Mac shuddered under his touch and whimpered, "Oh" she moaned then whispered a barely audible, "Off. Off."

"Sit up for a second" he said quietly as he pulled away from her just a little.

Unsure of why he made that request Mac struggled to sit herself up as he'd asked. "What are you going to do?" she asked breathily.

"Give you what you asked for" he replied, himself working hard for breath as he sat up, took a hold of the bottom of her shirt and lifted it towards her upper body. Once he had it off of her, he tossed it onto the floor beside the bed, and sat for a short moment in reverie of the sight before him.

"What?" she asked him as she gently touched his cheek when she noticed her was staring.

He shook his head a little. "You're just...so amazing..."

"Show me" she whispered leaning her head towards him. "I need you to touch me. I need you..."

He reached out and pulled her into another powerful kiss, lying back as he did so and bringing her with him. His hand returned to work on her breasts, gently brushing over the tops of them in the way he knew she loved.

Again, all she could offer was pathetic whimpers in response to his touch. He knew exactly how to touch her, how to caress her, how to make her feel perfect, safe, and most of all loved.

"You like that?" he asked, moving his lips to her left collarbone as he continued his caresses.

She was beyond any ability for speech, it was all she could do to breathe, in fact she was holding her breath unintentionally, as his fingers moved over her skin.

He knew her silence was his answer. As his lips focused on her collarbone and shoulder, his hand drifted from her breasts down to her stomach, where he continued to administer feather-light touches.

Again he was met with tiny whimpers, this time joined by the lifting of her hips telling him silently what she needed.

"Do you want something, my love?" he asked, deciding that night was going to bring anything but a hurried experience.

"You..." she managed. "I need you...I..."

Capturing her lips with his own once more, he slowly slid his hand down from her stomach to the place she was begging for him to go. He slipped a finger beneath the waistband of her panties, sliding it from left to right and back again before moving it back towards her stomach.

"That's where it will be" she whispered once he lifted his lips from hers for air.

"I know" he replied with a smile and a whisper as his hand rested just over her womb. "It'll be amazing..."

"Give me a baby, Harm" she whispered. "Please."

"Sshh..." he said, moving his hand up to cup her face. "We talked about this, my love. It's...it's not time yet...another few months and-"

"We can just...we can hope for a miracle though, can't we?" she asked softly. "You know, just see what happens."

He smiled at her again, his hand moving from her face as he leaned in to kiss her. "Yeah, we can."

She responded to his kiss by softly speaking against his lips, "I'm sorry we have to do it...you know...that we can't just do it when we want."

"We can't _conceive_ when we want" he whispered, "but we can give fate a chance any time we feel like it."

"I'm not sure I can wait too much longer" Mac gasped. "I'm ready." She meant that in more ways than one.

"Are you?" he asked in a breathy whisper, and ran his hand down her soft leg . "Nah, I don't think you are. Almost, maybe."

"Almost? What do you mean?" she gasped.

"I mean you aren't ready" he replied with a flyboy grin. "You aren't desperate enough, Mac." With that he slipped two long fingers underneath the band of her panties and pulled at them sliding them over her hips just the tiniest bit, then pausing to kiss a line from left to right. He did this as he bore each inch of skin until finally there was no clothing left between them.

"Mmmmm, God, you're so...'" she whispered. "I can't get much more desperate..."

"I want you to beg me, Mac" he whispered as he kissed a line up the inside of her leg, purposefully avoiding the one place she wanted him to go. "I want you to tell me how much you want me. I want you to tell me what you want" he demanded gently as he began to kiss her other leg, this time from the thigh downward.

"Your hands" she whispered. "I want them so bad, sailor..."

'Where do you want them, baby?" he asked her as he neared her foot. Wanting to tease her, to drive her wild with passion he touched one. "Here?"

She shook her head. "Up here" she replied. "All the way up here..."

Running his hands up her legs he moved towards her face and put one large hand on either cheek before kissing her deeply. "Here?"

She replied with a soft nod, allowing her lips to meld with his.

He held her face in his hands running calloused thumbs over smooth flesh, settling his body over hers. "Why here?" he asked breathless from their kiss.

"Because" she answered, equally out-of-breath, "I've never been kissed by anyone else the way you kiss me...it makes me melt..."

He leaned down and kissed her again, softly at first, then pressed his tongue into her mouth. Finally he pulled back and gave her a tiny peck on the lips before showering her face with tiny little kisses. "I love you so much, Mac" he told her as they lay forehead to forehead. "Tell me now. Tell me what you want." This time he said it like a lowly servant catering to the needs of a lovely goddess instead of hungry voracious sailor with an oversized ego. "Tell me, baby."

It was almost unbearably tempting to beg him to finish everything off at that point, but they hadn't been together like this in weeks, not since the honeymoon, and she was determined to dig down deep and find the power to hang on. "I still want your hands" she answered. "All over..."

Harm shifted his weight to his knees and began to run his hands down her arms, rubbing up and down until finally he slid them over to caress her breasts. All capacity of coherent speech left her for that moment as his hands moved about her most sensitive regions. Once she found her voice again, all she could do was beg, but not in the way he was expecting her to.

"Mmmmm...keep doing that..." she whined.

At that request Harm felt the tiniest bit of disappointment, he was aching to be inside of her, to love her, but if this is what she wanted he'd oblige her...for now. He continued to massage her body, all over.

"Is this what you want, baby?" he asked breathlessly. "Or is this?" He pressed his lower body against her tummy.

"Hands" she said, knowing he was ready to move ahead and desiring to tease him as long as she was able to. "God, that feels so...mmmm...do that...keep doing that..."

Again he obliged her, even though his entire body ached for her, he could never deny her anything she wanted. He kept touching her until it dawned on him, she was beating him at his own game. He moved his hands back just as he massaged her most sensitive spot with a little more power, then he simply stopped.

She smiled to herself; he was on to her little ploy, but she wasn't about to let that stop her. "Don't stop" she begged softly as he heart threatened to pound out of her chest. "That feels so good, please..."

"I...I have to have you, baby" he whispered moving his hand again so it pressed against her. "Please, I...I need you so bad."

"In a minute" she replied in a heated whisper as his hands made contact with her body. "Keep doing that...oh, wow..."

He did, he kept touching her hard then soft then harder still, until she was writhing beneath him. "I..I need you, Mac..."."

"I know" she gasped, realizing as she continued to writhe beneath his touch that while she was loving this devious little attack, it was becoming difficult for him to manage. "Slower..." she said, "slow down..."

He did, he rubbed her slower and moved slower slowing the fast paced rhythm they'd fallen into to a slow steady waltz, and ancient waltz known only by true lovers.

"Better, baby?" he asked, still massaging her, his movements becoming sloppy, less calculated as he fought for control over his body.

"Mm-hmm" she whimpered, loving every move he made. "You can stop now...it's okay..."

"Is it?" he asked. "I...I need you but I...I need you to be happy even more" he whispered. "Tell me. Is it...Can I?"

"Not til you come back up here" she whispered. "I wanna ask you something."

Again he obliged her, using every ounce of strength he had left to make it. Finally he laid over her hip to hip and forehead to forehead. "What is it?" he asked softly, worried about what she'd have to say now at such a moment.

"Did that drive you wild?" she asked softly, moving her hands up and down his back as she spoke. "Touching me like that, did you like that?"

"I...Yes..." He breathed. "I loved it..." he moaned. "You...you are...I can never get enough of being...Oh God."

"Ssh..." she soothed, sensing that he was even closer to the edge than he was letting on, if such a thing was possible. "I loved it, too" she whispered. "I always love it when you do that to me. You always take care of me...always put me ahead of yourself..."

He wanted so desperately to continue to do that, but he wasn't sure if he could last. Still, he needed to respond to those loving words. "I have to" he replied. "You are more important. Without you...I have nothing Mac, nothing. No purpose, no direction..."He pressed his hips against hers a bit to relieve the ache and gently touched her chest with one finger. "No heart."

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. "You're so amazing" she said, determined not to cry. "I've missed this..."

"Me too, baby" he replied and meant it. He didn't want to press her or ask her again to enter her so he held fast. "I'm just glad we have it now, that we made it. I couldn't have made it without you, I wouldn't have wanted to, not this time. I love you so much."

"I love you, too" she answered softly, succeeding at keeping the tears inside as she slid her legs out from beneath his and haphazardly intertwined the two. "You feel up to doing all the work, flyboy?"

"Only if you're ready" he whispered. "Only if it's okay."

"I'm ready" she returned tenderly, a bit concerned about his back, but trusting he'd be as careful as he needed to be. "Show me how much you love me, baby."

And he did. Slowly, he raised his hips and entered her with infinite care and gentleness. He established a slow rhythm not rushing himself or her, although it was building for both of them the entire time they'd been touching. He placed kisses about her face the entire time, worshipping her with his lips and his body until finally neither could hold out any longer.

"Come here" she whispered afterwards, gently pulling his upper body towards hers as they both worked at catching their breath.

Harm slid up until he was lying against her and snuggled close. "What?" he asked thinking she needed him or wanted something.

She leaned over and kissed his lips, very softly and gently. "Did it hurt your back?" she asked mindlessly running her fingers through his hair.

"Not really" he replied. "I don't want to think about that. Just..."

She snuggled in closer to him. "It was nice; almost forgot how much I missed it until we had it back, you know?"

He touched his lips to her shoulder very gently. "I do. Mac?"

"Hmm?" she replied, placing a hand on his chest.

"Can you...Would you hold me tonight?" he asked. He felt the need to be in her arms, head pillowed by her breast. He didn't know why, but he went with his feelings.

"I'd love to hold you" she answered tenderly. "All night long, that is if our first little miracle will sleep through the night." She slid her free hand down to her abdomen.

He reached his hand over to cover hers. "Who knows. Maybe we made another one."

"I don't want to...I don't want to put that on this" she replied. "This was too beautiful all on its own."

"It was" he agreed softly. "But it's okay for us to hope and wonder, isn't it?"

"It is" Mac replied. "I love being like this. Just laying here holding each other like this. It's wonderful."

"I can't think of too many things I love more than this" he said, placing a kiss on her neck. "I think not being able to be together for the past few weeks makes this mean even more."

"Yeah, we should go without more often" Mac teased gently. "Seriously, did it hurt you?"

"Little bit" he admitted, "but not even as much as the night on the beach. I'm okay."

"I'm glad you are," Mac replied. "I...I'm..."

"What?" he asked as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she lay beside him.

"I'm not sure I could do that again, that's all" she confided. "I'm not sure I could handle it. I barely managed this time."

"You mean tonight?" he asked, hoping he hadn't done anything that hurt her. "Or do you mean on the beach?"

"No, sweetie" Mac replied. "Nothing about that. I meant you like that...I just can't. I don't ever want to do that again."

"Oh, I see" he said softly, reaching for her hand to hold. "I hope we never have to do that again, either, although we don't always get the things we want in life. Heck, look at what it takes for us to have a baby."

"But we will, won't we?" Mac asked knowing if he said it it would be so no matter what. "We'll have another baby. A son. Won't we?"

"We will" he said with a squeeze of her hand. "It doesn't matter to me if it's a son or not, I just want another baby between the two of us. Several more, if you want to know the truth."

"Harm" Mac said her voice cracking. "I don't know how many I can..."

"Hey, don't cry" he said, wrapping his arm around her. "However many more we get to have, that'll be just fine with me. I'd be lying if I said I don't hope for a few more, but when I think about how blessed we are to have Ainsley and about how some couples in our position never have a successful treatment cycle, it's kind of hard to complain too much."

"Will you promise me something?" Mac asked.

"Of course" he answered.

"Promise me we'll have one more baby. no matter what" she whispered, knowing it was going to be impossible for him to do but desperately needing to hear his strong voice give her his promise.

"I...I can't promise you that, my love" he said, wishing with all in him that he could. "I can, though, swear to you on my life and yours that we'll do everything we feel we can do to have one. We make such beautiful babies; it'd be a shame not to try as hard as we can."

"And I know you mean that" Mac whispered. "I just need to hear you say it, Harm. That was the one thing I could always count on. If you said it, then I knew it was true, even when your words hurt."

"We'll do everything we can to make it happen" he said tenderly. "It'd be amazing if we actually did it this time and could go tell Dr. Kendall he can take this try off, but I know that's not very likely."

"I know it isn't" Mac said firmly. "Don't ask me how."

"Yeah" he sighed. "The old adage that it'll happen when we least expect it; after what we went through before, I just don't buy it anymore."

Mac shook her head. "Harm, I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay?"

"Okay" he agreed, shifting in bed beside her as he thought about a change of subject. "Is Mattie getting over that guy from astronomy class?"

"I don't know" Mac replied. "She hasn't talked to me about it. Harm, I think she's seeing him still."

"Still?" asked Harm. "I didn't think she was ever 'seeing him' in the first place. Do you know something I don't?"

"Call it mother's intuition, but she's dating someone and I think it's that guy" Mac replied. "I know teenagers, babe."

He sighed. "Parenting a teenager is so confusing."

"You said that right" Mac sighed and abruptly sat up in bed and slid out of his reach.

He looked at her quizzically. "You okay?"

"Fine" she replied. "I just remembered I'm mad at you, that's all."

His eyes grew wide with panic. "Mad at me? Wh...what'd I do...or not do?"

"You broke a promise" she said going into a full on pout.

His mind began racing over everything he could remember promising her in recent times. "You're gonna have to help me out here, Mac. I can't think of any promise I've broken."

"You did it when you were hurt," she said playfully. "I can't believe you don't remember it. Maybe you just don't want to have to do it."

"If I promised you I'd do something" he said, "I'm sure I want to do it, but can I have a little hint, baby?"

"It required us being very nice to Bud and Harriet" Mac supplied. "Or the Admiral, since he did such a good job last time."

Suddenly it came back to him, and he realized she had it all wrong. "Oooh yeah" he said, "something about leaving Ainsley with any of them and taking a romantic trip to the Cape, which I do believe, my love, was _your_ idea."

"But you promised we could" Mac replied. "That and its fun to play with your head, sailor."

He couldn't hold back his smile. "You're just another of the long line of women who only want me for what's in my head, aren't you."

"Not just your head" she whispered her voice getting serious once again. "I'm more concerned with what's in your heart. I love you."

"I love you, too" he said quietly, reaching his arms out to pull her close once again. "I don't want to spend a night away from you again as long as I live."

"We'll have to eventually" Mac sighed and settled into his arms, letting out a tiny yawn as the impact of their love making began to take hold.

"I know" he whispered. "I don't want to think about it, though."

"Me neither" Mac replied. "I just want to hold each other for the rest of our lives."

Ainsley chose this very moment to beckon her parents' attention. Harm chuckled a little. "The child's timing is uncanny. I'll go get her."

Mac nodded slowly hoping she would still be awake when he returned with the baby.

Harm slid carefully out of bed and padded down the hallway to the nursery, where his daughter lay crying in her crib. As was his routine when he tended to her in the middle of the night, he picked her up and placed a kiss on her cheek before doing or saying anything else. He held her close for just a moment to soothe her, then carried her to the changing table and got her into a fresh diaper. Once he was finished there, he picked her up once again, grabbed her pink fleece blanket and carried her either to the bedroom or to the kitchen, depending on if her mother was awake or not. Tonight he chose the bedroom, knowing if Mac was still awake she'd want to nurse her.

Mac lay with her eyes closed in bed, fighting sleep so she could feed her baby girl if need be. Still, if Harm didn't hurry she might lose the battle.

"Uh-oh" he whispered to the fussy child as he walked into the dimly-lit master bedroom. "Is mommy still awake, or do we need to go have a bottle? What do you think, Ainsley?"

"I'm here" Mac whispered pushing herself up in bed. "Barely but here."

"Do you want her or?" he asked, rocking the baby gently as he stood beside the bed.

"I'll take her" Mac replied reaching up andpulling Ainsley close. "Go easy on Mommy, angel" she whispered to the baby as she set her to her breast. They'd gotten better at this but sometimes Mac still got nipped.

"I think maybe she eats a little more when you feed her" said Harm as he slid back into bed beside his wife and daughter. "Sometimes she only takes half a bottle for me, but most times she'll nurse for at least 20 minutes. Seems like she gets more if you feed her."

"Depends on how hard she's going" Mac replied. "Like now, she's really sucking hard so she'll get a lot; sometimes though she just sort of laps at me. I think she just wants to make sure the milk machine is working."

"We should be able to give her baby food any time now, right?" he asked. "The books I've read say between 5 and 6 months."

'Yeah, i'm thinking we'll start out with something light like applesauce or something and see how she does" Mac replied as she stroked the babies head and stifled another yawn. "You getting tired?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm still building my stamina back up, you know?" He smiled in hopes she'd get his meaning.

She did and she smiled a winning smile. "I say your stamina is about back to normal. Want to cuddle with us?"

"Always" he answered, moving in a little closer. "It just amazes me sometimes..."

"What does?" she asked.

"How far we've come" he answered. "From strangers to partners, friends to lovers, parents to husband and wife. It's just...amazing to me."

Mac leaned her head against him and sighed softly, "Me too, Harm. Me too."

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_A/N: I'll try to get the next chapter posted later this week!_


	84. Chapter 84

_A/N: I'm soooo sorry for taking two weeks to update, but life hasn't been kind to me as of late. I'm still fighting the MS flare-up, and the meds I'm on aren't really helping very much. I'll do my best to get back on track with weekly updates to the story, but if I'm not able to, you'll know why._

_Thanks so much to all who've been reading and reviewing, not to mention waiting very patiently for the updates. :)_

* * *

Chapter 84:

The next month passed peacefully for the Rabb family. Ainsley continued to grow and to change, endearing herself to her parents even more than anyone thought possible. Mac and Harm had not yet begun their testing with Dr. Kendall, but were schedule for their blood work and Harm's test that coming Wednesday.

Mac was excited. The sooner they began the sooner they could give things another try. Alas, though all things must come in their own time...The Monday before "test" day, Harm arrived home from JAG with a very sad look on his face. Mac had beaten him home as she had been in court and left directly from there. She was preparing some left over chicken and beans when he walked in looking like he'd just lost his best friend.

"Hey, honey" he sighed and dropped his case on the floor.

"Harm?" she asked taking in his look and his stance. "What's happened? Mattie? Your Mom?"

"No, no, everyone's fine" he said. "Well, everyone except me."

"Your back?" Mac asked rushing over to him. "Sit down, let me get something for your legs."

"I'm not hurt, baby" he said, reaching out to bring her close. "I've got some news you're not gonna like, that's all."

Mac slipped her arms around him and exhaled. "If no one is sick and you aren't hurt then nothing can be that bad. Tell me."

He took a deep breath. "I got orders today to report TAD to Key West. I leave at 0030 tomorrow, and I'll be gone a solid week."

"A week?" Mac sighed and pulled back. "That's...That's so long."

"I know" he said, stepping back from her and loosening his tie. "I'd get out of it if I could, but you know how these things go."

"I know" Mac sighed. "It's just...this is the first time we'll be apart since the baby and the wedding. I knew it would come but...I prayed it wouldn't."

Harm pulled his tie off and tossed it over the back of the sofa before walking over to where Ainsley laid playing with her animal blocks. "Hey, beautiful" he said as he bent down and picked her up. "Daddy's sure gonna miss you."

Ainsley studied her Daddy's face and smiled. "Baa" she commented and reached for his fruit salad before attempting to put it in her mouth.

"No, no, baby" he said with a smile as he shifted the baby to his right side, "don't eat daddy's medals. That's not the best way to get your recommended daily allowance of iron."

"She's happy now" Mac smiled. "Not a happy duck at day care today, so I was told."

"Uh-oh" he said playfully as he held Ainsley up in front of him. She was just over 7 months old now, and she seemed to show them something new every day. "What did we do today, Ainsley Rose?" Hmm?"

The baby simply stared at him and tried to get his insignia in her mouth this time.

"She got into the toddler's room and had quite a fit when it was time to leave" Mac replied. "She just rolled right in there. She's going to crawl any day now."

He smiled, and then quickly frowned. "I'll probably miss it."

"You don't have to go" Mac sighed.

"Yeah, I do" he said. "You know that, Mac. Like you said, we both knew this day would come."

"I know" Mac frowned. "I hate it." Just then Ainsley began to cry loudly.

"Oh, what's wrong, baby girl?" he asked, bouncing the little one gently. "Is she hungry?"

"Nope, she just ate" Mac replied.

"Hmm" he said, "I bet it's her teeth." With that comment, he remembered the conversation that Saturday morning not long ago, when they'd discovered the baby's first tooth, and from there they'd talked about returning to Dr. Kendall. "Oh, no" he gasped when he realized what being TAD for a week would mean. He looked Mac in the eye. "Our appointments."

Mac sighed. "It's okay. I'll go and do my part alone. You can do yours when you get back."

"I'm sorry, baby" he said to her, seeing the disappointment on her face. "I didn't ask to go; it's just one of those things."

"I know" she replied and continued fixing dinner. "She's mad."

"Somehow I don't think she's alone in that" he said, offering Ainsley a toy as he carried her into the kitchen. "Are you sure you want to start your tests alone? Some of that stuff I'd really like to be here for."

"This is just blood work" Mac sighed. "Don't worry about it. You have more important things to do."

"No" he said gently. "They're not more important things; they're just part of my job. It's only for a week; it could be for a month. Let's try to look on the bright side."

"Right" Mac sighed and turned around. Taking the baby from him she went to sit on the couch. "Is it dangerous?"

"Nope" he said, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer. "Just your basic, run-of-the-mill investigation."

"At an air station" she frowned and rubbed Ainsley's head as the baby began to quiet.

"You're afraid I'll end up in the cockpit, aren't you?" he asked, taking a drink from the longneck bottle.

"'I'm afraid that given the chance you'll jump into one" Mac replied and set the baby down again. "Be good and play, angel."

"I don't plan to do that" he said honestly. "We talked about this; I know I can't press my luck, and if I want to be able to do my quals, I can't be joyriding like I wish I could sometimes."

Mac turned to face him/ "I want you to promise you won't go in a cockpit until you are cleared. Promise me."

He set the beer bottle on the counter and took her in his arms. "I promise. I can't do anything foolish; I have way too much to lose."

She pulled back and placed a kiss on his lips. "Yes you do. You hungry?"

"Famished" he replied with a smile. "Whatcha making?"

"Chicken and black beans" Mac replied. "Go get changed and washed. I'll let you do all the baby stuff tonight. She's getting peas."

"Peas? Oh boy" he laughed. "I guess I shouldn't even bother with a shirt, huh?"

"Not on my account" Mac replied. "She might like the peas though. She liked the squash and we didn't think she would."

"True" he said, "but those beets... Please tell me you threw the rest of those out."

"In the trash, along with that shirt" Mac sighed. "I told you not to force her. I told you she didn't like them."

"Yeah, well..." he said with a laugh. "Little girls are supposed to eat those kinds of things for their daddy, but apparently we forgot to tell her that."

"Go get changed, you can eat then you can feed her. When's she's done you'll both need a bath" Mac replied.

"Yes, dear" he answered with a grin, grabbing his beer bottle and heading down the hallway.

Harm returned a few minutes later in just his undershirt and jeans. Mac served him his supper then dished out her own. "Mattie's staying out late again."

"With whom?" he asked.

"Her friend Susan" Mac replied.

"Don't think I know Susan" he said, taking a bite of his dinner.

"Me neither" Mac sighed. "And she didn't give me her phone number. How is it?"

"Delicious as always" he said, pausing to swallow. "We'll have to dig a little deeper into 'Susan'. I want to know who my kid is hanging out with."

"Amen" Mac sighed as she watched Ainsley reach for Harm's beer. "No, no, baby."

"She's okay" he said. "She can't reach it from the high chair. When can she start eating finger foods, you know, Cheerios and such?"

"Whenever now" Mac sighed. "Want to give her a few Cheerios on her tray?"

"Yeah, why not" he said. "At least it'll be a 'first' I won't miss while I'm gone."

"If she does crawl, I'll try to film it, okay?" Mac smiled.

"I know you will" he said. "I just hope it doesn't happen. I haven't missed anything with her yet, you know?"

"I know" Mac said. "But you will and so will I."

He nodded. "All part of letting her grow up, I guess. Where are the Cheerios? I'll get her a few."

"Top cabinet over the sink" Mac replied.

He went to get the cereal box, opened it up and placed a small handful of Cheerios on Ainsley's tray. "Here, baby girl" he said, putting one to her lips. "See what you think of it. This is one of mommy's favorites."

Ainsley opened her mouth and took in this new treat. She gummed the Cheerio and let out a yelp of glee.

Harm smiled at the baby. "I think we have a hit here, mommy."

"I'm glad. I'd hate to have to fight her on sugar cereals" Mac sighed.

Harm laughed a little. "Now you sound like me. When did you become Miss Healthy?"

"When I saw that latest rates for dentists on the internet" Mac sighed. "A lot of money."

"Have you noticed how a lot of your melancholy moods of late have stemmed from her teething?" he asked.

"Where did that come from?" Mac asked.

"I just mean" he began, "that when you found that first tooth, you got upset because she was growing up so fast, and now you're thinking about the high cost of dental care. I just happened to notice that the baby's teeth seem to be a common theme right now, that's all. Nothing wrong with it, just something I picked up on."

"If you mentioned it, you think there's something wrong with it" Mac replied. "That or you feel like I do but won't admit it."

"No, Mac" he said calmly. "There's nothing wrong with it at all. As for me feeling the same way... Maybe a little, but...I dunno. I hate that I have to leave her; she's so young."

"I'll be here for her" Mac replied. "You'll do fine and so will she. We'll call you every night and send videos on the webcam."

"It won't be the same" he said. "I mean, I'll look forward to it every night, no doubt about that, but I'll miss holding her...and you."

"Well, I guess you'll have to hold us as much as you can tonight" Mac smiled as the baby reached down for the little treats on her tray and started to toss them every which way .

Harm smiled. "She's gonna have those all over the floor before she's done."

"She's having fun" Mac smiled just as Mattie came in the front door. "Home!" she announced and immediately headed for the steps to her room.

"Freeze" said Harm. "Front and center, please."

Mattie groaned and came to the kitchen, scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, hair filled with extra hold gel and skin dyed with make up that made her look ten years older. "What?"

"Uh, where exactly have you been dressed like that?" he asked. "The truth, please."

"Out with my friends at the mall" Mattie replied. She knew she wasn't allowed at the mall on school night, but that was better than the heat she'd get for the whole truth.

Harm looked his teenager in the eye. "We both know that's not the whole story. You wanna try it again, or should I go straight to the sentencing phase of the trial?"

"It's the truth," Mattie insisted. "I was at the mall with Susan and Kim."

He nodded. "Aside from not being allowed at the mall on a school night, that alone isn't all that terrible. Something tells me, though, that Susan and Kim aren't the only ones you were with. Am I correct?"

"No" Mattie insisted. "Can I go now I have to pee?"

"Come to think of it" said Harm as he looked at Mac, "we don't recall meeting 'Susan', do we, Mac?"

"No. Kim I know, she's nice and uh clean..." Mac frowned taking in Mattie's attire. "But Susan, no I don't know her."

He turned his focus back to Mattie. "Okay, kiddo. Start talking."

"No, there's nothing to talk about. We went to the mall, we ate pizza and I came home. Why won't you believe me?" Mattie asked clearly annoyed.

"Oh, we believe that's what you did at the mall" he said. "What we don't believe just yet is that it was just you and two female friends. If we're wrong, you'll no doubt be able to prove it, but if we're right and you keep lying about it..."

"Harm?" Mac interjected gently.

He looked up at her.

"Can we speak in the den?" Mac asked. "Let Mattie use the head and we'll meet on the sofa in ten."

With a nod, he agreed, rising from his kitchen chair and joining Mac in the den.

"You're pushing" she said as soon as she was sure Mattie was out of earshot.

"Am I?" he asked. "I'm not trying to; I just think she's lying to us, Mac."

"She is and the more you push her, the more lying she's going to do" Mac sighed. "Make it easy; if she's still wearing that scarf when she comes down take it off."

He looked at his wife as a smile came over his face. "I dunno why that didn't occur to me. You're smart, babe."

"If she's hiding a hickey or something there's no more denying it...If not...ask her to invite Kim and 'Susan' over to dinner one night next week" Mac suggested. "Keep pushing and we're going to be fighting all week."

"By 'we', you mean you and Mattie" he said, "I won't be around, remember?" His face once again fell sad.

"I know and I don't want to be missing you and fighting her" Mac sighed. "Not with Miss Ainsley being such a little terror lately."

"Aw, my baby's not a terror" he said with a kidding laugh. "She's simply growing into her own little self, that's all."

"She escaped from the infant room, Harm" Mac sighed. "She's a terror. But she's our terror."

He smiled and pulled Mac close. "Well, I'll miss her like crazy; terror and all."

"Sentiment later, sailor" Mac sighed. "Ready for round two?"

"Let's get it over with" he said with a sigh. "I've got packing to do. Mattie!"

"I'm busy" she called from the kitchen.

"Doing?" called Harm back to her.

"Cleaning milk out of my shirt" Mattie replied. "Little Miss dumped it."

Harm looked at Mac. "There shouldn't have been any milk near the baby, should there?"

"Not that I know of" Mac replied. "Unless Mattie left a cup on her chair."

They walked towards the kitchen. "How did Ainsley spill milk on you?" asked Harm as they neared.

"I was pouring the milk, I went to put the carton away and deluge" Mattie griped. "She touches everything." And surely she did, there was not only milk on Mattie, but on the floor, and all over Ainsley.

"Ah, she wanted milk for her cereal" Mac smiled. "Didn't you baby?"

"Sorry she got you like that" said Harm, grabbing a few more paper towels and handing them to the teenager. "When you're cleaned up, we need to talk in the other room."

"I have homework to do" Mattie replied.

"It can wait ten minutes" said Harm, busily cleaning up the baby.

Ainsley picked that moment to give her Daddy a milky kiss and giggled at the mess she had made. Mac was busy mopping up the floor, humming as she mopped.

"I'm gonna go change her into something dry" said Harm, "then we'll all sit down and chat. Don't miss that puddle on the table, Mats."

"She spilled it" Mattie grumbled.

"Yes, and you let her get close enough to spill it" said Harm. "I'll be back."

Harm quickly changed Ainsley into her little pajama set and came back to the den. Mac had stayed to supervise and assist in the clean up and shortly joined Harm in the den with Mattie behind her. "Sit down, Mattie."

"We're going to ask you one more time" said Harm as Mattie took a seat beside Mac, "to tell us who you were with tonight."

"At the mall" Mattie repeated. "Can I go now?"

Mac caught Harm's eye and motioned to the scarf Mattie still had around her neck. She made a pulling sign with her hand using the baby she'd been handed to demonstrate.

"Yeah, you can go" he said, "but not before you take that scarf off."

"Why?" Mattie asked.

"Because I'm asking you to" he said.

Mattie looked scared. "It's just the style" she covered.

"You're at home with your parents and your baby sister" said Harm. "No reason to impress us with fashion. Come on, take it off and you can go."

Mattie was running out of excuses, but still she made no move to remove the scarf. Ainsley found the panicked look on Mattie's face funny and giggled.

"I heard your dad ask you to do something" Mac said calmly. "Please do it or one of us will do it for you."

Mattie sat frozen in fear. Looking at Mac for a moment and receiving an affirmative nod, Harm reached out and undid Mattie's scarf, gently pulling it from around her neck.

Mattie's hands flew to her neck and tried in vain to cover the bite mark on her throat. She looked at her father and saw the pain and disappointment on his face.

"Mathilda Grace Rabb" said Harm, his voice low with emotion. "Spill it. Now."

"Harm" Mac's tone held a tone of warning.

He took a deep breath. "Mattie, talk to us. We need to know where you were and who you were with."

"I don't want to tell you. I'm an adult, I don't have to tell you everything that I do" Mattie shot at them. She didn't want the heat she knew she'd get. She just wanted to date her new friend in peace without Harm and Mac's scrutiny.

"If you want us to treat you like an adult" said Harm, his voice still telling of his hurt, "you have to act like one. Obviously you weren't at the mall with two female friends; at least let's hope that's not where the hickey came from."

"So what if it did?" Mattie shot.

"Come on, Mattie" he said, feeling his patience begin to wear thin. "You broke the rules by being out on a school night without permission, and you lied about who you were with. I have to spend the next week in Key West; I don't need to be worrying about this kind of thing while I'm down there to do my job. Do I just need to ground you for the duration of my trip?"

"No!" Mattie exclaimed. "Fine, I was with my friends and we met up with some guys there. Satisfied?"

"We are most certainly not satisfied!" Mac snapped, her patience, the same patience she'd warned Harm to keep having snapped at the hurt in her husband's voice and the sound of her voice. "You tell us which boys you were with, and how on earth you got that thing on your neck and you do it now or you will not appreciate the consequences!"

"We were with Michael and Austin" said Mattie, "two guys from our math lab, and all we did was have pizza!"

"Explain the hickey" Mac insisted folding her arms.

"Michael kissed me" she said. "Big deal."

"If that's how he kisses" said Harm, pointing to the mark on Mattie's neck, "I'd hate to watch him eat! He's got terrible aim!"

"Okay so maybe we made out" Mattie sighed. "I knew you guys would flip out. You treat me like Ainsley."

"Not hardly" said Harm. "But we've talked about the rules, Mattie, and you know what they are, yet you willfully chose to disobey them. I'm very disappointed in you."

"Yeah, yeah" Mattie groaned. "So what now? Scrub the toilets with a toothbrush? Extra diaper duty?"

"Extra chores for two weeks, no TV for two weeks, and you can get up with your sister if she needs a bottle in the middle of the night while I'm gone this week" said Harm. "Oh yeah, and you're grounded from going out for six weeks." It seemed kind of harsh; all this for coming home with a hickey, but it was the lying that'd done Mattie in.

"You've got to be kidding?" Mattie exclaimed. "There's no way I'm staying home for six weeks and no way I'm getting up to feed the baby when Mac's right here."

Mac decided to let Harm field that one. She wasn't sure she agreed with it but they decided early on never to contradict the other in front of the children.

"You'll do it, Mats" said Harm, "because that's the punishment I laid down for you. All you had to do was tell me the truth and we could have talked things out, but you lied over and over, and that...that really hurts."

Tears sprung to Mattie's eyes. "Not as much as this does!" she declared and turned to run up the steps to her room.

Harm ran his hands over his face. "I've gotta go pack. You need me to clean up the dinner dishes?"

Mac shook her head. "I need you to come here a minute."

He walked over to where Mac sat with Ainsley on the sofa.

Mac moved the baby to the floor, laying her on her tummy and opened her arms to him. "Come on."

He sat down and leaned into her open arms.

"Let's talk about this" she said.

"Not right now, sweetie" he said softly. "I know I overreacted, but she...We'll talk about it later. I'll talk to Mattie before bed."

"I don't mean about overreacting, I mean about this look I see in your eyes" Mac sighed. "She hurt you and that hurts me."

He nodded. "She did hurt me. I know it's just normal teenage stuff, but I don't know why she felt she had to lie and be dishonest. I can't worry too much about it now, though, I've gotta get ready to go."

"Can we just hold each other for a few more minutes?" Mac asked. "I don't want to think about you leaving us."

With a little nod, he leaned his head against her shoulder once again, and together they sat in silence for just a little while.

They sat that way until Ainsley decided it was time to make a break for it and starting rolling her way out of the den. She rolled over past the TV and underneath one of the chairs. It was then her little legs and arms hit the wall and she couldn't figure out how to free herself from the chair. Having only one option left, she let out a wail.

"Uh-oh" he said, rising from the sofa and heading for the kitchen. "Someone got herself stuck, huh?"

"Try to talk her out honey, play with her. I'll get your things together" Mac offered.

"Okay" he said with a yawn. "Come on, Ainsley Bear; let's get you out of here." He moved the chair carefully and then got down on his tummy so he could look into her little face. "Oh, now, don't cry. Come on, roll to daddy. Come on, come see me." Ainsley remained under the chair, crying at her daddy as he just laid there and looked at her. "Oh, alright" he said after a moment, moving to pick her up and cradle her close. "Daddy's sure gonna miss you, baby girl." He placed a kiss atop her head.

Harm stayed in the den and played with the baby, determined to teach her how to roll in both directions. By the time she finally managed it, it was time for her bath, which Harm took care of as he'd miss it the next week. Finally it was time to go and say goodnight to Mattie who was no doubt still mad at him.

He walked up to her room and found her lying on her bed, still crying silently staring at the shadows on the wall.

"Mats?" he said, gently knocking on her door frame. "Can we talk?"

"Do I have a choice?" she asked.

"Yes, you do" he said. "But I'd really like it if you'd choose to talk to me."

"Why did you get so mad?" she asked. "It's just a hickey."

"Because you lied to me" he replied. "You broke the rules, which was bad, but then you lied about them, that's even worse."

"But I had to" Mattie protested.

"Had to break the rules?" asked Harm. "Or had to lie to me?"

"Both I guess" Mattie replied. "But more the second."

"Mattie" he said gently, "you can tell me anything, no matter what it is. I thought you knew that."

"I know I messed up, I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me" she said her voice starting to crack. "I just wanted to forget I did that."

"I'm sure you did" he said. "But you could've told us about it when you got home, and things would've gone far smoother than they did, don't you think?"

"I guess, but..." Mattie rolled over to face Harm, tears spilling down. "I'm sorry, daddy."

"Hey, come here" he said, opening his arms and welcoming her into them. "I love you so much, you know that."

She nodded. "I didn't want to make you ashamed of me. I didn't know what I was doing; I just wanted to try it."

Her words caused every fiber of his being to freeze. "All you 'tried' was kissing, right?"

Mattie nodded. "That and the neck thing."

"Okay, okay" he said, calming himself down as best he could. "I know you're wondering about a lot of 'things' right now, and you may be tempted to try them, but we've talked about all that, correct?"

Mattie nodded. "Yeah we have. I'm sorry about not wanting to feed Ainsley too" Mattie replied. "I guess I'm still...dad?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Are you and Mac going to have another baby?" Mattie asked.

"We want to" he answered. "We plan to. Why?"

"Just asking" Mattie sighed. "I heard you talking about it, that's all."

"Yeah, we've talked about it" he admitted,"and actually we've even met with our doctor again. Does that bother you, kiddo?"

"I guess I thought you would have talked to me first" Mattie sighed. "But it's okay."

"I'm sorry, Mats" he said, pulling her closer. "I guess we never thought about that."

"Its okay" Mattie smiled. "Are we okay now? I don't want you to be mad at me while you're away."

"I won't" he said. "We're okay; let's just work on better communication and on honesty, alright kiddo?"

"Okay" Mattie smiled. "I love you dad."

"Love you, too, kiddo."

* * *

Mac was in bed by the time Harm made it downstairs and changed his clothes. Her eyes were shut and the moonlight was shining in the window playing across her face. She looked like an angel.

He slid into bed beside her, leaned over and whispered against her ear "hi, beautiful."

Mac groaned a bit and turned to face him. "How's she doing?"

"She's fine" he said, planting a soft kiss against her cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm sad" Mac replied rubbing her cheek on his chest. "I don't want you to go."

He smelled the soft scent of her shampoo as her head rested against him. "I don't wanna go" he whispered. "Don't have a choice."

"Resign?" she asked teasingly leaning to place a kiss on his nose.

"Not exactly an option, my love" he replied, pulling her closer.

"I know" she sighed. "I'm going to be scared at night without my handsome sailor."

"Really?" he asked. "I didn't think you got scared when was gone."

She nodded. "I never used to. But I do now. You know I haven't had one bout of insomnia since we moved in together."

"Is that so?" he replied, kissing the top of her head.

"Mm-hmm" Mac nodded. "Know why?"

"Sure don't" he answered. "Tell me why."

"Because I have your arms around me" Mac replied. "There's no reason to be scared. If I do get scared I know you're here to hold me and make it all go away."

"Ah, I see" he said, squeezing her a little tighter. "You just need me to chase your monsters away, huh?"

Mac nodded. "I do. I feel so warm in here, so protected and safe. What if I can't sleep all week?"

"Then you call me" he said, "no matter what the time, and I'll sing you to sleep."

Mac smiled at that a little. "Can you do something for me?" she asked kissing him softly.

"Name it" he replied gently.

"Make love to me?" she asked softly. "Give me something to dream about while you're gone."

"You wouldn't be the only one dreaming" he answered in a passionate whisper.

Harm leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips, using his skilled tongue to pry open her mouth so that his tongue could dance with hers, a dance their bodies would later imitate. Mac wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him leaning into his kiss.

As he held her close Harm ran his hand up and down her soft back, pulling her closer to his body as if to make her part of him. If only he could literally make her part of him he wouldn't have to leave her in a few hours.

He broke the kiss on her lips and trailed kisses along her jaw to the soft skin at her throat.

Mac moaned in the back of her throat at the sensations Harm's hands and mouth sent coursing through her body. She felt on expert hand working its way underneath the long backless nightgown she had chosen specifically for this occasion.

"New?" he asked as he fiddled with its hem so that he may remove it and expose her body to his view.

"Not really" Mac replied. "I was just saving it for this particular event. Can't have you going off without no pleasant memories now can I?" Mac asked him running her fingertip up his bare chest.

"No you can't" he replied smiling playfully. "How much of this is there?" he asked still working to get all of the material gathered so he may remove the silky garment without ruining it.

Mac laughed. "You're doing just fine, sailor."

Harm did not think so however, and rolled out of bed. "Harm?" Mac queried.

He didn't say anything; he just stepped around to her side of the bed and reached his hands down to her. "Come to me, Mac. Come to me."

Unsure of what he wanted Mac took his hands and responded to the gentle pressure he used to pull her up. She rose and stood before him wearing that long, delicate nightgown. He stepped back. "You...I don't know the words for how amazing you are."

Mac shook her head and closed the gap between them. "None needed."

She leaned her face up just as he leaned his down and their lips met yet again. This kiss began tender, like most of their kisses did, but changed course halfway through. Harm's mouth became insistant, demanding, and hungry. He wanted to taste her, explore her, and he would do just that.

Harm wrapped his long arms around Mac's body and began to play with the thin strings at the back of her nightdress while his mouth once again explored her throat, her cheeks, until his lips were directly against her ears. "Can I see you Baby?" he asked. "Let me have this memory to take with me."

Mac nodded. "Yes" and lifted her arms over her head. Harm reached up, captured her hands and eased them down. "Not yet."

He dropped to his knees them and lifted the hem of the gown just a few inches. He began his exploration of her body by kissing each ankle bone before he proceeded up her right leg and down her left leg.

"Perfect Mac" he whispered as he reached the top of her left leg. He placed the smallest, gentlest of kisses there before backing up and rising taking the material of Mac's nightgown with him.

"Lift up my love" he requested, now ready to bare her body to his view.

Mac obliged him raising her arms above her head and shifting so he could remove the nightgown from her body. He let it drop from his hands once she was free of it and pressed her chest to his. "Beautiful" he whispered to her. "So beautiful."

Mac wrapped her arms around Harm's broad strong back, one finger tip finding the scar left over from his operation. She kissed his lips then placed little kisses on either side of his mouth.

Harm started to walk Mac back to the bed, stepping lightly brushing her knees against his until her legs were touching the side of the bed. "Lie down" he instructed.

Mac smiled a bit. "How come? I kind of like this."

"Because" he whispered, "I can't do what I want to do like this...though this _is_ nice." He once more captured her lips with his own.

"Very nice" she breathed into his mouth. "But now you've got me curious."

Harm gently pushed Mac's shoulders and she obliged him by lying down. Harm ran his hands over her tummy, feeling the soft skin, skin he hoped one day would once again stretch taut as she grew large with their baby.

"Its still soft, tiny" he whispered. "But not much longer. I promise."

He slid his hands up to her breasts and cupped their heavy weight in his hands before burying his face between them kissing the sides until her reached her nipples.

Mac whimpered a bit as he did this but a response died on her lips as she felt Harm take her nipple between his teeth. Harm lifted his face and reached up to capture her lips with his all the while stroking her warm breasts.

"Mac" he gasped.

"I know," she breathed. "I know."

They continued like this for awhile, kissing, stroking, exploring, and trying to memorize every inch of one another's bodies as if they'd never see each other again. Finally though, it was becoming too much for Mac's responsive body to handle. Somewhere in the passage of time Mac rid Harm of his boxers and he rid her of her lacy panties. Now skin to skin Mac could feel his hot hard arousal against the softness of her skin as it pressed into her belly. She wanted him; she needed to feel him, only she didn't have the breath or the strength to vocalize that.

She thus locked her legs around him, pulling him close. He rose up once and pressed down, entering her, filling her to capacity. He brought her soaring with him as he moved plunging deep, then he withdrew, not returning to her body. His lips seemed to be everywhere, over her own lips, on her neck, over her nipples, teasing and nibbling, first one then the other. Mac writhed against the pillow whispering frantic incoherent whispers begging him to cease this torture and come to her, fill her, only he did not. He stroked and caressed the length of her with his kiss, tasting every inch. When he was done he rolled over and lifted her above him positioning her so that she could ease herself down onto his sex. He began to move under her and she did the same. Harm left his eyes opened and watched as her as their motion slowly brought them both to their climax.

When their love making ceased Mac slipped herself off of him and lay to his side, amazed at the pleasure they could derive from each other even after they'd done this dance many times. His arm came around her and he held her close, stroking her arms with his left hand, the moonlight glinting off his wedding band as he lay there, relishing in the glory of feeling her next to him, warm and alive.

It was as thety did this that she heard his voice, husky and low against her ear, "Will you miss me?"

"Harm" she began.

"Will you miss me?" he repeated not wanting to have any other conversation at this moment.

"Yes," she replied and buried her face in the crook of his arm. "God, yes…"

* * *

Two days had passed, and for Harm and Mac it felt like two hundred days, two hundred years. He missed her terribly, and she...she did more than miss him. She pined for him, ached for his arms at night, the smell of his shampoo in the morning, the week could not pass fast enough for either of them.

Both would wait with baited breath for the stroke of ten when Harm would be able to call home and talk to his wife and daughters. Tonight though, it was ten fifteen and he still had not called.

"Something's happened" Mac fretted to Mattie as the teen rocked the baby. "I know it."

"He's probably in the workout room or something" said Mattie. "I'm sure he's fine."

"He always calls at ten. Its ten sixteen" Mac sighed.

"Call him" said Mattie, moving her baby sister in her arms. "He left the number for you, use it."

"Then he'll know I was worried" Mac frowned.

"If he's not able to call you on time" replied the teen, "he knows you're worried. I'm sure there's a good explanation for why he hasn't called yet. You know how TAD can go sometimes."

"But this is...he's in a plane. He promised me he wouldn't..." Mac reached out for her baby wanting to hold her close.

Just then, the phone rang, startling Mac as she took Ainsley into her arms.

Mattie grabbed for the handset. "Rabb residence."

"Hey, kiddo" Harm said. "How's everything at home?"

"Good" said Mattie, "but we miss you like crazy. How's Florida treating you? Is it hot?"

"It's not too bad" he replied. "How's Mac? She there?"

"Yep" answered the teen. "She's been worried about you, since you didn't call right at ten. How come you called late?"

"I was in the infirmary" Harm replied.

"Oh, wow" said Mattie. "Why? What happened? Are you okay?" The questions came one atop another.

"Yeah...I had to get a couple stitches, but I'm fine" Harm replied. "Get Mac for me."

"She's right here" said Mattie, "I love you, dad."

"Love you, honey" Harm replied.

"Harm?" Mac said into the phone. "Why are you so late?"

"I spent the last two hours waiting to get stitched up" he answered. "I would've called on time, but it's kind of hard to do that when a junior med tech is using you as a guinea pig."

"Stitched up? Why?" Mac asked. "What happened? Do I need to come down there?"

"No, sweetie, no, no" he said adamantly. "It's nothing serious, just a cut on my finger."

"You needed stitches. I was worried sick" Mac scolded.

"I know you were" he said sympathetically, "and if I could've called at ten, you know I would have. I got cut on the edge of a filing cabinet drawer that could double as a Ginsu knife, and I literally spent two hours waiting for them to get around to fixing me up. In the hurry to get to the infirmary, I left my cell phone in my room, and of course they wouldn't let me call you from their line. I dashed back and called you first thing when it was over. I miss you so much, baby."

"As long as you're okay" Mac sighed and set Ainsley down on her little mat. "I miss you."

"I'm fine, I swear" he said. "How's our baby girl? She all grown up yet?"

"She's good. She's fussier at night these last two nights" Mac replied.

"Teeth?" he asked.

"Maybe. I think she's missing you though" Mac replied. "Not to make this harder on you but I think that's what it is."

He sighed. "You know, we should've made a tape of me talking to her or singing her song. Didn't even think to do that."

"I think it might just make her look for you, babe" Mac sighed. "She'll be happy to see you when you get home. And so will I. I miss your arms."

"I miss your whole body" he replied softly. "My memory from the other night's already wearing thin. I miss you so much it's killing me."

"Me too" Mac replied and yawned.

"You sound like you're ready for bed" he said.

"I am" she replied. "Ainsley?"

"Probably not so much" he said with a little laugh. "Why don't you let Mattie take care of her so you can head for bed?"

"No I mean...Mattie do you have the baby?" she asked.

"No" said the red-haired teen. "She was on her mat. Did you look around?"

"Did you lose her again?" asked Harm.

"Yeah, she was on her mat and now she's gone" Mac sighed. "Ainsley? Answer mommy."

"Don't tell me she learned to talk in the past 3 days" said Harm, feeling even more homesick than before.

"No, but she'll babble" Mac replied. "Ainsley! Ainsley this isn't funny!" Mac scolded and started to look around the living room. "Oh!" she gasped in delight. "Oh my goodness!"

"What?" exclaimed Harm in panicked horror. "What happened?"

"She...Oh Ainsley, baby!" Mac squealed. "Oh."

"Mac! What happened? Is she hurt?" he yelled. "Talk to me!"

"No, she...she's fine she...She just crawled across the living room" Mac told him pride dripping from her voice.

"She crawled?" he repeated, his voice a mixture of happiness and pain. "Do you have the camera handy?"

"Yeah" Mac replied. "Let me get her to do it again. I'll call you back." With that, she hung up.

Harm closed his cell phone and slumped back against the headboard of his bed. "I knew I'd miss something big" he said, wishing against everything he'd been able to see Ainsley's first crawl.

He lay there for nearly an hour waiting for Mac to call him back or e-mail him the video of his baby daughter crawling across their floor. Finally the phone rang.

"Yes, my love?" he said.

"Sorry, it took forever to get her to do it again" Mac replied. "I'd call her and she'd start rolling, but I finally got it."

"Should I boot up the laptop?" he asked.

"Yep" Mac replied. "She's really good at it too. I'm so proud of her. She'll go a few clicks then stop and look at you, then go again."

"I thought babies usually had to practice to get good at that" he said as he dug his computer out of its carrying case and plugged it in.

"Well she seems pretty good at it to me, but of course I'm her mommy so I'm biased' she said yawning again.

"Well send it my way" he said, "let daddy see for himself."

"It should be there" Mac said.

"Ah, yeah, it just showed up" he said, clicking the mouse over the e-mail. "Okay, it's opening...Oh, wow...look at her..." He was so proud of his little girl; it was all he could do not to cry.

"You okay?" Mac asked.

"Not really" he said as he swallowed hard.

"I shouldn't have told you" she sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Its okay" he said, trying to mask his sadness. "You were excited, and you wanted to tell me. I'll be okay; I'm just really missing my girls tonight, that's all."

"Only five more days" he replied. "Ainsley, Mattie and I are planning something special."

"Oh, you are, huh?" he said. "I can't wait to see what that might be...but I really can't wait..."

"I know, honey" Mac replied then broke into a fit of laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asked, figuring he was missing out on yet another precious moment in his daughter's life.

"She's using her feet and her hands to hold her bottle" Mac laughed. "You're a silly girl aren't you?"

With those words from Mac, Harm felt a wave of emotion come over him, and he closed the phone without warning.

Mac was so engrossed in watching her baby girls' antic that she didn't think anything of the broken connection, she just stood up, gathered the baby and got her ready for bed.

Harm tossed the phone onto the desk beside the laptop, which he powered down and unplugged before changing out of his uniform. With a heavy heart, he brushed his teeth and crawled into bed, missing his family so terribly, just from the phone call, that a small part of him felt like an outsider, looking into their precious world and having to relive it second-hand via modern technology. He knew he'd miss something big with Ainsley that week, and the fact that he was right about that pained him something fierce.

Three days later Mac was getting much more tired. She missed Harm so much she ached and the baby was getting fussier. He'd grown distant in the last few days, keeping his phone calls short and not asking very many questions. Tonight was the worst, only six minutes and twenty four seconds. She lay awake, again, and fretted about that. She missed her husband; she wanted to hear his voice, so in spite of the time, 0341, she dialed his cell number.

He awoke with a start, taking a moment to figure out if it was the alarm clock or his phone making all that noise. Once he decided it was his phone, he grabbed it from the nightstand, dropping it before finally getting it open to answer. "Mac...? It's...What's wrong?"

Her only reply was a strangled sob.

"Mac? What happened?" he asked, fearing something had happened to one of the girls. "Is the baby okay? Mattie, is she okay?"

"Yes" she replied. "They're both okay."

"But you're not" he said. "What's wrong?"

"I miss you" she sobbed. "I miss you so much. I need you...I want you to come home" she cried.

"You miss me enough to call at...whatever time it is, to say you miss me?" he asked, still trying to wake up. "Baby, have you been laying awake thinking about this?"

Mac nodded but did not realize that he couldn't see her.

"Mac? Talk to me, baby" he said gently. "I miss you, too; I'm, God, I'm here all alone in this room, and this bed is so empty without you beside me."

"I...I'm sorry. I can't sleep...I..." she sobbed. "I need you to hold me."

"Baby doll, I...I can't hold you from here" he said, the sound of her crying causing his heart to break. "But if I could, I'd hold you as close to me as I could and never let go. Can I do _anything_ to make you feel better tonight, my love?"

"I don't know. I'm...I don't know" Mac sighed calming down a little bit.

"When did this start, baby?" he asked. "Have you lain awake crying for me since I left? Please tell me you haven't."

"I wasn't always crying" she replied. "That's new."

"How much sleep have you been getting?" he asked. "Between getting up with the baby and missing me, how much have you slept?"

"Two hours" she replied.

"Mac" he said, "two hours a night isn't nearly enough. You have to take care of yourself, remember?"

She mumbled something then but he could hardly hear her.

"I didn't hear you, sweetie" he said.

"It wasn't a night" she said more clearly some of her tears having stopped.

"Oh Mac" he gasped. "Two hours in five days? Baby, this...I'm so sorry that you're so upset, but you have to find a way past it, or by the time I get home, you'll be sick, to say nothing of too worn out for me to do all the things I want to do with you."

"Before we got married I went weeks on end with half hour of sleep a night" Mac replied. "It's no big deal."

"But it is" he insisted gently. "When have you been getting into bed? What time?"

"Midnight" Mac replied. "After Ainsley's bottle."

"Bottle?" he asked. "You usually nurse her before bed. What happened?"

"She's been falling off on the bottles, and I know you are going to want to feed her some so I added an extra" Mac replied.

"You didn't have to do that for me, baby" he said softly. "But thank you. I hate that you're so sad...I wish we were together tonight...I'm missing you, too."

"Why have you stopped talking when you call then? Only six minutes tonight" Mac sighed.

He offered a deep sigh. "I've been beating myself up over being gone this week. It seems like every call only makes me feel worse, which is so stupid because I'm supposed to feel better after I hear your voice and find out how my little angel is doing, but..."

"You're crying at night too, aren't you?" Mac asked. "And we didn't get disconnected the night she crawled? Did we?"

"No" he replied softly. "I didn't want my disappointment cloud your happiness, and I didn't handle it well. I'm sorry, baby."

"I can't do this anymore" she sighed heavily. "We have to do something."

"Like what?" he asked calmly. "We both know TAD is a part of military life, and this is the first one since we had the baby and since we got married; it's bound to get easier."

"I'm being dramatic; I'm sorry" Mac sighed. "My head hurts."

"I'm sorry about that" he said softly. "If I was there, I'd give you a little back rub, that almost always kills those headaches."

"But you're not here, and that's the whole point" Mac sighed. "I know this is hard on you but...I feel like...I just...It's finally happened. My worst nightmare has finally happened" she sighed.

"I'm coming back, Mac" he said. "I'll be home in two days."

"I know" Mac said. "But I've always been on my own, tough, hard, now...I'm dependent on you. I need you like I need air and that scares me just a bit." She had regained her composure now and was starting to relax.

"I need you the same way" he admitted. "I think it's called being in love."

"It's nice, isn't it?" Mac asked. "Harm?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"You said if I couldn't sleep you'd sing to me" Mac reminded him.

"I did, didn't I?" he replied. "What would you like to hear, my sweet love?"

"Any song that makes you think of me" Mac replied. "Something romantic."

"There's one song that will always make me think of you" he said. "Know what it is?"

"No" Mac replied. "Tell me." Her voice was starting to fade as she listened to his rich voice and let her body relax.

"Our wedding song" he replied softly as he began singing the first lines of the ever-popular Elton John song from "_The Lion King_" soundtrack.

Mac listened to Harm's voice as he sang the words that had become immortalized on their wedding day. She didn't hear a word after the first chorus though, for she was finally asleep.

* * *

After that night, Harm and Mac would stay on the phone until she fell asleep. Hearing his voice in the night was what she needed to feel secure and know he was close to her. Still, the day of his homecoming could not come soon enough.

Mac kept her appointment with Dr. Kendall for her lab work, and now had to wait for the results, which would not come in until Harm was home, thankfully.

Finally the day of Harm's homecoming was upon them. Mac took a half day and spent time getting everything ready for him. She'd promised him a surprise and he would surely get one.

He walked through the front door that afternoon a little before dinner time. Instantly, he knew something special was in the oven by the aroma which greeted him. With a smile, he headed for the staircase, only to be stopped by what he saw in the kitchen. There was a handmade banner which read "Welcome home, daddy" in bright red letters, and standing beneath it were the three most important people in his life. With an even bigger smile, he went to them, taking them all into a hug. "God, I missed you all!"

Mattie and Mac squeezed Harm tightly and Ainsley squealed loudly, delighted daddy was finally home to play with her.

Mac pulled back after a minute, "I think I have something you want" she teased holding Ainsley out to him.

"Come here, beautiful girl" said Harm, taking the baby in his hands and holding her above his head, something he missed doing while his back was at its worst. "Daddy missed you so much, little one." He brought her close and planted a huge kiss against her cheek.

Ainsley giggled a bit at first then started to whimper as Harm held her.

"Oh, hey now" he said as hr swung back and forth with her gently. "Daddy wants a happy baby, not a sad baby. What's wrong?"

"I think she wants to be cuddled" Mac replied. "She really missed you and she sort of developed that cry while you were away."

"She did?" he asked, amazed and proud. "Well then, you'll get as much of your daddy tonight as you could possibly want, Ainsley Rose." He gave the baby another sweet kiss.

"What about Mommy?" Mac whispered leaning against his back.

He turned his face towards her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "There's lots more where that came from" he whispered.

"Good" she smiled. "If I decide to let you in tonight you'll have to show me what you've got. Mattie! Wash up!"

"If you decide to let me in?" he questioned with a light laugh. "Are you contemplating shipping me to the sofa or something?"

"Uh, maybe" Mac replied. "What do you want for a husband who leaves his wife all alone, night after night."

"Night after...but I _had_ to be gone, Mac" he defended. "I'd much rather have been beside you, believe me!"

"Say what you want" Mac sighed. "Wash up for dinner."

Placing Ainsley into her high chair, he went to the bedroom to toss his things in the corner and wash up for dinner. He couldn't understand why Mac was so upset with him, but he hoped to talk about it once the kids were down for the night.

Mac kept this attitude up all the way through supper. She could see it was starting to hurt him, but that was precisely where she wanted him. She had a plan, a lovely plan that would only work out properly if he was in the right place emotionally and physically. She needed him confused, off his game, and completely vulnerable.

Harm spent the entire meal trying to hide the pain he was feeling. He'd been gone for a week, and his wife was treating him as if he'd run to the corner store for a loaf of bread. He wasn't sure why she was so...cold, so distant when she'd been the one to call him at all hours of the night and cry about how badly she missed him. He wasn't sure what he expected exactly with regard to his homecoming, but he knew one thing - this wasn't it at all.

Harm was sitting holding Ainsley on his lap. The infant had decided that daddy's nose tasted good as she kept trying to get it in her mouth. It was nearly ten when Mac said, "Time to put her to bed."

"You want to feed her, or you want me to give her a bottle?" he asked, not wishing to upset her further.

"You can give her a bottle and put her down" Mac replied. "I have some reading to do."

"Okay" he replied sadly, having no earthly clue what reading could possibly be important enough for her to do at that moment. He went to the kitchen to warm a bottle, feeling sadder by the second, wondering what he'd done - aside from being gone for a week - that could have his wife so upset.

"I'm not sure what's wrong with your mommy, Ainsley Bear" he said as he waited by the warmer. "Daddy sure wishes he did, though."

They baby gurgled in response and turned her little face to brush against Harm's shirt as if to say, "I love you daddy."

He squeezed her close. "I sure did miss you, baby girl."

After feeding the baby and getting her settled into her crib for the night, Harm trudged into the master bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. He sat there on the edge, head in his hands, feeling utterly confused and very, very sad.

Mac listened to Harm as he talked to the baby and watched as he solemnly went to their room. She had him right where she wanted him, just like a sad lonely war hero she'd seen in an old movie a few nights back. Slipping out of her regular clothes and into the plain cotton dress she'd decided to wear for this occasion, she went to him.

The door opened and Harm looked up to see Mac dressed in a blue cotton dress with tiny white flowers on it. She stood in the dimly lit doorway and said nothing.

"Mac?" he asked, still as confused as before.

"Is there a sad lonely sailor in here?" she asked stepping a bit closer.

"Yeah" he replied, his voice still sad and low.

She kept coming closer. "It's been hard hasn't it?"

"Uh...yeah, I guess it has" he answered, eyes now fixed on her.

"You're tired?" she asked. "Stressed? Sore?" She moved even closer.

"Mm-hmm" he replied, beginning to feel a little better. "All three."

Mac closed the remaining space and knelt before him. "Missing someone?"

"I was" he admitted softly. "But I don't think she missed me."

"Why's that?" Mac asked. Yep, this had worked like a charm.

"Because" he began, "she didn't act like I thought she would when I came home."

"How did she act?" Mac asked him, reaching out now to touch the soft skin on his face.

"Like she was upset with me" he said softly. "Like I hadn't been gone more than a few minutes. I missed her like crazy, and I thought she missed me the same, but..."

"But what?" Mac asked.

"But she didn't" he said, "because if she did, she wouldn't have frozen me out like she did."

Mac leaned over and took his lips with her in a gentle kiss, meant to stir him from the inside out. "How's that for a homecoming?"

He stared into her deep brown eyes. "Now that's more like it" he smiled.

Mac pulled back and began to unlace his shoes, working removing first the right, then the left. "I had you big time didn't I?" she asked.

He nodded and laughed a little bit. "You really did...but why?"

"To make you wonder" she smiled.

"Well, it worked" he stated with a grin.

"Mm-hmm" Mac replied. "And there's more where it came from."

"Well, by all means" he said, "let's have it."

Moving both of his shoes aside she reached underneath his pants and removed his socks. She ran her hands over his large feet and took one in her lap and began to massage it.

"Ooh, that's nice" he said as his arms supported him as he leaned back just a little.

"Glad you like it" she replied working her hands over every inch of his foot before moving to the other one. This one had tension in the arch. "Ooh, what happened?"

"Dunno" he said. "Could be anything."

"Let's see if I can get it out" she sighed and began massaging the tension out using gentle pressure and making soft sounds. "How's that, baby?"

"Nice" he sighed, feeling himself begin to unwind at the feel of her touch.

"I hope so" she replied. "I want it all to feel very nice. I missed you so much."

"Not any more than I missed you" he said, sitting all the way up and leaning forward to bring her near for another kiss.

Mac responded well to this kiss, moving her lips up and down over his. "Let's get this uniform off of you" she whispered against his lips. "How's your back?"

"Back's fine" he said as he continued the kiss. "Heart's not so good. Been missing you too much."

"Lay back, sailor" Mac replied. "On the bed."

He did as she asked, but without letting go of her, thus bringing her down on top of himself.

"Harm" she whispered.

"Hmm?" he replied, pulling her into another tender kiss.

"Let me go" she replied.

"Is that an order?" he asked softly, playfully.

"Yes" Mac replied. "I still have work to do. Like getting you comfy and out of this uniform."

"Ah, okay" he said gently releasing his arms from around her body.

Mac stayed on top of him and began to unbutton is uniform shirt slipping it off his shoulders. "Lift up."

He did so, allowing her to slide the garment from beneath him.

"Lean against me" she replied as she dipped her hands beneath his waistband and started to remove his undershirt. "Give me a minute and I'll see what I can do about that pain you complained about."

With relative ease Mac removed his undershirt and discarded it with his uniform top. She pushed Harm back against the pillows and began to rub his chest with her hands, paying special attention to his rib cage and of course the skin around his nipples. She leaned over and kissed her way from one side of his body to the other, then down to his navel and back up until she could take his lips.

"Mmmmm" he said as their lips met. "That felt nice, baby."

Mac returned his kiss. "Nothing feels as nice as...Do you know my favorite part of being married to you?"

He silently shook his head, just a little.

"Sleeping with your arms around me" Mac replied. "I missed that. I missed your strength."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her nearer than she already was. "I missed you more than I ever imagined possible...the same way I love you."

"Do you want to make love tonight?" Mac asked.

"If we don't" he whispered, "I think I just might die."

"I wasn't sure I wanted to" Mac replied.

"Really?" he asked softly, again a bit taken aback. "Do you want to now?"

"I'm really up to be held close" Mac replied. "Like you promised on the phone."

"I'm not sure how much closer I can hold you" he said with a smile as he squeezed her a little tighter. "But I'll be glad to lie like this all night if that's what you want."

Mac lay on top of his chest, snuggling close. "What kind of case was it, babe?"

"Conduct unbecoming" he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Lieutenant charged with getting drunk at a baseball game and cursing at a little boy in line for the concession stand."

"At least it wasn't anything very bad" Mac replied enjoying being held. "Did you enjoy your time with Ainsley?"

"Always" he answered with a big smile. "I missed her almost as much as I missed you."

"She did miss you. When she got up for that night feeding she cried longer and fussed" Mac told him.

"Poor baby" he said. "Did you nurse her or do a bottle?"

"Mattie usually got her, and then I had to get up and nurse her because she was upset" Mac replied. "Do you think..."

"What?" he encouraged, rubbing her back gently as he spoke.

"Do you think you could talk to the General about limiting the amount of trips you have to do? AJ did it for Bud when little AJ was young" Mac replied.

"Mac, baby, one trip in the last 6 months _is_ pretty limited" he said. "But if it'll help, I'll ask him about it."

"That's only because of your back" Mac replied. "You're barely back a month."

"I know" he said. "I'll see what he'll agree to."

"Thank you," she replied leaning down to kiss his chest again. "How about we get rid of these pants?"

"I think that's a very nice idea" he said, still wondering where his wife's little plot was heading but enjoying it so far.

"Do you want me?" she asked as she undid the fasteners on his pants.

"Want you how?"

"As a woman?" Mac asked him. "Do you want to touch me? Do you want me to touch you?" she asked this as she caressed his body through his underclothes.

He felt his heart skip a beat as she touched him. He simply replied "I do."

Mac smiled and began to pull on his pants moving them over his hips and down his legs, revealing his long muscular thighs and calves and running her hands up and down them. "I want you too."

"Come get me" he said, his words deep and commanding.

That was all the encouragement Mac needed. She reached up then and pulled his boxers down until both sets of pants were around his ankles. "Help me."

He raised one leg a little, then the other, allowing her to remove his clothes as she wanted to do. "Better?"

"Much" she replied and began to kiss him again starting at his ankle and working his way up, not unlike what he'd done to her the day he left. She did this until she was once again lying on top of him. She sat up, straddled his legs and began to undo the tiny buttons on her cotton dress.

He reached up to her hands as they worked on the buttons. "May I?"

She nodded and dropped her hands.

He slowly and carefully undid each remaining button, sliding his hand inside the ever-widening gap as it formed along the front of her dress. He stopped with three buttons remaining, sliding both hands inside the gap and running them oh-so-softly against her breasts, which were his for the taking, no bra in sight. "You're so beautiful" he said under his breath.

"You're not so bad yourself" she replied and rolled off of him lying flat, letting him know he was in control.

He in turn rolled over to straddle her and finish up with the buttons. He finished with the last one, leaving the front of her body, from the waist up, completely open to his desires. He looked at her for a moment before leaning down on his elbows and kissing her neck; tenderly at first, then more impassioned, then once again soft as he moved down to her shoulder.

Mac lay back and enjoyed his attentions on her body. She loved the way his lips felt against her skin, warm and soft at the same time. He kissed her arms down to her hands, kissed her belly up to her breasts, and then set to work on her breasts, taking time to nibble, soothe, and bathe each nipple.

"Oh…" Mac gasped as she worked on her chest.

"Feel good?" he asked, pausing only long enough to pose the question.

"Ooh" she moaned in her throat. "Aches" she whispered. "I...Off."

He lifted his body off of hers, and stood at the foot of the bed. Grabbing the hem of her dress, he began to pull gently. "Lift up, baby" he said.

Mac lifted her hips off the bed to make it easier for him to bare her body to his view. When he had done so and stood looking at her, taking her in, she raised her knees, "Make love to me. Now."

He crawled back into bed and straddled her body once more. "What if I'm not ready just yet?" he asked, his blue eyes glimmering in the warm shadow cast upon the room from the street lamp out front.

"I just might die" she whispered echoing his earlier words.

"Well, we certainly can't have that happen" he said, "now, can we?"

"No" she sighed. "We can't. What are you going to do about it?"

"Exactly what I know you want me to do" he replied in a heated whisper as he planted a slow, passionate kiss against her lips.

Mac returned the kiss fiercely bringing her legs up to lock them around his hips, using her ample strength to hold him to her. "I want you. I love you so much."

"I know the feeling" he gasped as he moved his body against hers, knowing it drove her crazy.

She gave a whimper and lifted her hips against his body to encourage him. It had been a long week and while neither wanted to rush, both needed to have the other very badly.

While Harm wished the kissing and touching could go on forever, he knew that neither Mac nor he could last any longer. He raised his hips and pressed his length into her. He let out a groan of pleasure as he felt her muscles clamp around him and her hips begin to move with him, in a rhythm so perfect, so ancient, and yet so unique unto them.

Harm kept his pace slow and steady; showing her this was love, not desperation, and Mac received and appreciated that message. When they reached their simultaneous climax, and he had rolled to her side, Mac had tears dripping down her face.

"Did that hurt you, baby?" he asked, reaching over to wipe away her falling tears.

Her face crumbled and she buried her head against his chest.

"Hey, hey" he whispered, wrapping his arm around and bringing her near. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry if I did."

"It didn't hurt" she managed. "But..." She broke off and cried harder.

He rolled over a little in order to put both arms around her. "Shh...It's okay, love" he soothed. "Can you tell me why you're so upset?"

"Because I know" she replied. "As beautiful as this is...it will never get us what we want."

He knew right away what she meant. "A baby" he said.

She nodded her head. "I'm sorry, Harm."

"Please don't be" he said tenderly. "It's not your fault; it's just the way it goes for us, and I'm okay with it. Well, not 'okay', but...I've accepted that we have to work harder to have our babies, but it just means we'll love them that much more."

"I know, but that's not what I'm sorry for" she replied sniffling.

"Tell me why you're sorry" he encouraged, wiping the still-falling tears from her face.

"Because I bring this into every aspect of our lives. I get emotional and cry like this over it when I know it won't help" Mac sighed and tried to sit up.

"No, no" he said, "lie here with me so we can talk about this. It's not wrong for you to be upset about it, to feel like it's taking over every aspect of our lives, or to cry about it." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"But it ruined your homecoming" she whispered. "This was supposed to be full of joy not this pain. There's just so much pain all the time."

"I know, baby" he said. "If I could make it disappear, you know I would, but it's not that easy. I know it's a super emotional struggle that we're going through, but it's based on a medical condition, not anything you or I did wrong. It sucks and it's not fair, but...it's life for us."

Mac remained silent for a minute then just as she was about to speak their first little miracle let out a cry they could hear even without the assistance of the ever presence baby monitor.

"Want me to get her?" he asked as he rubbed her back.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "I don't think she's ready to eat. Might be that top tooth."

"Might be" he agreed. "You gonna be okay for a minute?"

"Yeah" she replied. "I'm going to go to the bathroom."

With a nod and another kiss, Harm climbed out of bed and went to retrieve Ainsley from her nursery. By the time he got her changed, grabbed her pink blanket and returned to the bedroom, Mac was back in bed.

The baby was practically screaming by the time Harm got her into the bedroom, thrashing her little head around and flailing her arms.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" he asked as he tried to calm her down.

Mac slipped out of bed and walked around to where Harm stood rocking the baby. She touched her little head, "Harm?"

"What?" he replied as Ainsley continued to wail.

"Get the baby thermometer" Mac told him and moved to take the baby from her daddy.

"Uh, okay" he said, handing the baby to Mac and heading for the medicine cabinet. He returned 30 seconds later with the thermometer. "Here, babe."

Mac held the baby on her lap and took the thermometer and placed it in the baby's ear. She counted the appropriate number of seconds and read the digital output. "Almost 100."

"100? That's way too high!" exclaimed Harm. "She must be sick, poor thing! What do we do?"

"We calm down" Mac replied. "It's no where near high for a baby. If I hold her, can you check her gums and see if they are hot or red?"

"I'll try" he said. "Lemme wash my hands." He hurried to the bathroom and washed his hands before returning to where Mac and Ainsley were waiting. "Okay, baby girl" he said softly. "Open up for daddy..."

He felt around, noticing her little gums felt hot and a bit swollen, and right there, front and center, was the tiniest edge of another tooth. "Oh yeah" he said. "That top tooth."

"That's what's wrong with her" Mac cooed more to the baby than Harm. "Let's walk baby, and daddy will get you a cold ring. Come on."

"Which one should I get?" he asked as he retied the belt on his robe. "Snoopy or Baby Mickey?"

"Baby Mickey stays colder longer" Mac replied as she followed Harm out to the kitchen.

He opened the freezer and brought out the teething ring, rinsing it off a little before handing it to Mac. "Will she hold it or do you still hold it for her?"

"See if she'll do it" Mac replied sitting down on the sofa with the baby in her lap.

Harm offered the cold ring to the baby but she refused it, still flailing her hands and arms. "Okay" said Mac. "Let me have it." She took the adorable little teething ring and held it in her daughter's mouth. Only then did the baby's wails start to die down.

"Looks like she'll be a rough teether" said Harm through a yawn.

"Seems like it, and these aren't even her molars" Mac replied. "You're tired, babe. Why don't you go to bed? I've got this."

"I know you do" he said, "but I have a better idea. Why don't I sit here with you two until she's ready to go back down, then we can all go back to bed?"

"We could be at this all night, honey" Mac sighed. "She had a night like that when you were away."

"All the more reason for me to wait up" he said. "I'm no more tired than you are, babe, and besides, I've missed you."

"Okay" Mac agreed. "She seem to be settling? I can't see from this angle."

He looked at his daughter as she gnawed on Baby Mickey's ear. "I think so" he said. "Least she's not crying anymore. She still chewing on everything she can get into her mouth?"

"Yes" Mac replied. "Including mommy, right angel?"

"That reminds me" he said as he rubbed his tired eyes, "how'd your blood tests go at Dr. Kendall's office?"

Mac continued to rock Ainsley and stroked her little head. "They were okay for the most part."

"Which part wasn't okay?" he asked, concerned but not too worried.

"My prolactin levels are too high and my iron levels are still a bit too low, but the prolactin is more concerning that the iron" Mac replied.

"How come?" he asked.

"It keeps my cycles from kicking back in" Mac replied. "If my cycles are off we can't get pregnant."

Harm nodded sleepily. "What can he do about it, anything?"

"He wants me to taper off on breastfeeding her" Mac replied. "He wants to recheck in a month."

Again, he nodded. "You okay with that?"

"I don't know" Mac replied. "I don't see as I have much choice. If we want to have another baby I'll have to."

"Don't hate me for what I'm about to say" he said, "but if you're not ready to start cutting back on nursing her, you don't have to. We can wait a little longer, which I know you don't want to do, but I think you have to decide what feels right to you."

"Neither feels right to me" Mac sighed. "But I'm going to try her on the formula Dr. Kendall recommended and if she has even the tiniest problem with it, we'll stop."

"Didn't he say" asked Harm, "when we met with him together, that you could freeze a bunch of milk ahead of time and then use that as you cut out a feeding or two?"

"Yes, he did. I'm going to start there but if it doesn't improve in a month and we have to drop more feedings then I'll have to try her on formula" Mac sighed. "She out?"

He looked once more at the baby in Mac's lap. "Mm-hmm, she's out."

"Can you put her in bed while I go to the bathroom again," Mac asked. "I'll meet you in bed."

"Certainly" he said with a weary smile as he rose from his chair and took his child into his arms.

Harm put the sleeping baby in the bed and then went to join his wife in bed. She was lying down already, and had his side of the covers pulled back. He slipped in beside her and gathered her close. "Good night, sweetheart" she whispered against his chest, closing her eyes. Harm's only response was a light snore.

* * *

_A/N: I know, not much to this chapter, but hopefully the little bit of fluff made it worthwhile. :)_


	85. Chapter 85

_A/N: Once again, PLEASE forgive the delay in posting. I'm still fighting the MS flare-up, and it's been a real dilly. I'm hoping to get back to weekly postings, but we'll see how it goes. Thank you all for being so patient with me, and for your continued interest in the story. I hope you like this chapter. :) Thanks to She'sAShipper for her buddy-ness and creative nudges. :)_

* * *

Chapter 85: 

Ainsley managed to cut her two top teeth in the next two weeks, keeping her parents awake nights for most of that time with sore gums and low grade fevers. Harm and Mac settled back into their routine and soon it was like he never left. Their love life suffered a bit to Ainsley's teeth, but they managed to still find a decent amount of time for physical love and affection.

Harm went to Dr. Kendall and had his test done. Much to his delight it came back normal thus allaying his silent fear that his back problems had affected him in that way.

Before either knew it, they were both back in the radiology department at Bethesda waiting for Mac to undergo her second HSG, a test that she was not looking forward to doing again _(A/N: See chapter 5 for the first time she had this done. I had to have it twice myself.)_

Mac lay on the table, Harm up near her head while she waited for the doctor to come in and do her test. She held tight to his hand, hers quaking a little. She remembered the pain from the last time and was not looking forward to doing it again. Strong prescription painkillers were not an option for her since she was nursing, so they only things she had to cushion it were Tylenol and will.

"You ready for this?" he asked, rubbing the back of her hand.

"No" she replied. "It hurt last time and I know its going to hurt this time."

"He said it might not be as bad" encouraged Harm. "He also said it depends on what he sees and what he has to do to get the pictures he needs."

"Hold my hand the whole time, okay?" Mac asked, needing to be reassured even though she knew he'd never not be there for her.

"You know I will, babe" he said softly. "You'll do better than you think. Compared to labor and delivery, this should be a relative breeze, maybe?"

"I hope so" she replied just as Dr. Kendall joined them. "Everybody ready?" he asked smiling.

"Not exactly" answered Harm with a little smile. "She's pretty nervous."

"You've done this before, Sarah" he comforted. "Piece of cake."

"Spoken like someone who's never been on this side of it" replied Mac, trying to laugh but finding it difficult.

"I'll be as gentle as I can" he assured her. "You want a chair, Harm?"

"No, thank you" he replied. "I'm gonna stand right up here and hold her hand, just like before."

"Okay, then let's get this done" the doctor replied.

"Yes, let's" agreed Mac, ready for it to be nothing but a bad memory.

Dr. Kendall began the procedure explaining the steps as he went along. "Here comes the catheter, Sarah" he told her. "Try to relax."

As Dr. Kendall began to ease the catheter up Mac felt her uterus begin to cramp, much stronger than she remembered it doing and lasting longer.

"Ow...ow...ow..." she said softly, knowing it was going to get worse from there.

"Ssh" Harm comforted. "I'm right here. It's okay."

"It hurts" she whispered.

"I know it does, baby" he replied. "More than last time?"

She nodded. "I think so, but I don't know for sure."

"Hanging in there, Sarah?" Dr. Kendall asked. "I'm ready to inject the dye."

"Go ahead" she said, squeezing Harm's hand even tighter.

"In five, four, three, two..." He counted off before injecting the dye into her uterus.

"How you doing?" he asked when he had begun to ease in the dye.

"I'm okay" she said, holding her breath unintentionally as she felt the cramping worsen as more dye was injected.

"You sure?" he asked noticing her body getting tense. "We're almost done."

"Yeah" she answered, "it hurts, but I'm okay." She looked up at Harm as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Harm reached and wiped her tear away. "I'm sorry it hurts so much" he whispered leaning down to kiss the track of her tear. Just as the doctor warned, "I'm going to get the pictures now, Sarah. Hang in there."

Mac lay on the table and continued to squeeze Harm's hand until finally the doctor announced "all done," and pulled the catheter out.

"That was pretty horrible" she said when the doctor had left and told her to lie still until she felt ready to get up.

"You did so great with it" said Harm, leaning down to kiss her lips. "You hurting a lot?"

"Mmhmm" she replied. "Much worse than the last time."

"Want some more Tylenol?" he asked. "Last time you took some right after and it helped."

"I'm not sure I can even move right now, babe" she replied. "Can you get some?"

"Oh, I know you can't move, baby" he said. "I didn't mean for you to go get it. How many do you want?"

"The bottle?" she asked with a small laugh.

He laughed to match hers. "Only if there are no more than 4 pills in it, my dear."

"You have no mercy" she sighed and placed her hand on her cramping abdomen.

"I do so" he countered as he fished the pill bottle from her purse. "I just refuse to let you take too much of this stuff, it's not good for you or Ainsley."

"I know" Mac sighed. "Think she did okay today?"

"Oh, I'm sure she did fine" he said as he opened her water bottle for her. "She's like a new baby since those teeth finally broke through."

"She is. Just to think what we have to look forward to with her molars and eye teeth." Mac sighed and moaned a bit in pain.

"I'm sorry you had to do this again" said Harm as he brushed her hair off her forehead with his fingers. "Hopefully, it's the last time."

"Hopefully" she sighed and pressed her face into his hand.

"How are we doing in here, Sarah?" the doctor asked as he came back in.

"Hurting" she answered.

"How badly? Just cramps or different?" he asked her a bit concerned.

"Really bad cramps" she said. "Not like labor pains, but worse than I remember feeling after last time."

"Okay, hang in there" he smiled. "Let me check you quick and make sure everything is okay, alright?"

"If you feel you need to" said Mac as she reached out for her husband's hand, "go ahead."

Dr. Kendall did a quick exam, being as gentle as he could be. "Everything looks fine, Sarah" he replied. "Just lie still for a bit longer, okay?"

"Gladly" she replied. "Did it go okay, the test?"

"So far, so good" the doctor replied. "Call Kacie and make an appointment for one week from now and we'll go over it in detail, but so far so good."

"Oh, I'm glad" she said. "I was a little worried that you'd find something."

"Nope, other than the normal uterine changes that occur with a pregnancy, it all looks alright, clear tubes, and all" the doctor told her. "Commander, I want you to make sure she rests tonight, nothing strenuous since this was so hard on her, okay?"

"I'll make sure she remains on 'princess status' the rest of the day" smiled Harm.

"Good" the doctor replied. "Take your time, if the pain gets worse or doesn't ease by tomorrow give me a call." With that Dr. Kendall once again left the X-ray room.

"Princess status, huh?" Mac asked. "And what does that entail?"

"Oh, I dunno" said Harm in a playful, sing-song tone. "Probably means you get to lie around, do nothing, order me around, you know, fun stuff."

"I do that all the time already" Mac teased.

"Oh, please, babe" he laughed. "You're one of the busiest people I know, but today you won't be. I'll take care of everything, including Ainsley, so you can rest and relax."

Mac smiled faintly then looked at him with very serious eyes, "I love you."

"God, I love you, too" he replied, leaning down to kiss her lips once again.

Mac returned the kiss then sighed against his lips. "I think I'm ready to get out of here. I want to go home and lay in my own bed."

"Let me help you up" he said, sliding his arm beneath her back. "Take your time getting dressed, don't hurt yourself."

Twenty minutes later Mac had managed to dress herself and left the hospital arm in arm with Harm. "This is going to happen" she said after they'd reached the car in silence.

"By 'this', you mean we'll have another baby?" he asked.

"Yeah" Mac replied. "I'm starting to feel better about it."

"I'm glad, babe" he said, reaching over to take her hand. "It's always nice to get good news; I know I always feel better about our chances after we hear something positive."

"Yeah" Mac sighed. "Me too. Let's go get our girl."

* * *

Harm dropped by Harriet's and true to his word shouldered all of the house and baby responsibility for the rest of the day, insisting that Mac stay in their bed with her feet up. When it was time to nurse the baby he brought her into Mac, and then burped her, bathed her, and put her down for the night. He was tired by the time he joined Mac in their bed, but it was just the kind of tired he wanted to be. 

"You're beat huh?" she asked him as she snuggled in closer to his warm body. "She go right in?"

"Yeah, she did" he said, wrapping his arm around her. "She's so funny that way - sometimes she goes down with no fight, other times it takes both of us to get her to sleep."

"Thanks for everything you did today" Mac replied. "I feel better now."

"I'm glad" he said. "And you're more than welcome."

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Mac asked.

"Doesn't matter" he said. "I'd love a boy, but how could I not get excited at the idea of another little girl, you know?"

"See, I knew it" she smiled and ran her hand up and down his chest.

"Knew what?" he asked softly.

"That you wanted a son" Mac replied. "I want to give you that. I want to give you the chance your dad never had."

He smiled at the idea of having a son someday. "I'd love to have that chance" he said. "But if it never comes my way, I'll be more than happy with what I've already been blessed with."

"Hey, I just thought of something we should do" Mac said enthusiastically.

"What's that?" he asked.

"We should take her to The Wall. Let her meet her Grandpa Harmon" Mac said. "Would you like that?"

"I'd love to" he said. "We didn't go on her first Christmas Eve because it was snowing to beat the band and she had a little cold as it was, but yeah, I'd love to take her soon. He'd be so proud of her, Mac. He'd love you, too. I know he would."

Mac smiled and snuggled closer. "Good. Have you given any thought to...to your quals?" she asked.

He sighed. "Yeah. I keep putting them off."

"You still intend to do it?" Mac asked.

"I haven't told Captain Hendricks to take me off the list permanently" he said. "But I...I don't know. That's why I haven't done anything yet. I'm trying to make the best choice from every aspect, and what might seem obvious to some folks who're on the outside looking in, isn't so simple on this side."

"Are you including me in that statement?" Mac asked. "I've made it clear where I stand."

"No, no, sweetie" he said. "I didn't mean you; you're right, you've made it clear, and most of the time that's the direction I'm leaning in, but...It sucks, the whole thing just sucks."

"I know" she sympathized. "And even though I prefer you hang it up, I'll support you no matter what." Mac placed a kiss on his chest.

"I love you" he said. "I'll make up my mind soon, I promise."

Mac nodded, "I love you too. How about some sleep?" she asked with a yawn.

"Sleep sounds...wonderful" he said, nestling his head a bit closer to hers.

* * *

Another week passed and all that while Mac had been saving up bottles for Ainsley in case Dr. Kendall said she had to cut back on breastfeeding. It was a Friday, ten days after the HSG and it was time for the result. Harm was nervous this time, while Mac remained calm. 

"Relax, sweetie" Mac soothed. "He said it all looked okay at the hospital."

"I know" said Harm. "I don't know why I'm so nervous this time, there's really no reason for me to be."

"It's still cute" Mac replied. "I wish I had a camera to get your knee going up and down like that."

He looked down at his leg as his knee bounced up and down, over and over. Purposefully ceasing the motion, he looked at Mac and smiled. "I guess I just want this all to work out."

"Mrs. Rabb" the nurse called, "come on back."

Rising together, they held hands and followed the nurse to the exam room, a trip they'd taken many times in their quest to have Ainsley. A trip they hadn't missed.

Mac sat on the table, Harm stood at her side. They weren't long to wait before the doctor appeared. "Good afternoon, Sarah, Commander" he greeted.

"Hi" said Harm.

"What's wrong?" Dr. Kendall asked. "You seem tense?"

Harm smiled a little and shook his head. "I haven't a clue, doctor. I'm nervous as hell, and there's no good reason for it, at least none we can think of. Probably just my turn to feel emotional about this for a change."

"It would be nice if every husband we got in here could do that" he replied. "But you are right. There is no reason to be nervous. The HSG was perfect, uterus looks great, clear tubes...textbook."

"That's great" said Harm, very relieved. "So, you didn't find any new problems?"

"Nothing" he smiled. "She's in great shape as far as that goes."

"But...there's more to today's report, isn't there?" asked a once-again wary Harm.

"Unfortunately, the results of Sarah's latest blood tests are not as encouraging as I'd have liked them to be" Dr. Kendall replied. "Her prolactin levels are still high, her iron is still low, and her progesterone levels are off as well. You're going to have to cut back on nursing to get back on track, Sarah."

Mac sighed. "I was afraid of that. How much are we talking? How bad are my numbers?"

"Overall, not too bad as far as the prolactin and progesterone go. I would suggest laying off three feedings a day for now and see what next month brings. Your iron...Are you still feeling dizzy?" he asked her.

"No, I'm not" she said, "but cutting out three feedings a day? That seems like a lot when she only nurses 6 or 7 times in 24 hours."

"It's a suggestion" Dr. Kendall replied. "I feel at this point that is the best option."

Looking down at the floor, then over at her husband, she sighed. "Okay. If you think that's what I need to do, I'll give it a try."

"Okay" he replied. "I want you to try and eat a bit more red meat, at least twice a week and try some green leafy vegetables" he recommended. "Let's get that iron level up and that prolactin level down, okay?"

"I'll do my best" she said with a halfhearted smile.

"Good" he replied. "Take care of yourselves. I'll see you next month?"

"Yes, sir" said Harm. "Thanks again for everything."

With a wave and a quick smile, Dr. Kendall left them to see to other patients.

* * *

"Well, what do you think about all that?" asked Harm. 

Mac forced a tiny smile, "It's not anything I didn't already know. You are going to have to find a way to get spinach into a Beltway Burger, Flyboy."

He smiled. "You'd be amazed what I can sneak into your food, my dear."

"Would I?" Mac asked preparing to slide off the table. "And what pray tell have you snuck into my food?"

"Oh, nothing yet" he replied happily as he offered her a hand. "But don't underestimate me." He smiled yet again and gave her a little wink.

They walked out of Dr. Kendall's office hand in hand. Harm could tell that the report had upset Mac but he chose to hold his piece for now. When she was ready she would talk to him, she always did.

The rest of the day went by relatively without incident except for Ainsley discovering that she - like her mother - did not enjoy spinach. The day, while easy, had been long for both Harm and Mac so they decided to turn in early. Harm actually suggested it and Mac knew why, he wanted her to tell him her feelings about Dr. Kendall's report, the only thing was she wasn't ready just yet.

"I'm going to take a bath, okay honey?" Mac asked.

"Sure" he replied, "take your time, enjoy it."

"You going to do your work out while I'm in there?" Mac asked. Harm had been sliding on his back rehab of late.

"I suppose I should" he sighed. "I'll be glad when I don't have to do it anymore."

"You always have to do it" Mac replied. "Stop complaining and get it over with."

"Yes, dear" he said with a mock sarcasm that he knew made her smile.

Mac sank in the tub and soaked, letting her mind run over her feelings from Dr. Kendall's report. Even though she wanted the second baby, she felt like she was cheating Ainsley out of her attention and that upset her. Still, she didn't want to talk about it, saying it would make it truer. What if Harm felt that way? Instead she was going to push him on another subject or two.

Harm was lying in bed reading when Mac came out the tub. He smiled at her.

"All clean now, beautiful?" he asked softly.

"Yes" Mac replied and slipped in beside him. "How many squats did you get tonight?"

"Three reps of twenty" he answered. "I need to get back on track; I've been slacking."

"You're supposed to be able to do five of twenty. Why did you stop?" Mac asked brow raised.

"Started hurting" he said. "Not too bad, but I didn't feel like risking it. I'll get better and get back up to 5."

"Where did it hurt?" she asked. She was still fretting constantly.

"Middle of my back" he said, tossing the book he'd been reading onto the night stand and crossing his arms in front of his chest. "It's no big deal; I just need to get back with the program, that's all."

"Does it still hurt? Want me to put your legs up or rub it for you?" she asked. She really didn't feel like being intimate but she'd rub his back if it were sore.

He pondered her offer for a moment. "Okay, sure" he finally said. "A backrub would be great."

Harm rolled over onto his stomach and Mac pulled back the sheet. She found the spot where Dr. Peddie had corrected the bad disc and touched it. "Here?"

"Mm-hmm" he answered.

Gently Mac began to massage the sore spot on Harm's back. She remained silent through out the fifteen minute massage, not even asking him how it felt or doing anything to arouse him whatsoever. Finally she spoke, "Mattie is still seeing that boy."

"I know" said Harm. "This is so new to me; I don't really know what to do. I don't like it, but if we forbid it, you know..."

"I think we need to have her invite him over here. I want to meet him" Mac replied.

"Me too" said Harm. "I don't like her being so 'involved' with someone we don't know, but it just kinda happened this time."

"It just kind of happens all the time" she replied and ceased her massage. "Better?"

"Mmm, much" he answered rolling onto his side to face her. "Crawl in here, babe."

"I'm good" Mac replied and reached up to turn out the lamp.

He was worried that her refusal to be snuggled against him was another indicator of her unhappiness from the doctor's appointment. "You doin' okay?" he asked softly as she climbed into bed but didn't get very close to him.

"I'm fine" Mac replied. "It's just been a long day. I'm kind of tired."

Harm sighed to himself and took a deep breath. "Mac" he said, "I don't want to push you, but...we need to talk about this. We can't go to sleep with this cloud hovering above your side of the bed."

"I don't know what you're talking about" Mac replied. She really did not want to pay lip service to her thoughts.

"Yes, you do, sweetie" he said gently, reaching his hand out to find hers.

Mac pulled back. "I don't..." She began. "I don't want to talk about this Harm."

He knew when he needed to stop, and that time was now. "Okay" he said softly. "Well, whenever you're ready, I'll be here." He leaned over to kiss her cheek before rolling onto his other side to go to sleep.

Mac waited until Harm was sleeping, or at least until his breathing evened out before she slipped out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. She had so much to think about, so many thoughts and questions and doubts running in her head. She roamed the house, thinking about all of the things Dr. Kendall had said, about having to cut back on feeding Ainsley and how her iron level was still too low. She thought about her fears, how they'd dissipated only to be replaced with stronger one. She found herself in Ainsley's room before she knew she'd even gone in there. She looked down at her baby girl, sleeping peacefully, her little lamb tucked against her side. It was then, with the nightlight shining on her baby's angelic face, that the storm broke.

Harm was sound asleep as Mac's heartbroken sobs came over the baby monitor. He thought he was dreaming at first, until he got his mind to awaken a bit more. As soon as he realized Mac was upset, he tossed his covers aside and rolled out of bed, knowing from the source of the cries right where to find her.

He turned the corner into the nursery and found his wife sitting on the floor with her back against the crib, knees drawn to her chest and her head resting upon them as she cried. He knelt down beside her and places a loving hand on her back. "It's okay, baby" he whispered.

"I'm a lousy mother" she sobbed to him not lifting her face from her lap.

"No, you're not" he countered gently.

She made a little squeaking sound. "Yes. I am. I want a baby so much that I'll..."

"Shh... Try to calm down" he said quietly. "Tell me what you're so upset about, what will you 'do' to have a baby?"

"Sacrifice one for the other" she whispered. "That's something my mother would do."

Harm was taken aback by his wife's reply. "I...I don't understand."

"Of course you don't" she replied. "You couldn't."

"I'll try" he said. "If you'll let me; explain it to me, sweetie. Please?"

"I have...in order to get our next baby I have to...to..." She started to sob again and hid her face from him.

It hit him what she was talking about. "Mac, baby" he began, "please don't be so upset about that. It was just a suggestion the doctor made; you don't even have to do it if you don't want to. You can keep feeding her as much as you want for as long as you want, and I'll be 100 percent behind you on it."

"That's just it...I _want_ to listen to him" Mac cried. "I want to and that makes me feel so terrible."

He sighed and reached an arm around her back to pull her close. "It's okay to feel that way; to want to do whatever it takes. We felt that way the first time around, so it's natural to feel like that now. I know the situation was different the first time, but a lot of this roller coaster ride is the same no matter how many times you do it."

"You don't think she'll...think I've...you know..." Mac asked, her face set like a child's asking her father if he was mad at her.

He shook his head gently. "Not at all. Ainsley loves you, Mac. You're her mother and she knows that, and as long as you feel that you're doing the best things you can for her, she'll be just fine."

"Do mothers always know what's best?" she asked herself more than him.

"My Grams said something to my mom when I was a tiny baby" said Harm, "and my mom said it to me not long after Ainsley was born. 'Just do the best you can do for her, and let God fill in the gaps.' All you can do is go with your heart, Mac."

Mac leaned over and snuggled up to Harm. "I love you. You always know what to say and how..." Mac couldn't finish her sentence before Ainsley began to fuss in her crib. Mac laughed a bit.

"Guess we should've taken this someplace else, huh?" he asked as he kissed the top of Mac's head.

"She's hungry anyway. Want to get her a bottle, daddy?" Mac asked rising from the floor and reaching down to help Harm up.

"Do you want me to?" he asked. "I will, I just want to be sure that you're not avoiding the issue."

"No...I just needed to get that out" Mac replied. "You okay?"

"I'm fine" he said as he lifted Ainsley from her crib. "I'm still not convinced that _you're _okay, though. I think maybe we need to talk some more after the little one here has her snack."

"I'm really okay" Mac replied. "Honest."

He nodded warily. "Okay, well she's fit to be tied, so if you'll take her, I'll go get the bottle."

"Let's feed her together" Mac replied taking the baby from Harm and holding her. "Ssh, it's alright, baby. Daddy's going to fix your hungry belly. Yes he is."

Mac followed Harm out to the front of the house and sat down on the sofa rocking Ainsley. In short order Harm was back and Mac handed him the crying baby.

"Here we go, my little love" he cooed as he got Ainsley situated in his lap and placed the bottle to her lips.

"I love watching you do that" Mac smiled and played with the baby's foot as she ate.

He smiled. "I love doing it. Not sure why; I just do."

Mac remained silent and continued to play with Ainsley's feet as she sucked on her bottle.

"I guess we need to start getting her to take a bottle from you" he said to Mac as he looked into his daughter's bright blue eyes.

"Guess so" Mac replied. "You know what really sucks about this?"

He shook his head.

"Spinach" Mac replied. "All those veggies I'm going to have to eat."

"I thought you were more upset over this" he said, nodding towards the baby in his lap, "than over the diet."

"The diet is just another annoying thing" Mac said. "This…I could get used to watching you with her like this."

"I won't be doing this all the time" he said. "Plus you're still planning to nurse her as much as you can, aren't you? You don't have to just stop."

"I'm going to nurse her, but I'm going to have to stop eventually" Mac replied.

He could sense this issue, the one she'd been in pieces over, was as of yet unresolved. "Right" he said, "but you were going to have to stop eventually anyway, I mean you can't nurse her forever. Is...are you sure you're okay with this? Your words say you are, but I'm...I'm not feeling it."

"Yeah" Mac replied. "I was thinking I'd be a bad parent, choosing one over the other, but you fixed that for me. I knew you would" Mac smiled and reached out to touch his hand as he held the bottle.

"You could've told me how upset you were before I fell asleep" he said, looking into her eyes to show her his bruised feelings. "I'm here for you, Mac, but I can't help you when you don't talk to me."

Mac frowned. "I hurt your feelings."

He nodded. "I know you didn't mean to, but yeah..."

"Do I always have to tell you everything?" she asked. "I mean..."

"No" he answered as he moved Ainsley to his lap for a burp. "But if it's something big enough to land you in tears, I'd like to know what it is, and if it has anything to do with getting back into testing and treatment, I really want to be able to help you through it."

"This had nothing to do with treatments, Harm" Mac replied. "Nothing at all."

"But it did" he said. "It stemmed from what you have to do in order for us to get ready to go back into treatment, and regardless, it had to do with you and your feelings about a part of our daughter's life. I want to help you through this kind of thing, Mac, but you're the only one who can choose whether to let me do that or not."

"I'm just not used to it, I guess" Mac replied. "You say you'll always be there, but...I've had so many people break promises to me, Harm. I'm still not used to you keeping them."

He re-settled Ainsley in his lap and looked directly at Mac. "I'll never, ever break a promise to you, Mac. I love you way too much to ever do that to you." He knew they'd made huge strides as far as emotional issues went, but he also knew they had a good ways yet to go. He knew she trusted him on many levels, most actually, but when it came to matters of the heart, every so often, she'd still shut him out.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, honey" Mac replied. "How is she doing there?"

"I think" he said, preparing to hand the baby over to her mother, "that she's ready for bed."

"Good, cause mommy sure is" Mac replied. "Come on sweetie pie," Mac whispered. "Let's go sleepy."

Mac carried the baby to the nursery and gently placed her in the crib. "Good night, little girl" Mac whispered to her before she left to join Harm in bed. He was lying on his back when she came in and she climbed into bed and snuggled close. "Out like a light" she announced.

"I figured as much" he said, nestling himself against her.

"Forgive me?" she asked laying her cheek on his chest.

"Of course" he said softly. "I hate seeing you carrying anything that painful all by yourself. Promise me you'll start letting me in?"

"I can only promise to try harder" Mac replied. "And I do promise that. I will try."

"That's good enough for me" he said with a little smile.

"Ready to go sleep now?" Mac asked yawning. "We have a full day tomorrow."

"Yeah" he answered. "It's been a long day."

"I love you," Mac whispered as she let her body succumb to sleep.

"Love you, too, beautiful" he whispered in reply before his own eyes fell shut.

* * *

_A/N: I'll TRY to get you the next chapter within a week, I really will!_


	86. Chapter 86

_A/N: Thank you for all the great reviews, y'all are the best. :) We're nearing the end of this story, but for those wondering, yes, there will definitely be a sequel. Keep the following thought with youas you read this chapter: keep an open mind! ;)_

_Thanks always to She'sAShipper for her creative nudges and ideas along the way. :)_

* * *

Chapter 86: 

A few weeks later, Harm decided that the Rabb family could use some down time, so on his way home from JAG he stopped for pizzas and a video. It had been awhile since they all sat as a family and did something fun. He thought it would be nice if they spent some time together.

When he walked in, bringing the aroma of pizza with him, Mac smiled. "Hi, honey!" she greeted, holding Ainsley facing forward. "Say hi to daddy, sweet girl."

"Hey, it's two of my favorite girls" he said with a smile, leaning down to kiss Mac on the lips and Ainsley on the forehead. "I got dinner, hope you're hungry."

"We _are_ hungry" Mac replied. "You want pizza?" she asked Ainsley.

"You wanna give her pizza?" he asked in surprise. "She only has 4 teeth, I don't know if she can chew it."

"She can chew the crust" Mac replied. "It'll help that fifth tooth I thought I saw yesterday. What's in the bag?"

"_Bruce Almighty_" said Harm as he tossed his jacket over the back of the sofa and returned to the kitchen. "Looks really funny."

"Okay" Mac replied. "Two slices to start?"

"Yeah" he answered, opening the fridge to get drinks. "You want Sprite or Coke?"

"Sprite" Mac replied as she sat Ainsley in her high chair. "Did you tell Mattie she could go out tonight?"

"On the condition that she finishes her homework tomorrow night" he said.

"Just checking" Mac replied. "Want to eat in the living room?"

"Of course" he smiled, "much easier to watch the TV if you're in the same room with it."

Mac smiled and set the baby up in the living room with them. She cut the crust off one of her slices and gave it to the baby to gum, then set Harm's and her plates on the coffee table. He returned in a minute with the drinks and turned on the TV. Ainsley laughed and banged her treat on the tray of her chair with a big smile.

Harm laughed. "I think someone likes pizza crust."

Mac smiled. "She does." She settled in against the couch and ate her pizza. "Mmm. This is really good. What gave you this idea?"

"I thought it'd be a nice treat" he said. "Actually, I've thought a lot lately about doing this sort if thing every week."

"Really?" Mac asked. "That's a really sweet idea honey. Oh, it's starting."

Harm and Mac watched the movie and ate in silence, occasionally laughing at something funny on the screen. When they finished the pizza and Ainsley had destroyed three pieces of crust, Harm paused the film and helped Mac toss out the paper plates and refresh their drinks. When they resumed the film, she snuggled up against him, the baby now in her lap. He sighed and put his arm around them both, occasionally kissing Mac's temple or Ainsley's little hand.

"This is nice" he whispered to her. "Really nice."

"Yeah it is" Mac replied. "Right baby?"

Ainsley laughed and tossed her little head. "I think she agrees, mommy" Harm smiled.

They sat that way for the rest of the evening; Harm holding tightly to his precious girls, thinking that at this moment there was no where in the world he'd rather be than right there, with them in his arms.

As the weeks progressed and the time for Harm's decision on whether or not to keep his wings drew nearer, he though a lot about his wife and his daughters. Did he really want to risk being with them for the sake of his wings? He'd had his fun; he'd lived his dream for a time after all, hadn't he? He made the decision to at least have the physical and see if he could pass it, if he couldn't he didn't have anything to think about.

* * *

The day of Harm's flight physical was dismal and stormy. Ainsley was running yet another teething temperature and Mac had no choice but to stay home with her. The late June storm was doing nothing to settle the baby's tears and neither was Mac's nervous pacing about the living room floor. She wanted Harm to be well enough to fly, because that meant he was truly mended from that awful back episode earlier that year, but part of her dreaded a good result, fearing that it meant his return to the skies. 

It was just passed 1900 when Harm finally got home from Bethesda, greeted by his wife holding his crying daughter as she paced and bounced her up and down, making nonsense shushing noises to calm her tears.

"Hi, babe" he called when he came in. "Made it."

"Hi" Mac replied. "How bad is it out there?"

"Plenty bad enough" he answered. "What's wrong with her?"

"Fever, and I think she's scared of thunder" Mac replied as she continued to bounce the baby.

"Here" he said holding his arms out to her. "Let me try, you've been with her all day."

Mac gladly handed Ainsley over to Harm and collapsed down on the sofa. "How did it go?"

"Well...I passed" he said plainly as he gently soothed his little girl as best he could.

"That's good" Mac replied. "Isn't it?"

He nodded. "It is in that my body has healed to the point where the Navy will let me fly in combat again" he said. "But...I was almost hoping to fail, just so I could say 'it was out of my hands', you know?"

Mac sighed. "I know that. But it is _in_ your hands now, and you are going to have to make a decision soon." She was leaning against the back of the sofa with her eyes closed. Her head was throbbing from the humid air and the baby's wails.

"Do you want me to take her out for awhile so you can have some peace and quiet?" he asked. "I know your head hurts, sweetie."

"No" Mac replied. "It's too yucky outside for her. Just try and make her stop, maybe put her in the tub and cool her off."

"Why is it so hot in here?" he asked. "I've been home 5 minutes and I'm sweating like a pig."

"The air quit working this morning" Mac replied. "They can't get someone out here until Thursday."

"Oh, lovely" he said sarcastically. "End of June, dead of summer, a sick baby and no air conditioning."

"Is she hot like sweaty or just hot?" Mac asked him rubbing her temples. "I lost track two hours ago."

Just then Mattie, who'd been hiding out upstairs bounded down dressed in Daisy Duke shorts and a tank top. "I'm outta here, its way too hot."

"Where are you planning on going?" asked Harm.

"Over to Kim's" Mattie replied. "Her A/C is working and the music choice" she looked at Ainsley, "is somewhat better."

Harm couldn't help but smile. "Just be back before 2200, okay?"

"Not unless the A/C is fixed" Mattie replied. "This is for the birds."

"I'm not sure if we'll be spending the night here or not" said Harm, "and in the event we're not, I need you here by 2200 so we can pack a few things and go."

"Can I call?" Mattie asked.

"Mattie, your dad told you what he wanted you to do, now do it" Mac replied from her spot on the couch. "Or better yet, you can stay here and help with your sister."

"2200 it is" sighed Mattie.

"Good" Mac replied and remained still until she heard the door slam. "You have to do something about her."

"Nothing to do, really" he said with a smile. "She's 16, enough said."

"She stayed up there all day since school let out with that stereo blaring, she didn't even try to help me with the baby" Mac sighed. "Can you get her teething ring? Try that again."

"Yeah" he said as he headed towards the freezer. "I'll talk with her soon, when we're not all hot and grumpy. I'm thinking we should go to a hotel until the A/C is fixed, what do you think?"

"I'm in no mood to go anywhere" Mac replied. "Call them up again or look at it yourself or something."

"Mac, I know nothing about air conditioners" he said, holding the teething ring in Ainsley's mouth. "I highly doubt my calling would get anyone out here any faster. Why don't you just lie down and rest, and I'll get everything packed and we can go to that new hotel next to Dr. Kendall's office? If we stay here, no one will sleep a wink."

"What good will that do? We're not going to sleep anyway with your daughter rehearsing for her Met audition" Mac replied.

He sat down beside her. "Then how about I stay here with her and _you_ go check into the hotel? You need a break; you're exhausted, I can tell."

"No, I can't do that again, be away from you overnight" Mac replied. "Not until I have to." The baby reared back just then and spit out the ring, letting out a fresh set of wails.

"Ainsley Rose Rabb" sighed Harm as he repositioned the hysterical 9-month-old in his arms. "What is daddy gonna do with you, hmm?"

"Call a hotel" Mac replied sighing. "I'm going to take a shower and try to cool off a bit. If we can't get a hotel call AJ or Bud. We have to have a serious talk and we can't do it in here."

"What exactly do we need to talk about that's so serious?" he asked, having some idea but needing to check it out.

"I think you know. In two weeks you are going to have to tell Captain Hendricks if you plan to re-qualify, we need to talk about that" Mac replied.

His hunch had been right. "I know. I'll see where we can go for tonight, go take a nice cool shower. Has she been fed lately?"

"She won't eat" Mac replied. "That's all she does."

"She hasn't eaten anything all day?" he asked. "No wonder she's in a mood, poor baby."

"She ate some cereal for breakfast, would only nurse at lunch for about ten minutes, she spit all her supper at me...I hope it's just her teeth" Mac replied.

"I think it is" he said, Ainsley still whimpering as she tried to get her daddy's finger to the back of her mouth to gnaw on it. "Go on, we'll be fine."

Mac smiled at him and headed for the shower. She set it to cool and stood under the spray, washing the sweat and grime from her body. She could hear the baby's cries through the falling water until finally she heard nothing but blessed silence.

Half an hour after she'd gone in, Mac came out of the shower and in a light cotton robe sought out her husband and daughter. "How did you do that?" Mac asked referring to the quiet.

"Took her outside" he said. "We stood on the porch and watched the rain."

"And that got her to stop crying?" Mac sighed. "Bless you."

He smiled as the baby laid her head against his shoulder. "Feel better, mommy?"

"A little" Mac replied. "At least I don't smell anymore. Want to put her down?"

"No, but I need to" he said. "I need a shower and then I'll get us packed up. I got a room at the hotel, and I called Mattie on her cell and said she could either come with us or spend the night at Kim's. She chose the latter."

"Figured as much" Mac replied. "Is she sleeping?"

"I can't tell" he said, turning to the side so Mac could look.

"Nope" she replied. "She's just hanging out, feeling miserable. Let me take her, I'll see if I can't make her eat."

With a nod, he passed the baby carefully to her mother.

Mac took her daughter and held her in close. "Okay, baby girl" Mac cooed. "Let's have some dinner, huh?"

Ainsley began to fuss and whimper, her bottom lip quivering.

Mac settled the baby in her high chair. "Mama's got apples for you." Harm smiled as Mac started to feed their baby her food, thinking about how precious this was to see before heading for the shower to clean up.

Two hours later, Harm, Mac, and a sleeping baby Ainsley checked into the Arlington Plaza Hotel. It was nothing like the Plaza in D.C. or New York; in fact one was lucky if there were breath mints in the venders, never mind pillow mints. Still, it was cooler than home. "Here we are" Harm sighed as he dropped the suitcases on the bed. "Motel sweet motel."

"Yeah, in the loosest sense of the word" Mac laughed. "Still it has an A/C."

"That it does" agreed Harm. "Where should I set up her bed?"

"Near the luggage rack" Mac replied. "It'll be out of the way over there. Then we can relax until she wakes up. Did you grab her teether?"

"It's in the diaper bag" he said as he pulled the portable crib from its carrying case. "Something tells me she won't sleep straight through tonight."

"I doubt it" Mac replied unpacking her things and settling them about the room. "Ugh!"

"What?" he asked, stopping his assembly of the baby bed.

"We have company" she called from the bathroom. "Get in here."

"Don't tell me we have mice or bugs in here" he said.

"Bugs" she replied. "I'm seeing three right now. Please get in here."'

With a sigh, Harm went into the bathroom and saw what Mac was creeped out about. "Okay" he said as he spied the centipedes in the tub, "this is sick! We're not staying here, I'll go tell the clerk-"

"Harm, we don't have a choice. We have to stay here just for..." The baby began to wail again just then.

The pair looked at each other. "You want her?" he asked.

"Sure" Mac replied. "Take care of our friends."

Harm turned on the shower and sent the bugs on their merry way before returning to the half-erected baby bed. Ainsley was crying steadily within her mother's arms. "Teeth again?" he asked.

"Yeah, and she needs a new diaper, too" Mac replied laying her on the bed. "Oh, poor baby" she frowned once she got it opened and saw the baby's bright red behind. "We'll call Dr. Cameron in the morning, okay?"

"He'll probably just laugh and say 'welcome to teething!'" said Harm as he finished setting up the crib.

"I'm not sure if she should have this with teething, Harm" Mac sighed cleaning Ainsley's little bottom. "We can't even bathe her in here."

"Sorry, babe" he said. "This place used to be really nice, not sure when it became such a dive. I wish the new hotel I called first had a vacancy, but it didn't."

"It's not your fault" Mac replied. "Oh Ainsley" Mac nearly whined.

"What'd she do?" he asked, looking up from his suitcase.

"I can barely change her before she goes again" Mac sighed. "Harriet warned me about this."

"Did she tell you what to do about it?" he asked.

"Nope" Mac said. "She said it will run its course. She just put AJ in the sink and let it go. Oh, and some Pedialyte."

With some coaxing, Harm convinced Mac to put the baby in the sink until he could go home and get her baby tub and a bottle of Pedialyte. It took nearly four hours to get the bed set up, get the baby cleaned and quiet, and finally get into bed. Once it was time to lay down, Mac's head was aching and so was Harm's back from the intense exam he'd been put through earlier that day. As the collapsed on the bed simultaneously, they both let out a groan then asked in unison. "You okay, babe?"

Mac laughed. "I'm exhausted. I had almost no sleep last night."

"I know" he said. "Little Miss down there didn't cut you any slack."

"No she didn't" Mac replied. "You either?"

"I slept a little more than you did" he said.

"True, but you had a pretty rough day today" Mac replied. "Back sore?"

"Oh yeah" he said. "Forgotten how much fun those flight physicals _aren't_."

"Bad?" Mac asked with a yawn.

He nodded. "Not horribly, but I'm hurting for sure. This mattress isn't gonna help any. I could sure use a…"

"A what?" she asked.

"Nothing" he said softly.

"What?" Mac asked. "I can always do something. Just tell me what."

"I don't want to wear you out with a back rub" he said as he snuggled in close. "I'll live; it's not too bad, baby."

"Liar" Mac laughed. "But I love you for it. Can I wear _you_ out?"

"Hmm...that depends" he said, "on what you have in mind."

"My head is killing me" Mac sighed. "I'm not going to be able to sleep with this..." Before she could finish the sentence, there was a rhythmic pounding noise from the wall behind their bed. "Pounding."

"Oh, lovely" laughed Harm sarcastically. "Just what we need, to be next to a couple who'll probably be going at it all night."

"Usually I'd say if you can't beat them join them, but..." Mac sighed

Harm and Mac lay together holding each other through various sessions of love making going on in the room behind theirs. She would doze or he would, then their neighbors would start again and they would both be awake. The fourth time, Mac looked at Harm, "Make it stop."

"I'd love to" he said in frustration, "but I doubt they'd take too kindly to me banging on their door."

"I don't care" Mac sighed. "I'm tired, I want to sleep. My body hurts, your body hurts, and this is ridiculous. I'm surprised the baby's still sleeping."

"Well, what do you want me to do, sweetie?" he asked. "You know the clerk won't give a damn. I'll go knock on their door if you think-"

"They'll probably clean the porch with you" Mac sighed. "Let's just make love, we're not sleeping anyway." She said this completely devoid of enthusiasm.

He laughed wearily. "Gee, Mac, you make it sound so exciting."

"I'm too tired to be excited" Mac replied and lay on her back. "You wanna be on top?"

Again he laughed. "You're not serious."

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" Mac sighed. "Top or bottom, you pick."

He shook his head and once again laughed. "I guess top, but I can't just 'do it' on demand, Mac."

"Fine" Mac replied and reached her hand over to touch him. "I'm not in the mood for foreplay" she replied and began to massage his masculinity with her hand. "This should do it."

"Hey now" he exclaimed softly, "since when do we skip foreplay for...this?"

"Since I'm too tired to be bothered" Mac replied. "Anyway, its working."

"I know its 'working'" he said, "but...this is so...not like us. Why bother if you don't actually want to do it?"

"I want to make them shut the hell up" Mac sighed. "Anyway, I'll get into it once we get going; I always did the other times."

"What 'other times' would those be?" he asked, his voice as calm as could be, showing no evidence of his current physical condition.

"Those other times you felt amorous and I didn't" Mac replied as she continued her work on his body.

"I don't remember those times" he said with a grin.

"I'm better than I thought" she replied. "You liking this?"

"Well, yeah" he said with a smile, "but there's a lot missing."

"Harm" she said with firm warning.

"Well, there is" he said as he rolled towards her. "But...I suppose I can deal with it."

She reached up her neck muscles and sought out his lips, taking them in a searing kiss. She forced her tongue into his mouth, delving deep until they both ran out of breath. "Better?"

"Much" he replied, moving to straddle her body. "Want your shirt on or off?" He laughed after he asked, hearing how funny it was to ask something like that after having been lovers for so long.

"I don't care, just do it" she sighed rolling her head against her pillow.

"This isn't one of your sexier moments, my dear" he said with a smile as he slowly covered her body with his, "but I think maybe we can still pull it off. Think so?" He leaned down to kiss her.

Mac leaned up and returned his kiss. "You bet" she sighed and wrapped her legs around his back.

The next few minutes were fairly quiet, save for the assorted "mmm's" and "oh's" from the couple. Before long, though, things began to heat up.

Harm began to move within Mac, using his weight to move her body. Somehow the awkward rhythm managed to push him to climax, and he filled her with his seed just as Ainsley began to wail.

"Oh, baby girl" whined Harm. "We're a little busy, love. Go back to sleep for us. Please?"

The baby only cried harder, working herself into a fit rapidly. Mac sighed. "Done?"

"I suppose" he said down-heartedly, "but listen." He quieted and over the baby's cries, the incessant pounding from next door could still be heard. "Our plan didn't work, not to mention we're only half finished here."

"Oh, Flyboy" Mac sighed. "We are so finished here. I'll flip you for her."

"No, I'll get her, babe" he said. "You just lie there; we're _not_ done...and from the sound of it, neither are they."

He slid out of bed and threw his shorts on before getting Ainsley out of the crib. "Hey, shh..." he said softly, trying to comfort the child to no avail. "Baby girl, it's okay, I've got you." Ainsley continued to holler as her daddy worked to calm her cries and dry her tears. "Little one, please..." he begged. "I know, your teeth hurt; I'm sorry, but you need to go to sleep, yes..."

Just as Harm soothed the baby's howls to a mewl, a loud knock came on the door. Harm walked over to Mac and handed their screaming baby to her mother before opening to door just a crack to see a large, irate man in leather chaps in the doorway.

"Can I help you?" asked Harm.

"Yeah" the man replied. "Shut up that brat. Some of us are trying to have sex!" The man's breath reeked of alcohol and his pupils showed he was high on something other than pheromones and beer.

"SOME of us" countered Harm, keeping his distance from the disgruntled Behemoth, "are trying to get our sick babies back to sleep so we can go to sleep ourselves, and we'd appreciate it if you'd keep your encounter a little quieter than you have been!"

"This ain't a place for sick kids" the man replied. "This is my place. Shut it up!" the man ordered.

"We're working on it" spat Harm defensively, "but for her sake, not for yours. Now get lost; go back to whoever you're doing in there and don't bother us again."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want" the man countered. "And if you can't get her quiet, I'll do it for you."

"I'm two seconds away from calling the cops" threatened Harm. "Now I mean it, get lost!"

Bad move. At the mention of the word cops, the large man kicked the door open, hauled back and connected a right cross to Harm's jaw. Harm staggered back seeing stars from the impact of the punch.

Mac set the baby down on the bed and wiggled into her shirt, "Harm!" she gasped and leaped out of bed going to the phone on the bedstead.

Harm stood up ready to fight. With very little forethought, he reared back and decked the burly creep, sending him backwards onto the pavement outside.

While the two men battled outside, Mac lifted her baby again and laid her back into her crib before heading outside in case Harm needed back up. He was a good fighter, but not much of a match for a man nearly twice his width. Still, he held his own, but overall was losing the fight. When Mac reached the battling men, the larger man had Harm on the ground and he'd ceased battling back much. "Harm!" Mac cried out again.

The burly man turned at her voice and looked her up and down. She was covered only in a thin cotton shirt. "Well, looky here. If it ain't the little Mama." The large man left Harm lying on the pavement, eyes drifting closed and moved in on Mac.

"Shut up and get back to your room!" ordered Mac.

"Oh, not my room, honey" he smirked. "Yours maybe. You're a fine looking woman" he reached out to touch her cheek.

She reached out and grabbed his dirty hand, using it as leverage to bring the bully to his knees. "Don't even think about touching me" she hissed.

"What you gonna do about it?" he hissed showing a mouth full of yellow teeth. "Your man ain't gonna help you now." He reached with his other hand and aimed for her chest. He got a grab full of her breast before he felt a hard punch to the back of his head. He dropped forward full onto Mac before he could even turn to see his attacker.

"You okay, baby?" asked Harm as he pulled her from beneath the monster, out of breath and a little banged up.

Mac was shaking but she sighed, "I'm okay. Are you okay?" she reached up and touched his lip which was bleeding noticeably.

He nodded. "I'm okay; did you call the cops?"

"Yeah they..." The sound of sirens came through the parking lot, and two police units pulled up next to Harm and Mac. "I have to get the baby."

"What happened here, folks?" questioned one of the officers as they approached.

"Oh, this guy came over, kicked our door in and demanded we get the baby to stop crying" said Harm. "Said he was trying to have sex in the next room and we were bothering him."

"Oh, that's Hugo" Officer Miller smiled. "He's an old friend of ours. If you'll come down to the station in the morning and file a complaint we'll take him and his lady with us now. Everyone all right?"

"I think we are" said Harm. "He's one nasty guy, huh?"

"Just really messed up" the officer replied. "Go back to bed; we'll see you in the morning."

Harm nodded. "Thank you, officer. We'll be there."

Mac walked back inside quietly and laid the baby into her crib before going to the shower, turning on the water and stepping inside.

Harm popped his head in the door. "Trying to wash the grunge off, babe?"

Mac didn't answer him, she didn't hear him, she just continued to scrub at her body.

"Mac?" he said tentatively. "You okay in there?"

"I've got to get it off" she replied through the curtain.

"Get what off?" he queried, putting his hand to his still-bleeding lip.

"My skin is crawling" she answered. "Just go check on the baby. I'll be there soon."

"Uh, okay" he said, pulling the bathroom door closed and going to peek into the baby's bed.

Half hour later Mac stepped out of the shower, skin rubbed nearly raw. Harm was sitting on the bed, his lip clotting, his eye swelling, with one arm across his chest. Mac went to him. "Are you all right?" she asked presenting the picture of a squared away Marine.

"I'm good" he said. "Nothing broken, I'm a lucky guy. You feel better now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" she replied. "You sure? Let me see. Lie back and take off your shirt."

He did as she asked, moving slowly on account of a few pains he wasn't aware he had before then.

Mac reached out a gentle hand and ran it along his rib cage. There were bruises already forming, but she didn't feel anything out of place. She pressed near one of the darker bruises.

He drew in a sharp breath. "Ooooh..."

"Hurt?" Mac asked softly.

"Little bit" he replied. "It'll heal; I just wish it hadn't happened."

"It will heal, it's just bruising thank God" Mac sighed. "Want me to get some ice?"

"Okay" he sighed, leaning his head back wearily.

Mac quickly went to the ice machine and came back just as quickly. She wrapped ice in the towels and gently applied some to his ribs. "There. How's that?"

"Much better" he said softly. "Come lie next to me."

Mac nodded and went around to the other side of the bed and crawled in. "I'm very tired."

"I'd imagine so" he said. "Been a long day."

"Do we have to finish what we started?" she asked. "Can't I just go to sleep?"

"If you're that sleepy, my love" he said, "you go right to sleep. I'll make tonight up to you later."

Mac nodded and rolled onto her side, closing her eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

Harm set the ice-filled towel on the floor beside the bed, and almost immediately joined her, finally, in peaceful slumber.

* * *

The next morning Harm and Mac took Ainsley down to the police station and filed a complaint against Hugo and his lady friend. Then Mac ordered her husband to Bethesda for X-rays of his ribs which, thankfully, were just bruised. The little family spent the remainder of the week at a Motel 6 in Manassas, while Mattie continued to bunk with Kim. Harm did not press Mac to talk about what happened that night nor did he try to initiate love making as his body was just too sore. Finally, it was Thursday and time to go home. Mattie had beaten them there. 

"Hey, guys!" she smiled as she bit into a pretzel. "Thank God it's cool in here again."

"Amen to that" said Harm. "Feels good to be back home."

"How's the baby feeling?" Mattie asked, smiling at her little sister sleeping in her seat.

"Much better now that she cut that darned tooth" he said. "You have fun with Kim?"

"Yeah, I like sleeping over there. It's quiet all night" Mattie smiled. "How're those ribs, dad?" she asked as Mac took the baby's seat and began to remove the little girl so she could sleep in her crib.

"Bruised" he answered, "compliments of 'Hugo, the Town Thug'."

Mattie laughed and got off the couch. "I'm going to finish my homework" she said and went to hug her dad gently. "I missed you."

"Missed you too, kiddo" he said.

Mattie smiled and ran upstairs to do her homework. Harm ordered pizza for dinner and the family caught up on missed time. Soon it was time to sleep again, and Harm was feeling like he needed to make up for lost time. He hadn't touched his wife in a week and he missed that closeness

Mac was already in bed once Harm finished putting the baby down and locking up. She was on her side looking at the wall, eyes closing.

"Hey, beautiful" he whispered.

"Hi" she replied. "Tired?"

"Mmmm...not really" he answered. "You?"

"Very" she answered. "I'm going to go to sleep."

"Oh, I dunno about that" he said. "Not just yet, anyway." He slid in closer to her, draping one arm over her back.

"Harm, I said I was tired" she replied moving away.

"I know" he said softly, "but I still owe you a few things."

"No you don't" Mac replied. "I'm not really in the mood tonight."

He was a little confused by her rejection. "I guess...if you're really that tired, we can go to sleep. I love you."

"Do you?" Mac whispered so softly he barely heard her.

"Of course I do" he said, leaning his head against her shoulder. "You...are you okay? You seem upset."

"Yeah" she replied stiffly. "Well, I am."

He looked towards her. "Wanna talk about it?"

She shrugged. "You don't listen to me anyway."

"I'm always happy to listen to you, babe" he said softly. "Is there something I didn't listen to that has you upset?"

"No" Mac replied, starting to feel the lump rise in her throat. "I mean yes. I mean I don't know. You didn't even..." She lost her battle then and started to sob.

"Hey, hey" he said, rolling even closer to her, wrapping his arm around her body. "It's okay..let it out, whatever it is. I'm here; I'll listen."

"That man..." she cried and curled herself up a bit tighter. "He..."

"The guy from the motel?" asked Harm softly.

She nodded and tried again. "He..."

"Shh...it's okay" he soothed, gently rubbing her arm. "I know that was scary for you; for me, too. It's okay, though; it's over."

"No it's not," Mac cried. "He...I have his...He had his hands on me, Harm. He touched me. You..."

"He _touched_ you?" asked a clearly surprised Harm. "Where?"

"My chest" she whispered. "I still...he..." She started to pull away from him. "I still have him on me."

"I...I don't follow" said Harm, more concerned now than before.

"Let me go and I'll show you" she whispered through a tear clogged voice.

He released his gentle hold on her, unsure of what she could possibly "show" him.

Mac fumbled with the thick material night shirt she was wearing, "Close your eyes."

He obliged, fear mixing with a great deal of concern.

Mac wanted him to see it all at once, so she simply removed the shirt altogether, and then turned on the bedroom lamp so he could see the dark purple bruising highlighted with the redness of broken blood vessels clearly. "Okay."

He opened his eyes and stared in horror at the sight before him. "Oh my God, Mac" he gasped, reaching out to touch the bruise, stopping just short for fear of hurting her. "He did this to you - the drunk pothead from the other night?"

Mac nodded. "I can still feel it."

He leaned and kissed the horrid looking bruise very softly, very gently. "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't know about this. I'm sorry he got to you."

With tears still leaking out of her eyes she whispered, "You mean you really didn't know?"

"No" he answered softly, eyes wide with concern. "I heard him gawking at you, and I nailed him upside the head. I didn't know he'd gotten his hands on you."

"Well, he did" Mac replied. "And...I don't want to be touched right now. I'm sorry."

"Okay" he said softly. "Just let me hold you; I want you right beside me tonight, okay?"

Mac nodded and leaned into him a little bit. "Can we just go to sleep?"

"I was hoping we could have that talk we've been putting off" he said.

"Only if I can stay in here" Mac replied. "Just like this okay?"

"That's fine, baby" he said. "Let's lie down. You can lay your head on my chest, okay?"

"Okay" she whispered, snuggling in a close as possible.

He gently kissed her hair. "I've been doing some thinking."

"Mm-hmm" she replied wearily.

"You know in two weeks I have to re-qualify for the Hornet or I won't be able to do it again for a year, right?" he asked and began to gently stroke her arm up and down.

"Right" she said, fearing where this was headed.

"Well...I think I'm going to do it" he replied as he continued his caress of her arm.

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say.

He moved his hand from her arm to her back and continued to rub. "Is that all you're going to say?"

"I don't know what else to say" she said plainly. "I don't want you to do it, but I agreed to support you in your decision, so I won't fight you on it, as much as I hate the idea."

"I'm not going to do it regularly" Harm replied. "But I...I need to prove to myself I still can. Do you understand?"

She sighed. "In that sense...yeah, I do. It's just so risky, though."

"What's the worst that could happen?" he asked her, dipping his hand lower to the small of her back.

"You know the worst that could happen" she said, relaxing a little as his hands moved against her body. "I don't even wanna think about it."

"If it does...Mac we have to talk about what happens then" he said. "I don't want to have that on my mind up there."

"Then don't go up there" she replied quietly.

"Mac..." he sighed. "It's in my blood. But we have to...to talk about what happens if things go bad. I don't expect them to, but I don't want to be distracted up there."

She looked into his eyes. "I said 'for better or for worse', and whatever it means" she said, "is what we'll do. No matter what happens, I'll be here for you. You know I don't like you going up, and I think you're risking a hell of a lot just to prove to yourself you can do something, but I said I'd support you, and I will...somehow."

Harm offered her a tiny smile and leaned down to touch his lips to hers. He did it lightly; he didn't want to upset her. When he pulled back he asked, "was that okay?"

"Mm-hmm" she answered softly. "It's always okay for you to kiss me."

He slid his hand up her arm and let it drift back towards her chest. "Is this?"

She nodded. "Watch the bruise..." she added in a whisper.

"I'll be careful" he replied and moved his hand to lightly rub her breast, careful of the damaged skin. "That's all we'll do tonight, love. I know you're tired."

"I am" she agreed. "But..."

"What?" he whispered against her hair as he continued to gently caress her breast.

"Nothing" she sighed. "Do that a little more; it's kind of nice."

Harm nodded and continued to gently touch her breast. "I...God Mac...I..." He stopped and kissed her temple again.

"You really didn't know?" she asked timidly. "You didn't know he'd touched me?"

"I didn't, Mac" he replied. "I swear I didn't. If I had..." He squeezed her tighter as his anger rose up in his throat.

"It's okay" she said. "I should've told you then, I just..."

"I'm almost glad you didn't" he replied softly.

"How come?" she inquired.

"I'm not sure what...I'm not sure I could have controlled myself" he replied. "You're mine to touch, Mac. No one else's."

"I know" she said. "I hated it; all of it. Yours are the only hands I want on me."

"Good" he replied. "How are you feeling now?"

"Tired" she said. "Tired and tense."

"How about I put you to sleep?" he asked her softly. "Tomorrow there will be time for other things."

"Okay" she replied, he eyes already heavy.

"Roll over for me, baby" Harm whispered. "On your belly."

She did as he asked, trying not to fall asleep on her own.

Harm took both of his hands and began to gently caress her back. "I'm won't let it ever happen again, Mac" he whispered. "Not ever."

"Mmm...I know" she whispered in reply.

He continued to touch her. "I love you so much. You're my life" he told her. "Sleep now. I'll be right here."

With his hands and voice soothing her body and mind, Mac drifted off into a deep and restful slumber.

* * *

_A/N: Coming in Chapter 87: Will Harm take to the skies again, will he change his mind, or will it even matter?_


	87. Chapter 87

A/N: _Again, I apologize for the wait, but real life has really kept me down as of late. I was dealt a particularly difficult blow a couple weeks ago, which I won't get into here, but which I will instead weave into some of the shortly upcoming chapters of this story. Please be ready for our beloved Rabb family to go through some super tough times, and please remember their emotions and experiences are based on reality...my reality for the most part. It may be easy to say "the 'real' Harm and Mac would/wouldn't have done or said...", but remember, this entire story is based on the things I've gone through, with some expanse where it was necessary of course. _

_Kudos to She'sAShipper for her friendship, creative ideas and support. Big hugs!_

* * *

Chapter 87: 

In the course of life, the days seemed to fly by. Mac and Harm worked days, then spent time with their children at night, before retiring to bed for cuddling, talking, and usually love making. Their love making had grown more sensuous since Mac had been accosted by the drunken biker at the motel; it was deeper now, filled with even more love, if that was possible.

Now though, there was tension in the Rabb household. Harm knew that Mac was set against him re-qualifying, but she kept her silence for the most part, because she'd promised to support him.

Two nights before he was scheduled to requalify, Mac knelt on the floor holding Ainsley's hands, letting her exercise her little legs and experiment on taking steps. Harm sat in his chair, feet up reading the news paper. All in all, it was a very domestic scene.

"What a big girl you are!" cooed Mac as she trudged around the room with the baby, smiling as Ainsley put one tiny foot in front of the other.

Harm lowered his paper and smiled at his girls. "That's one thing I can't do with her" he said.

"Sure you can" she said. "Just be careful how you lean over; that's all."

"I tried it once, babe" Harm laughed. "Not an experience I care to repeat. I'll settle for this."

"As I recall" she began, "you've experienced other things lately that you said you didn't care to repeat, yet you're willing to ... Never mind."

Harm sighed. "Finish the thought, honey."

"You know how it goes" she said, turning the corner around the sofa. "I don't want you going up, but I'm not gonna stop you."

Harm shook his head. "I wish you'd take it a little better."

"I've tried" she said. "I just can't, sweetie. I'm sorry."

Harm remained silent and watched as Mac walked the baby around the living room. He was nervous about Friday, scared even. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. His back had been sore for the past two days, only he'd held his peace. It was the training causing the pain, he knew that, but still it would upset Mac.

He felt his eyes growing heavy. He'd been up the past two night, worrying, praying...and it was taking it's toll.

_"Coral Sea, this is Cougar three commencing approach" Harm said into the head set. "Ready, Jackman?"_

_"Aye, Sir" his RIO replied._

_Harm fiddled with his gauges and devices, making sure that all of his instruments were set for the landing. "Cougar, you are below glide slope" the Air Boss reported. "Power up."_

_Harm responded and pulled back on the throttle, giving the plane more gas. He didn't know what happened next. All he knew was his instrument panel lit up like a Christmas tree, engine failure, hydraulics failure. "Ejecting!" his RIO called out in warning._

_"No!" he exclaimed, feverishly turning every knob and dial on his panel. _

_It all started spinning. He saw the chutes open, he saw them descending, himself right over the deck. He felt himself hit, felt the stab of agonizing pain, then felt the nothingness from his waist down. He saw the corpmen run to him, saw his limp body being treated, he even saw himself being airlifted to Bethesda. _

_It was then he stopped seeing and started hearing and feeling. He knew he was in a bed, his upper body told him that. He also knew Mac was by his side, her hand in his. "Mac?" he rasped as he opened his eyes._

_"I'm here" she whispered, her face covered in tears._

_"Hurts" he whispered. "Legs numb."_

_She nodded. "It'll go away soon." Another sob overtook her._

_"Don't cry, baby" he said. "I'm alright, aren't I?"_

_She shook her head. "You punched out, Harm."_

_"I know. I feel that" he replied. "But I'm going to be okay, right? He operated, right?" Harm was getting scared, breathing harder and harder._

_"Don't you remember?" she questioned through the sobbing. "You punched out; there's nothing...it's over. All over."_

_"I'm going to be..." he began taking a deep breath. "Paralyzed?" Wide blue eyes searched her face for some comfort, some hope, some security._

_She fell to pieces, but quickly gathered herself again, for his sake. "Yes. The cord is severed. You'll never walk again."_

_He breathed in hard and turned his head away. "I want to be alone now."_

_Mac nodded and swallowed hard. "I'll go get Ainsley and...I'll...I'll be back later."_

_"Mac!" he called out desperately._

_She stopped and turned towards him, her tears still falling._

_"You will..." He swallowed hard. "You will come back, won't you?"_

_"I said 'for better or for worse'" she replied. "I just never dreamed this is what 'worse' meant."_

_Things started to spin again. He saw himself working hard in therapy, taking falls, taking hits, crying out in horrendous pain. But that was nothing compared to the next visions in his mind._

_He saw himself sitting in his wheelchair in their living room, Mac bringing him food on a tray as Ainsley toddled about. She looked about one-and-a-half, and came over to him. "Daddy up!"_

_Harm leaned down and tried to lift her, but ended up looking at Mac for her help. _

_"You brought this on yourself" she said._

_"Can you lift the baby, please?" he sighed._

_With a sigh of her own, Mac lifted Ainsley into her daddy's lap._

_Harm cuddled with his daughter, she was still small enough to be content with this. Mattie on the other hand...he had to _watch_ her play basketball and tennis, not _teach_ her how. And Ainsley...the tiny cut on her forehead...his fault, he couldn't catch her when she'd fallen in the park two days ago. But nothing hurt as much as the next scene._

_He had gotten himself changed and waited now for Mac. He still needed help getting out of the chair and into the bed. She came out, dressed in a nightshirt._

_"Tired tonight, babe?" he asked._

_"Yeah" she replied with a yawn. "You ready?"_

_"Yes" he answered and lowered the arm on his chair. She locked her arms around his waist and with his pushing and her sliding she managed to move him to the bed. He was breathing hard when the transfer finished but she kept right on moving. "Mac, wait!"_

_"What is it?" she asked calmly._

_He worked to slow down his breathing. "I can't. I need to rest."_

_"I've almost got you settled" she said. "Just another minute."_

_"Wait" he breathed. "Please. I need a break. I can't."_

_She paused for a moment. "Does it hurt that bad?"_

_"Yeah" he gasped out. "Just leave me a minute."_

_He was half on, half off the bed, useless legs hanging off the mattress. He was drenched with perspiration, his body shaking from the effort. Mac knew he had done too much already._

_"I'm sorry, my love" she said, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Just another minute and it'll be over." She reached beneath his legs and began to move them._

_He cried out in pain as she lifted his legs, as now he was lying haphazardly on the bed. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I can't help you right now, baby."_

_"I know" she replied as a few tears escaped her own eyes. "I just wish you'd never gone up..."_

_Mac reached over and took him from under the arms, shifting him on the bed. She pulled and manipulated as she tried to make him comfortable until she herself cried out in pain..."Oh!"_

"Mac!" he gasped out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay" she said, rubbing the spot where her leg had smacked the living room coffee table.

"No" he sighed. "No, its not. Its not okay at all."

"It's okay, really" she insisted. "Just a little bump, I've survived worse."

Harm had to shake himself to clear his head. He realized then he could feel his legs, he was indeed perfectly fine, but that dream had shaken him to the core. "Go put some ice on it."

"Probably a good idea" she said. She leaned Ainsley against the end of the couch. "Stay there, baby. Mommy'll be right back."

Harm was shaking, outwardly shaking, but he managed to smile as his daughter babbled. She was holding onto the sofa, looking at its pattern. "Hi, baby girl," he smiled. "Daddy love you so much. Yes, he does."

Ainsley heard her daddy's voice and decided it would be nice to go by him. She looked at him, and using the couch as a support, she began to work to attain her goal. She slid her hands along the cushions, and moved her little feet. Her face was scrunched with effort, but she was determined to get what she wanted.

"Mac!" Harm called.

Harm slid down off his chair and knelt at the end of the couch. "Come on, baby!" he encouraged. "Come to daddy!"

Mac hurried into the living room, ice pack in her hand. "What? What's happening?"

"Look!" he exclaimed and gestured to Ainsley busily cruising her way down the sofa.

"Oh, wow" gasped Mac proudly.

"Come on, baby" he said as he saw her stop. "Come to daddy. Come on."

Ainsley stood frozen for a moment before a huge smile appeared on her face, and she continued towards her father with great enthusiasm.

It took several minutes, but she finally made it down to the end of the couch and into her daddy's arms. Once she let go, she immediately fell forward. Harm caught her and held her close. "I'm so proud of you, baby girl. I'm so...proud." His voice caught as he said those words, and then the dam broke and he began to cry.

"Harm, what's wrong?" asked a very concerned Mac as she knelt beside him.

He didn't reply for several minutes, he just sobbed against Ainsley's baby soft hair, rocking her in his arms.

The baby sensed her daddy's distress and snuggled in as close as she could get.

"Harm, sweetie" said Mac, "please talk to me."

"I can't do it, Mac" he gasped out through tears. "I can't do it."

"What?" she asked. "What can't you do?"

"I can't go up again. I thought I wanted to, but I can't" he sobbed. "I can't give this up. I need this."

She figured out exactly what it was that had him so upset. The fear of possibly ending up in a wheelchair as a result of returning to the cockpit was too much for him, but the fear of losing out on so much of his child's life was overwhelming. "Oh, sweetheart" she soothed.

He knelt down and let the baby go. She crawled to the side off to see her abandoned toy.

"I need some air" said Harm.

"I'll stay in here with her" said Mac, wiping away a few of her own tears.

Harm rose from the floor and walked outside onto the porch. He paced its length, once, twice, then walked back into the house. Mac was sitting on the sofa, the baby crawling about the floor. He walked to the couch, to her, and sat down. Like a boy going to his mama after a school yard fight, he curled up his long legs and laid is head upon her lap.

"You're scared, huh?" she asked him, gently running her hand through his hair.

He nodded. "I dozed off."

"When?" she wondered.

"While you were walking the baby around, before you hurt your leg" he replied through a sniffle.

"I see. Did you have a dream, by chance?"

He took a deep shuddering breath. "Yeah. It was so horrible, Mac."

"Wanna tell me about it?" she asked softly.

He swallowed hard and nestled into her embrace. "I was doing my quals and the whole plane just broke down...everything. Engines, hydraulics, everything. I had to punch out, no other choice. I woke up in the hospital and I was..."

"Paralyzed" she said, knowing he couldn't get the word out.

He nodded. "You were there, crying and holding my hand. But you...I hurt so much and nothing changed it, not even time. I saw it all, the therapy, the wheelchair...I was so bad I had to call you to pick Ainsley up for me." He sniffled again and burrowed even closer.

"And this made you change your mind about going back up?" she asked, reaching down to wipe away his tears.

"Not that part" he replied.

"I thought that scared you" she said.

"It did, but it got worse" he replied.

"How so?" she asked.

"It was bedtime and I had to have help, you know?" he paused. He wanted her with him.

"As in you couldn't do it by yourself?" she asked.

"Right. Too many other injuries. You had to help me out of the chair" he replied. "I'd never felt such pain in all my life. I can still feel it. I was...I was just lying there, all messed up, at a funny angle, begging you to let me rest."

"It must have been horrible" she whispered.

He nodded. "It got worse."

Mac stroked his hair gently. "Worse than that? How?"

"You wound up hurting yourself" he said. "Trying to move my half-dead body."

She moved his touch to his skin, caressing his cheek. "I would, you know. God forbid, but it would be me helping you, you know that right?"

"Yeah" he answered softly. "It won't have to be, though. God-willing, your days of caring for me like that are over."

"I didn't mind" Mac replied. "You okay?"

"I will be" he sighed. "You know, I thought that I needed to do my quals to prove something to myself. I don't know what I was thinking. How could I have even considered doing something so stupid?"

"You're a pilot, Harm. It's in the blood" Mac comforted. "What brought this on? I know the dream did but...what else? Was it the baby?"

He nodded. "I don't know why she wasn't enough of a reason for me to make up my mind the right way in the first place, but when she walked over to me along this couch..." He began to choke up.

"Ssh" Mac comforted. "So that's it huh? You're done with the flying, you're hanging it up?" she asked to confirm.

"Its history" he answered, the emotion thick in his voice. "I've got too much to lose."

"Why don't you go into the bedroom and lie down for a bit. I'll clean this stuff up and come in in a little bit. How's your back feeling?" Mac asked.

"It's good" he replied. "My heart, on the other hand..."

"Why don't you go lie down? Or soak in a hot tub, hmm?" Mac asked softly, rubbing his shoulder with a gentle hand.

"I think I'll go take a long, hot shower" he said, rubbing his eyes with his hand.

"Okay, sweetheart" Mac replied.

"Don't trip over the baby on your way, okay?" Mac smiled.

"You mean this gorgeous baby right here?" he asked, scooping Ainsley up off the floor and giving her a big kiss.

"That's the one." Mac smiled at him as he played with Ainsley and she laughed. "Let me take her, you go get that shower."

Mac watched as Harm walked towards the shower, then she began to pick up Ainsley's toys and the remnants of their snack from earlier. Since Ainsley had started crawling, nothing was ever clean. She'd drag her blankie and leave it, take her lamb and leave it, and Mac hated the disorder. She also hated the look she saw in her husband's eyes that night. The pain and the loss there made her heart hurt. She wanted to make it better, but she wasn't sure if she could.

* * *

Harm spent a solid 45 minutes in the shower, over twice as long as usual, but he was feeling far more stressed than usual. He was beating himself up over the fact that he'd come so close to doing something so stupid in going after his quals. It seemed so important only days before, hours even, yet the sight of his baby girl toddling towards him and the nightmare he'd witnessed during his brief nap made him realize that flying didn't really mean anything to him anymore. His life was no longer defined by his wings, and the fact that he didn't fully realize that before made him feel like a failure as a husband, a father and a man. 

Mac listened to the shower water running. He was in there a long time. She worried he wasn't telling her everything, that maybe his back was hurting or he was otherwise not feeling well. With the living room now clean, she sat and nursed the baby. Ainsley fell asleep at the tap, her little eyes closed, and her small chest going up and down in an even rhythm. Mac laid her in the bed just as she heard the shower water turn off. Hurriedly, she went to the bedroom, wanting to be there if Harm were to need her.

Harm had the bathroom door open a crack when Mac entered their room. He was standing there in nothing but a short white towel, brushing his teeth. Mac looked at his face, it was dark and drawn with sadness and another emotion she couldn't identify. Silently she moved next to him and slipped her arms around his waist. Placing a gentle kiss on the scar where he'd been cut for surgery, she whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too" he answered after spitting out his mouthful of toothpaste.

"Then why do you look like the cat died?" Mac asked reaching for her own toothbrush.

He shook his head. "I feel so stupid."

"Why?" Mac asked amazed at his words.

"I should have been able to decide against doing my quals the moment Dr. Peddie said it was so risky" he answered, leaning against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Yet I didn't, and not only that, I actually planned to do them. What kind of idiot would do that?"

"One who loves his work" Mac replied. "There's no shame in it from that standpoint."

"Then why do I feel like this?" he asked as she began brushing her teeth.

"What's 'this'?" Mac asked. She needed him to clarify.

"Like I was about to make a really stupid decision" he said. "Like I was willing to risk everything for the chance to fly again. It's like I lost my mind or something."

"Not your mind" Mac replied. "Though I was thinking you lost your heart for awhile" she said truthfully.

"How so?" he asked, running his hands over his face.

"Think about it" Mac sighed. "The doctor tells us the risks, and still even with me and Mattie and the baby, you still think about it."

He looked down at the floor and shook his head.

Mac rinsed her mouth and turned to face him. "Honey, what's wrong? What's _really _bothering you? So it took you longer to admit that you needed to give up your wings, okay, you're human. And now you've realized it, you've decided, there's no reason for you to get like this."

"I guess I'm just mad at myself" he sighed. "I feel like I let you down."

"You didn't" Mac replied. "If you'd gotten in that plane..._then_ you would have let me down. But you didn't; you realized what was important, what really mattered. Feel better yet?"

He shrugged. "Not really, but I'll get over it. I made the right decision in the end; I just need to convince myself of that."

Mac nodded and leaned over to kiss his lips. "Does it hurt?" she asked after a light peck.

"Does the knowledge that I was two days away from the biggest mistake of my life hurt?" he replied. "I must say it does."

"I didn't mean that" Mac sighed. "I mean does the decision itself hurt. Does it hurt to know you're done with flying for good?"

He sighed. "Kind of. It was so much a part of who I was for so long."

"Can I make it better?" Mac asked. "Anything to get this look off your face."

"I don't know" he said, obviously hurting inside.

"You wanna come lay down?" Mac asked. "We can cuddle and snuggle up real tight in bed."

He nodded, opening his arms to her. "Hug for the road?"

Mac stepped into his arms and lay her head against his chest, holding him tightly. "Go to bed, I'm going to shower really fast then I'll be there to hold you as long as you need. You're there for me all the time when I need you, its okay to need me."

He held her close for a moment. "Take your shower, I'm gonna go lay down."

Mac changed out of her clothes and turned on the hot shower spray. She ached for Harm and her eyes stung with tears for his pain at his sacrifice. She tried to hurry in the shower, he needed her and she wanted to be there. She only hoped she'd be as good of supporter as he was.

Harm lay in bed, on top of the covers, still wearing his bath towel, thinking about the fact that his flying days were over. In most ways, he was really okay with it, but there was a part of him that needed to mourn the loss of such a big part of his life. In a sense, he was losing the thing that kept him close to his father, and that aspect made it hurt most of all.

As he lay in bed listening to the shower running in the other room, it seemed to him that Mac was taking an even longer shower than he had. He was trying to wait patiently, but after a few more minutes of dwelling on the reality of his decision, he was getting himself worked up all over again. He got out of bed, pulled his sleep shorts on and made his way to the bathroom, hoping he wouldn't startle her.

"Harm?" she questioned as she heard the turn of the doorknob.

"Yeah, baby" he said. "You almost done?"

"Almost" she said. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I need you" he replied simply.

Knowing that he was so emotionally fragile that night, she hurriedly rinsed the shampoo from her hair and stepped out of the tub. "Come here" she said, opening her arms to him before even grabbing her towel.

He stepped into her embrace, noticing only how comforting it was to be held by her; nothing more.

"It's hitting you, isn't it?" she asked as she held him tight.

"Yeah" he whispered, increasing his grip around her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry" she said. "I wish it didn't have to be this way, but you know it's for the best, huh?"

He nodded.

"Let me throw some pajamas on" she said, "and we'll go get in bed, okay?" She didn't know exactly what he'd need from her that night, but whatever it was, she'd grant him.

Again, he nodded, this time stepping back from her. "I don't want to keep talking about this, though."

"Harm, we need to" she said. "Please? It's causing you so much pain. Is there...is something else bothering you?"

"No" he said unconvincingly.

"Okay" she sighed as she donned her green pajama top and headed for the door. "Let's go."

She slipped into bed and turned out the bedroom lamp. She waited for Harm to join her. He was hiding from her and she wasn't going to let him get away with it.

He climbed into bed and slid as close to her as he could get.

Mac rubbed her hand on the spot between her shoulder and her breast. "Lay here okay?"

"Gladly" he replied, laying his head on the place she indicated. "You know I love lying with you."

Mac wrapped her arm around his shoulders and rubbed his arm. "I know. But you don't seem to love talking to me right now."

"I'm talking to you" he said.

"You're saying things to me, you aren't talking to me, there's a difference" Mac replied. "A big difference."

"What do you think we need to talk about?" he asked, draping his left arm over her middle.

"That's a silly question" Mac sighed. "But I'll go with it. Let's talk about you giving up your wings."

He sighed. "It's hard, I'm gonna need a little time to really comprehend it, but I know it's the right thing to do."

"I know its hard, baby" Mac replied. "And you don't have to do it, not if you don't want to."

"I _do_ have to" he said gently. "There's no way I can go up there again, not now that my daughter and my wife have opened my eyes so widly to the obvious right decision."

"I know that vision scared you..."

"It scared the hell out of me" admitted Harm. "And if I go up again, there's no way to know if it'd become reality or remain a bad dream. Not worth it."

"I know" Mac replied. "But...honey, I sense something from you and...Harm, I just want you to talk to me and not withdraw inside yourself. I feel you doing it already."

"I'm not withdrawing, sweetie" he said. "I know you're afraid that this is causing me some sort of underlying, hidden grief or something, but I promise you I'm not keeping any part of it from you."

"Just promise me you won't" Mac smiled and kissed his temple. "This is like losing a part of you, and it might not hurt now, but it will. I know that, so please promise you'll let me in."

"I promise" he said. "The moment I feel anything else I need to share, you'll be the first one I look for."

"Good" Mac sighed. "You want to go to sleep?"

"No" he answered.

"You want to lie here and cuddle some more?" Mac asked, stroking his hair.

"Mmm...we can start there" he replied with a little smile.

"Harm as much as I love you and love being with you, I'm not sure we should make love tonight" Mac sighed.

"How come, baby?" he asked as he moved her still - damp hair away from her forehead.

"It feels more like a 'holding' night" Mac said.

He nestled in closer to her. "Then let's do that, on one condition."

"What's that?" Mac asked softly.

"One night" he said, "in the near future, we see if it's actually possible to outdo that night in Corpus Christi."

"Mmhmm" Mac murmured. "And I have the perfect place to do that."

"Oh, do you now?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

"I do" Mac replied. "How's Cape Cod and vicinity sound to you? A whole week in two weeks. Just you and me. After all, you promised me a trip."

He smiled. "Indeed I did. That sounds like a week I'll remember for a very long time."

"I talked to AJ and he's willing to keep the baby for us" Mac sighed. "And Mattie, too. It will be wonderful" she smiled, and stifled a yawn.

"Actually" he said as a yawn of his own crept in, "what about asking my mom and Frank to come out and stay with the kids?"

"Harm..." Mac sighed, mind automatically thinking of the last time Trish had babysat for Ainsley.

"I know, I know" he said gently. "You swore never again, but that was before you and mom talkd and made up. Besides, Ainsley is a lot older now, and the same situation just isn't gonna happen."

Mac was quiet, she knew he was right, but she was still afraid. "Do you think they could make it the right day? I already have the plane tickets."

"Sweetie, they have their own jet" he reminded her. "I'm sure Frank can pull things together, don't worry."

"I'm a mommy" Mac reminded him. "Its my job to worry. This is really important to you, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "I guess so. I want all the people who mean the most to me to get along, you know? I want the girls to have a good relationship with their grandparents."

Mac sighed and leaned over to kiss him on the lips. "Okay" she agreed. "They can watch the girls while we're gone. I know your Mom didn't mean to hurt her, and she more than likely won't make that same kind of mistake again, so okay."

Harm smiled. "It'll work out fine, babe" he said. "We'll go have a romantic week away, and everything here will be just fine."

Mac snuggled in closer and yawned again. "I know it will. I feel that. What do you say to some sleep?"

"I say sleep would be wonderful" sighed Harm. "Think we'll get much before the Little Miss wakes up to nurse?"

"Probably a couple hours" Mac mumbled. "I love you."

"Love you, too" he whispered, kissing her cheek as she drifted off.

* * *

A/N: _We can all exhale now, the "quals issue" is a thing of the past! Just for the record, I knew all along he wasn't going to do them, but I wanted a little drama over the matter, so I left it in the realm of possibility for awhile. Chapter 88 coming as soon as I can manage, I promise!_


	88. Chapter 88

_A/N: I'm sooooo sorry for the huge delay in posting! I'll try to do better, I promise! I hope you find this chapter interesting and worth the wait. We're almost at the end of "The Journey", but the wheels of creativity for the sequel are already turning and I hope you'll stick around. :)_

_Here's a website from which some of the subject matter in this chapter was based. www(dot)law(dot)umkc(dot)edu(backslash)faculty(backslash)projects(backslash)ftrials(backslash)salem(backslash)salem(dot)htm Some of the testimony involving Harm's questioning is constructed to fit the plot line, but is as in keeping with historical records as dramatic ability permitted._

_Thanks go out to She'sAShipper for her work on the courtroom scenes of this chapter and her overall creativity when my muse needs a hand. :)_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 88:

Just when it seemed like the weeks leading up to their trip would never pass, it was finally upon them, a much-needed break from the rigors of their everyday lives. With Ainsley spending the week in the care of her Nana Trish and Papa Frank, Mac and Harm took off for what they hoped would be a beautifully romantic and relaxing week. They'd begin in Salem, move south along the coast to Quincy, followed by Plymouth and finally Cape Cod.

Their flight into Boston's Logan Airport was a pleasant one, and after claiming their bags, the pair approached the car rental desk, ready to get on their way.

"I'm sorry I didn't plan this better" Mac apologized as they waited on the seemingly endless Avis rental car line. "Want me to hold the bag for a bit?"

"No, it's fine" he said. "The line's not your fault, babe. Don't let something small like this start the week out badly."

"I'm glad you think like that" Mac sighed, slipping her arm around his waist. "How did your back feel during the landing? It's the first time you've been on a plane since you were operated on."

"It's okay" he said. "Didn't feel a thing."

Mac looked up and smiled. "Good. Oh, they're opening another line."

With quick movement she and Harm became the third couple in that line, and by the time they were finished, he would wish they had stayed where they were.

"Hello, welcome to Avis my name is Samuel" the young man behind the counter greeted. "I need to see you license and insurance card please."

"Sure thing" said Harm, reaching for his wallet and retrieving the requested documents. "There you go."

"This is an out of state license" the young man stated.

"Yes, it is" said Harm. "We live in Virginia. That's not a problem, is it?"

"Wait here" Samuel said and disappeared.

Harm turned to Mac. "He's not gonna tell me having an out of state license is a problem when renting a car at an airport, there's just no way."

"No there's not" Mac said. "He's probably new."

Harm nodded. "Uniform looks new, probably been on the job for three days."

Harm and Mac waited nearly ten minutes and finally Samuel came back. "Do you have another form of identification to back this one up, Sir?"

Harm silently reached into his wallet again and fished out his military ID, handing it to the young man with a hint of annoyance.

"What's this?" the young man asked.

"My military ID" said Harm.

"Wait here" the young man said again.

"Why don't you just bring your supervisor up here?" asked Harm, his level of frustration growing. "I'm sure I'll need to speak with him before this is said and done."

"I am the supervisor, Sir" replied Samuel. "Wait here."

He turned to Mac again. "I've got a funny feeling I'm gonna get mad before we get out of here."

"I have a feeling you already are. Your shoulders are all stiffened up. Just relax, we'll get out of here soon enough" she soothed. "Want to cuddle while we wait?"

He pulled her close with one arm and leaned in for a kiss. "I love you."

From behind him he heard "Oh, you think people would have a little respect!"

Harm fought the urge to turn around and see who'd uttered the rude comment. He was already frustrated enough.

"Relax, baby" Mac whispered, turning slightly to eye the older woman who was making her husband tense.

"What are you looking at?" the shrill voice asked when Mac turned.

Harm couldn't ignore that one. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak to my wife like that" he said after turning to look at the grouchy old woman. "All we did was give each other a simple little kiss, which is neither illegal nor unheard of."

"Well you don't have to do it in public view" she spouted just as her own husband returned to the line and admonished. "Be quiet Esther."

"Here you go, Mr. Rob" the young man replied, returning Harm's license and ID. "I need to see your Social Security card, and your credit card."

"Why do you need my Social Security card?" asked Harm.

"To match the number" the young man replied.

With a highly frustrated sigh, Harm pulled both cards from his wallet and handed them to Samuel. "Anything else I can get for you? Original copy of my birth certificate perhaps?"

"There's no need to be upset, Sir" the young man said. "No need at all. This is my job."

"I understand that" said Harm, "but I've never had to show more then my driver's license and credit card before. I'm not sure what the issue is this time, but I'm not happy about it."

"Homeland Security" the young man replied. "Out of state license is two forms of ID. I'll run these and get you a vehicle."

"Sorry about all this, baby" Harm said to Mac.

Mac nodded and burrowed in close, holding him as they waited. "Here you are" Samuel said almost twenty minutes later. "Slip 16."

"Finally" said Harm, reaching for a pen on the counter to sign the forms in front of him.

A few minutes later they arrived hand in hand at slip 16 to find a relatively new convertible, a Mustang. Mac frowned when she saw the small two seater car.

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"No, its...Harm you can't go in a car like this anymore" Mac reminded him.

He stood and stared at the tiny vehicle. "You're right. We're not waiting in that line again, there's no way." He looked at the paperwork in his hand and reached for his cell phone.

"What are you doing?" Mac asked.

"Calling the customer service center" he answered as he dialed. "They can take care of getting us something else before we go back in there."

The customer service representative was very nice and soon Harm and Mac had a four-door, normal sized Ford Taurus to drive. "This is a nice car" Mac replied, settling in the passenger seat. "For a minute I thought you were going to fight me on the Mustang."

"Why would I do that" he asked, "when you're right? I can't get into a tiny little convertible anymore, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anything like that mess up our week."

Mac smiled. "Sometimes you don't realize your own limitations" she said as he pulled away from the airport and turned towards northbound I-95.

"Sometimes" he agreed. "But regardless, we're having fun this week." He reached over and took her hand in his.

Mac turned on the radio and they listened to music and chatted as they drove towards their first destination. "What do you want to see when we get there?" she asked. "The witch stuff, the maritime stuff, the pirate stuff..."

"I'm not sure" he said. "Guess we'll figure it out after we get settled in."

"The book says its worth it to get the combination ticket that takes you to the Witch History Museum, the Witch Dungeon, and the New England Pirate Museum" Mac read as they drove along.

"Sounds great to me" he said. "I guess I never realized you were into that sort of thing, but it sounds cool."

"I'm not really; I'm in it more for the history. When we get to Plymouth we have to see the Mayflower replica and Plymouth Rock. OH and there's this place where they recreated homes like the ones the Pilgrims lived in. We can see how our forefathers actually lived. There's something sort of interesting about that."

"Yeah, there is" he said. "Makes you thankful that we have all the modern conveniences we have."

"Uh huh" Mac replied. Then fell suddenly silent.

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching over to rub her leg.

"Modern conveniences" Mac sighed. "I was just thinking, three hundred years ago, there would be no hope for someone like me. There would be nothing for her except emptiness and pain, physical and emotional probably. She'd never have a baby, and the disease would just spread and spread and she'd get sicker like I was starting to get and she'd never even know it."

He squeezed her thigh gently before reaching for her hand again. "You're right, but thankfully we don't have to worry about that."

"And you" Mac sighed. "What would happen to someone like you, with your bad back? What kind of life would that be, lying in a bed in pain day after day for the rest of your life..." She shook her head.

He nodded. "Really makes you thankful."

"Our hotel is supposed to be really nice" she said changing the subject. "No hot tub though, but they do have a big regular tub."

He smiled his sexiest smile, the one that turned her legs to rubber every time. "Think we can find a use for that?"

"Nah" Mac sighed. "What would we do with a tub?"

"Some of our best moments together have involved tubs" he replied, still smiling.

"Pull over for a second" she said in reply.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"Just pull over" Mac repeated.

"Okay" he said, signaling and pulling off onto the shoulder of the highway. "Are you sick?" he asked, his hand once again on her thigh.

She shook her head and smiled a little.

"Mac, sweetie" he said, "I'm honestly not in the mood for any games right now. If you're sick or upset, then by all means tell me, but I've got a headache and I'm just not up for guessing what's on your mind."

Mac's smile grew, and she reached across the seat to wrap her arms around his neck. With gentle pressure she pulled his face towards hers taking his lips in a soul stirring kiss. She kept the pressure light at first the let it build up as she used the tip of her tongue to open his mouth. As quickly as she approached she pulled back. "Okay, you can drive again. I just didn't want you to get in an accident while I satisfied my loneliness."

He smiled ear-to-ear. "You're gonna keep me on my toes all week, aren't you?"

"You got that right, Sailor," Mac replied. "I love you."

"And I love you" he said, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb as he pulled back onto the highway.

They chatted idly for the rest of the trip until they arrived at their lodging. She had booked them a deluxe room at the Salem Inn, a bed and breakfast type facility a half mile from the cities restaurants and attractions. It was an attractive brick structure, in traditional colonial style. "Here we are" she announced as they pulled up to the twenty minute parking sign. "How did I do?"

"Very nicely, baby" he said. "This place is gorgeous."

"Want to stay here and relax while I check us in?" Mac asked.

"Let's both go" he said. "I'm okay, I promise. Back is fine, headache is still there, but I'll live."

"I'm worried" Mac sighed and took his hand as they both started for the front of their hotel.

"About me?" he asked.

"No, about that guy we passed on the road with the tin can" Mac replied. "Of course about you."

He chuckled. "Are you worried I'll throw my back out again?"

She nodded. "I see you when you come home from a long day, honey. And lets face it, we both know the doctor said the repair isn't forever."

"I know" he said, "but please don't worry so much that it detracts from our time together this week. We haven't had any alone time like this since our honeymoon, and life since then has been more than wild. We need this break; we deserve it, so let's try not to worry about anything."

"I'll try, but I won't promise" Mac replied. "But honey..."

"Hmm?" he said as he opened the door for her.

"I'm more worried about you than I am about the baby" Mac replied. "Don't give me a reason to worry more. When we get upstairs you rest your back and your head okay?"

"If it'll make you feel better" he said, "certainly."

Mac smiled. "Good."

* * *

The check in procedure was easy and soon they were entering their room. It had a large king size bed, a fireplace, and a huge whirlpool bathtub. The window that looked out on the trees beyond the property was covered in a light lace drapery. There was a loveseat next to the fireplace, just under the window. Mac could imagine snuggling there with Harm in the morning reading the paper as they enjoyed fruit and bagels from the continental breakfast. "Wow, this a really pretty room. There's even a coffee maker." 

"I see that" he said as he looked around. "You did a great job, baby. This place is so pretty." He sat down on the bed and kicked his shoes off before lying back against the pillow and rubbing his face with his hands.

"What's wrong?" she asked watching the action as she began to unpack their suitcases.

"Headache" he replied. "It'll pass."

"What brought that on?" Mac asked, moving to the hygiene bag to unpack the aspirin.

"Dunno" he answered. "Probably stress; this past week has been nuts at the office."

She was at his side a moment later with two pills. "Here. We have seven o'clock dinner reservations. Think you can make it?"

"Easily" he said, taking the aspirin from her. "Can I have some water, please?"

"Sure" Mac replied and a moment later was back with a glass of water and a cool wash cloth. She handed him the water so he could swallow the pills. "Close your eyes."

He took down the aspirin, set the glass on the table, and closed his eyes as she asked.

Mac set the cool cloth she'd prepared over his closed eyes. "You relax there" she whispered, kissing his cheek. "I'll get us settled in."

"Okay" he said, nestling his head a bit deeper into the posh pillow and letting the aspirin work its magic.

Mac busied herself unpacking their bags and reading the tour book while Harm napped on the bed. He slept just over two hours when she knelt on the bed and tapped his cheek. "Time to get up, sweetie."

Slowly, he came to and pulled the wash cloth from his eyes. "Hey, beautiful."

"You feeling better?" Mac asked, running her hand over his forehead. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Mm-hmm" he answered. "Head doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's good, you hungry?" she asked. It was then he noticed she'd already dressed for dinner, wearing a black skirt with pink flowers on it with a sleeveless pink top and sandals.

"Yeah" he replied, sitting up. "You look amazing."

" Thank you" Mac smiled. "Its 1730. You better get changed for dinner. Its about a mile from here, do you want to drive part way and stroll around or drive there directly, then roam the city?"

"Do you have a preference?" he asked, standing up and pulling his shirt off.

"I was thinking we drive to the municipal lot closest to the restaurant, then we can walk along and find some of the places we want to see, then go back to the car and drive here."

"Works for me" he said, slipping his jeans off and tossing them over the back of a chair. "What am I supposed to wear tonight, baby?"

"Why not those khaki pants I got you and that navy blue Henley?" Mac suggested.

"Alright" he said, heading for the closet where she'd hung up most of their clothes. "What are we dining on this fine evening?"

"Lobster" Mac replied. "Or in my case lobster and steak."

"Oh, going all fancy on me, huh?" he joked, smiling at her as he pulled his slacks on.

"Tonight" Mac replied. "Its our first night here. Harm?"

"Yeah?"

Mac didn't say anything she just opened her arms to tell him what she wanted.

Harm walked over to his wife and took her in his arms holding her tight for a moment. "Later" he whispered and returned to dressing. The couple drove to a parking lot two blocks away from their dining choice that night, Captain's Waterfront Grill. The dining room was dimly lit with upholstered chairs and linen table cloths, a very nice place. They were seated in the back at a quiet table and left to peruse the menu after putting in drink orders of two unsweetened iced teas.

"I don't know what I want" he said. "Too much to choose from."

"Do you like swordfish?" Mac asked. "That looks good."

"Yeah, it does" he said. "Can't decide if I want that or the grilled lobster."

"Why don't you get that, I'll get grilled lobster and we can each have some of the other" Mac suggested. "Or we can do it the other way too."

"Okay" he said. "We'll get both and share, sounds good."

Mac smiled and soon the waiter brought their drinks and took their dinner orders.

"Wonder how my folks are faring with Ainsley" said Harm as he took a sip of his tea. "Just fine, no doubt."

"I almost hope she cuts that left incisor while they're there so we don't have to deal with it" Mac sighed. "On the other hand though, I don't like to not be with her when she's upset from that."

"I know, sweetie" he said. "I'm sure things will be...a lot different this time than the last time we left her for a week. I'm really not worried about her, which is kind of surprising given last time, but I'm confident my mom won't make that kind of mistake again."

"It would be kind of hard for her to" Mac replied. "Ainsley's on baby food now and some regular food, not to mention I'm not nursing her nearly as much as I was so..."

"Pretty much just in the morning, before bed and when she wakes up during the night, right?" he asked, reaching for his glass again.

"That's it" Mac sighed. "I will if her teeth are really hurting her and she's got the temperature but otherwise three times a day is it."

"Well, you won't spend half the trip pumping like you had to on the honeymoon" he said, hoping to help her see something positive in having to cut back on nursing their daughter several months before she really wanted to.

"That's true" she replied sipping her tea. "And I really don't want to spend this trip fretting about the baby. I don't."

"No need to" he said. "This week is about you and I, we need to try and make it as relaxing as we can. No room for fretting and relaxing at the same time."

"You said it" Mac smiled. "I was busy while you were asleep. Oh, by the way, I must commend you for your amazing restraint at the rental office."

He smiled. "Thanks. That guy really annoyed me."

"Bud mentioned something once about you and a pharmacy clerk at the hospital when the baby was in. He didn't elaborate though. Care to?" Mac asked.

He chuckled. "It was when my back was killing me, and Dr. Cameron had sent me to the ER to see another doctor. She gave me a script for pain killers, and filling it proved a lesson in irritation."

"Poor baby" Mac sighed sympathetically. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me how bad it was when we were in the hospital?" Mac asked. "Why did you keep quiet?"

"I knew how overwhelmed you were with Ainsley being so sick" he said. "That was the one and only reason I didn't let you know how much pain I was in."

Mac raised one eyebrow. "You probably made it worse by not telling."

He swallowed another drink of tea. "Probably so. I just did what seemed right at the time."

"Remind me I want to pump before bed, okay?" Mac asked. "Then I want to spend sometime just lying in your arms."

"I think I can handle that" he said with a smile. "That room is just amazing."

"I know I haven't really been interested in...I'm sorry" Mac replied, peeling off a piece of bread that the waitress set on the table.

"It's okay" he said softly, pulling a piece of bread off for himself. "We'll work on that this week...you know, if you want to."

"I don't know honey" Mac sighed. "I just haven't been in the mood to be like that. I'm so tired from the baby and...hopefully a week of romance and relaxation will cure me."

"I hope so" he said. "I know that must sound like I'm just thinking about what I want, but you know I'm thinking about you, too. I miss being close to you like that, and I know you miss it as well. I hope...I'd hate to see us miss out on a week full of just you and I; no baby waking up halfway through, no teenager making noise upstairs, just us."

"There's nothing wrong with what we've been doing" Mac replied as the waitress brought their meals.

"No, there's not" he agreed, "but don't you miss what we used to have?"

"It's only been three weeks, Harm" Mac replied. "I just haven't felt like it. No, I guess I don't miss it because for me it's just a step beyond what we're doing now. It's the closeness I want; I can have that without the sex. So can you."

"I know" he said, unfolding his napkin and placing it in his lap. "And I'll give you as much time as you need to work through...whatever's going on, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope things...you know, 'changed' for this week if not for longer. It's just not like you, baby. Makes me sad."

"I'm sorry" Mac apologized sincerely. "I don't know why, I just...I don't want to. I just...It didn't feel right the last time."

He looked puzzled. "As in it hurt or?"

"No" Mac shook her head and began to work on taking her meal apart. "But..."

"Oh yeah" he said softly. "Now I remember. I'm sorry, sweetie."

"Don't be" Mac replied. "I...I don't know why...but I don't want to be like that, I want to snuggle and cuddle, but not...Well, no worries. It came out of nowhere; it'll go away like that too. It did before."

"After you had the baby?" he asked, taking a bite of his dinner.

She nodded, "Even if I could have physically had sex then...no dice" Mac laughed. "Only then I cried when the pickle jar lid was on too tight. Remember?"

"I'll never forget" he said with a smile. "You were bawling like a baby over that stupid jar; I felt so badly for you."

"I felt badly for you the time..." She started to giggle.

"Lemme guess" he said, "the time we had Ainsley at the office for a visit and she spit up all over my winter blues 10 minutes before I had to be in court?"

"That too, but I was thinking of the one where I got you out of the shower to yell at you for not getting the paper off the walk. She was maybe ten days old" Mac laughed. "And now she's got teeth...she'll be walking soon."

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" he asked.

She nodded. "It is. Lobster?" she offered.

"Sure" he said, reaching his fork across to her plate.

The pair continued to talk as they ate. Mac read him the itinerary she'd made as he'd napped and they got their week as planned as possible. By the time they left the restaurant, they were full and happy. "You feel like a walk?"

"A walk sounds wonderful" he said. "Where to?"

"We can go into the city and find some of those museums and stuff. There's supposed to be a trial reenactment in the square too, about 2130. Want to go?" she asked slipping her arm around his waist and beginning to walk towards the green.

"Yeah" he said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "I'll do anything you want to do this week, Mac. Everything you've found to do up here sounds like a lot of fun."

* * *

yay! 

Snuggling close to each other Harm and Mac strolled towards the center of the town. Near one of the museums they could see a small gathering of people most in regular clothing, some in period dress. One of the older ladies, a rotund woman in her fifties approached Harm and Mac, "Did ye hear?"

"Uh, no" said Harm.

"Oh ye haven't" she squawked. "Well they've finally done it. Bridget Bishop is about to be arrested for witchcraft. The devil is lurking in Salem."

"Really?" said Mac. "That's a frightening thought."

"Come this way...there's the magistrate now" the woman said and began to walk towards the center where indeed a man dressed in 17th Century Puritan clothing was binding the hands of a woman in her fifties and announcing to all that she, Bridget Bishop, had been named a witch.

Mac snuggled closer to Harm as the watched this take place.

"This looks interesting" said Harm. "Think so?"

"Uh huh, what are we supposed to do?" Mac asked watching the cattle cart begin to roll down the cobblestone street. "Follow?"

Mac and Harm followed the crowd listening as the costumed actors cackled and belittled the prisoner. As they walked Mac looked about taking in the surroundings, she gave a small shiver and her step faltered on one of the stones.

"You okay, babe?" he asked, helping her catch her balance.

"I think so" Mac replied. "I'm not used to these kinds of streets in sandals."

"Yeah" he said, "not exactly easy to walk on."

"You doing okay?" she asked as the continued to follow the crowd.

"Mm-hmm" he answered. "That little nap did me good."

"I'm glad" Mac whispered as they approached a restored building and one of the costumed interpreters began to explain what was about to take place. "Welcome to 1692. It is April and Goody Bishop of Salem has been accused of witchcraft and the affliction of Mercy Lewis and Anne Putnam. As we step inside, her accusers will give evidence and she will be tried by a jury according to English law and the laws of Massachusetts Bay Colony. If she is found guilty, she will be hung. If she is found innocent, she will be set free. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are Goody Bishop's jury, her lawyers, and her accusers. You may in an orderly fashion question Goody Bishop and those who give evidence against her. Once the examination is concluded, you will be asked to vote and determine Bridget Bishop's fate."

"Oh boy" whispered Harm to Mac. "This should be very enlightening."

"You want to go in or just walk around?" Mac asked. She didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to, but this whole idea intrigued her.

"Let's go in" he said. "We're lawyers, it'll be very interesting to see how different things are now versus then."

Mac and Harm followed the crowd up a long winding staircase. The large room was set up like a 17th century English courtroom. There was the witness box and a roped in area for the accused to "stand" trial. There was a bench for three judges and seats where the "afflicted" girls should be seated. "Can you sit on these benches?" Mac asked seeing the long white backless seating in the room.

"Yeah" he replied. "For a little while anyway; if I get to hurting, I'll just stand up in the back."

Mac nodded and the pair took seats near the back so if he did have to stand, he wouldn't be far off from her. Once everyone was settled the woman they'd seen arrested in the square was brought inside. As soon as she was visible to the girls they began to writhe and act out, screeching and yelling and moaning. "Sounds like some of Mattie's friends."

Harm chuckled. "Right."

The magistrate pounded his long gavel on the floor and called the court to order. The charges were read aloud to the assembly and the accused was asked to respond.

"Bishop what do you say as you here stand charged with sundry acts of witchcraft by you done or committed upon the bodies of Mercy Lewis and Ann Putnam and others?" the man portraying one Mr. Hathorne queried.

"I am innocent I know nothing of it I have done no witchcraft" the accused proclaimed.

"Look upon this woman and see if this be the woman that you have seen hurting you. Mercy Lewis and Ann Putnam and others do now charge her to her face with hurting of them. What do you say now you see they charge you to your face?" asked the judge.

Bishop replied. "I never did hurt them in my life. I did never see these persons before I am as innocent as the child unborn."

"Is not your coat cut?" the judge asked.

Harm and Mac studied the accused as she denied her coat was torn, but when the magistrate took it to examine it was indeed torn in two ways, one consistent with a scabbard cut made at the good woman by one of her accusers, Mr. Jonathan Walcoate.

"I'd love to get that Mr. Walcoate on the stand" Mac whispered.

"Me too" replied Harm. "We'd break him for sure."

"Oh Goody Bishop, did you not come to our house the Last night and did you not tell me that your master made you tell more than you were willing to tell?" asked one of the torment girls, Mercy Lewis.

"Tell us the truth in this matter how comes these persons to be thus tormented and to charge you with doing?" the judge pressed.

As the trial continued Mac and Harm listned to the outrageous testimony and accusations. The actress portraying Bridget Bishop kept denying she was a witch. Judge Hathorne asked,"Who is that that doth it if you do not they say it is your likeness that comes and torments them and tempts them to write in the book? What book is that you tempt them with?"

"I know nothing of it I am innocent" Bishop declared again looking about the courtroom, eyes seeming to fall on Harm's as she did so.

"She's innocent" he whispered to Mac.

"And you know that how?" Mac challenged in an equal tone.

"I can see it in her eyes" he answered. "Plus these charges are completely crazy. There's nowhere near enough proof."

One of the cast members heard Harm's comment. "Ah, the good gentlemen calls for proof" the woman challenged. "And what say you to this as proof? Goody Bishop wedded three times, buried two husbands, and has never produced a single child. What say that? I say, a midwife, it is the devils hand at work."

Harm rose from his seat. "It could very easily be that the accused has a medical condition which prevented her from conceiving. The fact that she has no children can hardly be called proof that she's a witch."

"And what of her presence in my bed chamber then?" asked man in the far corner. "What of my scabbard's marks on her coat?"

Harm addressed his reply to the accused. "Goody Bishop, can you account for your whereabouts on the evening in question?"

"I was in bed of course" she replied. "In bed with my husband beside me."

"Can your husband offer testimony to back you up?" he asked, really getting into the role.

"He tends the farm, Sir" Bridget replied.

"What can you say in your own defense with regard to the cuts in your coat?" he asked, needing to go at it from a different angle with the husband being absent.

"I have no answer, Sir" Bridget replied. "A catch perhaps. Or perhaps it was done on purpose as I worked in the taverns two days passed."

Harm continued to question Goody Bishop about her daily activities and to her credit the actress who portrayed her handled every one. Finally though, the afflicted girls began again, claiming the "specter" of Goody Bishop was afflicting them.

"Do you not see how they are tormented? You are acting witchcraft before us. What do you say to this? Why have you not an heart to confess the truth?" the judge badjered.

"I am innocent. I know nothing of it. I am no witch; I know not what a witch is" Bishop cried.

"Have you not given consent that some evill spirit should do this in your likeness?" the judge asked.

Bishop denied it again. "No, I am innocent of being a witch. I know no man, woman or child here."

"And do you have comment to that, Sir?" the judge asked Harm. "The specter of Goody Bishop, that is the same as she herself doing evil for she allowed her likeness to be used to the Devil's work."

"That still has not been proven beyond a reasonable doubt" said Harm.

"And what cause have you to doubt the testimony of the good Reverend's own niece?" the judge asked.

"That she's the Reverend's niece doesn't make her testimony infallible" replied Harm. "Not one of the accusers can show, with more certainty than doubt, that this woman is guilty of anything."

"She bears a witches mark and her specter was seen by several witnesses" the judge argued.

"Spectral evidence does not stand in His majesty's court" Harm replied. "This is a royal colonial court, not an inquisitors court."

This continued for a few more moments until the cross examination of other witnesses was permitted. Harm thundered at them as he would any witness in any courtroom. Finally it was time to vote on the verdict. "All those who believe that Goody Bridget Bishop is guilty of the crime of witchcraft say I" the magistrate proclaimed.

The actors said "I" but no one else. "All those who believe her to be innocent" the magistrate presented, "say I". The votes were overwhelming from the crowd leaving the magistrate no choice. "Bridget Bishop, you have been tried and thusly acquitted by a jury of your peers of the charge of witchcraft. You are free to go."

The judge banged the gavel, and Mac rose and offered her hand to Harm.

"That was a real rush" he said as he took her hand. "Did you like it?"

"Yes" Mac smiled. "You really got into that."

Before Harm could reply he was approached by an older gentleman. "Lawyer?"

Harm smiled. "Yeah, I'm with the Navy's Judge Advocate General's office. Was it that obvious?"

"Navy, no. Lawyer yes. No one else would know the spectral evidence did not hold up in an English court" the man smiled. "And this lovely woman would be?"

"This is my wife, Sarah" answered Harm. "She's also a JAG, but she's a Marine. I'm Harm, Commander Harmon Rabb." He offered his hand to the gentleman.

"Its nice to meet you, enjoy the city" he smiled and turned away.

Mac looked up at Harm, her face straight. She wanted something;_ that _he knew, but she didn't say what.

"Something on your mind, babe?" he asked.

Mac held her arms up to him but still said nothing.

He opened his arms to her. "Come here."

Mac buried her face in his chest a moment inhaling his scent. "I love you" she whispered rocking back and forth a bit.

He pulled her in even closer. "Are you okay? You seem upset."

"I'm okay" Mac replied. "I just want to be held. Nothing wrong with that, right?"

"No" he said, "except this is me you're talking to and I know something's on your mind, sweetie. You wanna go back to the room?"

"Yeah" Mac replied. "Its getting late and I'm starting to get a headache."

"Okay" he said, giving her one last squeeze before letting go and reaching for her hand. "Let's go."

They strolled through the streets once again, passing several of the museums they would tour the next day before they reached the car. "How you doing? Good?" she asked him.

"Fine" he said. "Getting tired though, it's been a long day."

Mac smiled. "Want me to drive back?"

"No, I can get us a half mile, sweetie" he said, "but thanks."

Harm drove the rental car back to the hotel. Mac remained quiet as they rode and went into their room. "We should call your mom and check on the baby" she suggested as she headed for the bathroom.

"Good idea" he said. "Oh, you asked me to remind you to pump when we got back."

"Right, I'll do that while you call home" Mac replied and got out her boxers and one of Harm's old undershirts.

Harm called his mother and received a positive report on Ainsley and Mattie while Mac pumped and changed. He changed himself while she was in the bathroom and was lying in bed with his legs elevated. Something was bothering Mac; he knew that. And he wanted to know what. Once she was in his arms, he'd press her and then he'd show her how much he loved her and make her smile. "Yes" he thought. "Perfect."

"Feel better?" he asked when she emerged from the bathroom and put her breast pump back in her suitcase.

"Yeah" she smiled. "How's everything at home?"

"Great" he said. "Mom said the baby is nothing but smiles, and Mattie is helping them when they need it."

"I'm glad" Mac replied sliding into bed and snuggling close. "You were amazing tonight. Harmon Rabb single handedly changed history."

"I dunno about _that_" he replied as he pulled her near. "It sure was fun though."

"Yes it was" Mac agreed. "This is going to be a really nice vacation."

"I know it will" he said, "but not if you're gonna be hurting in silence, sweetheart. I know something is on your mind."

She mumbled something so softly and close to his chest he couldn't hear her.

"I can't hear you, Mac" he said gently.

"I said, she might have been like me" Mac replied. "And they'd condemn her for it."

Harm sighed. "I wondered if that might not be what was bothering you" he said, caressing her arm. "I'm sorry if that scene upset you."

"Its not bothering me" Mac replied. "I mean I'm not stewing over it...its just I can't help but think if we didn't have the option...I was getting pretty sick for awhile there, you know?"

"I do know" he agreed. "I'm very thankful that we have everything available to us that we have, as I know you are."

"I am" Mac smiled. "Did I tell you I love you yet today?"

"You did" he said, leaning in closer to her. "But I'd love to hear it again."

Mac placed a tiny kiss on his chest where he head lay. "I love you."

He reached down and placed his fingers beneath her chin, moving it up to where their lips were inches apart. "I love you, too" he said before giving her a long, gentle kiss.

Mac accepted Harm's kiss but soon pulled back. "Do you want to eat the breakfast here or go somewhere else tomorrow?"

"We can eat here" he said, moving a few stray locks of hair behind her ear.

"I'll go down then and get it" Mac told him. "We'll be walking a lot and I want you to rest your back as much as you can. I'm glad you've got those sexy legs up by the way, saves me from scolding you about it."

He smiled. "I'm learning." He reached up and caressed her cheek with his thumb.

"Mm" Mac sighed. "I'm tired. I want to try to sleep okay?"

"We will" he said softly as he moved to tuck another lock of hair behind her ear. "But I'd like to try something else first."

"Harm" Mac sighed, knowing what he meant. As much as she loved him, his touch, at least in that sense was the last thing she wanted, and she didn't understand why.

"I love you, Mac" he said softly, "and I really want to be with you tonight. It doesn't have to be like last time."

"I love you too" Mac replied. "But...Harm, I don't...I just can't."

"You can't if you tell yourself you can't" he said lovingly. "Let's give it a chance, the romance of this place. You might be surprised."

Mac was not in the mood to even entertain the notion, but her husband's voice was so gentle, as was his touch, so she let him begin to love her without further protest.

He started with a long, tender kiss, knowing she wasn't truly in the mood and hoping he could change that.

Mac let Harm kiss her and returned his loving kiss with one of her own. She let him touch her, she let him run his hands down her arms, up her chest, though she lie still and did nothing.

He noticed how detached she was compared to normal, but he wasn't going to make an issue of it. He just wanted to be with her, to love her, even if he had to do everything this time around. He reached around himself with one arm and pulled his shirt off, tossing it into a corner. He then reached down and gently pulled her sleep shorts off, thankful that she at least lifted her hips enough for him to do that. Tossing the shorts in the same direction as his shirt, he lifted her T-shirt up a few inches and began placing feather soft kisses against her tummy.

Mac shivered at his lips on her tummy and weakly moved her hands in to touch the warm skin of his back gently in minimal response to his ministrations.

He slowly moved her shirt up a few inches at a time, kissing her as he went. He took notice of her hands on his back, and he hoped it meant she was getting into the mood, even if only a little.

As suddenly as Mac began to touch him, she stopped, letting her arms fall back. She felt him move for her breasts, touching them softly with his hands, studying them, adoring them with his eyes and his mouth.

He took care to be extra gentle, knowing that this was something she usually adored, but it could sometimes be a bit painful for her, and that would surely destroy any progress they'd made that evening. She was lying still beneath him, still and silent. "Does this feel okay, baby?" he whispered.

Mac didn't know how to reply. There was nothing bad or discomforting about what Harm was doing, but nothing wonderful about it either, at least not to her. "Mmhmm" she replied, on the side of neutrality.

Her reply was far different than her usual oh's and ah's, he noticed that right off. Abandoning her breasts, he sat up on his knees and carefully placed his index fingers inside the waistband of her panties, pulling them off gently and slowly. Again, she raised her hips to allow him to accomplish his task, and again he tried to take that as a good sign.

It was easy to do this, to just lie there and let him do as he wished. It was easier than trying to explain why she didn't want to make love...or perhaps not. The easier thing would be if he'd left her be like she wanted, but that wasn't fair to him... to _them_ really.

He climbed off the bed for a moment and shed the remainder of his clothing. Crawling back into bed carefully, he slid up alongside her, taking hold of her T-shirt and pulling it over her head. He tossed it into the same general direction as the other various garments they'd shed, then turned his attention back to her. She was lying completely motionless, not saying anything, and that had him concerned. Still, she hadn't given him an indication that he needed to stop, so he decided to press ahead. He leaned over and gave her another sweet kiss on the lips. "I love you so much, baby. So much."

"Love you" she replied biting her lip.

He planted angel kisses along her collarbone and down to her breasts, where he spent a couple moments kissing and caressing before he slid further down the bed. He tapped on her left leg a little, silently asking her to move it over. He hoped she'd understand.

Mac understood Harm's gentle instruction and almost robotically she lifted her legs, still though she made no other response to his loving.

He moved to where her legs were on either side of him, feeling badly that she was so distant, but still hoping to make the encounter romantic before all was said and done. "Are you ready, beautiful?"

Mac lay unresponsive, not saying yes, but not denying him either.

He interpreted her silence as indifference, and once again chose to move ahead. He very gently entered her body, intent on not hurting her even a little bit. Ordinarily, she'd give him an indication as to what she was feeling, if he was moving too quickly, but tonight she wasn't saying anything.

Mac closed her eyes, knowing it was inevitable now. Her body was not at all ready for his but if she just lie still and wished hard enough maybe she'd enjoy it a bit, or maybe she'd even get lucky and he'd stop doing this.

He began to move slowly within her, hoping maybe this would be the point where she'd be able to let go and find some joy in the moment. It wasn't meant to be. After only a few seconds, he heard her start to cry...and then everything fell apart.

"Harm" she whimpered. "Stop...please no." A tiny weak hand came to push at his chest to support her words.

He immediately stopped moving and looked into her eyes. "Am I hurting you, baby?"

Her face crumbled at his words and she began to sob. Finally she managed, "Yes."

"God, Mac" he said, reaching up to cup her face with one hand while supporting his weight with the other. "I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry. I'll move, okay?"

Again he was met with silence as he moved out of her. He moved next to her and pulled the blankets up over them both. "What's wrong, Mac?" She was sobbing almost hysterically now, and it was breaking his heart.

"I..." she sobbed. "I asked you...you knew and..."

He felt lower than dirt. "Mac, I'm so sorry. I was...I just thought that maybe all you needed to get past it was to try it again. I didn't mean to push you, baby. I'd never set out to do that."

"But you did" she cried. "You did, just..."

She stopped herself there, for those words were not true. He was not "just like the others", not at all, any of them would still be inside of her now, making her beg them to stop, whereas Harm was fretting and attempting to comfort her.

He pulled her into his arms and let her cry. "I'm sorry...Shh...It's okay...I love you, and I'll give you as much time as you need, okay?" He knew he had no choice but to offer her that olive branch, but inside he was hurting. His wife had never rejected him like this, and he longed to know the reason behind it.

For the first time that night, Mac responded to his touch and burrowed deeper in his arms. "I'm sorry" she whispered. "I love you, you know that?"

"I do know that" he whispered in reply. "I wish I could help you with this, sweetheart. I guess I can't."

"You can't" she replied. "I don't know what it is. Its just I don't...I just don't want to. I don't know why. I don't understand why" she cried. "All I want is to be held tight in your arms, nothing else. I can't stand anything else right now."

"Shh..." he soothed, pulling her in as close as he possibly could. "Does it hurt you like maybe..." He stopped, he really didn't want to finish that thought.

"Maybe what?" she pressed him to finish.

He sighed and answered softly. "Like maybe the endometriosis is back?"

"No" she shook her head. "Tonight it burned a little because I was so...I wasn't ready but it doesn't hurt. I just don't feel like making love. I just don't want to do it. That's all I can say, and it makes no sense."

He kissed the top of her head as she rested against his chest. "Well, I'm glad that it doesn't hurt you, but...I don't understand what's happening. I want to help you, but...I can't."

"I know you do and I think I know how you might" Mac sighed, sniffling.

"Anything I can do" he said, rubbing her arm, "you just name it."

"Don't do what you did tonight anymore" she began.

"I won't" he promised. "I...please believe me when I say I really thought it would help. It wasn't about me; I can wait a hundred years if you really need me to. I just wanted to help you, to try and get us past this...whatever it is, so we can enjoy our time together this week."

"Just let me adjust, let me come to you, please?" she asked. "Until then, just hold me until I sleep, okay?" This she asked like a tiny girl who wanted her parent to sit with her in the dark. "Is that okay?"

"That's okay, sure" he said, giving her one more gentle hug. "Let's get some sleep, we have a lot to do this week, and I want to be rested enough to enjoy it. I love you, baby."

"I love you too" she whispered, closing her eyes and snuggling against him, secure that he indeed would wait until she was ready and once that time came, would be as gentle as he was tonight.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks again to She'sAShipper for her help on the courtroom stuff. I'll really try to have chapter 89 out within a week:)_


	89. Chapter 89

_A/N: Thanks again to She'sAShipper for her work on the vacation activities. :)_

* * *

Chapter 89:

Mac woke before Harm the following morning and decided to let him sleep while she showered and went down to the continental breakfast buffet. There she got a couple glasses of orange juice and two cups of coffee along with two bagels, a muffin for Harm, and a jelly doughnut for herself.

He was still sound asleep when she returned, and it was nearing 0900. Mac set down the food tray and gently patted his cheek. "Rise and shine, sailor."

He turned towards her and mumbled a bit before he opened his eyes.

"Hey there, sleepyhead. Time to get up and greet the morning" she smiled. "Sleep well?"

"Mm-hmm" he replied, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "You get breakfast?"

"I did" Mac replied. "I got us bagels and you a muffin. I also got juice. It's on the desk."

"Any coffee?" he inquired.

"Harm, how long have we been married?" Mac asked.

"Almost 7 months" he replied.

"And in seven months has there _ever _been a morning when there wasn't any coffee?" Mac asked.

"Uh, none I can think of" he answered with a little smile.

"Then why is it that every morning I'm up before you, you ask me if there's coffee?" Mac asked with a laugh.

He laughed at himself. "Good question, baby."

"Of course there's coffee" she replied. "Two cups for my sleepy sailor. You getting up?"

"Yeah, yeah" he mumbled as he tossed back the covers and crawled out of bed. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

"As well as I ever do" she replied. "Is this bed okay for your back? I'm pretty stiff this morning."

"It's okay, I suppose" he answered, placing a hand on his back as he spoke. "I'm a little stiff, not bad though."

"I'll call down and have them put a back board under the mattress. It's really soft" she replied. "Do you need a back rub?"

"Nah, I'm okay" he said. "Let's dig into that good looking food; I'm hungry."

"Go for it babe" Mac replied. "Kiss first."

"But of course" he said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips.

Mac smiled and made her way over to the small table near the fire place. Harm joined her and they ate and chatted about their day's plans. "Is there anything special you want to do today?" Mac asked.

"Not especially" he said, taking a drink of orange juice. "What would you like to do?"

"Well, we _are_ in Salem" she smiled. "So we have to do the witch trial museums and go to the memorial. There's a pirate museum that comes with a combination ticket to two of the witch trial museums. Why don't we start there?"

"Works for me" he said, finishing the last bite of his muffin. "You wanna shower first or you want me to?"

"I already showered" Mac replied. "I was up long before you."

He smiled. "Well, I guess it's my turn then, huh?"

"Yep, I'm going to call home while you're in there" Mac replied.

"Okay" he said as he rose from the chair. "Tell mom to kiss my girls for me."

Harm showered quickly and emerged from the large hotel bathroom dressed in jean shorts and a black t-shirt that showed off his well-defined muscles. Mac was still on the phone when he came out. "She does that sometimes too, we just sit up with her until she stops crying. She's a really rough teether."

"Baby have a rough night?" he asked Mac softly as she remained on the phone.

"Yep, that tooth started to drop" Mac replied. "That's normal too" she said into the phone. "Sometimes I think she needs the strength. I hope Frank didn't mind."

They talked a few more minutes, then Mac ended the call. "Your daughter kept your Mom and Frank up half the night" Mac told him.

"Teeth, I presume?" he said.

"You said that right" Mac sighed. "Ainsley screamed for two hours and only quieted down when Frank rocked her. Believe that?"

"Oh yes" he replied. "Did they give her Tylenol?"

"They did and the teething ring, but she kept at it until she was exhausted. Poor baby" Mac sighed. "And of course she had a fever and that worried your Mom."

"Did you tell her that's status quo with Ainsley?" asked Harm.

"Yes I did" Mac replied. "She seems okay now though. I just hope she doesn't wear them out."

Harm smiled. "They wanted grandchildren so they could baby-sit them and spoil them rotten; we're merely giving them what they want."

Mac smiled. "You ready to go there, sailor?"

"All set" he answered, grabbing his keys from the nightstand.

"Do think we'll need sweaters?" Mac asked as she grabbed her backpack.

"Probably" he said. "It's not very warm out there once the sun sets."

Mac packed the rest of the necessary items into the back pack then put it on. "Where to first?"

"Let's start at the pirate museum" he said.

Mac smiled. "Okay."

* * *

Harm drove their rental car to a municipal lot in the center of town. The city looked less forboding in the light and was a bustle with tourists of all ages.

As they walked from the parking lot towards the museum, they spotted a family not too far ahead of them on the sidewalk. There was a mom, dad and 5 kids, ranging in age from around 7 years down to the newborn twins in the tandem stroller. One was a boy, the other a girl as evidenced by their pink and blue caps and blankets. The next oldest child, a girl of maybe 2 years old, clung to the side of the stroller as her mother pushed it along. The other two children held onto their father's hand, completing the picture of true family happiness.

Mac sighed as she observed the sight and bit back the tears that always stung her eyes when she saw scenes like that.

Her pain didn't go unnoticed by her husband. He reached out for her hand and squeezed it gently. "I know."

Mac smiled weakly. "Is this Derby Street?"

"I think so" he said, knowing she was aching inside.

"Then that museum should be..." Mac looked about and referred to the map she's taken from the hotel. "Two blocks that way."

"Okay" he said as they continued to walk towards the museum. "Are you gonna be okay if those folks are headed for the same place we are?"

"I think so" Mac replied. "Its just our reality. I have to live with it, right?" She looked up at him, unshed tears making her eyes bright.

"We'll be able to try again after awhile" he said gently. "We were blessed once, no reason to think we won't be blessed again."

Mac let it go. His reluctance to try again bothered and hurt her but she didn't want to ruin the day by bringing it up. "I think that's it there" she replied pointing to the building with three dummy pirates scaling rope ladders up the side of a brick building. The words, _New England Pirate Museum_ were emblazoned over the door.

Hand in hand Harm and Mac made their way to the museum and found themselves behind the family they'd witnessed on the way there. The small two year old girl turned and looked at Harm, "You're big" she observed. Her own father was shorter than Harm, standing 5'8" if he stood an inch.

Harm smiled and knelt down to talk to the child. "You're big, too. How old are you?"

The little one held up two fingers.

"Two years old, wow" said Harm with an enthusiastic voice. "My little girl at home, she's just a baby right now, but one day she'll be two just like you and she can go to all these fun places, too."

"Dani, honey, don't bother the man" her mother scolded softly when she saw the child about to ask a question.

"Oh, it's fine, really" said Harm. "She's adorable."

"Thank you" the mother replied as Dani asked her question. "Does baby have any brothers?" The child's voice made the "r" sound like a "w".

Harm felt a pang of sorrow at her innocent words. "No, she doesn't. She has a big sister, though."

"Me too," she smiled. "She's Sarah."

"I like that name" said Harm. "In fact, that's my wife's name." He looked up at Mac, who once again smiled weakly.

To Harm's relief the line moved and the family of seven was allowed to purchase their tickets and move off to the side. Mac squared her shoulders, her Marine stance. "Move up, honey."

He took a few steps forward to the ticket window. "Tell her what we need, babe" he said to Mac.

"Two combination tickets, please" Mac told the clerk in a tight voice.

"Thirty dollars" the girl replied. "Are you alright ma'am?" she asked noticing Mac's pale color.

Mac nodded. "Yes."

"Cash or charge, Sir?" asked the clerk, her responsibility finished.

"Charge" said Harm, handing her his debit card.

A few minutes later after the clerk had explained how their tickets worked she told them, "you two can join that tour. There's two more places left."

"Great" said Harm. "Thank you."

Mac and Harm joined the large family and three others. Soon their guide, a middle-aged man dressed like Smee from _Peter Pan, _approached and began to explain the history and mythology of New England Pirates. All the time, the little girl, Dani, stared at Harm, her little face mesmerized by him.

He smiled and waved at her, and she returned his attention in kind. He tried to picture what Ainsley might look like at her age, but he just couldn't imagine it.

The group proceeded through the exhibits looking at recreations of pirate ships and villages. A recreation of Blackbeard made Mac jump when it made an unexpected animated motion.

"You okay?" Harm asked her.

"Yeah, that startled me" she smiled. "She's having fun" Mac nodded to Harm's young admirer.

"Yeah, she's a cutie" he said, knowing the sight of that particular family was breaking Mac's heart, for it wasn't doing his own any good.

"Ainsley before you know it" she murmured.

"Yeah" he sighed. "They grow too fast, don't they?"

"They do" Mac sighed. "You want to check out the treasure?"

Harm and Mac checked out the treasure and the bat cave following the winding halls of the museum until they came out on the other side. There in the gift shop Harm once again was questioned by his little friend. "You like it?" she asked playing with a sticker on her jacket.

He knelt down to her eye level. "I sure do; it's very pretty."

"Where's your baby?" she asked.

"She's at home with her Nana and Papa" replied Harm.

"Why not here?" she asked still playing with her sticker.

"Dani" her mother sighed.

"It's fine" Harm said to the mother. "She's too little to know what any of the things here are, so we decided to come by ourselves and we'll bring her back when she's older, like you are."

The child smiled. "Okay" as Mac said, "I'm getting a little warm. I'm going to wait outside."

Harm knew the real reason she needed to step away. "I have to go for now" he told the little girl. "You have fun, okay?"

She nodded. "Bye Mister."

Mac escaped and sat down on the first bench she saw. It was only after she sat down she noticed the woman next to her was in at least her seventh month. "Oh God!" she gasped and as quickly as she sat down, she sprinted to the public restroom behind the building.

Harm went out the front exit and looked around for Mac. He didn't see her, so he walked out a bit further and looked; still no sign of her. Puzzled, he went around the back, hoping she'd gone in the restroom because if not, he had no clue where she was.

The woman that Mac had sat down next to waddled by him. "Are you looking for someone?" she asked, telling by the look on his face he was bewildered.

"My wife" he said. "I thought she came out here, but I don't see her."

"Pretty brunette in a pink tee shirt?" she asked.

"Yes" answered Harm. "Did you see her?"

"Yes" she replied. "She sat down over there then sprinted off to the rest room. I can let her know you're out her if you like" she offered.

"Would you, please?" asked Harm, suddenly very worried about Mac.

"Certainly, its okay you know" she soothed. "It goes away, believe me."

"Uh, I'm sorry; I don't quite understand" said a confused Harm.

"The morning sickness" she replied. "She just ran off like that...I assumed..."

"Oh" said Harm dejectedly. "No, it's not that. She...wasn't feeling well, that's all."

"I'll tell her you're waiting" the woman smiled and went to take care of business.

Harm had a pretty good idea as to why Mac would've taken off as fast as she appeared to, and it had everything to do with the very pregnant woman he'd just spoken with. Mac didn't handle that sort of thing too well anymore, and being on edge as it was over the sight of the family with 5 children, he was willing to bet almost anything that this was just too much for her.

Imagine his surprise when two minutes later she emerged smiling from the rest room, "I heard there was a handsome sailor waiting out here for me" she smiled and stretched to kiss his lips.

He leaned down to kiss her. "You okay, sweetie?"

"Fine" she replied. "I just needed to use the bathroom. You ready to go? This next museum is supposed to have a recreated forest and live action scenes of the witch trial events. I might get scared" she teased and batted her eyes at him.

He wasn't sure if she was really okay or if she was hiding something, but he knew she didn't want to talk about it if the latter was the case. "Oh, well then" he said, smiling at her expression. "Let's go; I'll keep you safe."

They headed over to the next stop on their tour, The Witch History Museum. This tour had mostly adults and teens, for which Mac was grateful. They were met by their guide and given a history of the Salem Witch Trials before being led down a long, dimly lit staircase. In spite of the sign that said "Watch Your Step" Harm's faltered, but he caught himself on the railing. "Harm!" Mac exclaimed seeing his near fall.

"I'm okay, I'm okay" he said, catching his breath. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" she asked as the tour guide made her way up to check.

"Mm-hmm" he said. "I didn't feel anything pop or pull; I'm fine, sweetie."

"Are you all right, sir?" the guide asked. "We lose about two a day to that step."

"Yeah, I'm okay" he said, "but if this step is such a liability, why doesn't the management do something about it. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you this is a lawsuit in the making."

"We are going to get more light installed in here" she replied. "Thank you for the advice though. Care to make your way down to the bottom of the steps. Be careful, they get steep."

"Understood" said Harm, holding the railing extra tight as he made his way down the remaining steps.

At the bottom the tour guide joined them. The corridors did indeed resemble a forest, complete with leaves on the trees. "These scenes will depict the saga of the Salem Witch Trials. In 1692, 11 year old Abigail Williams and her nine year old cousin Betty Parrish..." She began and indicated the first scene of a black slave woman and two young girls. Mac and Harm made their way along the paths taking in the scenes of early American life. "I just can't believe i," she whispered.

"Believe what?" he whispered in reply.

"That anyone would do this" she pointed to the depiction of Gallows Hill.

"Yeah, it's pretty unreal" he said. "Pretty frightening."

Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist as they continued on. "Out of the nineteen deaths that occurred during the witch hunt, perhaps the most gruesome was that of Giles Corey. He refused to enter a plea when charged with witchcraft shortly after testifying against his wife Martha on a similar charge. The court ordered that he be "pressed" until he entered his plea. He died after two days. Legend has it that his ghost haunts Burying Point and the area around it."

"How horrible" gasped Harm. "Can you imagine?"

Mac nodded. "Yes I can."

They continued through until once again they spilled out into a gift shop. "That was really interesting" Mac observed. "I'd like to go up there."

"Where?" he asked.

"To Burying Point" she replied. "After supper maybe."

"If you want to" he said. "Anything else you want to do here, babe?"

"We have the Dungeon Museum left on our ticket" she reminded him. "Let's do that, then maybe a swim at the Inn?"

"Lead the way, my love" he smiled.

* * *

Once again hand in hand Mac and Harm walked through the streets towards their next destination. They were nearly there when she felt something bump her leg. She looked down to see an adorable little boy, no more than three, in tears and all alone.

She was the one who knelt down this time. "Where are your mommy and daddy, sweetie?"

The little tot with dark brown hair and blue eyes continued to cry and shrugged.

"Harm, he's lost" Mac said.

He knelt down beside Mac and the little boy. "What's your name, big guy?" he asked the tot.

He sniffed. "Mikey."

"Hi, Mikey" said Harm. "My name's Harm and this is Sarah. Do you want us to help you find mommy and daddy?"

He shrugged again and cried harder burying his face in his shirt.

"Hey buddy, it's okay" said Harm, reaching out to touch his head. "Don't cry; we'll find them. Do you want me to carry you?"

The tiny head nodded but stayed hidden, an action that disturbed Mac. "Let's find a cop, Harm."

"Good idea" he said, picking the little boy up gently and holding him close.

Before Harm and Mac could locate a police officer, two teens approached. "What are you doing with him?" the young man asked. "Where were you?" he asked the little boy loudly.

The boy began to cry even harder in Harm's embrace. "He was lost" said Harm, feeling protective of Mikey. "My wife and I found him alone and crying over there and were looking for a police officer to help us find his parents. I assume that would be you two?"

"Not me" the boy replied. "Her, yeah. Come here Mikey."

The child clung tighter to Harm, a stranger, showing no desire to go to the man who Harm assumed was at least somewhat familiar.

"It's okay, Mikey" said Harm, trying to gently pull the boy away from his shoulder. "Go on."

The small arms finally relented and Harm handed the boy to the teen. "Thank you, sir" the girl replied and took her son, setting him on the ground. "He knows not to run off like that."

"He's only three" Mac said softly.

"Yeah, but he knows better" said the girl. "Sorry he caused a problem."

Mac nodded and began walking. She knew what was to be little Mikey's fate in the next few minutes, and she for one couldn't stand to watch.

Harm sighed and shook his head. "You ready to go, babe?"

"More than" she replied and walked quickly towards their destination.

They walked to the black building with a stockade out front. "That's what I should do with you when you forget to talk out the garbage" Mac teased.

"Oh, I think not" he said.

They stepped inside the building and were seated on the dreaded hard backless benches for a reenactment of the trial of one of the accused witches before being led into the dungeons. It was cold, and Mac shivered a bit as they moved along the rows of cells, seeing images of women and men alike chained to walls in cells so tiny one could not lay or even sit down properly. Some held several people huddled together; there were even recreated rats in the cells to give it a proper feel. It was in one of these cells Mac saw something that brought every emotion she'd felt since seeing that family with five children to a head. There were women chained inside, but not alone, there were children there too. "Oh, Harm. The babies" she gasped as she began to visibly shake.

"Are you okay, Mac?" he asked, knowing with one look she wasn't.

With her whole body shaking she replied. "Yeah."

"I don't think you are" he said, noting the color that was suddenly absent from her face. "Come on; I'm getting you out of here."

"I...I can finish" she insisted. "It not so bad over there, maybe."

"No" he said gently yet insistently. "We're done. You look sick, and we're not going through the rest of this."

"Women and children alike would accuse one another. Four year old Dorcas Good accused her own mother Sarah. There are unsubstantiated reports of mothers accusing their children..." At those words, Mac finally let out a sob and felt her knees slide out from under her.

Without another word, Harm reached out and scooped his wife into his arms. "Is there any way out of here besides the one at the end?" he asked the tour guide.

"Is there a problem?" the girl asked. "There's only the exit at the end or back the way you came."

"She's not feeling well" he said. "Is it shorter to go back or go to the end?"

"We're about halfway through" she replied. "Just go straight and watch the steps at the end. You'll come out in the gift shop."

"Thank you" he said, hurrying down the hallway as Mac continued to tremble and sob in his arms. He took great care to make certain her eyes were closed as they went past one frightening sight after another until finally they emerged in the gift shop.

"Put me down" she whimpered against his neck.

"Can you stand up?" he asked gently.

Mac shrugged. "Put me down. I'm too heavy for you to carry."

"No, you're not" he said as he held her tight. "I think you need to lie down."

Mac nodded hoping to hide her emotional torment inside the terrible images they'd just seen. "I don't feel very well" she sobbed then as the manager of the museum approached. "Sir, ma'am, is there a problem?"

"My wife isn't feeling well" said Harm. "Is there someplace she can lie down for a few minutes?"

"In the office" he replied. "This way."

Mac shook her head. "I want to go home."

"You mean back to the hotel, sweetie?" asked Harm.

She nodded but stayed buried. "I don't feel well."

"Sir, where is your vehicle?" the manager asked.

"In the municipal lot down the street" replied Harm.

"Derby or Chestnut?"

"Derby" replied Harm.

"That's a bit of a walk. Why don't I sit with her and you can get the car?" he suggested. "One of our guides, Beth, will join us."

Harm nodded. "Mac, you lie on the couch and rest, I'm gonna go get the car and be right back."

Mac nodded and Harm laid her down on the sofa. She rolled onto her side and pulled up her knees, making her body a tiny ball.

He left quickly and jogged the few blocks to the parking lot. Within 5 minutes, he arrived back at the museum. Parking in the street out front, he turned the flashers on and hurried inside to get his wife.

Harm was met outside by the manager. "Do I need to call a doctor or something? I've seen people get upset but this...When Beth asked she said her stomach hurt. Is she...with child?"

Harm shook his head. "No, but we have a 10-month-old at home."

"Still, this is out of the ordinary. Are you sure I don't need to call?" he asked truly concerned about he young woman that was now sleeping in his office.

"I'm sure" said Harm. "I'll take her back to the hotel and let her rest."

"She's gone to sleep I think" he replied and let Harm inside. Mac was indeed sleeping on the sofa, still sobbing in her sleep. Harm lifted her up and carried her to the car. He laid her in the backseat and drove the few minutes back to the hotel carefully. Once there, he lifted her and carried up to their room.

As he laid her on the bed, she awakened and looked at him with tear-filled eyes as she began to cry all over again. He pulled her close and let her cry.

When she could finally breathe again, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be" he said softly. "That stuff was hard to look at even for me."

"It wasn't that stuff, I'm a Marine, I can take that stuff" Mac replied.

"What was it?" he asked, caressing her arm as he held her close.

"Everybody..." she began. "I don't want to talk about this right now. Let's just go swimming."

"No, Mac" he said. "We need to talk about this now. You fell apart back there, and something has you all tied up in knots."

"I want to be like...like that family" Mac whispered. "I want a little Mikey..I...I want it so badly" she whispered as she made a high pitched squeaking noise in her throat.

He sighed and pulled her even closer. "I kind of thought that was it" he said. "I knew that family was breaking your heart; those tiny little twins."

"At least their parents love them" she replied. "People...some people are blessed with babies and they...What am I...You don't understand."

"I really think I do" he said. "We're in this together; you hurt, I hurt, remember?"

She shook her head. "No...you don't" she whispered. "If you really did you'd know that you not wanting this with me hurts."

"I _do _want it, sweetie" he insisted. "I just...I'm not ready to start trying again just yet; that's all."

Mac sniffed. "I sometimes have a hard time believing that..."

"What? That I want another baby?" he asked. "I do, I really do, just not quite yet."

"Then why have we not been careful?" Mac asked wiping her red face on her hand.

He took a deep breath. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that" he said.

Mac drew back and met his eyes, "You have?"

"Yeah" he said softly. "I know we've never used anything, but..." He took another deep breath. "I think we should start."

If he'd slapped her Mac couldn't have been in more pain. She drew back from him "What?"

"I...it's just that the doctor said there's a chance it could happen before we get back into treatment" said Harm, knowing his wife was very upset about this. "I'm not ready yet, and I'm not sure that you're really, _truly_ ready to be pregnant again. I think we should talk about it and decide, you know...what would be the best thing to use for a few months."

"It didn't happen fast with Ainsley" Mac replied sliding off the bed.

"No, it took awhile to conceive her, you're right" he said. "But I just feel in my gut that we should be careful until we get back under Dr. Kendall's care and he has some level of control over things."

Mac walked over to the seat where he'd laid her back pack and picked it up. "Well then, I've got just the method for us to use." She reached for the door knob.

"No, Mac, don't walk away, please" he asked, rising from the bed and walking towards her. "Please, let's talk about this. Avoiding the issue won't solve anything, and I don't want this to ruin our week."

"News flash, Commander" Mac sighed and opened the door. "It just did."

* * *

Mac ran down the steps of the Inn with as much speed as she could muster. She didn't know where she was going to go, all she knew is that it would be as far away from Harm as she could get. She could hear him coming after her, calling after her, but she kept going. She ran out of the Inn past the pool and the parking lot, past the restaurant on the corner until she spotted a sign for the wharf, she turned in that direction and lost herself in the crowd.

How could he do that? How could he say in one breath that he wanted a baby and in another ask about birth control? How could he hurt her like that? With an aching heart Mac slowed her steps and walked towards the water, tears falling from her eyes as she went.

Harm had followed behind her as far as the sidewalk in front of the Inn. When she kept walking despite his desperate calls out to her, he knew he was wasting his time. She needed some space; some time to think things through, and he needed to give it to her. His timing on the birth control issue couldn't have been much worse, and he was kicking himself over even mentioning it just then. He should have saved that discussion for a much less stressful time. With a heart almost as broken as Mac's was at that moment, he turned and walked slowly back to the room, closed the door behind himself and flopped onto the bed to think things through.

Harm didn't know how long he lay there, in fact he must have dozed off in his pain for when he next saw the clock, Mac had been gone nearly two hours.

Fearing that something may have happened to her, he immediately got up, grabbed his jacket and car keys and headed out to look for her. He wasn't sure where to begin, but he knew she couldn't have gone to terribly far on foot, so he drove around the streets within a few blocks of their hotel, looking left and right in hopes of finding her. When this turned up nothing, he drove out a bit further, still scouring the crowds of people on both sides of the street, still not seeing his wife.

Finally he parked the car in the same lot as before and started retracing their day. He spotted several people bustling about the streets and stopped a few of them, though no one had seen Mac. Finally a woman dressed in a dark purple dress with crazy black hair approached him. "You look lost."

"Well, _I'm _not lost" he said, "but my wife is. Have you seen a young woman with brunette hair just past her shoulders, wearing a pink shirt and jeans come by here within the last couple of hours?"

"See her no, but I feel her. She's hurt or..." the woman began.

"Hurt? Like physically hurt?" asked Harm. He didn't believe in witchcraft in any shape, form or fashion, but when someone said they felt his wife was hurt, it scared him.

"I don't think so...She is in pain" the woman said. "Do you have a photograph?"

Again, he didn't believe in this kind of stuff, but he dug his wallet out and pulled out their wedding portrait, handing it to the strange woman.

"Not physically hurt but in pain nonetheless" the woman sighed. "She's ill, she's had sickness?"

Harm nodded. "Yeah, she has. Do you have any idea where she is?"

"You already know" she replied and handed him the photograph. "She's already told you where she'd go." With those words, the woman walked away.

Harm stood baffled for a moment before it dawned on him where Mac had gone. He ran back to the car and followed the signs to a place she'd mentioned earlier in their vacation that she'd like to visit before the week was over.

Finally after another half hour of driving he spotted her. He parked the car in the nearest lot and started walking up the hill towards the old cemetary. He saw her there sitting on the lone bench in the center, the red setting sun glinting off her hair. She was sitting in a tiny ball, knees pulled up to her chest shivering against the Massachusetts air. Even cold and deeply saddened, she was still the most beatufiul sight he'd ever seen. Carefully he approached.

"Mac?" he said apprehensively.

She raised her head and sniffled when she saw him. "What do you want?"

"To talk to you" he said gently. "Are you cold?"

She shrugged and only hugged herself tighter.

Knowing she was freezing, he removed his jacket and draped it over her back and shoulders. He'd dressed in warmer clothes than she had that morning, so he wasn't uncomfortable in the chilly evening air. He took a seat beside her, not touching her, though. He knew he needed to let her come to him in her own time, at least as far as this evening was concerned.

"I really don't know why you're here, I don't have anything to say to you" Mac said pulling his jacket around her.

"I'm here because I was worried about you" he said. "You've been gone a long time, and I didn't know where you were."

"Like you even care" she whispered, laying her head back on her knees.

"Of course I care, Mac" he said softly, taking a chance and reaching out to touch her back. "I'm sorry you're so angry with me, but-"

She slid away from him. "I have every right to be angry with you" she spat. "And if you really cared about me about how I felt you'd never have suggested such a thing. Not when you know how I feel about it."

"What about how _I_ feel about it?" he asked calmly.

That stopped her. "You said you wanted us to have another baby. You said you wanted it as badly as I do."

"I do, sweetie" he said. "Honestly, I do, but I'm just not ready yet. It seems crazy for me to not be ready after everything we went through last time, but...I dunno, maybe that's _why_ I'm not ready. And I know the whole birth control thing threw you for a loop-"

"Damn right it did" Mac replied. "We've already got birth control." She touched her stomach, "Its built in!"

He took a deep breath. "Dr. Kendall said there was a chance that once you got your cycles back on track, you could possibly get pregnant in the run of everyday life."

"We had that run, Harm" Mac replied. "And so what if I did? That would be great. It would save us time, money, and to be honest a hell of a lot of pain!"

"But if you got pregnant and we didn't know it" he said, "something could happen to the baby or to you. That scares me, Mac. It's not that I _want_ to have to go through treatment again, but I'm just scared that if you got pregnant naturally, we wouldn't know it and something bad would happen, not to mention I'm still not convinced that your body is ready for another pregnancy yet."

"Its not" Mac replied. "That's why I haven't had another cycle yet. And what could happen, Harm?" Mac asked. "Really? What do you think could happen to me if I were to get pregnant unexpectedly?"

He thought for a moment. "I don't know exactly, it's just a fear I have. I'm just afraid of something bad happening. I don't have anything to base it on, and I can't even give you specific examples; I'm just scared. We lost one baby and it was one of the worst things we've ever experienced; I don't want us to go through that again."

"We might have to" Mac sighed. "I...I keep having nightmares about trying again, about how bad this is going to get and...if you aren't going to be with me on this then...I suppose its best I find that out right now."

He moved around to face her. "I'm with you, baby, honest I am. We just have different ideas as to what the best way is to get there, that's all. I guess maybe I've gotten used to the level of control that comes with a treatment cycle, how closely the doctor watches you and checks everything. I just can't shake my fear that if we conceive on our own, you won't get the care and attention you need soon enough because if we're not trying, we probably won't know when it happens."

"Harm, I just don't...I'm a healthy, fairly young woman. I know I had eclampsia with Ainsley but that's in late pregnancy. Every day women get pregnant and don't know it for two or three months. What are you scared of? Is it really me not being looked after or is it something else?" she asked.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair as a breeze blew over the couple. "I'm not ready for another pregnancy yet Mac. I've been honest about that from the first time we talked about when to try again. I know we don't have a lot of time to wait, but we do have a little and I think we need to spend it enjoying the baby we have while we get things lined up to try again in a few months. I'm really worried about the lack of monitoring you'd have with an unexpected, natural pregnancy, but I guess maybe it's more a case of just...just not being ready quite yet."

"Well at least we've gotten that far" Mac sighed. "I just..." She felt her emotion begin to overwhelm her. "I just remember the day at the Admiral's dining out after my surgery that...you said you'd always be there, always support me and...I just feel so...alone." With that word she fell apart again.

Once again, he felt two inches tall. He moved close to her and took her in his embrace as she cried. "You're right, baby. I did say that, and I'm not doing a very good job of keeping my word, am I?"

Stiff in his embrace she shook her head. "It hurts" she cried. "It hurts so much."

He held her even closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, Mac; I'd never do that on purpose. I hate that we're even in this position, and I hate that it has to hurt so much."

She didn't say anything for a long while, just stayed close until she stopped crying. "I know you do. I'm sorry I got so crazy today. It was just too much. It just got to be too much, you know?"

He nodded. "I know" he whispered, "but when I saw you sitting out here, you looked just beautiful."

"With my face all blotchy and my eyes all red?" she asked. "Did I really worry you?"

"Of course" he answered, cupping her tear stained face with his hand.

"Why?" she asked. "I can take care of myself. In spite of that little demonstration earlier. God, I was so embarassed."

"You mean at the museum?" he asked, tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear as he kept his arm around her.

She nodded. "I made such a scene and it had nothing to do with what we saw in there. It was creepy..." She paused and sat up straight.

"What?" he asked. "You okay?"

"Harm we're in a graveyard" Mac said.

He looked around. "Yeah, we are. You just now realized that, sweetie?"

Mac nodded. "I didn't really realize where I...How did you find me? I'm miles from the Inn."

"Oh, I ran into some spooky lady on the street in town" he said. "I think she thought she was psychic or something, she asked me for your picture, and said you were where you'd told me you wanted to go. I think she's nuts, but I thought for a second and knew you were here."

"Maybe_ you're _psychic" Mac smiled. "I want to walk around here a little while we're up here. Is that okay?"

"Sure" he said, rising from the bench and offering her a hand.

They held hands and roamed the rows of graves pausing to read the names on the tombstones and the dates. "So many of them are young children, Harm" Mac sighed. "And some of these families must have had ten, twelve kids."

"Mm-hmm" he said. "Doesn't seem fair, does it?"

"Most of them didn't live to be ten years old" Mac sighed. "Makes our little one seem even more precious."

He squeezed her hand. "She's our world."

"She is" Mac replied. "And I pray every day that nothing bad ever happens to her or to Mattie. Can I...Harm, were you serious about what you said before?"

"What did I say before, sweetie?" he asked as they walked along through the cemetery.

"About the birth control" Mac replied kicking a rock out of their path.

"Yes" he answered, his heart beginning to pound a bit harder for fear of upsetting her all over again. "I've been thinking about it for a little while now, I just hadn't brought it up. Pretty dumb thing to bring up on vacation, but I am serious about it."

"There's nothing I can do to change your mind is there?" Mac asked sighing softly.

He sighed as well. "Maybe...I dunno. I'm not asking you to do anything. It'd only be for a few months, I'd take care of it."

Mac smiled slightly then. She remembered encounters with Chris, with Mic when they'd been in charge of the protection, it was always short lived. "Fine" Mac agreed grudgingly. "If it means that much to you."

"I know it seems crazy" he said. "Of every couple on earth, we're probably the last one who needs to give birth control a single thought, but... I can't explain it really; it just feels like the right thing to do."

"Can we not talk..." She paused mid-sentence when her stomach growled.

He smiled. "Want to go have some dinner?"

She nodded. "We lost our reservation."

"So we'll go someplace else" he said, his hand still entwined with hers. "What sounds good?"

Mac shrugged. "That Japanese place by the mall?"

"Sounds good to me" he replied. "We're parked over there a little ways."

"Let's walk to it" Mac requested. "If you're up to it. I hope you weren't running around too much. I don't want this vacation to end up like the last one."

"I'm fine" he said. "We can walk there, no problem."

Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist and together they walked to the restaurant. They were seated with two other young couples around the large grill and soon were being entertained by their chef as he prepared their meals. When they were finished, Harm bought his bride an ice cream and the pair strolled back to the car. "I want to go to the pier tomorrow before we leave for Boston."

"Sure, baby" he said.

"Do you want to do anything special tonight?" she asked licking the chocolate that dripped down her cone.

"Not particularly" he replied as he climbed into the driver's seat. "You have any ideas?"

"A hot bath?" she suggested.

"If you want to take one" he said, "you do it. You had a hard day; it'd probably do you some good."

"I meant for you" Mac sighed. "I put you through the wringer."

He reached over and took her hand. "I deserved it. You're right, I haven't really been there for you like I promised to be, not all the time, and I need to change that."

"You _have_ been there, Harm" Mac sighed. "Even...when the baby was sick and then you were sick but you were strong the whole time for me and I haven't done...I was hateful to you today, running off like that."

"I upset you with the whole birth control thing" he said as they arrived at their hotel. "And you were already upset from the museum. I should've known enough to keep my mouth shut."

"And bottle it up even longer?" Mac sighed. "Let's just table it tonight. You go upstairs, run a bath and call me when you get in the water."

"Uh, okay" he said, stepping out of the car. "You sure you wouldn't rather take a bath instead of me? I'm sure you could use one, to relax I mean, not because you stink, because you don't...I'll shut up now." He smiled as he realized how funny he must have seemed to her.

Mac did indeed laugh for the second time that night, the first time being when the hibachi chef missed his hat and sent a shrimp tail flying into an elderly lady's water glass. "I'm sure" Mac replied. "You need it. I can tell. You're getting old there, sailor."

"44 isn't old" he defended with a grin. "Besides, as long as you find me attractive, it doesn't much matter how old I am, now does it?"

She reached over to him and squeezed his love handle. "If you don't start losing this I dunno..." She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey now!" he laughed. "I haven't lost the baby weight yet." He gave her a cute little wink.

"That's true, you gained one pound for every two I gained" Mac replied. "I can't believe..." She stopped as they climbed the steps to their room and got a wistful look in her eye.

"What is it?" he asked, placing his hand against the small of her back.

"I...You ate steak for me. Remember?" Mac laughed.

"How could I forget?" he said with a smile. "I nearly gagged on every bite."

"Now its funny but...I can't believe...What was I six, seven months?"

"Something like that" he said. "I can't believe...yeah, I can. I'd do anything for you, Mac."

"I know" Mac sighed. "I do, and I'm so sorry for how I acted."

He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. Let's forget about the whole thing and just enjoy the evening."

"Upstairs Mr. Get your six in the tub and turn the jets on" Mac told him. "I need a few minutes in the bedroom."

"Yes, ma'am" he replied, giving her a mock salute as they headed towards their room.

* * *

When they got to their room, Harm went straight to the bathroom and turned on the water in the whirlpool tub. Making sure it was nice and hot, he stripped down to his birthday suit and waited a few moments as the water level began to rise. Once it was within a few inches of the top, he climbed in, the steamy water making his muscles relax instantly. He sat on the bench built in to the tub, and called to Mac "I'm all set in here, baby."

In the other room, Mac slipped into her lavender lacy nightie and waited for Harm's call. When it came she pushed the door open and smiled at him as he soaked in the warm water. "How's that feel, baby?"

"Heavenly" he said, his back to her. "You should join me, it's-" He was left speechless the moment he turned around and saw her standing there in that little nightie.

"Something catch your eye?" she asked moving closer to the tub and sitting on the edge.

"Oh, yeah" he whispered, reaching out to touch her face. "You look gorgeous."

"I feel...I feel like I've been very bad. A very bad wife" she frowned, reaching her hand up to cover his.

"Oh Mac, don't think like that" he said. "It's okay, really."

"Slide over here" Mac told him.

Following her orders, he slid a couple of feet closer to her. "You look so pretty tonight."

"You look pretty good yourself" she smiled and slipped her legs into the warm water. She ran her foot up and down his leg to tease him.

"You just gonna bathe your legs?" he asked, feeling the goose bumps all over his body from her touch.

"Well, that's up to you" Mac smiled. "I know you needed this soak. What remains to be seen is do you need company?"

"Oh, I dare say I do" he said softly, reaching up to slip a strap of her nightie off her shoulder. "Care to join me, my love?"

A few minutes later, between Harm and Mac they had stripped her of the slip of a nightie and she'd slid down into the hot water. "This is amazing," she sighed as she snuggled against him. "Can we cuddle in here a bit?"

"We can" he answered simply, taking her face in his hands and bringing it in for a kiss.

"Are you running in this year's Jagathon?" Mac asked. He had all the years since the first one with the exception of last years, when Mac was very pregnant.

"I plan to" he said. "You thinking of running this year?"

Mac shook her head. "I"m thinking I'll take the baby and cheer you on. When's your next appointment with Dr. Peddie?"

"Another 5 weeks" he answered. "After that, no more for a year." He ran his hand down her leg as it rested beside his in the water.

"I bet you're glad" Mac smiled. "Make sure you start doing those squats again. If your not in top shape he won't release you from treatment."

"I will" he said, reaching his arms around her to pull her close. He kissed her on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, I'm am so lucky to have you...I thought...there were so many times we were almost there and then we missed it" Mac sighed.

"We were both too stubborn to see what was right before our eyes" he said. "It took your accident to wake us up. I hate that, but I'm so glad..."

"Harm..." Mac began then fell silent.

"I could have lost you that night" he said softly.

"I know" she said softly. "And at that moment...that's what I wanted to happen. I was so lost over everything and when you walked into that room..."

"I was only there because you asked for me" he said, bringing one of her hands up to his lips for a kiss. "I was so scared of what I'd see when I got there."

"What was in your head?" Mac asked him sensing his fear from that night.

He shook his head. "All the paramedic told me on the phone was that you'd been in an accident. He couldn't tell me how badly you were hurt or what they'd have to do to you once you got to the hospital. I had images of you lying there near death, unconscious... Imagine my relief to get there and see you sitting in bed with nothing hooked up to you except an IV."

Mac smiled and played with his chest hair. "I was nearer to death that night at the Admiral's party."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I know. I remember how much you were hurting; almost dying inside over finding out you might never have a baby. Did you think I meant it when I said 'the offer still stands'?"

"I didnt' care" Mac replied. "All I knew was my dream of little blue eyed babies was gone and I didn't care about anything."

"I meant it" he said softly. "You know, in case you hadn't figured that out by now." He looked at her with his trademark smile.

"I did" she sighed. "Harm, I'm trying to tell you something."

"What is it?" he asked, feeling like he was supposed to be catching on, but he seemed to be missing her message.

"This baby thing...If she told me I'd had cancer I'd have been happier" Mac sighed.

He brought her close as he could. "Well, it doesn't matter what the doctor said back then, because we proved her all wrong."

"You saved me" she whispered. "You did. If I didn't have you...even at arm's length...I don't know...All I know was in my whole life, even with everything I'd been through, I never just wanted to go to bed and never get up again...that's how I felt over this diagnosis. I just wanted to curl up and hide away..."

"I'm so glad you didn't do that" he said. "I'm so glad you let me in, let me share in that pain. I was hurting over it, too, that I'd probably never get to have the baby with you that I'd dreamed about for so long. It felt like someone had torn my heart in two that night."

"You saved me" Mac whispered again and gave his chest a tiny kiss. "I never said this before, but you saved me even by getting in my face with all that research, even though I got angry and pushed you away...You gave me hope" her voice broke as she said those last words. "Th...Thank you."

He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her as close as he could. "Thank _you_ for giving me my little girl."

"I miss her" Mac replied. "She's having another hard time tonight."

"Her teeth?" he asked, sliding down a little deeper into the nice, warm water.

"Yeah" Mac sighed. "Your mom said that she's been crying all evening, nothing makes her happy."

"Poor girl" he said. "I miss her, too, but we'll be back with her before we know it. Try not to miss her too much, it'll only make you sad and we're not supposed to be sad this week."

"You know as much as I miss her, I feel better about this trip than I did our honeymoon. I think I knew she'd get sick, but this trip...no worries" Mac replied. "How're you doing?"

"I'm good" he said. "My back feels okay, I'm...good. You doing better than earlier?"

Mac nodded. "I want to go back to that museum."

"We will, baby" he said. "We will, before we leave town, we'll go back."

"I'm not a wimp you know" Mac replied. "I'm not a sniveling little..."

"Of course you're not" he said as he softly caressed her back. "You're a strong, intelligent woman. A very beautiful one at that."

"Honey, there's something that's been on my mind that last few weeks, and now seems like a good time to bring it up" she sighed.

"Go ahead" he said.

"Well actually its two things" Mac replied. "First is I'm thinking you should have the disc fusion."

"Okay" he said. "What brought this up? I haven't had a bit of trouble since my surgery."

"I know you" Mac sighed. "I know you've had stiffness but...for me...Harm, I spend every minute worrying about you. If you had the fusion done...Do you realize what a trip and fall could do? Since you've decided to hang up your wings there's no reason not to have it."

He was quiet for a moment. "Tell you what - the moment I start having trouble, I'll go see the doctor and talk about having it done, but until then I just don't want to volunteer for another major operation. I know you worry, but I'm just not in the right frame of mind to go volunteer for surgery, sweetie."

"Think about it?" she asked, softly playing with the hair on his chest near his nipple.

"When I start having trouble" he said, "then I'll think about it. Until then, I'd much rather think about...other things." He leaned down and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

"I was also wondering" she continued, "how you're handling the whole...not flying for the Navy anymore thing."

He sighed. "I try not to dwell on it too much" he said. "When I do think about it, I get sad sometimes, but then I just think of the reason why I hung it up, and there's no doubt in my mind I did the right thing."

Mac smiled and began to slip her hand down his chest to areas more southern in order to entice him.

"Mac?" he asked. "What...?"

"Feel good?" she asked.

"Yeah" he whispered. "Does this mean you're...ready?"

"It means I want to touch my husband" Mac replied. "The rest of it...we'll see."

He nodded. "Can your husband touch you?" he asked softly, not wanting to do anything she didn't want him to do.

"Let do this somewhere else" she suggested. "The water's getting cold anyway."

"Wanna go get in bed?" he asked, assuming that's where she wanted to continue their activities.

Mac nodded and rose from his embrace, rising and stepping out of the tub in one fluid motion. "I can't promise..."

"I know" he said softly. "We'll see what happens; no pressure."

"You got it?" she asked referring to rising from the water.

"Mm-hmm" he said as he climbed out of the tub. "I'll drain it, you go crawl into the bed and warm up."

Mac nodded. "See you soon, sailor." She smiled and winked as she walked out of the bathroom without even bothering to dress again.

Harm pulled the plug on the tub and made sure it was draining steadily before drying off a bit and going to join his wife in the bed. He knew what he hoped would happen, but he also knew he had to defer to her 100 percent. He slid in beside her, beneath the covers, and rolled over to look into her eyes, illuminated only by the soft moonlight as it peeked through the drapes.

Mac slipped her hand out of the bed and placed it behind his neck, lowering his head to hers so she could take his lips. They were so soft, always so soft, and while soft was not a word she usually equated with Harm she loved the feel. The softness made them gentle, and since she'd been with Harm that first time, she knew that gentle and sensuous was the only way for her, for them. "Touch me."

He reached his hand up and gently touched her chest. "Like this?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "I love how you touch me" Mac replied. "It feels like love."

"It _is_ love" he whispered, continuing to move his hands tenderly about her upper body.

Mac slipped her hands around his waist and began to caress his back. She knew he'd felt sad the other night and she wanted to make it up to him, only she wasn't sure if she could.

She used her foot to run up Harm's leg enticing him as she had tried to do before. She felt him reacting against her belly as he played with her breasts, but she did not feel the familiar heat ignite within herself.

He moved up a bit to kiss her, sensing she wasn't completely comfortable with the situation just yet. He melded his lips with hers, softly at first, then with more passion, more love. When the kiss broke, he looked into her eyes. "I love you; you're doing just fine, sweetie."

"I don't feel fine" she whispered.

He knew what she meant, and he longed to change it. "What can I do, baby? I'll do anything you need me to."

"Touch me there" she requested softly, thinking a little direct stimulation might help.

"Okay" he whispered, moving his body a bit so he could better reach where she needed him. He moved her leg just a little, and concentrated his attention on the places she'd asked him to go. After a few minutes, he noticed her begin to relax, the way she usually did, though not to the same degree. "Am I helping at all?" he asked gently.

Sadly she shook her head. "No, I'm sorry."

"Its okay" he assured her, ceasing his touch. "Want me to do anything else? Would a back rub help, maybe?"

"Not with this" she sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He crawled back up alongside her and snuggled in close. "I don't either. You haven't felt this way for very long; I wonder what's going on?"

"I've felt this way since the hotel" Mac replied. "It just got worse over time."

"Stress, maybe?" he suggested, running his fingers gently through her hair.

"Probably, maybe my iron count?" she suggested. "I'm so tired all the time, maybe that's it."

"Sounds like you need to go back to the doctor" he said. "I don't think you're on the right supplements."

"I haven't had any of those spells, but I'm so tired. I'm just not interested" she sighed. "I'm sorry." Her voice cracked as she said that and she turned from him.

"Oh, sweetheart" he said, draping his arm over her as she began to cry. "It's okay. I know whatever's causing this, it isn't your fault. We'll get through it."

"I don't want to go to the doctor again" she whimpered. "I just want to be normal."

"I know you do" he said. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help you with this? I hate seeing you so upset."

"I'll be okay," Mac assured him covering his hand with his. "Let's just go to sleep. I just want to sleep."

"Okay" he replied lovingly, pulling the covers up higher over them both. "I love you."

"I love you," Mac replied closing her eyes and nestling into his body. Sleep this time, however, only came to him.

* * *

_A/N: The emotions and fears in this chapter are based on real life, as is Mac's reaction in the dungeon. _

_On a side note, the final chapter of the story has just passed the draft stage! Only a few chapters remain until that one, then it'll be on to the sequel, "The Journey Continues." I'm exctied about it, I hope you are, too:)_


	90. Chapter 90

_A/N: Delayed yet again by the perils of real life... I'm sorry! I hope you enjoy this chapter... :)_

_To my most dear and special friend, She'sAShipper: thank you for your help with the last few chapters, for your ideas and your talent. I'm so completely over the moon excited for you and that wonderful fiance of yours! The road may have been broken, but your love for each other is more than strong enough to survive everything. :) Giant hugs, kiddo..._

* * *

Chapter 90:

Mac once again got their breakfast and packed their things before they checked out. They were headed back to Boston that day to walk the three mile Freedom trail. They were set to leave after spending the morning at the Wharf.

They walked through the wharf holding hands looking at the seafaring artifacts and such on display. On they way back to the museum that Mac insisted on returning to, Harm requested they side track to the House of Seven Gables. The gardens were lovely there and they asked a young man to take their picture in the midst of them.

Once they finished there, they returned to the museum where they once again sat through the reenactment before being led down into the dungeon. This time, Mac made it through. She held onto Harm's hand and made mention of the atrocities suffered inside those walls, but she came out the other side on her own two feet. "See, I told you I'd make it" she smiled, as they purchased a few postcard books as souvenirs.

"Yes, you did" he said with a smile, "and you were right. You ready to head out for Boston?"

"Let's go" Mac replied. "You up for the three mile hike?"

"You bet" he said. "Got my good shoes on, I'm raring to go."

Mac and Harm got into their rental and turned on the radio as they drove the hour down to Boston. "We have to find Boston Common" Mac said.

"Mac, do you have any idea how horrible it is to drive around Boston?" he asked. "Even with a map it's a nightmare."

"You were the one who requested we stop here, remember?" Mac reminded him. "I suggested we bypass it and you said, 'But honey, we can't _not_ go see the USS Constitution.' But I said, 'Navigating that city is a nightmare.' And you said, 'You won't have to navigate it.' Is any of this ringing a bell?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Point taken. We can find the Common if you'd like to."

"If you want to go on the trail the brochure says we _have_ to find the Common to get our passes" Mac replied.

"Ah, okay" he said. "I guess we're finding the Common!"

Two hours later, Harm finally found a parking lot in the vicinity of the Boston Common.

"Can you believe how much they charge just to park here?" he asked as they exited their vehicle. "Forty bucks to park ten blocks away!"

"And it's hotter than the blazes out here" Mac sighed, removing her over shirt and tying it about her waist.

They made their way to the Common and located the ticket booth. Together, they approached the window and Harm asked the girl inside for two tickets to the trail. Once the purchase was complete, they walked away and Harm complained that the ticket for the attraction was less than what it cost to park their car. Mac simply laughed and let him gripe.

They strolled the Freedom Trail, observing the statues erected in honor of the founders of the country they both defended. When they reached the home of Paul Revere, Mac marveled at the height of the doorway. It was less than 6' high, but as it was on a down step it looked deceiving. As Harm stepped through, he smacked his forehead on the doorframe.

"Oh, for the love of..." muttered Harm, hand on his head.

"Are you all right?" Mac asked moving into worried wife mode. "Step back and sit down on the bench. Let me see."

He did as she asked, mumbling to himself all the way. "They should put a warning sign on that thing!"

Mac started to laugh just then as she saw the sign above the door that read, "Watch you head."

"What's so funny?" he asked, still seeing stars.

Mac couldn't answer; she was laughing so hard tears ran down her cheeks.

Soon, he realized what it was that had her in stitches. "Oh, ha ha, very funny. They should make it low enough for people to see _before_ they whack the living snot out of themselves on that stupid doorframe!"

Mac bit her lip at his tone, realizing her mirth was upsetting him. "I'm sorry" she smiled. "You just look so cute mumbling all the way over here about the sign that was already there. Are you okay?"

"Yeah" he said, still clearly disgruntled. "I'm gonna have a bump."

"Do you want to skip this one and get some ice?" Mac asked, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "Poor baby."

"No, I'll be okay, I think" he said, slowly rising from the bench. "I'll be sure to duck from now on."

"Stand up straight a minute" Mac instructed.

He did as she asked. "Okay?"

"Do you feel dizzy?" she asked. Then stepped back and held up two fingers, "How many?"

"Two" he replied, "and no, I'm not dizzy."

"Good, you'll live" Mac pronounced. "Ready to go see what life as a silversmith was like?"

He nodded. "Let's get back to having fun."

They toured the home and Harm marveled at how it was possible to raise a family with so little. Mac smiled at they continued on their way until the reached her, "Old Ironsides." The line was at least an hour long.

"Oh, look at the line" he said. "No problem though; we're not in any hurry, and we've got to see this."

"You're lucky I love you, sailor" Mac smiled. "I want to get some water bottles. Hold our space."

"Okay" he said. Mac returned a few moments later with two bottles of water, and handed him one. "Thanks babe. You know, I'd love to bring Ainsley out here when she's a bit older. She'll love it, I'll bet anything."

"She's going to be a daddy's girl, big time" Mac replied. "You know I'm feeling a little guilty for not taking Mattie."

"How come?" he asked, taking a big drink of his water.

"I don't know" Mac replied. "I guess I feel like we ignore her sometimes. And I think sometimes she thinks she doesn't fit."

He nodded. "I _know_ she feels like that sometimes, but part of that comes naturally with being in her position: adopted teenager with newlywed parents who have a baby of their own. She knows she fits, but you're right, sometimes she doesn't feel like she does."

The line moved and Harm and Mac continued to talk about things at home. When they were nearing the end of the line Mac asked, "How's the head?"

"Hurts a little" he said, "but I'll live."

"I'm glad..." Mac began put was interrupted by a Marine Corporal. "Any persons with military identification step to the right of the line."

Harm looked at Mac. "Let's go, maybe we'll get in ahead of the civilians."

Indeed they did. "May I see your ID, sir."

"Here you go, Corporal" said Harm, showing him his card.

The Marine snapped to attention. They didn't get many Senior Officers on active duty, "Sir."

"As you were, corporal" said Harm. "Do you need to see my wife's ID?"

Mac had all ready removed her ID from her billfold and showed it to the Corporal. Again he snapped to, "Ma'am!"

Mac smiled. "At ease."

"Any family with you today, sir, ma'am?" asked the Corporal.

"No" said Harm. "It's just the two of us this time."

"Step to the end of that shorter line" the Corporal invited. "You'll be in the next group."

"Thank you, Corporal" said Harm, reaching out to take Mac's hand and walk to the indicated line.

"Sir!" the Corporal called.

Harm turned around. "Yes, corporal?"

"She's got a low clearance. You'll need to slouch, sir" the Corporal warned.

"Thank you for the warning" said Harm, looking at Mac with a bit of a smile.

Harm did indeed spend the entire tour bent over. Still, he enjoyed seeing the older guns and cannons on board. They saw the Captain's quarters; they were smaller than Bud's first office. "I can't wait for that" she whispered.

"For what?" he whispered in reply.

"To throw you the biggest promotion party in the world when you make Captain" Mac replied.

He smiled. "Someday."

"Maybe sooner than you think" she smiled. "You ready to go or down you want to look around some more?"

"Let's go" he said.

Mac followed Harm up the ladder, "Be careful stepping off the gangplank" Mac reminded him.

"Oh, don't worry" he said. "Learned my lesson on the _Lex_."

Once they had climbed topside and he successfully stepped off the plank he stood up to his full height. "Feels good to stand upright again huh? You'd never have survived 200 years ago."

"Must be why I was born when I was" he joked, "and not 156 years earlier."

"And all this time I thought you were born just to marry me and father the most beautiful baby girl in the world" Mac smiled.

"Well, I was" he said in a cute, sexy voice. "But it's nice to also be able to stand up straight when I walk through our doorways."

"Let's go. We have ten more stops to make before dinner, and this Marine is getting hungry."

"So is this sailor" he said, their breakfast having long since worn off.

Mac took his hand in hers. "Lead the way."

* * *

They turned their steps towards the original Cheers restaurant, made famous by the hit comedy series. The place was crowded and there was a 30 minute wait for a table for two inside. "Do you want to wait?" Mac asked. She was bouncing with excitement over the idea of eating here, but if he didn't want to stand up in the sun that long they could go to one of the replicas.

"Sure" he said. "You've looked forward to this for weeks; we can wait."

Mac smiled and reached up to give him a kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

From behind them they heard a voice. "Remember when we were like that Joe?"

"Sure do" the older man replied as Mac turned to smile at them.

"Seems to me like you still are" she said, seeing the couple in their sixties at least holding hands.

"Joe Fletcher" the man introduced himself. "This is Mary."

"Sarah Mackenzie Rabb" she smiled. "This is my husband Harm."

Harm extended a hand to the older gentleman. "Where are you folks from?" he asked.

"Originally we're from South Carolina" Mary replied. "We live in Concord now with our daughter. She just had a baby."

"Are you honeymooning?" Joe asked.

"No" answered Harm, "just vacationing for a week."

"Ah...that's so nice. How long have you been married?" Mary asked.

"Seven months" said Harm with a smile. "How about you folks?"

"Forty one years" Joe answered. "We've got six children. Do you have any young ones? I don't see any."

"They wouldn't Joe" Mary sighed. "They just married."

"Um, actually" began Harm, "we have two daughters at home."

"Oh" Mary smiled. "How old are they?"

"Mattie is our teenager" Mac replied. "She's sixteen and Ainsley, our baby girl is ten months."

"I've got some pictures" said Harm as he reached for his wallet, "if you're interested."

"Of course we are" Mary replied. "Joe show them Kelly."

Harm proudly showed off his pictures of Ainsley and Mattie while Mac fawned over the infant hospital photograph of baby Kelly, Mary's oldest daughter's baby girl. "I remember Ainsley that little" she sighed, not realizing she said it out loud.

Harm put his arm around her, knowing the sight of any newborn, be it in real life or in a photo, made Mac sad.

"Feeling that urge already" Joe smiled. "She likes the young un, eh Son?" he asked Harm.

"Yeah, she does" answered Harm, momentarily re-thinking his stance on the whole birth control issue.

"Well you have all this week to start working on another little one" Mary smiled. "Our first four are only one year apart from one another."

"I don't think that'll be on this trip" Mac smiled sadly. "We want to try to enjoy Ainsley a bit."

She looked sharply up at Harm. He nodded and smiled, knowing beyond doubt the message his wife was sending him.

They couples chatted idly for a few more moments, the conversation passing the time quickly until "Cheers would like to welcome, Rabb party of two."

"That's us" said Harm, extending his hand to the couple one last time. "Pleasure talking with you."

They shook hands and were led to their table by a smiling hostess. After they gave their drink orders, Mac a tonic water and Harm a Sam Adams, she read the menu in silence.

He closed his menu and put it on the table. "You're upset, aren't you?" he asked Mac.

"What gave you that idea?" Mac asked. "I'm reading the menu."

"I know you, baby" he said. "You're not quiet just because you're reading the menu. Can we talk about it later on?"

"There's not much we have to talk about" Mac sighed. "You've made a decision and I have to respect that."

"I don't want you being upset about that for the rest of our trip" he said gently. "If you will be, I'd like to talk about it. If not, we'll table it until we get home."

"Harm, I'm not upset" Mac sighed. "Really, we are just on opposite sides. Just like before."

"Before?" he questioned.

"When I first got my diagnosis, you were ready to jump right in and I wasn't" Mac reminded him. "Now I'm ready and you're not. The difference is we're married now."

"Ah, yeah" he said, thinking back on the months following her diagnosis...

_**flashback**_

_He was home that night, working on a case that wouldn't let him rest. Lost in his frustration, he was about to take a 15 minute shower break when he heard a knock at the door. With a sigh, he looked through the peephole, unlocked the deadbolt and greeted his visitor._

_"Hi" he said as Mac stood before him._

_"H," Mac echoed. "Can I...?"_

_"Yeah, sure" he said, opening the door and welcoming her inside. "What brings you to my neck of the woods at this hour?"_

_"I wanted to um, talk to you" she replied fidgeting with her hands._

_"Okay" he said. "Let's have a seat. You thirsty?"_

_Mac smiled. "Some water would be nice."_

_"Sure" he said, going to the fridge and returning with two bottles of water. He handed her one, and sat on the chair next to the couch before opening his and taking a drink. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"_

_"This isn't easy for m," she began and played with the top of her water._

_He grew instantly concerned. "Is it bad? Is everything okay?"_

_"I think so" Mac replied. "Um, do you remember when I had the accident on Christmas Eve?"_

_"I'll never forget it" he answered softly._

_"I don't really remember the accident but...I was sort of out of it for while and I remembered this conversation I had with a Navy doctor. Harm...I'm not sure how to say this...after I've pushed you away for so long" she sighed and rose from the sofa. "I shouldn't have come."_

_"No, Mac, don't" he said gently. "Please, whatever it is, you felt you needed to talk about it. I'm here, I'll listen."_

_Mac took a deep breath. The more she tried to introduce her decision, the harder it became. "I'm ready" she declared._

_He was silent for a moment as her words took their time registering in his mind. "Ready?" he asked. "As in...'ready' ready?"_

_Mac nodded. "I'm ready to tr," she replied. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to fail, but I'm ready to try."_

_He leaned back in his chair. "Let's make sure we're talking about the same thing here" he said. "By 'try', you mean...try to have a baby, right?" He knew there were only two things Mac would come to him and say she was ready to try: having a relationship, or having a baby._

_Mac nodded. "The five years are up" she reminded him._

_"I know" he replied with a little grin. Though she didn't know it, he'd been keeping track since they first made their "deal" the day baby AJ was born, and it broke his heart when the time was up and nothing had come of it. "So, uh..."_

_"If you still want to try those options, I'm game" Mac replied._

_He smiled just a little. "I do still want to try them" he said. "Mac, I...wow, this is hard..."_

_"It can't be any harder than this" Mac smiled. "Just spit it out."_

_He took a deep breath. "If we're gonna do this, you know, try to have a baby together, we should talk about having a relationship."_

_"Relationship like a mommy and daddy relationship?" Mac asked. "Like a Bud and Harriet type thing?" She clarified._

_"Well, hopefully we'll eventually have that" he said. "But before then, I...Mac, I've said this before - I'm tired of looking in on your life; I wanna be a part of it. I don't want this to only be about conceiving a child; I want more than that."_

_Mac smiled a bit and reached out to touch his cheek. "So do I."_

_He put his hand on her cheek in kind. "I love you, Mac. Are you really sure you're ready for all this?"_

_She nodded, "I'm ready to try" she replied. "All of it. I'm just not ready to fail. Promise me we won't?" she requested holding his gaze with hers._

_"I can't promise you that we'll be able to have a baby" he said. "But I've loved you for so many years; I **can** promise you that you and I, we won't fail." He moved towards her slowly, hoping for a kiss._

_Mac obliged him, leaning in to meet him and letting him claim her lips. When the soft sweet kiss ended she met his eyes and whispered "Harm, I love you too."_

_He gave her another soft kiss. "So, uh, how do you, um...wanna go about things?"_

_"Well, there's this doctor..."_

_"You think we should go right to the medical stuff?" he asked._

_"I think we should get a professional opinon," she replied. "Then we'll see."_

_"Okay" he said. "You know, they'll, uh...they'll probably want to know how long we've been trying. Do you think we should...you know...try at all, or wait and see what they say?"_

_"Let's just go with the flow of things" Mac replied. "I don't have much time and I don't want to waste what we do have. I want this too much. I want this too much with **you**."_

_He thought his heart would burst at those words. He gave her yet another kiss, and pulled back with a smile. "How soon do you wanna do this?"_

_"Does tomorrow work for you?" she asked._

_He looked at her, blankly at first, and then a smile crept over his face. "You already have an appointment, don't you?"_

_Mac nodded, "I'm sorry. I just did it on a whim and...Please, come with me?"_

_"Of course I'll go with you" he said. "From here on out, we're in it together."_

_**End flashback**_

"We're in this together" Mac sighed. "That's what you said. Only now it seems we're apart again."

He looked down at his closed menu. "I'm sorry, Mac. I guess...I dunno, I guess this kind of thing can happen to couples in our situation. They say infertility has ups and downs, I suppose this is part of what they mean by that."

Mac nodded. "I suppose it is."

The tension was broken for a while when the waitress appeared to take their orders and Trish called to tell Harm and Mac about Ainsley's busy day out with her grandparents. Once they finished their meal they walked back to the car and drove to the hotel they'd reserved in Lexington. It was a nice place, with large spacious rooms and a nice king size bed. Once Harm and Mac arrived inside and unpacked just for the one night, they both dropped on the bed, a bit hot, a bit sore, and a lot tired.

"Oh, what a day" said Harm.

"You said that right" Mac sighed. "Boston has to be one of the most humid cities in the country."

"I dare say it is" he sighed, kicking his shoes off and curling up with a pillow.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Mac asked. "After you shower because you don't smell too pleasant there, sailor."

He laughed. "You can say it, I stink."

"Yes you do, and I'm sure I do too" Mac sighed. "I haven't felt this gross since I was pregnant."

"What do you mean?" he asked. "You were beautiful when you were pregnant."

"When you're pregnant any temperature feels ten degrees hotter" Mac sighed. "Some of those 100 degree days...ugh" she sighed. "Go shower, unless you want me to first."

"You can go ahead" he said, knowing she was more uncomfortable than he was.

"Thanks, honey" Mac smiled and headed off to take her shower. Twenty minutes later she came out to the bathroom dressed in one of Harm's old tee shirts. She smiled when she gazed upon the bed and found Harm had fallen asleep in the very place he'd been laying when she went to take her shower. She went over to the bed and slid in next to him. "Harm, wake up" she said gently.

"Huh?" he asked, awakening with a little start.

"Honey, wake up and go take your shower" Mac told him, poking him a bit.

"Can I just wait till morning?" he whined. "I'm comfy."

"If you're a good sailor and go take a shower" Mac cooed like she was dealing with Ainsley or little AJ, "I'll give you a massage."

"Okay" he mumbled, moving slowly from the bed. "I won't be long."

True to his word, Harm took only 8 minutes in the shower. He emerged from the steamy bathroom dressed in his boxers and sleep shorts, the pair Mattie have given him for Father's Day. He went straight over to the bed and climbed in, totally exhausted from the day.

"You still interested in that massage?" she asked. "It comes with a catch though."

"I don't think I have the strength for any catches tonight, babe" he said. "But tell me what it is."

"Once I finish you, I may need one of those foot massages you are so good at" she smiled. "All that walking."

"Oh, I can probably handle that" he sighed, his eyes already falling shut.

Mac knew there was probably no way he'd do it, he'd be asleep before she even finished his back, but the thought was still nice. "Anywhere special?"

"Usual" he muttered, fighting to stay awake.

Mac sighed and found to spot that gave him trouble and started to rub the tissues there, "Honey?"

"Hmm?" he answered, nearly asleep.

"I think I owe you an apology" Mac sighed, gently manipulating the soft skin on his broad back.

"Why?" he asked weakly.

"Because I've been trying to influence you with my moodiness and that's just not fair" Mac replied. "We're in this marriage together and I have to at least respect your opinion enough not to try to influence you. I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"S'okay" he replied. "Love you anyway."

"So I have been doing that, haven't I?" Mac asked.

"Mm-hmm" he said.

"I didn't want to, it's just...this really isn't making it into your head is it?" Mac asked, seeing how exhausted he was. "You're really tired aren't you?"

His reply was silent this time, for he had drifted off to sleep.

Mac continued for a moment longer to rub his back before leaning over and kissing his shoulder, "I love you, Harm. Sweet dreams."

* * *

_A/N: Chapter 91 coming within a week, hopefully! We're almost finished...or are we...? ;)_


	91. Chapter 91

_A/N: It's been a long time coming, and for that I apologize, but here's the next chapter. :) Huge thanks again to She'sAShipper for everything she does, and everything she is._

* * *

Chapter 91:

Sleep evaded Mac again that night, so she got up early and took her morning shower, then climbed back in bed next to Harm and watched him sleep. He shifted and snuggled in close to her. When he awoke Mac was still beside him, his head pillowed by her breast as she stroked the tiny hairs on the back of his neck with her hand.

"Morning, beautiful" he said.

"Morning yourself" Mac smiled. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much" he replied.

"You fell asleep in the middle of your massage" she said. "You never do that."

"I was tired" he said, moving her bangs off her forehead. "We did a lot yesterday, plus the heat and humidity - I'm in pretty good shape, but that wore me totally out."

"Up to some more today?" she asked. "Today we drive to Plymouth."

"Can't wait" he said with a grin. "Let's get moving, I wanna get some breakfast before it's all picked over."

"I'll go" Mac offered. "I already took a shower."

"You showered and then got back in bed?" he asked.

"Mmhmm" Mac replied. "I felt like snuggling you."

"Do you remember anything I said to you last night?" Mac asked as she slipped out of bed.

He thought for a moment. "No, I sure don't."

"We'll talk about it after breakfast" Mac smiled. "Bagel?"

"Sounds good" he said, rising from the bed.

Mac smiled and went to get their food. She was back just as Harm came out of the shower. "You look so much better."

"Feels better" he said, rubbing a towel through his hair.

"Bagel with low fat cream cheese" Mac announced. "And yes before you ask me, there's coffee."

He laughed. "Not gonna let me live that down, huh?"

"I might if you'll still forgive me" Mac sighed, feeling like she needed to repeat her apology since he did not recall it.

"For what?" he asked, opening the cream cheese.

"For my moodiness" Mac replied. "And for trying to influence your decision about the baby. I'm sorry."

He looked up at her. "It's okay. I know we're not together on this, and that's hard, but we'll get through it."

Mac smiled, "I know we will. Now eat up, I have another full day planned."

Mac and Harm packed up their belongings and began the two hour drive to Plymouth. They arrived at their hotel, the John Carver Inn and checked in their luggage. The room was large, decorated in colonial style and possessed all the amenities a fine hotel would. Mac smiled. She liked the bedspread, a hunter green floral. "Honey, I love this spread."

"It's pretty" he agreed. "The whole room is pretty."

"Thanks" she smiled. "You know I was thinking..."

"About what?" he asked, wrapping his arms around his bride.

"Redecorating our room, making it more...I don't know, more the Rabbs, instead of Harm and Mac. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does" he smiled. "We'll think about it."

"Okay" she smiled. "What do you want to do first? The traditional Plymouth, Massachusetts stuff, Plymouth rock, the Mayflower?" She said those at the regular tone, the dropped to a softer, more romantic one. "A romantic dinner and dancing sunset cruise."

"I've gotta say" he said, "those last two sound positively irresistible." He pulled her close for a soft, sweet kiss.

"Then let's get going. I have to get beautiful before we sail. It leaves at 1730" Mac replied.

"You're way ahead of schedule" he said softly, his way of telling her she was already beautiful.

"Oh, Harm" she sighed. "We have full day ahead of us. Put on those comfortable shoes, not the ones you wore yesterday. I know they hurt your feet."

"Not too much" he said, "but my other ones are probably a better choice for tonight."

"We'll have time to change anyway" Mac smiled. "Let's get rolling."

"Show the way, my dear" he said.

* * *

Mac took his hand and they strolled down a few blocks until they saw the crowd of people around a large stone structure. "That must be it" Mac smiled.

"Probably" he said.

"You don't seem too excited" she sighed.

"I am" he assured her. "I'm just kind of dragging today; guess maybe I didn't sleep too well last night. I'm excited, sweetie, I promise."

"You slept like a log, honey" Mac said with concern, carelessly revealing her own secret and praying he wouldn't catch on.

"You think so?" he asked. "Hmm...Well, whatever it is, it'll pass. We'll have a nice, romantic dinner and I'm sure the cruise is gonna be amazing."

"Do you want to go back the room and lie down? I can do this on my own" she offered. She didn't want him worn out.

"No way" he said adamantly. "I think I just need a little caffeine and I'll perk right up. I wouldn't miss doing this for anything." He gave her a light peck on the cheek.

"Let's get a frappe before we go look at the rock" Mac smiled, and steered him towards a coffee stand.

Ten minutes later Harm had coffee in his system and he and Mac stepped closer to the enclosure that held America's most famous rock.

It was old, weather worn, but still for those with an ounce of patriotism, it stirred emotions. "Everything we stand for" Mac sighed, "started right here."

"Yeah, it did" he said. "Seems insignificant until you really look at it like that."

Mac turned to Harm and looked up at him. She set her face in a tiny pout and held his gaze.

"Oh, what's that for? Keep it up and a bird's gonna come land on that lip" he kidded.

"Give me what I want then" Mac said and batted her eyes.

He leaned down and gave her a kiss, this one a little more sensual that the others. "There" he smiled. "Feel better?"

Mac's face brightened with a broad smile. "Much. Onward?" she asked and pointed to the replica ship in the harbor.

"Lead on" he said, reaching out for her hand.

Mac took the hand and together they purchased their tickets. The Mayflower 2 was made exactly to scale of the original Mayflower and resembled all ships of the period, wooden with low head clearance. "Watch your head, baby" she warned as they stepped below the topside deck and descended into the passenger hold.

"I will" he said, his voice indicating his lingering frustration over what'd happened at the home of Paul Revere.

"Maybe that's why you were so tired, the heat and that bump" she sighed, fussing over him so much that she didn't pay attention to one very low beam at the bottom of the steps.

"Mac!" he exclaimed.

"Oh" she moved her hand to her head. "Ow!"

"You okay, sweetie?" he asked, immediately putting his hand over hers upon her bump.

"I think so" Mac sighed. "I'm seeing stars. Let me just get off the stairs."

"Come on over here with me" he said, leading her slowly by the hand off of the staircase.

Mac nodded, the pain from that smack making her shoulders ache. "I am so sorry that I laughed yesterday" she apologized.

"'S okay" he said. "You need to sit down or you wanna continue?"

"Just let me clear my head a minute" she sighed, leaning against him. "Don't tell me that had a watch your head sign."

He went and looked. "Nope, no sign."

"Okay" Mac sighed. "If I can get a hug and kiss, I think I'll live."

Glad to oblige her, he gave her exactly what she asked for. "Shall we, my love?"

"Yes, let's" Mac replied and started to roam around the hold. "The first Pilgrim baby born in the United States was born here, on a cot just like this one" the guide said. The cot was straw, dirty straw, and shoved in a corner of the ship.

"Can you imagine giving birth on _that_?" he whispered to Mac.

Mac shook her head, "If I had to I could I suppose. It's not much different now than then."

"How do you figure that?" he asked quietly.

"Pain is pain, I chose the natural way so it's the same on a couch, in a hospital, or on a straw cot" Mac replied. "I told you I was considering a birthing center."

Harm nodded. "Yeah, and I told you I think it's awfully risky."

"They have a doctor" Mac replied. "Seriously, there's nothing wrong with me that makes birthing in a center risky." This as the strolled along to the exit stairs.

"We'll look into it" he said, sensing it was something she was truly interested in, though he still had some concerns.

They emerged from the ship and turned their steps towards the beach area just beyond it, "What's the problem with it, Harm?" Mac pressed.

He sighed. "I don't really know much about it" he began, "but I like the idea of you being in a hospital, where if anything goes really wrong really quickly, they can wheel you into the OR and get the baby out in 60 seconds. I'm willing to look at it closer, though."

"They can do that at a center, too" Mac replied. "But we will investigate it before we decide. I promise. Now, its 1540; I have some work to do to get beautiful for tonight. Do you want to go for a swim or hit the gym at the hotel while I do that?"

"Yeah, I think I'll go swim awhile" he said.

"I need you to promise two things first" she said as they turned off the main street and began to walk to the hotel.

"Name them" he said softly.

"One you won't come back to the room until 1655 and two, don't over do it. I don't want you worn out tonight" Mac told him.

"Understood on both counts" he smiled.

"You still owe me a massage" she reminded him

"I sure do" he said. "Don't worry though, I'm good for it." He winked at her and smiled just a bit.

"Did you call your mom yet today?" Mac asked. "We were in such a hurry..."

"No, I didn't" he said. "I will though."

"We are the world's worst parents" Mac sighed. "We forgot to call and check on our baby."

"She's fine Mac" he said. "Mom learned her lesson, she'll call if Ainsley sneezes one too many times. Don't worry."

"I know, I just like to hear her talk. The baby, I mean" Mac smiled. "She's so vocal now."

He smiled. "Mm-hmm, she is, but you best hit that shower if you wanna have time to 'get beautiful'."

Mac gave him a sly smile. "So now I need time, huh?"

"Two or three seconds at least" he replied.

She laughed. "Okay, I'm hitting the shower. You hit the pool. 1655, remember."

"Not a minute sooner" he promised.

Mac showered and got out the dress she'd brought for the dinner cruise. It was a black dress that came to the mid-thigh. It had a V-neck that revealed her the slender slope of her shoulders and the valley between her breasts. It was a plain dress, but possessed a simple elegance that enchanted Mac and she hoped Harm as well.

With her dress on and he hair swept up in a twist, she left Harm a note and departed the hotel at 1650.

When Harm returned from his swim at 1656, he found their room empty.

"Mac?" he called, looking around for a moment before spying the note. He opened and read it, his smile growing a little wider with each word. _"Harm, meet me at the dock at 1725. Your clothes are on the bed. Love, Mac."_

Harm turned to see his dress whites laid out of the bed. Hurriedly he showered and put them on making sure he was looking his best before he went down to the docks.

He saw Mac standing there when he approached, hair upswept in her black mini dress. Her back was to him as she gazed out over the water as it lapped at the rock shoals.

"You look amazing" was all he could think of to say.

Mac turned and smiled, "Well, I am flattered, Sir" she replied. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Oh, this old thing?" he said, nodding down to his uniform. "My wife laid it out for me, nothing special." He couldn't keep a straight face as he said it.

"You're married and you're flattering me?" she replied. "Questionable behavior for an officer."

"Ah, yeah, I suppose so" he said, stepping towards her. "Would you think me forward if I asked you to join me for dinner?"

"Certainly I would" Mac replied. "Is your wife not with you this evening?"

"No" he said, placing a hand softly against her face. "Seems an angel has taken her place."

Mac leaned into his touch. "Do you really think so?" she asked.

"I know so" he whispered, moving in for a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Harm, I know I haven't..." she began against his lips once their kiss broke. In the distance the boarding whistle sounded.

"Ready to go?" he asked lovingly, reaching down to take her hand.

Mac nodded and let him cradle her hand in his. "Harm, did you hear me before?"

He shook his head. "Sorry, I didn't."

"I said that I was sorry for...you know, not being..." She sighed and leaned against his arm.

"Is this about...bedroom things?" he asked, squeezing her hand a little.

She nodded. "Yes" Mac replied. "I want...I want to try tonight, if that's okay. I can't promise but...I want to be with you."

Harm stopped in his tracks, and subsequently Mac with him. "Look at me, sweetie" he asked gently.

"We'll be late" Mac replied but looked up at his ice blue gaze.

"No, we're fine" he said. "Baby, you don't ever have to ask if it's okay for you to be with me. I know this'll come out sounding completely 'male', but... Being with you means so much to me; it's such a special part of what we have together. I'll never, ever grow tired of it, and as long as you'll have me, I'll be there."

Mac smiled and felt her eyes tear up. "I know. But there's something that I want to talk about, about us, but later. Now is for romance, and that boat is about to leave."

Taking hold of her hand a little tighter, he stepped up the pace and they made it to the boat with mere seconds to spare.

They were seated at a table along the window so they could watch the beautiful Plymouth shoreline disappear as they headed out towards Cape Cod. It was a two and a half hour ride; they'd dock just as the sunset. Mac ordered a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne and they ordered a dinner for two which included an appetizer of oysters, a salad, and the choice of salmon, lobster, or filet mignon. Mac chose the steak, Harm chose the salmon. "Do you like it?" she asked as she dipped an oyster in the cocktail sauce.

"Love it" he said as he took a bite. "Haven't had this in ages."

"I meant the cruise itself" Mac clarified. "But these are nice oysters.

"They are" he agreed. "The cruise, though, is even better."

"Do you feel up to a bit of dancing later?" Mac asked.

"I do" he replied with a smile.

"How was the swim?" Mac asked him, reaching down to pick up an oyster and put it on her fork. Slowly she moved the fork to his mouth.

"It was nice" he said, taking the oyster off her fork. "Swimming seems to help my back, most of the time."

"I knew it" she sighed.

"You knew that my back was bothering me?" he asked. "It was some, but nothing too bad. Don't worry, baby, this trip won't end with me in horrible shape by the time we get back, I promise you."

"You told me it was fine" Mac sighed. "Obviously it isn't."

"Its just achy from all the walking" he said gently. "Please, don't worry to the point that it ruins our night. Tonight is supposed to be special."

"It'll be special" Mac replied. "But I reserve the right to revisit this topic in the morning."

"That's fine" he said, reaching for another oyster. "I can't wait till we dock."

"Why you think we're going to make love or something?" she asked, offering him the last oyster.

"Mac!" he replied. "I'm shocked at your implication that we'd do such a thing in the out-of-doors." Again, he couldn't keep a straight face, thinking back to their honeymoon.

"Then why else can't you wait to dock?" Mac asked.

"Because I've never been to Cape Cod" he said, taking a sip of his drink. "All the time I've lived up here, never made it out there."

Mac looked sad and studied her plate.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes, honey, this boat is a round trip. It doesn't dock at the Cape" Mac said softly.

He looked confused. "Oh, okay. Well then, I can't wait to _see_ the Cape - we will at least _see_ the Cape, won't we?"

"Not quite" Mac frowned. "It's too far for this cruise."

He sighed, then smiled and took both her hands in his. "That's okay; I'd rather look at you anyway."

"I do have some good news" Mac said.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Day after tomorrow, we spent the night at a romantic restored Bed and Breakfast in fabulous Cape Cod" Mac announced.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Really" she replied. "That's our last stop on this trip."

"Sounds wonderful" he said, still smiling at her. "A wonderful way to end a wonderful trip."

Mac smiled. "It has been so far hasn't it? Did you ever call your Mom?"

"Mm-hmm" he answered. "Baby's fine, Mattie's fine, nothing much to report."

"Did she do anything cute?" Mac asked.

"Nothing more so than usual I don't guess" he said. "Mom usually tells us if she does, so she must not have."

Mac nodded, "Good."

_"Ladies and gentleman, the Pilgrim Belle would like to present the vocal styling of Mr. Andy Montery and the Pilgrim Belle band."_

The band began the set with a classic song with a nice beat to get the guests hearts going, but soon settled down into softer romantic pieces given the mood of the evening. Halfway through the salad course Mac let out a soft sound. "Oh."

"What?" he asked as he stabbed at his salad with his fork.

Mac shook her head. "Oh, nothing. I have to use the ladies room."

Immediately concerned, Harm started to stand up. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah" Mac assured him. "I'm fine. I just need to use the bathroom."

"Okay..." he said, hoping she was telling him the truth.

Of course, Mac _wasn't_ telling the whole truth. She didn't really have to use the bathroom, but that was the only way she could discreetly slip a note to the band singer without Harm noticing.

"Feel better?" he asked upon her return.

"Yes, a bit too much cider" Mac replied.

"Yeah" he said, "you polished off over half that bottle, my dear" he said.

"Tastes good" she replied just as the band singer announced. "Our next dance is a special request. And we only have one rule about requests, if you ask for a song; you have to dance to it. So would Commander and Mrs. Harmon Rabb please indulge us as we entertain you with, _Can you Feel the Love Tonight_?"

Harm looked at Mac with eyes wide as saucers, then he began to smile. "Bathroom, my foot."

"I went in there to write the note" Mac replied.

Harm shook his head and rose from his chair. "May I have this dance, my love?"

Mac nodded. "That was my plan." She smiled and let him lead her onto the dance floor. He took her into his arms and they swayed to the song that played at their wedding. Mac reached up and caressed his cheek. "Did I ever say thank you?"

"Yes" he said. "Did I?"

Mac shook her head. "I'm sorry, you missed my point there."

"Then by all means" he said, "re-direct me, sweetie."

"I meant about…" she reached up and touched the gold wings he could still wear for two more weeks. "These. For giving these up, for me, for Ainsley. Thank you."

He leaned down and captured her lips in a beautiful kiss. "You're welcome."

As the song began to wind down, Mac deepened their kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Once the song was over, Harm led Mac back to their seats. Their meals came and they enjoyed the dinner, though Mac grew quieter, her thoughts retreating into herself.

"Penny for your thoughts, beautiful?" he said softly as he realized how quiet she'd become.

"Before I go there" Mac sighed. "I just...are you really sure you want to get back into trying?"

He nodded. "Not quite yet, but pretty soon, yeah. Why? Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, but I've been thinking about something else. Trying for Ainsley, even as fast as it took, it was really hard on me..."

"I remember" he said. "It was hard on _us_."

Mac took a sip of her cider. "Not in the same way."

"No, definitely not" agreed Harm. "What brought this back tonight?"

"Well, all I'm trying to say was...it was hard on me physically and emotionally and...I'm not sure I can go through that again..."

Harm reached out and took both of her hands once more. "Do you need more time, maybe? Don't rush into anything you're not ready for. Heaven knows _I'm_ not ready just yet, and if you're unsure, it's okay."

Mac shook her head, "Stop cutting me off. I'm trying to get this out."

"I'm sorry, baby" he said. "Go ahead."

"I'm not sure I can go through all that again" she repeated. "While I'm working at JAG." Her voice dropped off as she said the last part.

"Mac" gasped Harm. "You're thinking of resigning your commission?"

"I've considered it" she replied. "But no, I'm thinking, when we get back into treatment, I'm going to put in for extended leave. Maybe I'll go back, maybe not...but I don't want to burn the bridge just yet. But I don't want to put my body or yours through the strain of working, caring for Ainsley and Mattie, and trying for another baby. I just don't."

He pondered her words carefully. "If it's something you feel strongly about, I'm okay with it."

Mac smiled, "Good."

With that off her chest Mac relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the evening until the boat docked back at the slip. Mac held onto Harm extra tight when they stepped off the gang plank, making him laugh at her slightly. In the cool breeze, she snuggled up to him. "What do you want to do now?" she asked, looking out on the water, mesmerized by the beauty of the setting sun reflecting off the water.

"Let's take a walk" he suggested.

Mac smiled. "Out on the shoals?" she asked, hopeful. She wanted to walk in full view of the romantic sunset.

"Yeah" said Harm. "Think you can manage that in those shoes?"

"Sure" Mac replied. "Sure you can manage..." She caught herself. She'd promised.

"I'll be just fine" he said, knowing she was worrying unduly.

Hand-in-hand, they walked out along the shoals as the sun continued to set. They didn't talk, except for the occasional comment on how pretty it looked out there along the waters edge. After walking a fair distance, Harm suggested they take some time to just sit and soak in the beauty around them.

"Wanna stop here for awhile?" he asked her.

"Sure" Mac replied. "Let's just sit here." She slipped off her shoes and sat down on the rock.

He brushed the rock off with his hand. "Trying to keep my pants clean" he said with a smile as he sat down beside her.

"We can retire here" she sighed, gazing out at the water.

"That's a ways off" said Harm.

"Still, wouldn't it be nice. To move out here, watch our grandchildren play?" she asked

"Wow, grandchildren" he said, shaking his head. "Hard to think about Ainsley ever being a mom, or Mattie for that matter. They're still our little girls, you know?"

"They'll always be our little girls" Mac smiled. "And the next one, he'll be our little boy, forever."

"You really think the next one will be a boy, huh?" he asked. "Not that I'd mind, but either would be fine with me."

"You want a son" Mac sighed. "Don't you?"

"If God chooses to give me one" he replied. "If not, another daughter would thrill me beyond belief."

Mac smiled again and reached her legs out so they were across his lap. "I really don't want to wait too much longer" she told him.

"I know" he said softly. "I wish I was ready now, but I'm just not. You're not either, not medically."

"I don't understand how you keep saying that" she said softly as he lifted one of her small feet and began to work the arch.

"Saying what? That I'm not ready?" he asked.

Mac shook her head, "That and that I'm not. I don't understand either of those comments."

"Well" he began, "Your body isn't where it needs to be for us to try again yet, and I guess you could say my heart isn't where it needs to be yet. It seems completely crazy, I know, but I'm just not there yet. Ainsley is still so little, I...It makes no sense, and I can't explain it any better than to say I'll be ready when Dr. Kendall says everything is set, that much I can promise."

Mac sighed. "Harm, look at me."

He turned to face her, his blue eyes locking with her brown ones.

"I'm in good health" Mac replied. "Really. I am medically ready to have another baby. I know that. So stop worrying about that and stop using that to extend the wait."

"I'm not 'using' that for anything" he said in self-defense. "But it seems like you're clinging to what the doctor said about some patients conceiving before their cycles noticeably start up again. Are you? Is that what you want to try for?"

"No, I mean yes...but..."Mac stopped."I just want you to want it as much as I do. Is that so much?" She asked this softly, without the edge her earlier words had carried.

He knew she was hurting. "I do want it as badly as you, Mac. I'm just...I guess I'm afraid."

"Of what?" she asked, pulling her legs back so her knees were bent. She wrapped her arms around them and laid her head on her knees.

He shrugged as he searched for the right words. "Everything that you have to go through, I guess. My part is easy; a tad embarrassing at times, but easy. Your part - you have to go through so much."

"It's my body" Mac replied. "If I want to go through it, I should be able to whenever I want to. But...I want you to support me. I supported you."

"Mac" he said, "you make it sound like it's me against you, like we're working independently on this. We're talking about creating another child together - together, as in between you and me - I _do_ support you, our timetables are just a little different."

That did it. Her breath caught and she began to cry. "You just don't understand."

He sighed, feeling awful for pushing her to tears on what had begun as a very romantic night. Silently, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, holding her as she cried.

After a couple moments, he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry, sweetie."

"You don't understand" she sobbed. "You don't."

"You're right" he replied. "I don't understand what its like to be you, and you don't understand what its like to be me. We can share a lot, but some things we only know through experience. I love you so much, Mac, and I'll stand by you through this whole thing, however long it takes this next time."

Mac's breath was hitching as she tried to calm herself. "What if it doesn't happen?" she asked, for the first time her fears rushing up. She was scared of failing, but that wasn't the only thing, and Harm knew it.

"Then we'll be even more thankful for our little girl at home" he replied. "But I think it'll happen. We did it once, no reason to think we can't do it again."

"That's...I'm scared of what it will mean if it doesn't happen again. I'm scared of what it will do to me, to our marriage...to everything." She sobbed into his chest.

"Oh, Mac" he said softly. "Don't think like that. Our marriage will be just fine. We'll get through whatever comes at us, I promise."

She sniffled and rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I want to go back now" she said softly.

"Okay" he said, kissing the top of her head. "You know how much I love you, don't you?"

She nodded, "I do. And I love you too, but this whole thing...it just makes me so crazy. Let's just go back. I'm not really feeling well right now."

"Okay, love" he said, pushing himself up off the rock and offering her his hands to help stand up.

Mac slipped her shoes back on and leaned against Harm as the walked back in the night darkness. "I love you," Mac whispered. "Never doubt that. You might frustrate me sometimes, but I do love you."

"I know you do" he said. "I know."

"Promise me we'll always be like this" she requested as they stepped off the rock shoal and turned towards their hotel.

"If you mean we'll always be madly in love" he said, "I promise."

* * *

_A/N: More to come soon, I promise!_


	92. Chapter 92

_A/N: The usual apology applies...real life has been a bit nuts, thus my postings have suffered.. :( The usual thanks also apply to my partner-in-crime, dearest friend and "little sister" She'sAShipper. Love you, girly, you're amazing... :)!_

* * *

Chapter 92: 

Mac smiled a tiny smile but kept herself wrapped in his arm until they reached their room. "Bath time, Sailor she told him and gave him a tiny push towards the bathroom. "Twenty minute soak."

"I showered before I got dressed for dinner" he said. "You think I need a bath?"

"I think you need a soak" Mac replied. "Get in there. I need a little bit of time anyway."

"Oh, okay" he said with a grin. "Twenty minutes, right?"

"Did you do your back therapy before?" she asked. "I've only seen you do it twice this week."

"No" he admitted. "I will though."

"Do it now" Mac ordered. "Then twenty minutes."

"Yes, my dear" he answered, closing the bathroom door as he unbuttoned his jacket.

Mac used the time to collect her feelings and fix her face. Then she turned down the large bed and pulled out the candles she'd stashed in there earlier. Carefully she lit them, and then changed out of her dress and into a long white nightgown. She slipped inside the bed, cuddled up with Harm's pillow, and waited.

Harm finished with his therapy exercises and took a long, hot shower, making sure to take at least twenty minutes if not a couple more. He dried off with one of the large, plush bath towels this hotel provided to its guests, then wrapped it around his waist and ran a comb through his wet hair. After he brushed his teeth and made sure his hair wouldn't dry sticking straight up, he opened the bathroom door and flipped off the light. It was then hat he got his first glimpse of Mac, lying there in all her beauty.

"You took a shower" she laughed. "Come on over here."

"What's all this?" he asked softly, looking at the candles as he crawled into bed beside her, towel still around his waist.

"Romance" she replied. "What's this?" she asked, hooking one finger inside the towel and flicking the knot out of it.

"It's my bath towel" he answered. "Is it a problem?"

Mac pushed a bit harder on the knot until it dislodged. "Not anymore."

"My, my, aren't we being bold tonight?" he asked, a smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes.

"We are" Mac smiled. "And we are also very lonely" she sighed and opened her arms to him, inviting him into a place where he'd longed to be for three long weeks.

He kicked the towel the rest of the way off and crawled over to her, accepting her embrace with a passionate kiss.

She leaned up into the kissed, opening her mouth to accept his warm soft tongue. He used it to explore her mouth, moving it back and forth, in and out, showing Mac the tenderness and passion he intended for her with other parts of his body. "Mmmm" Mac said.

"I've missed you" he whispered against her ear.

"I missed you" she replied. "I just hope...you know."

"Me too" he whispered. "I'll do my best."

"It wasn't your fault" Mac replied. "It this damned disease and the pills...I love you" she gasped as she felt his hand run down her collar bone across the top of her breast.

He leaned down and began kissing her collar bone, and then he stopped and looked at her. "You think maybe that's the problem?" he asked, referring to her body being a bit out-of-balance.

"I do," Mac replied. "I know what it's not though."

"And what's that?" he asked.

She reached her hand up and stroked her cheek. "It's not you or how you touch me. I love that, I love you. I'm really missing you" she replied.

"Well, we can't have that, now can we?" he said, once again brushing his hand across the top, left to right, very softly.

At that tiny touch, Mac gasped. "Oh...Harm. Oh, God that's so good. So...oh...God what are you doing?"

"Touching you" he replied softly. "You like it?"

Already her breath was coming is fast short gasps so aroused was she by his caresses, "Yes, oh...What are you doing different?"

"Nothing" he said, slipping one of her nightie straps down off her shoulder. "Do you want me to do something different?"

"Feels..." she gasped. "Different. So good." Mac squirmed beneath his touch moving to help him ease the nightgown off her arms. "Oh..."

He moved to kiss her lips. "Somehow, I think you'll be okay tonight" he whispered against them.

Mac opened her mouth and nearly devoured his lips with the strength of her kisses. "Oh...Harm, my God...I..." With that she positioned her thigh in between their bodies and used the leverage to flip them over, so he landed hard on the bed with 127 pounds of sexy and aroused Marine on top of him.

"Calling the shots?" he asked, a sensual smile on his face.

Mac didn't reply, she just leaned over him and began kissing her way up his jaw line to his earlobe. She took his lobe in her mouth and sucked a bit, then pulled back and lapped at the sensitive tissue with her tongue.

"Mmm...Oh, God Mac" he moaned. "That's nice..."

"You like that, huh?" she asked, her hot breath against his ear.

"Mmm...yeah" he whispered.

"How about this?" she asked, and proceeded to blow hot breath in his ear before returning to the work on his lobe.

"Ohhh..." was all he could say.

As she continued to slowly torture her husband by working on the sensitive flesh of his earlobe she ran her hand down his long, sculpted body.

His only response was writhing against his pillow.

"Nice" he answered, reaching over to touch her thigh beneath her nightgown, slowly running his hand upwards, just high enough to tease her.

"Oh," Mac gasped just at the light sensation. "Oh...Take it off me" she gasped.

"My pleasure" he said, his voice low and deep as he took either side of the garment in his hands and slowly pulled it down off her body. "Get it the rest of the way, baby."

Mac took her hands and pushed the nightie over her hips. She knelt over him as she did so, revealing her full nakedness to his view.

He could feel his heart skip a beat, maybe two, as he stared at her bare form. "Mac..."

"What? What are you thinking right now, Sailor?" she asked in a breathy whisper, reaching and running her hands down her body instead of his, showing him perhaps how she wanted to be touched.

"How unbelievably gorgeous you are" he replied softly, his heart pounding within his chest. "Even after the baby, you look amazing..."

"No" she smiled. "Only because you love me" Mac replied and reached for his hands.

He reached out and met her half-way, and they sat for a moment, holding hands and staring into one another's eyes with complete and total adoration. Had anyone seen them at that moment, there would have been no question in their mind that this couple was just about as perfect a match as ever came together on this planet.

Mac broke that moment a second later when she pulled his hands closer and placed them on her breasts. "I used to dream of you doing this to me. I used to dream that you'd come to me after a rough night on a case to check on me, and that you'd take me in your arms and hold me."

"I didn't know that" he said, his hands moving gently against her soft skin.

"I dreamt of that so long" Mac sighed and leaned over so her body was resting on his. "You know when it started?"

"No" he answered. "Tell me."

"Chief Petty Officer Holst" Mac replied.

"Really?" asked Harm, wrapping his arms around her back. "How come?"

"That was one of my toughest cases. You came to my room and I was just from my shower. I'd been so mean to you...I dreamed for months after that you would have sat with me and taken me in your arms after I told you what I did about my father. Then you would have said something like, 'but you beat him', or 'you're better than that' and I'd have smiled."

"You _are_ better than that" he said. "And I love you so, so much."

"Aren't you the least bit curious?" she asked, sticking her tongue out to place a wet kiss on his chin.

"'Bout what?" he asked, moving his chin down to catch her lips with his.

"About what happened next?" Mac laughed. "Once you finished telling me nice things."

"You bet I am" he said, softly rubbing her tummy.

"Well, I was crying a little and you reached up and wiped the tears off my cheek like you did that time we thought Webb got killed by Palmer. I moved my hand to cover yours and you looked into my eyes. I asked you, 'Do you think I'm worth something?' And you said, 'Of course you are, Mac,' and then you leaned down and gave me this tiny little kiss..."

In the absence of her tears, he reached up and cupped her face with his hand. "You're worth more than 'something', Mac. You're worth everything to me."

She smiled. "And you to me. Once you kissed me...well, before I knew it, my pink fluffy robe was gone...and we were making love. You were making me feel like a woman, like I was more than just who I was. That's how you make me feel, you know?"

"You _are_ more" he said sweetly. "You're a woman, a mother; you're my wife, my lover...my very best friend..." His voice faded out as he pulled her face in close for an earth-moving kiss.

Mac returned the emotions of the kiss and smiled against his mouth. "I can only be those things because of you" she replied. "You were the first man who really..."

"Those other guys didn't realize what they had right in front of them" said Harm. "I don't ever want to take you for granted, Mac. I can only be who _I _am because of you, because of the way you love me."

There were no words for a while after that. She leaned against him and kissed his lips, his cheeks, down his neck and all the way back down his body once again her hands following the path of her mouth. "Harm..." she breathed against the sensitive skin of his knee and pressed her face against his muscular thigh.

"Hmm?" he replied, his heart once again beating fast from her attentions.

"I want you" she told him. "I want you so badly."

"I want you, too, baby" he whispered, sitting up and reaching out to bring her nearer. He took her lips in the most intense kiss they'd shared all evening, perhaps all week. He lay back against his pillow, holding her on top of him for a moment before rolling to the side and pinning her beneath him. He pulled back and gazed into her eyes. "God, you're so amazing..."

Mac smiled, "Make me feel amazing" she told him.

He leaned in close again, once more kissing her lips, her neck, her shoulder.

Mac moaned in her throat as his lips caressed her flesh. "Oh, Harm" she gasped. "That's...Oh, it feels good."

"Mm-hmm" he said, taking time to pay attention to every place he could reach from his position.

"I love you" Mac gasped. "I love what you do to me. Please" she whined and lifted her hips. "Please."

"Calm down, baby" he whispered. "I have a better idea."

Mac raised her eyebrow, "Oh, and what would that be?" Mac asked. "I can't..."

"Shh..." he said softly. "Just let me take care of you." He placed his hand upon her tummy, moving it oh-so-slowly towards the place she was begging him to go.

"Uh..." Mac made a tiny noise of anticipation. "I..."

At that moment, his hand reached its destination. He touched her body softly, so softly he wasn't sure if she even felt it, but he knew if she did, she'd make it known.

"Mm," she sighed and pressed her sex against his hand. "Yes. Oh..."

"Feel alright?" he asked, continuing his gentle caresses.

"So good," she breathed. "But I need you."

"Okay" he replied, his voice little more than a whisper.

"What's wrong?" she asked, the softness of his voice making her fear she'd disappointed him.

"Nothing, baby" he answered. "You're fine. I'm just...thinking."

"About?" Mac asked. "Oh...I know what about." She turned her face to the side as the pain came rushing back.

"No, no, Mac" he said tenderly, gently rubbing her leg as he spoke. "Don't get upset, please. I…It's not an issue tonight, okay?"

"Then why haven't you..." she began."Why are you hesitating?"

"I'm sorry, baby" he replied. "I was hesitating because I was wondering why, if I want to start being careful, it didn't occur to me to bring anything to use this week. Know what my conclusion is?"

"Because you're a guy?" Mac asked with a tiny smile.

He smiled a little in reply. "Well, that too, but no...I concluded that this week is too special to worry about 'being careful' when...well..." He didn't have to finish his thought; they both knew the rest of it.

Mac nodded, she knew what he meant, why be careful when it didn't seem necessary? But she ached so badly for him that it didn't seem to matter. "Then" she caressed his cheeks. "No worries."

"No worries" he repeated, coming in close for a kiss. "Now, where were we?"

"You were just about to make the aching stop" Mac reminded him and lifted her hips.

"I was, wasn't I?" he asked, moving his body atop hers, and without further hesitation, joining the two as one.

They kept the motion slow, soft, and unhurried. This was a reunion for them of sorts, and both wanted to enjoy it, to savor it. But alas, the rhythm had to build and as slowly as they went up, they came down, whispering words of love the entire journey.

He snuggled in close to her. "How was it?" he whispered, placing an angel kiss on her cheek.

"Wonderful" she smiled. "I've missed it."

"Me, too, sweetie" he said. "Did it 'feel right' this time? It didn't hurt you, did it?"

"No" Mac replied. "No but it still felt different."

"Good different?" he asked, running his fingers through her hair. "Or bad?"

"I felt so much" she said. "So much more."

"Maybe because we haven't done it in awhile" he suggested.

"No" she replied. "I think...I hope we might have seen the opposite extreme of that hormone thing."

He thought for a moment. "You know, I bet that's what it was. I bet everything, all the changes your body is dealing with, cutting back on feeding the baby and all; I bet that's what did it."

Mac nodded and bit on her lip. "And I'm about two seconds from another hormone surge so get ready to hold me."

"Oh, Mac" he said, wrapping both arms around her tight. "Let it go, sweetie. I'm right here."

And she did that, burying her face in his chest she cried out the despair she knew she'd feel in another few weeks when she on a lark took a pregnancy test to see if they'd gotten their miracle. She knew what it would say; she knew how it would feel, but she also knew that she'd still do that damned test. She whispered to him as she sobbed, and he made out little of it. In fact he only made out three words. "You were right."

"About what?" he asked softly, rocking her back and forth within his embrace.

"About why I don't want to use birth control" she sniffled.

"Because you want to see if we can make it happen on our own" he said. "Right?"

"No," Mac replied. "I just want it to happen anyway it can. I don't...any time we make love is a chance to try I guess and I just want to try so badly..." She fell off and broke down again.

"Shh..." he soothed. "There's nothing I can say that'll make you feel much better, but I wish there was, baby. I hate seeing you hurt like this."

"There's only one way to fix it, Harm" Mac whimpered.

He sighed. "I know."

"I wish I didn't feel like this but I do" she replied. "And I wish that part of me didn't..."

"Go ahead" he said gently. "Tell me what's in your heart."

"I can't" she replied.

Taking her chin in his hand and lovingly turning it towards him, he spoke to her. "Please, Mac. Don't carry any more of this alone than you have to. I can take it; I want to."

"I can't without hurting you" she replied.

"We're both hurting" he said. "Please let me in."

"Well" she began. "Part of me...part of me is so angry with you for resisting me and the same part doubts...doubts your commitment to it."

He looked at her for a moment, listening carefully to what she'd just said. "I can see that. I'm certainly not acting like I did when we were trying for Ainsley, and I know that has to be fueling your fear and doubt, but please believe me when I say I'm completely committed to you and to having more babies with you...it just doesn't really seem that way sometimes."

"I love you" Mac whispered. "And I know sometimes I'm using the emotions and so on...and...I hate feeling like this. I hate being so weepy and sad. I hate it!" More tears.

He brought her close. "I hate it, too. I hate that we can't have children when we want to, like most every other couple can. It's not fair, no matter how you look at it." He paused for a bit, letting her have a good cry. "Would it make you feel better if I changed my mind?"

"No" she whimpered. "Because I know that's not what you want and I don't want to force you. You'd only resent me for it."

He felt like he was fighting a losing battle. "Can I make you an offer?"

She nodded.

"How about" he began, "we scrap the whole birth control thing, and agree that while we're not going to actually try just yet, we won't 'not try' either? If it happens, it happens."

Mac pulled back from his chest and looked at his face. "You mean that?"

"I do" he answered. "I mean, we pretty much did that tonight; not really any reason to change it. I'm still not really ready, but let's face it, the chances of us conceiving unassisted are about one in a thousand. If this will make you feel any better, consider it done."

Mac's reaction was nothing like what Harm expected. "You...I can't believe you!" she hissed and pulled out of his arms. "The only reason you're agreeing is because you know it won't happen. How...that's even worse than wanting to use the condoms!"

"What do you want from me, Mac?" he asked. "You don't like that I'm not ready yet, and when I make an offer to forget about the birth control - an offer which I thought would make you feel a little bit better - you refuse it and take my head off!"

"I want you...I want you for one day to feel as bad as I do. I want you to feel it so you can truly understand what its like. You don't know, you never will and these little appeasing comments you make, the patronization and empty sweet talk do nothing to dull the pain!" Mac railed. "All they do is make me feel worthless, like I need to be pitied. Well I don't need to be pitied, I need to be understood and you can't do that!"

"You're right" he said, "I _can't _understand what it's like to be in your shoes, just like you can't understand how it feels in _mine_. Do you realize that some husbands actually blame their wives - _blame them_ - for having the illness you have and for being the one with the fertility problem? I think that's crazy, and I've never once held a single ounce of resentment against you because I know this isn't your fault, but I'm...I don't know how to deal with all this. I don't know what to say to you, how to tell you how I'm feeling without upsetting you. I feel like I can't win."

Mac stared at him, taking in his words. She knew she was lucky to have him, that other men might not be so supportive, and suddenly the pain and embarrassment were too much. She turned and went into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it, all walls crashing down once she was behind the protective wooden barrier.

As the door on the bathroom slammed, Harm felt another door slam, the one to their attempts at really communicating about what they were going through. If this was how difficult talking about their plight had become; if this was the way it was going to be...he wasn't sure the discussion was worth the pain.

All Mac wanted at that point was for Harm to come to the door and talk to her. She knew he'd never say he was ready to try again, but she wanted to hear something else from him, something simple, only with each passing minute, that seemed less and less likely.

Harm laid in bed and thought long and hard about everything that the last twenty minutes had brought to pass. In that short bit of time, the beast called infertility had once again crept into their happiness and reduced it to ruins. They'd gone from making tender, passionate love to being on opposite sides of a mostly futile battle with the utterance of a few little words. He didn't understand it; he couldn't make sense of why it had to be so hard for them to do something that was supposed to be so simple. As he lay there, fidgeting with his wedding band, a single tear of heartbreak rolled down his cheek.

Mac slowly collected herself and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She'd pushed him too far, hurt him and she knew it. She ran the water until it was hot and washed the tears from her cheeks. She wanted to be held by her husband, and if wouldn't come to her well...With a deep breath and a sorrowful, remorseful heart she turned the door knob.

The sight before her was one she didn't expect to see. Harm was sitting in bed, covers pulled up to his waist, leaning against his pillow, which he'd propped up against the headboard. He was still fidgeting with his wedding band, as he'd been doing for at least ten minutes, only now there were many tears on his cheeks and countless more pooling in his eyes. He heard her open the bathroom door, and he felt her climb into bed beside him. He couldn't look at her; he stayed focused on the band of gold which adorned his left ring finger.

Mac sat down beside him, her own pain temporarily buried. She had to tend to her husband now, to heal the hurt she'd caused. "Harm?" she whispered softly, and reached for his cheek.

The moment he felt her hand touch his face, he lost what little control he had over his tears. He leaned over to rest his head on her shoulder and cry.

Mac stiffened in shock for the briefest of moments before wrapping her arms around him and cradling him close. "Ssh" she soothed. "Let it go. I'm here." Those same words, the same words he so often said to her, she now said to him. "Talk to me, Sweetie."

He found himself unable to say anything at first, too overtaken with his tears and his cries. Eventually, he was able to find his voice. "I hate this" he said, continuing to cry. "Look what's happening to us."

Mac didn't reply for a moment, she didn't understand. "What do you mean?" she finally asked.

"It's tearing us apart" he cried. "We can't share how we feel because it ends up like this, so we keep it inside and everyday it gets harder and harder."

Mac's grip on him tightened. "Oh, Honey I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt your feelings but there is just no way a man, any man, even one who loves as much and as completely as you can understand this thing." She kissed his temple. "But it is not tearing us apart. Want to know how I know that?"

He looked her in the eye. "Yeah."

"Well, I think you can answer that yourself. Where do you want to be right now?" she asked, placing a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose.

He put an arm around her back. "With you" he answered, tears still flowing freely but cries beginning to lessen.

"And I want to be with you" Mac replied. "You can infuriate me sometimes, but there is no one, _no one_ that I love more."

"I'm sorry" he said.

"I'm the one who's sorry" Mac replied wiping his tears with the pad of her thumb. "I was horrible to you again and I don't mean to be. I love you."

"I'd be mad in your place, too" he said. "What sense does any of what I'm feeling make? None."

"I have an idea" Mac replied. "From now on when one of us is breaking down, the other just holds. No words or at least no advice. We just love it away, leave the rest alone. Okay?"

He nodded. "I'm trying, Mac. I'm trying my best to keep it together and to be here when you need me, and to make some kind of sense out of what I'm feeling, but it's hard."

"I know it's hard" Mac empathized. "But I think what we really need to do is agree and admit that we can't know how the other feels. You can't know how I feel and I can't know how you feel. What we can do is love each other in spite of it. Can you do that?" Mac asked gently.

"Mm-hmm" he replied, wiping a few late-falling tears from his cheeks.

Mac smiled softly. "Good. Now lie back for me."

"How come?" he asked, sniffling a bit.

Mac smiled. "Because I asked you to. Lie back."

He followed her instruction without further explanation, as he'd learned to do in the months they'd been together.

To Harm's surprise Mac straddled him once he was lying back against the pillows. "I want to love you again" Mac told him. "Can I?"

Without a spoken answer, he reached up, placed a hand behind her head and pulled her down for a long, tender kiss.

They made love again and again that night, each time sweeter and gentler than the time before it until finally, as the sun rose over the horizon, Harm dozed into a deep sleep. Mac stayed awake, she ran, got breakfast and called Trish. She even brought some food for Harm to eat when he woke up.

He awakened to the sound of the TV playing softly across the room. "Mmm...what time is it?" he mumbled, unsure of where Mac even was.

"1221" Mac replied from the chair on the other side of the bed. "Sleep well?"

"Mm-hmm" he answered, rubbing his hands over his stubbly face. "You?"

"Well enough" Mac replied. "That was some night we had last night."

He smiled. "Yeah, it was. Made up for lost time, didn't we?"

Mac nodded. "We did. What do you want to do today?"

"Dunno" he said, still trying to fully wake up.

"Do you need more sleep?" Mac asked. "I can just read for a bit if you're too tired."

"No, I'm alright" he said. "I'll be more awake after my shower. Do I smell coffee?"

"You do, but its cold" Mac replied.

"Any chance I could talk you into going down and getting me a fresh cup, baby?"

"I'll have to go across the street. The breakfast room closed two and half hours ago" Mac replied. "No worries, I'll be right back."

Mac kissed Harm and left him to shower. She went to get a cup of coffee for Harm from the diner that served it all day. By the time she returned, he was showered, standing in front of the full length mirror shaving.

"Here you go" she said, setting the coffee on the table in the corner.

"Oh, thanks" he said. I'm just about ready."

Once breakfast was finished and everything packed up, they headed for Plymouth Plantation and got real taste of 17th Century life. Harm concluded that even with the pollution and the crime rate, he much preferred life in the 21st. They ate dinner than night at their hotel restaurant, bathed together and made love. Mac's lack of sexual initiative from the first few days of their trip had been replaced by a nearly insatiable hunger for her husband's body.

The vacation culminated with a ferry ride to Provincetown at the tip of Cape Cod, and an all day fishing trip on the open water. When Harm and Mac returned to the airport one week after arriving there both were tired, but happy.

Harm and Mac reclaimed their vehicle at Dulles and began the drive home. Mac kept her sweater on to ward off the chill the air conditioning gave her red and sunburned shoulders, courtesy of their fishing boat ride in Hyannis. "I'm so excited" she smiled. "She's going to be so happy to see us, I just know it."

"I'm sure you're right" he said with a smile. "I've missed her this whole time; Mattie, too."

Mac nodded. "I did miss them, but I wasn't so worried this time. It was like I knew something would go wrong last time, but this time we'll all be fine and happy."

"Exactly" he agreed. "I hope Ainsley isn't taking a nap right now; I wanna hold her and kiss her and love all over her."

Mac mentally calculated. "If she's on her schedule she's just eaten her lunch" Mac replied. "She's probably playing."

"I hope so" he said. "Can you believe she's old enough to 'play after lunch' already? Seems like just yesterday she'd fall asleep _during_ her lunch and be out the rest of the afternoon."

Mac sighed and touched one hand to her abdomen, "She's growing up so fast. Hey, I just though of something I want to do."

"Okay" he said.

"I want us to have a big birthday party for her, the whole shooting match. Streamers, a big cake, all of our friends...what do you think?" she asked.

"I can't think of a better way to celebrate our baby girl's first birthday" he replied with a smile.

A few minutes later they pulled the SUV into their driveway. Harm left the bags for the time being and headed over to Mac's side of the car to help her out. She eased herself down and leaned up to kiss him. "I'm going to need more of your special attention tonight."

He smiled back. "I think that can be arranged. You ready to go see our girls?"

Mac nodded and hand in hand they walked in.

When they entered the living room, Ainsley was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, playing with her Pooh blocks. Wanting to see what she'd do, Harm and Mac opted to walk as far as the couch without saying anything. After a moment, Harm called out to her. "Ainsley..." She little girl looked up from her blocks, but didn't turn to where she could see her parents. "Ainsley Rose..." called Harm, and this time the baby's eyes grew wide and she began to look around, knowing her daddy was there somewhere. Just as Harm was about to call to her a third time, she rolled over and spied both he and Mac. Instantly, a full-blown Rabb smile came across her face, and she took to crawling faster than she'd ever done in order to get to them.

They both leaned down to get her at the same time, but Harm relented letting Mac lift her up first. The baby smiled and cooed as Mac held her and kissed her face. "Hello, Baby. Hello. Mommy missed you so much. Yes she did" Mac gushed, admiring the happy smile and the healthy glow of the little girl's skin. "Want to see Daddy?"

Ainsley reached her arms out towards Harm, an action which made his heart melt like few others.

"Come here, gorgeous" he said, taking his daughter in his arms and kissing her face over and over. "I missed you so much, yes, I did. Did you miss us? Of course you did."

Ainsley giggled and snuggled in against Harm's chest. "Well, welcome home" Trish greeted as she came in from the kitchen. "Did you have a good time?"

"The best" said Harm, leaning own to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. "Where are Frank and Mattie?"

"Frank is in D.C. for a meeting and Mattie is at Kim's" Trish replied. "I defrosted some of the lentil loaf I made while I was here. I know its Harm's favorite."

Harm looked at Mac, knowing she dreaded any pretenders to the meatloaf throne.

Mac smiled. "Thanks Trish." The high road.

Ainsley began to fuss in her Daddy's arms just then, and continued to rub her face on his neck.

"Is she ready for a nap?" he turned and asked Mac.

"Nope" Mac replied. "Don't tell me you forgot her cries all ready."

"Well, no" he said. "She's just acting kind of sleepy is all."

"That's her I don't know what I want but I'm not happy cry" Mac sighed. "She's missed us, why don't you sit and play with her while I help your Mom? Frank can help you get the bags in after awhile."

"Gladly" he said, cuddling Ainsley in his arms. He sat down on the floor, where she'd been playing with her blocks, sat her in his lap and began building a tower for her to knock down.

Mac and Trish went into the kitchen where Mac began helping Trish clean up from Ainsley's lunch. "I hope she wasn't too much trouble for you" Mac said to her mother-in-law.

"None at all" said Trish, with a heartfelt smile. "She did keep me on my toes, though. I'm glad there weren't two of her!"

"Hopefully there will be soon" Mac replied.

Trish looked at her in amazement. "Are you two trying again already?"

Mac frowned and shook her head. "I want to, but Harm says he's not ready yet" she replied wiping off the sticky high chair tray.

"Oh, Mac" said Trish. "You don't really want to go through all that again yet, do you? Are you sure you're ready for a second baby when the first one is so little?"

Mac swallowed hard to keep her emotions in check. "I don't have a lot of time left" she told Trish.

"Does Harm feel that way?" Trish inquired.

"He thinks we have some time to wait, but the longer I wait, the older I get, there's more of a chance my endometriosis can come back. I really want to give him a son, Trish, so he can have the chance that...that Harm Sr. never got. But I'm so scared if we wait too long, we'll never have another baby."

Trish nodded as Mac's feelings sunk in. "Have you shared this with him, dear?"

"Countless times" Mac sighed. "Trish, I'm not trying to put you in the middle, but your a woman, a mother, and I need to talk to someone who can understand."

"I can't understand your situation, really" she said. "But I can, and do, understand wanting another child and, for whatever reason being unable to have it when you want it."

"Did you...did you want another baby after Harm?" Mac asked.

A sad look fell over the older woman. "Yes. We were planning to have another when...when he came home. Some days, that was all that kept me going, but..."

"I know" Mac sighed. "Harm can't understand the desire to...to give your husband a child. Even in this modern day it is the most primal of urges, to carry a baby and give it life. I want to do that again and...he just doesn't understand that my time is very precious. Sometimes...sometimes I think he might not want another one if it means we have to do what we did with Ainsley. But that's all I can offer him."

"The doctor hasn't given you any hope of conceiving without medical assistance?" asked Trish, blinking back a tear that had come with her ponderance upon the past.

Mac shook her head. "That chance is not even on the radar" she sighed. "I thought we'd done it once."

"Did Harm know?" asked the concerned grandmother.

"I kept it a secret" Mac replied. "It was when his back was at its worst and...well he knows now. He woke up and found me crying over it. It was...terrible for both of us."

"I'm so sorry" said Trish. "I hate that this is so difficult for the two of you. It'll never make sense how some couples can have as many babies as they want with no problem, and others, well..."

"I know" Mac sighed. "We...It's putting a strain...on...on us."

"That's understandable" comforted Trish. "I won't pry into your business, but please let me know if I can do anything to help with that. I can take the girls for a few weeks this summer if you and Harm need some alone time."

Mac never got a chance to answer Trish's offer because Harm called her. "Mac, where are you?"

"In the kitchen" she replied rising and moving towards his voice. "Why?"

"She's about to fall asleep" he said when she entered the living room, "and my legs are already there. Can you take her and rock her?"

"Sure" Mac replied. "You okay?" She asked reaching for the baby, taking her into her embrace and slowly rocking her back and forth.

"Oh, yeah" he said confidently. "Just need to stand up and walk around some."

"Do you need a hand up?" Mac asked looking from Ainsley to Harm.

"Nah, I'm fine" he said, crawling to the couch and using it for leverage.

Mac shook her head. She hated this. She hated that a few months ago he'd have pulled his legs in and shot up without any help from her or their furniture. Once he was up she walked over to him and whispered. "How much do you love me?"

He looked at her, puzzled. "Very much, baby. You know that."

"Good, then when you can walk again go get me a burger. I am not eating that stuff" she whispered.

He laughed softly. "Can you at least put some on your plate and move it around a bit? As soon as my mom goes upstairs after dinner, the burger is all yours."

Mac sighed. "All right. Kiss?"

He leaned down and gave her a gentle peck on the lips before looking down at the baby. "She's out."

"Yeah, I know. I just..."

"Don't want to put her down" he said with a smile. "That's okay for tonight; just don't make a habit of it or we'll never break her of it."

"I'll put her down in a minute" Mac smiled. "I suggest you go call your other daughter. She was supposed to stay home today."

"That's right, she was" said Harm. "I'll give our dear Mathilda Grace a call and see why she's with Kim instead of over here."

Harm picked up the handset and dialed Mattie's cell number. When she answered, and he asked her why she wasn't home, he received the usual list of excuses. By the time the call concluded, Mattie knew coming home was an order rather than a suggestion. He hung up the phone and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"Harm, do you have a minute?" Trish asked.

"Sure" he answered, pulling out a chair at the table.

"How are you?" she asked to kick off the conversation.

"Okay" he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why? Do I not look okay?"

"No, no, you...you look a bit tired" Trish had to reply. He did.

"I'm usually a bit tired, mom" he said. "I have a wife, a teenager and a baby to take care of."

"You didn't have the teenager, who by the way needs to be spoken to, or the baby on vacation, Harm" Trish reminded him.

"No" he said, "you're right."

"So, explain the lines, please" she sighed.

He took a small drink from the water bottle and set it back on the table. "I'm dealing with a few things. I guess they're taking a little toll on me, maybe."

"How's your back?" Trish asked. "Is that...?"

He shook his head. "Back's fine, mom, I promise. No, it's...stuff with Mac." He hoped to leave it at that.

"And that would be...trying for another baby, perhaps" Trish said.

So much for his hopes. "Mm-hmm" he answered with a sigh. "It's not an easy thing for us to discuss, Mac and me. It should be, but it's...it's just not."

"She wants to try and you don't." Trish sighed. "Honey...is...are you two having problems?"

He fumbled with the label on his bottle. "Only where that is concerned."

"I'm so sorry, Honey" Trish sighed. "Surely you knew this would be an issue eventually. Can I ask why you aren't ready?"

He thought for a moment. "I dunno, I guess just everything we had to go through to conceive Ainsley. I don't want to go through that again quite yet; to watch Mac have to endure all those drugs and appointments and procedures - I'm just not ready yet."

"That's a weak argument, Honey" Trish sighed. "She wants to go through it now. She's the one who has to take the tests and the drugs and ultimately, she's the one who's scared to death she'll disappoint you."

He looked his mother in the eye. "Did she say that?"

"Not in so many words," Trish replied. "She said she doesn't have a lot of time left and she looked like she was going to cry."

He sighed. "That's commonplace anymore, I'm afraid. I know I'm hurting her by being so stubborn and set against trying again, but mom I just can't make myself get over the...I dunno, I guess I'd call it fear."

"You're scared something's going to happen to her aren't you?" Trish asked, leaning over to take her little boy in her arms to hold.

"I suppose so" he said. "I'm afraid for her well-being, I'm afraid she wants to try again too soon, I'm afraid we could lose another baby. Take your pick; I'm just really...afraid."

Trish kissed his forehead, "Well, the last thing I'm going to say for now is this. You think about this now, okay? What's worse for her, what might be or what is?"

"Probably what is" he said, realizing that for the first time. "Something to think about, for sure" he said.

"I love you Harm" Trish told him. "And my only regret is...I wish I had more of you."

* * *

_A/N: Only a few chapters remain before the sequel, which I hope everyone sticks around for!_


	93. Chapter 93

_A/N: This isn't as much a note for myself as for my dear sweet friend She'sAShipper. For those who're reading "**The Journey**" and are also reading her piece, "**Can We Ever Get Back To Before?",** we both ask that you please bear with us on the posting delays that have plagued both stories as of late. In my case, real life has just been nuts, and in hers both she and her fiance have been very sick. We're doing the best we can, and we SO appreciate everyone's interest and patience as we sometimes keep you waiting awhile between postings. :)_

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Chapter 93:

As the conversation in the kitchen ended, Harm heard the front door open and close. Knowing it was Mattie returning home, he rose from his chair and went into the living room to talk with her.

"Hey, kiddo" he said, opening his arms for a hug. "I missed you."

Mattie stepped into her father's arms, and hugged him. "Missed you, too" she replied. "Where's Mac?"

"I dunno" he said, looking around. "She went to put your sister down for a nap a little bit ago. Go find her if you want to, and then we need to talk."

Mattie went in the directions of Ainsley's room and saw Mac, sitting in the rocking chair with Ainsley's receiving blanket and looking at baby pictures. Mattie turned and went back to Harm. "I'm not going in there."

"Why?" he asked.

"Baby pictures" Mattie whispered. "With the blanket."

Harm sighed. "Oh boy. Well, I'll talk to her in a few minutes, for now I want to talk to you. Come sit down over here."

"I didn't do it" Mattie sighed and flopped down on the couch.

"You didn't disobey by being gone when we got home?" he asked.

Mattie bit her lip. "Not intentionally. I lost track of the time. We were having fun."

"'We' as in you and Kim, I presume?"

"Sort of" Mattie replied. "Me, Kim, David, and Kyle" Mattie told him. She didn't want to lie to him again.

"I'm not surprised" said Harm. "I am, however, disappointed that you put your friends ahead of your parents today. We've been gone for a week, we missed you."

"I missed you guys, too" Mattie replied. "I really, really did. I just didn't realize what time it was. I'm sorry, Dad. Really."

"I know, kiddo" he said. "You know because of this, though, you're gonna have to help out with some extra stuff around here this week?"

Mattie nodded. "I know. Did you guys have fun?"

"Yeah, we did" he said. "It was really nice up there; very picturesque."

"Was Salem cool?" Mattie asked. "David said there's a lot of cool stuff there. All of these freaky museums and stuff."

"It was really neat" said Harm. "Freaky for sure, but neat."

"Did it freak Mac out? Did you have to sweep in and save the day?" Mattie teased.

He looked at her seriously. "Mats, don't joke about that, please."

Mattie didn't understand, with her eyebrows slanted in, she asked "what's wrong, Dad?"

"She just didn't take some of the sights too well" he said, "so please don't ask her about them."

"Okay" Mattie nodded. "But seriously, you have that look. Did she get hurt or something?"

"No" he said. "It's nothing you need to worry about. Just remember not to bring it up with her."

"Okay, can I go help Grandma Trish with dinner?" Mattie asked. She knew Harm had to go tend to Mac.

He nodded. "See what you can help her with; we'll be out shortly to eat."

Mattie nodded and went on her way. Harm headed for Ainsley's nursery where he found Mac Ainsley's blanket on her legs, rocking gently, staring at the photo taken the day they had their precious little girl. She was touching the look on his face when he came up behind her.

"Hey" he said softly, not wanting to startle Mac or awaken Ainsley.

"Hey, Mattie's home?" Mac asked.

"Mm-hmm" he answered. "We talked, she said she just lost track of time."

"Happens" Mac sighed. "Why didn't she come and say hi?"

"She didn't want to interrupt you" he said softly.

"I'm just sitting" Mac replied. "That was the best day of our lives, wasn't it?"

He smiled, taking the picture from her hand. "Sure was. We were so happy."

"We are happy" Mac replied. "Mostly. Hey, you want to do a Cosmo game tonight?"

"I...umm..." he stammered, unsure at first of what to say, but then realizing he best not reject her; she'd only now begun to feel "right" again. "Of course." he smiled.

Mac smiled. "Good, its fun this month. I'm really hungry, so let me go pretend to eat so I _can _eat."

He smiled, and offered her a hand up from the rocker. "I promise, as soon as she's upstairs, I'm on my way to Beltway."

"And you're buying me two double cheeseburgers with everything" she told him snuggling in close.

"Consider it done" he said as they made their way to the kitchen.

* * *

A few weeks passed and Harm and Mac settled back into their routine. Ainsley continued to grow and change, and Harm's lack of interest in trying again just yet continued to be a sore point with the couple, though their love was strong enough to overcome it. Mattie continued to see David, a concept that irked Harm for she was reluctant to have him meet her parents.

One day in early August, Harm and Mac found themselves in a very familiar position, sitting side by side in Dr. Kendall's office awaiting Mac's latest blood results.

"You're nervous" said Harm as he squeezed Mac's knee. "I can tell."

"I am" she replied. "I'm scared he's gong to say two times a day is still too much. I don't want to give it up altogether, but I want my body to get back on track at the same time."

"She's almost 11 months old, sweetie" he said gently. "If you have to cut back to only at bedtime or even give it up altogether, she'll be just fine."

"I know" Mac sighed. "Still I..." Just then the doctor walked in.

"Good afternoon, Commander, Sarah" he smiled. "How is everyone today?"

"We're alright" said Harm. "Anxious though."

"Well don't be" Dr. Kendall replied. "Sarah is doing beautifully. Your prolactin level is down, your progesterone is up, and your iron while still a bit under is much better. Great job!"

"So I can still nurse Ainsley twice a day?" she asked with hope.

"You can" he replied. "But the news gets better" he smiled.

"How much better?" asked Harm.

"Well, judging from what I'm seeing Sarah's cycles could start up again at anytime" Dr. Kendall replied. "Which of course means you can begin trying for baby number two."

Mac looked at Harm, eyes filled with a mixture of joy and pain.

"What are the chances of us conceiving naturally?" asked Harm.

"Well, I won't say it can't happen, anything is possible" Dr. Kendall replied. "But...I wouldn't want to hang from a rope until that happened."

Harm nodded, taking a hold of his wife's hand. "Is it safe for us to try on our own? I mean, if she conceives and no one realizes it, what could happen?"

"Nothing" he replied. "Of course yes there are risks in not knowing. She might lift something that is too heavy or work out too strenuously. Given her history I'd want to take her off field duty as soon as her pregnancy is confirmed since her body responded as it did to the nursing. If her iron levels stay low she's at risk for anemia, but these are all risks anyone could incur who became pregnant under normal circumstances and did not know it."

"I've been trying to tell him that" sighed Mac. "But I don't know if he believed me."

"Commander" Dr. Kendall sighed. "I know you worry about her. I worry about my wife too, but nothing terrible is going to happen. There's nothing that I can see that concerns me."

Harm nodded. "I can't help but worry, doc. We've been through a hell of a lot, Sarah especially. I just want everything to be okay next time, you know?"

"I do" he replied. "But Commander, let me be honest, your experience the last time, while the first loss was tragic, was comparatively easy as opposed to what could have been."

"I see you've never been through a loss, have you?" asked Harm, growing protective of Mac and of the pain they shared with their miscarriage before Ainsley was conceived.

"Not personally" he replied in truth. "But I can tell you honestly that I feel every lost baby with every couple in here. We're a team, if you strike out, so do I."

Mac smiled a little, knowing it was a blessing to have so compassionate a doctor looking out for her. "So we can try again as soon as my cycles begin, is that right?"

"Sure can. As soon as you get your period you can call and make a day five appointment" Dr. Kendall replied. "That is, if you are ready to start again."

Mac looked at her husband, hoping for an indication of agreement, but knowing she wouldn't get it. "We'll talk about it" she told the doctor. "I'll let you know what we decide."

"That'll be fine" Dr. Kendall replied. "I wish you luck."

* * *

Harm and Mac left the office shortly after. She was smiling when they stepped outside and walked to the car. "I have to stop at the store on the way home."

"For what?" he asked.

"Sanitary pads" she replied. "I'm going to need them and Mattie only has tampons and tampons hurt me."

Harm blushed a bit. "Sorry I asked."

"I can't believe that we can start trying again" Mac replied. "I just...I didn't expect it, you know?" She got in the car and fastened her belt, the smile never leaving her face.

Harm went around and got behind the wheel. "Mac" he said, looking at her with a serious expression. "We need to talk about this tonight; _really_ talk, okay? I know you have a lot to say and so do I, and we need to do it."

Mac nodded. "Okay. Let's just go for now. I want to be happy for a little while."

* * *

Harm took Mac to the drugstore and she picked up her necessary items. They ate a meal prepared by Harm of broiled fish and potatoes, talked with Mattie, and played with Ainsley. Mac fed the baby her dinner while Harm did his exercises and showered. He was waiting for her in bed when Ainsley was finally sleeping.

"She took a long time dropping off tonight" Mac replied, sliding into bed while removing her robe.

"Did you rock her?" he asked.

"Of course I did" Mac replied. "We rocked, we hummed, we patted...she was just stubborn tonight. I think she might be getting her premolars soon."

"Oh, goody" laughed Harm.

"We're sharing that one all the way" she replied, lying down against the pillows.

"Yes, we are" he agreed with a sigh, afraid of what the conversation to come held in store.

Mac knew that Harm wanted to talk; she also knew what he wanted to say. He didn't want to try again just yet; she'd heard it and she didn't want to hear it again. In that spirit she sighed. "Turn the lamp off when you're ready to go to sleep okay?"

"Mac" he said. "We have to talk about this."

"I'm tired, and I have a headache" she replied. It wasn't true; she was just trying to spare herself the _heart_ache.

"So am I" he said, "and so do I, but we can't let today's news cause a rift between us by letting it linger without talking about it. I know you'd rather not talk about it, but we really need to."

"Fine" Mac sighed and sat up. "You start."

He sat up and faced her. "I know you're upset with me over this, and there's no good explanation for why I feel the way I do. I wish there was, because I think it might make us both feel better in a way, but there's just not. I've tried to put it aside, tried to figure out why I'm not ready to try again, and I always come up empty. I love you and Ainsley so much, and the idea of having another child with you, of experiencing the joy of watching another baby grow up before our eyes, should...should be enough to make me get over whatever is holding me back, but somehow..."

"Somehow it isn't" she sighed. "Harm, did you ever consider _why_ you can't come up with a good reason?"

"Only about a million times" he said.

"And what did you come up with?" she asked. "Why is it that you think you can't come up with a reason why you don't want to try again?"

He sighed. "Probably because there's no good one. It doesn't make my feelings change, but it's most likely the truth."

"If you have no valid reason for your convictions, they are null and void" Mac replied. "You have to give me something other than 'I don't want to.'"

"I'm afraid" he said plainly. "I'm man enough to admit it; I'm afraid."

"But you don't tell me of what" Mac pressed. "Maybe if you did I could try to understand. You tell me you're afraid, well why? I don't understand. You heard Dr. Kendall, its safe, I'm healthy. Why are you scared?"

He shook his head and rested it against the headboard. "I'll never forget that night in the ER" he said, staring up at the ceiling. "When I had to go back into your room and tell you that we were losing our baby, it was..." He paused to catch his breath. "It was almost the hardest thing I'd ever done. I know there's no guarantee that would or wouldn't happen again, but for some reason - and I know it's irrational - I've been thinking a lot about that lately."

"Well try to look at it like this" Mac sighed. "Every cycle I have that we waste, we are that much closer to losing every baby we might have together. Is this fear of miscarriage, which is real and I do dread that it might happen again, worth risking our chances at more healthy children? We lost one baby and we survived it, I'm not sure..." She fell silent and drew her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them.

He wrapped his arms around her. "You make a lot of sense" he said. "You've given me a lot to think about. Give me a little time."

Mac stiffened. "We're not finished."

"Okay" he said softly. "What else do you want to talk about?"

"I've listened to your fears" Mac replied. "Now it is time to listen to mine."

He nodded. "Tell me."

"I am scared of how I'll react if waiting too long causes us to lose our window" Mac replied. "That is my biggest fear. I want this so much...I need this, and it..." Her bottom lip began to quiver and she paused.

He gently rubbed her back a little bit. "I want it too."

Again she pulled back and blasted, "No, you don't! You couldn't! If you did…" her voice dropped. "If you did we'd be sleeping right now instead of doing this. You don't want this, you can't say that you do in one breath and then tell me we have to wait in another."

"Am I not allowed any say in this?" he asked, growing more defensive than he intended.

"Not when you can't justify it" Mac replied slipping out of bed. "You promised to stand by me, you swore that you would always...well right now when I look over my shoulder all I see is an empty space."

Harm slid out of bed and grabbed his pillow. "You stay here, I'll go to the couch." he said as calmly as he could. "We're not getting anywhere here tonight, and I think we need some time alone to think; I know I do anyway."

"Sleep in the bed" Mac said flatly. "I'll sleep on the couch. You can't sleep on the couch."

"I'll take the guest bed then" he said. "You stay in here so you can hear if Ainsley needs you. Please?"

Mac nodded, as he moved to the door she spoke again. "Harm, why are you doing this?'

"Doing what? What am I doing?" he asked.

"Breaking my heart" she replied, losing her battle with the tears she didn't want to shed in front of him.

Watching her cry over this, over him, was all he could take. "Maybe because" he said as he felt a lump arise in his throat, "this entire situation is breaking mine." With that, he walked out, hoping to make it to the guest room before his heart completely came apart.

Mac lay awake two hours staring at the ceiling fan in their bedroom. Harm had broken her heart, he'd hurt her, but the sound of his voice as he left her alone there, made her realize she'd broken his as well. She wanted him to come to her and hold her, even if that's all they accomplished. They'd never slept apart since their marriage except when he was on TAD, and even then she hadn't slept. She hadn't really slept since before their trip, and the exhaustion was making her irrational along with the hormones.

Sighing she slipped out of bed and made her way to the guest bedroom where Harm was lying on the bed knees pulled up in the smaller space. She entered the room silently, and tried to wiggle into bed beside him, her arms coming around his middle.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" he whispered softly, his voice indicative of his heartache.

"Not without you beside me" she replied. "Lately, not even like that." It was time to come clean, to admit her insomnia which was affecting her behavior.

"You haven't been sleeping?" he asked in still little above a whisper.

She shook her head, and replied. "No."

"Because of me?" he asked.

"Sometimes" she replied. "Others it's me, or the baby, or work, or anything."

"I'm sorry" he said gently. "You must be exhausted."

"It's no excuse," Mac replied. "But when it gets a hold of me like this, I get really touchy and moody. I'm so sorry. Please, will you come back to our bed?"

He slowly rolled to face her as a lone teardrop made its way down his face. "I'd love to. I'm sorry I've hurt you over all this, and we can try whenever you're ready."

Brushing the tear off his cheek she swallowed her own lump, "No. You said you'd always be behind me, until you're there on your terms, your time, I don't want to do it. I should have listened to you, you _do_ have a say and I'm so blinded by what I want...I...I think I've forgotten for a while you really do love me."

He placed a hand against her face. "Please, don't ever forget that I love you, Mac. We'll have our ups and downs, especially through all this infertility garbage, but I'll _always_ love you, no matter what."

"I know" she replied. "I'm just so scared if I can't give you another baby...I should know better, but it's still a fear I have." She snuggled in closer.

"Sweetie" he said, "this isn't about what you or I can give each other. This is about us creating another child together. There shouldn't be a _you_ and _I_; there should only be an _us_."

"I know. I've lost sight of that and I'm sorry. I want _us_ to try again, but not until we're both ready" Mac replied. "I love you so much, please forgive me."

He leaned in and kissed her. "Forgive _me_?"

"Yes" she replied. "Now let's go back to a bed that's not too small for Ainsley to sleep in."

"That sounds nice" he said, tucking his pillow beneath his arm and pulling his wife close with the other.

* * *

_A/N: Will they ever both be ready? We're about to find out..._


	94. Chapter 94

_A/N: I'm so sorry for the looooong time between postings. Same old excuse, real life has been wild... On a happy note, we're down to the last few chapters of this story, then after a short hiatus, we'll be on to the sequel:)_

_Thanks as always to She'sAShipper for her help on this and that, and for being an amazing little sister. Love you, girly..._

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Chapter 94: 

It was past midnight on a Friday a few weeks later when Harm sat on the sofa, feet on his ottoman. He was watching the tail end of the movie he'd rented to watch with Mac that night, "Pirates of the Caribbean." He liked the action and she had a thing for Johnny Depp. Now though, she'd dropped off to sleep, and had been out for at least half an hour. He head was nestled in his lap, hair falling across her shoulders as his long fingers played with the spot a top her head that was guarenteed to help her sleep.

Ainsley was sound asleep in Harm's chair, having crawled herself out more than two hours ago. Mattie was due home at eleven, and that time had long since passed. Harm was getting worried.

He reasoned to himself that he'd wait to call Mattie's phone until the movie ended. There had to be a reason she was so late. At quarter of one she was still not home and the screen showed nothing but snow. Harm shifted, trying to slide out from under Mac when she stirred and opened her eyes. "What are we still doing up?" she asked groggily, not lifting her head from his warm lap.

"Waiting for Mattie" he answered softly. "You can go get in bed if you want, I'll wait for her."

Mac snuggled in closer. "Its 0048. She's still not home?"

"Nope" he replied. "And I'm not real happy about that fact. She knows better."

"You think she's alright though" Mac sighed. She said it. She knew that's what he thought.

"Yeah, I think she's probably just fine" he answered calmly. "I also think she'll have plenty of time to think about this over the coming week when she spends her evenings in her room instead of out with her friends."

Mac nodded and started to sit up. "I'll wait with you."

"Okay" he said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm glad you were sleeping there for a bit; you need it."

"I'm catching up" she sighed and leaned into his lap. "It feels nice, you playing up there like that."

"Oh yeah?" He moved his hand to gently caress her cheek, slowly bringing her face up towards his. "How about this?" he asked, giving her lips a feather soft peck.

She made a soft moan in the back of her throat. "Mm. That's even better. I love doing this, snuggling on the sofa, watching TV, just the two of us. No talk about work or anything." She smiled and kissed him gently. "The American dream."

"'American dream', huh?" he asked her as he gave her another kiss. "Here I thought it was just my dream - beautiful wife, beautiful daughters... Have I told you today how much I love you?"

Mac shook her head. "Nope, in place of that this morning you told me you forgot to take the cans out _again_."

"Shame on me" he whispered with a drop-dead gorgeous smile. "I love you, Mac. God, do I love you."

"I love you too" she replied, giving him another kiss before cuddling back onto his lap. "I'm chilly."

"Here, this'll help" he said, pulling the throw blanket off the back of the couch and covering her with it.

"You gonna jog in the morning?" she asked sleepily.

"Plan to" he replied. "Why, you wanna go, too?"

"Nope" Mac replied. "Just wanted to know when I had to get you up."

"0630 should work" he said, "but I'll get myself up; I want you to sleep as much as you can."

"If I don't get you up you won't go" Mac replied. "And the running is really good for you."

"And the sleeping is good for _you_, my dear" he countered softly. "I'll get up, scouts honor" he said as he looked at his watch.

"I've been sleeping for almost two weeks now" Mac replied. "At least four hours."

"That's an improvement, no doubt" he said as he began playing with her hair again. "I wish you would've told me when you weren't sleeping, sweetie. I would've sat up with you, kept you company."

She shook her head. "You need your rest."

"So do you" he replied. "If that happens again, if you get to where you're not sleeping night after night, I'd like you to tell me. I wanna be there for you."

"I love you, Harm" she whispered and leaned back against him. "If you keep doing that you're going to put me to sleep."

He smiled. "And the problem there would be?"

"I want to help with Mattie" Mac replied yawning just as two headlights appeared in the window and a car door was heard slamming shut.

Harm reached over to kill the light.

Momentarily, the sound of a key in the front door lock could be heard over the silence in the living room. "I bet she thinks we're in the other room" he whispered to Mac.

"Gonna bust her?" Mac asked not moving from her snuggle position.

"Indeed I am" he answered with a semi-serious grin as they waited for the sound of the teenager's footsteps heading for the stairs.

Mattie was glad the house was dark. That meant her dad and Mac were asleep. She eased her key in the lock and tip toed for the steps, cringing as she hit the creaky floor board near the china cabinet.

Harm waited a few seconds, giving Mattie time to think she was in the clear before he snapped the lamp on. "Mathilda Grace Rabb" he said, calm as could be and quietly so as not to awaken Ainsley, "front and center."

Mattie sighed and walked over to Harm. Mac was snuggled against him, dropping off to sleep. His eyes held checked anger. "Hi, Dad."

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Late?" she offered, trying to be calm and joke her way out of this.

His expression left little room for humor. "It's nearly 0200, almost three full hours past your curfew. Start explaining."

"We lost track of time" Mattie began. "Honest."

Mac shifted and sat up. "Doing what?"

"We were watching TV and fell asleep" she replied. "I'm so sorry, Dad, Mac. Really."

Harm looked at his wife and then back at his daughter. "It happens sometimes, I understand that, but you can't be coming in three hours late, Mattie. It's just not acceptable."

"Well I'm not Mac" she said with a hint of annoyance.

"Excuse me?" asked Harm.

"I'm not Mac, I can't tell time without a watch, so uh, this might happen from time to time. I said I was sorry" Mattie sighed.

Harm shook his head. "Go up to bed, and rest assured we'll pick this up again in the morning."

"Why? I was late, I'm sorry, but I'm home now" Mattie replied as Mac pulled herself off the couch.

"You had your father scared, Mattie" Mac sighed. "Why didn't you call the minute you woke up?"

"I didn't think about it, I guess" she answered. "I figured you were asleep and I didn't wanna wake the baby up."

Mac walked over to Mattie and gave her a hug. "Get some sleep. We'll be talking about this tomorrow morning, tomorrow night, and for many many nights to come."

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Mattie headed upstairs.

"I say we handled that..." Mac began. "Harm, you okay?"

"Mm-hmm" he answered as he rubbed his forehead with his fingers.

"Go on to bed" she told him. "I'll go put the baby in her crib and be right in. You want a back rub?"

"I'd love one" he replied as he rose from the couch.

Mac smiled. "I love you. Go get ready I'll be right in."

Harm walked wearily down the hallway to the bedroom. He turned down the comforter before heading in to brush his teeth and take a couple of aspirin for his headache. He'd just crawled into bed when Mac came in.

"Tired, Baby?" she asked as she began to change clothes.

"Very" he replied through a yawn. "Too tense to fall asleep, though."

"Well I'll see if I can't fix it" Mac replied. "Are you sore?"

"Little bit" he answered; face half buried in his pillow.

Slipping into one of Harm's tee shirts Mac asked as she climbed into bed. "Where?"

"Middle of my back" he mumbled. "Middle all the way down."

"Okay" Mac replied and pulled the covers down. She touched the spot a few inches above his scar. "Here?" she asked as she began to rub his back, making soft smooth circles over his skin.

"Mmm" was his only reply.

Mac worked quietly for a few minutes, trying to make her ministration therapeutic as well as comforting. "You just going to lay there or are you going to talk to me?"

He turned his head a bit. "Sorry, baby; I'm just tired. That feels really nice, though."

"I know you're tired, but we should talk about Mattie" Mac ventured. "This whole thing is making you way too tense. It's not good for you physically or emotionally and I for one want it dealt with."

"Oh, we'll deal with it" he said. "I'm not sure why she didn't think to call, even as late as it was, you know? I really thought she understood that it's never too late or too early to call home."

"I think she was hoping to slip by us" Mac replied and pressed in on a knotted muscle in his back. "Right there?"

"Ooh, ow, yeah" he said, writhing just a little beneath her touch.

"I don't like it Harm" Mac sighed. "I don't. We are giving her a good home, a safe loving life and she repays it...If I had..." She paused and focused on his knot.

"Had what, babe?" he asked, his eyes closed as the pain from her attention got a little worse.

"Had someone like you to...to take me in...I'd like to think I'd be more grateful" Mac replied leaning over to kiss his back as she worked on the taunt spasm.

He smiled as best as he could. "I don't think she's ungrateful, sweetie. I think she's just 16."

"She should think about the effect her actions have on you," Mac sighed. "You doing okay?"

"Much better" he sighed. "We'll talk to her in the morning, make sure she knows to A: not let this happen again and B: call if she's gonna be more than 5 minutes late."

Mac nodded. "And I assume you're going to ground her?"

"At least all this week" he said. "I'm not messing around with a three hour curfew infraction."

"One week?" Mac asked. "Lenient, Sailor."

"We'll see how things go in the morning" he said. "If she smarts off, she's looking at three weeks minimum, but she did well tonight, so we'll see."

Mac nodded and kissed between his shoulder blades. "You good now? You sound exhausted."

He nodded. "Much better, thank you. What say we call it a night before Ainsley decides it's time to wake up and play?"

"Cuddle?" she asked. "I sleep better in your arms."

Rolling to face her, he opened his arms and invited her to crawl close.

Mac snuggled against Harm's chest. "You'll do fine" she assured him, the rapidly dropped off to sleep.

* * *

Harm didn't get up to go running and Mac didn't disturb his sleep. She got up and made coffee and poured juice for him, Mattie and herself before retrieving a fussy, wet Ainsley and getting her breakfast started. They were halfway through a bowl of baby oatmeal when Harm came in. 

"Morning, ladies" he said with a sleepy smile, stopping to give both his wife and his baby girl a kiss.

"Morning Honey," Mac replied. "I let you sleep."

"Thanks" he said through a yawn. "I'll try to make it out tomorrow morning, I was just beat lastnight."

"I know and you were sore last night so I'll let you off the hook, on one condition" Mac smiled.

He laughed a bit. "Spill it, Marine."

"French toast and bacon?" Mac asked hopeful.

"You and your French toast" he answered, still smiling as he reached for the griddle.

"I know, I've been craving it" she laughed. "Make one for the baby too. No cinnamon."

"Sure" he said. "Is Mattie up yet?"

"I heard her water running" Mac replied. "She should be down in a minute."

Harm busied himself with preparing the family breakfast, and just before the second batch of French toast was coming off the griddle, Mattie padded into the dining room.

"Morning" she grumbled and dropped into a chair. "Boy, she's messy."

"She's a baby, she's supposed to be messy" said Harm. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah, pretty good" Mattie replied. "You?"

"Not bad" he answered. "Let's talk about last night, kiddo. I know you know you messed up, right?"

"Yeah, but Dad your rules are so strict" Mattie whined. "I'm the only one at school that has to be home by eleven on a weekend."

He piled the freshest slices of toast onto the platter. "The way to earn the privilege of staying out later is _not_ to come in three hours late."

"We fell asleep" Mattie insisted. "Kind of like you and Mac do." She wasn't being careful as she rushed to justify her actions and nearly leaked the identity of her companion.

"I understand that, Mats" said Harm, dipping another slice of bread into the batter. "What _you_ need to understand is that it is not acceptable for you to come in that late on a weekend night or any night unless Mac or I know about it ahead of time. You should have called as soon as you woke up."

"I didn't want to wake the baby" she protested as Ainsley chose that moment to toss her bowl across the kitchen floor.

"Ainsley Rose" sighed Harm, moving to retrieve the bowl as the little girl laughed at her antics. "Can you grab some paper towels please, Mats?"

Mattie rolled her eyes, "I can't wait until she's old enough to clean up her own messes." This as Ainsley screeched and grabbed a handful of her Mommy's hair as Mac bent down to pick up a rag to help Harm clean the floor.

"It's not going to hurt you to help, Mattie" said Harm.

"Harm!" Mac sighed from her imprisoned position upside down. "Help."

"I'm sorry, sweetie" he said, immediately taking hold of Ainsley's hand and prying her fingers from around Mac's hair. "You're a little handful today, baby girl" he said as Ainsley fussed at him for his troubles.

"Thank you" Mac sighed. "Mattie, help Harm get the floor; he shouldn't be bending over like that. Then we have to have a family meeting."

"Okay" sighed the teen, clearly less-than-enamored with the situation.

Ten minutes later the mess was more or less cleaned up and Harm, Mattie, and Mac were sitting around the table. "So...Harm, I believe you had something you wanted to ask Mattie" Mac prompted.

He nodded and turned towards his daughter. "Mats, did we not make it clear to you when you began going out in the evenings that it was never too late for you to call home if you were going to be out past your curfew?"

"You did, but I told you we fell asleep" Mattie insisted.

"Which brings me to my next question" replied Harm. "Who's 'we'?"

"Just me and a friend" Mattie tried. Harm would flip if he knew it was a boy, just flip.

"Mathilda" said Harm, growing suspicious and concerned.

"Okay, okay" Mattie sighed. "We is me and David, from my class last semester."

"Didn't he ignore you when you didn't go out with him that time?" asked Mac remembering Mattie's upset at that treatment.

"Yeah" Mattie replied. "It turned out he thought I was blowing him off. We've been seeing each other since...since before Harm went back to work after his operation." It was time to come clean.

Harm was remarkably calm, much to everyone's amazement. "You've been seeing him regularly since then?"

Mattie nodded, "Twice a week. Usually in a group, but sometimes alone."

Harm nodded pensively. "How come we didn't know about this?"

"Cause I didn't want him to meet you guys" Mattie whispered softly studying her lap.

"Why on earth not?" asked Harm, his calm beginning to wane. "If he's dating you, we want to meet him."

"Because you guys...you guys are..." Mattie sighed. "First you were all laid up and groaning and stuff and then Mac was sort of crazy with the baby thing..."

"Well we're not laid up or crazy now" he said. "And it upsets me that you've been seeing this guy for months now and we're yet to lay eyes on him!"

"Harm..." Mac interjected. "Honey..."

He looked over at her, knowing what she was going to say.

"Calm down, Babe. Getting excited isn't going to help" she soothed. "There is a simple solution to this."

"Which is?" he queried.

"We meet David and in turn Mattie's Friday and Saturday curfew is extended by one hour if and only if we like him" Mac suggested.

He pondered this idea for a moment. "Sounds okay to me. Mats?"

"I don't want him to meet you guys" she protested.

"Then you're not going to see him anymore" said Harm plainly. "I won't let my 16-year-old daughter date a guy I don't know, period."

"Harm, why don't you take Ainsley for a walk," Mac suggested sighing. He was messing this up pretty badly.

He didn't want to, but he knew she was trying to give him some cool-off time. "Okay, sure."

When Harm had gathered up the baby and Mac and Mattie were alone Mac began to work her charm. "You hurt him, you know?"

Mattie nodded. "I didn't mean to; I just didn't want..."

"Do you have any idea how worried he was last night?" Mac asked.

"I guess so" said Mattie. "I just didn't think about calling; we fell asleep, woke up and it was way late, so we ran to the car and he brought me home."

"Mattie, he went to bed last night and...I'm not trying to guilt you but...Mats, he loves you so much, like you were his own baby girl..." Mac sighed.

Mattie began to cry. "I'm sorry..."

Mac reached out and patted her hand, "I know and its okay. No one understands better than I how it feels to have a hard family life, believe me. But, sweetie, he thinks you're embarrassed by him. Why don't you want David to meet us? Do we...embarrass you?"

"No" said Mattie, tears still falling. "Well...maybe...I dunno. Back then, you did, but now I guess not."

"Honey, why? Why did we embarrass you? Was it really just Harm's back and my instability or was there more?" she asked. "Does David know you're adopted?"

"Yeah" Mattie replied. "He knows that and he knows about Ainsley."

"So why?" Mac asked.

"I don't even know anymore" cried Mattie. "I guess maybe I'm afraid that if Dad doesn't like David, he won't want to be with me anymore."

"He'll only feel that way if he thinks David might hurt you. Even if he doesn't like him, I promise you he won't forbid you from seeing him. We'd both have to feel that he is a risk, Mats. Why don't you trust us and let us see?" Mac suggested.

Mattie nodded, smiled a little and wiped away her tears.

Mac smiled. "Now I bet there's a Dad out there who needs a hug from his daughter. And an 'I'm sorry.' What do you say?"

Again, Mattie nodded, this time heading for the front door.

* * *

Harm had been walking up and down the sidewalk in front of the house, holding onto both of Ainsley's little hands. She was getting closer and closer to walking every day. Mattie approached the pair, sniffling a little, knowing that she owed her dad an apology. She loved him so much, as much as she would if he'd been her birth father, and knowing that she'd hurt him in any way made her feel awful. She was finding herself torn between the feelings she had for David, and the ones she had for her dad - a tough place for a kid to be in. 

Mattie approached Harm and Ainsley and smiled a tiny bit. "Dad?"

"Hi, Mats" he said, walking along with the baby's tiny fingers in his hands.

"Dad?" she began again, her voice catching as she tried to apologize for hurting him.

He picked the baby up and walked the few steps over to Mattie. "Come here, kiddo" he said, holding out his free arm to embrace her.

She let out a sob and she snuggled close to Harm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

"I know, kiddo" he said. "I know. It's okay; let's just work on not letting this happen again. Sound good?"

Mattie nodded, "Mac said maybe David can come to dinner. Would that be okay?" she asked still staying snuggled in.

"That'd be more than okay" he said with a little smile. "I just wanna make sure he's good enough for you, you know?"

Mattie nodded. "Can I call him and ask him to come next Friday?"

"Go for it" answered Harm. "I'll cook up something special, whatever you want."

"That veggie lasagna?" Mattie suggested pulling back.

"Done" smiled Harm. "Now get in there and give him a call."

The following Friday night, as Harm was pulling the lasagna from the oven, the doorbell rang. Mac answered it, and the young man on the other side was a very refreshing sight. He was shorter than Harm by at least 6 inches, and his eyes were green instead of blue, but he was easily just as handsome and, Mac hoped, just as wonderful.

David looked around the room at the beauty that was Mattie's stepmom, to her tall stepdad, finally to the beautiful little bundle crawling on the floor. He bent to her first. "Hey, little one," he smiled. "How are you? You wanna say hi?" he asked and lifted Ainsley up with an expert hand.

Ainsley giggled at David and smiled. "Hello, Ma'am" he smiled to Mac. "David Spencer; nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, David" smiled Mac. "I'm Sarah Rabb, Mattie's step-mom, and this little one is Ainsley, but you probably figured that out."

"I did Ma'am" David smiled.

"Hi" said Harm, tossing a dish towel over his shoulder as he entered from the kitchen and extended a hand to the young man. "I'm Commander Rabb, Mattie's dad."

"Nice to meet you, Sir" David smiled taking his hand in a firm shake. "Mats speaks highly of you both, you all," he smiled at Ainsley as he bounced her on his hip. "Can I help with anything?"

"I think we've got it covered" said Harm just as the timer for the bread went off. "Everything's almost ready if you'd like to have a seat in the living room."

David carried Ainsley to the living room and had a seat next to Mattie. "You have a lovely home, Ma'am."

"Thank you" replied Mac. "We like it. How far away do you live?"

"I'm about twenty minutes down the road" he replied. "I'm sorry about last week. I had a paper due Mats was helping with, and by the time we turned on the movie we were beat."

Mac nodded. "It happens sometimes."

They chatted idly until Harm called them to the table. Only then did David put Ainsley down, expertly setting her in her high chair and automatically tying on her bib.

"You must have been around babies before" said Harm, smiling at how caring David was towards Ainsley.

"I have a sister who's a year and two months" David replied. "She's just a beauty. So is Ainsley, just a beauty."

Harm smiled even wider. "She takes after her mother."

"I see a bit of you in her there as well, Sir" David smiled. "Really though. She's a gorgeous baby. Are you thinking of having another or is she it for you?"

Harm glanced at Mac and saw her face fall. "We'd love to have more" he said, feigning a smile and trying to hide both his pain as well as Mac's.

"I just love my kid sister and I know" he glanced over at Mattie and took her hand, "Mats just loves Ainsley."

Harm nodded, knowing for Mac's sake he needed to change the subject. "Does anyone need a drink before I sit down?"

"Oh you bet I do" Mac sighed and focused on her plate.

Three hours later Harm and Mac had said goodnight to David and Mattie, put Ainsley down and were now retiring to bed. Mac could tell something was eating at Harm, just as he could tell she was not feeling well at all that night. They both decided to use their bed time to confront the other.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he said, taking hold of her hand.

"I was about to say the same thing" Mac replied shifting in bed.

"You first" he said softly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just not feeling well" she replied not sure how to bring up the subject of what was truly bothering her.

"I know you better than that, sweetie" he said tenderly. "Please?"

"I told you" Mac replied. "I'm not feeling well, that's all. My stomach is hurting."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, can I get you anything for it?"

She shook her head, "It'll pass. Now, what's wrong with you? Back hurting?"

"No" he answered with another sigh. "It's that kid."

"What about him?" Mac asked. "Don't you like him? I thought he was sweet."

"That's just it" he said. "I can't find a single reason not to like him, as badly as I want to because he's dating my daughter."

"You are so cute" she smiled. "He's sweet, Honey. Just admit it."

"I don't want to" he said with a half-hearted laugh.

To Harm's chagrin at that moment instead of teasing him, he heard Mac sob as she slid down in bed and turned away from him to hide her face.

"Hey, hey" he said softly, leaning over close to her. "What's wrong?"

Her sobs came harder and faster at his soft words; she curled up tighter but didn't answer. She wanted him to hold her and say nothing, but she didn't know how to convey it.

"Baby, I'm here" he whispered into her ear. "Please let me in; tell me what I can do."

She just shook her head. "There's nothing you can do."

He hated hearing those words; they made him feel completely helpless. Knowing they were true, however, he continued to do the one thing he knew she needed - he held her close.

Mac cried hard in her husband's strong arms until finally her harsh sobs turned into hiccups. Before she could speak to him though a knock was heard at their door and for the first time they heard Ainsley's cries.

"Come in, Mats" called Harm, arms still around his wife.

Mattie came in holding a fussy Ainsley. "She won't stop fussing and...hey, are you okay?" she asked Mac, now concerned.

"I'm fine" replied Mac with a sniffle. "Here, let me have her; she might wanna eat a little bit."

Mattie passed her little sister to her mother and sat down beside her dad, a look of concern still on her face.

Mac put the baby to her breast and she latched on to suckle. "What's wrong?" Mattie asked Harm. "Did you not like David? Did that comment about another little one make Mac cry?"

Harm shrugged a bit, not knowing exactly what was wrong with Mac quite yet. "We both liked David" he said. "He's a...he's a nice young man."

"But..." she looked at Mac who was still struggling to stop her tears.

"It's not David" Mac replied. "Its...I'm not feeling very well and...don't worry about me, Sweetie."

Mac nodded her thanks and watched Mattie take her leave.

Harm reached over and caressed Ainsley's little head as she nursed. "Hey, little girl" he whispered as he watched the baby's eyelids begin to droop.

"She's nearly a year old. In a month she'll be a whole year old" Mac sighed wistfully, tears still falling but her sobs had stilled.

"And it's been the most wonderful year of our lives" he said gently. "I know she's growing up and it's sad to see the tiny baby we once had disappear, but look at her, Mac. Look how..." He paused as a lump formed in his throat. "Look at how beautiful she is."

"She is" Mac nodded. "She looks like you so much now."

He smiled. "Her eyes and her smile, definitely, but the rest is all you."

"I want our son to look like you" Mac sighed. "Once we get around to trying for him."

Harm had known her long enough to catch the meaning of her last comment. "That's what's got you upset, isn't it, sweetie? What David said at dinner?"

"Yes, but more so it's...my period started before dinner" Mac told him. "My cycles are back."

"Wow" he said softly, realizing instantly what that meant. "You doing okay, I mean aside from not doing okay?"

"Yeah" she replied. "My stomach is cramping but it always did that. I never had easy periods."

He knew that the resumption of Mac's cycles meant that she would be ready to try for baby number two soon...and he was still some ways away from being ready for that. "So, where does this put us?" he asked tenderly, wanting to let her take the lead.

"At opposite sides of the issue" Mac replied. "I assume at any rate by your lack of happiness at that announcement."

She could read him as well as he could read her. "Yeah, I guess so. I don't want to get too deep into this tonight, though. You're already upset and I don't want to add to it if I can help it."

"You don't have to say anything" Mac replied. "I already know. I think she's out."

He looked down at Ainsley, who was in fact sound asleep in Mac's arms. "Lemme go get Mattie, since she wanted to put her back down, then I'll be back. Want anything while I'm up?"

Mac nodded.

"What?" he asked. "Tylenol, a drink...?"

"Chocolate milk" Mac replied with a laugh. "And peanut butter crackers."

He smiled. "Sure thing, sweetie."

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, I hope you find the ending worth the ride..._


	95. Chapter 95

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, I really am! Things with my partner-in-crime, **She'sAShipper**, and her fiance (my sweet big brother **Mark) **have been very stressful as of late, and I've done a crummy job of posting my chapters. THANK YOU to everyone for being so patient and sticking with me, we're almost done!_

* * *

Chapter 95 

Three days later found the Rabb family at Carter Park bright and early for the Jagathon. Harm had been training for and looking forward to it for weeks, something Mac didn't even realize until she saw the pledge receipt in his briefcase. He wanted to surprise her with his entry in the race, and he succeeded. As he stretched out against a water table after checking in at the registration tent, Mac slathered plenty of baby sun block on Ainsley, fully intending to stay for the duration of the race and show as much support for Harm as possible.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Babe?" Mac asked. "Absolutely sure? You can still back out."

"No chance" he said as he finished one last stretch. "I love this kind of thing, plus it's good exercise."

Mac smiled. "You're going to do great. I just want to make sure you feel completely ready for this. Ainsley's birthday is in two weeks and I want her Daddy able to enjoy it. Don't we, Sweet Pea?" Mac asked the greasy and slippery baby.

Ainsley smiled and babbled a bit in reply.

Harm smiled as he leaned in and kissed his wife. "I've gotta go get lined up; I love you."

"I love you, I'll see you at the end" Mac replied. "If anything starts to hurt...you stop. Promise me."

"Promise and swear" he replied. "I want to enjoy that party as much as you do."

Mac nodded. "Kisses for Daddy" she told Ainsley and lifted her up.

Harm kissed his little girl atop the head and on both cheeks. "Daddy loves you, baby girl. You be good."

Ainsley squealed again and squiggled in Mac's arms as they turned and watched Harm head for the starting line.

Ten minutes before the race was set to start, Mac joined Mattie and David near the finish line. "You two have enough lotion? Mattie, you have fair skin, I don't want you to burn."

"We've got plenty" said Mattie, rubbing in a little spot on David's face. "It's darn hot out here today, ugh."

"I know" said Mac, "it was just as hot a few years ago when I ran with your Dad."

"I'm sure the Commander knows how to manage the heat and stay hydrated" said David to his girlfriend. "Is that a safe assumption, Mrs. Rabb?"

"Yeah" Mac replied. "That's in basic training, how to handle yourself in the heat, the cold, the dryness, the water..." Mac listed. "And stop calling me Mrs. Rabb. Call me Mac."

David smiled and blushed a little. "Yes, ma'am; 'Mac' it is from now on."

Mac shifted Ainsley to her other hip. "They should start in six minutes and about twenty seconds."

Mattie looked up at David, knowing he was blown away by Mac's internal clock. "You'll get used to it" she said with a smile.

Sure enough, six minutes at twenty two seconds later, the runners began the decent. The longer amount of time that passed, the more Mac fretted and fidgeted, so much so Ainsley began to fuss.

"May I, Mac?" asked David, holding his arms out towards the baby.

Mac nodded. "Here you go. Go see David" she told the baby. "Go see him."

Ainsley went willingly to David, laying her little head against his shoulder.

"She really likes you" Mac observed. "Both my girls do."

David smiled and gently swayed back and forth as he held Ainsley close. "It's mutual."

"What's wrong, Mac?" Mattie asked as she watched Mac fidget.

"Oh, nothing" she said. "Your dad should be well towards the front by now, hopefully."

"Man, Dad's gonna be ticked if he doesn't beat his old time" Mattie sighed. "How long does it usually go?"

"Depends on how fast folks run" laughed Mac. "I forget what Sturgis' time was last year."

The trio stood and watched for another forty minutes before the first runner, once again, Sturgis came over the finish line. "I guess that solves that one" Mattie smiled. "Forty two minutes Mac?"

"Very good" replied Mac. "I must be rubbing off on you, kiddo."

"Good" David smiled. "If it'll help her get places on time."

Mattie playfully swatted her boyfriend on the arm. "Oh, be quiet!"

Another runner, General Creswell, crossed the finish line just then, followed closely by Petty Officer Coates. Seeing three runners come in and still no sign of Harm, Mac began to fidget again. "Where is he?" she asked herself but David heard.

"I think I see him" said David, looking intently down the path where the finishers were coming from. "Yeah...yep, that's him; he's next in line."

Mac studied Harm as he ran towards the finish line. He ran evenly, as normal as ever, yet slower. When he crossed she moved to him immediately with a bottle of cool water and a smile, only she was greeted with anything but. "Nice job, Honey!" she praised and handed him the water.

He took the bottle, unscrewed the top and took a long swallow before pouring the rest on his head and letting it run down his face, uttering not a word.

"Ready for lunch?" Mac asked when he ignored her praise.

He shook his head. "You go. Take the kids." He had little interest in the picnic they'd planned.

"Oh no" Mac told him. "This ant adorned endeavor was your idea, Sailor. You're coming."

"Mac, I'm really not up for it right now" he said; his voice sad and down. "I don't feel like eating until I cool down."

"You can take time to cool of," Mac told him. "We'll wait. But come on, the kid's are really looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it. Why don't you want to go?"

He looked off in the distance and shook his head.

"Are you not okay? Do you feel alright?" Mac asked beginning to worry.

"I'm fine" he said, his voice a touch on the snippy side. "Go on, take the kids and find a place to spread out the blanket."

"Are you coming?" Mac asked as she began to move towards the kids.

"In awhile" he said, once again staring off into the distance.

Mac nodded, knowing pushing would be the wrong thing at the moment. She went to join Mattie, David, and Ainsley and the four of them moved to set out the blanket and unpack the lunches she'd made.

Harm, true to his word, joined the group a short time later, though he wasn't the greatest of company. He ate his sandwich in silence, downed three bottles of water, and grabbed a cookie before getting up from the blanket and taking a walk.

"What's with your Dad, Mats?" David asked seeing she was worried and knowing Mac was.

"I dunno" she replied, confused and concerned. "Any idea, Mac?"

Mac shook her head. "He said he's fine" Mac replied. "But I know he's not. He's moving okay so I don't think he's hurting more than usual after a run like that, but...David, do you think your folks would mind if you and Mattie kept Ainsley at your place for a bit this evening. This is going to take some "tough love."

"I'm sure they won't mind at all" he answered. "I'll call and check, but it should be just fine."

An hour later Harm had rejoined the group and they'd packed up and left the park. Mac pulled up the car in front of David's house. "Okay, she'll probably be hungry in an hour or so, there's a bottle and some baby food in her bag."

"Why are we leaving her here?" asked Harm. "I've hardly spent any time with her today."

"I need you for a bit. You and she can play later" Mac told him. "But right now I need you."

"Are you okay?" he asked, attitude of before completely gone, at least for the moment.

"I will be" Mac replied. "Thank you David, Mattie. We'll make it up to you. Call if you have any trouble."

"We will" said Mattie. "Love you dad, Mac."

Mac smiled and pulled away; remaining silent until she and Harm pulled up to their house and she had walked inside.

"I'm gonna take a shower" said Harm, tossing his gym bag onto the floor in the corner of the living room.

"Come here a minute" Mac told him. "Come to me just a minute."

With a sigh, he did as she asked. "I'm all smelly."

"I don't care" Mac replied and slipped her arms around his waist hugging him tight. "I love you and I'm proud of you."

"Proud of what?" he scoffed under his breath.

"Of you running today of course, and doing so well too" Mac replied. "You did wonderfully."

"Since when is finishing fourth 'wonderfully'?" he asked. "I did twice that well all the other years."

"That's true" Mac replied. "But look at what your body has been through in the last year. The accident, and then your back and the surgery, not to mention..." She stopped herself and returned to hugging him.

He matched her embrace with his own. "Not to mention what?"

"Never mind" she sighed. "Go shower then meet me in our room."

"I'm not in the mood for anything you wanna do in our room, Mac" he said harshly, releasing his arms from around her.

"And what do you think I want to do?" Mac asked.

"Doesn't matter" he answered as he walked away. "Unless it's lay down and go to sleep, I'm not interested."

"Are you okay?" she asked. "What's wrong with you? Did you hurt yourself out there?"

He shook his head, his back still to her as he grabbing his gym bag. "Just let it go, okay?"

"No" Mac replied. "No, I won't. You won't let me clam up and get all silent, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you. Now, talk to me damn it!"

"I finished fourth!" he thundered back at her, dropping the gym bag and turning to face her. "I don't care why, it doesn't matter! What matters is I'm losing what I used to have and I don't like it!"

Mac took a deep breath. "Okay" she sighed. "No one understands better than I do what it feels like to lose something you had or have lost sight of so I'm going to give you space and let you clean up and clear your head. But go in that shower knowing this, I love you so much. I do, it doesn't matter if you finish first, fourth, or twenty fourth. I love you and you are the most...most incredible husband and father as far as I'm concerned. Now, go get showered. Then, come to our room and you can lie down and rest, but only...with me at your side."

Not knowing what to say, he opted to simply nod and head down the hall.

He peeled off his running clothes, tossed them on the floor and climbed into the shower. He stood motionless beneath the steamy mist for nearly ten minutes before even reaching for the shampoo bottle. The day had been exhausting for him, both physically and emotionally. Some 40 minutes after he'd begun, Harm stepped out of the shower, feeling cleaner than when he went in, but not much better.

He cleared away the steam from the bathroom mirror and studied his face. He hadn't noticed before how dark his eyes were or how deep the lines around his eyes had become. They must have always been there, at least for the last few years, but today he noticed them in abundance. He studied the rest of his face and noticed creases along his mouth as well, a sure sign of his age.

Stepping back he found himself studying the rest of his tall body in the full length mirror. It had changed too and not for the better, at least not in his opinion. His usually hard and sculpted chest had begun to lose some of its tone. While his arms remained firm and well defined his wash board stomach was now a thing of the past, and in is place a softer abdomen complete with ten extra pounds of love handles Mac loved to tease him about. He didn't find it in the least bit amusing.

Finally he studied his long legs. Nothing was really wrong with them, though they'd lost some muscle tone and obviously some speed in the last two years. His knees, while back to normal, bore some markings of his accident last summer, mainly one jagged scar. Then of course, there was his back. It had always been a monster, but now it bore the scars that proved he was no longer the man he'd been. He was no longer the healthy and athletic fighter jock; he was just an aging wash up that would soon no doubt be nothing but...well just nothing. And then there was Mac...soon, she was so beautiful and still so fit and vibrant, even after the baby, how could he hold her interest for much longer..."Harm?" Mac called from outside. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah" he replied unconvincingly. "Be out in a sec."

"I made you a snack and I want to show you something. Hurry up!" She sounded so cheery.

With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, he pulled his boxers and lounge shorts on and went to join her in the bedroom.

Mac was sitting Indian style on their bed thumbing through a magazine. She had a cheese and tomato sandwich sitting by his pillow. She smiled when she looked up and saw him. "Feel better?"

He shrugged. "Little."

"Look at these" she smiled and held the book out for him to see the matching black and blue track suits. One for him, one for her, and of course one for Ainsley.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he asked.

Mac closed to magazine, "Obviously not, Sweetie. You say you feel alright, you've showered, we're alone..."she smiled. "Together, all afternoon."

"You don't get it, Mac" he said, rising from the bed and turning his back to her briefly. "Don't you see how much I've changed?"

Mac studied him. "No," she replied. "I don't see a difference. I mean you have a scar now," she rose and reached out to touch it with the tip of her finger. "And...you might have put on a little weight..."

"I'm nothing like I used to be" he said. "Last time we ran that race, we finished second; today I was fourth and that's just not good enough for me."

"This is about losing the race?" Mac asked. "If that really is true..." She shook her head.

"What if it is?" he asked. "Can't a guy be disappointed in himself?"

"No" Mac replied. "No he can't, not when you've come this long away from who you used to be."

"I like who I used to be!" he said. "At least as far as being able to run a race and not make a fool of myself."

"You didn't make a fool of yourself!" Mac insisted. "You finished, in the top five, that's good!" She insisted. "So you think you've changed?"

"I _know_ I have!" he said. "Look at me - I'm older, slower, fatter - nothing like I was even 3 years ago."

"You're exactly who you were three years ago" Mac sighed. "You are still conceited and self centered. I thought you had changed, being married and working on babies and raising a baby but I guess the jokes on me."

He ran his hands through his hair as it suddenly hit him how upset he was making her. "I...fine, whatever. Whatever."

"That's all you have to say?" Mac asked.

"I guess so" he said as he began heading for the door. He didn't want to make things any worse; he just wanted to feel sorry for himself, something he wasn't very used to doing, but today it just felt...right.

"Harm!" she called out to him as he headed for the door.

Something in her voice, pain perhaps, made him stop.

"Come here and talk to me" she said softly. "I'm sorry for what I just said, but...if you're hurting...I know you are hurting and I don't understand why and I don't know how to make it better, but please come here. Come here and lay with me, come on." To demonstrate her sincerity she laid down on her side of the bed and moved his snack to the bedside table.

Yet again, he sighed, only this time it was out of relief that his wife was drawing him close instead of letting him leave. He returned to the bed and slowly climbed in beside her.

Mac pressed his temple to ease his head down to rest upon her breast. "You have to talk about it," Mac told him as she stroked his head. "I know it's more than the race. I know it is."

"I guess so" he said. "I'm not sure what, though."

She squeezed him harder. "I love you."

"I know" he whispered. "What's wrong with me, Mac?"

"What do you mean?" she asked softly. "I can think of only about one thing _wrong_ and that's fixed by and large."

He nodded just a little. "Then why do I feel so bad?"

"I don't know," she replied still stroking his hair. "Why don't you tell me what you are feeling? Then maybe I can help."

"I feel like I've aged 15 years in the past 1" he said. "I didn't realize it until today, but I couldn't even keep up with half those runners for most of the race. That's not like me."

"You are older Honey" Mac replied. "You've aged two years since the last time you ran in the Jag-a-thon. And you haven't been training as hard or as regularly since Ainsley was born, or even since we began trying to get her. Of course you've slowed a bit. It's natural. If I tried to run, I'd probably have placed sixth or even beyond that. It not a bad thing, it's just a fact."

"A fact I don't like" he said softly.

"I know" Mac soothed. "I don't like that I used to be 120 lbs and now I'm 128. And I don't like that sometimes when I sleep too long on one side my neck gets stiff. And I sure as Hell don't like to see you after you've sat on the floor playing with Ainsley too long and you need to use the couch as leverage to get up when a year ago you'd rocket up with no assistance, but its just part of being 43 and 40. But if we let those things set us back, we'll miss out on all the really good parts of being older."

"I just wish this didn't bug me so much" he said. "I wish I wasn't afraid that you'll lose interest in me, you know? Do the whole 'trade me in on a newer model' bit?" He knew that was crazy, but his heart was really hurting.

Mac pulled away from Harm at that comment. "You really think that?" Mac asked. "You honesty think that I'd want that?"

"You don't miss the 'me' I used to be?" he asked. "Not at all?"

"A little bit" she admitted. "Sure. I miss not having to fret about you hurting yourself, which I miss. But its the man you are now that I love more than anything, and while I fell in love with you ten years ago, its the you that I have in my life now that I could not imagine living one second of my life without." This as two tears fell from her eyes.

He looked up at her and wiped away the tears with the pad of his thumb. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"You didn't," she whispered. "I made myself cry because I love you so much and...It kills me to see you in so much pain. It does."

"I know the feeling" he said softly, leaning in and placing a tiny kiss on her lips.

Mac pulled away from him.

He looked at her, uncertain of what he should do next. "I'm..."

"No kisses" she told him.

He looked hurt, but given his behavior earlier, he knew he deserved that.

Mac frowned. "Don't look like that."

"I can't help it" he said.

Mac slid off the bed. "Okay, I know what you need. Lie on your belly."

With a nod, he complied. A backrub would feel really nice, he decided.

At his compliance she giggled. "You think you're getting a backrub don't you?"

"Well, yeah" he replied with a smile of his own. "Why? Are you going to bludgeon me with your pillow or something instead?"

"No," Mac laughed. "I think you, my champion, earned a full body massage."

"Oh, have I?" he asked.

"Yes" Mac replied kissing the back of his neck. "I know your body is tired. I know that part of the reason you are so down is because the last time you didn't feel so tired, but now I want to make it better. I want you to tell me where you need me and by the end of this afternoon, I guarantee you'll have no doubt of my love or my commitment, or you're..." she leaned closer. "Sex appeal."

He shivered as her breath tickled his ear. "By all means, erase my doubts."

"Where do you want me first?" she asked.

"Shoulders" he answered. He loved the way she massaged them.

"Okay" Mac replied and touched her hands to his broad shoulders. She always used the same technique; she used the tips of her fingers and rubbed in small circles. "Why don't you tell me what else is on your mind, Babe?" she asked as she worked. "Then I have a few things I want to tell you too."

"Mmm..." he moaned as she began her work. "Not much to tell. What do you wanna know?"

"Do you really think you've gotten fat?" she asked remembering those words from his earlier tirade.

"The scale doesn't lay, babe" he said. "Ten pounds in the last year or so; I hate that."

"Eight for me" she replied. "Did you realize it on your own or...or have my little jokes about your love handles upset you that much?"

"Both, I suppose" he admitted.

"I'm sorry" Mac whispered. "If I hurt you. But I sort of think it's sexy."

"Really?" he asked, a little surprised.

'"Really" Mac replied. "I don't lie."

He rolled over onto his back just enough to get his arms around her. Without words, he offered a heartfelt kiss, and then another.

Mac returned his kiss with one of her own they began to giggle.

"Come on" he said. "Tell me."

"I was just imagining you and I on diets," she smiled. "Which is something I'd be willing to do with you if this whole "ten pounds" thing is really an issue."

He kissed her again and smiled. "Not enough to go on a diet."

"I take it from our current position you don't want that massage?" she noted.

He gazed into her eyes. "I want you."

She reached out and caressed his face. "I'm right here. I'm always here and I'll always be here."

That was all it really took for him to slip over the edge. He'd been a jerk to her earlier, but she hadn't let him clam up or shut her out, instead she'd eased him out and talked to him, even held onto him when that's all he really needed. Now she was lying across his chest lips slightly parted eagerly waiting for his kisses. He wouldn't make her wait anymore.

He used his lower lip to separate hers further and took her lips in a kiss that told her more than he could ever convey with his voice. He wrapped his arms around her back and held fast to her, stroking her arms and back with his large hands.

"You like that, Baby?" he asked her. "You like what my touch does to you, don't you?"

"Yes" she gasped. "Oh..."She said nothing more, but turned her attention to his skin. She kissed his cheeks, his eyelids, down to his nose, then across his cheeks to his ear. She stopped at a small crinkle in the top of his ear and played with it, intrigued.

"Mmm...what're you doing?" he gasped.

"Playing with this little bendy thing in your ear" Mac replied. "Ainsley has it too."

"Not as noticeable though" he said, his voice evidence of the effect her actions were having on him.

"Her ears are tinier," Mac replied and proceeded to nibble on the aforementioned crinkle.

"Mmm..." was his only response.

The kissing and light touching continued for a few more moments until Mac decided she wanted attention so she rolled off of Harm and lay on her side of the bed.

"Where do you want me?" he asked, keeping with her earlier line of questioning.

"Inside me" she gasped out.

He smiled at her with a raised eyebrow. "I love a woman who knows what she wants" he said softly as he leaned down to share a long, sensual kiss.

Harm's hands moved all over Mac's body as she lay beneath him. He made short work of her short denim shorts and pink top, finally exposing her entire body to his view. Mac lifted and opened her thighs for him, "Come on, Sailor. What are you waiting for?" she asked in a husky voice.

He slid off the bed, stripped off the minimal clothing he had on, and within moments summarily joined his body and hers as one.

Mac writhed and moaned under his body lifting and shifting to keep up with his rhythm. When they'd finished their mating, she lay shaking beneath him.

"You okay?" he asked in a breathless whisper.

"You..." she gasped. "Are amazing."

He softly shook his head. "_You _are."

"You..."she gasped still trying to catch her breath. "Make me weak."

"That's where we differ, I guess" he said gently. "Because _you_ make me strong."

"When you touch me..." she sighed."When I'm in your arms, I feel like nothing can ever hurt me again. You are strong, you're...this is silly..." she sighed and blushed just a bit.

"No, no" he gently encouraged. "Keep going."

"You're my hero" she replied and pulled him close to hold his body to hers.

He couldn't help but smile at Mac's revelation. He'd felt like a failure all afternoon, but to her he was a hero, and that made the defeating feeling he'd been battling disappear.

"Would you do something for me?" she asked.

"Mmhmm" he said.

"Can you get me a bowl of corn flakes?" Mac asked.

He chuckled a little. "Okay...sure."

Harm chuckled all the way to the kitchen and the whole time it took him to prepare her snack. He returned to find her sitting up in bed with her sheet tucked around her. "Remember the last time you did that?" she asked with a nostalgic smile.

"Indeed I do" he answered as he handed her the bowl of cereal before climbing back into his side of the bed. "It was just before Ainsley was born."

**flashback**

_It was nearly three in the morning on one of the muggiest late-August nights there'd been in years. Mac tossed and turned, fluffed her pillows and kicked off all her covers in an effort to get comfy to no avail. She finally settled on her left side and after several minutes were almost asleep when it hit her: the munchies. She hadn't craved a midnight snack since her fifth month, but the closer she got to her due date, the more she found the desire for late-night sustenance was returning._

_Harm was sleeping peacefully a cute light snore emanating from him. She hated to do it, but her back and legs ached so much she didn't want to get out of bed if she could help it. Gently, she reached out and rubbed his hand. "Harm?"_

_"Hmm? What?" he mumbled a she woke him from a sound slumber._

_"Wake up" she prodded sensing him dropping off._

_"I'm awake...I'm awake" he mumbled as he slowly rolled over. "You okay?"_

_"Yeah, I'm just fat, hot, achy, and hungry" she told him._

_"You're beautiful, sweetie" he said through a yawn. "Why'd you wake me up?"_

_"I'm starving" she replied._

_"What would you like?" he asked, beginning to wake up some._

_"I don't know" Mac replied and got that look on her face._

_"Ice cream?" he offered. "Sandwich? Cheeseburger?"_

_"No" she replied._

_"Anything we have in the kitchen?" He was sensing that although she didn't know what she wanted, odds were it wasn't in the house._

_"Do we have corn flakes?" she asked. They usually had those in the house._

_"Don't think we do" he said, remembering the nearly empty box from the morning before. "Is that what you want though?"_

_Mac nodded. "Yeah, I want something crunchy. If we don't have those though I'll..."_

_He held his hand up to gently quiet her. "Say no more. If its corn flakes you want, its corn flakes you'll get." He rose from the bed and pulled on a clean T-shirt._

_"Thank you," she sighed and leaned back in bed. "You know as hard as we tried to get pregnant, I can't wait until I'm not anymore."_

_He sat down beside her to put his tennis shoes on. "I know. I can't wait; either...I'm just dying to see our baby." He looked at her and smiled from ear-to-ear._

_"I just want to stop feeling like a bloated beached whale" Mac pouted. "I don't even know if my feet are swollen because I haven't seen them in weeks._

_His smile remained. "I know you feel pretty big and not very attractive, but believe me, Mac, you're the single most gorgeous pregnant woman to ever walk this earth."_

_She smiled softly. "I'll be the happiest if I get those corn flakes."_

_"Give me twenty minutes" he said, leaning in for a kiss._

_Harm drove to the nearest all night convenience center and picked up a box of corn flakes. Twenty-five minutes later he returned home, made Mac a bowl of cereal with exactly one cup of milk, like she liked it and carried it in to her in their bed._

_He could tell as soon as he reached the doorway of their room that she had fallen back to sleep while he was out. With a smile, he sat the bowl down on the nightstand, pulled the sheet up over her, and kissed her temple. Quietly, he picked the bowl back up and headed out to the kitchen to eat the corn flakes himself before joining her in bed once more. He was so excited about what lie in store for them as a family; so very excited..._

**end flashback**

"At least I'm awake this time" she smiled as she took a bite.

"Yeah, you are" he smiled. "Looking forward to lots of 'corn flake nights' before too long?"

"What do you mean?" Mac asked. She thought she knew but didn't' want to hope.

He shrugged. "Just that before too much longer, you know, we'll get back into 'everything'..."

Mac smiled, "Do you think...do you think you might be...ready soon?"

He thought for a moment. "I hope so. I mean, I know I need to be, I'm just...It's weird, I'm just not there yet I guess."

Mac nodded. "You know, as much as I complained near the end with Ainsley, I can't wait to feel like that again. To be big with your child growing under my heart, feeling him kick...watching you feel him kick" she smiled. "It'll be wonderful."

"It will be" he agreed softly, a sweet smile on his face.

"I've been thinking a lot about the second baby" Mac admitted.

He nodded; he knew. "Are you...ready?"

Mac nodded. "The moment Ainsley was born I was ready to bear your son."

"What about having another daughter?" he asked. "You keep saying 'son', but I don't remember ever saying I much cared one way or the other."

"But I do" Mac admitted. "I want to give you a son. And I even know that I want to call him..."

"Really?" he asked, tipping his head to the side in surprise and amusement.

"Harmon David Rabb, the third" she replied. "The word needs more Harmon Rabb's."

"I dunno" he said. "I'm not sure I want our son named completely after me."

"I really do," Mac told him. "I really...I've always dreamed my first born son would be named Harmon."

He smiled. "Maybe we can use Harmon for his first name, but give him a different middle name than mine."

"I can live with that," Mac agreed. "Harmon Matthew?"

"Maybe, maybe" he pondered. "Or we could go trendy like we did with Ainsley's name."

"We could" Mac replied. "Oh...I want to show you something else."

"Okay" he said.

Mac slid out of bed, leaving the sheet behind her and went to their magazine rack. She dug until she found what she was looking for and returned to Harm. She handed him the magazine which was folded back to the page with a crib bumper set. It was light blue and was decorated with F-14s in a variety of positions.

"Very cool" he said as he studied the page in front of him. "I love it."

"I know I've got the cart before the horse," Mac sighed. "But..." A tiny frown.

"Hey" he said, taking her hand. "Nothing wrong with dreaming about the future; nothing at all."

"Do you ever dream about it?" Mac asked cuddling into him so he could hold her.

"Sure I do" he admitted. "I dream about how you'll tell me we're having another baby; about how amazing it is to watch your body change as the baby grows; about the first time we get to see the baby. I think about it a lot, actually."

"Do you ever dream of a son?" she asked. "That's what I dream of most. I love Ainsley to pieces, and I'm glad we had a daughter first, but...I want a boy, so badly."

"Yeah, I think about that" he said. "I hope we get to have a son, but if not I'll be very thankful for what we do get."

"Me too" Mac sighed. "I...I just see you, you know. I see you telling me our baby is a boy, a big smile on your face. I see you teaching him about Tomcats and making traps. I see you coaching his T-ball and Little League games..."

He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "I love dreaming about these things, don't you?"

Mac nodded. "And I know you aren't ready yet, but I'm so excited to start trying again and make those dreams come true, for both of us. I really am."

"I know you are, love" he replied. "I'll get there soon, I promise."

Mac leaned in to give Harm a warm loving kiss, but before she made contact with his lips, the phone rang.

Harm reached around and grabbed the receiver, glanced at the caller id screen and answered it. "Hi, Mats. Really? See if she'll take a nap, you might have to walk her around outside for a few minutes. Okay...right...call us back if she still won't quit and we'll come get her. Okay, love you kiddo. Bye."

"What's wrong?" Mac asked her mother's ears perked when he heard Harm talking about Ainsley. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine" he said. "Fussy and tired, but fine."

"Oh, poor baby" Mac frowned. "I can't believe she's almost one."

"It's gone fast" he agreed.

"It has" Mac sighed. "Can you come and lay under the covers please?"

Smiling, he crawled beneath the covers and slid close to her.

Mac looked up at Harm with big eyes. "Hold me really tight, okay?"

"How's this?" he asked.

"Tighter," she sighed.

He squeezed her as tightly as he dared. "What brought this on?"

"I was thinking last night when I couldn't sleep..."

"Thinking about what?" he asked.

"Thinking about the Admiral's dining out, after my operation" Mac sighed.

He rubbed her arm softly. "So much has happened since then, huh?"

Mac nodded. "You wanted to make everything better that night, didn't you?"

"Everything that was wrong" he said, "I wanted to find a way to make right. I wanted to fix it."

"But you couldn't" Mac sighed. "No one could."

"Nope" he agreed quietly. "I sure wanted to, though. It killed me to know you were hurting so badly and I was all but powerless against it. I felt like...like I should have been able to do something, anything."

Mac nodded. "I wanted you to make my pain go away."

"I know. Ultimately, though" he said, "all I could do was be there for you, listen to you and support you. It didn't always feel like enough, but eventually I learned that was really all I could do."

"And one more thing" Mac added.

"Which was?"

"Just holding me and letting me cry and vent and act crazy" she replied. "I have a feeling that our road for little Harmon may be bumpy and there are going to be a lot of moments when I just need to be held in your arms as tight as I can stand and just let you even for a few minutes carry my load. I know that's not very fair..."

"Don't worry about what seems fair or unfair, baby" he said. "Anything I can do, any little thing, you know I'll do it. You can come to me in pieces, and I'll pick them all up, one by one, and put them back together. You can come to me angry at the world, and I'll listen to you scream and cry, and then I'll hold you when you're done. You can say to me 'this is too much', and I'll take as much of the burden as you'll allow me to. I love you that much, Mac. Don't ever forget that, no matter how hard things might get."

Mac nodded, "I love you too, and that's why I'm saying this to you now. I want you to know about all the things I needed before that I was too scared and too closed off to tell you. I'm going to need you to get me through this to get us to our next miracle."

"I'm right here" he whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere. This next baby, it'll be _our_ miracle, yours and mine, just like Ainsley."

Mac squeezed him a bit. "If it ever gets too much for you, tell me?" she asked.

"I will, I promise" he offered. "Same for you, okay?"

Mac nodded, "I love you."

"And I love you."

They snuggled together another few minutes before Mac sighed. "So...Have you thought of who you want to invite to her birthday party?"

"Aside from the obvious folks" he said, "not really. Ideas?"

"Nah" Mac replied. "Everyone at the shower seems about right. Maybe we should invite David's folks though. They probably won't come, but it might be nice."

"Yeah, I think so, too" he agreed. "Do you have a theme in mind?"

"Of course" Mac replied and smiled.

"Do tell" he said, kissing her cheek.

"Pooh and friends table covering and hats and such. And they have this cute banner with piglet wearing a birthday hat. Did you think about the menu?"

"Not really just yet" he said. "Maybe some sort of cookout? We could do fish and burgers and hot dogs, that sort of thing?"

"Sounds good to me," Mac replied. "Since you're doing the cooking and all."

"You planning to order a cake from the bakery?" he asked. "Or you want me to make it?"

"If you can make a Pooh shaped cake, be my guest" Mac smiled.

"She won't do that" Mac laughed.

Harm looked at her with an amused grin.

* * *

As Harm and Mac began the planning of Ainsley's birthday, the days melted away. Soon, it was the day of the party, which they agreed to hold that Saturday after her actual birthday. 

Mac stood on a chair in the living room in the early afternoon on party day, hanging the Pooh Happy 1st Birthday banner. "Harm!"

He came in from the kitchen, a dish towel flung over his shoulder. "What is it, my dear?"

"I'm too short" she sighed. "I can't get this end to stay, it keep falling off."

With a smile he motioned to her to get down off the step stool. "I think i can get it" he said, carefully climbing only onto the first step and tacking the banner in place.

"Show off" she laughed. "How're the salads coming?"

"Macaroni is almost done" he said. "Potato is in the fridge, and the cole slaw is next on the list."

Mac nodded and lifted her arms. She'd done that countless times since the baby's actual birthday.

With a warm smile, he took her in his arms. "Today's a happy day, sweetie."

"Says the man who was nearly in tears two nights ago when he put her to bed," Mac laughed and snuggled in.

He smiled and shrugged. "Okay, you got me there."

Mac pulled back after another minute and kissed him. "Better get back to work. Did you hear from your Mom?"

"Yeah, I did" he said as he returned to the kitchen. "They'll be here around 1600 to help with anything we need help with."

"I'm so glad they can make it, that everyone can make it" Mac smiled. "It's going to be a wonderful day."

"It sure is" he said, his smile matching hers.

* * *

_A/N: Stay tuned, the end is near!_


	96. Chapter 96

_A/N: We're finally here, the final chapter! I can't begin to apologize enough for such a long delay in posting. I can sum it up by saying that the weeks (all 6 of them) since I posted have been up, down and all over within my family, but things are good for the moment, and for that we're very thankful._

_Without further ado, I bring you "The Journey: Chapter 96"... :) Please see the notes at the end..._

* * *

Chapter 96:

Afew hours later the Rabb home was swarming with guests. The General and Mrs. Cresswell were there with Cami and Mikey Roberts. Bud and Harriet were there with all four of their children, Harm's parents, Mattie and David, David's mom and little sister, and of course the Admiral was there.

Ainsley wasn't too sure of what to make of all the excitement at first. All dolled up in her pink plaid dress with the frilly petticoat and matching hair bow, she clung to her mother for the first half hour as people made their way to her to pass along their birthday wishes. Finally, though, when David's little sister showed an interest in Ainsley, the birthday girl wanted to get down and play.

After dinner, everyone gathered around the sofa as Ainsley looked in awe at the stack of gifts on the coffee table. Some were in bags, some in boxes, and all were given with love.

"Here, baby girl" said Harm, putting a gift bag in front of her. "Open it up."

Ainsley looked at the object in front of her not sure what she was supposed to do with it.

"Okay, daddy'll help" he said, pulling the tissue paper from the bag and reaching in to unveil a Pooh DVD. "Oh, wow" he said. "Look, Ainsley, it's Pooh Bear!"

Ainsley looked at the picture of Pooh, but then her eye caught the yellow tissue paper Harm had pulled out of the bag. She picked up a piece of it and began to happily shred it.

"I guess she likes it" laughed Jen, the giver of the DVD.

"She sure does" said Harm, handing the movie to Mac to make note of in the keepsake book as he pulled another gift from the pile. "Wanna pull the paper off?" he asked Ainsley, who once again looked up at him in confusion.

"Show her Honey" Mac told him. "Pull a little spot off and see what she does."

With a nod, Harm peeled a corner of the paper from the box, but Ainsley was far more enthralled with the yellow tissue paper she was still shredding.

Mac laughed. "Harm try to get that from her before we have it all over."

The baby screeched in protest as her daddy took the paper away, but was immediately interested in the box before her. Grabbing the corner Harm had started for her, she slowly peeled the paper off, part of it anyway before looking at the other gifts on the table and reaching for the nearest gift bag in search of more tissue paper.

Harm finally ended up giving Ainsley tissue paper from another gift bag that held a new dress and a few story books from Harriet and Bud. He and Mac proceeded to take turns opening the rest of the presents, which included a Cabbage Patch Doll from David's family, a new sippy cup with hearts and flowers on it and a baby doll cradle from the Creswell's, and a "My First Kitchen" tea set from Mattie and David.

Still, it was Admiral Chegwidden's gift that thrilled Ainsley the most. Harm saved it for last, knowing that the Admiral gave really wonderful gifts so he was surprised to find nothing underneath the ballet shoe wrapping than a large, empty cardboard box with holes in the sides.

"Uh, I'm confused, AJ" said Harm.

"Babies love empty boxes" AJ replied. "That's the only thing Francesca played with from her first birthday. Look."

Harm turned to see Ainsley had crawled full-speed ahead over to the box, pulled up on it and turned on the undeniable Rabb smile.

"There's another little something in her card" AJ smiled.

"Oh, okay..." said Harm as he opened the card and pulled it from the envelope. Inside was a gift certificate for dinner for two at The Italian Patio, and a hand-written note which read "Go have a night out on me, I'll keep the munchkin. AJ."

Mac had looked over Harm's shoulder and smiled as she read the card. "Thank you, AJ. That was very sweet."

"My pleasure" he said, kneeling down to talk to Ainsley. "We'll have fun, won't we cupcake?"

Ainsley let out a loud laugh and smiled.

"Everyone ready for cake?" asked Harm.

"I am" replied Bud and began to rise from his chair.

"Let's do it" said Harm, reaching around the giant play box to fish out the birthday girl. "Let's go have cake, baby love."

Ainsley clung to her Daddy as he carried her to the kitchen and set her in her high chair. She was intrigued by the flame on the candle when Mac lit it, and shocked by the sound of many voices singing, "Happy Birthday to You."

"Make a wish" whispered Harm into the baby's ear as she gazed intently at the candle.

Mac closed her eyes and wished for her baby girl before Mattie, with a noise maker in her mouth, assisted Ainsley in blowing out her Piglet candle.

"Where's the cake knife, sweetie?" Harm asked his wife after she snapped one last picture of the baby with the cake.

"I'll get it" Mac replied and went to the drawer where she kept their knives locked up.

"Are you giving her the first piece" asked Mattie.

"But of course," replied Mac. "Its good luck.

With a smile, Harm cut one corner piece from the cake and placed it in front of Ainsley, who now had a full-sized bib covering her party frock. It took mere seconds for her to plunge both hands into the cake, eyes growing wide as she felt the frosting squish between her fingers.

Harm snapped a picture of this priceless moment before he passed cake out to the rest of the guests.

The party guests enjoyed their cake and coffee, then slowly began to take their leave. AJ and Harm's mom and Frank left last, but finally it was only Harm and Mac left in the house, Mattie having gone over to David's for a few hours.

They were busy tossing out the used plates and cups and getting the dishwasher loaded, the usual post-party chores, when Harm realized the cake was still sitting uncovered on the dining room table.

"Should we do something with the cake?" he asked Mac.

"Wrap it up, we can eat some more of it during the week" Mac replied.

He pulled the plastic wrap from the drawer beside the fridge, and went towards the dining room, stopping dead in his tracks halfway there. "Mac!"

"What? Are you okay?" Mac asked as she rushed to answer Harm's call.

He nodded and pointed straight ahead. "Look..." Right before their eyes was Ainsley, putting one little foot in front of the other as she toddled towards the table and what remained of her cake.

"Oh, Harm" Mac gasped as she watched. "She's...she's..."

As a proud, bittersweet lump formed in his throat, he put the plastic wrap down and pulled his wife close.

Mac snuggled close to him for a moment, then, "You better go catch her."

Snapping out of his mesmerization, he went to intercept the baby before she was able to reach the cake. Scooping her up in his arms, he kissed her over and over. "Daddy's so proud of you, Ainsley!"

Ainsley laughed a minute, and then lay her little head down on Harm's shoulder.

"I think the guest of honor is ready for bed" he said.

"I think the hostess is too" Mac smiled. "I'm so...let me kiss her. Do you want to put her down?"

Mac sensed that the joy of this milestone for Harm was overshadowed by another feeling, "Then we need to talk, I suspect."

With a half-hearted nod, he headed down the hallway to the nursery.

Harm settled the baby in her bed after changing her out of her frilly little dress. She didn't even stir as he did that. When he laid her in the crib, he felt his heart start to ache just a bit. His baby was walking, she was growing up...and that hurt. As joyous as this day was, that fact stung.

He stood at her bedside for a good twenty minutes, just watching her sleep; looking at the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each content breath. He didn't even hear Mac as she joined him. He just felt her slip her arms around his back. "Penny for them?"

He turned towards her, a look of complete peace upon his face.

"What?" Mac asked. "What is it?" Her voice was hushed.

His reply was simple. "I'm ready."

* * *

_A/N: Yay, Harm! He's ready, after all this time and all the pain, he's ready! Work has begun on the sequel to this piece, entitled "The Journey Continues", and after a hiatus of some length, it'll be out and I can only hope it has even a fraction of the following and support that the original story had. I never thought when I began working on it over a year ago that by conclusion time, there'd be over 1,000 reviews...never. It means a lot to me to know that people have enjoyed the story, and that what began as a means of catharsis for me turned into something so many people had fun with._

_ I'd be terribly remiss if I signed off without thanking someone who's been so much more than a co-author to me. To my little sister, She'sAShipper... This story began as something about me, about my life. It's not all mine anymore. This piece was the stepping stone from which a precious friendship began, and for that it'll always be special to me...and so will you. Love you, girly. Can't wait to see what life holds for all of us. She'sAShipper Big hugs..._

_ Thank you all for your undying patience, support and enthusiasm about this story. I don't know when the sequel willbegin being posted, but I hope you'll find the wait worth it._

_ Snugglebug_


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